Mariachis Crash the Pod | Ep 212 | Bad Friends

hey everybody you my best friend in the. whole world me Andrew is going on tour. he's headlining doing new jokes working. out that's right he's going to be at the. Houston Improv that's going to sell out. immediately it already is all right. Tampa Funny Bone yes Phoenix Arizona. Nashville Tennessee Addison Improv in. Dallas Dallas Texas and finally in San. Francisco California Comedy Club cobs we. added two more shows for cobs TI right. now and be added for Dallas go to Andrew. san.com for those tickets Andrew Santino. dcom you two are bad friends who are.

these two idiots a white dude and an. Asian dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad. friends what do both sound. like oh. really yeah dig in who's my little bull. who's my little.

oh look oh look it's red SP. hey that's more Horus that's more hot. that's more dog that's more dog that's. more. dog what today yay it's fancy be's. birthday very. good s very good very good no you can't. do the Italian gangster every why cuz. we're in Spain it's a new character I've. been doing do a Spanish gang.

you doing youing a Spanish. Gangster I Spanish Gangster my exactly. seor you know where the rein are but do. the face hey seor do you know where the. you know where the re are. like what's that I don't like what. you're doing with the eyes SNY okay let. me. try right looks the same as. what say Sor.

Sor Senor very good that's an Asian. Spanish bull s that is Senor welcome to. the bull house no that's not there's a. Fernando Wong Senor welcome to the K. what's what's the what the ring that. they huh in the bull ring yeah yeah did. you get what you wanted fancy for your. birthday happy birthday how old birthday. man how old are you I'm 44 I am. 44 what happened at 44 what happens in.

Spanish culture at 44 you have to be. brutally honest with the people work. with go ahead then pal what are you. doing you're taking it off it's just so. hot come on man no just this I'm going. to unbutton and then put the hat back on. okay like this good boy look at. this yeah what's up what happens at 44. anything special oh no do you remember. your 44th birthday mine many many. moono when I was a 4 hey.

wow what are you dressed as cool pants I. don't know go sit in your regular. chair. phis and wow did you bring Taco Bell for. him yeah because he hates Mexicans Oh. yay. y he hates Mexicans Jules is back baby. jewes is in the house Jules is back and. Jules what do you got there what is that. is this oh that's espia you that's a.

great shirt that's a great shirt put it. on really just put it on top of the. shirt you're wearing right now okay is. this. Ronaldo turn off your. phone is this Ronaldo is this Ronaldo. you know that Ronaldo but you know that. he's Portuguese right oh sorry so it's. not Ronaldo okay are you wearing a tie. yeah that's what mcon gave me oh that is. nice good job mcon Rudy Jules welcome. back to the show it's been a long time.

it's get off for the rud is finally back. in the house baby how do you feel I feel. okay I got my brows. microbladed O Let's see this is my first. tattoo move. them nice nice wow you know talk about. tattoos next Wednesday I'm getting two. what are you get I'm going to get a. comedy store logo oh that's. smart why why why I mean that's smart. I'm going to get a I already made the.

appointment I'm going to get a comedy. store logo I'm going to get four okay. okay so I'm going to get The Comedy. Store logo I'm going to get um Alfred. Newman from Mad TV yeah what's the. connection I was on the. show you were on the acting is that what. happening wait let's say it again no. wait wait hold on I mean honestly you. step on my step on my comment to him. it's like I know it's your birthday all. right let's let him have it go ahead so.

go ahead go you know what I'll let you. have all the digs you want today dude. cuz it's your birthday and I won't. [ __ ] fight back okay so go ahead get. me I'm ugly are no are you giving up. acting with all those tattoos yes I am. I'm giving up. acting you feel good yeah oh is that. your birthday wish that he stops acting. yes wow yeah yeah yeah because well also. oh I'm going to get a bad friend's one. are you really yeah I'm going to get our. you know the the cartoon of our you know.

our logo thing that you're getting that. on your body but what if you guys break. up it doesn't matter I it we've done. enough it's a point in his life it's a. point in my life we I've done enough so. if you know he betrays me he will betray. me you will betray me in what way well. I'll tell you this man I was [ __ ]. scrolling on my [ __ ] Instagram and I. saw you in a scene with your movie with. Cena and um William H Macy and uh Zach. you look your acting is so good but I I. realized I go this is just the beginning.

for you of what of super stardom. nobody's call I'm going to get betrayed. I'm going to get betrayed but I'm going. to say this right I'm going to get the. tattoo so it reminds me okay so when I'm. in the crack house eight years from now. right and I'm just like you know what I. mean I used to I used to I used to be. somebody you know I had a dream kid you. know you're you're you're roping off I'm. roping it off you're doing H and someone. and right when I'm roping it off where. the needle is someone's in there with. you and they're like man who is that on.

your. arm me what are you talking about man. what is that on your arm man are you. done sucking my dick man yeah okay. finish my dick man you got it okay done. yeah oh Fu so good dude thanks anyway. dude um oh be like this hey what's that. tattoo on your I have teeth but I'm. going to do the same as you no I have no. teeth I know but I'm going to do the. same you what's that you want me to give. you a. gummy you're going to get a bad friend's. tattoo a comedy tattoo um alfredy Newman.

Alfred Newman and a tiger belly Jesus. that's a lot I know what ises tiger. belly look like it's just a font I'm. just going to do a font thing right I'm. not going to put a face or anything but. it's tiger belly one though you should D. like the ink that goes away you. know oh you mean oh Hanah yeah do H you. mean Hanah get a h yeah maybe I'll Hanah. it no that I think that's who's doing. them all the same person yeah who's the. man or woman you want to you care to. share yeah I okay I mean um I'll tell. you her name real quick her name is um.

