Goo: The Movie & Bobby's Beef with Brian Moses | Ep 141 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. you two are disgusting really YouTube or. something we're bad friends I want to be. your underdeveloped Siamese twins. as a kid you're born with like a mole I. have one on my leg right but maybe can. we have the mole in your stomach I do. have one on my stuff all right so and as. the years go by it just grows into more. of it the people think it's a tumor. right and then by age 12 you see an.

eyeball that no I'm the guy you're. normal you're not like this no you're. not like no you're not you're not like. that because you're the normal one oh. I'm me yeah you're you I'm your man. coming out so go on right there's a. finger and Eyeball age 12 right you go. to the doctor like we think it's we. don't know we're not sure we're not sure. and then you're like you're so afraid. your parents are like no we got to get. it out we got it we gotta and you're. like you're you have a phobia of surgery. of course right so you go I want to wait.

it's my decision it's my body my body my. choice my body my choice right yeah and. then by the time 18 you can tell it's. but it's weird because it you you're. like I think it's Asian my little my. little mole has grown into my size it's. like a mouth now the Asian eyes are out. right big cheeks right a finger yeah. right and at night when I sleep I just. I'm sleeping so and all I hear is. [Music]. if you don't please tell me you don't.

know what this is oh from aristocrats. shoulder head I'm actually teaching me. how to speak a Korean man is protruding. yeah I'm out at late at night you can. hear. because my head is I have a neck now oh. you're eating no I'm eating your dick no. no no we want to do a family. I thought I'm gonna rock her I'm not a.

writer I can't tell yeah wait a minute. yeah yeah you're right I think you're. just eating something at night but I'm. afraid you're gonna gain us weight right. so I hear you. yeah and I'm like and I wake up yeah cut. it. up we can always Ramen we're gonna get. fat the slurping. right yeah yeah can we can you can we. can it be that you sometimes think it's. your day but it says Ramen sure what do. you want we'll cut it out okay no it's.

fine like can we just have it for me let. me throw it out there it'll be like a. dream and it wakes up you're just eating. juicy plays you get married to Juicy no. okay she's your daughter got it that. makes more sense now you're 50. she's. full grown yeah and you try you've been. hiding me this whole time how could I. hide a half Korean man sticking out of. my body I think you're fat you guys just. think I'm really important. yeah you have like what do you say to. your friends when your friends say when. they're like juicy it's kind of weird. when your dad when I see your dad in the.

front yard he looks like something's. wrong with his chest oh he's just fat as. [ __ ]. yeah yeah we don't even have to write it. I mean dialogue but you know what advice. I love calling them lyrics lyric. whatever I'm gonna go to set tomorrow. and be like these lyrics are not all. right [ __ ] up I'm not gonna sing this. song on camera and then. um because your wife knows she she okay. I would hope so yeah because you'd have. to hide me that's it's impossible she. doesn't every time I get naked I have. like a towel draped over me.

and I'm like it's just a comfort thing. it's like it's hard to justify writing. wise well what is it what is it like it. doesn't make any sense when you guys are. alone you're like when are you gonna. introduce me to your wife. let's make it dark how about this you're. born you're my your wife mysteriously. dies oh wow I killed him I killed her. and I how you were sleeping right I. found you know what I mean wait are you. my uncle yeah I'm your uncle okay she. finds two chopsticks in her eyes right. and while I was eating Ramen I just.

jabbed her eyes out with the two. chopsticks whoa no too much I mean 824. it's more a24. I feel like this yeah. yeah it feels like 24. get him on the. phone right right and then what happens. and then I have to avenge my wife's. death by deciding whether or not I'm. gonna kill you which actually kills me. whoa or travel around the world to one. country that the one doctor will do this. very risky surgery I have it oh you take. it away I have it okay. you finally you can't you've had enough.

you know that I I murdered your wife. with two chopsticks right you're like. [ __ ] it I gotta get the surgery got it. all right yeah and when you I get. surgically right removed removed you. hear that. what happened I I. have two arms oh you're walking on your. arms I I run away oh right and I [ __ ]. my brother he killed my wife you have to. wear this apparatus every day of my life. right gets it removed right you see like.

a little marks like red marks on the. hospital floor they can't find me whoa. whoa so it's now you I know where you. live because I live there right right. and I'm looking for my favorite because. you my favorite sweater. I need my favorite sweater you do yeah. and it's at home and you go to get it. well yeah but you know you but you know. this is how you're gonna capture me he's. gonna go for the sweater. so you're there getting us right you. make this box. like a Contraption of sort of like you.

know what I mean like with like a trap a. rat trap a rat trap yeah right and you. put the sweater in the Rapture oh right. you now know. you're scared [ __ ] you helped me set up. the Trap right because you're you know. what you're a girl scout okay no no good. layers I like this yeah you're a [ __ ]. Girl Scout yeah and you know all the. traps they know traps right in ropes. well also there's cookies she has girl. access to the cookies I like cookies you. definitely like cookies which kind. what's the flavor we'll say it on the. count of three everyone's favorite one. two three lemons yeah peanut butter one.

Tagalongs is there a Lemon Zinger I just. made it up. but look up the kinds I actually don't. know if there is a Lemon Zinger yeah I. think there's a lemon one no there is. right I think there has to be thin mints. is the old school yeah yeah thin mints. and then lemon. I'll just zoom in let's see Thin Mints. lemonade lemonade lemonades I think. that's what I'm thinking about what the. [ __ ] is a thanks a lot that's a great. I've never heard of a thanks a lot in my.

entire life and by the way they call I. know what the flavor is probably [ __ ]. yeah thanks a lot thanks a lot that's. delicious. we're gonna cut that out too. all right wait a minute what is it. thanks a lot is a biscuit dipped in. chocolate with a thank you message. really good you can't go wrong with it. shortbread but look it used to be called. shout outs you know what Tagalongs are. the peanut they're now called peanut. butter patties weird they [ __ ] I. think well tag along is probably. insensitive to uh nerds and losers that.

we're never leaders. what does Philippe like though. who's Philippe. oh that's your guy I just named it fine. dude I'm sorry was that too premature. nah that's sad because it's my uncle I. never met he killed my mom yeah my mom. said and we have to tell my uncle. Philippe let me see the names again of. the cookies on I I think the ones that. you like are. I'm gonna go with he he's big into the. shortbreads okay because I'm short yeah. I have no legs but you love bread and I.

love bread yeah that's great legless. yeah yeah mound of and with arm but you. walk on your hands but see I'm thinking. in in horror films you'd be walking on. your hands but your face has to come up. oh I know I know because you've been on. his side your whole life you grab onto. people and and they walk you that's how. you get around what do you mean. you hold on to somebody and they. transport you around. are they aware yes they don't have a. choice yeah.

so a ladies let me just say. I get out of the hospital uh-huh and you. when I see a nurse leave she's done with. her shift she is I latch onto her calf. right is she going oh no. no At first she goes yeah she goes what. are you doing. and then you say what are you you would. ask what are you and you I'm a human. being not in this world not in this. world will she say something racial like. you know I mean half cook half cook I. don't know I mean maybe in the 80s yeah. you're right in the 80s get this goo off.

of me yeah goo half if you're Halloween. she says goo yeah and she knows it's. about it's racist so she stops it at. that she almost says okay yeah in fear. of getting canceled yeah she carries you. wherever you want to go that's what the. movie's called goo goo. that's what yeah right the beginning but. you make people feel bad you go what are. you ableist get me to where I want to go. I want to go take me to 417 Watchman uh. Avenue otherwise I'll tell everyone that. you're yeah an ableist she drops me off.

