Getting Wet With Chris Distefano | Ep 103 | Bad Friends

hey what's up bad friends the tito. cheetos here i just wanted to give you. guys a little update about our boy bob. uh he's getting a little bit of good. help he's feeling good we're talking. every day. and uh we want to thank you for sticking. along and being a bad friend with us. during a transitional time in our lives. and uh. we love you we miss you and bob's gonna. come back very soon. uh and he's feeling good and he's doing. good and i'm out by a lake look at this. look at this lake dude uh but uh just.

want to give you guys an update um he's. uh working out some stuff but bobby's. doing good and he sends his love and he. misses all of his bad friends and he. will be back soon and thank you for. supporting us in the meantime um also. i'm out uh in upstate new york cause i'm. on the road come see me andrew. santino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com this weekend i'm in. seattle and portland. and then i do vegas and then we get into. canada they're gonna let us back in so. go to andrewsantino.com come see me this. weekend seattle and portland andrew. santino.com thank you guys for being a.

bad friend you two are bad friends who. are these two idiots. why dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends. t-pain has a podcast now yeah i know i. saw it's actually pop super popular. isn't it should we try to get on it. okay yeah of course i would love to i. would love to go on t-pain's pod what's. it called. um what's t payne's podcast. nappy boy nappy boy radio. are you being serious yeah now okay i.

thought that you thought no. i was like yeah we were on the podcast. kid we're not at the diner nappy boy. radio with t-pain but his his record. company's called nappy boy nappy boy. okay. cause i thought if you were just. throwing that one out there what about. what am i uh what's that guy that old. that old guy uh. don diamond. yeah and he got what he was like bunch. of nappy headed hoes. that guy was nuts. if you you guys remember that. let's not go quoting things that got. people cancelled here yes well you can. quote what he said he's dead now donna.

he's dead now r.i.p dude what a guy. he died from that from saying that yeah. yeah you can't say that shock jock. off nappy hands. fame yes. i can't say it it's the news article. name. that's how you're known as the. nappy-headed hose guy that nazi started. making merch and happy-headed hoes just. shirts. him today he would sell a ton of it oh. my god. yeah daley wire would start slinging it. ben shapiro and the reason that we wear. the nebby headed host sweater is because.

obviously it's promoting what we believe. in it's a joke and it's a joke and the. democrats are gonna get it because they. don't believe in jokes. all that dude does his talk as fast as. he can it's so funny i don't believe in. anything he's saying he just keeps. rattling at all he says opposite points. all the time too like but he just says. it's so quick you're like [ __ ] yeah. what's wrong with the white premise what. have they ever done that's defended you. at all and. of course of course i'm jewish and i'm. jewish and i'm jewish and that's how i. feel and that's how i believe in that. it's kind of i just think free speech is. fine but but but but but. you know unless it's against my people. uh i was born a biological male.

he always says that i was biological now. i'm born a biological email so therefore. i'm a male i couldn't be anything else. out of the mail. even if i change my gender it's not. going to matter kyle dunnigan's bench up. here i don't know if you've spoken about. on the show i mean i mean he's he's. literally it's it's um the fact that a. guy like a kyle dunnigan is not um i. mean he's a very famous but not like. he's not the face of let's say the. iconic snl sket like that is the most. that's a will ferrell talent yeah that's. not on the show dunnigan's dunnigan's. he's what the show is and he's not on it.

well he's doing it himself it's better. for shrimp. it's me draco biden i hear you're a very. talented trans am yeah okay i'm confused. you called the ben shapiro show i'm ben. shapiro i don't know who benefit shrimpo. is also i'm not a trans am that's a car. i'm a human man darn right you're a man. who cares that you're born with in. congratulations i just signed a mexican. horror so you have not not a sexed and. border you can play hockey with the. girls now okay i'm sick of explaining. this to everyone i am fully biologically.

male i was born with one set of. reproductive organs and they are fully. male now onto your point about hockey. not interested look look look i need. your vote i got a big erection coming up. against a bad dude donald duck got no. pants man orange legs if you're. referring to the election we just had. that you won you won that and to be. clear it was not against a cartoon duck. hey come on give me a chance america. needs to heal. that's why we're here. because blank people are just as fat as. white girls same as transgenders that.

makes absolutely no sense. doningan is unbelievable. you know personally like have him on the. pod and stuff or whatever no i know he. hasn't but he's never came on my show. but i know i mean he's great i know him. i love him he's so funny man yeah i love. him he's a great guy i've never i never. know who i don't love chris. b. oh hey. fancy pete we said scumbag fancy setting. in rudy's chair i know we're shooting. early in the morning and our good friend. krista stefano was back i feel like we.

just jumped right through all the hoops. but we're fine and we've got everybody. in the studio mm-hmm uh and fancy. sitting in rudy's chair and he's far. away from the mic just like she does. yeah yeah fancy's there we said on a. previous episode that fancy um with sex. trafficking geriatric people yeah we. said we were gone on the other episode. because that's what you were up to i. thought that was a secret. but it's not anymore we were just. kidding around the way he said it. did you know that we said you got. extradited to spain but now you're back. i'm back i'm back how are you feeling. fans i'm good i feel a little strange.

here in that chair you don't like that. chair no i like it it's an expensive. chair. there's a very expensive chair yeah you. better like it that cost west elm would. you guys go east down. far east down far east down yeah that. chair is from right outside of uh wuhan. there's a factory outside of wuhan that. makes good chairs you've been over there. east elm. east um uh have you ever been a wuhan uh. no no i haven't i haven't it's been to. you. no i've never gotten it you have had. cover there's no doubt no we said this. last time i don't know.

yeah you brought it to me. well i didn't. donny tsunami who's sitting in the back. dead yeah that's true what what's the. what's the main attraction in wuhan. other than the labs you know what's. funny. oh the yellow crane tower that actually. looks awesome that's i don't appreciate. it would you go to yellow tower would. you go change the color yes. yellow i'd go to i'd go to wuhan now i. bet it's as safe as ever 100 what's that. lake called they got there dongle whoa. lake took out the first photo of dong. lake dong lake wow nice pretty that is.

look at that nice dong. nice dong lake it's got a big dong um. you can't even go to china right now. papa i can i don't think we can i can. why i know a couple guys you can get. into china 100. i go down to the port of long beach i. sneak inside one of those crates i'm in. china a day do you do um yeah probably. yeah you're you're merchants i know. what's going on that crazy i know. longshoremen yeah my merch comes from. i just backtracked where my merch came. from um you can't you know people were. doing a lot of comedy shows in china.

before um the weezer hit and and now and. now it's no people doing stand up in. china big time yeah because there's a. lot of there's a lot of americans there. expats that live there or. english-speaking people that live there. so you could go out there there was a. guy who ran a comedy show there you. could go an american culture my friend. jared free did it he said it was awesome. i know him yeah jared free did it he. said it was awesome what but now yeah. now it's locked down baby wow can't go i. bet you fancy doesn't know what expats. mean. do you know what it is. yes what is it. it means people who are. in china who are from america.

