Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf | Ep 170 | Bad Friends

we're already coming to Montclair and. Port Chester will be in Jersey and New. York but they're totally sold out but. Baltimore a few tickets left Philly a. few tickets left and Toronto The Late. Show the second show The Late Show in. Toronto has a few tickets left and by. the way just want to say I'm sorry for. after Toronto we're having to reschedule. Rochester Northfield and Pittsburgh. they're going to be scheduled to. September you can get your money back. obviously if you can't do it in.

September but we're gonna be coming in. September I'm sorry we're doing fall. dates about to be announced uh but we. haven't rescheduled Rochester Northfield. and Pittsburgh to September 14 15 and. 16. um if you want your money back they'll. refund your money otherwise you can use. it for the show but we're coming to see. you so Philly and Baltimore and Late. Show Toronto come see us baby go to. bathroomspod.com badfriendspod.com you. two are bad friends who are these two. idiots.

[Music]. look who's here look who's here look. who's here look who's here look who's. here look who's here. the mystery of jewels the mystery of. jewels returns to be our friends let's. give it up one time for Rudy Jules yeah. Welcome Back Jack she looks like a poo. Beetle your little poo Beetle Little.

Beetle look at her hey poopy hi she got. her hair cut and everything whoa she's. got she's an American now right no. boyfriend a year they've been dating for. one year yeah wow College a white. college you love white college all. whites yeah yeah all white it's an Aryan. College what's it called. see that's what it's called yeah yeah. yeah. what is it called no we're not gonna say. what it's called we don't want to say. yeah she said she got recognized on. campus if there was a height.

College what was it what's the like. fraternities the sorority is like. The Hazing must be crazy yeah it is you. gotta drink a drink a bucket of uh. Beetle poop Beetle poop juice yeah yeah. tell us what's going on. and I know you prepared a bunch of. stories for the show yeah tell us a. story well. during the spring semester I was taking. organic chemistry and I hated that class.

so much like I kept getting C's so you. get degrees yeah don't forget and I. thought I was gonna fail and so I was. really stressed so that's how I cut my. hair because I need needed like control. oh are you are you are you also version. of cutting yeah oh no not cutting no. cutting just cutting cutting your hair. yeah yeah well that's what these this. General we our generation we were. hardcore skin. that's six that's like so.

um so 90s yeah yeah well you know we're. old okay for us we're a tougher. generation we are I'm a generation above. you several two maybe yeah I'm not a. baby boomer you thought I was a baby. you're a boomer X whatever Boomer X. you're a Boomer dog dude I'm on the. corner of millennial and what's the. other one I'm on the what's the other. one between them uh it's Gen X yeah hey. no no he's Gen X I don't know anyone one. more why Jen why. now I think you're ex I think Bobby is.

trying to sneak into you're a Boomer dog. don't try to sneak down by us 1971 is ax. look it up anyway he might be right. actually I am I already know I know what. generation I am Generation X Generation. X dude Pepsi Max if I was a baby we were. about to kill myself no you wouldn't be. living no you wouldn't be living in a. dream life dude you'd be living a dream. life uh so listen up here uh gen Z is. she gen Z yeah listen up gen Z. you're going to school you can't get C's.

anymore how did you flip it around. I don't know I got like a really bad. score in the final but I guess No Child. Left Behind no biology is that you said. chemistry uh well we know about. chemistry sure we do yeah yeah you and I. got it yeah give me a chemical. composition composition it up let's hear. give me a mineral C6 H 1206. whoa that's. my phone number.

yes so um yeah I don't know anything. about chemistry but same can you make. meth yeah you can with okem like you can. do like stuff with the lab you you do. you have enough knowledge no I don't not. me I know you give us the knowledge we. have the lab yeah we got the lab I have. the lab procedures. wait wait stop stop what are you saying. like we have procedures and we just. follow oh and we can where where is it. at I have a the house at your house I'll. just give it to you bring it here bring. it here we'll make math I want this.

studio to be a meth lab as well that. back room is huge and it's got a. ventilation system and we won't do it. yeah yeah we won't no we won't no we. won't so you learned what in chem. I told you I don't know any. I hate make cyanide is that chemistry. what's the thing that melts people's. bones you don't want to know that one. that's the one we want yeah you know. where they melt people down did they. tell you that in class yeah but I don't. know I don't remember the name you know.

what you know like that guy that dipped. it you can you can oh lie yeah lie. boiling temperature water lies basically. the alternative name for highly strong. base NaOH historically Koh we're using. High concentration of lie human body can. melt we did melt a body and lie do you. have a Fight Club Fight Club Fight Club. oh yeah lie on the hand hey can you get. us some line AOH baby I'll steal it for. you yeah yeah that was a good like uh. villain name NaOH lie. [Laughter].

it's got to be something yeah uh. uh bonjour lie bonjour lie yeah or. something like that right is that good. what's your name I think it was bonjour. hello and sir I throw it out there. and somebody at home who's an artist. please create a manjour lie yeah and. make Rudy in the background mixing the. chemicals so let me ask you about lie.

real quick though. why do you wanna why do you need that. you can melt a human body why would you. need it though get rid of a body come on. again you got it look yeah. you cut me off in traffic in L.A you're. gonna end up in a bucket of lime yeah no. I don't have one but if you and I need. one just in case well it so it melts. bone it disintegrates an entire human. body dogs do. you got some dog bones laying around.

late night little late night. cut it out cut it out what about um. is battery acid that's not chemistry no. no battery acid you have access to yeah. but you know the kind you could throw on. people's face you could do that with a. bunch of batteries if you emptied Double. D batteries out right I don't know how. to do that though well she should eat. gloves probably don't you know how to. empty out battery acid no what the [ __ ]. are they teaching you in school language. I'm telling you I can't understand it. old toothbrush dipped in vinegar or.

lemon juice gets the job done what is. that what wow old toothbrush how to. clean battery after gets the job done. that's that's a commercial that'd be a. cool old toothbrush dip in vinegar gets. the job done. do you have. do you or someone you know have battery. acid stains on your clothes. you can get it out yeah most your lie to. the rescue because I always thought it. was sad like in India that was a way of.

like you know they would throw it on. battery acid on a woman's face oh my God. that's terrible if you're if your wife. right it's like it's like the woman like. uh fell in love with somebody else or. like left you they would uh yeah they. would throw battery acids insane that's. it's disgusting would bleach be the same. bleach and battery acid are not the same. no no but like the pain. no no have you ever gotten bleach on. your skin before no no it's not painful. it's just kind of Stingy battery acid.

eats eat your skin away it like. show me somebody who has had battery. acid on their face no no I want to see. it she needs to learn you gotta teach. her the school's obviously not doing. anything. if you get battery acid on your skin it. can it just deteriorates your face look. at that it rips your skin off you look. at that guy that looks that's cool on. him see that's that's much your life. yeah and he catches Revenge that one. let's tell the team oh boy oh boy. whoa hey wait a minute wait a minute. wait a minute what do you mean wait a.

minute wait a minute that's Mr lie that. is live and he remembers your life yeah. that's him and he removes the mask. that's not a mask. what are those things you just put. [ __ ] that's holding his eyes in place. no I think I think that's like stuff he. puts it on to moisturize it no there's. like two lines going through by his ear. and Below his neck by his below his ears. those are called glasses to get the skin. in oh that's it is a mask you're right. full-on mask oh sorry don't insult. monster alive that's all right that's.

cool what a cool man when he takes that. off what happens. the kids are like. dude I'll scare someone to death wow you. know I would get probably get battery. acid enough just to look like seal. Kiss From A Rose yeah that's a cool you. know that's what Kiss From A Rose was. about him getting battery acid thrown on. him in the streets of Paris yeah wow. yeah by Montreal life as you're alive. what was that from. was it just maybe like acne scars is. that what it was originally from by the.

