Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer | Ep 140 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends. or something we're bad friends. welcome to the Spooktacular well Friends. Halloween Halloween.

oh. welcome to bad Friends Halloween episode. everyone say who they are Bobby go I am. Jeffrey Dahmer is one of his victims the. Filipino guy he ate. no I'm I'm Elvis Presley how you doing. this guy over here is my good friend. Elvis Presley how are you doing Dad why.

don't you eat one of the sandwiches I. made for you. that's real that's really good what does. he say that's just uh it's some fish I. cooked earlier that's why it smells over. there it's not because of young black. men's bodies rotting in the fridge yeah. it stinks because I'm I let some meat go. bad. so good I really messed it up this time. huh Dad yeah oh Dad I'm in a real. stinker now.

it's so good he would kill someone and. they go you know I made a real stinker. this time yeah. I'm in a real conundrum. someone's like uh Jeffrey you severed. his head yeah too many crickets I never. knew it was gonna come to this. yeah I'm Jeffrey D baby and let's throw. it to the girls what's up what are you. supposed to be. I'm Mother Teresa Asian Filipino virgin. who likes to also kill people and maybe.

spank babies. I remember I've read that when I was a. kid. what part of the world are you from. again yeah. Persia from Persia from an Asian. Filipino nun who loves to kill people in. Spanish. um.

used to be. I'm a sick dog. say it again I'm a sick dog a sick of. dog what does a sick dog sound like like. this I don't know dogs can't talk but. I'm no don't they go. do we no that's what they do yeah when. the cone is because you're sicker. because you didn't want you to because. you just got uh spayed or neutered yeah. they took my [ __ ] out. [Laughter].

yeah exactly they do it for the bigger. Dog Days of course yeah like a little. like a little like a yogurt Yorkshire. Terrier if she wants to [ __ ] a pit bull. they probably get that operation ah I. didn't think of it like that yeah think. of it that way who loves pit bulls black.

black people and what do they have you. eat them big dick your character eats. them sometimes I eat a couple of black. guys it's not mine their skin is. beautiful no when I saw that that show. is that racism. oh yeah it is he loves black people oh. we don't interpret it that way though I. do I I know you love something you eat. it but think of it this way I love black. guys.

for any questions okay so so check it. out yeah so basically it's in the 90s. you did this. sure yeah. did you listen to Nirvana or did you. like the music or yeah I mean in bloom. is a great song that's right so what I'm. saying is never mind okay in the 90s. listen to me okay in the 90s in. Wisconsin what there was like four. Filipinos dude you ate one Filipino. that's basically wiping half the [ __ ].

Filipino [ __ ] population six quarter. if you do it yeah right so how is that. not racism. because I'm I basically am showing. praise for how much I love those jungle. Asians right right but it's. but why didn't you eat whites. they're not my flavor they don't oh they. don't taste good yeah imagine like this. what's your least favorite food mine. yeah. um meatloaf. why people are meatloaf to me oh that's.

true and you like filet mignon and black. people are basically filet mignon right. what about the Filipino guy you well. Philip it's just a little something. spicy you're right a little spicier you. need something you need to Shake it Off. You Ever Had balut. yeah. it's basically Filipino guys hello yeah. that's great honestly yeah I don't think. he was racist I think he was a piece of. [ __ ] oh no that but I think he really. loved black guys he was upset he thought.

they were beautiful listen Okay I killed. him because he was bad head a bad mind. he's a legend he's a Hall of Famer he's. a Pioneer what no he is. he's a legend Pioneer yeah right yeah. and he also is. um somebody that opened the doors for. other serial killers right yes yes. I'm giving them props right thank you. I'm just right in terms of the serial. killer world if there was like a Hall of. Fame you walked in you go oh there's oh.

yeah sure in the Hall of Fame right yeah. right so but the the but the racism I. could accept it's not really the eating. and the cannibalism okay the racism I. draw the line there he will be canceled. today he'd be canceled today but just. because they don't allow cannibalism. anymore no and it used to be cool man. all right no but you know what how is it. racist it'd be racist if he never ate. black people and he'd be like I don't. like the taste of black people that'd be. racist right instead he was like they're.

so beautiful I want to rub their soft. chocolate skin he was obsessed it could. be you know I hate them so much I gotta. eat them no because no because he didn't. he do it to whites did he eat any whites. bring up the list of people. he had to have eaten a white or two I. know and he found out that he did like. the taste but we're talking about. Wisconsin if we were talking about you. know I mean South Central Milwaukee well. there's more blacks obviously. at the 90s there can't be a lot of work. you actually don't know what you're.

talking about Milwaukee is is very. diverse it is okay my bad my bad it has. a very big black community yeah yeah. isn't all meat taste it tastes the same. [ __ ]. yeah doesn't all human meat taste the. same yeah no no you don't taste the same. as me yeah yeah I'm more I'm more pure. but we're the same inside no we're not. that's what they tell you in school no. it's your here's the thing the air you.

breathe the food you eat it all affects. the meat that's right the stress you. seem very stressful jewels. my name zoom in. go both ways Richard Guerrero Mexican. Jeremy Weinberger that's my age that's. white yeah Jeremy doc Jamie dokstar. White no Ricky B Jamie doxitator Doc's. Tater doctor's black dictator Doc's. Tater white guy all right Ricky beaks. white guy Oliver Lacy white guy what.

about conorack Cynthia phone okay. Filipino yeah yeah Ernest Miller white. Tony Hughes maybe could be black Joseph. Brady hoft white guy. Matt Turner I mean we don't know yeah we. don't know it's too fast Anthony Sears. again no black David Thomas black that's. white guy no Tom Dave Thomas says. Wendy's his owner he was white yeah but. the C [ __ ] it up yeah.

