Cinco De Amigos | Ep 63 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude you two. are disgusting oh you two or something. we're bad. friends. no you know you know what it is the. themes. don't do the themes and then that's what. [ __ ] me the themes [ __ ] me up. the theme look around look what andreas. put someone happy cinco de mayo.

you you know do you know what ticket to. mayo means rudy no what is it. yeah you do you know what it is right no. yes i do. what is it it's. happy fifth mayonnaise. happy fifth mayonnaise my favorite cinco. de mayo movie is la bamba.

that's a great movie all right can i ask. you a question i had a dream too richie. one of his brother his brother was an. artist right yeah. right and then at the end of the movie. he had to get it out you know you have. to. i had a dream dude yeah but your art's. not as good as his it's really bad. oh he's a cartoonist right it's bad yeah. it's not good. yeah so you don't have to say that out. it's like you know it's like you know. if i was one of the bald ones you are. kinda. oh yeah alec billy bobby.

yeah if you were a baldwin dude if i was. a bald one dude but i was adopted. if i was genetically what a good story. by the way yeah you know the ball you. know the. wahlburgers have a burger joint yeah the. baldwins have like a just like a. [ __ ] korean street food yeah billy. yeah the one the one the one i the one. brother i wouldn't get along with that. thing is stephen. no you would not get along with steve. because he's kind of alty right. he's all he is he also right yeah he's. kind of like. you know right-wing a little bit oh he. is yeah he doesn't get along with uh.

alec and all those guys i mean they. still hang out and stuff but. and alec is like [ __ ] so far left. yeah he's the most left and his brother. is super super far right yeah but. stephen. bobby's in the middle but steven's. daughter she's hot. she is isn't she dating who's dating um. justin bieber yeah that's oh right that. is his daughter. i thought it was alec baldwin's dog no. stephen baldwin's daughter. oh is a haley hayley baldwin baldwin. bieber haley baldwin yeah and i would.

decree if i was a if that if i was the. adopted. um like adopted like uh uncle yeah. i would probably try to talk her out of. bieber so i could get in there. can you imagine trying to convince her. to be with you instead of justin bieber. yeah go ahead and do it i'm haley. baldwin. that's creepy though i'm haley baldwin. go well if since that was adopted hey. what's that. if i was adopted i would have a little. accent yeah you of course you would yeah. yeah hey what's up oh bob hey it's so. good to see you are you going to join us. for dinner. no no i want to talk to you oh what's up. do you want to talk to me alone no you.

know. you know back in the shed you want to go. outside to the shed. yeah just i'm going to talk to you real. quickly let me just ask justin justin is. that okay. yes justin get the [ __ ] out of here hey. hey don't talk to just like by the way. you did a great show at the uh at the. fight you know where he did the fight. oh yeah yeah very good very good yeah. you did baby. yeah yeah we'll be right back we're. going to go to the she's just in all of. a sudden. we're going to go to the chat okay okay. okay here we go. anyway anyway what did you want to talk. to me about yeah i want to talk to you.

about you. unusual suspects. [Laughter]. yo your dad you know my brother steve. your dad my brother. yeah he did a really good job it's so. good. so good yeah you know who else was it it. was the kevin spacey was it. i went to the premiere kevin spacey yeah. yeah i. love him yeah he's a really good actor. you know me but he's such a people. person yeah well. when i went to the premiere you know.

with the unusual social premiere. right uh kevin goes come to the bathroom. like like i did with you at the shed. yeah sure he did the one come to the. bathroom what did you guys do in there. well i pee in you. you know when i go to the bathroom i. wash my hand first yeah right. i i washed my head twice i washed my. hair first yeah right. i pee right because i'm from china. where's your name. really yeah i thought you were a korean. away. yeah right so i go in i wash my hand for.

right. i pee pee right then sometimes i get the. pee pee on my hair. sure i watch again right anyway this. time. i wash my hair right and kevin washed. his hand but not in the faucet on my ass. crack. i don't know why he was doing back there. everybody was just kind of doing this. you know what i thought you were saying. i thought you're gonna say that. while you're washing your hands yeah. kevin spacey put his penis in between. your hands. that's a funny that's a funnier you're. like that's funny. you wash your hands he just slips his. dick in here. yeah he's like what's going on yeah and.

it would it would be it'd be weird. because. your hand is would be wet yeah that'd be. good but you're like i can't keep. the soap won't come off so um oh there. he is there's space dog. anyway i don't know why i brought you to. the chat oh yeah i forgot. i was just telling you i was telling how. much i love our youtube suspect. anyway uh just some people he uh. he gay he is he. i know for [ __ ] okay because when kevin. spacey.

when i was washing my hand yeah and his. penis was in my hand. right he told me he goes yeah do it like. you know do it like people do it oh just. like bieber. so i was going what people what two and. two click. in my head right i go aha all right and. number two you know you and i are not. blood related. but you know what what if you were. hitting on me and i was haley bald. bieber yeah. i'd be into it no i don't think so i.

would. especially when you have those beanies. on when you let me tell you something. when you wear beanies. your sex quotient goes through the roof. without beanies. fine you're cute bob yeah with the. beanie there's something that you do. with a little beanie do you wear beanies. when you're naked. i whip what i do i sometimes i'll wake. up right jewels. i mean look at this your beanie your. your beanie sex quotient goes through. the roof by the way that picture that i. think liz vid. liz vigiano took of you this one the. with the green shirt top right oh that's. dope. i think that's one of the best photos. you you have and she is so talented.

she's the best what's her name again. liz viggiano yeah yeah she's so good. she's the [ __ ] best. what's this so cinco de mayo what else. hispanic movies do you like. three amigos really good at movies. such a good movie yeah really good i. mean granted the three you ever see. three amigos. oh it's a classic you have to watch it. it is three white guys which does really. it's really appropriate yeah but you. know who was in it. that you don't you're not aware but he. was a comedy store guy hold on let me. guess you're not gonna guess it well no.

no i'll give you a i'll give you a. paycheck i know this is my wife's. favorite movie. literally if you guessed that name okay. so it's a stand-up. right he's a comedy store legend yeah. right. he was in the movie okay and um was he. one of the mexican gangsters. no don't do you can't okay okay okay no. guesses he was mexican. he still is i hope i don't think he was. i don't think he's mexican in real life. but he played mexican in three amigos. yeah okay yeah yeah. and he might be i know we have to look. it up later but um he was in the movie.

and i'll give you. um all my proceeds that i make now. seriously for this episode. and i'll give it to you okay i'm never. gonna guess that's how i pulled up. freddy soto no he was [ __ ] freddie. still with. three years old when that [ __ ] dude i. know i don't know i don't know who it. was. his name but we got the first right name. right his friend freddie prince no his. name was freddy. asparagus shut up bobby. freddy asparagus look it up freddy. asparagus that's it that was his state. what's his real name that's his name.

freddie asparagus. that guy at the bar that's him that's. one of my favorites love that guy. freddie asparagus i [ __ ] told you. dude. freddy asparagus can i tell you. something about fred asparagus yeah that. scene. i know is one of my fav he's like he was. so good. you're here for the germans yeah yeah. yeah freddy asparagus he was a comedy. store guy oh yeah. bro yeah was he funny we'll go freddie. asparagus um. comedy store just put see what that. happened hold on one second that tequila.

scene by the way when they're like. yeah yeah yeah yeah that's one of the. best scenes about yeah i can't you need. to watch three amigos yeah. yeah that's okay it's so it's so sad. because there's a there's a whole group. of like. comics that you know the comedy store is. known for um you know the famous people. that came out of there. sure but there were a whole um. group of guys and girls that like almost. made it. that we're like you know um that nobody. knows about. let me say that's the majority of people. right yeah but they were all but they.

