Good Cop, Black Cop | Ep 94 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends I'm on tour come see me. this weekend I'm going to be in Florida. at Fort Lauderdale go to Andrew Santino. docomo New Year's Eve I'm going to be in. Phoenix doing New Year shows and then. all next year I'm everywhere go to. Andrew Santino docomo dcom for those. tickets hey guys I'm Steve um what's. going on it's really good to be here and. you. know you two are bad friends who are. these two idiots a white dude and an. Asian dude you two are disgusting w.

you two or something we're bad friends. hey Andrew you want to see Judas right. here boy s Bros in the. building black Judas. boy look look at this boy look at the. photo hey. man I've never seen his face like that. holy [ __ ] that was real anger oh that. was a pure rage washing over his face.

that is all insane dude they were like. Bobby and Tino going to love this come. through and I said you know what no no. we're not we're. not what is it what is this we're going. to I don't I don't love this [ __ ] yeah I. don't love it either dude they're biting. off of our now it's whack is whack to. you talking to the mic doc I think. you're a pro Doc it's whack man I. thought it was no dude D what it is okay. is is Shakespearean it's Shakespearean. bet this is betrayal betrayal look at.

all little knives on our backs we're. doing a scissor Brothers we have to put. the stuff on what what is this it's. scissor Brothers Club is this Jeremiah. yeah. yeah [ __ ] too remember right you. remember this is this brand new this um. this is yep do we have to wear the. shirts where shirt is that I don't know. why what is that do I get an instrument. do you oh straight up do you know what. this is called.

you don't know do you recorder wow I. used to play it can you rip no and you. have an accordion in front of you I have. an accord in front of you you have an. accordion in front of. [Music]. you careful you I love do yeah he's gay. whoa whoa whoa whoa that Ain that's. really good pretty good was that my. first time.

actually was pretty good lyric my. friend doc he. gay really good yeah I've been proving. every time I do it you come up with a. riff ready. yeah. Rudy that's it. Rudy you know you know I want to be. supportive I want to supp that's a very. good premise a beginning hold on.

Rudy uh. doc um. fancy. oh and then. George and then. Pete um [ __ ] this I don't like this bro. if you were an Indian dude yeah a snake. would not come out of the. F they' just be like because song sucks.

he' just be just yeah yeah like what's. he playing yeah yeah yeah I'm not going. to do my little thing um this is for. this no I don't want to talk why why are. we promoting these guys [ __ ] this [ __ ]. man [ __ ] these guys that's exactly what. I was saying I don't like this dude okay. this is giving this show more attention. these guys and they don't deserve it. look at this [ __ ] shirt what look at. his [ __ ] oh my [ __ ] God you poor. the [ __ ] there's nothing wrong with.

this. fellas yeah we're connected what does it. say on the back D dude traitor just. leave you know what it's like dude those. guys it's like a Manchester United Team. like. Cristiano Christiano Ronaldo walking. into the old traford training room right. with a [ __ ] Manchester City. sweatshirt that's exactly that's Man. City you know they they' [ __ ] burn. him alive wow they would burn him alive. in Old Trafford and no one would ever. talk to him about it again I don't know.

what I just youall want to burn me no we. don't want to burn you because because. of the climate because of the C culture. the culture so if this happened 8 years. ago you would have been burned Bro [ __ ]. just burned [ __ ] hot dock hot yeah hot. dock hot dock I'm glad that things are. all right so um real quick real quick. bro take that off oh you really want me. to take okay 100% okay yeah let's uh. let's get up out of this right take that. yeah take that off who did they give. that to you yeah let me see it you know. who they bet that from who dumbfounded.

you know how he has this Korean town. [ __ ] sweatshirt yeah it's nice here. put Doc put this on instead that's. you're Jeremiah today yeah yeah give me. that Jersey real. fast yeah okay hold on I W I won't. destroy it I won't destroy it I'll be. right. back where you going you're right. back hey guys um I'm Steve.

I I own 47 but I act like I'm. 12 are you tired Rudy no you rubb. rubbing your eyes well Rudy's done a. little change because what happened to. Rudy last night is um she left the house. at night she came back a different. person where did she go you ask she went. to the Harry Styles concert oh my God to. H Styles yeah yeah how cutie patootie is. he he's so.

amazing magical perfect okay I love him. so much I know what's one of his songs. what do you mean I'm Sorry by the. way never coming back out can't you see. if things just stay the. same is this a hit yeah yeah na. [Music].

wait the lyrics were so bad what say it. don't sing it just say what do you mean. I'm Sorry by the. way Never caling back. down can't you see you're still singing. it yeah you can't just you just talk it. just talk I want to sing it all right. you know what I'd love to hear another. one let's hear another one yeah hear. another hair style song Watermelon sugar. hi that song I watermelon sugar hi.

watermelon sugar hi watermelon sugar doc. hi we have Tammy F Baker in the. room back from the dead my god dude if. he had a Sunday morning church service. on TV right he wouldn't get a lot of. followers maybe eight be but those eight. would die for him let me hear what you. have to say to. user pracher pracher dog I have come to. unite.

the public I am Somebody Special Love Me. Or Hate Me I love my goddamn s and. tonight is is this is this preacher a. narcissist yeah weird this how I'm. supposed to I'm supposed yeah but. preachers don't Glo like I'm the best. preacher in the world I mean they don't. they talk about oh they talk about Jesus. a little bit supped to be humble and. talk about God or start over start over. Okay tonight we going to talk about the. Lord then after that you talk about me.

now oh God is good God is good but I'm. great he isy man can I get selfish. preacher hey this is for the scissor. Bros yeah no don't do that don't do it. Tino don't do it they do don't do it. don't do it don't do it that would don't. don't it's my. brother don't do it I don't care yeah. you do do yeah I I want you to do it I. want.

