Medieval Farts and Reverse Sneezing | Ep 11 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad these two idiots bad. friends mythological madness it's all in. my mind. methodical mythological madness of the. supreme kind mm-hmm you know cuz it. rhymes and it's about your mental mental. disorders and stuff. mythological madness yeah baby in my. mind with a logical man yeah yeah all.

the time. baby I grabbed a knife from the kitchen. and go to the bedroom lying in bed and I. stab you in the neck. some babies and then you smoke it. outside yeah and your neighbor says cut. it out so you kill him too yeah welcome. to the show what do you been having. crazy dreams oh my god I've assumed for.

the last 10 years um I haven't dreamt it. at all come on never know it's like my. sleeps were like almost coma type sleeps. where you wake up and you go come on. sleep go my sleep. Oh what you go what is it what time you. know when you wake up yeah what you know. I don't know what happened but it since. the quarantine and since I've been sober. this time oh my lord oh Allah how many. hours a night do you get oh [ __ ] I get. about 9 or 10 hours and I think good I.

didn't wake up until like 2:45 that's. why I texted us I was gonna be late I. know well you were late kalila actually. texted me it's a logical madness here. kalila texted me this oh I just woke. this I woke up like this. kalila just said here here you go here. she wrote here you go he's on his way. that's what she said yeah yeah so here. we go there he goes there he goes come. back this way come back this way.

[Applause]. [Laughter]. you're that jewel yeah your dog look at. your dog listen your dog growls I know. listen his dog that's not wrong okay Ram. thank you thank you Rudy what is that. Rudy reverse your dog reverse sneezing. yeah we don't do it normal. we do everything reverse this is a dog.

sneezing backwards yeah did you hear. that Jules what the [ __ ] is that do we. have two dogs that do that what the [ __ ]. you're talking about dogs do that bro. reverse sneezing yeah it's like when. cats go like that can't do this and then. they they cough up some [ __ ] ball of. [ __ ] cute balls oh my god no no. googling everything you fought reverse. sneezing is very common and less so in. cats so you're wrong about that. when pets reverse sneeze they typically.

stand extend their head and neck pull. back their lips and inhale repeatedly. forcefully through their nose a. distinctive loud snoring sound yeah yeah. yeah this is your dog oh my [ __ ]. medieval fart here thank you he's not. that interesting but the [ __ ] reverse. see is amazing is I've never heard her. sneeze you've never heard a fart like. that my friend that's [ __ ] from the. medieval days my spirit again it's like.

the drummer Boris the boy farts they're. like 15 drummers in there Smurfs under. under we're like Papa Smurf. [Laughter].

yeah alright enough enough enough of. those you know what's so great about. that I do that all the time at the house. you do I rewind stuff over and over and. over and she [ __ ] hates when I do it. oh yeah makes me laugh so hard when I. find something funny like that on a show. or like anything yeah I have to watch it. again and again yeah I do I watch. American Idol and the poise I got but my. point is is this do you have a foreign. bed. yes yeah yeah yes dude what do you do. you squeeze your butt cheeks open so.

that it comes out there so there's no. noise it depends if see I usually I fart. in bed only if I know that we're not. gonna make poop poop if we're not gonna. make boom-boom if we if it's not in the. cards yeah then I'll farting God do you. know if it's in the cart or now I can. feel it. ah it's about the sack you can feel it. in the air yeah yeah by the way did you. I got boom-boom from our favorite. boom-boom. make a good boom-boom from our firm my. favorite characters from 90 day fiancé. did you tweet at EDC so this would. happen so Ted yeah big Edie big headed. Mayo head Mayo had heavy Ojeda he was on.

Instagram live and I got on it and I go. um first I kept saying 15 times. acknowledged me yeah all that yeah yeah. yeah and he wouldn't do it right because. he's like interviews like doing um. Instagram live with just other people it. hurt my feelings when you want it you. wanted to do an IG live with me yes or. at least say hey what's up or whatever. right so then I started going hey man. I'm verified have a blue check it's not.

so funny though when you send someone a. message on there and they're verified. and you are - you automatically go come. on open it up oh yeah yeah well it's. funny because it's like when somebody. Vera do you ever do this wouldn't like. somebody verified follow you on twitter. you follow them back yeah all the time. yeah yeah why is that it's because you. wrote because it's like a club yeah you. feel like you're a part of a thing yeah. like you know who follows me but I were. and the fan mm-hmm.

but am i following Louis michalski. what's his name. what the singer Louis Bukowski from. England yeah Louis Capaldi who is that. he's one of the biggest singers on. planet Earth. I don't know yeah what does he sing. there he is Wow. he's huge a sharp-looking cat yeah what. is he sweating that singer what does he. sing what's that song these things you. know the song sing it a little bit. briefly just give you a little bit of.

don't fully sing it just just give me. the gist. know the lyrics the lyrics is this. someone you loved is that the ideals. like them a lot but yeah yeah someone. the other that's a great song is that. the one yeah this is someone you love me. surely the lyrics are there they're. funny because my own blind he goes know.

the gay bleeds in tonight fall and. you're not here to get me through it all. I'll let your God I let my guard down. and think you pulled the rug I was. getting Connie used to being someone you. loved. oh yeah yeah yeah so he follows me on. Twitter yeah a lot he's a huge star and. I don't know if I follow him back but no. you didn't it sounds like you didn't. follow me a bit but cuz he's so big I.

didn't want to like how many followers. on tadeasi have a lot of followers. millions yeah he's huge he's like the. next II do not know this guy because I. don't know I mean I really like Conor. McGregor and like the the Lucky Charms. guy what is that what did this is music. I like music maybe you like Olli. redheaded vibe I only like redheaded. stuff he's a redhead I would have liked. him oh yeah okay this is what it's like. on like yeah I'm going under this time. and I feel - nothing out you know how it.

feels. that's my kind of style you can sing. kinda huh Creed that's my kind of sing I. can't sing I can I know how to you know. I'm a good you know like like monkey see. monkey do oh I see I know how to repeat. what I've heard yeah I can imitate it. but I can't sing I can't do impressions. yeah you can no I can't.

yeah you can no I can do do an. impression of oh that Oh DeNiro yeah. DeNiro okay no don't talk don't talk. don't talk just do the face that's good. now give me another face of an. impression of someone else you can go. they really that's you Yoko Ono. Oh yuck oh yeah that's good pretty good. huh hey can I ask you something yeah. could you mind up a lot of people hit us. up on the internet and they asked us to. play and they asked us to play a little. bit of some of your psychedelic rock can.

we play some of it no it's so good. you saw it I actually really like that. song I'm not even kidding a little bit. it's [ __ ] awesome. yeah 60,000 people watch the video you. probably had like nine hits before you. mentioned it and that's you. yeah that's me look at how by the way. yeah it was so you look so cute in this. video yeah and and what pissed me off. about laxing superb yeah the band and I. don't know if you friends with these. guys anymore but what pissed me off. about this music video yeah they punched. in on your hands yeah and not and they.

didn't show your [ __ ] face til for. four minutes and 55 seconds in the video. you because at the time I was just the. seventh guy and it doesn't matter you're. important yeah but back then I wasn't. you were ripping you ripped on that. [ __ ] rolling those keys were getting. slid on [ __ ] that's serious it was so. fun all right and then an elite singer. it's like it's just him him him yeah. Kevin Schewel from Chicago what's up but. I show the band from a huge wide shot. and they don't get to you until the. juices in it.

Alan Meadows what's up guys. [Music]. that's all they gave you five seconds I. know that's the only face shot you got. right there now I know five seconds of a. fake shot that's what they are so many. people in that man. and fade-out from Bob that's it i love i. honestly though the song I listen to. over and over and maybe it's because. from that generation no but it reminded. me of stuff that I love let me say this.

I don't want to defend the band is is. that I didn't say anything negative. about I'm just gotten what guys want to. defend it huh just just in case okay. is all honestly the music was okay you. know it's just what what drove me crazy. is is that see okay see that shot right. there yeah so see that man to the right. with the black see that guy to the right. with the glasses and this one this guy. that the arrows on right that guy no. it's okay I forgot his name but so those. other three I went to high school with. how's it gonna say this guy's balding in.

high school no this guy right so we used. to play this club this coffee shop. called metaphor cafe in Escondido nice. and he and his other friend had a good. simon and garfunkel duo band but they. were so infinitely better but they were. in their 40s they're just a better. musician really good yeah. and so Kevin goes why don't you join our. band so then we became like Grateful. Dead that's how many people were on the. stage yeah at one point I think you see. a shot there's 37 people man. I know so then what happened was I.

didn't want these two old [ __ ] in the. band why he just looked like a lawyer so. and then so what happened was I just. kind of stopped going to practice you. know like kind of rebelling and. protesting in protest cuz you were like. it the old guys out or not yes I felt. like if I just stopped kind of getting. involved that they'll throw these guys. out on the band huh but then I remember. the meeting you go they had like an. intervention oh yeah they know they.

brought me to the metaphor cafe during. the day and I remember sitting there and. they all collectively goes you're out of. the band and I literally I remember and. I remember tears just rolling off my. face because you thought that your move. was gonna you were playing a power movie. now doing a power back right and then I. remember this I go I don't know what I'm. gonna do so what I did was my friend. Scott Collins was he a rough [ __ ].

novelist. sounds like a writer he lives in Phoenix. he's a great guy he's in many ways io. comedy to him really yeah because F. Scott Collins was like this 50 year old. deal 40 or 50 old dude bald had a kind. of military looking guy that I met in a. uh-uh and he goes hey uh I'm doing this. acting actors workshop in Pacific Beach. and I go you have an actor and he goes I. know but this guy named Gary Austin you. know who Gary Austin I don't okay well.

