Life As an Uggo w/ Andrew Schulz | Ep 260 | Bad Friends

hello hello there mate mate I'm B on toi. we're coming to London England mate and. then Dublin Ireland right after I'm Tom. Harley he's Tom Hardy and I'm Andrew. Santino and we're going to London. England July 18th and then July 19th. we'll be in Dublin Ireland tickets are. available right we never go to these. places never go to these places once the. show's done you we know come back we. know come back yeah yeah so you got to. go you got to go so go to badp pod.com. for those tickets badri pod.com.

hey everyone from Texas Houston. specifically I need you to buy tickets. for my show on what it March 28th and. 29th of this year go to Houston. improv.com. buy the tickets or I'm going to hurt. myself I'm going to hurt myself I might. die. [Music].

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad friends what happened to Jean. Hackman what happened to Jean what. happened to him what happened to Jean. his wife died too what happened to Jean. and one. dog yeah yeah let me say something the. dog was in the kennel which I think is a. little strange don't you let your dog.

free roam I free roam my dog I free roam. dog but um i' be free roaming my. question is how old was he by the way. 95 time to go I know you did your time. but his asian wife. 65 right and dog died and two dogs. survived who are the survivors let me. see the Survivor dogs yeah Survivor dogs. man yeah yeah that there they are. there's some of the dogs those are.

German Shepherds German Shepherds they. can live through anything they live. through the Holocaust they were very. good in the Holocaust they were good. dude and their work is not. credited right right with it was not. credited not enough yeah yeah honestly. though yeah yeah the other one that was. bad was Michelle tractenberg died the. same day right in New York oh that's not. here yeah it was in New York same day. because Jean had been dead a day when. they found him they found him a day. later oh yeah it's a Hollywood tribal.

okay we've talked about it on the show. people die in threes who's next who's. the third let's get I'm going throw it. hold on on the count of three yeah hold. on let me think of the name hold on this. F I was say on the count of three we. have to think of a name together okay I. I think this we shouldn't predict okay. you I mean no because you know what. happens on the show when we predict yeah. it doesn't it happens but so here's the. thing they say it's not carbon monoxide. poisoning got to be they say it's not. otherwise it's and they said it's not. follow play so I have a prediction fair. play so maybe someone deserved to it was. fair play and I I think think this okay.

one of the. dogs was scared of the asian wife oh at. some point she's like he's think he's. thinking it's me I'm going to go soon. I'm next it's me or her no he's German. they're German Shepherds I don't I don't. know she's looking at me one day she's. going to eat. me and by the way Jean's getting so old. he couldn't control her from doing that. right so one day the dog I can't do an. German accent yeah I will do it for you. yeah do it for me saw a gigantic. chocolate bar exposed oh I love.

chocolate I know but you know what it. does to you what does it do to me it. kills you so you he saw the chocolate. bar right this is my th and his other. what does his other two dogs. say Well they're running they ran away. they got away they were in the house. well who where uh look up the movie. Crimson Tide here's my con love this. movie you think Denzel did. it that was my other Theory I was. honestly not going to say Denzel zoom in. I was going to say uh.

George zunga that guy right there fourth. right before vgo no wait a minute yeah. vgo makes the most sense vgo mortson is. German oh my God those were his dog. Aragorn did it Aragorn did it those are. my dogs I sent to that's a long Play. It's a Long play I don't know if he. would go to all the way to New Mexico. yes he would he loves New Mexico I love. how do you know the vgo Morrison likes. New Mexico we vacations there okay you. know what and rest rest in peace one of. the greatest actors of all time Gina. Hackman bless do you realize in so many.

piey they made so many good movies it. French Connection yeah well I told you. Crimson TI is one of my favorite movies. here's another one that you forgot so. good Young Frankenstein oh my God he. plays the blind guy that's right so. funny wow dude he he did everything oh. actually you know what look at all the. movies we've done I it's insane here's. my favorite voice he ever did though. yeah ants so good an ants do it now he. was the General do it now we must fight. to survive we must fight to survive you.

know that speech he does it's so is that. him yeah okay he was so good in ants. dude okay king ant he was probably made. a Millions I don't know about that does. did animation pay that well back then I. don't think so you're right yeah now. that they got like superhero they get. points though I think right well I mean. yeah I guess I got a residual check the. other. day uh for. uh for the sale of Ricky steni to DVD. what was it ch- Ching big time dude CH.

Ching $4. 42.362667. I'd have to look up people think that. when you do these things residuals. they're like it must be raining down I I. did movies for virtually free you lost. money on something Mone L money it's not. a lucrative thing unless you're Ryan. Reynolds and and be careful Ryan. Reynolds why they're coming for him the. business is all like mad at him and his. wife mhm I didn't get involved in this.

[ __ ] on the internet cuz I didn't care. to like research but it's funny how many. stories are being told about these guys. there's another story that I just saw on. Tik Tok it's the the movie that he did. that sci-fi movie with Jake Gyllenhaal. what was that movie called why can't I. see it in my mind horizon or is it. collateral hor Horizon life we were. right there we were right there I would. have got live so that see the girl. that's go back Rebecca Ferguson Rebecca. Ferguson oh yeah said something crazy. about him I don't know if it's true I.

wasn't there it looks true but he was. really mean to her like a bully on set. yeah yeah really and then one day she. came on what this F [ __ ] is so. insecure that he's just yelling at me. all the time yeah and so one day she. came comes on set and she goes I'm not. doing things with you anymore I'm going. to do it with the tennis ball no with. the she stand with the tennis ball yeah. and then the producer went up to her and. she goes he's number one on the chicall. seat he has to be there I don't know why. he probably doesn't want to be there. yeah but again we don't know if it's. true but it's enlightening well it's a.

bummer because then all those stories. that TJ Miller told about working with. him on Deadpool seem to be much more. valid like people people people did not. believe him but they were like well you. never know their relationship could have. been toxic but it seems. like how hard is it to be. nice here's the deal I don't know the. deal tell me the deal zel Washington. said about him who who Denzel said about. Ryan Reynolds yeah they were in a movie. together safe house oh yeah and in an. interview they asked Danel they say. basically well when Ryan rolds was there.

he was just observing you and he forgot. to act because he admired you so much. and then s said like oh is that what it. was I thought he was just terrible. that's what Denzel said yeah W everybody. on the show like wow that's amazing when. Denzel's the a truth teller he really is. he really when he says like quot I don't. know if it's AI but with his voice well. it could be he can say anything and. it'll be like a spiritual zoom into that. photo you just look at that that's. that's two lover boys look at that zoom. into that photo Denzel doesn't look.

stoked there he doesn't yeah does not. look he does look stoked yeah that is. kind of crazy to think about well here's. the deal here I'll answer your question. yeah how is it hard to be nice on set. here yes no no no here's why though he's. hot he's been hot his whole life you and. me Ugo rugos you know knock knock knock. here we go knock knock knock Bobby. Andrew you guys ready are you guys out. of your bucket of slime you want to come. shoot the. scene they do they do they treat the the.

couple last movies I was in one of those. quarter like a [ __ ] talk quarter 10%. trailer it was like barely a human being. could go in there it's a bathroom. literally the toilet and that's it. you're sitting on the toilet to watch. like you know I mean YouTube videos you. know what I mean and then you have to. wait there for so long all day all day. and then you when then you're like hey. can lunch can I leave no and they go no. absolutely no we need you what if we.

need you so then lunch happens 4 hours. later they don't need you they don't. need you it's [ __ ] yeah they this is. this is what happens when you're regular. and Ugo if you're us who are regularl. looking guys but anyway you're right so. um I think if if you're an Ugo like us. you're going to not get treated the way. that Ryan reyolds is so hot I know but. can I say something for a redhead and I. get a lot one time I was at you one of. your shows what do you mean at my we're. at our show that we do together no we. weren't doing it together it was a show. that I was supporting you yeah and a.

