Fat Face Five w/ Chris Distefano | Ep 66 | Bad Friends

what up bad friends we got new. merch look at this huh the bottoms of. turtle island. available now for pre-order only for. this week for bad friends. monday through friday then that's it a. limited run this is also what the. sweater looks like we got a sweater. and the the uh the t-shirt here of the. bottoms of turtle island. if you're a fan of the film which i know. so many of you are pre-order right now. look down in the merch bar down below. or just go to badfriendsmirch.com. to pre-order this just for this week. only and then it's gone.

badfriendsmerch.com go there pre-order. it one week and then it's. gone also come see me live andrew. santino.com. come check me out i'm on the road bobo. is not but i am uh i'm gonna be in. atlantic city at the end of the month. then i go to houston then i go to. madison and boston. and nashville we're going all over the. place so go to andrewsantino.com for. them. tickets baby you two are bad friends who. are these two idiots white dude.

you two are disgusting oh you two. or something we're bad friends i want to. introduce uh. you know what rudy you introduce our our. fill in for the day our fill and guess. go ahead rude. um this will be great. um welcome everybody. this is tennis purpose dennis pappas. dennis peppis is dennis pepes hi. i'm dennis pappas do you know who this. is i know his first name is.

chris chris yes what's his last name. begins with a d. don't that's gross don't do that don't. go there this begins with a d. i no you're not crystallia. no yes no oh. no this is chris did.

thank you i want to say rudy i apologize. the last time i was in here. um i gave everybody kovitz i gave. everybody covet and i farted a lot and i. i just want to say i apologize for that. remember how repulsed you were he sat. between us and. uh he ate cake uh would you oh yeah you. brought. i brought cake from um from the bakery. across the street whatever it's called. oh cutie pootsie pudding pie. cutesy puts in my ass cutesy puts he put. in pie and now he's here today. but today we really want more than. anything rudy to take over the show. because tito bobby is gone.

and i want her to kind of drive the. engine today and tito bobby has gone. up i've heard forever on the news yes. yeah there was a. crisis that he's out do you know what. happened in hungary did you hear. no he broke the quarantine rules. and which i'm you know i'm not surprised. and he went out to go get. a video game they told him not to leave. the hotel he got a video game. and now he's in hungary jail yes and. it's not good for him because if you. know anything about history is the uh. mongolians with genghis khan had really.

a lot they really. ravage through hungary and anybody who. looks. mildly mongolian which bobby i would say. looks moderately mongolian. mild to medium mild to media and mongol. mmm. yeah he is there's a lot of retribution. there rightfully so from what happened. so bobby i don't know if he'll make it. out of the hungarian jail. probably not tbh do you want to send a. message to tito bob because we're going. to try to send this to. hungary so hungary so why don't you send. a message to tito bobby we can send this.

to him in hungary. hi to bobby i hope you're okay. i hope the video game was worth it yeah. i know you said that you were really. lonely there. yeah and i hope that you're okay and. i think isla is still mad at you bye. bye bye it does seem like uh she. it does seem like she doesn't even know. him the more i hear her talk about him. on the show it's almost like it's a guy. she's never met before and what is it. it's. her uncle well it's kalila's kalila's.

niece you know niece's boyfriend okay. she. what's the relationship you got it i'm. sorry collision there's kalila's niece. that is kalila's niece. male got it okay and you know and bobby. is. i mean i guess they're technically. married yeah they're common law do you. know that. in california if you live together for. look up common law california i think. it's you live together if you live in. the same residence for seven years. your your common law married which means. if they split. like the house yeah they'd have to split. it uh common law.

ooh there's not in california they don't. recognize common law so he's good he can. get out good he could get out does not. have a common law marriage. unmarried couples who have been together. for an extended period of time do still. have some right so she would have some. rights some rights well you know if that. ended if it ended. tito bobby and and what is it what's. anti again epic lila. i know i thought there was a word for. auntie. it's filipino yeah it's filipino no no. because i work i. i work a lot when i was a physical. therapist i work a lot with filipino. you did oh in new york at least.

many of the healthcare professionals are. filipinos. are they most of them are especially. physical therapists. a lot i would say when i was working for. the new york city board of ed it was. there was me there was. uh an indian woman and then there was. like six or seven filipinos. really yes can you name some of these. people by the first name um um. there was uh irwin catherine catherine. uh arwen catherine yep um bobby. um yeah the one guy's name was bobby.

but you would say bobby um that was. manny. of course manny sure he wasn't that. wasn't just a puerto rican kid who got. it no was that no i'm filipino. it no no you know what now that i'm. thinking back i think it might have. actually been manny pacquiao. but so and then we would go to um there. was a uh uh. a fast food place a filipino fast food. filipino fast food place called um. jolly something jolly bee jolly b they. love. they love chicken so they have them in. los angeles okay so we would go to the.

one and there was one in jersey city and. i remember. for arwen's birthday that's what i got. him i got him uh uh. a whole thing of of jolly bee and a. rooster and they. that they liked it that's what they like. yeah a live rooster. why do you like why do you guys like. jolly bee we've talked about it on this. show but i really can't figure it out it. just reminds you of the homeland. yeah and the chicken is really good it's. very good. it's not like chick-fil-a chicken yeah. you don't need chick-fil-a chicken's. better isn't it i've never tried. chick-fil-a. filipino people i i the kindest um.

i personally think the kindest type of. asian. you don't think so japanese i don't know. many japanese in new york. japanese is more out here that's out. here but filipino. i i like i they to me. filipino people are the kindest asian. right at least in new york if i've met a. japanese person. um from japan yeah i. i would i would like i would you would. like them more i would like them more. she'll tell you their filipinos can be. mean really.

it depends but she can be mean hold up. your hands rudy if you don't mind. very small hands you have bigger hands. for a filipino person but most of the. filipino people i worked with had had. very small hands that's why they were. good at physical therapists. physical therapy because they get their. small fingers inside. the muscles and behind the bones and i. remember miss catherine said to me once. i said what's the key for you to being. such a good physical therapist and she. said small filipino hands. does that what you said that's what she. said yeah and i and she said she said. your hand's too big rudy is a giant in.

in the philippines very giant she's five. seven five five. five five how old are you rudy i'm 19. 46. 19 years old. so 19 years old um so there are it's. getting to the point. where you will be expected to in the. filipino family to start to. marry children coming up or not or more. they're more new school. no i don't want to have kids you don't. want to hate kids so okay so. okay yeah she doesn't want children and. we're supporting that. we support that because we also don't. want her to start dating guys that's. like a big no-no she's going away to.

college we're getting inside i want to. date god. no no on a date guys rudy we i already. we went over this. no no it's just not gonna happen we're. gonna arrange a marriage for her we. talked about it. okay when she's 30 and we're going to. arrange it we're going to put it all. together. fancy's going to be the little ring boy. great you know pete is obviously going. to be the flower girl. sure uh bobby is going to be best man. i'm going to be bridesmaid. yes because yes i want my day yes. and we're going to arrange the marriage. she's going to be 30 years old and the.

wedding is going to take place. in riverside california riverside. california empire yeah we want in the ie. because we want trucker hats and yes. flatbeds and bros. that's beautiful and sublime the whole. sublime is. the song that we're going to play all. the sublime songs great. yeah they're going to santeria is the. first dance yeah i'll go i'll. also come to the wedding by that time i. would be about 50 i should be about. three four years in a wheelchair. like i hope so yeah do you really feel. like you're getting old like that yeah. yeah no i just feel like i just feel.

like you know. i just feel like with me it's catching. up it's not that it's catching up but i. just. i just feel like i'm destined to have. some type of cerebrospinal injury. [Laughter]. i don't know where you're going yeah you. do you probably will get paralyzed. yes at some point no rudy you can start. dating and we're just so nervous about. it. because i feel like you're like part of. my family now and i just don't like the. idea. of boys in college and yeah parties.

because you're not going to be out. partying you're going to be still living. at home right yeah but i. also want to party what's your dream. in school dream college um. i don't have yeah she doesn't okay devry. or. phoenix online is what i phoenix online. yeah yeah p-h-e-d-u. i can be i can go to any school i want. you to go to who do you hear what you. just pepperdine. i can go to any school because do you. have good grades and i guess. she's very smart now she asked her any.

school no no no no. i don't think she has any school. questions she's very smart seriously. what's the capital of the philippines. there you go it's manila manila that's. it give her another one. okay okay look at how good she is go. anything anything from school. anything from school and not even. american history just any school. american history she did have to study. american history how many planets are. there and can you name them that's not. american but yeah. well we discovered space americans. discovered outer space do you know the. acronym for all the planets.

no what is it my very. i don't know what it is i just know them. you know what i'm talking about well. let's see mercury. mercury venus my very something mother. earth my very earth my very astute. mother. well it stood's with an a astute astute. a-s-t-u-t-e yes shh astute astute. look up the acronym of the planets my. very astute mother or something like my. very. cause i don't know what it is have you. ever heard of this you guys didn't do.