nope nope. expats are just they're not they're all. over the world expats. is someone who is a resident they they. moved out of the country but they're. still patriot. expats ex-patriots are you a patriot. i will be soon. when is the citizenship test coming i. they said any any time between three. months and twelve months you know so. he's taking his citizenship testing have. you done questions yet on the show oh. yeah 100 okay yeah and you know what he. failed almost of all of them you know. who else did me and bobby i didn't get. one right can i can i just see if.

because i just want to see i'll look at. you because i just i couldn't because. you're a history i'm a history guy but i. want to see if even i can if i'm if i'm. will if i'm if i'm an american citizen. just read me one i won't look at the. answer or maybe i no don't look at me. don't okay yeah don't cheat uh how about. this um well what is an amendment. what is an amendment an amendment is a. is a ratification to the constitution. that's a change or an addition so change. your in addition i'll give you 50 50 i. said okay i tried to be smarter it's. just a change what do we call the first. 10 uh amendments to the constitution the. bill of rights ooh he's on fire. how many how many amendments does the.

constitution have. yeah that you know hold on hold on hold. on. 27 wow wow. what are the two rights in the in the. declaration of independence the two. rights uh freedom of speech nope oh two. rights wait two what are two rights two. of the three rights of the deck. of independence um um um two rights um. right to have slaves. they definitely had to erase that. everyone's like well i guess that's gone.

no they're like no no no keep it yeah. keep it oh two rights um slavery was on. a post-it note freedom of the press nope. ooh. don't cover your neighbor's wife that's. in there. if you're gonna cover to cover it all up. i actually don't know what are they life. puberty and the pursuit of happiness ah. got it got it okay i didn't realize it. was triple right all right one more one. more and then one more all right one. more and that's it what stops one branch. of government from becoming too powerful. um. uh checks and balances. it's so funny because the fans think.

that you're an idiot but you're not yeah. how about this one. name one name one right only for united. states citizens name one person on the. right. chris. wait what was that name one right for. only u.s citizens name one right for. only u.s two of them yeah what are the. ones if you're born in the united states. you're a legal res you're a legal uh. citizen you get a passport voting voting. and what's the other one you can you can. if you're born here you can. run for federal office run for federal.

office i think someone's gonna get their. citizenship wow fancy's going to get it. so you're going to have dual citizenship. fans yeah. espana yeah and what passport you're. going to put above the other one you're. going to put spain on top of the united. states depending on which country i am. whose side do you take on that fair. weather fan in the espana fight are you. in catalonia or the other ones. the other ones you're not catalonia no. it's catalonia without hope he's a fancy. fancy texas you know i was going to say. is catalonia like the alt-right of spain. no it's not but they are the separatists.

they want to be separate right texas. still to this day wants to they every. year they try to remove themselves from. the united states and every year it gets. shot down it doesn't make the news but. it's like it's like a thing to like. every year they say we want to be. separate and every year we're like you. can't stupid but why let them go i think. i think let them live yeah i want to. live they want to be their own. independent country i think if texas was. its own in the country it'd be like the. tenth largest economy in the world. california is the third largest economy. in the world in the world we're the. third now china's one right.

say type in california is what where the. sixth i thought it was the third in the. world fifth there it is oh it did say. fifth oh. that's disgusting. look at that three trillion bucks baby. yeah most half of it's mine. yeah the fifth largest economy ahead of. the united kingdom and just behind. germany wait a minute so california is. bigger than the united kingdom. gdp yeah gdp yeah wow but also look at. that look at the landmass size we're. probably four united kingdoms seriously.

it's the size of a spain california yeah. if you crunched it into if you curled it. over if you curled san francisco into. san diego and made it a round ball we'd. be bigger than just a bigger space. bigger than espana yeah but we've done. less damage to the world than those. scumbags have no but spain was big. pieces of [ __ ] um you know in their time. still the invincible armada they were. big pieces they were every the thing is. every country has had its day yeah the. inquisition. i like that because we got rid of the. jews.

no i'm kidding. i'm just kidding. i was just kidding. we know we know fancy no but but see um. i wrote this article historians say or. chris de stefano says inquisition wasn't. that bad. was it that bad that's the point where. we're questioning stuff like that yeah i. mean was it that bad what's the big. issue really so what holocaust what's. the cost was it that bad. holla you you write an article holla car.

c-o-s-t question mark. h-a-l-l-a-h holocaust. holocaust what was it. um that's not that's i mean look you. guys were scumbags they were scum every. country every the thing is america right. now yes i understand people say. declining empire and america is so bad. we're just having our moment and but. then the next country comes up and. they'll do the same thing yeah england. england was historically the worst. country of all time i mean they killed. [ __ ] everybody just a little tiny. baby island just killed everybody they. were a little coveted ball that was.

killing everybody. and the you know they just were cute. doing it that's the key you're cute. doing it they had nice little red coats. well they're tiny men they're no england. are tiny men they're tiny men and so. they feel less. sorry you know because they can do that. and get away. did you oh slavery yeah we did it but. you know my bad i'm sorry unfortunately. for you you have to lose your head. it's nuts ooh oopsie oh whoopsie doodle. my bad oh.

is it your sister um i'm having my way. with all right yeah i had to disembowel. her. it's bollocks i know sorry sorry sorry. the problem is love you're not white. it's not your fault you've got too much. pigmentation yeah off you off with your. head. but yeah but so headings would have been. tight to see though oh my god dude well. here's the thing is is you know. nobody popped off in medieval times you. know what i mean there was no there was.

no twitter no tick tock there was nobody. think about how good tick tock would be. in medieval oh my god it would just be. whatever the state wants. you know like you just do you cannot i. mean the the level of freedom that we. have here i mean literally let i. guarantee you if i said if i was. president biden said we're going to. start we're going to behead a tick. tocker nobody would ever do anything. again it would just be done yeah we have. too much freedom everyone there's no. penalty for anything yeah when if there. is it's a wag of the finger there's more. of a penalty for uh saying something.

racist online now than doing something. actually bad yeah baby did you see that. guy throw a milkshake at that girl that. young girl at the what was that uh it. was like a jamba juice or something just. to andrew santino hit some moments look. she [ __ ] up my [ __ ] smoothie yeah. yeah uh oh jasmine's calling me uh. she'll pick it up yeah answer oh. she sent me a covet test is that. negative or positive here we go. i don't know i can't tell wait hold on. is this one negative wait let me see is. that negative.

she's positive no not her i think it's. my kid because that little line to see. the blurry line if it's blurry it's. positive so who's got cove two lines. positive one line negative yeah that's. pot that's positive oh baby wait a. minute who does i don't know maybe one. of my kids lila's i hope not let me call. her let's call and find out who's got co. who's got covid welcome back to who's. got covent yeah who is it i'll see hold. on let's just go. you never get it but you're around it. i'm always around it. that's it. maybe he just can't read the tests yeah.

yeah i know. [Laughter]. he's like two lines two lines means good. two red lines hey. hey whose test is that. oh so is that positive. but how. they just yelled out positive in the in. the doctor's office positive. oh my god.

um. well here let me go up uh but she's okay. though right she feels fine. what did the doctor say. what did the doctor say. right all right you know what so but. what are you guys going to do now. yeah no i'm i'm the podcast so i was. just stopped down for a second. but i saw that i was i want to make sure. everything's okay so let me so let. i'm dramatic you just send me a positive.