lady in the audience I was sitting kind. of in the side and she turns to me and. goes you're you're you're boy is. handsome only because I've heard no I've. heard a lot of that on the internet I've. heard a lot about my direct messages and. I just want you to own up to your. handsomeness no no no first all because. you're you have a mutant color of the. hair yeah because I'm a mutant I'm a. freak but the face. is Andrew Santino is so hot what the. [ __ ] yeah but that's guy these are all.

guys they're not guys dude trust me look. at 2020 2022 Steve there's a Bobby Lee. one can I tell you the amount of times. that I've gotten dickpic sent to my DM. from guy it's unreal I get dick pics all. day didn't you live in so when they you. did when you what Bobby Lee wait what is. that read yeah when you type in Bobby. Lee hot it's about spicy wings spicy. wings right that I ate hot stuff but you. do no I know I have but that's [ __ ]. wait scroll down a littleit that's so.

funny go keep going keep going keep. going let's see Bobby Lee hot eating. spicy wings it's where I had. diarrhea when I was on hot wings but you. did hot ones I've never done that. they've never asked they don't want me. over there look at that oh my anyway get. out of that so you don't I don't have a. Reddit flat Bobby Lee's the only person. to [ __ ] himself on hot okay okay that's. an award in of itself I know but that's. still humili name someone else that's. done that I don't know by the way New. York Magazine Bobby Lee foots one of. most outrageous and outrageously funny.

hot On's performances to date bam you go. there you go I do it for comedy you. always do it for comedy yeah anyway. let's get out of that but um you're hot. let's move on no no way you can't say. you're an ugly one but you know I don't. I wonder what it is with like that. generation of like they were hot their. whole life they got treated hot their. whole life some guys did Brad Pit every. is like the coolest [ __ ] dude and. everyone says they work with him he's. like the most rad dude on Earth and he's. been hot his whole [ __ ] life okay. he's never not been he's hotter now than.

he was 20 years ago but who's the. hottest young actor now man Timothy. Shaman exactly and from what I've talked. to Theo about Theo had him on oh yeah. he's the nicest guy he seems like a good. kid you I mean and he's unaffected and. he why can't you just be that you know. you're on the top of the world you know. how much money you're making yeah and. why can't you just accept that and go. you know me I'm grateful for everything. that I something's going on. inside color coordinated what's up my.

boy are you guys already recording yeah. always oh I didn't know that how are you. what's going on man ladies and gentlemen. Andrew Schultz Andrew Schultz what's up. Captain what's up dog what do you want. me doing right there chair the blue. chair damn look at these pants you got. that's how much money he's making those. pockets are waiting for all that money. to go in look how deep those pockets are. more money than me man this guy got Deep. Pockets I heard about all the movie. money I heard about that Hulu deal I. heard broke a record Yeah I broke I.

broke two records that's what they said. I heard they kicked you out your your. golf club yeah they did they had said. you got to go to belir now I had to dude. even your mustache is fancier I hate it. stop we're not going to do this yeah. yeah yeah what you Lando carissan you. guys got the nicked deal who who who who. pouches you're you're the mayor of cloud. city now you [ __ ] you got majority. white people on the Pod so you know you. making money wait a minute wait a minute. the flip out of here first of all. someone who's always been nice on the. set Korean. Spanish me you got the whitest Hispanics.

well you got to get the whitest ones. yeah these are like real colonizer you. know how they call us colonizers yeah. that one those were like the descendants. of like Vasco de G the one on the I get. it I get it you were chasing around the. Mel Gibson people inde did what what are. they called with him. with what's that Mel Gibson movie what's. that called the Aztec [ __ ] Apocalypto. Apocalypto yeah you were chasing on the. Apocalypto you're the reason they speak. Spanish yeah yeah you got real racism.

here man this is beautiful that's you. that's you right there yeah can we get a. yeah yeah yeah yeah one yeah I want one. well we can't well it's they're hard to. pin down they're busy working nine other. jobs yeah who's this Harry [ __ ] he looks. Spaniard who this guy right here yeah he. is kind of that's they maybe did Spain. pressor those are the Moroccans bro. that's why that's why the Spanish got. some color Bobby you've met him no less. than 20 times I love him what's his. Bobby's a real piece of [ __ ] in that. regard his name got that guy mango.

mango anyway good to see you mango. um don't get defensive. dude oh is that. Korean that's great GOI GOI what does. that mean bad friends bad friends bads. sick yeah yeah um you know I um I was. talking to somebody about somebody went. to that Euro of sushi place in the they. say it was the best sushi and then I. told them I go Andrew Schultz didn't.

like it and they couldn't no one can. believe that you know what I mean nobody. there even likes it yeah that makes. sense it's wait it's all for Netflix. yeah that does make sense you know how. you visit a play you know how it's like. what is it Paton Goos in uh oh in Philly. Philly no one like no no Philly people. don't like that they like ishka bibbles. right yeah ishka bibbles yeah that's. right they don't like that this is Pat. Goos of Japan that's that's Gino right. there yeah he's old bro old. now did he come out and say hi to you no.

he was there and his son we got like the. real [ __ ] oh the real I bought a suit to. go there cuz you have to like dress they. say not to drink you have to like. respect it and you went there and. there's a bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ] were. you were there with your wife I was. there with my wife what did she think of. it it was so she doesn't like Wasabi and. it was so much Wasabi that like we. couldn't even eat it wait a minute wait. a minute wait a minute they don't want. you to drink it's isn't it in a Subway. yeah it's in a sub I'm drinking it's the. subway that's the logic but I had so. much difference here's it like all right. you know how like Japanese people they.

only do something if it's perfect. correct like they have so much shame. yeah you know unlike the Koreans you. half ass [ __ ] but like the Japanese wait. wait wait hold on couldn't even keep the. country as one you know exactly couldn't. even keep one country there's no like. North Japan it's one Japan Japan there. are Japanese people still fighting World. atomic bombs on them who's we who's. America who side are you on come on. Pearl Harbor was the right thing to. do let me tell you something a sneak. attack and you deserve it it was a sneak.

attack but they were trying to land. right let's just be honest yeah what. just wanted to land the plane they want. to land the plane they're just not the. best is a bad flying joke yeah I'm just. saying they might not be the best yeah. yeah they might they're good at flying. they're not good at driving let's just. say that okay no but my point is is that. they have to do everything the best. because they feel so much shame true. okay right like but can I go go back to. the movies though we make better movies. than Koreans Koreans do make the best. film that I'm not going to lie Korea's. been on a tear right now we're on ter TV.

shows movies we're on terror squid game. thing is incredible it's it's not just a. thing it's a franchise I'm not in it. number not I'm not the squid can I ask. you like a kind of can I ask you a. racist question I'm going to be serious. be serious and be racist I love it. that's who you are because that is okay. okay are the numbers so we can tell I. don't even get what you're saying so. funny like the the show they got numbers. on them right they tell you who's left. have you watched the show do you know. we're both seasons yeah both okay and.

they got numbers on all the people yes. but is it so that we can tell we can. tell what well what who's 456 to 218. those there's no [ __ ] way we'd be. able to tell the difference that's AI I. thought that's the same. guy I I know what you're saying stop. stop is it for Western audiences is it. for Western audiences to be able to know. oh so you're saying if they don't have. the numbers we're not going to be able. to tell what Korean is what I don't know. why you would jump to that [ __ ]. racist that's a little much that's not. didn't explain to what you're saying. maybe I was being RAC says but explain. to me that was what I was saying that.

that's 100% what I was saying there is a. similarity no I can't I have Asian eyes. uhhuh and maybe it's like the movie They. Live yes what's that what they live was. a Rody Rody Piper movie oh nice and he. puts on glasses and he can see messages. and signs and Aliens through the glasses. and that's what my little Asian eyes are. yeah yeah they live it's a great movie. it really is John Carpenter I think did. it yeah how much I do we need like I. don't see more when I open mine thank.

you for saying that out loud just people. think I see what do you see letter box. like do you see like I'm a Criterion. Collection movie guy you know what I. mean we are IMAX and you're I'm trying. to you're not IMAX dude you're not. iMac [ __ ] dude you don't see iMac that's. good you could see if you're looking you. could see the sky [ __ ] you I'm trying to. see if I actually see less like you I. see just the same and when I go like. this I don't see more. I see less you see less I see way less.

cuz you're doing a stop can you see. further look at him I can see way. further oh so Asians can see further. like a h yes got it well no no they they. that's so they can see through you they. can see the real Soul within you they. can see what's going on yeah we have. that power you know what I mean go. really concentrate and tell me what I. got inside go inside what inside like. okay here we go whatever Andrew is. saying well you're opening them I make. noises if I do it oh yeah you have to. that's fine. [Music].