way this guy didn't slow him down even. he married what's her name Heidi Klum. come on he killed it that guy it's. unbelievable he's still killing there's. no way. it's the only song I know but today so. much I'm I can tell you so much you can. say so dle is a disfiguring disease he. has a disease oh man poor guy the immune. cells attacked the skin from underneath. creating inflammatory areas and scarring. the scalp ears face and sometimes chest. and arms why where does he you know when.

they say Asians are yellow sure are. I don't look yellow you're not Asian. I know you look yellow. what is that you know. that's climbing a tree. you're a darker you're a dark yellow.

yeah but why do they say what are you. saying when I don't look yellow yeah you. do we've gone over this 100 times the. shirt that you're wearing Blends in I it. looks like you're wearing a long sleeve. right now I actually can't tell if. you're being alone there's no way no. here's the deal what they're saying is. you have a hue to behind your skin like. I have a red Hue you have a yellow Hue. uh fancy also has a red issue it's a. pinkish Hue Pete has like a brown issue. Pete's actually more you do we didn't. even talk about this you know Pete is. native yeah. he is no he is that's insane he is.

native he's like 25 native. that's like tell him Pete he did a DNA. test yeah Navajo he's 25 Navajo that's. like the what's the the the senator from. me what's her name the one that runs for. office. no no he's talking about Elizabeth. Warren Elizabeth Warren he's about 45 no. she's got like five percent two percent. was that even real no I have two percent. I think you do everybody has two percent. native something I wonder I want to go.

back to see where that happened. like where you got the two percent in. there snuck in I mean it just you. weren't hey huh oh it was disappeared. yeah that's it just gone yeah when did. that happen 300 years ago in your family. way longer than 300 years the native. juice yeah native juices native juices. were flowing I think thousands of years. ago holy moly yeah when we were all 25. and over Navajo that's right that's the. good kind that's the best kind shout out.

to navajos our favorite. we established that no they're not. they're all great but of course of. course of course but um so do you have. you know native instincts. let me say something fancy try to grab. them by the neck see what happens. that's good we should give him a basket.

of black basket blankets oh no. not a blanket no no no what because. see how fast you can gather oh yes yeah. that's a very good idea oh my God he. just did three backs and baskets in 10. minutes he's native Native for sure it. would take me years. well your fingers are small too to hard.

to grab stuff right your hand your hand. looks like the claw from the claw. machine the game claw that's right. that's right your hands drop hold that. yeah it would drop everything Rudy who. else is in class that you're that you're. having fun with you have new friends now. I mean what's going on I still don't. have friends God bless no yeah you do. who thoughts. yeah but we barely we meet and then I. went to this Filipino thing with her oh. what a Filipino thing it's like a secret. meeting it's like a concert slash like.

play and it was so bad we hate whites. that's what they we hey whites the whole. time it was a play a play and a concert. a play but I would love to see an all um. Filipino cast of Oklahoma. [Laughter]. that'd be insane. Joseph and their mailing code cream cup. you guys do you should do the Filipino. Phantom of the Opera yeah yeah yeah oh. my God I'll be insane yeah this would be. Oklahoma would be great yeah to see uh.

by the way that look at them cast. members in Oklahoma that's just one. Filipino family yeah that's just one. consecutive family yeah there's one. family they had to cut out four family. members yeah they didn't make the cut. yeah so your classes are what now what's. going on now. it's just Summers no oh you're done. that's right what am I thinking what was. the last couple of classes you did. chemistry and math. you don't do either of those. what do you mean five times four. twenty six times nine.

54. nine times nine eighty-one. that's enough 42 divided by 16. no don't. do divide well then you're not doing. college math yeah you can do that 42. divided by 16. yeah sure I can do it. 3.865. that's really fast yeah since I don't. know the answer I'm sure you're right. give me a huge number I can do it I got. a little test all right 496 divided by. 18.5. 22.948 oh six five four.

I didn't know you were one of those whoa. yeah you're like you know I know pie too. Andrew hunting. are you good hander hunting how do you. like them apples. wow wait but I have a story yeah well. thank you thank God go ahead okay so I.

was at work and then this student called. and he was like really distressed and. then he said like oh I have like a late. late class that I didn't do I and. someone needs to help me and you're in. the Dean's office yeah okay and then I. was like. I'm sorry Dean's office she's working in. the Dean's office now I thought you were. in the bookstore no dude she's a snitch. no no yeah you've met the dean yeah. what's his name. okay whatever you like him he's fine.

he's he old he's white and old how old. they're all white and old like. 60. that's not old Bobby's 60. but he. looks like old because he's white yeah. we get old and does he know your name I. don't think so okay that's why we don't. say hi what does he call you. nothing brownie yeah brownie come in. here yeah he doesn't say anything he. just he's never said hi to you he just. said he says hi but like that's it. you're more famous than he is that's. what's right what's insane about it he.

should give you respect how many. followers does he have on the gram I. don't know if he had a gram maybe topped. two thousand top top tops maybe 15 times. if he's [ __ ] if he's done some local. community stuff okay let me finish. please okay okay and then like I kept I. told him like okay let me just ask. someone because I don't know how to deal. with your situation and he got really. like mad at me and he started like. shouting at me like like why are you so. incompetent like great.

do you know what you just did what how. long ago was this. two months ago you're lucky that it's. summer because that guy was you know. that he was he threatened to shoot the. school yes yes that's what I just. [ __ ] said the guy that calls you mad. that's scary but he threatened the. school shoes. well come back to school to shoot on. this episode of school the shoot sorry. wait he said I'm gonna do it yeah what.

did you say. the manager I had to transfer it to the. manager because I was getting scared. that's crazy that someone's like I'm. gonna shoot the school yeah can you hold. for a second please. [ __ ] [ __ ] elevator music so he. threatened you then you go I need to. transfer you to somebody else yeah but. before that he he just kept saying you. don't know how to do your job you're so. stupid what is your job just answer the. phone just answering calls and. transferring it that sounds like you did. your job you hit your job.

yeah what are they paying. 15 15 50 per hour dude she was living on. easy street over here and you went back. your attitude it's insane no don't roll. your eyes right and now do you question. your attitude. whoa you're stubborn you Filipinos are. [ __ ] stubborn I love it I love it. you'd rather do that I love than. apologize. yeah. 15.50 an hour. yawk and you pay taxes no I don't.

because I'm a student oh you're illegal. that's right you're an illegal whoa I. forgot so do they pay you every other. week no every month. and when you look at the check you're. like. how much is the biggest check you got. [Laughter]. 700 700 for the whole month yeah how. many days that's how many hours did you. work I can't work for like more than 20. hours a week oh so I can only like the. maximum was only like 14 hours.

