Great Start, Fantastic Finish! | Ep 2 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee

I had no important for like two years. I've made since I was 19 and I'm 23 now. and my brother was on tumblr cuz he was. going through and he literally thought. [Music]. [Music].

so do you wanna you want to start the. podcast telling people that you don't. care that you hit my wife's car last. week well I mean um you could be. anybody's car I wouldn't give a fig it's. you hit my you hit my wife's give a [ __ ]. and instinct any guess what dude how. much do I owe her 15 grand.

I'll give it the 15 grand well then give. it to me cash it doesn't cost 15 ground. yes it does you know you have no idea. what to call it what does it call you. annoyed you what you know what's cost 15. grand well that's stupid haircut that. you have 15 grand you think my haircut. cost fit yeah it's so fancy is that like. you're doing leave it to beaver kind of. thing with the not cor it's not leave it. to beaver you have a nutty heart it is a. little bit of enough it's a little. Hitler Youth yeah yeah someone has to be. tidy on this podcast Wow I'm gonna be. nice and tidy. uh-uh look dude I do not appreciate you. hit my wife's card you don't give a [ __ ]. at all you don't even ask me then ask me.

if I give a [ __ ]. do you give [ __ ] yeah Bob I know you. don't hurt no she's not hurt dude you. see no one was in the car I know she. thought you hit a parked car while you. were parking means nothing to me needs. zero that's all [ __ ] up when you want. I could out of you're my friend right. okay and I want to be completely like. upfront and honest with you yeah I. literally don't feel anything but you. say I'm sorry no Bob you know how many.

times you've hurt me not I haven't hit. your car I know you physically hurt my. [ __ ] vessel I've hurt your body my. vessel i underst your body spacesuit. that's not a that's not a vessel it is. where does my soul live in my vessel you. think you've got a soul. it's not small very let me tell you. something your vessel can be hid and I. incurred little damage over the years. you hid my wife's car you didn't even. care at all you didn't even say I'm. sorry and I see here my wife's car and. you said what I don't care how am I.

going to say I don't care I said I don't. give I said like this I don't give I. don't know that's Stephen Hawking robot. you don't oh yeah I don't keep a part. this is what you're doing hey give a for. I don't give a [ __ ] how much you think. it costs to fix a bumper I don't know. two grand. okay okay give me two grand I will. perfect I won't.

why will you just said you're right. refuse okay let it go let it go yeah I'm. gonna make your deal yeah make me a deal. I'm not big a deal I'm we just say. something okay say something all right I. purposely hit your wife stupid [ __ ]. car and there's no feeling behind I know. and I don't give a [ __ ] I know I know. and that's the honest truth. I'm not gonna give you any money no I. know no apology I know you get nothing. from yeah I get it right you can hit. mine all day long yeah I don't want to.

hear carcasses a priest it's already a. piece of [ __ ] I don't need getting a. piece of [ __ ] doesn't make it worse it's. just it just continues it's piece of. [ __ ] Ness. yeah if I hit your car with my nice car. what does have time for me my car's nice. you're a piece of [ __ ] York your car is. you by the way you know when red-headed. people was filled with a redheaded theme. I was like [ __ ] they don't do the face. as well you want to do the face as well. the red face yeah I'm gonna do the red. face God don't get up don't get upset. with me because the way I look cuz I. don't get upset with you by the way you. look I look good. no you don't for my type what do you.

think you are on a scale of one to ten. what's the acuteness and if you run hot. or not calm bro I have facts to prove. that I'm Cuba really dude when I give it. to me when I was on that monkey show. yeah I was on a monkey show called. animal practice for about ten fifteen. minutes I remember it Oh 13 episodes no. it was a really good show was written. extremely well. you wouldn't liked it everybody wants it. to come back yeah right so once you guys.

say about your nightly show mixed drinks. or whatever that was at least I got at. least I got to work with Larry Charles. oh and I've done work with him as well I. know but who did you work with on that a. monkey show who directed me so brothers. okay are they bigger than the guy who. did Borat or the Russo brothers begin. the guy they did boy we did Avengers end. game yeah let me see the parallel of. comedy for the monkey show between. Avengers are dealing all right let's. George you be the deciding factor at in.

terms of money making in terms of. natural impact I'm saying Avengers. endgame or Borat. I love Borat it was one of my favorite. comedy movies of all time not money I. was also in The Dictator you Mary. Charles anyway going yeah you were in. The Dictator yeah we were Kim Jong no. that was the interview you were Kim Jong. hoon no dictator was super Sacha Baron. Cohen wait no no you were Kim Jong Il. where's Randall Park that was all he's. great I love that guy all right he's one. of my favorite Asian and I love Ron. Howard he's one of my favorites he.

should be he's an iconic person who was. an Andy Griffith as Opie Taylor and then. went on to be one of the greatest. characters of all time in Happy Days. okay let me ask you something George in. terms of culture and plaque impact. impact and game or Borat yes. Borat 100% my wife who quotes Avengers. give me one quote line from Avengers. endgame don't go in the building. [Laughter].

metaphor for Fox eyes Holt metaphor for. the time he did that go go go yeah it. was Bobby where have you been by the way. tell everyone you've been in Hawaii I. haven't yeah I was in Hawaii what were. you doing in Hawaii um well as you know. my dad died no that is that was not why. you went to [ __ ] Hawaii yes no it's. not that okay alright a lot of people's. dads are dead I okay your dad not.

literally but metaphorically yeah you. don't know how it feels so say yes I do. that your dad died your dad hasn't died. my dad's not dead. but I don't know him that well did he. abandon you yeah I'm so happy about that. yeah I know yeah. why do you when I was in Hawaii can I. explain yeah please so the first leg of. Hawaii I had to shoot um I react on a. show tell him what the Travis called. magnum p.i Mike laughing no it's a great.

show right I know that mixed nuts the. show that you were on not even on it. anymore was eight years ago go ahead. okay so and then um I'm laughing because. I think it's funny you're on do you know. do you know the cultural relevance of. the original magnum p.i or no I have no. idea what it is no the original magnum. p.i no do you know there was one before. the one you're doing right now I just. found that out yes holy [ __ ] do you know. who the star was Tommy Sarlacc Tom's. Tommy Sal I'm so Alec Tom Selleck Tom. Selleck mustachioed man of the 80s and.

90s and then there was a helicopter. black man what it was a man in the. original Oh was a black guy rode the. helicopter sure and that's all I know. let's not talk about helicopters and. black guys right now that's a very weird. that's you that's a bad I didn't know. what you were talking about when you. said that was my Ari Shaffir Joe that. was good it was great yeah you did a. great job I know so then I let me finish. though so I didn't bag them and then um. my mother's never gone anywhere in the.

world except for Korea in the United. States she's never been to Europe no my. mother never my mother took care of my. dad for the last 12 years see he was. really sick prior to that though she. never got anywhere but I'm asking why. not because um she just didn't want to. and my dad is not a traveler he doesn't. give a [ __ ] and so they just never went. anywhere now your dad can go wherever he. wants yeah he can float there do you. believe what goes loads he floats. underground you think your dad's in hell. I don't know man he wasn't a spiritual.

guy. no no but anyway might know he wasn't. really no he didn't go to church no my. dad was um a rageaholic you already know. this he I know yeah he's a bat he was. like I love um but he was uh just a. really Rea too much yeah okay so go on. so then I went to Hawaii. because. and then at the tail end of it my mom. flew to Maui. how nice you know we stayed at the Grand.