David [ __ ] Thomas yeah Edward Edward. White Smith W Smith white you know when. they throw the W in no but it's Edward. White Smith you're right I'll give you. that I'll give you that I'll give you. that all right so the dominant amount of. these names seem to be white guys yeah. but you just make you're making. assumptions I think so the documentary. was racist because they only showed the. black murders I get what you're saying. okay okay quite frankly I like men of. all shapes sizes and colors yeah I was. actually offended the documentary only. showed me attacking black people no I.

attacked everybody now if you went to. the serial killer Hall of Fame where. would you be more excited to go oh John. Wayne Gacy that'd be fun uh the clown. makeup do you think they still have it. yeah they probably have it I would look. up the brand. how much is that painting well how much. is a John Wayne oh my God so how much is. the John Wayne Gacy honestly how much.

let's go to better than George W bush is. in terms of the price. Wayne Casey. how much how much are these paintings. worth yeah look at that one. pretty good how much is it a thousand. a thousand right now I could buy that. now let's buy John Wayne Gacy paintings. for the studio yeah. too scary but it doesn't the money. doesn't go to. him it goes to his kids and they need. them he needs a better art dealer. yeah should we deal art for him are. these prints or these Originals there's.

no way these are Originals that seems. like a print yeah they're print do you. original original what if we got into. the business of selling cereal. that'd be cool Bobby artifacts even well. yeah I have one of Ed gein's lampshades. that he used the skin you know what I. mean. well I would probably charge 100 grand. for it at least dude this is Ed geens. yeah this is lamp skin lambskin lambskin. yeah didn't he do that yes yeah take the.

skin yeah and made lampshade and then. when you turn on the light do they say. I'm gonna turn on the light or did they. say I'm gonna turn on Stephanie. panel over your head you you can take. the kennel off I feel like I'm gonna. throw up but I might eat it after take. the kennel off what did that painting. say ten thousand dude ten thousand dude. that's it let's buy that's it we gotta. buy it let's buy it does she need help. taking us off let's get this let's get. some music put to this her taking a.

great now you're free. put that closer to your face lower it. down so we can see your dog face oh oh. and you went to go lick yourself oh. that's good screwed it down for hold on. oh. very good shot tonight. thank you so we just did a bad friends. uh live at The Comedy Store we're doing. a tour next year we're gonna announce. the dates at some point juicy was on it. killed it. [Music]. foreign.

killed it killed it yeah and where were. you Jules. um I'll get the mic again God I was. sleeping sleeping she's sleeping yeah. you know when I'm on a Town what invited. her you invited her you bought her you. bit her. I am biting her it's never gonna get old. with me when this guy's accident I on. bitey here. you've been here for 25 years invite say. Vite fight no not fight fight with a V.

fight there it is bite I invited her I. invited and what did she say when you. invited her to the to the live show she. said I'll show up to bad friends later. wow. yeah do you feel like you're above us. now no yeah I just feel like sleep is. more important than than your. relationship with your titles. um yeah. okay so backstage wow who was backstage. tonight you me Ari shaffir all right.

Madness who Kanye does not like also so. him and me and Ari Madness you saw we. had it out and we headed out Santino. came in after and we filled him in I. heard yeah well you jerked off to his. girlfriend yeah what with his penis with. his penis well you didn't use his penis. but well I saw it though his penis was. in yeah but in a way you jerked off with. his penis to his girlfriend in a woman. because when you're watching a porn you. imagine that you imagine that's your. penis yeah so I was using you know I.

mean he was my penis what'd you say to. him I just basically said it's not right. and I kind of I think I was mean like. your comedy career didn't yeah yeah he. said that he said that yeah he said you. were mean he already came in really sad. that was really mean and then when you. left I was a little bit more I mean I. said I called him a willow tree I said. you're a willow tree and he was what. does that mean I said I like them but. God are they [ __ ] miserable yeah yeah. you know that I wish I could have came. up with that but I mean but he's a. lovely human and we love him and look. yeah I love him forever it's just.

jealousy I told him he was jealousy well. he's you're jealous that he's a bigger. [ __ ] than you and it looks nice and it's. a better it's better all around that's. all yeah I can admit that as a man right. it's okay yeah yeah I mean have you seen. it yeah you think yours is better yeah. okay. I'll get it no a guy's got a nice pipe. yeah yeah guy's got a nice pie it's nice. it's pretty good though I got a nice pup. too yeah pretty good food Daddy's got a. nice pup too yeah but this is not about. pipe you see my pipe oh yeah yeah oh.

yeah excellent and by the way for. everyone that's coming to the bad. Friends tour good good next year no no. don't be a dick good pipe pretty good. pretty good for my type for your size. thank you for your shape really okay. you know how like uh you know how they. teach kids shapes when they have to put. them like they have to put the Octagon. thing in the Box the Octagon yeah uh you. would they should also have a Bobby Lee. one they should have like a square a. triangle a circle an octagon a Bobby Lee. it's like a bowling pin right you know. what I mean yeah yeah they should throw.

a box you're a shape you're a unique I. want to hear more about this. if you were a shape what shape would you. be. oh I would be an F figure eight. figure an infinity sign but a vertical. infinity sign exactly what would you be. juice oh my God. are really putting me on the spot here. that's the whole show. I think I would be a heart. you'd knock it out of the park you.

pretended like I don't know what I'm an. attempt of heart you knew I needed time. to think yeah what would you be. can't be. cross oh yeah that's a good shape that's. a what shape are you you know what shape. I am I don't know just go ahead and say. it fire. is that a shape. look at that fire Emoji yeah okay I. meant more traditional of like like a. what could be a it could be a cookie. cutter what could be a cookie cutter. something. I'll take it I was giving you a free.

joke go ahead what is it gingerbread man. yeah gingerbread man oh that's a joke oh. yeah come on I mean you know yeah what. else looks like I mean what am I it says. whole brand it's my whole thing come on. yeah I don't see you as a redhead I am. though I know but I don't see you as one. what do you see me as. a best friend what a friend but a tall a. friend a friend tall best friend you one. of my best friends a tall handsome comic. yeah it was very talented come on why. you make me blush no that's what I see.