700 though yeah well you wow do you save. it. yeah. making you pay rent no should they. should no we wanted to teach you about. life you've had it too good for too long. way too good you have I take care of the. dogs. you're supposed to they're your dogs. they're your dogs they're my dogs. they're his dogs yeah and he's not there.

he's not there because he's busy making. money to support you yeah yeah it all. trickles down baby. Reagan talked about it it's all going to. trickle down and you know what you're. living off the government for free. because we're paying for you to be here. 700 bucks a month you know I actually. think you should give us that 700. we jump started your whole life yeah. you're getting recognized on campus. you're floating through school you're. gonna pushing you through schools. because of us you're getting recognized.

on campus yeah I was working and like I. was giving shirts around the campus look. bad friend shirts. [Applause]. I'll tell you this right now and this is. a guaranteed truth I'm a meat eater I'm. a meat eater and also um yesterday I was. driving to the house and I pulled up to. the driveway and there's a butcher box. waiting for me open it up and there's. just Heavenly Delights in it no it's so. good I love getting a butcher box in my. house because I don't like grocery. shopping I'm not a big fan and I don't.

know what to get and how do I get and. where do I get high quality meat 100. grass-fed beef free range organic. chicken pork raised crate free and wild. caught Seafood you have seafood as well. so you don't know that 100 grass-fed. beef that's what you said yeah humanely. raised no antibiotics or added hormones. every single time I get a butcher box I. get so excited in fact I share with my. neighbor Steve sweet guy I need to give. him some because he's always like I saw. the box I want to get a little bit and I. said I'll let you in but you got to. break me off pay for my gardening once a. month butcher box is giving us a special. deal yeah uh delicious wonderful meat.

delivered right to your door and seafood. as well that's humanely raised with no. antibiotics free shipping always created. to customize box lands that's right it's. a variety of high quality cuts at an. amazing value and I gotta tell you they. got member deals so when you join you. get more for your money butcherbox is. giving us a special deal today sign up. and use that code bad friends to receive. ground beef for a year plus 20 off your. first order that's two pounds of ground. beef free in every box for a year plus. 20 off your first order like Andrew said. when you sign up at butcherbox.com bad.

friends and use code bad friends display. you guys you guys got this plate is the. greatest thing if you go to my house I. have displayed all over the house. because these are future posters because. listen to this yeah look at listen to. this this is a [ __ ] display is a. one-of-a-kind metal poster designed to. capture your unique passions they. created a 21st century canvas that. sturdy magnet mountain and durable. enough to withstand a lifetime of. intense staring gazing and enjoying. display. um created a unique easy safe magnet. mounting system that only takes 20. seconds no need for drilling your walls.

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bad friends at the checkout to get 20. off of 1 to two disc plates or 30 off. for three or more disc plates this plate. collect your passions. yeah the Dean's office sure who the [ __ ]. wants one of those yeah and because they. were graduates so maybe they want one oh. a Dean's office t-shirt. for what did they tell you to do that or. you're like I think I should do it this. way they told me to do it what would you. ever do with the Dean's office t-shirt. what would you use it for clean my car.

yeah yeah yeah just the window and stuff. yeah it's a jizz rack 100. they should. just write Dean's office just rap class. of 20. so you're passing out this. [ __ ] shirt yeah and people are like. not on it no they wanted it okay it's. free yeah it's free okay the way that. [ __ ] college kids love free [ __ ]. that's like worthless they're never. gonna wear it you know so then what. happened and then a guy was like wait. are you Jules yeah and then he was like. oh I'm such a huge fan and then like my.

co-worker was like who was that I was. like oh it's just a class to me oh you. lied yeah. there was another girl who said oh my. God you're rude I was like yeah and then. he was she was like I love you I love. the podcast so much and then my. co-worker was like wait are you on a. podcast. yeah no well did you tell them the truth. which is you're no longer on the podcast. yeah because you departed you quit and. by the way we didn't get a two weeks. notice so we can technically we'll we'll. use this for your next employer okay.

when they call I'm gonna go no bad. employee well the truth is people are. missing you on the thing yeah big time. Big Time and uh we're gonna get you back. on do we miss her I do I do too because. whenever I'm with her when I go to the. house she acts as if I'm furniture. and then you just walk into a room no. because. I never had a conversation no you're not. there for [ __ ] hours because you're. so. so you're just like sit down on a couch. and then you just look so sad and then.

you just make noises you know why he's. sad because you're not talking to him. exactly you're in you're it's like. losing my daughter in a fire yeah or. something like that or like or like a. drowning or like an asset attack acidic. attack but we talked about Hogwarts. because it's like you know it's like. to me it's like what can I talk to this. girl about right so I'm like uh the. State of Affairs no you know what I mean. things are going on the government now. she only knows Hogwarts yes so I go uh.

you know Slytherin or whatever and then. you go uh no I'm this are you a. Gryffindor. you know you know first of all yeah you. know I'm Slytherin yeah 100. Hufflepuff you know that Andreas is a. football why I just feel it yeah yeah. okay so what are you Pete what's Pete. Gryffindor yeah for sure. and me Hufflepuff I think you what are. you Ravenclaw yeah that's right yeah.

oh my God is that right on the money. yeah because it's all about color. schematics that's right you know like. when I played the video game right. they're just a kind of warmth to. Hufflepuff the colors Slytherin snakes. and it. and uh you've never seen the movie If. you believe he's never seen a [ __ ]. movie a Harry Potter movie that's insane. never not one one and yet here I am. knowing all the [ __ ] you know yeah. yeah isn't that funny the Zeitgeist of. that those books and movies have.

infiltrated our society so I know all of. it like but there's no curiosity. I almost know what too much right like. it's almost like a music though yes I do. sing the tune because I've taken my. nieces on the ride at Universal singing. me the the Harry Potter tune the main. theme yeah okay. Harry Potter magic boy. Harry Potter magic ball how do you know.

that on the right they sing that yeah. they think you're just constructed Harry. Potter magic boy yep just like the. movies just like it wow and I know. everyone's theme song you do it's run. run Weasley nobody likes him it's run. run Weasley nobody likes it yeah what. about uh Hermione Hermione yeah her body. sucks. she sucks so bad Hermione's I think was.

uh it was like. it's weird to sexualize young people. that's what it was I think oh yeah yeah. it is that's yeah they make her like a. sex symbol on that [ __ ] it's so not. in the first movie okay but the. everything I see of that girl but she. after it they were I mean I think they. shot them when they were in their 20s. right I don't like it okay it's the same. thing the way I feel about 11 from. [ __ ] stranger things they like put. her in like sexy clothes and all that. stuff and I see on yeah it's weird I was.

like what the [ __ ] is just I don't like. it but I know all the songs from Harry. Potter literally album I know oh um uh. uh Gandalf. again you know the Gandalf oh yeah yeah. you know Gandalf's in the movies he's in. the background he's in the background. yeah what does he look like big he's big. I'm Gandalf and I'm here to say Harry. Potter you are gay that's his whole. thing yeah yeah is it Hedwig. he's.

he can fly with those Eagles yep right. so he's in Middle Earth right he said I. wonder what Hogwarts the college is up. to he flies on the eagle and just stands. in the back so you barely see him in the. movie and that whole broom quidditch. stuff I know that game too yeah Legolas. is in that right Legolas is logos was in. the second one I think yeah yeah yeah uh. he too it gets catches a ride with. Gandalf yep on the [ __ ] bird yep or.

hawk or whatever that is and they come. and you know he plays a little I think. it's a condor that they fly on and the. Quidditch brooms by the way you know. those are like sybians what's Sybian. it's a little like a vibrating dildo you. know they put it up their ass that's. because you when you see it you're like. how would they stay on the Broom it's. it's the get it's fart gas oh it is yeah. so this goes in your butt right you fart. and it Powers the [ __ ] crew you don't. know that yeah. yeah and that's where the Mexicans come. in.

because they eat refried beans by the. way JK Rowling's gonna sue us yeah she's. like let me tell you something I may be. a bigot but don't you [ __ ] up my books. don't you [ __ ] up the story of my books. but I read I read all of them we can we. can come up with our own mythological. tale just as good easy JK so easy you. ain't [ __ ] yeah we got it like that we. got it like that we could do it JK we. could do it today right now yeah Nucci. The Woodsman. let's start there.

what about gumbimi you know yeah Gucci. the Royal Italian guy exactly and Nucci. they live in the forest I. I you [ __ ] sure are you sure are elf. with the wings you're not gonna be Nucci. no you're New China.

imagine the meeting yeah yeah hey so we. wrote this new you know because you love. Harry Potter don't you we love it you. love it yeah I love it made millions. billions millions and billions yeah I. love it theme parks merchandise yeah et. cetera we have our own oh please tell us. it's Untitled okay but one of the what. we have new Jinga mean me wait the two. main characters are Nucci and gumbimby. yes I love it yeah but the sidekick a.