Wailea one of the best hotels in Hawaii. hotel and we did a lot of eating and. traveling around and she really loved it. she's never seen a waterfall before. really yeah that's and that what was. that like to feel her watch a waterfall. for the first time was that really did. that really like was that really a. moving moment from you huh yeah because. it didn't happen yet weird to talk about. something that didn't happen yet doesn't. matter they don't know that we didn't do.

this yet I know but it's like what if. something happened in Hawaii where I was. thinking like you know my mom didn't. have a good time. well let's try to predict how it went. all right I'm your mom I'm listening now. let's just say anybody listening right. now we're taping this early cause. Bobby's going to Hawaii to shoot a bunch. of magnum p.i episodes and I told him. not to do it but it's [ __ ] up the. release of the show anyway let's pretend. that we're in Hawaii it is what's gonna. happen. yeah I'm your mother yeah and you're you. and we're seeing a waterfall for the. first time ready yeah yeah I'm your. [ __ ] mom oh are you. oh that's the waterfall what do you why.

did you think Bob you're pissing in this. because I'm Who am I would let this give. me back up your Bobby Lee who else are. you supposed to be in this [ __ ]. scenario I don't know there's other. people going there's two characters in. this scene you and your [ __ ] mom. uh-huh which one do you think you should. be well which one do you think you think. I'm closely I think I'm better. understand the character of Bobby Lee. you're right do you would you like to be. your mother and I'll be you yeah okay.

let's do that let's roleplay okay here. we go all right the waterfall to do this. I'm sound I'm Bobby Lee I want to do the. ma'am Mandy do you like waterfall have. you ever seen before exactly what you. sound like. Matt Matt don't like water fun I really. sound like that you sometimes you yeah. okay mom how do you like the waterfall. he okay you don't like too much let go. back Hotel why I pad oh okay well water.

he waterfall here first time for you all. right. you're doing a dad fan impression no I'm. not you're doing it dad fan all right. I'll be you I'll be Bobby right mom why. don't you listen why don't you move this. out okay. why don't you like the waterfall mom I'm. being you but I'm just why don't time. that me now oh [ __ ] Bobby just waterfall. crazy how is it the same do you want you.

me ma'am ma'am you like the water power. okay do my mom Bobby dish a waterfall. yeah I don't want to do this waterfall. game anymore alright fine we won't do. any particulates all right so yeah for. the fans that want to know yeah Bobby's. in Hawaii shooting so that's why we had. to come we have it so here's the thing. we haven't gone to who I haven't gone. who I yet three days ago the Orisha.

everything happened we're taping this. episode prior to the release yes it did. happen yeah yeah the Ari Shaffir thing. the Kobe Bryant thing happened because I. don't know I don't know where else to. talk about it you could talk about it. now talk about it now yeah unless you. talked about it on belly or you're gonna. talk about him I haven't talked about it. on belly well then don't talk about on. there if you're gonna talk about I'm not. gonna talk about on that so what do you. want to say go ahead you did say before. the episode for the people at home Bobby. said I really want to talk about I said. this episode another thing here's the. thing okay yes that people threatening.

his life is crazy number one you're not. gonna no one's gonna do anything yeah. he's getting death threats right yes. he's getting death threats from people. no one's gonna do anything. number two people saying yo dude you're. a goof you're not funny. you know what I'm tired of is when. people comment I get it sometimes when. they go you're not funny it's like I am. right of course we all are because it's. it's impossible to get to where we are. without going through 10,000 obstacles.

right right being vetted showcases you. know I mean just cause you can't get to. the place that you're physically at. without any Talent. yeah because these people are insecure. they're they have their own [ __ ]. issues Yeah right so so I wanted to say. this before you continue real fast. somebody told me that Ice Cube. retweeted or put. Instagram Ahri's video and now I can't. find it did you hear this no but I know. that Rappaport did it. well rap did it and then here was the.

other thing that happened with it a lot. of people kept saying look at this. racist piece of [ __ ] yeah and a lot of. like a lot of dudes on Twitter a lot of. black dudes were like race is racing it. was really funny to me cuz I was like. you could you could say a lot of other. things this wasn't him being racist it's. him just making a [ __ ] yeah a shitty. Twitter joke or Instagram you could have. been a white basketball player it rarely. though by the way yeah that doesn't. happen much they can't afford. helicopters. white basketball player is kind of an. oxymoron I mean there's a couple it's. like chambers from the Phoenix Suns do. you remember him well what who there was.

a white guy named chambers chambers what. now well [ __ ] no there was another guy. [ __ ] Chamberlain over there back no. those are two guy named chambers Bobby. if you're looking for a white guy at. this place I want to look it up now yes. Phoenix Suns chambers this is insane. yeah just let's just google it well I. got it here put your phone down yo who. is there a guy named there chambers. yeah Tom Chambers yeah Wow how do you.

know that that's insane for you what cuz. you're so bad at stuff like that because. my brother used to have this NBA game. and he hit Tom Chambers or somebody that. was on the GAC then back in the day he. did this move I just remember and then. eise's the last night Tom Chambers he. played he was an American basketball a. white huh there we go. Larry Bird white yeah none of these guys. play anymore can you name me one white. guy in the NBA that plays right now yeah. um this isn't sniffing Blake Griffith or.

Eric Griffin Blake I think Blake Griffin. Griffin is not white he's half white. there's no he's not black yes he is. there's something going on yeah he's. half white head but there's also some. redheaded thing going on like he's like. mixed with Sinbad I thought you were. like a carrot top II kind of uh that's. his eye that's his white hat oh so. probably his white half was redhead some.

freaky red and I wish they were Irish. yeah and then the black was probably. like. some weird black and then they mixed. what do you mean weird I mean like a. Delroy Lindo black you know I mean am i. digging a hole yeah. no I don't think that's racist what I'm. saying no I guess not yeah it's up to. you all right Tom Chambers Tom Chambers. was a first-round draft pick yeah I know. he wasn't Jerry 81 for the very good at. what he did you know who selected him. who your hometown Phoenix Suns your. hometown sandy San Diego clippers.

oh the Clippers were at San Diego won't. the San Diego clippers in 1980 go back. to Ari or no yeah let's talk about it so. when they say um the death threats. that's crazy. no month you're right you can't say. you're not funny anyway or you know it's. like that doesn't make any sense but. what do you think what he said was funny. let's clarify that do you think what he. said no you know no I could so dynein I. need a switch or an obvious punch line. or something clever so here's my point.

real quick not to cut you off the reason. that they're saying you're not funny. isn't because they don't think his. collective whole career is now they're. saying that isn't that what they're. saying I'm saying that Bobby they don't. know who he is. so when they just see him for the first. time they go you're not funny cuz that's. not funny yeah that's what they're. saying oh I see so you said it's not. funny okay go ahead and I thought it was. um you know the reason why you think. that tragedy plus time you know I say. that yes that that was been said since. the vaudeville days right it's like you. have vetted thing it's something that is.

truthful it's one of those that you know. it's like you gotta let you I can do i. do Pearl Harbor jokes but this is 70. years past right do you think it was 70. years ago in the 1940s or whatever okay. when did it happen no I just wanted to. make sure you knew your timeline we've. done it what because you're trying to. you know what you're trying to do we've. done timelines before I know but you're. trying to insult me and ridicule me I'm. not at all you're setting it up like do. you even know there's what you do do you. know and if I see it wrong you go idiot.

I know I would never say idiot I've. never called you an idiot not once I. know but you think it may be yeah so go. ahead it's it so you think you think not. enough time had passed he did it the. same day it happened he did it probably. hours after it happened you know I just. think that when children children. involved yeah and innocent people are. involved families are being ripped apart. I can't imagine what these people are. going through right it's a nightmare. yeah it's so it's awful yeah and so the.

timing was super bad and also the rape. thing is um it's not as if Kobe Bryant. is systematically a rapist right it was. one incident if it was Bill Cosby yes. would he systemic right what did he do I. don't remember but that's something. right did he get I don't think he didn't. do anything yeah he drugged women and. that one woman that I don't know yeah. yeah yeah yeah are you thinking of. Michael Jackson no no Bill Cosby. what did Jackson do meet a great music.

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Buffy CO and enter the code the bad. friends but pump up that bad friends. once again for $20 off your Buffy bed. and go to Buffy dot co and enter the. code bad friends thank you anyway yeah. you think because it involved children. it's like prison rules that's what I. said to somebody prison rules no no. women and children type of [ __ ] right. yeah if you kill a woman in a kit or. rape them in prison they kill you they. [ __ ] but if you kill a guy or a adult. male people are like who cares yeah so. you think the children on board. escalated it to a point for you where. you're not comfortable so he just and. also so the rape thing is one thing it's.

allegations right he got acquitted in. the rape crying acquitted right yeah. yeah you got acquitted and so um you. can't you really use that as well like. hahaha. a rapist died we don't know yeah I don't. know well if Cosby died you go hahaha a. rapist died yeah he was he's been cuz it. he's been convicted of rape not only. that it's twenty thirty forty women. right out of the woodwork yep coming out. yep it's same with um Harvey Weinstein.

right right hand so you can make that. joke of course but with Kobe you can and. he's also a good father it's not just me. saying and it's like everyone is that. that's something that you know on a. personal level or that you show I mean. you can just tell sure right just. through just the photos in itself like I. I don't disagree with you I'm just being. playing devil's advocate we I don't know. what kind of guy he was I don't know his. character I never knew him on a personal. level I assume from the public eye in. the. your perception of who he was I think he.