this in school. no plan an acronym my very educated. mother. see just just served us noodles racist. that is extremely. racist that is extremely and i want to. say on behalf of the. of the white community i apologize for. an acronym like that. that is that is horrible that a white. woman did that. you see what they did serve this noodle. educated mother meaning like oh she's. book smart she must be an asian mom. noodle that's how they did that that's. disgusting that's repulsive wikihow. disgusting there are.

many other end foods yeah go ahead. my very educated mother served us. nutella nutella. that's why you're a 36 waist that's yeah. i love oh i love sugar and. it's a hazelnut treat. rudy let's make let's let's do an. acronym for you my. let's let's see what you're actually. going to be for mercury venus earth mars. jupiter saturn uranus neptune. although didn't we we went back and. forth on mars for a while didn't we. no not mo um um what do you mean mars. like if it's a planet or not if it's.

if it's habitable it's it oh if it's. inhabitable but we you know. pluto pluto is around yeah well good we. don't so what would it be what was it. when we were kids it would be my very. because now they're missing pluto so i'd. say my very educated mother. served us noodles [ __ ] maybe that's how. you remember the pluto that's how. they had no problem dropping it off the. end. [Laughter]. uh my very m my very. uh erotic mother yes.

just served us no just nasty [ __ ]. just sucked how about my very erotic. mother. just sucks just sucked us just. sucked us nice nice. that's the one okay rudy so that's what. it is. how disgusting so you go to pepperdine. and you tell them that. let's see what they say in malibu oh my. buddy told me such a funny story cause.

when you said japanese man at the. beginning of this it reminded me. you know because when you put man after. something it's racist now you know what. do you mean well you can't say like. china man is racist no you can't say. that right that's racist. right but my friend was had a driver for. him like he had a driver was taking him. to. this job and he was in london and the. british guy was like. you know he's talking about america and. talking about pc culture and whatever oh. hello. america yeah in america and my buddy's. just sitting there nodding off just like. yeah whatever. and he goes i mean you can't even say.

[ __ ] anymore and my buddy's like. no i don't think he can yeah and he goes. but why not. he goes uh i don't think they like it. and he goes. yeah but look he's from china isn't he. yeah. he's chinese he's a man from china china. man. i'm from england i'm a man i'm an. englishman. and he goes yeah but i think it's that. they don't like it he goes. what if some englishmen don't like to be. called englishmen he's like.

i think you guys got to make a big thing. about it and then it'll get more. attention so let's make a big thing. right now because i it's. racially englishman i actually just. found out recently through ancestry.com. that i. am i think eight percent english no. offended. by what you just the accent you just did. offended sorry. i have offended well i'm sorry i take it. off yeah yes. and i should work i'm trying to work on. my accents because i'm watching uh. the drive to survive the formula one. shot oh me too. dude i'm in season two let me tell you.

something you ever watched this do you. know what f1 is. no do you you've never heard of it. before it's race race cars look pull up. f1 pizza she can. i didn't know a thing about i i've been. here for two months in l.a when i got to. la i didn't know a thing about this now. i cannot i would pay do you want to go. to the one in miami though how bad he is. at google. what are you doing he's [ __ ] like. kites i mean pete jesus christ. god pete he brings up kites like do you. mean. f1 kite kiting competition in long beach. every year no pete.

yeah f1 cars that's have you ever seen. these before and yes i do want to go. it's in miami yeah grand prix is in. miami at the end of this year well you. know there there usually is one in long. beach and i've been to the one in long. beach. like the one with all these big time. drivers f1 is in long beach yeah they do. they did one so i. let me understand something though real. quick okay because watching that. documentary and maybe if this is too. esoteric inside stuff if it is i'll i'll. be quick. but like mercedes and and and um. who's the other one who always wins well. for a long time it was just.

mercedes and ferrari but that but. mclaren is doing pretty well but they. are but but it feels like at least in. this. in this netflix thing it's like you it's. impossible to beat mercedes and ferrari. it's not fair like sports is fair in the. sense of. yes some team can get better players but. literally. they are in better machines yeah it's. almost like mercedes and ferrari allowed. to use steroids and nobody else can. correct so that for me why it's a little. bit of a disconnect i'm like. they're not all in fair machines well no. well no well. technically i mean all the standards. have to be the same right so they often.

meet the same kind of standard you can't. go like you you couldn't have. an engine that would have so much more. power than the other engines i mean. tweaks make them performance better but. like there's a. there's standards of what that means. yeah it couldn't be like. one guy driving a a honda crv versus a. ferrari testarossa you know you can't. like. there's a there's a level that all these. cars kind of have to meet they have to. follow these qualifications both for. like. design of the cars and both for the the. weight and the. the the engine output and all that stuff. it has to meet specifications because.

mercedes and ferrari it seems like. they're always winning though is that. just because they're. lewis hamilton and the other guys lewis. hamilton is he's just a superior driver. he's one of the greatest drivers of all. time. right i mean i think some people would. say he might be the greatest f1 and i. mean what a. handsome gorgeous do you know who lewis. hamilton look him up. you she could what if what if lewis. hamilton. right there would like rudy out on a. date would that be okay would you go on. a date with someone like louis i don't. even know how old he is. i think he might be in his thirties but. he gets paid 30 million dollars a year. to drive her 30 million. he's driving race cars.

[Music]. is he cute to you yeah but he's so old. he's old. and that's how we feel with her we're. old yeah we're old. yeah he's not old he's like 30 years old. but to her she's like. he's old and gross he's yeah and i mean. we're so we're disgusting that to you. i'm 36 and andrew's 37. actual truly hideous be i don't need it. for me because i already know. rudy but on a scale of one to ten our. guest today. as a guy looks wise what is what is he. looks wise. like old man you go oh that old guy he. he's like a.

what out of ten five yeah. i knew that was coming i could feel that. yeah that's what you are. even with this i doesn't matter the five. that the smile makes it less maybe four. nights okay okay try. try this how about now rude. four four yeah it got worse i could feel. that what about when i'm sipping a drink. three two yeah it's gone down it's going. waiting a two. yeah what about side profile oh my god. it's even worse. zero zero yeah you just keep plummeting.

so i i got some points. when you're dead on not smiling not. eating or drinking you actually look. okay. so who's a handsome comedian to you oh. my god. davidson no no okay i like john melanie. she likes john malay well taken by. another asian. no he's divorced no he's with olivia. munn it's all over the news he came out. he's dating olivia munn this is like he. left his wife and. i'm not now i'm not i'm not up to date. yeah well you know. wait a minute this just happened didn't. he just go to rehab and get a divorce. and now he's with olivia it's kind of.

like. it was. like it was one of those things i was. sitting with with jasmine my girlfriend. was like eight months pregnant and. she said the same thing she was like i. wasn't john mulaney she's like i thought. that he was in rehab and like. she he always talks about his wife and i. was like yeah but you know. that you know because she saw on the new. york post and she was like and now he's. she was like and now he's. out with olivia munn and i was like yeah. she goes oh hell no she like. said that no she said that for like she. was like if i was john mulaney.

she was like i would be in his face like. you ain't walking around. with this half asian [ __ ] in front of. me. you know like i mean but i mean let's. just be. let let me just be honest on the record. i don't care what it says i mean olivia. munn. she is i mean vixen beautiful she is. going to ruin. his life yeah and he's got the drug. [Laughter]. what i mean sign me up i mean i'd love.

to ruin my life with actually olivia. munn or john mullaney he's a hottie i. agree with rudy i'm going to go with. malaney on this one over olivia munn. i'd take him hold him down and break him. well because you could control him. yeah i'd like to go he's definitely not. a type a yeah like if he starts you know. coming around yeah. slap him around say johnny well why do. you get you you wanna hang out and have. something i. grab him by the throat and i say john. you shut up and you kiss me softly on. the lips right now [ __ ] do it. [ __ ] do it like well i guess i will. you like that go ahead put on my. underwear.