were also mitzi's favorite so they would. get spots every night. right right so there's like you know. freddy asparagus then you have. wild willy parsons dude i know who that. was yeah yeah and then you have um. um it's atsuku. um there's a whole group and it's kind. of sad well because they were like. cult classic versus commercial classic. films. same kind of thing like mitzi liked. quirky. weird specific really unique comics but. it doesn't mean they were gonna have.

commercial success but she also knew. who was gonna blow up no but there was. one who okay so there was one. if you ask anybody from the 80s you. asked jim carrey you asked anyone. from that era right yep um howie mandel. whoever it might be. you go roseanne bar you go name me one. person. that back then you thought was going to. be the biggest star ever and you've. never even heard of him. his name was finnis henderson. finnish looked that up finis henderson i.

think that's his name. and what he and what happened did he die. that's him. he looks like dice in that topic yeah. that's dennis anderson. he's a weird-looking kid yeah yeah so. this guy. right apparently when he performed it. was like standing out. like he did you know why because he sang. dance didn't impress he's saying dead. impressions. twist twirl right in a 15 minute spot. yeah and then people in the back would.

be like. oh [ __ ] i gotta follow this guy because. anyone that does music. and does the dancing right right and he. crushed it i heard. is he not still around did he i don't. know i've never met him go to the go to. the picture of him in the white beater. on the down left third row. yeah so that's that's that's fine and he. can do your hedges. and plant. [Laughter]. for 13.99 he looks he looks like it's. not going as well as it was when you. were talking about it yeah yeah. but you know what's so weird he's like.

an extra in oz that's what he looks like. doesn't he look like you know i mean. yeah. he has one line in odds yeah yeah oh. dude or he's like you know he's the guy. that he. in a movie he's the convict right that's. older. he's that that cleaned up his act and is. teaching other kids. yeah yeah i'm not doing that no more. yeah he's that guy what do you mean finn. you were the one that left this block. right look at the vein like how about. this it's like. they had the guy that took that head. shot. hey did you take any photos um where it. didn't expose every vein in my neck.

actually i bet you he wants that as the. look yeah can you photoshop. all the veins in my neck hey hey you're. my photographer i'm finn yeah this is a. regular photo. tell tell me to give you some more vayne. well here's the first shot ready yeah. yeah. um no um if in yeah can i call you finn. of course yeah yeah. um can you um for right before i shoot. don't breathe for like 15 seconds okay. right and also just tense your body up. okay. and then and then okay lean your head. back yes.

right yeah and just especially on your. neck just tense everything but don't. breathe as well is that good for photos. you think it's great. people love it you're gonna work all the. time all right well give me the case. i'll tell you right you know what's big. right now rules um. a lot of roles where um convicts need to. shoot heroin through their neck. oh really yeah there's a lot of parts. that way okay heroin neck shooters all. right yeah cam up let's go all right so. anyway. dude i'm ready you're breathing bring up. the camera let's go stop breathing ready. all right. one two three.

[Laughter]. that's what it is i hope venice is doing. well by the way i hope you're doing well. i don't know where you are i hope you're. also look look at his lips right yeah. work done. work down work done look at that and how. about this can i say this too. you know whoever did the headshot right. or his makeup right. could he have said hey um. do you guys have anything a moisturizer. for my lips or lip. no chopstick nothing we don't we don't.

okay just go because it's really we're. in the desert right now. i know i don't know why we're shooting. the desert but holy [ __ ] dude put. something on there orphan finn i hope. you're doing well whoever if you. so he used to be the crusher he was a. crusher well you know maybe he's still. doing great he's doing his own thing and. he's doing his own way i have one more. name for you. i wonder why these stories beaumont. green. beaumont bacon beaumont bacon. just stop for a second why did everybody. have names. beaumont bacon dude right but my bacon. was a japanese guy.

no beaumont bacon was a woman really. yeah. that's her right that's her right there. that's beaumont bacon. there's beaumont bacon i love beaumont. baby so beaumont bacon was in the movie. jerry maguire she had one line wait. you're not gonna remember i should jerk. off to that movie what opening scene. he's having sex with her in his in his. do you remember the opening i just drove. up to a reanimator. you know what reanimators no re-animator. was a horror movie.

re-animator yeah reanimator. did you like that movie movie it's a b. movie yeah it's called reanimator oh. dude all right so there's a scene where. i think this woman is like she had her. tits out that's hot. right so i would pause the evcr right. because yeah. back then when you're in high school we. had vcrs. you can't find them no you can't find i. don't know if a car could go nowhere. right you have to pause the video you. have to get what you get. right right so she was like.

yeah and i would pause perfectly right. and i would look to see if my parents. were like. sleeping in and i would just jerk off. frantically yeah and then i would feel s. you know that feeling yeah of you when. you after you. unload shame it's like a hole. in your gut yep and you can feel the. wind blowing through it. it's so empty yeah you feel like you. feel you feel like the saddest boy in. the world yeah and. meanwhile you're just sitting there. after your nut and you have like. come on your hand little teenage calm. yeah yes it's very.

sticky viscous viscous viscous viscous. yeah. and you just like and you start wiping. it on your shirt or whatever right. and there's just a sadness there you. call your dog you come here come here. punch a dog. no no you grab a couple of socks yeah. that re-animator uh the the headless tit. thing look dude we all had. she was headless though i don't know i. don't think she was just someone was. headless in the. scene i don't think she was i think that. somebody was headless. i mean i used to do it to scramble you. know scramble television you know. scramble porn channels.

[Music]. and then you'd get like and you're like. oh hold on to that noise. you hear one more and you'd see maybe a. little half tip that would fade in and. sap away we had to jerk off to. imagination. to medical books what like from health. class or something yeah. where there was like the uterus a. drawing of a woman's body. yeah right half of it's like inside it's. open all. of her insides yeah i mean right her. lungs where the ribs are right. in the other half right so i would just.

close one. i would close one eye and just have it i. would like anything. yeah anything well dude i mean uh uh uh. victoria's secret was. my mom never got it she's like i i can't. believe i don't get those anymore i'm. like yeah i can't believe you don't get. them either. i don't know where they all went. meanwhile like underneath your mattress. is like you know oh dude you couldn't. i would use it i would jerk off in it. yeah and then i would stuff it in my. backpack. rolled up yeah you know filled with and. i put in my backpack. and on my way to school i would hide it. in other trash cans in the neighborhood.

can i admit something that give it baby. so there was this girl named rebecca. druskin. do we want to say her name yeah she's a. friend okay now. and she used to date this guy named. michael carano do we want to say his. name. yeah because he works for the improv. we're good he's a good friend of mine. then we're great. so rebecca you're not going to be able. to find her well don't google her yeah. yeah yeah that's fine yeah that's cool. leave bacon up there yeah yeah i want to. tell you about your bacon yeah i want to. know about beaumont. i'll tell you about before tell me she. has a southern accent she does 100. okay so um let's go to bowman first and.

then i'll go to that okay okay. so because i don't want to see her face. anymore are you kidding me i love it. yeah i want to get rid of it. she goes hey hey y'all so bulma bacon. was like one of those girls. that mitzi always put on at 10 o'clock. friday saturday. she got 10 spots oh yeah that's. incredible and she was a screamer. was she was she were people coming to. see her. are you okay oh my god have some red. bull papa okay. i think that's what the problem is. that's okay okay yeah you always got to. fix the problem with the problem.