was a cool great dude I also don't know. dude I don't know that [ __ ] one weird. thing that he does that I was just like. what well he come on hasn't talked to. his parents he hasn't talked to his. parents for many many years you know. that for a fact. yeah I do why didn't he talk to his. parents because they sold a half a. million dollars with a memorabilia oh. right I do remember this yeah yeah they. sold and they just cut them off it's. like who gives a [ __ ] right here so. doesn't give his sister's money or.

anything that you use like they they're. smart girls they can handle themselves. or whatever there's some truth in this. yeah he has that mentality which i think. is a little weird but other than that. that still doesn't make him a bad guy. does make you a bad guy yeah yeah I mean. you didn't talk you didn't talk to. members of your family I my brother. Steve I will take care of for the rest. of my life if when it comes to my blood. yeah I've been sending my parents a lot. of money from the last 20 years. yeah every junk piece of money that I. make goes to my family right and I will.

take care of my family I take care of my. own that's my I understand yeah I'm also. saying I don't know I don't know the. content of Kobe's character based on. anything other than what I've seen in. the media it doesn't it doesn't mean I'm. saying the joke was justified I just. don't I don't know I don't care I didn't. care I don't care about Kobe enough to. understand if that's relevant or not my. point is he has a hidden rage because. yeah the [ __ ] out of me you know that. well yeah a lot of people know that but. it's something that well you want to. tell the story you know I don't want to.

tell the story I'm okay I just I don't. like your oh yeah well it's a common. thing people know that Ari yeah but you. always say it made me seem like a lot of. people want to beat me up or something I. well I wouldn't say a lot of people I. said there's a few people that don't. want to hear in the [ __ ] face really. you know who I'm talking about and. that's exactly why I want to even bring. that up so tell me who wants to beat me. in the punch me in the face and you want. me to say it oh yeah why you and we. could cut it out if we're not gonna cut. it out go ahead you know no tell me I. don't know I don't want to do this I'm.

not gonna say who wants to be you enough. no I just do what you able cut it I. would you do it I want to know oh yeah. yeah yeah yeah he'd say his name. Kevin chef [ __ ] hates your [ __ ]. guts you you think that he hates my guts. you guys we've done this before I'm just. saying you think I think that he is one. of the worst human beings I've ever met. in my life sure I know we've done this. before Mike what my point is there are. people don't hit you in the [ __ ] face. okay oh yeah for no reason sure it.

happens all the time yeah okay and I. know people who want to punch you in the. face yeah you want to call them out do. it no I don't want to go ahead move on. no you no you [ __ ] move on. so look have you said anything to Ari no. I wanted to do you you don't plan on it. too you know did you text anybody about. it oh yeah you didn't text me we call we.

talk to called you we talked on the. phone it was it look I talked to Kevin. Christy about it hmm. I talked to who did What did he say what. you you know it's it's it's it's. sensitive because I do love Ari. so do I yeah so it doesn't change the. fact that we're talking about what. happened yes so there is I you know I do. love them but um you know it's like when. my dad my dad one time almost killed one.

of my cousins on purpose yeah. holy [ __ ] why because my cousin didn't. say hello to him now that makes sense. my dad he what my cousin was 12 though. and my dad took his head mm-hmm and did. muy Thai knees to his face like 20 times. dope and then when my cousin we call him. Hong Kong don't know yeah which is [ __ ]. brother don't young mean [ __ ] brother. yeah yeah so [ __ ] brother his head flew.

back and I remember his face just being. split open oh and just blood gushing out. and I just remember what color is you. guys his blood yellow go you remember. his face split open away alien blood it. burns it burns yeah what happened what. happened he's face split open and what. anyway I remember the ambulance coming. this and that and I remember looking at. my dad and so it's like I do love. dad but when he acts like that yeah when. he used to act like that it's like what. do you do well what do you do what do.

you do. no nothing I do nothing so do you just. gonna let this thing pass and let it die. out yeah I will never bring it up never. right yeah we will you know like if you. saw you wouldn't bring it up. no no just cuz I don't know what why do. I care I'm sorry yeah I don't care okay. I treat that like you treat my wife's. car yeah yeah you don't everybody. everyone would treat your my wife's car. the way I treated your wife's Connor. people don't just hit other people's. cars nobody does that but that's the. problem with the United States I think. that's the problem with us that's the.

problem with United States I'll tell you. why okay how stereotypical to be a bad. Asian driver it's almost like you are in. a bad agent the reason why is because I. have Asian mentality which is what I. don't give a [ __ ] no no it's not what it. is dude you don't [ __ ] get it what is. it I'm gonna explain it to you [ __ ]. [ __ ] mm-hmm all right is is that have. you ever been to Bangkok or Asia or look. right not Japan I've been to Japan but. not not in Japan because it's more like. you guys it's good yeah go ahead but.

it's like you know in Bangkok for. instance right you get a fender-bender. right they'll stick their heads out of. the car see if there's no smoke and if. there's no smoke they go okay move on. have a good day you okay go hey there's. no like getting to the side of the road. and it's a dent who gives a [ __ ] but. they pee in the United States right you. get a little school I get you I want. time key to Porsche why the show that's.

showing up the engine that's so [ __ ]. up no but to me I have Asian mentality. so I keyed it and then I heard the guy. didn't even never knew it was me but he. put fliers around who keyed my car right. and all that stuff and I giggle you. don't mean me but it's like I don't give. a [ __ ] you over there the car moves I. know but that's someone look at my car. look at my Prius it's someone's property. I bang it against [ __ ] I don't give a. [ __ ] that's cuz you don't care other. people I care I think I don't think. anyone should care I'm gonna come to. your house into a rock to your window do.

you care yeah that's different why how. still works if cars no it doesn't. because the house is supposed to protect. you from the elements. there's a window when there's a crack in. the window it doesn't protect you okay. what if a tsunami goes through that. little I'm gonna throw a poop on your. I'm gonna throw poop at your house for. the next couple of days straight there's. gonna be poop everywhere that's fine do. that okay yeah then I'm gonna throw poop. on your property oh okay you want the. reaction you're gonna okay so so when. you hit someone they should be allowed. to just hit you back yeah what do you. mean you like my car um you know I'm. gonna hit you I'm gonna hit your next.

week I'm gonna hit your car with my. wife's car again and I'm gonna hit your. device car again it'll be fun because I. you're gonna care I'm not gonna care you. know it's gonna happen you know I want. to do it seriously what whatever money. we make from the first month of the show. yeah I want to buy two cars and I want. to get in it and hit each other with it. as hard as we can that's right on the. street fast that's fine and George is. gonna be and George will be in the. middle of the cars yeah but you. understand my mentality when I get it I. get it I think it's [ __ ] up but I. totally get it. it's that [ __ ] up it's it's honestly. the truth no it's your it's your version. of what's okay it doesn't mean it's.

everyone's version of what's okay yeah. but whatever their business when you. stood you have your stolen from a. grocery store have you ever taken a food. I don't because that's wrong why is that. wrong because it's somebody's property. exactly Robert right it's somebody. else's property right you damaged my. property it's wrong yeah but it's it's. not like the store is moving around. right trying to get around other stores. it's a matter of our it's a [ __ ]. metaphor the store isn't on wheels it's. not moving through the streets dude okay. Vons des isn't on roller skates it's a.

