Life & Fettuccini | Ep 271 | Bad Friends

This podcast is powered by Hule. H U L. New customers can use code bad friends. for 15% off plus a free gift. You two. are bad friends. Who are these two. idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad. friends. Boo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Bum. Where's Mone? He's not here.

Where's McCone? Anyway, bum. Look at you. Dumbfounded. Yeah. Dumbfounded. Andrea Jyn. Andrea Jyn. And. none only. Yeah. Than our lovable. beloved Gene Hong. Gene Hong. Wow. Wow. And look at we did. Korean hung book. It's called hung book.

That's the clothing. And we were a hit. at the Res Renaissance fair. You guys. were a big hit. I mean there were like. people would bow to us. Wow. Yeah. I. made everyone do accents. Really? Yeah. Yeah. A boat crush and we don't know. where we are. Well, what is this family. story as we look at this photo? Can you. describe to me the family history and. the story? Well, okay. So, my daughter, she's blind. Oh boy. She's blind and. deaf. Wow. Yeah. And she has no idea. what's going on, right? The other one is.

You look wealthy, by the way. Yeah. We're very wealthy. Yeah. So then, um, Dumbfounded plays a man who has many. murders. And he looks that way. He looks. tired from all the murders. Yeah. He. murdered so many people. Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. Wow. But mostly. North Koreans. Wow. And I keep going, don't go to the North. Don't go. And he. will. And Jean is my um well Mhm. they think. he's my assistant, but there's some, you. know what I mean? Other privileges I.

get. You get to have sex with him. That's not what I said. Well, that's. what you said. In ancient Korean. tradition, we don't talk about stuff. like that, but Yeah. sex. Yeah. Yeah. So, I got you um a new wand. Here's a. new wand for Here you go, dude. It's a. new Elvin wand that they have. Whoa. Oh, look. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this. It's a. butt plug. Yeah. Yeah. You stick your. butthole right in there. Yeah. Come. here, Carlos. You have a standard just a wand.

Still does magic. Yeah, but barely. Yeah. It makes dicks get hard. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Are these handmade? Yes. Wow. Yeah. By an. incel in the. Midwest. Anyway, here you go. I get a. one. You get a one this time. Yeah. Yeah. I get a one. You get a one this. time. You get a Spanish one. Wow, I. actually like that a lot. That one's. very pretty. Here's a Spanish one. And then you see. it. And this one will be mine. And I'm. going to say something to you. I have a.

wand. And okay, so you let's play a. little dark magic. I learned about dark. magic. And today, ladies and gentlemen, when you're listening, all right, today's dark magic is about revenge. Today's dark magic is about u betrayal. M and we have to use our wands to. destroy these evil people. Look at me. right there. Now doing a seance. Does. that hat fit? No.

Is that I don't know if it's supposed to. look like that. It's supposed to look. like that. It is. Yeah. Yeah. And it was. so uncomfortable. You have to constantly. balance it. Can I see the girl who's. seancing you? There she is. That's my. aunt Barb. That is Barb was great. She is. I had no. idea what she was talking about. It was. great. Now, do they speak in tongues and. languages and what? How do they do this? Yeah. Yeah. That Italian. It's kind of. It's kind of Yeah. Yeah. So, here's the. dark. So, wait. Here's the funniest.

thing. Yeah. Go back to that photo to. the right. Yeah. And apologize for fans. at home. I've lost my lost my voice a. little bit. Go out. Go to the other. photo to the far right. Yeah. Now, zoom. in. The best part is you guys are dolled. up. Yeah. Head to almost toe. And I'll. zoom down to the feet and just sneakers. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like the outfits. are amazing. And then he's wearing Hoka. running shoes cuz we went I'll tell you. cuz when we went to the store there were. clogs and there's no way. You're not. rocking clogs all day. Yeah. We're not. going to go rock clogs. Yeah. Yeah. So.

I'm going to do my golden goose. The. goose. They had golden gooses back then. Do they really? Yeah. So here back to the dark magic. Okay. So, I don't know if you all know that I. did a short film called Death and Ramen, right? No. Yay for that short film. Okay. Good. So, I'll tell you something. I'm at So, I'm at the Renaissance Fair, right? Right. Andrea Jingo's cuz she's. dating a writer. Oo. Right. So, then, you know, he was offered something or um.

a production company asked him for like. a production coordinator for something. He goes, "For what?" He goes, "Death and. Robin the movie." So, I got all excited. I'm like, "Um, I called my agents and I go, "Hey, um, boy. Hi, Bobby. How are you?" Yeah. Yeah. Hi, uh, Jie Liberitz. Yes. Great. to talk to you today. You're the best. agent in the world. Number one, Jubie. Liowitz. Yeah. Hold my call, Shireen.

I'm on the phone with my number one. All. right. So, I'm not Okay. So I Jubie did. I get the movie? Yes. You got a movie? Yes. Got a movie. Death and ramen. No. Yeah. So they you got life and. fetachccini. He got. the life. We booked you. Life and. fetuccini. You're going to love it. But that's not the short I did. It's not.

short at all. It's a seven-hour movie. Really? Yes. Oh, I heard they got Death. and Roman got Sebastian Monoscalo, so I. get the Life and Fetachccini. You got. Life and Fetuccini. Yeah. All right. And. he got He got Death and Ramen. Can we. switch? Unfortunately not. Unfortunately. not. He's better for Death and Ramen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't the guy that. was cast, by the way. Book of me in Life. and Fetchy. Yeah. Yeah. So, I called my. agent. He goes, "No, they recast you.".

No way. And I go, "Why?" And what do. they say when that you don't get. something? We went a different direction. I [ __ ]. hate that. It bothers me so much. Yeah. What does that even [ __ ] mean? It. means no. It means they hate you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, so who got the role? I. don't know. But okay, I didn't even get. a call. And then when we my agents. called them, they said, "Yeah, we're. going a different direction." Wow. Right. And so, you know, it ruined my. Renaissance fair. Of course. Go back to.

the tarot reading. You can tell in that. photo. Yeah. Yeah. In that photo. Right. Just look at that photo and tell me this. isn't right after you got the phone. call. Look at that face. My question to. her was who got cast in Death. No. Did I. really not get Death and Ramen? Right. And every card was a death card. Right. Right. And some guy being hung or. slain. You know what I mean? So. everybody um I normally don't do this, but I think it's war. I think it is. I. think it is. And I would do the same for. you. And I got to tell you, you do.

normally do this. What? This is part for the course. You. do do this. Yeah, but not war. You You. look, you don't you only fight when when. somebody tries to fight you, right? Anyway, zoom into that photo in the. background. Go ahead. And just in the. No, no, no. The people are the people. over there on the side. Are you making fun of my brethren and my. sisterhood? Your breaths? No. Yeah,

there's I gotta tell you, dude, I'm. fascinated with this world. The fact. that they get to escape like this. We. don't get to do I don't get to do that. Saturday, Lisa Gilroy went. I saw that. Yeah. Why don't you go? I'm not. interested in being. I know, but we that. we got you. I I would go with you, but I. mean, you would laugh so hard. I would. go with you, but where do you get the. outfits? Do I have to buy it there? No, I spent a couple grand on those. Yeah, I. don't want to do that. That's That's. Yeah, but that's life. I'm going to use. it again. When what? When I develop my.

time machine and I actually go to, you. know, I mean 16th century Korea. Where. do they buy these clothes? Do they make. We went to Korea Town and we went to a. hungbuk place. What's hungbuk? Hungbok. Hungbok. It's the type of clothing. And. then I rented all those. The irony is. you're not all Korean. I know. We have. one. Andrea is Chinese. She's Chinese. I. know. And she asked, "Can I wear a. Chinese one?" We said, "No." How dare. you? Yeah. Yeah. You're with You're. You're doing Korean. Damn you. Yeah, but.

look at um dumb. He looks dumb. Yeah, he. does look dumb. And also um I love. dumbfounded. What a Let's talk about. dumbfounded for a second if I may. Right. You guys are all wearing mics. You filmed this. Yeah. Yeah, we're. wearing mics. What did you shoot this. for? Patreon or something. No, just for. pleasure, for experiences. Love it. So, um Dom, we we're going through every. Asian girl that's there. He had sex. with. Really? Yeah. Yeah. He's so good. You mean that wench over there? Yeah. Yeah. I used to [ __ ] that wench. Yeah.

