Monkey Farts & Asian Fetish | Ep 197 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad. friends we're Wai. coming welcome welcome and uh listen. last night Andrew was on fire.

we did Adam Ray Show yeah he was on he. was so quick it was like oh I want to. tell that but he was he beat me to it we. had a couple of good jokes Adam Adam R. did a he always quick Andrew dr pH oh my. god dude he's already starting with you. right now you know what dude he is he's. quicker than me I'm slow dude no you're. not Slow Burn dude I'm speeding it up. and I will you know what dude one day. dude I want to be the champ of speeding. it. up you'll see let's introduce Our Guest. not yet please don't let's let him sit.

for another minute yeah yeah because um. yeah he's been bothering me our guest no. just he in general you know what's been. going on well over the years you know. I've been seeing him around right and he. I feel like he gets offended easily and. stuff and like he's just like come on. Bob and this and that but I love him as. a performer I really do I think he's. just so interesting what a what a what a. Vibe you want to introduce him or you. just want to leave it hanging like that.

do you want to Taylor Taylor Williamson. you do not know his name I do I just. said it I got so nervous Taylor. Williamson yeah we couldn't get Taylor. Tomlinson but we got Taylor Williamson. on the show I I said to get Tomlinson. yeah you said that is the wrong one yeah. yeah it's a little uh it's a little too. soon for that one is it too soon can I. tell you she's so talented she is. there's we have nothing in common San. Diego but like that's it but like. there's like a oneway rivalry with I. have with her because I get tagged every. time gets a Netflix special or she she.

hosts a TV show congratulations Taylor. comedy and I'm like I think you meant. Taylor. Tomlinson Oh no I got brought up as her. recently you know how they say um dogs. look like their owners this one does not. to me it does let me see his belly is. like his head well they both said I. asked you before the show you both have. the same same trauma right what happened. to the dog that happened to you we both. have uh abandonment issues and uh uh. neglect and we were both we were both in.

a hoarding situation in a car with 20 20. uh dogs really really both of us we grew. up like that and this is Betty this is. baby Betty baby Betty and you knitted. her sweater I knitted this with my own. hands is she on fentanyl why is she. nodding off yeah yeah she's kned off. like four times already she's honestly. don't think this the wrong way is she. from Bakersfield she's from Los Angeles. area I don't know where so Bakersfield. bersi yeah when she doesn't when she's. up and rambunctious I want her to sleep. I put on your show and she falls fall.

asleep very quickly okay see see what. you're doing right now insult insult. does not work see what you're doing. right now what happened you don't do. that no I'm a I'm a fan no San Diego I. love how we tried I love it side of you. that I love dude keep doing it so listen. so Bobby Bobby like a couple years ago. he I see him in the hallway at The. Comedy Store guy and he's been he's. randomly very nice to me like when I was. 18 years old he helped me can I just say. one thing real quick I just realized you. know Hitler did that with his mustache.

but he did it with his eyebrows oh wow. wow and it's really wow are you telling. a Jewish guy that he has Hitler eyebrows. is that your comedy is that your comedy. during this time yeah so anyway go. ahead I still don't understand you're. saying I OB ey just short I Like It. Anyway let's move on these are natur. natural oh that's great those are. natural eyebrows yeah told you oh you. did we had a bet I said that before the. show I said I bet you those are natural. there's no way you cut them that way no. I said those are.

baby those are god-given so go ahead. sorry Jewish god-given no less I you. were we did not know you were Jewish we. would not have had you on the show my. mom told me to start mentioning and it. helped my career these days you know. help it'll help me get attacked say it. how she would have said it though say it. how she um how would your mom say it hey. Taylor you should say you're Jewish your. what she shy your mom your dad actually. a single mom yeah kind of oh really when. I got punished you would say I'm I'm a. mother and a father a you were abandoned. yeah a little bit what happened to a dad.

yeah he's around we wish him well he's a. nice. guy what do you mean what do you mean he. has a good LinkedIn profile you know but. he wasn't in the house when you he was. in his house what does he do um he he. was an insurance agent and then uh yeah. no more of that but um if you need. insurance you I don't think I'm going to. look up for your debt I I want to. support you not your father and your. father wasn't there for you it sounds. like support him you know divorced. parents you know when how old like a. comedian when I was really really little. like a a baby one for me oh yeah yeah. pre- one I think it was just before I.

was one they split a that's what you and. I have in common oh wow there you go. there's one thing just. two two divorced uh parent children of. divorced parents with a puppy I do have. a dog but my dog um is Le is not as. aloof as yours she's more alive but your. mom found another man she did she found. a great guy did your mom find another. man she did what's his name I uh. David if I thought he just made that he. was nervous to say it well I mean it's. just kind of weird.

I I just like we're giving out names. yeah we are you can just make it up if. you don't want to yeah yeah but we're. leaving that rapel we're leaving that in. though let's see what you want to do. again we'll just we cut that out yeah. what's your what's your mom new guy name. name name uh Dave. no God. damn he's not podcasting it's different. what kind of breed a dog is Betty she's. thank you for asking she's a I did that. she's a rescue I'm a great person you. know um but I did the DNA test allegedly. according to thing it said she's at 50%. you want you want take make gestes.

Chihuahua for sure yeah uh maybe a. little bit of. uh I see some pit maybe some strong pit. some pit in there dude maybe some. American Bulldog yeah okay so it's a. Chihuahua um uh haves or no. Chihuahua you want to up close look no. from here is good yeah fine I feel like. nothing's going to change it's not a m. she's not a Magic Eye it's just a dog a. Magic Eye I don't need to get closer to. see what the image you don't know what a.

Magic ey is is that those things and. then you press the button and no look up. magic ey magic ey was a thing it was. like a scrambling of an image and if you. got closer and pulled away slowly look. there's Magic Eye if you got closer and. you and you pulled away you got to see. the image that was layered within that. it's actually incredible technology do. you remember Magic Eye well I is that. the one where you look it's on glass and. then you have to see through the glass. and then the images comes. 3D I mean I kind of just explained it. seconds ago but yeah I mean moments ago.

it's different then what I'm talking. about no no if you got close as you. slowly pull away your eyes readjust. there is an image within that image but. is it 3D though well dude yeah okay well. then because the ones my mom has one it. says I love New York but she doesn't. want people to really know so they have. to figure it out to her it says I love. New York but it's this thing and she. doesn't realize that she just thinks. it's that oh that's so fun it's so. beautiful the color I go no but it's a. thing art goodart it's good art right it. is good art and I I stared at said it. and I went away you see the buildings.

and I love New York and I go mom look. and she no it's it's red it's good you. know what I mean so she doesn't but so I. are we talking about the same thing yeah. when Asians do Magic Eye how do you have. to get closer you. think or because your eyes are strained. more often than ours maybe it's like. longer I need a longer panoramic yeah a. panoramic a panoramic magic yeah I need. a panoram panoramic can I ask a question. no no no is is that true or you're being. funny CU I'm actually curious.

this guy this [ __ ] first time last. time on the. show can I tell you what this guy does. I'm fine with. that we love you I love you too can I. tell you so this guy he like when I was. 18 he he helped me get into the comi. store was a big deal for me he helped. you get in he helped me get in you know. and like and he was very kind but then. like every but then like once every. three years he comes up to me says the. sweetest kindest thing which means the. world to makes I admire you so much as a. comedian and uh and uh but uh but in. between he's weird to me the whole time.

yeah and like that's love it's very but. so as how am I to you um you touch be. honest be honest don't talk we don't. talk that much but you you're always. kind I always say hi we say hi we have a. kind exchange what did I touch I touched. what did I touch you touch my butt a lot. yeah I do touch your butt a lot a lot. and you've apologize for it then you do. it again I do it every time why do you. touch his butt got a great little tush. he does great little tush yeah thank you. but it doesn't make you uncomfortable. but I do apologize because I go he. probably doesn't want me to touch his. tush but I do a little Tip Tap as I go.

by in the hallway because it's a nice. tush you look like you come quick oh. yeah you come. quick no actually are you single wait. you last in. bed yeah yeah I'm uncirc I'm circumcised. I'm actually. circumcised do like I've talked to. people about this isn't circumcised make. it it's harder to well they say if. you've got the sleeve you it's more. sensitive but and you've been clipped. you have you have a helmet we all have a. helmet buddy we're all we're all Helm I. me this is part of it's War you need a.

helmet War wait a helmet wait I. understand helmet what is a helmet. helmet means you're uncircumcised no. circumcised man circum means you have a. helmet well it doesn't look like a. helmet I mean what does your head of. your penis look. like should I look right now no no no is. well you can yeah are there two parts to. it or is just a one Sol you have a. sleeve covering up the head of your. penis my penis is one in one piece let. me show you something does your dick. look like this or does it look like this. right I thought I'm not kidding I. thought that was the helmet cuz it. covers it buddy this this this is the.