i don't know what it was i know if it's. a pregnancy test or kova test i think. that i've been reading our covet tests. wrong i think i've had it multiple times. you should have if you would have told. me that was a pregnancy test i would. have been like i guess we're having. another one. as a matter of fact the fact that one of. my kids does have cover now is i would. demand a paternity test at this point. because i don't believe any of my. children can get cold check the blood i. i you think i have coveted right now i. do feel achy oh great i look covety. sorry andrew.

andrew's like not again. all right let me go i'll call you in. about 45 minutes. all right bye. well that's good. but it's fine you know now i'm nervous. now i'm like kids should wear masks. well she's gonna be okay no she's been. all right she had a fever last week but. we kept giving her cove a test but they. were negative but i do think now that in. hindsight maybe i have been reading them. wrong the whole time. because i was like positive i would see. positive a big plus i'm like that's. thumbs up you don't have it they were. like you're positive you don't have it.

well positive means you don't have it. the plus means you don't have it yeah. because if you're positive it's like. you're positive you're good yeah and. negative means it's negative it means. you have it bad right that's bad. yeah stay positive stay positive be. negative be negative. awesome cause yeah because when i looked. at that result i was like this is. negative right and then she's like. that's a positive thing. she's still faint that's a faint so that. means that it's not really that big of. it low viral load. low viral load yeah all right so she's. good she's fine this guy's wife works in.

a hospital she knows she's a she's a. doctor epidemiologist it's the same. thing epidemiologist is the one you want. she's the one that studies the virus. right yeah what does she say low viral. load if it's a light blue line right a. thin blue line which is what we [ __ ]. support over here. a little bit of red sneaking true right. over the border as a matter of fact i. like that cova test that's what i want. my daughter she supports a thin dominant. red little bit of blue yeah so you know. what that she's a distefano. why do they make the lead they make.

those lines red and then a little bit of. blue yeah they want to let you know who. you really are well they want that's. what that test is for to find out if. you're a demo or rib what said that yeah. that and it's and it's also you know. it's red white and blue she's an. american citizen god bless she was born. and raised in this god god bless. god bless you yeah his wife er er is a. beautiful smart professional and look at. this guy i know it's unbelievable is she. from spain no she's american white real. american south she's from south carolina. south carolina yeah yeah but if you. marry her you can just get the.

citizenship right you don't have to get. it on your own he is married they are. married but aren't you then. automatically a citizen no i still have. to still have to apply and do all that. stuff but i thought if you married i. thought that's why people did that they. married. foreigners you know like a guy would. marry a foreign woman and get the papers. isn't that a thing like you can't get. thrown out of the country anymore. right they drive i know. you can't after all that geriatric. trafficking that he was doing even that. they couldn't deport you well i'm gonna. find a way no you get married but you. still i think there's still you still.

have to uh yeah you have to be married. for a number of years yeah number of. years you have to apply it's not as easy. as they make it sound it's not like oh. you're in you're done got it but he. wants to become a naturalized citizen he. begins to become one of us. okay a real one a real one i don't think. you can do that you're not born here. yeah you've got to be born into it like. a hasidic jew. let him have it i could be like arnold i. could be governor yeah he could be. governor now that'd be nice if you were. governor i know. i'd vote for you.

i want my governor to have bangs. and a cool accent yeah you do have a. cool accent i think the spanish accent. is very cool and you don't have the lisp. how come you don't have the lisp i do. have it oh yeah yeah but what when you. grow up in espana do they ever talk. about the lisp and how people will say. things about it or you just think that. everybody speaks like that right you. think everybody everybody else speaks. wrong yeah because by the time you. realize that you you're the one that. sound like an idiot you're like i can't. change it now right it's because it's.

already in your brain what am i supposed. to do. this is who i am. this is who i will be. who i will be he doesn't have the ass in. the front that i'm doing he does this. this this thing he does not have yeah. you don't have the cause. it's usually so clear because you know. where. yeah the more monies you have the less s. you have. and if you're poor. then it's big and it's big the more. broke you are the bigger the s is do you. um um cause spain is like the the top.

like they're like um the big ones like. they're like the britain of the latino. population like you look down upon all. the other ones like ooh the little. roaches. like you don't want to go near ecuador. so even the type of spanish you speak is. that proper like how a british person. would be like oh permanent proper that's. your spanish that's that's how we sound. too so somebody from somebody like uh.

you know my girl's family's puerto rican. they would be listening to you speak. spanish and be like oh he sounds very. proper with his spanish because my you. know kids family was like. you know like they're [ __ ] like they. go they call it bus. and then uh i didn't know this but. jasmine she said uh her mom said oh the. guagua or whatever and jasmine said hey. like we're out like in where we were. like in new york she was like there's. we're around like a lot of tourists like. someone's from spain here they're gonna. think you're an idiot and she was like i. don't give a [ __ ] i'll do whatever the. [ __ ] i want to do. i'll be me.

her mom is crazy i don't get my [ __ ]. i gotta be me she's like let them talk. to me she goes i don't even know where. spain be at. she goes i don't know david spain. do some magic for me david spain. [Laughter]. stitch fix hey when it comes to looking. good it's me i'm the best looking guy on. the show stitchfix has you covered say. goodbye to endless browsing and hello to. freshpix curated for your taste and size.

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podcast of course is sponsored by better. health and bad friends listeners get 10. percent off your first month at. betterhelp.com bad friends. yeah she's like i don't care. he's our fancy he's our fan fancy baby. no i love we should oh you guys ever. consider doing an episode in spain or. going to spain to his hometown we want. to go to spain and shoot a movie. we're going to do it we're going to try. to we're going to try our very hardest i. would like to do it. i think that's the move now right as we. might as well just try to shoot the. movies ourselves. right i think that's that's the most. because because otherwise we could have. 10 executive meetings with people who.

don't really want to do it no let's just. shoot it and then you guys do it and. then if if there's a part for old. chrissy banks i fly over economy middle. seat. [Music]. you're gonna have to get a ticket. without a seat oh where it's assigned to. you at the game i stand up i hold on to. the railing yeah. sir please sit down this is my seat yeah. you just have to hang that that's. probably where it's going to be cut when. it's going to come down. twice and the eu shut them down ryanair. didn't stand ryanair standing seats they. wanted to do that they wanted to do just.

one pilot. stand and see it. just one pilot is nuts i mean if you. [ __ ] get a heart attack or something. just one pilot's the craziest thing i've. ever heard in my life why not so cheap. like you can fly yeah but ryanair yeah. but ryanair the flights are like 20. minutes have you done it ryanair yeah. that's how i flew that's how i got. around europe when i was there that's. how you get around it's the easy and you. said it's like 20 bucks they fill the. the tanks just enough so they can do. emergency landings so they they got they. they.

everything is calculated. so and and but there's people that in. europe that they fly country to country. daily like right. sure yeah but it's just yeah from. yeah it's like yeah they're all 40 40. minutes flights like if you go to i went. england to france or england to spain. and it's just quick just an hour wow. yeah it's amazing. europe is a mini little it's like. western united states right that's how. that's all closer like the states in. western u.s are as big as the countries. in western europe yeah yeah no i know i. i i've been except ours touch and not.