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it's weird it's just. here's what i don't i like him i think. he's very funny dude he's an undeniably. talented guy. yeah but but also it's weird when you do. a kids show when you don't have kids. i'm always if you're a guy if you're a. girl like tiffany haddish talking to. dumb young kids. funny funny yeah john melanie doing a. pla kind of like a theater play with. kids. right who doesn't physically have kids. i'm always like hmm. right i don't i don't think it's one of. those things where i don't. think that it's anything necessarily.

inappropriate like. no i didn't think inappropriate i think. it's but i think that's what i was going. to get to i think it's just like there's. a part of his brain that's a little like. weird. because if you have kids and you do a. kids show it's totally it's like. oh he's it's why like uh what it sandler. was like yeah yeah people talk [ __ ] i. started making kids movies because i. have kids now. well that's why i made movies for my. kids well that's that's the thing is if. i was in the adam sandler's position or. even a john mullaney's position i had. the ability i would probably make a kid. show only because. the entertainment i'm watching ninety. percent of my day is children stuff with. my kids.

so it's like in my it's not even for. them it's just that's where my. my mind is in that zone so i'm thinking. about okay children's books children's. stuff right animation because that's all. i want so maybe he was watching a lot of. kid stuff maybe he was down time he just. loved kid stuff well he's. because a lot of white guys who like are. into anime and all that stuff they also. have an asian fetish. here we go yeah olivia munn yeah that's. why is that a thing. yeah it's like uh white guys really. nerdy white guys love. uh asian stuff and and really nerdy. black guys nerdy black guys. ron funch has had a great joke like he.

said every young nerdy black kid wants. to be japanese. right and i think what's the reason for. that you think yeah i don't know. why do young black kids want to be. japanese yeah maybe that's the name of. the episode ron said young black nerdy. kids. i'm gonna go i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm. gonna make a statement and say all young. black men. want to be japanese i feel it i mean the. wu-tang clan what was that about what. was that about. tiger woods what was that about what was. that though. so if olivium breaks up with mullany you. would you.

you'd think you'd be interested in him. and you know he's also old. compared to what you're he's older than. me he's older than us he has a lot more. money than us what is he 40 no he's like. 30 he's our age he's 36 37. oh wow he started stand up when he was. 15 16 years old he's [ __ ]. killing it killing me insane good for. him good for him i'm driving a nissan. armada. it's a nissan marauder isn't it i. thought it was a nissan your mama your. mama. 38 years old uh oh what's his birthday. august 26th. yeah guess who else's birthday's august. 26 christopher paul anthony de stefano.

that's right. mwah you share a birthday he's exactly. two years older than me and exactly a. hundred million dollars ahead of me. at least yeah he's a whole f1 sports. team ahead of me who else uh who else is. type in famous people's birthday. i know what october uh august 26th. macaulay culkin. really callie conkin august 26th let's. see if famous august 26th birthdays if. mine even pop i don't even think i'm on. the i may i'm not even on the you'll. never make notable alumni from my high. school. no the or you're not i'm not okay look. at this.

oh wait do you know some of these people. rudy um. a little little techa you know little. tekka up top no. who's little teca you don't know little. teca who's little taco he does that song. which one it's me little tucker i'm just. hanging out you don't know that song. oh yeah it's me little tucker i'm just. hanging out. it's me little taco i'm just hanging out. yes and his friends our background are. just like. we with little taka and we just hanging. out you don't know that song yes. i have heard that song it was in. melanie's kids show oh okay.

um james harden also same birthday. that's dope wow that's good. all the beard feels pine chris pine. handsome it's mother teresa. whoa mother teresa. that's a big one king sid who didn't. learn how to smile at a young age and. just kept that. yes melissa mccarthy she's dope wow. look at all the august 26ers i cannot. believe you didn't make it i didn't yeah. i didn't. keep going down let's see how many other. people oh wow and these are. okay this is just nobody at some point.

look at that yeah look at collin tv. zoom in on colin tv you got beat no no. bottom left you got beat up by colin tv. his name's colin tv. that's his full name that's his full. name yeah yeah and i lost. colin tv this guy's more fun let's check. your birthday let's see if you made the. list all right famous. famous people on october 26th exact way. you put it in. just type it into that very site pete. yeah that's what that side yeah pull up. more kites. pull up more guns that's what pizza's. gonna october 16th let's see who the fam. and then we have to do rudy rude.

yeah uh i actually know somebody because. john mayer and i have texted. bryce harper yes you made it no i didn't. make it. i just like bryce okay wait wait a. minute wait a minute okay like. zoom into j fred. that guy is more famous than me jay fred. he might have a bunch of youtube files. is that our business manager. yes yes that guy looks like a guy that. works for me yeah. jay fred all right zoom out let's see. who else i know john mayer because we've. uh we've talked about it uh who else.

i mean this is and he is not 25 that's a. lot. he's a 38 year old man this guy's in his. mid 60s. right but when you're rushing you can do. whatever you want yeah look at the girl. that's dead is more famous than me. she died young so she started last year. rest in peace ashley ross i didn't know. anything about here i'm sorry about that. look here's terry tv terry tv right you. had colin tv. yeah you got terry tv yeah i'm the new. bowl. wait for the balls zoom out but you got.

beat by my new. ball look but i love minute and. flea by the way fleece is pretty cool. flea's cool whoa. no balls dead too oh my god he died in. 2010. jesus for being two he didn't make it. you and i didn't make it what's your. birthday rudy let's see if you made it. let's see. god if you're on this i'm going to be. [ __ ] i'm walking out of this studio she. does. dude you know every time i ask you. what's your birthday rudy so he can. search november 9th. november 9. so every time i'm doing. shows afterwards i'm you know like if. i'm toying around with the crowd when i.

check drop and i'm asking questions i'm. like let's you know let's. have a chat because the you can't. sometimes you just can't do meet and. greets i get it and every time the. question is about her. is rudy gonna stay on the show yeah we. love rudy so much. dude she has 70 000 instagram followers. that's more than most people in comedy. yes you know. yeah more people would kill to everyone. i know when i wear the sweatshirt people. come up to me like oh rudy do you know. rudy because it says rudy's knives on. the back since so annoying i said yes. she's she doesn't want to be with anyone. and she wants no children she wants no. children she hates people yeah she's. going to pepperdine. uh oh french montana is on your birthday.

huh that's what he says and jerry purp. drank ooh. jerry perptrank i like that he has a. really white guy nerd name and perp. drank as his last name look at this. cringe carter. that's what his frat called him oh god. he looks like a dick he's like hey. what's up somebody [ __ ] french carter. dude [ __ ] saa for live dougie. scroll down who else is on there. christian ooh nick lachey has the same. birthday as you. you don't even know who that is you.

don't know who that is you've never. heard of 98 degrees she's 19. dude that was like that was when we were. [ __ ] 19. what about the backstreet. boys are in sync. i've heard of those two but you don't. like care but crazy like who was. oh you know how about this how about. this me and andrew did podcast with. somebody from fifth harmony does that. excite you. oh yeah no she says even now. that's too old oh my god third one in on. the. first row cisco baby make your booty go. oh.

do you know what the thong song is oh. yeah all right. that's great go down oh hedy lamarr oh. my god do you know anything about how. did he lamarche yeah that's nowhere. she's a genius. yeah so hedy lamarr created she was a. very famous actress. um but at the same time was the one that. created. um a frequency hopping yes. literally creating frequency having that. our [ __ ] military ended up using and. she didn't get credit for it for years. yes this is very doesn't mean anything. to anybody but she really she was really.

smart and she was a. cool actress but she was like i'm not. just pretty i'm smart she created this. this frequency hopping where yes radios. could communicate with each other on. different channels. yes and she was [ __ ] [ __ ] and she was. the face she was the original. inspiration for snow white that's right. that's her eddie lamar she was a big. actress. snow white white. snow is what snow white. go down scroll down sleek white hail. white. we got it all we got all the. precipitation fancy are you circumcised.

is that a thing in spain. absolutely and you guys love calamari. out there right isn't calamari like a. calamari sandwich like a main dish yes. yes calamari is huge in spain i just. watched my octopus teacher man i'm. pissed off about it and i told you about. that i thought he was being sexually. aggressive with that occupation. what did you think it made me get. emotional it also creeped me out a. little bit. did you guys see that i didn't like it. what did you think did we talk about. this already. we did i did it was it made me emotional. i didn't. i know i just watched it again i just. was made me like. on the plane i shouldn't have watched it.

on the plane you know what i don't like. watching on uh. stuff on the plane because you can feel. people looking at your screen. yes i don't like that i don't like that. either ipad needs to come out with. like a thing that just attaches to my. eyes so i can just stare at it no one. can. one time on a flight this was like 2019. i was on a flight i was reading a book. and. the name of the book is the nazi. symbiosis and it has a big swastika. okay on the side and i was reading it. and it's about it's about how the whole. time you're just going. dying no no no it's i think i've told.

this story once on did i i probably told. this story once on. another podcast but it just what you're. saying this. is a real thing i was sitting next to a. woman i didn't realize you know i was. always in the aisle seat so she was. she could see the cover because i was. like that and there was a part in this. book the nazi symbiosis which is really. about it's kind of like about nazi and. like the eugenics and like. how like the mind how their minds turned. into doing what they did it's like a. it's like follows that. so one part but they would talk about.

like the the horrors of the holocaust. and there's a part. in the holocaust where they it's not. funny. well you're laughing already no no no no. no no. they wanted to like hitler and and and. goebbels. himmler and well gerbils the propaganda. minister himmler was like really like. right. they were the ones that like doing like. the experiments and they had one. experiment where they wanted to. they were going to try to like invent. something where like nazis could fly. like some type of like flying power so.

they would they would take. members like jewish members you know. people in the holocaust and. in like this big slingshot shut up i. swear to god like throw them up into the. air with like. this potion and they would all just like. what to see if they could fly. with this thing because they would do. all these experiments and they would. fall. what like i'm talking about like a. hundred yards in the air and then they'd. fall and obviously. died and when i was reading it like it. was so shocking to me that i was like. like almost like repulsed by and like. laughing and this woman.