I'm in a bush and I'm scoping up the. house can you imagine. you on your hands in a bush how are you. seeing anything. that's true you're upside down I can. climb trees. that you can do. yeah yeah but I just see these two arms. just yeah it's clawing up a tree yeah. yeah right and you just sit on perching. how about this why don't we do this as a. little like you know while I'm attached. you're still growing up right yeah we're. going backwards yeah a little bit you. never.

clip my nails and that's a whole. dialogue oh you're like can you clean my. name no that's why you killed my wife. with your nails instead of the. Chopsticks and with with the nails I can. climb trees faster that's right oh and. that's how we know he's in the air. because we see this scratch scratching. the bark oh I see so it's not right away. you guys do investigate it the next day. we discover and you're like a detective. Girl Scout lady yeah and you're like. look at the [ __ ] tree well my friends. are all looking at my my now skinny dad. and they're like wow your dad looks.

different and all I can see I mean it's. just a side croaky it's a lot of girls. because you know you're single now right. yeah but I know I'm not getting any. girls because I still have this big gash. of a hole. on the side of my body from where a man. was that's true that's we need to call. Ryan Murphy with these ideas yeah yeah. cause I watched his show last night I. started the Watcher yeah watch her but. it's good oh I watched that whole thing. you watch the whole thing already is it. good it's good everyone say it's good. the one about the house right yeah it's. very Ryan Murphy do you know what I mean. by that no I don't I don't know who Ryan.

it was good I got scared are you serious. I swear to God American Horror Story. never seen it Glee you've never seen one. American Horror Story it's been on for. like 34 years I I see the Billboards I'm. like oh that looks weird like there's. always like two like vampires attached. to each other and like doing some weird. that's like the thing we just wrote yeah. you're literally do you think I stole it. yeah you did I stole it from the. billboard no but it's very Ryan Murphy. but Bobby Cannavale and uh uh what can I. think of her name Naomi Watts Naomi. Watts you only got 52 on Rotten Tomatoes.

Jennifer Coolidge is [ __ ] and my boy. Richard kind my buddy Richard kind is in. it who kills it yeah they're all great. you know Richard yeah okay you know. somebody's special he's he's the. funniest person I've ever met in my life. in my entire I'm not kidding his because. he's got that very like uh it's like old. school New York Jew like everything I'll. be eating a meal and he'll go are you. gonna finish oh wait wait what show was. he on with you I never did a show with. them how did you meet him he's playing. golf. you know I'm tired of your [ __ ] golf.

[ __ ] dude fine no I'm tired of it what. did I do because you meet so many cool. people doing it and because my dad used. to beat me with golf clubs I have a fear. of it and he [ __ ] up my career can I. tell you a weird story though I have a. weird aside from goo we'll get back to. Google how does it end I think we let. the audience decide How It Ends in the. comments below tell us how goo ends all. right that's what I like so um I'm gonna. tell you something weird that happened. love can I can you tag two seconds real. fast can I compliment you go ahead your.

[ __ ] strawberry kisses nails are. looking so cute thank you yeah those are. that color is it's getting me a little. horny I'm not lying are you being real. it's a sexy color thank you and I. usually Reserve that for like if when I. see it on you know well single Bob wants. to because you know everyone says that. my fingers are like Wolverine pants yes. they are right yes they are and I wanted. to change that because I'm like dating. now can we get a manicure together and. get an excellent dude every other week. you want to get one no that's.

I got these ones recently I was getting. my oil changed I went and got manicured. yeah I want to see like Bobby do they. always have to be Vietnamese yeah okay. yeah they're just so aggressive well who. else can do it that good look at how. [ __ ] good that looks I know but she's. like she doesn't care you get a. Malaysian and then they're gonna [ __ ] it. up oh really I don't know okay I've. never done it yeah yeah you gotta go I'm. still holding on I'm no way I'm still. holding on to this uh no way you said. I'm still holding on to this [ __ ]. Uber masculine nonsense I'm gonna I'm.

gonna do this till I die this guys don't. get their nails painted that's me that's. you know it's cool you look good but I'm. not I would never you could get a. manicure without getting your nails. painted no thanks. what is it for it's for your health like. you get that guys are supposed to have. shitty hands a part of being a guy is. having a shitty looking [ __ ] up hand. well the reason why I got it done is. because when I was shooting that. softball movie there was an extra. background girl. thank you good safe put that in the. books as a good say yeah it was a. background woman right right and she was.

laying on her back and I thought there. was some sort of energy between us that. like made some flirtations going she. didn't have any lyrics right she didn't. yeah. background right and so she. um. I kind of went like this you know what I. mean to wake her up with my fingers I. did some sort of you know Korean you. know warlock stuff. or whatever right and she opened her. eyes and she looked at my finger she. goes gross oh [ __ ] her she looked at my. finger someone grows and at that point I. was just like I gotta do something about. it I'm not listening to that [ __ ] I did.

she was a background okay so the side. thing though let me just say that this. is interesting so um you know what. temperature you scroll through your. because I was doing some. um. some management when it comes to my. contact list. you are deleting old numbers yeah no. numbers I didn't understand you know. what I mean and people that like it says. Amy you know what I mean yeah who's that. who the [ __ ] is Amy let's call her up. well you know what we should do we. should call off all the numbers in your. phone and people oh yeah we should do. that that's actually very fine yeah but. then I went to the bees right.

and this is a couple years ago. um. it's a Billy Ray Cyrus. what yeah seriously yeah I swear to God. I still have it you do yeah so then I. you a couple years ago when I saw it I I. went to Cologne I got really right sir. who is that again it's like that's Miley. Cyrus's dad I've never met him why would. I have his number why wouldn't and then. she goes it's fake it's probably you. probably a guy that you know who's a. comic or something or you met somebody. that looks like Billy Ray Cyrus and then.

you know you just put him at Billy Ray. Cyrus that sounds more right that sounds. right right but that being said but. check this out what I discovered uh-huh. so there's this girl that I'm hanging. out with right and she used to work for. him. it's coughed yeah that's fine okay go. ahead she used to work for him yeah so I. go oh well he's so funny I told her the. story she goes what's the number and as. I said the number she finished off the. number she go that is his number wait.

what happened and so I don't know how. the [ __ ] I have Billy Ray Cyrus's number. in my [ __ ] phone you imagine you guys. were on like a flirty texty DM for like. a couple of weeks and you just blacked. it out I don't know Kim was that weird. can we call it I don't know if I want to. who cares like what's the difference you. never called him anyway you know you. never had this person I mean if I pick. it up and he goes hello Billy Ray Cyrus. it's Bobby Lee from Bobby Lee from goo. from goo the star of Goo yeah let me. think about it I please dude it'd be so.