[ __ ] stable place that's someone's. property that if I took from you'd say. it's wrong okay let me make an. adjustment then please make an. adjustment I already said please okay. accidentally I didn't purposely hit your. wife's car it seemed like it all right. look I want a Wii so I tweeted about um. we're gonna take a phone call cuz I. really want to do this because I want to. see what people say I said to people. we're gonna take a phone call we want to.

pick at random I'm gonna pick three. names but what are we talking them about. that's they're gonna be the best part. we're gonna grill them we're gonna grill. them about life I'm gonna pick I'm gonna. pick three names you're gonna tell me. which one you like the most. Steve bliss yuck. [Laughter]. [Music]. Isaac beak okay Chloe Casey let's do. that. that girl Chloe Casey go girl okay we'll. do Chloe Casey all right Chloe we're.

gonna call Chloe Casey we're gonna see. what she FaceTime or maybe it's he have. to say we're now we're gonna call right. now of Chloe's a guy oh that's gonna be. fun. already we're calling right now okay. we're set up George you better be here. we go you should be able to hear this in. your headphones any minute now. oh you hear it you good yeah Shh come on.

this is insane. like hello hello hello you [ __ ] up you. [ __ ] up Chloe Chloe wait no no way we. know where Chloe get your [ __ ] together.

hey Chloe Chloe Chloe don't ever talk to. us that way don't ever talk to me that's. insane don't want move that again Chloe. where are you right now where are you I. am in gone down there for shows is that. a good place that's where a cot there's.

a college there do you know what college. is there no hmm was it good what city is. it though it's called college stations. that's the city oh is it near Houston or. the big one it's not the worst city are. you a student Chloe yeah she goes that's. what that oh yeah I've heard of that. what you're a big orange right they're. Orange um the football team has an. orange I guess everything is burnt and. it's kind of like brown and orange it's. red really oh really. yeah Bobby's colorblind what's your.

major. all right teach us something good give. us something give us a psychological. review of our friendship go ahead go. ahead. honestly I could not do that because I. don't yeah all right well Khloe but. Khloe are you in a relationship Khloe.

why because you're damaged are you. damaged I are you damaged wait Khloe. Khloe is it because you know do you have. daddy issues yes what happened years ago.

so didn't really work out that whole. situation yeah I'm open for love I'm not. gonna not gonna let that define me you. know well you know what Khloe you. shouldn't and we love you we want it we. want to let you know Bobby and I both.

love you very much and you're gonna get. through it because Bobby also went. through something like that recently. yeah my dad died in August yeah his dad. died she knows she's a fan she knows. your dad everyone is your [ __ ] dad's. dead might as well we're sure okay dope. Khloe let me tell you something we love. you you are gonna find love I want to. say this to everybody out there her name. is Chloe Casey she's in College Station. Texas her phone number of course as we. always do on the show love you so much. Chloe kissy Kissy bye baby.

she was great is that her number really. mm-hmm. you gotta you can't do that yes again. yes I can yes I can to cut that out. right rate his country in the world I. can do whatever I [ __ ] want this. isn't Korea dude I can do whatever I. want here yeah I've never anyway um I. imagine her imagine imagine it's the. saddest thing in the world she really. imagined lay up imagine if she was. cooking with a dude and he died too then. at that Bob but no but then at that. point you would just be like yeah yeah. cat lady yes yeah you want to do one.

more let's do another one. yeah all right I'm gonna find a point. though to what we do have a point what. is the point. we're trying to find out who they are. and what they're doing and why they love. us yeah I needed to see their faces. though well do but if you want to bring. enough to face what it's Chloe yeah what. does Chloe's face look we're gonna have. to face time next time cuz we're gonna. have to find a way to do it so we don't. have our [ __ ] number can we do that. there's got to be a way away all right. how about Elton Roberts no or AJ Hines. Kelsey Harrington because Theo von Theo. von has I screen they're very technolog.

yeah but they have a techno when I say. we're working on it I mean I'm [ __ ]. working on over the gorge yeah you've. been fingering your little [ __ ]. butthole your little dumpling a butthole. how about Marco Penndel yes do that love. Mexicans yeah Marco pinedo baignade. let's look at look at all get raesha. look at this guy though look at this guy. really look at hey Marco I'm gonna call. out Marco Marco I said hey email us your. number he just wrote call me I know your. [ __ ] number you dumb [ __ ] oh come on. dude what are you doing you dork so he's.

not he's out no he's out I don't have. his [ __ ] number let's call somebody. here we go here's one here's one Gustavo. Robles I love we love it dude we love. these kind of guys here we go we're. calling him right now this is Gustavo. Robles Gustavo. or Robles what do you think he's from. Brown itself Sal deep south your call.

has been. nine five one four five oh no we can't. put his number on the that was gonna say. his number out loud we could you beep it. out yeah we don't need to we don't need. to he doesn't deserve to get a message. from us he didn't answer his phone I. said be ready how about how about we do. this how about we do someone you want. another girl you like girls don't you. know the girls either Dawson Bailey or. Jessica Kay let's go Jessica okay you.

like that huh yeah yeah okay here oh. look at this. why are you calling back no no she goes. my number is blank um I'm kind of like. um kind of interesting I do porn and I. love comedy you should call me I'm a. huge fan. all right I'll call Jessica Kay let's do. the Mexican thing done still oh just for. Jessica Jessica Jessica gay okay here we. go. this is Jessica Kay she says she does. porn and she's a fan of us both and she. wants to okay my fear is people don't.

want to answer unknown numbers doesn't. really matter do you really think these. people think I was gonna call them from. our real [ __ ] number maybe it's. restricted hey how are you. are you doing you know who this is. yes you're doing or go Raiders go.

[Laughter]. Jessica who is this where do you live. [Music]. there hippie style there is yeah is. there a burning man up there - yep there. is yeah it's a ball it's called burning. them. burnings a hey Jessica are you are you. really into are you really a porn star I.

am yes I mean I'm not like big-time or. anything I'm mostly a can model but yeah. I do it full-time. Jessica Kay point cam modeling job. that's right that's your full-time gig. yeah Wow. how do they find you how do they find. you how do they find your uh your videos. or ha I don't know. work because I'm Christian but well my. Twitter is just out just to catch a BDSM. but I'm pretty shot up and on there. because they hate sex workers so. otherwise defined me is like my which is.

just really easy to find Jessica we're. looking at your vagina is very pretty. that's cool you know like nice and. everything yeah yeah you [ __ ] you shave. as well it looks like what's inside of. their chest yet yeah that's come I do. you let people come inside you not.

generally no oh okay maybe that's just. uh [ __ ] vagina okay and I do a lot of. like I do a lot of like lesbian stuff as. well because I like girls more guys it. feels weird looking at you're a butt. plug in your butthole and talking on the. phone so cordially this is a very. wonderful thing but Jessica I do know. that oh no it's great it looks awesome. wait sorry can I tell you a quick story. there go ahead yeah you might want to. hear about how my brother found out that.

I did porn oh yeah because I have two. siblings and they're older they're much. older I'm like the youngest on TV that's. why I'm so [ __ ] up you know and so I. had nine points like two years I've made. since I was 19 and I'm 23 now and my. brother was on tumblr because he you. know I was a normal person was going on. tumblr what's going through and he. literally thought that a picture of me. stressing my own eyes I don't like to.

rock his phone yeah and then he had to. like have that conversation with me like. I know you do that and those are the. Thanksgiving what did he ask you we. didn't tell you it was a holiday. how do I avoid that I'm not a doctor but. they have direct muscle the rectal. muscle is there for a reason though is. your fist well I know the doctor says.

only be okay time I've gone way past. that you know it's part of my living but. I'm not careful and I haven't pull off. madness that's not my goal so do you. have limitations yeah you shouldn't. prolapse because you do know that's. really bad for your tushie if you do. that you know yeah you won't poop right. for the rest of your life yeah it's. actually very bad to prolapse that's. right that's right that being said we we. are we are very into people that do.

prolapse. I like tails yeah Jessica this is pretty. incredible let me ask you one more thing. you um you uh you live in Oregon Oregon. is very sex positive sex forward there's. a lot of strip clubs up there right yes. do you strip as well you do what's the. name of the club can we do not all. comedy fan pretty much let's do a rating.

oh boy one through ten who you like okay. Theo von one through ten no no just keep. it ready and eight eight out of ten is. out of ten just okay Bryan Callen yeah. what what number one number one through. ten six what give Andrew yeah what about.

Bobby what about me what about Bobby. okay we're tense we're done okay Jess. Jess we love you very much if we do we. do appreciate you of anybody if anybody. wants to see Jessica K's anus you should. have a lot of good butt shots on here. your booty is out there your your. Twitter is Jessica KB DSS your face so. let me see your face you got very pretty. face your face what is your [ __ ] I.

can't judge a person by their awesome. thank you very pretty very pretty yes. very pretty face so. we go ahead and go on a justification. Twitter and she's the nut she's got. great boobs oh my god those yours Ches. tattoo or bladder fake they're faking. that's a brand that's a tattoo Jess. Jessica Kay I hope you get a lot of new. fans from this you got a super nice butt. and a super good personality we love you. very much I was great she was great she.

was wonderful let's rank her ass all 1. through 10 we can't show the fans we're. not gonna show that smut what do you. think honestly yeah. can you see that gorge on the camera you. can't see that okay good. what do you think it is her [ __ ] yeah. I think of Regina is an 8 very nice. vagina yeah yeah her [ __ ] is a 4 see. bottles are hard for me because I don't. like buttholes yeah but I want it all. there I can't see the [ __ ] muscle or. nothing because she's puts a lot of. stuff in there yeah I have a story I. have an [ __ ] story but please please.

but I can't say the name so what you can. still say the [ __ ] story you don't to. say the name so I was um at a meeting a. long time ago uh-huh. and I ran into a couple of British. bodyguards British bodyguards yeah these. two bodyguard old rockstars back in the. 80s a twin brothers what do you mean. they're just two dudes two English dudes. that used to just be bodyguards for. bands in England. awesome and can't name the band can you. not [ __ ] no I'll tell you off I know but. I know they want to know so they took.

one dude to Thailand right some big rock. star and he was [ __ ] little boys. there oh [ __ ] I know that's why I can't. say look it's yucky yeah so he's [ __ ]. underage boys but so you know there's a. med am there and he went and [ __ ] a. boy and the boys [ __ ] came out what's. not funny I'm not sad you left no no I. didn't mean that he said to the madam I. don't know if it was true but he said. could I have another one this was broken.

