Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 32 | Bad Friends

come see me and Christy Stephano on the. East Coast as I do October 8th 9th 10th. and 11th go to Andrew santo. you can. find out where I'm doing all that stuff. you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad friends bro Jules [ __ ] man she's. acting like Ali Shey from The Breakfast. Club today why what happened she wore. the mask on the car right over as if I. [ __ ] have it and I go are you going.

to take it off she's like no. whoa whoa hot [ __ ] crazy introduce. Our Guest Bobo we're not starting yet. yeah we are I to get into it did you see. I bought you a cake y you smell [ __ ]. good dude what is it scent shut up. Chrissy no I swear to God man I'm [ __ ]. you on my birthday pre post oh happy. birthday happy birthday happy what you. what did you get me can we sing what did. I get you yeah [ __ ] you I let you have. the day off yesterday and I bought you a. cake that says happy birthday I had a. cake yesterday F friend how many cakes.

am I going to get friend I got you a. birthday gift something give him his. birthday gift give him his birthday you. see what it says on here it says happy. birthday sleepy Bobo noodle oh [ __ ] and. how old are you theod how old are you. sleepy bubble noodle how old are you 32. no you're not you're 49 you old [ __ ]. good but that's only seven in Chinese. years I look good though he can we play. this be honest dude when you see China. happy birth. dayti it stick it there stick. it happy birthday and then also hold on.

$1 no I got it from the gas station and. then I got I got everybody um chocolate. chip uh [ __ ] bars espresso car cake. things from the French the French across. the street man you want here move your. glasses $1 here here got some I got some. forks and I got I got no Co or anything. like that happy birth I not touch that. ever. happy hey so um let me play this Andre I. want to play this for you because this. is from my family to yours.

this is happy birthday in Korean let's. all sing along for. [Music]. Bob happy birthday to you you're welcome. dude that was so nice do [ __ ] like that.

for you in North Korea no they don't. yeah yeah okay can I say thisy yes all. right have you ever met anyone from. North Korea yes yes no you haven't it's. like an Eskimo you've never met an. Eskimo you've read them all the books. and the fairy tales what you could play. with them on V in video games maybe but. you've never met one I've I've met. someone from North Korea who who what's. his name it's a girl it was a girl wa. concubine was she concubine she was a. concubine yeah yeah she was a slave that. escaped she was a female slave she was.

uh she was like a she was working she. was working I think in like a shoe Mak. Factory and she escaped bro Koreans. don't sweat that's a [ __ ] fact you. can Google that I swear to God they. don't sweat and they got the gene where. the sweat doesn't smell that's a fact. you can Google that he smells I've never. smells fantastic I've never had. deodorant I know but you smell though I. I I analyzed it I have a microscopic. equipment at home there's no pores down. there no no no it's like it's like. [ __ ] an Android skin dude just. poreless you don't sweat no bleed I know.

but you bleed you bleed he bleeds yeah. it'll. come dud come on my no no that's it's an. actual thing if you I'm not even making. that out if you Google they they have a. a thing in genes one of the enzymes that. produce Korean specifically where they. it's either they don't sweat or the. sweat doesn't smell yeah but Chris how. come hey how come [ __ ] white dudes. smell like [ __ ] what um not just Korean. dude you you you you you jog 20 ft and. you you smell the pit it's like [ __ ]. be [ __ ] water I got to be honest with.

you I used to smell a lot but then. recently over the past like 6 months. I've been on estrogen therapy cuz I'm. transitioning I'm serious dude yeah so. I've been on estrogen therapy and I. don't smell anymore I don't smell yeah. are you really by the way I want us to. look at the camera real quick because. yes yesterday or whenever this comes out. Andrew let me on his podcast whiskey. Ginger thank you very much and I told. everybody that I was gay and I said I. was being very serious and I'm not I'm a. heterosexual.

M I just want to let everyone I was Kidd. around but I am I am not I am a straight. male now why do you think people think. you might be gay um because I looked in. the camera you sit up. straight yeah because I looked in the. camera on the podcast the other day and. said I was gay but I'm not gay so I want. to say nope I'm straight okay but. there's a few things that we might give. it away that you might be gay what is. that you got good skin you got straight. teeth you wear jewelry you are nice and. in great shape you're always at the gym. you only hang out with dudes yes all. right I'll tell you why you're gay why. can I tell you where you gu yes because.

um when I when when I see dudes like you. that are like um you know handsome with. your body size you know what I mean. you're handsome guy for Comic it goes. Dane Cook it goes there's people ahead. of you it goes Dane. Cook it goes Dane Cook Dan cook a couple. of M I know a couple micers on you your. friend right here yeah he's handsome guy. take off his hat take off his hat look. at this look at this guy's hairline it. doesn't where does it start and. stop look how hairy he is oh [ __ ] no. Bobby don't Bobby don't Bobby oh [ __ ]. I'm [ __ ] you dude oh [ __ ] you suck.

my dick suck my dick you take out good. hair like that I'll suck. it that's gay I'm not gay I'm not gay. that's full BL gay percentage can I. finish my point yeah pleas let me finish. my point okay but usually that dudes. that look like him right they bully me a. bit right they hey little my little Hop. Sing they always say that put me in a. little they give me a Nookie right they. he's like gentle gentle right yeah he's. soft gay oh that's why yeah but no I. you're not aggressive I'm not aggressive. I don't know no i' like I said on the.

podcast the other day I I don't know. that I'm gay but I will say confidently. that I I I I have sex with women but I. fall in love with men so I would I would. I would very much i' you're emotionally. gay I'm emotionally gay but and yeah so. but and I have nothing against the gay. community at all nothing against I. support and like the gays but I am not. gay I'm not gay I do but I'm not gay but. I am a Democrats I don't know but you're. because they're mostly gay Democrats. yeah what do you think the percentage of. that are gay I I thought 100% all like.

like somebody somebody Bob's a Dem what. Bob's a Dem yeah but Bob's gay he told. me he's gay like somebody the other day. somebody I was walking and he's like yo. and they said the f for they're like you. [ __ ] fs and I was like Oh I thought I. was like I'm I thought it was like a. democratic Rally or something like that. right I was like oh those guys vote for. Joe Biden which is fine that's fine who. are you going to vote for huh who are. you going to vote for uh in the November. election yeah uh d o n a l d t r.

u. m Trump Trump. trump. see holy [ __ ] I feel at home when he. does that though I feel at home I feel. very comfortable this is why we built. the wall we built the wall for you we. buil the wall I told you going to build. a wall with the bodies of dead Democrats. yeah I'm kidding buddy I'm kidding about. you he about the North Korean though. that escaped right lived in South Korea. for a little bit and he goes [ __ ] this. and went back really was that much.

better wow no he just couldn't deal how. good it was it was too nice free Bobo. free you know what I mean like when they. get milk tea in [ __ ] North Korea they. probably don't even get free Boba like. for fre yeah like [ __ ] I can get [ __ ]. anytime I want you know what I mean look. it's. overwhelming look at the TV what you. asked not just Koreans but east Asians. in general Koreans or any human for that. matter wouldn't last very long without. the ability to sweat so humans all. produce body order having said that East. Asians do have. less sweat glands which results in. reduced ability to sweat there you go I.

like two African sweat glands show them. there it is yeah there and there yeah. right none have you been doing a little. bit of working out your muscles look a. little bit look good it's fat it's fat. [ __ ] you no no no jiggle the bottom. jiggle the bottom that's how you know no. no kind app cran frch you look. good but you know what you know what. honestly going back to the guy who. escaped from North Korea to South Korea. and then went back to North Korea there. is a freedom in communism I would. imagine when you don't have much Choice. yeah like you ever watch Netflix.

manyo like there's with Communism. there's no choices you just have to do. it so I could see if you were a of that. and then you go back it's a freedom and. now it's communist right they're like. burger burger with with or without. cheese kind like I want all the options. you know like track homes all the houses. look the same like if your dad was like. kind of a bum right and you lived in a. track home and then your friends in the. same neighborhood's dad is a doctor they. could brag all they want right they can. go my dad's a doctor our houses look. exactly the same that's true true the. same thing I don't think your dad who.

would be a bum would have a track home. though I don't think the mom works the. mom works so that you're what does she. do what what she do she works for a. track home oh the track home company. yeah no she cleans the house houses. she's a made she's Mexican your mom. does what size is your mom what size is. your mom's feet I always uh three small. feet is that for women women three is. that women three yeah yeah small feet. yeah yeah it's like a kid's half yeah. yeah yeah your mom has tiny little feet. no my mom has beautiful feet dude I bet. you [ __ ] you my mom has a prettiest feet.

have you ever seen his mom no like a. hammer like a hammerhead shark [ __ ]. really one's over here the other one's. over here it's unbelievable unb Ser you. talk [ __ ] about my mom all the time your. mom is a [ __ ] beist beast a beist a. beist beast aist you your mom is a. builda bear and the [ __ ] eyeballs are. on his cheek and its forehead it's my. [ __ ] birthday dude you attack my mom. yesterday was your birthday yesterday. post and pre I got you a cake I got you. a cake this is you know I'm not you know. I'm not eat it I know why don't you eat.

it you don't like sweets no I have a. [ __ ] you know how many cakes I got. Chris from last night so what keep. eating cakes Netflix sent me a [ __ ]. cake really Netflix send you a cake but. it felt not good did they really it felt. good that's some young girl you know me. the hipster girl they sent you a cake. yeah does Bobby Lee live here and I was. smoking a cigarette I go yeah what's up. she I got a C like she didn't want to be. there I got a cake I'm not it was the. cast of cuties was on it it to me. because you know you know I've you know. I've only been a couple things but that.

was really nice on Netflix you've been. on a few. times oh wow that was Ripper I got Co. now huh no no I got I told tested. negative oh okay he test negative farts. yeah no yeah no no yes you can the CDC. said you can collect Co one of three. ways in this in a small room with other. people after confined spaces and times. breathing spitting and also any sort of. feal matter that's in the air so if you. fart feal Matter's in the air I could. Huff your feal matter and I could get Co.

but I'm wearing Lululemon pants I. they're $110 pants so they're not going. to go through this and I just told you I. tested negativo for Co yeah but what if. it's what if it's a false negative. that's true too it could be a false. negative but are those Lulu these are. Lulu espensive you smile a bit yeah yeah. yeah let me see you know what you [ __ ]. your teeth your [ __ ] gums too big. yeah let me see you don't have big gums. no what do you mean you. smile you know has 19 teeth really yeah.

he's missing most of his teeth L teeth. really there's one going I'm taking you. got another one going yeah Frankie. Frankie oh no what happened to him I. name all my teeth Frankie G is gone why. hey bro I can't do it. anymore now. ask yeah yeah and so there's a hole in. Frankie like he got shot in the head. right and then when wind goes in there. everyone suffers it whistles no everyone. goes ow imagine if you open your mouth. and a car is going down the road it's. like.