helmet when it's out in the open this is. this is if you got a cloak on you have a. sleeve yeah you're sleeved up this is. uncircumcised they got sleeves but. that's not the helmet no it's not the. helmet protects it from beginning hurts. if it's on a it's a hoodie it's a hoodie. it's a hoodie you know see Assassin's. Creed yeah he's out slashing slashing. right yeah and then when he's [ __ ] he. takes it off helmet helmet I didn't know. that yeah know yeah anyway this [ __ ].

let me just Gentiles have a helmet too. it's just covered up by a hoodie so they. took off the hoodie but aren't Jewish. people just I I know they circumcised. they they do circumcised they do a bris. they do a bris so you're circumcised I. am you have a helmet and you got bris in. front of a bunch of people you got your. dick snipped in front of people right I. didn't you didn't do an uh an old school. bris they did at the hospital well can I. can I tell you something I just I Carlos. told me what I should do to get to be a. good guest oh that's a good guy to. listen to oh my God MH and like he's.

like just bring good good stuff you're. failing failing it's okay no you're. doing great this it's funny you said. this conversation came up I don't want. to it doesn't we don't have to do this. but I thought it'd be fun if we play two. truths and a lie and I share things and. then. uh I think it's I think we'd have a. great time I think we should do it two. truth and a lie I think it's fun cuz. wait just just set this up he thinks I'm. some [ __ ] uh the more I listen to you. the more I realize you're Jewish yeah by. the way you jump through conversation. yeah all Jewish people go. and then they say it and then they go.

and then they say it slow down I'm not. in a hurry I know we're here when your. back hurts do you make a noise oi oi can. I tell you I sincerely started doing. that and ironically I'm making how old. are you now 37 yeah dude once till you. hit 40 it gets worse do you say o when. you're 40 yeah I I I am Jewish I as soon. as I hit 40 you turned Jewish I turned. Jewish yeah oh musles. Ki uh are you are you single um in the.

questionable what does that oh you're. kind of in a relationship you're seeing. somebody I've been seeing somebody right. yeah and she a comedian or no a lay. person lay person yeah yeah a human. human yeah and then how did you meet her. I met her um I met her at the Improv. many years ago we were reconnected a. couple years ago and she was really. special and stuff and she lives in a. different city we're dealing some stuff. where did she what what what state I. wanted to get specific uh Georgia. Atlanta yeah yeah have you ever been not.

have you ever been into men no only. women only women have you tried I. haven't tried thought about it I've been. honestly I thought about it a lot cuz. I've been offered it tremendous amounts. of times and I've been offered wonderful. things and exchange for participating. like what uh a condo uh money Honda. Civic going to buy him a Honda C have. you have you gone a condo I have a. house well that's must have been a rich. guy I just you think I blew somebody for.

the house I thought that's what we're. talking no no no no I paid American. money well but the money was acquired by. by [ __ ] by [ __ ] flowing guys yeah. I blew a guy but yeah but that's great. the only reason I asked is because uh. when I first met you uh I did think you. were gay and I don't mean that as an. insult no up until I was like 26 people. were like you're gay you just don't know. it yet and somehow it just stopped like. it stopped complet abruptly people cut. it out yeah but it just I don't know I.

America's Got Talent when I was like 27. or whatever and like it just became. you're were fantastic on that show by. the way I do remember seeing you doing. that and thinking oh this is like him. proving himself nationally because. you're quite Young on the show thank you. let ask you something I got you in the. comedy store before that show that was. like 10 years before buddy I did that. you you and Maz and John kepo yeah but. let's just give him the credit not those. I I give all the credit to you. interesting but you help me get like he. watched me oh really you look great good.

looking kid who's that woman Heidi CL oh. great I've kissed her on the mouth isn't. that didn't that feel weird with a. [ __ ] Nazi sitting next to you did. that not [ __ ] up your ancestors oh you. did kiss her look at her oh my God no. but you can be there's a real mouth kiss. one there. somewhere oh wow you K her a bunch yeah. now what was this about yeah what's that. and there's Ginger I know Ginger yeah. yeah yeah wait a minute what's this. about with you and Heidi Clum did you. have a thing dude uh you know we just. you kiss the lady no no no you don't.

just kiss a [ __ ] onair personality. without a backstory she's uh so I on the. show we had a whole thing and like she. was mean to me and then I got her to. like me and then like now like almost 10. years later people come up to me they go. how's Heidi doing and like it's like a. stick was there yeah I know it's a. shtick I bought a house off of uh. goofing with Heidi you know are you. asking if I made love to her no dude I'm. not you bought a house off of the AGT. money yeah also like like what do you. mean I'm very talented and I no I know I.

we get it that's why you're on the show. dude don't do that I'm very conf listen. you're on the show because we for a. reason we see you around you don't have. to do that all right so what I'm asking. you is did you buy a house based on the. money that you got from AGT yeah wow so. how much do you get for AGT touring and. stuff touring he's saying from this. career well then that's not the same but. P yeah they pay no money Carlos you. didn't tell me what to do when this. happens yeah yeah yeah just get wait a. minute they but what I really want to. know you're skipping through it so you.

and Heidi had this I know this is a. shtick but also you're kissing yeah yeah. so so she came listen she came out to at. the after the finale the whole like I'm. very lucky that I got to have like a on. these competition reality shows you. don't get to have a story line it's just. performance and Fe back I got to have a. storyline throughout the season because. of what was the story line it was just. ENT I'll tell you some stuff so he beat. homosexuality yeah when I was young they. all thought I was gay yeah can I tell.

you Heidi get over here give me a kiss. this was the definitive proof this is. when I actually shifted gears. interesting I go guy's not gay so on my. season there was two opera singers. through the story was we're gay and our. parents don't love us but we're still. going to sing for our family you know. everyone has the story lines I was like. I got bullied let's talk about it and. they were just like you're you're a cute. comedian and you want to pay your bills. and I was like you're cute that's fine. you don't need something deep you're. cute and you're and you're fine you grew. up healthy right you didn't have crazy. [ __ ] happen so you didn't have that.

storyline like I was bullied and stuff. well I me I tried I tried saying I got. bullied like I was like let me give you. cuz I but everybody got bullied so it. never really worked he got bullied I got. bullied these two guys definitely got. bullied I don't think anybody in our. business didn't get bullied in fact the. more I hear stories Jennifer [ __ ]. Lawrence is probably like oh they made. fun of me when I was young yeah I think. even like hot people in our business. were bullied everybody was kind of. bullied because you would have to be a. kind of person to think that you're. going to make people feel entertained.

for living I mean I believe a little l a. little loony I believe bul bullying is. for me and I I I I don't endorse. bullying I do I know you do but um keep. on bullying B but I believe that without. the bullying I wouldn't be where I'm at. today it pushed me it's like every time. I'm in a situation where someone says no. or I get [ __ ] over or this and that my. whole thinking is I'll show you I use it. as energy I'll show you he dude he does. it's like Revenge almost Marvel wrote.

movies just about Bobby story well I'm. Korean I think Koreans we love Revenge. movies everybody likes Revenge I know so. did the Spanish but Koreans their movies. the theme revenge is always a thing well. because of the history yeah like [ __ ]. old boy is Revenge you know I mean great. movie yeah so my point is gives you a. thick skin who won your season uh this. guy Kenichi Japanese we love Kenichi did. we have him on the show can we get him. on the show you know who I love kichi. and I like w oh kichi and W dude kichi W.

is great dude. together oh Kenichi the magician I no. that guy won yeah he's that guy's the. best he have you seen the head thing. yeah I saw it he's great CP yeah he's. great yeah but once you see it once you. seen it you know yeah but can you take. your head you're writing new jokes it's. like once you seen the head go down he's. taking his head off his [ __ ] torso. it's not coming off I checked it out. that's real dude it's a rig dude no it's. not dude he's taking his [ __ ] head. off his torso that's [ __ ] big so this. guy this guy won look at that this guy.

Wonder now he's in act in Vegas I. imagine he's in Japan he lives in Japan. in ja Japan Vegas so he made a lot of. money like doing priv like the thing. with the dancers you can only do seven. minutes before you go you know what I. mean you can't do an hour show in Japan. every other person could do that it's. not even a big deal when he is in Japan. did I had a guy he goes and goes I can. do it too you know. s yeah yeah they I they they I do think. the whole goal used to be right getting. in a Vegas show right wasn't that the. whole thing um to get a residency in.

Vegas Shin Lim did it yeah he he's still. there he's our boy yeah Shin Lim did it. he came on this show oh yeah gave us. some magic and I got to tell you. enjoying you much more wow much much. more also we have a rapport so it's. different wow thanks I'll I love my. favorite compliments or like I like you. better than whoever oh I can say that. about you about so many more people well. don't let me get started the list will. never. end Morgan and. Morgan I'm in a car accident I do oh my. God you got to call Morgan and Morgan. and 35% of all fatal accidents occur.