I'm gonna tell you okay. I don't like your tone okay all right. here we go. Gary Austin ya founded The Groundlings. oh yeah in the early 70s I didn't know. that he got you down of The Groundlings. but he founded it well I don't know how. I don't know the politics of it but hey. go in front of The Groundlings on. Melrose there's a plaque that says his. name Gary Austin carry on he died what. did he die of I don't remember but he. died like maybe ten years ago or eight.

years ago I remember it being very sad. when he died. Gary Austin yeah so Gary Austin was like. one of the first improvisers yeah right. so he used to do so he came down to my. friend F Scott Collins class to do it. just a series of classes it cost a lot. of money I remember asking my dad for. the money he gave it to me they take in. like 101 right yes it but but it was. through Gary Austin where I was like you. know we would play improv games and I.

didn't really know the rules but he. taught me the rules and how many rules. are there by the way I only know two yes. and and you ever say no yeah well yes. and is that same thing that's the same. rule what's the other one. add information add information okay. yeah so instead of going how much money. so I'll give you an example yeah. so if you didn't have improv class right. for those of you listening I would be. like we were on a scene together okay. we're gonna say hey Teddy I bought you a.

birthday gift congratulations man it's. not my birthday see this that's not see. you know that right you do that as a. joke. yeah of course yeah so let's do the. scene let's do the supposed to do yes. dong-yi yeah there's no door there yeah. so ding-dong hey Teddy good morning hey. Micah that's exactly we're supposed to.

add information right yeah and I got I. got you a birthday gift here go a happy. birthday. whoa a frog see there we go I've always. wanted a frosty that's how you do it. and that would be still fine yeah that. would still be fine yeah yeah yeah yeah. would still be fine be glamour so that's. those are the rules so but I'm gonna. tell you improv is fun it it's okay no. no it actually is fun I'm not talking. [ __ ] it is probably cool I think it's. fun when it's done really well. same as stand-up yeah but I've seen the.

best do it. yeah I've seen Jordan Keegan yeah you. long for with Ike Barinholtz. back in the day love Ike love those guys. and I used to just kind of go all right. long form improv there let's take an. hour to have show I can't do I can't. stay for that long neither but I like. little snippets yes fine yeah I'll take. little snippets but this is what. happened so Gary Austin I was really. into it and Gary Austin had a class in. Burbank how many levels did you get by.

the way he didn't have levels I thought. that's don't you pay money for that what. was it at The Groundlings at the time oh. yeah yeah okay I told you oh I didn't. know how far along that was in the 80s. oh [ __ ] so he's like it's mine and. they're like not anymore right seems. nice so I went to I used to drive to. Burbank from San Diego huh and to take. his classes and I remember meeting Mindy. Cohn you know she was on the facts of. life yes. so she was in the class and I remember. hearing that Pat Morita had just dropped.

the classes but he was doing it doing it. too Wow. so I just remember being like I thought. Mindy Cohn was like being in front of. Meryl Streep like to me yet I mean at. the time she was very famous but even. also the time a kid from San Diego who. doesn't know anybody like I didn't know. anybody right. I didn't know how show business worked. right right so I remember looking at all. these I thought everyone was a star yeah. you're means looking around going oh my. god is that guy. I study looks like Charleston Heston or. whatever you know Charles no I don't. know. yeah so one night I went there this.

actually happened. he goes hey uh you hungry kid and I go. and this is f scott Fitzgerald know this. is laughter this is Gary Austin your ass. goes. are you hungry kid and I go yeah I mean. I'm gonna drive back to San Diego by kid. get a meal so we went to Jerry's diner. in Studio City Law Jerry's right yeah. and I was there with me Gary Austin and. I remember the third person we were with. but um we're eating and remember like.

going I have no money I can't pay for. that though I hated those day when you. were nervous and you're like I'll just. have I'll just have a fry from someone's. plate well that's what I did I got. hungry he goes you haven't eaten all day. you have no money right and I go yeah. and he goes it's on the it's on the. house I got it oh so we were sitting. there eating and they're like 36. cheeseburgers 97 yeah yeah and the the. the restaurant was packed yeah was on a. Friday night and I had been taking the.

class for about a month or whatever and. I and I go I play the piano as well and. he goes he got mad what do you mean. Gary Austin I'll tell you how I you guys. what you [ __ ] play the piano but I go. yeah he goes how come you didn't tell me. because you know we had we had a class. where we revealed all our talents and. we'd we talked about ourselves sure and. I just cuz I'm not that great at it I. know how to play chords and stuff you. know basic music works right but I'm. like shy he goes if you're shy you're.

never gonna make it right he's right. though right right right and I go okay. and he goes I'll tell you what kid. you stand up on this booth and you get. the attention of the whole restaurant oh. [ __ ]. and he goes you pay you get everyone's. attention and you tell everyone that you. play the piano right and I promise you. this sounds so cheesy ten years from now. you're gonna be on The Tonight Show and. I said no and I start eating but then.

you know he let it go and we just eat it. and I don't know what came over me I. just stood up on the [ __ ] booth. everybody the whole restaurant shut up. and I go I play and I kid you not this. so cheesy. the whole restaurant clap shut up now. I'm not kidding you. well I don't know why Wow but they all. clap i sat down and the garudasana gonna.

be was probably kid and 11 years later. so he was all he was wrong so the moral. is he's incorrect the guy who's [ __ ]. bad gage of time. there's 11 years not 10 so not a smart. man hmm you know it's a story that look. no I'll just be let's back back up for a. second by the way any time any time an. asian kid stands up it goes I play the. piano I would be like we know yeah. that's really sweet thought that he'd.

that yeah he did that and then um so. that was my first introduction to any. kind of like maybe you know me and this. can happen maybe you were gonna be a. full-time comedian oh but I just thought. that this is you know I were taking the. class of being excited I remember. driving up to LA and listen to the song. Los Angeles by Frank Black cuz his album. had just come out yeah and just going on. just go to it like I can't believe him. you know going to LA and do so cool them. they have a soundtrack to go get it. hyped up and right and and it's funny.

because it's you know you you know when. you're a young guy like that 19 20 and. you you don't know anybody in show. business and you never think that that. could be a part of your reality yeah and. you know in many ways those times I miss. I miss. don't you miss struggling a little bit. it's funny I talk I've talked about it a. little bit before but I do miss it I. miss it I don't miss the way I used to. get had panic attacks at 3 in the.

morning about how I was gonna pay rent. that I don't miss at all right but but. there was something I joked the other. day I used to live in a [ __ ] dining. room I used to live in a dining room. three dudes one bathroom mmm they had a. bedroom and I lived in a partitioned off. dining room and I slept on the floor my. mat met a mattress on the floor. no like bed frame and I had a desk that. iced got off the street under the. freeway yeah you know the 10 freeway. yeah. and the thing I miss the most was goat. when I left my shitty sad [ __ ].

apartment and went to go do Mike's mmm I. was the I was the same as everybody else. yeah I didn't feel poor and sad because. I was out having fun telling jokes. [ __ ] around yeah until you have those. vulnerable moments where you're like. [ __ ] I can't pay for this cheeseburger. you know like though helmets are bad or. terrible but when you were out and you. were nothing mattered I had no schedule. you know you you're you're usually young. and single and and dumb and down to do. anything so there is no time there's no. schedule nothing matters yeah I missed.

the [ __ ] out of that yeah but don't you. miss like when like I remember coming to. LA and there was this guy named Vic. Tunnel up you know I'm her victim but I. love that name the guy who made Dunlop. sporting equipment that guy no man Vic. Dunlap Vic Dunlap died dude all these. guys died from your comic oh [ __ ] rather. people love Dunlop was a big pretty big. comic I guess in the 80s hmm I remember. watching him on shows and whatever it. wasn't the biggest cuz he was he funny. do you like him he's a fat guy pretty. funny yeah. and I remember Vic tunnel up this is.