H I feel like you're opening your eyes. more I feel like you're seeing less deep. in. no you know that's trust the proc let me. tell you something guy what let me tell. you something about right ethnicities. right we're the same yeah and you the. type of person you are you make it. different yeah I guess I see black a. black heart you saw black heart in this. guy yeah and you have colon cancer oh my. god dude I'm I had I [ __ ] a lot like I I. wonder if that no that's a good thing. you're the third guy you're the third. guy [ __ ] less is bad okay [ __ ]. more is actually very good are you.

worried about that stuff as we get up. there a little bit as an old white yeah. like it is something that we should. consider prostate colon all that stuff. uh the only ones the only ones that I. think you can snag for old white is. prostate and colon those are the two you. have to be able to snag old white my dad. just beat prostate. cancer Bobby's dad lived to be 104. didn't have any cancer yeah no AIDS I've. never seen a Korean with AIDS isn't that. funny that they don't get it name me one. Korean with AIDS can't do it you can't.

think of it can't do it um no wow I. can't ex that is true that is crazy it's. crazy is it like not over there you even. care about these like STDs and [ __ ]. anymore like you're a married guy it's. like oh yeah he's on he's on the move. are you I got bumps all over my penis do. you different Mounds different colors. really yeah yeah it's a kaleidoscope wow. do you think about that do you I pee I. pee green for some you know you know. he's never been tested yes I.

[ __ ] when when four months ago I got. tested Dr you want to get tested what. what happened that made you want to get. tested I just thought he goes you think. we should get test I go I think we. should oh you'll speak back in well. whenever an Asian does an accent I I'm. respectful and I do the as can I ask you. a question I was watching a Larry David. clip where you were on the show and you. use the accent did did did he ask you. did he like come to you be can you okay. so I'm going to tell you about Hollywood. okay yeah so I got the role of like an a.

merchant of weapons okay but he was in. LA yeah so I just called the director. FaceTime and I go since he's in La I. don't think he should needs he goes I. want the accent he said it too yeah and. I go yeah but you know I mean if it was. in Korea maybe I was talking to in. English we I want the accent you telling. me there's nobody in La that's Korean. that doesn't have an accent I know but. what I'm saying is that why do I need. one so you don't like doing it you you. find it's been I'll tell [ __ ] me up. about it who John.

Cho oh wow the actor John Cho yeah yeah. so one day I asked number was. he 365 okay he was 365 Ronnie Chang was. 202 wait yeah John show is Hawaii 5 no. John Cho is we did herin Kumar together. John can we look up John yeah yeah um he. was in the Star Trek movies at Sulu I. got to be honest those Koreans are. handsome some they no they got some good. look [ __ ] Asians over there but no I.

don't think you're ugly I don't think. [ __ ] you no I'm being honest I don't. think you're as ugly as you think you. are yeah Z when was the last time you. needed to go to a doctor but you pushed. it off like oh my God you know I mean I. don't have time everything will be fine. or or my wifey this boil looks weird but. I who cares who cares I've had boils. before I've had boils before yeah Zach. do is a free app and a website where you. can search and compare highquality in. network doctors and click to instantly. book an appoint we're talking about. booking in network appointments with.

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on Z Dr Koran it happened so fast Dr. Koran yeah uh I had to get a new doctor. and it was worth it to use doc because. it happened so quickly I scored an. appointment uh within a day a day and a. half it was amazing just 24 to 72 hours. of booking you can score those. appointments and sometimes even same day. once you find that doctor uh you can see. all the patient reviews it's amazing. stop putting up those doctor's. appointments and go to Zach do.com badf. friends to find the an instantly book a. top doctor today that's zocdoc.com badri.

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is offered by Robin Hood gold. LLC that looks he he looks at me and I. asked him I go we were on sets I forgot. what it was and I go um you ever do. accents he goes yeah I don't do them do. you get offered yeah I just don't do. them I go why he goes I just don't think. we need to it's just an intey he goes. I'm F that you do because you do a lot. of broad comedies and I get it but I. just don't want to do it and I it it. made me feel Shame about it why because.

every role I get is an Asian. accent hello Mr Johnson okay the last. five things you've done didn't have an. as Game of Thrones the random. ASI wild walk wild Walker coming you I. mean and they're like yeah I mean you. don't need an accent but I don't know. why I have one right now you haven't. done in the last couple of films you've. done you didn't do it you didn't do it. look at that you didn't do it in uh the. last thing you just did Theo's movie you. don't have an accent I do a Southern. accent there that's even funnier yeah.

yeah hey man good drugstore June no. accent sweet dreams no accent. Borderlands No accent oh I the throwback. nothing drug store June nothing Magnum. PI nothing no Magnum PI yeah you're. right you're too famous I think to do. the Asian accent now yeah I feel like. you're too known outside of these. projects what about reservation dogs can. you go Zoom back here's what you were in. reservation dogs yeah yeah oh I'm. thinking of Reservoir Dogs reservation. Mr yellow and I love that.

good joke that's so funny that's so. funny well they should have had one yeah. yeah Mr yellow many white guys what. about you you'll you I mean you're like. a real thespian I always say this oh. dude I wish I can't can't get any work. wait can you not I feel like you're. working all the time somebody's working. with Matt Damon on a promo yeah that was. a promo This Guy's in like real movies. you were great in that I do want I do. want to say this I saw that that was so. fun and I thought so fun thank you and. then immediately wanted to text you and. I didn't and go how did this come. together I just asked him you were like. dude do this thing for me and he was.

like you fine he's just the nicest. coolest guy I wish there was like a. funny story around it but he's just the. nicest coolest guy in the world can I um. say something a little derogatory toward. you right now Andrew if may do you think. I'm Jewish everybody thinks I'm Jewish. you seem it but anyway um what is it. about me that you would think that I'm a. Jew it's this is the first time I've. seen your ankles oh really yeah and you. don't watch my podcast it's always. always ankles. little thicker than I would wish I've.

gained weight this say dad bud buddy. you're still in great shape shut up. that's so annoying so handsome and. talented you didn't gain any weight guys. [ __ ] that's my bad you know who lost. weight mango did he okay no he lost 15. did you really you think notice look. that I do say anything earlier that was. the first album I ever. bought really Guns and Roses what a. masterpiece I thought unbelievable. unbelievable what was the first album. you ever bought um the velvet velvet. underground and Nico album really yeah. at like 12 wow that was cool then cool.

now what do you think mine. was let me I know Wendy's Wendy's theme. song Hip Hop okay oh hiop yeah yeah I. was going to go Beethoven for you what. was your first album Beethoven oh. because of my age yeah because you're an. old [ __ ] yeah and I said Wendy's you. know mean soundt cuz you have red hair I. get it yeah yeah no. hip-hop oh God I don't know now I can. even give you the title track go bow. down what is it Westside Connection. that's the thing I knew it was going to. be something more obscure you're like a.

real hip-hop wait a minute West connect. that would that bow down before we come. to your town that was like. my do you ever hang out with him in. Social settings yeah yeah and he is he. is hard he is the best social human. being I've ever seen nobody can. shoooo like this guy it is the it is. remarkable the best at it it is. remarkable I want to learn from him I. and that's why he's always around the. high people oh I I know I know because. we had a meeting at Sony today and he's. best friends with everybody all the.

famous people whenever I see him like on. a golf course with somebody at first I. would I would see it no no no he knows. Ito that's why you're bling this is. actually I tell you this good compliment. and I'm glad that you've seen as well. 100% we went to dinner once first of all. never go to dinner with him because to. this is what dinner is before you even. sit down somebody goes s goes I'll be. right back guys and then he just goes. table by table by table like he's. [ __ ] Don Rickles just shaking hand. exactly and then we're sitting there. like [ __ ] are you.