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Buffy order visit buffy.co and enter bad. friends at checkout you heard it right. that's buffy.co with code bad friends. for 25% off your Buffy order can I ask. you yeah I don't want to be. mean what you. doing my hair not just you know about. asking my hair are you doing his are you. going his face you not like his face oh. his hair ha like [ __ ] make a decision. you know like. either do no not or yes yes or no but.

don't what are you trying to say man. you're trying to say have thinning hair. and no I'm just saying what are you. doing what's up what's up Happy. Thanksgiving you ask I'm Happy. Thanksgiving that's how I do in K what. are you trying to say why don't you hash. it out I love you and you mean thanks. for thanks for being here listen I got. bleed as a case I have thick skin I can. I can hand he can take it yeah please. ask me a direct question I got you go. direct if you can ask okay okay yeah. what I'm saying is is that.

um just let me try I just what nothing I. just I feel you trying to load up yeah. I'm trying to load up you know it's like. when I see a. Q-tip right you know it's either I want. cuz sometime I take the the what's the. cotton off C off yeah it hits the you. know it hits parts of my ear differently. right I don't think Q-tip is the right. analogy this is insane you just. everything that you just you not. supposed to put put Q-tips in your ear. by the way I know isn't that funny and. you're saying you take off the safety.

part he tickles it inside of his ear you. put the wire the the the the the the. hardened paper part the stick he puts. that a yeah yeah yeah we had him on the. bus he just loved it let's let's pass. pass on that what I'm saying is it's. just what you're doing right now is it's. balding right but you have a few hairs. and you're just trying to like does it. bother you it it wasn't until I saw it. now and there's like a little you know. the you know the in the Bible that Seas.

The Parting of the Red Sea so you're. Moses yeah that's happening and it's. kind of distracting me a little bit I'm. sorry no it's okay I'm just wondering. why you going to put your your please. don't be mean what you what what please. don't be you can let him defend himself. I'm not defending I'm I'm sorry that. it's I no I'm asking you I want you to. be comfy I'm so comfortable no you see. it's making you uncomfortable for a. second I was just wanted to ask you a. question it's not really you know I can. I can live with it do you want me to. turn around no no no I don't want you to. turn around I love dude you know I love.

you dude I'm just because I've been I've. been wanting to ask you I go and I go. you know cuz what Carlos is doing he's. like full have you seen Carlos without. his hat how long have you known Carlos. have you do you go back I've known him. probably like 15 years or something. Carlos this is this is we've talked. about this so you know this is you know. this is how he gets laid he's the man. yeah you don't like that he's beautiful. no the hair but his hair isn't like that. I would have [ __ ] him before I was 26. yeah till Heidi Clum got a hold of you. anyway let's move on I'm happy to die no.

I don't I don't need to was that. inappropriate no it's I need I can tell. can you ask why why don't you didn't. want to ask no not really I mean it. didn't hit me I I don't really look at. it does it hit you now though look at it. now well now that you've made it. uncomfortable that you mentioned it yeah. no I'm still not thinking about it it's. not on my mind even a little bit okay I. think it looks good I oh you know what. that's good okay but I I mean but as. someone who has so much hair like you I. get that you look at other people's hair. and you judge everyone cuz you have such. long luscious hair that's not what I'm. doing yeah what what the [ __ ] am I wrong.

what I'm doing am I wrong you're right. you have long luscious hair you see. other people's hair you immediately mock. them you're a bully you I was going to. say this is a bu I because when one time. I was looking at this guy it's funny cuz. you are being a bully actually and. here's why because I was talking to this. guy once and I was looking down at his. hairline I was like he has the thicked. hair and while I was actively thinking. oh my God you have so much hair he looks. at me up at me goes you're so tall oh. right it's funny how normal healthy. people we see kind people I'm sorry we.

we see what we wish we had in we we had. that someone else has so you go I have. all of it and you have none that is what. he. does is that what I'm doing yeah you. know what can I say something take. yourie take your beanie off now just to. show them how much nice hair you have. thank you that's like 40 Grand of hair. right there thank you thank you at least. yeah thank you for you you shown a light. at my frailties and my character defect. I want to I want to apologize deeply no.

I love you no no I'm just saying this. okay and you know what God Forsaken and. God bless you okay this looks like a. scene this looks like a scene from old. boy yeah yeah yeah and you know you've. given me. Deliverance I you have and I've I've. I've seen the errors of my ways and I. will correct myself it's very nice I. apologize listen we're all evolving and. we're all doing the best we came what we. were given and I appreciate this. exchange and does the dog sleep in bed. with you yeah really I was not going to. be that person is that a point of.

contention with the person that you're. dating no it's honestly it's wild like. who I am like have you told me at 37 I'm. going to be the guy with the tiny dog I. take places unironically I'd be like. what the [ __ ] happened to me no there's. nothing wrong with that we love this is. animal friendly room here love so comfy. my girlfriend's so com she has a dog in. the bed it's in Atlanta yeah I just get. scared of rolling over on my dog that's. what I get [ __ ] up about because I'm. I'm a big bigger guy well I'm just a all. right not fat I'm just making fun of his. hair and I'm fat now you want to knock. out everybody in the room what knock out.

everybody in the room yeah man I'm. having trouble right now I got high. cholesterol yeah yeah yeah I get it man. I'm on [ __ ] what am I on oh you're. gain weight you gain weight I did what. am I on right now my cholesterol. medication what's it called OIC no I'm. on Levitra oh is that what it's called. No lipor Levitra is the boner. pills I'm on lipor I'm on lipor this is. my new thing honestly it's pissing me. off why am I taking this my cholesterol. I did get a little fat I got a little.

does it affect you any when you take. libur I mean not really what are the. side effects I mean maybe let's see if I. got any of those because I just started. [ __ ] taking it. anger anger hunger you saying hunger no. hung nice try [ __ ] diarrhea normal. joint pain normal headache get real. stuffy or runny nose appetite increased. nausea constipation so this is normal. [ __ ] this is basically they gave someone. a place. they said all these things that usually.

happen to regular people they have to. write it down in the book as possible. side effects so no I haven't had any of. this stuff the only thing I have had I'm. not going to lie when it first when I. first started taking it is um the moment. I would eat and I mean the moment food. would be like if you know in the cartoon. when it like splashes in your belly you. know what I mean like you feel like go. down your throat Splash in your belly my. body immediately was like get it out get. it out I'd have to go right to the. bathroom but it wasn't nasty it just. just had to come out and you know what. it was it was like the train got in the.

station the other train needed to leave. can I tell you something no joke my dog. has that your is your dog on. lipor like after she eats she has this. look of like uh oh got to go yeah got to. go yeah I don't know what it is but it's. not it is honestly it's not it's not. gross it's just one Train's got to go. for the other one to get back in the. station you know what it is it's it's a. Jewish thing I know I'm Jewish I know. you became Jewish she's jewi yeah dude. my wife is Jewish I get it dude Jewish I. know she is Jew Bob's the only one. that's not Jewish in this room yeah not.

Jewish by the way let's congratulate. right now speaking of dogs South Korea. unveils its plan to ban dog meat by 2027. what why so long well you got to get let. it catch up yeah they got freezers full. of it yeah well imagine like dogs and. cages like five years how are we going. to make it no they're not going to make. it they got [ __ ] no 5 years what do you. mean it's 2027 yeah they have to phase. it out buddy it's 2024 and an inch. tomorrow is 24 right so three years.

three years it's not that bad oh he. doesn't yeah that's what what's so funny. oh God math math math an Asian who's bad. at math I didn't say that it's just nuts. it's NS it is it's crazy it's rude it's. like it's like when a black guy can't. play basketball you're like what's going. on yeah yeah yeah I don't know you can't. even shoot I don't know much Korea. unveils that plan to ban the dog but see. those dogs right there waiting to get. eaten they might well one of them. they're [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah that's a dog. meat farm yeah this is a dog meat farm. yeah yeah wow I know zoom in on who.

wrote the article minju. Kim oh my god well mju I hope you save. some of those dogs when you got that. nice photo of them B by the way that. zoom in on m Kim that looks like Bobby. in a. wig that's a is that not you that's. insane that's you God I feel so bad for. those dogs man this is what's crazy cuz. we're dog we're a big dog show over here. everybody in here has pets uh well. except Carlos did you your dog die yet. no no I know you told I have to give him. to Bobby if I [ __ ] up again so did you.