I'll tell you why I'm doing it because I. had I went to my a meeting oh that's her. name kaga kagacha and she does little. tiny ones little tiny tattoos they're. tiny so they barely you can barely see. them what gave you the inspiration. because I was I was having um you know. sometimes you Fellowship after an a. meeting you know about that Carlos back. in the day right so afterwards my. sponsor was like hey come eat with us. and normally I don't but I did and there. was a girl that's that comes to my a. meeting she's a comic and she um had.

little tiny tattoos on her body and I. went oh those look cool cuz they really. did look. cool they're little what trending right. now the little ones yeah they're little. ones some get little ones on my. body H what are you doing what is the. tiny tattoo called is this kind of it. yeah that those like well look up. kagacha that's her that's her kagacha. yeah that's her [ __ ] celebrity tattoos. so she does very famous people yes some. they're tiny little ones they're like.

tiny ones like that oh that is cool look. at how small that is they're small and. that's a constellation I imagine huh of. a broken home is that what that is or. it's a or it's a house made out of stars. we look at things. differently I like this the tattoo under. the tit that's a really popular thing I. see that's like a tattoo right that's a. big thing yeah and she does little Pokey. ones so oh poke tattoos is cool yeah so. they're small they're not prevalent so. I'm just going to get four of them right. just in case what do you think I think. it's a great idea I think would you ever. get a bad friend tattoo no I would never.

get a tattoo why would I defile you. don't have any tattoos Andrew you don't. put a bumper sticker on a. Ferrari yeah that's true no I I don't. have you know what it is I talked to. someone last two nights ago at The. Comedy Store about this literally I had. this conversation in the Green Room you. sweating bud I'm so hot yeah just take. off the sleeves then at this point I. mean the joke is over the joke is over. thank you so much I'm so hot just undo. the sleeves but leave the bottoms on. good boy and you're wearing a long. sleeve yeah that's why was so hot roll. up your there you go are we good who did.

I talk to I talked to somebody at The. Comedy Store a couple of nights ago. about tattoos oh Justine Marino just got. new tattoos oh cupcakes she got I think. so she does makes cupcakes she makes. cupcakes yeah no I have no idea what. you're talking about yeah she used to. make cupcakes oh maybe she does but then. she was talking to me about why don't I. get tattoos I said I genuinely couldn't. tell you what I would want I have no I. don't know like I just don't know and. what would be my first one oh I maybe. think maybe retro I'd get like a Chinese.

symbol cuz I think that's. out yeah like i' write your i' write. Bobby Lee in Chinese on my neck yeah or. on my on my lower back like a [ __ ]. stamp Bobby Lee in Chinese hate white. chicks to get them why because in the. 90s they would get them but these are. women these white chicks they would. never [ __ ] an Asian guy but they'll get. the symbol right like I'm [ __ ] you. know I mean not racist and you know what. I mean but then she's like I think back. then and they like can I insert and. they're like no no that was them showing. they are RAC rist that's why they got it.

oh right down with the Chinese that's. what they're saying on their arm that's. what it says on the that's what it said. I didn't know I want to get a Chinese. symbol I want to get a butterfly I. should get all the tattoos from back. when we were young do your dog make a. picture of your dog I would get a. picture of my dog on my body I saw a dog. today that looked exactly like my dog. your dog cuz I've traveled with your dog. great traveler may I say something great. traveler what are you it's like [ __ ]. mellin your dog what what do you mean I.

mean that's how he travels she but thank. you whatever don't don't misgender my. dog are you me kidding right now call. are you me kidding right now my dog is. they them are you make kidding me right. now it's a girl I've told you that a. thousand times it's a girl at at this. point who gives a [ __ ] I do all right. I'm sorry for misgendering your dog have. I ever done that to your dogs okay. what's goby Go's a guy no it's a. girl it's a girl so [ __ ] you dude Go's a. girl yes dude yeah she's. Butch she a little Butch yeah she's a.

little Butch dude wouldn't she she isn't. she like the leader of a softball league. or. something yes Go's a star of a softball. team yeah wow but you know doesn't your. dog drive a. Subaru yeah wow anyway um your dog. mellin was just like so calm on a plane. yeah not no not a bar a bark not even a. no no nothing nothing she would look up. at me oh the her first look is always. like don't eat me yeah you know I mean I.

think she's a little racist I RAC well. you know there's flashbacks I'm sure. that's in her DNS I see but she'll let. first and she oh no she's he's the good. kind exactly am I a good Asian you are. one of the best Asians on the other hand. yeah not a so good yeah do you treat our. dogs cuz you know you live with my dog. don't do you ever see the dog do you. ever see the dogs in the house when. you're alone with the dogs do you ever. see them and you lick your lips a little. bit no I don't and you go no I can't I.

can't I want to say something to you. right now and I wasn't even going to. [ __ ] mention it to what you're you're. comforter no not my comforter dude okay. what is all. right I know that a guy was over at the. house that's somebody's seeing all right. and this guy you had a boy over no. somebody else had a guy over right and. this guy okay he disciplined Julio did. he not he didn't discipline him he. grabbed his neck. in a power move in a power move yeah I.

don't like this at all I don't like it. at all either my friend what's going on. what is going on around town explain I'm. going to explain Julio is crazy and. likes to murder anyone that he. sees it's a guard dog ex thank you it's. a guard dog it's doing its job it's. guarding and also does he go crazy with. you no does he go crazy with Kila. strangers he go does he because he what. I love about him he he knows what he. likes when he goes to 31 Flavors Baskin.

Robbins right pistachio whatever no. always pistachio always whatever the. [ __ ] flavor. [Music]. right wow. wow I love. this wow. wow.

[Music]. boy.

[Music]. [Applause]. El happy birthday happy birthday it's. Fancy's birthday up there birday much. gracias Amigo can we play happy birthday. for him yeah yeah let's do a happy. birthday oh that's just I know this Oney. birthday to you I know this one happy. birthday deand. happy birthday to.

