Limericks with Louie | Ep 295 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends. >> Who are these two idiots? >> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two. are disgusting. >> You two are something. >> We're bad friends. >> How about you? Do you go to car therapy, Carlos? >> Weekly. >> You do? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. For seven years. >> Oh, wow. >> Yeah. >> What do your therapist say? >> Uh, >> you must have had like notepad over not. I [laughter] mean, you know, one of. those scient You know those Yeah. Like. FBI, CIA, you know what I mean? Boards. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a hot girl and she. [laughter] gives me Molly.

>> That's not a therapist. >> It's a stripper you're seeing. >> This [laughter] is a stick. This is a. sticker for my where I go. It's a large. M. >> Fantasy therapy. >> What is it called? California what? >> Center for Psychedelic Therapy. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. It's great. >> I love it. >> That's so embarrassing. So, what you did. Austin, then you did Vegas. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a game in. Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a. wedding in Austin. Uh, what else did you. do there? >> You're not giving us the details. >> I know there's something else. There's. things going on in your life and we want. to know. >> Well, I did I did match with a girl.

recently. >> Yeah. >> And it was the girl that we brought on. stage in Houston. >> Ooh. >> I don't remember her. >> I don't remember her. >> She's kind of Asian-y. >> And like [laughter]. >> Yeah. But like it's like 80% white, 20%. Asian. So. >> Oh, that's a good That's a good mix. That's a good mix. >> 80 white 20. So a little Asian. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What does it show? I just the eyes are. not completely. >> there, you know, there's an angle to. them. >> Like sharp like a sharp. [laughter].

>> Yeah. >> Like when the eyes were being developed. in the wound, the Asian, >> you say in the wound. >> Womb. >> It's womb. >> Carlos for years thought it was the. wound. [laughter]. >> It's inside your wound. >> Yeah, >> that's a vagina. Carlos, it's a wound. I've heard it goes inside your wound. >> But you she you follow her, Bobby. >> I do? >> Yeah. It's Marissa. Toé. >> Oh, no. I No, no. I know who you're. talking about. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And did you Did you link up? >> Bring her up on the thing so I can see.

what she looks like. We're not. >> pull up her name, her last name. Uh, no. She ghosted me and then Exactly. >> Yeah. >> No, but she followed me on Instagram, so. we're doing okay. >> Okay. >> You getting ghosted a lot lately? What's. going on? >> Yeah, it's all a numbers game. >> Yeah, I remember at the show. I now. remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad. became. >> [laughter]. >> She's cute. >> Yeah, she's cute. >> So you She ghosted you. >> She ghosted me, but then I think she. responded cuz it was easy cuz I was. already back in LA.

>> Ah, >> like. >> Oh, she waited to knew you till she knew. you were gone. Yeah. >> Smart. Smart girl. >> It is smart. >> Yeah. >> So, I'm going to try and trap her into a. date in Austin. >> Yeah. I I think we should move to the. Midwest. >> Where do you want to go? >> It's a It's a better dating pool. >> Oh, it is for sure. Yeah. >> EVERY DATE I GO ON HERE IS JUST LIKE, "YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO MY EP?" NO, IT'S. NOT GOOD. [laughter]. IT'S NOT GOOD. IT'S NEVER GOOD. >> THEY DON'T say EP anymore. >> Oh, whatever. Yeah. But Oh, do you want. You want to see my paintings? It's never. good. >> What do they say if they don't say EP? What do you mean? They say. >> Yeah, EP. Be like, uh, go to my like.

Soundcloud or whatever. >> Okay. >> They wouldn't be like, "Here's like a. record.". >> Uh, well, I bet you some of the East. Side girls probably are like, "Yeah, the. East.". >> They press it, dude. >> I didn't know they were pressing. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. >> Eagle Rock girls. [laughter] Come on, dude. >> They'd be pressing. >> They They'd be pressing. They absolutely. be pressing Michael. >> Yeah. I mean that's okay. So that's the. prototype of I think who what I want to. marry. >> Oh, you mean really hot? [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Hot. Really hot. Notice. nothing about your past.

>> This has always been your the mix Asian. thing is your key. That's your key demo. >> I've dated. You've seen You've met. >> I know. That's what you love the most. >> It's I love it. Yeah. Because Kalila was. mixed. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Um. >> other girls were mixed that. >> other girls mixed. You know, I dated. some mixies. Yeah. Yeah. Because full is. a lot. It's too much. >> Well, it's heavy. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> IT'S HEAVY. >> WELL, because if you go meet parents and. they're both whites. >> Yeah. >> That's a lot of defense you got to play. >> I know. >> But if one of them is part of your. lineage in anyway, if you got like the.

Asian dad, you're like, "How you doing?". >> Yeah. >> You know, like at least you got a little. in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot. of danger. >> Also, there's bullying going on because. like I remember when I was dating Sarah. Highland, >> she she she lived she was from. Louisville, Kentucky, >> our favorite. And we went one dinner. One dinner I came to the dinner, family. dinner. >> Everyone was wearing kimonos. >> Well, that's respectful. [laughter]. >> They were. >> That's respectful. >> And then they had a tight Hello Kitty. shirt for me, so I put it on. It was. really Everyone laughed. >> That's cute. >> It is cute, right? But it's like it.

would have been nice if there was. another Asian there. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Oh, you're the only one. >> I was the only one. Yeah. >> They should have brought another one in. Just hire one just to be there. And when. the grandma her grandmother didn't. really like me that much. >> Yeah. >> But you I did a little Asian thing. >> I have Asian technique for them to like. me. I went to the grand piano and I. started playing. >> cuz I knew she was in the living room. and then I can see her trying starting. to like me. >> Right. >> You got to bring it. You either do that. or do your taekwondo something. You have. to tell them you have Asian skills. I.

think. >> get your abacus out of your car and. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Wait till you see. Dude, I was at the. wedding last night. My good buddy. What. a fun little beautiful wedding. >> Can I ask you Can I ask you what skaters. were there? >> Yes. No, it was of course there skaters. cuz Sean is a phenomenal skater. >> Mhm. >> Eric Cton's one of his closest friends. Frosty. He's always around. He's a good. dude. >> Are you nice? Cuz I have a Eric Cen. story. >> We know each other. I know. I play golf. with him a few times. >> Oh, you have? Okay. >> Yeah. Why you don't like Eric? >> Long long time ago, I went to a skate.

party. >> Rut. wrong. >> What did you do? >> Nothing. And I met I someone tried to. introduce me to him and he was really. cold. >> to you. >> To me and I remember walking away from. that going I hate that guy. [laughter]. >> It's one of the best. >> But back then I I don't know maybe it. was because I'm I was I'm a weird guy. >> Yeah. You are very weird. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. And you know I you know I come I. come to a party you know. >> shifty you know. >> Yeah. A little shifty. >> I'm a shifty little guy. You know what I. mean? But I remember coming out of what. >> it's very urban like crackheady.

>> Yeah. I was like what's that man? >> Right. Very skate style. That is crack. That's crack. >> Nollie, huh? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Switch. Switch. Switch. Which one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Laser flips, dude. You love. them. [laughter]. >> Hard flip, dog. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like I think maybe. was my shifty vibe. Yeah. >> But, you know, sometimes you meet. somebody and you know, you don't know. what people are going through. >> You're right. You don't know what he's. >> You don't know. But I always take it. personally. >> and I walk away from them going, "I need. revenge." [snorts]. >> Yeah. May I write down what I'm going to. do?

>> Cuz you want to be woripped. >> That's right. Praise. Worship. That's. what the boy needs. And that's. >> No. No. I want to be treated like a. human being, dude. >> Not true. >> I want to be acknowledged as a human. being. >> Like a normal celebrity. >> No, no, no. What I'm saying is is that. >> Oh, that hurt. >> Gearing him up. >> Yeah, you got me geared up, Dad. >> You're gearing him up, dude. >> Well, I know. That's why you want to go. to the Midwest, too. Less competition. with celebrities. >> Oo, he's getting geared up. >> That's what I I think that, too, though. I I know what you're thinking. >> Gearing up the Bobo. >> I'm on Rya, right? >> Yep. >> And a girl's on Rya. Bradley Cooper. >> Bobby Lee. Which one?