[Laughter]. you can't break it and then claim that I. want another one. can I have another one this this one's. broken. [Laughter]. I'll tell you off I'll tell you I wanna. know who what yeah yeah let's call one. more person alright I think it's very. fun can I have another why I wish you.

could share if you share does it is that. you think that's you think that's not. okay to do to say who was it it's. basically like google i try to google it. yeah and nothing came up. it's just like the re thing where it's. like the kobe thing it's like one. incident I can't you know mean I know a. lot of guy I know ruin his legacy off of. one I know I know. did by the wayside know did already lose. something from that he lost something. right did Netflix I'm not gonna do. something whether someone I know that um. aqua left and like dumped him he was. this commercial agent I know that um I.

heard his manager might have left him as. well really yeah huh I don't know that. for sure though you want to know here's. one of your own here's Albert choy he's. a Korean he says Bobby Lee's cousin is. it Andy or out it says Albert choy I. don't I I know an Andy choy that's my. cousin but Albert I don't have a I don't. have a cousin named Albert liar Alberto. is a liar call him it now you want to. call this liar yeah okay I don't know if. you want to call a liar he's from. Southern California but please open it.

up with an asian accent of course. because if you can do it in front of. strangers then I'm okay with it. yeah what do you mean alright ready this. we're calling Albert Choi who says he's. your cousin obviously a lie but you do. have an Andy Cho cousin I have 28 first. cousins I might have Albert say let's. find out I mean it's you know what if. this is a long-lost connection that. we're making today Oh that'd be great. because I won't give a [ __ ] I'll have no.

feelings about it these people are so. afraid to answer but I get it your call. has been forwarded to an OP too bad for. you bub Alberto you're not gonna get the. phone call we're gonna do just one more. of those if that's and it doesn't go. through then too bad door - OH - at all. I have your pizza oh hey thank you so. much is there sausage on it that was the. quickest delivery I don't have my oh. line wonderful you know why it's a. Valentine's Day happy Valentine's Day. did you forget to make reservation ideal.

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Kendall Kendall that could be a boy or. girl what do you what your get what's. your money on it's a girl yeah you know. why we're doing this you know we're. calling women instead of men because men. get all it's him it is enough with with. men it's enough you've gotten enough. your whole life we're sick of it it's. also cuz it's way more fun. Kendall Cavanaugh that girl was. incredible just incredible. this is Kendall Cavanaugh and I'm. curious to know what I'm gonna look it.

up and not say anything these people are. scared to answer that random phone there. it is Kendall Kendall Kendall. I can candle what are you doing I'm. Alberto and this is and I'm Andy Choi. and we're big fans of you Kendall what.

are you doing right now Kendall what do. you what do you do for a living Kendall. [Laughter].

here what's the coolest thing about. concrete other than it dries so do you. Kendall we love you because you hold the. world together you're you're a. controller what is it what's it called. you're in office are you in an office. Kendall yeah you're kind of like the.

Wizard of Oz the Wizard of concrete and. you know what those brick you know what. the yellow brick road was made out of. brick concrete hey Kendall you have kids. yeah how many I do not why not why don't. you have any I don't know I'm 27 and I'm. not ready for that. hell yeah yeah are you single Ken doll I.

am not Ken okay Ken so you're not single. and what does your husband or boyfriend. do he scores. do you like to get out there and reach. out yeah you really want to girls break. out of your comfort zone you really want. to really drive yourself to a place. where you're gonna have some you must be. very happy. I said I can get you a job you gave this.

guy [ __ ] and a job you're like the. greatest woman on earth he should. because he [ __ ] you you're holding his. life together without vagina and money. but he's not in the office though right. he's out there with the concrete or did. you give him an office job let me ask. you something when he's out there he's. sweating he's working hard all day. you're in the office ticky-tack typing. away on your little computer with your. air conditioning unit comfy as [ __ ] when. he comes home at the end of the day from. you know sweaty and disgusting and dirty.

do you go right do you guys go right to. [ __ ] or do you make him clean up or. do you like the smell of that concrete. still on his body that's what I do every. two sweaty balls have you ever tasted. his nuts after he has a long day what's.

the name of the company Marv be Olson. great start for one last question where. do you live Kendall can I tell you can I. tell you how great that is have you as. your boyfriend ever shot a nut and said. fantastic finish when you next time you. guys [ __ ] well you said no next time you. guys [ __ ] will you say great start and.

as soon as he comes I want him to come. all over and go fantastic finish well. you said will you do that for us please. yeah yeah Kendall thank you so much we I. want you to say one thing for me I want. you to say I say I'm Kendall Cavanaugh I. love it when my boyfriend's sweaty. concrete nuts are on my chin will you. say that my boyfriend thank you yeah.

you're one of our bad friends I love you. Kendall thank you so much. she's great she's fantastic Kendall. Cavanaugh what a great that's a cool. name and also you know boyfriend. concrete business yeah I'm not good at. that. what do you mean you just did a great. job no but I you know the whole thing I. just don't know I don't know I'm not. good at it I think you did a great job I. know I'm just telling you right now. about that's George I start sweating no.

[ __ ] you men I start sweating I don't. know why why these people don't look at. my face though yeah they want to say hi. is that what it is yeah they want to say. hello and have a normal conversation. with you I do that do like after a show. yeah I get really sweaty when I talk you. do meet and greets yeah what do you do. you do you make people line up and you. do photos and [ __ ] yeah I mean I was in. Nebraska and I had never played that. place before Lincoln Omaha yeah and I uh. I did a meet-and-greet and you know. people have tattoos on their faces but.

it's fine you know and I'd take photos. and um I don't sell anything I just like. to meet people you just like to say. hello and take a photo sometimes they. don't but you know when I feel like I. haven't been there before I like to meet. them is it predicated upon whether or. not you had a good set if you have a bad. set we all do not I refuse I [ __ ]. refuse if I have a bad set I even say it. out loud no I'll even say it onstage. I was gonna you know I was gonna go on. say hi but no you guys are tearing wait. why it's not like it's their [ __ ]. fault that you did bad it is their fault.

why do you really believe that that. sometimes it's the audience's fault no. because it's like you know when you. watch taxi driver oh when I'm just. watching taxi driver random guy some. people will watch taxi driver and go. that movie sucks mm-hmm right I mean but. it's still a good movie do a lot of. people think it sucks there are people. that yeah I think I watch it you don't. like I love it but like people will say. I can't watch it oh I think it's great. let me a listing of another movie um. what's the movie the rise of the. Skywalker okay do you see it you know do.

you know what it is I have social. reference I I don't like it I don't like. [ __ ] like that you're right but a lot of. people go it's a great movie what a. great franchise it's not it's not it's. just not it's not there's nothing you. can say it's just not so that's one of. those kind of things yeah it's not it's. not but I mean what's. yeah but I don't like any of that. you're right maybe my rhythm would be. wrong sometimes and maybe it's not their. fault it's not their fault it's your but. your energy is always so good up top. your expectations are through the roof.

yeah it's so funny last night um have. you ever done this I did so I'm trying. to come up with new [ __ ] you're writing. new jokes yeah uh-huh yeah. are you really yes I went to Santa. Monica to do Neal Brennan show such a. good show right so I have my new shed. yeah but the place is packed. I mean it's not packed every night every. time he does that yeah yeah it's sold. out sold out right because Seinfeld went. one time people turning being turned. away yeah and I'm up there and I try a. couple of jokes that I know that work.