Frankie G got shot and he's dead and. he's gone are you going to have it. removed are you going to let it fall out. no because now the um the nerve I think. the nerve died oh [ __ ] so since the. pandemic since the pandemic hey since. the p hey since the Pand since the. pandemic um um I've been in a lot of. pain I never told you that wait. seriously you've been in pain this whole. time yeah you know when CU you know when. the whole Frankie G is whole and then. there's a nerve that stick Frankin che's. head you could see the [ __ ] nerve. well you can't see the [ __ ] nerve. matter I don't have that kind of. equipment to microscopic thing to check.

out your aspar the. app but no um no the thing is but I've. been in a lot of pain so are you going. to use that as an excuse you going to do. another thing or no it's dead it's dead. what's another thing well you know you. use pain as your trauma as an excuse for. all sorts of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that you'd. end up doing I'm saying like what give. me an. example being late not texting back not. hanging out not returning call privilege. huh you love it yeah I do that's why I. got it like [ __ ] down dude it's. [ __ ] it's good to be on top.

are you jealous of our White Privilege. this is what that's why I said it let's. gang up on I to see what this was let's. gang up on him now I know what it is. it's I know what it is I it's the win. what they say Cahoots the winning team. what they say what they say Cahoots. you're in what they say Cahoots about. you dude you know what you know what you. are what we say. cute that's Al another thing I found out. what to that you're gay so what do you. mean nothing I'm not gay I know but you. know what dude let me say so this though. and I'm going to say this openly please.

serious that U let's just suppose Jesus. came down yeah yeah not God just some. Mexican guy no Jesus and he goes um you. know you must you know what I mean [ __ ]. one comedian male comedian right he's. saying that to you you're saying that to. me okay um do you even he might be he. might be in the top I'd have to him. there's a couple of other guys who the. top five that I would I would Fu correct. um a couple of them are canceled so um I. don't want to make name them okay.

mhm I know who I know who dom deise dom. deise and um no um I see the ones that. aren't so I would probably he's up there. and then uh I'd have to say jez on neck. yeah I'd have to say JZ he seems like. he'd be a dead fish yeah he angry like. he has a fra yeah take it he would just. take it and he's also emotionalist he's. like a um Romulan to me there's a lot of. who would I have SE I have sex with. somebody fun like earthquake yeah. it's is funner to say I [ __ ].

earthquake I [ __ ] earthquake yeah I I. [ __ ] him i' i' bang earthquake and then. who's another guy take narid Bang Yeah. big leap that's a big leap that's a big. leap from earthquake to T yeah I would. [ __ ] him too TIG yeah I'd [ __ ] him I'd. go after the big dogs yeah yeah who Rock. Chappelle just for the clout yeah you. know because then I. have why I'd hold it above their head. everyone would [ __ ] the rock everyone. even without Jesus coming down Chris. Rock oh no no no no I'm saying I'd hold. cuz i' hold it above him I'd be you I.

still to this day jerk off to I jerk off. a lot to uh to Barbara Walters I still. jerk off to Barbara Walters yes yes. she's you used to be big Larry King do. you are you not big into him anymore no. I now now now say most people I Dr off. to is is uh is I Dr off to Barbara. Walters um I Jer off to Tucker Carlson a. lot from Fox News and I I Jer off a lot. to uh Lebron James oh yeah oh since. we're opening up I Dr off to you that. seen the Silence of the Lambs when they. when they [ __ ] flipped the girl over. and she had strips of Flesh Miss missing.

from her back yeah that's it that's. it something about yeah just something. about it I took off a lot to jod Foster. but from Nell you ever seen the movie. Nell when she's being raised in the. Woods by Wolves I took off to her. because there's one scene where they. show full Bush and I like that oh Jody. Foster huh yes but from n not from. Silence of the Lamb Jerry Maguire yeah. the beginning scene in Jerry good gets. takes his thing off when he says show me. the money that's when I come yeah he I. went to Arizona State Jerry I bust right. there yeah that's the real sex scene at. the beginning of that movie is so hot it.

is really hot that is and you know it's. another one I used to seriously I swear. to God jerk off to all the time True. Lies when Jamie Lee Curtis was dancing. and there's about what about 35 40. seconds in her a little top of her. nipple comes out and I would [ __ ]. jerk off and I would always [ __ ] hold. it and I would wait until [ __ ] Arnold. gets punched in the face at the end when. he [ __ ] and his lip is all bleeding. and then I go. yeah I [ __ ] do it dude yeah my mom do. do you find yourself I mean I this I. don't want to go too blue but we're here. already um we're already here so um do. you do you masturbate offense yes yes.

and I and I don't jerk off like this I. think I've talked about this before I. don't do like this I make my hands uh I. lay down on my back and I make my hands. like I guess it's kind of like a [ __ ]. or whatever and I rub the base of my. penis and I come directly into my belly. button I swear to God that's a true. story I'm not lying I'm not lying really. no I swear to God I swear to God I swear. on everything I would jerk off uh a lot. and I still jerk off uh like that so. like people like oh jerking off in the. shower is the best I can't because I. don't do it like that I have to lay lay. my penis against my body and and push it.

down you know what I physically push. Force against your I push down and I go. to the base of my penis and I push down. right above my balls in the lower part. of my uh penis shaft and I just push. keep pushing down and then I I and uh. you know I come into my belly button. usually wow yeah yeah you know I you. know the hole of the penis yeah you blow. on it you I don't blow on it and I. that's [ __ ] weird and then you know. that's [ __ ] weird and the stem right. right below the um right I take my two. fingers like this and I squeeze as hard.

as I can oh see oh yeah the blowing was. weird compared to that right you're. insane you squeeze your penis as hard as. you can it feels so good no it does not. yes I do I could take it like that I. make him I I talk to her if you talk to. your penis yeah you don't talk back to. me yeah right and it goes like this yeah. dude I don't know who's Dave because you. know my penis right I I want to get it I. [ __ ] talk about but um I used to call. my penis by a girl's name what was the. name well because well let's just cuz I. don't cuz she listens to the podcast.

yeah what's her name yeah I'm not going. to I'm going to make it up yeah go ahead. Katie let's what's the real name though. I'll later what's the real name what's. the real later real name but this girl. Katie I used to work with right went out. with this so I liked her right and then. she went out with another bus boy. mhm so okay so no so here's the deal of. all the bus boys yeah yeah yeah so I was. a bus boy yeah no [ __ ] right and this. guy Dave was a bus boy mhm and then she. was a waiter waitress server server. whatever yeah and and then um you know I. used to like walk by her while she's.

like taking orders and smell her hair oh. my God Bob like a psycho I'd have to. [ __ ] bucket like this and and smell. that yeah yeah yeah what would Katie say. she would know she's [ __ ] taking. order like what you want to hear about. she had no idea you hair sniffer and I. would try to get as close as I can and. sometimes if I snipped hard enough one. hair would go shoot into the nose that's. [ __ ] awesome dude all right but then. like she she D this other guy Dave liked. her and then she um she she went out. with him MH and then they got married.

they have children oh really really. Katie and Dave so I call my penis Katie. right right and I squeeze it the tip go. what's up with Dave and then you [ __ ]. come Out Come is she the one that got. away well no because I have the one the. love of my life is I'm live with her now. yeah but what Kila didn't get away did. that one get away she's trying to we. won't let her though let try and do yeah. you know we won't let her that's right. you know what I've noticed ever since. I've had genital warts I have a I I when. I my penis is so much more.

[Music]. sensitive when I I'm coming so much. quicker when I masturbate because I was. removing them but now I haven't removed. them and and and I've noticed that since. I've had genital Wars and it also is. good because I I I'll be honest with you. guys I have my penis is about 5 and a. half inches but it's six with warts and. I feel like and I feel like that makes. it the wart on the the warts are on the. tip the W on the tip I thought you know.

when I imagine warts you would think. that it's the width part that would. thicken it right but you I've never seen. the warts just congregate on the tip I. actually have what's known as Geno anal. uh uh uh Geno Geno anal warts or genital. anal warts where I have I have I have. right now maybe 10 warts a couple on my. testicles one on the base of my shaft. two or three on the tip of my penis and. then I do have one on my [ __ ] and. that's normal and cuz at first I said. cuz when I went to the doctor cuz I went. to doctor and I said and I said you know.

I've never had I've never had MSN man. sex with man but I do have a ward on my. [ __ ] and he said that's that's just. it's fine it's all from the wart family. and he said would you like me to remove. it and I said no because I've recently. found out that my penis and [ __ ] is. more sensitive like right now I'm. sitting on my the ass on my war and I do. have a heart I how do you not know that. it's not a hemorrhoid um because I don't. what I don't I don't bleed uh when I. when I [ __ ] anymore did you ever have. hemorrhoids I don't know but I was I was. [ __ ] pure blood for a little.

while wait wait wait stop stop stop all. right yeah when you ship like I don't. know B when I shoot pure blood right. immediately I just kind of stand up. right and I go to a facility called you. know the hospital the hospital no yeah. you didn't do that not me when of you. guys have you ever [ __ ]. blood I think one time it was beat oh be. juice it ended up it was beat right. right but I thought it was blood yeah. because I did no honestly I had beat I. love Beats by the way who what you love. beets it's one of my favorite veggies of.

time yeah I like the way it bleeds you. know what I mean it's cool but uh I like. the texture everything about it right. but sometimes I like don't chew it I. swallow beets whole swallow the whole. thing like if I'm had a salad right and. there's a big chunk of beet I don't even. swallow I just suck it a little bit I. love sucking juices me too that's my. thing yeah any kind of juice I suck the. [ __ ] out of it yeah you know what I mean. lollipop right like even like if I have. a Bice in a lollipop if I have a bob and. there's some juice in like there's some. sort of like oh yeah thing yeah I I'll.

dig a hole I'll suck the [ __ ] out of the. juice yeah you know that little gum with. the little thing yeah with the juice in. the middle yeah yeah I suck the juice. out before I the whole [ __ ] thing in. my mouth baby yeah that's why either the. burger the Juicy Lucy you ever eat a. burger where you find it and then a. cheese comes and H dude one time I was. in Minnesota that's where they have and. I bit into a Juicy Lucy and the cheese. hit my esophagus and I came because it. was just. like and was like that's anytime I get. violently hit in my uula I it's an. automatic uh thing I don't know why I. would juice what was I had a point to.

make what was it uh that the Holocaust. isn't real yeah yeah the Holocaust. that's why how I know that that the. Holocaust isn't real it's a [ __ ] ho. hoax yeah just like Co just like Co I. don't know what know you do think Co is. a hoax you told me that the other day. you said I don't want to talk about it. on air but I don't believe in it I don't. [ __ ] believe Co is a [ __ ] hoax man. that's why I haven't left the come on. man what are you [ __ ] saying [ __ ]. like that there a lot of things I think. that are hoaxes what's a HOA um I think. that um I'm G to get in trouble here but. um.

