Don't Start Fake Wars with a Fake Person | Ep 297 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody, we got new merch and these I. mean this is this was a traumatic day in. my life. >> Yeah, it really was. >> When I fell over and I was bullied a. little bit online, but. from Andrew, but you know. >> No, I didn't. >> But this is Yeah, you laughed like a. hyena. But let me say something. We we. have it on a shirt now. And we have it. on a long sleeve, on a short sleeve like. that, and on this hoodie, which we. absolutely love. So, go to. badfriendsmerch.com to grab it. badfriendsmerch.com. You two are bad friends. These two.

idiots. White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. >> We're bad friends. [Music]. Dear Lord, thank you for the familiars. Thank you for the meal on my plate. I'm grateful to you. [Music]. Thank you, natives, for all of the land.

We gave you casinos, cut off your hands. Sorry about the smallpox. The things. that we gave you. The blanket was nice, but it full with. disease. [Laughter]. Sorry. Sorry, natives. Whoops, our bad.

>> Yeah. That's Thanksgiving. Sorry, natives. Whoopsie, our bad. We really did a lot of damage, and we. named our sports teams after your. leaders. Love Dances with Wolves. Love Last of the Mohicans. Favorite movies of all time. And Minnetonka shoes. Amen. >> Amen. >> Amen. >> Amen to that. >> Amen to that. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh we love them. You know, I you know, I um. I've collaborated with some natives in. my life. I really. >> Yeah, you did great on that show. >> enjoy I really enjoy. um the people. and the culture, and we want to say. thank you. >> We do love all of our native fans. We do. have a lot of native fans. We love Mong. I know that's not native, but yeah. >> is not native, but. >> I I understand I understand that, but we. do love them. >> We love the Mong people. >> Yeah, the Mong people. They're mountain. people. We love There isn't a group of.

people we don't like. >> Yeah. No, there's one. I What? You say it. first. No, we really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let me think of the thing. What. group of people don't we like? On the. count of three. One, two, three. Eskimos. Oh. What? >> What? What did you say? Jerks. >> Oh, jerks. Jerks. >> I said Eskimos. Oh, wow. Why don't you. like Eskimos? Their snowballs. They hurt so bad because you know what. they do is they. >> They hawk them. No, no, they they make. it, and then they overnight it freezes.

into an ice ball. >> Oh, yeah. And they really it's very. There he is. Come on, look at how cute. that guy is. >> They're the best. >> a girl? >> can't even tell. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> See, Eskimos, they were ahead of the. trend. >> Yeah. >> That's a gender That is a fluid person. It's a fluid person. Yeah. >> know who that is. >> Look at that nose. They love to kiss. with their nose. Eskimo kisses. Yeah, you want to do an. Eskimo kiss? [Laughter]. Merry Christmas. >> Merry Christmas. >> No, happy Thanksgiving.

>> Yeah. I mean, how do they tongue? I mean, and that's. it, right? There's no way to get more You know, cuz. when you're kissing, right? You can you know, you do close. mouth in the beginning. You kind of. figure out what their style is, and then. you dart in the tongue. And sometimes. you do you know what I mean? Like. washing machine. Dart in. >> Well, it's like wrestling. You got to. find a way you can't. >> yeah. How does that work now? What is that technique? It works. >> It's pretty good. Probably 10,000 times. I've done it. Mhm.

>> Right? >> Most of them have been with. >> with Eskimo How do you get more. you know what I mean? Intimate with it? Well, they have sex, bud. Am I'm just saying the kissing style. Oh, brother, I don't think Eskimo. actually. >> Maybe they they blow. Maybe they blow snot into the other. hole. That's actually smart. Yeah. >> I just saw Predator: Badlands. Dude, that movie, dude, last night? What. a movie. >> So good? So good. But the movie is cuz.

you you never watch you never watch the. movies I recommend. Like you never saw. Weapons. I couldn't. >> Why? I wasn't allowed. >> Yeah, yeah. It's rated R. Yeah, but um I. am not allowed to. >> Would you want Have you What What. Predator movies have you seen? >> The original. That's the only one? That's the only the best one. Did you. see Prey? No. Prey? Awesome. >> Incredible. Same director. >> I've only seen the original. You got to. watch Prey. You got to watch this. >> It's incredible. You saw it? >> Yeah. Incredible, right? >> So fun. >> you think it's about? Tell me. Predator:

Badlands. Well, give me a photo. Give me. an image and I I can tell you the story. Very easy. >> You're very good at this, by the way. >> This is probably one of my best. qualities. >> Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's go to Yeah, that one. That. photo. Oh, it's about immigration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Yeah, this is all about immigration. >> Yeah. But it's the reverse. Right. You know. what I mean? Because in this time, America's going real bad, and Mexico's. thriving, right? So. But Mexico's. >> Which Which one is the Mexican?

Fancy? Watch it. Fancy. Watch it, pal. >> Yeah. And right there you know where they are? El Paso right there. >> That's El Paso. >> Yeah, and they're trying to get into. Juarez. Right? Yeah, right. So he to make it easier, he. slices her in half. >> No, just rips her body off. >> Yeah, yeah. In half, right? >> Well, cuz that's probably easier to get. her across. >> Yeah. And her name is Karen for some. reason. Yeah, why? >> I don't know why, but her name is Karen. And she's like, you know what? Hey, Raul or uh yeah,

>> That's Raul. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever your name is, this is one of her lines. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, dude, I'm not like climbing any fences. Okay? I'm not going to go in any body of. water. Find a way. Is that El Fanning? Yeah, she's great at it. This girl is so. [ __ ] good. She's so good. >> She's good in everything now. It's almost like her career has. flourished the most the last like 5. years, right? >> Completely unknown. She was killed in. >> Unbelievable. >> Unbelievable. And who And who's the. actor playing the Predator? Um. >> Is that Jacob Elordi again?

No, he's I've never seen him before, but. he's very good at it. See, here's the. problem. Look at Zoom in. Look at how. handsome this guy is, and they put him. in that mask. Right. >> don't even get to see how handsome he. is. Yeah. >> So pick an ugly guy for that. This is my. problem with Hollywood. Just tell an. algo do that. You can't give that to us. It's in a. mask. Well, you have to have the body. What do you No, you don't. What do you. mean? It's just a [ __ ] suit. No, he's. not wearing a I mean, he's wearing like. probably latex stuff on his arms. You're. telling me that's Let me see the full. body. You can see the armor behind him.

Can I give you the premise or not? Uh it's not about immigration, I guess. Is that what I was wrong? Yeah. I think. you're a little wrong. Yeah. I think the. premise of this is um. Predator. Okay. Be real. >> I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. So Predator. is. there's a new regime taking over, and he. is against it. He's like the renegade. And she is he falls in love with her. And he he's trying to protect her. because they're going to kill they're.

going to kill her. Cuz she's white. >> They're killing off all the Karens. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. The killing of the. Karens. And he loves her, and he says. the only way for this to work is if I. cut you in half. I'll reassemble you. later. Yeah. Because they need to think. you're dead, and now they're on the run. He's reassembled her, and they're and. they're on the run from the regime. Pretty close. Am I close? >> Nope. >> All right. What is it? What is it? Well, I do Should I be real about it? I. don't want to give any spoilers away. >> Well, you don't have to spoil it when. you give the premise of the movie. >> Give me the premise of the movie. Okay.

So he's you know, Here's what I like. about the movie, right? You never get. inside in terms of the culture of. whoever the Predators are, right? Do you. see the movie? I haven't seen it. >> yeah. >> like the original Predator. Right, you. just It's just the some alien who can. camouflage, you know what I mean? Cool. weapons, and they're difficult to kill. I mean, that's pretty much all the. Predator movies. And now in this you see. you know, the family dynamics. Uh of the.