>> Carlos. >> Are you Oh, yeah. You're on there, too. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I I got to say I think Bradley. [laughter]. >> Just honest. >> Yeah. I I think Bradley. >> Honest guess. >> Yeah. >> Honest guess. >> No. Yeah. There was a bunch of cool. skaters there. >> Yeah. >> Just guys that like I grew up like. loving from when I was It's just such a. weird It's awesome. It's a weird thing. to be friends with. Guys that you're. like. >> Yeah. >> You know, and we It was awesome wedding. It was [ __ ] beautiful. Everyone was. so rad and nice cuz you know, like we. don't I don't know I don't know his.

family that well. >> Yeah. So, it was really. >> What's the mix of the family? >> What do you mean? >> What is he? >> Oh, interesting. >> Filipino. >> I don't know. I'm not going to tell you. >> Oh, >> yeah. >> There's some mix though. >> There is a mix. >> Yeah. A brown. >> He's not a fully. >> Yeah, there's a brownie. There's some. brownie in there. >> No. >> Mhm. >> What What are What are you being so. mysterious about? >> I don't know. >> Okay. >> Yeah, there's a mix. >> There's a mix. >> There's mixed family. Yeah. It was rad. though. And everyone was super [ __ ]. cool to us. >> and very nice and it was a beautiful. wedding venue. It's one of those moments. where you're like, and you know what's.

so funny about skater weddings is that. you know, no matter what you wear, you're good. >> Ah, >> because everyone's wearing cool [ __ ]. Like there there isn't this weird. expectation for like anybody to to like. go out of their way to be like I got to. make sure. It's like no, they just want. you to look cool, be casual, and have a. little bit of have a little bit of. >> Let me say something. If I have a. wedding, dress up. >> No, no, they did. You know, I'm saying. this incorrectly. Let me guess. What I'm trying to say is. like the vibe was very like. >> no tuxedos. It was like cool clothes.

>> It was like how Ron Howard dresses, [laughter]. >> right? >> Like when he's drinking like a suit but. a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard. style. >> Yeah. It was like skaters. They all have. great style. So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a [ __ ] super. wild green suit on. It looked so sick. >> And like some dudes had just the dopest. gear. I was like And also wearing Vans. Like rocking Vans. >> Yeah. They dress so good. >> They just have good skaters have the. best [ __ ] style, dude. They do. >> They just have like this vibe of like. they pull it off. It's It looks. wellto-do and then still casual as [ __ ].

but it's still dressy. >> Yeah. >> Like this dude uh um this dude Cole from. Metalwood, he had this just dope ass. purple suit on and I was like this. [ __ ] it was so fly. >> Like Dumb and Dumber. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Just looked so fly. I wore a traditional. black suit. So I just That's all I wear. to weddings. Yeah. >> I only wear black. >> You look good. >> Just black. Well, cuz look at this. I. can't What color are you going to. >> maltto? was like, "Colors are option. What color do you want to do, dude? You. like a bright color?" And I was like, "It's going to be black, bud. I can't.

wear Look at this. >> I have to go to Jimmy out. You know that. that this is suits for 5'4" or less. [laughter]. >> on Ventura. I have to go there now. And. whenever I'm there, they're like, "Yeah, Seth Seth Green just came in.". [laughter] Like all the smaller actors, >> you know, I mean, Brad Williams just. picked up three suits. >> Tom Cruz. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You see what it's called? It's. >> Joe Peshy, Patino, Elijah Wood, Tom. Cruz, Kevin Hart. Dude, brother, you're. Michael J. Fox. You are in good. You're. in good company. >> They all go to that Jimmy Ow's place.

>> Jimmy's short. What's it called? >> See, see what what that place is called? Cuz I love the guy cuz he's always. there. >> What is it? Big and tall. Is it small. and short? Jimmy, small and shorts. Dave. Franco. A lot of guys that are under. 5'8. >> No. Um, >> how about suits 5'4 or less? Um, Sherman. Oaks. [gasps]. [laughter]. >> So funny. No tailoring needed. >> YEAH. >> HELLO. [screaming] HELLO.

>> HELLO. >> HELLO. HELLO. Uncle Lou. [laughter]. >> I brought you five cheeseburgers. >> Are you being real? >> I brought you five. >> Thank you. >> Wow. >> Did you really go to Bob's? Wow. >> Let him sit in that blue chair. Lou. >> Lou. >> Wow. Lou. This is This is. >> extravagance. >> Yeah. So, it's kind of a [ __ ] up story. because I. >> wanted a cheeseburger. >> Yeah. So, you brought five of them. [laughter]. >> That's it. Yeah. No, I was I I was.

looking for I don't know like an. In-N-Out or something. I was kind of in. a hurry and I needed I cuz I need to eat. before a certain hour. I wake up in a. >> in a cold sweat if I eat [laughter] too. late. >> So, did you eat? >> So, so I went into Bob's. I was like, "Oh, this is like a family burger.". Like, cool. [laughter] Right. So I go in. and I said and I pictured coming here. with a bag a paper bag. >> full of burgers. >> Yeah. >> And just going, "Here everybody, have. some burgers." [laughter]. >> And I sat down and I ate uh Bob's Big. Burger. >> Yeah.

>> And it was really disgusting. [laughter]. >> And I got a vanilla shake, but I had a. paper straw, so I couldn't drink it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And then they gave me the burgers in. this [ __ ] horrible I thought I wanted. it to be like an oldfashioned like cops. uh you know. Is it as bad as I. >> Mine was? Yeah, they're bad. >> Lou, can I eat it later? [laughter]. >> Once you leave, can I eat it once you. leave? >> The whole thing was a mistake. >> He has three over there. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here. >> No, no, he will eat those. >> No, I'm on Oympic. >> Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. >> I like that being OMIC on Ozmpic is like.

being kosher or something. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> it is. I mean, he did throw up for the. first like two weeks he was on it. >> It was tough. No, I had to switch from. Ozic to Wiggoi. >> We're on WGO. >> I'm on WGO now. >> You don't do that [ __ ] You would never. >> never. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] that. >> I don't know. I would if it was a good. idea, but I don't think it's terrible. I. think it's uh that you're going to die. from that. >> You think you really do? >> No, I don't. Of course not. Being an. [ __ ] No, I I uh don't I don't like I. get nervous about things like that going.

and you know that change how you feel or. that change you neurologically. >> Oh, neurologically. >> And also I like the fight I'm in with. weight and stuff. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Like it. It's something to lean against, you know. >> I think you lost weight. No. >> Oh. Oh, thank [laughter]. >> Dude. He was doing, you know, he was. setting us up. That's all he wanted to. say. >> You look so slender. Me? >> Well, I've been working out and eating. more. >> Oh, that's good. >> Good. >> Yeah. Yeah. When you do when you. separate and you start working out more. and eating less, you're really hurting.

yourself. >> Uh, so I'm just going like I'm more. exercise. >> Yeah. >> So, let's lay it on. >> What's What's the one exercise that you. actually enjoy? because none of them are. that enjoyable. >> I kind of like the way it all feels. >> You do? >> Yeah. >> [ __ ] I don't know. I can't get through. it lately. I guess maybe it's also the. if the depression exercise is like I'm. doing it because I know I need to do it. >> Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. >> Cuz I want to do it. >> How old are you? >> 42. >> Yeah. I mean, it sure starts changing. I'm 58. It starts changing. [laughter].

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What happens? >> Start feeling different. I mean, you. just sort of like get philosophical. about it and you go like, I like the way. it feels when my body heats up because. I'm going on like uphill treadmill or. whatever. I'm stairmaster. >> and if I don't want to do it, I just. don't do I never do it if I don't want. to. >> See, I do that all the time. >> And I'm starting to eat whatever I want. >> Like what do we What do you mean? >> Doesn't matter. [laughter]. >> Just eat it. Because somebody is. explaining this to me that if you. prohibit, you're in this constant. tension that you then have to binge to.

release. But if you just go like. whatever I want, I'm going to eat it. when I want it. What happens is your. body goes like that [ __ ] hurt. That. actually hurt. That was not a good idea. And then that memory makes you go, "Oh. yeah, I don't want that this time. I. want less things than I used to." You. know what I mean? >> Oh yeah. >> You get hunger pains at night? >> No. >> You don't? You wait. >> He's still thinking about the old world. >> No, what I'm saying is is that late at. night sometimes I'm like, "Should I get. a sandwich?". >> No. Well, here's the difference. You're.

not explaining. He stays up all night. So, he'll be up at four or five and he. It's now been seven hours. >> It's important to me to go to sleep and. stay asleep. So, if I if I eat too close. to bedtime, >> Yeah. >> I wake up in the at like 3:00 in the. morning and it sweat cuz my body's. trying to digest and it doesn't. >> You think it's a white thing? Excuse me. for saying. >> Well, [laughter] you mean white versus. you? >> You mean white in a way that you're not? [laughter]. >> I I think our bodies are different. That's all. >> They are. That's true. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, but you stay up all.

night. >> Yeah, I do. But because I you know I am. uh. >> an Asian thing or. >> I think it's an Asian thing. >> Are you Korean? >> I don't know anything ABOUT. >> YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD GUESS. >> THANK [applause] YOU. >> YEAH, because when white people guess, they never get it right. >> You could be Chinese. >> Could I be? >> I almost said you could have Chinese. [laughter]. >> Yeah, >> you could have Chinese. >> But that was a really good guess. >> Korean. Yeah, [laughter]. >> there's like four. I mean, what's. >> No, there's a bunch. So there's Thai. Cambodia. >> I know. I know. Yeah. Hear.