at the end of the flight was like you. know i just thought it was a little. inappropriate. that you were giggling in that book and. i want to know what that was about and i. just explained. i've told the story before and i. explained to her that hey like. the nazis were putting injecting members. of the holocaust like this magic potion. and putting them in a slingshot. and throwing them up into the air and. yeah they were falling on the floor so. it's horrible but i thought it was funny. and she was like you know someone in my. family kill was killed in the holocaust. and i don't think. anything about that book was funny and i. was like nothing about the holocaust is. funny like zero. about the holocaust it's funny i was.

like but that you know like. that's why i was laughing at that. shotting people they were slingshotting. people into the air and then just. standing there and like this one didn't. work. that was so insane you know and so well. try it again. yes get it out of honey reload. like think about the mindset of these. [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ]. it is crazy that it's so interesting to. want to learn about that stuff in. history. but the more you read it the more you're. like i can't believe this is what people. actually thought. well it's one of those things too where.

i you know i love history and i'm. fascinated with. with reading books or watching. documentaries about the. enemies of the united states because. when you read about the united states. it's like it's always like you know way. we're winners or we're going to put it. to our citizens in a certain way. when you read about other countries. you're like oh. it's all it's all the same everywhere. you go it's all the same it's just. the people group gets power and they. treat the other group like dogs. [ __ ] that's just what happens anywhere. from any country you go to. yeah but it's interesting but it's an. interesting thing well i mean those.

books it is. it like that but that's why i'm so. afraid i don't want to. i don't want to like look at stuff on a. plane that i'm like there's stuff that i. want to read or watch but you just can't. the guy on the way on the way in was. watching. game of thrones he was a really cool. dude we started chatting he was a. baseball scout for the cincinnati reds. oh sweet yeah and he gave me. can you be on the team because you have. right here he said yes wow he said yes. i asked he said yes i said my buddy. chris is going to want to know when i. get back to you if i could be on the. team. and he said you got it kiddo gave me a. card so i think i'm pitching next week. great i gotta go to nettie i wanna come.

he said he's uh. he's he was watching game of thrones and. he had and he had it tilted a little bit. mm-hmm. and uh he was talking about the f1 show. and he was like that's great he's like. i'm watching game of thrones but i gotta. be careful on a plane because you know. a lot of nudity on the on the show and. i'm like well you're you know you're. good you're good for me and he was like. yeah but you know. i've had it where like a kid is looking. through the crack. you know behind like just a little like. a little perfect kid. and he goes i had to like put my elbow. up through to block the seat.

otherwise you have to turn to the dad. and be like hey dude he's getting some. titty education right now yeah yeah but. that show. i you do realize that when i when i. watch stuff and i'm like i can't. right i don't want because even though. even though it's like it's not like a. porn it's just like a rated r show or. movie yeah but then you see someone. you're conscious of it like a. whenever a sex scene i'm always like. okay but you know what though. my feeling though like if my kid you. know i've been on flights with. my kids i kind of like once we walk i. tell them all the time like once we walk. out. like there are rules in the house like.

you know no cursing obviously there'll. be no nudity. but once you walk out into the real. world you're going to see stuff i don't. want to shield them from that because. then they grow up. yeah and they act like idiots so i would. just you know. if they turned around i was like what's. going on i'd be like well you know. cersei's getting she's getting [ __ ]. pounded well i guess you know i guess. the nudity and sexuality of the united. states is so different like. is nudity common in the philippines it's. not a big deal huh. yeah my siblings my my brothers watch.

like anything like that and my mom. doesn't care. right nobody says anything but rudy even. on like the equivalent of like the cbs. like the local. you know like the mainstream shows they. don't even block it out right the. filipino. like the united states we block all that. stuff out or we say oh you know. you you can't say [ __ ] you have to say. poo poo but then you know they'll show. rambo with like ak-47s and grenades. and you're like yeah well obviously you. know we're okay with guns and deaths. because we're a militarized country we. love the id like we got that's defense. dude. defense but sex is naughty no the sex is.

wrong. did you see today jeremy corbell came. out uh there's more ufo stuff where. they're saying like now there's more. sightings and. and now the navy is starting to say. spokespeop. spokes uh people from the active navy. not like retired like active navy today. are saying uh we believe they're a. threat as well so now it's like. it's going to happen before the end. before i i've been saying this in almost. every podcast i go on. before the end of this year is over i. guarantee you.

they say the aliens are real and i. guarantee you they will say they're a. threat and here's the thing baby. they are not real that is other. governments making. aliens using their technology that they. found. those aliens are not real do not believe. it when you see it they. are not real who's making them what. country we have reverse. engineered technology from these alien. civilizations that have landed. here crash-landed and we have take and. they are all but peaceful. with us they don't really care about us. but in order for a threat i don't know.

if it's the one percent right of course. it always could be george soros i don't. know. but people now are going to because the. only way to unite us again is to have a. war we've already fought each other. there's only so many countries. so now you have the israel-palestine. thing happening what's going on. go on it's about jesus was it in that. book. yes yeah so so so you have that. that's happening and that's going to. reach reach a precipice very soon and. then the aliens are coming. right before uh the new year is up and.

we're going to be at war maybe not at. war with them but the. the governments of the world are going. to say we need to unite forget about. racism and sexism and. transgender bathrooms we have a real. threat now and it's aliens want to take. us away. every time there's been a pandemic every. time there's been a pandywandy. alien sightings have increased tenfold. the bubonic plague people started. talking about aliens 1918. people talking about aliens so a lot of. people think now aliens may have been. the ones that dropped coven 19. not the people from wuhan it sounds.

alien-esque. yes but do not believe it when you see. it folks. yes so aliens did it coveted 19 was. aliens. was aliens potentially and the aliens. that we're going to fight before 2021 is. over. are not real they are government psyops. well what government our government. chris is one world government oh it's. the illuminati yeah it's the illuminati. bespoke post oh my you know what andrew. yes the one thing you can say about me. is i love adventures and surprises you. do you guys love to go to jail when i.

get three. yeah when i get a box of awesome from. bespoke post. they have so many cool things like. camping gear yeah flasks. yeah cooking tools cool like knives yeah. that's where rudy got her knives yeah. from bespoke boxes awesome no matter. what you're into they've got you covered. this is the best part about this. you just go on their website you fill. out this little tiny survey. uh and they basically match you with. some of the cool stuff that they've got. inventory wise and it changes all the. time yeah which is really cool i got bob. outdoor gear bags for when they went to. joshua tree that he thanked me for.

graciously. yeah the bar ware which i got because. you know i'm a booze bag so i wanted. new rock glasses and a decanter and you. know how you get started. you gotta take this quiz at box of. awesome.com and your answers. answers will help them pick the right. box of awesome for you that's cool. they release new boxes every month. across a ton of different categories. it's free to sign up you can skip or. cancel. each box costs how much bob oh my god 45. bucks. but has over 70 dollars worth of gear. inside get 20. off your first monthly box when you sign. up at box of awesome.com and enter the.

code. check out that's awesome.com code bad. friends. that's box of awesome dot com code bad. friends for. 20 off your first box better help hey. yeah hey yeah we both use therapy we're. both. not only do i use therapy i use this. yeah no i that's what i'm saying i've. used traditional therapy in the past and. i got to tell you. better help can help you start. communicating in under 48 hours it's the. best. it's like it's so easy yeah under 40 and. it's not a crisis line it's not. self-help. you guys listening right now it's.

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enjoying q and q and on. oh you're cute and now we're in cute and. now you're in a new group can we. interest you in that and q anon. do you know what q9 is no maybe you. should go i would that's something i. think to write a nice college essay on. on cue pro queueing on your pro. your pro your pro-q okay what is that. just. just be pro-q and write about it just. say i'm pro-q you believe in aliens. yeah yeah kind of yeah that's part of it. okay that's just a uf ufo sighting. spider-man that was just somebody from. the coronavirus why is that well because. and it go i watched this saw this on.

ancient aliens where every time there's. a there's a pandemic. you sound like my dad my father loves. ancient aliens i mean. ancient aliens that's all it is yeah. yeah he's like tucker carlson and the. ufos. yes it's funny that the same guys that. are just like uh hardcore republicans. are also like pyramids were built by. aliens dude. well because they say like the the the. sightings there were no triangles. nobody nobody did triangles before the. uh uh. egyptians did them in the pyramids and. they say that some of the alien.

ships that they're seeing now are. perfect triangles but don't you think. that could have just been figured out by. a guy at some point. no you don't think so you don't think. some guy was just like. okay and that shape made sense. look at that yeah they are beautiful. structures there have you ever been. there. no i'm not going to [ __ ] egypt yeah. yuck. i'm just kidding i'm joking no you know. what's funny is they say like. literally i do want to go back like half. a mile now from these pyramids is a. pizza hut.