Flying Fairy Oh yeah brilliant flying. elf. same thing I'm sorry my assistant's here. yeah who is that it's my assistant oh. right yeah do you work in the Dean's. office at a local College yeah I feel. like I've seen you before well you got. the shirt yeah yeah you guys shirt on. yeah. this is um. interesting interesting yeah yeah. well I mean it can fly the wings but can. you how about this I'm a little hesitant.

because the it just it seems close yeah. why can't can we hear your voice. changing. that that's it. she she sucks in air and gas oh she. doesn't speak that's the thing or. because she needs the air to fly yes. [Laughter]. and it's what's crazy she does say her. name I know what's crazy though is that.

her saying it it's what the wings are. doing. because well you're not gonna believe is. the wings right have Steel in it. his body's have steel and when it hits. the steel body. oh so it's more Shing it's more than. yeah yeah yeah yeah right well ching. ching sounds good to me write this movie. write this movie you die though don't. you in the first one.

what's your superpower. flying flying is not a superpower yeah. everybody flies my wings can produce. pixie dust to let other people fly. what so you you fly into a McDonald's. people are having a meal you do your. Pixies. here imagine how good she'd go over like.

gay nightclubs yeah Ching Ching's here. yeah yeah. and we could do a flashback scene where. there's like a little egg right yeah. that's where we come from right and it. opens. and people are in wonderment. and then all of a sudden. that's it. that's the beginning of the movie it's. the beginning. the story of Jing chain yeah yeah born. on a cliff yeah a golden Mountain Cliff. a golden Mountain Cliff yeah on the 18th.

planet of our solar system ching ching. was born. she fell down to the Earth her egg. cracked open and she arose a metal. winged Beast an ugly horrific creature. yeah with a face that looked like it had. been doused with battery acid. she's nor male or female she's. Ambiguously sexually and also very. stupid somehow so stupid because every. once in a while you hear Chong and.

that's you running into a tree. yeah yeah can I have glitter all over. sure sure if your character has to put. that on their face I think you got. glitter all over yeah on your face but. you and I what's our main goal I'll tell. you what it is yeah you know like Mario. and Luigi the only thing that upset me. about that was what Mario always got the. princess. until the latter versions when they made. you could play as Luigi as lead yeah why. weren't they I want them to fight over. the girl. we're gonna fly fight over ching ching.

no she's not sure oh yeah yeah I'm the. sidekick yeah all right and barely that. because you die in the first episode or. the first the first uh installment we. could have titty trees. just trees with tits on them yeah yeah. couldn't agree with you more how. wonderful what a beautiful for us with. just big tits big tits trees tit for us. and you can suck on it and like you have. something like milk tea or something. delicious and then and then there's like. a swamp of [ __ ] that's that would be. you know instead of quicksand you fall.

into a butthole and for some reason. they're women [ __ ] right so they're. not male. real tight really tight so they're. bouncy yeah they're bouncing so Forest. to boobs and a swamp of assets what's my. name again newbie. what's your gumbini yeah we're Italian I. am yeah yeah I'm not nuchi yeah Nucci. yeah you're Japanese yeah okay good yeah. and I'm Italian because uh Nucci is a. Korean word for what instinct. oh that's amazing thank you what's. gumbini look that up just just say.

gumbini in Italian shrimp no no that's. no. came from particularly of the leg the. surname gabini came from a person with. some peculiarity of the legs or a. strange walk. [Music]. that's a thing I think you did that. yeah like my legs are longer so long. they like go over my head almost. spider-like right so I have spider-like. legs I sit like that these are my legs. yeah I have no arms Gambino has no arms.

maybe can I be small you're so small and. I live on I just chill on your eyebrows. on one of my bushy brows yeah and I'm. just chilling and I I grab on your. Brushy brow yeah you know as my I think. your one arm swing it oh yeah yeah cause. you want. yeah. right and somebody's like what did you. say I'm like oh nothing yeah oh you're. like Lenny from mice and man yeah dumb. yeah very I'm bright you're the. brightest. the brightest little light I'm the.

brightest little light there now these. rules are gonna be hard to play for us. why well. you think we're reversing. but I do like it okay good good well let. me stretch my wings let me she's doing. it for oh yeah yeah that's right no but. let me uh who's the princess Fancy no. why not fancy and drag. that could be it like I tell you when we. did pictures of us role reversing as men. and women yeah he was one of the hottest. girls in the studio okay well I mean. maybe during the whole movie. Nucci right I'm dangling yeah you'd be.

dangling right and what's up you know. and I go I don't know you like that. [ __ ] [ __ ] sus right she's pretty. right and then what happens we we go to. the [ __ ] you know I mean the castle. and normally you know because there's. like posters and paintings around you. all over the Capitol and you only you. only see yourself in like wait are we. storming the capital. in the capital on January 6th yeah but.

in in this world January 6th it's. something different okay yeah but we do. go you know as an homage we have to yeah. but we always I always see you you know. wearing like you know clothes and robes. and stuff like that but when we visit. you you're completely naked now your. face looks like the way you do now but. your body's we're gonna see GI the [ __ ]. out of it so hot and I see you I'm. dangling and I see you with the hottest. body I've ever seen and then all of a. sudden I let go of your eyebrow I got. you yeah. caught you right in my toe because now. already now it's my goal to get her too.

oh that's where we we separate we. separate so now it's you you versus out. and then we'll have a conversation. eyebrow anymore right well that'll be. that's a that's the end of the second. act okay we know how this goes. because in the end you know what's going. to end up happening we're fighting for. her love right in in the lava pits you. know we're back in the lava pits oh. Turtle Island yeah we're back we're back. okay all right I think this was gonna. happen let me just throw this as a.

[ __ ] Arc all right. so you finally get her I got her you're. in bed with her I already made love no. not yet you're about to and you go down. you know what I mean to kiss her badge. [Music]. guess who's already there. yeah. and it goes there's like a little couch. in her vagina and you know what I mean. I'm already set up you got a whole. family there no I have a flat screen TV. I'm just chilling there playing you're. playing Nintendo switch are you ready.

that's fine yeah yeah you get her what. do you think you get the princess yeah. and then Pete comes oh yeah yeah what. does Pete play. um Admiral like he's got to be like the. yeah he's got to be a captain but he. he's not. he's half an animal like a hippopotamus. yeah Captain what do we call him.

