Dingle Flicker Doggystyle | Ep 106 | Bad Friends
hey bad friends i'm at the irvine improv. march 18th and 19th and then at the end. of the month i'm in vegas baby at the. win in las vegas we also added a bunch. of new dates dallas i'm coming to dallas. i'm going to hawaii i'll be in niagara. falls as well all that stuff is gonna be. posted up on andrewsantino.com andrew. santino.com you two are bad friends who. are these two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. or something we're bad friends.
a deer a female deer sound of music. is my joke a drop of golden sun i don't. give a [ __ ] it's white and it's me the. name i call myself. [Music]. and like the.
all the innocence but the song's. beautiful. you know it's the song. what is it a flower right edelweiss yeah. yeah it's a white flower do you have one. all over my hair. i know you do it it's disgusting stop it. you put product what do you mean product. like goop like mousse and hairspray i. don't put product in my. if anything when i go to my get my. haircut they do a what you may call it. uh yeah uh uh uh uh pomade oh pomade.
i do toncho you know what tancho is no. oh you know what tancho is no that's. some japanese [ __ ] tancho. look up tancho see that stick right. there yeah what does it do so that's. toncho. right so a lot it says it's high grade. vegetable what yeah so a lot of. hair and makeup people in shows oh. pomade yeah that's what i just said i.
use no but. will you listen. tancho wasn't originally for the hair. what was it for. the armpit i heard. it was for b.o yes did it smell good it. was deodorant no it smells chinese yeah. you know. [Laughter]. so no. do you use deodorant. no i don't sweat do you know what's. funny i stopped using deodorant and i. sweat less and i smell less. what do you mean this is crazy dude. somebody told me that there's aluminum. in most deodorants yeah do you know this. and it's really [ __ ] bad for you yeah.
and what it does is it can clog your. pores and it makes you smell worse so. when you sweat yeah sometimes it makes. it stink worse so i was like all right. i'll stop using it and i just would. shower more often clean out my armpits. more now i don't wear deodorant it. doesn't smell at all. even when i sweat it smells like skin i. don't my armpits don't smell yeah but. every white girlfriend i've ever had. wha what. has a smell. that i don't like bologna. it's like. beef gravy.
my mouth just got watery i only dated. one asian girl. really what does it smell like. just what did it smell like oddly enough. yeah beef gravy. does she smell it at all in any way. no yeah like what. her dorm room did uh-huh like what. [Laughter]. zoom in on me.
dry seaweed. [Laughter]. no she was a ucla grad student yeah and. we and we we used to hook up in her dorm. that her daddy bought her really she had. one of like a nice arms i just moved to. la i met her through my old roommate. and she was living in like the. the fancy rich dorms. and i remember i couldn't afford parking. i made her pay for my parking. i was so broke i was 22. oh wow wow and. i was like i don't have enough money she.
was full huh she was full asian or she. was half. you know i can't tell. yeah you can i can't you could be half. and i wouldn't know yeah. dude obviously i'm full you could be. half. boys. there's no one who wouldn't say that i. was half nose no one's ever walked up. hey are you half white check it out like. this yeah because you're not hot enough. because the halfs are hot that's what. i'm saying yeah but i think you're a. pretty boy and you could be half to me. no like you've got your skin is light. enough if my dad was white.
he wouldn't beat me i don't think it's. hard. you think you would yeah especially even. an asian wife yeah but with belts oh. yeah yeah you guys love belts yeah get. over here but then it's like you whip. them and then you have to put it back in. the loops of the pants imagine yeah yeah. yeah. and you missed it and when you miss a. loop how embarrassing right i beat you. and then i miss a loop and then your dad. goes to work and like how come you're. missing live i used to i beat my kid. this morning and they all go me too and. they all show off. the missing loops yeah i think that if i. had a white dad i would look like tony.
thornburg. who. my favorite male. model who's tony thornberg my favorite. male model let's bring up this pro. he looks like steve aoki kinda okay. right there looks like just like. all right so that right there. is no go to the go to a like that. good morning. i just if i said good morning like that. just [ __ ] juice squirting in my face. like a spray. see you idolize men who are femme you.
like femme men that's not femme dude. that's the [ __ ]. erotica 1.1 that's fem as [ __ ] this dude. is femme as [ __ ] dude all the boys are. nodding. suck it this guy is. beta femme. you know why i you know who i idolize. what guys guys yeah i know what's your. guy harrison four our other hairs. this is who i want to be yeah yeah. yeah yeah. old racist angry. [Laughter].
yeah but if i was mixed i would look. better wait what did he say he called. president trump son of. yes harrison ford's so cool son of a. [ __ ] son of a [ __ ] trump harrison. ford's like this he's always out of. breath he's like. give me the goddamn box. i love harrison [ __ ] ford that guy's. the boss i like him i like clint. eastwood i like guys guys. yeah i like harris you know why i like. harrison huh. because apparently he doesn't like he'll. like look at the a line in a movie. because i'm not saying that love that. and he'll just he says it in his own way.
that's why if you watch a harrison form. all the lines are. very simple and direct. yeah they're they're sure there's not a. lot of fodder yeah yeah no fat yeah and. he's you know he's at that level where. he's like i'm not saying that if you and. i have to say it we not only have to say. it but they give us alts and they we. have to do all the alts right. no matter what the line is nope yeah i. mean have to say it yeah rape good yeah. yeah or whatever you're like i don't. wanna say rape good yeah yeah they're. like say it yeah you gotta yeah sorkin.
aaron what does this aaron stork was. like say it aaron jorgen hands me a. script i'm like oh aaron i. he's like you got to say it i'm like. yeah. i have to say the goddamn blacks are. coming i don't want to say that let me. ask you something i've been thinking. about i don't know i i want to know you. better huh. yeah. yeah. and i want to talk to you. not as a comedian. but like we um. are in some sort of. group. a a yeah something like that are you.
asking me to go to aaah no no you don't. have an alcoholic no but i i am. maybe. a little bit a little bit yeah can't. there be levels yeah there is what am i. i'm a function you're not doc. so you know you're here doc's here we. have to send him away we have to send. him away a little bit he's got to go to. rehab. i there might be an intervention should. we do it on the show because i'm going. to let everyone know. might as um. this is the second time we're doing this.
podcast well we're doing it the next. morning he got a little saucy and um he. interrupts a lot a lot yeah and um we. just kind of went let's just do it. tomorrow let's take a timeout we took a. time out so we recently we love doc you. love him today he's gonna be back he's. gonna be back we just yeah we love him. we needed to reset today yeah but let me. let me get to know you better um. i don't know certain things i don't know. if. you believe in god i do believe in i. believe in a a higher being. really yes but i don't it's not biblical.