[ __ ] cool yeah really it would be so. fun Billy Ray sorry I'm gonna take my. horse. you don't even know this song. right yeah okay good so anyway um that. was like the biggest song of the year. what two years ago what was it how many. years three but let me just say one last. thing that happened last night I was. sitting there did you see two guys. walked up to me handcuffed. last night what yeah at the store at the. store and they go we're doing it.

wait what are you doing the thing that. you and Andy were gonna do it we're. being we were hanging this is day three. no [ __ ] way and they were handcuffed. did you just hear what this what he just. said I don't quite get it though two. people were handcuffed at the comedy. store together and remember we joked on. the show one time about us being. handcuffed together and Lasting 30 days. what was it I don't even have a week a. week a week yeah and they go day three. and they didn't look healthy no they did. like one eye guy's eyes were bloodshot. and you kind of looked deranged and. there's and the other guy that was.

talking was like we're doing it so. they're handcuffing themselves yeah and. I'm like why they go because you guys. did it we didn't do it we did not do it. yeah yeah we're doing it anyway. I did not see those guys yeah yeah they. were there that is creepy why would they. do that also you guys got to keep going. and send it into US oh yeah yeah you got. to keep going you got to keep going and. send it into one of The Producers seven. and just send it into fancy you guys. should do like uh some more volunteer. work or something if you're this. influential yeah what should we do some.

charity [ __ ] we've talked about doing. charity charity well what do we want to. do soup kitchen. what's that one it just sounds sad soup. kitchens I've done it before it's. actually it's not it's not sad isn't. there like a Pizza Kitchen we can work. instead well they do like more than just. soup they just I think they just call it. that you know we did that in the. Philippines where we brought boxes to. like this Village they had no running. water or food or anything and as soon as. we came up we had like 200 boxes of food. and these kids ran a completely naked. they hadn't taken shot it was so sad.

yeah right and it just breaks my heart. that's why I can't do it again. [Laughter]. I can't get that sad when I do charity. so I'm not gonna do it anymore I'll do. it once and then done should we bring in. our special guest who's here for uh just. for just to say hi huh what is he well. you're gonna talk to him when he gets in. here all right I hope he doesn't have. attitude. there he is hey what's up man how are. you. I feel great. sit down let's talk let's talk about it.

you guys know each other don't you oh. yeah since this is the beginnings no I'm. talking about juice and Moe's so our. special guest that's come to the studio. is an old friend uh someone that Bobby. has a lot of beef with apparently I have. no beef I love it well you guys can hash. it out there's no hash Brian Moses has. stopped by most thanks for coming thank. you Santana what's going on with this. guy yeah I don't know because. I might as well. right I heard you say you're Filipino. I'm just like he's Korean you are is.

that attitude right there see what he. just did it's that attitude right there. let me ask you something okay okay and. and and let's just see let's get real. and let's be more let's get real all. right in the last five years maybe since. you did. um Rose battle maybe you know I feel. like you there's a little bit of an. attitude toward me like you know really. say hi to me you don't want to talk to. me you sort of distance yourself I feel. like you feel like you're too cool is. that what the deal is no no no I feel I.

actually feel the same way I feel since. Rose battle took off you've been kind of. weird to me oh I like why would that be. because the thing is is you're the roast. battle is what took you off into a. different plane and you never actually. made this no I stayed the same so once. just a science he's always been an. [ __ ] yeah I've always been an [ __ ]. right and then something happened right. science yeah and an element shifted okay. but one element stayed the same. what it what's the element I'm this. element oh you're saying so yeah so.

you're saying yeah two things that were. on the same plane explosion happened. right one of them crashed into a World. Trade Center right and one stayed here. hit the Pentagon the Pentagon yeah yeah. don't forget building seven. is that what you're saying yeah you're. saying I'm more like I hit you is that. the one Renaissance was in anyway. here's right let me let me try to break. down what Bobby's saying yeah and here's. why he's mad I guess I'm not mad here's. why I just want to get it out you want. to get it out because you really like. Moses and you think he doesn't like you.

anymore that's really what it is it's. not that light it's like yes it is you. think he doesn't like you anymore Bobby. you you somebody you told my parents I. was talented and gray you lied to them. and told these all these great things. about me I mean I thought we were really. good friends so I walked let me ask I. don't remember but I went up to your. parents your biological parents yes yes. I know and what exactly what did I say I. don't need how I don't know. well he's right you might have said that. you're very funny yeah yeah what did I. say to you that was very funny what did. I say to your [ __ ] parents now you.

said your son is very talented you don't. see a lot of young black talented people. here besides and you like listed like a. bunch of black talented people in front. of them yeah you're like Eric Rose Kobe. Bryant Richard Pryor did I did I make. you look good you make me look great. okay yeah. and here's another thief I have with you. I have two now this is so dumb why can't. I do it do whatever you want I'm just. laughing at it yeah um this is my domain. sure yes okay sure all right you coming. to the Lion's Den you might get bit.

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have issues at varying degrees in life. just like everybody else does and when. you want to be a better Problem Solver. therapy can get you there visit. betterhelp.com bad friends today to get. 10 off your first month that's better. help.com bad friends. what is this I hear. because I've talked to a lot of females. since I've been single. you're single yeah and that's another. beef I have now you haven't even told me. that I'm into Asian well first of all. all right. you want kalila's number.

are you saying him yeah oh oh yeah if. you're a part of the community comedy. community and you don't know that I. broke up with kalila that means. somebody's drifted away is that a Time. agree with me time out it means somebody. drift away do you agree with me he knows. you broke up he's teasing do you really. this is how I this is how I that's your. comedy at my back no no that's my pickup. when I saw you I'm like oh [ __ ] you're. running single that's all I do let me. get to my second piece how do you not. understand that that's what he's doing. yeah I didn't know well we got to get. you around more black people you think.

that's it why do you chew that let me. tell you let me tell you no snitching. These Guys these guys man they're like a. vault a big black I don't know anything. Bobby I know nothing about you oh wow oh. that's what it is yeah I don't even know. if all right your brother's name is. Stephen Lee he is a better podcast. that's it's funny that he's doing his. roast things which I like first of all. yeah yeah that's his technique part of. the reason that he wanted to come say. what's up is because he's got he's got. some okay before you do that second.

thing out that's fine okay wait the. second thing already was you thought. that no that wasn't it okay right the. second thing is is that I've heard from. many many women in comedy that you eat. the best. [ __ ] he does. but how I can attest it bothers me why. what's your Technique like he's gonna. share it I need to know the technique I. can't teach you how to dunk Bobby. and that's a layer joke.

out of your skill set you as a person do. you know that that's your skill set. um yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. wait Moe's for real now that he is. single you don't have to do it for him. do it for me do it for me because you. love me I got you please love Bobby. though San Diego Legend thank you sure. give give him one one tip. in the in the in the eating Kitty.

faction yeah give him one tip because he. know he's he needs any of them so give. him one little tip if you can just one. tip just one tip. I mean act like you like it act like you. like it oh smile not even smile just. like really get into it. here's the thing I think a lot of guys. [ __ ] up yeah by the way yum yum this is. supposed to be a secret nobody supposed. to know this mom don't watch this okay. uh yeah but just it's not even act like. just really like it don't look a girl in. the eyes like girls do the thing in porn.

were like you know like they're blowing. a guy and like they're looking in his. eyes like guys don't ever look in a. girl's eyes when you're going down on. them that's weird they don't like it I'm. always like don't look at me. like you like this you're like you're. trying to prove to them you like like. just do it it's almost like you're not. scared about your comedy don't be scared. of eating [ __ ]. that's but also that's that you know. that's science because if you're closing. your eyes it looks like you're just. trying to get through it he's saying. look like you're enjoying it but not. lock eyes it's a lot of rules it's like. you're Swinging with sharks just don't. look up I mean don't pedal your arms a.

lot of guys with the shark. next time you're playing stardew Valley. look in the mirror and whatever that. looks like that's great thank you so. much she knows what she's doing right so. that's one of the best eating [ __ ]. never lock eyes never look okay can we. get one more please and if and if she. gets two ornery you gotta punch her in. the nose that's the only way to get him. away you know that right right like a. shark yeah what's the second thing you. think. um you know promise them uh that you'll. you'll vote.