Yeah. See that woman uh stewing over a. double double toil in trouble over. there? Yeah. Making a making a bubbly. stew. Yeah. Pumped her. Yeah. The food's. not great. Really? Yeah. Zoom in in the. background again. Yeah. Yeah. What are. you going to say, dude? I'll say this. Yeah. We have This is proof. Yeah. This. is proof that everyone is going to find. someone that has their weird fun. interest. This is proof. Yeah. Look at. all these people, by the way. That guy. with the cool hat and the glasses on the. hat. Yeah. He's [ __ ] That's his chick, dude. That's his maiden or his whatever.

they call him. They all got a chick. And. yet I'm alone. I know. That's what's sad. about this. That's what bothers me. Well, I see the hottest chicks. But you. should have just gone and walked around. you and dumb if you wanted to get a. chick cuz then you brought a lot. Look. at Gene. Look at Jean's [ __ ] face. Like where are we? Yeah. I want to go. home. I want to write again. Yeah. Yeah. Bringing me back to my computer. That's. not a happy face. He's such a computer. boy. He looks like a dude. Look, that. face is like he caught his wife cheating. again. Again. Why? Look at my face.

though. What am I doing? You're going, "Yeah, fucker." No. What's that face? Why the [ __ ] didn't they cast me in. Death and Ramen? That's what it is. You're thinking that's the face, right? So, what is that? Spells we can put on Death and Ramen. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to do. that for sure. Okay. Is it like my. wicked revenge spell? It's a formidable. spell. It's powerful and longlasting. Well, you want to do one now? Yeah, but. it's $29.95. Oh, [ __ ] I don't know.

Give me a cheaper spell. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a cheaper one. Yeah. Yeah. I. don't want a $30 spell, right? Rival be. gone. That's it. That's it. That's it. Rival be gone. Please be cheaper. How. much? Oh, 30. Jesus Christ. I'll give. you the 30. Okay. Can we do it? Yeah, I'll Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just feel. like $30. Where do they get off charging. this? No, I got I got $30. Can you. imagine if they asked for a tip? Yeah. Yeah. Give him 50. Give him 50. $30. Work on the spell. We'll talk about. other things, but work on the spell.

But you know, we're going to need. things. You didn't know his birthday. Yeah. Why did you Google my birthday? Cuz I thought it was in October, but. it's in September. Wait, you seriously. don't know his birthday? And he knows. your birthday. It's on my Google. calendar. It's so I don't ever forget. We're. putting a spell on you. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're getting spellbound. No, you're. going to get spell bound. I need to. look. Let me see. What spell could we. cast on him? Um, who who we doing? Carlos. No, no. Spell would be negative. But like everything I think of, I'm.

like, I'll do one. Dimmitri Martin. Oh, yeah. Sick him on him. Whoa. Whoa. I. can feel Dimmitri in me. Yeah. Yeah. How. about this? Yeah. Ooh. That's not one. Oo is not one. Hold on. I'm conjuring. There's a word. Dude, Carlos. No, that's. not a word. That's not it. That's You. ever seen Harry Potter? Carlos Oventus. magico or whatever. You got to do. something like that. Yes. That's it. That's it.

You will forever be bound. Yeah. And. studio apartment and never get laid. Never get laid again. Your dog's gonna. get sick eventually. Dog AIDS. Dog AIDS. eventually. Dude, I feel [ __ ] up. Don't do this anymore. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, your hair's gone. I did that. Wa. That's a part of my [ __ ] cat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Why'd you lose your. voice? I was singing last night. Oh, when you sing, you get this way. When I.

was singing and yelling, I do lose my. voice. It was such a loud night. It was. such a loud Who did you sing with? Michael Pena. Pena was there. Yeah. You went karaoke. with Pena? Yeah. Wow. And we sung a song. that I absolutely hate and we knew there. I am. There's There's my boy. Who's. that? Travis Kelce. Never heard of him. Yeah. Um I sang with. Pena and Pena was like, "What do we want. to sing?" I said, "It's got to be. something that everyone knows that. people like." Oh. And so then we're.

sifting through cool songs. At first we. get we're pitching around songs. I bet. you he knows La Bomba. That's what we sung. Yeah, exactly. Cuz. when he goes la. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, la No, shut up. Who. cares? Um, we sung. Lakaracha. Laorar. Is that what it is? Oh, how do. you You're doing the same tune. Oh, yeah.

Shut up. We do it. We do it the right way. Yeah. They're all the same song. My. favorite Richard Valent is Donna. We're all the same. [Music]. Yeah. Then he died. He did. Yeah. On. that plane, we sung uh we sung that. song. Uh pour me up another double shot of.

whiskey. Everybody at the bargain. And it was a hit. People Bronco. People. liked it. No. No. There's no Bronco. Let. me try to finish. Start one of those. songs. Let me try to finish it here. Um. uh. uh me and Jack. Daniel history books. Pretty good. Give me another shot. That was that was. smooth. I had to read. Make some make up. one. Oh, another song. Yeah. Yeah. Hanging. around by myself Easter Island with the.

statues and the gifts are with my mind. Wow. That's actually better than the. original. Pretty good. Can you name the. song I sung? Yeah. Hanging around. Downtown by myself. What's the song. called? That's not what it's called. Do. you not know what it is? You know. Sex. and yes playground. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorites. Oh, let me sing a. song. [Music]. Um, I don't know any lyrics. That's the. only.

problem. Uh, do I know any lyrics here? Um, hey. Jude, don't be. afraid. Jeffrey. Epstein didn't kill. himself. It was Clinton. The Clinton, they are at fault. They did it. all. Of the children. Thank you. Yeah, that's pretty good. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. All right. I put the order. in. We got the confirmation. Rival be. gone spell. By the way, I love that you. put out a spell. It cost $30 and you get. an order number. What the [ __ ] does that. Why do we get it now? We're waiting on a. rush delivery email confirming that um. Andria casted the spell. The guy who. runs this is just wiping off the pizza. from his finger. He's like, "Oh, we got. one." Wait, wait. So, hold on one. second. Oh my god. We got one. I know. That's what it is. Yeah. Idiot.

Just some guy in a garage. Dude, you. were right. $30. We were gonna charge. 10. You're right, man. Idiots will do. it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So, the So, we put in his birth date. We put in the. other person's name, Death and Ramen. And the name is the cast speller is. Andria. Yeah. Andria. We're cursing the. show, the movie, by the way. By the way, you know what? I feel bad. I feel bad. though. Nah, you're giving them a lot of. publicity. A lot of press. All right. All right. Should Andria cast her spell. twice in your behalf to increase the. chances of success? Yes.

No, I I pressed once. Oh, you had to pay. twice. Yeah. Yeah. It would have been. like Andria. Yeah. $7 or something. You. drive a hard bargain. Andria, I would. love to know who this person is and what. they look like. Oh, hi Carlos. Thank you. for your order from Andrika, one of the. founding members of the California. Astrology Association, CIA. I was with. that agency for a. while. We are writing to let you know. what you can expect next. Your order. will be processed shortly. Rush quote. unquote orders are processed within one. business day. All other orders within a. few days. Please allow extra time for. order processing over holidays and.

weekends. Dude, they're acting like this. [ __ ] spell has to go through a. corporate system. Yeah. Yeah. But but. this is how you know it's real. Yes. Yeah, it's true. Because imagine without. it. I know. Like thanks, dude. 25%. discount. Did we not get the [ __ ]. discount? We're first time user. But we. got a gu No. Andria seems to have split. off from CIA and is doing her own thing. But yeah, Andria provides the same. 365day guarantee. Oh, sick. It's kind of. like Celino and Barnes. Oh, let's do do.

that. Do that one, too. No, we already. we already did hers. Yeah. Oh, I did. hers. By the way, guys, if you're. looking to cast a spell on a friend, hit. up Andria and uh use promo code bad. friends for 15% off a. spellcast by a psychic consultant spirit. channeler. Yeah. Wow. You know, honestly, this is real. You know what's. so [ __ ] Don't you feel it's real? I. know it's real. Yeah. I I in my heart, I. know it's real. It's like a weird thing. It is. It's like finding Gizmo in that. china shop. It's real. It's real. It's. very real. You don't think it is, of.