it's not biblical at all so i think it. was a book written by a couple of guys. do you believe in god because you have a. fear of death or do you really believe. no no i believe stop saying god. okay i believe in what else do you call. it i don't call it anything wonder man. wonderment yeah no cloud no wonderment. and an old jewish guy yeah yeah clyde. wunderman hello i'm mr wunderman. hello it's me morty wonderman i'm your. god. welcome to heaven.
no i believe in a being yeah. i believe in a a thing a spirit a. presence and energy that is larger than. we can wrap our [ __ ] minute brains. around. and i don't think it's a man i. definitely don't think it's a human form. the idea that we think that's a that. that's a human it's like a guy like us. but a bigger one is bonkers it's batshit. crazy to me. i think it's a being it's it's it's it's. space it's time it's energy i think it's. all these things but we can't. encapsulate it we like to view it as a.
guy because it helps us uh you know make. sense of it but no it's not a person. it's a [ __ ] and you believe in like a. heaven when you die. i believe no i don't think you go to a. [ __ ] cloudy place where p you know. where like. they're playing there's the piano being. played. so you and i can do good friends in. heaven. we should go to hell and do better. yeah. yeah the devil is like suck each other's. jacks and we're like you got it. we get way better guests way better. guests in hell are you kidding me in.
heaven who would we have like you and i. did a podcast in heaven. we obviously we have we'd get betty. white. yeah that's a good one fine yeah she's. not gonna say anything [ __ ] up and fun. yeah yeah we go to hell and our guests. are gonna be who what tupac tupac. you think he went to hell. yeah i i. maybe not him. who's the best guest we could get in. hell satan the guy that runs it the. devil met but i bet you he's doing it. he's probably doing two bears one cave.
he's probably busy doing [ __ ]. sigourney he would probably do marin. yeah before us marin talk i talked to. mark the other night at the store. great guy he had keith richards on again. because keith is uh i forget what he. said he was promoting something. but he's like you know how surreal it is. he's like you guys have a great podcast. you and bob that's cool he's like you. guys don't do guests i said no no we. don't we do it on our other shows. and he goes you know how wild it would. be if you guys had. high status guests on the show and i was. like well we could start at some point.
yeah he goes talking to keith richards. for 20 minutes he's like there was a. moment that i like checked out and i. remembered what i would feel like if i. was a kid. he's like it was it was [ __ ] he was. like it was beyonce we're not gonna get. keith richard yeah i'm putting it out to. the universe right now i know we're just. not gonna get him come on keith yeah. come on keith whoo we're gonna we're. gonna get the [ __ ]. guitars from some 41. [ __ ] yeah yeah we should get him i love. that yeah we could get like we could get. a drummer from hoodie and the blowfish. he went to my high school yeah yeah blow.
fish. we get all of blowfish not hooty no he's. and the. oh and though. we're not gonna get keith nah yeah but. you know but we could we could get some. great guests on the show if we really. wanted to. yeah you're friends you have good you. have famous friends i don't have your. friends. i don't have the kind of famous friends. that you have that's beyond not true. dude i don't have a blake clark in my. phone who the [ __ ] is blake clark the. basketball player from griffin whatever. well blake clark.
who is blake clark look up blake clark. is he is he a guy how funny if i also. know this guy yeah you. oh i do know blake clark. who. sorry blake. griffey griffin griffin yeah so back to. hell let's talk about who else would we. get on our pod from hell yeah we're not. going to get satan. well so many people have got their.
history so many easier we you know. so many evil people we would have to. just do. five of them at a time pull pot. pool. right genghis khan we'll just get him. all in one shot did pauline you think. napoleon's in hell. you do yeah yeah the spanish. little tiny help. and doc is like napoleon send me a seat. yeah you and i on the other hand. legitimately i'm not making a joke here. what going to hell no i don't i believe. we're going to go to a way station.
a way station like a truck stop yeah. like a truck stop. no there is a truck stop like an a.m. area yes yeah it's called it's called. purgatory purgatory i call it truck stop. same same yeah. and we would be in purgatory and i think. we would argue i think we'd be able to. argue argue our way into heaven well you. and i are so good at that that's so so. good i i'll suck i'll say i'll suck your. dick no we would just shut up suck dick. is this purgatory oh yeah right angel's. angel's trying to grab you and devil's. trying to pull you i just me i suck.
because they're looking up i suck your. dick can you imagine you know what we. would do with 69 have you ever seen this. before. we can 69 and we would do cartwheels we. had to die at the same time then. so we you think we're not going to die. at the same time. that's how this show is we're going to. die at moon tower. come see us we're done if you see us. because that's going to be our last show. i want to do a 69 with you and do. cartwheels as we 69. you think that. won't get us in yeah and then god's up. there with all his buddies laughing. dying going we're going to let. i was going to let them in but they're.
just doing this let's just watch this. but it's good for us. rolling around sucking each other's dick. and then we get to heaven and they're. gonna all like ah. you didn't have to do that and we're. like we know we wanted we knew we wanted. to it was fun for us yeah now we got. good tape do you think when you get okay. let me ask you then let's go deep i'm. trying to go deep i know we keep. diverted yeah. okay i do believe in a spirit a science. a thing. the holy ghost do you believe in a man. in the sky. no i believe the same thing you do i. don't believe in a religious uh west not.
a guy yeah yeah it's not a guy and i. think that god because what they've had. 300 sun gods right or something like. that in our in our. history of the world who's sun god you. mean like like like pagan gods like. buddhists believe in no like you know um. like egyptian oh religion yeah it has. rain god says the same. god of war no. god of clouds. these are gods based on the sun and. astrology and stuff right that's what. yeah egyptianity is yeah as well you.
know what i mean and. i believe that god looks down and goes. i'm muslim. jews you're going to hell i'm kidding. i believe it's all under one umbrella he. like he gets it he doesn't care about. why would god be vain like call me. whatever just believe in something good. right right just don't be i think he's. fickle in that way do you how could it. just it's insane it's insane there's. been billions and billions trillions and. trillions of people that have lived on. planet earth that never even had.
god right what did they have nothing. nothing some of them had nothing yeah do. you think. when god made you. oh my god you're gonna insult me no. you're about to attack no. i'll answer it authentically and. sincerely. do you think when when the the being. that created humans. do you think you were. done in a timely fashion or do you think. so. i think i know where you're going let me. kind of guess where you're going i know. do you think he chose every element that.