[ __ ] up again no I didn't so I'm just. I'm holding I have him on on uh what is. it called he's on probation because he. [ __ ] when he first got a dog we were. all supportive and then he [ __ ] up. what' you do I just messed up a an. airport pickup for Bobby mhm does it. involve the dog no not at all oh I don't. care well I thought you going say he. like injured his dog no he has done dumb. [ __ ] with the dog he's left the dog he's. left the dog places he's put he left it. in a Jeep for 4 hours without the AC on. or anything those no not really Bob.

Bobby was actually mad I know I liked it. oh my God no but we did say if if we. find out that he's not uh behaving. correctly with the dog like if he's let. doing dumb [ __ ] like not feeding it and. forgetting about it leaving at places. we're removing the dog from him I love. that I think everyone should have to. yeah you have to hold responsibility for. your friend you're you're so talented. thank you I'm the second most talented. person in America like literally no no. no no no no no no no no no.

no no but I'm just saying you're very. talented and thank you that means a lot. you many you know I think the times. where I made fun of you and stuff I. never made fun of you no but times I. make fun of you is I was trying to uh. because a lot of times you you just you. know at the comedy clubs yeah you know I. mean you're just like this is what you. know me you're very inside yourself. which I think is why I tap you on the. tush just to scare you a little bit like. you turn into Kramer when I tap you on. the butt and I think it's just to shock. you because you look so like but we've. also talked about things that are going.

wrong you always come up to me with. things that are going wrong and things. aren't happening what's going wrong. right now yes you have I have once but. you what I'm saying you know the advice. you gave me okay yeah go ahead this is. what Bob this is Bobby Lee's career. advice mhm from a few years ago right. before Co I was like I'm really stressed. I'm it's hard I'm whatever things didn't. work out some some Pilots whatever and. I'm I don't know what to do I'm feel. like a dead end and he. goes sincerely and loving like no shtick. like he cares I know you care about me. mean so much you me his heartfelt advice. he says Taylor stop trying to do.

anything stop hustling stop pushing. yourself because when I stopped doing. those things that's when everything. happened for me and he gave me examples. of his famous friends who have helped. him because he's very talented they've. known him for many years and I'm just. like Bobby I think this is not good. advice I don't think it's good it is. good no I think it's aad it's very good. I think stop trying to do everything no. last night no okay can I say stop doing. anything but I hear how it worked for. you and I respect and all due respect. may I talk with all due respect okay do.

less am I what I'm doing much do less go. less okay don't hit him so hard you're. right he's here he's brand new cuz he'll. keep striking okay you're right cuz he's. really ripping me apart right now I know. well relax not at all yeah yeah yeah. you've attacked him a couple times I. don't find that to be true I find the. opposite to be true I got to tell you if. we put up an attack board I think it's. tied it's got to be two to two tell me. one time I've attacked this gentleman. well look you just pointed at him yeah. that was rude I there did it again you. keep doing it sorry the three four this. is this I don't like he doesn't like is.

this is rude I took Japanese classes. this is rude but this is po no this is. like here some can you speak Japanese. Koshi oh Koshi Koshi Koshi and Poco let. me hear if I do a sentence let me hear. if I can translate it uh oeni disc guy. oenis means uh a good day not not too. far how are you how are you yeah people. say for how are you or good day it's. kind of the same thing no I know this is. a fact it's the same way we say what's. up we're not really asking you what's up. it's like what's up is like saying hey.

how's it going or what it it means 50. things you have an Asian. Fatt me no you putting pieces no you. have an Asian fed of course he does I. fit the you know you thought his. girlfriend was white in Atlanta is your. girlfriend white no what is she she's. Asian she's half Filipino yeah yeah yeah. I get it you want to learn the language. huh well get into their minds. do you get in their mind you get in. their pants yeah she doesn't speak.

Japanese it doesn't matter how much do. you weigh that's what you want that's. your ultimate goal I think I'm 165 is I. knew it yeah well anybody under 170 a. white guy under 170 who's tall cannot. date a white girl they all like Asians. any tall you're listening right now if. you're a tall white guy CU how tall are. you I six yeah see any guy that's over. 510 that's less than 170 PBS 100% has an. Asian girlfriend or wife small vaginas. long udone like penis. she does not have a long Udo like no you.

no you do he's saying you do I know she. doesn't yes yeah you've seen it though. your pis can I tell you. what have too many thoughts right now. but are we flirting right now no I'm not. flirting no I no I'm just coming to. Revelations so but so I can I fit this I. fit all the check marks but I can tell. you why I study Japanese and it's like. it ruins it no no well I you don't you. don't I'm going to calm down I'll let. you fit no I'm going to calm down I like. it I'm I'm trying I'm trying to calm. down you're saying you're not taking. you're not taking away anything my.

friend all right touche okay but what. I'm going to say is yeah. is okay I'm trying to be calm and in the. P because he gets me all raed I know he. gets you jazzed up what I want to say is. I don't need to know the reason cuz I. already know the reason right do you. understand I understand right I do too. I've been to countries and I've seen. dudes like you yeah. xats like you you know what I mean and. you have that energy it's fine you been. to Singapore or Malaysia no you've never.

been to Asia Thailand Japan you've been. oh you just to Japan how long well when. he was on the. hunt that's where you hunt once a year. you go hunting trip with your buddies he. goes down the street your white buddies. yeah we're here kich kicha yeah and. what' you say what was the first thing. Mugo guy pan close is oeni Desa. oena what does that mean that means how. are you how are you that's yelling from. the vagina in Japanese I don't no yeah. you do well we can Google it I don't you.

really don't I don't know. oh on this topic so I asked him if I do. the podcast I texted him and he didn't. write back and uh I know understand. that's your style I understand so I. didn't take it personally but then I saw. you in the hob but you're like I know. you asked me to to do my pockets I don't. know if you can handle it man and I'm. like I think I can and then and then on. this topic he goes I'm G to ask you. questions you can't handle I'm like I. don't know he's like and he goes I'm. going to ask you like do you do you look. [ __ ] I was like I think I can answer. that do you yeah that's a pretty easy. answer you think he loves it he does he.

yeah he does yeah he does I feel like he. gets nervous though do you get nervous. when you're down there what's fun about. this interview is I don't have to be. here you know all the answers already. yeah kind of f his hands are shaking I. love it yeah yeah anyway so let's go. back to what I was going to say about my. advice I hear you but I've for I've done. like 20 years of of uh being really. working really hard on my standup and uh. being funny and then I got on your show. cuz I asked you know and like I have a. special coming out I have a special.

coming I have a special coming out. because i' I self financed it and made. it myself and what's it called uh live. at The Comedy Store creative Hanukkah. release we're doing a Hanukkah release. oh that's good dude that's great so you. release the special in 12. Parts that'd be kind of fun to do it's. eight but that's funny but 12 is good. you know what I mean 12's a better you. know a better number we got to because. Jews are back make it a dozen let's make. it let's change hanuk of the 12 nights. cuz the impression we're experiencing I. like this more presents yeah so it's.

live at The Comedy Store it's a it's a. special my best jokes I've ever told and. I'm so proud of it and uh is your first. special uh second second special yeah. but the first one this did you you. didn't self Finance the first one no no. no other people financed it this is out. of your pocket yeah it's like very. freeing like Dr Squatch let me tell you. something Andrew um so I go to I valet. my car a lot you always valet your car. right and the valet guy at the Wii Spa. said dude why do you you always smell so. nice and you do and I.

go Dr Squatch Dr Squatch baby Dr Squatch. is so good it's high performance natural. products this is 98% natural soap 98. you're never going to find this anywhere. else be Corb certified no harmful. ingredients it's having you uh look and. smell and feel your best I got this B uh. the Birchwood Breeze Bobby loves the. pine tar that's his favorite it smells. so good on your skin it's smooth and by. the way knowing that it's that it's. natural doesn't that make you feel good. I do but the scents are very uh amazing.

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your toe and you're like gosh this. really actually hurts more than I. thought where do I go well you go to. Zach do my friend right if you're on the. hunt for a doctor in your neighborhood. whether you're new to that area you've. been there for a long time and you just. go I don't know where to turn to nobody. wants to give me a good recommendation. Zach Do's got your back my friends I. mean you do it with food and restaurants. right why not a reviews you can check. people out I mean have you ever been a. hunt for a new Doctor Andrew I'm not all. the time and you ask literally everyone.

you know their Reco please tell me yeah. you know a doctor who actually gets you. listens to you and makes you feel super. comfortable well that's why you need. Zach do you got to get Zach do you're. using your phone and apps on your phone. for almost every piece of your life. today why wouldn't you try Zach do now. what I I'll tell you what Zach do is a. free app where you can find amazing. doctors and book appointments online. we're talking about booking appointments. with thousands of top rated patient. reviewed doctors and specialist you can. filter specifically for ones who take. your insurance or located near you and.