Sinatra Andrew Andrew can we order you. something Andrew do you want some. cocktail or something yeah yeah get me. whatever you guys get he gave me this he. was yeah yeah get me whatever you guys. get we were at a meeting with at Sony. Executives and he's telling the you know. this happened he's telling the group. where he met certain people this is the. first time I met any of these people. he's like Bill Clinton in like in 2009. man remember you had that office over on. this and this and this he's like yeah. man I've been [ __ ] with you for a. while that's who you are okay how are so. no no no I love the I've always no no no.

no it's something than you Andre it's. something I admire and I have a heart. this is the thing I have a hard time. like if there's somebody that like I. really like or admire it's very easy for. me to talk to them but it almost becomes. like an interview I'm like really I'm. like hey you're really good at this. thing and I want to know all about it. from everything you hang out with people. in a way where they're like they you. you're acting like they find you cool. yeah like you know what I mean like. they're kind of trying to win you over. you got to sell them on that you're the.

one yeah Salon you're the one you're. you're meeting me I'm watching it yeah. so what so give me the okay I'm glad. that you've also known it praise the. Lord put one down so we're on the same. team yeah please come on your heart goes. out make your heart go out doesn't your. heart go no did you get your Kanye shirt. do we get those Kanye shirts do they. show up yet or no we ordered 100 of them. all right okay hold on that's this is. how you like really. ha dble double down he tells me I can't. get into tell me what is it like when. you're when you meet somebody who's like.

really famous how are you making them. feel so comfortable cuz you know. everybody wants their attention yeah. what is your what is this social skill. you've developed I mean this is going to. sound awful no it's not I I'm fascinated. but I think it is a true characteristic. of your praise the Lord you know you. noticed this right yeah yeah I just. don't Hallelujah I don't care I don't. care to treat them other than a guy I. just so you're just ball busty I just. don't care and if they're like oh I. don't like that you're too too uh. familiar I then I don't care so you. remove yourself then we're not cool if. if I can't treat you like a human then.

I'm not [ __ ] interested so you're. immediately it's just like the most. famous people I've ever met I treat them. just like a [ __ ] regular and they. probably love it because everybody. treats them so weird yeah and the fact. that there's somebody who's treating. them like they're in high school again. there's a comfort that they have I'll. tell I'll tell you the real trick if you. want if you want the honest truth if you. want the honest truth the reason. I the reason that's all we wanted I'm. the reason that I. got well first of all I'll give context. to what he's saying we were in a meeting. in Sony with one of my best friends in.

Los Angeles who got us the job you're. welcome freebie what's the job what's. the job we're doing an animated show. yeah we're doing movie A animated movie. sorry but but but I will be honest the. reason that I did get comfortable not. caring about famous people is when my. first job in La was on punked and I was. so in my head all the time all these. celebrities would come to the studio and. at some point I I just stopped giving a. [ __ ] about trying to like you know oh my. God you're so good to meet you with all. that stuff cuz I was so worried about. the bits I didn't give a [ __ ] about the. celebrity and they didn't give a [ __ ].

about me so it's kind of this great. equalizer of when I was young I met all. these famous people and they didn't. [ __ ] give a [ __ ] I was a player on. the show I was a nobody and so I just. kind of thought I'm not going to [ __ ]. kiss ass to these people I it didn't. mean anything to me so I never wanted to. earn their friendship cuz I didn't care. and honestly I met them all when I was. 25 years old that's when I met every. famous person from Punk all these people. Andrew man I didn't give a [ __ ] they. didn't like me anyway it was like I was. a young broke G player I'm going to give.

you some insight he's going to be very. mad about it I love learning about you. guys don't get mad I'm listening all. right when we go to the airport yeah he. acts as if he's Jason. born hat down you know what I mean yeah. right rifling it's it's it's it's he's a. star yeah I mean just I'm open haired. Bri eyes you know what I mean say hi to. everybody right this guy thinks he's. [ __ ] Ethan Hunt he some wants. attention someone wants attention I [ __ ].

you Spaniard [ __ ] you Spaniard I'm. acting normal Spaniard okay so what I do. is I wear a hat at the airport I go sit. down and I go relax and wait from my. flight this guy mosy. about wants oh really how did it turn to. me is Bobby Lee that's what he wants so. [ __ ] bad and I just want to chill. have a coffee wait to get on my plane. this guy he'll purposely tussle up his. hair so it's [ __ ] huge he'll go in. and out of that [ __ ] wh Smith or.

whatever that convenience store is can't. he doesn't buy goodeni you're not buying. anything I like to look at the ranchers. he mosies he moies until he's recognized. correct he that's not what I do and [ __ ]. you does does it feel good does it feel. good to be recognized what is the. feeling he [ __ ] loves it if it was. sold in a can he'd buy cases of it can. you come sit over here come sit over. here come hang out is this mic on is. this mic on he will be yeah yeah yeah. yeah I feel so much more balanced now. here's the deal okay I need you to back. me up okay so just here's the logic yeah.

yeah yeah yeah and and and I want you to. be up your heart open this outfit is. subdued this is this is not an attention. seeking outfit thank you thank you thank. you so much dude it is subdued right so. this guy goes to the airport he's. wearing a bright pink beanie a bright. blue jacket he's carrying bags like he's. Dave Vel he's got like 30 bags around. him he loves people looking at him and. one time you said to me weren't at the. airport I was just sitting there on a. curb or something and you turn to me and. goes I like your fashion yeah I think it.

looks so you know that I dress a certain. way you got great fashion I think you. look undoubtedly yes so what I'm saying. is is that I don't dress differently in. my regular life than the airport okay. secondly this I can't go into the. convenience. store yeah you part ever yeah you want a. bottle of water yeah are you allowed to. get one yeah if somebody if somebody. accidentally goes yo Andrew Schultz are. you attention seeking you usually send. Carlos to buy you stuff that's right.

Carlos has to go be the Gopher and go. getu can you do an American accent yeah. doing it right now I don't feel like he. even tries like can you can you speak. like us can you I can't try just give it. a go say hey it's great to meet you. Andrew Schultz hey it's great to meet. you Andrew Schultz he's a he's a robot. he's a. ser and Andrew I want to say one last. thing and this is truism yes okay it's I. have OIC burps I just took a shot don't. are you doing the OIC yeah I did it like.

an hour ago so I'm is that the weight. loss yeah yeah wovi wovi I mean oh wow. so check this out okay many years ago is. he really on it yeah what's the how does. that what does that I'm nauseous all the. time like I'm on chemo let's move. on well you're just getting ready for a. couple years down the road prepping stop. if I do get cancer dude you're going to. feel bad about we're all going to get it. yeah yeah yeah yeah we're all going to. get it all right so um I was doing um a. radio show yeah with Patrice O'Neal the.

legend in New York and I was complaining. about um how Dr Ken is getting. everything at that time ah right and he. pulled me outside when we were done he. goes yo son that's what he said yeah he. goes Ken Jong said that no no he wasn't. there and preach just goes you know you. and I are similar right I go and what. way he goes we don't know how to do the. social [ __ ] you know what I mean we. don't know how to bend or Bridge the G. right we're so insecure and so we're.