when he was going down and obviously. like he was not playing to store anymore. his health or his ability his abilities. I guess you know and he used to run this. coffee shop in Pasadena I remember Vic. Tunnel up calling me one time hey kid. this is when I first moved to LA I'm. doing this coffee shop you should come. play it kid you know you don't remember. like turning to my roommates going it.

was like Tom Hardy or some [ __ ] yeah. yeah yeah but you get excited about huge. yeah or when but I don't know what time. Byron Allen right I was doing an open. mic yeah and he came out to me and he. goes there's a long time ago any guys. you know about time and kid keep going. and I remember like laying in bed no. money you with like 15 dudes and a. [ __ ] one-bedroom apartment right but. just laying there next to all your. friends going to sleep going I know it's. so dumb no it's great I know it's dumb. to talk about nap now it's like I see.

guys I'm like [ __ ] you right that's what. you do it everybody yeah yeah I can see. Adam Sandler go [ __ ] you you. the feeling was cool back then but back. then it was so magical and I you know. many times I miss that innocence and and. that this I like the struggling. interfering with your happiness or is. preventing you from achieving your goals. I want to say this this is my personal. endorsement okay is is that my life. didn't become freer and I didn't I.

wasn't present and and mindful and I. didn't it's this [ __ ] app saved my. life it did though ya know really did. there's no joke about that Giuliana did. it Rudy did it and she cried for like. six hours after I know I look I did it. and I don't know how to cry cuz my tear. ducts I think are empty if you abuse as. a child but better help is incredible. you can speak to online therapists. licensed professional therapists guys. legit and you communicate right online. in basically anytime that you that fits. your cyber crisis line not a self-help.

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friends go to go to better help calm. slash bad friend you're gonna get. yourself ten percent off that's right. first month better help calm slash. friends yeah we both got beach bodies. even though Bobby hates when I wear. shorts okay we're stuck inside. I'm very white but I'm still trying to. stay in shape I challenge Bobby to you. know I just love online workouts because. especially. because they have the best trainers on. planet earth I feel you know I mean this. is a company company behind p90x. insanity and 21 day fix they have a.

trainers like super trainers like Tony. Horton Joel Freeman Jericho's my. favorite Erica Mathews and autumn. Calabrese Calabresi like italiano I made. I made Bobby try the morning meltdown. 100 it was actually very funny I did it. one morning I did it one morning and I. it was so [ __ ] hard but the thing is. is I felt like I accomplished something. after they pushed me to the limit and I. just feel like I just feel really good. I'm gonna do it again I hope you do it. again but the next time you do it like I. told you that you have to work close. that's that you can't do those no naked.

guess what a lot I know but it's a. little ridiculous all right work out on. your own schedule workouts as short as. 10 minutes they don't require extra. equipment yeah and do it anywhere Bob. did it from his computer you can do it. from my tablet smartphone Roku Roku. Apple TV cool chromecast and more guys. it's the best deal right now in online. Fitness everyone's working out at home. this is the best way to get in shape. listeners of bad friends can try it for. absolutely free if you're looking for a. reason to quit your gym and do this. stuff from home during kovat and all. this nonsense that's going on right now.

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just tax add friends 30 30 30 was the. first time when you did Stan you just. end up in Chicago or here first here. well no no Phoenix in Arizona when I was. in school oh you went to ASU oh yeah. your brother bonded so close so you ASU. yeah so you just stand up where there. was like a local [ __ ] coffee shop in. Glen Mesa or Glendale or one of those. spots all right but but I used to go to. the Tempe improv but I couldn't get up. there of course they're even open mikes. was not the open mic was for people that.

were like comics it was Dan murder back. then you know remember. remember was anime you get there we had. just missed each other oh really. I know so we talked about that I was at. we just remember the first night you. killed. I remember the I remember one of the. first nights yeah yes I remember one of. the first nights that I did really. really well I was at a place called room. 5 it doesn't exist anymore here on. LaBrea uh-huh it's above and old like I. remember that place Indian restaurant. yeah that place that was the first place. I ever did really well and the guy that. used to run it was like a crazy. alcoholic what was his name do you know.

I'm talking about Rick something maybe. yeah. dude he like you'd show up and he was so. nice good dude not a bad dude I'm just. saying you'd show up you like what's up. man you're like what's going on man. please like nothing man the lineups over. there about another within like 10. minutes you turn back around he backed. the [ __ ] out yeah and he would black out. for no [ __ ] four or five hours. Wow we'd sit and drink and drink and. drink and then he'd go are you drinking. yeah like no no and you go taking your. [ __ ] tickets cuz you give those. remember we used to get drink tickets.

all the time yeah he would just take my. drinks idiots get wasted and I'd never. get paid I never ever ever it supposed. to be five or ten bucks and I never got. paid yeah but I killed in that room for. the first time when I ever like really. like really did it yeah and then with. this one you killed yeah me tell you cuz. you know who was there this the guy who. used to come around the store doesn't. come around anymore Kristian harloff do. you remember him I love love Christian. yeah he had said something if Christian. was a regular at the store at the time. and was yellow Christian Harley he was. going all the time he was killing yeah.

and he came up to me and he was like in. so many words he's like yeah man you're. uh you're gonna be better than this. place pretty soon and I was like oh. thanks man and I had just done so well. that I was kind of riding on this hi and. he getting his respect was huge he was a. regular to store that was a big deal. yeah for back then people knows like. when a regular was like yeah you're. pretty funny you were like also when. when Chris D'Elia and I saw you perform. when we said to you it didn't matter. because I knew I was good already I was. already better than you only then when. you and Chris were like oh this guy's.

great it's like yeah I'm better than all. of you guys do it right into your own. microphone. did you get that did you see him on that. frame perfe scoot over this way a little. bit. very good why was it sad because I. wanted the drummer boy but it didn't no. no but that's how that what you didn't. know when you and Chris said something. nice about me it was it was it was very. wonderful and made I want to ask you. when you talked about The Groundlings. saying cuz I totally forgot um you see.

be closed down do you know that forever. that's what I read online yeah I don't I. don't know if that's true what do you. mean that's it's [ __ ] everything's. closed it's quarantine baby no closes. UCB closes Upright Citizens Brigade. training center will be closed forever. yeah forever New York not LA not LA New. York yeah New York yeah sad you know it. is sad it's you know it's one of those. venues for me like Largo where it's a.

little he'd go there and bomb not just. bomb I just when I went there I never. felt like I was a part of it because. we're not that's an exclusive little. group I know I mean you would get. invited to do some sort of improv show. or do stand-up in an improv show you. know they always had like a hook it. couldn't just be stand-up yeah if you. could just stand up but then there's an. interview where we you have to play a. character someone's gonna throw. something at the audience at you just.

out of nowhere and it's an object that. we gave them and so you just have to. play with yeah you might hit you in the. face am I not yeah and that is it but. it's one of those places where I go I. always thought to myself I'm not cool. enough or well they always had kind of. there's always a vibe there right but. this is the only way I explain it. whenever I would feel like [ __ ] cuz I go. there and do a show and do fine or. something yeah I was like what the [ __ ]. it's the same jokes I do back at the I. always would walk away going ah this is. how people feel when they come to the. store hmm right yeah yeah yeah so I felt. the balance was right when I was like oh.

I deserve to feel like that because I. know people come up to me and they're. like your [ __ ] store makes me feel. like [ __ ] whenever I go I'm like what. yeah I think the stores for people that. experience trauma yeah a lot of it yeah. because I know a lot of like wholesome. just nice people with good upbringing. who get a really strange vibe from the. Comedy Store where like they feel just. as soon as they get there and I call. like a gross. and just intimidated you know it is. though it is very intimidating yeah but. it's it's just you know you can't [ __ ].

with the history man no you can't [ __ ]. with the history and the the level of. talent do you when you when you bomb for. the first time at the store like do you. remember your first like bad bad show. there yeah I can tell you what it is. yeah and and come on baby I know I'm. gonna say but I have to think about come. on papa I don't wanna start a war. let the puppet a list that story you're. not gonna start a war so this is what. happened.

oh [ __ ] sorry so this is when I was. opening up for Mencia. a lot turn it off okay because I want to. pay attention all right relax. your volume thing on the side I don't. know how right there where you're. pulsing off. oh look at that that's very that's. responsible yeah Rudi's laughing really. likes it really loves it so yeah I was. living in San Diego but mitzi had made. me a paid regular at la jolla or at know. what i got lucky. so two years in Paulie called me and. goes did I say an open mic and I'm.

looking for an emcee for my Vegas show. and I go I was working the door in La. Jolla and I go alright yeah so he flew. me out there and it was in front of he. was huge at the time 5,000 people where. was it that in Vegas for the rib Wow so. steve Schirripa was like the guy there. you know Sherpa yes five thousand people. yeah and I were a stripper going a kid. and he called me Ching because dice to. call me Chang whoa yeah dice used to.

call me Ching ch ing yeah chyann yeh. yeah so he's ego what are you saying. which one are you saying ching with the. G oh my gosh. yeah not [ __ ] not [ __ ] that's illegal. no it's not it's canceled you can't you. could have set it back then we said it. already yeah you guys did a shame Gillis. got canceled from it that's now Tripp.

used to call me Ching and then ohm yeah. and he got a Ching you do if you do six. minutes. I'll break your legs oh yeah if you do. four minutes I'll break your legs you do. five that's it that's what you gotta. remember just being literally yeah you. know yeah it's also Vegas maybe it was. living well you'd hear stories that he. was connected to the Mafia or whatever. he was so I remember it was his I've.

been doing comedy for two years and I. went up I don't remember what I did and. then I brought up wild Willie Parsons. wild Willie Parsi this picture still a. down the door yeah while Willie Parsons. went up it's 30 but when I got offstage. backstage huge place right yeah I see. Mitzi coming up to me oh I'm gonna open. my girl oh but you do it like she's like.