so um she would destroy it right but she. was like. she was a female version of sam kinnison. ah. right that kind of act screaming high. level. super high energy in so many male comics. were like. trying to get her out of there because. they were threatened by her i think at. the end of the this is a time when there. was not. chelsea handler wasn't around none of. the girls were around right. right the the class of people that we. know now so back then the comedy story. was wrong i was a kid was margaret there.

then. she wasn't a store person but um. there was not a lot of girls there all. the women that would tell you about. right now. you've never heard of give me some of. them there was this one named cheryl. vendetti. though we used to wear a like one of. those um. um feathered scarfs around her neck. and she would wear like a 1940s you know. i mean she's like natasha. yeah but she was a wait like a waitress. from like in new york in the 40s you. know right or captain i don't know what. they did back then but um they all tap. danced.

yeah yeah i've got your dreams she would. come in and with the makeup and she. would do. a thing uh then we had a guy named um a. girl you mean. oh yeah girl um then we had one a friend. of mine kelly kirsten. who's now a producer yeah on e but she. was very funny but not a lot of people. that you would hear but she. the guys threw out pretty much but. beaumont banking got pushed out she was. she because she would crush a tent i. always liked her and people couldn't. follow her. no that's the insecurities through the. roof yeah yeah she was so funny and then.

you never saw her again. but see what was different about that. era and i don't want to stick on. it for much longer because who cares but. was different about that era to me from. an outside perspective was. that was threatening when someone was. crushing harder than you and now. i think when people are doing well on. 15-minute handoff spots. it's only good for you if you crush. before me. it's so good for me because then it's. not necessarily. what do you mean because you know i one. time i made the mistake of. calling adam and go you know what dude i.

want to grow. and he goes what do you mean i go why. because you give me really good spots. i always got like 9 45. yeah you had you. had cake spots at cake spots yeah. put me on 11. exactly right where i had. to used to be right and he goes. all right so it was like the one of the. lines was like. killers from a.m 9 p.m i mean till. 11. but it's like but right before me. it's usually like rogan. yeah diaz it was just like.

and i just realized that after about 11. there's an. energy drop big time right big time so. when i went up there with my usual like. what's i'm gonna crush. and then you you immediately notice it's. not working. now you have to change so then you have. to start thinking of how to change it. yeah your energy level right and start. doing self-deprecate you know and then. so. what i would do i would say honest. things like. this is my fault for calling adam you. get you yeah. you tell them tell them what happened.

and they usually laugh at that but my. point is is that um. it's it's just not necessarily true well. i i just think that's i think more now. than ever was like there was. like because guys back then used to do. they would go way over their time. because they could and they didn't give. a [ __ ] about someone buy i don't that. didn't happen as much in our era that it. did in that era. you grew up with famous guy will do as. long as he wants and you just have to. deal. with the things around the famous guy. was i hate to talk [ __ ] but like. go ahead we have this guy named anon. chalani nonchalant.

and uh he was indian obviously yeah big. indian accent. non-bread nonchalante that would be a. great india he was a doctor he was like. going to medical school. right and he was he would say i don't. know even why you know what i mean. mexican. that's right that's just the way he. sounded i probably had an india it. probably had an indian accent no this is. not this is the way he sounds. nonchalantly. this is the way he sounded you didn't. mind you didn't let you did not even. know him. you sound like a mexican magician okay.

can i do my story is this your card. so one so nonchalante yeah he came up to. me i won't do the accent then. please for fun all right thank you so i. would love to thank you. um you would say i don't even know why. you know. i'm a like a regular i just opened mike. one night mitzi came and said. you know you're regular that's literally. the truth yeah he was a doctor who was. just [ __ ] yeah. goofing around i told my friends that. i'll try the open mic. but did he crush no he would just bomb.

so saturday night i cut to saturday. night like six months later. right i'm following him but i'm in the. hallway. this is way before your time yeah i'm. talking to like. i don't know who and then all of a. sudden he just got up. he just gone i heard his name up two. minutes later. i'm just talking to somebody i hear. bubby. i'm not kidding it's nonchalant yeah and. i look in the showroom. and he sweat just sweat dripping down.

today for sure you're right. i think i'm done and i go you know what. i want. i i went in the or and i never saw him. after this. i screamed he killed himself do your. time. [Laughter]. he's so [ __ ] like a [ __ ] [ __ ] he. did did you make him do 50 yeah. i made him stay up there oh bobby no. yeah. 15 minutes you got to do your time. nonchalantly for sure walked into school. you got to do your time yeah he's like. well that's it for me. what are you wearing right now bob.

andrew i am wearing me undies as we. speak. and it's my favorite um underwear that i. own and i love underwear um this is my. favorite one. because i love the prints i love the way. it feels on my body yeah you have prints. that no one else has. yeah and they have a vast variety of. them. yeah that i really enjoy and they're. cute me on these are so comfortable so. soft you're not gonna see them. uh they don't they don't show through. your pants like some other. cheaply made thick gross underwear yeah. the me undies makes it easy to match too. you can match your bottom half to your. better half or halves yes you can match.

your friends like bob and i do. yeah meundies helps you find matching. pairs in style and color. and your boot okay look at this one i. never even seen this one but look at how. dope these are. i love the the penis pocket that's my. favorite i love the penis pooch yeah me. too. meundies also has their problem free. philosophy if you're not satisfied with. any product for any reason they'll. refund it or exchange it no caveats no. questions. also mendes helps you find matching. pairs in a style and a color print of. undies that's right for you and your boo. me and bob because who doesn't love a. secret twinning moment.

right i love it yeah uh me undies has a. great offer for you guys. okay for any first-time purchases you'll. get. 15 off and free shipping guys that's. huge 50. off your first order and free shipping. you just got to go to meundies.com. bad friends that's meundies.com bad. friends. better help oh my god andrew yeah you. know during the pandemic. um i didn't know what i was gonna do i. was going through some depressions. yeah and dealing with the loss of my.

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uh one time because i couldn't get girls. right so um careful here. how stalkery was this no no nothing like. physical. right right just follow you home and. watch you at night when you no no no no. nothing like that. sharpening a knife no no no not nothing. like that what was it. so um rebecca druskin right so she i. worked at a coffee shop with her. which one it was called this cafe and a. radio station in san diego called 91x.

91x disc cafe go get yourself a cup of. coffee from the hot korean guy down. like cool alternative concession they. owned it right right. and um it was cool that this cafe. because um. i would be washing dishes there we had a. stage it was the first cafe that i knew. about. and this is in the early 90s right where. we were a record store as well that's. cool so you could listen to cds. while you had coffee well you had coffee. we had listening stations oh that's.

and you could buy stuff right not only. did that. but it's like we had a stage as well. like first for performance. music and people would just hop up there. but we wouldn't let anyone up there. we i'm not kidding you that one time i. was sitting there washing dishes. and i was with mike halloran who owned. this cafe. was still a friend of mine i talked to. him the other day and he goes um. oh jewel's here so jewel would go up on. stage jules no not her. tools jewel the singer yeah jewels not. this jewel jewels. so jules was there she was she was not.

even existing then. huh oh yeah yeah so jewel would go up. there. or like frank black from the pixies. would go up acoustically it was cool. jewel would show up yeah cause she's. from san diego i thought she was from. canada. no really i have a funny jewel story who. will say. so her yeah i have i have a r. do you ever tell you about the fishbowl. jewel story well no. hit me with it okay so i was. so there was this coffee shop called.