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do.com I want to know more about you. instead of instead of this father fans. to know more about when's the first time. you [ __ ] I say 20 will you say 20 but. it wasn't what whatever [ __ ] [ __ ] is. 21 then why 20 I got in why 20 I did a. little bit of something when I was 20. you know like you dipped it in yeah yeah. one. those what is it called Let It soak you. let it soak you soaked it in I didn't. even I just did like it was just like. and she was like all the every woman. I've ever by the way like every woman.

I've ever dated like has been like or. hooked up with whatever has been like uh. uh condom I you don't need it like all. the stereotype of a man is like guys are. like I don't want I forgot it we don't. need it right every woman I've ever you. know you know I don't know I know I. don't know what you're saying well. here's why he look I don't know what. you're if I'm a girl you look clean. thank you yeah that's what say if I was. a woman I'd be like no this guy's fine. yeah thank. you so I wouldn't be afraid of you. getting me pregnant I figured you know.

like you decent genetics no no no no no. I feel like they would be um they're. swimmers relax but they're not going the. right direction okay yeah yeah they're. going back in do you think I'm infertile. or just no no you have a lot of sperm. but they go back into your penis okay. and all you get is the liquid part okay. yeah but they're back in I think they. get nerved they get out there and. they're like oh no and they go right. back thank you they get a little I think. they get a little tepid I I also think. that your testicles are cozy oh yeah. like a warm balls warm warm balls I love.

this whatever the opposite of bullying. is jebadiah let's go back I don't know. what their name what's the bigger what's. the bigger what's the bigger testicle. right or left I don't know are they. different sizes they sure are one hangs. lower for sure I just learned they moved. like recently they go wherever they want. recently you we never in cold weather. but I mean like you can hold them and. then they they they like they're kind of. like uh with those Mexican jumping beans. kind sorry Carlos no but that's what. they're called that's what they're. called I know thank you sorry respect. it's by the way somehow Mexican jumping.

beans is sounds so racist yeah yeah not. what they're it just sounds like. something Trump said yeah it does I was. at the airp they're Mexican jumping. beans right over the wall over the wall. they go bing bang. Bing it sounds like he said that Mexican. jumping. beans but is that not what they're. called no they are yeah they are they. are I was at the airport in Tucson and. they had them for sale I haven't seen. those in like 20 years it's like yeah. they probably got rid of them for well.

they're little insects in the bean right. yeah and they're trying to get out yeah. they're slowly dying they're tortured. animals it's like sea monkeys they're. just like creatures you're torturing. well what What creatures are we okay. with torturing then I guess let's make a. standard I don't like this but lobsters. people are down for just like it's like. do do you know about lobsters though. they're evil oh yeah they're they're. satanic I didn't oh good oh yeah yeah. they they're claw [ __ ] this is what. they're doing the whole time yeah yeah. they're doing this and then they're like. molesting crabs 66 that's how they they.

F crabs crabs are like dude they're. victims dude yeah but someone hurt it's. not doesn't make it okay but someone. hurt her people hurt someone did that to. them and now they do it to us to to the. Lobster who did it to the Lobster I. don't know I don't know squids oh yeah. those [ __ ] those [ __ ] [ __ ] you. know who we like the least on this show. dolphins dolphins can [ __ ] right off. perverts pigs they're pigs honestly do. you like dolphins be real do I I mean. like if you're in the ocean you saw a. dolphin next to you what would you do in.

the ocean I would be scared honestly if. I saw a dolphin next to if I if I'm made. the ocean and going to do anything to. you yeah what you scar I don't want I'd. be like is that a dolphin or a shark. first of all well he just told you it's. a dolphin well the Dolphin's like don't. worry I'm a dolphin bro I'll be like. they don't say that they don't say that. they go and then they start [ __ ] are. they just chilling next to you like so. you can get a good look they'll swim by. you I know they're chilling they're not. like I don't want I next to a dolphin in. the water but if I'm in like if I was. recently at a friend's house who's doing. well for himself and he has a house by.

the beach and I we saw dolphins and. Daniel TSH we get it oh yeah Danny yeah. you know Danny Florida yeah Danny from. Florida that's what we call him you call. Daniel Tosh Daniel from Danny from. Florida so you went to Danny's house was. that Danny from Florida from Florida's. house when he calls into their radio. shows that's that's what he calls you. went to his house Danny from Florida was. at Ma Max's house and but Max has money. he lives on the beach in Malibu yeah wow. that's cool man that's great but the but. the problem though is that uh in like 10. years the house is going to be gone and. you can't tell it we'll be dead in 10. years 10 years oh good I didn't know.

that did you not hear Joe Biden address. a country yesterday what did he say. we'll be dead in 10 years that's he was. like 10 years Mar fall fall fall apart. so you say I'm going to be dead in 10. years or I couldn't make it out what he. was saying but I did think he was saying. the world's over did you translate any. of that stuff no but he did mention. something about Taylor too about about. this Taylor yeah Biden what did he say. no he said that we're all going to die. but specifically Taylor Williams. yeah it's all [ __ ] up did you see the. picture of his cake on fire did you see.

that photo well no let me see it let me. see it this is classic Joe. Biden this is this is our. president that's crazy that's crazy dude. 81 candles it's on fire it's crazy it's. not happy birthday Joe you're on [ __ ]. fire should I blow these. out no dude you'll die that say that's. really that's like a joke why is how's. that real here's the problem with this. guy yeah he so many I could go on for. he's really genuinely so unaware it's.

not even his fault anymore they're. parading this guy around like [ __ ] uh. I mean genuinely they're parading this. guy around that and he has no clue. what's going on yeah like they literally. posed him for that they put his arms. like that he's like Gumby you think he. was posed like that 100% I bet my life. on it that's so he doesn't fall you know. this guy the Earth is spinning fast for. this guy but when you put your arms out. like that the candles were probably nor. and he could have done that with his. dark Brandon oh wow laser.

eyes yeah dude that's cool if that's. true honestly now have you ever met a. lizard person a politician of any sort. of strength or power have you ever been. in in in a room with any lizard people. not not lizard people I've done some USO. tour so I've met like the chairman I. joint Chief of Staff. whoa that's pretty good I know yeah. close I spent Fourth of July with. General Millie whoa Millie Bobby Brown. yeah when did she get generalized. stranger I didn't know she got. generalized congrats Millie Bobby Brown.

is he nice General Millie he's so badass. and cool I think he's a Massachusetts. guy that him right there he's a that's a. badass dude and he's Trump like he's. famous cuz Trump we're not supposed to. know who these people are you know he's. famous because Trump is always hating on. him because he s of he like kept the. Democracy intact that's cool though look. at all those [ __ ] things on his chest. look little Flags those are the. countries that he he bombed. yeah is there one for swimming or. something are there other like is it. canoeing and stuff like the bo or the.

very top one is for swimming if if you. can hold your breath in an Olympic pool. down and back once give you the first. one you get the top one the first can. you zoom in a little bit I'll tell you. what all those are yeah yeah yeah tell. me tell me what all those are all right. so the top one's swimming right right. underneath it to the left the green. green and yellow a dozen chicken wings. in under a. minute really that's what it is I had no. idea yeah my my uncle's in the military. he tells me all this [ __ ] stuff it's. why oh I know the one the riot he broke. three boards with the karate chop yeah. karate chop that's karate chop board. yeah so that's I have one of those. somehow not that impressive for I know I.

mean I have one my dad has one well my. whole family has one do you have a Cate. shop metal no I got to yellow bell and I. uh my mom started taking karate single. mom cool single mom style she took it. the I was taking karate the same time. she was taking karate and then so she. took it cuz I was taking it and then I I. failed the orange belt test and she. passed the orange BT test I really wait. your did she keep going is your mom a. black belt now no she stopped after I st. after she [ __ ] you up she quit that's. that's so funny that your mom stopped. after she beat you so you have yellow.

still for the rest of your life and your. mom has orange man that's so cool your. mom's the [ __ ] is she available to come. on the show at some point um I mean what. does she do for a living she's a. brilliant artist like she was famous in. Japan and that's why I started taking. Japanese lessons what's her name can we. look can we showcase her art if you. really I would love to unfortunately her. online presence isn't killer someone. else has her name if you look up Suzanne. Marie art delmare you'll find her suzan. Marie art delmare so down in delmare. does she have a shop so yeah that's one. of her uh like that one the second one.

like that's some of her art okay okay. let's see some her Art's been in a bunch. of movies and stuff and show and stuff. like wa that's beautiful that's let me. see zoom in on that she was like legit. superstar in the '90s can I tell you I. was in Japan a few years ago yeah and I. walked by an art gallery and I went. inside and in Japanese these people. don't speak English I was like bokuno. okasan suzan marides like my mom and. Suzanne Maria and they were all freaking. out cuz she was like I think they were. freaking out because you spoke Japanese. oh oh oh he know oh pman pman speak.