Comics you know what I mean that we. can't go to a party and fake it and have. this you know this mask that some people. wear you know that's about the only. thing you in produc on have in. common that's. it nice go sit in your chair nice anyway. I can't believe he's saying you're. faking it I don't think you fake it no I. I think you actually love those. environments think it's a fun thing for. you I think if it was work you wouldn't. do it no I enjoy I I enjoy talking to. people who I talk to I don't there's.

some people I don't care to see ever. again but I want to talk about you for a. second too what I do so the first time I. met you was where uh Montreal exactly. yeah we had a lovely lovely meal that. you paid for you're a gentleman yes and. at at that moment I go this kid is going. to go places oh wow because of the just. the what your vision of what Hollywood's. going to be like was spot on right and. that what we're doing online is the. future and all that stuff and that you. said that many many years ago yeah yeah.

and you were very kind that that uh that. weekend I will say that you were the. nice because I'm a kind person I think. you are I do think you are you admit. that I didn't make you feel insecure at. all exactly you like the most confident. you some people why do you think Andrew. makes you feel why did he make you feel. let me tell you another example dude so. good soci I'm taking it all day. today I'm trying to compliment you I'm. trying to say I'm amaz. he'll some he'll spin it dude it's an. evil a little Korean spider he spin this.

into whatever narrative he wants [ __ ]. web and he'll just spin it whatever he. want they don't have web spider monkeys. anyway um they're just they have longer. arm I put monkey on it but that's yeah. that's just how I feel so what I want to. say to you is this okay is I don't know. what I was going to say oh yeah so this. um I forgot say Montreal we met we met. at mon right right we connected and then. thought I had good ideas about how the. business would go right and you were. right on but you had a confidence about. you right that was very just confident.

you know what I mean and you fulfilled. all those things yeah you know what I. mean all your dreams came so I kind of. put you in his category in many ways ah. you know what I mean I think I think. he's better socially oh I know what I. was going to say that's the only I was. going to say okay that's I'm a social. butterfly I'm I'm only only I'm an only. child who loves to run into people I had. no if you I I would never guess you're. an only child well I had a sister but. our Gap was almost 10 years so it's like.

we didn't grow up together okay my my my. half sister we were so we're friends as. adults were were you like a culdesac kid. where like there the neighborhood you're. talking to people on the Block like you. were allowed to go outside your house I. I Sports All Time Sports he lived like. the movie The Wire The Wire yeah yeah. yeah Urban Baltimore I was in three. gangs when I was a kid I got I got beat. I got jumped no you're being joking but. didn't you have did you live in like a. when I was a kid kid and then when I was. a when I was a teen when I was when in.

high school we were in the suburbs all. right but but I dude I was I wanted to. be social all the time I could I'm like. my mom I hate being home I want to be. out as much as possible I want to go see. people I want to go do [ __ ] home body. I'm the antithesis of home body really. hate being at home and you got a. beautiful home home is a place to sleep. at night that's it for me really I don't. need to be I don't even dude I don't. give a [ __ ] I've never in my heart have. ever had the like need for like a like. to to make a house a home don't care a. house is just a place to keep my [ __ ] ni.

that's nice anyway. uh I know what you're doing I know what. you're doing I'm saying you're leaving. get him a water oh there's one right. behind you right by your foot right by. your foot okay no I'm trying I'm trying. to say trying to say the truth is I. don't I don't home is a place to sleep a. place to I don't care about I mean great. job well I me I'm just telling him. something God you're there's rage in. your eyes no no I'm just you're stepping. on me I'm telling a truth I'm sorry I'm. sorry but no how go do go do some your. [ __ ] tell me about how you're like. Patrice. O'Neal the greatest [ __ ] one of the.

greatest comics of all time tell me how. similar you are to that guy go ahead. tell me that [ __ ] tell me that bomb. story that you told over there oh you're. getting personal [ __ ] bomb story what. do you mean getting personal you're. shooting at me bring put your gun up. then I don't have a gun dude well then. [ __ ] I have a flow putting the flower. in your gun get off the range right like. the [ __ ] 60s dude right you do he. steps in front of a tank and and and. surpris that we want to run him over. yeah but it's for peace and love well. don't get in the way have a tank yeah. yeah anyway [ __ ] it's not even funny.

dude I you know you know what I'm not. even going to say what I want to say you. started this I'm not even going to say. what I'm going to say [ __ ] because. it's GNA oh I'm going to say my point. it's not funny it's an observation oh go. ahead so Wham the band Yes okay what he. says we're the band Wham no so the Wham. broke up I thought that was the first Al. why did why did the Wham break up uh why. egos OS yes that every band happens ego. I understand this philosop. you guys never have that issue we never.

have do you know why I give him majority. of the. power yes I do when I give when say. power you know that we was trying to say. responsibility work responsibility yeah. jobs yeah yeah I give him all of the. work and I just Mosey on in so that I. don't break up the band it's out of love. for you you don't even bring the. instruments we had to bring them for you. I know because it's a cyber agent this. guy shows up the practice like did. anybody tune my [ __ ] yeah we have Garage. Band now what do we need instruments for. but anyway um no I tell you why this.

band is so good tell me tell me yeah for. real be honest because I thought what I. was said was kind of honest but now why. do you guys think you've had so much. success for so long I well I think. because our our Jo our love is uh I say. it I said it before no matter what we. say to each other it there's love. beneath all of it anyway it's like you. could say the craziest [ __ ] I love them. so much it doesn't matter I don't care. the truth be this okay if I may yeah. okay and I'm not attacking you. I'm not attacking you I love you so much.

right oh dude all right so. um good okay there a flower in that go. okay so um you do have fun I know when I. know like there was one time yeah and he. knows with me too yeah there's one time. where I told the crew I I don't think. today is a good day to like let Andrew. be he's going through something cuz I. know he goes through depression yeah. yeah he goes through really deep. depressions really yeah yeah it's really. bad like it's like clinical almost I.

feel no not almost it literally is it is. literally clinical like he shut he. literally shuts down and he doesn't say. anything all day long and sometimes he. needs to drift away so you isolate big. time yeah yeah if I'm in a bad mood I. don't I just if what would if I went. what the [ __ ] your problem that would. cause a riff yeah so I let him be him. and then when I'm going through my stuff. he lets me be me I lift him up I have a. I have a story about him doing that with. you. what I remember you were going no you.

were going through a really hard time. and I remember I was like I was just. talking to you and I was checking in. with you about something and then you. were uh yeah you were just saying that. you were I don't know if you had repped. or something like that I forget exactly. what it was but like you were just. saying that he was going through a. really hard time and that you guys need. to be uh it was really sweet you're like. you have to let him go through these. things you got to be for there for him. and uh ultimately he's going to pull. himself through it we just got to love. him through it yeah that's amazing thank. you so much and I know that you're being. right now but that is a beautiful thing. from a friend [ __ ] you don't [ __ ] don't.

[ __ ] AR no [ __ ] you and I was being. sincere thank you I don't know it's hard. for him to be it is it is a little hard. let me do it again then all right do it. again let me try hold hold on dude blue. I have sometimes and I thought I was. going to die but now blue CH and now I. can get acked and now I can do lovely. bubblies lovely bubblies have better sex. at blue blueo is the original brand. offering chewable tablets these erection.