I think that the sun is a hoax it's not. there well let me ask you this let me. ask you this really what is it what what. is it it's just an illusion you know how. we illuminate light from our eyes we. illuminate light from our eyes well we. you know everything is an illusion right. sure and every everything's transfixed. into a you know visual cortex yeah yeah. so I just think it's an illusion for. them dude well Don it's funny because. the reason why we brought Don here is. Don's a director don don direct videos.

well no no we're going to do but we're. going to do a movie pandemic no pandemic. pandemic 2020 is what we're we're. writing I told Andrew about this. yesterday uh we're going to we have. Parts Andrew of course uh we would think. Andrew wants to play uh the president he. wants to play president Trump red hair. red face I was going to play Nancy. Pelosi and then you're going to play the. Corona. virus under the microscope we're going. to do it under the microscope on the. Spore and oh CGI what I love about a. movie like that is that I don't really. have to work that much no it's just. going to be it yeah yeah you can.

actually even CGI like I go in and they. put the green suit on me they put the. balls on my they want you to get tattoos. they want you to get real coronavirus. tattoos yeah little red nodules all over. your body okay Ken Jong Kim Jong Ken. Jong would love it he's dead though Kim. J is dead Kim jong-un's dead no Ken Jong. oh ken Jong-un Ken Jong-un no Ken Jong. the actor is Ken Jong and Kim Jong-un. related no why do they look the same. they do they look the same I can never. jum just K I'm just kidding I'm just. kidding yeah you know who Ken Jung is.

huh yeah he did yeah he did the special. when he was pregnant on Netflix. yeah I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding. have some very underrated Special by the. way better he hey guys um during this. pandemic I use this and it saved my life. you know it's it's it's nice to have a. to get a therap therapist you know and. talk about your feelings and what's. going on yeah and it's I've also used. couple this as couple therapy with me. and my Kila yeah that's really. well when you were going through your. tough time I know you used a lot of.

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betterhelp.com. badri that's betterhelp.com badri oh. yeah tush you know Andrew um there's one. thing in my life that you know when you. try something you go where was this my. whole life like you when I I've had a. dirty [ __ ] all my life yeah you have. you know and as soon as first of all. tushi is so affordable yeah it's. extremely $100 yeah you get up a day. it's like eight grand or something right. right number one two you can just. install it yourself yeah we did it we. installed it number three it's powerful. this tushy is powerful it goes right.

into the hole and it cleans it out no. you know toilet paper it's obsolete. almost thing of the past the thing of. the past yeah no we both use tushi we. have it I have it at my house and here. at the studio and let me tell you. something if you don't have a butthole. stop listening if you do you're going to. like this tushi cleans you right out if. you don't have a butthole you should get. one you should get one yeah yeah yeah. because you probably um backed up. they're backed up there's no electricity. no additional Plumbing it's simple. simple to use and uh it cuts toilet. paper use by 80% you're saving the.

planet Earth you don't even have to wipe. honestly I tushy and I get in the shower. it feels so good it's a simple bday. attachment it's got a 60-day risk-free. guarantee and a 12 Monon warranty join. millions of happy hello tushi customers. right now and have a clean butt with. every flush tell them get your butt. clean go to hellotushy.com badri to get. 10% off this is a special offer for our. listeners it's going to go away so go to. hellotushy.com bfri for 10% off. hellotushy.com. anyway why did I say about the juices.

though I my mind you really wanted to. talk about the juice for some reason I. know but my uh I was talking about um. it's. good is it good mhm no it's not it's not. good I swear to God it's good hey hey do. you know why I because I have ooc you. know I have what's that thing called OCD. not OCD you have you have uh add hey. what's bigger this or your mom's. foot what's bigger that yeah. what is that is that ice cre is that a a.

chocolate chip cookie bar it's a. chocolate chip uh Snicker doodle bar. Snicker Doodle Bar what is it coffee. cake that's coffee cake want some Andrew. no baby you don't like sweets huh I like. you know what's so funny I'm Savory over. sweet so is he he's the same way this. guy will eat 14 [ __ ] steaks but he. won't eat no no like if I eat a cake I. will not eat the icing I'll only eat the. breading part just I hate icing really. yeah it's the I hate it what is it I. don't like it's pure sugar sugar sugar. sugar I don't like it let me let me CU. yesterday my birthday right I yesterday. was your birthday I want to say. something what did Rudy get you Rudy.

what did you get uh she gave me um she. gave me three um cartridges for my um. Nintendo switch 49 49 so can I just say. something yesterday so you know my. therapist was like um you know because. you know I have a thing about not. texting people back yeah it's the thing. that we have together Bingo yeah so um. so um she's like I think you should be. a happy birthday. [Laughter].

what do your therapist say. Bob I know but let me just can I just. [ __ ] the therapist for a second okay I. just want to look at you dude you know. when one's when one's speaking right. especially the host of it you know right. and you do [ __ ] you know that style. of farting right which is the worst. style right it's a cheeks clothes. probably a little sweat build up right. and there's a little Force going. right for timing yeah you are pushing a.

little bit too much pushing a little I. know farts because I've done it before. right well if you're going to wear. Lululemon pans you might as well test. them they're. $110 that's true so anyway so let's go. back to the thing my headphones are. coming off but I can't adjust them cuz I. have chocolate on my hands you will you. get them something from out there yeah. could somebody come adjust my headphones. so I I so my my ther is like what what. your my ther is like um you know you. have a problem with testing p so you. should text everyone back thank you when.

they say you know text you happy. birthday right I knew that's why you. responded so [ __ ] fast I [ __ ] knew. it dude I [ __ ] knew something was a. foot when you responded immediately I. was like something's up but you should. see my face doing it yeah such a piece. of [ __ ] how many texts did you get you. think happy birthday 75 maybe 75 to 100. I texted you happy birthday as well yeah. did I text back yes she did thank you. okay you're welcome I didn't want to but. um so I appreciate it but here's what. she now I'm going to ask you yeah I. texted people thank you I even some of.

them I even did an extra word to make. them feel like it's just not like you. know know thank you right so it's like. you know if it was like like Candace. Thompson you know she's a very funny. comic she texted me and I said Thank you. Ian you know what I mean just to make a. a joke yeah but half of the people I. texted back then did another text back. to me because they're so [ __ ]. surprising I know but no but then do I. respond to that text as well well you. when does it end so it's like it's fine.

I wrote Happy Birthday [ __ ] and you. wrote thanks red he added one word yeah. to make it more specific to you but I. knew look at this I texted you at 143. you texted me at 143 you texted me the. same minute I my therapist what did I. what did I say to you okay uh by the way. 143 143 that used to mean I love you. when you had beepers remember that 143. 143 is I love you 823 was thinking you. 8008 was boob remember that 8. five boobs boobs so I said to I said to.

Bobby Lee I I said to Bobby Lee happy. birthday babe and he wrote back thanks. tits and then I wrote I do have tits and. then he just left it on red right so the. third so the third one was the one who. was like do I text even back because now. I'm not in a text chain with [ __ ] 60. people so there should be a rule that if. you say happy birthday to somebody on. the text you know what I mean and then. the guy says thanks that should be it. that's fine I texted you something. that's not what that's not it no it is. it I know but people don't think it's it. so then they keep going depends on the.

relationship it's going and then you got. to go I'm not responding to that I don't. have to respond to that it's contextual. right like you you have a different. relationship with some people so some. people some people that okay someone you. don't know that well right I text you. happy birthday thanks that's all you. need someone who you're a good friends. with that you do know well that knows. you well if they're going to engage more. then you engage more that's how text. works but a good friend a good true. friend that loves you which I believe. Andrew does he knows and and I and I. love you I love you as well. unconditionally in unconditional text. means I send happy birthday and I don't.

respect I don't expect anything from you. anybody who gets upset about why they're. not responding to you is does not love. you unconditionally the way they they. you may think they do that's exactly. what I was saying so unconditional love. is what you should seek so really you. should only have that from people and I. believe you do you just hit it on the. [ __ ] head right there yeah you should. have it from that you just bro you just. did it for me this values and what I. want to tell to you dude is that do you. have unconditional love for me and if so. right if if you text me and I don't text. you back nobody loves you don't act like.

a [ __ ] bit because then it's not. unconditional the way you've been acting. like a [ __ ] [ __ ]. biai. you. biai and he knows I love and he knows. that like I want to throw this cake at a. stupid [ __ ] face no but if I do. because who's going to clean it up. you're a [ __ ] us us oh yeah cuz I got. crumbs over here he'll never clean this. up really he goes back to his booger. layer after this he doesn't have to.

[ __ ] do anything he's got a nice know. oh I see you're attacking now I I am uh. yeah could you call me a [ __ ] so I'm. gonna attack you back you little short. fat piece of [ __ ] no I'm not kidding how. about that you [ __ ] low to the Earth. turd I love getting him I get him there. cuz he knows I get so deep he's one of. the only people that gets me [ __ ]. actually like angry and annoy angry love. and you called him a load of the earth. turd [ __ ] that's funny man. he is [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] I love him.

why are you wearing a beanie it's 92. outside I know because I cuz I was I. want to impress him but the thing is is. that by the way he knew you were coming. but he knew you were coming he got. really [ __ ] excited and I know he. chose his outfit particularly because he. wanted to impress you that's what he did. stand up and what you what kind of what. are you wearing below what are you. wearing below gray sweats what the [ __ ]. are you talking about yeah but gray. sweats because that makes your dick look. big exactly that's all the girls wear. gray all the guys wear. gr that's a thing that's a thing it is a. thing that's a thing abolutely sweats. grce sweats is a thing Google. look big it yeah let me see yes see.

stand up again stand up again let me see. yeah yeah yeah I've touched penises. before you never played Sports so you. never saw other men's penises like that. though huh bro that's so insulting that. you say that well you never played. Sports dude I was on the junior varsity. wrestling team in high school mhm you. know that right are you serious yeah for. one year no I wrestled all through. Middle School I was on the tennis team. Middle School doesn't count in high.