there's a pizza i think there's one. inside the third pyramid. pizza hut the the pyramid oh look at. that pizza you can see the pyramid by. the way. i like that get a cheesy stuff crust and. [ __ ] go ahead and see the pyramids. why the hell not. who's gonna say no to that dude that's a. great idea yeah. that's like that reminds me of that that. show uh an idiot abroad carl pink. pilkington oh and gervais travis that. was my favorite bit that they did when. they went to that old. those old cities those ruins that were. built into the wall built into the. mountainsides.

and the palace was on one side oh and um. in i think it's like in iran right is it. it's it's yes it's in the middle it's in. the middle east and he goes um. and they take him to the palace and then. they take him to the slums. and he was like well rather live in the. slums where you wake up and look at the. palace every morning. why would you want to wake up in a. palace look at the slums every [ __ ]. morning. and i was like it actually makes me. makes so much sense yeah it's like that. that is why like i. i like not living fancy rich in the. hollywood hills yeah cause i get to look. up at the mountains yeah it's beautiful. i don't want to look down at scum like.

me. ugh i don't want to live fancy and look. down. by the way i did you know first class. that i was flying in this morning only. because i didn't pay for it. uh it did that thing where you get on. the plane in the middle and then you. split left and right. oh you know that we're left this first. class and right at them yeah and it was. kind of fun because uh there was a woman. who was causing a real annoying fit at. the front desk. like complaining about like why she was. in whatever group she was in. she older blonde lady big hair probably. had two [ __ ] bottles of kim crawford. chardonnay before. by 8 a.m and she was just like she was.

just being like. annoying she was loud it's 8 30 in the. [ __ ] morning and she's like and the. desk person is just like [ __ ]. yeah what do you want me to do it's a. computer you have one what do you want. i don't like it's over and she's wanting. me to whatever whatever. anyway i get on the plane and then i see. her get on and she's kind of looking. fancy like she has. rich stuff on you know when somebody. looks like they have rich stuff i don't. even know but it looks like. eats like pete's uh like fancy's pants. exactly he looks like he has rich stuff. yeah it turns out his tommy hill finger.

right and i'm on the plane and i get up. to grab my charger i've already been on. the plane i get up to get my charge out. of my bag and i look. and this old annoying cow doesn't make a. left with us she goes down to the back. of the plane. i liked it that's what she gets yes for. complaining and thinking that she's. important people think they're important. all the time. no [ __ ] special and then and then. you're going to hawaii. i'm going to hawaii come on i'm going to. lay it man i can't wait i'm going to the. big island i've never been to the big. island before i've never been hawaii. period have you been a wife here. no yes it's incredible yeah is it great.

i've been a few times how have you never. been well because. because i think people who live in. california like go there but you gotta. for us it's like a 12-hour thing right. it's only five for us. yeah so you could you could i'm sure. there's people in la who go to hawaii. for the weekend and come back. i don't know about the weekend but. people do oh yeah rich people i guess. that yeah yeah we go. in new york we go to atlantic city oh. you guys did you go with bobby. yeah last time also we're going next. week oh you guys are going back. well but bobby's not coming no he's not. wait where are you guys going. kawaii yeah kawaii is great it's all. it's like very vegetative.

i've been to maui kauai i've never been. to the big island though. what's the big island hawaii is that. like honolulu where honolulu is maui. so the big island's called the big. island it's hawaii the big island. oh so but wait so you're saying like. when you fly into a place you're sitting. like somebody's address. i live on 1713 pineapple street the big. island. it's actually coconut road yeah see look. that that's the one i'm going to the big. one down in the back hawaii there you go. so kawaii how far of a flight is from. hawaii to.

to the last one i think it's only an. hour but so do you when you get on a. flight. when you fly like when you were going. from los angeles to hawaii to big island. you do you always have to land on the. big island and then you take little. planes from there. you can go direct you can fly right into. honolulu got it honolulu. honolulu sorry that's right and maui is. waialea or whatever lanai is the one i. want to go to. got it that's where they have all the. pygmy wolves that you can cut you can. run out and catch you can do. hunt and go seek but do you like when.

you go to hawaii could you have to just. usually pick one island or can you go in. one trip go to a lot of people will fly. into the big island and you can. you i think you can take boats and. cruises and trips to round there's. cruises that go to all of them you know. but which one is looks more like is in. honolulu looks like just a city right. like you're not really in hawaii when. you go to. honolulu kind of feels like shitty. beverly hills. got it it's kind of has like a lot of. fighters like tommy hill finger stores. and. right kate spade it has a lot of like. typical commercial [ __ ]. um uh uh uh.

maui does too i mean i think i think. kawaii has the. least amount of the [ __ ] right and the. big island is. is the most populous so it has. everything you've ever needed have you. ever done stand up there at that. blue pearl room or something like that. no but you know that's literally why i'm. going tomorrow to do stand up. and no i know to do stand up but but not. at that place oh i've never. performed in hawaii whether it's for a. private event like i'm doing it or for. public i do know people that do that. that have because it's just you tomorrow. too. just a one-man show it's a little. awkward no but who cares you just go in. there and you [ __ ].

there's gonna be it there's like 15. people there's gonna be at they hand me. the mic and i'm gonna go. yeah hey. hey hey hey hey hey hey and three guys. are just gonna be like. yeah yeah but we'll have fun. well fine and then you go and you'll. hang out there for a few days you might. have to do. hey hey yeah i've been hanging out for a. few days. and i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go swim. with sharks which i'm excited about and. hopefully. uh get my wife out there and then the. boat. takes off great help and i'm like.

where'd she go. yeah dude you come back yeah then you. and i can do what we always wanted to do. yes yes yes yeah no i think uh i know i. think it's gonna be fun get back. jasmine would [ __ ] make it back i. know she'd make it back even eight. months. she's gonna swim back she'd swim back on. the back of a shark she'd. she'd come out of the water and i'll be. like you [ __ ] she's yeah yeah. yeah [ __ ] i swam all the way back yeah. shoot swim back to new york. what should i do when i'm in hawaii rudy.

this time tell me what i'm what you guys. are going to do. we're going to go hiking boo i do that. here. diving oh i like diving and. that's it and that's it and who's going. you and kalila and and. her sister her sister yeah um that's so. that's gonna be so. fun so fun and you guys get an airbnb. stay in a hotel. i think airbnb airbnb is the way to go. right are you training. staying in a hotel smelly or an airbnb. entertaining on a hotel. nice one but i'm doing a nice one yeah. one of the nicest ones.

one of the ones where you know. yeah one of the ones where you stayed. and you're like this is a very nice. hotel. yeah one of the ones where they're like. whites only. [Laughter]. yeah you walk in they go sir you are. perfect. because i am very very white no if you. got a little taniwhani they're like. excuse me sir. sorry and you turn you're like my name. is bryce and they're like come on come. on you're fine we just didn't know. yeah i'm staying at a fancy pants i was. in a ritz carlton. uh two years ago it must be 2019 it was.

me jazz. and the two kids and i walked to the. ritz carlton i walked in. a little bit um ahead and i was holding. the bags and the guy you know bell. person came over and then. jazz came and the little and then and. you know she was holding both the kids. hands and some bags. and the guy said to me is that your. nanny no in front of her he goes. he goes he goes um he goes uh okay dad. he goes dad kids you know like you know. he's like you guys want a drink he goes. and mrs nanny what would you like. and she was like excuse me and cause he.

just. genuinely thought yeah and he was like. and then i would make the same mistake. she was like. mrs nanny she was like um i'm married to. him i was like. that now you're getting crazy we're. dating it's miss nanny to you. to you [ __ ] i was like we're together. she kind of. is the nanny she yeah i take that back i. take it back jazz i take it back i take. it back i don't know but there's [ __ ]. out of me. no she i mean she is well no her. transgender uncle tt jerry is. technically our nanny and our. our cleaning lady is he a god mother or.

godmother to your kids. he will be actually jazz and i discuss. that today because she's we're having a. second baby do july 4th. and she uh america and we talked about. tt jerry being the godmother and father. but tt is is still a man he hasn't. transitioned. he hasn't he has he has a he has a. physique deal but he's on estrogen uh. hormone therapy right so he's getting. he's getting boobies so he has boobies. already. and um and uh he said he never wants to. cut it off because he likes. he likes you know having a penis he. likes feeling the the ass of a man but.

wait a minute but. at what point then when he's going. through the transition does he but does. he go. he just wants to become female he. doesn't want to become fully he doesn't. he doesn't want to cut off his peeps but. does he then he does he want to be. called he or she. he said whatever like for example when. he came and did my. podcast christy chaos tuesdays at 11am. street please listen to it it's. incredible thank you. he um he and also hey babe thursday's 11. a.m eastern time. and uh patreon.com that's christy comedy. we're gonna cut all this out go ahead. thank you. he uh magic spoon.

he uh when he came in to do my podcast. he. was wearing um one of my sweatshirts. from the denver comedy works. and then when he left he was wearing one. of jasmine's uh. leather jackets so he he wears. he in one day told us if he feels like a. man he comes and acts like a man. if he feels like a woman he he comes out. and acts like a woman if you go to his. uh instagram at t.o jerry right. that's ttj are you doing comedy spots. tonight or no [ __ ] no. no i gotta get on a plane first thing in.