and not all their jazz touches because. they got a bunch of water bunch of water. there's a bunch of water over there and. i but the thing is with europe they're. more cultured and they sound smarter and. better and are more you know culture. because every the countries they're it's. all different uh cultures and languages. so are we no but you drive three. thousand miles in any direction with. everyone speaking english pretty much. but that's the only thing yeah i'm. coming except you go down to mexico. or you ever been out of louisiana. louisiana to buy you boys man they sound.

so different they sound crazy well they. got a little bit of someone i been out. about it sounds like that and then. you're like okay what yeah okay [ __ ] oh. god come on out here. it sounds like that do they it sounds. like water boy remember water boy yeah. that's what everybody sounds like down. there do you think they're pro vaccine. they don't even they don't even make it. way down there no they said i don't know. man come on come down here boy i don't. need none of that boy but come on man. ain't gonna get it we don't need a boy.

and then he'll go stab me go bh. never been to louisiana it's awesome. yeah so dope i mean new orleans at least. is where i went and then i went shot. guns and saw gators. wow guns and gators we did a guns and. gators today dude yeah and then you know. our boat got stuck in the swamp i'm not. kidding it was so [ __ ] funny we're. driving around as january. as a buddies bachelor party we go shoot. guns we go take the boat out to go see. gators and swamp or drinking beers and. the dude that's operating it who's just.

as [ __ ] up as anybody else on it it's. his job to like stay sober and get us. back through the marsh in the swamps and. he's like oh man this boat's done this. will be done i was like the boat's done. he's like boat be done we just put it on. a short we just got put up on the shore. and he's like we're gonna have to wait. till someone else come back. i was like call someone he's like ain't. nobody they call. we gotta wait. we just had to sit there and wait till. somebody came back at any moment you. like a gator can come and chomp our boat.

in half and i would just at some point i. was like would this what if it gets dark. and now it's night now we're just. sitting here all night in the [ __ ] so. you just have to hopefully wait for. another bite oh no someone had come by. that's what he said someone had come by. it was like an hour and a half. nobody was even on the water at all and. you had no [ __ ] no one had sell. signal we had no cell signal you were in. the middle of the water yeah if you. would have gotten out and tried to swim. to land you're [ __ ] you would have. been killed eaten by a gator immediately. the land is the water it's the marsh so. it looks like you could step on ship but. you'll fall right through it's the swamp. wow yeah yeah we just ran out of gas at.

the beginning we're laughing. yeah. 25 minutes and you're kind of chuckling. but it's weird. half an hour you're like this is [ __ ]. yeah an hour you're like panic yeah then. an hour and a half you're like [ __ ] it. and we just kept drinking right because. then what are you going to do. i might fall asleep sweeping the swamp. sweeping swamp am i sweeping a swamp and. then what happened another boat came by. and just you got on that boat i came by. yeah guy came by then he was like oh i. got a radio one. guy came by we got on that new boat they. left the old boat and then they had to. go get someone else to go tow it out.

they just leave it there that captain. should have went down with the ship he's. a [ __ ] that captain. we just shot a hole in it and he just. sinks into the swamp yeah as he's. thinking he's just his body structure. but it was fun. that's how i chipped my tooth you see my. tooth on the front no oh yeah i do eat. lulu i chipped it on a crawfish shell on. mushroom i was on mushrooms and we were. eating a crawfish boil and then the next. morning i went to get a po-boy sandwich. and the guy was like i was playing with. my tooth like this because i had a chip. and he goes what's wrong with your tooth. and i was like i i chitten on a crawfish.

shell and he goes oh that's new orleans. that's new orleans he was right though. man i bit right there i chipped my. [ __ ] tooth in new orleans i um i took. mushrooms for the first time ever last. week. get yes did you do it on the pod i did. it on the pot i did it on the patreon. did you feel did you feel good patreon. christy d patreon.com says christy. comedy um we did it for the five dollar. level and up and uh i did it with a. gianni payload uh whose little brother. christian we saw his mom last night we. saw jet. chris sent a text message to gianni.

and said best threesome we've ever had. yeah he was pissed johnny was like he. goes ha ha and then he sent me a text. like an hour later he was like you. really didn't hook up with my mom right. i was like yeah yeah we did what are you. talking about what do you think you came. to l.a for yeah dude why do you think i. have you run on my tick tock she's tiny. she's a tiny so is he so all her kids. are tiny they say we took your mom to. france she saw the eiffel tower. yeah. um he's a good dude yeah.

um. i hear that we banged your mom he's a. good dude great guy. i really appreciate his love and support. these last years um no he did mushrooms. he took his shirt off um jacked he's on. testosterone or butyrol he's on some. type of steroid openly and uh it looks. great and we took mushrooms and um it. really for me was it wasn't like a bug. out experience but i i just feel very. settled i feel i've had the least amount. of anxiety i've had in years has been. this last week how many how much. mushrooms did you take george is not. enough because george is a big mushroom. head are you a big mushroom guy big time.

uh yeah it's but it's kind of hard now. that i have a kid uh you know get a good. day off to do mushrooms but yeah look at. this guy with a toothpick in his mouth. like he's a mafia member who the [ __ ] do. you think you are. caffeine. uh toothpick nicotine full is it really. yeah a nicotine toothpick yeah sneaky. way to get to give me one of those all. right. wow have you ever had a nicky toothpick. no i want a nicky pic what what it's. just like it's like smoking the stove if. they if they call them nick picks what. are they called if they don't if they. don't they're not called nick picks i'm. upset.

wow how come they're not a sponsor. well they should be. i'll try it i've never done nicotine uh. it smells. wait you never smoked a cigarette in. your life maybe once or twice. really yeah what about a stogie. almost never i swear i i've barely ever. smoked weed i don't really smoke. anything. i like i miss smoking weed i don't do as. much anymore hey how much how much. nicotine are in these things uh just two. mgs so what would that be like one. cigarette i think lessons what less than.

a cigarette i think less or equal too do. you like um do you like vapes have you. ever had a vape never hit a vape wow i. actually like this i can get addicted to. this it's it because it makes my breath. it's like a breath mint yeah what is the. flavoring on this george what does it. say the flavoring is. uh this one's spice island clove but. they got lots of flavors i was going to. say it does smell like a clove i was. going to say it feels like i'm chewing. on rudy. [Laughter]. american spirits are dirtbag cigarettes. right. that's what cool kids smoke because. they're like um american spirits organic.

yeah they're like all organic tobacco. and it's like fair trade how stupid are. people they're like it's organic. these cigarettes are you know raised. right like it's just you're smoking a. cigarette well they're cage-free. cigarettes cage-free cigarettes they're. farm-raised you know what the difference. is though i will say if you're gonna. smoke you might as well smoke tobacco. that's not inferior uh infused with. other [ __ ]. right so it's like like a cigar is just. tobacco okay i mean a good cigar is. gonna be really good high-end just. tobacco right leaves but then cigarettes.

you get good tobacco. and then they put all sorts of they put. ammonia they put piss they put urine in. it they put piss in it they put piss and. cigarettes politicians they collect. their piss put in ziggy wiggies put it. in the ziggy wiggies holy [ __ ] you know. that they pepperoni pepsi is flavored by. abortion fetuses is it really google it. it's like it's like a real conspiracy. okay zoom in the chemical constant. chemical constitution uh scoot in on. that zoom in on that baby up. uh nicotine.