women seem to like that midterms oh. midterm voting yeah Roe v wage right. right that's so hard but if I'm eating. out. yeah but if I'm eating up Marjorie. Taylor green I would have to say a. different thing what would you say I. would say yeah [ __ ] Roe versus Wade no. no just say uh say something about uh. Alex Jones was right uh yeah Sandy Hook. is a you know what I mean yeah I believe. in reptilian shapeshifter yeah yeah yeah. oh I see Kanye's new Hitler with a beat. yeah something cool I know you guys are.

joking but I'm kind of on board with. most of those things that you just said. yeah so you guys are teasing around but. so those are two things don't lock eyes. and talk about voting no act like you. like it act like I like it don't don't. act like you like it don't lock guys let. them know you're gonna vote let him know. you're gonna vote the voting thing but. okay because I'm gonna try it but I feel. like it's like you're not gonna see this. is why this is why we need more [ __ ]. say because you're not voter right. before you go down the legs are here and. you and you just you go down right. before you going and then pop back up.

and go I'm gonna vote and then go right. back oh I see yeah what if I pop up and. I have that voting sticker on my head. even better I voted right that circular. sticker actually you know what go down. on them go down on them make them come. right and then pull your head away and. go look and when they look down they see. you've left a sticker right there all. right let me think it's like a fortune. cookie though. okay that's good that's really good. that's really good that's good if you. pull a fortune cookie out and go yeah. what is this after you went down crack. it open it's an I voted sticker right or.

with my jit oh I'm not jerking off don't. make it disgusting you don't want to. like it that much oh I don't want to go. that much okay just enough so those are. you know what these are things right so. we squashed your beef that eat first of. all I apologize if I was acting like you. in any way I apologize. I was keeping that same energy you know. I disagree with you I feel like that I. am very nice at the store you are. actually and am I not yeah you're there. all the time he get he had a bag and I. go oh what's in the bag and he goes oh.

it's just a bunch of food here you guys. can have it I was gonna throw it away. did you ever end up eating it yeah we. all ate it okay good good yeah we put it. out on the back no say this like the. first my first day on the jobs like. April 1st April 2nd 2010 and Bobby came. up to me it was like oh you're the new. black guy here I got some I need some. jokes for like for this thing I'm doing. with. Valderrama you said and then uh it was. me and real battle were there love it. and I remember that uh Bobby's I'll give. you guys 100 bucks each and then where I. was like cool I'm gonna go get your Rod. I was like I'm right here Bobby's like. cool I was giving it to him but if you.

got better people I'll go get him I was. like yeah that was my introduction. anyway we're just kidding why are you. here. [Laughter]. Rose battle League one Monday night. comedy store Halloween night at The. Comedy Store yes there's a comedy show. on Halloween night in his roast battle. League number one it's the very first. roast by the league event what's it. roast battle league so now you know we. have roast battle on these rose petals. everywhere every continent but. Antarctica so now we're bringing the. best Rose Battlers in the world bringing. them into Halloween night and uh. basically doing like the UFC thing so. basically wow the best guys he rose. probably battling each other let me can.

I ask you some questions I'm very. curious about it yeah are you flying. people out or are they getting no we're. flying people up that's amazing so. where's the farthest place you're. playing somebody out from uh London and. Tokyo holy [ __ ] Tokyo there's a Japanese. dude there's no it's Japanese girl itsy. she's on the next one the rose medal two. Roosevelt League two but roast battle. League one is a London cat we uh we and. yeah Tokyo's coming it's every Monday no. every no no every month but uh Monday. night is the first one Monday Halloween. night Halloween Halloween night and you. put them up where do you put them on. before you go we're gonna have to break.

your heart this will come out after that. it's all good but but roast Battle 2. Rose battle two yeah every month at The. Comedy Store we're doing a roaster a. league event and we're building up to. battle Mania which we're going to do in. July [ __ ] yeah it's incredible you know. what yeah because I you know I've judged. it before I've I've watched many many of. them you've seen me in the audience I. love it and um I just have you ever done. one. no but what I will say is I feel like I. can't do it when I watch what you built. at The Comedy Store because I've known. you for a long time.

I was I've said this to you multiple. times how like happy I was that that. what you put together became so this is. like viral in real life like that show. became viral in real life in the comedy. world so much so for people that don't. know is all these other [ __ ] cities. everywhere we would go would copy it. they would do their roast battle in. Nashville in in Miami when I was in. Philly and they all did it but it that. started at our house upstairs in the.

belly room at our club and watching most. put it together and I've judged I don't. know a thousand [ __ ] times but I used. to sometimes I used to get so stoned. after my set and I would go sit in the. back of roast battle Yeah but not say I. would say hi to him but I would just sit. and watch because it was like watching a. show I mean it was it was it was such a. [ __ ] event that I would hide in the. corner because I wanted to feel the. energy without being a part of it it I. it's the hardest I've ever laughed oh by.

far by far and number two what I love. about it is and it's not funny what I'm. about to say but it's like it's the. biggest expression of free free speech. it is because I feel like the wokeness. and all that stuff doesn't apply to it. and there's a freedom to it and it's. like it feels this I've never felt more. American being in that room yeah right. because you can say because I've said. I've I've said I've heard word the [ __ ]. that I even would be like I would never. [ __ ] that's crazy but I love right.

because it because it doesn't matter. what you know like different races and. genders and ages and backgrounds and. everyone makes fun of everybody for. everything so there's no rules which. makes it all free which makes a. handicapped person making fun of a black. girl making fun of an Asian guy like. it's just everything is for making fun. of a guy's dad that died two weeks. before yeah I mean like just no holds. bar yeah and I [ __ ] love it it's. incredible so what we achieved today. though is we squashed this fake beef.

between you and Moses I love them that's. what I'm saying. he taught you how I want you to really. teach me because it's like um no I'm. being real I want to take a class who. you promising me that Bobby let's just. do it right now what's your goal when it. comes to sex. oh no I can [ __ ] no no I don't want the. [ __ ] oh wait that's your favorite that's. that's the first problem. [Laughter]. I can [ __ ] you dude it's not about you. yeah yeah no that's it see the first. thing he says is I yeah it's not about. oh my you're just blowing my mind it's.

her her I'm setting up I'm sitting up. I'm sitting up I just had a [ __ ]. Spiritual Awakening you're right so now. it says. sex is never about you never about me. it's not about you it's about her. absolutely is oh my God he's like my. [ __ ] you know cure for God I'm your. sensor yeah yeah he's my philosopher. does a woman go in with that attitude as. well because then what are they doing. well juice when you're in a thing in a.

misogynist when you're with your. boyfriend do you feel like it's about. you or about him about him because you. want to be a great lover yeah but then. if we're both doing that what are we. doing Somebody's gotta be there. each other off yeah first if you're so. equal and then so if if two people are. way too giving then it becomes cuck then. cuck has to step in at some point yeah. I'm cook and this is Mr Right I see yeah. so is this something that you asked. before. so before I go this is going to be about.

you no right and just thinking about you. you're literally you're making about you. again oh by even by even asking the girl. I'm making it I'm doing this for you is. literally saying you're you're doing. this so she knows about you so how about. this what are you doing it for can I ask. that yeah I'm doing it no no I know the. girl I look at the girl and go excuse me. Cynthia I'm just a random name right. excuse me yeah hi um before we do this. transaction right is that not the right. word. transaction.

is she an ATM no okay let me say Cynthia. hi can I say hi let me say hi oh you. want to say hi I'm Cindy you're Cynthia. yeah let's see how it plays out and then. he can tell you what you did wrong all. right Cynthia hey. hi hi. I have to say the last high it's like an. OCD thing for me so don't break. character stay in the [ __ ] character. start over say someone say action. action Cynthia yeah Bob. hi hi.