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conflicts with. India see do you have conflicts with. India he really doesn't care ask me a. question you really care about no yeah. do you have conflicts with India yes. with India the yeah the country I have. no talking about oh all the time for. sure but that's my homie that's my day. one so you get through it Akash yeah. actually very rarely though he stopped. texting me for a while why well never. resp you didn't respond to him yeah yeah. yeah D were you going went through. something no he ghosted him on some [ __ ].

was upset about it a what is it was it. reasonable that he was upset yeah yeah. he ghosted him he just never responded. but that's not because a personal thing. if he doesn't understand that that's his. problem yeah you what have I ever texted. you back yeah every time every time yeah. you're a Bigg. star that's you're you're number one on. the call she does Bobby treat more. famous people differently oh my [ __ ]. god. really brother here we go brother you. know who doesn't do that huh who that's.

Santino that's right baby dude he sucks. as who doesn't do that this guy when we. see some when we're when we're with. somebody who's famous what does he do. dude dynamically changes tell me he he. puts what hides too eventually he puts. on a show and then he disappears cuz he. doesn't want them to over analyze oh so. it's like kill and then get out of there. 100% kill him so one he kills and he. gets the [ __ ] out of there cuz you're. like I'm going to [ __ ] this up yeah like. so Michael ba yeah the director oh let.

me tell the story no let me tell it it's. my story go ahead God hold like can let. him open it up let him open it up or. I'll let him tell the story first. Michael baay Michael Ba's wife is a huge. Bobby Lee fan is like in love with Bobby. Lee right and and so she convinced. Michael a to listen to the show and then. B to start coming to see us live right. so Michael and his wife have come to The. Comedy Store a few times I that's a big. deal yeah and they come because Bobby. Lee is they cannot get enough yeah so.

the last time Michael B came the last. thank you Carlos for a little spit cup. yeah guy who goes to wh Smith at the. airport the last time Michael Bay came. to The Comedy Store me and him are. backto back tag teaming and it's a great. hot night and he's in the green room I. get off stage he's with Michael Bay and. his wife who I do not know I'm not. familiar with them I've bar I've said. hello and I get off stage and what do. you do go ahead take it away kid can I. can may I take over the story yeah I.

just [ __ ] gave it to you okay thank. you God I don't like your energy right. now tone it down now go ahead okay so he. comes right and it's. always so we're in the Green Room at in. the main room in the in the bathroom. part in the private in like the the. private in the private part right he. sits down and it's always like World War. II right they're attacking you're you I. mean a convenience store owner you're. still a merchant yeah yeah but it's it's. a rule you know I mean he explain me the.

history of a right and I get so dis. combobulated yeah that's is that the. right word discombobulated I go I need. to [ __ ] do pass and I pass Michael. Bay to him he literally grabs me and. goes dude come in here come in here and. I walk into the room and he. disappears to get the other guy so then. I'm in there with Michael Bay and his. and get Bill I'm getting Bill Bird ready. to to be the tag I will give credit let. me give credit what credit is do as soon.

as Bill walked in I was like [ __ ] yeah I. can get out of here I did that for you. because Michael and his wife I don't. know them well and I was also like this. is they're wanting to talk to him I'm. this in interim thing another pitching. they're not pitching me now it's more. like so how is comedy I'm like oh [ __ ]. it was so it's [ __ ] and it's just. because they want to talk to him but. he's so uncomfortable he throws on me. when I saw Bill W he's like what's up. dude I was like I was [ __ ] send the bill. so that was very nice I said Michael B. really wants was a lie but he gets he.

get uncomfortable yeah he lies and then. Michael B was like what are you do so. you aled I Al Al to Bill Burr but Bill. can't touch the net but Michael B. doesn't want it he doesn't want it D oh. but they start hitting it off and I just. I went into the Hollywood and guess who. got the convenience St role in World War. II Bill Burr Ken Jong he lost why does. Ken Jong get it so what I do and this is. the difference between him and I right. whereas I'm not comfortable like he's. invited me like hey Lee I go Michael he. goes come over for Thanksgiving there's.

no way I'm going to go over there for. Thanksgiving oh it's I don't show they. love him yeah yeah his wife and Michael. are like in love invited to Super Bowl I. go I'm going to Miami which I was are. you familiar with his work yeah I love. it yeah he's a prolific film I love his. movies they're like just action-packed. fun he couldn't go to Michael Ba's thing. for the Super Bowl because he had to go. with Jake Paul you had to go Jake Paul. to do to his Super Bowl party in Miami. he flew to Miami for that he's trying to. D that one down so you were so busy at. we couldn't shoot that week by the way. we couldn't shoot the show cuz I'm sick.

oh you're sick what' you do the next. morning went to Miami with Jake Paul why. didn't why didn't you get him tickets to. the Super Bowl was at a Super Bowl party. I worked like a shill i at his house I. did a job what were you doing in Vegas I. did a job I took a I took a check I was. doing like I was doing a thing with. Brian ER laacer to like they were it was. like Brian eracer X NFL player exactly. what the [ __ ] does that even mean you. mean big time Big Time he's big time and. then he's on on the Celtic Court front.

seat I saw that who gets that Jack. Nicholson and this guy Celtic Court I. wouldn't be look get in the building. Jack Nicholson just saying that because. of The Departed yeah. yeah think Jack Nicholson's really white. he pul yeah and Matt Damon right and Leo. right they go to the Celtic Boston I. couldn't get in the building I don't and. if I do I'm the top row with the hand. with the thing finger I going ra ra you. know what I mean thank you by the way so. you know to be true yeah i' have to buy.

a ticket there's no connections I have. that's that's the truth do you think. that they feel a little bit like what's. that term uh like a neged or whatever. like they're trying so hard to you know. have you be part of their friend group. and you're rejecting it so much no I. never that's insane that's that's crazy. talk validate that is that kind of what. happens be real be real Carlos I'll get. mad. no headlight no because you're. gaslighting him right now let him answer. his own [ __ ] question does he try. does what Schultz just said does he try. when people like does he try to push.

away from that yeah because the more. famous you are on the show the faster. he'll come back here and hang something. he never does exactly yeah but you push. away I don't push away you push away I. escape okay two different things okay. dude you get it you know what I mean let. me ask you something if you're an. ashwoods would you be digging holes oh. my wait what I think that's a wrong I. think that's the wrong if you're in a. Japanese interman Camp there yeah yeah. yeah that's it if you're on a. Japanese and Turman cab right I be the. Japanese going I have do you know how.

they made sure they were just Japanese. in there they looked at the penises no. okay that's what I did but I was asking. a friend of mine who's like parents were. no Grandparents were in the camps GE who. was Japanese dude okay and uh and I was. just like how did they like cuz I feel. back in the day it was a little more. loose right they kind of round them up. in there oh you think there's a guy. there going I Chinese well wouldn't you. hello hello I Chinese you is that not.

the first thing look at the. te right maybe by the way that's a great. movie in Escape story of a guy pretends. to be other I Chinese I it's called I. chines Chinese yeah it's just a Korean. guy being super racist to other Asian no. he's an American he's an American Bor he. doesn't even have an access but he. survives you I mean the PE haror you. know what I mean I. Chinese and then when he's older maybe. the LA riots I I he's an old man I. Chinese gets out of all it's a whole.

it's an epic tell us what your guy said. so I asked him I was like how did they. figure it out they must have just lumped. them all in there and like whatever and. probably the last names Andrew no well. how would that matter and they would. yeah what are you talking about they. also probably wouldn't ask their [ __ ]. name no they're just looking at you and. you look [ __ ] Japanese and they throw. you in what's your name I'm Frank Wong. sounds good get in there get in there. that's what would do that absolutely I'm. border I'm the okay hey what's your name. pal excuse me can I a quick question. right yeah what [ __ ] I do here oh oh oh.

you're with the other Japanese guys go. get in line but you listen to with your. ear right I Chinese prove it zip this. guy's. Chinese that's how it would go I would. show my day so he goes uh oh yeah they. just spoke to him in other Asian. languages and if they couldn't speak. back they knew that they were Japanese. oh wow and I'm like wo that is way. easier that's way easier that's like the. easiest thing oh because the Japanese. knew English no they would speak to the.