[Music]. you hey hey happy birthday to you hey. hey hey birthday little fancy happy. birthday to. [Music]. youy. okay please St hey hey.

you a Merry Christmas I want to wish you. a Merry Christmas I want to wish you a. Merry Christmas from the bottom of my. heart you. man miss do it again Merry Christmas. pick it up pick it up pick it up miss. you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of. my.

[Music]. heart all right all right I'm more I'm. more so good happy birthday thank you. thank you guys very much thank you so. much thank you so much Carlos amazing. incredible thank you so much very. talented guys amazing thank you so much.

wonderful amazing wonderful we are going. to get kicked out of this. building I think so there's no way our. neighbors like us anymore yeah we should. move we should move I think we should Mo. it's time for an upgrade yeah I got to. tell you I'm recharged I'm re-energized. I'm happy now we can I'm worn out I'm. worn out by really when I sing like that. from my heart dude I get worn out you. look like you took a flight of stairs. are you car. okay what what you're okay. yeah what's your okay k k oh K.

oh karaoke is that how you karaoke yeah. wowow I'm confused have you ever karaoke. with that family no don't I will. not z z do is a free app and website. where you can search and compare highly. rated in network doctors near you and. instantly book appointments with them. online out I moved to a new neighborhood.

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F rthe people.com badri a dial pound law. pound 529 from yourself there's a paid. advertisement I loved you on the thing. you know what I mean you're a big star. dude great actor and I'm so proud to. work with you can I just give a. compliments and I I have to and let. let's just do this right now I want to. talk about um just the fun feelings I. have for. Andreas may I may I give you my little. mon if I may please I met you many many.

years ago at Maker Studios and you. directed me in a video yes right Bobby. Lee what was it Bobby Lee the emperor of. the world I never saw did that turn out. well it turned out very Bobby Lee not. good. exactly we tried you know what I mean. and then years later I didn't see you. and then you started working with us at. Tiger belly and um and then you came on.

to the dark point in your career yeah. yeah dark yeah low and um I have to say. it's just been I trust you I think more. than anyone else I work with you're very. on point and um I um I'm just it's a a. pleasure to know you I really love you a. lot my turn happy birthday thank you my. turn go. ahead I don't really know what you do. here right.

but I guess you do good thank you Andre. go ahead. Rudy that's it no no I'll give you be. real he knows yeah you know how much I. love you I text you often I tell you how. much I appreciate you I fight for you I. think you are a in a such a valuable. member of our team um Irreplaceable you. mean the world to me and I'm happy that. you're a part of my life and I've got. you a little gift here here's a gift. card Mone come get this from me too.

right no it's just from me no cuz you. called me yesterday you go how much. should I. do that's no that's [ __ ] up you that's. just from me did you not call me yet no. no I'm sorry Andreas he called me. yesterday right and I go we are getting. a gift card for Andreas from Apple yeah. and I he goes and I said how much and. you said $25 that's did I I can give you. the [ __ ] text right now how can you. text you said it was a phone call it was. a phone St are all mixed up bab it was a. phone call no I think you texted it5 but. look that'll get you um a cube for the.

wire you won't get a wire but you'll get. the cube for the wall thank I needed but. happiest of the birthdays no that's for. $500 oh well that's good right you can. get something and by the way don't think. you're getting anything like that for. your birth pal yeah and then what is. this bag out in front of us there it's. from Pete that's from Big Petey Pete. yeah I wanted a but he's he wanted to. give it to Fancy or give it to Bobby to. fancy go ahead Bobby open it okay this. is fany's gift from Pete and if I let me. if I like it can I keep it yes okay.

good that makes perfect sense should I. read the letter yeah read it out loud. from. Pete oh [ __ ] here we go can I do it in. one of my characters my new characters. though wait can I read it first like. Pete is it g you want this one or you. want Mafia yeah do the mafia. [Laughter]. okay I just woke over you really think. this is taken off. huh it's amazing you're buying working. into I'm working on the character I'm.

into it I like. it I got to get into you I got to. get voice dear. fancy I hope these gifts remind you of. the motherland happy. birthday be very good can I see the card. yeah go ahead I'd like to read it in PE. guy I like this.

guy my British guy yeah but when you do. the yeah that guy they're. fancy put my great I'm here too I hope. these gifts remind you the motherland. happy. birthday let me read it in Pete's. language oh. yeah hope your birthday is the best in. the Galaxy this is really sweet I'm I'm. it's not cool that we're opening of your.

[ __ ] but that's that's how it goes all. right let's open the gift from Pete. okay so I got what did you. get I got this. Columbus may I he your yeah yeah. [Music]. yeah very cool yeah huh you know what. dude I don't want it I don't want it you. can have it okay I all everybody so.

Columbus you don't want where you come. from okay you got a cold double decker. Taco Decker I could already tell I don't. want it so here you go is that from your. bag yeah oh my God so pathetic what else. is in there and this one I might keep. and I'll tell you why what I don't have. one what is it and I've always wanted. one I don't know where to buy it but. I've always wanted one Integrity no no. not Integrity what is it what what do. you find in hotel.

rooms what do I find in hotel rooms when. I first walk in no but the thing that. you go to oh the swans on the bed made a. uh no no no when when I when we both go. into hotel rooms there's one thing we go. to and we we love it and it makes us. feel at home and we get to see our. father a robe no a phone no well then. why the [ __ ] did you do this a Bible a. Bible God bless may I read you don't. know much about it really I can tell you. from Corinthians 4 6 through I and thou.