>> it on purpose. >> Yeah. That was really good. >> You have a gong, so it's fair to talk. about this. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Right. You have a gong with a fortune. cat. >> A fortune cat. Yeah. Yeah. >> His father made this before he died. That's why we This is an homage to his. father. >> Really? >> Yeah. No. But. >> did he make it as a weapon or [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> We think about it every time we when we. This is when we remind. >> Yeah. >> He feels his father. >> Stop doing that, dude. Okay. It's. [ __ ] weird. >> If you wanted a good burger, you should. have texted us. We would have told you. where to go. That's not That's not where.

to go. >> I really regret it. >> Yeah, that sucks. There's so many good. burgers, too. >> Are you single right now, Louis? >> Um, no. >> Oh, you're seeing somebody? >> Um, yeah. I'm with somebody very much. >> Oh, very good. >> Very in love with somebody. >> Oh, that's great. >> Yeah, somebody I [laughter] want to be. with. >> Wow. >> He's looking for love. >> No, what I'm saying is that cuz I was. curious. Does has do does Louie ever. date Asians? Have you ever dated an age. in your life? >> Yes. >> Oh, good. >> Yeah.

>> Very good. Very good. >> I dated a Korean woman for um a little. while. Yeah. >> And what did you what what was that. experience [laughter] like? Cuz I've. been dating a Korean woman for 6 years. now. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. >> So, you are Korean? >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I am. That's why I said you got it. right. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I thought Yeah. >> Yeah. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. >> What? Well, one thing cuz she told me, the woman I I dated told me she I I I. asked her, "What's your last name?" And. she was like, "I mean, guess. You're. going to get it in two guesses.".

>> All right. >> Cuz it's like Lee or Park. [laughter]. >> It's true. Like it's only one of them. >> Yeah. There's some chos. >> Chose. >> There's some CHOs. Yeah. Yeah. >> He's envious of a couple chos. That's. why. >> But what was it like? So, she was I. really liked her very much. She was cool. and she was she had an interesting. [snorts] she was a different she talked. about being Korean without my asking her. you know it was part of her uh she said. that it was um um there wasn't many in. my also she was Korean of my generation.

there was nobody she was like in a. desert of Koreans in her raised in New. Jersey. >> and she said that she had like two. friends and they are still very close. because they felt very isolated just. wasn't many people from their culture. But she told me interesting things like. that [snorts] when Korean people say. hello, they say uh when have you eaten. or like say have you eaten? Yeah. >> That's that's their how you doing? >> What is that? What's it when your mom. says that when we see her? >> Peekopa. >> Peekopa. >> Peopa. >> Peopa. >> Yeah. Are you hungry?

>> Are you hungry? Yeah. Yeah. >> His mom does. >> And then Pebbulo is I'm hungry. I'm I'm. I'm full. >> I'm full. >> Yeah. Yeah. And I know which is penis. Okay. >> Donk which is butthole. Jut which is. tit. Boji [ __ ] Is there [laughter]. >> That's I think that's all I know. >> Plural for tit. You can only say. >> bogies maybe. Yeah. >> Boji. >> Yeah. [clears throat] Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> That's like titty titty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And then here's another thing I I. learned. Um juke juke. >> No. >> Yeah. No. Let me finish.

>> What? >> Go. Go. Go. >> You know what jukejuk is? >> Yeah. Isn't that jizz? >> No. No. Jukjuk isn't jizz. >> Trying to start a Korean [laughter] car. Juke. Yeah. Yeah. Jukjuk is slang for sex. >> So I asked a Korean guy. I go, "What? I've never like what? Why juke juke?" He. goes, "That's what sex sound like.". Juke. [laughter]. >> Lots of [ __ ] farts in Korea. >> Yeah. I guess they're queefing a lot.

over there. You know what I mean? But. yeah, they are. >> Yeah. I've never heard juke juke when. I'm having sex. >> No. >> Well, I. >> I always hear a Korean guy in the room. going juke juke. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Sitting in the cuff chair. >> Factor. Fall always feels like a reset. between back to school, busier routines, and shorter days. Finding time to cook. can be tough. That's why I love Factor. >> Yeah, Factor is so good. Their chef. prepped dietitian approved meals make it. easy to stay on track and enjoy. something comforting and delicious no. matter how hectic the season gets. I. love Factor, man. Uh I have some in my.

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have some of the best sex of your life, Bobby calls me every time he's done. having sex and goes, "I blue chewed it. and I blew her away." It's not just. about performance. This is about legacy. or third legacy. Get it, Bob? >> I love it. >> Yeah. Give her a group chat something to. talk about. When you lay it down, you. know they're talking about how it gets. up. Nothing makes you more of a legend. than a little Bluetooth. Discover your. options at bluechw.com. >> And we got a special deal for our. listeners. As always, get your first. month of Bluetooth free. Just use promo. code bad friends at checkout and pay.

five bucks for shipping. >> That's it. Join Bluetooth's mission to. upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to bluechu.com for more details and. safety info. And big thanks to Blue Chu. for sponsoring the podcast. >> So you're in love for that. Yes. >> That's great. >> Yeah. She's great. She's awesome. >> Yeah. >> Is there lirance involved? >> Uh no, I don't think so. >> Oh. Oh, really? Okay. >> I mean both of us are single. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But is there is there. one person more like, you know what I. mean, obsessed with the other person? >> No, I think we feel we feel pretty.

equal. >> Wow. >> And it's nice, you know, like uh I I. heard somebody talking once about like, you know, I don't want to be the kind of. guy who picks girls up at the airport. like that. I heard that said as a bad. thing, >> picking them up at the airport, >> right? >> And I've picked her up at the airport. >> You like her? >> Well, how did that one time I was coming. home and she goes, "Hey, I could pick. you up at the airport." And I'm like, "You don't have to." and she said, "Can. I please pick you up at the airport?". And I was like, "Good. We're we're. equal. We're match.". >> It depends on what airport to be honest. I mean, that is a big piece of it.

>> What. >> you It depends on the airport. I mean, like. >> Oh, for sure. >> My wife has never. >> never I mean, but I don't I would It's. such an annoyance. I like I don't even. want her to because I'm pissed off when. I get to the airport. >> She's going to show up annoyed. It's. like I'd rather you just be chill at. home. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Cuz I Yeah. >> I don't like it when they don't do the. full thing. >> What do you mean? What? >> Let me finish. >> All right, let me finish. >> He speaks in limicks. So, yeah. [laughter]. >> Let me finish. Okay. All right. Kalila,

my ex-girlfriend, she goes, "I'll pick. you up from the airport." Right. But. when I would land, she wouldn't be. there. >> And she's like, "I'm stuck in traffic.". No. Go. >> You're right. Right. >> Be at the when the escalators go down. where the baggage claim is. Be there. with a sign. [laughter]. >> All right. And then sometimes it's like, "Come to the parking lot because I'm not. going to go in. You just have to find my. car." No. [ __ ] you. >> No. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You come to me. >> You come to me. >> Yeah. >> I think that's fair. >> Thank you. >> Yeah. I mean, WELL, [laughter]. >> IT'S NOT A full endorsement.

>> Yeah. >> I'm just being polite. >> Yeah. Um. >> I just don't I just It just I'm doing my. best to travel better now to have a. better attitude cuz it's such a. nightmare when you get That's horrible. >> But that's why whenever she used to do. it when we were younger and broke, she. was like, you know, you can get a. [ __ ] cab. >> Yeah. >> Like you make money out when you. >> Yeah. But you're married. >> Yeah. Yeah. But no, I'm saying before we. were married, when we were dating, she. was like, "Get a [ __ ] cap." I'm. saying, >> "How long you been married for?". >> Almost 10. >> Fantastic. >> It's fantastic. >> Yeah. >> You have kids?

>> No kids. Can't have kids. >> No. >> She's got a penis. [laughter]. >> No. >> Okay. I don't know. >> No, she doesn't. >> I just Yeah. >> No. No, she doesn't. [laughter]. >> Is it worth it? >> What? >> Having children. You have some. >> I have two. >> Yeah, that's two. That's some. That is. [laughter] I think sum is I think sum is. three or more. >> Do you really? >> A couple is two, sum is three. >> Is some three? >> I think some it's like a series is three. or more. >> It's crazy to teach an Asian math.

That's like the wildest [ __ ]. >> A couple is two, sum is three. >> It's more cultural social math though. >> Yeah. Okay. >> He's bad at all of them. >> Sure. >> Yeah. Okay. So that you have um a couple. >> I have [laughter] two. >> What? >> It's worth it. I think I think anybody. who's on the fence about it should just. do it. >> Really? It's never a mistake. It's. impossible for it to be a mistake. >> Okay. >> A person. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> For whatever happens. >> Wow. >> Well, your kids are grown like grown. grown, right? Like.

>> 20 and 23. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Out of college. The or at college? Any. of them? >> College. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> That's [ __ ] great. >> Cuz I remember your first HBO special, the half hour. I think that was your. first, right? On HBO or No, >> I did one uh back in the '9s that was. just goofy jokes. But the one I did that. was a half hour was all. >> You talked about your kids and stuff. Yeah, that was a great special. Thanks. Amazing. >> Thank you. >> You know, I met [clears throat] you. I I. don't You don't remember when I met you? I I think I brought it up the last time. I saw you. Yes. And Matt TV with Lauren. Yeah, >> I remember.