Predator family. >> Yeah, of the Predator family, and it's. very North Korean, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Is he the young Is that young Predator? Like is he the baby of the family? >> He's the baby of the family, and because. he's smaller than all his brothers, right? >> He He's dating a white girl. [Laughter]. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, man, look at. Predator can't get himself a nice girl. >> he's gay. You know, all. all gay minorities have like this white. girl that's like sticking up for them. Oh, right. >> Yeah, like. >> Right. >> Yeah. The Yautja. It's It's called the.

Yautja. Yeah. And so. basically he's the runt, and the father. is like, he needs to die because he's a. shame on the family. Ah. >> Right? So. he the little Yautja goes, well, can I. go to this planet to kill that this. monster that no one can kill? Cuz they. they like to hunt. Right. >> And the father's like, you can't kill. that. He He doesn't. >> I'm afraid of it. >> Oh, wow. >> Right? And he goes to this. He goes to this planet, Badlands. I.

don't know what the planet's called. And. that's where the movie begins. >> And she's. she works for a corporation. Um She. works for like BlackRock? Yes, sort of. like BlackRock. But she's an you know, an Android, and she was split in half. from from the from that creature. >> a humanoid. She's half human, half No, she's fully Android. >> Oh, she's no human at all. >> There's no humans in the movie. Should. be. Hey, a really good movie. Um So it's worth it, though. Yeah, can. you do this cuz I just before I can get. I'm going to get this off my chest real. quick. Um.

can you stop um. telling me to send me send you my my. dead dead photos? What are you talking. about? I was in Mexico with some friends. >> Yeah, so at 1:00 in the morning, this. guy calls me. He goes, "Yo.". He goes, "Send me photos of your dead dad.". "Send me photos of your dead dad dad." I. go, "What? Why?" He's like, "My friends. want to see it.". I was telling the story. uh. I was telling the story of how this. podcast was kind of birthed and at the.

beginning what had happened with your. dad and how Daddy Why You Die became a. thing. >> Yeah. And then one of the guys was like, "That's crazy, though, the picture. thing." And he's and he was like, "That's not real, though." I was like, "That's very real." Yeah. And he was. like, "No." I go, "Okay." And I called. you. I was like, "Will you send me a. picture of your dead dad?" Yeah, and. they showed it to him. What happened? I. By By the way, this guy's a big star. Yeah. I sent it to everybody. Really? >> I AirDropped it to all of them. They all. have it. >> No. They're going to blow one up and put. it in their house. >> So, what um when you showed it to him, what happened?

I was king of the party for a couple. minutes. >> Yeah. Did they laugh or. >> Every- everyone was shocked. It wasn't. as funny as I thought it was going. Obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. funny. Well, the second photo of your. dad is weirder because it one of them is. like a selfie. with your dad, and the other one your. mom's crying, but you're. straightforward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not in that photo. The second one. you're in. Yeah, but that was like a um. camera setup with the timer thing. So. funny. >> I had to run around, which is always, you know, >> Imagine you set the timer and your dad's.

body moves a little bit and you're like, "Hold on, set it again.". Yeah, yeah. But the the the first one I sent you is. the most tragic one because right when. my dad dies, I catch my mom crying. And my brother's like he makes a face. that he's like. Yeah, he's in shock. >> Yeah, he's in shock. >> That's Steve shock. That's Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's a brutal photo. But I. like I like that you sent it and I. appreciate you. I I needed to show. everyone. >> You ruined whatever party you were at, I. think. >> Yeah. It was pretty bad. Nobody liked. it. [Laughter].

No, they loved it. No, they loved it. They thought it was funny. Yeah. Well, when I sent it to the Hudsons, they. didn't like it, remember? >> Well, that's weird they didn't like it. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I was in Mexico. You. got to show something fun in Mexico. We. were we were scared in Mexico. Right, right, right. >> Yeah. Yeah, yeah. >> Walking the streets of Mexico. Yeah. Late at night getting some. tacos. Mm. I love Mexico. Is it good tacos? So good. Tell me about. the tacos. Ugh. And and we had birra? Birra? Birra. Birra? What is that? And they.

were shaving it off in front of you. I. was like, "Oh god, dude, it was so. good." Oh, I love when they do that. >> shave it and the cheese is on top, so. they cut a little slice of cheese, throw. it in there. Yeah. The guy is was a. [ __ ] magician, and then the little. woman next to him was hand making. tortillas. Ugh, dude. >> It's so good. >> I love Mexico. >> my mouth is watering. It's so delicious. >> Yeah. Right off right off the spit. >> Right off the spit. That's the town? Spit, Mexico?

Where is it? It's called uh. No ice. No ice? No ice. Uh No ice? No ice. No. ice, Mexico? No ice. Yeah. No ice. It was called No Ice, Mexico. No, we were in Cabo. You're in Cabo. >> Cabo was fun. Yeah, it's fun. Cabo's so. [ __ ] rad. And it and it's actually I. haven't been in like a decade. Yeah. Loved. Really? >> Ugh, dude, I love Cabo. Yeah. Although. the ocean I went to Tulum. Tulum's. great. >> Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm always afraid. in a foreign countries um Why? Because.

they're they're going to steal my like. organs. I don't know why I have that fear, but. like I'm going to wake up. >> You look like them. They don't want you. I was going to say something like that. No, because you No, no, that's that's. not the right No, I'm going to I'm going. to argue against that. >> Like your liver's American. It has like. >> No, no, that No, I don't think that No, that's it No, no, no, no. I don't know. if they want your organs, man. Like in. Mexico, they'll be like, "Yo, hey, this. guy, you know, you know, he has same kind of body we. do. You know what I mean? You know, maybe. his liver will fit in Uncle Pedro's. body, you know what I mean? Yeah. >> But yours is like, "No, this one's going.

to be too big for Uncle Pedro.". >> Too big. Yeah. It's like five times more. too big. He's not going to be able to. get in there. He has a lump on the side. like, "Eh, something something with his. pancreas.". Yeah. They don't. >> I have a tumor, yeah. >> Yeah, but they're not going to $50 like, you know, 2,000. A couple grand. No, what? Yeah. My liver is 50 $50? >> Wait, his liver's worth way more than. mine. I have a bunch of alcohol running. through mine. They don't know that by. looking Well, he's got a GLP-1 in his, though. Yeah. You've got They'll lose. weight. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Take your. organs to lose weight? Yeah, there's.

benefits for my organs. >> On the black market, a human liver can. be worth anywhere from 50 grand to. 550,000. >> That's what I'm saying. Vote down below, fans. What's our liver worth? Yeah. Winner winner chicken dinner, we have. finally have a winner of The Great. British Baking Show this season. I. didn't see it. Finish it. I have two. more. Can I guess, though? >> Yeah, I'm excited for the guess. It's that tall, good-looking gay guy. Interesting. You know who I'm talking about? Of. course. Yeah. He's so cute. He looks.

like a surfer. But I'm not going to tell. you yes or no. Oh, you don't? Well, you want to know? It's either him. or the lady that has no hair. Okay. The. blo- the bald lady. She's not She's not bald. She has alopecia. She's not bald. But the She's not like a Midwest gal. >> have been a fashion thing. No, no, she. Well, she talks about it almost every. episode that she has alopecia. They very. clearly say it. They're very clear about. it every season. You just fast forward to the whole thing.

to get to the very end. That's the most important part. Right. So, I I I don't know of the backstory of. any of these people. Like, you know, they follow them back. Yeah, I'm not invested in that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but anyway, um is it either one of. those two? Is it? Maybe. I think so. Okay. Yeah. You're going to. find out in the next 2 days. I might not. watch it. Tell me. It's Jazz. That's. great. She's awesome. For the fans that.