Dost not sleepeth with another manth. yeah yeah nor paintis their nailist I. can literally point to the a chapter. that I like and you one that's this one. right here here we go s these. nations God bless a Holy Bible and I. don't want to defame this by the way for. people that think Mak great book it's a. great one of the best books ever written. ever written number one bestseller. number one besteller of all time is this. the only thing that he got him that's it. the shirt Columbus shirt that's it and.

the Bible yeah we gave you [ __ ] $500. what were we thinking I know we could. have got in away with like 50 I know you. have any plans on that by the way we. asked your beautiful wife what we should. get you and she said he's very hard to. buy for so I said we'll get him a gift. card I'll give him some cash please give. him some cash that's what he wants more. than anything you you go buddy thank you. happy birthday man go get a sandwich or. something you know thank you Bobby if. you pocket it okay Mone did you pocket. that money you were supposed to give to. the Mari band swear I did swear on what.

come over. [Laughter]. here I swear you're blocking my camera. you this is great this is great put your. put your hand on the Bible okay do you. believe in God right do you believe in. the Bible one hand on your heart by the. way has to be on your heart and the. Bible look at me right now okay you have. your hand on the. Bible do you like Andrew more than me. yes oh my God we can do this all day. with him no keep it on the Bible on the. Bible yeah yeah yeah yeah keep it on the.

Bible yeah. yeah this is great this is great no no. keep on your heart do you think this is. great do you think Andrew has more. Talent than me yes my. God we should have always had a b this. room do you think Andrew is better. looking than me. yes um will you cry harder for Andrew if. he died than me no oh good that's good. you'd cry the same may I cry a little.

more for you look at that why because of. sad like empathy for me how sad my life. is cuz you're broken because I'm broken. yeah I don't like that's even worse. that's even worse cry more for him. that's even worse please don't even shed. a tear cuz I don't [ __ ] need it from. me you [ __ ] bastard you a [ __ ]. [ __ ] huh hey hey hey no I don't. give a f ni oh yeah the Bible say he's. on the Bible the Bible right there right. uh do you have any yeah truthful go. ahead this is great remember when you. [ __ ] on the bus oh my.

[Laughter]. God never on the bus yeah you did yeah. you did because we caught you I remember. one night ioke hold on hold on okay go. did you or did you not have sex on the. bus no your hand is on the Bible okay. what are we constituting as [ __ ] bus. is the theme with wheels I knew it I. knew it so you hooked up with a stranger. on the bus and you got a. [ __ ] was I in the bus no one was in.

the bus no no no no no no NOK your hand. is on the Bible was somebody on the bus. Bobby was sleeping on the. bus wait let me ask you something oh my. god dude so I was sleeping on the bus. and you were getting slurped and you. were getting slurped you were getting. slurped while Bobby snoozed but did you. eat her out oh my God oh my God that's. deep fairness fairness did you eat. fairness did you did you reciprocate of. course.

put your keep your hand there keep your. hand on the Bible don't take it away. from the Bible yeah we should do this. every with everybody actually I agree I. age Rudy give her the Bible give her the. Bible just give it to her give it to her. give it to her yeah yeah yeah and put. your hand on it please thank you hand on. the Bible yeah yeah he's sweating yeah I. know it's hilarious you were sweating. your ass up you know can I be honest. with you dude that was dude I want to. say this I know you love him.

more I know no no I'll tell you why. that's not true there was a point when. we first met where I liked him more with. Mone more but because he because I he he. was getting so much love from both of us. I had to be the bad guy right so i cho I. love you so much I really do but I. choose to treat you in a certain way. because you can't have it all I. understand you understand that like when. you lost your headphones we I got you. head I mean I care about you you know. what I mean but but that don't but don't. make stop but don't let it confuse that.

I don't love you cuz I deeply love you. so when you you know when you looked at. me in the eyes and say you love them. more it hurt a little bit but but I get. it all right but I [ __ ] you know what. I'm going to you know what my goal from. now on is to get more love from you okay. interesting I'll give you more love no I. don't want it you know he gave away. those airpods I know they did that's see. that's what I'm seeing he found his. original pair the idiot didn't even lose. him kind of like the time. that you thought you left your car keys.

at the casino and they were in your. [ __ ] backpack yeah yeah dumb guy. alert bing bing bing raise your hand if. you're a dumb guy the way he treats you. I would never say something like that he. knows what's okay Jules go ahead he. knows what's underneath it my little. brother put your hand on the right one. on your heart your hand on your heart. yeah yeah yeah if you have one do you. love me more than you love. Andrew. oh I mean I know the answer I'm not even. holding yeah go ahead say that's got to. be a yes.

yes of course yeah yeah yeah. um out of the three oh this is hard oh. no God Is Watching God's watching out of. those three who do you love the most. and yeah the. second God God watching. Carlo right and M's the third do Mone. give you the creeps no okay does Carlos.

give you the creeps no does Andre give. you the creeps no mcon who's kind of. your age M if he asked you one on a date. all right what she hands on the Bible. hands on the Bible hands on the Bible if. he asked you on a date would you go on a. date with M no if you're single if. you're single you have a boyfriend or do. you not have a boyfriend anymore I still. have a boyfriend yeah but if you were. single yeah no okay no wait what too.

white yeah you def get yeah he's too. white I want chocolate you want. chocolate want chocolate relax we know. yeah kids got a sweet. tooth do you. still like your boyfriend yes you do. that was fast do you think you love him. yes okay are you in love with him mhm. wow no no no God doesn't accept mhm yes. wow uhhuh do you view me oh my God just.

do you view me as a family member. yes. Bob you know what's interesting about. this it's fany's day but we're really. taking all the I really pulling all the. it's not his show [ __ ] it yeah [ __ ] it. we got an El Maran the flag yeah you got. a flag got gifts shut up fancy stop. begging this is great this is great keep. your hand on there yeah hand on the. Bible yeah. yeah um out of all of us in the room. room aside from my friend here okay the.

ones that work here. right just name me the person that you. would be least saddest that died oh my. God that's mean it doesn't matter it's. not you still love the person but the. least saddest God's listening God's. listening no we already know who it. is co. yeah yeah yeah it's because I haven't. known him hey hey hey hand on your heart. excuses for God God doesn't on excuses. yeah you have any more questions or.

good should we get Carlos here yeah I'm. afraid he can't touch that Bible that'll. hurt you you might [ __ ] melt yeah. what come come grab the Bible and let's. give it to Carlos yeah give it to Carlos. this is great so much sweat you guys are. all sweating on the Bible it is actually. very interesting it's a good well you. and I haven't done it yeah we will okay. I want to do it I want to have a chance. no what are you oh there you go oh yeah. yeah. Carlos wait like this right hand on the.