hey hi hi hi. I have to say hi. hi. is this an Asian thing yeah yeah anyway. foreign. so listen um. Cynthia what are you doing this for I. mean what do you think is it about you. or is it about me. I don't know what you're saying what I'm. saying is is that we're watching. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon I know and. I love this movie Michelle Kwan it's so. good she's amazing so are you and she's.

also the Asian Meryl Streep I'm just. aware you know yeah right I did a movie. with her I'm half asian you know that. yeah I know that Cynthia yeah right hi. Cynthia hi hi anyway. um what I mean by that is is that um. everything's about you when I'm doing. this Transit transaction everything's. about you when I'm playing we're playing. this game this is not a game it's gonna. be all about you I mean while we um. um interplay in this you know formal.

physical activity that we're partaking. in it's there's formality to this I just. want this to be loose and fun is it over. yeah I'm home have I lost while you were. I lost by the way while you're not have. I lost I feel like as as the guy in the. part I feel like I'm losing it that was. the most boring porn I've ever watched. yeah foreign. I already called The Uber Cynthia.

Cynthia yeah. actually honestly that worked that's hot. as fun yeah that's good that's fine. right the choki too much no no the. talking too much. yeah make it a silent movie yeah all. right. oh. oh. perfect. you're right that's your perfect you. should do a master class how much would.

you charge for a master class on how to. go down I wouldn't because I'm not a. misogynist look at that that's amazing. wait dude you're a cult leader why is. that well yeah because I'm making money. off of the exploitation of women's. pleasure I'll see you it's so that you. would charge nothing but you would still. do it I do it for free yeah it'd be a. community service it's amazing or you. take it or you take a fee and then you. donate it to a woman's uh sex story sex. toys what no to a woman's charity yes. and if that woman is against.

um the uh the I want to say Ad is a. matter Candice Owens. yeah but that is a true thing that you. will that I've I've I don't want to name. the girls but they've been a couple of. girls in the comedy community that. you've eaten their you know I mean. beautiful vaginas it's supposed to be. anonymous anonymous they've all hands. down locked my eyes with me and said. Brian Moses is the best at that and. clap no no this is just for you.

it just feels weird to clap on my own I. know but I like watching it yeah yeah. there it is. you guys are constantly clapping towards. the black man we appreciate that this is. a jealousy thing they're [ __ ] good at. that too all right right yeah yeah these. blocks are getting too many hand claps. see what I mean yeah yeah or music or. I'm tired of it dude yeah Asians you. guys have you guys you guys love the. culture right basketball. you know yeah yeah break dancing hip-hop. all that [ __ ] yeah video games yeah but.

you know what connect argument though. it's a I know that a lot of um black. people in the 70s love to go see Kung Fu. festivals and so we've influenced you. guys on as well here listen I want to. break the myth for that here's the yeah. no no we love it and here's why because. black people in the 70s were all poor. and B movies were free yeah so you get. them for free but you had your own. Dolomite. et cetera Etc yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. right but you oh you guys love but no. but I've met a lot of black women my dad.

used to take me to the Kung Fu festivals. in the 70s and you you know and I'm. being real that's a what you think I'm. wrong no I just wait man what yeah how. old are they they're my age they're in. their 50s now yeah yeah yeah yeah but. I'm just saying that you know it's not. it's not it's a two-way street what's. your dad's name Robert oh Bob oh okay. why would you ask me that because I was. like because you're not saying Lee the. 70s Kung Fu Bruce Lee like there must. have been a lot of confusion. I'm not even joking I mean like it's. your your uncle or something I don't.

like it you don't have an uncle Bruce no. I don't no he's no there's no no nothing. no there's no relation okay that's good. yeah yeah there's absolutely would you. name your son Bruce. I didn't no because because the teasing. because he's not gonna know karate isn't. that interesting that Bruce Bruce. as an Asian guy very weird that it's an. Asian guy's name but there's nothing to. make fun of but Bruce white guy for some. reason just an easily teasable name oh. my God hater Bruce it's haterbrew God I.

hate a Bruce. has there ever been a black Bruce same. Bruce yes is there a black Bruce there's. no way there's a black famous I was. thinking Bill Duke no no it's not Bruce. maybe I have a theory maybe white dudes. name certain names if you put it to an. Asian guy it switches it so what's. another name that like I. um Ken. is Ken a weird one for whites no okay. when you say where do you mean annoying.

white guy like Bruce. um Chad Chad if you made a cran dude. named Chad would that be weird or a. cooler kind of tight that's tight yeah. oh yeah there goes Chad KU yeah there's. chadku right there Chad Hugo he's the. Neptune stuff producer oh really that's. true I guess if you take a white shitty. name yeah and you give it to an Asian. yeah it makes it okay again maybe like. Curtis yeah or Andrew Andrew in fact if. you take if you take a Russian name slow. down Brian yeah yeah.

wait a minute. you know your name. [Laughter]. you took white names that just didn't. work I mean it's bad I had like three. white names yeah I'm gonna give my kid. if I have a kid have a kid just an. unusual name black American black like. what. I don't know LeBron yeah LeBron Lee. Bernard oh my God that's a stronger. French yeah yeah. pretty much yeah how about like uh how.

about like uh yeah latavian latavian Lee. that's dope the alliteration is amazing. latavian League that's that's the next. one latavian. um. any J really Jamal Jamar yeah Shaquan. Jaquan Jaquan Lee is sick that is that. dude is dope Jaquan Lee. actually sounds very he's a producer. what kind as it comes out hip-hop what.

hip-hop I don't think so oh I think a. name influences what you become maybe I. agree yeah yeah. please go to The Comedy Store every. Monday once a month let's not say that. once a month yeah just once a month it's. uh the roast battle league so this is. the new iteration of Rose battle Rose. battle's traditional every Tuesday but. there's Rose battles all over the world. and they broadcast so we're trying to. make a league kind of like the NBA. everybody plays basketball but there's. only such thing called professionals so. bring all the Professionals in once a.

month to The Comedy Store hopefully on a. Sunday or Monday flying a man from Tokyo. Sydney Australia Barcelona Spain amazing. London New York Chicago Austin Bay Area. La all over the world uh and we're. bringing them here so check the comedy. store website the comedystore.com to go. see when when those tickets are going to. be up and moving around I have one last. question though yeah so um I wanted to. talk to you about this earlier um it's a. specific style of writing right. um roasting. um I've never learned to do that style.

right are you good at that style could. you write us a roast joke nah I don't. think I could but you're good at it. I want to try to roast juice you help me. with that okay. she's done it I know so what what would. I start with let's say I was battling. juicy. I would look at her like so I would. write down what I see like physically. right so she looks like a low rent Bono. with those glasses that's one that's one. hit right right I would look at her body. and go. and write down things that I saw in her.

body yeah like clothes she's wearing. clothes the shape of her body yeah you. can go easy with that just uh you look. like this and then you start from there. it's it's basically just like a writing. experiment yeah like you you look like a. soup dumpling. oh that hurt but you do that does work. but it's like a there's a that's pretty. good yeah you do yeah soup don't play. yeah oh that's good because I'm wet okay. good yeah you're wet you're around. chunky and soup is like a thing for your. people a lot it's a race element yeah so. like if let's let's say um Juicy's mom. died a week ago is that too soon or no.

it's not it's too late yeah oh it's too. late it's Gotta Be same day it's gonna. be the same day same day death stuff no. no I'm kidding not you can't usually a. week yeah it doesn't and honestly. because we're roast battles gotta be. consensual so usually when you're. battling an opponent you want to ask. them what soft limits yeah oh [ __ ] they. do that oh [ __ ] so because we're about. we're about consensuality it's weird all. right so so let's see you and I are. roasting those juice I'm being real what. do I stay away from. um. my mom dying it's too fresh okay.