are haven't watched it yet, too bad. Well, you know, this is my. This is my test show with dating. Oh, this show? What do you mean? So, you know, sometimes when the first time somebody. would spend the night at my house, it's. a test show. Right. I think you So, I'll. go I'll go, "Hey, you want to watch Bake. Off?" They're like, "What is it?". I go, "We're watching episodes of my. favorite shows.". And halfway through that, sometimes. they'll go. or they'll fall asleep. I can't do it. See, I when I was dating,

I put always put on American History X. That was my. That was your sleep WELL, I WAS ALWAYS. WHEN WHEN WHEN GIRLS WOULD COME OVER, I. GO, "What do you think?". And if they really got in, you know, then if they were into it. There's a. couple of movies I would show girls when. I was dating to make sure that they were. kind of like Mine's A Clockwork Orange. That's a good one. Very good. Yeah, American Psycho. Kind. of like some. easy watching stuff. Stuff that's like. Yeah. Do you like that? That is really. interesting when you start dating a. girl. What do you show her first to see. if she's on your wavelength of either.

music or film? I don't think girls like. that. Music and film? What the [ __ ] do you. mean? When guys are like, "You have to watch. these three things or I don't like you.". Well, no, it's I don't like you. You. don't say it. I know, BUT THEY KNOW. YOU'RE THEY KNOW you're doing it. NO, BUT IT'S NO, THEY DON'T. THEY KNOW. NO. NO. It's a test. I'm on gay Instagram. I. know this. No, no, no. Here's Here's the. thing. Here's Can I say? All right. It's. your show. Oh, okay. Thank you. I'm a I'm a. producer. All right. Damn, dude, he's tooty. fruity. You're tooty fruity but frooty.

You've got tooty fruity booty. Yeah, I. don't like it, dude. You're a little. meany weany. What's going on with you. today? I'm not meany. What happened this. morning? What did you do this morning? I I had a. bad night. A girl texted me last night. like, "I'm never talking to you again.". and all this stuff. I was like, "What. could have happened?" Like, did you. sleep with her? Yeah, that's probably what happened. No, she she texted me sex y or n, and I. wrote n, and then she got really mad, and 2 days later. Why n? Because I was watching um F1, and then. after that I watched Top Gun, and I.

didn't want to be interrupted. It was a. great race. No, no, no, the movie with Brad Pitt. I thought you were talking about F1 that. just ended. No, no, no, I was watching. movies, and I didn't want to deal with. it, and then a couple days later she. What I mean, you could Okay. Well, yeah, dude, I think the response I've done. that. The response is not n. The. response is. I would love to. I can't now. No, I lied and said I was out of town, and everything. It was a whole thing. You did like my grandma died again? I. said I was in Nashville partying. I made. like a really Can we go back to um. you? Again, it's your show. I'm only you.

know, I work I could tell he was. uh flustered, though. I did I I You want. to know the truth? I got extorted twice. in the past 5 weeks. What do you mean? Extorted. By whom? Once a gangster, and another a girl. Tell me the gangster extortion. I got a. call from a gangster, and he was like, "Give me all this money, or I'm going to. leak all this stuff about you online.". And then he texted me on WhatsApp saying. they're going to come to my house. I had. to call the police. It was a whole. thing. I think McConaughey knows. Yeah. Yeah, I called him. So, I was like, I. take like Xanax. I was like, freaking.

out. It was crazy. Oh, that's terrible. Burying the [ __ ] lead. Where the [ __ ]. was this the whole show? It's so real. It's too real. He don't want to talk. about it. Wait a minute. So, again, how. does somebody get your phone number? And. what do they have to leak about you? Like, do you have nudes? I thought I was. married still. No, I don't have nudes on. the internet or anything, or even on my. phone for this whole thing. And they. threatened to leak your information. The. word gangster is a little suspect. It's some troll or something. It was like a Mexican dude. Yakuza or. no? It was like a Mexican dude. IF YOU DON'T.

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY. If a Mexican dude. threatens to like harm you, that's a. gangster. Oh, so it was a Mexican dude. You heard his voice. Yeah, he like read. me my address and Well, give me the. voice. I'm not I can't do the voice. I'm. Mexican. Wow. All right. So, it was a. guy that you actually heard his voice. Yes. And he wouldn't let me hang up. It. was all the tells of someone trying to. So, you got three You got extorted by a. gangster, and then extorted by someone. else. I mean, you're so extortable. A. girl A girl I went out with 3 years ago. texted me a couple weeks ago saying with. like an Apple Pay request for like a.

couple grand and she was like, "Give me. this or I'm going to leak gossip about. you online." And I don't know what that. really means like One time um on. TigerBelly I said um black people are. oily. I remember that. >> Yeah, you remember that? I don't even. know what that means. I just said it, right? Yeah. And so then this black lady. uh um on my direct message is like, "If. you don't give me this amount of money, I'm going to put this out into the. world." I go, "I just said it on my. pod.".

You know what I mean? >> out. It's already out. Like what? They're trying to use what I said. already that I said out loud against me. I'm like, "It's already on the. internet.". >> Do you get Venmo requests? I do. Yeah. Yeah. You don't? >> your name on there. I don't put my name. on there. Oh, that's right. Yeah, on. Venmo you're like asking for them to ask. for money. Yeah. I read YOUR STORIES THOUGH. DOMINO'S, LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT? They. have stepped up their game. Well, they. got specialty pizzas. That's the big. thing. Yeah, I you know what?

That's my favorite word. Specialty or. pizza? Both. You like specialty pizza? Here's one. This is the spicy chicken. bacon ranch. Look at that thing. That's. got chicken. That's got jalapenos. That thing is so good, dude. And and. it's got mozzarella. 100% real mozz so. finished off with a drizzle of buffalo. sauce. You love buffalo sauce. What. about this? What about this one? What's. that? >> What about this? We have the. extravaganza. Extravaganza. And I already ate a piece. It was delicious. And what you know what.

what's in this, dude? Pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, and black olives all sandwiched between. two layers of provolone provolone and. cheese made with 100% real mozzarella. Dude, I'll have another bite. Why not? Do a full two over. Huh? Oh, yeah, BABY. OH, EXTRAVAGANZA. EXTRAVAGANZA. [Laughter]. UH THEY GOT THE SPICY CHICKEN BACON. RANCH, THE people's pizza deluxe, that. extravaganza, and the meatza. The meatza. pizza has all the meats you could ever. Let me guess. Pepperoni. Got it.

>> Ham. >> Got it. There's no way they have Italian. sausage as well. >> You better believe they have that and. beef and it's all sandwiched between two. layers of provolone and cheese made with. 100% REAL MOZZARELLA. PIZZA. PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA. Do you like pizza? We. know you do. We like pizza. And uh if. you're looking to order some pizza, you. got some friends over, you're watching. the game, or you're playing a video. game, or you're hanging out in the game. of life, so grab yourself some Domino's. DraftKings Sportsbook. Do you know what. the three T's of Thanksgiving are? No. Turkey for eating, table for gathering,

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description. Applies automatically at. checkout or use the code BADFRIENDS Use. it. 37% off one to two displates, 43%. off three to four displates, 46% off. five or more displates. Displate. Collect your passions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when they And they're long. Yes. My uncle Louie lost his toe, you know. what I mean? And he's now living in my. house. My kids haven't eaten two day I. mean it goes on and on. And I'll just. have like a like a moment, you know? >> Have you ever given money to a to a. stranger like that? But I'll have a.

moment and I'm like, "Ah.". Anyway. And I'll just talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But they're very sad and my heart. goes out to them. Why don't read the. requests? That's insane. Okay. You start. you're going to you cuz at some point. you might get you maybe you will get. suckered into doing it. >> Yeah. And who knows how honest that is. Yeah. See, to me, I remember as a kid, you know when someone's like. "Don't give that homeless guy money. He's [ __ ] going to use it for drugs. or whatever.". >> Mhm. And then the old joke is like, "I'm. going to use it for drugs or whatever.".