B Carlos has there ever been a time. where you wanted to beat the [ __ ] out of. me noly oh wait give me the I got mad at. you in Atlanta yeah but you wanted to. beat the [ __ ] out of me no okay wait why. in Atlanta he was just like in a. particularly bad mood that night and I. it was like one of the only times I've. ever gotten mad at Bobby all right I hit. you hard I think in the back of the head. or something did I come back and just. smack you in the head or something yeah. I forget what happened but you made up. by taking me to Waffle House yeah thank. you yeah go.

ahead have you been sober for the full. 94 days. yes yes he's the guy I know yeah just. kind of test him a little bit have you. had a glory hole recently no I looked up. milking tables but no glory hole have. you ever swallowed. H God is also listening to the question. I think he's okay with it I think he's.

okay with it yeah okay both yeah you're. right have you ever. swallowed come well okay no your own. come yes oh God you don't we've all. tried it. no what do you yes you have in your life. have tried your own com give me the. Bible bring the Bible never bring the. Bible D never have I you know what I. don't want to play this game I don't. want to I already don't want to play. this game I'm not playing it I'm not. playing it no you have I'm not playing. it we all are [ __ ] no [ __ ] no dude no I.

never have never have you ever eaten. your own boogers never Hanah the Bible. never wow never have you ever stuck your. finger in between your butthole and. smelled it big time you've done that big. time very good that's good yeah yeah. have you ever touched another man's. penis only with my. butt excuse me no hands okay I just but. you no no I never have you never have no.

I never have with your leg. yes well his penis with my leg yes. you've brushed your penis against my leg. Yeah Yeah Yeah God saw that God saw that. yeah God liked it I don't think so he. had. Ackle no I. didn't oh give it to. me this is going to be so hard are we. going to get is this going to be bad. we're no we're no this is not this is. being truthful can I tell you though. what big fan of this book it's a great.

book no it is a really great book some. really good lessons in there some good. life. structure Bobby hand on your. heart I I really do believe in God so. this is hard I do too I really do. believe in God I believe in God what do. you mean go. ahead who do you love in this room the. most. Jewels.

[Laughter]. whoa you're second you're just go second. ask me a second who's second you are mhm. who's the. least who I love Le the least in the. room oh come on we know that's a hard. one that is actually really. hard it's a really hard one I think I. know yes I think it's fancy. it's not Carlos I think you're Riot on.

his. birthday that's amazing dude but it's so. close you're so close dude D last bad. one what all right go ahead you know. what's funny I tried to get you those. disidual shirts that you like so much. you know those stupid shirts you used to. wear all the time with all the [ __ ]. on them we literally try oh he's wearing. one right now that's aidu shirt Des we. what Desi it spelled disidual right no. Des while yeah we looked up Carlos and I. to try to find where we could get these.

shirts they're all permanently closed. there's no stores. anywhere he's the only guy he's the only. guy that we know that can that wears. these shirts they don't sell them. anywhere we were trying to buy him a. whole bunch of them you can't find them. yeah they're not good dud where do you. get them from now ESP so you order them. from Spain no I go there and buy them. there well how much does that shirt cost. by the way I don't know it's 140 but the. stores Dollar in Spain they're open in. Spain right yeah okay yeah that's just. shows how behind they are and my hands. burning so go ahead hand on your heart.

then. okay would you ever [ __ ] a. guy no okay dude hand on the Bible no. put your hand flat no there blow job no. with who a guy who who who yeah well it. is give me a name give me a name yeah. idra Sila oh Tom Hardy no not Tom Hardy. No Kiss Kiss there's a new guy there's a. new guy that I would there's a new guy. that's hot right now that I want who you. know who oh yeah I know which which one.

um the kid in Dune Timothy no no what do. you mean Austin Butler Austin Butler. Elvis I would [ __ ] I would [ __ ] him H H. bur love I would [ __ ] Austin Butler out. my hand on my. bball liquid death you guys um I don't. care what you think. about water but I do because liquid. death is the best water in town look at. it right here I I I I I won't even go. around town with no other water here's. the deal I love liquid death I asked.

them to send us cans before they ever. sponsor us because I love a tall boy I. want to walk with a tall boy and feel. like a tall boy that I am it even makes. Bobby a little bit taller he used to be. 5'4 now he's 5'5 after drinking liquid. death look like a five five right now. dude uh mandatory disclaimer liquid. death will not make you any taller but. liquid death is delicious they come in. different flavors sparkling lime and my. favorite is mango mango mango mango I. love liquid death and liquid death does. the best celebrity collabs like with. Barker and and bad friends how about bad.