Japanese too this creepy old Japanese. guy who's like prob 70 he was like oh. suzan Maria very tall and I was like. okay wait wait wait that's [ __ ] great. actually she she's so is that oil um I. don't I I don't know what it was made on. uh I don't know do you watch your work. ever I no you don't [ __ ] know what. your mom's what medium of AR oil she. uses uh she uses acrylic where does she. live San Diego yeah yeah delmare we know. and you go down there and visit her yeah. and you don't see her studio um she's.

not doing as much as she used to she's. older she's not old she's not old she's. been doing some other she still with the. your stepdad yeah yeah you like him yeah. what does he do he's a doctor oh she did. good yeah he said delmare oh delmare. nice living in delmare if he's you ever. go to the delmare fairing fourth grade. Delmar Fair I love the delmare fair yeah. it's a nice part of San Diego it's very. nice I like it up there delmare is. beautiful yeah I'm lucky I it's funny. like I grew up a single mom style like a. little townhouse you know like like uh. in like artist style like some years we. have money some years like we're broke.

what are we doing you know and uh but. all my friends are like Filthy Rich yeah. that's kind of Be Wild to grow up in. that world where you are the poor artist. scumbag child and everybody else's. Finance kids I remember like my buddy. got like a bmwm3 for his 16th birthday. for his [ __ ] birthday oh yeah and and. he has a job at the they this is what. they do cuz the one of them. marries the dad marries a normal kind. woman you know who's like not rich you. know that's the generation you know now. wom have jobs it's beautiful you know. cancel so then um but then but then like.

they they get jobs like the movie. theater cuz like my mom told me I have. to get a service job they have to just. work a regular job drives this M3 to. make like $5 an hour at the movie keep. them humble in some way right it's a. balance I get that that makes sense. though mhm cuz you had money coming you. worked at the [ __ ] coffee shop or. whatever that's right I worked at post. Atlantic did you really yeah uh uh three. years post Atlantics God that's so funny. go back to your mom's art or no I used I. could hold an envelope and tell you how.

much it weighed and how many stamps it. needed that's so pathetic that's my. mom's art can I buy how much is a piece. you're so sweet I would love to connect. you she's she has she's been but how. much is it I don't know I don't know. guess it says $600 oh that's $600 this. is a Seraph it's not an original Oh but. I'll do the 600 okay I mean I don't this. doesn't go to her but this is some like. creepy guy who has her stuff from a long. time ago then I won't add it to cart. yeah don't buy it from this I don't I I. don't like these people whoever they are. they're just scum bags who like own her. stuff from a long time ago oh really and. they're reselling her art yeah well this.

show is going to help us so I guess. don't buy any any of the fans that are. interested please don't buy anything. unless it's going to be direct and if. you want to buy direct for Taylor's. mom's art his phone number is right here. on the screen we're going to put it up. right on the screen Taylor's direct cell. phone number call him and ask him for uh. the link to his mom's Art thank you I. appre honestly like I my please I so. there's another Suzanne Marie respect to. her but it's not my mom the one that's. mostly on the internet not my mom she. just didn't adapt to social media and. all she do more private collector she's. a big thing at Hebrew University if you.

ever go out there she does a lot of. things for private collectors if you. can't get a hold of tailor from the. phone number we just put on the screen. we're going to also put up his home. address right. now I'd like you to go by his house say. hi to him give him a handshake uh and. tell him that you'd like to buy some of. his mom's art keep going thank you yeah. she teaches at so she teaches art at. Hebrew University she her work has been. in let's go let's go back to your past I. think her art can we go back to your. past her arts in the movie bachelor. party where it falls off the wall oh. really yeah Tom Hanks yeah woo a great.

movie I love that movie she has the art. piece that falls off the back of the. wall yeah Barry Diamond's in that movie. Barry Diamond I've opened for him rest. in peace let's move on he's not dead is. he not no oh wow some people just think. are dead yesterday I thought is John. Goodman dead no he's still alive I know. I know and but but but do you know you. who just died who Jimmy Carter's wife. yeah Rosy Carter she did she was 94 oh. no he's 99 still alive what's he up to J.

JC like just every second stay alive. he's just staying alive staying alive. dude D rest in peace I saw a video today. of a guy who's 103 years old they said. what's the secret I mean it's just go no. no no you got to ride it out you got to. ride it out till the wheels fall off. yeah now with that picture of him with. the thing over his eye remember this. happened who [ __ ] him up was he at a. bar and just got [ __ ] imagine Jimmy. oh I know what it is look looks. japaneser oh stop Asian hate that's what.

happened dude did someone attack Jimmy. Carter thinking he was. Asian [ __ ] you you old Asian piece of. [ __ ] doesn't he look kind of look look. at oh he's going in the sky oh he's. staring right at an eclipse and they. tell you not to look at it but there he. is looking right at it these aren't the. best photos of him the internet does. this man when you get older they put up. so many [ __ ] rude photographs of you. this is why you're supposed to Die Young. dude Mar is the best example she died at. 36 years old there isn't a bad photo of. the girl and the guy uh the James Dean.

James Dean same guy yeah same thing. Steve McQueen you know what I mean. there's no bad photo look up Steve. McQueen there's no bad photos of this. [ __ ] guy it's imp when you die young. they can't take a bad photo of you look. at that [ __ ] guy dude he was like 70. there no no he looks great no when did. Steph McQueen die didn't he die young on. the younger side he died of cancer right. when did he. die how old was uh Steve McQueen um. 50 yeah he's a young guy that's that's.

young as [ __ ] years old so [ __ ] young. what's that died in harez yeah HZ Mexico. right in in uh you cannot get a bad. photo while you're. 50 you know what dude I know what you're. [ __ ] doing right now I don't know. he's targeting at you all day today you. are you talking look up Bobby Lee see if. there's any bad photos of him you're. trying to talk. [ __ ] look at these images handsome cute. cool funny sharp okay you look like. Sarah Jessica Parker in that one picture.

yeah you. do cool shirt look at that though not. one bad photo. Andre you jerk you can't even tell the. difference there between me and St no. you can a little. bit yeah good photos so recant what you. said take it back Fancy please I was. just asking no no no you know what you. were doing you were shooting your shot. honestly honestly dude I want be real. and I I was going to [ __ ] Let It Go. dude what is your [ __ ] problem with. me today. dude I was going to let it go but what.

the [ __ ] is your problem with me today. dude you've been attacking me since. [ __ ] I I got here I've only been nice. to you and also can I say something I've. been giving you hugs dude yeah you he. has been hugging way have I not been. hugging you you're [ __ ] ugly pork. body oh my God hey be nice we you look. like a seaf fly no I don't know what sea. shrim shumai you said shrimp. shumi hey sorry I'm so sorry that you. went through that what food won't you. eat I don't eat a lot of foods I'm a. picky eater I can tell I can tell he's. got that [ __ ] picky white eater guy.

yeah look let me ask you something yeah. would you eat. um fried butterfly. wings that's a good question yeah yeah I. wouldn't want to like I would prefer not. to like if I was I would are you a meat. eater I don't eat red meat how about. this weat we white meat I I eat like. chicken and turkey yeah how about this. I'm at a restaurant I'm a waiter I put. down a nice plate of sauteed monkey. farts yes you would eat it no what.

region are they from right a papini oh. my God you're not going to eat that I'll. eat that pass it my way guini has the. best fried monkey farts delicious Saed. sauteed monkey fart not fried a little. bit of garlic yeah yeah I would eat it. cuz I feel bad it's going to waste like. the monkey fart just di oh you're a. preservation gu prob not a lot of food. there can I guess what your favorite. meal is it doesn't seem solid favorite. meal yeah I want to say pizza for some. reason you feel like you like pizza mac.

and cheese mac and cheese I never liked. mac and cheese I I get I get the vibe. why you that you never like ma that's an. insane that's a claim I don't think I've. ever heard a human say before. porridge a little porridge boy porri boy. are you a pot pie guy no I don't like. those consistencies who oh so you give. me consist consistency and I'll tell you. what you eat beans that's it okay wait a. minute do you just eat beans yeah I. don't like beans you don't like beans no. give me a consistency you like and then.

we're going to try to guess I mean it's. not like all I eat but like I guess like. you're a big Chick-fil-A guy aren't you. yeah see I got it did I get it I got it. [ __ ] Chick-fil-A it only took me a few. what did you see in my car I didn't look. at your car to know where you parked. that was a natural guess you do. Chick-fil-A bit I have a bit about. Chick-fil-A oh really let's not hear it. no I don't want I don't want to hear it. the waffle fries they got you I like. that how many chicken how how many. little nugs are we getting what pack 20. they're all good by I'm usually if I'm. driving I would get the sandwich because.