I want to do it so bad too cuz we're out. of this studio I want to light this. whole thing on fire okay but what I'm. saying is is that um my brother is very. sensitive and if if you want to start a. real war with him that's not good for. us we would beat him I know but I don't. want him to die I know what it I know I. know we would be able to defeat them I. won't burn this because I know that's. one of six shirts doc owns yeah yeah. yeah I'm I'm JK and doc doc dog I know. you got more than that anyway watermelon.

Sugar High what's watermelon sugar is. that I thought that was talking about. they say it's punani isn't it it's about. punani it's punani juice that's what. watermelon sugar is yeah I've never do. you know that that's pun I've never. eaten a [ __ ] and thought watermelon. let's ask doc yeah. yeah well don't you can't ask the black. eyye if he likes watermelon I. didn't I think you did I think you did. did I yeah yeah yeah pry so let me ask.

you something when you're listening to. watermelon Sugar High Doc in your car. right what happened does your dick get. hard or does your mouth. water my dick get hard. because bombshell I don't like. watermelon what yeah I don't [ __ ]. like I he's just blowing my mind you. don't like watermelon at all I love. water it makes me sick to my stomach I'm. glad you said that because I hate r.

I hate. it I hate it so you don't like so funny. and I don't want to get we get. stereotypical in the show we can ask at. the same time 1 two three do you like. fried. chicken was I didn't say anything you. said fried chick no I didn't yeah you. did I said do you like fries I'm not. even will I started sweating when you. said do you like I said french fries I. mean I mean do you like. do do you like fried chicken love fried. chicken you have to be eat not to like.

fried chicken like I love it with a pass. dude watermelon is the greatest fruit. ever ined how do you not like watermelon. how do you not just don't I don't like. it it just don't taste good but if you. put a little bit of Chile on there and. some lemon juice shout out to East. LA yeah it's good that way bro I'm you. don't [ __ ] hey that's you're talking. about tahen you're talking about tahen. right yeah tahen is good as put on. Little B have you never had a fruit cart. from the side of the road I refuse what. yeah Bob I refuse Bob it watermelon with.

fresh taheen on it can't do it it's. fresh cut up pineapple and watermelon is. it fresh they cut it right there in. front of you oh I'll do it okay we need. to do it yeah but it's not like pre. package no they they cut it right mango. pineapple watermelon and then let me ask. you another thing so what what what's. the stereotype The Stereotype is black. people like can't swim I can swim I i'. never even heard of that before can't. swim I have but I. haven't I have but I haven't okay let's. go through the all the stereotypes of. all let's go to through stereotypes of.

all Races all right so we'll start with. Doc with the ones that are in the room. okay right let's the ones in the room we. I feel like we can do it cuz we need. somebody to defend themselves correct. all right so let's go with black first. cuz we're already on the topic of right. doc doesn't like watermelon that's crazy. never heard of that before does like. fried chicken loves it love it can can. swim can swim how good I'm good I you. know maybe half a pool you know what I'm. saying all right but let me ask what. happens when you get to the halfway.

point of the pool he he drowns you drown. he falls the so you can't the like man. you know I'm doing a good job yeah yeah. yeah he just drops to the bottom yeah it. least it's the effort though let me ask. you this doc so if Andrew and I had a Bo. boat and okay let's go sailing Deep D. deep not deep dish deep sailing yeah. deep deep deep deep dish sailing deep. sea sailing uh fishing right yeah come. we threw you overboard that's a go joke. right funny how long would you be able. to stay out there alive you think about.

a half a pool like I told you so way. he's talking about how long could you. tread water for oh tread. water good maybe about a good 35 seconds. or something like that yeah he's out out. CS trading I you can't tread water for. 35 seconds yeah you're dead you're a. dead you would have been the first one. to die on the Titanic who could who. could TR rightz yeah probably Andrew I I. could waade in the ocean for at least 6. hours before I die you [ __ ] out of here. he floats 6 hours he's floating he's got.

hey bro we got to like do this at a pool. I got to see that [ __ ] it's amazing I'm. not going to do 6 hours of your I [ __ ]. to do man we go to a [ __ ] public pool. you're going to put me in the [ __ ]. deep end and go let's see I can't do it. Bobby he so mouthy but he looks like a. preacher right now the outfit I think. did you go to the Harry Styles concert. too that's what it feels like yeah so. are you have wine in that thing again. how did you know cuz I can smell it wait.

were you drinking on the. job all right so the other one was what. a no dad you I had a dad well well well. yeah he was there don't bring up the. Dad we talked about it don't bring it up. maybe we all got dad problems yeah but. ours weren't you I mean in a Cellar mine. was in. prison so that's kind of mine was in. right well your dad's in prison yeah. real talk real talk talking about high.

five about okay let Mo that's that's. connection right there in Black Culture. it is it is well you got to know. somebody in jail if you're black yeah. yeah I saw something do you know. somebody in jail right now 100% told you. yeah I don't know anybody that except. for your dad he's not in jail anymore. love you. Jamal he goes love you love you Jamal. who Jamal Jal who Jamal what is he in. for oh okay say he doing 87 well he get. Patrol he's he's eligible for parole in.

87 years can I tell you what he did he. had he he had like a dime bag of weed. ter. awful it was murder it was something. like that yeah you know huh life life. wrong hard on well so anyway so you can. swim so that's broken right you hate. watermelon that stereotype is. broken. okay I have one what is oh [ __ ] I don't.