[Music]. also did your mom really die no wow. [Laughter]. I start feeling bad my mom watches every. episode so I love you Mom we do love it. we love her so much hi Miss Jones but. what would really be something off. that's off limits um. I guess I don't would it be okay to be. like I guess I couldn't say I wouldn't. note.

yeah yeah yours maybe what about what. about no Daniel stuff I wouldn't care. about no that's you yeah well he's a. comic so that's yeah that's different. he's a comic yeah so I feel like you. don't have any not really all right. Moe's give us some love and then we'll. cap off and finish another minute or two. after I love y'all man thank you guys so. much we love you thanks for coming we'll. make sure we'll we'll uh it's not a. league baby roast battle League babe buy. a tour Fire tour guys is the world's. leading travel experience Marketplace. I'm so excited because I used it for.

Andrew he got me for his birthday okay. so what do they do if you're wondering. what it is they offer everything simple. tours to Extreme Adventures and all the. niche interesting stuff in between they. put the critical combination of. extensive options ease of selection and. flexibility your fingertips to help. ensure that your time is wonderfully. spent and this guy got me an experience. the Napa and Sonoma wine country full. day tour from San Francisco how was it. it was actually very fun I went up there. to San Francisco and I honestly I. thought I was gonna hate it yeah because. I I was like this was a Bobby thing he's. gonna it's gonna be fake and stupid and.

it wasn't it was incredible and fun and. immersive and boy oh boy do I like my. Chardonnay that's why I love Viator via. tour is the world's leading travel. experience Marketplace guys they offer. everything from simple tours to Extreme. Adventures all Niche interesting stuff. in between yeah and let me tell you. something about this you you think they. don't have anything there for me yeah. they do they have it they have it they. have it get on the website and find out. what's going on that's why we love. Viator all right they are the world.

leading travel experience Marketplace. and I got to tell you they have simple. stuff right you can do something very. easy like sightseeing yeah or you can do. a town do sightseeing you can do. something very complex right you want to. get in a car and you want to drive with. a professional race car driver and go. whipping around a track they got it baby. Viator has over 300 000 bookable. experiences to choose from and over 190. countries Bobby download that many. countries download the Viator app now. guys and use Viator 10 for 10 off your. first booking one app over 300 000.

experiences you'll remember do more with. Viator. can I propose something okay. okay will you let me know please what is. it it's it's already what is it. what is it relax no what is it will will. you let me chaperone you on a date. can I be there while you're on a date. dude my moves are already pure. my moves are pure dude okay let me. propose something else. I have a system down would it be chill.

yeah yeah if you told me where the date. was and I did like a private. investigator like watch you from afar. but you can never show yourself I swear. to God I will not I swear to God I swear. to God but yeah when you go back to your. house or whatever yeah and or you go. back to her place or a hotel or wherever. you guys go yeah I have to be able to. have access to see it so you have to. like leave a blind open or like. how about this huh I'll do that yeah if. we do a thing like. um. Don rickle what Frank Sinatra did with. Don Rickles love yeah I mean it's like.

one of those things where um I Heard. DiCaprio does that where he'll just go. up the table and like if somebody's on a. date this guy's a great guy he's like. one of the best like make me look good. do you know this story no Don Rickles or. Frank Sinatra apparently Frank Don. Rickles went up to Sinatra and was like. hey I'm on a date with this pretty girl. I want you to come they find themselves. at the same restaurant yeah right. because she goes oh my God there's Frank. Sinatra and he goes oh I know him right. and he goes to the table and what does. he say go ahead no no he says to Frank I. want you to come over and introduce. yourself to this girl that I'm dating. suppressor Frank's like all right and he.

Frank Don goson sit down and then. moments later Sinatra comes walking over. and in the middle of the you know middle. of the meal Frank's like hey just want. to say hi Don it's like one of the best. guys and Don Rickles looked up and he's. like I'm eating can't you say I'm eating. a meal on a date with a girl. so great it's great so you guys do that. but we can't do that if the girl knows. who I am through you so no but it's so. weird the some of the girls I'm dating. they don't know who you are great that's. great so you don't know they don't know. they know vaguely that I'm a comedian.

okay good let's make sure to keep it. away from a girl who doesn't know your. karma who doesn't know the show no they. know I'm a comedian right but they just. don't know the familiarities of like who. I asked them I go do you know who Burke. Chrysler guy I don't know um if the girl. doesn't know our podcast yeah then I'll. play that game with you but what's the. game because it can't be that what do. you mean I want a different scenario I. don't want to can you see I'm eating uh. well how about this yeah how about this. yeah yeah how about this yeah. uh we find out where you're eating she. doesn't know who I am yeah we talk we. call the restaurant you know we've.

pulled in a favor and let me serve you. guys for the night. I will 100 do that there's no way why I. don't want that I won't [ __ ] it up I. want it to be in and out you want to go. to In-N-Out burger no I want you to Nabi. not I don't want you to be you no I'll. be a character when I'm serving you guys. but I want you to have a suit this is. better. you're a suit like a agent bigger Wall. Street no like in the business I. produced you produce movies so I'm a.

producer and I wear a suit none of them. you come to the table Yeah and go and. you say something very like. complimentary so I'm eating let's say. let's just act it out okay all right. are you enjoying your Smorgasburg yes. these are great so much Morgan yeah it's. such a good stroke enough here at this. restaurant what is that stroganoff is. that right it's like a meaty noodly yeah. excuse me I don't mean to interrupt. how good is this stroganoff at this.

place oh it's really good yeah all right. have a good night that's not what I want. oh no that's absolutely okay that's. absolutely okay hold on yeah yeah excuse. me I don't mean to interrupt you guys. I'm sorry yes wow you have beautiful. eyes. oh thank you what wow that's your. reaction sorry I'm a big you're gonna do. something about it I'm not a big. producer in Hollywood oh you are what do. you have your produced Narnia blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. blah blah yeah just I mean well blah.

blah Etc that's a new no no we have a. film blah blah blah coming out all right. Jordan peel blah blah blah blah blah. blah yeah we kind of stay in line with. these vague titles that he's doing we. really like it yeah you know like nope. and you know what I mean yeah I get it. yeah blah blah blah yeah uh anyway so I. just wanted to tell you I I think you. were such a talented actor and comedian. oh thank you and I just and what is that. smell you're you smell so good what is. your name I'm juicy no wait wait wait. what's my name lady pick a name.

uh Cynthia. Cynthia Cynthia I gotta be honest with. you I I'm sorry I I I want to get back. to you but I just God you are stunning. beautiful are you sure you're not just. smelling the stroganoff. no that's this I'm smelling something. different I am smelling stroke yeah. anyway I'm sorry I'm sorry I am an. actress you are well yeah oh wow sorry. Cynthia. what about that back to me and this is. what he was talking about eating [ __ ]. you you made it about you again let it.

be about I feel like this executive is. trying to get this [ __ ] though. I feel the energy go towards you do you. Cynthia do you feel that yeah first of. all he's being polite he's being stop. don't break the [ __ ] uh Cynthia. Cynthia what's your last name uh Cynthia. she is she's on the Spectrum I noticed. that yeah she always looked at the. ceiling when she has to say something oh. what's your last name again Chang oh. Cynthia Chang it is.