the morning rudy do you think i look. skinnier. this time you look the same. you do look the same but i you don't. think you lost weight did you think you. lost weight from the last time. i saw you how much you were in september. how much do you weigh. right now maybe 225 but when i saw you. was 240. no you weren't yes were you really so i. why doesn't anybody care well that. sweater makes you look. you're i know what about on my face. you're skinnier underneath. your face looks the same i don't think.

his face did his face skin. would you say have a fatter face or a. face it's so it doesn't look fat. in the middle in the middle you have a. middle you have a middle face. what about andrew's face finner yes. what about homeless face what about. pimp's face in the middle in the middle. okay who's how about how about fancy his. what about his face he's a little fat. in the face yeah yeah a little fat in.

the face okay i love leading what about. bobby's face. jesus christ excellent so he's fat so i. don't have a fat face. but it's in between andrew's face is. skinny well it's thinning out. because i didn't eat lunch you know what. i've noticed about. one thing i have noticed about since. i've been getting a little older is. literally. my body i mean it feels like like pants. will. fit friday and they won't fit sunday if. i eat bad saturday. like fact but when i was in my 20s like. it didn't matter it would take. a month to get fat now it genuinely is.

in 24 hours yeah. your whole life changes well dude. yesterday i ate the worst meals i could. have eaten and then. and then rogan wanted to go out after we. did the show and so he got a tomahawk. steak at midnight. oh my god and you had to eat that with. him dude if it weren't for the hgh he'd. be dead. dead how could you eat a tomahawk steak. at midnight it's insane. right he was like what are you having a. salad i was like yeah yeah yeah. it's midnight it's midnight yeah these. guys are eating 48 ounces of [ __ ]. meat i was like how can you do that and. he just gets up and he's more ripped.

the next morning honestly yeah more jack. and then there was a couple of ufc. fighters that were there too and those. guys are just. yeah they're so daunting dude this one. dude talked about i'm not gonna mention. his name but he talked about like. like after he got knocked out and he. didn't do like like they tried to do. concussion protocol and they didn't. really say like. you know whether or not he had one they. didn't know and then five days later. he just passes out geez and then just. then just like walking around. just passed down and he was joking about. it he was like yeah smack my head and. everything and i was like. yeah are you okay and he was like yeah.

it was okay yeah cuz i fell. face first on concrete yeah and he. talked about it like it was like you and. me saying like i stubbed my toe. yeah yeah he doesn't get my toe on the. bench you know that i think i think i. heard it maybe it was joe rogan or maybe. matt sarah maybe dana white somebody. was like the the thing with ufc fighting. it's it's obviously the you know the. muscles and the fighting technique of. course important but the number one. thing they need to have is fearlessness. yeah they just have to be just to be. raleigh just raw and. yeah we that's what i did say about that. f1 thing the one thing about those. youthful drivers.

those kids the kids are the best because. they don't give a [ __ ] yeah. they just are like what i'm not gonna. die no yeah i know if i do. [ __ ] party dude i used to go on. roller coasters all the time like it. didn't matter i'm on roller coasters and. now. when you know i you don't go to. amusement parks for that long but now. the kids are old enough where they want. to go. and like yesterday we were down at the. santa monica pier and um. my stepson was like come on let's go on. the roller coaster because you know. delilah's too small. and jasmine's still pregnant yeah so. they can't go on. so i and i was like i was like okay. let's go like we'll go on like that'll. be the last one and like.

but i was trying to buy time because i. was trying to like work myself up work. myself up to do it and then. i ate a um uh like a. funnel cake oh yes i ate a funnel cake. and i blamed the funnel cake i said oh. man my stomach's killing me like we got. to make an emergency. but it was all i was fine i felt great. it was because i didn't want to go on. the roller coaster because i was scared. what if because i have a fat face thank. you and a fat body. what if when we're going on the roller. coaster the contraption. you know goes up and i fall and that's.

how i die and i was so scared to do that. where i never would have thought about. that. when i was 25 but now all these things. you think about like the roller coaster. i was like they have. it's you know covid protocols who knows. if they i'm not worried about getting. the virus but what. you know they're under man they're under. staff what if this thing comes off the. tracks. they're probably not checking it they're. you know right people are just getting. benefits from good old sleepy joe biden. and not coming to work. so i was like you know all these things. could happen and then i'm going to be. the one that died so let me eat the. funnel cake fake the diarrhea. and then we'll go back home you're a.

wuss your kid you should have helped. your kid out you're right. fat funnel cake loser i love you. [Laughter]. sleepy joe sleepy joe is gonna yeah he. did he's probably in charge of all that. stuff yeah well. you know kamala has to change his. colostomy bag every day every day. takes out of the poop bag and throws it. out yes and then she's got to change his. colostomy bag. every single day crazy yeah god bless. god bless joe biden let's see tt jerry's. uh. instagram profile now we can show up so. look at tt. look at that hot and by the way are we.

still doing a donation for tt's um. transition yes if you want to go to uh. christy comedy.com we got merch. up there now we're getting new merch. from the boys at killer merch nice boys. the killer merch are going to design a. new tt jerry shirt which will also. proceeds are going to continue. tt jerry on her estrogen replacement. therapy which was stopped since she got. uh out of prison. the government no longer will pay for. your tits if you are not in prison. uh i think that's insane they'll only. give you tits if you're in jail so she. literally is contemplating she said go. back she was like well i feel like i. should [ __ ] be out here smoking crack.

again so i could go back and get my tits. just let her rob you guys. well she probably is yeah she's been. cleaning the house without us there and. i'm like jazz that's a ridiculous thing. to do i mean she did 25 years in. prison for grant larson she's like are. you going to disrespect my family i'm. like she's stealing all your [ __ ] yeah. but fine [ __ ] yeah. so so there's tt and by the way please. go please go. to christycomedy.com buy some merch so. we can get tt's full transition because. i think that's important and look at. that rumpus shot right there no she's. got a nice. fat ass oh yeah nice too she doesn't let. me look at this one in the shorts over. there yeah looking good looking good.

she looks she looks exactly like my. girlfriend it's it's a coin flip. and it's jazz uh jazz's uncle that's. jazz's uncle by birth yeah by birth yeah. dad's brother. uh mom's brother mom's brother mom's. brother um so she. said that's my favorite by the way love. you guys love you guys she wants to. remind you guys that she loves you. and most of these photos taken by the. the homeless pimp especially the ones in. the bikini pimp great stuff. yes i see how some she wants to look. like a guy she's got the mask on. right so that's what i'm confused i'm. not even making a joke the pronoun thing. is kind of wild because then you just. don't know what pronoun.

she's going to prefer well she told us. she told us on the podcast when she came. on it was actually really a fascinating. episode because she said. it was good she was like she was like. you know. you know being in jail she was like i've. been transgender my whole life. she's like this isn't like a movement. for me she's like i always. you know she's like i feel like a lot of. the people now the younger kids. she's like i think they're a little. confused on you know this is her saying. that she's like i just don't think they. all really know what this life is about. she was like in the pronoun stuff she's. like when i walk past you. she's like when i walk when i'm walking.

past you it doesn't matter what i'm. thinking in my head she's like when i'm. walking past you if you say excuse me. sir i'm turning around. she's like so i'm a man she's like even. though i want to be a woman i want to be. looked at as a woman she still says. she's like that pronoun [ __ ] she was. like that [ __ ] is embroidered in my. brain chemistry. that's what she said embreded yeah. embreaded embretted deeply fried and. breaded. yeah look as far as i'm concerned i. don't give a [ __ ] about whatever people. want to be called i just do think it is. kind of hard sometimes you're like well. you'd have to know the person know what. they prefer yeah it's not like you can. check out somebody's twitter bio as soon.

as you come up to them be like what are. you by the way instagram just added that. did you see that no. literally this week instagram added. pronouns on the profile because i went. to go. like put up a post or something uh or. like or edit edit the link on my post. for youtube. right and uh here look at this when you. go to edit profile on instagram. pronouns whoa what are you gonna put in. put in. i don't know loser yeah uh loser [ __ ]. yeah redcock redcock uh fire crotch i. know what i'm gonna put in fat face. fat face fat face five you said he's a. five right fat face five oh my god will.

you change it to fat face five. five fat face [ __ ] your next album fat. face fat. face five presents christus stefano yeah. you who if you are you gonna do a. special by the way i well we you know. we've. we've talked about it because you know. we have the same agent we've we've. spoken about it but i don't know that. anybody's gonna take a chance on uh all. chrissy nut bags so. me take a chance on me someone's gonna. take a chance on you so daddy's got. shows coming up. um uh we got a bunch of shows christy.