BBC big black [ __ ] somebody's B [ __ ]. what the [ __ ] stop everyone stop talking. stop talking for a second how the [ __ ]. do you know what BBC means I just. know she does just know I don't. know big black I know now right but I. didn't know but wait a minute you don't. know if he has a BBC or not you better. not know I don't know it's just a. stereotype okay okay okay but you said.

it a little too like you're. sure let me ask you this Jules and this. is and Doc's not going to be offended. and I want an answer from you an honest. answer do you think that he has a. BBC. yeah she exactly no she said maybe. there's no. way standard standard oh you have a. stand notc standard [ __ ] bro just. walking around here in my standard you. know what I'm saying you know what that. is n sibc yeah a standard standard.

issued black [ __ ] I think that's. something I would ask if once I was. about to get [ __ ] in the ass I would. turn around and go is it standard you go. Advanced you're like a [ __ ] [ __ ] it's. Advanced. [ __ ] it's from the future oh [ __ ] all. right is there any other stereotypes. that you know Rudy that's it that's it. all right let's do Bobby Asian Korean. specifically I think Asians you got to. take Asians go ahead I could defend it. well because you and her are going to. have some overlap.

why well you're both Asian right but. from different parts I know but there's. the dog thing is the dog thing what dog. thing I don't know the dog thing that. you we love them that you eat them no no. you do me specifically do your. people that's true your people your. people you people love. dogs. yeah traditionally you're people like. dogs to argue though that poor white.

people eat [ __ ] like squirrels and. snakes and [ __ ] right% true we're going. to get to White my bad raccoon yeah they. CH down raccoon bro and you but he's. Italian though he's not and Irish I got. both oh you got oh wow yeah okay hey Doc. he's [ __ ] white white no but it's. he's white Italian's a little different. bro they're. not they're like I think they're like. the black people of white people but. that's just I'm not. know that's right doc would that be.

correct or no yeah yeah you're correct. okay let's go to. Asians you don't like dog that's. a shattered you like dog she likes the. taste of. dog not eating them I don't know the way. you responded I love dogs I care for. dogs but not eat dogs say I I don't eat. dogs say that I don't eat dogs all right. can we edit that to just plank out the. don't I eat dog I eat.

dog you hate rice no I actually do you. love doesn't everyone loves rice white. or brown I'm more of a white guy but I I. I [ __ ] with I [ __ ] with. purple have you had purple rice I like. purple rice do you like purple rice I do. yeah yeah with the little beans in it I. thought for a second you were referring. to you were using rice as a metaphor for. other [ __ ] like what I thought you like. Pur you're saying you're talking about. purples okay cuz Asians have purples. dark purples dark purples yeah but you.

like you prefer white rice over brown. rice wait a minute I how do you like how. do you like rice taste for Rice Brown. you like your rice Brown he would see. look I've had brown rice what the. problem is that's the problem I think. white is just. better in terms of rice yes I'm talking. about rice yes in terms of rice they're. Superior not healthier white rice is the. most Superior they were born Superior. Superior. healthier yeah you're right that's true.

white rice isn't healthier for you he's. drinking drinking more he is when when. did you start drinking dog I've been. drinking y'all just remember when I used. to park your cars I was drinking he was. boozing the whole time in the parking. lot of The Comedy Store I'm dead serious. one time I did actually smell on Doc's. breath and I was like man is this he. drinking I thought's you know what it. was remember when when Eric was a. general manager he told me to stop. having a glass of wine when I was. parking cars cuz I would always walk car. to car with with the glass and.

people I will come to your cars with the. glass im a valet or anyone parking your. car has a glass of wine with wine yeah. I'd be like no I'll park it myself but. hide a beer he's got a glass of wine. he's swirling it yeah I'm to leave the. keys there yeah it's insane yeah oh no. leave it yeah I'll back it in I'll back. it in yeah this shit's. nutty oh man y y'all should see the. tannins in this [ __ ] I never. drunk par girl I know but when you wake. up in the this morning when you woke up. dog when you woke up this morning is.

that like an orange juice for you like. you drink alcohol or no no no no this is. my my uh when the Sun goes down two to. three maybe four in the evening wait. what two glasses time oh what glasses. you know like 5 O that's a bottle of. wine little bit not every day though uh. every other day yeah something like. every four five days he's [ __ ] he's a. [ __ ] problem what what's wrong with. me it's fine you're fine wait a minute. you you're having a bottle of wine every. other day no not every other day I would.

say well it depends cuz I bought a 1.5. liter this is that's another stereotype. black guys don't like wine usually do. they no no see cracked another one. another one crack another one crack I. don't like beer I don't like Malt Liquor. well Malt Liquor that's yeah right do. you like Hennessy no when you smoke. cigarettes you like [ __ ] you get. cigarettes from I don't smoke cigarettes. I know but if you do do you smoke. menol I would guess I don't know yeah me. too he does yeah I guess that too I feel. like there's a bunch of cigarettes on.

the ground they're like pick one now he. would just grab the Newport just. instinctively and know you smoke Spirits. right he smokes American Spirits what. have it Menthol no no no no no no he. smokes the regular ones oh okay [ __ ]. accuse me of smoking Menthol dog what. the [ __ ] are you doing bro wait hold on. let me backtrack for a second I really. do want to know did you go to Harry's. alone with a friend who was the friend. Grace what's she what is she wait what's. she from school from school huh what is.

school. done when is school done it's [ __ ]. November it's of course not done I don't. know when they're done with them you. mean for the summer or just for the win. winter break oh isn't this now aren't. you done um I'm done December 15 I think. and when I say school you're not going. into school are you no yeah you don't. have to do that no I thought you. graduated am I college oh you're in. college now yeah yeah she's in college. now so we went from rice to dog is that.

it for you for Asians yeah rice dog yeah. driving uh badly driving uh. badly you are a bad driver me. specifically or my people you. specifically your people yeah but I I. would we just doing stereotyp I wouldn't. put that on my people though that's. horrible you you are hor like horrible. driver like you're the only you're the. only dude I've ever seen with duct tape. on his bumper It's just. bro this guy would pull into the comedy.

store parking lot like what the [ __ ]. Bobby like this guy and then if his car. get fixed it's [ __ ] up the next week. I'm like how the [ __ ] do this guy you. don't give a [ __ ] about you he just. doesn't care about cars you don't care. remember when I used to clean out your. car you used to pay me you know I'm done. with you pointing at no no no this guy's. inside people I'm done with the pointing. bro I'm going tell y'all something bad. friend go ahead go ahead this guy's car. is the dirtiest [ __ ] you would ever. [ __ ] like what's in it dude it's too. much yeah dude he's going off I don't.