I'm driving Samy drive if I'm not. driving the strips o but then the. nuggets are probably the most delicious. so I understand you have a childlike. appetite sure but i' I've gotten better. at it though like I can go to on dinner. with a lovely lady or a business thing. and I can pretend I don't want fish. sticks will you push around the salad. though you're not going to eat the salad. I don't love salad I know I can tell you. I'm a beautiful woman I meet you online. you you broke up with your girl from. Atlanta yeah I'm I'm a Japanese. what's your name. Tio t kich no TI T tiama Tio Tama you're.

half Japanese no I don't think Tico is a. name no it's my internet name okay I'm. an. influencer first of all dude let's not. disrespect titico Tomia yeah yeah yeah. she's pretty well known all right go. menesi that's I'm sorry yeah I don't. know that I'm are you're American I'm an. American I respect I'm so sorry for. assuming that you should speak the. language anyway anyway anyway t. you have the accent though even though. you're born in s she's an influencer. dude I'm an influencer dude all right.

yeah and I you know I Hawk um seaweed. snacks yes on my um Tik Tok yes so. anyway um where are we eating what. restaurant are you going to take. me well when you do that let me say. something I love that. noise yeah you did that with the waffle. fries and the [ __ ] chicken sandwiches. right is that the noise your penis made. when you kissed Heidi. Clum may I did you get hard correctly no. okay so anyway back to me respect to her.

though like what's my name again uh too. what's my last name t. Tay Kamai too Kamai anyway where are we. eating um I'm I'm not sure I'm like I. well you make reservations it's like I. take you maybe like a nice uh vegan Thai. food restaurant interesting I saw I saw. I saw Ed Begley Jr there. once so. okay and pigley Jr that's a good one.

that is good I love him I met him once. he's super sweet so a vegan tie joint. maybe I mean I'm not vegan but like. somewhere interesting conversation but. have you been there before yeah I scope. it out now have you eaten there before. yeah is it good yeah okay where's it at. I'm not looking to plug there's I mean. there's one in the in Studio City area. okay you should go do you think that's a. good date no this sounds like a bad date. I don't like it you're not okay what do. we do afterwards. you know um I don't know like I've been. in the relationship thing I'm just.

trying to think over single life what do. you do like maybe I don't know you go to. a bar like down the street what bar. ventur has a lot of bars Tico You're. Sober yeah I'm. sober maybe I say good night and like. cuz I'm not in a hurry I'm an older guy. now like I'm like I'm like I have a dog. to go home I want to. smash then maybe I go listen let's I. want to where are we going to smash I. have a dog now so I don't know I mean. I've had I guess I go. man I hope you I hope you stay in this. relation yeah yeah yeah no no no can I. tell you wait wait going to be I don't.

even know how where to start like where. do you start like I I would say come to. my place no you're talking to me so. don't yeah so so where are we going to. go I would say Tico I've had a great. well dinner after dinner so dinner. check's paid we're staring at each other. are you paying you're staring at me are. you paying yeah oh thank you for paying. yeah where are we going we going to. smash oh god ttic look how much he. tipped. 16% wow that's you know when when I saw. that a little juice yeah a little bit.

slightly. over she she likes it when when you're a. bad boy bad boy are you telling me that. no you can hear it you have you have. hearing right I poor hearing I had what. do you think that is when I you hear. that I had a tumor as a child and I. can't hear in this ear ever are you. being serious yeah you can't hear out of. your left ear that well very poor. Hearing in my left ear where was the. tumor he laughs at the the sad parts of. life it's so sad when I'm sad this is. great you have a tumor there now uh the.

tumor's been removed I have a titanium. thing that allows me to hear so you. can't hear I can't hear Whispers if you. whisper it sweet or right so you don't. hear it what if I say it so I go and. then I know you didn't hear it I go well. I. just my vagina just made a noise but can. I ask a question on this no go ask I. like to ask me ask me uh. tic. ma'am are you was it attractive to you. that I ti so little or that it's a lot. to you which part was hot to you well.

you know usually guys try to impress and. they they'll pay like you know I dated. Bobby Lee once that guy he tips like 30%. yeah 30% and it's like too much it's. like me look at my big dick right and he. has one yeah that's why he does stuff. like that right excuse me I I I don't. excuse me he does we're talking about. Bobby Lee yes the comedian big dick okay. go I'm happy to hear I heard yeah what'. you hear what' you hear I'm just going. to tell you what I heard I wrote it down. no no no what did you hear really I'm. tell you what this is true yeah so uh we.

did a photo shoot me and Betty with Jen. Rosenstein today the photographer love. Jen Rosen and she told me to say uh cuz. I told you I was worried you're going to. be mean to me like you you told me you. would be yeah and she says for me to. tell you be nice to Taylor or his dog is. going to bite off your tiny peeee H. she's not a comedy writer is she I'm. just I didn't you know who she's married. to right yeah my ex-girlfriend yeah. but I that's a bad shot no no no no no. no no no don't don't don't I'm calling J.

all right call her up I'm gonna call her. call her up that's [ __ ] up no I want. you to call her up are we done with the. role play though no we're not done. please no we're going back are we done. with the role play you're just getting. started baby hum. large I don't like stereotypes you. know hi Bobby hey Sarah how are you I'm. good how are you so you know who Taylor. Taylor Williamson is I do so we're.

having him on the Pod right now me and. Andrew he's on the show right now on the. show right now so are you so are you so. um your wife yes wrote a letter to me. claiming that I have a small penis a. tiny pee PE a tiny pee pee okay so what. the [ __ ] is going on around. here what you write a she wrote a letter. it was I I dict she dictated it she.

dictated it to Taylor and says that if. would well tell me exactly what he said. I'm gonna um she said for me to tell. Bobby be nice to Taylor or his dog is. going to bite off your tiny pee pee it's. going to bite off my tiny pee pee now. very interesting um are you telling your. wife that I have a tiny pee pee. no no we've never talked about your. genitalia my love ever talk about it. yeah yeah so you've seen my gen right. yeah yeah yeah you're good I'm good. thank you yeah yeah yeah that's listen.

listen listen you. know I have am I have complete we are. not we don't function the same that is. her own autonomous opinion based on. whatever is G on she told me that story. when she got home that she told Taylor. to say that to you I was like did you. really and she's like yeah I was like. okay okay well you know she needs. consequences yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

yeah she needs consequences or there's. going to be problem between you and I. there needs to be consequences she need. to be reprimanded Bobby where's Jan. at she's not here okay she's I need. consequences I'll talk to you soon all. right love you I love you bye bye guy. puts the hammer down that's great and I. T Tico back by the Way's back T's back. Tico's back in the scene T please tell. Bobby that b my dog also want bu anyway. anyway we're not talking about Bobby L. man what I want to say is we're going to. go to your place and we're going to. smash sure okay yeah to is this the.

first date by the way too well you would. know right have I have I met you before. this right right right so then dingdong. it would be our first [ __ ] date right. he must be dating a lot of Asian girls. yeah how many [ __ ] you just look so. much like anyway we're going to go to. your house and smash okay no condom I. can't you can't wear condom I I can't do. no condom wait stop. can we I want to break out a character. real quick go ahead may I yeah why not.

if I was a monogamous thing I would be. so you've you how many times have you. won a condom every time in in my. relationship I have never not I mean. with the beginning. I I I I'm not I'm not going to have uh. no condom sex with a. stranger good for you I listen to love. line as a k it's great it's great it's. great I have. Carlos learn. have you had sex with out conom with a. stranger yeah every time yeah I mean I.

mean I've gotten I've gotten I've gotten. I've gotten STDs for with my. skin let's go to commercial. break oh my God it's just like like I've. had stuff on my what do you mean skin my. SK my body you you've had my trunk so. you've had sex with a girl and then you. had SDS on your skin yeah on your chest. yeah there's like skin skin stuff that. you can get from towels and stuff it's. not that exciting yeah what are you into.

sports at all um as a fan yeah like are. you a fan of sports do you watch sports. my thing is I always like pro wrestling. that the thing yeah so not real yeah. okay well no it's like a play like you. like the theatric yeah yeah like who. who's your favorite pro wrestler I mean. there he goes that I mean I I can't. these are great questions I wasn't. prepared for and they change over the. years you know don't meet your Heroes. you meet them and you're like well off. the list you know like yeah when I was a. I don't know like uh Gerald Brisco.

become friends with Gerald Brisco who's. an amazing he's like WWE Hall of Fame. or do you still go to events um I go. less now but like I'm I've been spoiled. you know we get invited to things I've. been to so many like yeah big ones like. out to WrestleMania this year in la oh. really oh you did I was supposed to. start working for Fox Sports they were. going to I was going to be like like a. Daily Show correspondent for Fox do you. go you have a little He-Man in your. pocket. right he's got like a Yoda Pez dispenser. he just ready he just ready to go I.

don't understand do you like boxing I'm. not a fan of like these uh I it's not. good for my comedy career for like I'm. not a big MMA fan no we're not we're not. big MMA guys either never said that. either you guys aren't like front I know. people we've been to the fights yeah we. been to the fight but it's not like. we're not big I'm not a fight you. couldn't ask me I didn't know I don't. know the ins and out I think you could. take ETS and barar. Barbosa thank you fight I know that's. the third time I've heard that today. okay I want um I'm going to show you. there's a new boxing League that I'm. really into I want to show you guys and. I want to get your opinion about because.