java joe's. okay in pacific beach that's a true. story okay. so this is when i was maybe two years. into doing stand-up but i could crush. for five minutes. yeah you were murderous i was a murderer. six minutes off of the cliff. eat it right so like and whenever i. jabba joe had a big crowd right. he would call me and go hey man i got a. big crowd here do your five minutes. and crush right right and so um he calls.

me one night he goes i can't i don't. know what's going on man but it's. [ __ ] packed in here man come do the. five i called other artists as well. right so i i had another gig but i'm. like i can fit it in then i can go do my. other gig. so i drive down there and i walk in. and when you walk in there's a little. table to your left. and a fishball full of business cards. right right and the business is filled. with business cards. right i guess that's how they got i. don't know that's how you win a dinner i.

don't know i don't know. well that's like i don't know why it's. there and and i walk. in and tools there tools yeah. no it's a secret tool right right and. i'm standing there. and joe joe tells jewel. hey can he go up you don't mean can he. go up you bumped jewel. no and i for five minutes and it jewel. was already like. on the cover of time magazine at the. time what was she doing at java. she lived in san diego she lived in like. uh del mar.

in that area sure so um. i go hey. can i do five minutes before you right. like that. yeah you know i'm just gonna just do my. little set and then leave then you can. go up. it'll be like five minutes i'm gonna go. five minutes so i go. okay and now i know i'm gonna eat it. right yeah. so he she's up there she sings one song. and the crowd gives her a standing. ovation in this coffee shop. yeah right and then they go oh one more.

one more one more right right yeah she. goes i'll do another one. of course and she does another one right. one more. one more one more she does another one. and then she does. in the middle of now it's 30 minutes two. hours and i gotta go. yeah right and and i'm furious too. i made a rage right and this is so. embarrassing. so she she's singing like a very. sensitive song this is a new one this is.

about. heartbreak or whatever my grandfather. got hiv. and it's you could hear a pin drop in. the room. right and i don't know what came over me. but i was so angry. i kicked. i kicked the table where the fishbowl is. with the business card bobby so right so. she's singing it and i kick. it right and i can see the business the. the fishbowl.

it's in slow motion right and it falls. off. right the table. [Music]. she stops playing the whole place turns. around and i go. i don't know why i said this i go that's. right i go that's right. that's right i said that's right and i. left i never played it again. that's right jewel i didn't say jewel. clean up these [ __ ] business cards. it's embarrassing i already told you so. that happened that's funny though. that's right it's insane i want you to. reach out to her it's insane behavior.

let's call she's not gonna remember. let's call her. so anyway um oh so rebecca joskin they. weren't at the coffee shop. that's what it is jamba joe's no at this. cafe. all right am i boring you no okay so um. she used to work there with me she's. short blonde hair yeah glasses yeah. and um i had a crush on her. now i can tell and one night i was with. my brother steve. you know the uh yeah the crazy i go. steve. um it's like one in the morning and i go.

can i just i've been doing this lately. can i just park outside. this girl's house. bobby stop i didn't do anything weird. you. that's not weird you you it just sits. you safe. she's a dangerous area you're a. dangerous area this is when somebody. kills a famous person they're like. i just want she works i want to make. sure no one else kills pb and she had in. the second. floor of this you know you would park. outside of her window across the street.

and like like a silhouette you know like. in the movie um. taxi driver when she's with the curtain. drawn in the. yeah you know taxi driver that might run. scorsese scene yes yeah yeah. same thing yes right and i would just. wait till her. the bedroom light turned off and i would. drive away. bobby what didn't do nothing it's just. so strange. i admit it real quick by the way i. cannot wait till this video is being. played in court and they pause it and. they go. your honor no further.

i went to a rehab with this girl named. tara black cool. she lived in encinitas and one night i. don't know what happened but i. she goes spend the night she was so cute. in her. room no she made she was we'll watch. movies and my. she had lived with her parents this. isn't at rehab. no this is after rehab so i was still in. high school right on. right so um she. this is so embarrassing i've already. told this a long time ago.

something but um she she. fell asleep on the couch and i pretended. i was. and her little feet were in the blankets. like this careful now. i am careful go on this is not illegal. what i did sure go on. and i would get my because it was dark. so i tried to get my light. adjusted to you know what i mean mm-hmm. your eyes are. the dark the darkness sure right kind of. like bane did. in that prison good comparison. let the eyes adjust yeah let the eyes. adjust and i would just.

stare at her [ __ ] feet just her toes. for 10 hours. until she woke up you wouldn't touch him. i would wait until the light no i would. just stare at her toes you wouldn't. touch yourself. no okay don't you think i'm a criminal. oh don't act like that's crazy. you're not a kid you slowly peeled her. feet out it doesn't matter i'm not a bad. guy man okay okay but you just watched. so you just watched her toes. and what was it about the toes just i've. never seen white feet. right it's us no not yours guys i've. never seen white female feet. i got nice toes i'm pretty sure they're.

good but i'm not i'm gonna pass for now. but i never seen white feet and they. were just they would glow i won't see. i've only seen yellow bring up some. white don't do that i'll thread that. forever. wow i will start okay yeah okay that one. like in the dead center third row down. dead center. yeah yeah that is that so that's what. yeah i mentioned that right. right and and i would just i couldn't. believe it because the only female feat. i've seen was my mother's. and there was like there were hooves. claws yeah yeah they had like yeah. they had like nail growing all right.

exactly. right she would scratch you know i mean. like that is what you said yeah so i saw. that. right let's just imagine that glowing. with my eyes adjusted. right and seeing it right and imagine me. just. not in a sexual way no just your. fantasies. not fantasizing either it doesn't have. to be nasty it's not even nasty it's. it's like seeing something like like. i'll be honest with me. if you were in england i'm there now. okay and you were in. a you know a field frolicking hello mate. right by yourself. why am i alone just in the in this.

scenario you're alone. i'm alone i see it so imagine it's. prairie land green pastures rolling. hills. there's a little forest to your left no. no no no don't do that. this is way this is thousands of years. before that okay got it. and to your left you see. you what you think is a horse god damn. it looks like a horse it's a white horse. right it looks like a white horse yeah. and then as. it comes out slowly comes out of the.

forest look at the size of its dick. that's not weird that's not what i'm. looking at where you're looking all. right okay so i see the horse come out. and you see you realize it's a [ __ ]. unicorn. whoa imagine that i see it yeah. you would be shocked and you would stare. at it for 10 hours like i did with these. feet. and that's the way that's the feat yeah. i get it something i didn't. knew existed this is because you loved. her. that's love you were you were obsessed. with her jules do you think i'm a creep.

yeah really. ah maybe that's that's creepy thing. right. if you woke up if you were hanging out. with a guy that was friends with you. right. like when you go to college and. unfortunately when you start dating. which i'm not a fan of. and a guy says let's hang out and you. guys are hanging out let's just say. you're watching a movie. and you see him staring at your feet. what's your first thought. i'd be really scared call the cops no. you wouldn't. call the cops you wouldn't call the cops. that seems like a murderer okay if i'm.

sleeping. i'm sleeping i'm gonna sleep right mike. and i go my toes seem. you know a little chilly right i open my. eyes. and some chick is staring at my feet but. not in an angry way. in a delightful way coveting your feet. not coveting it's more like you know. walking by. you know being an orphan right. in france yeah walking by i'm there. you know oh a pastry shop with the. windowsill.

oh and looking at the fresh baked you. know i mean hello. right yeah and then you're like i wish i. could have that but i don't i can't. afford it. because i'm an orphan they have no money. yeah yeah yeah so that's what it is. that's the same thing. exactly what it is but you think it's. really creepy huh really creepy yeah. wow really creepy because. i don't want someone just looking at my. feet. and like i don't know what his ideas are. what is the idea what would be an idea. well what was your idea when you were. doing that.