like it. cigarettes better help oh hey hey hey on. this show we love this we love this. because we're big we're big about mental. health Bob and I both have mental health. issues we talk about it pretty openly uh. as an adult I find life to be um far. more comforting and there's more of a. direction when I'm doing better help and. I'm doing online therapy yeah online. therapy is for me it's the way to go I. don't like going into to offices I'm I'm. not a big fan and better help uh they.

assess your needs and match you with. your own licensed professional. therapists that's what they do it's not. a crisis line guys it's not self-help. it's professional counseling done. securely online yeah they got a broad. range of expertise may be not may not be. locally available in many areas but the. service is available for clients all. over the world better hope is committed. to facilitating great therapeutic. matches so they make it easy and free to. change counselors if needed yeah you can. log into your account anytime anywhere. you are send a message to your counselor. um and it's more affordable than. traditional offline counseling financial.

aid is also available if you need the. help betterhelp wants you to start. living a happier life today visit. betterhelp.com bad friends that's better. HP and join the over 1 million people. who have taken charge of their mental. health with the help of an experienced. professional that's right this podcast. is sponsored by betterhelp and bad. friends listeners get 10% off their. first month at betterhelp.com badri 10%. off your first month at betterhelp.com. bad friends hello T oh doc doc doc doc. my butthole you could eat an egg off of. it because it's so clean because of. hello tushi I Beday have changed my life.

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fish tacos after they've been left. outside for about two months it's just. like your your car stink bro like that. [ __ ] used to. like okay no I was I was a little angry. I was just a little angry my bad it hurt. your it hurt your feeling it. hurt aggressive Rudy is any of that. stuff true did does the car smell yeah. it smells like pool and it's just really. dirty but not diarrhea though regular. yeah just regular poo yeah doc you're.

exaggerating with the diarrhea. part just regular poo regular poo dude. yeah it's nothing insane it's not runny. [ __ ] and like fish tacos have been out. for a month you know what I mean maybe a. week yeah you I mean a months but how. many how many days in a week though. every day every day right so you don't. know which one is yeah yeah anyway so we. got that that bad driver I am yeah bad. driver you are bad at math what. guarantee oh so you're I can't even add. what I can barely add 8+ 12 what' you.

say yeah it took him too long 8+ 12 when. okay yeah but you you said the what did. you say just to pause to get to the math. in the head um 14 * 6 yep 14 time 6 yeah. don't can't do it really yeah does. anybody know real fast 240 84 no what 84. 84 Pete that's itks could you got that. no yeah thank you uh what else ma bad at. math um Andrew I know what pixelated.

pixelated yeah is it pixelated what's. pixelated your your [ __ ] cuz every time. you watch Asian porn it's all like. pixelated around the [ __ ]. [ __ ] I just asked a question can I can I. get an answer that's all I want is the. answer I'll give you a [ __ ] answer. this is still my show. friend I'll give you a [ __ ] answer. all right can I tell you something. privately they do pixelation in post. [ __ ] face it's not like a normal thing. that occur when we pulled on our pants. it's just us being pixelated okay my bad.

I'm going to be honest yeah when he said. that I. understood I also but first of all I'm a. I'm you should have been more offended. that's Japanese penises he's Korean. Japanese people do have weird pixelated. vaginas and [ __ ] okay but Koreans. don't okay my bad I'm learning Asian. stereotype a small penis thing you do. average you're. no I I do think think you have a small. penis but it's not not embarrassingly.

small it's small like it's supposed to. be your penis is just as big as it's. supposed to be so average for you yes. for grown men no I don't. think I just you joke about it my gut. can I tell what my gut says what does. your gut say my gut says get the [ __ ]. out of here my gut saying leave now. right we just begun I know we just did. okay that's why I'm staying I'm having.

fun I know you are and Doc is Doc is. doing Doc is outut of control he's drunk. as [ __ ] I know I love it all right okay. so but you do okay all right small dick. I got that one fine let's move. on but we did say yes to that no I don't. want to I'm not signing off on it say. yes I I'm not going to say yes on it. please say yes just to move on yeah but. do I have to mean it you do yes okay. good is that the last stereotype that we. can think of for Koreans do you know any.

um take your time yeah they're not. listening we have the capability of. editing out 30 minutes of. silence I just know for Koreans they're. usually. handsome so does Bobby break that. stereotype. absolutely that's. preposterous get on the thing. Jews yeah. interesting no go back to the.

mic interesting that you say that what. are you doing right now why you keep. looking down nothing put whatever you're. you have knives yeah I'm sorry I'm going. to back off a bit but I want I'm going. to back off a bit and this is not. something that you can go crazy with. knives for right but what are you saying. that Koreans are generally goodlooking. but Bobby Lee is. ugly not the same level.

H. yes I'll agree with. it I I thought about it why. not I [ __ ] it up I think I [ __ ] it. up like who are some handsome Korean men. well if you look at like I think she's. referring to the people that are in. K-pop or it just in people that are. visually seen in the public I guess so. you're comparing me with like BTS BTS.

John Cho these types of people Jet. Lee Jet Lee jetly [ __ ] also Korean. women yeah hot Korean men I mean. wow is that bolo no that a bolo remember. bolo from in the dragon Bruce Lee oh. bolo yeah yeah okay is that all the. stereotypes I think that's it all right. do me let's go Jewels let's White's hard. White's very very hard cuz we're yeah. whites are very.

hard what is that he thinks he really. generally believes in his heart I know. this guy he generally believes in his. heart that he's better than. us only in America I know only in. America right only in America because I. can walk around and people go hello. friend and I go. hello America and they go excuse me do. you know how to uh can I have directions. I go I will give them to you you know. and I can walk freely and then cops like. sir you were speeding I'm like I'm sorry.

and he's like get out of. here right but in Afghanistan. though no none of us are going to. [ __ ] Afghanistan nobody walks around. no yeah but a Korean dude a fat Korean. dude in Afghanistan [ __ ] man I'm just. trying to you know trying to find trying. to bring him down a little bit he's on. his say whatever that comes to mind he. does he does let it fly let it Let It. Fly good so is what. what kind of wine do you have in there.