Bartholomew the hippo bottom puss he has. upper bottom plus he's a hippopotamus. but it's got a huge vagina sticking out. he's a hippo bottom puss is it beautiful. stunning is that then you fall in love. with it. because I let you have the princess. over there and maybe in the second movie. yeah there's a four. ways she's watching us from Heaven no.

yeah she's dead she's dead and then God. or the the Ethereal angel that that. controls her in the afterlife says you. have to go back down and stop this so. that's the third up it's the third the. trilogy you know I don't want her to die. in the first way I'll tell you why right. I would like in the four way this is. what I would like can I veto this I want. her dead in the first okay can I just. I've seen idea though okay but I do. Wonder in the four way right we're. having a good time and I'm shooting in. inside I'm shooting inside hippo's. [ __ ] you know the princess's vagina. I'm everywhere yeah I'm fast.

right but then all of a sudden there's a. scene this is a good it's for levity oh. this is. good let me celebrity for Laughs yeah. also it brings everything down a little. bit to like to Earth bring it down it's. for laughter to make everything feel. level oh I don't know well then give me. another word for it no levity's right no. it's not because when she comes we all. float oh and then we're like yep. I want that scene what do you think.

chinching I like it thanks now that we. have the writer's strike I think you. guys might have a chance I was gonna say. I went out there you know I per I want. to commit commend these guys and girls. out there they're protesting all day and. I've been egging them I've been I bought. eggs and I've been egging them and I I. gotta tell you what the signs they hit. it with a sign yeah and I've been. Hawking at them all the writers I've. been just overhand hooking it I've hit. two or three but man really commendable. these guys it's gonna go on for a while.

yeah good get their money [ __ ] it yeah. the business the business is full of. [ __ ] the amount of money this [ __ ]. machine makes also I was saying I I saw. a guy today I can't say the name of it. but he was an actor who was on a famous. show when we were young and he did you. know it went for while but this is back. when you can do one series and make a. [ __ ] truckload of money and never. work again he has but he didn't have to. Meanwhile now it doesn't mean [ __ ] when. you do a series yeah they think there's. gonna be a sax right after that sex. strike I said yes I voted yes yeah yeah. they sent me the thing in the mail they. said you want to strike and say yeah.

[ __ ] strike give us more [ __ ] yeah. [ __ ] it yeah and also it's for benefits. for people that don't make enough money. that are struggling actors like dude. these [ __ ] Studios [ __ ] these guys. they're all making so much money all. these bigwigs are hiding behind these. these monolithic buildings of all this. money and they're like we do give you. guys like you don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] out. here give us more money give us all the. money yeah yeah we do all the [ __ ] the. writers do all the things the producers. the directors the actors they make all. the [ __ ] so give them the money [ __ ] you. Hollywood right yep yep you want to. protest you want to go out there yeah I. don't know how.

I don't know where to go well the sign. the sign you can you know it's funny if. we just make our own signs yeah I mean a. bunch of writers have called me going. hey let's you want to go and I was like. where is it just go walk around I just. don't like ignore it I'll be there I'll. do the next one this is where you need a. body double that's right why could you. oh that's right you need to hire someone. that's like Dude Bobby was there yeah he. didn't talk to anybody he was seriously. upset that whole thing of Asians look. alike this is where it comes into handy. right yeah right in the situation like. you call a Randall Park send him down.

he's probably already down there yeah no. he's already there he's like Bobby Lee. yeah I could I could bring um pay. Randall half the day to wear a shirt. that said I'm Bobby Lee would that be. cool yeah but um I can find a fat asian. guy maybe that's not you're not fat. thank you no who would I get Seth Green. Who's down there for me he's so small. though Ron Howard maybe just in a hat. yeah you know what I mean this is cocoon. what it's so specific it is yeah you.

never saw cocoon I did did you see. cocoon no everyone in the room would see. cocoon yeah everyone over 35 right. it's cocoon such a good movie anyone. watch who hasn't seen cocoon I bet you. so many people haven't seen I bet the. cones never seen it no cocoon the movie. he's never seen it and he was a [ __ ]. film major oh see that old man go to the. right the very right that's me the top. that's me that dude right there when he. shot that movie was 49 years old. no way that actor was yeah shut up one. of the actors was I think that's the guy. that was like 49 years old that's like.

your Dean yeah yeah 60 but he looks 100. I forgot what cocoon was about it was. about old people going to space. it was about. it was about preserving life of the. Elder late but I think they were some of. them were aliens right yeah yeah right. oh so Moon they were aliens but then I. remember Steve Gutenberg was in it the. Goot one of the greatest right you know. old people. let's talk about old people no we should. watch more old people movies what do you. mean with old people in it yeah I mean. they just don't make it like they tried. that dude that one with sand uh Sally. Fields with the football one with Jane.

Fonda Brady the Brady one yeah yeah yeah. anybody see that yeah you did how why. why did you see that I watched the first. 30 minutes 80 for Brady do you even know. what this is I just want to support. older people because I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna get there right you're never. gonna get there well I'm not gonna be an. 80 part two is that what you're saying. yeah yeah what do you mean what would. your 80 no no let me ask you why don't. you I'm never gonna get there you mean. your profile yours will be 80 for Wayne. Brady and you'll have to go meet Wayne. Brady.

you and a bunch of dudes were obsessed. with Wayne Brady doing doing improv uh. you know you're never gonna work when. you're 80. why yeah I don't think you're. gonna make it. you don't think I'm gonna make until I'm. 80. yeah I know I mean in the business. oh oh yeah probably probably Morgan and. Morgan let me tell you something right. now bud if I was in an accident you know. and I hurt my little back and my neck. you who I call you're calling Morgan. call Morgan and Morgan man because I got. into an accident not too long ago in my.

own neighborhood you know why because in. the year 2020 there was over 5 million. car crashes extremely common 15 000 a. day 600 per hour and we got in one I. didn't know where to turn I didn't know. what to do do I need to get a lawyer do. I sue is that a real thing do they have. insurance what will happen well guess. what Morgan Morgan takes care of all of. that four Morgan Morgan is America's. largest injury Law Firm they have over a. hundred offices Nationwide and more than. 800 lawyers with over 15 billion dollars. were covered for clients Morgan and. Morgan has a proven track record of.

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from your cell phone that's for the. people for the people.com bad friends or. pound law pound five tonight from. yourself is a paid advertisement. with room you can shop thousands of cars. right from your phone and have your next. ride delivered straight to you you guys. um you know I bought a car and I you. know I thought to myself should I go to. these dealerships so I tried a couple. ugh hot they were rude no thanks yeah it. was it was it was isolating right but.

then I went to vroom and I got the car. that I have now it's it's it's the. bathroom is the better way to buy your. next ride you'll never have to haggle or. negotiate the price of a car so you know. what you're getting you're getting a. good deal you are getting a good deal. and the best part is when you buy a car. on vroom you have a full week or 250. miles whichever one comes first to make. sure you love your new ride and it's. right for you all the cars on vroom.com. come with a 90-day limited warranty and. a one year of roadside assistance. Nationwide giving you peace of mind. while you're out and about on the road. and Bobby's got a brand new car from. vroom it's beautiful and wonderful and.

he's got Peace of Mind knowing he's got. protection from vroom oh oh you can also. trade in your old car when you buy your. new one or you can even just sell your. car to room when you sell your car on. vroom you get a price instantly and. they'll even come pick it up here's the. best part you can buy a car from vroom. entirely online why not try it Bobby did. and it worked great so next time you. need to buy a car just grab your phone. go to room.com and check out thousands. of cars. you think you're gonna work when you're. 80 years old but if I feel like if like. Ken Jung Randall Parker they all die.

first of all those Ken Jung's a doctor. he's never gonna die that's true he's. got the secret it's Diet Coke apparently. he told me Diet Coke yeah he told me. every doctor drinks Diet Coke like crazy. I said really he goes dude every doctor. I know six seven Diet Coke today yeah. but okay well there's gonna be B movies. for old people I could be in those the. Bee Movie Jerry Seinfeld did it no like. you know what I'm saying is independent. like small movie when I'm 80. I could do. it for what so what you're gonna pay. like 30 bucks to do an indie move when. you're 80 you're tired you're never. gonna do that you you Bobby Lee will. never I'll be doing dumb [ __ ] like that.

because I'm a loser so what do you think. I'm gonna retire somewhere where am I. going to be 100 where can I be well. you're gonna where will you retire yeah. probably down in San Diego I can see you. right now at a big Cliff a house on a. cliff overlooking the sea with a harem. of beautiful women right all in their. 40s when you're 85 years old and they. all have they all have like a calendar. they're like is it my turn to rub your. feet Mr Lee that's what I want yeah I. see ya peace peace and love Yeah peace. and love peace and love yeah where am I.