>> YOU DON'T REMEMBER MEETING ME? >> I do because [laughter] uh my friend. Dino wrote for you guys. >> Oh yeah, Dino. >> And I was on the lot doing something. else. I don't remember. Maybe Cedric the. Entertainer show. >> Yeah, that's right. That's right. >> And so yeah, I do I used to see you. around. But I didn't really We didn't. like hang out. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Did you write for Cedric's show? >> I did. >> You did? >> Cedric the Entertainer Presents. It's. >> pretty great, huh? >> You wrote on that show. >> I was a writer and co-executive. producer. Yeah. >> Wow. >> Give us some Give us some good said. bits. [laughter].

>> Cedric. Yeah. >> I [clears throat] mean, Cedric was like. Jackie Gleason. He was like a great. performer. >> He's fascinating. >> He's so fascinating. Yeah. He really. like the And now because now he's on. like a uh like a traditional uh sitcom. and it's massively popular, right? >> Yes. >> Neighbor. The neighbor. >> Something like that. Yeah. I never seen. that. >> That's still there. That's still going. on. >> Oh, it's got to be. It's those network. shows. They'll just they keep riding. >> He was one of the most natural. performers I ever worked with. That guy. could make anything funny. >> [ __ ] eight seasons. That thing. >> Wow. We had this bit that I wrote called.

um Texas versus Maine and it was some. like local access cable show in Texas. that he's and he's a Texan and it's. about how much better Texas is than. Maine and he hates Maine [laughter] and. he does this kind of like. kind of like uh what's his name? The uh. cartoon character with cowboy hat. >> I know. I can't think of his [ __ ]. name. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Samuse Sam. >> Yuseity Sam. He did sort of an. impression of him and. >> and I used to love watching him do it.

He was he was really something. >> A good guy, too. Like really good guy. >> Yeah. >> You You haven't talked to him in years. >> Oh, I haven't? >> No. [laughter]. >> It was like an You haven't talked. >> I I can tell. I can tell. >> It's been a few years. >> Well, cuz you're talking about him in. the past tense. Like he died. >> Like he died. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. No, we just still we didn't we. didn't stay friends. I mean, not not. actively, but I'm [snorts] always happy. when I do see him. >> [laughter]. >> I said, >> "Yeah." Hey, >> do you hug them or no? >> Cuz that that that tells me a lot.

>> I don't think you're a hugger. >> We hug. >> You do? >> Yeah. I like Okay, good. >> I mean, when I saw you the other day, you gave me a side hug. That was very. fruitful. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> I'll tell you I'll tell you the best. thing that uh the thing that warmed my. heart. You said to me, "This was great. This is probably the best piece of. advice I've gotten from someone. We were. at the seller and we were in um. >> we were in the Fat Black Lounge. >> and you were in the hallway and you were. like, "That was that was really good. When I got off stage, I said, "Oh, thank. you, man." And you go, "That's family. stuff. That's great." And I go, "Yeah.". "Oh, thank you." And you go, "That other.

stuff, get rid of that." And I was like, "Okay." And you go, "The family said. that was good." And I go, "Right, right." And you go, "But the other. stuff.". >> No, he didn't. >> Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yeah, HE DID. [laughter]. >> YOU DID IN a jokey way. >> I No, I MEANT. >> It was [ __ ] great. >> Oh, you did? I saw him at the Fat Black. I had never seen him. I've I've I've. seen clips of you guys together and. stuff. >> Yeah. >> And uh so I was just watching him and uh. he was doing this stuff about his family.

and he was doing a really smart bit. about if you about how you can um about. resentment towards his parents and that. later when they become weaker and you. start controlling their lives, you can. get revenge on them. And it sounded. really like the feelings felt real. >> Yeah. >> And that was really engaging. And then. he talked about if you really want to. get back at people that age, give them. Bluetooth for presents, like Bluetooth. items. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> And uh and it was a great bit. And then. he started doing some about Trump and.

the those issues that you know and I was. like I just felt [laughter]. >> I just went away. And that's how I feel. about most people. He's as though I. think I said to you, you're as good as. anybody while you're talking about your. family. Yeah. >> You're as good as anyone. Like really. great. And then the other thing is you. sound like everyone, right? You sound. just like everyone else. >> Wow. >> Because uh this thing my take on the you. know everyone's trapped in like four. issues. >> for like since 2016.

>> Yeah. >> Trump trans blah d. It's just the same. [ __ ] stuff. And here's my take on the. woke this. It's just so boring. >> And uh and everyone takes a shot on on. Twitter and on the podcasts. We all do. it. So on stage it's like why why you. can fashion a great you know no one has. your family no one has your voice you. know it's totally interesting to watch. somebody you can tell where they're you. know. >> and where they're coming from uh e.

ethnically where they're coming from in. where they are and the kind of family. they had. That's I'll listen to that all. day. >> Yeah. >> Can I ask you. >> It was awesome. I loved it. >> Can I ask you a question? >> Yeah. You don't have to ask. >> I'm on your show. >> I know. But can I ask you one? Yeah. >> Okay. Um, [laughter]. let me Okay. So, um, I want No, this is. the way cuz I want to be real for a. second. >> Sure. I'm. >> Okay. So, um, I've always been obsessed. about killing.

>> Uh-huh. >> So, I'm not as prolific. >> Okay. >> Right. >> Yeah, I understand that. >> Yeah. And I haven't changed my act. I. mean, right now I'm doing a special for. Hulu, so I'm trying to come up with new. stuff. But my point is is that. >> I'm so afraid of not killing that. I I. I've been I'm in a [ __ ] rut. >> I totally. >> because of that fear, you know what I. mean? And it's like I know that there's. more that I can do. I know there's more. that I can say and I just don't do it. because I hate bombing. You know what I.

mean? And it's like I just know that I'm. not growing. And I know that, you know, I mean, you're so you're very prolific, >> if I can say that. >> Yes, I am. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're one of. those comics that like if you're. performing, like all the comics will run. into the room to watch you. When I. perform, they [ __ ] leave. They're. [ __ ] fire. >> They don't leave. >> They do. They do. The whole background. >> doesn't matter. None of that matters. >> Okay. >> [ __ ] the other comedians. That's not. your audience. >> Okay. >> You're not doing this for them. >> Yeah. Who am I doing it for?

>> They're just their competition and their. colleagues. They're just people that. also do what you do. >> Okay. >> Has nothing to do with them. >> Yeah. >> How do I get over this rut though? >> Yeah. What you're describing is a very. important thing and it's a very. vulnerable place to be. You know exactly. what you have to do. Your problem is. your solution is right in front of you. [laughter]. >> What is it? >> It's just you got to you got to get over. it. >> No. In other words, you you're you're I. mean what I'm saying is you're way ahead. of the game because a lot of people. don't understand what their problem is. >> Yeah. I totally understand it. That is.

the basic problem for most comedians. Um because they're afraid of that. feeling. I'm not killing. I was raised. to kill as a comic. I started in Boston. and in Boston it was like you might get. hurt if you don't kill cuz the room. might get really nasty, >> right? >> And someone might throw [ __ ] at you. They might wait for you outside. Like. there's a feeling in Boston of like. >> there's the bad version of this is. [ __ ] bad. >> [laughter]. >> And also there was this kind of like.

this biting spirit there. So I I liked. it. I I was 18 when I started. So I was. killing killing killing. It took me a. long time to realize that this is I. still try to untrain myself. There's. bits where I'm like that crushes. but it's not making me better. I got to. stop doing it. >> So it's not only not wanting to bomb. It's also like backing away from the. obvious sometimes and just going like, "Yeah, that bit annihilates." But. >> yeah, >> what are we doing?

>> You know better. Yeah. >> Yeah. It's not there's no quality to it. There's nothing that's not taking me. anywhere new. I mean, all the thing is. uh the problem with comedians is they. take everything very personally and it's. a it's a scientific thing kind of comedy. and it's an art. So you should think of. the like pro p privilege the work what's. what matters is this bit right um like I. was watching this kid in uh New York and. he was doing bits about the election the. last one and it had been over for a.

while [laughter]. >> and uh and the bits were strong. >> but people weren't really into it. >> Yeah. >> And he made some comment on stage like. oh I guess you guys don't like my. politics or something. And I pulled him. aside afterwards and I said, "It's. because it's an old topic. No one wants. to hear about it. Old elections." And he. said, "I know, but this bits were. killing and I don't want to let him go.". Yeah. And he what I said to him was cuz. he was very young guy. So I said, >> "If you took the two minutes of.

political material and instead you stood. there and did nothing, uh, you'd grow. more as a comic.". >> It'd be better for you as a comedian. >> Yeah. I think every comedian should try. to put especially in these workout sets. in the clubs. >> Yeah. >> At some point have like an alarm go off. or some way that you go, I'm going to do. 90 seconds. I got no act. Just 90. seconds of just of just try to see what. happens. If you don't keep coming and. coming and coming with it,

[clears throat]. >> it's that panic moment of like I got to. kill right now. If you can just get past. it, it's like the sound barrier, you. know, with that big explosion. >> Yeah. On the other side of the sound. barrier is like there's a calm. You go. like, "Oh, I'm I got power now. I'm not. killing. They're looking at me. This is. weird. I'm still here. I'm alive. >> I can do a bunch of things I couldn't do. on the other side of this.". >> Yeah. >> You could only do one thing when you. need it to be kill. But if you get past.

that, you have like this bunch of other. options that you're like, "Wow, I could. do this." They're looking at the room. comes alive when you stop getting. laughs. [laughter]. >> It does. >> People Yeah. People start going, "What. is going on?" There's no Cuz this puts. you to sleep. >> Yeah. >> They're not even listening after a. while. >> You know, if you're doing jokes, you could one always do one joke where. you go and then I flap the jab black. laps. it like where you literally make. no sense and you'll get that's why a lot.

of comics have like 15 tags and they're. getting jokes just because the the. motor's in motion. They're not funny. >> Yeah. >> But you just get You know what I mean? >> I mean it's. >> you just have to You're 54. What are you. waiting for? [laughter]. >> It's time. It's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> It's never too late. >> Okay. >> You need to start going on stage and. having bad [laughter] sex. >> Yeah. >> You have to. >> You have to. Yeah, >> you have to. That's it. You won't grow. >> You have to. [laughter].