you I don't see the red look if you were. black I'd probably kill you and eat you. right now you had to go there but you're. not yeah I appreciate you saying that I. love you by the way but I have a dilemma. oh. so I was um girls it's a girl dilemma I. think you know about it what so I was on. hinge oh you asked them on hinge or they. ask you is that yeah well I they they. like me the girl likes you and then you. get to respond I like you too got it so. I like this girl and there was a photo I.

don't want to get into it but there was. a photo of um. you know the story. she's doing something in the photo where. I can go oh I can Google her. she's not in the business. she has Fame but but you know the first. photo something like that yeah second. one is like a musician right I put the. the thing in the photo where I go she's. somebody musician put the name in and. there was articles about her stabbing.

her boyfriend a mug shot oh is this the. woman that killed her boyfriend recently. I don't know she didn't she didn't the. guy survived are you sure yeah because I. read all the Articles through is it is. it up to date uh yeah it's pretty up. today I think he died but I but she. messaged me what did she say I'm down. she goes no no you know she goes oh my. God I can't believe you're Bobby Lee. whatever you know what I mean huh and. I'm thinking about why not. I'll tell you why I'll tell you. literally why not tell me why she. stabbed the last guy she was with I know. but what did he do I'm not going to do.

the same thing that's true right what if. she finds new things to stab guys over. that's true yeah you could you could do. something else I just feel like it's a. part of her behavior stabby culture yeah. yeah and do you want to be under that. but don't but don't you think that. that's like an extra like excitement in. terms of like well like it's not today. no oh no will I get stabbed today yeah. yeah when I wake up in the morning yeah. the one thing I find relief in the fact. that the partner that I have and have. lived with is that she won't [ __ ]. stab me that's the number one thing on.

my mind yeah you know what she ain't. gonna stab me oh is that what it is yeah. yeah yeah yeah so let's get you with a. girl who definitely will not stab you at. all and maybe really pretty. give her a try. you never know right yeah you got to. give her a try right and if I hear. yeah baby baby what is that nothing. she's not Asian creepy crawly skeletons. but let me tell you something yeah. outside outside of that you're hinge or.

you're dating online has been great it's. been okay it's been great you've been. calling me you're telling you know what. I noticed what did I say to you when you. walked in The Comedy Store tonight what. did I say you look like you what unload. you look like you've been unloading you. look like you're less tense you look. like you've been having stuff come out. of you and you look like you're loose. and light you were light on stage. tonight you were real light it's a gravy. what oh your spunk is gravy it's like. thick chunky right is it brown yeah oh. boy yeah we'd have to get that checked. out I think the Biscuit's coming.

a biscuit kind so you have biscuit you. have sausage well you know like. sometimes gravy and it has the chunks in. it like sauces and stuff gravy on my. face it looks just like that sausage. gravy on my face it's great. and they said she has a chew on it what. yuck yeah and it's gross it's a cream. corn by the way thick it's unusually. thick that's the honest fruit creamed. corn yeah is that cream corn is that. Bobby yeah that's a Bobby special yeah a. little bit of cream corn yeah does that. make you gross well you're talking about. wanting to get more ladies and then you.

present this yeah but it's also oh no. she's right though it is yeah because. here's the deal just because it's a. comedy show you could still fish for. some for some pool. then ask me again we'll do it as Elvis. that's better already. Elvis what do you what do you find Elvis. what kind of girl are you looking for. love me hey how you doing. that was really good keep doing keep. going do it again how you doing. well just saying what Love Me Tender.

Love Me Do. bro you could legit be Asian Elvis dude. get my hopes up it was one of my dreams. don't don't build the 100 serious right. now when we do bad friends live you have. to come out as Asian Elvis yeah yeah how. are you doing every two shows give me. another song When You Love Me Tender you. have to say Rover oh yeah let me do it. again go ahead Asian Elvis go ahead rob. me. [Music].

this is incredible give me another song. then uh uh uh uh Jailhouse Rock sing a. little bit just do gents into the. Jailhouse Rock. real good okay. I can't help falling in love I Can't. Help Falling in Love foreign.

[Laughter]. well I could do both it gives it a. different level of like you know. complexity I know yeah but stick to just. Asia. all right. [Music]. you know what I've been on the road a. lot and um.

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with doordash what do you want to eat. tonight Bob I want to eat pizza but. maybe you want a home-cooked favorite. that too and you don't feel like going. to the store yeah guess what you want. something exciting and new you know like. Chinese you never eat that but it'd be. great to stay in tonight doordash. connects you with everything you want. whenever and however you want it for a. limited time our listeners get 50 off up. to a 20 value in a zero dollar delivery. fees when you download the doordash app. and enter code bad friends22 and that's. 50 off up to a 20 value and zero.

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do it again. wait it's is what are we doing. suspicious yeah yeah we can't go on we. can't go on together Suspicious Minds we. can't go on together ah still you still. go yeah you're right yeah you can't go. on to get the yes it's suspicious. pretty good I took the Down Syndrome out. this is so good it's so good right I'm. not kidding you think you're doing my.

own movie maybe or what live show I'm. writing one right now in my head right. who would play um the kernel uh the guy. from Doctor Strange yeah yo yeah yeah. yeah yeah yeah perfect oh my God and who. would play um yeah who would it be. um Aquafina Aquafina. I'll call her up do it it'll be great. but what's the story is he does he is he. from Memphis or is he from Tokyo. you know do you know there's a place. called Memphis Japan oh yeah he's from.

Memphis Japan for Japan yeah that's. great yeah show him Memphis Japan and. you're from Memphis Japan and what's. your story who found you. the Snowman. the what the Snowman the Snowman what. does that mean I don't know again what. does that mean the car now the colonel. oh they call them snowman my bad yeah. look Memphis Japan has a festival by the. way well that's great so check this out. you know how they say black uh Elvis. told music from black people in your. version a black person found you in.