Japanese guy in Korean and if he. couldn't speak back they'd be like oh. that's a [ __ ] wow that's a good. clever way of doing it yeah it isn't it. yeah yeah yeah we were just ring you. yeah yeah but what if it's like a. Santino are are given the job to round. up all the Japanese people like this is. going to be [ __ ] easy easy but my. argument against that is there was. something cuz Japanese have been part of. America for so long a lot of them didn't. even speak Japanese yeah that's all yeah. some of them were second generation as. dude my friend's parents didn't speak. Japanese and then after that it stopped.

like they stopped entirely yeah cuz. that's how you end up camp and that's. what happened to George takai yeah. George takai as a kid yeah right he was. Japanese though but he was in a camp as. a kid they got it got it right yeah they. nailed then he got Star Trek right then. he got Star Trek I think it's even well. we gave him Star Trek to make up for the. reparation that's your 48 TV star that's. good 40 episodes that's you got 40 epis. the let me ask you about the baby yes. talk to me how many now yeah I got still. W yeah I was talking to kila earlier and.

I asked it can't just congrats yeah call. in when you get congratulations yeah. thank you oh thank you yeah yeah yeah I. thought we're past that yeah yeah you. know how I feel about it yeah how do you. feel I don't like. it hat it he is a bully he's really good. bully and it's darts thank you're. dangerous [ __ ] you it's insane because. you're so fun and silly and then it's. just a [ __ ] sniper shot yeah even. this right here whatever that move was.

it was don't do this Carlo is trying to. troll you right now oh that feels like. we're. just bro yeah I don't never stick a. penis in my butthole that's not what is. it Anyway let's just move off no when. they put when they put when a girl puts. on a dildo and they [ __ ] you from behind. what's that called Fun there's. a it's called it's called fun it's a fun. time F I got the word is your baby the. love of your life yes undoubt cliche you. could ever imagine it almost like I.

understand like why Comics do the joke. about like how annoying their kids are. yeah and it's because it's the only take. that is counter what we all feel exactly. ah you know what I mean like you know. how you could take the other angle like. we all do this comedically right how I. take the angle that's not there and then. find a way to justify it you're the. feelings you have for your kid are so. unbelievably hacky yeah that you feel. unoriginal like it's every possible. cliche our whole life we're trying to. have a unique take about things and then. you look at the kid and you're like oh.

my kid is the best laugh ever right and. it is of course right and I wonder if. it's just for me do you have a son or. daughter a daughter W it's made up in. you it's made up of your DNA so it does. something it must biolog chicals do. something for you it's unbelievable well. because it's like when you meet when you. meet someone who has an ugly baby yeah. they don't know that [ __ ] they have no. idea oh that's that's chemical they. really don't [ __ ] know I'm so glad. cuz I've seen some OS yeah yeah we have. a. we have a friend that has an ugly baby. and you know tight on the way out though.

they say that oh yeah what's tight on. the way the [ __ ] cuz yeah cuz and the. baby's head kind of gets warped yeah. it's a compliment to the wife to have an. ugly baby my wife had a C-section so it. was. [ __ ] you know what why can't they. just go feet first what like a. slide bro the funniest thing about. Anatomy what why can't they just go feet. first yeah yeah hey can you come out. feet first babies are upside down you. know that I know but you're going to. flip them in there here am I thinking D. get get tongs in there like you're.

barbecuing yeah I'll walk I'll do the. whole thing walk yeah yeah I'll walk. that baby yeah fried noodle it but what. I would do is um because when the feet. comes out in the body it stretches the. vagina no the head does that and then. the shoulders do that but wouldn't. loosen it up if you put head first it's. tighter yeah if you put feet out first. it'll loosen it up I get I get your. point okay good yeah man they should I. can't believe you're not doctor yeah. like what were they thinking not hiring. you I don't know the I don't know I'm.

saying you're saying like that's the. answer you think like [ __ ] all these. years okay fine God do you do you want. kids Bobby the biggest insult to an. Asian guy is to say he's not. doctoral you just don't have it in you. man I do want them yeah one okay and I. will have one good yes you will I got to. find the person though you'll be a great. Papa too and that's it's difficult it's. been difficult Andrew what's your thing. you get behind it yeah I get behind the. condom I mean I don't do it reverse you.

saying hit it from behind yeah like are. you I feel like you think I stick the. [ __ ] condom in my butthole and do it. from behind what are you talking about I. think you stick in your butthole and. then you hold your nose closed and then. you sneeze and blow like a. balloon Bobby has a. tail look at Bobby's tail yeah okay I'll. try that next time but um but I did and. um you know but a lot of times you know. women are like I know you enough what. position what position I think you get.

behind it I don't my knees Burn yeah you. got bad knees that's that's really rude. what do you mean because I have short. legs okay and the women that I date are. much taller than me their [ __ ] are at. eye height yeah so then they have to do. a Squatty thing too and we're all. burning thighs you know what I mean and. it's like I do I'll do like 10 and then. I'll go hey you want to switch back to. missionary that's the one I'm good at. the problem is he counts he go one two. three four oh you're you're going out do. reps I got two more sets in me yeah.

what's your position I think I think on. my back I think I like laying down the. cowgirl yeah love laying down that's fun. laying down that's so fun we've been. doing the work for so long let them do. something also they have to finish yeah. and that's the position I can control. the best but here's the thing that they. do and I I don't understand it this yeah. the Hulu hoop strategy tell me about. that they get on it yeah yeah instead of. going up and down they go around they. think they're in a luow can I tell you.

why they think they're in a luau and. it's twisting your thing you know what I. mean I think Andrew's got an interesting. uh opinion as to why they might do that. yeah no no no I I know you're implying. and [ __ ] you d i you I don't have the. length I didn't say that at all slip out. when it does up and down the length what. is it what is it they want you to be. they want to hit the sides they want you. to feel the science and you're skinny. you're skin. you do have a skinny penis oh wow you do. have a skinny penis it's not small but. it is skinny so it's just it's just kind.

of like bouncing it's like an Udo. noodle it's a it's one of those car. those. guys yeah and they need to shake it. around to hit the sign yeah you know how. like grass Bree the breeze you you. Frolic through grass it's kind of like. that my penis really yeah it just. frolics With the Wind you know what I. mean the tell them what the last girl. said she said you had what boyfriend. penis boyfriend penis which is they say. that's really good she said explain. boyfriend P She Goes not the smallest.

it's not small but it's not like the. this big unmanageable it's like a. boyfriend it's a dick that I could have. sex with in perpetuity wow I said that's. a huge compliment that is a great. compliment boyfriend penis is great and. who is this girl she's gone. yeah cut out her first girl that loves. your [ __ ] like Andre and delete delete. delete Andrew she said I was. worthy just pull up the CT no Andrew.

okay yeah many women have said it yes. that have maybe a great tick maybe you. have a great pick and you've been. catfishing us or no gaslighting us I I'm. being real for a second Ian fan saw it. you showed it to me and I was I I was uh. what is it called it like I was. impressed because of how low expectation. you made me have right that's what you. got to do you got bar and on 0 every day. I was like I'm not you know what I mean.

I like you and then when they see it. they go oh it's boyfriend it's smart. it's a smart play that's a [ __ ] move. he tells every girl like you're not. going to like me a small dick yeah and. then they get in there like what this is. great Santino looks like he's got a. [ __ ] thing on he does no you do look. like that's why you can talk to celebs. cuz you're looking at them like they got. little you have a dude you have a big. one you have a big one no what stars. have your body a boyfriend dick dude you. I got husband dick so I got girlfriend. dick Ian fance saw mine in Spa really. and he can judge he also has bad Vision.

ah blur they widen yeah yeah yeah and he. even said it's so cute that's mean why. why I think it's a compliment I think. it's a I think it's sitcom penis yeah oh. yeah yeah like a testwell I'm here test. well you know what I mean like if it was. in a sitcom they like people like oh. they like yeah yeah yeah it's Pixar. whatever you know what I mean yeah yeah. yeah Nemo not Nemo not Nemo Dory not.