You know? Yeah. But I always give them. money because they're out there asking. If you have the balls to ask, I give you. some money. Yeah. But the internet. who knows if they're [ __ ] with you. Mhm. On the street it's like, "Yeah, dude, here. Have some [ __ ] money.". Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've. had ex-girlfriends. ask. for money? Yeah. What's the most amount. of money Yeah, that is Well, no, it's. not. It's not. >> They ask for money. They're just saying, "Can I have money?" But if they say, "Give me money or else.". >> Like girls I had seen like for 4 months. or whatever and it's like and they just.

it's they're just out you know, it's. tough out there. And that I that I I can't say no to. What's the most amount of money you've. given someone? >> Oh, not much. Like you know what I mean? Like an electrical bill. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually clever. I'll pay. your bill. Yeah, I'll pay your their. bill. >> you cash. No, no, I give I Venmo. whatever the electrical bill is. I don't. give them I don't. >> that for the electrical Whatever the. whatever the thing is. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, electrical bill is. such a random. You pay my trash, water, and power? Yeah. Remember I gave you head one time.

You owe me trash, water, power. You've. never So you've never loaned a stranger. money? I don't loan friends money either. You. don't? >> No, what I will do is give you money. It's not a loan. I refuse. And I learned. this years ago from an from an older. gentleman who said, "Don't ever loan. people money. You either give it to them. or you don't." Right. >> It doesn't It will not come back. It. should not come back. It does not exist. >> Yeah. So, do not loan. It'll ruin a. friendship. It will. Yeah. I would give a friend. money before I'd ever be like, "I want.

it back.". >> Yeah, you get one though. Yeah, you get. one. Yeah, you get one. >> be good. >> Yeah, it better be a good one. Yeah, yeah. Or I get people work. That's. If somebody says to me, "I need money.". I'll get them a job. I'll find them a. job to get them money. Yeah. Cuz then. it's easier to go, "How about I cook you. up with something that I'll give you. money?" Yeah. You know what I mean? I just did. I did a gig I didn't want to. [ __ ] do just so someone else would. get paid. I had this girl I it's too dark though. I can't tell. >> Give it Give it, please. >> There was this girl that I met. 25 years ago.

and she is she very hot. Mhm. But she's. like, "I need. money to um. I need money. I don't have any money." I. go, "You can clean my apartment.". So, she would once a week, twice a week. come over and clean my apartment. >> Oh, no. What? And you hooked up with her? Yeah. This is a Seinfeld episode. Yeah, then I. you know what I mean? One day I was. taking a nap while she was cleaning and. then I I wake up and she's literally in. my bed. And I'm like, "Oh my god, this is. amazing.". And then we started seeing each other. and then. months later she disappears.

>> Stopped cleaning, huh? What? Stopped. cleaning. What do you mean? When she. started sucking, she stopped cleaning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then uh Place was a mess. And then we get calls from her mom like, "Have you seen this person?". Are you being serious? >> I'm being serious. So, she went missing? >> She went missing. She cleaned herself out of existence. >> You weren't a suspect? What? You weren't. a suspect? >> No. You He He He suspect. No. Yeah, I. mean And then months after that I get a. call and they found her. in a in an abandoned house. I'm not.

kidding you. In a bathtub completely. naked with heroin holes all over her. arm. And she had OD'd. How dirty WAS YOUR. HOUSE? [Laughter]. SHE'D RATHER DO HEROIN. THAN CLEAN your [ __ ] house. Damn. You know Pauly's like pretending. to be mad at us. You know this whole. bit? It's [ __ ]. >> You should pretend like you're [ __ ]. mad at the guy. No, I'm not mad at him.

Cuz you don't. >> want to start a false war with A FALSE. PERSON. THAT'S AN OLD PROVERB MY DAD MY. grandfather used to tell me. Never start war with a fake person. Fake. person, yeah, yeah. Never start a fake. war with a fake person. Yeah, that. should be on everyone's wall. That's. right next to live, laugh, love. >> So, everyone listening, Pauly's trying. to start a fake war with us. There's no. tension. Okay. When we see No, this is. the this is the game we play. >> No, it's fine. I thought you wanted to. PLAY NO, WE'RE NOT PLAYING THE GAME. ALL. RIGHT, GO AHEAD. >> YEAH, YEAH. You never play with me. Now. this will start a real war with Pauly.

He'll be mad that you did this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, here's the deal, okay? I. don't know what he's trying to do, but. he's trying to start something we we're. not even aware of it. We don't Whenever. we see him, it's all hugs and kisses. >> a note from the book of uh Howie Howie. Mandel. >> Oh, Howie Mandel, yeah, yeah. Cuz Howie. loves this kind of [ __ ]. >> Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it. >> On Yeah, and then Mandel. the last time I saw him like 4 days ago. apologized profusely for the one of the. the the him waking me up incident. Oh, yeah. Did we talk about that, right?

Did we never talk about it on the show? No. Oh oh I'll tell everyone this is. what hap- This is my war with Howie. Mandel. This is real. >> not a war anymore. Inside still a little. Okay. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, I I did this. movie. it you know, and. um. it was like all the scenes are with me. and Howie. And a lot a lot of people are in it, but. um. and so um. >> It's Jim's movie, no? No. No. No, not. Karate Ghost. It's not Karate Ghost, no. I I'm so excited for that to come out.

Steve Howie's in it, KARATE GHOST. WHERE ARE YOU GUYS? OH, GOOD. PLEASE. STOP. SHOW YOURSELF. ALL RIGHT. ALL. RIGHT. SHOW YOURSELF. DID YOU FEEL THAT? All right. Go ahead. Anyway, um.

and so we're both chefs in in in this. movie. Anyway, um. so we're working all day. We're on every. [ __ ] scene. And also it was 2 days of. you KNOW. [Laughter]. WILL YOU STOP WITH THE KARATE GHOSTS, MAN? DON'T LOOK HAPPY ON SET. DID YOU hear something? That's a spoiler, man. Yeah. >> Stop that. Take it down. So, um.

2 days straight like 5:00 in the morning. call times and also me and Howie are in. every scene. And it's like we would wrap. like at midnight. It was [ __ ] tough. So, one the next. day. um we did like five scenes in a row all. day, which I'm not complaining. It's. just That's how movies are. It's just. long days. >> They're long days. And I and finally. somebody goes, "Listen, you're not in. the next couple of scenes, so you can. rest." And I was like whenever that they. say that I'm like, "Yes." I love that.