course. But it is. Well, you're going to. go down. I'm going to get like a a lamp, right? Or I'm going to get like an. antique. You know what I mean? Jewelry. jewelry box, right? But then there's a. little Mwai there. Mhm. And all those. Yeah. And those little rules. Little. tiny. Yeah. I don't know what to. remember as like don't what is it? Well, water. Don't jerk it off. No, no, no. That was What was it? I thought that was. one of the rules. Don't feed him after. Don't feed him after. Oh, yeah. that. Oh, those are my rules. Yeah. When. you find me, don't jerk it off. Don't.

jerk it off. Yeah. Wait. Go up. Three rules caring for a Muay uh in the. movie are don't expose them to bright. lights, never get them wet, and never. feed them after midnight. I remember the. water one. I remember that you can't get. them wet. Yeah. Never get them wet. They. don't need They're self-cleaning. They. multiply. They multiply when you Yeah. But isn't like their own saliva wet? Something that's How do they clean. themselves? They have to be like cats. Like, you know what I mean? No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. They don't ever. wash. They they sell their So they just. smell. No, their skin Their skin.

continues to shed. They shed. Okay. I. don't know an animal like that. But what. do you mean with fur? Bears? Yeah, but but they scratch their. backs against a [ __ ] tree. Mwise. might scratch. Okay. Muay gremlins do. not clean themselves. They're creatures. of specific rules and weaknesses, and. their cleanliness is not a factor. The. core rule is to avoid getting them wet. So maybe they smell like [ __ ] That's. what I think. [ __ ] You see a maga, you're like, "Oh my god." Oh my god. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like so. cute. And by the way, kind of looks like. a stinky stinky little [ __ ] Also,

grandmas look better to me. Yeah. Yeah. They can they get [ __ ] done. Yeah, they. do. Well, look. I mean, look at the. difference. Like, hey, steal those. speakers from that car, right? And they they go to it, right? A guy. would be like, "What? Grab that guy's. phone. Grab his phone.". Yeah. Yeah. You know it. Yeah. Up the. tariffs. Up the tariffs. Gremlins would. do. The Gremlins would up the ter 185.

and the Mu 45 185. Mogwise wouldn't. because they're Look, look. They're so. scared. They're made in China. Yeah, that's right. We're trying to stop the. Maui. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So then. feed them at the midnight. Oh, they must. get like hunger pans at night. It must. be tough. Well, there they There's the. Gremlins eating popcorn watching 3D. God, they're so much cooler. They are. more rad, dude. They have more style. Their fashion's better, dude. Would you. rather have a Muawi or a Gremlin in a. mosh pit? Come on. It's not even a. question. Gremlin all [ __ ] dead.

Yeah, I think I saw that guy on the lift. at at uh at Metallica. Seriously? Yeah. Yeah, I remember that guy. That's Mark. No, that's Rick Ingram. Shopify. Oh my lord. Shopify. You know, we have an online business. We would not. have one without Shopify. That's exactly. um nobody nobody does it better than um. Shopify and it's the h it's the home of. the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with Shop. Pay, it boosts conversions up to 50%.

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they will ask you where you heard about. them. Please support our show and tell. them our show sent you. Tell them now. you're addicted to the Renaissance Fair. Now you're going to go every weekend. I. really like it because I I think that it. um it just makes me feel at home in a. weird way. You you look so proper, dude. It's unbelievable. No, we were getting. so many compliments because no one. dresses like that. What do you mean. every photo people dress up? You mean in. this traditional this traditional As. Korean garb, right? We probably could be.

the first. I think Andrea is crossing a. line here by being a Chinese woman in. Korean garb though. Yeah. Yeah. You have. to. Why don't you get a get a Korean. girl? Oh, so Morpheus glasses. I know. What do you think? Yeah. You don't put. Morpheus glasses in there. Although. Although you know who should wear. glasses and cover up his eyes is Jean. I. mean, look at those things. Good god. I. I know. Put some put something on those. But she also acts like she's a star. already. Do you see? Yeah. Yeah. She's. got that vibe. Like those glasses like I. open for Bill Burr now. Right.

Ronnie Chang. Look at that. Ronnie does. She's killing it. O Yang. Yeah, she's. killing it. Yeah, but she's very funny. Look at that nose, though. Oh my god. Well, because Eric Griffin's nose. I got. to be honest with you. Your nose doesn't. look small in that photo either, but you. both got Asian sn. You know, you can now. tell how old I am. Just now? Yeah. In. this photo? Yeah, I think so. You look. younger in real life than you do in. this. This photo is a weird photo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I look tired. A guy told me.

when he ran into me, a fan, he goes, "Oh, you're better looking than I. thought you were going to be." I was. like, "That [ __ ] hurt my feelings.". Yeah. You thought I was ugly because you. see me on the internet? People go, "You're taller than I imagined." Yeah. What? You think I was a dwarf? Like, what's going on here? Did you think I. was Brad Williams? Yeah. Hey. Wow. Hey. Hey. Yeah. Let's go back to the. Gremlins. Wow. What a great 80s movie. So many good movies in the 80s. By the. way, I rewatched uh in uh in bed the. other night at the hotel. Lethal Weapon.

So good. So good. What? What is that? What's that face you're making? That's. the movie that I have for you guys. What. do you mean that's the movie you have. for us? I'm too old for this [ __ ] Is. that what he's saying? Yeah. I'm too old. for this [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Danny. Glover is a man. So I'm Danny Glover and. he's Mel Gibson. Yes. I mean, it's got to be. No, I got. to be Danny Glover. You can't be. Yes, I. can. You don't have that kind of style. You really want to make me angry right. now, dude. Okay, let's go through the. history of the actors that played them.

Okay. Right. Yeah. So, these two. Yeah. Just the the idea that he's You know. what I mean? A different color should be. a sign, but you got to flip it on its. head otherwise it's too on the nose. That's the whole point. Oh, like look. when they did the remake with. Pesh was so good in that movie. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Because at. the Renaissance fair, we ran into a girl. that has a kid and I'm friends with her. And I bought the kid a wand, but it's. like looks like a lightsaber. So the kid. would. go like that. He was loving it. And he.

hit me in the leg and I went ow ow and I. fell to the ground. He laughed. So he. did it for 4 hours straight. and then I had to constantly go ow ow. ow. You know what I mean? I want to. disappoint the kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was crazy. So. what this new new love on? No, no, no, no. It's no love. It's just a friend. But another thing is is that you see the. stress of it of having a kid. Yeah. Come. here, come here. You know what I mean? It's a lot of that. Yeah. Where you. going? Where you going? Where you going?

You know, but see, our parents never did. that. They just let us disappear. Yeah. And figure out. I was kidnapped three. times. Yeah. They didn't care. Molested. all three times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By Downs Patrol. [Laughter]. You're on fire today, dude. Yeah, keep. that in. [Music]. All right, that one's going to pretty. Yeah. Yeah, you got to keep that in.

That's so funny. But um yeah, it's a big. responsibility. But I said in the car I. go if there cuz you know there's a lot. of predictions that AI is moving so fast. that in the next three or four years. there might be like nuclear you know. weapons being released you know what I. mean hurry up speed it up the [ __ ] over. So, I was saying is that having a child. would be great because if a nuclear bomb. you knew was going to hit and you had. your kid, you want to be strong for him.

and hold him and go, I got you, buddy. Right. But if I didn't have a kid, I'd. be like, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ]. is going I would freak the [ __ ] out.". The real you comes out like the [ __ ]. No, I'm both. You are. Oh, so if a. nuclear bomb was coming and you were. alone sipping coffee. Yeah. You're going. to be cool. stoked. If I if it's like. map, national alert, a nuclear war has.

started. Just sipping my coffee and my. little breakfast nook going good. You're. not going to call anybody? Who? Your. parents. I just talked to him an hour. ago. Yeah. Love you and what? You know, there's steps for this. Huh? There's. steps for this when a nuclear seek. immediate shelter. I'm already inside. Go underground. Can't. No basement. Stay. low. My chairs are low. I have a I have. one of these like little lounge chairs. Cover your mouth and nose. Yeah. What is. this? Co [ __ ] that, dude. Ventilation. needs to go off. Shut off the. ventilation. I want to keep it cool.

inside. Okay. Well, let me ask you this. It's just This is You're dead. You know. what's going to happen? You're going to. [ __ ] die eventually, too. I'd rather. die now than later. Slow death sucks. You know what I mean? You're just. walking on straight plop. Your arm's. gone. You're like, "What the [ __ ]. happened? What happened?" You know? Like, imagine, though. Yeah. Body parts. just start falling off because of. radiation. I'm like, "Fuck that. Just. kill me now." The big blast just shocked. me. Now, would you get nuclear radiation. for country? Meaning this.