school you play for one year in high. school no three years I was on the. tennis team no way oh yeah really you. played three years of tennis he dude if. you look at my early Instagrams dude I. have photos of my high school yearbook. how are you so unathletic now you have. tennis hair right now by the way bro I'm. 49 you [ __ ] I know this is what your. body looks like no this is what your. body looks like no all right so I just. want to say this no one's surprised that. this is what you turned out to be. so Tuesday I shot I shot a um a short.

film appropriate right and I and I you. would just call that a film yeah for you. it's just a you shot something. yeah go does it feel good no I'm going. to ask is it does it feel good to be. tallan he's not tall he doesn't [ __ ]. know what feel good and then the little. the fat little guy go what the little. guy right yeah yeah right right you poke. you poke wrote that one too like you.

does that feel good to youg and theg 5. and he's your height how you're 58 and a. half he's your height oh my bad does it. feel good anyway yeah it feels good so I. shot this thing with it was just me and. Vin vongh doing it right wow that must. position yeah right he's tall that was. like the movie stomach his stomach right. is a little bulby MH and then we're. talking about like our age and how we. metabolize men our age metabolize harder. right how old are you I am uh I turned. 36 last year you're a young man still. okay when you're 49 right it's just.

harder to lose weight I believe it. particularly when you eat pizza every. day and you don't exercise how's your. cholesterol and blood pressure through. the [ __ ] roof is it no good is it CH. blood pressure no good yeah it's bad but. you know what's interesting about. Koreans and all Asians is no matter how. out of shape you are you can still get. you can still squat all the way down. where your [ __ ] is just like a. millimeter off the floor and smoke a. cigarette all Chinese and Asian men all. people from Asia can squat down really. low and smoke cigarettes on their bricks. yeah I know know Chris 100% beli you. were Chinese he was convinced he was. like there's no way you're Korean he.

doesn't believe it I didn't believe it. he doesn't he needs proof he thinks he's. like there there's no way he said all. Asians are from China he thinks. everything brands from China no one is. originated from anywhere like I believe. all whites are from Germany I just want. to say this to make an argument against. that the the squatting and the smoking. yes right so um before West the. westerners took over [ __ ] America. right introduced them to like fast food. and you know and and our before the. westerners took over America or Asia no. when the Western took over Asia like in. terms of your corporations going and.

cultural going in there right right you. know generally Asians were small right. Still Still I know but all right but no. because now you the average height of a. Korean right is what a male is like no. 55 5'8 5'9 really do you have proof on. that cuz I feel like it's on it's about. 55 5'6 he's just so insulting no I'm. being serious I'll bring it can this. finish my point though I'm going to. guess by the way I just want to put in a. guess I'm going to put in uh 57.

57 I'm going to put average he of Korean. male 170 cm that's tiny that's like. right here that's like a little tiny. yeah it's like a trophy you look like a. trophy what what is that in a feet 170. cm in feet um I would say a one uh what. is a centimeter 100 centimeters make an. inch is that right yeah and then and. then 12 Ines 12 Ines is a foot that's 55. 170 cm is 5'5 I was [ __ ] right [ __ ]. all right but and but I'm who's a [ __ ]. now me finish though let me finish.

though okay let me finish right but. probably 20 years ago the average height. was probably 53 less 20 years all right. so what I'm just saying though and now. we have Asian now we have Asians that. are much taller like if you look at. Korean soap opers where they're 6 foot. 62 those guys are genetically modified. ya was made in a lab exactly ya was made. the same F Yao Ming was made from the. same [ __ ] pach dish they made Corona. virus. in so y Ying is like a Franken shink.

yeah yaming Franken shink say it clip it. he say let's bring it back trink and. [ __ ] right so so I'm regular that's. what it is here here you go here but my. point is this is but here Yao Ming right. the reason why we could squat like that. is cuz we're shorter dudes right yes. right but Ying can't do that yes he can. yes he can no he can't do that they all. have all the Asians have unbelievable. unbelievably. uh hip flexer muscles because they need.

to get down to smoke cigarettes it's. part of what they need to do look at. that look at how low he is there's him. and Bobby Lee right. there you can look at how low he is look. at how low his ass H against what he's. saying every human can do that no they. cannot not like that not like that. listen stand right there and do it che. check check that right okay right you're. looking at this all right yeah yam's. going um go over there to the little. girl right and the little girl's going. hold the you Franken right he's like I.

am and before I destroy you you go over. there right that's what he's doing go. over there you're right right but this. check this out right yeah this is he's. not doing this right you know me down. right this is different then go over. there yeah but it's still the same. athletic muscles look at the ability to. do that y even the fact that you can. just do that all the way. down no dude it's uh there he is smoking. is smok against the magic and what's he.

saying look at Dwight Howard's arms. Jesus [ __ ] my. God Mugsy bogs look at Mugsy Bogues. Michael Jordan used to call Mugsy bogs a. [ __ ] [ __ ] you ever seen that he. used to talk sh like take the shot you. [ __ ] [ __ ] and Mugsy bugs interview. was like it was so upsetting it was so. emotionally scarring cuz Jordan would. just call him a [ __ ] [ __ ] with the. T you see that I was right tiny men when. you say [ __ ] mhm does it feel because. you know they want you to change they. change he's saying what Jordan said I'm.

paraphrasing what Michael Jordan said. yes cuz I would say if if Michael Jordan. called somebody the f word you know what. I mean what's what's the f word agot. without the. FH with the F no without the F that's. the word so I don't get in trouble oh. God an a right you wouldn't say would. you say that even in the what do I say. what let's say Michael Jordan called. some other guy an agot with right okay. would you have repeated that would I. have repeated that word. yeah no but that's because but that's.

because agots are are real people and. midgets. aren't they're half of people they half. of people they're half people yeah yeah. like they not have I don't have real. like they don't have full Social. Security numbers or full lives so but. the agots do so then you know yeah it's. like you know when they say count to. three count to three one two. three oh my God oh my God like when they. say like if there's a helicop right and. there was two midgets and they go four. people die I go you know what I mean I. go three whatever is that what you do.

that's what I do in my mind I go three. people die three people di yeah yeah. yeah but what they can mistake you. people could mistake you for oh my God. sorry [ __ ] you that's [ __ ] you I the. choca chake cha Chaka cha cake I can't. smell all my God oh my God oh my God. it's going my way I don't know why sorry. I can't smell it yeah do you guys ever. do you ever fart on the podcast I. apologize if I did he does fart eat. sushi before with a fork and makes me. fart only when I eat the sushi with a. fork I fart with a chop of sticks I. don't fart. dude I swear to Bobby I'm sorry sit down.

I can't do it sit down it smells so. [ __ ] bad dude deal with it I'm sorry. he LIF the cheek on my side he did he. did he did I'm sorry Bobby cuz I ate a I. ate chocolate uh cake it does smell and. I had salmon with a fork and I apolog. sushi with a fork sushi with a fork I. apologize I'm sorry I swear to God that. won't happen again I realize I'm a guest. on the show and I apologize no I. apologize do to him on his side I can't. smell or taste anything I don't know. what the [ __ ] going but my Lululemon. paner will be no holes I haven't been.

able to smell or taste for the past like. three three days I can't smell anything. are you serious you really can't smell. can't taste anything either that's one. of the symptoms no it's not smell it's. not smell is and taste you can't smell. or taste and you [ __ ] the other you. were when we were doing whiskey Ginger. you were like I told you you had like. that little like the little striations. in the lungs I told you when I was a. physical therapist I used to see people. like that and I don't think you have. covid but I remember like the cough I. was like that's coming from the center. of the chest [ __ ] yes maybe you're just. depressed you seem depressed I am yeah. you SE it because of you okay here we go.

no no no I'm serious you do make me. depressed most of the time what what. about is does it make you depressed let. me just ask okay um hey I just out of. nowhere like does a man do this to. another man he's about to get mad look. at him he just did up breathing right. unconditional love remember the so in. our merchandise on what shirt do you. like and then I don't respond hey buddy. yellow blue or green buddy right I I. didn't say buddy I didn't say buddy or. whatever right I said shirts do you like. for the show for Merch for the show I go. I don't care come on buddy pick one yeah.

pick one no if Giannis was like hey what. shirts do you like would you be like I. don't care would you go I should put in. my [ __ ] input but if you didn't care. would you'd say you don't care if if if. Giannis if Giannis said if Yannis texted. me and said what merch do I like what. merch do I like I gave you options and. it's like option if he sent me that text. the first text I'd say back is say do. whatever you want. egot and then I just and then I and then. I leave him on red for the rest of the. day that's exactly that's exactly yeah. yeah yeah it doesn't matter it doesn't. matter man it get you crazy it gets you.

crazy you're right yeah see what you're. doing right there no no no you're right. see I love that I you're I'm like a. [ __ ] dad and when the kid is here I'm. not going to say what I want to say and. when he when the kid leaves then mom's. going to [ __ ] get it I'm going to. beat the [ __ ] out of you when a little. boy goes off to school Little Mommy's. going to [ __ ] it's insane that's. crazy I'm going to beat the [ __ ] out of. him that's crazy I'm going to beat the. [ __ ] out of you you little bag of rice. I'm going to [ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out. of you and then what what what what do. like they they go race the first thing. that go is racist you go racist against. me all the time what how you talk bad.

about white people what you can't be. racist oh really the [ __ ] oppressor I. can't talk about the oppressor I'm not. the opk in a free market the oppressor. huh I'm not the oppressor look at the. oppressor like a [ __ ] now just oppress. and just take it well okay you take no. you I then I oppress and you shut up. yeah you shut up you shut up or I'll. send you back see that's you'll be right. back on a boat wait what race are you. Italian he's Italian but from the. yeah yeah I thought he I thought I could. find some Solace you know you know I.

mean hey right ombre you know what I. mean but he's like I'm Italian he does. look Mexican looks Mexican my my uh. daughter's Puerto Rican so you can say. that stuff to me because I your daughter. Puerto Rican because I I I had my balls. do Zumba no no I had cuz I I had sex. with a spicy Latina 5 years ago yeah is. that your wife now or no no not my wife. but I think soon to be we're back. together and it's it's been great I was. Chrissy co- parents for for a while but. now I'm back back in the house oh good. so just waiting to get killed through. domestic violence are you going to move.

out here or no MM no [ __ ] going to. stay in New York yeah now I'm going to. stay in New York uh I love do like it. here uh it's been on fire since I've. been here for a week better today well. it just goes I mean it keeps going on. fire and you know you start to wonder. why and uh you know Jesus I think is. sending a message yeah he's saying. saying something interesting interesting. you would never so you you would even. what if you got a big show out here you. would never move to LA I I don't want to. say now I just can't go too far from my. daughter even now being away from her.

for just a week and have to be no would. you move the family I would move the. family if they all came with me I don't. care where we would go but to if you ask. me I do like to be I do like to be close. to like uh you know the the water like. the Atlantic Ocean I like being close to. Atlantic Ocean and I like being near. Puerto Ricans and that's New York City. what a better Ocean Atlantic or Pacific. I would say Pacific I like the Atlantic. Ocean better because but I'm I'm. sexually attracted to fisherman yeah you. know oh yeah because when I think of. Atlantic like I I I think of like you. know the very very the Matthew um Perry.

no no the the the. the you know the Godzilla with the. Matthew guy who killed the woman in. England mat killed the woman in England. Matthew Matthew he got drunk he killed a. woman and and then he went out he also. was married to the SE City lady Matthew. um um Matthew BR that Godzilla I had to. go that way to get there I got you right. so um I don't know if he did I don't. know if he killed somebody I heard I. heard. he he was Godzilla what do you mean he. was Godzilla Matthew brck played.