Memphis Japan and brought you back to. the United States yeah and can my. character have a pet Godzilla. how about this I fly on Mothra. I just feel like it needs to have that. okay okay we're gonna check with. somebody. hey everybody. Elvis here right say hi to Mothra right. and Mother's Day. right that'd be cool right yeah.

run that I get on the boat bye-bye. and I just fly off to the top that'd be. cool ending I do think it is. I will yeah I will but honestly I don't. know if we're gonna get it financed we. might have to self-finance this one we. gotta incorporate nagasak and Hiroshima. a little bit oh interesting here's the. deal. you grew up you grew up in one of those. places right now each and Elvis grew up. in Nagasaki right and you got out.

because it's in the 60s right it's the. 50s. yeah well what because Elvis happened in. the 50s right but the 40s is when it. happened right so it's 10 years after. Nagasaki there's still radiation that's. why you don't still have Mothra in it. you know what happened right a southern. guy was visiting Japan. here we go he was in Nagasaki at the. time the bomb goes coincidentally the. bomb goes off he was thrust into your. body a little age a regular little Asian. man who could sing on the streets who.

would sing in Japanese you boom hit each. other well you know how sometimes a guy. gets into an accident and he opens up a. part of his brain that he never really. had an age a Southern Man boom smashes. into a little Asian boy who is singing. in the street could it'd be like more. like there's a southern guy there right. I'm an Asian boy right that's exactly. what I've said I know but what you're. saying is that our bodies Collide can it. be more like. um his ghost. goes into my mouth. potato potato I feel like. but they're like. oh maybe the bomb does that the ball I.

just. all right I said the bomb all right and. then when he comes to he goes I'm All. Shook Up. my mother took up. I'm all a shook up why do I teach you. how to do this oh you started teaching. me I know I I just got to roll I just. got the rum just for figuring it out. and then his leg starts dancing.

that the women are screaming because if. they have radiation but they're really. screaming because of my legs. don't worry no no your legs okay okay. yeah right and then how do I right so. how do I Rise oh by the way what how do. we know how do you rise the same no no. check it out check it out all right I'm. checking it so who's Hank Williams who's. the guy that he opened with in the.

beginning oh I think yeah some Hank was. was it Hank Williams it was something. maybe it was maybe it was Hank Williams. I'm just trying to get you a party. do I open up for you yeah but you're. Japanese Hank Williams oh. very good give me any of his songs give. me one song I don't know anything good. but so I open up for you but that's. funny I think you should go always go oh. oh that's your thing before you say.

everything when I come out on stage. ladies and gentlemen Hank Williams. but you're not hey. I said Hank with a u hanku hanku luirium. yeah yeah ready yeah ladies and. gentlemen. yeah yeah and then go ahead. do you have a Thomas hunting up for me. can I come in I do a duet with you how.

about this during. Suspicious Minds I bring you back. Upstate you got it right. we harmonize yes harmonized suspicious. yeah one two three what's the line we. can't go on all right one two three one. two three. [Laughter]. hold on all right okay wait let's get.

the car right where are you at we.

[Laughter]. [Music]. we could do shirts.

maybe the pointers did The Pointer. Sisters have anything to do with it you. got to go a little bit further back oh. that really got it further back yeah. you guys could be you guys could be uh. uh uh uh Billy Holiday oh why don't we. do that very hard.

yeah. by the way we're both still white guys. they've suddenly become black women yeah. you're Barry Howard day and your era for. chiro yeah yeah all right so so you guys. got to sing cheek to cheek this is this. is the scene where we meet them for the. first time ah yeah right so they have to. do their role oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. everybody. this is oh right what's your name.

very. [Music]. Fury we love your music we rob it thank. you. yeah Jules is jules's version of doing. it is just for putting her teeth on her. on her lips. because she's doing the buck tooth I get. it I love it you're doing the buck teeth.

buck teeth is great I love it look if. this doesn't get picked up by a record. label I don't know what I don't know. what what else this is the movie yeah. and then like you know uh Mothra will be. in it. oh my God by the way yeah I wanted to. tell you because I wanted to call you. after I watch I watched the um the the. Vatican the little girl that gets. kidnapped out of the Vatican what. what don't say Vatican and just do that. I don't think I don't have to watch this. there's a little girl that gets.

kidnapped out of the Vatican there's a. story that's on Netflix right now about. a little have you guys seen it Carlos. have you seen it. Emmanuel Orlando. Emmanuela or 1960s no no she was born. she was kidnapped in 1983. and she was. she went missing she walked outside of. the walls of the Vatican and she went. completely missing this whole thing. about how it's really inside the Vatican. actually had her kidnapped on the. outside of the Vatican dude and what. happened I can't die yeah you don't know. did they find her did that move dude oh.

my God stop stop stop. what what what is that moving it's. it's [ __ ]. fancy is that a trick that you're doing. be real fancy. that's George. wait that physical skeleton is George. yeah oh okay oh wow that tree makes me. feel a little bit better a little bit. better knowing he's gone that was really. scary dude that actually scared the [ __ ]. out of me you scream no.

you know what we haven't done in a long. time and we should do on the show now. what is tell our ghost stories which. ones you got any new ghost stories by. the way I don't have any new ones I got. one tell me I got a very new ghost story. that just happened not too long ago. [Laughter]. okay yeah. you have to spit on it. why why well I love sitting on George. [Laughter].

when the Philippines used to spit on. ghosts yep like that oh it works wait a. minute. wait a minute. you just spit on it you don't. um to be prepared you just like when you. go in the forest you just spit. everywhere so you. before you go to a [ __ ] four off you. go are you ready you have to spit wait a. minute yeah I got the spit you got are. ghosts scared of spit I don't know this.

is what my grandma told me yeah they're. wrong wrong yeah wait do that crucifix. is good right uh holy water holy water. yeah those are pretty good the Bible. maybe Bible spitting I never heard of. that spit did your grandmother Chew. Tobacco no no you must spit when you go. to yeah and you say it a bit a bit what. is that ribbit ribbit is that. communicating with a frog in Filipino.