comedy.com hello we got uh all we start. in. providence we got uh we just put a. second show at the fox theater yeah yeah. in connecticut on on sale um so. and uh so get the tickets thank you but. we may just take one of those shows. because pim films everything we may just. mic the audience and do one of those and. just. put that special on youtube like our. good friends mark norman did and and and. you know andrew schultz all these people. i may just do that but what about. you i don't really know man i don't. really know what i want to do i haven't.

decided i i can't really make up my mind. for now i just want to do a bunch of. live shows. you know i just by the way the live show. that i am the the show i'm doing in. hawaii for the private event is for. prince harry. amazing yep he wanted a little. competition he said come on see if you. can get my wife from me. yes i said i will not you now another. part of the royal family i'm gonna get. out of here i'm gonna get her well i. just saw it i'm gonna get that briefcase. girl i'm gonna get her from the. prince henry prince henry prince henry's. saying now that um. uh he was mad at joe rogan megan meghan. markle is behind all the.

ufos from the royal family oh i thought. he just said he just there's a headline. i just saw. before i came in he said that uh meghan. markle's behind it all. wait a minute yeah which one's the. redheaded guy uh prince harry. you're saying prince william you mean no. no no no no he's calling out his own. wife for that's what he said. hold on really yeah hold on hold on ooh. albert poolhole signed with the dodgers. he's not dropped prince no what did we. say we took your dad to the game we took. chris's dad to the baseball game tampa. tony and tammy. special ed uh he is so funny yeah he's. got the one lazy bus.

yeah but tony was hunched over and he. just goes. his dad doesn't say much but he's such a. cool dude like such a sweet guy. yeah and his dad was hunched over and i. go man pujols is kind of at the end of. the run huh and your dad goes. they should have had it got rid of him a. long time ago yeah. that's what and then he just stared back. at the field again yeah your dad is. almost like rain man and the idea that. we started talking baseball and he would. just throw out facts. yeah yeah out of nowhere yeah we were. talking about our favorite um. from our childhood baseball players that. kids don't know any i mean some of them.

know but. you know we were saying like uh you. brought up bobby bonilla and then. i think i had mentioned uh um. jose ocendo one of the greatest uh uh uh. why can't i think of the word what's. wrong with me position he can switch. positions all the time utility players. and your dad started rattling off. numbers like. like in the casino i mean he started. like bobbing autistically yeah. it was like obp 492 two obp. obp i was like oh my god and his eye. would get lazy and then he just had his. pretzels he was dipping in the cheese.

sauce he was but. he was he would just put the cheese. under his eyes and then he would eat the. pretzel tampa tony was incredible. but yes so if you saw um um. prince harry is saying that uh that yeah. well you had it and then you lost. prince harry meghan markle opened my. eyes to the unhappy. oh right he's agreeing with what she. said oh he's agreeing. oh yeah okay i'm sorry because you see. how misleading the new york. freaking poster well and page six is. also click look at the new york post. look at the new york post article they. say. prince harry harry suggests meghan.

markle is behind attacks on royal family. that's so funny this is what is the law. what does this say what does this prove. to us if anything that the media. don't believe them the aliens are psyops. aliens aren't real god i wish to this. day trump didn't say fake news because. that people just hated him enough that. they didn't take it serious and it. became like a joke phrase. right if if if if anybody else had. coined fake news it would have still had. weight to it sure. because it's real it is off [ __ ]. sure if that's proof that it's like one. article thinks this way the other one. says this. yeah and it's all [ __ ] i wanna yeah.

dude i. i mean yeah what's your source of news. rudy. do you read new do you ever indulge in. anything newsworthy sometimes. but see this generation doesn't give a. [ __ ] they don't care right you just. whatever it's on tick tock kind of right. i deleted tick tock you deleted tick. tock why. it's annoying it is. how did it feel did it feel liberating. when you it felt. like nothing dude she's the mo she's the. mo she doesn't have any emotions.

yeah she's dead inside serial killer. okay watch watch this look. look look look straight into the camera. let's go through this ready. okay put on a happy face. put on a sad face. put on an angry face i don't know. it's all the same you see what i mean. it's all the same yeah look up people. that can't express emotions. yeah what is that is that asperger's. yeah look at i bet you the first person. that pops up is mike. bundy ted bundy people that can't.

express emotion yeah. because rudy doesn't know emotions yeah. i love the name rudy. related health condition here let's go. related health conditions go over to the. right let's see. all right do you have alexa the mia it's. a personality trait that's characterized. by the subclinical inability to identify. and describe emotions based on. experience by oneself so how would you. describe yourself rudy what. how would you say you are what kind of. personality do you have. boring i like to sleep i like dogs. mm-hmm.

this sounds like alex laughter yeah i. was going to say you're connecting. things that don't make sense it sounds. like alex sexia with a bit of tourette's. okay let's go to the next one what does. that say go to the next song. hyper do you have attention deficit. disorder do you take adderall. no so you don't have add you don't have. add okay that's fine. well it could i think it's that one it's. alexithmia you have alex alex. how do we say that alexemia all about. alexithmia alexithmia and by the way we. don't want to offend the alexithythmia.

community right now by the way. alexithmia isn't well understood there's. a possibility it'll go up. right oh link to autism got it. boom the possibility might be genetic. the conditions. from brain damage to the insulin have. you ever had brain damage ready. you sure you've never had damage to the. insulin i don't think so were you ever. punched. as a kid or dead i got a knock on your. head. that's how that's how you know that. sounds like such a our generation damn. thing. yeah your head is fine let knock on the.

head around a little bit back on the. head you find out. yeah that does say emotions and. depression it's linked with depression. do you have depression. you sleep all the time you're bored. you're bored you're angry you're mad. you're sad. you love knives you've thought about. death a lot. rudy i think you're now yeah i think you. have alex cynthia. alex go up again alexa alexa i like. alexa. alexa what is it it's called it's called. uh alex sith. yeah fancy say it i look sick from yeah.

i like hate me. sounds like that's faint it's so nice. [Laughter]. why do they look so much the air hello. well the spanish yeah what is that about. why yeah i know that i'm sure people. have beat this to death but i do want to. know fancy why. do i do spanish people have that list. what is it is it has it do we know why. like what is it fans. we can distinguish in between letters. and. and sounds so we have the s and the it's. two different sounds he's being [ __ ].

condescending. he's being a little condescending don't. forget don't forget. that this country has bailed you out of. everything since the beginning of. anything. yeah right origins of the lifts lisp of. sp and you can now say lith. the little spain lift if you study. spanish long enough sooner or later. you'll want to kill yourself what is. that why does it say that. sooner or later you'll hear a tale about. spanish king ferdinand. who supposedly spoke with a lisp causing. spaniards to imitate him pronouncing. the z and sometimes the c to be. pronounced with the s and the.

so they copied the king thin that's how. [ __ ] that's how. that's how uh lack of any sort of like. yeah you know. personal integrity the spanish have they. just copied the king well everything all. like even curse words all come from the. king like that's what [ __ ] means you. know [ __ ] me. i've heard this but this has also been. debunked over the years no i've i've. heard that it's real the fornication. under the consent of the king yes. i've been this has been debunked many. times because there's a there is a. we're gonna go into a history dive you. and i yeah i always make it happen you. can say do etymology of [ __ ]. he won't know how to spell automatically. no let's give a shot oh yes he did.

wow yes he did so that. that thing under the consent of the king. i've heard but also there is a. um there is a uh there is a word that. that is latin that they think it suggest. it might come from as well. this article is definitely not well. there you go attested from early as 16. coed second edition. of the forms of phuket and the earliest. attested appearance of current spelling. uh 1553 presumably it's more ancient. words see it's a more ancient word but.

we don't know. okay okay we don't really know we don't. really know oh look at that though. buck cites proper name john liffe [ __ ]. from 1278. dude john the f john john john. [Laughter]. i would love to hang out with john the. [ __ ] who is this guy let's look at. john le [ __ ] look at john the [ __ ]. no that's not there's gonna be no images. of him it was from the [ __ ] twelve. hundreds go to all. there he is there's john the [ __ ].