Godzilla after my point though after my. point after my point though right um. look up if Matthew Brer killed somebody. he did he did in real life you're saying. or in a movie he hit somebody oh okay he. hit them with a car yeah okay it's like. when Brandy remember Brandy did that too. she goes oopsie whatever and she killed. somebody what what is it [ __ ] Caitlyn. Jenner same thing right Ken Jenner did. kill someone on August 5th 1987 when. driving a rented BMW 316 in inisan. Northern Ireland brought her across the. wrong lane collided head on with a Volvo. the driver Anna Gallagher Hana Gallagher.

28 and her mother Margaret dhy 63 were. both killed instantly he later forgave. bradrick ID plans to meet him in 2003. okay there you go he got forgiven I know. but does that you think that that waves. on you no not at all yes I do no no no I. think if he kills somebody yes not if. you're rich. enough D you think he still lays in B if. you got enough money he doesn't care. anymore he I don't think that's true. dude Mark wallberg killed somebody too. they say yeah yeah I don't that's true. think they of course it's not true yes. it [ __ ] it [ __ ] with his head. probably for a long long time yeah it. affects every aspect but not Caitlyn.

Jenner because [ __ ] Caitlyn Jenner. paid them off and they got a sex change. and then the thing went away do you know. about that no [ __ ] he killed someone. on the PCH when he was still Bruce uhuh. killed someone on the PCH and then paid. them a quarter of a million dollars and. it went silent then he became a woman. and got time one woman year do you think. then that is the reason do you think in. a I think it helped speed up the. transition in an effort to hide his. identity that's why he became Caitlyn. because of the crash I think it I think. it helps their hair I mean I right I. think it help sped up the transition.

though I he killed someone and then not. too long after was [ __ ] I don't think. that was the catalist but I do think it. I do think he wanted to get the [ __ ]. away from the accident and turn the. attention to something else and be like. oh that didn't happen [ __ ] that now cuz. now if you have children would you allow. them to get a sex. change um if I have a kid and they say I. want to be a boy and they're a girl yes. I'll say sure when I'm [ __ ] dead. right right no I would do I would say uh. I'd say yeah when you're a grownup when.

you're a grownup right and not when. you're a kid I think yeah because if. before 18 they shouldn't yeah you can't. you can do that you should legally be. allowed to do that but you as the father. have to also get a sex change with the. child that's what I believe both parents. what about both parents both parents. then yes swap swap they have to swap. actually yeah that's what you have to do. if you want if you're going to allow to. get your child to get a sex change then. I you the mom takes the dad's dick and. then I'll cut some fat off my ass and. make a p or comes to Fat of her ass and. make a [ __ ] and then if we like.

comfortable in our bodies for a year and. our child's under 18 then then they're. allowed to then get a sex if my daughter. right now is 5 years old if that's what. she wants and she's listening and 13. years old then she can have my I'm going. to get my penis you would never do that. yes that's crazy I'll take the warts off. well what this is what is and I'm going. to open I'm going to be really honest. yeah be honest if my daughter was 18 she. goes dad that's that's that's my. daughter yeah yeah I don't do that with. your voice anymore yeah me out D all. right Dad I'm going to do the sex change.

operation now socially yeah think about. it yeah I would have to go because I'm a. liberal I'd have to go you're a hardcore. [ __ ] Lefty yeah and we have a word. for that. egot right I would have to go um all. right well what what are the procedures. what are the what's the next step right. and then she would go through the. transition and but the whole time M do I.

have to be like Yay yes if you want to. work in television and film yes or do or. can I go it's just what the truth is I. hate I I I wish that this wasn't the. case I think that's what would enter my. I'm just being I'm not no jokes jokes. aside in my head I'd just be like you. know I don't want this for some reason. I'm not really fully on board but I. think I have to be socially so and. that's what she wants so I just is that. all right for me to say sure of course.

yes of course if she's an adult who. cares if your daughter's an adult and. she's like I'm getting a sex change why. would you even [ __ ] care anymore. she's an adult she's can do whatever she. wants would you care though deep down. the side there would be no question no. why would so then I'm the bad guy yeah. if my kids are grown up and says I'm G. to do something I go good luck you're. [ __ ] not you're I you would really do. that if she's a grownup if she's an. adult that makes decisions and is is. outdoing being an yeah what what the. [ __ ] if she's [ __ ] nine and it's like. I want I want to I want a penis I'd be.

like well let's talk about it in 9 years. cuz Juliana's 18 I know if she wants to. get a penis go go who cares I would. allow I have a 5-year-old daughter so I. would allow her if she came up to me. tomorrow and was like I think I'm a boy. I want to start dressing like a boy I. would allow that I would allow that not. allow her to have any type of operation. until she's 18 and has been living. comfortably in that body and if she's. like I'm I am now making my own choices. I would say then you have to do what.

you'd like to do but my son's not. playing softball he's not no no I cross. the line of that yeah he don't he won't. I want to play softball you don't. [ __ ] play baseball right right right. yeah yeah same thing just smaller ball. same thing smaller ball that's it just. practice on the tinier one yeah yeah I'd. let the kid do any whatever they want. when they become a grown-up but you. don't let your kid do anything on their. own can't do anything my daughter wants. to do all types of crazy [ __ ] I I won't. let her do it but what's the craziest. [ __ ] she asked you to do so far. right now uh heroin what did you say I.

said how do you shut that down I told. her I told her that you know she. shouldn't do it and that if she wants to. do it she's going to have to do it when. she's with her mother she can't do it. with me and then her mother gave it to. her when you're when your when your. kid's old enough and she goes daddy did. you ever do drugs what did you say I. well the TR the the God's honest truth. is I never have done drugs nothing not. what I swear on everybody not once in my. life I smoked a little weed once yeah. that's it that's the only thing I've. ever done you never been drunk have you. been drunk yeah yes I've been drunk so. if you want to count that as a dry guess. I've been drunk he means no weed no Coke.

no [ __ ] smoke weed five times in my. life never I did an edible once in my. life uh never did any cocaine mushrooms. heroin nothing NADA zero nothing nothing. of. drinks I've met Comics like him before. they they exist yeah there's a lot of. them I yeah menia used to be like that. no no but he drinks Mania didn't even. drink right oh that's true yeah yeah no. he still likes to have a couple of sodas. I'll have some drinks I'll have some. pops it's just so weird. Buffy is my favorite thank you for Buffy.

by the way that's the one good thing. exide from the birthday cake which is. cheap but Buffy is the most high class. thing that you've ever bought me that. was the nicest thing I've ever given. yeah because the cake sucked but the. thing is is that when you when I take. the [ __ ] Buffy right it is the most. comfortable U blanket I've ever had is. the most comfortable comforter you've. ever had and I gave it to you and you. appreciate me you know why cuz it's soft. temp it's a linen fabric it comes with. all this easy breeziness softer than. cotton it's more durable it's better for. the environment it absorbs five times.

more CO2 from Air than trees it's. naturally resistant yeah it it just it's. soft and cooler dude I've never ever. sweat since I've had a buffy I swear to. God in my life I used to sweat in. everything now that I've got this I. never sweat at night so if you like me. missing out man you got to get one you. have to get one um we both have it we. both use it it's definitely worth a try. it's good for the environment and it's. soft on your skin and by the way here's. the best part about Buffy you don't like. it you don't like it send it back okay. you don't like it just send it back. that's how easy it is they guarantee.

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can get 25% off when you go to liquid. iv.com and use the B the bad friends. code at checkout 25% off anything you. order when you use the promo code bad. friends bad friends at liquid i.com get. better hydration today liquid iv.com. promo code is bad friend I played. basketball in high school and college. and I always would you know we get. thrown off the team for that and also I. always worried it would like [ __ ] with. my heart somehow but now I'm just been. you know now L bias or something yeah. but now I but now my cholesterol and. everything is through the roof because I. eat like [ __ ] so I'm [ __ ] with my heart.

anyway it's my cholesterol and blood. pressure is high Donnie was in the room. with me when the doctors came to give me. a covid test and the blood pressure is. too high baby so I'm going to have to go. on blood pressure medication is is. stroke running your family mm what about. diabetes no stroke no heart attack di my. dad's diabetic but you know he's a fat. muffin yeah but you might you might be. pre pre-diabetic I no my blood sugar my. A1C which is the main factor it's 5.2 so. that's fine I want blood pressure. medication you are for how long for. about a year yeah need to be on it what. was the blood pressure at its highest. reading what was the I don't know what. the number is top number bottom the.

doctor told you you have to go the. doctor like trembled people trembled in. the room really yeah yeah when they did. it they go ah and they they could they. almost dropped the thing you know why. one day in in one day we were doing the. show and he had ordered 10 ladti deep. dish pizzas and he ate them every every. single day until the next show we did. the following week and then I told him. baby got to stop and then he did one the. last okay I have we have six luminal. pizzas in the freezer right there's one. here at work yeah there's one here at. the stud I will not eat them right I one. the last time I ate.

it last two. weeks last two weeks what what what do. you um have you taken your blood. pressure since no but dude last night um. here's what happens I know when my blood. pressure is high is when like um my neck. hurts M right look at her laughing she. knows what Jewels so it's for two weeks. you know I haven't been eating pizza. what and whatnot right yes two weeks no. pizza no two. yeah ask her what have you been eating I. go I'll go to like um Tender Greens and.

get a salad very good right or do I not. do that why you laughing nothing huh. you're acting like Aly sheety from the. breakfast today I don't like it all. right and I'll go to creation and only. drink juice $4 juice $40 juice uh last. night you know no big deal I was playing. and did you have some cake for your. birthday yeah a little bit I was playing. video games I have the headphones on. yeah and my brother and I were um you. know we're in a house. and we could hear footsteps coming in. right and we're scared right I'm like.