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that I love you the. least and I'm going to be in my hand in. the Bible dude it's so close I can't. even you know what I mean okay yeah it's. so close I like I love all three of you. who's the second to the. last of who I love mcon it goes you me. Carlos mcon yeah exactly in that order. it's not hard okay because I've known. Carlos for so long yeah you know I love. I feel you know empathy for him there's. a sadness about him I just root for you. know it's in his eyes yeah are we done.

with this part yeah but be nice to. it thank you can I have it yeah go ahead. do you want this oh you left some G on. it yeah I think we should leave it here. is that where the word comes from what. yeah you left some G on this that's go. that's where go comes from you left a. little bit of G on that you want to say. go just say it no it's G it's g g is G. we know G it's a Midwest term yeah yeah. you left some G on this yeah I did you. GED up my Bible didn't you it did Cook. Out up you know how have you.

been I Haven we haven't seen you in so. long how have you actually been I've. been good just well she has to go back. to re redo your he might my Visa she. might not come back seriously yeah. thanks to colonization here's how. Filipinos can become Spanish citizens in. just two years do you want to join Spain. well yeah you would become Spanish yeah. like their language is so hot to me like. I just want want to [ __ ] everyone there. okay Jesus no you don't no she does I.

can I be honest with you mhm I don't. need the Bible for this you've expressed. some things to me about. women yes yeah and and I think that you. you I think you may prefer prefer them. okay I'll still [ __ ] Spanish women yeah. okay they do have women there I know. they do they have men and women there. yeah not just a feminite men like fancy. they have men and real women beautiful. women there gorgeous stunning. unbelievable big butts and I like them I.

cannot lie I love the big ones cannot. lie that much I like them I like flat. ones really why. not but you got a little you got a. little I I like a good shedar I think. you got to have a nice. shedar that's fine now you got to have a. nice thick butt because now we're. excluding excluding so EAS you to get in. from the back that's. why God that hurts so bad well it's true. I just too much of a barrier you can't.

[ __ ] a big butt girl you'll never get. there you'll never get there but I can. try your dick will be whispering at. it is it better with big butts does it. sex yeah do they like hold big butts are. the best you can hold onto them but do. they also grip the. dick yes they do yes they do they do so. you remember that guy that got his hand. caught in the [ __ ] Canyon and he died. or he chopped his hand off you mean 127. Hours yeah yeah no that's going to be my. dick in a big butt yeah that's right you. have to cut it.

off you I mean cut it off I can't get. there you have to slice it off ncy do. you remember what's your most memorable. birthday what's what's a great birthday. memory I think exactly 10 years ago uh. George and the guys took me to the. desert and we did a huge party there. with a lot of my friends was there. mushrooms and ask involved yes did you. do drugs I did do drugs what did you.

do I forgot with the the cactus then the. what are you. ASA I don't know is that the peyote. peyote oh peyote you did peyote who had. peyote in your group George it's got to. be George yeah what is his deal cuz you. know he he has chickens and and eggs. yeah I know he does all that peyote egg. he's so weird he loves it so you smoked. peyote uh some of my friends started. like running around like they they fell. through Cliffs it was really fun you. enjoyed that oh it must have been a wild.

time yeah wild time but now father. you're a dad you're an old Dad here on. my birthday oh okay which is it. better well it is. okay did those guys get you a mariachi. band okay true true I mean they took you. to the [ __ ] desert I'll take you to. the desert I wonder what I want. September when I'm 53 you're thinking. about your gifts. already and I mean I want just I want a. band I want a band I want what you got.

okay I want clothes yeah but you want. like a famous band to come play for you. you wouldn't Green Day get me green get. me green day you want me to get you. Green Day for your birthday yeah I think. they would do it yeah for a lot of money. no I think they would what do you mean I. know them so they would play your 53rd I. think if you asked Billy Joel he'll to. come in and do an acoustic song sure in. our studio. yep okay he sent me coffee oh that's the. same. thing yeah yeah yeah I don't think I.

could ever convince a famous band like. that to ever do I mean you could do it. you have that kind of pull I don't have. that oh my God this guy I swear to God. can I just tell you I mean I I can't. even what are you talking about I'm not. friends it's the conversations I have. with people in in in this town it's just. like you're on fire right now talking to. anybody in the town I'm just saying you. know so many people you Andrew I have a. question go ahead there she is is Zach. Efron really really hot and ask me I met. him too smells good he does smell very. good and gu he's just like so Heavenly.

he's very he's a very pretty man uh you. know Tito Bobby got to hug him for 10. seconds straight how did it feel mucho. mucho you know mucho mucho is he all. hard he's hard what mean he's just a. when you look at his eyes are beautiful. he's got such a great face it's chiseled. but can I say this too he's super sweet. yeah he's a great guy like he's a great. guy I know you could just tell like you. know he just got you know mean he was. just so real with me and so nice and and.

um giving so was John I mean that was a. great you know that was a great um. encounter it was a good moment in time. for loved it it was and you know what. you'll never get to meet him it's okay I. thought about bringing you though didn't. I I said man should we bring her no you. why you don't want to meet him no why. don't want to meet your Heroes type of. thing you he'll let you down I just. don't want to but also Jules she. admitted to me the other day she gets. recognized now on the streets really.

finally Yeah it's you're really get. embracing it I don't like it you love it. kind of no cuz I'm just like I don't use. my brain when I go out and then they're. just like Rudy and I'm just like I don't. very different than when you're here is. that what you're saying whoa snipe yeah. and why you why' you meet Miss Long. Beach Miss who's Miss Long Beach huh we. had a big Long Beach show that you. didn't show up to oh yeah what was that. about because I had to we we're. fostering puppies and no one has oh you.

[ __ ] [ __ ] creature of the night I. know fentel was going to walk in here. yeah dude you came at a bad. time yeah yeah get in here get in here. you [ __ ]. lady yeah yeah come on in you want don't. want to do it hi you remember her does. it your back hurt when you walk you just. seem like your back hurts when you walk. it's. [Laughter]. just [ __ ] you oh how are those good. those are great yeah 1099 Hi how are you.