her name is wow I'm divorced I haven't. changed my name back oh Asian fetish got. it I'm Asian that's all she did I like. it yeah so I just want to let you know. I'm a huge producer in Hollywood and uh. anyway we have a role for you and blah. blah blah you do yes but unfortunately. we're gonna have to have you. you would have to leave the dinner right. now and go to set there's a there is a. the role right they're shooting right. now right now yeah no negotiation I.

don't know what am I getting paid. what free no oh I I mean I just assumed. a guy like you would get a million. dollars a role amen well goodbye Cynthia. you see. Bob Bobby yeah [ __ ] Cynthia wait no no. good luck I'll give you money I go. yeah yeah. is that your last name again yes yeah I. feel like Cynthia Chang would know I. would look at her go listen I'm so sorry.

rain check I'll pay for the dinner I'm. gonna do blah blah blah who's in blah. blah blah. no who's directing Jordan's directing I. would be weird Scott is the star I love. him right and what am I playing Adam. Scott's. [ __ ] toy. Cynthia bye bye. [ __ ] don't [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah okay. let's how the dinner really will go you. know how it's gonna go you'll be on a. dinner date all right and I'll walk up. and I'll go excuse me try to interrupt.

I'm a massive Hollywood producer okay. that's weird to open that way but sure. it is but I can say that because I'm. super rich and famous okay what's your. name borgelson hey borgas. borgelson borgelson borgol sun it's not. that hard borgolson correct hello thank. you. and I gotta tell you yeah I've been. wanting to work with you for so long. thank you I can't get a hold of your. team really I've been calling and. calling and calling that's odd Borg. Olsen.

why would it be. that's weird I mean Mark Olson. okay but I try to get a hold of your. team and for some reason I'm sorry I. cannot get a hold of them okay so I want. you to be a part of this thing with me. Randall I just I need you in it Randall. wait what. what. yeah Randall do you go by Randy. you're not oh excuse me I'm sorry sorry. Cynthia yeah it's sir I'm sorry what's. no I'm sorry no it's it's a common. mistake. I think you think I'm Randall Park.

you're not Randall Park no oh my God. wait okay you're not Randall Park. wait you think I'm Randall parks in. there I thought yeah I'm Bobby Lee oh. gross. oh hot dog. yeah yeah you don't know my skill set oh. hot dog guy by the way yeah yeah. her mistaking you as well fantastic.

juicy let me just do this I'm serious. let me talk to a restaurant we'll shoot. it and and we won't do anything rude or. [ __ ] up but let me be a server and. you'll never reveal that this is a shot. and then we will have the error at one. point so that's the tower this is a. prank that's it's not really a prank. there is no joke because she'll. definitely not know me let me go up and. get your autograph so good can we do. this please okay please okay it'll be so. much [ __ ] fun it's gonna backfire I.

just I can feel it but let's do it in. what regard. like she's because if if I'm on a date. and I don't know and characters come up. right and I'm like oh cool it sounds fun. I know that's fine right and I and no. one tells me yeah right and then a month. later I'm on I see it online check it. out we're never gonna make her look bad. never ever I'm never gonna say anything. negative towards her it's just gonna be. goofy funny stuff to see how she reacts. and by the way this is a testament to.

how cool she is as a chick if she's down. with you and knows you're gonna be a. comedian for the rest of your [ __ ]. life you're gonna be surrounded by weird. strange people can I tell her afterwards. that night of course you can never tell. her hahaha. she has to see it herself you have to. see herself no no you can of course you. can tell her afterwards but I mean it. would be so fun to see how she reacts if. a server comes up and starts rattling. off [ __ ] and then a fan comes up you. know what I mean then we can even get. okay let's do it you down I want to do. it yes you'll hide your cameras yeah and.

so it had to be they're gonna shoot it. on iPhones and we're gonna have my and. I'm gonna be miked up and we'll put a. mic at the table. I'll be miked you need to be my team. we'll have the mic at the table for her. hidden camera we can we can we can do it. we can do it we can do it we can do it. we can do it oh my God it's got foreign. thank you for all those tips you gave me. honey. oh that's good too. cast the characters right and by the way. at the end of it all if she's like [ __ ]. this I didn't like that we don't have to. air it yeah but then she's done with me. okay that's fine that's the price I'm.

willing to pay that's right okay that's. right Cynthia Chang right by the way if. she's not cool enough to go along with. something so so like monotonous how is. she gonna date a [ __ ] are you because do. you know who you are I know but if. there's a camera I'm Gonna Be Acting. don't act no I would have to say funny. things we'll do it then yeah yeah but I. mean that's your nature you're gonna say. funny things on a date with her anyway. do you are you not funny on dates yeah I. don't lie but if there's a camera I'd. say ridiculous things like yeah I do. naked sex skydiving in the weekends and.

and what would she say she'd say well I. want to go home I don't like that I go. no we're going now Scott having naked. yeah strap me up. you put on a strap on it she puts on a. strap-on [ __ ] you yeah that's tandem. wait a minute are you not funny on dates. you're not like sweet you're cute yeah. like what does that mean like give me. like I'll do twitches. what what does that mean. yeah like I I do things to make me seem. eccentric eccentric eccentric okay yeah.

eccentric second Centric eccentric. eccentric borgelsenberg so wait a minute. what do you do you do things to do what. do you say I'll go like. we have a different definition of what. cute is yeah and then they'll go what is. that I have twitches. is that what you really did yeah like. that I do another thing where I'll step. away from the table Yeah like she'll say. something and I'll think it's shocking.

and I'll walk away if she's like uh. she'll say something like I don't know. much about the Beatles and I'll go oh. and I'll walk away and I'll do like a. little shake you know come back and come. back that's actually kind of funny. that's cute I do cute things like that. right how about when it comes to time to. pay the bill oh I I tell them beforehand. that you'll never pay. really oh yeah see I think you should. slide them the bill and see what they do. no no no no no no no I think see that's. I think that's fun I don't know that's. not cute you slide in the bill and then. you go.

oh really I think it's funny just to see. how they react yeah or you know what you. should do is you go pull out a card and. go do you wanna do and then they'll. think you're gonna split it you're like. do you want to go one quarter oh my God. the dread of it one quarter me what. three quarters you yeah like because you. did eat a lot more but then I would have. to go all the way then so I'll go like. this and go ah you get this right and I. know I picked you up but you found your. right right home. oh you got your own right home what do. you think that you know you should ask I. dare you to ask me like can I have five. bucks for gas.

gas has gotten out of control just throw. me a throw me a five five yes please. yeah it's not that big of a deal okay. well you know what you should or how. about this are you sure God I would love. to do all this stuff if I was the server. yeah. like like uh if the server has no I. would have no idea who you are I'm not a. fan yeah because I don't want to do a. fan thing I'm just being that annoying. server I'm like can I get you guys. something to drink and then she does the. girl get a drink when she's on a date. with you yeah I let them I explained. them I don't it doesn't freak me out if. you want to drink and drink it does. right you don't right I want to make. them you know feel comfortable so I.

would say ma'am are you what would you. like what kind of drink would you like. I'll have a whiskey on the rocks oh. whiskey one I'll make it a double a. double um can I also get a Long Island. iced tea yeah two drinks at once yeah. sounds good I like to chase the whiskey. down smart uh sir to drink diet coke oh. do you not want anything to drink no are. you sober yes oh you are yeah you gotta. get rid of this sober [ __ ] loser I'll. be right back I'll be right back. how about if I have a contract. what is it I go.