Pino Noir [ __ ] likes Barefoot P. get. it all right let's do Jewels what about. Phil what about. Filipinos you know the most I know a lot. so um they're. great performers singers yeah the. dancing's out off the scale and you can. do almost none of that you can't she. can't sing or dance well no the singing. at the beginning of that episode was. good can we hear a little bit let's hear. a little bit more hair styles let's hear.

it ready go we'll be fine. line we'll be fine line yeah we'll be. all right sorry about that to the listen. let if I bought that song off of iTunes. I'd do an instant. refund what were you saying will be fine. ly we'll be fine line we'll be all. right we'll be. all. right yeah yeah so okay can't sing she's.

drunk too yeah she's drunk yeah that's. what it feels like okay can't sing you. can't can you dance no no box can you. box that's big the Filipinos are huge. boxers no there's one guy that's good it. it what sucks about the philppines one. guy is good yeah but he's so every I. know but everyone goes you know Manny. packet Manny packet one of the greatest. of all time I know but it doesn't. necessarily mean that like everyone can. do what I don't know Mike Tyson is is. probably the best of all time and. you know black guys are G to.

fight okay so what else for you a lot of. men are actually. women and actually a lot of women are. actually men but I'm not a guy I I think. their views on um gender gender and LGBT. stuff and all that stuff is more evolved. wait a minute though is are the Filipino. people cool with it or is it just they. are they're more accepting like if you. were a guy and you're dressing walking. down the street wearing a dress or. whatever and they leave him alone I. think so yeah do they do people don't.

bother people like that yeah you always. see a guy like wearing really short. shorts that you can almost see his penis. they call him lady boys right yeah lady. boys so when we went to the Philippines. and we did um my talent show there MH in. Sabu we had a category that was like. other it could be anything right it can. be non-gender so we had a lot of Jules. was there we had a lot of people that. were um from that community right. perform right and they were the greatest.

performers I've ever seen in my [ __ ]. life yeah they don't give a [ __ ] they. light themselves on fire they just gas. like they don't give a [ __ ] they'll jump. over a wall I'm sure like the bigots. love that do yeah you should light. yourself on fire but they are dude and. I'm pitching a show you know I'm doing. that right yeah where it's um a talent. show in the Philippines and I'm going to. fly out two other comedians to be the. judges I'm right. you want to go why wouldn't I go I Jo KY.

would be. better you said two others who's the. other other someone else but like you. know oh my God Jo K would be Joe Koy. would be better what is he Filipino okay. Joe Koy and then who else there's not. another Filip a girl like Miss pad or. something would be fun I get it okay. anyway so what is there anything. is is there anything. else what are the stereotypes you figure. out well you know Filipinos more than. anything you've lived with them for.

years uh you are Filipino partially they. feel comfortable walking around with no. shoes yeah she I like it she loves it. she loves no shoes do white do me okay. do white or Irish or. Italian well white so you guys like to. um wedge yourself in other people's. situations mhm you know what I mean the. best at it you're the best at that yeah. so that's a check check. right um you like to outwardly say your.

inner. thoughts I feel uncomfortable right. now right whereas a lot of these things. you should just keep to yourself I got. to let it out I know you don't but. anyway yeah you don't okay okay so those. are two two checks popup all right. number three. um you like to pretend right that you're. you care about poor.

people and at times you're philanthropic. and um giving but it's all to serve your. own. ego that's. right you are you are cut the [ __ ] bie. that's too nice what can I tell you. something it's it's too nice oh he wants. to do the real stuff oh [ __ ] yeah go. ahead give me the real goddamn Rhythm. [ __ ] horrible and bad like are you we. no I ain't gonna say horrible and bad. but you know. you know barely average [ __ ] it's it's.

all over the place Bobby this is uh I. was GNA where you been I don't sound. like you was kissing ass to me. investigator if I'm an investigator. right we going to go hard listen if if. I'm interrogating this is good cop black. cop yeah if I'm interrogating if I'm. interrogating right a murder suspect. right I'm my first question isn't about. the murder right I want to get into like. you know so where were you July 12th. well you warm up to black people right. but you know what can I say this you do. massage the witness a little bit better.

what do you mean you massage the witness. if in in the you really good I think I'd. be good you would you you'd be like what. have you been up to lately yeah you. really kind of dig in I think I would. even go and Doc's like you a murderer. bro he right away let's say You're a. murderer suspect I think the first thing. I was like oh cool sweatshirt yeah I'm a. murderer suspect no you don't you. wouldn't bring the murder object in the. [ __ ] you're not going the there's. blood on it and [ __ ] evidence you're. not going to walk in like that what you. want to. know dripping with blood down my hand.

well you know 15 we found 15 school kids. you know what I mean stabbed with these. little knives yeah I I heard about it. yeah yeah heard about it and um you are. in possession with one oh no I just this. is I was doing a school project myself. oh you do yeah what's the blood what me. my blood maybe we have that to do um DNA. testing this is my scissor get it they. would grab it you would at some point. yeah we would what if I just put it up. my.

ass I'm sure they have the technology. good luck getting that out I fart it. right back out I would wedge it out of. your butthole right put it in one of. those bags yeah and that would just go. to any DNA spot wait investigate me like. I'm a real murder s let's see how he. would do it versus how you would do it. all right so we're both coming in you're. both cops so what is he accused of and. Rudy is a cop too she's in there so. there's us three are in there no it's. not accused there's a murder and you. have to and you have to figure out if I. did it yeah I understand that but who. are you to the murder this is what.

you're trying to figure out right all. right all right all right all right so. said he was better than me T all right. so we walk in I'm I'm I'm at I'm. arrested I'm at the table I have to do a. thing where I walk in with you guys you. guys all walk I have to do a thing where. we walk in together you go walk in. [Music]. together you're not walking in right. you're going to stay okay she's already. in there she's in the room she like the. um she does the notes the they don't. have any of those in there the [ __ ]. oh a stenographer she's a stenographer.