I have no [ __ ] idea what you're. talking about. Yeah, you will. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's one of my shows I always. go to just to watch over and over again. when I have nothing to do. What show is. Chernobyl on on Max. Very good. Right. And so, you know, they would go, "We". because there was one scene where they. had to get these water valves released. and they could only send three men down. there, but the men were going to die. They knew they were going to die. Yeah. They knew they're going to die. You'll. When you go down there, you'll be dead. in a week. And three guys volunteered.

I'll do it for country. Would you? For. country? Yeah. [ __ ] no. Because if. you and I were sitting there, right, and. if I stood up, you're saying if I go. down, if we you and I go down that, if. they go, Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, you. must do this for country. And it would. save the country. Yes. No, you wouldn't. You already showed. your cards, dude. Well, this is what. would happen. I'd stand up, right? He. wouldn't stand up. I'd sit back down, right? I'd be like.

that fast. And they go, "Mr. Lee, did. you?" And you're like, "No, no, I just. my back." Yeah. So there was a lot of. those kind of scenes. No, I wouldn't do. it for country. That's crazy because. because cuz it's guaranteed that I'll. die, right? But it's not guaranteed. it'll save the country. It is. It's a. literal guarantee. stamp it will it does. because in that particular scenario. right if the molten lava seeped into. water tanks it would cause an explosion. right that was going to make Ukraine I.

think half of Poland and and some other. country completely inhabitable for a. hundred years we wouldn't having these. problems now. what do you mean by. that [ __ ] would reach Spain before us. [ __ ] You would have died a long time. ago. You could definitely reach us. first. Yeah, we're much closer to that. than Spain. Oh, really? You vary. I don't know. Moscow. No, it wasn't. Moscow. It I think Chernobyl is more.

close to Ukraine. Mhm. Oh. Than than. Spain, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, what I'm saying to you is is that. it's going to make 80 million people die. immediately. Wow. So, would you make. that sacrifice for 80 million people? Well, there's 360 million people in. America. Do we have to make the decision now? The. commander standing there. Okay. Commander, can I ask you a few. questions, sir? Yeah, sir. Commander, sir. Yes, you may. You may. Okay. So, listen. Hold on. I talk I talk slow. You.

You Where are you from, Commander? Moscow. Oh, my name is Vladimir. Great. Go. Vlad the Impaler. Yes. I love your. work. Wait. [Laughter]. You may continue my fellow townsmen. Downsmen. Doy toy. Doy doy. So listen. Yes. Just.

because I do this. Yes. What if in a few. days something else happens and then. then it's then we will send three more. compat. No. That's why I'm not doing it. But your our offer is this. We will give. your family 40 rubles. 40 50 50. 100 rubles. 100 rubles. Yes. Sounds like. every time I repeat what you say, you go. up. Did I say a thousand? A thousand.

rubles. Yes. All the rubles that your. family can eat. That we can eat. Yes. You must eat them. because you're going to have cancer. Okay. Yeah. How do we survive? Eat the money. So, you wouldn't do it. No way. Yeah. By. the way, you just reminded me of that. old Richard K told me this, an old. Jewish joke. He said, uh, a Jewish kid. asked his Jewish father for. $100. And the dad says, $60. What do you. need $20 for?

That's a great job. That's a good job. I. would never do it for country. You're. not doing it for country either. And you. know that. But but so some of these men. had wives and children. These are. stronger men than we. No. And I'll admit. that. If you had people go to the. military, your wife and your child. We. don't have any [ __ ] kids. No, but in. this scenario. Okay. But I don't Okay. Okay. Okay. My [ __ ] How many kids? And. what do I have weigh-ins kids? I got 10.

No. You have more raw kids. You have. six. Seven. What? What? I wouldn't do. it. So your children will die. I don't. give a [ __ ] I'll be dead, too. We'll. all be dead in heaven together. But if. you go in, they will not die. Yeah, but then they I won't be with. them. I'll be with them in the. afterlife. Ah, thank you. Would you like. their position in. the government? Oh, I like your. thinking. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. How. many rubles is that? 20,000 rubles.

20,000 rubles. That's right. I don't. know where. that I don't know where that went. What's that old Russian saying? If you. hit In Russia, if you hit me with a. feather, I'll hit you back with a tank. Is that right? Yes. Jesus Christ. That's. [ __ ] brutal. It's I was just playing. with my chicken. I'm sorry. Live a century, learn a century. Oh, these are right. Without effort, you. can't even pull Do it in a Russian. accent, though. Without effort, you.

can't even pull a fish out of the pond. What? Don't have 100 rubles, but have. 100 friends. By the way, that's government [ __ ]. propaganda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look. So, you are poor. You eat your. toenails for breakfast. Big [ __ ]. deal. You're friends. Yeah. Yeah. Look. at It's all about friends. Measure. Measure seven times. Cut once. What does. that mean? It's saying if you're making. something like if it's diligent. That's. like That's Japanese [ __ ] too. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. The eyes are afraid, the. hands do. Yeah. I like I like wolf. analogies here. Give me the wolf one. Work is not a wolf. It won't run away. into the forest. No [ __ ] brother. I. wish my I wish my waiting job ran into. the forest. This is all government propaganda. Yeah, that's crazy. That you know, Yakov. Smeirnoff was telling me about that. That how accustomed you get to hearing. when he was a kid. Yeah. on the speaker. systems. Wow. Just constant propaganda.

Yeah. And I said, "What was like the. main theme of the Soviet Union like as a. kid? Like what were they trying to do to. say to kids versus adults?" Yeah. And he. was like, "They constantly put it in. children's heads that Americans. specifically Yeah. were the worst. version of humanity alive. Wow. Awful. people. Yeah. Bad. Bad. Evil people. Yeah. and they paint this picture over. and over and over and you inherently. will you just 100% believe it. Yeah. And.

I was like, how did you have the. wherewithal to not in that he's like it. just I guess something just didn't make. sense about it. Wow. But I was like. that's how is that how do you have that? Yeah. You know what's also funny about. him is that when I saw him at the comedy. store I [ __ ] love Yakov by the way. Yeah. The only thing that I remember. from his act from years ago was what a. country. Right. What a country. So I. rewatched his Rodney Dangerfield. Oh. yeah. He's got great jokes. He still. does. Yeah, he still does. He's a good. joke writer, dude. He's a great joke. writer. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, when I.

got off my my plane today, Yeah. The. pilot, you know, I'm You know, the. pilots are saying goodbye. Yeah. What do. you say? The pilot goes one kakatai. I'm. not kidding. What does that even mean? I. was something I said on this show years. ago. Bad friends. Yeah. You said. something about cactus. You were like, you like it was only one cacti. And I. was like, "One cakatai.". Really? Of all the Bobby moms that I. get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That one I was I. literally go, "Yes, dude." Yeah. One.

cacti. One kakatai. You know what, dude? One kakatai. Don't. do that. Don't. One kakatai. But the pilot goes, "One. kakatai." By the way, this is going to. haunt me. Did you laugh? I crack. I. thought I go right on, dude. One kakati. Yeah, that one's make cuz the Bobby mom. doesn't get me anymore. Yeah. You know, I'm so glad you got sick on that plane. I didn't get sick. I lost my voice last. night. No, no, no. When you passed out.

with um Oh, Machine Gun Kelly. Yeah, because I saw Machine Gun Friday. Did. you go to his house? No, I went to his. He just showed up at the store. He. invited us to a party. He did? Yeah. And. he hugged me as if we were like Vietnam. vets. He's the [ __ ] best. One of the. nice In my mind, I'm so glad Andrew. almost died. just for that relationship. to, you know, I mean, flourish. Thank. you. It was incredible. No, it was. Yeah. Yeah. Of all the Bobby Moms I get, I got them. I was in Vegas this weekend. It's a million Bobby moms everywhere.