So, in the studio that we're at, there's. like this corner of this studio where. it's a kind of away from everything. And. there's like this long couch. Right? And I'm like. >> Yeah, and it's completely dark kind of, too. So, I'm like I I was eyeing it all. day. I was like, "That's where I'm going. to take my nap." Right? So, I you know, I curl up. and I fall asleep. Completely asleep. About 20 minutes later, I feel something. in my ear. Okay? And I'm like, you know.

you know, trying to Wax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I kind of look up. and there is a 90-year-old. background actress. Mhm. All right? She. has her bony. white finger inside my ear, dude. And I go, "What the fuck?" Right? And I. look at her. and then I look beyond her and there's. Howie Mandel with a camera.

shooting it. It's funny. It is? It's funny. It's insane, but it's. very funny. Right. Yeah, but it's not. okay. It's not okay. >> But it's very funny. So, I kind of get. up and go, "Lady, get the [ __ ] out of. here.". Right? >> That's not what you said to her. What. did I say? Cuz you called me. You said. "Who the [ __ ] Who are you?". >> mean yeah You were like, "Who the [ __ ]. are you?". >> [ __ ] are you? >> And Howie starts laughing. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she turns to him. to like validate. >> Validate that that he was his fault. Yeah, right. And so I look at Howie and I go, "Dude,

don't do that again, man. What the [ __ ] are you doing?" It's. insane. He said, "I We're I'm just. having fun. We're not laughing." You. know what I mean? Just a bit. Right? So, they all leave. Yeah. I go back to sleep. Right? Then I feel, right, my hand. is wet. and it's in warm water. [Music]. Okay? It's in warm water. Right? And then I open my eyes. Howie. Mandel has my hand in a bucket of warm.

water cuz he was trying to get me to pee. Yes. in my sleep. >> Yes. And I went ape [ __ ]. I went [ __ ] nuclear on him. >> It's very funny. I'm sorry. >> Yeah, I go, "Fuck you.". I'm never working with you again. I I I. went snap because I was so tired, right? And you know what I mean? And I just had. reached my breaking point. >> Blew up on Howie. To the point where in the next scene, the director had to come up to us and. go, "Hey, you guys okay? Because this. isn't working." Right. Like like you.

guys have to mend this. >> You sent me a photo and you look [ __ ]. super pissed. I was [ __ ] livid. There's a photo of him with Howie. I. don't know if you can find it. Howie. behind him. He didn't post it. Oh. Um He said he's got it in his phone. He. sent me a picture of him and Howie and. he looks. so funny. And Howie's like smiling and Bobby is so. [ __ ] mad, dude. >> I'm so mad, dude. It was hilarious. I am. sorry to laugh, but it was It. That last scene with him took forever.

And and the director kept coming out. like, "Guys, come on." I'm like, "Fuck. this guy.". And I'm also Let me just say this, too, okay? It's disappointing because as a kid. growing up. >> Bobby's World. I was a huge I I still. love him deeply. Yeah. But I'm a huge. Howie Mandel fan. Like I I can't even. believe that he calls me and stuff. Like. it you know, sometimes you you know, you've been fans of somebody and then. now they call you. >> Yeah. and you're just in awe of it.

Like, "Oh my god, I can't [ __ ]. believe. >> Yeah. so-and-so knows me." Yeah, it's. shocking. It's shocking, right? You have. all that in play, right? But then, you. know, once. that just goes out the window and now. he's just some old dude [ __ ] with. you. You right? And then. and it got to the point where after we. wrapped, you know how they go if people. don't know if you're if your last scene. in the movie. you know, the director goes, "All right, that was Bobby's last scene." Everyone. gives Wrap on Bobby and everyone claps. I [ __ ] hate it so much. I hate it,

too, right? It's so much. So, they do. it, but I grab my [ __ ] I don't say. anything to anybody. I just head right. out the door and then get in my car and. I [ __ ] drive away. The crew loved it. Yeah, they hated it. Yeah, I was really. [ __ ] But you weren't being mean to. the crew. You were so No, I was just so. livid. And then, you know, the repeated. texts. So, finally I ran into Howie. He. goes, "Hey, man, I owe you dinner." I. go, "We're good." Mhm. We're good. We. don't I don't want to have dinner with. you. You're going to bring a crazy old. lady and she's going to [ __ ]. throw food at me in the middle of it. I. mean, what would you have done? I mean,

I'm much more temperamental than you. That would have [ __ ] Look, the first. one I'd have been like, "Ha ha ha.". Yeah. Then the second one I'd have been. like, "Okay, I'm going to [ __ ] get. you back bad. I'm going to get you back [ __ ] bad.". >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I. probably would have smeared poop in his. trailer. Something fun like that. But you. right? I'm not. >> Oh, I would have loaded up. You you you. got mad and left. I would have loaded. up. I would have been preparing during. the day, how can I [ __ ] Yeah. you. know, can I can I slash his tires? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Can I really take it to the next level. that it shouldn't go to? Yeah, I went. Yeah, I mean, so I. it wasn't inappropriate my feelings. No, it was it was it was disrespectful of. how you also. you don't you know, there's an old rule. old world rule. You know the old world. rule. Tell me. >> You you don't you don't pester a. sleeping man. That's I've heard that from my. grandfather. Do not pester You don't. pester a sleeping man. You don't pester. a sleeping man. Don't start fake wars. with a fake person. And more importantly you don't pester a. sleeping man. You don't pester a.

sleeping man. Yeah, you don't. >> People are vulnerable when they're. sleeping. You don't do that. Yeah. >> to [ __ ] with me, I better be awake. It also It's not It's not I was. fatigued. You're tired from the show. You're. >> Yeah, and I was running on 2 hours of. sleep. I was like fatigued. >> Yeah. Yeah. That a 70-year-old man is. playing those games is so funny. That's. why it's funny. That's why Howie's a. funny guy. He's a funny guy, yeah. Because he will [ __ ] with you. But this. beef that that this beef that is being. had right now with you and Pauly is. fake. You don't like it. It's not that I.

don't like it. It's just that cuz when I. see him, it's like, "Dude." And we hug. and all that stuff, right? >> Yeah, you love him. I love him. But like. he's trying to start this thing I've. seen online and stuff. I don't know. anything about it. I got a missed call. from him, though. Probably this. Yeah, yeah. But he told. me he was like But we're not going to. bite. I you're not, but I was kind of willing. to have fun with it. But you I like that. you're like, "Fuck that.". >> Don't you think this is the best route? It's the one that you want to take, so. I'll be on there with Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll ride with you. >> What's the route that you wanted to. take?

I wanted to see a little fake war. between you guys. But it was with you, too. Nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Bad Friends. It wasn't just me. I. know, but he came up to me in the. parking lot and was like. "Think we should do something me and. Bobby." Yeah. Mad at him. No. You're not mad at him, either. That's. something that he would say mad that. way. Yeah. Mad at him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't I I I didn't know if. he had talked to you about it. That's. why I was curious. No, he was he's been. sweetie sweetie sweetie, yeah. He's one.

of the sweetest guys in [ __ ]. stand-up. But yeah, I'm not doing. I'll do I will do a war with Howie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's But he would. This is what he wants, though. That's the thing with Howie's mentality, you know what I mean? He thrives on this. [ __ ] He does. Yeah. I'm not biting. No. biting. >> Bill Burr Billy Corgan thing was he was. loving every minute of that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did, too. I thought that was. fascinating. >> It was fascinating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It. was brilliant. >> But I love to see Bill mad. See what he's the best at. He's the best. at. And Billy Corgan. Yeah, yeah. Well,

he was sheepish in that. Well, it was a. little He was like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I. didn't know.". >> It was a little unnerving. It was. unnerving, yeah. >> The whole thing was a little shaky. But. yeah, Howie. we're good. We're good. We're good. >> We're good. >> Yeah. Have you never been mad on a set. or no one's ever [ __ ] you like pissed. you off? I've made so many people mad. >> I had the last season of Dave, I had an. unfortunate. uh moment. It wasn't just me. Yeah. Um. the director.