inside the jail cell I want my phone. call I want my [ __ ] lawyer all right. hello I want my lawyer I want my phone. call and I want my [ __ ] lawyer right. now this is unconstitutional what you. guys are doing to me hi so um I'm. detective Cho hi detective Cho and this. is um detective Jackson detective. Jackson Juan Jackson Juan Jackson. detective Juan Jackson. um we asked him to change his name but.

he wouldn't you know you don't look like. a wand I know it's a little confusing. well you know don't worry about that. don't one be in question hey all right. relax how do you spell one w n is that. it we got a smart one here Bobby Smart M. who's Bobby mean uh CH Cho what's your. last name again we've been working. together for 30 years you not know each. other did you hit your head and had a. brain on yours I apologize what's your. last name again well I. it's Cho this is Officer Jo I remember.

when my wedding and you were my best. friend but this is are you okay do you. need to step out do you need to step out. for a second let me just oh you got it. let me gather myself oh no no stay here. okay so um by Mr MCG I'm using this in. court to say that the [ __ ] that the. interrogator was is doesn't know his. partner's name out of it and he's drunk. on [ __ ] wine I'm winning this case. immediately we're [ __ ] not goingon to do. Mr M Mr MCG hello hi hi. Charlie Charlie MCG hello Charlie yeah.

nice sweatshirt oh thanks a lot where'd. you get it that's anies oh yeah yeah you. like comedy it's an Asus Island oh it is. it is it's clever name where's this Asus. Island uh right right here in LA in La. yeah um have you heard of uh that is in. Santa salum let me tell you something. cop what do you want to [ __ ] know. anyway not playing games all right so. July 12th where were you that day do you. remember was it Thursday no November. [ __ ] 20 something how would I know. what I was in July where were you in.

July in July I'll tell you where I was. on July 12th where um look at him. officer Jackson and I got a call that a. woman was chopped into 3,000 little. pieces duck food what yeah somebody. chopped your wife up to make duck food. my wife was killed 6 months ago and I. never knew about it what what shut the. [ __ ] up Jackson what you Jackson you. already know this Jackson Jackson you.

already know this good he's ask he's. acting as he has no idea what's going on. another episode of good cop black cop. good cop black cop so anyway we found. your the your wife Remains by the the. lake yeah I want you guys to find the. killer why am I arrested because um on. every little piece of every little piece. of your wife right we found a. fingerprint really yeah on every little. piece and whose fingerprint yours do you. know why she's my [ __ ] wife we live.

together right but my point is dead body. huh it's on her dead body yeah it she. was alive at one point I was hugging her. and kissing her she's my wife and then. someone killed her that's why my. fingerprints are on her that's a very. good argument but we also found brain. matter yeah there's fingerprint marks on. the brain what about so how did you in. the back of your trunk what about that. huh we'll get to that in a second. Jackson can we go through the brain what. about the can we go to the brain first. go thank you.

Jackson in fact Jackson did you guys. come in with a plan. Jackson cuz really Jackson's really. sabotaging all this who's interrogating. here us or you be quiet sorry I'm. Jack this guy is something else Mr shut. the [ __ ] up Jackson how quickly would he. be kicked off the for I know can you. wait here for a second I'm going to go. get a different partner all right so I'm. we leave we come back right uh new. partner new partner you're still there. in the room so Mr Jackson's still in the.

room because he is a detective. right [ __ ] but I brought detective uh. origami oh here hi Miss origami yeah so. um hi it's Miss not Mis I said Miss. origami you said mister I I didn't I. thought you we shouldn't be hung up on. that one. point I'm trying to get you guys to. catch the and you've arrested me for no. reason well that right there you getting.

her name wrong proves that you killed. your wife oh detective Jackson Jackson's. off the yeah you're on probation you're. you're on probation all right don't. drink next time anyway so jly to you. have no idea but we found every we found. fingerprints on every even inside of her. body The Remains yeah how is your. fingerprint on like inside of her body. yeah how do you love your wife sir. you've never put your hand inside of. your wife's body yeah but I haven't. stuck my hand inside inside her brain. well then you guys don't know really how. to love each other then that's real love.

is that's real love that's real love I. feel like you have got no evidence. you've got no case anyway well anyway. thanks for coming in thanks a. lot no I'm not we're not done yeah we're. done no we're not done I'm getting a new. staff wait let's see what Jack I'm. firing the two people I'm working with. let me see whaton let's see what Jackson. has to say go ahead officer we're now. we're at court we're in court pass you. the Day and The Time of the crime where. were you on July 12th do you know. exactly where you were on July 12th. insane how could I know that I don't. know I can tell you in the month of July.

my wife and I were both getting back. from Hawaii I had to go on a business. trip I have I have tickets to prove all. that you said the month we asked you for. the day see what I'm talking about. that's why you got to dig deep you got. to dig deep Jackson because this guy. Jackson knows he's okay you okay so you. was on a. vacation we were in Hawaii Namaste yeah. yeah Cal surrending you now yeah jackon. you're on probation. can you let me can you let me do what I. in this [ __ ] wi is.

killing I catch criminals every day Mr. child or is it. choing CH so where were you you said the. month yeah in the month of July but we. said July 12 I don't we got back we got. back from Hawaii the the end of the. first week uh end of the first week in. July maybe that was the fourth or the. sixth and we were home the whole time. together okay. yeah but she was. killed very good Jackson very good.

Jackson yeah I don't know I I'm telling. you on the on the 12th we were together. that day I went to work as I always do I. came home and she was murdered I told. you guys that in the report you came. home and she was murdered that's exactly. what I said Jackson he's. guilty he's done I'm sorry Jackson um. did you hear what he you hear what he. said. right he came home and she was. murdered Jackson this is America not the. Ukraine I mean we have different ways we. need evidence okay your honor he says he.

was home and she got killed he is guilty. yeah he'd be the worst detective I think. one of the worst of all time of all time. I thought I did pretty. good ship station a ship station are you. shipping stuff then you should use ship. station if you're selling anything. online guys ship station is the thing. for you that's what we've been using. here at the show to ship out stuff that. you get from us like bottoms of Turtle. Island shirts or I'm a bad friend tease. you've got inventory to manage orders to. fill in a growing list of stressed out.