>> But no, you you have to. >> No, no, no. I'm saying you have to. >> I do it all the time. Every time I go. out to start writing a show, I I. struggle mightily for months. >> This message is sponsored by Raycon. Raycon's everyday earbuds have become a. go-to gift for the holidays. They sound. great, last all day, and then some. With. 32 hours of battery life, and actually. stay comfortable no matter how long you. wear them. 4 million people already got. a pair. So, if you've been curious, it's. time to try them out right now. For.

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just go like this is like when I'm. developing a new hour, I go to the. seller, I I go in, I haven't been in for. a while, I do five minutes, maybe just a. few jokes I have, and then I get off. And the next time I do 10, when I get to. about 20, >> yeah, >> then it starts filling in and it starts. getting strong. >> When I have a strong 20, I put it away. I'm like, you can't do these jokes. anymore. And I go back in with nothing. >> And I start with another zero hard. And. >> what's so funny? >> And then you get.

>> that brave hard joke. >> Well, [laughter] I'm going to do it. >> Okay. >> 1996. So I don't do it on the special. [snorts]. >> He's got a Braveheart joke. [laughter]. >> Yeah, it's funny. >> It's fresh. >> Listen, my last special or one of the. last ones I did a special a joke about. Goodwill Hunting and it was 201. Well, you did a whole thing about the. Bible. That's [ __ ] old. >> THE BIBLE'S [laughter]. Bible's been out for a while. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, Lou, I'm going to make a.

deal with everyone in this room. Okay. >> Yeah. >> For my special, I'm going to Cuz I've. never done a special. >> Right. Right. So, I have to. [clears throat] do the things that I've. amassed. >> No, you don't. [laughter]. >> For my special, it's in two months. >> Okay. Well, [laughter]. >> I know. But for the next, you know what. I mean? Thing. >> Yes. Look, do the special and clean. house. >> I'm cleaning house. >> and then start over. >> I'm never going to do those jokes again. >> That's great. That's right. Yeah. I love. that. >> He's going to clean house the way a.

hoarder does where they're like, "Don't. really don't get rid of that. [laughter]. >> Put that right there." Yeah, >> I'll throw out one of the four Kermits. [laughter]. >> I'm keeping the other three Kermits. The. un unboxed. >> I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to. tell you why I'm doing it. >> Sure. >> Because when I perform, I don't feel. good. I feel pain. >> Yeah, man. >> Every [ __ ] I've been there. >> Yeah. I feel pain. I feel disgusted. When I drive home, I don't feel good. >> You got You totally get what's going on.

>> I know. There's something going on. Yes. And it's like when I was younger and I. was like bombing and I was like trying. new things and going what's my voice and. all that kind of stuff. It was in. retrospect I mean back then you were. struggling there was no money and. getting stage time and all the [ __ ]. [ __ ] that you have to go through but. still in terms of performing it felt. new. It felt fresh kill are traps. They're they are prisons. >> Yeah. >> And they keep you from I mean you're. stuck in these bits. It's horrible.

Yeah, >> I had the same opening joke for like 10. years or more. Uh, and I every time I. said it, it felt like I was pissing out. of my my own [laughter] mouth. I hated. it. I hated it so much. >> Can you tell me what is the joke? >> Yeah. And it's actually about piss. I. hate I hate [laughter]. I hate saying it. >> Please do it. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It's Oh god, it's so horrible. I mean, it is what it is. It's a joke, but it's. about I live in New York. It was like, uh, New York is the only city where you.

actually have to say things like, "Hey, that's mine. Don't. >> don't piss on it." Yeah, I know. I love. that. >> That's a great joke. >> I like I like Yeah, I've heard you do. >> It's a fine joke, but do it for 10 years. every night. Like, it's not. >> You felt he That's um He's autistic. Sorry about that. [laughter]. >> He He'll move furniture the whole show. It's just kind of what he does. >> When When you try new stuff, do you have. a button or is it sometimes like just a. premise? Yeah, usually it's a premise like I come. up with I'll be you know walking around.

and I'll I'll have a thought or in a. conversation where I'm like that's I. know that area is a bit. >> right. >> and I'll write down the premise just the. word like two words of what it is and. then I wait I try not to think about it. too much till I get on stage and then I. go on stage the next time and I explain. it to the first audience and that's how. I write it usually. >> Wow. And then it gets refined over time. Once in a while bits come to me full. like well I don't know where that came.

from but just like a joke like I'll come. up with a I'll think of a sentence and. then I'll think of a joke cuz I do still. like jokes you know. >> Yeah. >> So I jokes I just they come they pop in. Uh but bits where you're talking about. something that's that's the way I do. those. You just you know there's an area. there's something there and you wait cuz. they're listening. They're there no. better. They're the instrument. >> So when you're working in the dark it's. like being a composer. They like to have.

a piano. They like to hear it, you know, not just sit there and go this and have. it all in their head. >> Yeah. >> When you have an audience, that's your. instrument. So you they're sitting there. waiting and that makes you that brings. it out of you like and it makes you come. up with it funny cuz that's what you. that's what you do. >> Pitch Louis some bits. You got some He's. got some new [ __ ] Pitch him some. >> No. >> Pitch him some bits. >> I'm not doing it now. >> Yeah. Do it. >> No. No. No. I'm not doing that right. now. >> He's got a couple in the chamber. Come. on. Tell him. >> Tell me one. >> Tell him one of the new bits. >> One idea for new bit. Come on.

>> Well, I have a bit that um I'm trying to. get to work. >> Look at Louis when you do it. Don't look. at me. >> Yeah. I want to look at you, too. I want. to look at you. I want to look at you. right now. >> Exercise for you. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. >> Yeah. >> So, I have a bit about like um my dad. used to tell wild stories. I don't know. if they were true or not, right? >> Mhm. >> Like when I was 14, my dad goes, "When I. was your age, okay, in Korea, I used to. kill wolf, right?" I go, "There are. wolves in Korea. So many wolf.". [laughter] You mean everywhere wolf, you. know? One time wolf attack, I break a.

leg, right? I take a stick, pop in the. face, right? Then a couple of days. later, my friend um um John brought his. core giver to my house. >> and my dad goes, "How does your wolf. [laughter]. used to kill dogs?". >> But it you know it's a great bit. >> Yeah. >> What's wrong with you? >> It doesn't get a huge laugh though. [laughter] on stage. It gets kind of a. giggle. >> It's a great bit. >> Ke, you got to do that bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great bit.

>> Yeah. >> Just give him another ONE. NO, I WANT TO. GIVE UP. >> YOU GOT TO KEEP You got to keep doing. it. >> All of every bit I have. >> I give up that destroys. >> Yeah. >> Started either weak. >> or like pissing people off, but I just. keep doing it and and it's like it's. like walking to a firing squad and. saying, "Shoot me." It's hard. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and you go and they. go, "Uhhuh." But these all these bits. are really there's still a few in in my. set now. Even though I'm doing theaters.

that I'm like, I still know I'm not. getting what I should be getting with. that one. It still feels weak, but I. still believe in it. So, I'm still And. it keeps changing and changing. >> So, I got to cuz sometimes. >> you got to keep doing it. You got to do. that bit over and over again. >> Okay. That's what it is. >> Yeah. Over and over. >> Over and over again. >> Are you doing the bit Are you doing the. bit about the uh how we can mount and. dismount an entire race in one. >> I don't remember. I remember those. words, but I don't remember what. >> the way you said that. That stuck. I. >> mountain. >> Now you're saying the way that we say. like when you have someone on the. [ __ ] news says like.