exists on your body or do you think a. few things fall through the cracks. look at it like this do you think look. bring back up your picture of your. boyfriend that you love what's his name. tony thornberg tony thornburg yeah do. you think when god made tony thornberg. do you think he put the same kind of. care undertale okay so i believe this i. believe that i was a part of uh look at. tony by the way. look at tony yeah. i believe i i know. i believe i was a part of a mass. production. you were like a you were like uh he made.
a billion of the same one he's a ferrari. you're a ford right yeah he's more. specific and he and god went yeah just. throw them all down there right but you. came out okay no but i landed on earth. and i went oh god you didn't give me a. specific like a long new nose or a. bubbly butt. you know what i mean that'd be cool if i. had a long nose and a bubbly butt you. got a cute butt yeah yeah yeah probably. if i had like a brazilian butt. oh my god i would tend to have tan lines. i would i would have tan lines and i.
would like. i'll be i'd be in a resort i would just. pull all my pants down and just lay on. my stomach tanning. and just all the dudes walking by going. oh look at that and then we go what's up. with my mustache and still they'd go. yeah what is up yeah yeah and look at. his face you got that long nose yeah. yeah it's this big it's there i want a. pinocchio. so i think it was a part of a mass. production yeah but i went you know what. i can i'm going to change this so i ate. a bunch of carbs. you know. noodles pasta rice pasta to make my body.
the way it is. it looks good. thank you i think you look like. and i think that i you know went you. know i'm gonna you know [ __ ] you i'm. gonna not [ __ ] [ __ ] you no just in. general. i'm saying it to the world do you think. when you're on your deathbed. do you think you're going to pray for. god. did your dad say anything about god. before he died. no but they say most people find god on. the death he saw things though. like what people yeah he would like he'd. be you know well.
he would just be like whoa. to you guys no i'll put somewhere. what if he's looking at you he just his. eyes are up. no no. no. no no and he would look at something in. the room that wasn't there and like. speak korean to it really yeah was he on. he was like i guess. yeah but he was on drugs. maybe i don't know but he was because. they put him on stage talking about. stuff my grandfather was telling my dad. to get the cats out of his room.
get these goddamn cats out of the. [ __ ] room really and my dad was like. there's no cats in here jim my dad was. like bring cats. eat that. do you think you're gonna find god you. think you're gonna um i believe in god. no no pray for god when you're about to. die yeah because they do say people do. that. we talked about it on the show like the. last words of atheists and everyone does. say they do all go oh my god i made a. mistake but do you feel like they're. like i'm being pulled up or down i.
definitely think you get pulled yeah. yeah but it doesn't indicate a bummer if. you go to hell what if hell is up and. heaven is down and we just [ __ ] it up. we're upside down. why would he do that. god why would he do that why not a big. prank. what do you mean we made up what we. think is up and down what if we guessed. wrong what if hell is in the sky and. heaven is down in the core of the earth. yeah but heaven and hell is just based. on night and day that's why they created. it versus evil star wars and why is good. good and why is evil evil.
what's that check it out what's that. poem i've been trying about. it's this vietnamese poem. about it says like you know i'm the. butterfly mango slime down. is that it. but it's english oh i can do it in. vietnamese. all charlie. i could do that but charlie charlie yeah. uh i can't do is that's it we delight in. the beauty of the butterfly but rarely. it no that was my answer.
it's not there's no butterfly in it well. you said butterfly i know i'm just. giving you an example of what the. structure of the poem is okay all right. so basically you know i mean it's. basically i am. you know i mean the grasshopper that lay. that sits on the leaf right. also the snake that eats the grasshopper. oh i mean i'm the um the the 12 year old. refugee you know i mean on the boat you. know what i mean that's scared like you. know i mean and i'm also the pirate that. rapes her. yeah i'm just not saying the poem that's.
in the poem. i'm the pirate that rapes or whatever. right try to find that poem for me. but it's like butterfly pirate refugee. yeah but. you guys um i've you know i'm a smart. guy and i want to learn languages i'm a. worldly traveler yep and the way i'm. doing it is through babel i'm a stupid. guy and i'm also looking to be a worldly. traveler and learn languages and babel. has 15 minute lessons that make it the. perfect way to learn a new language on. the go these other language learning. apps they use ai for their lesson plans.
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i am the 12 year old girl the refugee on. a small boat who throws herself into the. ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. i am the pirate my heart not yet capable. of seeing and loving wow yeah but the. whole poem is amazing who wrote that. call me call me my by my true name. yeah he just died he did think not han. yeah he was a uh a a monk in vietnam he. was hold on let's let's read the poem. the dude hung out with martin luther. king.
okay so it's here's let's read the poem. i'll read i'll read the. i'll read the whole thing. but can you zoom it in out and do it in. a thick vietnamese accent because i need. to know i can't do vietnamese can i. you're just doing fine whatever asian. accent. you know the real reason hey i will. tomorrow. no don't say that i will depart tomorrow. even today i am still arriving i am the. frog right there i'm the mayfly. metamorphosis.
i am the mayfly metamorphosing i am on. the surface of the river and i am the. bird that swoops down to swallow the. mayfly i am the frog swing swimming. happily in the clear water of a pond and. i am the grass snake that silently feeds. itself on the frog i am the child in. uganda all skin and bones my legs as. thin as bamboo sticks and i am the arms. merchant selling deadly weapons to. uganda i am the 12 year old girl refugee. on a small boat throws herself into the. ocean being raped by sea pirate i'm the. pirate. yeah. so basically we're all those things we.
are both yeah. you're korean but you're almost irish. irish yeah yeah and you're korean as. well i'm irish but i'm also korean yeah. cause your dick is so small smaller than. yours that's. that's right that's the barometer that's. the guy right there dude there he is. rest in peace he just passed away i. think he was 92 when he died. tom cost soup is that was his name. thick nunha same thing. what you said was a dish that you eat in. a soup i love tom kasoop.
by the way shout out to thai food one of. my favorites dude i [ __ ] with them. and thank you thick for making it shout. out to thai food shout out to thich. nanha for making poetry and thai food. what's your favorite thai dish. i like the clear. clear broth no i like their coconut like. soup oh yeah that's clear oh yeah do you. like with tofu or no i put some tofu in. it throw some [ __ ] toast yeah. but for asian food it's not my favorite.
thai. yeah because it's um you don't like the. people oh i love the people i love thai. food what do i like i like mango. um. mango uh chutney anyway. yeah when i was entitled because i've. been there i lived there for not lived. there but i was there for two months. that's a good amount of time yeah and um. the area i lived in had um. restaurants that were like. you know just meat that's just hanging. you know what i mean and flies.