I'm a huge [ __ ] fan this is like one. of their Premier fights that they just. had and you tell me who you think won. Okay. no Okay yeah yeah couple of points. that's pretty good what do you mean what. we started you. both so for people that love the show. they've been asking us for years what's. Doc up to. dude how crazy is that that's a great.

double punch double punch who yeah whoa. who whoa whoa wa. W yeah there the black guy hasn't landed. a. punch it's so unfair because the other. guy's got like a full full upper body. yeah oh there it is go a little Tip Tap. little Tip Tap yeah is that a pacifier. in his mouth yeah yeah there you go he's. just a wiow baby fighting no dude it's a. mouth guard pacifier you lunatic all.

right he's knocked that guy down no less. than 12 times in this. clip God it's God it's incredible yeah. it looks legit whoa well it's like a. very see he gets up the same way I do. because of my bad back like I can't he. can't really. Bend God he's [ __ ] God man killing. that guy but look he won he won he won. it's so funny he won wow no we're. laughing at the brutalization but the.

other guy laughed after he saw you lost. yeah yeah yeah somehow some piece of me. thinks it was a plant but man the way he. go to the very first second the way he. charges him look at how hard he charges. at this guy he could have really [ __ ]. heard. him yeah I mean man whoa that's insane. that's a little much it's a lot anyway. I'm into this now yeah but it looks like. the the the guy in the blue though is um. a little person from just from the ways. down almost yeah he has like I think.

well when he was getting born he halfway. came out and then his mom sneezed and. then I see. I I see how that works I. she sorry that is funny like then it's. funny 30 seconds later you. visualize no disrespect to these guys we. love the hustle the it yeah it's amazing. we're not really into any of that we. don't [ __ ] he loves soccer oh yeah.

that's his number one football football. football and we love soccer in this in. this room because of him we support. soccer but you you don't like any sports. then aside from W I like them can I. about my little cousin he's 10 years old. he's being scouted by La keep plugging. your family man we're buying your mom's. art we got a [ __ ] yeah I mean holy. [ __ ] and your son's being your well who. your cousin who cousin is Ali Galaxy. he's like he like he's like a little. soccer prod wait Alex Alexy is scouting. him yeah and he's 10 wow no 10 yeah 10 I.

know they know they at 10 yeah they. don't he's gone out to the the stadium. they he's white yeah how how old was. Messi when we went to Barcelona how old. was Messi when we went to Barcelona. probably 14 15 yeah but I you know I. know that the Arsenal Academy the team. that I like you know 13 he was 13 that's. not a stretch I think the Americans are. doing that now that's but he was also. doing it he he didn't he didn't just. show up at 13 goes can I do it he had. done it for like 5 years or I get it.

when it's basketball and football. because these guys are just bigger than. everybody but at 10 you really can't. tell who's they're all the same size. he's from Argentina too Argentina too so. they had to fly him out they're flying. him out you're living here or staying at. the Academy right and so you know he he. must be killing it at 78 years old they. can tell he must be just like murdering. everyone around him Jackie Chan did that. his parents sent him what Jackie Chan. was sent to go be like a martial artist. you think he doesn't know about his own. Uncle relax relax dude I know what my.

uncle. did what a [ __ ] [ __ ] wait where's. Toki oh he wants her back what's Toki. where' she go oh tiki Tiki is it Tiki I. I could say where is Tikki in Japanese. do you want to hear her no yeah go ahead. Tik I am here Tia is such a long way of. saying where is she yeah it might. special have jok is there slang language. yeah never learned I only learned formal. speaking like really the way you talk to. a grandma how do you talk you're like.

that how are you wow thank you for. asking I'm having a nice day you know. cuz most guys if they're with a woman. for the first time and she goes I don't. want a condom I think I would just. gamble mhm would. you um she's hot sure yeah right and. she's like yeah we just don't have Toki. then yeah a tiki Tiki Toki if it's yeah. yeah yeah yeah then you would then I. understand yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah then. then it kind of makes sense to me that. voice it's the voice for me yeah that's. kind of what sells. everybody when this episode comes out we.

do want to remind our friends and family. of the bad friends uh people to go watch. uh live from The Comedy Store a Taylor. Williamson special yeah go check it out. not Taylor Tomlinson respect Taylor. Williamson don't watch her stuff anymore. that's that's what Taylor says don't. watch her I've never said that watch me. he he says that stuff a lot she's your. arch nemesis you said that I'm making it. I made a joke she's wonderful okay are. you friends with her I doesn't sound. like friendly we're friendly no you're. not I would love to be friends with her. we when she walks by you give her a look. no I give her I give her a hug she oh.

you're your hug status with her she's. open for me in San Diego wow. W not how does that feel no h she's now. a talk show host it's wonderful she's so. selling out huge theater theaters yeah. I'm on tour by the way you want to hear. where I'm going no did you know that she. was going to blow up when she opened for. you I mean she I've never like that it. didn't even exist when were younger the. superstardom she has you know yeah I. knew she was really special I didn't. know that she was well we know that.

you're really special you want to hear. what cities I'm going to okay go ahead. just let him do it play music over this. go ahead yeah loud though so you can. barely make out the days and the dates. thank you Calgary. fortway turn the mic off that's so good. no where you going Calgary stop me. anytime my website is my my Calgary is. good. go to go to his website taylor.com has. my C yeah.com they'll find touring.

around America and and I'd love to have. people come watch me we're going to come. watch you we want our fans to come watch. you what did you just pull up was that. him was that his website no it's Bob man. knows his Asian Nazi facing federal. charges of illegal gun purchas I want to. bring this [ __ ] are you doing man uh you. know what dude we talked about I stopped. we had a famous I quit after that. article no well it looks like you didn't. you're still on the Move yeah an East. Texas man with a pension for dressing as. a confederate soldier and singing Dixie. on now faces multiple charges is related. to illegal gun purchases I think he's. Korean too we He is we talked on this.

show years ago about him right about. wouldn't it be funny about a have an all. an Asian confederate soldier yeah this. guy's it wow do we have him on I think. he's amazing we got to have him on he's. Whistling Dixie with a with a. Confederate flag and he's staunch he's. very racist yeah all right let me tell. you something we've had such a good show. with our guest who we love very much. yeah Bobby uh said to me we got to get. Taylor on the show. and I said. absolutely did you say that I don't.

think so no let me let's be honest for. being honest yes of course I did you you. said really and I go yeah don't you. think and he then you said yeah yeah I. actually you know what he said we I want. Taylor on the show and I go really and. my instinct was and you'll you'll know. why this is not an insult I thought is. he going to be able to handle you to you. why me you're trouble what are you. [ __ ] talking about Trouble in Little. China is that what you're going to. say you were going to say that Trouble. in Little China but I did but I did say.

that I was going to say yeah [ __ ] you. dude I thought because you're a you're a. comic you can all handle anything I. don't I don't I don't try to be Dominion. of you being able to handle stuff but I. thought sometimes Bob can be heavy and. sometimes guests don't know how to do it. I'm sorry we've had guests before that. just don't feel comfy cuz we have fun. and Go Goofy and he goes wild and then. sometimes they're like I don't even know. how to feel yeah but I thought not. Taylor can handle it he's funny enough. and quick enough hair stuff dude you're.

in the. pocket what is that what does that mean. you were like I'm sticking with my guns. well listen I'm like I'm a and I love it. can I tell you like I'm a fan of both of. you standups and I enjoy your show like. I I I this show makes me laugh when I. watch it and you really watch it comes. up on my YouTube algor I watch Clips all. the time name me a moment uh Carlos. talking about getting milked in the in. the okay that's his fault guy watch guy. watches the show wow I watch everyone. but I watch it and I'm C also I'm. curious how people participate but I get.

it you have a Vibe and some and get the. vibe if you go on it or don't go on it. you're doing and I got the vibe you got. the vibe I brought by the way you. brought VI I have to come back cuz I and. you came attacked me a I loved it I I. thank you yeah you're welcome but you've. warned me too you said I don't know if. you can handle it and I prepared myself. to handle it yeah you did and I I over I. brought too much ammo by the way so you. got to have me back cuz I have this two. truths and a li thing that would be so. much joy for all of you no we will do. that when you come back and when you do. come back we'll have Chick-fil-A for you. how's that sound kiddo huh does daddy. make you happy.

now thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend. woo yeah. woo.