Mone say hello you didn't say hi hi I. yes be nice um Carlos say hello [ __ ]. weird yeah because you you've known. Carlos as much as a long long time yeah. yeah yeah and you saw him do stand up. back in the day I wouldn't call it. standup yeah yeah here's onean show what. would you call what Carlos used to do. back in the day uh get on stage get on. stage yeah here we go yeah he would go. up there yeah I would talk and then he.

would run down who this generation who. was around like Esther was around was. Tony hinch clap back back then Tony you. Mt Edgar who B the worst out of all that. all the people that that were in that. group Hi how are. you yeah not answering that yeah so. Elanor was an a waitress at the store. for many years yes and she be server she. became a stand up and um. she she went I I think you're the only.

person that I went that went from server. at least at the store to become a paid. regular at the store and become a. legitimate headliner comic is that true. are you the only Ser well because I. didn't start as a comic so yeah I think. that's what any waitress that turned. comic mity got rid of immediately they. were terrible wait well they were bad or. or it was like part of the thing where. she was going to you were no they were. just. terrible are there are there wait are. there servers now that want to do. standup that hasn't done it yeah like.

Punky Johnson yeah is pretty incredible. but she started as a comic right and. then she got a job there that's. incredible yeah so what she did I think. is more impressive no she's on SNL yeah. I think that's a huge thing wild giant. but you led the way you led the way. you're the Ellen I am you're the Ellen. yeah I'm the. Ellen and um I like this look on you do. I look nice no oh come on yeah I like it. though smells so good thank you it's.

vanilla I can't get white. enough I just rub it in what does she. smell like Elanor we never really know. cuz she kind of WS in and wafts out lean. in she smells lean in you want me to. really yeah. sniff she smells good why' you make me. do that I don't know but you did it she. smells very good not like the jungle or. anything like that huh give me the Bible. again give me the Bible again not give. me the Bible again smells Elan I want to. say something right now. my hand on the Bible right I [ __ ]. hated you so much for so long you don't.

need the Bible for that I know I know so. [ __ ] long and when you started. becoming a comic and then you became. funny yeah it used to burn my soul so. you're saying I wasn't funny before no I. no I just no as I I didn't really know. you that well I think when I once I. moved to LA we became we hated each. other no it wasn't instantly we used to. hang out a little bit yeah what happened. we we've already gone through a year. years of talking about it yeah well. we're on the show now I know all right.

well she well you know Bobby yeah he's. yes that's it yeah okay that's right you. know what that's [ __ ] rude I get it I. actually get it now I've had problems. with many many people but you solved. them amazing I don't solve them some of. them are still. problems but guess what I don't give a. [ __ ] I will go down fighting you should. you know what I mean I'm going to be. that guy yeah who's that guy you're. going to be you what who is that guy. [ __ ] what what do you see an. idiot no how come he's not wearing any.

GTO I had he had it on he got too. [ __ ] oh my get sweaty he gets really. sweaty really fast this guy right here. has um like those bullet oh you bullet. vest I got a sombrero on right I also. have a [ __ ]. um mask I have a CO mask right it's sort. of like a um anyway I got guns you do. have guns right I'm a smokey too yeah. big time no because I've been in a fire.

no you've been smoking again that too. right and that's who I am a warrior and. I will start I will start a war you just. said you're not a hunter or a warrior. yeah you did say you're not a hunter at. all no I am a hunter I just pick and. choose but chocolate swirl is more of a. hunter than you are he's a leader of the. pack anyway leader Elanor you are you. promoting a movie or a special big movie. yeah my special are you are you. promoting. a the [ __ ] was that are you promoting. something you just you you know she's.

promoting a special I know she is Elanor. tell Bobby what a comedy special is or I. mean your comedy special on a second. that came out wrong wait can I ask you a. question you still don't have a special. no why why you just don't want to I'll. do I'll do what I'll do every day is a. special for Bobby okay that's right. special. means it does it does it does that's F I. might be okay I'll I'll defend Robert. right now I'll him no I don't want it's. not you're you're here on the program.

right to talk about your special yes has. nothing to do with me yeah but let's. talk let's talk about his okay I think I. think um Bobby hasn't put out a special. because he nobody wants to do one what. no people will do one with you I think. you don't want to do it because you're. afraid you're a little afraid of it. because it's a daunting task as any. comic knows it's a [ __ ]. nightmare and you've chosen a not and.

still had a successful career so why. it's pretty impressive by way but you've. done Comedy Central presents and things. like that nothing he's never done any TV. shut it I did The Tonight Show a long. time ago I did a premium blend premium. blend a couple of kloos you do two kloos. a couple of kloos that's a that's a. thing though it's not a like a full. whatever but let me ask you guys a. question if I may and you know I'm I'm. in a corner you have a great career let. me let me may I defend myself I defended.

you I I just may I just say my piece my. let me say my piece cuz everyone's. giggling little skull children right now. behind my back. okay fun time laugh laugh at my expense. Bob it's no I'm not done okay Elanor. tell us about special it's. called what's it called let me talk. though no [ __ ] you what's it called [ __ ]. you shut up what's it called No Country. for old women oh I like that oh I like. that that's a great one tell me it's not.

spelled CU N I wanted it I know you did. I know you I was like but you know. what's going to happen is the streamers. will be like we can't broadcast up No. Country For Old women is so good when is. it going to be released it's out it's. out right now I L it I loved it yeah you. loved it tell her your favorite joke I. think I sent you a yeah you did I think. I did you did send me something and. never looked at it I'm so sorry. interesting tell tell us your oh the. thing where you. go. that wait that's your that's your. favorite bit that's my favorite such a.

good opener that's your bit oh that is. yeah yeah where did you film it at the. store in the original room the best. that's great I talked last night about. how that's the greatest room there's. something about that that's mag I got. lucky like at my friend Lexi directed it. and she like loved she was a comic with. Carlos and I like back in the day when. we Lexi shoe maker and thanks dude she. really lit up the room perfectly and. like kept it it cuz we I really wanted. to show the O did you do it in a week. night or a weekend Sunday wow perfect.