>> Oh, that Yeah. No, I don't do it. anymore. >> Why, dude? >> Yeah. I had a whole bunch of stuff about. people the way people talk in the news. and I had some about Trump and all this. stuff and and that stuff I just decided. I didn't want there. Here and I'll This. may help you. >> Okay. Okay. >> I was doing. >> it's in that bit. It's [laughter]. >> You can have it. You can have it. So, I was doing um when I went back on. the road, I took a year and a half off. of comedy. I wasn't I was going to quit. Like, I decided I didn't want to do it.

anymore. And I So, it was a really great. break because I wasn't like just taking. time off. I was like, I'm done. But then. I started coming up with ideas, jokes. So, you know, I just got full. I wanted. to do them. And then I was like, I just. let's just get back to it. But when I. first started going out with this new. set, they had these weird bits that are. kind of strange and then this killer. chunk about the news and all that stuff. And I was like, where do I put that that. it where does it hurts these other bits?

How do they, you know? And then I was in. Omaha doing a bunch of shows at the. Funny Funny Bone. >> And uh one night I was like, what if. tonight you don't do you don't do those. bits at all? just take them out. And I. took them out and the everything else in. the show kind of rose up a lot. >> and the show just got because it had a. cohesion to it and it just got better. Like your your bit is competing with. these other bits like it it can't follow. Braveheart or whatever you're killing.

[laughter]. >> Oh, I see. >> Yeah. So once you're done with this. special. >> Yeah. >> that bit should be like your. >> No, I'm doing that bit on the in the. special. It's a new bit. >> But I mean these bits will do better the. new ideas. >> Oh, I see what you're saying. and they. have a little feeling. But that those. also the bit about the news. Brian Rean. did a bit kind of like it. >> No, not like that. Your your his spin. was the way people talk in the news then. versus now. And you were saying the way. that you'll have an anchor. >> No, but he did he did a thing about.

people saying uh there's a uh there was. a fire today in Nicaragua. >> Oh, Nicaragua. Oh, that's right. >> Right, right, right, right, right. That's right. So, I was doing I was. doing that. It was kind of near it. The. phrase the phrasing was great. I The. phrase stuck out of my brain when you. go, "How did you mount and dismount an. entire race in one word?". >> And with one word of your life. >> I love that. >> Yeah, it was fun to do. >> I like that bit. >> Uh and then I did a thing about homeless. versus unhoused. >> The unhoused. >> But I just don't want to. I don't I'm. I'm tired of having clever takes on.

what's going on in the world. >> OH, [ __ ]. >> I'M TIRED. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] MY WHOLE ACT IS [ __ ]. >> I HAVE A WHOLE HOMELESS BIT. >> THAT'S JUST [laughter]. 5 MINUTES OF HOMELESS. >> THAT'S JUST ME. >> OH my god. >> His special is literally called Clever. Take on what's going on in the world. [laughter]. >> [ __ ] We got to change. >> I'm just going to put the greatest hits. out and then the next time I'm going to. grow and it's going to be the greatest. >> What about you? Where are you at with. >> I just put out a [ __ ] special on you. on Hulu. Uh, which you know, which was.

it was a good time for me to put out a. special cuz it was um Charlie Kirk got. shot anniversary of 911 and then they. took Jimmy Kimmel off the air and I was. like, "Put out a special baby. [laughter] Drop it right there. >> Drop it right there.". >> It's [ __ ] insane. And and Hulu, he's. doing it with Hulu, too. >> Is that your first one? >> That's my Hulu. That's number one. I did. one before um I did one previous Well, no, I did technically that's. >> You done two show? No, Showtime. Then. Netflix. Netflix was the first like real. real special. But. >> does Hulu have uh it forever or do you.

get it back? >> No, you get them back. Like Netflix too, they took mine down after it was like a. licensed. So yeah, I might just put it. up on YouTube. We were talking about. >> Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's all. this it's a body of work you're. compiling over time. >> Yeah. So. >> So it's got a life on Hulu right now. But the I did a special called um. hilarious and it was on Epics. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Great company. Great company. >> Who cares? >> Who gives a [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Doesn't matter. >> No, I know it does. It's all. >> all of the back when I used to before I. started selling them myself, I used to.

just find who wants this one and it. would be like Showtime or one was Epics, one was this. It just doesn't matter. No, they're all they're you're compiling. a library. >> But now you'll sell them yourself. forever. You're never going to go to a. thing again. You'll just do just you. now, right? >> I don't know. >> Yeah, >> I don't know. I mean, I I'd kind of like. to be on a platform just to get more new. eyeballs on the work, maybe, but I don't. know. We'll see. >> Also, plug the book. Oh yeah. >> Do you have a copy of the book? >> Uh, no. >> Dude, this is so funny. You would never.

read it. >> I have a library. >> Oh, you want it just in the. >> Yeah, I have everyone's in the thing. >> You guys have a copy? They should have. sent you one. >> Yeah, Bobby has a copy. >> Well, no, honestly, where's my copy? I. don't I literally don't have a cop. >> I handed it to you. >> Yeah, he did hand it to you. >> Where is it? It's over here [laughter]. somewhere. >> It's got to be over here somewhere. >> Pile of books. >> I have a pile of books over. >> I'm going to read it. I want to read it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> No, but I mean, you should show it to. people, right? Or something. I mean, I. don't whatever, man. >> I have it. >> Where is the book? >> I have Star Trek the Next Generation. X-Men.

>> I didn't write that. >> The Catholic Bible. >> Um, yeah. I don't know where it is, dude. >> Bring it up on the [ __ ] Bring it up. there. >> Bring it up on the [ __ ] thing. You. know, >> that's probably. >> Wait, my favorite thing is him getting. mad. >> It's your book. He gave it to you. >> I [ __ ] don't remember it. >> There it is. There it is, baby. >> Ingram. >> Ingram. That's my new I just wrote that. That's about Rick Ingram from [laughter]. Chris Rock. >> What is it about Ingram? >> It's about a little boy who's uh kicked. out of his house when he was like nine. and he's just walking around Texas.

>> and he's alone and he's uh and he's and. life gets really hard for him. >> Like Chanty Gardner from being there. >> Yeah. But he's like much younger. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> But Chanty Gardner, the character was a. young because he had had no influence. except for television. So he was kind of. a child. >> Sure. >> Yeah. >> Well, that's not what this book's about. >> I know. One thing [laughter] it's not. it's not that's you going to be. different. >> Sure. If you want. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's about a guy named Chan Garden. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> If that's what you want. Fine.

>> It's a little boy like kind of like. Paris, Texas. He's kind of wandering. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. But. >> I don't know. Paris. Oh, yeah. >> Why are you doing that? >> I don't know. >> Just let him have the book. >> Yeah. >> You're trying to shoehorn some other. [ __ ] story into it. >> I mean, it's fine. >> It drives me nuts. >> I was trying to sound intelligent. >> It's not working. [laughter]. It's a. >> Stop it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I Now audio book. Why? Is there an audio book? >> Yeah. >> And are you doing the narration? >> I read it. Yeah. >> Oh, that's great. That's I'll listen. >> I find it very odd when people don't. read it.

>> Yeah. >> That wrote it. You wrote You wrote it. You read it. >> Well, I'm a performer. I perform, so I. can do that. Some authors probably would. have a hard time doing It's hard. It's. like really hard. It takes a couple. weeks. >> Yeah. But I mean I think a lot of times. we find right that like like look at. Stephen King like you know how bad. Stephen King got off doing his reading. Do you know what I mean? Like. >> I think some of these guys they love to. write but they're also like. >> it's weird. >> You want to hear me talk about it? >> Well it's weird when you read it because.

you're faced with what you wrote. >> Yeah. >> So and you have to read it with all the. you can't go like [laughter]. >> Yeah. I [clears throat] kind of wanted. to do a version like a whole version. where I read it like or like [laughter]. or read it in like like this or. something like a whole the whole book in. falsetto or something. >> Yeah, >> he's walking around the [ __ ] farm. >> Yeah, he's walking around the farm. But. anyway, yeah, >> but do you read it in paragraphs like. and then you go cut you cut it there and. >> you go as far as you can go in one piece. and then you keep and also somebody's.

there to keep stopping you cuz you [ __ ]. up a lot. All right. >> So, you have somebody going, "You got. that wrong." Or tedious thing. >> Like when we do the movie. It's when we. did the animated movie. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> We did an animated movie. >> where you where you give me notes where. where you give me notes. >> I give him notes. [laughter]. I do give him notes live. >> Every line he goes, "That's not how you. say it.". >> Well, >> and I'm like, "What?" He's like, "Well,". and then you give me scenarios. Imagine. this and this and they go, "Okay, I get. it.". >> Well, try to have him say, "Fakasha. It's [ __ ] fasha." Yeah. Well, he got. it there. >> We worked on your face in your [ __ ]. face, dude. >> Now, we play these two little creatures,

but we're bouncing a lot like we do on. the show. But we're bouncing, you know, it's like bouncing conversation and. >> and sometimes he'll be, >> "Am I the worst?". >> No, no, no. Be honest. Am I the worst? >> Shut up. No, but he's so good. But. sometimes he'll be not in our. conversation reading the characters if. it's existing in another space. I'm. like, >> we're doing it. It's you and me. It's. you and me. But when I do say that, you. do come back and you kill it. Am I. wrong? >> No, thank you. Then we had to go do we. had to go do extra and I left cuz I went. separate. And he goes, "How long did it. take?" And I go, "Dude, it's 40 minutes.