it's it's like a science no one's. attacking you just so what what do you. think was going on in your head when you. were watching it. i was like um i found her attractive of. course. right and um were you nervous to be. laying next to her. i was on the floor and she was on the. couch yeah i'm not laying next to her oh. i didn't know i just like sleep on the. floor you didn't make an immigrant you. basically was the you know chinese. people go on the floor in my house yeah. right so you were nervous to be around. her i'm on the floor. but you could hear her a little cute.

snoring. yeah right yeah i got it's time and you. slowly. time feed time right and i you don't. like it i don't like it. yeah this is not that bad also this is. not listen jules right this is. in the 80s times were different back. you were allowed to look at broad feet. yeah i'll tell you you know what you. just for some reason to remind me of. i just when you're nervous you've never. done anything like that like with a girl. i'm honest no but but but like but i'm.

just being honest but like also you just. made me think of a time when like when. girls used to make me so nervous because. i. they were out of my league exactly okay. so like this like there was a girl in. college. i was in love with her like i had the. biggest crush on her and her friend. kind of liked me but like her friend was. like. her friend was a beast she was gross. and i kind of would hang out with them. just to get close to the girl that i. liked. but the friend kind of took it as a you. know like. whatever anyway one night we all get.

drunk. and the friend passes out and i kind of. admit. to this girl that i'm you know into her. how do you do it you do do you do it in. a confident way are you nervous make a. joke make a joke make a joke make a joke. it was always make a joke okay i'm the. girl yeah right yeah. so so that you're my friend the ugly one. is asleep right. she's gone what's her name barbaduke. okay barbie. oh god barbara duke is really passed out. yeah she sure did yeah yeah. i mean it's a lot of weight you got to. kind of get off those knees at some.

point. that's mean no i'm just i'm kidding. around i'm just joking around. she's my best friend no i know i know i. just she did complain about her knees. and her back earlier so i just was. saying she needed to maybe rest. yeah i just thought you were doing a fat. joke or something oh my god no and. barbeduke isn't fat. that's not her name really. no her name is sally yeah i know but. barb she oh you're the only one that. calls her barber dude i do. i guess i do what does barbadook mean it. means fat. it means fat queen yeah yeah fat queen.

so anyway um. i don't i don't i don't even want to. watch last action hero i don't want to. watch this. i think it's one of arnold. schwarzenegger's best work it is but i. don't want to watch this right now i got. to be honest with you okay. i just hung out after she's fallen. asleep and i don't want to go home. because i have this huge crush on you. and. i know you're way way out of my league. but i figured maybe. you know it's the off season and you. might want to you know hang out with a. practice squad. sometime is that really your angle no.

but i mean i'm doing that now that's. really cool did it work that worked. would you have slept with me yes. all right because all those little. things it means a highly elevated. sense of humor because i was joking. about it's not it's not like you know. preteen or posting you know i mean dick. humor. sure it's it's elevated all right so. check this out so after whatever i did. to. whatever we said i don't remember yeah. she's she's into it. yeah we go back into her room i had. already. had sex at this point in my life it.

wasn't like a weird it wasn't like a. like this was not an abnormal thing to. go back to a girl's room or come to my. room uh-huh. i went in there and she lay down on the. bed. and took her pants off like almost. immediately oh. and i got so nervous by her uh. progressive. her by just being like taking her pants. off yeah yeah i locked up. and i'm not kidding yeah i kept all my. clothes on yeah and i just. went down on her for like 20 minutes i. just. don't listen man what what.

jules is oh you said way worse in front. of her. i never did that talk about going down. on someone. please you've talked about getting your. penis sucked by a [ __ ] person oh. yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. [Laughter]. no but i but but that and i could only. do that i was like paralyzed with the. fear. that it i i didn't make another move to. have sex with her wow and i just. went down under did she now did she. excuse my language. did she orgasm no.

no you didn't have the technique back. then no i was a freshman in college yeah. and i was also a good technique now. though oh yeah. you're a licensed professional right. yeah can i see your card yeah. yeah i got my wallet yeah yeah no but i. was so nervous that it kind of just. ended. naturally do you know what i mean i. actually think she pulled me up to like. kiss or hang out and then we just turned. over and i fell asleep and. before she could wake up it was like 5. or 6 a.m i got the [ __ ] out of it i was. like. because she paralyzed me with how like. hot and cool.

and i was ner i knew i couldn't do it. yeah i bailed oh i bailed you're a [ __ ]. oh bro yeah oh bro everyone's had those. where they're like intimidated and they. they i [ __ ] up yeah i just there was. no her taking off her pants i vividly. remember being like. what she has all the power uh. i have no control you have no power yeah. so i just felt like i just jumped in. yeah just like go head first um into the. puss pond. yeah do you like it when they tell you. what to do down there or do you like. just. improvising well yeah as you get older.

in sex you you lo. i love uh communicate the communication. right and when you're young no one talks. yeah because when they tell me what to. do i in my head i don't think i can do. it. right so then i panic yeah if that's a. freak out yeah can you just do it. quickly above. to the left and i get like you take math. quests i don't know. if i don't have map questions i don't. know what all right i don't know what i. mean it's like trying to memorize is. there an additional app yeah for a video. game yeah yeah yeah yeah like. what is it left right i've had girls say. that's not it and there you go. that's all of it yeah i'm doing my.

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and that you can tell that the. ingredients are so fresh. yeah no they're they're really good so i. we had pork loin. and carrot slaw and i got to cut the. carrots yeah i got to cook the pork. it's super easy they offer 25 plus. recipes to choose from every single week. from vegetarian to craft burgers like. bobby likes extra special gourmet. options. honestly there's something for everybody. if you hate cooking. this is so easy also this is my favorite. part of it is they use. fresh ingredients yeah that are um. sourced directly from growers and.

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enter the code. so what's up friends i love you guys uh. greetings from tijuana. a city that bobby knows very well so my. name is hector and. i am challenging andres to a dance-off. to prove that mexico is. much much better much better than spain. yeah. okay is that. all right mexico is better because it. has.

more drugs mexico is so much better than. spain. because i got better music. today i am going to be telling you about. why the mexico is. uh better than the uh. spain hey fancy you let me know. when spain has tijuana trans and i'm. sure mr 45. bisexual would agree with me right bobby. mexico.

is better than spain because as you know. as rudy knows spain. was really bad to the philippines. and you know who wasn't fancy mexico. i never heard of spain having donkey. shows. and let's be real if i was in mexico. probably asked someone where i could go. see a donkey show they actually. work full work days and earn the right. to sit around in a hammock.

at the end of the day instead of in. spain where you work a three-hour. workday. go home at noon and sit around drinking. te rojo. saying things like did you esc. neither is the justice league spain may. have a lot of cool history and. you know christopher columbus was a. badass but mexico has one thing. and that's crazy a crazy cartel uh with. crazy drugs and. crazy sexy ladies and not to mention. their crazy. awesome food mexico has everything the. food the culture.

spain is just like the gay cousin of of. mexico. celena cantinflas pisante fernandez. um frida tacos enchiladas chiraquiles. tamales. we have like ruins like native american. ruins. so nothing really gets cooler than that.

spain is only known for. colonizing rape. and fancy mexico has. mexicans and spain has. endless by the way jules you've heard. way worse out of him that wasn't. explicit at all. yeah yeah yeah thank you so we also. forgot the remember she's 19. she's a. grown-up. she's 20 in november but you're not.