yeah they didn't what we do there but. they're new jokes no I some. tried-and-true [ __ ] because the thing is. is that you know why I know why because. you should have done new [ __ ] they can. tell when it's when it's not new and. that's not what it is no I'll tell you. what it was okay yes I went in with. Bobby Lee club energy and you have to be. more inward yes that's right you have to. be like a mob like what I mean I did. that and I realized oh so then I went.

inward and I just started talking and. then as soon as I started going into the. new stuff yeah places where I thought. were gonna get laughs weren't yeah and. then I just would just segue right into. an old joke because you got nervous I. got nervous and the night went Bob. you're gonna try this other thing and I. would try it and then I when I drove. home I had tears Bob of just like you. [ __ ] you know why you new [ __ ] is new. [ __ ] it's not supposed to work those.

shows aren't supposed to be for like no. it's that it's not the fact that I it's. the fact that I bailed on them gonna. finish them oh you're mad at yet your. delivery yeah I'm mad that I wasn't. brave enough to finish the [ __ ] thing. that you went over there to [ __ ] do. well then you're gonna go back and do it. again well now I'm just like [ __ ] I'm. just gonna do it the store note you have. to go back I'm gonna go back over there. but tonight I have a show at the store. okay I'm just gonna [ __ ] do it. yeah you have to yeah I don't give a.

[ __ ] I can you tell me I know I don't. want it I don't want you to have to. share a joke but will you tell me. the premises of one of the new jokes. that you know works like you said none. of them work I don't give me one of the. premises of the new joke well there's a. story's a story what what cuz you know. Cosby call me [ __ ] all the time yeah. you're our [ __ ] go ahead the reason why. you're coming up [ __ ] is because a. month ago we heard a noise in our house. in the backyard freaked out and she goes.

you check out there and I go no you. right yeah and then she goes your [ __ ]. right yeah so then this actually. happened I was at a check cashing place. why are you at a check cashing like a. [ __ ] check advance place do I gotta. do a check cashing place for money you. don't go to a bank I have a bank - why. do you go to a check cashing place a. shadow money what are you doing - Adam. okay so what do you do you go to a check. cashing question you cash it right how.

much do they charge you to do that I. don't care can I tell you do you know. you can go to your bank and have them. cash it and just get the cash I don't. even do that I do the cash taking place. you know you could just go to your. betcha. okay yeah so I was checking I was at the. cat checking place okay I check a plea. and there was a Mexican lady in front of. me and she was wearing a dress okay and. some Mexican guy next to her was a baby. nice dress and she didn't say anything. so then he starts going agro right I.

said nice [ __ ] dress yeah a nice. dress [ __ ]. she didn't say nothing I told you. [ __ ] stuck-up [ __ ] and she said. ConAgra and I just like because of this. all this [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah I'm like I got. a man up you do I have to [ __ ] fight. for defenseless people so I look at him. you know me like no she was defenseless. by the way because she you could tell. she was scared she was scared yeah okay. so I look at the guy like stop [ __ ]. doing this and he looks at me then and.

he goes were you looking at bro. and I go pretty good so good tell that. story yeah that's a good yeah yeah yeah. yeah pretty good I said pretty good and. then I just kind of clammed up and I. just looked on the ground do you ever. say I don't speak English have you ever. done that has someone ever gotten a grow. with you and you've been like oh that. no no English no but I do do a character. like I have some sort of like social. anxiety yeah yeah I'll go I don't know. like I'll do that yeah but I won't do.

you know won't you know English it to. him yeah when people say [ __ ] like you. know like I'll have people say random. like racist [ __ ] really yeah and I like. being serious no they do it to try to. start a conversation give me an example. like I'll be at an airport this actually. happened I was sitting there waiting for. a big board in the side Texan kind of an. older man sat next to me okay going on. good kept looking at looking at me and. maybe he recognized me I don't know yeah.

but he wanted to start a conversation. right you look like someone people want. to talk to I don't know you do but. Sookie instead of saying Amen I'm a big. fan of your work or hey where you going. you going you know whatever right he. just said my daughter loves Hello Kitty. that's how we [ __ ] open it yeah but. that's a bond Experion no but this so. then I go what I didn't invent it maybe.

he thinks you might have know you kind. of look like the creator of Hell okay. yeah but my point is is that people will. do all kinds of stuff it's like is he. trying to be funny it was just trying to. like you did I smile he was just like. hey man my daughter loves what you guys. do races he's trying to just know it's a. conversation no it's racist yeah what. the [ __ ] are you talking about how is. that not racist it's the same thing as. when people go you wearing a Hello Kitty. sure no well then it's [ __ ] racist or.

it's like when people start like I'll. get you know you don't know that we have. to go through this but people ways go. you Korean sometimes well they go yeah. yeah they guess yeah yeah my best friend. Toby Jo was Korean in high school right. and that's the same thing it's like what. the [ __ ] I don't know Toby yeah who. cares big but I do that all the time. - Oh F Nick people I go up to Asians and. I go hey you Japanese and they go no I'm. Korean I go I know my best friend's. Bobby Lee he's four.

do you get that out you white people. don't go through that huh no most. White's don't go through but like I get. the redheaded joke thing that's so. annoying and hacky riid amount of do I. do too much no you're my friend you can. do it as much as you want right it's. just like me doing the Asian voice to. you as hacky but it's funny cuz we do it. together to each other alright but. people in public think it's funny. George probably gets made fun of her. looking just how he [ __ ] looks yeah. but like I have the red hair because if. you're gonna be white don't be like that.

don't be a boy like chose young I looked. up bluff in the dictionary and George's. his face was a no-no most White's right. they don't deal with anything like that. yeah typically yes but sometimes people. [ __ ] do this hacky do the hair is. your curb matter drapes oh and what do. you do how do you respond can't imagine. you responding in a lot of life away. honestly do it to me right now there's. literally this this happened to me this. happened me I'm not kidding a man at a.

bar so I'm at a bar go ahead amen hey. does the curtain match the drapes I. swear to God I don't say anything yes. there and make them uncomfortable. they're just [ __ ] around and they. don't know what to do. yeah also that you know like I'll get. someone will say like like a girl like a. drunk girl right there was a drunk girl. in Vegas and she was like spilling at. the at the table and I and I remember I. turned her and I go lady come on man get. it together like she's spilling on the.

[ __ ] and the the pit-boss had to go. ma'am please move she he they think. she's with [ __ ] me so now I'm like I. know she's out yeah she's spilling on. the table and she and I go lady come on. hey come on you're [ __ ] bumping into. people like I'm trying to be nice to her. as when I say it. she goes she had that [ __ ] up. fire-crotch what'd you do I beat the. [ __ ] out of no no what'd you do no I. beat the [ __ ] out of her. I choked on a [ __ ] no yeah nothing I I. didn't I didn't respond well what am I. gonna say when you think about it like.

when you leave when I was a kid I used. to get defensive and fistfight people. because that's why that's how that. happened but as an adult I don't have. any patience cuz I know she I know she's. a [ __ ] Maura like I know she's a. [ __ ] more. Rai Rai it's not even waste much it's. worth nothing worth my get like I get. submissive was like one time I was. Michael ila saying don't be a [ __ ]. because she's training you does not beat. not let someone step on you right I was. in a Chinese restaurant I'm not [ __ ]. kidding you and I'm going to the. bathroom yeah and some guy just goes. where's the soy sauce shut up or some.

sauce yeah hey where's my work there. yeah and you know what I did I got it I. got a man. I wouldn't got it I put it on his table. yeah well thank you you did know where. it was but I do that but here's one when. I regret yeah is um I was in Nashville. love Nash I love it too and I was at a. barbecue place with my friend Marissa. who nobody but oh man Marissa Tomei the. actress no but she's this cute white.

girl this is friend you know grabbing. dinner yeah. and some probably six foot eight. probably a seven year old man wearing a. leather or six foot eight 70 year old. yeah just this John Nick gigantic man he. was with his family hmm. and he comes up beside me and he puts. his hands around me well I'm talking to. my friend the son pull up your pants you. know what I did to you yeah I would I.

did that like a [ __ ] bit like a child. yeah I should have went a dude don't. [ __ ] touch me wrong yeah do not. [ __ ] touch me touch me and also you. should have taken your pants off you. should have bobby the [ __ ] double but. yeah i'll show you double down but I'm. no longer I'm not gonna do that anymore. why no I'm no longer gonna be submissive. right I'm not gonna no because I think. about it way too [ __ ] much. like it kind of I like lay in bed. sometimes and I'll think about that one. incident yeah because that's because you. need to stand up for yourself that's. what it is okay let's play a scenario.