You're in and out." Yeah. >> He called me. And he's like, "TOOK ME. TWO [ __ ] HOURS." [laughter]. >> I was like, "Cuz I was gone.". >> But do you read it before? Because I I. haven't read it. So I'm showing up and. I'm like, >> "I do not read it before.". >> Oh, so you're good. >> No, it's just I just No, we just work. differently. [laughter]. >> Yeah, that's like a neurological. difference. >> Yeah, it is. I just We just I just Yes. Yes, it is. I just see things like that. Okay. With lines. With lines, do you. have like a memory photo like Can you. memorize lines real fast? >> No. It takes me days,

>> right? I can see it and do it right. I. have this weird trick. I don't know why. I'm so lucky. But I've been someone that. can just what your brain does. >> Eat it and th I can throw it right back. out. >> Wow. >> You know who they said used to do that? That was that Charlie Sheen. I don't. know if you saw that documentary. We've. talked about it because we love it. They. used to say John Crier would go, "This. [ __ ] guy would never rehearse, would. would be be on time on the nose, be. unprepared, and then look at it and go, I'm going to I'm going to Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And get an entire two-page. scene. Incredible.

>> And not even it's just his brain had. that digestion and regurgitation. >> I used to just need like two two. rehearsals to know it. >> Two and then. >> Yeah. Cuz I need to reading it. I'm just. not It's not getting in, >> right? >> But if I wreck through it and kind of do. this two takes. Yeah. >> Then I then I know it [clears throat]. cuz I lived the scene, >> right? >> So you don't memorize it in the night. before. >> That never did me any good. Me neither. >> It only stressed me out and it didn't do. me any good. >> I was always bad at that. If I could do. it in the morning, if I read it right. before I went there and then I got one.

run through, I would be like, "Okay, I I. understand what I was I understand what. I didn't see." Because. >> Well, and you do it in pieces. So, it's. like when you're filming stuff, you just. you you only have to worry about this. one scene and you do it a bunch of times. from all these different angles. Yeah. >> And then you throw it away, it's gone. So, you only have to worry about one. thing at a time when you're filming. stuff. >> Can I tell you my favorite scene from. your show that to this day I watch all. the time, like over and over? >> Okay. Is it the art room? [laughter]. That's my favorite scene. It's my. favorite scene in the whole world. >> with you and Pam Adlon and the press the. button.

>> It says press. [laughter]. >> It's my favorite scene, dude. >> I love that. >> Just be here's and let me [laughter]. >> dude and let me ask you let me ask you. something because I get nerded out on. those scenes. I'll rewind a scene like. >> it's J it's J big J Oerson's voice if. that's what you're gonna. >> It is. >> It is. >> J Big J Oerson. Yeah. Hope I'm not. getting him in trouble. I mean I asked. him to do it. I said [laughter] I I. wrote him and I said, "Can you please. say this word like for, you know, to. choose one like five times.

>> into your phone and text it to me and. I'll send you a, you know, check for SAG. check.". >> That's so he said, "Sure." [laughter]. >> And he did it and it's in there. >> on the first on the first take. >> Yeah. >> Pam turns her shoulder and walks away. >> Yeah. She just like Yeah. But is it did. she It's an organic laugh that you can. hear in the audio. I don't think like. she laughs. >> Yeah. >> As she walked away, but I don't think. she meant to laugh. >> She doesn't really laugh. She kind of. goes like like.

>> I hear she goes okay. I hear her say. okay. She Did you surprise? Was it a. surprise when she first heard it or you. guys had already. >> No, we knew what. >> Oh god. It would have been so [ __ ]. funny if it was surprise. I wanted it so. bad to be like cuz we cuz I like there's. a scene. >> there's a scene that I've nerded out. like this about that I'll loop is in. baskets. >> Yeah. >> Um and I know you could tell he knows. that scene cuz I've watched it a 100. [ __ ] times. But Louis is drinking a. Gatorade. >> Yes. >> Your scene that scene it's the exact.

same comedy feeling in my soul where I. go this is so fun and they knew it was. fun. Oh dude. >> So I remember that day really well. because so when when we set up Zach's. show. >> Yeah. Um, we had this meeting, me and him, and. I don't remember who else was there, but. um, I started asking him about, we were just. trying to decide what the show's about, and like it was just Zach, a show for. Zach. And I was working at FX and I had. a show that was successful and I said, I. want to make a different, another show.

So, they're like, all right. And and I. went to Zach first because nobody ever. made me laugh that hard as Zach did. So, anyway, when we sat and talked about. what his show would be about, this is we. had already made a deal. he's going to. have a show. Um I was like, "Well, what. if your what if you have family in it?". You know, and I and um he So, we're. talking about I said, "What's your. mother? What about your mother if you. had a mother?" And he goes, "Yeah, maybe." And I go, "What's your mother. really like. >> in real life?" And he goes, "She's. always like, "Sack,".

and I and I just said, "Your mother's. Louis Anderson." [laughter]. And uh we all laughed and then there was. this pause. >> and I said, "What if we get Louis. Anderson to play your mother?". >> And he was like, "Why does that sound. like such a good idea?" Like it just was. immediate like what a crazy idea. And. that's how it came about cuz I was. making a flip joke. >> And then I was like, "This is I I. enjoyed this part of the work. I was. like I just got on the phone and said, "Get Louis Anderson on the phone." I. don't know him that way. We've met in. person a bunch of times. I always liked. him, but I didn't have a relationship.

with him. But I just said, "Get me Louis. Anderson on the phone." A few minutes. later, I get this call from Louis in his. car and he goes, "Hi." I go, "Hi, [laughter] Louis. It's Louis CK." Yeah. So, I'm making a show for FX and Zach. Alfanakis is the star of the show. We're. doing a pilot. Okay. And I go, "Oh, we. have a part and it's a substantial part. for you. The thing is, we want you to. play Zach's mother." And I just hear the. sound inside the car. [laughter]. And he goes, "I love it.".

>> Wow. And it felt like this. We didn't. know what he would do. We gave him the. job. There was no nothing written and. there was no it was just that day we. gave him the job. We made a deal, right? It was like, "No, we're doing that." So, I didn't know how it was going to work. out. And I didn't know how what Zach. So, Zach hired John uh. >> Chrysler. Chrysler. >> Yeah. Chrysler. Uh uh uh what's wrong. with me? >> Please look it up. Direct. >> Jonathan Jonathan Chrysler. Chrysler. >> Yeah. >> Chrysler. >> Chrysler. Jonath Chrysler. I don't know.

say it. >> Jonathan Chrysle had done this show. Portlandia which is one of my favorite. things ever. >> It's awesome. >> And uh he just had this way of setting. up improv, setting up setting this a. scene for two characters. He knew how to. shoot it, how to get how to shoot it. well and how to just make it happen. So. these guys just I went after this one. meeting where we talked about. everything. I kind of went away and let. them make the show. And then I showed up. that day [snorts] and there's Louis. Anderson in a dress and I'm like, we're.

really doing this, huh? Wow. And I'm. like, I don't know what what is the. character? What are you guys doing? And. I sat and watched them shoot that scene. which just happened. There was nothing. to it. >> Yeah. >> They had something to argue about that. he doesn't respect his being a clown, >> right? And Martha, that was like an. introduction from. >> And then there was this obsession with. this Gatorade. When that moment. happened, I remembered I had just. arrived a few minutes before with the. Gatorade and that hits the spot. I was. like I was [laughter] like, "What are we. do? This is incredible. This is.

incredible.". >> And Louis and I got to really love. Louis. We got to know each other much. better. >> Yeah. >> And then he won a [ __ ] Emmy. And it. was such a glorious thing that Louis cuz. I loved him when I was a young comic and. he's such a sweet and good guy. I used. to open for him. struggled with his. health, you know, >> it was really sad when he when he passed. away, but uh but yeah, I was it was one. of the happiest moments of my career was. him winning an Emmy. >> Wow. >> That was such a beautiful thing cuz the.

way he did he that character was. fantastic throughout the season. >> Two seasons. Great. [ __ ] great. I was. I did a show on FX called Dave with. Little Dicky and when I was on the. [clears throat] show I was like in love. with Basket so much and I was like hey. >> I'll I'll I don't want to get paid like. can I just do a. >> anything in the thing? I just was like. I'll do an anything any and they were. and they were like dude they got to stop. asking like cuz I kept asking my agent I. was like just tell them I'll [ __ ] it.