Wow. The dealer. Yeah. The dealer said. Bobby Mom. Goes, "Hey, Bobby Mom.". They call me Bobby Mom. Yeah. Yeah. They. don't [ __ ] I don't I think some of. them don't know my Some guy said Anthony. Santini. And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, just call me Bobby Mom." Oh, Yakov. called you Santana. Santana. Yeah. Santana. He didn't say your first name. He goes, "Well, Santana told me." You. know what I mean? And I'm like, "That's. not as I am good at guitar." Okay. As. So, people are saying that Vegas is kind. of dead. Is it true or no?

You know, it's interesting. I talked to. this as we were going to the airport in. the Uber. I was asking the guy like, "How long have you live?" I I I'm always. curious about the Uber drivers in Vegas. I'm like, "How long have you lived here? Where you from?" Because they're most of. them are foreign. Some This guy lived. there for like 30 years. And I said, "All how much of the strip is like cuz I. don't remember it really. Like I just go. to my [ __ ] hotel, do my show or gig. and then go home. And he was they're. knocking down the Mirage. They're. putting up the Hard Rock. They're. putting a big guitar up there. Wow. I. read this thing the other day, literally. the other day that Excalibur and those.

other ones are not no more valet. No. more like room service and [ __ ] Yeah. So like the ones that are thriving are. thriving, but the ones that are diving. are diving bad. Like it's it's the. dispersion is insane. Tourism. Some of. them are so old, too. Well, they're. Yeah. Right. Excal like like we said, Excalibur. There's ones to the south. strip are sold and they're dilapidated. Yeah. You know, talk about dilap. Talk. about speaking of dilapidated. He hits the mic right there. Yeah. Hello.

What's up, buddy? Kichua. Uh, go for sending me to. Japan. Hey, go. Ladies and gentlemen, Dax Flame is back. Back from Japan. Dak, do you need. headphones or you don't use them? He. never likes them. Yeah, I don't like to. use. Okay. Okay. How was our little. Let's Yeah, take your clothes off. Yeah, take your clothes loose, dude. So, um,

by the way, I've never not seen you with. four layers on. Doesn't matter what. temperature it is outside. Guy wears two. undershirts. Yeah. A pullover, a quarter. zip, a jacket. How is the flight going. there? Good. Yeah. What do you mean? What does. that mean? What do you mean? It was nice. and easy. Yeah. Uh yeah. Yeah. Tokyo to. LAX. Yeah. The LAX to Tokyo one. I. watched uh two Lord of the Rings movies. I never seen any of those. Well, how we. cuz I've seen a bunch of times. What did. you think of them? They were awesome. Yeah. Yeah. And then I watched You You.

didn't see Return of the King on the way. back. I watched Oh, you did? And I had. actually seen that one when I was a kid, but um Yeah. Out of order, so I don't. think I didn't remember it at all. Yeah. Yeah. How'd you see an out of order? You. mean on TV? Uh, I just my uncle invited. me to go see it and I'd not seen the. first two and I just watched that when I. whenever it came out so I would have. been like 12 or something or Did. something happen with your uncle? Yeah. No. No. Anything? No. Uh, no. Did he go. like let's go swimming? Uh, I don't I.

don't Did your uncle take you on. vacations? No. Yeah. Yeah. I I didn't. spend much time with him. He uh I don't remember him ever. swimming at a sporting event. Factor. meals. Make this your best season yet. with nutritious two-minute meals from. factor. Two minute meals. Not one. minute. Bobby used to be the two-minute. man. Now it's factor meals. Eating well. has never been this easy. Just heat up. and enjoy. Giving you more time to do.

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code badfriends50 off to get 50% off. plus free shipping on your first box. That's code badfriends50 off at. factormeals.com/badfriends.50 off for. 50% off plus free shipping. Well, that's. I'm I'm an investigative journalist. So, did you sleep on the flight? I don't think or actually I think I just. slept like an hour or two. Yeah. Well, I'm so happy that we got you to Japan. and you shared a video and thank you. Is.

there any way it's 11 hours a long. flight? Is there any way we can continue. to do this as the year goes on? Just. start sending you more places? Yeah, I'll I'll do it anytime you all want. Really? You had fun then? Yeah. Yeah. Where would you like to go next? Uh we think Africa. Yeah. Can we send. you to Yemen? Libya. Do you want to go. to Libya? Yeah. What is it like? Oh, it's beautiful. It's northern Africa. What's that country? Wait, hold on. What's that one? You want to go there? What is that, Dax? Um, that that's a.

country in Africa. Um, what is it. called? I don't know how to pronounce. it. I don't know how to pronounce it, actually. Give it a word. Try. Yeah, try. Uh, uh, spell it out. N I G E R. Whoa. Whoa. That's the name of the country. It's. almost It's almost sounds worse when you. spell it. I know. He might have just. said it. Yeah. Yeah. What about um would. you go to Chad? That sounds like a white. guy play. It's like what's Yeah. What's. up, dude? I'm in [ __ ] Africa, dude. Next time go to Steve, too.

Mark is just north of us, dude. Yeah. Yeah. How about Bkina Faso? That's Look. at Oh my Look at that. Have you been to. Africa? No. Yeah. Would you go there? Like to that specific spot? Yes. With. those ladies? Yeah. Those are my. cousins. Um how about this? What about. that? I I have it. I know where I want. him to go. Yeah, I'm so excited because. I've been watching a lot of videos about. this on the internet. Tell me. Tell me. India. Oh, India. I've actually been. there. [ __ ] Okay. Pakistan. Uh I've.

never been there. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he would have fun in is um. uh I thought about having fun. Okay. No. Where? I'm kidding. Like a goolog or. something. Yeah. Al Salvador. No, El. Salvador is awesome. No, but the goolog. that they're they're sending. Yeah. Yeah. What's a goolog? Oh, you don't. know what a You don't play war zone? No. Okay. I've heard the word. It's a harsh. prison. Okay. Okay. So, here's what we. need. Carlos, give me put up a picture of the United.

I'm sorry, of the of the world, okay, of. the flat earth that we live on. And I'm. going to just throw I'm going to throw. something at the TV. And wherever it hits, I'm going to close. my eyes. But even even if you hit the. middle of the Pacific Ocean, we're. dropping them off there. Yeah, we have. to. Yeah. Yeah. Give me something like. that. Do you swing swim, Dax? Yes. Okay. His uncle cannot is what something we. learned. Yeah. Yeah. Give me something. light that's not going to hurt the TV. You look good, bud. Thank you. Thanks.

Hold on. An Uncle Paul's Oh, yeah. All. right. Here we go. I toss it sideways. All right. Ready? Yeah. Zoom into that. Zoom in. Bottom right. corner. No, I got it. Bottom right. corner. Up. Up. I know exactly where I. hit. Up. Up on the map. Up more. Right. there. What is that? What's that town. with that little outlet that kicks out. there? That right there. What is that? Is that Zoom in? Zoom in. What's that called? Jesus Maria. Jesus.

Maria. Jesus Maria. That's where you're. going. You're going to Jesus Maria. I'd. go there. Let's bring up a picture. Just. click on one of those little icons and. you'll see what the street view is. Yeah, there. Check it out. Wow. That's Jesus Maria. That's it. That actually looks awesome. Isn't that That's the best pizza. But. here's the deal. You have to go to that. pizzeria crepery. You have to go to this. creperia pizzeria. Yeah. Yeah. Wa. That'll be you eating hamburger. Looks. so good. It does. That looks so good.