Steve waiting flank him flank come right. and I'm upstairs with a gun right we. already had a load out right so I have. my load out right I'm you know my point. right all of a sudden he is happy. birthday right and literally right my. [ __ ] net clinked like that and then. and my left arm came numb and like I. almost had a [ __ ] stroke I turn. around is these [ __ ] little [ __ ]. Island gos sneaky little island gos like. they did in [ __ ] platoon yeah right.

in platoon the hoim hoim right remember. right they dig ho they they live in a. tree for three weeks with a banana and a. [ __ ] handgun ban that's why they. that's why they won the [ __ ] War. bananas good to low blood pressure I. know but they yeah right but that's how. they won these little [ __ ] little. [ __ ] right they know where all the. holes are yeah they don't give a [ __ ]. they just hide in a hole for [ __ ] a. month and then when somebody come they. snatch them she put it on Instagram. didn't you guys put that up on Instagram. the video right I almost had a [ __ ]. stroke so you know when when I get you. know what are you doing go I'm going to.

show I'm going to show everybody in the. nice video of you almost had a heart. attack no but go ahead say it you almost. had a stroke you I almost had a [ __ ]. stroke dude and I and I looked at Kila I. go you can never do that again right I. could [ __ ] die right but you could. you weren't going to die you weren't. going to die though dude I know but I. could have a stroke no but the chances. of you as 49-year-old with having a. stroke or heart attack is low even with. high blood pressure yeah it's all. preventative they they want you to go on. the medication now to prevent something. happening when you're that's why I've. been Tak I take it every day I take it. every day yeah yeah wait you but you're. not oh well your dad did die of a stroke.

dude all my family members all right. have had strokes and they've been. paralyzed from the neck down they smoke. cigarettes though cigarettes is Big. Smoke oh you smoked too okay okay so you. know I I told you about my grandmother. for 25 years she never left the house. right and then you know I told you about. the wels and stuff didn't you have a. grandmother too who got run over by a. tank or something what was that story oh. [ __ ] you told me that on tiger on tiger. belly I had a aunt you know I mean who. was run over by a milit oh there it is.

two happy. birthday dressed like Freddy Krueger. happy birthday to you oh it's so funny I. like at the end the last part when they. just still look at his face bir right. here at the. end I watch this. birth I would have came at the end and. hit him with a [ __ ] whiffle ball bat. look at his face happy. birthday to. you you oh oh man that's happy birthday.

buddy funny to me dude you're gonna be. fine you'll be fine do you have an. insurance policy on yourself by the way. do they have an insurance policy on you. because if they [ __ ] kill you they're. going to get paid is there any money to. be had or is it just savings well um K. said that. um um kala said that if I um if we have. a baby yeah that she she needs her to be. on the whe. she needs to be on your will yeah of. course cuz she's going to raise your. child yeah I got a life insurance policy.

if I die my kid's mom will get it all. tell how much is your life insurance. policy for 2 mil wow yeah did I tell. worth a lot tell you about the the. [ __ ] she gave you a couple weeks ago. no oh go on I don't know if I. should well I I don't know if this a. problem I can ask a question yeah um so. she likes this actor what's the actor. that she. likes who like hispan some Hispanic Act. that she lik Michael Peña no if it's him. I'll kill myself uh uh fluffy glacius.

yeah so anyway I go she was we hooking. up and I go blow me I go blow me like. that actor the guy that you like right. and she did things that she's never done. before to my day cuz she pretended you. were who some other actor right she. start she the shaft and she started. leaking my balls right and then she spit. on it and she was like sucking on the. like I was like and I go stop I go stop. doing it like that and then I got I got. mad I go that you do it better for the. other guy yeah of course but that's okay.

but that should be okay in a healthy sex. relationship fantasy fantasy fantasy you. don't do ever Fant you don't ever think. she's somebody else don't do I want. those moves too you you just got them. you got exactly yeah but as for me no. well you're not you anymore yeah you're. not you anymore you've been together too. long because if I'm eating out grocery I. do it like Natalie Portman I wouldn't go. and do you me spit and do the whole. [ __ ] thing you know what no you sit. and have a conversation with her she's. Natalie port a winning actress yeah yeah. what do you what do you mean do you ever. visualize she's somebody.

else when I'm in my mind maybe yes yeah. do you do. it you have to yeah you don't have a. choice you have to what do you mean once. you've had sex with your significant. other enough dud your mind has to make. make up that there's something else yeah. absolutely man we do role playing oh you. do what role play I she I have okay I. I'll say it and then and then I'll I'll. see if it's okay to say it yeah yeah. we'll see if it's okay. okay hold on we do camp we do Camp stuff. like you're camping no like like we're.

at a summer camp what like she's a. counselor and you're a. student no [ __ ] dope what is her name. does she have a counselor name no I just. call her counselor counselor like. counselor kalila and she's like yes. little boy how old are you in this. fantasy are you Jewish do you put on. Yamaka Jewish summer camp but I have. asthma like Jewish Jewish people do I. have sist like a Jew oh yeah yeah so um. no Dairy go ahead so I. um yeah I'm a kid you're a little boy. and you're what happened did you be bad.

were you bad by the lake look at look at. look at her is that uncomfortable no. it's fine okay do you wanted her out she. can get out of the room while you tell. this nasty story it's not nasty well. it's beautiful okay yeah so I'll go like. U did you get in trouble by the lake. what did you do huh what did you do bad. boy she's like come here Timmy she'll. give me a name Timmy yeah yeah I go what. did I do wrong I'll do a boys yeah we're. like you know and she's like you know. you know I told you you know to put away. the the the equipment and you didn't put. over the equipment right you left the. balls out no but I know I was playing. with um Johnny and the boys or whatever.

and then she'll go like yeah but I when. I say something so let take your pants. off you need a spanking okay I'll go. okay right now slowly right meanwhile. like when she sees the underwear it's. just already right hard is a I like it. do you have on little boy underwear for. the. fanty I only have tidy wetes so and um. it's one pair there's a brown streak and. it's all wet in the tip it's a tip.

there's a tip there that's wet yeah so. um and then she'll go um lay on your. back I'm going to give you spanking. right and I'll go I'll lay on my back. but how can you spank me if I'm on my. back right right she goes you're clever. Timmy right and she go she goes you know. she goes you know your magic stick I go. you need you mean my pee peee. your magic stick and I. go PE right yeah take out your peeee.

what are you going to do I scared oh I. always say that you scared I. scared right yeah and then she okay you. know what I mean let me kiss it like a. lollipop I'm already coming sure I mean. that juices are just like you know what. I mean it's like bubbling yeah you know. what I mean like little [ __ ] [ __ ]. bubbles that's hot right right that is. OD but then it's like you know what I. mean but then it turns into well I'm.

Timmy and she's on top of me right. she'll go she'll switch it up which is I. don't like she's like I'm Mark. now no but no something like that she'll. go like you know what do you like it. Mark or Frank so I have to be play a. different character oh she wants you to. switch right right so like she's now. [ __ ] everyone at the camp oh [ __ ] yeah. you know I mean like she's like a cereal. she's like run a train on me but now. it's now it turns into like very.

aggressive right right where like I've. already now I'm Mark and I've already. heard the rumors right so you know what. she's been up I knew all the things and. I don't want to because maybe I'm gay or. whatever right so it turns into me. trying to get not maybe yeah what not. yeah no we are did she choke you did she. ever choke you oh my God yeah yeah I'm. soorry I was a little upset with you I. was a little hypocritical of your. fantasy um when you was Timmy and all. that and Andrew that's why Andrew and I. were looking at each other because you. the fantasy even though he was just.

talking so much [ __ ] about us his. fantasy I was presuming was he was. acting like he was white cuz like Timmy. Frank until he said I scared then I knew. he was Chinese in the fantasy no no no. no you got it wrong what I am white in. the fantasy in the fantasy I'm white. right right and what is she is she white. in the fantasy too she's Colombian is. that white oh no it's not no Colombian. is uh Latina latinx despasito Jo Joe. Biden she has like a mustache a little. mustache okay yeah and U I love hair.

she's a guy you know that in the in the. scene yes yes oh yeah yeah I I did it I. did it yes okay no she's a girl and U no. um and then like I scared don't oh bro. he just when I say I scared right it's. like you know um not Asian it's just a. kid playing around you know what I mean. with his accent a little bit okay right. so it's that's what it is so it is a. white kid do you have fantasy fantasies. of being a little white boy like often. I've had fantasies like that yeah do you.

ever fantasize of being not white me. yeah yeah really of course I call those. nightmares exactly. dude I did this gig once I had a f I had. a fantasy that I wasn't so pale one time. I had I've had fantasies that I was when. I when my wife and I when we have sex we. we play We roleplay really yeah but it's. nothing like that it's always small. small happiness victories you know it's. like we'll be [ __ ] and she'll be like. I [ __ ]. I paid for the new water heater and I I. like oh you [ __ ] she's like oh and.

I'm going to fix the Dr I might paint. the bathroom by myself without your help. o and she's like oh and I'm going to. cook and clean and I'm not going to say. anything and I'm like oh yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah and she's like and then also I. invited a bunch of my friends over to. just hang out with us I'm like yo yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and she's. like and then and then you can just like. leave the country forever and go live. somewhere else yeah yeah yeah yeah and. Bobby Lee's next and Bobby Lee comes in. next yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't have we.

don't I don't ever do fantasy stuff I. just imagine I know she thinks I'm Tom. Hardy she wishes I was Tom Hardy yeah. that's her [ __ ] you watch you never. watch porn and do it we'll watch porn. and [ __ ] that's fun yeah one time I. watch porn and then she just blew me. yeah but the first time I as an adult I. slept in a white person's house MH was I. used to do these back in the '90s I used. to do um these uh nacka yeah the college. thing College thing yeah so you would go. to like the regional thing right did you. ever do NAA I did did you ever go do.

colleges I did how many uh whenever I. did nacka 2016 or something like that I. got like 30 of them wow that's what I. did I did one in Indiana Illinois. Indiana so I had to go to Illinois and. Indiana for a whole year right and do. all the schools right that's [ __ ]. incredible but they would book you in. clumps so they would go like all right. so Bobby's going to play this school in. m and then he's going to go here right. but two days is here we're not going to. fly him back home right so he has to. stay somewhere so they had me at a.

faculty old man's house and his wife and. they lived in a wooden house right. crickety and they go um so young man. bedtime at. 10:00 and you're sleeping in the attic I. not even know what an attic was weren't. you like 30 years old when you were. doing this oh. yeah so go for two I had no car right. and they also lived nowhere near. anything so was like the wooden house. and just snow oh creepy you were in get.