when I'm 80. you tell me. oh you yeah where am I where am I living. what am I doing. you are believe it or not please say I'm. gay please say no you're not gay but. believe it or not you were uh you decide. to keep working but not as an actor or. comedian but you wanted to wear a. uniform. what do I do. well you have a grandchild. right I have a grand baby you have a. grand baby what's crazy about is you. don't have children. so I just have a baby yeah but we don't.

know how got it this happened but you. just one day say I have a grandchild I. sure do we're like you don't have any. children okay yeah so you think yeah but. we don't know the history and we don't. know the story right right what's my. uniform you're the janitor at the kids. Elementary School. you make a joke I've always wanted to be. a janitor that's why I know I know. always I know if you see me with a mop. yeah but you're like a wise janitor yeah. where the kids ask you questions. what's my name I gotta change my name to.

protect you know my identity I can't be. and Mr Santino the janitor your bad. friends would be long and gone by then. yeah you're right. yeah no one's gonna call me Mr Sani yeah. Mr Sani Mr Sani Sani what happened in. your life Mr Sani right I got how. one day a good old Asian friend of mine. here we go wanted to start a show I.

started a little show it was a radio we. show back when people used to listen to. people talk. and that little. [ __ ] noodle. schemed and scammed me sold the company. years later and now he's retired yes. noodle is offensive. to whom I mean you know it's just these. are Generations later we're far more. sensitive to stuff like no yeah yeah so.

let's just reframing this little. dumpling I started a show with and me. yeah yeah just move on okay. dumpling. listen up you little I didn't fight the. World War III. yeah we don't know there could have been. a war 100 yeah yeah there could be there. what do you mean there will be a World. War Three that's so interesting to me. and you're you guys are gonna have to. fight in it. well I can protest say women should stay.

in the house. reverse feminism I like this WOW wait. because you think women shouldn't work. you know what you said to me you've said. to me you said Tito Andrew women. shouldn't work or Vote or drive. yeah she said that I'm saying if it's. world war three then I'm gonna say that. yeah but if it's world war three and you. want equality then everyone has to fight. yeah you want equality no you don't want. equality if it's World War III so you.

want equality unless it's world war. three got it you think world war three. is gonna be fought on the ground I don't. know no it's going to be another version. of covid it'll just be an it'll all be. by uh biochemical or biochemical Warfare. yeah and they'll be put in our [ __ ]. it'll yeah we'll all have to uh drink. bottled water because the sink water. will kill all of them imagine being the. front lines though. how scared we're in a foxhole if it was. real war yeah let us three in a foxhole. and this. right and we're just sitting there you. know it's okay Rudy you get up there and.

look first no I'll just kill myself. you know what yeah yeah good idea. Point your guns at me now. what would you do if you were in a. foxhole with us I'll just kill kill. myself God come. on PTSD and just have the worst slide. because you're alive no no no no people. people sometimes experience that have. great lives. you can do EMDR there's other ways to.

deal with trauma you can do it you do. DMT you do DMT you can do Ayahuasca you. can get back you can get back okay I'll. okay I won't kill myself then yeah this. sounds like a lie yeah it sounds like. you're gonna do it give me your gun yeah. give it to me everywhere that's not a. gun give me your gun please. give me your gun. that's exactly what you're gonna do and. she would kill you and me and then go. those idiots thought I was gonna kill. myself and then she'd jump out of the. Foxhole. you know what I would have to take her. gun until we're fighting.

I can't trust you I can't sleep and then. because every time we'd wake up you. probably have the [ __ ] go into your. mouth you know what I mean right and. we'd have to like I'm creeping at one. Rudy yeah yeah by the way can you. imagine me you and her at a campsite. right we made it through the first night. of War well first night of war is done. we was a campsite well we're camping. we're out and we're out in the wild. we're on the Run dude it's on it's all. every person for themselves we've. decided to team up us three and we've. used them so we're huh so we've. we've run away from them what do we call.

that we're uh. deserters deserters yeah. you you you you you're not staying with. the past that's so [ __ ] offensive to. even hear that you would 100 I would. fight for my nation no you would leave. well you know what I'd be confused what. direction so you listen I would be. confused what direction to go so listen. to gambini and [ __ ] right gumballini. the only way the only way I would do it. is like you know I you'd go. let's go with the with the children I. think this is a better way around let's. get them from behind really what we're.

doing with deserting yes yes we're. tricking them we're like guys we'll go. look we're gonna go around infiltrate on. behind smart yeah yeah right where are. we really headed what where are we. really going we're really going to like. Boston or something I was gonna say. let's go to Mexico oh yeah let's go to. Cabo or something yeah we're going no. why the [ __ ] that's why I'm not the. leader worse yeah we're going to Puerto. Vallarta okay we're gonna go to Mexico. we want to go to Beach area right so. that we can live what if the wars in. Mexico about the war is definitely not. in Mexico the war is going on in Mexico.

right now but it's not our war okay this. war is going on on U.S soil yeah it's on. the United States and it's everywhere. and we're running South to get to Mexico. to go down to Puerto Vallarta and let me. tell you something first night we made. it through Rudy killed a bunch of people. she's feeling weird about it the fire is. bubbling I'm making food. I feel like you do that yeah. I don't like seeing dead people. that's right I don't like war and I.

imagine you drawing something in the. sand like playing a game in the Sand by. yourself well yeah I'm drawing a farm. yeah. yeah and I say you guys we have somebody. has to stay up at night keep the fire. going who's going to do it well she's. gonna say she's gonna do it but it's. gonna go out in the morning yeah and. guess what we freeze to death we die. first the [ __ ] first night in Mexico. we freeze the death on the way down. Boston maybe on the way down we freeze. it I think it's the middle of the winter. okay okay and we're naked you have to. fight naked in World War Three oh I see.

closer and you can't can't do clothes. yeah but we would have the pillage. where are we pillaging first like like. because if there's a war in the United. States I'm sure there's gonna be a Vons. that's on fire yeah we'll just sneak in. look at John's for sure yeah we get a. John's right and then I'll go would it. be fun you know what I would do this is. how honest I am I'd still pay for it I. put a couple hundred dollars on the. counter you're like you could take tap. as everything is on fire you just tap. and I regret uh I would get um Sunny.

Delight okay this is what this is the. problem what we're in the grocery store. what are you getting for us now Sunny. Delight and and we need Vitamin C what. what else. oh fruit roll-ups. leave fruit. yep because oh no no really because let. me say something we grab bananas and. apples real fruit they're gonna get. rotten in the bag Fruit Roll-Ups stay on. forever well you know she's gonna grab. bananas yeah those feet are gonna grab. bananas yeah yeah you'll grab the.

bananas I need bananas to poo baked. beans we're not worried about poop but I. hate to poo yeah we all have to poo in. the in the situation. more time you're gonna poop okay can you. imagine the one flaw of our Trio is that. she's constipated yeah we can't fight. she's kind she can't [ __ ] yeah the other. guy the other guy's like come out you. coward she's like I can't. time out I can't poo. asking for a timeout because you can't. can you say time out in war yeah yeah.

you can get up issue anyway yeah you can. say whatever you want when's the longest. you've gone without pooping. a week. seven full days wow oh my God you're. supposed to die. no I lasted three days on tour she said. seven I know four more days three is. like saying your body's gonna how many. days can you go without pooping truly I. think it's toxic it's toxic right I. don't know generally you can go five. days without putting before you run into. risk of serious health issues like fecal. impaction hemorrhoids bowel perforation.