I love this. The director. >> Tell me tell me tell me. I I wouldn't. mention her name or anything, but. we were shooting a scene outside. We. were like out in the countryside and it. was like a. crazy [ __ ] morning. Like nothing was. set up right. It was kind of whackadoo. And there was a lot of moving pieces, but it was also like a huge wide. For. people at home that want to know, usually shoot a wide and then you come. in close. It depends on the director's. style, but a lot of times you get this. big [ __ ] off wide, you get to warm up. and then you get to the scene and you. get really down to the nitty-gritty. You.

get really micro. Anyway, we're shooting this huge [ __ ]. wide and we're like walking through and. I'm like. we're walking through and then we go. behind this bus that we're on. And then we kind of we're chilling, but. it's me and nephew of the castmates and. so we're kind of [ __ ] through the. scene because you're never going to use. that shot for more than a quarter of a. tenth of a second. >> Yeah. So then we go around the bus and. we're all chatting. And she [ __ ]. loses it. We can [ __ ] hear you. This is the third [ __ ] time you guys. are talking through the [ __ ] thing.

and you're not even like a bunch of. children. When she called us children, that's when I was like, "Hey hey hey hey. hey hey.". I was like. I was like, "You're crazy out of. pocket.". >> Yeah. I'm a [ __ ] adult male. You. don't talk to anybody like that. She was. losing her cool and also because the. episode was kind of not the way they. wanted it to go. Mhm. And I was like, "This isn't our fault." She was So then. me, I'm not naming people, and the two. other castmates were like, "You got it.".

"You got it.". >> Yeah. Then the the rest of that scene. was even harder for her because I was. giving nothing. You were pissed. >> Ah yeah. I was like, "Oh, you think. that's Oh, you think that's annoying? Wait till you see what we do in the next. one. When you get tighter." Yeah. Just. wait. Wow. >> 30 of them now. Wow. >> You going to treat me like a [ __ ]. kid? That's crazy. I'm a grown-up. Just. be like, "Hey you guys, we can hear. you." She lost her [ __ ] cool and. subsequently, you know, haven't heard from her in a while.

I don't think she's going to work. Yeah. She lost her cool and the whole. crew was like, "What the [ __ ] was that?". Like the whole crew was like. because what you do is you bring down. the energy of the thing. It was like, "Why are you doing that?" Then you're. Cuz all the crew guys are like, you. know, like the sound guy was like. Yeah. >> Like, "What's that about?". >> Yeah. So then everyone's in a weird mood. like, "Why are you being that way? You're just blowing up on people because. you're upset about something." So. But can you do what Daniel Dae Kim does? Be Asian? >> No no no no. Daniel Dae Kim Dae Kim told.

me about he was on a set once where the. director was the first day and goes, "Hey man, you're 30 minutes late.". Screams at him. Yeah. But he wasn't. late. He was on time. Yeah, so Daniel. pulled him aside and he go, "Hey man, don't talk to me like that.". >> I love that. >> Yeah. Why can't we do that? >> Daniel Dae Kim. >> Oh, that's right. >> Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, you. can though. You're Daniel Santino. Oh, what? What's going on here? What's up, dude? Who are you, dude? Damn, dude, you ordered that much? Yeah.

Take a seat. You want to sit down or Oh. yeah, for sure. Hey man. I have a idea for you, Bob. If you want. any more pizza. >> Bob now? Shopify. We have an online business here. at Bad Friends. We only use the best, we. use Shopify. >> Shopify because Shopify's point of sale. system is a unified command center for. your retail business. It brings together. in-store and online operations, boom, as. one across up TO 1,000 LOCATIONS. >> IMAGINE being able to guarantee that.

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today. >> rocketmoney.com/badfriends. So what's your last name again? Mr. Mr. Lee. >> That's Bobby Lee. >> Bobby Lee, yeah. Yes, what's your name? Get comfortable, man. Yes, thanks. What's your name? Uh. Zach Townsend. Mhm. You're a great. comic. >> What's going on here? Great comic. I got. it I got a business idea for you guys. though. Okay. What is this? Can I pitch. it to you? This is going to get me out. of the hole. Okay. Chat EBT.

And be Okay. I love it. >> Before you. >> Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Explain to me Chat. EBT. It's not what you're probably. thinking. This is I know exactly what it. is. It's not It's It's Chat EBT FOR. BLACK PEOPLE. YEAH. YEAH. HOW DOES THAT WORK? >> THAT WORK? >> So basically you like ask. >> Well, it doesn't work. It could be working. That's why Snap got. taken away. It's not working right now, but it Basically you ask it a question.

and then it just says, "Oh hell no.". Oh, I see. >> Yeah. So what do you think? >> Well, it's a really good idea. >> That's a great idea. >> Is it AI or. Uh Allen Iverson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that Allen Iverson? Is that. Allen Iverson? Oh wow, you got him. Yeah, we got it all. I mean I I deal. with them. I'm good. We can go tomorrow. It's Allen Iverson, dude. You want a. piece of pizza? It looks like you got a. lot there. Yeah, too many boxes maybe? It's probably blocking your face. Just. put it off to the side. Yeah yeah. >> This is my favorite part. I knew he was. going to look at one right away. Yeah, well there's more in there. There's different kinds. I like this.

kind. I have some pepperoni if you want. some. I've seen that movie before. I'm not I'm. not biting. Ladies and gentlemen, uh. Bad Friends family. Bad Friends family, this is our good. friend Zach Townsend, great comedian. Great comic. uh who. >> Hello everybody. who opened for me for a. little while. What happened? Wait. Yeah, wait. What happened? He started closing. Oh, you're a headliner. That guy's a. headliner. Yeah. Well, can't open. anymore when you're closing. You know what I mean? You know your. people that run those stores, right? You. can't close if it's open. You can't open.

if it's closed. Yeah. Zach is a phenomenal comic. Nashville. Although It is a good excuse. what if you don't want somebody to open. for you you you. pull them aside. You're a headliner now. Yeah, this. This is the first I'm here. I thought I. was still opening. This pizza thing was a bit, but I think. this might actually work. Well, I figured you're going to go. hungry for a little while. So I was. like, "To give that man some pizzas.". Who opens for you now? Anybody but Zach.

>> Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. I heard Cat Bird. got a little thing from you. Cat Bird, we did take down. >> Cat Bird was awesome. Yeah, we did. Was. that. Oh, you did Brea last weekend? Idiot. Yeah, we did. Oh yeah. Yeah, we did Brea. and I took Cat Bird and and uh Zach. And. Zach came. Zach's Zach's Zach. >> How How was Cat? Zach, yeah. Zach, yeah. Z A C. What? Z Z A C. Yeah. >> Zach. I got to change your contact in my. phone. Uh Zach and Cat went down. Then Davante. Coleman comes with me when he can. When. he's not, you know, Yeah. >> blowing up. This guy. This guy just came from Tell them what. you just did. I just did.

Come on, tell it tell it to him the way. you told me. I just did. No, I just did. I just DID COMICS UNLEASHED. WHY WHY you I'd rather WORK AT DOMINO'S. [Laughter]. WOW. UH HOW WAS UH BYRON? He's great. >> for people that don't know, it's a. comedic institution. It's been around. for It's got to be 20 years. I mean, right? How long has it been on TV? >> Dude, I was for a while. >> Forever. Yeah. I mean, genuinely look it. up how long has it been on. But Byron. Allen has been running the show. It's a. round table of comics on couches and.

they you know, you pitch your jokes and. you get to run your bits. Mhm. Uh it's. been on for 19 years. I I was right. there. I said. >> Who was on it with you today? It was Guy. Torry from American History X. >> Guy so much. >> yeah. He's an old friend of mine. >> Good guy. Yeah. I actually opened for. him a couple times in Nashville. Well, maybe you can open for him again cuz I'm. done with you. Who else? Um and then two other people I. don't remember their names, but they're. they're nice. They'll be real. They No, they're nice. >> know their names, really? >> I really don't know their Um one of them. was like Lori something and then the. other guy was he had gray hair. Mhm.