Bobby. that's how I used to sound scared you're. a regular at all my clubs oh wow. and that's how I got in damn her lucky. that must have felt so [ __ ] good so. lucky so I was living in San Diego in a. regular but mints egos a dude hey bro. you come up and do you know come to LA.

bro so I went up there on a Saturday. night and Mitzie saw me there and I was. hanging out with Carlos in the main room. green room mm-hmm and Carlos goes aim. its he put him up right you're a new. comic I'm new yeah and um it's yeah you. go up and Joe Rogan says Joe Rogan's. there and you're Rogan goes busy he's. [ __ ] seen Eagle he's not funny or. something like that funny right.

yeah he'll be fine that's what she said. yeah I went up there not only did I not. hear any laughs I hear Rogen in the back. on I [ __ ] told you he's not funny. Yeah right. and I remember eating it so bad you can. feel it Oh Mike. it was also like one of those sets where. I went oh maybe it's I'm not gonna make. it yeah oh you know maybe yeah maybe. it's just like I was a local in San.

Diego what who am i competing against. you know right but maybe in the big. leagues I just don't have it in. retrospect is because I just didn't. wasn't you weren't ready I wasn't ready. that's all you were good you just. weren't ready I wasn't even good I. wasn't even good it was just like I just. know what it wasn't ready and you give. me one of your jokes that bombed oh yeah. oh yeah I used to do I'm so lonely right. and so lonely when I stood when I. masturbate. I grabbed my own ass right oh my god did.

I turn I go do me do me. yeah and then my opening act and my. opening line was I used to make my hair. really messy yeah it was out of control. mm-hmm and I would go and that really. Asian I just woke up crush in San Diego. in San Diego but and I did in the main. room nothing and now it is so funny.

yesterday the Sklar brothers I did. something with them and the Sklar. brothers was around doctor what did you. do with the Sklar brothers I thought. were quarantine in I couldn't know I. didn't I did it through assume zoom okay. but why because we don't I know but I. know I like them to ruins. I know I like them - yeah yeah they got. mad at me by the way. well the mill just finished and they'd. fall so there may be a Star Wars all. hate Star Wars but they they went.

through my agent and my manager they. kept calling me in that item response so. then they went to a B mm-hmm. and Matt and they called me hey what. about the Sklar brothers and I went well. they have my number. so then Willie directly called me I. couldn't say no mm-hmm that's that but. name with the Sklar but let me just. finish this and then you go into this. our brothers I remember I was so bad. back then that they pulled me aside one. night and they go hey um you know you're.

confident up there but like we don't. know anything about you. yeah you know cuz they're like really. direct and I go what do you mean look at. me you're just doing jokes about they. don't make any sense you're doing ninjas. on Southwest right I just do big cousin. in jizan Southwest mm-hmm yeah and he. goes it's just that's isn't you know you. there's nothing that we know what people. do what's the premise of that bit that. ninjas themself because back then and. security checkpoints they used to have a. big weapons like no weapons and then.

tomahawk they all said no chucks yeah. right yeah so I go I mean how many. ninjas are you know man. that's their job to sneak right and. you'll hear you see a smoke bomb and. then they're in this overhead. compartment you mean in the nights ago. you cannot see me that's a good job good. job I do that tonight Joe but they go so. that I remember go them saying that I. remember going I [ __ ] hate this. yeah for years for how long for like.

five years. yeah when I see this go up but then when. I Scott what they were saying. and I started doing what they were. suggesting right I went and they were. trying to help. yeah they were just trying to urge us. trying to give you some give you some. tips oh well just a direction to go you. know who said the meanest thing about. those guys and I love them they're great. too if they're nice to me I love them. there's no the meanest thing and they. said this on stage they said Dave Attell. gave them the best and the worst meanest. intro of all time what was it they. brought up a telltale was at the store. and they did they did they were they did.

they did very well and then they bring. up Dave and Dave gets up there you know. he's like already like he's like he's. like uh for the Sklar brothers some. people start clapping he goes I didn't. know boring came in stereo and they what. and they both were like and Brandi. sounds like jay-z was like I was but. they were both like honored yeah to get. like [ __ ] on by him yeah but also they.

were like maybe he means yeah like. because he's good like that you know who. makes you used to give me the worst. intros who Marc Maron oh yeah what the. [ __ ] no yeah he got to the point I could. see him doing that on purpose thing I. had to say it that you were likes thanks. for the shitty intro no I had had to. pull him aside and call. literally I'm gonna uh yeah I'll kill. you kill you if you do that again yeah. he goes what do you mean I can't do it. what was it what was the word what was. this next guy gives you high energy cuz.

you know he wants you to like [ __ ] you. right and he's like kind of a dancing. clown [ __ ] you right so here comes you. know mister needy [ __ ] you right and I. remember just calling him a signing cut. you know you might be right. I mean you might be right sure I might. be needy yeah am i I might I don't play. a guitar or do props but only your. friends get to call you mr. needy yeah. but it's also it's like there's certain. theatrics that I do that maybe through. time I'll let go of but it's just not.

your job. you know I give great intros you do you. give probably the best in the game it is. really funny for a comic to touch say. someone else's needy we're all [ __ ]. needy [ __ ] that's why we're on stage. doing comedy and then but then the mark. over the years after that gave me the. past intros he said one of the nicest. things I've ever heard in my life what. we talk very sparingly as Mark does. Mark's like that and when I was on that. I'm dying up here show the show had said. they were going to submit me for.

consideration for an Emmy. Wow and I was like why I was like I. don't that is you're a great actor no. but I was like that's a stupid idea I. don't even want to be I was like I don't. want to be in the idea of that war Jules. we should watch the show he was all no. it was on a show time you know but let. me say let me just finish and Eric. Griffin's Allah - and now matter Jim. Carrey about Jim Carrey produced it yeah. he was on Showtime he just came out your. canceled it got canceled it doesn't. matter we should watch it anyway but but. but I'll say this. they said they were gonna they were. gonna put me up for an Emmy and honestly.

genuinely when they said that I did tell. my age and I was like I don't really. want to do that because I know it's a. political process I don't want to do. interviews and stuff I don't really like. that stuff I'm not good at that right. and I'm not gonna hiding my poker face. like I don't have like wonder like how. was the show like I don't give a [ __ ]. what even why don't we talk about it I. don't like yeah. so they said that and then because mark. is on the I can't think of the wrestling. show I'm so stupid. it's called glow glow and they're on. Showtime as well or on HBO or whatever.

it is yeah. it was at the same time that people are. getting considered and Mark came up to. me out of nowhere we always say hi and. that's kind of and he goes hey you're. really good on that show I said thanks. mark and he goes yeah I did for you I. voted for you really I swear to God in. my life yeah I was like seriously yes. yeah yeah later man and he left and I. remember I call my wife and I go that's. the nicest thing mark was like so out of. nowhere because he doesn't really do. that I don't know why I did that. okay a year ago he came up to me by the.

way then I deemed him yeah like a week. later yeah and I was like hey man I just. want to say like that that was really. awesome yeah you did that and he left me. on scene which is Mark being like yeah. [ __ ] you said to me last year he goes. you're working a lot right I see you all. the time we're working a lot yeah that's. crazy. you guys you deserve it when Mark does. that yeah okay I tried you can't I have.

no feelings we all shop online come on. Bob shops constantly I can't get him. around a computer I can't without him. shopping and I would have a Spanish to. have coupons and to get me a cheaper. deal on the things that I buy and that's. why honey is so important yeah it's a. free online shopping tool it saves you. money online it automatically finds the.

best promo codes and applies them. automatically to your cart you don't. even have to do anything so let me. imagine going on sites like Target Best. Buy Sephora Macy's eBay etc etc right. you check out this little box drops down. and all you have to do is click the. apply coupons it's that easy okay look I. was shopping the other day amongst. getting groceries I also needed a new. cheese grater and other kitchen utensils. and when I bought that online at tarjay. I got myself a coupon I saved a couple.