carbon monoxide arsenic. nail polish remover yeah. tulene methylamine methylamine is what. gianni's on to get jacked that's his. stomach methylamine methylamine man. that's a new character. meslamine man yeah just like a superhero. jacked on meth. i'll fight crime all. the day days of the. a name for that guy he was alive who was. it adolf hitler. that was methylene. methylene man methylene man.

he'll build a puzzle then he'll kill an. entire race of people he's building a. thousand-piece puzzle hold on one second. that's insane how bad cigarettes how. much stuff is in there disgusting but. but i guess that's the deal right isn't. that the irish cancer society cancer. society it would be us yeah yeah here's. all the stuff that's inside cigarettes. not our cigarettes. what what uh well what's the difference. american spirits are just tobacco right. no additives is that true. are they just. i think hippies smoke them because they. think it's like a nice the brand.

american spirit is now owned by r.j. reynolds. ammonia formaldehyde pepper spray. ethanol ethyl alcohol lead isopropyl. alcohol vinyl chlor vinyl chloride. that's a band name i was gonna say. wait a minute though formaldehyde that's. what they ferment bodies in right yeah. dude. ammonia dude i knew a kid that smoked. that. smoked formaldehyde it's called getting. wet have you guys ever heard of this no. one's heard of this. type in getting wet this is this is. urban. dictionary up. pepsi flavored by boarded fetuses.

[Laughter]. i made a couple of pepsis in my day. oh god. ready refreshed by nestle hold on. speaker hello this is ready to refresh. your beverage delivery yeah i'm trying. to [ __ ] cancel your service for three. months. oh it's a [ __ ] robot [ __ ] you. i've been trying to cancel ready. refreshments.

everyone thinks i'm a robot they don't. take me serious. getting wet cam new jersey man accused. of murdering six-year-old boy critically. winning 12 sister was on combination of. pcp and marijuana a drug sometimes. called wet at the time of the crime. according to local right okay that's. what it is getting wet is pcp in your. marijuana was that you just ripping a. fight. i didn't even do it into the mic my god. you picked that up on the mic you guys. got good mics well those chairs have. fart we've got fart reverberators. they're plugged right into the mic no. because i didn't i didn't i didn't even.

try to get that's what's getting wet is. pcp inside of weed but i thought people. dipped from mount blunts and. formaldehyde i thought that was a thing. right training day too denzel says to. ethan hawk like oh that's you getting. wet i didn't know you like to get wet. that's exactly thank you thank you. carlos see carlos. training day. does have [ __ ] on me one time i saw. ethan hawk at the airport right in new. york or something at the airport and. we're on the same flight i was like. that's weird and then i came back. like two weeks later from l.a and ethan. hawk was on my flight going back to new. york i was like that's [ __ ] weird he.

i was like i was like what's going on he. hawk i was like we keep seeing each. other in the airport he was like scaredy. he just keeps flying back and forth from. new york to l.a every single day every. day just so people see him on a flight. that's there was a story about a dad. once who um his daughter was a flight. attendant and he barely saw her so for. like a week he just took all her flights. wherever she goes he just sat on her. flight i was like what a stupid thing. loser dad i was like i mean let me tell. you something well he's trying to make. up for all those years i was gonna say. that ain't gonna make up for the times. you used to beat the [ __ ] out of her. mother. [Laughter].

you got daddy issues now i'm on every. flight yeah and they wrote it up like. this whole nice news article like what a. good dad i was like he's making up for. scumbag [ __ ] he did yeah i'd be like. what are you if you're a good president. father's like i'm not going any [ __ ]. flights to detroit with him exhausted. just come home yeah come home by the way. i don't know what's going on with uh. flight attendants lately but uh the. attitude is through the [ __ ] roof you. got it you got it from a flight. attendant lately i'm almost every flight. i get on there just just in a bad mood. you know what i've noticed in this i. don't whatever wherever the flight.

attendants um are are coming from. wherever they're based out of that's. what dictates if they're going to. enforce the mask rule or not i would. when i flew out here. from when i flew i flew from new york to. florida they didn't give a [ __ ] i had my. mask off the entire flight as soon as i. got the first beverage entire flight. nobody said anything they didn't. know when we were flying from florida to. california i guess it was the la base. they. in between sips they had it had to be on. my chin if i if i pulled it on my ear. they she would say it has in between sip.

sir in between sip sir i was like oh my. god you know what it's like this is a. first hand account. about. three four months ago i forgot where i. was flying from i've never seen this i. was flying first class and uh new york. to boston and um no i was flying first. class short flight. new york to philly and um. and uh you know they take your jackets. right yeah take your jackets and hang. them up whatever you know. polite stuff so we're you know landing. or whatever.

and the woman uh flight attendant she. goes um she goes gives the guy his. jacket back you know and he goes there's. a crease in this like he was being such. a dick he was like there's a crease in. this he goes what the [ __ ] did you do to. my jacket and she was like sir she was. like i you know i folded it up she was. like i'm sorry you know we're going to. be landing soon you know if you'd like. to make a report or whatever you know. you know being like so professional and. i was like well i saw at first i wasn't. listening to the beginning but then i. took my headphones i was like this is. getting like pretty heated and then.

the guy goes i can't believe i fly this. yellow all the time look you creased my. crease my jacket kept going on and then. something snap this is a firsthand. account i this was not told to me by. someone i witnessed every moment of this. i saw it first i wish i was recording it. but i was just so shocked in the moment. she uh you know he's still yelling and. she goes she finally goes she goes sure. sir shut the [ __ ] up. i swear to god. she goes sir shut the [ __ ] up and sit. down. she goes shut and then and then the. other flight attendant came and like. tried to like you know like get in was.

like all right and then she went and sat. like in her bucket seat because i had. the angle you know you know like when. you're sitting at first because she's. something you could see see him yeah i. could see her sitting in the backseat. and she's like this [ __ ] scumbag. like she was going on and then he walked. out like he like you know zoomed past. her and she i scrolled him the whole way. like she was not like i'm sorry like she. didn't come to her sense good for her. she's like you shut the [ __ ] up and stay. seated sir. good for her and i was like [ __ ] that. dude yeah it was almost to the point. where i swear to god like the people. around us we almost like started.

clapping for the flight because he was. being such a dick yeah you know well. sometimes they are but that's my thing. is i'm always so polite and nice but. sometimes you catch an attitude from. them yeah like i was nice on the flight. to. um. st louis. and. um uh american has stopped doing like. certain food services now. you know because of all this [ __ ]. but the woman i know she she gets a. coffee yeah and then i politely said. is there a meal service on this flight. because i didn't know if there was i'm. genuinely asking she goes i'll get it to. you after i serve everyone a drink and i.

was like no i just i was just asking i. didn't know if there was one she goes. yes there is after can i do all the. drinks and i was like. okay you [ __ ] [ __ ]. yeah i was being so nice. i think the thing is like they've dealt. with so much [ __ ]. that's not like it used to be years ago. no they were all in such a good mood i. know because their money was probably. better their hours weren't as insane now. they're overworked and underpaid so. they're like [ __ ] [ __ ] here's your. jacket you [ __ ] pieces idiot that's. what the heck should have you know ed de.

bevex do you know what that is no it was. a restaurant in chicago where they were. mean to you bring up ed duvets the part. of the service was they were an [ __ ]. to you that's funny that's fine here. they go here's your steak fat ass and. they walk away. my dad used to be like you should get a. job at the beverage should be perfect. for perfect fight but that's the deal. you're supposed to be a bully a lot of. like second city people and stuff like. that work there improv kids why'd they. close it down i guess you can in this. climate right. kind of hard you throw a couple racial. slurs you get yeah. upstart hey a lot of us have credit card.