It's like a cheese wrapped burger. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Spain. Yeah. Huh? It is. Spain. I know it's in Spain, [ __ ]. Do you think Jesus Maria is anywhere. other than Spain? All right, you're going here. You're. going there. When can we send you to. Spain? Um, May. May. Yeah. Let's talk about. Japan. Okay. So, um, what' you do the. first day there? Um, I think just walked. around. Um, yeah, just walked around. And do you have pictures in your phone.

you can share with Carlos and he can you. can text him? You can bring them up on. the screen there. Now, let me ask you. some personal questions. Were there. women looking at you there? Did you get. any vibes from people? Text frame. Piece of piece of the text. frame. Yeah. Yeah. I I don't think like. I noticed that. Um Okay. Um you weren't. looking for it. No. Are you ever looking. for love, Dax? Yeah. Uh are you in love. right now? No. Can I ask you a personal.

question? We can cut it. Yeah. That girl. you do videos with, that cute young. lady. Is she your girlfriend? No, she's. my friend's girlfriend. Oh. Oh, that's. weird. That's weird. Yeah. But do you. masturbate to her? Oh, boy. No. No. Why. can I ask that? Well, cuz Dax is our. buddy. You don't think I've masturbated. to his wife? Come on. He has. I watch. him. It's in my house. Very strange. All. right, Dex, send Carlos some photos that. are in your phone. Just everything. Just. dump everything. Even a couple of nudes. that you have in there or whatever. Yeah. But here's the deal. as you search.

for those. We are going to continue to. send Dax on a world tour. We would love. to. But here's what I actually want to. enact in Spain in Jesus Maria. Yeah. Or. should it be to a closer bigger city? I. want him. You got to do a meetup. Zack. Dax. Zack. What's your [ __ ] name? Uh. Dax. Is it? Uh. Oh, my real first name. Yeah. No, that's not your real name. No. Uh Theodore. Theodore. Yeah. Teddy. Teddy. Teddy. My favorite president. Yeah. We got I want to do a fan meetup.

Can we do that? Um, yeah. That would be. that'd be [ __ ] rad. That'd be cool. International. Do we have fans there? Huh? In Spain? He does. He's way more. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a lot. of fans in Spain? I don't know. Uhhuh. I. would assume you have fans all over the. world. Um, maybe. So, I don't think any. Japanese people knew who I was really, but um but a couple tourists said hi to. me. Oh, that's cool. Is it now? Who says. hi to you? Is it mostly men or women? Um, I feel like women recognize you. more. I think more guys know me, but I.

both actually. Yeah. Yeah. Because you. know on the internet you're kind of a. heartthrob. Do you know this? Um no. I. know some girl that really love you. There's women that comment all the time. that he's a heartthrob. Yeah. I think. you don't have I I don't know if you. know this or you just playing koi. But. you are I've had many many women come. across my way that say I think he's so. sexy. Um okay. That's what would you. like to say to those women that say. that? Thank you. Um and uh please give Andrew your number.

and no to give to me. Yes. Me? And give. it to Why him? Or give Well, cuz they. Why? Why him, not me? Cuz they came up. to Andrew and said it to him. Oh, okay. That's right. His logic is good. Yeah, it is very good logic. Very smart. Um I. I also sent Carlos a video. Um y'all saw. Did y'all see that video? We did. Cool. Okay, cool. loved it. So, tell me, day. one in Japan. Um, take me through the.

day. Let's see. Day one, I got my flight. got there in the daytime. So, then I. would have walked to my Airbnb and then. just walked around. Describe your. Airbnb. Uh, like a room uh with a. kitchen um and um. a little hallway and a bathroom. Small. though. Uh yeah, pretty small. But in a. in Shinjuku. Oh, Shinjuku. Oh, let's go. Let's go with these pictures. Let's go. to the first picture. That one was just. like I took a picture cuz it was kind of. funny. Well, not I guess. Well, actually, maybe that's rude, but it was.

like horse sushi. So, I just um thought. that was unusual. Wait, there Andrew, there's horse sushi. there. We got to go to Japan. I know. We. can't get that here. It's a delicacy. Yeah. By the way, you do you take. pictures like my dad? Yeah. Like, this. is sideways. And did you try horse. sushi? No. No. Okay. Are you interested. in other meats? Um, outside of what? Outside of pork and chicken. Pork and. chicken and beef. The kind of the. standard run. The trifecta. I've tried.

guinea pig, I think. And wait, stop. What? What? Cuz I was Well, I was in uh. Peru where they eat it. They eat guinea. pig in Peru. Let me ask you something. Were there other options? Yeah. What. were the other options? I don't remember. a lot of a lot of stuff. But I would Oh. my god, look at what a guinea pig looks. like in there at lunch in Peru. But it. wasn't It didn't look like a guinea pig. Would it look like a cat? No, just like. like chicken, I guess. Oh, I see. Now. that's Now that's strange. Would you.

eat? Honestly, be be real, dude. Would. you eat that, Andrew? Would I what? Eat. that. That woman? No. The pineapple that's on the I would eat. I would eat the the old pineapple and. and olives. Are those olives or beans? I. don't know what they are, but I would. eat everything around. Dude, why don't. fry a [ __ ] one of those when they're. smiling. Guinea pig when it's laughing. Dude, he's literally laughing. You told. it a joke and then put it in the fryer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, you didn't.

eat a horse. You pussed out there. Yeah. And then you went to bed. You went to. bed. Yes. And then the next day, I think. I just walked around a ton. And Quick. question. I'm so sorry. Sometimes when. you're in LA, there's a certain sound. that wakes you up. Are there any unusual. things that happen? Like like a like some sort of like a. bong or Yeah. I mean, yeah. Do they wake. everybody up at the same time? Yeah. Like bong, you know what I mean? No. Uh. I didn't hear anything like that, but. I'm trying to think if there's any sound.

specific to like you wake up, right? You're Yeah, something like that. Time. to wake up. Time to wake up. Okay. Nothing. the guy being stabbed by a sword like. Okay. Uh I didn't hear anything like. that. Good. That's good. I'm glad they. got rid of that cuz they used to do that. a lot. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. Uh the. Yeah. Yeah. And this is a forest. That was like just. in a a park there. Oh, it's one of those.

suicide forests I hear so much about. Was Jake Paul there? Uh that was Logan. Paul who did that. Oh, sorry. Wrong. Paul. Yeah. Retake the joke. Was Logan. Paul there? I Does is he banned from there or We. don't know the politics of it. He's b. he's banned from all forests. Yeah, all. forests. You can't catch him in a wooded. area at all. He can only live in the. plains. So what's difference about this. forest and a normal American forest for. instance? What did you like about this? Um that was just in the middle of the.

city. Um and so it was just pretty just. a regular old forest. It is beautiful. Yeah. You know, you were in cherry. blossom season, right? I think that I. kind of missed it. It just ended. Yeah. Damn. Cuz I went there during it was. beautiful. Okay. I do think it's early. in the April, right? Yeah. March. Yeah. Okay. I think they said like I was like. a week. What is this? That was just a. store with a bunch of stuff. Uh you like. stuff, huh? Yeah. Is it toys? It's a lot.

of stuff. Yeah. Little toys. They look. vintage almost. I think they were maybe. Oh, that's cool, dude. That is very. cool. Yeah. Yeah. I went to that. that's. at some like mall that has like just a. billion stores. And then I went there. specifically because Carlos had asked. for uh something from Japan for like uh. and I like used underwear from a vending. machine. Oh yeah, you got him used. underwear. I appreciate that. And did. you did you get us anything? I got y'all. gifts. Wait, did you Let's go back to. the underwear. Did you smell it? No. Be.

Look at me in my eyes. Theodore, come. on, Teddy. Did you smell it? No. Uh, I. don't have a sense of smell anyways. Okay, then you didn't. So, I haven't. like opened it or anything. You haven't? You weren't curious. Um, I guess you. have it with you. Yes. Yeah. Let me see. Yeah. Will you smell it, Andrew? Have. you opened it since you brought it here? No. I have my sense of smell. I have. mine, too. Yeah. But it was really hard. to buy it because I was just by myself.