of bucks how much did I save you asked. nunya business it was 10 dollars and 28. cents but it was worth it it was amazing. that you saved money I didn't really. really even really do save much. incredible guy they they have 18 million. members and two billion dollars in. savings a lot of people have used it. honey. really great 30,000 storms online these. support and they're adding money every. [ __ ] day man every single date not. using honey when you're shopping online. is literally passing up free money you. don't do anything they give it to you. it's free to use free to install it's. backed by PayPal you know you can trust. PayPal get honey for free at join honey.

dot-com / add friends that's join honey. dot-com / bad friends that's right hey. boy do we love Buffy we've talked about. it before we actually do use it and we. use it I've said this before and I'll. say it again is that I don't generally. trust Andrew Santino what's up and then. when he suggested to take this buffy. comforter at home it's the only comfort. that we use it is the most comfortable. thing that I've ever owned in my whole. entire life [ __ ] life okay it's made.

from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber that. feels softer it is way softer than. cotton it's breathable cool to the touch. and it maintains an ideal sleeping. temperature and you can feel cozy. without overheating at night and here's. the problem so when when when Bubba. sleeps he always says that at night he. gets really sweaty and kalila doesn't. like waking up in a pool of his sweat. yeah but you give lip this fiber makes. it so that you go live less dry bar. makes it so it doesn't happen it's and. it's also earth friendly it keeps you. cool at night and warm when it's cold. and cheeto this is what she don't like. the most about puffy although it is the.

most uncomfortable thing is is that it's. cruelty free and hypo allergenic that's. right. I don't like down feathers no animal. products in there I like it I like it. that they are earth friendly they don't. test on pets and it's hypoallergenic. there's no feather no feathers their. products have almost 20,000 five-star. reviews you guys they're incredible. they're offering you a free trial listen. Bob and I know. Bob knows I got a second one and gave to. him and I said if you don't like it you. can seriously give it back and you kept. you'll never get back that's right never. again you can try their products on your. own bed for free in your bed don't come.

in without even forgetting $20 off your. Buffy bedding visit Buffy dotco. and in their code bad friends once again. for $20 off your Buffy bedding visit. Buffy dot CO and enter the code bad. friends my friends my friends yes can. you cry on cue rude she trying to talk. this one try right now they'll try to. catch try to get emotion yeah yeah. imagine but imagine Bob just kicked you. out of the house and he left you back on. the street and you have to fend for. yours. let's talk about that real quick okay so.

Edie oh so add from 90 day fiancé is was. dating are you gonna put her up for bait. no you do not see each other anymore. so she's single he's single and and so. this is buried I think Rose Marie said. he only gave me two things I think he. only did the show to get famous I love. it I lie even more now I love him more. so then I looked at Rudy and I went. [Laughter].

[Applause]. ubu's her for bait again forget just. kill him up with Tiger belly for mayo. head ed yeah you what why you don't find. him attractive see anything Mike no why. [Laughter]. he looks like a melting candle god it's. so I mean look I just there's I come on. you know what I mean it's so creepy. everything about that thing is creepy to. me that show or him the show is I love.

the show it's still creepy but he's. really creepy the fact that he's like. you know they gave me a kiss kiss oh I. know or also was like yeah when he was. giving her the foot massage. gross Oh any [ __ ] guy that says I. give the best you don't brag about your. own skills nobody does that. nobody brags about a foot massage by the. way I give the best foot massage would. you say that it's like get the [ __ ] away. from my feet but then they zoomed in on. her leg and she had legs like you like. hairy hairy legs that's cultural she has.

hairy legs yeah xuxa would be out of. pity when you lived in the Philippines. did you just grow it wild and when you. got here is like yeah is that is that. super normal that no women shave their. legs what about the armpits but don't. you doesn't it bother you to have hairy. legs or no it doesn't matter. get closer to the mic Jules no but. armpits kind of bother you though right. yeah hairy armpits it doesn't matter huh.

culturally to do any women there shave. legs and armpits or no some do but it's. rare huh I guess they don't feel they. don't get like what. but I would imagine you'll get that much. you don't get sick hair right yeah no I. imagine like your legs don't get like. like Asian hair tends to be very thin. like that yeah like your like your leg. hair do you like hair monkey monkeys. there it is it is funny that the women. don't show the legs but so many of the.

men there do isn't that funny the men. shave their legs right there's men that. love to shaving their legs dude can you. believe this look what I saw somebody. sent this to me today Harvey Weinstein. says he's free of coronavirus symptoms. this fat piece of [ __ ] who walks around. debilitated with a [ __ ] Walker said. he beat the virus mmm that doesn't make. you mad doesn't that blow your [ __ ]. that's how you know that they've got a. cure that's how you know yeah how the. [ __ ] does this how the [ __ ] does this. fat blob slob pieces this guy hey yeah.

yeah but but you know that that's an act. right even if yes still looks like he. should understand that but the thing is. he no this whole feel bad for me thing. yeah I'm gonna block her it's a that's. an act complete act he's not as frail. and who is this character behind him. from guess who. what the [ __ ] is that. yeah no I know this is an act I know. this is an act is it okay I know dudes. like that so that the guy that owns. MADtv what do you mean the guy that. started that know he is like he's a big.

kind of a old Hollywood mogul his name. is David Salzmann do you know him David. salzman yeah he sounds familiar so he's. that he he used to produce back in the. day Dallas oh yeah Judy he also was. partners with Quincy Jones for many many. years. right the greatest producer producer in. the history of music right so David. Salzmann he still hangs out at the Laugh. Factory he's like this old I love is he. he's older than him well he's only 68. yeah I think yeah but David sells has. got to be in the 70s right right but.

Saul Z if you [ __ ] touches the legs I. always grab his like groin and it's like. thighs and stuff you know mania and it's. literally like made out of cement you. said hard as a rock. it's he's so strong solid right so I. think that like all the Hollywood moguls. like Salzmann I think height Weinstein's. in that way. really yeah they look frail but there. super like they do [ __ ] at night that. we're not aware of right did they. [ __ ] do matzo ball [ __ ] you know I.

mean that's a ball whatever the do we do. they lift matzo balls for whatever I. don't know. welcome to the Jewish agenda yeah but I. know what you mean you think he's trying. act but still though dude the fact that. he beat it the fact that he beat it and. guys like like this like look at this. kid Washington State this football. player 22 years old in great shape and. he dies that's how you know something's. going on no III think there's a cure. dude if you're rich enough they got it. if you're rich enough they got it you.

think though how do you think magic be. dates before everybody else you think he. didn't beat it yeah he did it undetected. HIV is undetectable his blood then him. no it's it's undetectable in his blood. they literally can't detect it and now. now they have two people that they've. completely quote-unquote cured. undetectable but it took him 20 years. it's like these serial killers that find. Jesus and you know they find Jesus in. jail yeah and they go yeah I'm saved. yeah no matter I don't give a fine I. believe that right yeah but deep down.

inside that's saved yeah there's. something going on do you think if you. do you think if you got really sick. you'd find Jesus no no I can't I can't I. just because of the Crusades and be just. because of just their ideology and their. you didn't have any religion growing up. anyway not really no but it's oh I know. I know I know I know I know I know I. know dead church let me ask this though. you know how like White's always have. white Jesus in in Catholic churches.

black people have black Jesus sometimes. in their church do Asians have Asian. Jesus Buddha no but I'm saying bizarre. is there ever Jesus that's Asian Dao. you know like if you walk into my church. the number one religion in Korea is. Christianity I don't know if you know. this yes I do it is and if you look at. their Jesus right it's not like so funny. though you know me it's a what it's the. white one on the cross I guess behind. the pulpit yeah but they use the white. one yeah that's my point in black.

churches they will use a black Jesus now. they use the white one yeah why because. I think it's the safe one yeah I don't. know I think Asians. secretly you know they would admire. whites do not all of them I think. they're they I think they're on the same. kind of you know there's some oppressing. going on right right and capitalism. you know right a number one thing really. in in Asia in Korea yeah in China. obviously capitalism run rules rules.

yeah. so what they have a they have like a. they're okay with white Jesus yeah it's. like I know so many Korean chicks that. are married to white dudes hmm. but if they were married to a Vietnamese. dude or any other person mom and dad. would lose it they would they would. disown them Wow my cousin kind of want. to say this out loud yeah yeah Eddie. yeah married a Vietnamese woman she's. really nice yeah I love her what's her. name yeah it doesn't matter.