dating anybody until you're what do we. say. married married you get to date someone. when you're married i don't want to get. married. okay well then you're never going to be. a son be a nun i dare you to be a nun. can we be could you be a nun. why. oh no it's great being a nun yeah no. you'd crush. you'd crush as a nun the nunnery there. was this documentary about can we give.

him a call can we call the netherlands. no. let's not talk okay you don't want to be. that close to god no i don't be that. close to galette i like their i like how. uh. um they're closed i like how there's a. time for the nuns. yeah oh we're closed that hour did you. see that documentary about that nun that. used to date. elvis back in the dish she was in a. movie star wait. yeah this sounds familiar but yeah i. used to date elvis i think that's what's. called or i went out with elvis or. something. none dated elvis yeah yet when before. she was a nun delores hart. dolores heart is that it she's an.

american roman catholic benedictine who. was previously. a prominent actress following the movie. debut with elvis presley. uh in loving you she made ten films in. five years including. wild wild as the wind king creed and. where the boys are and she dated him. after that wow. they can the connecticut nun who kissed. alva she kissed him. yeah that's all she after imagine. getting ten movies. like five years yeah in my career i've. done ten movies now. in 30 years this [ __ ] was on fire.

killing it right and then she's just. like i see why she's gorgeous. and she just became a nun and then what. happened was she lived on this monastery. and in the documentary um it's a great. documentary. she um there was this guy that like back. then. after elvis right there was a guy that. you know wanted to marry her right she's. like i'm gonna be a nun. right and i think he waited you know i. mean. until she was 80 and he kept visiting. her every year. trying to convince her to stop no he. just realized you know that's the love. of my life.

right i can't meet anybody like her. right so i'm just gonna live. you know in the next city adjacent to. her and visit her and visit her as much. as i can. for the rest of my life so there's two. roads here in my in my mind. yeah that guy that same guy yeah used to. be the stare at the toes guy late at. night. you right you could have either you. could have either continued to be that. guy. and that would be you that's true or you. snapped out of it and became bobby lee. and you figured it out it's true. because that guy for sure definitely.

stared at her 100. while she was like kissing elvis yes. yeah can you look up uh dolores hearts. toes let's see if they have any toe. shots for you. 1960's no way there's no there's no way. there's no way laura's heart's feet i'm. telling you she's on wiki feet baby oh. she is. bring up those feet bring up the feet. the third one on the beach oh that's. that's that's. good is that dollar store yeah there. sure is let's look at the feet. bobby those are your horses that's your. poor cell phone stared at those toes 100.

yeah give me the one on the beach can. you pull up the one on the beach because. uh. that one there's there might be a couple. of better shots like that. oh there's one yeah below that who was. with who was the one right below to the. right to the right to the right to the. right. the one with the issues with the guy. yeah yeah that one oh she's covering her. covering her feet you know why because. she knows people are going to j. o to them this is better yeah yeah. look at her feet beautiful beautiful. feet look at her who is that is that um. who is that andre peck gregory pack.

gregory pack is it there has to be it. kind of look they all kind of look the. same. you know how they all kind of look to. the same a little bit at some point. was it gregory pack no it was harvey. levin. henry levin henry levin i don't know who. that is george hamilton oh was that. george hamilton. oh that was your channel was that wow. yeah. that was george hamilton yeah yeah he. was a good yeah. you can see and we know her his son what. is this actually ashley. ashley hamilton he used to do stand up.

yeah does he still do stand up no. bring up people we know his son ashley. hamilton he used to show up in like cool. leather jackets. yeah yeah and um oh dude what happened. to that guy what does he do now. is he a musician or some [ __ ] yeah. that's him actually. this guy used to come to the comedy. store but tyler we used to see him what. i don't i don't i can't i have a history. with him oh bad yeah. i have some bad history with him let's. talk bad no no i can't i can't no okay. but he yeah let's hear it. well i think he looks like sugar ray in.

that picture with a tattoo with the look. at that. the third yeah look look at that photo. what is that shirt. that's actually do you think he's. handsome no women. oh she paused way too long well bring up. the handsome photo back again of the. look at this that one or the second. photo yeah yeah that he that guy's not. handsome to you. he looks okay there i like the tattoos. you like the tattoos. i think we're fine with her dating by. the way i think we're going to be fine. yeah she um so tattoos there was this.

one. incident where jules. [Laughter]. it happened at the laugh factory where. um this is when. eleanor kerrigan didn't like me why. didn't you oh i know yeah right there. was a whole history yeah i remember. i love her by the way and she was her. and ashley hamilton were upstairs. yeah and apparently there was like 50. comics around and they were telling. everybody. that i gave andy dick a [ __ ] well i. heard that i mean i've heard that i've.

heard a version of that. i've heard a version of that not that. you like finished or anything or enjoyed. it i didn't do it. i've heard that you did i didn't blow. any dick dude i don't believe it i don't. believe it but i don't not believe it. how about that as one of you no. please closest friends we have to get to. a point now yeah in our relationship. yes you have to be more toward i don't. believe it oh i don't believe it. yeah but i don't believe it that not. believing it. i don't need to be out okay like a. cancer somebody says. they cut that out somebody says your.

good friend and your good friend bobby. lee yeah i love him i love you. so much it's fine you're family to me. exactly they say. bobby sucked andy's dick yeah and then i. come here. i say bobby somebody told me that you. sucked andy dick's dad i'll tell you. what happened and then you say to me. no i didn't and a piece of me goes but. it sounds right. it just sounds like it should sound. wrong it sounds it's i want it to sound. wrong to you and that's where we need to. be. okay say prove it to me it's wrong i'm. gonna tell you what's wrong tell me how. it's wrong. i'm working the door okay i don't know. who andy dick is.

until no. good night for me yeah i was a doorman. in 1996. eight okay yeah and this is when joe. rogan. was on a show called newsradio great. show. on the show yes okay so joe was in the. o.r or whatever and. some of the i think phil hartman came a. bunch of people came rest in peace. and i was in the bathroom as a doorman. i'm wearing the comedy store shirts. sucking and no no sorry i'm sorry i'm.

jumping the shark. so anyway um i'm taking a piss and i. forgot to lock the door. in comes andy dick in comes andy dick. right. then he goes well well well you know how. he does. now in that bathroom right you have. stair like. right in the back of it there's these. when it's like a window with these like. um. slots yeah the slats the slide it's the. slats. windows right is that the face he made. yeah he goes well. well well right so there's these stairs.

that go up. and i'm literally standing there andy. walks in. and i turn around and there's 15 faces. in the [ __ ] slots right ready to see. what you're about to do yeah yeah. and i go get dude i don't know you man i. got to go to work i'm. working the door right that's all that. happened hmm that's. all that happened i don't like your face. well i know i know it's rude no no. it's absolutely rude there's a couple of. missing puzzle pieces here go ahead. why are they looking in the window did. andy say i'm gonna go in the bathroom. and bobby's gonna suck my [ __ ].

i don't know why well why would they be. looking in the window no one ever looks. in that window. do you see how there's some do you see. how there's some weird did you make a. joke outside no no. i think maybe people saw me walk in they. saw andy dick walking and they figured. you guys. no i'm just trying to do it from the. viewers perspective yeah it's it's you. know. if you ask andy i never blew him in. court. yeah he would in a court you might be. this might be found. guilty i mean there might not be you're. gonna have it i asked you can i be. honest with you.

stop it no no no stop i'm not gonna stop. it stop it no because you got me there. you got me on the edge of course you. didn't suck andy dick's dick i didn't. suck his dick man. okay all right i believe you all right. but people but people st so. eleanor years later so they're spending. hamilton are. spreading this rumor that i'm gay and i. sucked andy dick's dick. right and would help you now by the way. all right career-wise. i mean chris is great i know but that.