right yeah you're you're out you're with. your with your with not kalila cuz. that's too good it's got to be somebody. who's somebody who works for you like. like Gilbert okay I'm with Gil okay. you're out with Gilbert yeah right. Gilbert's kind of he's a very nice guy. he's a little quiet but he also is very. like. mmm-hmm he commands right you guys are. like Cafe 101 mmm okay ready and then. you're sitting there with Gilbert just. you not be talking to Gilbert. about some got your face is so flat. today that's from their words I know I.

know keep going yeah yeah. what do you mean I know it's just like. you did a hundred yard dash in a 90-yard. gym yeah but like I've hit a wall that. fat yeah hey yo what's up you Bobby Lee. yeah yeah I don't like your comedy at. all okay yeah here man. okay well you're also in my [ __ ]. booth I sit there so get out of my. [ __ ] booth no get out of my [ __ ]. booth okay let's go Gilbert I said well.

no one but you did say no once the first. time but the second time what you don't. want to fight this guy for a while what. you [ __ ] it up. that's never happened all right let's. you ignore unless you I would never be. real about I'll be very real ready okay. I'm with Gilbert again you're. unfortunate Leigh yeah yeah here's the. situation you pulled into a gas station. yeah yeah and I we're both kind of. waiting for a pump you got you kind of. snuck in there before me but you. technically it's yours. okay but you but you don't I mean yeah. okay okay ready you get out of your car.

well say something so Gilbert did you. used to drive a steamroller and you fell. off and your head got that way no man. all right I want me to pump gas wouldn't. you know hey bro. yeah man I I was here - I was waiting. for this for this spot you you like. literally just swooped in front of me. and took over the pump actually I was my. car was a little head of yours and I you. know that I was in front of you or so. you you weren't in front of me and I. think what you're doing is [ __ ] rude. all right dude um how much is gas for. you my car my coat to fill up my car.

yeah it's about $285 here you go you're. just gonna give me your money. yeah shut the [ __ ] up really shut your. [ __ ] poor face up. my guess is $800 I wouldn't it's up to. $180 yeah well you already paid you. [ __ ] up Johnny I wouldn't do that. let's like brus rewind a little bit. ready yeah go ahead hey man you know. seriously you did cut me off like I want. you to apologize to me for that I'm. sorry.

[Laughter]. yeah hold on hey man you stole my yeah. you stole my pump I was here first. relax dude I was ahead of you and I'm my. I'm like the things the nozzle is. already in my car I'm pumping okay well. I want you to take out the nozzle cancel. your credit I'm never doing that dude I. was here I don't give a [ __ ] call the. cops I don't give a [ __ ] you know what. what I want to call the cops call them.

you're not gonna say sorry for cutting. me oh I will not say sorry for to the. end of my life I won't what's your name. Dominic Dominic what Cruz the actor no. the MMA fighter the MMA fighter yeah. that's you yeah you're the [ __ ] ain't. gay who's that ugly flat face kid in the. car to Tiki statue I got from Hawaii let. me see how you would handle that dick. who you how you would handle a go ahead. all right. um hey dude that's my [ __ ] palm [ __ ].

off see that's good yeah. Don because you have a physique yeah but. you're you do you have let me handle the. how I really would let's do it for real. yeah yeah here yeah I'm pumping Shh okay. I'm tell you who it is. yeah go ahead I'm LeBron James okay I. got to get there in my head okay yeah. I'm there ready yeah okay yo man yo man. yo I was ahead of you dude it's like. remove that nozzle I'm gonna park where. that is and you're gonna back up because.

that's my slot Michael Jordan's the. greatest basketball player of all time. Josh. Shh that you would that would shut him. up yeah he would he would laugh he'd. probably laugh yeah you made a joke he. would laugh Wow or punch me. either way I'm getting [ __ ] paid yeah. knock me out LeBron knock me the [ __ ]. that's the Bob you do you do it but. you're Kevin Bacon. I'm Kevin baby I know you're Kevin Bacon. every try yeah yeah why am I doing this.

anything to do very Footloose yeah yeah. he was in Footloose right yeah I hear. you already you're at the pump I'm Kevin. Bacon. hey man you took my spot I was at that. pump before you yeah yeah yeah I wish. that uh you had died and not bill paxton. I am dead bill Paxson's alive Bill. Paxton died Diddy holy [ __ ] this is bad.

how do we not know this I know this is. Kevin Bacon dead Kevin big is alive no. he died no Kevin Bacon's alive but by. the way Bill Paxton yeah so see bacon. bill Paxton's a lot died yes so see. bacon with a tiger belly a bit on our. podcast I love her and I love her dad. that was just yeah we're just kidding. I'm kidding scenario we're allowed to. joke around love you and I want you to. live forever why Bill Paxton why did he. pass away what did he die from he was.

here know that you he had an operation. that went wrong oh my god Bill Paxton. this is crazy. yeah Bill Paxton Johnny you don't know. he died in 2017 after running into a. tiny little Asian man at a gas station. in an argument soon after the argument. Paxton drove away had died of a stroke. dude you [ __ ] killed Bill Paxton. boo-boo um it's crazy that he died I. mean what a great. he was so incredible yeah I'm really. annoyed that I didn't know he was dead I.

apologized that was my [ __ ] fault did. you not know he thought was your doing. still doing a joke no I wasn't doing a. bit about that part they Kevin Bacon. part I knew he was alive I was just. joking around. yeah but I didn't know that Bill Paxton. passed away people died and I do I. forget don't you forget sometimes no. name me somebody that's dead and I'll. tell you if he is or not. I'll name bunch of people that that that. yeah how about that there's gotta be a. website called people you didn't know. we're dead. that shouldn't try to mix in people that.

are still alive and I can tell you okay. uh Betty White. alive oh yeah yeah she is. um Val Kilmer alive um hold on what's. the girl what's what's the girl's name. from Star Wars what's her name she's. dead. yeah okay okay okay hold on this is a.

web site yeah yeah oh here we go. Brittany Murphy dad okay let me Nate. don't look at the screen how would I. name me one okay Tara Reid Dead Alive. she's alive [ __ ] she's still bad at this. okay okay okay how about how about how. about Harold Ramis dead [ __ ] let's see. another one of these how about they knew.

him oh you did yeah Wow he was [ __ ]. one of the greats. how about Michael Clarke Duncan dead. [ __ ] Rowdy Roddy Piper dead we knew him. he was at the store he's not there. anymore you know what I just realized. his website his actors that are dead you. have to date Mixon people that you thank. you thank you thank you thank you. what is this ooh this is great okay. here's some list uh this is really good.

Angela Lansbury dead that's right yeah. [ __ ] drew Carey alive nope dad do care. he's not a daddy. yes he is no he's not Willie Nelson. Willie Nelson he's alive he's dead is he. really. he's dead [ __ ] he died yeah yeah wait is. he alive he's alive. [Laughter].

Dick Cheney alive he's dead. Dick Cheney dead he's not he's alive. he's alive I'm not playing this game. it's fun all right Carl Reiner Carl. Reiner died yeah that's right. David Attenborough ooh. dead he's dead mmm Bobby Lee.

if you were dead. yeah you would be the [ __ ] worst. ghost of all time you would be the. shittiest ghost. oh it would be as you'd walk around on. let me I'm really good it there were how. many people are dead but it's funny. because I don't even know celebrities. yeah if you okay if you died yeah and. you got to visit your funeral uh-huh. right and if I didn't go because I know.

you won't go if I didn't go because I. had to do magnum p.i or something [ __ ]. what are you [ __ ] serious I not put. you in a rage I would haunt I would. haunt you. kalila I would haunt everyone you're. associated with because I have to work. you [ __ ] work you call magnum p.i work. alright I know what you do you go out. there and you drink coconuts you don't. do [ __ ] I know if you didn't show up to.

my [ __ ] funeral and I saw I'd be I. would be so funnier and any excuse that. you would have for me though yeah what. something with your family know if. something bad happened to Steve or your. mom then I would not excuse it okay if I. died right yeah and you let's say. Stevens you got a Steven Spielberg movie. yeah and you're you have a scene with. Julia Roberts and Tom Hardy okay right. and it's only Julie Robertson it's just. Tom Hardy I like Tom re you just have.