Tran and my uncle who I love jacking up. on chocolate on mom. and I'm buying Jagga DOMA they didn't go. to the wedding. no yeah because she was Vietnamese damn. really we have to cut that part out no. leave it it's personal but it's real it. is pretty really they didn't go to the. wedding. that's kind of harsh yes so um I. remember just growing up getting in. fights with my parents about all that.

stuff it's like did your parents ever. tell you if you marry if you marry a new. you if you if you were gay if you gay. I'll rip your dick off yeah and like. you're eating Thanksgiving dinner yeah. he would just make these statements if. you grow friendly the black eye cute hey. everybody. yeah and then you hear stuff like that. but then as you get older you go what. that's crazy yeah what the [ __ ] you're.

talking about but we're all the same but. for them but then they would change so. what like when Obama ran for president. the first time mm-hmm. we're gonna vote for who is it the guy. that he's running against not McCain it. was at McCain yeah John McCain ran cuz. we live here in. Arizona and I'm like no you're voting. for Obama okay I mean they were like I. just would they would just do what I. would say because they realized at some. point your parents kind of realized that.

you might not you might know more than. them yeah I also they know that I will. be like you know it's like you'll be. alive when they're gone it's not even. that it's like yeah I really believe. this it's I know a lot of white kids. right they go right here I know but not. you're not this in this kind okay why. kids yeah my parents are huge. Maggie Maggie Maggie yeah I mean and I'm. like oh but you're not yeah that's crazy. it's like that point of you is crazy I. go but how do you you know it's your job. to change them yeah buts a lot but but.

like your parents what are they that's. hard I think their problem they're. they're traditionally conservative. people but they're not Maggie Maggie. people would they voted for him no okay. I mean I don't know you've never asked. really but I just I'm we make fun of. them so much that I just figure on the. same page like that did like my Twitter. with my are my texts with my parents and. my sister yeah it's us just sending. Trump clips yeah yeah but they're. traditionally conservative people yeah.

so my parents but it's like you know um. I just try to sway there you know like. my mom I told my mom like I cuz I'd like. cuz I like to Pete Buddha Jed she liked. him too yeah I gave veteran I thought. that was a good liberal if you're gonna. have a liberal candidate I was like get. a gay [ __ ] veteran and yeah a guy who. sucks [ __ ] and shoots guns yeah that's. the one get him in there I'll I thought. he was I think he was too young people. don't like young guys for some reason. this country's obsessed with old prep. what is art why do we like old guys to.

be a president why can't it just be. someone young because I think that it it. because you're like he's because George. Washington were that white wig yeah and. he looked like he's a 90 year old angel. that's cuz he was bald I know my point. though is is that it always had they. always had like you know older dudes. through generations cuz it feels like we. know more than you you put they don't. know no [ __ ] yeah no [ __ ]. because look at Canadians guy who's can. a do Trudeau yeah he's young guy young. guy yeah you know mean yeah you can tell.

he's just power Fox. yeah yeah right. I mean where is Trump looks like he does. sloppy [ __ ] like you hear this noise. you mean innit I'm done yeah right he. goes I'm gonna wait you where do you. feel this a lot yeah and then it's done. I'm done. and it's like in her bellybutton yeah. milania's bellybutton this feels good to.

me my candies yeah that poor [ __ ]. robot slave um look at this I want to. bring up this article I wanted you see. that the one this is really sad I got a. couple of noes Pete news pieces I want. to share with you New York man and. girlfriend quarantine in Mexico are shot. and killed this is why we're at the. [ __ ] bottom of journalism right now. by the way you want to know why we're at. the butt bottom of journalism okay. this mini vani Burke out of NBC News. look what she did New York man a. girlfriend quarantine in Mexico shot and. killed okay this is really sad he goes. down to Mexico to quarantine with this. woman he loves right mm-hmm.

police say 20 gun shots fired at the. vehicle nobody's been arrested all right. he met Baca physical education teacher. in Juarez during a trip to Texas he goes. down there to quarantine he was a good. dude his friend said this one really. [ __ ] me up another friend Adam house. at Landers had been in Mexico for about. three weeks and the last time the two. spoke was a few days before his death. house ad Landers told him he was trying. to learn Spanish and joked about gaining. weight from eating too many churros why.

the [ __ ] is that in an article about a. guy who got shot 20 times why the [ __ ]. is there a joke journal in Spanish he. was eating too many churros anyway he's. [ __ ] dead why is that the joke they. put in there it might not be a joke with. that what if that's real why would that. be the thing okay. that's information I want to know ready. I'm NBC News yeah yeah blah blah blah. I'm Who am I playing hello hi this Bobby. Lee yeah hey Bob we uh we have some. terrible news to tell you we a friend of.

yours a guy who you do a podcast with. Andrew Santino was brutally gunned down. and murdered yeah in Mexico and Juarez. he was killed. yes yeah can we get a quote from you. please what what can we say about what. can you say about him uh what I like. about him he doesn't look good at shorts. mm-hmm okay orange orange II thick. orange e jungle E eyebrow well he used. to because they were they they shot his. head clean off his body. about a hundred yeah and then he his.

skin so pinkish okay thank you Bob. yeah that's what I would say that would. be the quote his skin so pinkish yeah. okay yeah and he liked to drink beer I. don't like beer I would I don't know I. would just make it up so that's what. this guy did probably is getting away. from eating Charles and they're like no. he's dead he's like haha yeah okay I. would say that's what you really. deserved it that's what you would say. yeah let me ask you that I'll be the. reporter okay it'd be real though okay.

hey you know what you're right you're. right you know what you're right you're. right now I'm gonna be real are you I. wanna do a real one two now okay I'll do. okay I'll call you but then I want to do. a real one to this okay let's see be as. real as we can okay call me all right. big if you're not real although okay. okay all right bring-bring. put it in vain mmm reading over a. converting block oh okay.

hello hello who's this hey um no we. don't want any no I'm a reporter for the. Phillip Phillip Philadelphia Inquirer oh. my god I okay what why so anyway um we. just got some startling news and I just. we just want to get a quote from your. you're a guy that you are associate is a. weight associated with I'm sorry I'm uh. what what is he to me he's as somebody. that you do you work with oh my gob Ely.

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway um. they just found um parts of his body. just he's dead he chopped him up and. they put him in a dumpster Jesus and. then one dumpster was in front of a baby. PF Changs the other one was behind a man. Express if we have no idea what the. court connection is but why are you. laughing sir I'm not. yeah and they found his foot in a la.

Alejandro's desk whoa yeah Wow that's. terrible yeah so how do you feel do you. have any quotes or uh yeah I got a. couple of quotes um. I mean just off the top of my head I. guess a fork in the road emerged and I. took the one less traveled no I I really. do I love Bobby very much. it doesn't sound your emotion no no I. mean it I mean it I mean it I did love.

him very much he was great he was a. wonderful dude a very very good comic. and I'm gonna miss him very much and I. think it's sad I think it's sad that. he's gone now and can never really tell. his truth but you know what's that. what's that what's his truth is that. what you said look you know because let. me say something. he was into bestiality but he had sex. with all of his animals okay put that in. the paper that's that's how they reverse. sneeze they begin reverse sneezing when.

you put you it when you put your Pippi. in there but that's how they reverse. sneeze I wouldn't be so sad if I got. that real man yeah I'd be so sad if you. were gone yeah I don't want literally be. just be like I would literally just be. like well you'd be still be playing yeah. I'll be playing yeah yeah III you're. trying to upgrade my armor by the way. somebody told us that Witcher was on. your phone or started was on your phone. you said no it's not yeah it is yeah but. it's not the kind of I'll get mad at the.

version the version on your phone can't. be as complex as the actual console one. okay okay tell me about this year hold. on police show photos crystal meth and. hotel room where Andrew Gilliam was. found a drew Gilliam is the he's the guy. who's running for former Democratic. candidate for Florida governor this guy. this is party boy dude check this out. and this is my favorite [ __ ] crystal. meth was found in there mm-hmm. look at this [ __ ] he Dyson said he was a. porn star performer solicited business. as a gay male escort party but look at.

how many drugs look at how fun this is. here's what was in there. citalopram gaba laughs Anton xanax a. vial containing mixture of pepper Veen. phentolamine alla Prasad ill and a combo. used to treat erectile dysfunction oh my. this stupid you know what any of those. are except for xanax I know what xanax. is I know what no I don't know any. offense Allah mean mentally mean add a. prosody alla prosody oh yeah oh oh this.

is a combination used to treat but all. these they put together to treat. limp-dick yeah that probably uh well the. what it's not because he has mental. disorder is that math affects your yeah. you're able to [ __ ] like a champ. you can [ __ ] but it you kits are. difficult to get hard when you're on. meth so these things combined get you. hard it's like it when people do like. you know people drink and they get. sleepy yeah this isn't combined it with. cocaine or they put you know they drink. vodka Red Bull vodka Red Bull or. something like that.

to even out I know but that sounds like. a lot of cocktail of drugs so like even. out one did he die no dude he's alive oh. yes this guy's alive why is it news they. busted him with up because they released. all these photos of meth they were like. what happened to this guy who's running. for governor he got busted in a hotel. room he said he was at a wedding that's. my favorite thing is when they were like. oh no I was just had a wedding having. some fun I ended up in a hotel room none. of that stuff is mine look at all these. [ __ ] pills do my neighbor used to. throw pill parties in West Hollywood. [ __ ] pill parties like ha he would. throw but he would not like this to it.