means a way away and event wait but is. that how you do it does everybody do. that or do you really spit. um some people do but you can just. I was chokey wouldn't you chokey. Pete's looked up there is literally. nothing on the internet that validates. what you just said yeah your family is. the only way in your family who does. that no ever. the internet. this is just just your family no there's. no one else in your village no no oh.

okay Filipino blood spitting ritual you. guys are [ __ ] weird that's weird oh. there's our blood involved no that would. make sense you have to cut your mouth. and then it makes more sense. you just yeah there was literally. nothing on the internet that says. anything about spitting at ghosts your. family made this up told the whole. village but it worked. nothing happened oh there's no go there. was no ghost in the first place to be. valid for her yeah they were never you. were never attacked by a ghost.

okay all the Filipino ghosts have wet. faces is that what it is. yeah I can't write this they're all. whipping and wiping is that a real thing. really yeah yeah would you do that to an. American Ghost no I don't think what. would you do for an American like if a. ghost entered your room at my house what. would you do yeah you're sleeping in the. middle of the night Jules and American. Ghost comes in. um so what. he's.

not you that's for sure yeah he's an. American citizen baby. so what do you do. um. I don't know maybe just pray. pray all right say the prayer praise a. good one go easy coming in okay here. comes the American Ghost right now do. you have a 401k. how's your retirement fun. Lord have mercy. I love Jesus Christ you've accepted him.

as your lord and savior I can do I can I. can do that. Quinn. the holy you don't know what it is. it's holy water holy water are you. squirting on me yeah don't don't you. just. go away no I love scoring I'm a [ __ ]. oh yeah spit on me [ __ ]. [Applause].

yeah a ghost is in your room right now. really. juicy well I don't believe in ghosts uh. but I'm here jet ski what do you know. what will you do now I'm gonna turn on. and it's like that and turn the volume. up really loud. is that the guy from Magnum P.I. I love him didn't he once do a show. about a Korean Elvis that never took off.

but he was from Memphis Tokyo Japan. the signal you. know anyway you're pretty chill juicy. we're not acknowledging you but okay. peace out wow she handled that really. well uh how about you fancy ooh fancy. I've come to visit you in the middle of. the night you're not gonna understand. anything I say so but look look I'm from. ins fancy look at Fancy's neck like if.

you didn't see his face. it's a woman yeah I thought the exact. same thing it's so funny so by the way. we haven't even introduced Carlos get up. there we have the three witches in. studio. tonight look at these babes. wow. and fancy I gotta tell you something. everyone take the take your hat put it. above your face put it just in front of. your face so we can't so the camera. can't see your face just leave just your. neck just your neck Pete. okay Pete let's rank Pete's neck let's.

rank next. yeah. no Donald. that's Rosie O'Donnell's neck right yes. yeah yeah all right move to the side. real fast Carlos come block here block. your face and put your gesture. oh my oh my God it's like it's beautiful. it's a beautiful neck you know what it. looks like what uh Gina Davis yeah. Davis's neck beautiful all right and. then fancy keep it down in front of your. face a little bit more dude that's like. um I'm not I'm not kidding I'm not.

kidding when I say that it's beautiful. it's stunning I would [ __ ] the net I. would [ __ ] your neck fancy you know. whose neck you look like right now what. thank you the girl the the the uh Evan. Rachel Wood put your put it cover your. [ __ ] face that's Evan Rachel the girl. that was in Queens Gambit what's her. name oh uh Taylor Joy yeah. dad. wait why why. [Music]. are parents that's not every I mean it's. everybody to you.

that whenever fancy tries a joke. I get it and I like it but boy oh boys. are done bombs it bombs it hurts because. I can hear his brain going say to them. what like he thinks about it before see. the key is don't think about it before. you say it say it look at this question. is look at this show yeah just say it. don't think about it and if it doesn't. work it doesn't work you do have a. beautiful little neck it's a beautiful. neck dude and and and and then can I.

just say something also because we went. to the Philippines together yes your. hips oh he's got such cute your hips are. [ __ ] sexy the cutest little hips. you've ever seen you saw them in the. Philippines oh yeah. because I was like we were shooting. something from the car he saw it from. the car no I swear to God this is not. even a [ __ ] joke dude I was sitting. there you know I mean because we're. shooting and I looked to you right. because I always see where you're at. with your camera because he was filming. he was the director of the thing and I. looked your side profile and you were.

doing this thing where you're doing a. shuffle. I swear to God there was music played it. was a shuffle and I just gravitated. there's a show going on yeah I'm gravity. toward into his hip and I'm like. wow that's nice you you so so genuinely. genuinely I got that you know his neck. and his hips. if that if all the other parts were like. you know what I mean legit his hips his. [ __ ] and his dick. I think for [ __ ] but yeah yeah yeah.

that's nice my neck but it's pretty good. hips my teeth and my dick he has nice. teeth yeah I gotta tell you don't don't. smile like that ever again I'm gonna. lose the audience. you imagine his school pictures. stop when you in Chicago yeah did you. trick or treat. yeah of course yeah did was there any. like because back when I was doing it. you know we would like.

you know you would check for like would. you would you eat an apple. no and you know the moment that I would. see a house that was giving out apples. we would immediately go to someone's. friend's house that we knew yeah grab. eggs and egg that house oh really. without immediately yeah immediately the. people that give out fruit yeah a Meg in. your house yeah and by the way kids out. there I shouldn't you shouldn't be. watching the show a b yeah if someone. gives you fruit or something like that. yeah immediately uh go to the grocery. store and egg the [ __ ] out of their.

house by my house they gave up money. Chinese Chinese no they were white. people big dimes they were oh dying yeah. and I went back like 10 times. yeah yeah I got a bug no but what did. your family give out so for some reason. I feel like your your mom gave out good. candy no we no no we turned the lights. off. no my parents no we would they would I. know you would pretend enough they don't. stay down like it was like it was a. Stakeout no like we didn't want any.