um in the middle of the dinner I go oh. by the way I forgot to do this in the. beginning I have a contract like an NDA. I pulled it out that's so funny and it's. got weird [ __ ] on it but you know what. it has to be it has to be like a scroll. yeah it's like a school yeah like a Dead. Sea scroll yeah it looks old yeah can. you get old paper Papyrus yeah yeah. I've shown thousands of women you've got. to have one of those things you know how. you wrote the roller thing yeah yeah and. just go just just sign anywhere right so. I have to uh right and it's got to be in.

like like it's feather pen feather pen. you have a but it's it's like something. like blood writing Yeah it's red it's. red red yeah right and you're like don't. worry it's my boy but it's old to whom. it may concern no just sign your name no. no it's got to have all the things on it. though yeah oh well it's gonna say yeah. what it's gonna say I can no longer I. cannot I can never again speak of this. incident uh for the rest of my life for. the rest of my natural born my natural. born alive so they can't talk about you. ever again right you have to do the um. ancient Moon ritual Korean style oh yeah.

on the 23rd of every month. and then she has to ask me about that. probably that's good and also you should. get one of those thumb print things like. get a little ink for make her put a. thumbprint on there what are those. people that the notary guy that's what a. notary yeah yeah we have to have a. notary guy there. that's great right you played an older. guy oh I have a notary guy right and he. you do the thumb thing right your thumb. this is good this is good right this is. really really good right the third line. is um what the third line of the.

contract yeah is yeah you have to you. well you have to have it's Gotta Be You. have to have sex about something like. that yeah that's [ __ ] up yeah we can't. even make them sign yes to having sex. with you right yeah that seems bad how. about in parentheses optional. uh I might I might have said Check Yes. for might have sex yeah yeah yeah you. might have and then have a yes and no. thing correct oh oh no like and. it just says do. um would you want to ever have sex with. me Circle one yes or no do you wanna.

bang bang do you wanna bang Bang Yeah. yeah yes or no yes or no yeah yeah and. she's sorry oh parenthesis is optional. they're no no it's either yes or no okay. or maybe or maybe or maybe or maybe or. probably right you know you know what it. should be the scale of one to five how. to do um strongly disagree strongly. agree can I bring my trumpet. we gotta shoot this. Scottish. I have a buddy yeah who has a place yeah. a restaurant where they have like a.

private room one of those like you know. like uh. and it's perfect we can put in the. private room because you'll tell her. it's special but this way she won't be. embarrassed because it won't be in front. of other people right and then we need a. dwarf. I'm gonna call Brad Williams right now. yeah yeah no you know what what let's. get Brad Williams a red wig to look like. me and then in one scene I'll go oh I. forgot your green beans and then I leave. and he brings back the green beans. wearing the exact same thing I'm wearing. right and we don't talk about it I come. in sometimes he comes in sometimes. that's awesome so we have to establish.

your name first so I can call them the. same thing right yeah yeah no you'll go. when out like I'll say my name's uh Jing. Jing my name is Jing yeah yeah and then. I drop stuff off and you go you'll. deliberately go uh say your name and go. oh Jing sorry I should have enjoyed. right and then when he comes in go. sorry uh say your name again Brad comes. in and he goes Jing I should already. know you just call him Jing natural yeah. yeah yeah got it to confuse her you. would just go are you the same waiter. you probably wouldn't remember the. waiter's name okay whatever.

I'll figure that out later yeah we're. doing this okay you gotta find a girl. who has no idea about the podcast. doesn't really like the comedy world and. we gotta do it okay and I'll call up my. buddy we'll put fancy to work. okay we'll do it I'm so excited I'm so. excited too but I'm also a little. nervous for you why. just because I don't I know it's going. to be different for you it's going to be. hard no if it's for the cameras and for. a bit I'll do it that's right because if. it's not it's even hard that's weird I. would never do it for if it's not. recorded well can I just say I did. something the other night and I feel so.

bad about it yes I love it I feel so bad. and I don't I think he's mad at me. so Jeremiah Watkins was on before me in. the OR and he had a camera set up. right and while he was on stage I just. stood in from the camera. what back or face Freddy I just stared. at it you stared into the in the lens. and at one point I moved it for a while. it's facing the wall very funny and then. what he says good night I put it back in. place and then I went up on stage and I.

can I call him yes yeah let's see if he. knows knows what happened. all right has he reviewed the tape you. know Jeremiah's reviewed it the moment. he got out. yeah and all the doorman everyone was. laughing why do you think he's mad he. didn't say anything to you yet. did he text you no well then how would. you know he's [ __ ] upset. I mean I think my get my money is on. he's bummed yeah yeah the other night. when you were recording do you see the. tape. yeah you messed my freaking footage.

are you mad. I'm not thrilled about it dude. really trying to I was trying to tape a. set man are you mad though. I'm not I'm not thrilled with you man. you're not thrilled. thrilled it wasn't it wasn't funny at. all in any way. I mean you know in a Bobby way where I'm. like oh. so you saw me well so what did I do on. the table I stared in it. oh yeah that's right I showed my nipples.

and then what else happened yeah and I. was like oh. it's funnier than what I'm doing on. stage and then I moved the camera for a. bit. yeah. is like Giant on that thing yeah this is. worried like while you're moving I was. like. to drop this camera all right right. so there is a little anger. dude you know I have a dormant anger. within me yes yeah yeah okay well um.

oh I'm on your list. I'm on your list interesting interesting. interesting how about this pal I'll. double down. anytime. you set up a camera at The Comedy Store. they'll be mischief. what if I'm trying to get a freaking. tape dude you don't need tape man you.

should submit that one with Bobby. okay so I dare you. freaking what dude set up a camera set. up a camera. [Music]. all right I I dare you set up a camera. you're not gonna see a set I'll tell you. that right now. oh. obviously.

that's crazy. because he was butt hurt he was upset. and it was funny it was funny yeah. because if it's I could see if he was. doing like you know a late night spot. he's doing you know Jimmy Kimmel yeah. and I walk in front of the camera there. maybe he is I mean that'd be holy that'd. be hilarious that would be a song. I know Jeremiah has the latest and walk.

her in front of me can I just walk in. front of the camera it would Crush by. the way it would crush it would be. insane it would be insane did he say he. was he had a set for something yeah. you're always filming for uh for taping. to tape yeah and he has to do it again I. think well yeah I'm gonna call I need to. know where where his spots are. all you threw is you know who to call. I'm gonna call I don't want to see you. want to do something. [Laughter]. please do something I just like. supporting this beef between these yeah. I think this is very so fun to do you. looked in the camera.

I looked right in the camera for about. twenty two three minutes and I did a. couple of dances so he wrote also the. people in the back the audience members. loving it we're laughing and he thought. that he was they were laughing because. of him crushing yes but they were really. laughing because I was being really. funny back there all right well we know. what we're doing now yeah we're setting. up a fun date for you and we're. continuing this war between you and. Jeremiah what do you guys think I mean. yeah I think we're in I knew he was. upset yeah I could tell he definitely he. had that uh no no it's fine but it's not. fine it's not fine no I love it well.

let's see where this [ __ ] Watkins Lee. beef goes yeah I'm excited that's a good. dish by the way at my local beef. um I want to say this. to the fans before we go we're working. on the tour for next year we're working. very hard also we're going to probably. do a couple more bad friends live at the. store uh before we do that we're. figuring out dates and all that stuff so. in the meantime we love you we've also. got uh Christmas merch coming up holiday. merch is going to be coming very soon.

let's uh say goodbye at the same time. thank you for being a bad friend. laughs. [Music].