you didn't like it like this that's Joe. Joe asked Joey Diaz no no what I'm. telling you is he would have game game. effed out [ __ ] yeah he would know [ __ ]. all hours of the night he would have. guys coming and going and coming to. going to by the dozens I mean dude would. be coming and going and they would be. [ __ ] and partying. yeah till five six seven eight in the. morning I love that and the only reason. I know is because I would come home late. from the store and I see them and he. kind of had a few moments with me like. hey you're cool right like you're not a.

snitch and I was like yeah I'm not a. snitch I just don't want I don't I don't. want people coming at 5:00 in the. morning on I mean yeah like 2 a.m. is. fine 3 look let me say this is my PSA if. you're gonna have if you live in a gay. neighborhood you want math [ __ ] parties. that's chill but on weeknights. can you keep it to like 3:00 a.m. 4:00. and 6:00 a.m. I can hear you guys. [ __ ] abandoned Bing well I was noting. his lap I was because I was only. straight guy in my comp and you know. what my old Italian my old Italian.

landlord the funniest thing on earth. when I go to look at the apartment she. goes she's a Nunzio that was her name. she goes you're uh you're the Santino I. said yeah I'm saying here she goes. you're not italiano. I said no no I am but my father is I. just I am my mother's Irish you us Oh. only half and I said yes only half and. she goes okay. well here is the apartment and I go oh. this is really nice and I look around. and I like it and I go this is pretty. great I would love to take this. apartment and she and she go I'm not. kidding she goes how did you do it gay.

yeah I was like no no I'm not I'm not. getting you really that's good yeah but. you seem gay to your people probably. yeah and then I said no I'm not going. she goes yeah. everyone here is a gay it's in middle of. West Hollywood yeah I go yeah no I like. the neighborhood's close to comedy clubs. that's where I work so I wanted to stay. close to comedy clubs and she goes okay. good well this is good for you this.

apartment is good for you it's a good. for me you seem nice and I was like god. I can't believe somebody would give this. apartment up not making this up this is. a fact I have proof of this she goes the. men who live here before he died and I. go oh really oh my god that's terrible. was he an older man she goes no he was. young he had two aides she said it like. no big deal yeah he was young he had two. aids so the longer Tiki is over there I. mean it was no big deal to her and I'm. in Sochi cuz you have to disclose you if.

somebody dies in the apartment you know. this yeah I know that yeah he died in. the apartment of AIDS. you had an AIDS ghost yeah at AIDS. ghosts yeah my um you know La Jolla yeah. you know the condo Oh. you ever seen that condo all the time I. mean back then back in the day yeah well. we were struggling and there's a there. is a edged into one of the cabinets is. Bob Bobby Lee as a homo somebody wrote. that in there probably they're really. yeah that's out - etched in there in one. of the drawers or whatever it may be. yeah not.

but in the late 90s I used to MC there. and Mitzi paired me up with Stephen. Moore I don't know who that is. you don't know him you know he has HIV. and another gay guy named Brian Bradley. you don't know and Brad Bradley used to. used to do an improv troupe with Robin. Williams Wow. so they they all come from the zoo in. San Francisco so anyway Brian Bradley. and and we're in the condo late at night. and they go you wouldn't hear a story. about this condo and I go yeah I like.

history and like uh in 82 right Stephen. you were there Steve oh yeah I was there. we had about 150 men here and we did a. hundred fifty man train in sync like. through the rooms they were just like it. like it like like what's that movie. where they were you with the human. centipede very long centipede Wow yeah.

and we were just like we would say out. loud pop and they would all pump. together right no pump together right it. was just like a wave of dicks going. drunk that it was just we just came all. over everything. although the sheets and the you're right. and I remember the next night I didn't. stay there nobody slept on the [ __ ]. beach yeah yeah yeah it was I I couldn't. touch anything that place you there well. that place used to be no you're the one.

it was blue with carpet it's calm 20. year old come yeah it was Wow. yeah I mean what fun all my could if I. was gay yeah you know was there oh my. god would have been I would've been in. the middle no yeah oh no the Train. see I think you're closer to the back. wait what does it matter. unless they need someone they need. someone who's low to the ground who's. got good center of gravity yeah to push. the train forward the caboose is who was. the strongest and you got a lot of I.

don't I also know if I was going might. not like the anal part of it what would. you want to be the one you want I'll be. the caboose the very end so I have no. one else I'm saying what you give I will. see the one yelling out do. three two one all right three do it. we're all pumped together right I think. a bobber you want to get the middle of. the caboose in the front yeah no I'm in. the dead middle. I want it both that you wouldn't yeah.

you would only give you wouldn't receive. the Human Centipede. what uh what how great what do you mean. how long we see the human centipede oh. my god what it is is these just if you. haven't seen it you should see it yeah. by the way all the criticism that we get. from the show that's saying Rudy's too. young to hear any this stuff. Tito Bobby is the one that elicits all. this information to her and she's also. um 80 18 years old. yeah it is still quite young it's still. quite young she's right in the cusp of. being far too young it doesn't matter.

like you know the term barely leaves. ready yeah she's ready ready sure yeah. go ahead it's a movie called her family. and to me it's a real real movie and. he's pleased I forget the gist but it's. these two girls that are out in the. Europe yeah partying yeah and they get. captured by some German surgeon. always Nazis yes some crazy German. surgeon and basically what they do is he. does is he surgically puts one of the. woman's mouth tied to a Japanese man's.

[ __ ]. right so she's like like just surgically. his [ __ ] showed like so yeah and then. her friend is in the back of her. surgically right her and they walk. around like a human centipede isn't that. what just the gist of it that's it yeah. you like that you like that rude is that. cool yeah. and then the Japanese guys the smartest. one of course I remember he went right.

and he some glass and he killed himself. yeah he knew better I would kill myself. too yeah hey speaking of gay stuff can I. show you something yeah you know Theo. you know Theo von. we know Theo von you know Theo von a man. Theo vinyl LP oh yeah hey my steez yep. Theo Theo has a producer Gianni. do you know Gianni Paolo I love him he's. done my part. sexy dude right love oh good actor so he. was joking around with me and he we were.

supposed to do something for him today. but we didn't do it but he was joking. around with me and was like you know I'm. gay stuff like that and I was like okay. yeah Jionni's gay mm-hmm I don't well. look it he sent me this and you tell me. okay tell me if this is gay yeah this is. a real dildo Santino I'm gay it's out of. nowhere it wasn't a competition or.

anything he just sent it to him would he. do that I don't know I think he's on. meth yeah he's he's a really hit me be. good he's always been kind of you know. kind of out of nowhere he sent this to. me wasn't that weird though that's very. strange to send this like what that. dildo looks like a banana it's real. though he'd say he said it's really cuz. you're way a bet look at how it bends. when it hits his butt yeah yeah watch. here oh you know what you don't like I. saw I'm gay you know what I just saw. what is he doing is it the work what do.

you mean he started going up and down he. bounces yeah he knows what he's doing I. like it when they the girls do that if I. do the work I don't like it when you. push up yeah yeah he does the work do. you do is that is that a big problem you. and you know em again there you are when. you push up you don't like pushing up. when claw is on top of me what I do is I. go I'll whisper in it you're a little. bit and she just like you know her ass.

and I'll just be like I just be like oh. Jesus. Rudy put close your ears oh yeah I don't. give a [ __ ] it's quarantine and it's. like I said are you guys going nuts. because of it. hey tell me this how are you you talked. about your dreams at the beginning I'm. interested for real do you have have you.

been having like violent dreams I've had. really weird weird dreams but not. negative they're not violent they just. you know it's like they just don't make. any really a sense. give me today last night I had a dream. where we received vampire eggs oh yeah I. sent us to you know and then I remember. going what are these and then kalila. going in the drain their vampire eggs. yeah I go I use it the chicken that's. the vampire or human I don't get it the. human beings and then we cut to we live.

in a stone house this is not funny. because I'm just telling you exactly I. want to hear it yeah so we live in a. stone house which is not what our house. looks like I remember being in this. gigantic kind of garden II backyard yeah. somehow behind a bush smoking and kalila. squatting yeah squatting yeah and kalila. is talking to some scientist or. biologist about vampire eggs oh wow and. then he starts going into a story about. some Puerto Rican girl who lost her all.

her money or something and then I. remember thinking to myself we have this. wooden vacuum cleaner that I found right. it's like an ancient wooden vacuum. cleaner that we found yeah and then I. remember thinking myself should we give. it to the Puerto Rican girl for her to. sell mm-hmm that she can make the money. yeah so then it all shifted to the. wooden vacuum cleaner well that is the. focus yeah right and then all of a. sudden that was it that was a dream what. do you think that means I don't know but. when I woke up you know when you have a. dream like that you wake up you go sense.