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loan amounts are going to be determined. based on your credit income and certain. other information provided in your loan. application upstart.com. bad friends buffy hey we've talked about. buffy so much on this show it's the one. thing that bobby always says that uh i. did right for bobby i did a lot right. for bobby but um this is incredible. buffy is uh this cloud comforter it's. covered in super soft eucalyptus fabric. filled with fluffy fiber made from 100. recycled bottles all right so we can't. complain anymore greta thunderberg we're. putting those bottles in the ocean to.

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way tweeted us if you don't like it. because i won't believe you anyway i'll. block you. for 20 off your buffy comforter visit. buffy.co and enter bad friends that. buffy.co for 20 off and enter the code. bad friends no they still might be open. i have no idea dude are they still there. does it say it's like yeah it's over. they're still open oh at the beverage. yeah but now they're going to be pc when. they're mean to you god yeah here's your. steak you cis white male and everyone's. like. bang bang i bet you voted democrat.

yeah they used to be they used to be uh. mean to you what is this oh save you. money so you can figure out how to leave. me a decent tip okay because right now i. have no prayer at all. you know what grandpa was nice to you. i'd get canned okay if you want good. service you go somewhere else i know. hooters is probably more your speed this. is how unfortunate this is this made the. news it back in 2015 because people are. like oh a mean server they've been doing. this for like 50 [ __ ] years. they've been doing this for so long but. now people are like. huh how could you say that that's crazy.

it's on the it's on the internet can you. believe she would say that dude they've. been doing that for and they used to be. mean to you and i don't think they do. that the wiener circle too in chicago. aren't they yeah. yeah was that just not even an act. that's not an act that's like they work. at the dmv you know you just making a. video of the wiener circle i went there. when when i shot my special on the head. the the this is these three beautiful. large black women and they say well. because look they deal with little. college kids all the time up there right. so drunk ass college kids they started. lighting them up and that's kind of part. of the culture over there which you want. your little small dick piece of [ __ ].

you're like hot dogs you're like shut. the [ __ ] up and you get your hot it's a. good hot dog shut up tyler shut up. cassidy. ass. little vaccinated [ __ ] vaccinated [ __ ]. ass. this [ __ ] got booze you know he. got two boosters this [ __ ]. yeah no they do they light you up at the. wiener circle but that's again that's. that's not. that wasn't the history of the. restaurant yeah that's beving's whole. was resort don't they do that at that. like dick joke. restaurant but that's more of like a.

chain of it like they be they just they. they light you up at dick's last resort. and they write like they give you like. big pope hats and they write like you're. a piece of [ __ ] on it they should do. that they should have a um dick's last. flight dick's last flight i'm doing. airline dix dix airlines oh where they. just dude yeah i'm like whatever. i'm like a pothole what. um. jet if you fly jet blue jet blue is the. only one giving like full service meals. like it was in line 19 everybody else i. was on i flew delta out here and the. lady sitting dude the lady sitting next.

to me in delta shoes this is pretty. funny too the flight attendant was nice. about it but the woman goes she goes um. you know whatever says the choices of. the breakfast and she goes do you have. anything with green like i'm looking for. something with green and the flight. attendant was like all our food is in a. box. you want a salad [ __ ] wait till you. land yeah that's all our food is in a. box um and then when i was flying from. new york to tampa here i sat next to a. pilot you know like sometimes pilots. yeah and i swear dude i swear to god. we're like an hour and a half into the. flight and he he's like looking out the.

window and like i saw him like looking. and he goes this plane don't sound good. and i was like. really like he was like i think it's. going to be fine but it they need to it. don't sound good and i was like well i. swear to god and i was like really and. then i asked him he was kind of struck. up a little conversation for literally. two minutes but i asked him ice because. this was the flight to tampa nobody was. wearing a mask i said do you guys wear. masks in the cockpit he goes i never. wore a mask once in the cockpit yeah why. would he yeah it's just him and one. other guy yeah they take it right off. immediately well here's the here's the. irony about the mass thing i don't want. to get too deep into that because who. cares but yeah it's weird that they're.

like you wear a mask when you're sitting. still just breathing usually out your. nose you know yeah which is like i mean. you know how much is going on but when. you're eating you're like. there's all this [ __ ] getting into the. air so [ __ ] it's the weirdest time to. like take off your mess while you're. eating you're like. burping and yeah it's spitting food out. of your mouth but they're like no no. that should be when you're sitting still. breathing out donnie was telling me a. story i don't even remember this like a. few months ago when they did the mass. mandate southwest pilots were like yeah. we're just not going to fly the flights. and then southwest had to reverse their. mass mandate because the pilots were. like yeah we're just not doing it.

because we're all hicks well yeah but i. mean southwest you know southwest dude. southwest honestly man the bus in the. sky every time i flown southwest it's a. great experience the wi-fi is fantastic. i get mad leg room uh-huh everything's. good we're always good with southwest. spirit airlines it's [ __ ] piece of. [ __ ] i've never i've never flown it once. never flows we should do that's what we. should do fly spirit and die yeah that. that's that's that's all i'll get the. boost off let me fly spirit no mask i. gotta if does spirit go overseas they. don't fly over oh they'll never make it. yeah that's what i'm saying they run out. again oh dude they'll never make it to.

spiritual overseas spirit airlines 47. domestic and 28 international. destinations. hey let's go to aruba colombia costa. rica dominican republic ecuador el. salvador guatemala they go to all they. got all his countries any central or. south america airlines whenever you go. to lax and you go past the terminal you. can tell that they make them bring their. own tape in case something falls apart. that's like you know you know i was. watching the thing you ever seen like. airline disasters or some [ __ ] you know. that show like working oh yeah i was. watching once about like korean air and. like in korea you cannot if you are you.

know the the whatever assistant pilot. what are they called what's up that's. the main pilot if you're the co-pilot. you cannot you cannot ever direct your. superior ever and so what do you mean. like if he makes a mistake you can't say. he can't so that every you know that. everybody died on this flight because. the the you know they had like the you. know uh black box quarter this guy the. the uh pilot was flying directly into a. [ __ ] mountain and all the co-pilot. had to do was you know you know excuse. me yeah.

i think of you. that's all that's all you have to do. mountain mountain just one word he was. afraid. but he says over the black box he goes. whatever he was like uh he was like the. you know the pilot is is going to fly. into a mountain he goes so sick i want. you to tell my wife and kids i love it. yeah like you didn't do it oh my god. that was the only thing they had that's. how they do and they like they weren't. laughing about our airlines just like. unfortunately in their culture i was. like what the [ __ ] what do you mean you.