Shadows or anyone to know that we were. their dad has a gun he's like here come. on another one yeah. everybody everything was off stay I. remember you go stay down stay down but. did you trick-or-treat we would go and. come home and still stay down no way. yeah and we I would bring back candy. right he's like oh that's cool that's. cool you know what I mean eat but why. because we have nothing really nothing. is that why we don't have Halloween. no not at all I decorate you should I do.

wait wait first of all can I say. something we talk today yeah right and. then you zoomed me you FaceTime me oh on. accident did you really yeah because how. do you FaceTime somebody with your cheek. it happens when you're talking on the. phone and then sometimes it does I've. done it does yeah because the FaceTime. symbol is down there I've done it and. then I don't know I then I facetimed her. you answered and then you wouldn't show. me your house why it was in my bedroom. so but I I go let me look at your decor. and she wouldn't do it it's my literally.

my bedroom and you're like my boss. that's a place that you're not allowed. is in her bedroom that seems like a fair. boundary there was like cobwebs it look. like let me get to 10 episodes and then. I'll show you around yeah. oh 10 episodes. but but but also shame on you for not. decorating your house do you decorate. yours of course you do not. bet me a thousand dollars. I already owe you a thousand you do owe. me a [ __ ] a thousand dollars of.

course I decorate why do I owe you a. thousand uh fancy will pull it up yeah. you lost the silver October yeah sober. October the porn the no nut yes. I told you I did after you told me. you're born though no I did not you. haven't since no yes since but if the. BET's over okay yeah you lost of course. I did again yeah but he still wants to. know yeah the moment that you told me it. was done I am I think I brought a porn. on mine yeah yeah that night that we bet. oh I know you did yeah I did it I could.

tell you and I forgot I was like oh [ __ ]. I think I lost as you're coming yeah. yeah Andrew yeah yeah of course I. decorate my house you know what do you. know why why because when I was a kid. and we go trick-or-treating and you'd go. past houses that weren't decorated and. you knew those people in the. neighborhood like I had seen them as a. kid it bummed me out I'm like What's. your deal dude this isn't it's not for. me I decorate for the kids okay here's. what we'll do it's for That We're Not. Gonna Do any cobwebs or skeletons but. here's what we'll do we'll have candy. we'll keep the lights on we'll get fancy.

candy. you need to let them decorations are a. are a lighthouse a beacon for kids to. say we do have candy so what you have to. do is you have to at least get one thing. that says we are Halloween come to the. door otherwise they'll not they won't. come. they won't come to the door unless. there's something there that go like go. take this home and put this outside take. some of this Halloween stuff that we. have here and to decorate the house what. day is it Sunday. yeah is that Sunday I'll do it when I. have a week today today is Halloween oh.

today is yes let's go to the CVS can we. go to CVS and get it don't ask me ask. her let's go yeah it's your. responsibility you should really do it. let's do it yeah what about us not just. me but do something bro I know you're. right I think the kids yeah you're right. for the kids you're absolutely upgraded. for Halloween. um in the Philippines we didn't oh you. gotta do it in the Philippines don't. they kick a dog on Halloween what do you. guys do on Halloween again do they have. Halloween in the Philippines some rich. areas do yeah and then some know because.

some areas are so poor in the poor areas. they eat the wrappers of can like you go. get rappers. in the rich areas they're passing up. balloons yeah. balloon they have balloon eggs it's also. um when's your birthday. oh November 9th right oh it's gonna be. my 21st oh let's get it wrong let's get. you shit-faced oh my God no we'll can we. do that or I don't know we won that's I.

don't know we so how drunk have you been. in your life really drunk like passed. out like vomiting I don't want to hear. that as one of your parents I don't want. to hear that no but if but if we did for. your 21st we got you a little drunk that. would be that'll be fine she can get. annihilatedly drunk when she's with us I. don't want her out in the I'll drive you. oh I'll drive you. I don't want you driving her I'm sober. she'll be you'll be texting she'll be. drunk you'll die you'll both die what.

let me drive ball oh you can drive all. them thank you for some reason just. because because you'll be looking at her. laughing yeah you're right so I need you. you guys can be in the backseat together. you can be laughing at her and I'll be. driving how was jeselneck. oh so we we want to say that you know we. may we feel like we made Jessie juicy. and now she's opening for other. comedians I'll tell you what happened to. Anthony Joshua next show with her what. [ __ ] Kanye West went there. yeah Kanye West was at her show was that. just the weirdest part about the whole.

thing is the staff didn't tell us until. the next day. wait so Kanye came to your show late. night Friday we're not for Justin what. town for me no no for what time for what. town. this was an Oxnard in Oxnard yeah Oxnard. Oxnard and he came to the second show. yeah saw it and then never said hi and. left yeah we didn't know about it until. Saturday. um the opener Kelly Ryan she went up to. the sound guy to get a tape and he goes.

yeah I got your tape by the way do you. know Kanye was here yesterday wow and so. she told us and so we were like why. wouldn't the staff tell us I don't like. it when they tell is this made up would. you rather no or not no when it's Kanye. I want to know. do you think they would mention it no. when it's Kanye I'd want to know even. when it's like sometimes they do at the. comedy show they're like you know who's. here and they mention I'm like who I. don't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] all right but. when it's Kanye I definitely want to. know because I want to go up to him be. like brother brother what are the same.

views. but then he went on an interview and. talked about how much he liked the show. yeah he went on Lex Friedman show and. talked about loving Anthony jesimik and. he mentioned it by name that's. incredible it makes me sick why because. Anthony Jeselnik's Jewish. yes no he's not he's not oh no no I'm. just jealous that he went yeah but are. you well we were kind of like you don't. want Kanye to see you. yeah but you know he's on some.

controversy is going on he's being a bad. boy right now okay that's right but also. I want him to see me yeah that's right. that's a huge name it's you that's the. biggest yeah who's like well when I. remember what happened to me in Miami. what with where I burned the bridge with. Gloria oh yeah that was cool yeah yeah. yeah do you guys know this story no I. don't know have we told this on this. show kind of tell it so I was at the. Miami Improv don't make fun of me oh and. I I was in the green room and the. [ __ ] manager goes you can't believe. it was in the audience I go who he goes.