yeah but that but I like it. yeah but it's like just abstract and. weird what in vacuum cleaner must mean. something. it wasn't yeah it was a vacuum cleaner. but it was like in a wooden kind of. bamboo thing and you would lift it up it. was solid wood and then but it was Ange. yeah like back in then that's what they. used is it what they used I don't know. yeah I don't think that was it and then. the vampire eggs went away they. disappeared it just wasn't in a part of. the dream anymore it was like almost as.

like part 2 of a movie and then the. second one didn't make any sense I had. one of those where I kept entering. different rooms the other day you know. when you like walk it I've walked into a. room in my head it was in my house but. it looked nothing like my house it. looked like a like an old you know like. uh you remember do you remember the. first season of Westworld oh oh love do. you remember the house that she lives in. that you know I'm talking about it it. was like that like out in the middle of. nowhere but I remember thinking I had to.

get in I had to get in one of the rooms. to find my dog I was like that's for my. dog yeah yeah and when I walked into the. room in the house no dog no room I'm not. I'm not there at all I'm like outside of. a storefront and it's raining and. there's like a and I'm underneath the. awning and I'm looking out suspiciously. because I think something's chasing me. yeah yeah but like I wish I could wake. myself up and be like where's the do the. dog is still gone yeah the [ __ ] I wanted. to see the dog get to the fourth door. front I have no idea but it was rain it. was pouring down rain and I think that.

it was from and I said this when I woke. up I said you know what the storefront. felt like the night I hit a guy with my. car maybe was my brain react sizing I. hit a guy with my car when it's pouring. rain and I like one of those that. believe that dreams tie into reality. yeah there's a sort of subconscious. thing what do you mean that's literally. what it is it's your brain firing. synapses going back and forth and. gathering pieces or it could be my brain. that I got a little David Lynch in my. brain there is a little dinner what a. direct a movie you're a David Lynch in. your own brain yeah well whatever right. but I'm saying it takes pieces of.

reality together okay number one I've. never I don't know what a vampire egg is. yes you do. that's never been a thing a vampire egg. is it's absolutely a thing vampires lay. eggs how do you think you get more. vampires Rudy please Rudy please yeah. but you're taking pieces of things from. your life yeah but that doesn't make it. so I don't know anything about that and. then I play any video games with. vampires in them oh you know what's so. funny. mm-hmm in in stardew valley.

there is an egg yeah it's a it's it's. they're called void eggs void eggs and. that's what the eggs look like like. vampire right yes they were black. they're black eggs with like red like. it's kind of glowing yeah so maybe. that's where I got that from that's. right they come from somewhere right. but then the wood and vacuum cleaner I. don't know well I think you you wish you. were okay I would say it's because you. wish you were cleaner you wish you could. clean better I don't know man it's. stretch and you're Asian so it's bamboo.

wooden and I think that's got to be. there's got to be something there yeah. dreams are reflection of some part of. our reality Rudy do you have crazy. dreams you do I'm not gonna explain any. of them it's gonna be one word it's fine. explain a dream that you had give us a. dream get closer to the [ __ ] it was a. violent violent yeah like what get. closer to the mic don't back away. killing whoa really really take the mic.

from the thing so you can hold it that. way it doesn't have to be in that stand. you can take it out yeah yeah yeah rip. it just pull it out just just get. culture to the mic all right okay. yeah wait tell me don't get close to the. bike don't go away you killed somebody. tell us yeah you don't would sway your. mic just keep your mouth right where the. mic is she's like swaying her [ __ ]. thing cuz she doesn't want to talk here. pull up on just pull up it'll come out. just pull up on the mic it'll come right. out of that sand there you go yeah tell.

us yeah I don't know I just I'm in a. place and then I see a lot of people. yeah and then I just see a knife and. then I just start stabbing you just. stabbed random people yeah why why are. you doing that I don't know do you feel. it do you feel like remorse or anger as. you're doing it like are you mad when. you're doing you're just doing go why am. I doing this I don't like I don't want. to do it I'm like happy you're happy.

you're put the mic back on the thing put. that mic back of the thing oh my god. what do you do Billy why do I kill in my. dreams I want to know what's wrong. dreams okay love dreams of murder may. signal real-life aggression people who. dream about murder may be more. aggressive during what way. controversial new study finds the. researchers were funded people a dream. of killing others tend to be hostile. introverted and often don't get along. with others when they're awake well I. have to say this she is a little. introverted in the house but are you. hostile is she no she's the kindest girl.

like I know so we think no no at nights. mm-hmm I have my five in the morning. meal and it's usually a greasy pan yeah. with like meat stuck to the pan right. and she wakes up to like this chaos like. a mad scientist yeah a meat pie right. gross and she every morning I don't ask. her she just cleans it that's really. nice she does all the dishes she wipes. down counter that's what this is what. this is as she's cleaning she's like I'm.

going to kill Bobby. one day tell me tell me another dream so. we could try to dissect where it's. coming in because you're not an angry. person. what's another dream that you've had. it's not really happy dreams oh no are. they always sad. yeah and like someone is chasing me. who's chasing you it's like tall it's. like a slender man Oh slender man is. chasing you why am I being chased in my.

dreams let's find out what this one says. yeah if you're dreaming about being. chased it generally means you are. avoiding an issue or a person your. subconscious is telling you you need to. confront the issue and or the person in. order to get on with your life look at. as a Slenderman right there that's you. getting chased by Slenderman Slenderman. one of the most important factors in a. dream is where you're being chased or. who is chasing you where are they. chasing you the woods yeah and then what. and where are you like where are you. going to do they ever get you no but I'm.

stuck like you can't like you can't get. up yeah oh I hate those I hate the slow. running oh god I want to run fast but. you're going have you ever punched in. your dream oh yeah yeah and you can't. punch it was a physic you're punching. who jello does that happen to you no so. when you stab can you stab at your own. rate or is it like slow you know it's. but it's not it doesn't feel like it's. resistance it feels like you can. actually stab them yeah. oh my god you have like a little demon.

human in your house you got it you might. have to go back to the Philippines what. do you think how much her fly said the. Philippines right now do you think I. don't even get there really it's not. even that is that anything like that if. she wants to come back she's not gonna. be able to come back but you think we. can book other flight flight from LA. eggs to the Philippines look LAX to the. Philippines let's see what we've got on. the docket to Manila non-stop for $900. Jesus he lives in Cebu it doesn't matter. she can walk. there's Islands you [ __ ] oh really you. can't walk to an island you walk to the.

end and then you swim to the next island. we could put you on Korean air one stop. yeah eight hundred and forty four. dollars should we buy it right now no no. no this is a return we don't want to. become problem is and Rupe the problem. is is because of the present that we. have yeah they are coming back to. America if she wants to come back to go. back to school right she's not gonna be. able to do it it's 19 I don't like. little Filipinos because it's 98 degrees. outside today it is yeah yeah we can't. put the aircon on we're gonna put the.

Erica we're gonna put the air on in a. second okay because I think we can hear. it well I want to elicit a competition. for everybody cuz Bobbi brags about his. house and somebody hit me up online it. was like Bobby always brags about his. house what does it look like show your. house at Bobby's and obviously never. gonna show his house that would be. foolish. when did I brag about my house just last. episode you were like I got a big you. everybody knows gotta talk it's it's a. I'm kidding it's I'm gonna be honest. with you I want everybody to draw. someone to draw a 3d drawing with you is. it you want Sebastian's house right Rudy. mascot oh my god how big was that house.

very big right yeah it's like 50 million. dollars or something right so let me ask. you something what how many times bigger. you think Sebastian house than my arse. ten times ten times this is coming from. a murderer by the way I know no Whitney. Cummings. right bigger her house is probably five. to five or six and literally five or six. times bigger than mine yeah it's very. big daliyah's five or six times bigger. w has seven houses now I know so that.

was my point yeah I have one [ __ ]. house one nice house what it's okay I. want people to draw the house what they. think it looks like so people send in. your drawings to what you think it looks. like yeah. bad friends mail at gmail.com because I. really want to see what they think your. house what does your house look like. extremely modest ranch one it's just a. one Hubley bedrooms seventeen how many. bedrooms three are this three as well. how many bathrooms three. ours is 3 as well you have four. bathrooms kalila said 3 right 3 pool hot.

tub we have a pool dealer pool. yeah yeah send the same as yours ok. alright son but you're in that you're in. the Hollywood Hills. alright look people send in your. drawings I want to see what you guys. think the house looks like and also if. anybody out there knows what dreams mean. yeah can you please let us know what. what what's wrong with Rudy's dreams and. we can dissect them next week cuz I. really want to find out I love you say. goodbye ready. thank you for being a bad friend.

[Music]. you.