Oh, you can smell. They had whole as air. holes. You can smell. Oh, that's all the. smell is gone now. No, you can actually. smell it. Can I smell? Aiko. No. You know what I thought you. were going to say? This is Ako. Is that. Aiko? Aiko. Oh, yeah. So, they're used. Yeah. Wow. Wow. This is what Carlos wanted. Imagine the guy that put these on. Oh my.

god. It's a big fat dude that puts They. put these on sumo wrestlers. Wow. What. do you think, Dax? They look like. pretty. They look pretty. Can you smell. the part? You. can. It's so weird. A Kiko. A for sure. There was a man who um came. up to the machine and bought some right. before me because I was like just. standing there looking for a while. because I I just felt too nervous to.

walk up to it and do it, but I saw. someone do it and then I went and did. it. Wow. So, you got Did you blush? Uh my god. Good hands. Oh, I went to a. baseball game one day. Oh, that's right. We saw that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. that was Oh, yeah. That's the That's the. machine. That Wow. How much is 500? $3.50. Wow. Pretty good business. Yeah, it's. really good. Yeah. And what does your. dad do? He owns vending machines. Oh,

like candy bars and stuff. No, panties. Yeah. Used panties. Yeah. Wow. That's. kind of embarrassing. He makes $800,000. a year. Yeah. It's crazy. And his. grandma makes 5% of that. All right, let's see. We don't know the. age. what the woman looks like. So. anyway, yeah, let's move on. No clue. Okay. Drawings that you liked. That was. at that same mall. Oh, that's cool. Did. you buy any of those? No. Okay.

I thought that looked like Squidward. It does. It does, but it does. Yeah. So, you're really soaking in the culture of. Japan. You really You really kind of went far. and beyond. It does. But it does look. like Squidward, dude. It undeniably does. what I what we asked for. But I I mostly. took videos there. Okay. Okay. Did you. send him video? No. Oh, we saw this one, right? We saw this one already. Yeah. Yeah. Now, did you get lonely at night?

Um. cuz you're far away from home. Not. really cuz I fell asleep pretty early. there. Um cuz of like sleep schedule. Um. and then mostly I would just walk all. day and then fall asleep quickly. Oh, but one Did you ever go out at night and. go nightife in it and go? I didn't do. nightlife stuff. Uh, but I did like walk. around at night just to look around. That's what I mean. But did you go to. nightclub, get your moves on? No. No.

Wow. Okay. What did you do? What did you. do? Uh, the the more like eventful. things was Yeah. I went to like a. baseball game. Oh, lovely. And then I. ran into a stranger who offered to buy. me sushi and he was super nice. He was a. fan. Wait, you Oh, he was a fan. Yeah. What did he look like? A Japanese guy named Show. Oh, so he was. a Japanese guy that recognized you from. the internet. Mhm. How did How did he.

come up? Are you. [Music]. What did he do? He said um Dax Dax and. then uh and then yeah just said nice to. meet you and stuff and no this I just. want to get Dax Dax frame frame nice to. meet you nice that's all he said. How'd. you know that he was a fan? Uh so big. fan. Oh he said that he's just pointing. at a fan. Uh he likes you guys a lot. Oh. he does show. We love you dog. We love.

your show. Yeah. Okay. Good sushi. Yes. Okay. How much did he spend on you? I. didn't ask, but he actually I said you. don't have to buy it, and then he just. offered to buy it still. It's very nice. Japanese people are the best, man. Yeah. Some of the nicest people I've ever met. in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's was. super nice. Yeah. So, you didn't go. looking for um other people your age or. anything to go hang with to scope out. some friends, maybe? No. No. Okay. I met.

up with a Japanese pop group uh and. filmed a video with them. I saw that. Would you connect? Are they a big pop. group? Yeah. What are they called? 5. Oh, yeah. Five. The women pop group. Yeah. Zoom in. They're so beautiful, Dax. They're very. beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And so we made a. video where we were going to make a. pizza driver. I saw it. It was very. funny. Very funny. Were they nice? Yeah, they were very nice. Did they speak. English? Uh, yes. But I don't think they. understood everything I said. But yeah.

Now, do were you attracted to any of. them? Uh, uh, yeah. I think they're very. pretty. No, but was there one that you. All of them? You liked all of them? Yeah, but I wasn't trying to No, but if. you were if you were in Chernobyl. We're. back in Chernobyl. Would you would you. would you have sex with all these women. for country? Yes. For country. For country. Who which. one of these women would you Yeah. For. country? For country. or I'm a general, right? My name is Vladimir, right?

Trronormal is on fire. Okay. For. country, you must have sexual. intercourse with one of these ladies. Which one would you for country? Remember, what does for country mean? For Russia. For mother Russia. For. mother Russia. We will die. Everyone. will die. Everyone will die. Oh, including Ukraine and Poland. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And we will Is anyone interested. in who who's who would like to? No, we.

are telling you. No, you pick. countrymen. Yeah, we're generals. You. must do it for country. For country. You. pick. Um, can I point and you cannot show it? I feel bad. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Well, you How about this? We'll bleep out the. color of dress that she's wearing. Oh, okay. Um, and and you can bleep that? Yes, we. will. We will. Interesting. Blow bloop when I say I do.

that one too. So girl with a You want to. [ __ ] the girl in the All right, stop it. We're going to bank it. We'll blank it. out. You know, we'll protect you. I got. to tell you, they're all gorgeous. Yeah, they're gorgeous. They're gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Gorgeous. Yeah. Now, my pick. would be Be honest. Yeah. I'll pick. Did. you develop a little crush? Uh perhaps. Do you communicate with them still? Well, not directly with them, but yeah, I I I definitely would have a crush on. them. Yeah. On one of I'm saying we're.

not sharing with the crowd. Do you have. a crush on one of them? Well, do you. Dax? We have We have her here. There she. is. Come on out. Hey, there. Would There. she is. Good to see you again, Mr. Dax. Good to see you. Yeah. So, Dax, what are. you going to do with this one? It's for. country. Um, would you like to uh sing. or dance? Dex, look at me. Right. Dex. for country. Uh, the country. Yeah. What.

would you like to do with her? Um, that. must I don't have have sex for to save. the country. Yes. Very good. Very good. Very good. But we are not going to use. your penis. No. Wow. That's great. Anyway, five. You met. with them? Five V. Five. Yeah. It's F. It's. five V. How would you say that? I they.

Well, they to I said five and then they. told me five V. Oh, I see it now, Dax. I. see. I see it now. Yeah. Yeah, I see it. now for sure. Did you have any. experiences that you didn't have in LA. in Japan? Um go uh maybe going to that baseball. game. I sat in like the section where. everyone's like chanting the chant. I've. never been there in the stadium. Can you. do the chant for me? Yeah. Like let's.

go, let's go. That's how they say that. Let's go. Let's go. That was the only. English part of the chant. And then they. said um and then there was like stuff in. Japanese that What would that be? I don't I don't I didn't know exactly. what they were saying. Just pretend. What do you think they were? What do you. think they were? What? Oh, they're. saying hello to the baseball. Hello. Let's go. Let's go. Hello. Hello. That. makes sense. That makes sense. What. teams were playing? The Giants and the I. I don't remember that. Tokyo Giants, right? Yeah. Or actually, I think it has.

a different name. Tokyo Big People. Oh, actually, yeah. I guess the Tokyo. Tokyo Giants, right? Isn't that who you. saw? Yeah. Who are you rooting for? The. Giants. There there was uh I went and. got sushi and and I was at like a. conveyor belt restaurant. Oh, those are. fun. Those are fun. Very nice. I was. feeling kind of like nervous to cuz I. didn't know how to get the person's. attention and then the girl beside me. noticed that. So then she like kind of.

helped me. Yeah. And then she started to. talk to me through a Google Translate. Oh, that's so cool. The future. Yeah. Yeah. I've done that before. Did you. talk back? Yes. And that I kind of had a. little crush on her. Oh, no. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She she she said she. was also traveling by herself. From. where? China. Oh, yes. Good. Yeah. And. so, did you exchange information? No, I. just left. What? See, this is Bro, you.

had a crush and you left. Like in the. mood for love. It's No, it's not that. cuz that that girl knew about the love. What my point is is Dad, this is what. you have to do from now on. You have one. life to live. You got to take advice. from this guy when it comes to dating. Okay. I'm saying cuz you're he's you're dating. a lot. Thank you. What a [ __ ] I didn't. There wasn't a shot. Yeah. I said he's. been he's the bat. Well, let's get to. the gifts maybe. Okay. Wait. Time out. Let's go back. Yeah. You had a crush on.

this girl. That's right. You didn't. continue any of the No. Why? Uh I don't. I don't know. Scar your fear. Yes. And. your You have fear of rejection. Um or I. I didn't want to make her feel weird. What? She's going to say no, right? Yeah. Anyway, so you got to take risks. Yeah. Can we I really want to set you up. on a date. We tried that. You don't He. doesn't want to. You don't want to. Um I. could I could do it. I I get I get.

nervous. But did we get any submissions. to Carlos in the booth to date Dax from. last time? Didn't we plug that? Yeah. There. We talked to them or watched a. couple videos. No, I know. But didn't we. didn't get any new ones? We didn't get. any more. No. Well, then let's plug it. now, guys. Let's plug it now. You want. to fall in love with that, Dax? Look in. the camera and and do your No. You know. what? Let's contact the spell lady. Oh, Andria. Andria. Let's go back to Andria. We'll spend another $30. I'm telling. you, being real. Spend another 30 for.