can't even you can't even make it. so he just the guy the pilot was just. driving he's like skies look great and. then he just flew it right. and the other co-pilot was like that's a. mount fuji you're gonna hit and then. that was his last one because he's. telling my wife and kids i love them. because the pilot just flew it around. was this malcolm gladwell's cop cockpit. culture theory and the asiana crash. that's what also okay so there you go. malcolm gladwell that's what a good lady. malcolm gladwell is and the stories from. one of his books though. the story of the korean air uh oh is it. is in one of his books yeah okay yeah.

he's sorry i don't really. like they made all uh korean pilots. learn english so that they wouldn't have. like because the language is so. hierarchical in korea what do you mean. like the pilots had to learn english to. communicate in english to each other. because of the hierarchy of the korean. language wouldn't allow them to like. talk to their superiors but english is. just you you you he doesn't know what. hierarchy means you gotta say that's a. yeah patriarchy yeah there's only one. yeah there's only one arkey over here. baby hey. bunker.

you know they had to learn english so. they because they had an ability to. speak to each other at a similar uh it's. crazy dude if you look at like other. cultures like you know if i was you know. meeting you know my girl's. father um uh you know are you in america. you have to look them in their eye or. it's disrespectful in asian culture you. look them in their eye it's. disrespectful so it's like you don't. know if you if you meet your if you're. if you had a korean wife and you looked. her father in the eye he'd be like get. this guy's a [ __ ] piece where are you. supposed to look in their chest i don't.

think you're supposed to keep your head. down it's like a culture thing you have. to keep your head down where are you. can't look at these guys in the eye. that's very disrespectful in the asian. culture see americans if you shake. someone's hand you don't look them in. the eye it's a [ __ ] you that's right. that's like that's like man [ __ ] you. that's what that is you don't you don't. look them in the eyeball that's nuts 10. places where eye contact is not. recommended. yeah. in the bedroom. china not recommended yeah well i'll. look them all in the face and say you. did this to me yeah also in chinese. muslim not recommended in china look at.

that in china people make eye contact. when they're angry it's meant to. challenge the other person has a sign of. disrespect yeah see it's a it's a big. thing japan not recommended. iran and sometimes sometimes depends if. you're looking at you know saddam. hussein or somebody look look him in the. eyes eye contact is an uh accompaniment. to many conversations when the. participants are friends or family got. it strangers you don't look in a [ __ ]. eye however eye contact is never. appropriate for the opposite gender you. don't look abroad in the eyeballs you. look at a tits my eyes are right here.

yeah. that's saudi arabia is that what that. said where was that where that was iran. that was iran iran yeah iran not iran. iran they correct you all the time here. in l.a because everybody here all these. they're all from [ __ ] iran. and iran is right where are iran iran. because here in l.a we have a lot of. iranians and they'll tell you iran not. iran yeah i just go old school i just. say persia for persia yeah. yeah they all say persians you know that. they call themselves persian yeah. because you know why they say that why.

well because because the the connotation. of iran because of what happened with. the [ __ ] the war people don't want. people like oh you're from iraq you're. like iran like shame shame to me yeah. vietnam not recommended well i'm not. looking at her teeth where else am i. going to look who's that star bros jesus. christ. uh in vietnam. eye contact is a way of showing interest. in the opposite gender. right yeah that's everywhere around. that's what started the whole vietnamese. war somebody just looked somebody in the. eye. why is this the photo cambodia not.

recommended to look down on the child. that's about to give you a blow job what. is that photo. what is that photo why do they have. these weird [ __ ] photos on this. website yeah what the hell is she's got. beautiful eyes this kid stop it oh. indonesia sometimes go down. kenya sometimes hong kong not. but america is the worst place sharon or. south korea not recommending south korea. i thought south korea was. i thought. i killed bobby in the eye don't look him.

in the eye i look him in the eye all the. time that's why that's why he's not here. thailand it says some eye contact not. too much. u.s eye contact welcome. united kingdom okay of course yeah but. that's one of those things i guess um it. is interesting meeting like your. girlfriend's father because you get like. you get so in your head like my girl's. dad he died um but he was a big like a. puerto rican man but humongous donald.

trump supporter like huge trump guy i. had no idea aren't all puerto ricans. aren't big puerto isn't it it depends. like yeah it did you know it some are. some this guy was huge huge trump guy. and he died like right after. the election i just met jasmine you know. i barely knew him i met him like you. know my daughter delilah was like three. months old and so but he you know he. wasn't coming around that much but then. he started coming around so i got to. know him and i didn't know his political. uh you know i didn't know who he was. affiliated with but when the the night. after the election he came over for.

dinner and i thought because puerto rico. got a puerto rican kid this is all new. to me i went on like you know i was like. you know what a disservice to this. country like all that stuff like i was. like i was like i can't believe i was. going to be okay i was like being the. father of a you know like latinx child. like i was. just trying to be like all you know like. just try to hide the fact that you know. i voted for the guy but i was just. i had no idea i was like you know latinx. kylie and this is uh horrible and i'm. gonna do everything i can as a white man. to make this better for my child and. your child and all this stuff and like i.

swear to god he was just like just. looking at me and goes you're done and i. go yeah and then i swear to god out of. his he had you know he had walks around. he was walking around like a plastic bag. he pulled out a make america great again. hat on and he put it down he goes i. voted for him i would have voted for him. twice. and then i was like oh boy and then and. then he died right like a month later. that's why he died by that's why he died. he was like i'm not he was like i can't. believe my son married my daughter. married a gay guy. so so he goes up so he passes away right. and then you know obviously jasmine was.

very upset with suddenly he had a heart. attack. so. we go to the funeral home in brooklyn. and uh uh you know she can't even talk. jasmine she's like distraught so we. sitting there and going over the funeral. arrangements and she said she's like. please just like can you handle this i. was like yeah whatever so we're talking. and then he go the guy uh the funeral. director italian guy goes uh he goes uh. what was what was his political. affiliation and jasmine's like well i. don't know why that's important he goes. no no i don't want to be disrespectful i. just you know what was his political.

affiliation you know to me and i go is. it okay and she goes uh whatever i go he. was you know he voted for donald trump. and he goes. and starts clapping. and then he goes and he goes he goes. listen to me he goes that man voted for. trump. and uh we said yeah he goes i'm gonna. get the uh. god you know the army the coast guard uh. you know that what do you call the uh. changing of the guard he goes i'm going. to get them to come they're going to. play a thing on the floof.

yeah he goes he goes we're going to get. a full military burial for him full. military barrier he's like that's on me. on this funeral home he goes and um. he goes i want to get him a wreath and i. want to do something i i want to do. something nice for you guys he goes. because you know what he goes i had a. funeral in here the other day right he. goes these people are going on and on. and on he goes about hillary this. hillary that and i said to them he goes. i said to them he goes i said you know. i'm listening to him he goes you got to. be respectful you know people you know. people died and you know people get. upset he goes i said them he goes uh he. goes you know i'm talking to the guy he.

goes this [ __ ] guy goes honestly i. don't even know what gender this [ __ ]. guy was he goes up talking to this guy. he goes. he goes he goes i asked him and it's. crazy that he's even saying this to us. while she's crying and then even saying. this to him well his they just lost a. loved one and he's getting into this and. he goes um he goes he goes i said to the. guy i go um. i go uh i go. be honest with me. what's one [ __ ] mistake trump's made. so far in three months just tell me one. mistake tell me one [ __ ] thing he did. wrong we're proof he goes none of this.