and so i just i loved thai food before i. went there and then you saw it. i saw what you saw i was made no i'm. just saying i just it just kind of. turned me off yeah because you saw how. it was [ __ ] made you saw how the. sausage was made yeah maybe i don't know. have you ever seen how sausage is made. do you like sausages you do like what. kind of sausage. any kind of sauce you like i don't want. you to show me a video of like little. chickens getting grounded let's take a. look. [Laughter]. can you and i go make sausage somewhere.
can we go to like a sausage but what's. in the tube. ground up meat yeah but can you put like. what's the outer shelling of it that's. pig intestines. [ __ ] that's what the casing is really. 100 so basically you could jam ground. beef in. into the intestines of a pig. so when i'm slicing not all pork casing. is that but look it'll tell you. casing is the material that an uh what. uh. yeah pig intestines sheep pig goats. cattle sometimes horses yum yum like i.
heard pulley sticks was bull dick. it's uh yeah it is petrified penises. yeah bully sticks you give that to your. dogs i get it. [Laughter]. no i i give it to my dogs but then it's. like it stinks yeah my dog stubs will. go underneath our bed sheets yep and. just chew on bully sticks dude they. stink so at two in the morning like is. did she just queef yeah my girlfriend. i mean that's a queef queefs do smell.
like bully steps. dear bully sticks change the smell yeah. they when they get really wet and they. put them underneath a couch or a bed or. something and they sit for a while and. it's dude it [ __ ] reeks yeah. old penis smells turns out oh my god i. saw an article this morning in bed about. a woman who did meth with her boyfriend. and she [ __ ] ki wisconsin woman and. she killed the dude. dismembered him and put his head and his. penis in a bucket together cause she. said he was a [ __ ] that's what she. told the cops. yeah i saw her i saw her discover his.
son's severed head in buckets so this is. how gross i am when i first saw that. photo i'm pretty hot right i went she's. hot yeah so then i googled her and just. looked through her and she's not that's. a good angle no but keep going down they. show a bunch of photos of her at least. that's a really good angle on her on the. post this morning but you know what's so. funny about that is um. she she explained to the police. that she was like. they were like why did you do it she's. like it's a good question she didn't she. was like she actually got blacked out. choked him killed him cut up his [ __ ].
yeah put his legs outside she talked. about it like it was saying like i went. to go get coffee yeah it's crazy how. easily people can murder people yeah. just don't chop up don't chop up the. dick. if if i'm. killed by her and she chops my dick off. and i go to heaven will i still have my. penis. up there this is her holding your penis. if they cut off your dick on earth what. is that a swiss army knife yeah. [Laughter]. look no yeah yeah yeah i got it no if. they cut off your penis on earth yes you.
don't have it in the afterlife you're. done oh that's terrible you got to have. all your bodies another lady right did. this right she chopped her man's dick. off right he dies right and then like a. day later. she lights the dick on fire. you imagine he's in right so he's in. heaven just i'm in heaven. i mean. do you think that happened he's talking. to a buddy he's like no so in my last. couple of days. and his buddies blowing out he's like. blow one yeah yeah.
yeah it's not working because it's in on. her. i think well dude listen look now now. this is better sexy no her body no no no. no no thick no she got a nicer boob. oh she has that's boobies. she's got a huge garancus right if you. go down a little bit she there's more. photos of her that she took. it's amazing she just told the cop look. at oh yeah. you like that look jolo. yeah she's a cholo she looks like it no. she's not she's [ __ ] wisconsin she's. like a white chick from wisconsin yeah.
do you want a gun. do i own a gun. i do. where. i might keep that thing on me yeah do. you really have a gun i do isn't it safe. it's safe. is it out like a bus or like your. nightstand or whatever or is it. underneath right next to my television. really yeah what if your dog went woohoo. caught himself gotta get a new dog. do you have a license for it.
i have a license to drive. i know but you have a lot of smoothies. no i don't have a handgun yeah i have a. shotgun do you like you have you do that. i do a shotgun. yeah i know what a shotgun you have to. make the sound effect. i've seen enough [ __ ] movies i know. what it is you do one let me hear you do. a shotgun. [Music]. that's a cool shotgun. yeah yeah it's a it's a side by side all. i was going to say is. just a little side tidbit. in japan.
uh-oh. yeah. in japan in japan. there are 70 000 people. over the age of 100. no way google that how many people are. over the age of 100 in japan 70 000. maybe i get the wrong it was seven seven. no it could be seven i don't know i. think i read it wrong but no 79 000. people are at or over the age of 100. let's move to japan bud.
look at that [ __ ] do you know why that. is i do why. there's several reasons. diet diet that's right number one clean. but it's also community. the love. yeah like if you go to the island of. okinawa love okinawa right like if you. know. your kid is running down the street. you're completely safe because. everyone on their uh in the neighborhood. in the community is their parent because. there's no whites on the island that's. exactly what i wanted to say thank you i. knew you were thinking yeah there's no. one white dude it ruins the whole thing.
there's no whites yeah they're all just. chained up in a [ __ ] cage no no when. we come where japanese people love us. that we just have to leave. what do you mean as soon as we're done. they're like go home yeah we have to i. went to the okinawan island chains i. went to ishigaki did you really yeah. ishigaki one of the most beautiful. islands i've ever seen in my life look. up ishigaki show them what it looks like. the water is clear as [ __ ] it's so far. south it's almost like tropical. ichigake look at that that's right oh my. god it's beautiful. it was so there you are there i am. it was so fun man that looks beautiful.
ishigaki was amazing is there a resort. there. no we stayed at a regular hotel. is it nice though. no yeah dude i'm not fancy let me ask. you this on the road yeah. you know how sometimes you go on the. road like you're going to stay in the. condo no i'm not. i know exactly that's what i said yeah. no i'm not you've never even. no i have in my past. it's a young comic of course i've seen. in all of them yeah i've seen every one. of them but now if they go oh yeah what. are they.
when they say where you have to stay in. the condo no. no no okay i won't come so i won't come. oh we'll just give you how will it we'll. give you an extra 100 and now you can. get your hotel no more how much. but i think the four seasons is like 650. a night. yeah yeah no no you know what i i've. been playing theaters you have to book. your own you do your own hotels they. don't have you know the condo in the. comedy store the la jolla yeah so when i. was a kid like in 1996. right. i stayed at the condo with this guy.