They were like they don't want. >> Does that work if people if if talent. asks? >> No but they said they don't they were. like usually [laughter] Yeah. cuz I've. asked so many times. They're like, "Nah, it's not going to happen.". >> I was like, "I don't even want lines. I. just want to be in like a background, the Burger King. I want I really wanted. to be at the Burger King.". >> And I was like, "Just let me be in the. thing." And they're like, "They don't. want like an actor comic." They were. like, "They're not looking for that. You're not You're in the wrong." I was. like, "I just want to be in the back.". >> Yeah. No, you wouldn't have been right. for it. >> I know. See, that's right. There you. [laughter] go. That's right. He was. like, "No, you can't do it, dude.". >> So, when people go like my agents try to.

track projects. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like when Crazy Rich Asians were. happening like we're tracking this for. you. We're putting your your name in the. past, you know, and it's like it never I. couldn't even get an audition at the end. of the day. >> No. Yeah. It doesn't. >> none of that works. >> No. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I mean, I think it's good if you're. trying to be an actor, you go in for a. lot of stuff because they remember you. You go you just do the best version of. you. >> Yeah. >> At the audition and then you just are. memorable. It doesn't matter getting. that part,

>> you know? Like if you read something and. you're like, "That's not my kind of. guy." And you try to be it, you're going. to suck. So you just do a weird your. version of it, right? >> And they'll go, "Uh, that guy was good. He's not he can't do this, but that. guy." And they'll remember. I mean, I've. cast a lot of things in my past with. people that I've seen in other stuff. that or that I've seen in in stuff that. I had them cast, you know, come in for. >> So go in for everything. >> Go in for everything and do any part you. get. >> I say no. Cuz that's where you know.

agents don't get you work. [snorts] No. >> No. They're terrible people. >> Terrible. I'm They just They are. >> They're terrible people. >> They're terrible people. [laughter]. >> Absolutely worthless people. Some of the. worst ever. They give some of the worst. advice. They're snakes. They've set you. up for something and then when it goes. bad, they're not there to back you up. They're the worst. >> I think they I think they're just. they're just uh terrible pigs. >> They're they're out of [laughter]. they're pigs. >> They're out of their depth a little or. they're not in the they're in the wrong. business or something. >> I hate them. They're on the backs of us. They stink. Yeah, >> I can't wait to fire mine. I'm done with.

the business forever anyway. >> Whoa, dude. >> Why would you be done with the business? >> Yeah, me too. We're out, dude. >> We're the last show in Hollywood. This. is it. I think we're the last. >> Yeah. Over. >> It's dying. It's dying. >> That's a shame. >> You do a movie. [laughter]. >> And the And the book, by the way, is. available literally everywhere. Please. go. >> Yeah. You can pre-order it now on all. the things. All the things. all the. things. >> And it'll be out November 11th.

>> November 11th. My first novel. >> It's the first one. >> Yeah. I wrote another one after that. I. still working on. I mean, I finished a. draft of it. I'm. >> Did you get like a book deal where they. give you a two book deal? You know, they. do this thing. It's a weird like give. them a deal and then they then they make. people write another book even if they. didn't want. >> No, no, I didn't get any kind of deal. like that. I just I just uh wrote this. one good to see what would happen. And I. sent it out and this company Ben Bella. in Texas is publishing it. It's just a. little company. >> Ben Bella. >> Ben Bella. >> Did you find them? They found you. >> I got a book agent and he's a really.

smart guy and he found uh found them. He. he'd worked with them on other stuff. They don't do much fiction. >> Ah. >> Wow. >> Uh but it's PR it's it's distributed by. Simon and Schustster. So that's that's. who sells it. >> Oo. >> But I didn't get [laughter] a book deal. from them. It's like I just I didn't I. haven't been paid anything. I I just. wrote it and they're putting it out. We'll see what we make together. But I. don't have an advance or anything. >> That's a good deal. We'll see what we. make together. >> I liked it that way. I don't like the. thing of like like when you when I book. on the road and stuff.

>> Agents like to get advances cuz they. found, you know, >> hey, we got you the money. >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. But all you're. doing is betting against yourself and. like the last thing you want to do is. like take a bunch of money from somebody. and then you didn't do well and then. you're like, haha. You know, [laughter]. you want people to sort of have a good. experience of you. So. >> yeah, cuz you're a big crowdwork guy. Clips. You're big. You started Crowdwork. Cliff. Can you [laughter] imagine? Yeah, that was my innovation. >> That was that [laughter] was Lou. Big. crowdwork clip guy. You were the first.

on TikTok to do it as far as concerned. Yeah, that's right. I saw most of your. >> I just saw it. I saw it as a new way. [laughter]. >> and here I am. Thank God. >> I would love to see. >> Does that annoy you? Like these crowd. work guys on doing clips on TikTok? >> I mean, it's the they got what they got. from it. >> Yeah, it's fine. It's. >> It's fine. It works for them. >> Good for them. I don't care. I don't as. a I love standup. I don't enjoy watching. that. >> Yeah. >> Also, when I see friends of mine do it, I It's like you're killing in the.

moment, but no one's going to remember. it. >> Yeah. >> And you're not building anything. That's. But I have a different goal than them. They just want to run their numbers up. and they want to get whatever. >> Yeah. >> And also a lot of people it pleases them. a lot. People really. >> People like it. >> Yeah. So if an audience if someone's. enjoying it, they're right. >> Yes. >> And the person who doesn't like it is. just it's none of their business. If you. don't like something, it's none of your. business as long as somebody likes it. If nobody likes it forever, someone. [laughter] needs to someone needs to.

talk to the. >> But you know what? If literally no one. ever liked a comic ever doing anything, that'd be pretty [ __ ] incredible. [laughter]. >> I want to see this. >> That is cool. >> Like David Tell had this I don't think. he ever did it more than once that I. saw. He said, "If you tell somebody you. have uh a small penis, if you tell a. woman you have a small penis, she won't. be interested. But if you tell her you. have the smallest penis in the whole. world, [laughter]. >> she's going to want it.".

[laughter]. >> Yeah. >> He's he's one of my favorites of. unbelievable that guy. >> Yep. Who's the guy who's the guy that. you that you really have like a comedy. crush on that you're like, "Oh, I love. the [ __ ] way that that person works.". >> Uh these days? >> Yeah. >> I mean, that used to be Zach for me. I. used to put my head on the table and. cry. >> Yeah. >> Uh Todd Glass has always made me laugh. like that. >> So funny. >> Just [ __ ] destroys me. >> Yeah. >> Uh Jim Norton, who I've been working. with lately, just also really kills me.

>> Yeah. >> There's a lot of guys I really love. Um, but that kind of like I can't believe. it. >> Yeah. >> Todd Glass. I mean, I I don't know if. it's okay to do other people's bits, but. I'm. >> You say it's Todd naming him. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> He did. >> Should we call them? We'll get approval. >> Yeah. He did this thing about uh um the. lady a lady next to him on an airplane. has Reese's cups and she's taking one. out and she looks at him looking at him. and she goes, "Do you want one?" And he. goes, "I want both.".

>> [laughter]. >> and he did some clip. I don't know if. you can find it, but it was during the. pandemic. He did some fake commercial, I. think, on maybe Instagram or something. where he's showing you how you can pee. outside. [laughter]. Uh, but he's uh he's he puts a just a. bag like a shopping like a plastic bag. over his head and he just stands near a. bush and he just starts pissing. [laughter] his pants. It's completely.

[ __ ] nuts. [laughter]. So, he and I haven't seen him for a long. time, but he's always been he's always. been a guy that destroys me. >> We love him. >> Yeah. >> He was doing a bunch of fake cop bits. that were very funny. Do you remember. that little run he had for a while of. like getting fake pulled over? >> He used to do a bit with breakaway glass. bottles. Uh like fantasy of like. breaking. So he'd be it's him walking. down the street with like a beer bottle. and there's some teenage girls and one. of them gives him like a typical teenage.

girl like e and he goes over and he. [laughter]. >> Yeah, he was he was pretty great. >> He's the one right now. All right. Look, the the advice was good. >> I learned so much today. Lou, did you. have fun here? >> Of course I did. It was really fun. I. wanted to do the show cuz you guys have. a great energy. It. >> was fun. >> and I had a great time. Well, we we. listen, we love you. >> It's not going to sell a single one OF. MY BOOKS. NO, NO, NO, NO. OUR FAN. NO, NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE. Sell one. >> No, no, no. INGRAM LOUIS C.

>> NO, NO, NO. He's right. It's not that's. not going to But it doesn't matter. >> Five [laughter]. people. >> No. >> Yeah. >> Guys, please, please uh go uh purchase. Ingram right now. Louis first book. It. would mean a lot to him. He asked us for. a loan before the [laughter] show. We. were a little concerned. >> I'm being real. I mean, I um. [snorts] I Dude, I'm. >> Thanks for being on the show, man. I. appreciate it. No, no, that's it. Thank. you so [laughter] much. No, >> go ahead. Do your gay bit. Do your.

little forget. I forget. Do your sense. >> No, I just think I'm just a huge fan, dude. I really am. I just think you're. so great. And. >> thank you. Well, you make me laugh a. lot. >> Thank you. Thank you for But um but um. just having you on here was just a. [ __ ] great thing, [laughter]. >> DUDE. WHY WHY CAN'T I. >> YEAH, DUDE. HE'S THE best living comics. ever. >> Shut the [ __ ] up. Shut up. >> All right. No. No. >> Thank you for being a bad friend.