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bepoke post has a thing called the box. of awesome yeah and what it is is the. best Christmas gift you probably can. give to anybody all right so Bobby got. me a box of awesome which I thought was. very cute and sweet and I got a um a. garment bag you want to bring it to me. bring it to bring me the garment bag uh. box of awesome uh is this incredible. thing where it's got a collection for. every part of your life you take this. quiz at box ofawesome.com your answers. are going to help them pick the right. box of awesome for you they release new. boxes every single month across. different categories it's free to sign.

up um and then it only costs 45 bucks. but it has over $70 worth of gear inside. thanks thanks George look at this Bobby. got me this it's blue cuz that's my. favorite color and this was very nice it. was very thoughtful I don't own suits. but I do like to put shirts in here yeah. that's why I got it for you shirts are. so wrinkly cuz I a wrinkly boy that's. right uh but plus each box of awesome. you're supporting a small business 90%. of everything that comes in your box of. awesome is from a small and upcoming. brand get 20% off your first monthly box. when you sign up at box ofawesome.com. and enter the code badf friends checkout.

that's box ofawesome.com code bad. friends for 20% off your very first. box it's just I don't know this man. that's sitting in front of me right now. Doc yeah he's confident no this is. unlike him why because he's usually. quiet MH. and to himself you know he's sort of. like that this is black man is he's come. alive I know but it's I've known him for.

20 years I've never seen him like this. before World he's drunk. bbby. [Music]. world oh my God oh my God you feel that. [ __ ] he was pumping himself up in the. car he's like I'm going go in there and. I'm a [ __ ] you drive did you drive here. yeah I'm not drunk dog this ain't no.

[ __ ] please wait like 30 minutes. before you drive home no no no I'm not. drunk I don't you buzz a little bit no. okay I. didn't I'm being interrogated again you. feel that I feel like not being. honest I'm being honest too I wouldn't I. wouldn't play with y'all like that okay. yeah that's real talk. okay it's been a heavy episode. it's been this episode has been. interesting it's been wild weird as [ __ ].

it's wild and weird what is this you. like it I think so I think I like that I. like it a lot yeah yeah it's a new depth. you go deeper and deeper in yourselves. and you. find Serendipity remember that word. that's not what Serendipity. means god damn it you said it what did. you say it mean again I [ __ ] forgot. Serendip serendipitous means like. something that's kind of universally. happening out of pure luck and. Randomness that comes together.

Serendipity like it's it's serendipitous. that Bobby called you that day to be on. the show uh and it was serendipitous. because it this worked out worked out. okay yeah that's serendipitous that's. exactly what I'm telling you right. now it worked out hell yeah. yeah love you Bobby I love you too. little one are you are you going. somewhere for. Thanksgiving no I'll be here I'll be. working on Thanksgiving well yeah yeah. yeah I'm going over I got a Latino.

family that's been like taking me in. since 2000 stop st wait a minute this is. something you're that guy hell yeah. Google you know where I'm from Google. guy text San deos halisco araas for the. East compas out there we do it EC. e we've lost all control of the. show I'm sorry all right I love it I. love hey man. I'm telling y y feel hey Google man.

texts woman on accident. Thanksgiving do you know this story no. every year this warms my soul like be. warmth young man who was actually that's. doc young man was AC invited to. Grandma's Thanksgiving as a teen keeps. the tradition going so in. 2016 Jamal Hinton and Wanda D dretch. they're still going start their first. two met when dret from Mesa sent it oh. she sent the text inviting him for. dinner and it was meant for her grandson. uh who had changed his phone number.

instead Hinton got the message sitting. in class in deser Vista High School the. two figured out the mistake they sent. selfies to each other and then she was. like come over to the house and they're. on their sixth year of having. Thanksgiving together some random kid. this young black kid Jamal who and then. he goes to this older white woman's. house wow after dren's husband. died what whatam. what the are you all right dog right dog.

AE little bit of. te but you bring good ass stories like. that Tino that's [ __ ] that [ __ ] is. beautiful did you feel the energy off. that goddamn. store. [ __ ] I I think I told it poorly yeah I. think I think we entered a different. realm I mean I [ __ ] up the story yeah. yeah it doesn't matter it [ __ ] drove.

him into you hit home bro you hit home. that's a black kid and a white lady. right I think so yeah give me a hug bro. wait what the. [ __ ] we doing it we making strides here. bro we've been friends for a long. time what is this this is crazy [ __ ]. what's wrong with you today sit down dog. sit your [ __ ] ass down I love this. guy bro bro this [ __ ] is like we. bringing the whole [ __ ] we got.

[ __ ]. Korea you go. get y remember and [ __ ] me and this. guy bro yeah man this is another Dynamic. you better feel that [ __ ] Bro oh my feel. it okay sit. [Laughter]. down you. bro doc yeah you bro. it's out of.

control out of control doc can I okay. let's let's investigate let's. investigate Bob for real everything he. says puts a cringe in my body what. happened what happened today what's. going on today something happened I'm. going tell you something here we go I. came here and I was like you know what I. love these yeah I came here and I said I. love these guys right love. jwes love my little Korean brother love. my little Anglo sax. right and I said [ __ ] it was just the. energy today bro we was you don't feel.

that I do you don't feel that I. everybody feels. it like I think that I don't know if you. want to do it today but we we need to do. like a group hug one time just to show. you hugged me already yeah but that was. just me and you though but Bobby didn't. get in and then tues I feel like come. over here okay and I'll give you a hug. go give no no I said a group hug Bobby. no no you gave him a. doesn't she steps out of this I want my. individual cug well can we can we can we.

do like a contract right now first all. what do you mean contractual because the. contract got to be no violation that's. you understand what I'm saying no I. don't yeah be clear well you know. no no cup in the but. Ock no cup in the but Ock and uh that's. not how I hug but all right 3 second. rule 3 second rule po see how we were. maybe about me. 20 seconds long 20 seconds I get 20. seconds time out [ __ ] time out that was.