stephen moore you don't know him. and he's he's in the 60s at this time or. whatever right yeah. he goes bob you have you have no idea. what happened. in april of 82 in this condo oh [ __ ] i. don't want to hear it because i've. stayed there no i want to tell you. i go and i was scared because i'm. staying there right in the little room. with the twin beds i don't know if they. still have that little um yes they do. yeah and what are the beds that's like. lopsided yeah so you're sleeping at an. angle it's on phone books.
they [ __ ] lifted it up. so he goes um. so me and brian bradley another. comic from san francisco right. we played here in 82 or 83 or whatever. it was and he goes we went to this gay. bar and we just come on let's go to the. condo. and. there was like 80 guys in this condo. right and we did a train. from the [ __ ] master bedroom to the. twin thing right and i'm just going oh. i'm gonna get a hotel.
because now everything felt like sticky. and it's musky it just didn't feel right. yeah yeah. so you will never stay there again. no i do i no i haven't stayed the last. bunch of times i've gone just because. it's so it's sad it kinda was a little. a little sad it makes you feel dirty. yeah there's a. there's this weird smurf color yeah well. they've changed apparently they did it. oh they did redo on it because back in. the day it was like the color of papa. smurf and. everywhere everywhere the carpet the.
[ __ ] bedding. everything that condo is where the. dingleberry happened. what dingleberry do you remember the. dingleberry yeah yeah. that's where the dingleberry happened. man. i i feel bad because it's like i don't. want to shame who had a dingleberry that. way so i met a girl. and she moved. i was. i was at a club. in the midwest. met a girl she came out to la. and i go i'm playing la jolla you should.
come with me all right and she's so. we're in the condo and she brought her. guitar of course right and i was there. with two other comics and she's like i. wrote a song i'm jumping off the roof. yeah exactly and i'm just like blushing. going please don't play it yeah and she. pulls and she's like. happiness and i love the ones that love. me too oh whatever i like that song yeah. it's a great song right. and i go happiness is we're all singing. along like and and all the comics are. looking like what the [ __ ] what this one. this [ __ ] so i finally like that night.
we i turned i like to make love in the. light. you like the lights on yeah always. always. never like it in the dark i don't like. it huh yeah i like the lights on do your. partners like it more in the dark no. they don't like it all yeah they want. the devil they don't want to see me. so um. they don't want lou kang on top of them. right so i'm having sex with this girl i. feel so bad about even telling the story. should i even tell it oh yeah you didn't.
say her name exactly and she probably. has no [ __ ] this was 20 years ago even. longer probably well so what. and. so i'm doing her from the the doggy. they used to call it the doggy they. still call her the doggy yeah yeah yeah. i'm i'm we're having sex with doggy. style. okay you're not doing the doggy. yeah but that's always that's how doc. would say it yeah yeah we were doing a. dog yeah anyway i was doing the doggy. style. that sounds super worse yeah it's way. worse and i smelled.
well it's the first so she starts. talking about life let me guess. [Laughter]. she starts talking about you know i i. think you're my soul mate. while you're [ __ ] yeah and she's like. wrong time and she's like i you know i. just had a vision that you and i had. kids oh my god in the middle of sex in. the middle of sex and i'm doing like. shut the [ __ ] up. like in my mind it's funny to think that. you're working really hard and she's. just not even moving she's like you know.
i was also thinking about going yeah you. know i don't know going to get a. marriage license yeah and she also. brought up like paperwork and she taxes. it it was weird. so um can you notarize this bob yeah. she's like i'm thinking about i had this. vision. and i smell. poo right. so i took my two thumbs as you do yeah. and i spread open her cheeks. right. and you know how like in a woman's butt. any butt there's like.
rogue hair. right there's like two hairs like we we. spawned in the wrong spot yeah what are. we doing yeah. i told you johnny to go on the head. right on the top of the head right you. got lost and the yeah and they ended up. growing on the [ __ ]. and look i guess this is our line the. last time we take math quest yeah yeah. be sad or whatever right the other one's. like i'm going to grab a piece of [ __ ]. that's exactly what i was thinking right. so you grab it right as a meal put it. all over his face no he didn't even. break it down he just left the ball it.
was like a ball like this i'll eat this. later so i i'm doing like this and i go. oh what the [ __ ] right. and in my head like she's like i had a. vision i had a vision of going to. [ __ ] cvs and getting toilet paper. [ __ ]. and i and i oh you flicked the dingle. flicked it out right and i saw it. visually fly away wow. so problem solved yeah but then i dangle. flicker. [Laughter]. you know yeah.
did you tell her she had a dingle no. well then how could she ever know. the polite thing would have been let me. ask you a question i want to see you. again you can ask your question sure do. you have a dingle in your butt right now. no exactly i just shot it i think we all. know. right if i had a little piece of [ __ ] in. between my crack i think i would know. i think you would know yeah that being. said right what if she had just gone to.
the bathroom she didn't wipe all right. how do you say it i'm the girl okay. we're just done making love. doing the doggy style. right oh my god. i still have those visions. of getting married yeah yeah right on i. loved my visions you had poop in your. butt. [Laughter]. you got to let them know. let me be softer we'll do it yeah i'll. be soft i don't think you would do it. that way you're right i'll do it softer. so anyway oh my god man that was good.
can i sing you a song about our makeup. you had a piece of [ __ ] in your ass. while we were [ __ ] like that's the. same thing. yeah try to do it in in the most. delicate way okay i think okay think. that i'm a fragile girl yeah i'm not in. show business i'm not tough yeah yeah. yeah yeah yeah you know how much you. have been broken down by the world right. so it's like um oh god that was good. wow happiness in you is the happiness i. love that song thank you can i tell you. something what. i love making love to you thank you and.
i loved you just doing the doggy style. with me that was my favorite too yeah. but. yeah this is going to sound strange yeah. before we have sex next time. do you think we can shower together. that's how you do it i love showering. before we have sex sure but you know. what i never wash my [ __ ]. really. yeah so i'll shower i'll i'll shampoo my. hair how about this yeah can i wash it. for you because i love to pamper my girl. no because i have a friend down there. named raoul.
oh you have a little helper well i have. two renegade hairs oh right that. accidentally grew there oh they meant to. go on the arms the legs and the head but. they got lost oh so they grew out of my. anus and um they eat. they eat a lot and they happen to eat. poo well let me tell you something. what was your name again. what was your name again what huh. deborah well listen deb. yeah i don't really care i love you the. way you are thank you sure i'll be right. back okay don't go anywhere okay but i'm.
gonna be ben over here. right and she's now bent over. right with her brother [ __ ] spread. open dingles and she's there for three. days yeah good job she dies like that. hello fresh man i like fresh food. delivered to my door dude when. hellofresh is at my front doorstep i get. my mouth all water you dance i love it i. love it your little fico up and down. with hellofresh you can get farm fresh. pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal.