Gloria Estefan I go I don't know nothing. I don't know who that [ __ ] that you know. right I love the Miami mom machine was. it a Miami Machine Miami Mama machine. what's it called Miami what I don't know. what you're talking Gloria Estefan Miami. something machines. I thought you were saying mommy's I. don't know I never forgot that's how. little I know he's like Korea Korea. he goes Gloria has to find Miami.

sorry glorious it's late Gloria Estefan. Miami sound machines yes okay thank you. yeah right and I go oh yeah is she big. he's like she's at the time like it was. 15 years ago nobody's bigger no one's. bigger right. so I'm on stage and I don't know what. came over me I go. I thought I was bombing and I go hey. ladies and gentlemen big surprise. we have a big celebrity in the audience.

and they put a spotlight onto her and. they go Gloria anabon. and she kind of does this weird wave and. people are like right and after the set. she just got out of there yes yeah and I. think about that moment pretty much once. a week for the rest of my life well you. should because that's it's embarrassing. well. did she pay for a ticket yes you did. it'd be funny if she had a comp she was. like I had a comp yeah it was so bad.

it's fine it's in the past is she the. biggest person that's ever been to a. show of yours. um. yeah. he was in the OR ones but no I'm saying. who was who went to go see who's the. biggest person. just to see you yeah that's it Gloria. Esteban came to see you that's the only. celebrity that's come to see me in any. show I've ever done that's why not wild. you know who loves Gloria Esteban who. Gloria Stefan shut the [ __ ] up I'll say.

it how we want you [ __ ] immigrant uh. you know who's you know who you know who. loves Gloria Esteban oh fancy do you. really love him it's a woman I love her. 75 million records sold oh my God that's. more that's more than anybody that's. more than anybody from your show it's so. embarrassing I've never had anybody huge. come to my not one person Catherine. O'Hara that's you huge yeah oh my I. would [ __ ] be so excited I lost my. mind do you guys know who that is yeah. I'm a massive massive fan oh my God.

you're generated no she's on shit's. creek but oh I know her yeah but for us. she's a legend for us. yeah yeah so she was the mom at home. alone uh in Beetlejuice the reason that. I fell in love with her was all was. Christopher Guest yeah right like that's. how I first saw her yeah yeah and I did. a mini roll on a Christopher Guest HBO. show and someone at the Improv was like. I think Catherine Hera is here to see. you no she was friends with Chris and I. guess he had said you ought to see this.

com this guy's funny you you know he's. wow I don't even hang out with her oh oh. no oh yeah yeah but I went up I did my. spot I went sat back down by the booth. and she had she had left yeah after in. my getting off stage and left and I was. like oh she gone and the guy was like. yeah the moment you got off she left and. I was like bummed I was like that sucks. and he was like dude she was laughing. the whole all of the staff he's like. we're all looking at her she was. laughing the whole [ __ ] time she was. loving it wow but I never heard about it.

at all it was as if like she talked to. Christopher Guest and was like I'm gonna. go watch him and then and just enjoy it. and that's it I kind of well I was on. mad we had Christopher Guest Eugene Levy. and all those guys do like would they. would guest star unreal so I'd be around. it but they would never talk to me. well I'd be in the same room rehearsing. the same lines but they would never say. anything to me and I was always so kind. of like apprehensive you were still the. oh hot dog guy. don't say it like that man oh hot dog. don't say it like that dude no don't do.

the uh no don't do the whole hot dog. Jiff just look at the GIF itself it. circulates through the internet at least. five times a day do you know how many. times I see this GIF oh hot dog that's. you yeah that's Bobby Lee. do you not realize you by the way you've. probably been sent that gif yes that's. your that's your t-testine that's. awesome you don't you don't know that. that's that's him God these young kids. are [ __ ] idiots that's me can I tell. you something I've been looking at your. hair the whole pod yeah. you have the exact same yeah like you.

already have good Elvis. yeah like I hate it because it's so. scratchy too I know for the whole time I. was like why you have better hair than. Elvis had look at how beautiful let it. out and let it roll yeah well do this in. slow-mo fancy. let it out and let it roll baby oh. oh take your time now let it roll. now let it roll give it to me we'll do. it sexy yeah yeah yeah. yes do it more do it more so we yeah. yeah more yeah more.

dude yeah like you just got out of a. pool dude you just gotta so put in front. of your face like come out of the desk. oh yeah come out from under the desk go. down put your hair in front of your face. and then flip it backwards all right. ready. [Music].

so you're a hot single you're a single. mother okay your single mother of three. your reason why can I be a man no all. right you're a hot single mother of. three you're recently divorced okay okay. you got a [ __ ] load of money in the. divorce yeah he was [ __ ] his. secretary typical story I don't I don't. think let me [ __ ] finish. he's been [ __ ] his secretary right. you're a hot mother single mother of. three now and you're a babe you don't. find that yourself attractive anymore. but you are you really are you've been. taking care of yourself a lot guess who. comes over who Pablo the pool boy.

huh played by who fancy. Pablo the pool Boy comes on over. the pool boy comes over and he's a hot. babe right okay Mega baby he's wearing a. little Speedo and you get out of the. pool and you want to show off to him. ready and go. [Music].

you're so stupid. I'm going to tell you something once I. didn't even think about it I just felt. it I know I didn't think about it I'm. never gonna say this again please. turned on turn me on actually turn thank. you thank you actually got me got my.

britches a little tight yeah I just you. know I just went with it. you're a good [ __ ] thank you I was. just like listening but not I was. feeling it what's what's a funny thing. that got said to you tonight about what. did archiver say to you about your. television appearances that made us. laugh really really hard yeah what do. you say something offensive he made he. made fun of One show and complimented. the other the exact same time he goes. and just like that is terrible but I. love you on reservation he goes and just. like that is a very bad show love. reservation dogs yeah it was a perfect.