out yeah snow right you were in get out. and then I just remember smelling things. that I've never smelled before like like. Foods no it's white people's houses. smell like baseball glove mitts oh love. it oh love oh God love that in. combination with some sort of coffee ass. yes and then right and then some sort of. like you know um you know pumpkin. pumpkin spice yes a pump like a hint. right a pumpkin spice in the air right.

always pumpkin right and then there's. it's everything's you guys Creek love to. Creek well we like creeky floors well. you I don't know if you do it with your. mind or if you do it with your [ __ ]. body right but you guys love to make. well because we believe in ghosts you. know mean so we like creaky stuff fre us. out because we believe in ghosts there's. only ghosts are white there is no Asian. ghosts they don't you know what I mean. it's ours and then what's up with you. look like a ghost thank you yeah quilts. we like quilts what the [ __ ] is a [ __ ]. you and the quilt we love quilt well we. love the Amish you know what's a great. thing too it's called it's called a.

quillow I used to have a quillow it's a. quilt inside a. pillow shout out the Amish people I just. remember like like I I don't go to bed. till like I've always been like that 4: or 5 in the morning yeah so mind you and. I'm starving you can't go to the kitchen. before 10 you know what I mean after 10: yeah so then I'm like Starving 3: in the. morning no money right in a dark attic. with a quilt it's freezing right. trembling right and like you're you. start thinking things like should I just.

get out of the business why you go. downstairs and just get food they. wouldn't let you they had like a rule. that you could do and you didn't want to. Creek yeah I don't want to Creek also I. I don't know I don't want to people. those little shoes those little tiny. shoes that tie your feet don't you bind. your feet don't you guys bind your feet. at night to make your toes smaller yeah. is how did you eat did you bring your. own Chopsticks or did you just use their. utensils how do you eat so much pizza. with chopsticks. you didn't want to go downstairs you. want to get out of the business but then. what what woke you up to stay in the. business huh the money the.

checks Bobby close your eyes close your. eyes count to. three we're just kidding that's so. racist I'm just kidding kid the racist. thing I've ever heard that's the most. racist thing you've ever heard well when. I'm I'm I'm my eyes are obviously closed. right and goes close your eyes right I. can't you you really couldn't tell well. okay close them now let me see oh yeah. no not really can't really [ __ ].

tell the. first they didn't even know the people. in Indiana didn't even know you were. Asian probably they just thought you had. allergies or. something like it's hay fever season no. but can I ask you Bobby though why. didn't you just go because you know I I. understand at that point you know I know. there was some money to be made but so. why didn't you just stay in like a. Remada or like a [ __ ] hotel instead. of the the white people weird white. people's homes because you you know at. back then I had such little money and. control but you had the college books. college but they control everything back.

then they controlled everything they. didn't send you the money right away and. all. that imagine having no money in your. bank account and you're relying on these. checks and then but these checks you. won't get for another four [ __ ]. months it's a terrible way to live but. and it's like at the time you know I had. no choice and then the gigs were ter you. know you bit done those gigs yeah and. you also feel scared to not do what they. tell you to do absolutely like if I if. they told me I have to stay with these. old [ __ ] weirdos I have to because if. I don't they'll go you're never working.

again we're going to make sure that you. don't you know that's the fear in your. head is like well I'll just play by. their [ __ ] rules and I'll just do. what they ask me dude for years I never. asked for a a better room you know when. they like check in and the beginning and. they put you in a hotel next to like the. [ __ ] dumpster in the basement next to. like the elevator and I used to just be. like I can't ask for a new room because. I didn't pay for it and [ __ ] they'll. tell me to go [ __ ] with myself and then. finally you get the confidence to be. like hey can I not sleep near where the. janitor masturbates at night like I. don't want to be in the [ __ ] crowded. weird corner of the hotel and they're. like oh yeah we didn't you just have to. ask but you're nervous back then you.

don't want to [ __ ] even now ruin the. relationship you ask now I didn't ask. [ __ ] yes what you ask now but it come. but it just comes from a PL just but I. only started doing those things when I. had my daughter because I started a lot. of self-worth came when I became a. father because I would start to say well. I need to feel good about myself and re. and justify leaving her for x amount of. time so I if I'm going to be away from. her what helps me feel better about. myself is if I'm ultimately comfortable. and that that's why I would upgrade the. room so I would never introspectively.

look at myself until until I had a. daughter right but at the comedy club do. you do you like if there's something not. right with it would you say something. yes and I wouldn't stay in the condo. anymore just because I'd say I'd rather. not do the gig than do the condo and. it's not a I think I'm so good thing. let's say I'm a club owner right yes and. you're headlining right yes and and I. say to you you come in I go hey Chris. big fan ha love the ha yeah podcast it's. great oh yeah yeah but um um great we.

love it and that that punab what's it. the hairy guy that you do it with he's. Alie oh oh yeah love Alie yeah he's. Turkish very funny guy yeah is he pun. jaab or yeah Yan small heads yeah so um. anyway um there's no green room because. um you know during the day we do this um. you know we do a onean show you know. Todd MCG is doing a oneman show he's. [ __ ] so funny so funny he you know. he's doing a onean show about his trauma. and how was he was he was molested by. pikm oh really Bobby Lee doesn't act.

just like that yeah yeah and uh and then. I walk the [ __ ] Italian guy um but no. because yeah he's Pro pygmy yeah so and. then he goes anyway so there's no green. room and um it's weird it's like we're. you do great numbers for us thank you so. much but we don't really have any water. for you so if you can go across the. street and go to the just go get your. some some water if you want. right no green room and you get your own. water we have a hallway where next to. the bathroom so you we have a couch.

there you can just hang out there yeah. what would you say uh initially I would. I would have just done it and taken it. but today yeah today I would I would. just say no you have to you have to go. you have to go get me water I would tell. him you have to [ __ ] go get me water. and then uh and then if he didn't i'. obviously you know cuz I'm US Passport. whatever I brandish my weapon and I put. it in his [ __ ] mouth and and I'd say. listen [ __ ] nuts either you go get me. some [ __ ] Aquafina right now some. jelly donuts with some straws because.

I've never done drugs so instead I snort. the jelly or I'm going to [ __ ] put. two in the back of your skull I'm going. to get going to get away with it cuz my. father's a criminal that's what I'd say. though yeah that's what I'd say to them. you would really say that yeah and then. I not without the gun you would say that. probably I would I would probably say. something similar I'd say something like. yeah I'm not you have to go get me the. water now because uh you know [ __ ] them. it's like uh they can't treat me that. way anymore but I say that but again. that's probably more fantasy because. probably I guess yeah maybe I would I.

don't know I'd probably call my mom and. ask her tell tell her to tell me what to. do I take go to yeah I would I would. probably do even something like I'll be. passive aggressive you are fine passive. aggressive I'd say that's fine right. it's just that I'll just tell every and. I you know I don't know if you know but. I know everyone I just tell everyone. after to play this real. get you know what he would do he would. come on this show and talk [ __ ] about it. yeah and light them on fire and and then. the internet would take course of it and. then the club owner or the or someone.

would reach out to hammer a manager and. go hey why would you being why did you. say that about the thing and then he. would let other people deal with the the. the ramification Ramic you know me well. you he's very good at that but that's. smart he drops a bomb and goes they. they'll figure you got to put put people. to protect you you're so funny no I had. a couple of bombs like a couple of zeros. you guys met at op Anthony yeah yeah op. did you ever do op and Anthony or that. was never yeah that was like the last. like that was like New York [ __ ] but. it was also like I had no I had no. connection to New York I started out. here and I and I continued my career out.

here and I never when I went to New York. the only reason I got spots is because. they knew who I was by the time I got. stuff out here I understand when I went. to New York people like you GNA bounce. around and do shows like I didn't. [ __ ] know anybody I I do the stand or. standup New York or whoever would let me. in but that's where you learned I. learned how to do podcasting op and. Anthony it's op and Anthony same with me. because when I went there I'm like. because you know how you do normal radio. shows and like uh so we don't talk about. about sex here we don't talk about um. just do your act that's what works here. you know I mean you're like I don't want.

to this is not fun they're like Bobby. you're from South Korea right tell us. about it yeah but then Opie and Anthony. like they're like you were you were. molested whatever and I was like oh I. like it I was and oping and it was good. because what you what I learned the. would learn the hard way and they kept. inviting me back which I was thankful. for because it did not go well the first. few times is when you bomb there's no. fake laugh when you bomb they [ __ ] like. well if you bomb in front of like one. time I was on it was me Rich Voss Bobby. Kelly Colin Quinn Opie and Anthony and I.

said something that [ __ ] bombed and. then it was just which if that was a. radio show they would just laugh and hi. and they move on to and what do you. think about it Colin but it's not that. it then the camera's on you and it's. like what the [ __ ] are you doing and. then it's just and then it's just for an. hour just ripping you but that's how you. get the skin you know I you know the. first time I did it did you know that I. left what do you mean yeah when you. started to cry or whatever yeah yeah so. I remember that I didn't know what it. was right so I show up it was Norton um. it was Greg it was Patrice it was a.

bunch of people right yeah and they were. ripping on me so hard I didn't know what. it was and I just stood up and I left. you walked out yeah and then so the next. year I had to do it again and I and I. looked at the like press thing I go oh. you got to do it again right so but this. time I go I'm going to go in like. self-deprecating myself yes right smart. right yeah I'm fat I'm ugly I mean just. I went crazy and that's what fit in. there you know what I mean so yeah it.

was really hard at first but it's it it. changed the way I approached things man. it was a really cool show you just have. to get used to I remember like one time. piff the Magic Dragon came in and he was. a little late and I felt bad cuz he like. I'm stuck in traffic he got his [ __ ]. dragon costume on even though he sells. tickets you're like Jesus it's got to. suck you know him no American got he got. America's Got Talent yeah like one. America's Got Talent he's got millions. of dollars but he's got to walk around. in a in a [ __ ] Dragon suit and I. remember he was like. yeah so you know you feel bad you're. like what the [ __ ] this kids in the. dragon suit it was the summer time but. he's got to do it it's the actor he's. making real money so so he sat down and.