would be what a boost not wouldn't. what a boost not a boost go ahead all. right what. you think let me say something by you. saying that do you think. even if secretly i did suck his dick. then i would finally go yeah. okay yeah i was open i wanted a little. piece. i would be like well i kissed it. whatever jules do you think i sucked. andy. dick sick i think so. [Laughter]. so anyway they're spreading around. rumors which you're pissed talking about. pissed off about it because you know me.

because it's [ __ ] and that's my. that was you and ashdock did you ever. hash it out with him he was one of those. guys where if. like if i was in a um. if i was like greenblatt and i was with. a bunch of comics and he walked in i. didn't say hello to him directly that he. would find that to be disrespectful. oh grow up so then like oh two weeks. later. i'll go what's up ashley he won't say. anything i'll go you have a problem he. goes yeah because it greenblatt's a. couple weeks ago you didn't say hi to. him you know he's that kind of guy. yeah so i was what an unmemorable thing. he's a nice guy though yeah but that.

really. some people do that thing where they're. like uh you know who i hadn't seen in a. long time by the way you were talking. about good looking guys. lachlan patterson came we were both. doing uh who's that salt lake you know. you don't know him he's. so funny dude canadian comic moved here. years ago and look at him. i want to see him patterson he's awesome. lachlan that's him right there yeah. love him he's so funny that guy so when. i use he's a good joke writer oh he's a. brilliant joker. when i first met him he looked like the. the the short-haired head shot that you. see. yeah yeah yeah and now that's what you. what you just first clicked on that's.

who he is now yeah yeah he's. so funny surfer [ __ ] yeah he's such a. cool dude yeah he was down there too and. this guy do you think he's handsome yes. cc yeah yeah yeah yeah he's so funny. this guy i mean even with short hair he. was a good look. you know what short hair he looks like. one of the property brothers a little. bit no he looks like. literally what i want jesus to look like. with the long hair. go back to long hair that is jesus yeah. yeah i have risen. but don't you want a little bit more tan. no that's perfect. a little bit more time i'm whiter. actually.

i mean like jesus closer to who he is. right closer to who he should be that's. what it is. so um if you rose like that um then. you'd be. i'd be like dude that's what jesus. generally kind of looks like to me. a little darker though what does jesus. look like to you jewels. big breath i don't know. long hair what color is this photos. let's go into that what color is judge. jesus based on these photos.

well i can tell you which one it's. definitely not that bottom left one. yeah yeah so the one my grandmother has. all over her house. yeah okay this is a good game which. jesus does my grandmother have. literally all over her house oh i. already can tell go ahead. the first one on the far left or can i. give you a second one no you. the far right let jewels guess two i was. gonna say the right one the far top. right correct one that's all over my. grandmother. that very photo yeah is littered. literally. jesus literally did not look like that.

yes that was him. blow that picture up a little bit can. you pinch pinch and zoom. so the jesus on the left is who they. want you to believe an egyptian would. look like. right there yeah but that jesus right. there to the right yeah that's what he. looks soft eyes. he looked like he might have played in a. band in the 80s and the late 80s. go to the one to the left yeah not that. one the second one right here. yeah i think that's the closest to what. jesus looks like. i don't know i don't know yeah yeah. egyptians are. fair-skinned like me i i understand that.

but go to the all-right right that's. andrew that's andy daley. white i know that's who jesus was he. wasn't andy daly white that's who jesus. was. no no no do you what color was jesus do. you know. like tan or a bit darker yeah exactly. very dark he was. it was maybe down to that yeah yeah. obviously that's more close to what. jesus looked like right there yeah yeah. to the left yeah. egyptian egyptian yeah he was [ __ ]. egyptian yeah. the idea though that they paint him like. the one that my grandmother has is.

really strange. like that's [ __ ] up that's what you. see all the time is jesus. that looks like matt rife you know what. i mean yeah it's really strange yeah. yeah it's a weird it's such a weird and. the holding the baby lamb. that's what you see those photos all the. time yeah they're making a. last last temptation of not lasting. between uh passion of the christ part. two. is mel doing it yeah that's awesome and. um. uh cavia was it jimmy really yeah this. is. after what happened part two what. happened after would you the behave.

incidentally after he called that cop a. dirty jew or whatever. no after is that the president after. patch of the christ at least now i know. let me let me see let me see if i was. jesus would i let you in. oh my god dude no i mean because at the. door i'd be like bad friends. i'd be like yeah but that was just my. you know what yeah. earthly project i know but but that was. it but it gave you meaning and fun and. life and. i'll just say wait go there's a line. you're gonna make me wait. there's already a line you're at the. front of the line i know i just it's not.

forever to get up here. go off to the side bobby go off the side. i got to see who else is coming in. bobby no no bobby i waited in the line i. didn't even skip the line i could have. skipped the line and said hi to you it. doesn't matter. dude i'm jesus i run the [ __ ] thing i. understand but. security all right so they put it to the. side right. get off from me you're not going. downstairs. you're making it you're not going. downstairs all right you're not watch no. watch who else i let it all right kevin. spacey come on come on. [Laughter].

i would let you in but i would [ __ ] with. you i know you would right right away. what would you do or you'd put me in. hell for like 15 minutes and then be. like come on. okay so would you let me in i'm jesus at. the gates yeah. all right you're with rudy you guys both. show up well we'd have to have because. the line is long. so many people die a day right hold on. so i'm jesus right so and you and you. were. together we had died in a car accident. obviously right because she was driving. yeah she was doing it yeah and well i.

think if that was the case. we were in line i'd be like you know you. didn't see the red light. you guys are arguing you're the one. that's driving no you're driving. she's driving you're driving you don't. want me to drive because you always say. that i drive slow. but you were driving fine. and that's why we got an accident. because you know you don't know the [ __ ]. you're blowing you were screaming. oh i got this jack well regardless. because we're we're dead now it's your. fault. your fault hello my children hello. ah jules a lovely spirit a light.

come in thank you hey i'm just gonna go. with her then. next you won next. [Laughter]. i'd let you write in are you the number. one like if i google andrew santino. at santino are you the number one andrew. santino that comes up what. what the [ __ ] does that even mean of. course i'm the number one [ __ ] it. there's only one of them. well how come when you google your name. right and i'm only i'm the third one. that pops up. what are you talking about watch go. right oh get out of this google search.

search. get out no go back to andro huh. right and then go down to what i don't. know there was like uh what people other. people oh yeah yeah yeah yeah right. there why am i the third. because we're connected yeah but why is. theo more connected to you. why is he first i think i make fun of. him more i don't know why i don't know. why. how does that work well i don't think. that's an order that's not. no it can't be click on mine.

and click on that instantly right on the. second you're second. i'll get my girlfriend's first so i. should be [ __ ] second. yeah i guess that's true yeah and magnum. pi's on there. man they love you from that show right. is bobby lee right is bobby lee is in. front of it. is bobby lee and let's see what these. are married. korean related to bruce lee that's a. good question. honestly that's valid yeah is are you. still married is bobby lee cook alive is. this when you were with dane cook for a.

few years. i don't know that bobby lee cook was a. guitarist is bobby lee. chinese by the way is he korean and is. he chinese we keep [ __ ] with people. they don't know what you really are. yeah you want to tell them that you're. japanese i am japanese they have no idea. okay. putin is andrew santino is andrew. santino. married in the office irish have a. special. wife dating from net worth they want to. know my money. this is all this is there's nothing. special they don't well irish is andrew.