[ __ ]. yeah he's living literally near my house. this guy lives on the bridge. go to all go back to all because i want. to do i want to read his wikipedia john. the [ __ ]. here we go right there click on that was. an englishman zoom. in he was an englishman who what who. appears. in the administrative record of 1278 who. has attracted attention unusual surname. ah. his name has been proposed as. incorporating the earliest recorded. instance of the english swear word [ __ ]. but this interpretation has been. challenged see nobody.

i'm sorry moody. [Laughter]. i said i wouldn't but because you said i. had a fat face i just wanted to get you. back one time i know i'm used to it. okay so gross have you ever farted in. front of. the team you farted in here once no yes. i think we caught you once. yes rudy she yes we did remember fancy. because she went like she was like. she she coughed you did fart in front of. us one time. no yes okay she's embarrassed now fine. no i'll stop.

no filipino they don't they don't fart. very small butts. and very small buttholes. john the [ __ ] by the way is not real. he's got to be real. i mean it was a guy but you know it's. just not he didn't do anything. he was an englishman oddly enough so. it's not it was john the [ __ ]. hey i'm john lafaka isn't that your. friend john the [ __ ]. [ __ ] hello john the [ __ ] it is.

it's great hello hello hello. if your kid is born on the 4th of july. are you going to name it america or. stars and stripes. or guns or donald donald donny. donny no if it's a girl melania if it's. a guy donald. no we're going to name her betsy ross. what do you do you have a name picked. you can't say it on the air no no no why. why couldn't we is that are you not. allowed to say that i think women have a. thing with. saying the name it's a little bit of a. jinx oh okay so then i i guess.

i don't know if jazz might get mad it's. not you okay you'll go i won't. all right yeah um no we were gonna name. you've never said it on the other pods. no have i said it already on the other. part oh you have. uh idiot um did you tell jazz about that. yeah jazz knows oh jazz doesn't know. okay so we won't say it though. i won't say it yeah i'm gonna name her. rudy it is a very pretty name rudy and. ruby ruby's a very pretty name but. neither are her real name her real name. is juliana. why so why do they call her rudy rudy. giuliani julian is a beautiful name too.

i like juliana juliana is a beautiful. name. but we can't name that because there's a. already a baby julie. in my family so we can't do that but. juliana did they call you julie when you. were a kid. yeah same same same i guess. same same that's like did they call you. mark it was like no they called me. stephen you're like oh right yeah yes it. says same thing yeah wait yen. yeah isn't that chinese money. man the chinese are taking over. everything everything no is it even a.

filipinos names. i think a dollar is a chinese yen yeah. yeah yeah what is it. what is yen what is yan i don't know my. aunt just said that and then. it just started my nickname yeah. but now do people in your family call. you rudy or only known as rudy on this. podcast. yeah only here only here do you like it. i'm getting used to it will you write a. book one day because you feel have felt. like you've been pressured into doing. things. on the show no we've never we she is she. has. always opted out of anything she didn't.

want to do on the show or be a part of. she's always been the controller of her. own universe isn't that right rude. isn't that right rudy yes yes see how. that works. just tell her what to do she has to do. it she's got to say what she has to say. into the camera. i want her to take more control let's. let's let's close the show strong with. rudy no. i don't want to go all right we'll stay. i gotta go. you do you got to go to dinski doodles i. got to go to dinski doodles we didn't. get in any. no no reservations well it's saturday i. know. i always think i always i'm always at.

like six o'clock like hey you gotta. party for nine. at 6 45. yeah i feel like no. they're like yeah sure on the roof yeah. you want to sit up by the air. conditioning unit with a cook smoke. yeah we're gonna go to uh malibu uh. first and take uh family portraits on um. el matador beach today with homeless. pimpy today yeah because the sun set if. it is you gotta get out of here no but. sunset we want to do some sunset you got. a couple. you got hours yeah and then we're gonna. go uh we're gonna go to a restaurant. do you know caitlyn jenner is running. for uh mayor uh. know that i'm trying to move things.

around where i can get a legal governor. governor give her a vote governor. republican. government okay so here's what's crazy. she's running as a republican she's. always been a republican. she's against gay marriage. [Laughter]. where do we live i love it she's a. transgendered. famous person who's against. a part of a community that she is a part. of right lgbtqia.

or what is it now it's lgbtqia whatever. and i mean i'm not saying this in a. disrespectful manner obviously i don't. know all the acronyms now because. they've just added some new. she's a part of this community and she's. against it. yeah that's the craziest craziest thing. i've ever heard in my [ __ ] i don't. care that she's a republican i'm not. saying that means as much. i'm saying how can you be against gay. marriage i don't understand yeah by the. way i don't understand that as someone. who isn't trans. i don't know i don't give a [ __ ] if gay. guys want to get. gay women who i don't want to go to your. wedding at all. yeah i don't want to go to a.

heterosexual wedding okay they're. [ __ ] annoying annoying. i'm going to another i gotta go to. another one yeah i got to go to another. one. and i'm dreading it yeah by the way you. want to ban gay marriage ban straight. marriage too. yes ban all marriage i'm in fine yes yes. ban all marriage ban all marriage ban. all marriage get rid of marriage it's. insane yeah you never want to get. married right yeah she said that she's. smart good i don't unders against. against other people doing stuff. what kind of [ __ ] bananas nonsense is. that that you're like i don't like that.

those people want to do something no. it's. ridiculous mind your own business. you idiot anyway uh i'm still going to. vote for her. yeah of course i think no i do think. she'll probably win. i genuinely mean that i think she will. just because of popularity for me it's. three r's. red right republican. [Laughter]. google caitlyn jenner uh i want to see. like her did she have a government. website like. i'm running for you know what i mean you.

know sometimes they do that. yeah like a campaign website yeah that's. what it is. let's see and by the way we're going to. get you out of here so it's okay. i think caitlyn jenner is hot yeah i. like her as a woman a lot. yeah not as a man oh see look there it. is caitlyn for california. caitlyn needs an honest leader with a. clear california need sorry. california needs an honest leader with a. clear vision our campaign will be. powered by. everyday californians who deserve. leadership and accountable to them so. look at this the donate box. 50 is jumping at you it's saying pick me. pick me. please yeah don't do five should we.

donate 25. 250. let's donate to her i'd give her. give her look at that number look at how. weird this number is. 525 50 100 500 1 000 5000 10 000. and then 32 400. you [ __ ] up on the website. is that is that like a number she needs. left that's like that's all we need to. pay off this gambling debt. yeah yeah i can't believe baylor won. this doesn't make any [ __ ] sense. should we give her should we give her. 25. let's do make this a monthly.

recurring donation so. make it monthly and just do the 32 400. yeah let's do it. all right so we remember the planets now. just for a re where's for a recap. what were the planets go ahead remember. remember remember the acronym. my very erotic my very erotic mother. [Music]. [Laughter]. remember who no my my very erotic mother.

something just suck. nice suck nice and the last p for. [ __ ] yeah should we have him take us. out. no yeah let's have you because you're a. guest of the episode okay so then what's. the uh. what's the thing because you say one we. always say thank you for being a bad. friend together. okay but i want you to kind of look in. your single and end it the way you want. to end it and then you have to say at.

the very end of whatever you're gonna. say thank you for being a bad friend. okay so thank you okay got it got it got. it. um okay i appreciate andrew i appreciate. uh you allowing me the chance to. fill in so i'm gonna fill you up uh. right after this. um rudy it was a pleasure to. be uh talked down to by you and also. andres. to be talked down to by you i will uh be. calling immigration. and um i just and wait how do we end it.

again. thank you for being a bad boy okay and. um of course as always i'd like to look. right in the camera and tell you that q. anon is still accepting numbers. cudinon is still accepting members and. um. uh uh uh that's all i have to say and uh. bobby bobby lee if you don't come back. i'm going to take your job yep um. because your people have been taking. mine so now we're taking yours. thank you for being a bad friend.

[Music]. i'm a guy right yeah and i work at like. a liquor store in new york. correct okay in harlem so yeah i'm i'm. logging out i'm. closing the store it's not a 24-hour. place right right so i'm locking. everything up right and it shows me like. just. walking with my backpack to my little. squaller house. i have a really i live in the basement. somewhere in chinatown.

you live in chinatown uh why does it. okay anyway. it just feels right i'm chinese for this. movie you're chinese. okay i'll be chinese i'll be black in. the middle we'll be right we'll ride it. right right right there you live in the. basement of a chinese chinese right so. you know and then it just shows me like. a little montage of me like. cooking some ramen right putting some. ramen right rat runs by right rub runs. right. right i'm buying a really rickety table. yeah right sitting there. i'm slurping on the ramen i'm watching. some something on tv the news or.

something right. gravity or tv right there's a cut scene. where i'm just kind of reading a book on. a mat. that's where i sleep on the floor yeah. i'm all set this guy. is so so sad right and then um i plug in. my iphone whenever i have a phone right. samsung samsung okay. you gotta be samsung all right samsung i. plug in my samsung chinatown. right right yeah um does it matter what. kind of tv i'm looking at or. toshiba.

toshiba yeah yeah um a tube tv no less. like an old tube not a flashlight. so i assume just by your thinking i'm. wearing a kimono. what else would you be wearing at your. house so just all right. all right kimono i have a sword a sword. and your hair is in a bun must be. and what's in it what's wrong what's. holding your hair up a chopstick. chopsticks that's correct.

oh you raised this [ __ ] all right come. on come on let's get back to where we. want to be. all right so i'm so you're for some. reason this is not a reason. for some reason i i'm wearing regular. clothes you're wearing regular clothes. at the liquor store but when i get home. there's got even more toasty where i put. the cookies. i put the chopsticks in my hair people. will love it people love it. i have a samsung tooshima. tv tv right right oh [ __ ] right so. you're slurping your dreams right when. you lay on your mat i lay on my.

bamboo bamboo man blue bat. yeah right and then i wake up right on. an island. you wake up you wake up crawling out of. sand crawling out of sand yes. naked butt naked butt naked yeah right. how about. i still have the chopsticks in my hair. [Music].