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well-being. and it's easy to learn with headspace. yeah we all say fine we don't mean it. right i always say fine fine how are you. feeling. is it really an emotion is it no how. many times have you told yourself you're. fine when all you've really felt is. anger or sadness or nerves you're. talking right to me in fact a recent. study proved that in two weeks headspace. can reduce your stress by 14. dude whether you want to relieve stress. and anxiety sleep better or improve your. focus head space is your everyday dose. of mindfulness for real life i love this.
stuff man i do love this stuff yeah. headspace is great because i got to tell. you something i like to meditate i know. you like to meditate taking time out of. my day to do a little bit of meditation. to clear up the old noggin truly does. put me in a better say it headspace. headspace and also guys i'm telling you. right now this stuff works try try it. out however you're feeling try headspace. at headspace.com bad friends and get one. month for free of their entire. mindfulness library this is the best. headspace offer available so go to. headspace.com bad friends today.
headspace.com. bad friends would you rather get hung. or guillotine. uh guillotine because it's it's instant. i think hanging is instant no no way. dude your neck breaks you cuts off. circulation you feel it you're like what. you're feeling it happen well but what. if guillotine. halfway through your neck and you're. still alive like what the [ __ ] and. they're all cracking up they're like. try it again sharpen it.
i would much rather guillotine though. you want to be hung. you always love a show you love a show. because i'm gonna do a funny i know. you're gonna do a dance while you're no. i'm just gonna do a funny. he's gonna. yeah bobby's pinching his nipples while. he's being hung i'll probably do my act. oh my. god when bobby was a little boy. he was molested by eric no like i would. do hacky stuff like what is up with. airplanes while you're hanging and dying. that would be terrible either way i. think i would do i do guillotine heart.
you're gone immediately yeah the worst. is fire. but you can't have an open casket though. i don't want one. oh i do my grandma just passed away we. had to go to the wake. is open. yeah at irish wakes you the way at an. irish wake the day before the funeral. did you kiss her. no you know what's so [ __ ] up and i'm. not making any jokes right now i i never. have ever liked seeing people of anybody. i've lost in my life i hate [ __ ]. seeing them when they're dead so i avoid.
it like crazy the whole time i'm at. those things i don't want to look at it. i i [ __ ] hate going near it but i. will say this time and i'm being serious. i'm not making any jokes. for the first time ever. as we were leaving i went to go say. goodbye and the room was cleared my. uncle was standing against the wall by. himself. and i went up to the casket and for the. first time in my entire life. i was like at ease with it because i. realized. it didn't even look like her anymore i. was like oh. the soul of her or who she really was is.
gone it's just the shell is left. so it was kind of this weird. like relief for me a little bit i was. like oh yeah the thing i loved the human. that the or the entity that she was that. i loved it's not even in there anymore. anyway it's gone to somewhere better and. you know into the universe. hell baby. hell hell baby. she was evil dude. you don't know dude.
anyway how are you thanks for being a. bad friend. are we done yeah we're done. are you really i was just joking man i. was being dead serious i'm sorry you. made fun of me all the time when i'm. serious i said i'm not kidding three. times. and you had to go there yeah yeah but. funny. no it wasn't funny no one laughed they. got no laughs they were laughing no they. do that out of courtesy why stop. courtesy laughing we could just cut that. part out cha-cho no no we're leaving. because they need to see how evil you. really are all right i'm just saying. this is no they need to see you really.
[ __ ] sorry they need to see who who evil. she's a great woman you know that didn't. i call you when all that happened no you. did yeah no i know so i know we have to. make some fun yeah i was so concerned. hey guys so we recorded bad friends last. night and it did not go exactly. according to plan. you guys know that andrew and bobby have. very high standards for themselves and. they don't want to air it but i think. it's really funny so i want to show you. a little taste five four three two one.
can i just see something what that's it. why don't i give you a beat and let me. see you bad friends i don't know how to. rap stop let me see you bad friends. hip-hop intro can i go slow. i'll make the beetle be slow all right. real slow real slow yeah yeah. slower really.
slower. a show an intro for our [ __ ] channel. all right the show ready. yeah. that's right. [Music]. welcome to the bad friend show. my body is made out of dough. in the sky is a crow.
and people don't know what they don't. know. welcome back to bad friends. to have pretty good pretty good though. if you sped it up you'd be like is that. nos. if you sped it up i do something it's. nas. all right i'm just learning about the. holy spirit let me tell you everything. it's not nas it's not nos it's nas yeah. nasty nas yeah nas. that's the most asian way yeah yeah yeah. oh yeah no.
step outside. hip hop what hip hop are you into lately. so what what i know about hip hop is i. know that um. the history about you know the first. guide to ever. the first emcee to ever rap on a show is. dj hollywood.
right and then um i just kind of know. who the earlier being a grandmaster. flash where the earlier people are and. then i just didn't know about. biggies and uh. um tupac's little war i didn't know. about you learned about it yeah i know. everything about it. do you think do you think that tupac is. still alive tupac is dead. tuba got shot i'll tell you why the i do. yo yo yo dude. so let me ask you guys something why is.
tupac matt why was two [ __ ] initially. mad at biggie. you know what dude you're a rapper way. too short. anyway. east coast beef was born because of. death row records no that's not what. happened yes no i'm telling you what. happened i know okay i'm doing the. [ __ ] classes okay all right the. master class tupac was in new york. biggie was recording in the studio yeah. he was down there and one of biggie's.
boys was like what's up dude i'm gonna. let you up yeah a little cease right. yeah yeah let you up right so while this. guy comes down opens the elevator it was. just blood and mayhem they already they. were shot up. yeah right tupac thought that biggie set. him up i don't i don't believe that's. true anyway i'm just saying that you. guys you know make fun of me about not. knowing hip-hop and not knowing my. rhymes and rhythms and i'm going to tell. you right now dude that i'm doing my. studying well you ready. yeah. that's right feel the air a little.
faster. my name is bobby lee. i'm the king of society i'm fast i mean. i do it in variety hell yeah that's. really good yeah that was [ __ ] smooth. dawg bobby b lee. hey no and you know what yes you know. what your hip hop name is believe but. it's. [Laughter]. you rap like someone from the [ __ ]. 80s thanks dude i'm bobby lee i'm here.