fecal impaction that's a band yeah. that's a great [ __ ] bet what's up. we're ball perforation great to be here. San Diego. vehicle reproduction. five days you're supposed to do one for. seven full days and you pooped on the. eighth. what's fecal impaction what is that all. your poop is building up it's like. stacking on top of each other wow is. that what Elvis died yeah well he had it. look at that it's the result of severe.

constipation. you're unre you're unable to regularly. pass poop. and then what happens it just builds and. you become a bloated piece of [ __ ] wow. you become a fat piece of [ __ ] that's. where the term comes from fat piece of. [ __ ] not because of food because they. had fecal impaction. wow seven days Rudy You Gotta Eat fiber. I'm taking magnesium it helps yeah but. you also have to have a lot of fiber. that's the only way you can poop do you. eat an apple to eat apples bananas. bananas are good but anything fibrous. you should you should have Metamucil on.

something. why can't you poop are you nervous. yeah what are you doing we're going back. to the old ways these guys got a gift. what are we talking what is this show me. oh my God like the old days all right. just like the old days. um the movie called Rush Hour. all right the boys handed us a scene. is there only two of us there's only two. there's only two characters all right. well then I want to be the director no. no no why do I Bobby I know why do I. always have to be a girl you're gonna be. Carter and you're going to be Lee okay.

is in the movie right no I've never seen. rush hour okay so basically you have to. tell the character. I think it'd be fun to see how she does. it. okay you know I'm directing. all right so you're Lee. Lee is is a foreigner who barely speaks. English can you put it together. ready. exit City street afternoon Lee and. Carter walked down the street all of a. sudden you speak English now huh. sorry can I have that line again that's.

really good no I don't know it's good it. seems racist sounds good to me that was. a choice yep what's your choice go ahead. Lee. a real perfect. a little my ass he lied to me. I didn't. again. from the top no from my pot sorry sorry. sorry sorry can't work like this how did. you hire I didn't it's a favor it's a. family friend yeah but you can go with. the casting it's a family friend I had. to do it as a honor all right lean.

Carter walk down the street all of a. sudden you're speaking English now huh a. riddle a little my ass you lied to me I. didn't say I didn't you assume I didn't. have some sort of yeah something's wrong. yeah something's wrong mental thing you. know he's he's I can't do Asian accent. it's not Asian wait why were you doing. Asia you said foreign Asian I said. Foreigner I didn't say Asian oh no. Leah's French yeah he's a french guy in.

the movie yeah yes his first name is Lee. okay. Lee and Carter walked down the street. speaking English. a little. it's the same guy it is go ahead keep. going a little my ass he lied to me. I didn't say I did it because I didn't.

assume I kick your little Beijing ass. right now man I ain't scared of you I. know I know you know that little tricky. [ __ ] come on. Carter started doing karate moves. hi. can you do a friendship no no you're oh. you want to mimic mine yeah all right. I'll do it why don't you read it I'll be. I'll be Lee you'll be Carter yeah and.

then she's gotta do it so Lee and Carter. walk down the street all of a sudden you. speak English now huh. though. I love my. assuming ass right now man I ain't. scared of you I know that little tricky. [ __ ] come on see that's French. by the way they wrote this was in the. script yeah assume I kick your little. Beijing ass right now man I ain't scared. of you I know you ain't I know you that.

little tricky [ __ ]. man he had a good gig huh they really. wrote for his voice yeah they did can. you imagine yeah who else could have. done that. [Music]. I don't know. yeah Williams. yeah yeah imagine okay let's see what. this movie was Kat Williams Your Cat. Williams. and who who could Lee be who could jack. a champion instead well right now they. would probably hire. Steven Young. yeah but then it wouldn't be funny then. it's not fish out of water I mean that's.

just like a regular kid from America can. we just have her version of what you. just did got it ready Lee and Carter. walk down the street speaking English. now huh oh. is that better a little my ass you lied. to me I don't say I didn't that's French. you assume I didn't. very good. wow Rudy I'm really proud of you be an. address man yeah have you ever thought. about acting no I hate it.

yeah yeah do you miss the show. I feel like you do miss the show yeah. you got to come to um Riverside when we. do it when is it. June 9th. I mean we'll have already done it when. this show comes out. it'll already have happened yeah okay it. happened but. you want to go to yeah that's good then. it won't no be a leak do you want to. come to Riverside and open up the show. open. you're going are you're not reading a.

character still are you. what does open mean open the show go out. there introduce us say hello do a little. bit of time. I can introduce can Bobby and I write. jokes for you in Riverside yeah please. love it how many seats is Riverside. we're doing two shows do you guys even. know yeah how many seats are there no no. we're doing two shows down there I can. tell you right now actually here yeah. bad friends. um we'll write jokes for you we're gonna. write Jokes wait two shows it's uh 1600.

a piece so it's 3 200 seats. that'll be funny be fun. yeah I can do that you better believe. you're doing so I'm gonna write your. jokes. for like two minutes I'll do it it's. gonna be the longest two minutes of your. life of your life. yeah but can I bring the script or do I. have to you yeah it'd be too hard for. you to memorize okay. I'll do it cool I'm so excited yeah cool. and Jesse will be there yeah we're gonna.

see who and by the way whoever does. better gets to keep their spot here on. bad friends yeah it's a fight to the. death okay that's how it goes baby. that's how it goes tell me. tell us the relationship's been a year. now with this boy. are you gonna move in together move in I. don't have money to pay does he have his. own place no how old is he he's 20. and. you're 21. whoa whoa that's pretty gross. are you is there feelings. they're still feelings yeah yeah but I.

feel like. because it's been a year I'm just like. always mad at him is that normal yeah. yeah that's it that's very normal like I. just feel like I hate his face right now. yeah yeah yes yes that's love yeah. you're actually falling in love yeah. what else does he do did he say things. that really but the way he says a word. what word bothers you the way he says it. babe yeah babe disgusting any anytime. you say something I'm just. always angry yeah if he's like hey babe. do you want something to eat yeah and.

then I pissed like obviously yeah. [ __ ] I'm right right like why do you. need to ask so what um. [Laughter]. now what do you do for him he sounds. like he's very nice do you do something. nice for him. um. I cuddle him. you cuddled him yeah what do you mean. you just give him a nice hug what kind. of cuddling you're spooning oh you're. you're in back you're the big spoon.

or what do you guys what's this who's in. front of you right here is it him right. so you're the big dude standing oh you. hog stand you cuddle standing what. that's a hug that's a hug yeah that's. not a cuddle a standing cuddle is a hug. I don't really like cuddles so I just. hug him so what do you do that's nice. for this man. I hug him that's the only thing you do. you don't like get him any gifts or. anything thoughtful or anything for him.