Dax. Yeah. Love spell. We're doing a. love spell for you. Let's do a spell for. you, bud. Okay. Which one would you. like? Amazing. Amore. Amore spell. Andria's blood. New moon. New moon. I. think blood. Whatever the blood is. Forever. love. Uh, retrieve your lover. Uh, sunburst love spell. Which one of these. jumps out to you? Irresistible allure. Where is that? Spell. Okay. Irresistible allure spell. So, this remarkable spell highlights. your very appealing characteristics, bringing them to the surface so others.

will see your true and undeniable. beauty. Once the irresistible allure. spell is cast, you could feel more. confident, be happy in your skin. You. like your skin, Dax? Why? You're going to like it more. Why. do you like your skin? Cuz I don't have. acne. That's the right question answer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Usually face. What's. your birthday? November 5th. What year? Uh 1991. A 90s boy. Grab your wand, dude. What's the other person's name? I don't.

have a specific if known. You don't. know. So, just say, "Yeah, women.". Women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Women of. California. Yeah. Please cast it once. Let's be more specific. No. No. Cast it. two hours later. Okay. Yeah. Cast it. again. Add the cart. We got to double. it. Double down, dude. You don't You got. to hit, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Just came back. from Vegas, dude. You got to hit. Yeah. And how much is that spell? Oh my god, there's rush shipping and handling. It's. It's a spell. That's what I did for uh. Bob. Okay, good. Okay, we're confirmed.

We're confirmed. Yeah. So, so Japan as a. whole, give it a rating. Uh 10 out of. 10. 10 out of 10. Yes. Yeah. Hey, can. you do a love spell? Can you do a I'll. pay extra. I swear to God, I have the. money in the car. You owe him like $100. It doesn't matter. Do another love for. me. Oh, a love one for you. Yeah, but do. it for real. I am. Get the same category. that he has. All right. Irresistible. Well, what else is there? I'm so sorry. It's so funny that you I know you really. believe it. Now I know. I do believe it.

because the way you just did that, you. were very corny. Yeah. Oh, let me read. it. Hold on. He just went. Well, no. Sit. in your [ __ ] seat. I can't read. Do a forever love. Yeah. And cast it. twice, right? Yeah. Three times. And. Andria does it two hours later again. Oh, just do it twice then. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So, we both get one. Okay. Okay. So, you know, I'm going, by the way, I'm. going to Italy in May. Maybe you should. come with me to Italy. Meet my parents. Hang out with me and my wife. Fun. Yeah.

I'm hoping to be there when they elect a. new pope. That'd be great. Would that be. crazy? The Filipino one. I'm strong. You. want the Filipino pope? Yeah. I think. he's I think he's going to get it. But. wouldn't that be crazy if I'm there when. they're smoking out the pope? Yeah. You. know, when they puff the [ __ ] out the. thing, you would know. You Spanish piece of. Cardinal Peter Erdo. Boo. 72y old. Dude, they elect these guys just so they'll. die in a year and a half. I know. You. know, I I saw a funny meme the other. day. It was just so funny. Can I show. you this meme? Yeah. How are you feeling.

in general? Uh, good. Life is good. Yeah. Yeah. I've just been a little. tired from trying to adjust my sleep, but now I feel like I'm pretty much back. to normal from jet lag. Yeah. Yeah. How. long did you stay in Japan? Uh, for. seven days. Whoa. So, you didn't tell me. what you did the last couple of days? Uh, I did. the pop I met up with the pop stars. Yeah. And then I mostly just walked. around more. Uh, and I and then I got. y'all a gift as well. We got gifts. Oh.

my god. I can't believe we see. Yeah. I. They're not like No, it's the it's what. the gift what counts. Well, I saw a Tik. Tok. What? It's the thought. I mean, well, no, it's No, it's actually the. gift that counts. It's the gift that. counts. I agree with that statement. It's the gift that counts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a clip where I that that you. like t-shirts. I do. So, I got you some. t-shirts. A medium. Uh they're large. Oh, man.

Oh, let me see. I like that. Give that. to me. I can wear that. You can wear. this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Large. And then. here. I don't I couldn't find anything. spec. If you don't like them, you could. have this. No. What is that? It's just. Well, it's just coins from Japan. Yeah, he wants those. Is this for me? Yeah. So, where's mine? Wait, you got me two plain shirts from. Japan. It has nothing on them. There's no.

symbol. There's no They're from like a a. popular [ __ ] matter, dude. You got me. too. You know where they're from? What? Uniqlo. We have those here. I know. We. have those here. That's what I was. asking if you did anything different. than LA. You know, look up Uniqlo. locations. I think there's one in the. mall. So, you got me nothing. Dax, thank. you for this. This is very nice. Shop. Uniqlo in the US. I can get you. something else from here. Thank you, Dax. This is very thoughtful, bud. You're welcome. But I can get you.

something else. Yeah, there's one in. Century City Mall and there's one in the. Valley. Should we just return these and. we can get something else? I cut the. price tag off. right smart. Now we can't return them. Okay, good. Well, cuz I thought it would. be rude. Okay. I do have one other shirt from. there. Yeah, it's in my car. I don't. want it. Okay. No. What is it? Does it. say anything on it? It has a collar. Honestly, dude, go get it. No, I don't.

want it. I I I I need you to have it. It's a large. I can't wear. it. You No, listen. When you we send you. to the Congo, where are we to send you? Spain. Whatever. I don't think Spain. now, but wherever we send you, get me a. specific a medium shirt specific to what. the area you're in. Okay. You know what. I mean? Like go to go to like a Hard. Rock. Cafe or go to like a Hooters or whatever. and get Hooters Singapore. I could order you a high I can do that,

too. Okay. Okay. That's not what I want. I want the thought that counts. Yeah. Yeah. And you didn't think that through. at all? What was the thought of this? The coins. Yeah. Let's go through the. Let's go through the coins. Go ahead. What we had left. This is just what was. left over. I I actually just couldn't think of. something. So, you didn't buy any gifts and then. you thought, "These guys sent me to. Japan. I'll just get your change.".

Uh, yeah. Okay. Well, I Yeah. Hey, I. don't know if you collect coins. They. sent you to Japan. [Laughter]. Do Do you collect coins or? No, dude. Nobody does. I'll get y'all both different gifts. No, no, no. I don't want another gift. Okay. Yeah. I want you to get him another. gift. You keep giving me change. You. keep giving me loose change from. wherever you go. Yeah, I'm fine with. this. Loose change is good for me. I'm.

Give me loose change. I do have I don't want them. I have. enough from him. I think this is very. thoughtful that Okay. I actually. appreciate this. I have a bill like a. 10,000 yen bill that I was going to take. to the currency exchange, but I could. give it to you. No, it's okay. How much. is that worth? $70. No, it's okay. It's. fine. It's fine. But anyway, um, look. into the camera and say thank you for. being a bad bad friend. Thank you for. being a bad friend.

I just ordered a pizza and when the. delivery driver gets here, one of. Japan's biggest pop groups will perform. for them. Are you excited? Yes. This is. an example of the performance they. they'll get. Five, six, seven, eight.

This is going to be awesome. We just got the pizza, but the driver. said they didn't want to be in the. video. the the driver didn't I don't think. wanted to be on camera today. But then if if you would like some. pizza, there's you can still have pizza.

Yummy. Cool. [Music]. Yeah. Woo. [Music].