to say it's about to be a wonderful day. oh my god i feel so good what's it in my. pants it must be wood it's like the. worst. can i. come up with my own name no believe no i. want to be dj should i dj shut up yeah. even.
rocket. but i'm trying to learn you know but you. do not like that you don't want to be. cultured you guys know much about punk. rock or cbgb back in the 70s no no all i. know is that uh uh losers wear cbgb. shirts because they think it's cool bro. that's so [ __ ] insulting yeah it's. like a shirt it's like a shirt that a. guy thinks is cool to wear but you know. like he knows nothing about it it's just. like a thing to wear. am i right or am i right these kids. carlos knows exactly what i'm talking. about i don't think so i think anybody. who wears this. cbtv is no i don't it's one of the most. do you know what.
historic music venues in new york for. punk rock okay now help me with so the. remote punk rock and grunge so nevada is. grunge right. what would be the example it's the. difference between um hip-hop and you. know thanks to rap yeah it's the same. thing but just different that's it. that's that's the most articulate thing. you've ever said on this show. the difference between grunge. and is and punk rock punk rock is so. close to what hip-hop and rap are right.
that they're almost undefined yeah you. can you can kind of define it if you. listen to nirvana's first album bleach. right so good a lot of those songs are. very very punk rock you know totally. yeah and then and then never mind came. out and then heroin kicked in yeah yeah. yeah garage don't you think that was. what really happened that those out that. like this whenever mine was out it was. so much more. the h train because you can tell how. much like like low and somber and deep. it was less. bleach was way way more upbeat i'm sure. the bpm's were way higher it's way more.
upbeat i [ __ ] up on it was heavier day. i saw nirvana two months before three. months before um. cobain died. what do you mean you saw them live yeah. where. in anaheim love and i drove up from san. diego and i had a date right and i. [ __ ] that night up because. she's taller right they all are. [Laughter]. and i was getting hyped because you know. how you know when they tailgate a party.
you know. there it is. yeah february 22nd. so i was in the parking lot or you know. and i was just jumping up and down and i. jumped so high it hurt hit her in the. mouth. and she cracked a tooth. her tooth was cracked and she was doing. like. i don't even drive me back oh she was. yeah oh my god the night was young i. just bought tickets. because your toothy is gone don't tell. me you didn't get to see nirvana no i.
saw oh yeah but she was like i was like. well we got bleach like nosebleed seats. but i was like. i could always looked over and she's. just like. and her tooth is missing and she's like. just bummed did you ever go on a second. date no yeah never saw her i don't even. know her name. go back imagine there's some girl with. still the chipped tooth that's like that. son of a [ __ ]. can we bring up a picture of something. yeah go ahead did you see britney spears. post this week. oh [ __ ] britney spears on instagram. posted nudes. look at me.
are you being real yeah here's the thing. what kind of nudes well they're covered. to her but it's on her insta so. obviously it's not that new but look. it's her on the beach yeah yeah showing. oh that's not it that's not it that's. nice no maybe she took him down that's. nice. so there's there's a couple of nude. photos that she put up with just stars. over her vagina oh go back there's full. body ones get out of there real fast. hold on scroll down maybe there there. they are that up above the flower yeah. so this. this is this is pretty good yeah it's. pretty damn good right there okay.
timberlake it's brilliant. it's britney [ __ ] yeah. this is why she got the conservative. ship that's why they were like if you. will if you were single uh-huh and i was. single would i have sex with you we were. at with brittany in florida so that's. what she hangs out i don't know where. she hangs out florida sounds right yeah. who do you think she would like first. are you and me in terms of dating doc. you know she would yeah she wants. something but having duck is like having. a fly buzzer on your head.
i want to address something real fast by. the way we can get back to brittany. uh free brittany. doc got so much. love from people were saying we were. mean about his. uncle. getting murdered people. people were saying how we didn't handle. his family death you know because all of. his gay uncles got killed oh you're from. trauma and they said we handled it we.
weren't empathetic so let's take a. second bobby and i both yeah yeah uh. part two here we go give us another hold. up fellas let me get it. right just just really quickly i don't. want to spend too much time on yeah. let's just say. why don't you just say to us. yeah man both of my uncles died you know. from some crazy killer so just say that. because but it was only one. oh right but the other one died. we weren't sure okay right yeah well we. were we were no. i'm not what happened to the second. uncle the second oakland we he uh we.
don't know. we don't know oh so back where you're. from there's no such thing as autopsies. yeah but we'll get to that i ain't. talked to their family and got all that. oh that was just oh that just happened. okay so i remember that. tell us again we're gonna handle it. differently real fast we're gonna do it. i thought we just i don't think we just. did it so let me i don't think i should. be like asking questions and going what. about this yeah that doesn't help yeah. yes i feel like a detective yeah you are. because he's a murderer. and that's why my detective stylings.
all right so go ahead and say let's go. yeah man my uncle one of my uncles was. uh. he was shot. all right here we go ready so. one of my gay uncles was murdered he was. shot up. oh no.
no you know what let's get you one of. these we're going to get you one of. these best uncle everyone honestly let's. give us another shot go ahead go ahead. go ahead and go. uncle he was he was murdered shout out. stop saying where the [ __ ] you see him. we have to do you did it. do it again okay. and when we come up right we're just new. dudes okay girls i'm billy lee and. you're jimmy santiago jimmy santana.
okay. wait hold. abracadabra. so my uncle. [Music]. getting a little moist. got shot up he was killed.
by a gay serial killer. [Laughter]. dude that's never not funny. that line is [ __ ] do you not. where did i go wrong. for the audience we're not [ __ ]. laughing that his uncle was murdered but. the way doc says it yeah but by a gay. serial killer it sounds like a [ __ ]. from snl yeah yeah no you know killing. what we are gay cereal kills. well well well here comes rudy rudy.
hi rudy how are you. i think i have a stomachache oh sh why. oh the energy you bring is instrumental. i was like is this robin williams yeah. do you have a stomach ache kiddo what's. that farting a lot and my tummy hurts. you're farting are you farting right now. all right now those are okay. right next before i came sorry. [Laughter]. well can you maybe not share that. information i mean.
we i thought it a couple times in the. card as well. no i like to share okay. okay she's actually on fire. what's going on rude. i just came home from school how was. school. boring what did you do this past weekend. she met a boy. again. huh. you met a boy remember. you said you met a filipino boy in your. class said hello to you oh yeah. yeah a filipino boy said hi to me yeah.