I got him a skateboard because he likes. skateboards that's very nice that's nice. just the board or the whole trimmings. the whole thing okay where'd you get it. from. I forgot the brown. the brand. like a place did you get it from a place. I just ordered it online that don't. order skateboard online no yeah but you. don't know what skateboard company it. was. [ __ ] awesome oh okay yeah that's. pretty cool really yeah that's a good. scheme no you did the right thing the.

right thing that's really nice cool all. right I think this thing's Gonna Last. Forever you think it's Gonna Last. Forever all right so it's not love and. you kind of hate him no I love him I. just hate him right now do you guys say. I love you. um oh I really like him he's a nice kid. yeah good luck to you thank you I don't. I don't know if I wish luck yeah you. know what's she's not gonna know his. name five years from now yeah that's how. it works but what if we're still. together. that's sad no it's not. but I like him a lot I know oh see this.

is just a test it's a test it's a test. we wanted to say because he's in the. room right now come on come on out. bongolino. where is he where's bongolino. all right is he gonna come to Riverside. then you make your boyfriend come and. watch you do time why not no because he. well he came to. um the ace theater and he just was. disappeared really yeah he was shy super. shy they're much alike they're just. leaning against the wall how did you. meet this guy again school he was just a. guy a kid at school yeah and he said I.

like you you said I like you yeah yeah. it's cute it's cute he's a handsome boy. nice kid here's what you need to do yeah. you need to help coach Tito Bobby how to. get back into a relationship I don't I'm. out I don't wanna he wants to get in I. don't want to get back coach him what's. the what is the key to to getting a a. partner. don't be weird don't be weird oh. just be nice just be nice and be. truthful don't be weird just be nice.

she said don't be weird and then Andreas. goes oh oh I think something happened. with the board he was just looking down. no no why are you blushing. get him out why'd you say oh. no why why. conversation why did you say oh when she. said weird like this could be an example. of it maybe Italian the leopard dude you. know not have no I don't know your. [ __ ] animal analogies it's a good one. he said tell the lover to not have spots. right I don't have spots all right I'm a. spotless leper.

so I just want to know you think I'm a. weird guy. yes yeah yeah okay we're now the truth. is out there a good weird it's a good. weird yeah yeah everybody in this room. is [ __ ] weird I don't think anybody. in here is not weird in their own yeah. yeah I'm weird but who's the weirdest in. the room you don't think you're weird. you look like a [ __ ] illustration of. some French cartoon or something you. don't even look human if you're like Tim.

he loves it yeah he's hot we can't even. believe that anyone would make love to. you somebody did somebody did no you. know what you're a nice guy I just. attacked her for no reason no no but you. should have a weird guy no no you should. have but you are weird you know you're. weird. Bob you're weird but like a good way. you think you're normal. yeah I I mean I I feel normal right in.

the world a schizophrenic probably says. I don't know like I. you know when I'm about like but you. you're right I mean today I went to a. meeting. and that's very normal yeah but after. the meeting. um I was talking to people and people. have this face like. when they're talking to me well they're. afraid of what you're gonna do oh yeah I. think no it was an a meeting yeah. they're afraid of what you're saying no. they people have like this cautious kind. of like right but I'm always but I'm. aware of it I'm like I'm not gonna do.

anything with her right now what the. [ __ ] why are they doing this phase at. any point did you do anything weird no. but maybe it's like the things I bring. up are weird like what hey we're at a. meeting right now afterwards hey man. thanks for sharing yeah yeah and I said. they're not letting Trans in the. Olympics. all right man God. get some more coffee something like that. you know some random you know what I. mean that start off a conversation you. know with trans Olympic stuff I think. maybe anything's lighter like do you. like in and out burger oh I see well I.

don't maybe you can teach me how to do. small talk here we go all right I'm. gonna we want to go real go ahead all. right so we're done let's we're in a. coffee shop oh okay we're in the line of. coffee shop right. what kind of underwear do you wear. does that seem. oh what I just I don't get underwear I. like I don't like the underwear that I. have is the underwear what.

hello police really there's a little fat. asian guy asking underwear really you. can't ask me what kind of underwear. they're wearing they go to Brand no his. hands good so many easier things all. right all right let's start over um. uh. okay we're in line you know I go. man the weather. yeah what about it. I just don't know much about it about. weather about what the weather we're. having now well those are cumulonimbus. clouds I'm actually uh that's actually. what I do for a living oh really yeah.

um so check it out the participation. precipitation today yeah is going to be. uh relatively low get a bit of the. barometric pressure yeah and that what's. really going to do is sweep and swap. some of the wins your toenails. do I what do you ever eat your toenails. in fact I do good the guy who likes. weather probably does yeah yeah. when you ask questions like that I just. want to break up the monotony but you. don't need to why like it's just so.

boring because you know to hear people. talking like I've been at restaurants. I've overheard people's conversations. and I went I would do this with my arm. like what are you talking about the best. way to do talk about needles well. needles what needles to do when they're. sewing or whatever yeah I mean I I. overheard two you know I mean old ladies. talking about like what Fabrics they use. when sewing and I wanted to break up the. conversation by going hey what underwear. do you wear or. no you don't no don't do that okay.

you get in on the joke with them okay a. bunch of old ladies are like I'm an old. lady and then I want to see what you. would say okay go ahead so Margaret um. so I go to the yacht local yarn store. and I got this new um yarn but it's too. thick to make um a knitting cap. right so I I wonder what do you use for. anything cat well. Margaret they're both called Margaret. yeah. well. Margaret you know I've never sewed a.

knitting cat before. well my grandson loves to wear yeah I. mean these moccasins and he got it you. know his you know his dad his. metrosexual you know what I mean loves. um. moccasins from the local moccasin store. anyway I was thinking about a moccasin I. what Marco what. fabric well Marco. mockinson's you know so those I mean.

those are made out of like wood anyway. it's not something that you would sell. on a Sunday well what but do you go to. the local yarn shop Marco I do Margo and. I I love Demetrius that works there he's. he's great hey ladies yeah I don't know. if you heard but uh. Demetrius got fired oh no. almighty God no yeah they caught him. yarning on the job.

have a good day girl whoa that's a good. job see that's really good and one of. these old [ __ ] is like I like him. looks up by Netflix. Oh see that's what it is that's how you. get it so if I went do you eat your. toenails I think that's not gonna land. that's not gonna land she's not gonna. land yeah we're gonna get there baby. yeah just teach me I just take a class. hey thanks for coming today Rudy I. really really really really appreciate. you coming today I really miss you guys. we miss you a lot and I hope you keep. coming back we want to do an old school.

episode of Just The Three Amigos and we. got it and we should send us off into. the sunlight and he wants us to he wants. us to well you know none of all of you. honor of all of us a new movie coming. out tomorrow well it came out last week. I mean yeah and it's the little mermaid. I think we can sing it is that dialogue. or the song yeah Ariel listen to me the. human world it's a mess life under the. sea is. the seaweed is always a crater in.

somebody else's lake the record yeah you. dream about you have to sing that's a. song. that's not him talking it's under the. sea the song under the sea oh the. seaweed is under the sea. I don't know what the seaweed is the. seaweed is Under the Sea The seaweed the. sea the seaweed. have you never heard Under the Sea I've. never heard it.

does see darling it's better down where. it's wet no I've never heard that you've. never heard this song make it from me. he's a shell right oh [ __ ]. with little eyes. Sebastian yeah no he's a lobster he's a. lobster or crab he's a crab all right. why does he talk like that they don't. talk he's from Jamaica. oh. I wonder you know through a quick. Science question right do like the. lobsters in Japan off the coast do they.

have a little lobster accent well tell. me where Japan is and I'll let you know. Japan the lobsters yeah yeah like if you. know I mean. they don't speak English but what they. mean I don't know no they speak English. oh they do every everywhere in the ocean. speaks English they say orcas in. different like areas they have different. kinds of tones that they have to listen. to oh that was just French that's. [ __ ] Congo yeah.

yeah when they make those Sonic noises. underneath. yes so what since I don't know the song. why don't you sing it we don't need to. okay what you did was good enough I. think Rudy has to sing it Rudy sing. Under the Sea real fast go ahead okay. Under the Sea Under the Sea darling it's. better down there it's wetter take it. from me interesting line.

up on the shore they work all day out in. the sun they slave away weird word while. we devote and full time to floating. under the sea. oh I know that song. Oh you just have to do that part. it doesn't sound like that then yes it. does oh. I hear that um.

Disneyland or I don't know somewhere. like that. in the background PF Chang's they played. a lot there yeah yeah Under the Sea I've. been in elevators and I've heard that. and I wonder what that that's cool no. it's under the sea where we all want to. live one day yeah we'd be dead it's. better down there hey Rudy yeah go ahead. and sign us off thank you for being a. bad friend. laughs. [Music].