>> gray hair. Gray hair. Yeah, gray hair. comedian gray hair. >> Hair. Wait, didn't Cat film with you? Wasn't she going to film? >> She We all did different ones, but she. she's filming today, I'm pretty sure. Those guys, you know they do Did you. ever do Comics Unleashed? I've been asked. I never did it. It was. we we Bob didn't have enough bits. We're. the only headliners that have never I. didn't have enough what? Nothing. nothing. No, say it. Say it. Say it. I said Bob didn't have. enough bits to do it. I was just joking. I was. Dude, the look the look of anger with a. little bit of pizza on your mouth.

[ __ ] perfect. You know, can I be. honest? Hit him hard. I don't give a [ __ ] He's not my He's. not my [ __ ] That hit me so hard, dude. Yeah. Like it's a destroyer of friends. >> Well, then why don't you go on Comics. Unleashed and prove him wrong? >> Right. You could prove him wrong. >> Good one. [Laughter]. Why didn't you do it? I didn't feel That's not a format for. me. Me either. Me either, if I'm being. honest. There was never a point in my. career that I thought I was going to be.

good on that show. Yes, I never did late night. I only did. Conan. No, Conan was the only one I wanted to. do because I loved Conan. And I always wanted to do Letterman, but. by the time I had the balls put. together, Letterman was gone. And so Conan was my hero. I wanted to. Conan. I got on Conan and then they were. like, "Why don't you want to do other. late night?" I was like, "How much more. [ __ ] are you going to [ __ ] open?". How much more [ __ ] [ __ ] are you going. to open? We have one more. We do have one more. Let's hear it. Let's hear yours, Fancy.

[Laughter]. Yeah, thank you. Right in the mic. God, these guys This is how. unprofessional this show is. They don't. know to turn their mic down when they're. doing some dumb [ __ ] like that. Well, Conan. But he'll do that for you. He'll come. running like a little pipsqueak that he. is. Get go. Get going. Get going, you. son. God, I love that kid. >> He's the best. >> He is my favorite. No, but I only wanted. to do Conan and then when they asked do. the other ones, I thought I'm going to. bomb on that show. Did you bomb? Oh,

yeah. I ate Yeah, I ate I ate a hard I. was telling my Conan outside. I did like. three black jokes. I did like three. black I I'm surprised he even let me do. them. Do them. Here, let me hear them. Well, give me the premise. I can Do I. know Cuz you know I Yeah, I did Well, the one that you know that you like. Um the the we're the only ones who know. how to whisper. >> Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And then they then him and Guy Tori were. like I think I don't think they like got. offended, but they were like I made a. joke about like I said I have a lot of. black friends you could tell by my. shoes. And after the joke, they were.

like, "Man, you really got That ain't. black people friend shoes, you know?". Yeah, it is. That's. They onked on me. They onked They onked. They onked They onked me hard. >> onked. Yeah, they're like. >> no white guy that wears Air Force Ones. Every white guy that wears Air Force. Ones is friends with black people. It's. It's almost a requirement when you buy. them at Foot Locker. They're like, "Let me see your phone.". And you got to show them how many black. friends you have. And your phone's dead. And you're like, "Can I charge my. phone?" They're like, "You definitely. got black friends.". WHAT WHAT IS THAT? CRICKET? YOU GOOD? WHY DID YOU do it? Um cuz I'm I'm just.

trying to say yes to a lot of things. >> Oh, that's good. >> Yeah. Yeah. is a great comic and he. needs more credits and the internet now. is [ __ ] flooded with a billion comics. doing every clip and then he needs to. [ __ ] be a part of the system like. everything else. This is a credit, right? It's a huge credit. We're going to cut you. >> it is. I think No no no no no no no. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, Fancy. >> No bits. I was kidding. I'm a huge fan. >> Yeah yeah yeah. Wait, give me give me the other jokes. you told. Do it. Do them. Just so we can. hear them. Oh, I did um I said one about.

like I think true crime. Like you know, cuz it has to be clean, too. So, it can't be as good as But I. said like, you know, I think white. crimes get investigated a little bit. harder than black crimes, you know? Just. based off the names they name these. things. Like a white woman will go. missing and they'll they'll call it like. the 12-year disappearance of Sarah. And like a black guy gets murdered and. they're just like the first 48 hours, you know? That's a great joke. >> They wrap it up quick. >> Yeah yeah. He liked that one. Byron. liked that one. Yeah. >> Yeah, but yeah I I he didn't like the. the black people.

>> Do the other one now. I said I talked to. one of my black friends was telling me. I was chatting with you today. This is. all. I'm just doing I'm like Nick DiPaolo. now. I'm. Do it, Nick. Um I I said. um. I have a lot of black friends if you. can't tell by My black friend told me. the other day he said, "I don't trust. white people cuz they're always telling. secrets." And I was like, "I don't agree. with that statement at all, you know? I. just think we're the only race that. knows how to whisper.". [Laughter]. It's a fantastic joke. >> good joke. >> And they pushed back on that? No, I mean.

he just kind of like they were kind of. going after my shoes and it felt like. maybe that one. Did you go Did you fire. back at all? A little bit. Mhm. >> Yeah. I said it. You said the N-word. No. no no no no. I said stop. >> Stop. Guys, Uh a little bit. It's not as It's not It. wasn't as nerve as as I thought I was. going to be. >> Mhm. Yeah. Well, no, because you I mean, at some point you know you got the If. you have all the weapons, you're like, "Well, I'm just going to swing and then. hopefully they hit." And it's a live. audience? Yeah. Yeah. Are they alive? I. don't know. I was like looking at some.

of them like these some of these people. might be AI for real. Like they're. Probably a lot of tweakers. The reason. why I don't like these types of shows is. is that it's so it's not organic, right? It's like. you mean what What are you going to say. so I can lead up to It's so it's the. conversation is so fake and. >> that's every prompt on late night. They. do the same thing. They prompt you. >> Well, that's why I've never done them. I. You know what I mean? Yeah, I I I just. can't do it. Right. It's a It's an old. It's an old format. Yeah. But it's a Car. Carson did it. It was the way that. [ __ ] Carson set up his show, too. I.

mean, there was way more improv back. then. >> Mhm. But also there's a lot of dead air. If you watch old Carson, there's an. awful lot of [ __ ] dead air. Wouldn't. fly today. Yeah. Like, you know, it. there's moments of gaps where you're. like, "Ooh, this is like valuable TV. time." Yeah. But they need the prompts. to keep the thing moving. I mean, Byron. Allen. this guy Talk about proving all those. conspiracy theories wrong. He bought the. weather. Right? Yeah. He bought the. weather, yeah. >> The J's con Yeah, the J's control it, but he bought it. Yeah. They must have. some sort of mutual agreement, right? Yeah. He distribute the J's The J's own.

it, but he distributes it. Wow. Okay, Byron. Next week it's GOING. TO RAIN. IT'S MY COMPANY. I CAN MAKE IT RAIN IF I. WANT TO. He acquired the Weather Channel. Byron. Allen bought the Weather Channel a $300. million deal in 2018. Wow. And by the. way, this guy's got $300 million to buy. the [ __ ] Weather Channel. He paid. this guy like $48 to go on TV today. >> Wow. What did they give you for those? What did they give you for those live. shows? >> They gave me a couple hundred bucks. It. wasn't a thousand, but it wasn't It.

wasn't 500. >> Even my We're at my house. Even my wife. is like, "$200?". Real You can't They That's what they. give you? I was like, "TV's dead." Yeah. >> They're killing everyone. They're not. giving anyone any money to do this. >> even sure what it Is it I don't even. know if Comics Unleashed might be on the. Weather Channel. I don't know. I don't even know. They didn't tell me. like what network it's going to air on. >> side by side with a [ __ ] Doppler. a Doppler alert. That's nice, though. That's nice that you got that under your. belt. That's first literal TV credit. >> First literal TV credit, yep. >> up for the boy, huh? >> Come on. Let's.