cnn [ __ ] he goes we're proof tell me. one mistake this guy's made he goes and. i'm gonna give you the funeral for free. okay i'm gonna give you a funeral for. free if you could come in here tomorrow. and show me we're proof one mistake. that donald trump's made he goes guess. what they fade they paid full price. they paid full price. of course they did full price because. you can't prove it bro he came in i. swear i've pictures i don't know if i. put it on my instagram i think jasmine. asked me to take this it was five years. ago anyway six years ago he came in with.

the wreath dude um it was it was bigger. than this plant like like i've never. seen it it was like it looked like a. ferris wheel and it said make america. great again. i swear to god the family was coming in. like jasmine's sister is like very. liberal she was like what the [ __ ] who. paid for this she was like is this one. of your jokes like they were yelling me. i was like he did it he had a cappuccino. machine downstairs in the basement he. was like he was like come on he says to. me because you want to have a cappuccino. and i and i go i go i should say is come. on it goes it's not your real family.

come on. it's not like your dad died come on. he goes i go do this [ __ ] every day you. don't really care and i was like you're. right yeah. i was like this funeral director what he. was [ __ ] amazing and he's like i. gotta come and see one of his skits then. he was telling me wild [ __ ] about like. how robert de niro's wanted by the. [ __ ] mafia and he can't come down the. street he goes if he died he goes if de. niro died i wouldn't bury him i wouldn't. bury him why because he said he. he said that. i don't know if this is true but he said.

that. would finance would finance some of his. movies from the mafia like back in the. 90s or 80s whatever would you know uh. some of the studios wouldn't give him. the money so he would finance it through. the mafia i believe that and he never. paid the juice back on he just would. take the money and never pay the juice. or they wanted royalties and all this. [ __ ] because you know it's not you don't. sign a [ __ ] contract with the mafia. you sit in an office and you go listen. this movie makes this much you give me. the money you shake a hand that's. exactly he wouldn't do it you gotta pay. the juice you gotta pay the juice robert. de niro and the guffada he's incredible.

what is that what's up go back why is. that a picture of tim dillon and and uh. naomi you'll see. podcaster tim dillon slams naomi oh. you've never seen that this is profanity. lace rant. when was that from. um august. he goes that [ __ ] naomi osaka who. didn't want to do the interview shut the. [ __ ] up. uh do the [ __ ] interview dumb [ __ ]. you just tweeted that no that's sweet. [Laughter]. but but the thing is he gets written up. in these art you know he does so many.

bits where like he's like i'm having an. interview or you ever seen the one like. with the ch with the beijing game with. the opening of the olympic games like. they wrote him up like like they people. think that it's real they don't. understand it's not none of it is real. that the weirdest thing is that they'll. literally write comedian. blah blah blah blah and you're like take. the first word yeah anything else is. probably [ __ ] yeah it's probably. just us [ __ ] around making a joke. that's so weird that they still do [ __ ]. like that though yeah well uh timmy is. the best i mean i love the debt yeah he. called last time we were on the show we.

called in he called my phone and we put. him on the show last time he is the best. but you know what's so funny that that. is what's bothering me the most about. like us doing this show. us when bob's here or you know whatever. we're [ __ ] around and then if anybody. takes any of that to any sort of level. of like they must be being dead serious. you're like this whole thing is for fun. it's fun it's for fun it's for [ __ ]. fun but the beautiful thing is your fans. know that that's why that's great i know. but that's where the yahoo news takes. the time out of their [ __ ] day to. write about a comedian joking around it. shows they don't have anything else. they've got nothing going on.

you know why because when trump is gone. when trump was in man they had so much. [ __ ] material and now they're just. like we gotta find something to talk. about that guy was a bevy of material. you know news sources were they had a. embarrassment of riches they could say. anything every single day and because. you never really knew what trump stood. for because in the in in a one-minute. rant he he literally contradicts he. changes. so many wild things that you're like all. right you know what i give up i don't. even know what he said we'll just wait. till what he says tomorrow he's like. gays are repulsive also pro gay marriage. yeah wait a minute yeah he goes i was. sucking [ __ ] last night.

i shouldn't be allowed in this country. anymore uh yeah who mexicans gays gay. mexicans gay mexicans. it is funny how many times he would go. back on something he would say yeah you. could that's why i think they never. really got him pinned down yeah he just. kept flip-flopping that's all you have. to do flip-flop just keep flip-flopping. and never they'll never be able to track. you down i think that's a honestly an. amazing strategy flip-flop yeah well. gotta wait he got away with it for a. long time. speaking of which you do know carlos you. know carlos carlos. carlos was a die-hard trump supporter. really die hard die hard yeah he got.

attacked in the streets for wearing to. make america great again hat yeah my dad. was pissed i. because a lot of mexicans it's white but. i'm mexican so i was a little confused. mexican liked trump though right a lot. of mexicans like trump he was going to. help build the wall this kid you were. going to do my dad works down there by. the wall by the wall yeah by the wall. yeah because he was that's the thing. with trump is like yes he was saying. okay i'm going to build the wall you. know and that everyone but what they. don't say is is he said he was going to. build the wall to keep the mexicans out. but he was going to make it with glory. holes so the gays have fun that's right.

so he was like i was going to put glory. holes in the water get out of there you. get your [ __ ] sucked yeah yeah we keep. out the bad guys you still get a blowy. yeah that's what it is. everyone's. stressed out. yeah carlos's dad was a coyote who would. sneak immigrants into the country but. also worked for border patrol so it was. a double he was a double agent. [Laughter]. i want to thank fancy b by the way i. didn't give enough credit fancy be. sitting in for rudy he had to do less. work today than he's ever had to do i. ever have to do in his life but he does. but you know what he's a vital part of. this he's a vital organ in this whole. thing and i do think he's losing his job.

to carlos i'm not going to lie. carlos is taking over well you have a. job on the east coast if you'd like one. okay as long as you have a valid number. you can't steal my only prereq is he has. to have a passport does he have a. [ __ ] wikipedia page now oh my god. look at fancy dude go back does he have. wikipedia he looks like a villain oh. he's imdb you do look like a villain. how do we get a wikipedia page made for. him what is that picture right there you. look like you were on that true tv show. with the magicians that were they were. the ones who were the practical jokers. what was it called is that film what is. that shot what was that show yeah that's.

crazy well did you take that in spain. nice. look oh that one that one that one oh my. gosh so embarrassing. on bad friends court that was great. fancy b everybody i want to thank. chrissy d thank you chrissy chaos go to. uh patreon.com christy comedy uh watch. chrissy chaos uh watch what. um hey babe i was gonna say watch hey. babe and christy comedy.com tikiwiki's i. got the christy theater tour everybody.

the cte tour go see the cte tour this. guy's got brain damage and he's bringing. it to a city near you if he makes it or. he figures out what town he's in yeah. detroit cleveland washington d.c. [Music]. atlanta atlanta go to christiecomedy.com. to go see this guy live it's so amazing. um go ahead and look at your single go. ahead you'll look your camera and say. thank you for being a bad friend take us. out baby okay let's go brandon thank you. for being a bad friend. [Music].

yes. [Music].