20 seconds long I know but time out guy. you don't understand what 20 seconds is. it's an eternity to him it's an eternity. but I get the 20 seconds yeah I'll give. you a 20 the 3 second rule refers to. food on the. ground hugging what are you talking I. thought it was what did you think the 3. second rule was it was 5 Seconds all oh. it's 5 Seconds did you hear FR fancy. yeah they do it different in Spain okay. they do it okay all right all well go. give Bobby a hug you got a timer you got. to put this on uh on your phone yeah.

I'll do it right now we'll do a time you. want and you want how long so no ass no. ass cing is that it no. cupping. uh no cheek to cheek just just plain old. [ __ ] specific man just hold up just. plain old you know what doc all right I. love you buddy all right get over there. where are you guys going right here. middle we'll go in the middle the middle. can you get it right here yeah yeah we. see you okay. all right all right and when you're I. have some rules okay okay I have some.

rules too well what are the rules say it. in your mic what are the rules what are. the rules all right for me stand right. there for for me hugging is about chest. to. chest so the chests have to be locked in. together right yeah it's like you know. when a spaceship is trying to lock onto. another spaceship that thate of we. locked in you know what it fuels the. fuel cell the what I mean not. Interstellar is it you didn't see. Interstellar there I'm sry you didn't. understand it I can I can guarantee you.

that all right so anyway so chest to. chest right and um that's pretty much. rules that's chest to chest CH can I. make it some rules also um I think chest. to chest NOS to nose is how you get a. really good H I know that nose to nose. is a good one I think chest. toest nose to nose is good I think you. guys got to be chest to chest no no we. touch noses We Touch noses We Touch nose. I'm es I'm quarter Eskimo you know that. he is yeah I'm I'm quarter esimo so.

chest to chest NOS to knows what else. chest to chest NOS to knows 40 seconds. and tip to tip yeah what is tip to. tip yeah no tip to tip okay tip to tip I. want I I will do I'll I'll throw it in. there yeah please at the end in the end. in the last 5 Seconds tip to I will also. can I just throw one last one last thing. this is how we hug I have tip to tip I I. have I have carpal tunnel on both hands. you do right so I have to do underhooks. I know that yeah so I have to do. underhooks Chester chest nose to nose.

right I need underhooks all right 20. seconds Chester chest nose to nose. underhooks cannot start the [ __ ]. clock until we touch noses okay all. right hey man I'm not making the rules. I'm just obeying him I'm not making the. rules I just obey. him get over. there but remember. under no. pressure hurry up man. [ __ ] you say when Bob say when chest. to chest.

nose to nose nose to nose nose to nose. yeah hold it hold it hold it hold it. hold the nose. doc hold it ready one two you didn't. hold. hold [ __ ] okay go it would have been. over with it would have been over with. it would have been over with ready one. two 3. go hold it hold it and feel it DOC.

you're into this love feel it man. [ __ ] 6 seconds and 6 seconds start it. over start it over I'm starting over. start it over dude if you just went. through blocking the camera you did six. seconds all right you did 20 seconds is. not that 20 seconds yes dude and you got. six seconds is all you got hold on hold. I got a show to do man we got to go we. got to go in the morning. all right ready all right ready and man. what the [ __ ] okay ready ready one two.

come on dude give him nose to nose or. one two three go okay it's on it's. going hold it. DOC no dick the dick dick the dick dude. don't give up dick the dick 10 seconds. come on don't [ __ ] up doc so close don't. [ __ ] up 18 19 20 all right you did it. you did it. okay that was pretty good I don't think.

that was good at all very good very good. thank you so much for that doc. honestly did you like it I did like it. that was a pretty good hug I think the. best one I've had in a while you hooked. I hooked it up yeah thank you so much. bud you're welcome D yeah. yeah how do you feel about all this [ __ ]. rude are you are you into this what is. that very intense very intense very. intense she's not if I left hey juwels. if I left Kila and I said to you I'm. dating doc now how would you feel about.

it would you be supportive if we got. married supportive but I wouldn't go to. your wedding well that's not support. that's the opposite of supportive of. yeah no but I just make an excuse but I. would say oh what you have a commercial. audition what the [ __ ] are you talking. about she's telling you in advance she. has an excuse yeah yeah I can't go to. your wedding I I have I'm doing. something but I support it I oh you. support it how do you support it then if. you don't show up. I'll give them a gift what gift what we. what are you going give us dildos it's a.

good. gift how El you don't like toys I mean. our marriage bro our marriage is not. going to survive on just anal sex alone. no you got if you have you we need to we. need devices dude you know what I mean. okay whatever you think bro like I'm. sending off emails and you're like you. you're on your belly you're completely. naked I'm sending off emails just listen. look at me right now dude I'm trying. look at me Doc it's hard to look in your. face right now we have a king siiz bed. right we get a brand new houseal King. Cal King right I'm in my pajamas this is.

1 in the morning right and you're on. your belly completely naked right come. on Bob right I go I got to send out. these emails yeah you're busy and he's. like come on man here I am with my. little black hole exposed so I take one. of the devices that I get from. jewes and I'm doing emails but I'm just. you know what I mean and you're just I. know you're just just you mean Chate. milk all over my hand for some.

reason yeah yeah and send right I'm. doing emails business. go very good here's the speed that. everyone would like in this room ready. everyone in this room would like this. this is the speed okay of the vibrator. Jewel's a speed ready. uh very good and I press the button Bob. Bobby. speed yeah yeah uh my.

speed doc. speed it's my hands are getting. swallowed a lie. right it's that little Contraption in. Dune where. it holy [ __ ] we're 15 we're 15 years old. I'm a child than than for being a bad. friend thank you for being a bad friend. oh my. [Music].

God. wo wo.