Bobby's still fuming from the bits line. Oh, no. I. No. >> Yeah, you are. I love it. Just tell him. you are. Tell him you hate it. Yeah. No, I He always tries to hit me whenever No, you No. I give you gentle touches. Yeah, on the pe- on the pee on the pee. The other night when I saw you at the. store I did side. side gentle touches on your side. No? Yeah. Yeah, but you're always I. don't know you're squirming You In your. mind you think that I'm going to do. something nefarious. I think you're. really strong. >> Yeah. I am very strong. >> I know. >> Yeah yeah yeah. That's why I don't like. >> that uh strength.

Yeah, I got that strength. Yeah yeah. yeah. Yeah, but we always one extra chromosome. >> And I. I will defeat all of you. With a one. And then. fight it out. You don't start the Karate Kid. >> The peanut butter falcon. Hey, God. I like it. >> Peanut butter falcon. Yeah. Who Who books the um How do you get the.

show? On my manage my management. >> Facebook. Uh. Answer an ad on [ __ ] Facebook. They. just put you on that thing. Yeah. You. got bits? [Laughter]. We should do it. What? We should do it. together. >> There's no way. Why? I don't want to do. it. >> be fun. We could make the request. It. would have to be just me, you, and. Byron. And they would Why would they not do. that? They'd be so funny. That would be. awesome. You're doing like Family Feud. style and get like two more like Bad. Friends and Jason and just do all four. of you guys. I think that'd be fun.

Yeah. You could do all you guys. Don't. bring up Family Feud. We lost a Flavor. Flav. To this day. If you If you were asked to. do Family Feud, We We did it. No, but it. was my family. Oh, that Well, rub it in. No, but No, but they they're going to. ask you, Santino, right? Would I be a. part of your five? No. You know how mad I'd be if I wasn't in. the five? >> He wants to win. Well, you didn't get many answers right. I'm going for skill. I got tactics. >> Who would be on your family? Dude, imagine. Who would they put me up.

against, by the way? They put you up. against Flavor Flav. So, they're doing. like who they think. Yeah yeah YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT WHAT. IS IT ABOUT? THEY'RE I'M I'm Asian. Flavor Flav? Dude, they're in the. meeting room. They're like, "All right, check it out. Yeah yeah. Who's Bobby. Lee's perfect counterpart? Who's like. Who's like a black Bobby Lee? Yeah yeah. They're like, "Flavor Flav." Yeah. Who. would I have as my family? It would be. me, you, my sister, my wife My mom or my dad wouldn't want.

to do it. Maybe my dad. My sister would. definitely. Me, you, my sister, >> Yeah. um. Who would be really good? See, I'd be. tactical. You weren't tactical. What do you mean? I chose the wrong. person. Esther. Me, you, my sister, Raul, my landscaper. Mhm. That'd be. funny. >> He's [ __ ] amazing. No, he's so funny. >> That'd be so funny. Raul and um.

Brian Holtzman. Just cuz I feel like him and Steve would. have a battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holtzman would be funny. >> And hilarious. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be so funny to. watch him scream at Steve Harvey. I. mean, they would [ __ ] hate each. other. That's like two opposite. energies. >> Yeah. I would next time I do it, if I. ever do it, I would I would choose the. team that would win. Yeah, we will. We'll get a little team. together. I know, they're never going to. ask me. I'm with you. I'm your plus one. They don't want me. They're going to ask.

you. >> They don't want me. Please ask them. Cuz I need redemption. I'd rather go on I'd rather go on Wheel. of Fortune. Oh, I'd be bad at that game. What? You. guess letters. >> I I'm not good at it. [ __ ] easiest game. It's not Jeopardy. >> Yeah. Zack's got one more day here in. Los Angeles. We sent him around. We did. almost everything with the boy. Yeah. Then he goes back to Nashville. To his girlfriend who he loves. Mhm. Yeah. Just got him Just got himself a. new house. Yeah. >> house. Thanks, Bob. Amazing. You did it. You helped. Huh. Yeah. I extorted money.

from you, Carlos. I'm the Mexican. gangster. >> Oh, I see. Yeah, you better buy me a. opener a [ __ ] house, eh? And your girlfriend lives with you? Yeah. Yeah. I would hope so. They bought. a house together. Oh, together? She's. paying for some of the mortgage? >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why we're doing. it. This is a life This is This is a. life partner. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Unless yeah. Yeah. I mean, how long have. you been dating? >> Unless she finds out what I did in my uh. Comics Unleashed trailer. Yeah. But how long I mean, how long have you. been dating with her for? Like three. three years. >> Okay, that's a good enough time. Yeah.

She's red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's She's. very good looking. She's cool. She's. smart. She's way better than Zack. It's. one of those things where it's annoying. when you're like, "Oh, the partner is. more superior." But Mhm. And then you. sometimes wonder. is he holding her hostage? Yeah, he's Shrek-ing. Yeah. You're Shrek-ing. >> Yeah, you're Shrek-ing hard. A new. slang? A new slang term for the dating. trend of intentionally dating someone. you consider to be less attractive than. yourself, hoping they'll treat you. better. >> All right, yeah. That's pretty spot on. I'm not. [Laughter]. That's actually like That's almost like.

whoever made this knows me and my. girlfriend. So, what's what's your dream here? What do you What do you want out of this. business? I want to I want him out of the. business. I'll tell you that. What is. it? Uh I just to be as successful as you. guys, really. MHM. >> YEAH. NEVER. YEAH, SHOOT FOR THE MOON, RIGHT? AND IF. not Was that a Was that a shot? He does this all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell Let me tell you. something, pal.

Let me tell you something, pal. Mhm. We have your replacement. We casted him. The fans answered. >> He was a hit. >> He was a hit. He was a star. >> not a hit? Yes. >> Yeah, yeah. And he's a hit, and you're a what? What? You're a lump. A miss. A miss. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, you're a hit. I love you. Don't. I Stop. Stop. Stop. It goes bump in the night. Karate Ghost is coming this fall. Do we.

know when it comes out? No, I don't. know. Do Karate Ghost release date. Wait, what is this? He's in a movie. called Karate Ghost. It's going to be. awesome. January 31st, 2023. It already. came out. Yeah. Oh, are you We filmed it after it. came out. That's how good the movie was. It came out. >> another Karate Ghost? How? There can't be. How on [ __ ]. earth is there more than one? >> Karate We We DID THE REMAKE?

HERE'S THE ONE YOU'RE in with Belushi. Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate. law, the film watches a lonely teen form. an unlikely bond with the ghost of his. late father's favorite action hero. >> Yeah. Are you You're just a local. You're not one of the Are you the ghost? No, no, no. I play a sensei. And that's why Yeah, I know. And that's. why the question you just asked me 5. minutes ago. >> Yeah. Who was it? Daniel Dae Kim? >> Yeah. That's why we are not Daniel Dae. Kim. >> I know. Because you played a sensei.

>> And I'm in the magic movie for four. heartbeats. They make me disappear. Yeah. Zack, uh. close out the show by saying thanks for. being a bad friend into your camera. Thanks for being a bad friend, everybody. Duh. That was terrible. Hey, everybody. Thanks for being a bad friend. [Music].