I was they had some sandwich shop had. come with sandwiches and I went to go. give piff a piece of Sandwich because I. felt bad and Jim Norton was like don't. give him any food this isn't a [ __ ]. Fort and then he. just and then Jim and. then he said and I was like I was trying. to give the kid to say she goes he give. him a piece of food you get the [ __ ] off. my show and I was like oh this is great. you know he said this isn't a fort yeah. yeah yeah yeah so that's just how they. are but it's great I don't know why do I. not know who piff is you would have. killed on OPI and Anthony oh you would.

have been the guy for them that was if. you lived in New York you would have. been a regular there you Norton all. those I wish I lived in New York I I. when I started I started out here and I. thought it was a bad decision but I. already moved out here right and for me. it was like am I going to move to New. York or am I going to move to LA the. difference between living in New York. and La is you have a Mercedes and I have. a Chevy Equinox that's the. difference that was we talked about this. the other day the funniest quote that. Tim Dylan ever said me he's like I got. to get the [ __ ] out of New York all my. heroes take the train Joe Rogan's going. to gigs and spaceships and [ __ ] yeah he.

would I mean honestly it's it's it but. the difference is like we just the. difference from why why I had to start. out here I think was New York to me was. too tough in my mind I was like I'll. never make it in that comedy scene out. there there [ __ ] because they all. most of you guys are East Coast guys. that grew up there right yes yeah not. out here it's [ __ ] from everywhere. so it was more comfortable for me to go. if I'm going to go to a place where most. people aren't from there at least we'll. have that in common right that you're. from even you from San Diego it's like.

this isn't your home you know so like. even guys that are local here no one's. [ __ ] from here right like the only. guys I can think that were born and. raised in La were like [ __ ] I don't know. what famous comic what Comics do we know. they're born and raised here I can't. name [ __ ]. one I don't know any of my friends that. were born and raised here they were born. and raised in Los Angeles in La no I. don't know any I mean surround near La a. lot of guys are from like either. Riverside or Inland or Orange County or. but no one's from like Hollywood or La. yeah yeah no right yeah so I felt. comfortable because then whenever I go.

to New York it's like you're off of. Brooklyn or queens or whatever I'm like. that's like your home so you're already. safe to me that was the scariest thing. that's yeah I think too like sometimes. people I remember early on would be like. oh you know it's crazy really taking a. leap doing comedy it's like I'm not I'm. taking the train six stops to [ __ ]. live my dream you know this was insane. for this is insane what you guys did is. left your home to come that to me is way. more impressive than I took literally. took if it didn't work I could just take. the train back I was living with my. mother it didn't out what were you going.

to do for I was a physical therapist I. was a pediatric physical therapist yeah. what I mean that's I had a doctor degree. have it still in physical therapy so I. just [ __ ] was a pediatric physical. therapist it's just what when the when. the pandemic H Governor CUO from New. York just gave every health care. professional that licenses had expired. or lapsed they didn't have any. criminality on it or anything they just. reinstated our license I got an email. they're like congratulations you've been. reinstated so now I techn a licensed. physical therapist I could give both of. you guys advice on camera no problem no. I cannot be sued really yeah and I.

haven't I haven't done it in six years. it's been laps for whatever six seven. years when yeah I left I became. professional comedian or left physical. therapy to do comedy full-time in3 so. yeah seven years so you were taking on. you were taking on PT clients while you. were still doing stand up oh of course. dude that's how I used to get any any. show I got on in the beginning would be. doing the open mics and then either you. know bringing three people or handing. out flyers or but most of them were uh. hey I have a bar show I don't know who. you are but heard you're a physical. therapist which is a doctor to them can.

you take a look at my back or my knee or. so many dicks I'm not even trying to be. funny it's like so many comedians would. be like can you look at my penis for. what for like something wrong STDs and. I'd be like but I'm a physical therapist. like I can I give massages they're like. just they were like look at my dick look. at my dick and I'd be like look I'm not. licens to tell you this but it is herpes. but but I'm not but don't but but then. they would give me spots on the show so. so many comedians that like I've looked. down their [ __ ] dick holes many times. and like oh okay go up go do five and.

that's got the nicest the nice truly the. nicest dick I've ever seen and it's by. the way it's clean as a [ __ ] whistle. comic Dan Soder sod sod beautiful. beautiful [ __ ] beautiful [ __ ] he's got. that deep guttural voice too and clean. clean clean who's the dirtiest dirtiest. dick I've ever seen Gary Gman uh. just throwing it off who's the dirtiest. [ __ ] that I really saw that was like o. there were like flies coming up no he.

seems has a dirty dick I don't know I. don't have a dirty penis my my pen can't. think off the top of my head now who had. just a real dis Joe D Roa disgusting. [ __ ] Pig no Joe de Roose is clean clean. about Joe yesterday I love you Joey D. Joey Joey Joe De Rose yeah but that's. that's well it's funny to think that you. you could if this all falls apart you. could still do pt like if this falls. apart you're not you're [ __ ] if like. if you get out of Comedy you're can't. you can't do anything you'd be a great.

PT by the way Asians are great pts thank. you I will do pt cuz they have little. hands they get in between the bones of. your I'll go right in between the bones. p p yeah they go P oh most of them a. pilipino no pilipino you know it's. offensive that you say that like for I I. I I would have I'd have to work I would. figure it out no you wouldn't it's like. if there was an a zombie apocalypse. right am my good is going to go okay I'm. going to die yep no no no no I'm going. to go yes no I'm going to do the [ __ ]. what is this Bobby I'm to [ __ ] no. dude the window right and the [ __ ].

wood planks I'm going to board it up I'm. boarding up the windows Bo right no. you're not you don't have a hammer in. your house or nails or [ __ ] wood dude. I'm going to [ __ ] Farm dude baby. right we got to eat I'm going to farm. plant seeds organic seeds this is a guy. that guy that orders food every [ __ ]. night he's never his life Bobby is very. smart and very I remember when we went. out for that breakfast after the first. time we met you were the told me you. said hey you should have some real. estate you should invest you're very. good and smart with your money thank you. very good remember that but thank you.

right I'm going to put the barb wire I'm. gonna do it put the barb wire on the top. of the [ __ ] fence right you know what. I'm goingon to. do c brick layer Chinese the no the. Chinese do. that they're good at it the. Chinese right and then put the [ __ ]. pole in the ground so when they get. stabbed right here's you in reality it's. a zombie. apocalypse internet yeah there will yeah.

there will will you think nerds are. going to take ner nerds will preserve. the internet before anything else. everything else will fail they're like. we need to have [ __ ] internet they'll. still you'll still be online playing a. game there there was there was a um call. Korean zombie film on Netflix called. hash alive MH pretty good right never. seen it yeah and it's about a Korean kid. right he lives in an apartment complex. everyone goes zombie right and he now. has to survive. I I did when I was watching the movie I. did think oh I. die I would die like you wouldn't I.

think her Survivor Bobby you're you are. Survivor no I need like Ramen or. something you know what I mean here I. couldn't it's the lob I got you the. lobster flavor for your. birthday oh God Lobster sounds like the. [ __ ] a n n shim bow noodle Savory. soup Lobster artificially flavored it's. BPA no offense no offense no offense but. I'm not going to take it are you serious. seriously yeah no I bought you a gift. that's food that's a dollar no it's not. but then I bought you the chocolate chip. uh espresso cake I know you f I went out.

of my way to get this cake and I knowing. that see there's a relationship that you. have to understand about like I already. knew that this was a waste of money and. time but I did it anyway because. unconditional love is what you have. thought that counts though I'm going to. say that the cake in itself right yeah. I'm not probably not going to eat it of. course not right but the idea that you. went out of your way to buy it right it. flutters my heart but would you ever say. that could be the blood pressure. medication that could probably is yeah. it probably is could be having a stroke. yeah yeah yeah I thank you so much for. it do you mean it yeah I can I nitpick a.

bit yeah yeah I like the nitpick right. yeah cuz I know it's coming yeah it's. just you know because you know I got. cakes from my girlfriend last night. right and you could tell that it was. from a high-end like a high-end Bakery. and that that you know she she put like. a month in it's one of those places like. you got less than a month in advance cuz. we enrich the wheat or whatever however. they make cake right yeah they enrich. the wheat yeah and we get like you know. I mean Himalayan Himalayan salt zero FL.

and we use you know I mean U duck eggs. instead of you know I mean they really. well for you yeah everything's organic. and American free right but um this was. like. Ralph's that's Ralph's two things that's. we made 10,000 of these and we don't. give a [ __ ] so first of all how much is. that $3.99 first of all it cost a dollar. if you put stuff on top of what that is. 1899 yeah that's. Van's yeah really words you get that V.

yeah exactly it's not from a bakery it's. from V the bakery at Von's the grocery. store oh yeah and the woman said I said. can you write stuff on cakes she said no. we usually can't write stuff anymore. because of people want obscenities or. something gross and and we can't do that. so you did that no she said she said but. I will write happy birthday I said well. will you write his nickname yeah and she. said uh I don't think we can I said it's. my friend Bobby Lee she goes the. comedian I said yeah and she goes I I. love him I said really she goes yes she. goes I'll be right back so she wrote.

Happy Birthday sleepy Bobo noodles I did. not tell her to say that she wrote that. for racism I she wrote that why right. because she was Asian oh oh that's fine. then she was Asian but um so I. appreciate the gesture it's in my heart. Martha at Martha ghetto [ __ ] oh this is. ghetto [ __ ] elevate your. game this is ghetto [ __ ] elevate your. game is there anything fun if you cut. into it. yeah am I not right.

Italian don't do it do it it'll end. everything yeah it'll end the episode no. it'll end. everything do it you [ __ ] pun you. appreciate the gesture right but please. don't do it don't do it do it do it and. then I'll [ __ ] punch him in the. face exactly oh threaten me again do it. say I won't do it all right but all. right I'm going to do it but I will do. it I promise you okay but I'm going to I.

promise you if that cake hits my face. uhuh you haven't seen the side of me and. it's going to cause problems right so. you're you think I'm scared of you [ __ ]. you think I'm [ __ ] scared of you. you're a full-blown [ __ ] right if you. don't [ __ ] throw that cake at my face. so you said don't throw it at your. face and now you want me to throw it at. your face I don't want you to do it but. you're a [ __ ] if you don't but if you. do it it's going to end the podcast oh. this is it forever this is the last. episode but if you're you're a [ __ ] if.

you throw it how much longer you going. to do the podcast anyway though dude. maybe another week or. two do it dude do it you [ __ ]. Democrat you know why no I'm kidding no. do you know why I'm not going to throw. why won't you do you know why cuz he's a. [ __ ] no no because because I'll have to. clean it up right cuz he doesn't do. anything here he's a lazy piece of [ __ ]. he shows up late and doesn't contribute. at all right so I don't want to clean it. up or comes to worse he'll make [ __ ]. he'll make Rudy clean it up which is. even more disgusting is it good the cake. you didn't bring any utensils no no.

there's utensils there if we want to eat. it let's eat it happy birthday you piece. of [ __ ] happy birthday look into the. camera there um uh Chris and say um. thank you for being a bad friend thank. you for being a bad friend let Chris say. it uh thank you for being a bad. friend you're an animal you're a now say. it thank you for being a bad. [Laughter].

[Music]. friendo wo. [Music].