the way he did it was like it was. perfect yeah but let me tell you. something yeah I think they're both. great television. you're a great little thank you and you. always have been. not the old hot dog but if you leave me. again yeah and go to New York to shoot. that [ __ ] show and I'm not here for. this yeah. we're gonna have some trouble yeah we're. gonna have a little Spanky Sachi well. I'll tell you something. um I have to do three more episodes yeah. [ __ ] off I do. and just like that and just like that.

you're leaving again yeah but we'll you. know but here's the thing I hadn't been. home in a month and a half. yeah right so I'm not gonna do that. again I I honestly like dude. even doing the siguro shows. first of all can I say something yeah. he's a huge star Tom yeah Tom Segura. love him. did you ever think that though. I knew interesting you guys didn't no. it's just like because you see guys like. that's really interesting.

go to dinner right he'll go hey come do. my show we'll hang out right. good friend right but then when I see. him sell out San Jose Improv six shows. in a row you're just gonna go oh yeah. he's fine he's famous yeah. I think that when you're in a in a. stadium. a thousand seats I opened for him. and you're just going what the [ __ ] he's. huge it's crazy.

it's amazing it's amazing and when we go. on the road how much do we do 100 250. seats great I think we'll do five. thousand we're gonna do three to fives. three to five three we'll see what. happens well three to five yeah some. cities we're gonna do much much less. we're doing a run of the Deep South and. in Alabama yeah we got a corporate I. shouldn't say this but I guess I can. leak it we're doing a corporate I'm not. doing that no no I'm not doing it. corporate. it's not about why because when you do a.

corporate so they go you can't show your. dick you can't show you can't. they not say that you can't show your. body part you can't say these things. yeah and I'm not gonna do that you have. to dress like this sometimes they do. that you have to dress like this first. of all yeah. it's a company that we want to be in bed. with very bad what's it it's the KKK no. oh yeah I would love to do it we're. doing the course yeah yeah you're in. you're in you're opening and closing. yeah. I mean you there's three Comics you're.

two of the white ones have to go yeah. you have to you can't just happen why do. we sandwich him just so they forget. about it you go up first then him then. me then you again so they get a double. dose of white at the end or one in the. case for Korean yeah yeah yeah okay it's. the coup the coup Korean Clan all right. yeah if it's the Korean Clan I mean by. the way when we do go down to the South. I do want you to go to like where the. KKK are and ask if you can get in. yeah I think they would let me in what's.

their process I don't know if it's more. your thing but uh knock on a door thing. wait is there oh you're white you would. know more I've never been they never let. me but is there a door that I knock on. or do I just walk in I don't know I feel. like those people don't have knock knock. knock knock knock. hey oh hey man hey oh hey man hey man. hey what's going on what's up hey did. somebody order Chinese food oh no that. was a funny joke man I don't think. anybody ordered Chinese no no I'm not. not here to join the club KKK.

can I join did somebody have their dry. cleaning done oh hey check it out bro. check it out who needs a robot. me too go on they're so yellow they're. sneaky tell me about it it's brighter. than the sun these people I know the. aren't they not are they not brighter. than the sun you don't like them I don't. like them either I don't like them. either man yeah they put you know what. they do they put the MSG don't you hear. it gives you a headache headache it cuts.

your headache and I wake up all puffy. right they're porn so aggressive so. gross right. right and the girl's crying why is the. Japanese girl crying helpful helper. helper. right I want to put a stop to that so. you want to be in a cake yeah [ __ ]. karate [ __ ] Kung Fu. [ __ ]. whoa the gun we train Jiu Jitsu in this. house oh I'm sorry juice is great. because it's Brazilian correct that's.

legit Brazilians were legit with you. know that's where Hitler hit out for a. while I know Argentina whatever Brazil. same thing right I don't like it you. know what else I don't like I don't oh. check it out right yeah and crazy Rich. the squid games. yeah yeah yeah I hate it we love that. series. let me tell you yeah yeah why they all. died that is great that's why that's.

great that's why we like and you know. what we'll find the one guy that. survived can you find him and kill him. I'll be the guy and by the way crazy. Rich Asians yeah we also enjoyed that. movie why why Michelle yeoh was very. talented she's very talented be honest. with you yeah directorial choices were. very wonderful yeah I will compliment. the DP yeah. yeah I saw some racking shots that I was. impressive by but when they when they. would pull Focus yeah on some of those. scenes it was better than I thought yeah. anyway um let me ask you something I'm.

Bobby I'm a comedian too Bobby yeah yeah. Bobby Ray you can call me that what's. your name I'll change it Bobby Ray. you're a comic I'm a comedian tell me a. joke funny man. what did the Korea say to the other. Koreans. go on let's kill ourselves together. emergency is that funny right I love it. when Asians too much suicide hilarious. absolutely hilarious that joke went flat. I haven't tried it yet try again.

please. you want to get in yeah tell me another. a black a Korean in a Jew my nightmare. right. [Laughter]. in the 1940s. oh [ __ ] dog right yeah and and the. [ __ ] bar turn goes.

welcome that's my German accent. okay yeah okay I'm not an impressed. you said you were a comedian right. you know what I can do yeah oh hot dog. [Applause].

okay all right man I'll do whatever job. okay okay you're in and you only have to. do one thing what do I need to do man. give me a big kiss we're not gay. you got to give me a big kiss tongue oh. yeah. all right you do it yeah you gotta say. daddy daddy you're my daddy okay. let's say like a little Asian boy again.

I have a script I want to look at you. what is it. Asian Elvis. have are you combining too much there's. a roll of hanku there's a rule you wanna. let me play Hank Williams. classic yeah the Asian Elvis from. Memphis. Japan yeah you've always wanted to fly a. Mothra please yeah.

thank you for being a bad friend. very good. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. this is. [Music]. [Applause]. a large hoodie.

foreign. [Music]. [Applause]. [Applause]. [Music].