this one day in New Zealand right. it's a epic scene right and if you don't. make it you're not on the movie if. you're not there right if you miss my. [ __ ] funeral I'll be ok with that. here's the deal though here's the best. part I would go to the funeral and be. able to get on a plane and fly to New. Zealand because you go back in time when. you go down there Wow that's smart. or is it forward [ __ ] I don't know that. well whatever is it backward down there. well regardless of what it is whatever.

it is whatever do both no even if you. couldn't let's say you couldn't I would. do your funeral I would I would yes you. mean more to me than you mean more to me. than [ __ ] that I would not do the. same for you you [ __ ] what yeah it's a. big deal I mean one day look at it like. this it's one day in a movie where. you're insignificant as [ __ ] Tom Hardy. mega star hot guy awesome cool we'll. steal the movie and who was the other. person Julia Roberts yeah okay first of. all they would never be a movie together. second of all she's the [ __ ] cheese a. shining star brilliant beautiful person. you're one day couldn't be a substantial.

role so it means nothing you'll be just. another little fart poopoo nugget. dumpling character that they threw to. you and it wouldn't mean anything to the. movie would you be mad if they didn't. put your son and name on the comedy. store awning for at least a day live it. I would be [ __ ] if I didn't get a. make God laugh sign yeah and the Laugh. Factory and a r.i.p story live it you. know what I would be living at huh if. Jamie put make God a raff I would be. like I've my ghost I would not think it.

was funny people would think was funny. if it said make a god a raft. ya gotta Ralph make a God around would. it would infuriate me oh my god you know. what what I'm gonna save money I'm. putting that I'm putting that I'm a. tombstone for you yeah make I got a raft. yeah but like yeah I would have to be in. the awnings you know for how many days. though that's the point. yeah so some people got a whole week. some people get look how did Brody get. what did Brody go to got more than a. week I think Brody got Brody got a. substantial amount of time like seven. days well that'd be just a week oh I. just said just more than I think he got.

over a week oh yeah about this two days. and you're out would that be mad yeah. two days Monday Tuesday it's open. [ __ ] my curse that I don't want I. want the poorhouse but yes Friday. Saturday your weekend yeah that's good. just two days also but in an in La Jolla. I don't know low I know I want to be in. the Jolla to for Friday and Saturday. yeah I want law and that on one side it. should say the headliners name on the. other side it should say but really rest. in peace. yeah yeah how about this what how about.

this this is good this is really sad and. weird and [ __ ] up yeah. if yeah when you're dead. yeah when you're dead and gone yeah and. if you go to the memorial that they're. gonna that they have at the Comedy Store. for you hmm. if you found out certain people were. there that attended your funeral that. you don't like how would you feel then I. would know who I'm thinking about a. couple of people you can name them I. don't give a [ __ ] there's a chunk of. people that you know that we both know. you don't like if they showed up how. would you feel about them there's a. couple of people that politically they.

have to who whose political whose Polly. they would just save face they we show. up yeah okay okay I know what you mean. yeah yeah no because I'll be honest with. you when Freddie Soto died yeah right. yeah he didn't like me why didn't. Freddie like you we just had a beef for. some reason comedy wise. yeah like I don't think you're funny -. no it wasn't that it was something else. but I want to get into that but um but I. had no I love Freddie yeah he just. didn't like me yeah right so but I. showed up anyway you did i sat in the.

very you know where the back yeah and. when they showed his baby photos could. you know how they that's [ __ ] that. is that makes you look makes you cry as. soon as the baby photo Freddie I. literally burst in tears where and. nobody wanted me there cuz this is when. Eleanor hated me and all these people. hated me why did Helen or hate you oh. she didn't talk to me for 17 years you. know that why I mean I know but why. didn't she. I thought you guys didn't get already oh. that's it yeah I thought there was a. thing that happened i ratted them out I.

read it I ratted people out I'm a rat. what did you rat them out for it's a. long story. alright don't sound like I could tell. you do it alright I'll tell ya tell it. so um Freddie didn't like me yeah we got. that and Freddie was very big at the. comedy store at the time. yeah he was and Eleanor was the talent. coordinator. mm-hmm they were best friends Freddie's. girlfriend princess Cori was also a. talent coordinator right and I wasn't. getting spots mm-hmm right.

so I would call in and then somebody. told me that oh they're not even giving. midsi that you're avails oh right. so I started getting paranoid. right as you do as I do right and I was. also working there as a doorman so just. sit there week on with just no spot so. then what happened was Paulie guys did. Kirk's back and Kirk is a time N and he. is like very pull potty yeah if you show.

up one minute late you're fired. never come back he like he was one of. those guys love that right yeah. but Kirk would go to me you want to go. up right he loved you yeah I go now. prime spot you could do whatever you. want with me. he'd loved he loved me so he would just. put me up. that's so wonder it's so wonderful but. everyone hated him all the waitresses. hated him to everyone in the club hated. him okay so then they did a busy day of.

what do you call it a UH what do you. call that forum where everyone's a. sign-up sheet you know to go to MIT see. it's like a petition thank you thank you. George thank you yeah but also shut the. figure a little too loud and aggressive. about it but yeah so he needed a. petition right to get to keep fire Kirk. oh right and I some somebody gave me the. petition sign it okay I'm not signed. this is the only reason why getting. spots yeah and they go and Paulie can't.

know they were doing this because crooks. paulie's guy right right right so the. first thing I do is call topic all 100%. right call Paulie yeah and I go yeah and. Eleanor do a petition and they're trying. to get a quarter and that's how I said. Kirk and I talking [ __ ] behind your back. like you're a little kid an abomination. right really broad right so yeah it goes. any wreaks havoc but then you guys.

Babbitt call me right right that's right. and then all of a sudden just sheer rat. I was a rat you're a rat that's a rat no. I'm not that's not a rock roach right. you never die right rats die yeah you. know Hawk roaches don't you stayed a lot. you've held on for the listen give me. all you [ __ ] young. is right that talk [ __ ] behind my back. right they say that oh you know he's old.

you know I mean he's not relevant all. that [ __ ] - yes. I'm the new [ __ ] I know it's in my head. Bible nobody literally nobody I'm just. saying if you are doing it remember. right I am cockroach I know going. nowhere you know so anyway what happened. was crook they found out and he stayed. on for a while he still kept the job but. man that [ __ ] it up with me Cory. Eleanor and I am real bad damn for a. long time for another 17 years after. Freddie died had changed and you know.

you got even worse but you and Eleanor. are good now because one day I don't. know what happened this only happened. two years ago shut the [ __ ] up. yeah you're in I guess mmm what happened. when I knew George Ellen I've just never. been in the same room with you two yet. because you I would avoid her right but. you avoid a lot of people at the store. not that you dislike him there's just I. do I do I avoid so I just assumed that. to be natural but one day we were armed. it was so weird I was downstairs now and. there was a bunch of people down there. and I'm just talking to people and I.

turn and Eleanor's right there. and it couldn't get away because people. were like and she just said do my. podcast like okay you said yes and then. the week that next week we did it and it. was squashed see people grow people. change you know when when already beat. the [ __ ] out of me all those times right. and I literally adamantly was like I. will forever hate him and one day it. just passed things change things you. know you just let things fly by and let.

things simmer down and things will. change don't react violently you know. just you know well if it's necessary. after you have to do what you have to do. yeah but so um yeah that was a huge. thing for him it's a big step yeah Corey. still doesn't talk to me who Princess. Cory though I don't know who that is. Freddie's wife that was oh the channel. corinader oh sure she doesn't talk to me. well do you want to call her no no no we. called a lot of she would have that she. would have to come up to me and go.

let's ask wash it yeah I'm not gonna say. anything well maybe we should maybe we. should reach out to her sometime you. want to do that now. alright alright you want to look into. the camera and sign off and say goodbye. to the to the kids did we do enough I. think we did a good job how long I don't. know we did some good time how long do. we don't keep asking how long we did I. want to know how long now we do that's. great yeah that's what over 120 is good. well we're still lobby you're slowly. make mommy moves in the sink I really oh.

no no signing up no no we look in the. camera and this a main one and we say. thank you for being our bad friend okay. remember hold on right ready don't first. of all don't please hold on don't talk. to me like Robert hold on okay Ready's. don't thank you what is it again thank. you for being a cow or bad from reading. one two three thank you for being our. bad friend. well don't [ __ ] it up you [ __ ] thank. you for be no just let me count it in. one two three.

thank you for being our bad friend. [Music].