and he was cute. did you guys exchange information no i. forgot to ask. big time yeah but she goes which he's in. my class so you'll see him you see him. today yeah yeah what's his name i don't. know. that's good uh so you're hitting it off. oh wait i see you met him you said yeah. so how did that hi. hey i'm someone in your class i don't. want to know your name you're just. somebody in my class too. ask for my name. so how did you meet him he just goes.
nice shoes and he just walked by no he. asked like are you filipino and i said. yeah. [ __ ] and then you go i'm juliana that's. what human beings do is that racism. timeout he just said are you filipino. you said yes and then that was it no and. then he asked if i speak tagalog and i. said no i speak another dialect. and then he said oh that's cool and okay. [ __ ] it must be so weird being your age. what a weird what is that that's it. that's what happened. yeah but it was.
i liked it. you like the interaction yeah that seems. awful she's being alone for a long time. yeah really you've been trapped up or i. mean that's very strange to just go do. you hey hi do you speak my language i. speak a different one okay bye. yeah what the [ __ ] not like hey yo we. should yeah we should hang out or hang. out or whatever he should do that you. could do it too. i can't why why i'm too shy. yeah that is probably true yeah i mean. but anyway so if i walked up to you and. asked you are you filipino we would call.
the cops. it's you but you look like michael b. jordan is that fine. okay. another person of another race came and. asked you was your filipino would it.
bother you no he's saying he's a racist. like say a black dude came on was like. hey are you filipino no that's not about. it okay. i thought it was racist just to walk up. to an asian person and just guess. well if you go like yes it is if you get. it wrong. no actually we have i have a three. strike rule okay right so you get three. charges so someone's like hey man are. you japanese no. uh are you chinese. nope. you malaysian.
that's it and that's it and then you. walk away yeah i just shut down right on. but you don't you know white people. don't get that people don't go up to you. wait you you from england. you're irish yeah i'm irish yeah yeah. but my that's my point though if you got. that we get that five times a day if you. got that first of all you don't get it. five times a day i used to. the culture changed but in the 80s and. 90s it happened relentlessly someone. would just come up to you and go i i.
you know money or something i've never. seen this yeah they get excited like. i'd walk into a bar or something and you. see why just [ __ ] i'm gonna get my shot. i got this one. vietnamese and then no and then and. they'd be like ah. you're gonna get upset i've never seen. this i can't because this is a real. private thing and you in a room with. different asians are you able to go. japanese korean chinese fighting like.
or are you just whenever a bunch of. asians are in a room together they do. start calling out well i'm just saying. are you able to just like [ __ ] yeah you. know i'm able to do a lot of things i. just [ __ ] don't oh. yeah yeah. because it's like you do that you don't. have like yeah it's easy if i walk in. and i say oh okay he might be african. right there no no that's not even that. that's. that's the content what you're doing. right now is no it's. ghana that guy's from ghana that guy's. from cote d'ivoire you know it's that. kind of thing no.
no what i'm saying is that i'm not. dividing no what i'm saying in africa. you're not listen to what i'm saying if. i'm in a group full of asians right what. a nightmare right i could say. you just said african so i go we're all. asians right right but you're that's not. what you're asking me you're asking me. specifics like do we know what specific. part of asia are they from. so your thing is if you're around a. bunch of black guys. are you specific about where they're. from like oh you're from south africa. yeah you're no you don't yeah if they. talk i'll be like yeah there's nobody.
here. from 300 years ago they came over here. if you said are you asian you wouldn't. ask that because you would already know. by looking at me. but white people want to know specifics. yeah some of the whites yeah because. they have a favorite food and they want. to talk to you about it see i don't want. to talk to anybody about it yeah go. ahead i do i do the same [ __ ] i kind of. i don't know i don't know what to tell. you sometimes i'll be like i want some. korean food. you've eaten korean food that's what i'm. trying to tell you what they need three. korean dishes and i will honestly if you.
need me three korean dishes dude i will. be so nice to you for the rest of the. podcast okay the first one yeah wasabi. just give him that for fun. yeah. we'll give you a second we'll give you. wasabi okay that's for fun that's just. kind of that's for fun okay now it's. serious is that one because that's not. one okay kimchi that's one that is hell. yeah that's what i'm talking about okay. two more two more man. hey man two more man don't don't do that. yeah yeah. uh japanese horseradish. uh chicken yeah okay you're done.
all right all right. do i need to keep going. yeah yeah. yeah. yeah yeah it's real talk here oh [ __ ] oh. man imagine him walking up. imagine going to koreatown and he goes. inside of a like a traditional korean. restaurant and he's just like hey man. you got wasabi and kung pao chicken. they would take their katanas out. right and you would just they would. serve you the next meal did you know. this no typically.
yeah it's not a food it's a condiment. it's like saying ketchup is a [ __ ]. food it is a food it's not a food it's. ketchup food [ __ ] it it's ketchup. it's food can i tell you something right. but it's not because you put your food. it's not japanese it's not japanese. there's not a korean restaurant on. planet earth that has wasabi in it okay.
do you know why because it's like them. saying oh we have indian curry too. i feel like this episode is slippery. yeah we're getting out of control. this [ __ ] podcast. i'll turn it off what's wrong. nothing it's just i feel like the. ritalin is affecting my performance can. we talk about on the show yeah so how. many we caught you called me on the. phone you told me you're taking how much. five milligrams of ritalin now yeah it's. prescribed by a doctor by a psychiatrist.
yeah you feel like it's [ __ ] you up. no i i no. cause you told me that you're getting. better sleep on the ritalin. it's been better yet but not as it's not. solving my sleep problem now but what. would solve the sleep problem. sleeping pills yeah [ __ ] can you take. that no no he can't. [ __ ] why is this mike they turned his. mic off why i think because of the vibe. the boys made a shotgun decision.
go ahead he's a producer on the show. yeah hey man that's it okay no no what. do you what do you say doctor man i'm. hurt i'm [ __ ]. then you need to pick a bone with those. two because those two especially you. carlos you knew you're gonna diss me in. front of everybody well you know okay. all right you can't really trust a. mexican in spanish. what you're doing now is like what are. you doing can i be real with you yeah i. completely disagree he looks so dope. right now and yeah that's like larry.
david oh that is larry david then let me. see the side let me look at the side i. love it it's not great the side oh so. that looks so tight. do you like that. yeah rudy that looks tight yeah see. young gallagher. young. gallagher finish what you were going to. say though so that ritalin isn't helping. no it is helping on a lot of fronts this. is unarable this whole thing. i think it's unarable i think i'm fine. we're all a little off.
[Music]. uh ten times in your natural. [Music].