Dory no no no I don't really know what's. that big white blob of a you know I mean. the robot inflatable white oh that one. oh Big Hero 6 it could be Big Hero 6. yeah the presence the presence that that. carries you carry yeah you carry love. warmth happiness can we talk about this. for a second though it's something I. thought about okay yeah how long has. marriage been a thing in in in human. race since the beginning yeah I think. 5,000 years okay for 4,300 years yeah so.

4,300 years were human beings around. before that yeah for how many years well. this long probably thousands of years. thousands more more maybe it could be a. million maybe Millions right we don't. know what the [ __ ] did they do that in. the million years they got married they. just no they didn't you don't think no. they were Nomads well you still got. married you just no no you would go go. to a village or a dwelling polygamy was. common throughout history cousin. marriages remain common through the. world particularly in the Middle East. yeah still to this day you can marry. your cousin out there yeah lug.

Akash I love him he's so talented I'm so. sorry I'm so sorry um so [ __ ] our. goal is to make Akash his wife the. biggest Tik Tok she and she's beautiful. she's great she's on but my goal is uh. to remove all the leverage he has in his. relationship that's so funny so if she's. making way more money is she in the. business or no no she's just on Tik Tok. but we're trying to make her a Tik Tok. Superstar J with it yeah what's her Tik. Tok J with it she's on Tik Tok Jasleen.

with it Jasleen with it Tik Tok let's. see what the Tik Tok is there it is. jasen with it yeah there we go and how. many subscribers does she have I mean it. would make me feel really good for her. to should surpass aashian Fame but why. ask ask yourself the question why cuz. it's funny yeah we like to see our. friends suffer yeah what the [ __ ] is the. point what do you think this whole show. is yeah all right there we go there. there she is yeah there she is wow how. are you guys doing I'm here on Valentine.

get on the second I said it I was like. this is a horrible idea jine I'm trying. to build you up okay we're trying to. build you up all the bad friends. following jine on Tik Tok okay wow get. ready for my first. Rolex have you guys ever had Lucky. Charms in the morning man I'm getting a. charm on my wrist a Rolex man talk about. aash no it's the same accent all. right all right so she is she is. beautiful follow every and Akash we love. you my love you love you akos no we love.

you so much what I'm saying is is that. is it human nature to be with one person. for the rest of your life yeah yeah it's. it's it's it's uh well marriage for sure. being with some having a partner for the. rest I don't know if it's genetically I. think that I think that we assume that. it's supposed to be perfect for your. whole life it's not a natural state okay. but it's a it's a social construct that. I think has cling to many people I can. do benefited us like yeah it wouldn't. still be here if it didn't help us as a.

society we weed [ __ ] or help some people. right like this in the same way that. like I'll tell you why happened yeah. well S I know little I know a little bit. and we don't have kids I know a little. bit about history in the same way that. like I think it would make me very happy. to have kids if we don't have them it's. okay so to me it's kind of like that. same thing if some people don't get. married I know that they're like I'm. okay with it yeah it's I think it just. Services people who IT services but. you're glad you have a partner well yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm glad I have. somebody that like is along for the ride.

up and down cuz it's it's all the above. I think the people that the mistake that. was given to people socially is like. marriage is this perfect wonderful thing. you're going to be happy every single. day of your life that [ __ ] is worko. you're going to have crazy Downs you. have crazy UPS you have are you always. attracted to them though I find her. attractive but you're not always like in. a it's not like a [ __ ] it's not a. state of horniness you're in every. second but you find them beautiful yeah. that's you're in love with this I. watched a documentary called. civilization yes yeah okay so we were. Nomads for many many years okay as soon.

as we had can grow crops yes wheat wheat. yes and it's we made settlements yeah. and that's when the marriage thing came. that's right right when we can afford. them I don't know as soon as we built up. enough equity then we were like okay I. have stuff if you need it but I think it. was harder to do as a nomad to keep a. relationship well yeah yeah you I mean. in the noad see I'll see you whenever. but we still need to make the kids and. we still need to protect them yeah. that's true got to protect them okay I.

mean that's probably why it was built. yeah for community and protection and. yeah also to pass down like assets and. [ __ ] that's what all the marriage was I. think in like the royal family like how. do we keep all this land within okay you. know this I believe it I believe it's. supposed to be true then yeah yeah okay. you believe in it yeah yeah I sometimes. I think about May is maybe it isn't if. you never meet someone and never have a. family who who would you uh bequeath all. of your ass to like any money you've. earned or a house that you oh if I had. no woman if you had no one and you were. on your way out my mom still alive or.

she dead everybody's dead everyone's. dead my brother not dead Steve's younger. he's dead now I just. couldn't yeah yeah no what what if. Steve's still alive probably most to him. and then the rest too if you're still. alive I give you some okay that's nice. okay Shelty yeah I love you love you man. it's always fun with you I love hanging. with you fun with you yeah you guys are. great yeah chy has a special yes yes. a Netflix special yeah it is called life. yeah it is his life uh I saw him run it.

well run pieces of it I guess in Phoenix. when we were in Phoenix together I saw. oh that was my first weekend I know I. saw that it's kind of cool watching you. peel it and now I know it's dramatically. different than what I first saw sure. sure but incredible as usual can I ask. you some questions cuz I'm doing one now. yeah please where where are you doing it. this is like a big Hulu Hulu shout out. Hulu we both did Hulu I know you did. Hulu that but like so um I've never done. one yeah. there's a lot of expectations on it I. and and that's what I'm worried about.

yeah of course you've likeit I have. never done one you've built it up I feel. like they want to see the best and I can. only just do what I can do I think you. just got to do what you do yeah yeah I. don't think I again what he just talked. about you cannot care what they're. thinking about there going to be people. that hate it and they're going to be. people that love it I would I would. argue a very very small percentage of. people are not going to like it a. remarkably small but those people there. will be people that don't even watch it. that hate it yeah right decided they're. going to hate it what do you think I'm. going to watch that Bobby Lee special. [ __ ] that yeah they're that that's going.

to be a natural thing but like at the. same time just do what you want to do. this is what I'm going to do yeah I'm. going to do it and I'm going to. disappear yeah oh that's good too I'm. going to AR shaar it I love how we're. still going to do the Pod we'll we'll. Bank it because I want two weeks where. you going to go I'm going to be to go to. Costa Rica don't you think after you. shoot a special you should have some. time off. yeah yeah oh well you got to you got to. promote it for a little bit after it. comes out not everybody just no why.

can't I just do it before cuz you know. with streaming I think it matters after. it comes out yeah that's right okay then. I'll do a month of promoting and then. I'll go to co also I think that we all. got a root for Hulu yeah I think we got. a root for Hulu and root for Amazon. because like the more places that are. doing standup the better it is for. stand-ups good for all of us you know. what I mean like cuz now there's. competition if it's just one place they. could just go here's this amount of. money and you you got to take it that's. what I felt from the other company. interesting you what I mean they didn't. hit that number that you wanted no they.

never offered yeah that's not true that. is 100% true I imagine once you got an. offer from Hulu there was interest from. there was I didn't get I didn't. literally hear that but you know I. didn't know when are you taping when are. you taping I just did it just did it I'm. doing it in December okay cool where are. you doing it San Diego where bboa. theater I love the bboa theater so good. uh go watch Life on Netflix uh please. our friend much as much as we do yeah. Andrew look in that camera and say. thanks for being a bad friend thank you. so much for being a bad friend that's.

great oh man. [Music]. oh.