that's great cuz one of my favorite. nights in that [ __ ] room is was old I. don't know why it's just Sunday and like. the energy is insane what's the worst. night in the O this is a better question. Tuesday Tuesday Ah that's up there we. just did this last night for some reason. I said Brennan goes even a Wednesday. could be too sometimes but Tuesday is I. don't know what Tuesday is it does last. night let's change that by the way. audience people that go to the. cut it out on last night I called you. why bad set I had a terrible set in the.

he called me and and honestly of all the. years that we joke on the phone this was. like a I actually felt bad I told him. I'd come meet up with him because he was. being genuine he was like I'm really in. a bad place and I said well what's going. on I got like honestly concerned I. thought something maybe happen go for. and he goes I'm embarrassed I [ __ ]. felt embarrassed I got in my car the. moment I got off stage I did the same. thing he goes somebody stood in the um. somebody was [ __ ] all right what go. ahead what happened I can't believe it.

one of the servers was like the gay guy. okay I'm sorry he happens to be gay oh. what did he do he was he was standing. there in the middle I'm I'm doing a. setup of a joke are you in the o or main. room main room oh he's standing in the. front of the [ __ ] just standing there. taking an order I don't know what he's. just standing there like this pulling. focus and I wanted to I was so mad I was. going to go go what are you. doing because you were there when the.

mitti was around how fast would that. person be fired fast immediately same. night I have to ask them to leave and. just take the tray out of their hand. yeah that's this is what it happened a. million times well because you know when. you were serving people got fired were. not to be seen this is what happened. last night store it's called The Comedy. Store said it on repeat she said that. all the time thank you wow I walked off. stage I I went to the manager I got in. the car I called him I was literally. like I think I'm going to drink yeah he.

really was you were in one of those. weird places where I could tell you were. pretty when you bomb like that it's. embarrassing listen I bombed in the O. last night and I got everybody was like. hey where you going I go I got to get. something out of my car and I just left. left funny we all do real [ __ ] you look. at your shoes and you go I got to yeah I. I'm going to I'm going to get a you know. what my trick is when I want to go what. I go on the phone I got a pH I got I go. [ __ ] I'm sorry I got I got to take this. and then the moment I get in the car 1. a.m. phone down driving sad staring off.

into the abyss what what wall could I. hit will that ever go away no I hope not. no cuz that means you care you still. care that you didn't do well or whatever. I'm sure you did fine but you had that. moment that made you rethink every I'm. sure you did fine no no you did even the. piano player was. like really yeah yeah and he always. plays uh I Chris CH yeah Chris he always. is fun and he was just like elanar can.

we talk about your your special is. available right now yeah No Country For. Old for old women you see it right now. yes you it's on the comedy I mean com I. keep saying that comedy store YouTube. comedy store YouTu you know how mity. always wanted the comedy channel yeah. yeah so she we we had all this P like. she had everything made up to Comedy. Channel Comedy Channel and then the. Comedy Central took it and she lost her. [ __ ] mom but she still had all that. paperwork so a lot of times I'd send.

stuff out and it'd be like on Comedy. Channel letterhead and comedy Chann. envelopes and she's like just use them. and I'm like okay so I went and people. are like what the [ __ ] is the comedy. channel I'm like I don't it's I don't. want to get into it it's a subsidiary of. Comedy Central and she would make me use. those to send Mosley to The Comedy Store. in England to tell them to stop and. using their name please uh why am I. standing I can't wait I want to watch. I've never I haven't taken a good. picture in that club since I [ __ ] got.

in there every time they get a photo of. me I'm like I'm like a gangly [ __ ] in. the hallway like how did you beat down. syndrome like every single [ __ ]. picture how long did you and Andrew date. I forget like five years what's that. like I mean Andrew I mean what's that. like uh it's it's like um our videos. it's exct that same relationship when. you guys are together screaming at each. other constantly always you know when. dice every time he sees me he'll pull.

over and we'll talk for an hour that's. how much I love yeah and he loves you. too yeah it's he's what a great guy. Legend no I don't know him I don't know. I we really had a lot of fun together oh. that's the SAG Awards when he did um a. stars born [ __ ] oh yeah he was he played. the he was great played dab he was great. in that so he didn't have a girlfriend. at the time so he was like hey they're. were nominated as an ensemble cast so. wow so I he was like I don't want to go. by myself I feel like a dick so I went. with him you guys have a blast we did we.

had so much fun did you meet Lady Of. course Eddie Griffin was there I was on. set with him most of the whole time but. Eddie Griffin was there so more. comfortable Eddie was in the movie did. you see the movie Yeah Eddie Griffin was. in stars born yeah he's the. star it's about him it's him and Bradley. Cooper they're besties Dave Chappelle. was in it I know Chappelle was in Eddie. Griffin all the goods there's. all the good comments the scene though. okay let's let's end the part was so.

long what's your problem we promote we. promote it's great I love hert you. didn't even watch piece of. [ __ ] I don't why we made. up hey hey I'm sorry I love you and I'm. going to watch a special I'm going to. promote it I want you to watch it and. give me notes on what you like you know. what in fact I'll go on my Instagram. I'll just give you two clips can you. watch a clip watch a c not only that. send me a clip on my Instagram and I. will post it on my Instagram I don't. even know where it is okay yeah and I. get some followers I'm going to I'm.

going to do you a favor you do have. followers yes so it'll be great I need. some followers well you're gonna get. them from this uh Elanor is uh one of my. favorite people and I love her so much I. love her more but it's fine I think. that's true that Andrew please watch No. Country for on The Comedy Store YouTube. page we'll put the link in the. description below we appreciate you so. much Elanor we love you and look in the. camera Elanor and say thank you for. being a bad friend thank you for being.

bad. W. wo. wo.