santino irish. is andrew were you in the office yeah i. did an episode of the office. yeah one episode i mean but. [ __ ] what a weird by the way we spent. this whole time having a good time and. we didn't even mention that cinco de. mayo. that's why that's what i wanted to do. how do you feel about immigration. about which kind oh that's right. exactly mexicans i like you do love. cubans same thing no yes any latin i'm. good with.

land's good how about um. haitian they're still i like the food. okay good i like the food all right what. about um. if uh they were. aborigine from australia from australia. yeah. i don't want australians in here okay. australians. all australians okay i don't want them. ever heard. that's what they're from the united. states that's true yeah there are so.

that was your question there are people. that's true okay all right. what about um you know it you know this. game. i'll tell you where this game is leaving. this keep is going to lead. to me saying either chinese or korean. and you're saying absolutely not i'm. waiting for you. no so i'm not sure the fans. give them what they want i am done with. the game the joke is that i'm okay with. everybody but i know. i know but i i just knew that this line. of questioning was going to go to there. i know when you had. a nip in the butt now you didn't have to. break it up thanks for playing for the.

sake of comedy we could have just kept. going. all right let's go back then let's go. back all right no no it's ruined now but. yeah. japanese people yes love love them yeah. hmong. what a man a little bit yeah let him in. what about uh. china fine sometimes tai. tai i'm looking to you because you you. know those people better than i do. oh yeah yeah let him in yeah filipinos. definitely not filipino's definitely not. very good the fact that there's two of. them in this office right now scares the. [ __ ] out i'm not filipino. [Laughter].

oh that's right gap yeah yeah i know. she yeah it's between these these two. filipinos by the way she looks. identical to gilbert it's so scary you. know what i said to her when she came in. yeah i go oh [ __ ] i've this. i've seen your face for the first time. because i've only seen her with a mask. yeah yeah so when i first came in. she she had taken off her ass for a. second yeah and then she took her mask. and i said. that's weird i wondered what she looked. like yeah but now that i saw gilbert i. was like i should have known. a couple of weeks ago episodes ago we.

did a uh. episode where we wrote a movie called. the bottom of the turtle. turtle island yeah and a lot of the uh. our fans made movie posters. yeah and we'd like to check out some. posters this one battle i don't like the. fun above. it just needs to be bolder you don't. like it it looks like a pirate wrote it. yeah it looks like it's done but i like. how our names are in white so you can. see them. right because can i see the whole thing. is there any way to look at the whole. thing is that the whole thing. full screen it full screen that one. photo.

i think that's as big as i get yeah. that's it there's no bottom to it then. well it's the bottom of turtle island no. i think that's as far as it goes yeah is. that an animated. uh gif of rudy no it looks like it moved. well what i like about this yeah that's. the stairwell that we oh that's cool. you know all right rudy's down there. with the with the knife but she's. smiling she's smiling which we said she. wasn't. right and where the bodies are behind. her you see all the bodies yeah yeah. and then to the left you you see the. turtle itself that lives. that's amazing really somebody really. put the work in thank you so much for.

that and obviously i'm giving you a. piggyback ride because that's how the s. and the d. starts yeah all that stuff and this is. not that important in the movie. it is not that big of a theme yeah by. the way the island looks exactly how i. thought it would look that's great very. small rocky on one side. yeah it's a great poster man thank you. for who did that. thank you for who did that and then this. one of course. introducing rudy jewels i like that i. like that we should be the stars and. we're the stars and interesting. as if her performance right right is.

like you know. you're going to be like wow wait till. you see this yeah because if her. performance isn't good they're not going. to say that no they're introducing bobby. lee anderson. intrusion rudy jules and the drawings of. us are good there's little island. yeah the bottoms of turtle island how. long can they survive. bad friends productions presents a film. by andres yeah yeah what is it no it. says anita bryant oh that's who that is. written by bobby lee andrew santino. starring bobby lander santino giuliana. rudy eric griffin's in it why is he in. it. why is he in it did we put him in the. original no he's got audition. we definitely gotta make him real yeah.

music by fancy be produced by bobby lee. and andrew santino. and directed by fancy b of course bottom. turtle island dot com. oh this is good this is like you know. what you know how sometimes they make. movie posters for like. europe or japan this is. the japanese one well there's the hot. walk there and the pub so oh this is. really clever this is clever your hot. walk restaurant is right next to the pub. that we talked about yeah. there's the bodies on the hill yeah by. the way do you notice in the photo. you're laying atop me there nude.

am i oh and my does my ass have to be in. the. of course in the poster how do you want. to sell the movie bobby this is a. japanese i know but the thing is is that. i just don't want my. to be i don't want to i just if we're. trying to crush the foreign market. yeah we have a cute little tushy asian. boy with chopsticks in his hair. in a bun clutching to a pale ginger boy. yeah this is going to sell i guess i. guess. it's going to i just need approval you.

know i mean next time i'm sorry. these are already on the streets we sent. these out it's already. can you please give me approval yes but. you're going to be upset this is in. times square as well we put it up in. france. it's huge yeah what's the next one. that's really good great one. and this is where we go see this is our. release this is it and this is for. amsterdam. yeah this is a foreign poster for. amsterdam for sure the bomb turtle. island right. what's what i love exactly did you get. approval for this. i i actually did i didn't approve of it.

but i do now that i see it yeah yeah. you have a very small ass and you and. your ass is your whole back. that is true your butt is the size of. your back yeah yeah yeah. by the way i love our catchphrases down. there at the bottom sucks suck. suck yeah yeah and i love. that jules is in the middle do you see. that zoom into the jewels in the sword. yeah oh that is there. he is and on the bodies skulls see. that's the most. picture of jewels that's a great [ __ ]. poster.

look at how we're looking at each other. i don't know let me ask you this though. why do i have a fu manchu mustang. you have one right now no i don't a fu. manchu mustang i mean it's about as. close to a fu manchester united. okay it's there it looks good all right. that's a good one. all right in this one this one is uh. whoa. whoa bob this is street art they made. you jacked. yeah no that's pretty much it that's. what it looks like yeah and look at you. clutching to your legs look at you zoom. in. look at you zoom in more let me look it.

look at you i'm admiring the size of. your sword i know my point is. that that's about it do you think that's. what the movie would be like. i think if they did a real poster of the. movie that that would. be pretty much it you think they would. make you a jacked in shape guy. yeah and they would barely have you in. it as if you were a tattoo on my leg. okay yeah yeah it depends on what level. of comedy they wanted yeah. yeah no don't let's look at this. masterpiece i think this one's a piece. of [ __ ]. whoever drew this can [ __ ] burn yeah. here we go this is my parents this is. this is paramount.

yeah this is what this is um in america. this is currently these are billboards. in america. right yeah so the look at rudy. how scary she is to the noise right now. for me. right yeah and that's all you hear when. you walk into the theater the bottom. yeah i don't know why i still have. chopsticks in my hair. what do you mean you gotta keep them in. how's your your hair's gonna get in your. eyes why do i have to be. why do i even have to have sandra. bullock hair well here's why yeah you. have long. flowing beautiful hair i know when we're.

asking each other it's going to get in. your face. all right you can't suck me you have to. tie your hair up when you're sucking. that's true that's a great pose and that. one is available now at paramount plus. if you don't have use the promo code bad. friends at paramount plus thank you guys. for sending in the bottoms of turtle. island we really do. appreciate it we appreciate it uh rudy. um. go ahead and take us home uh and look. into your camera and say. say goodbye thank you for being a bad. friend and bye and bye bye bye. is is that is that is that is that is.

that is that is that. is that is that is that this is that is. that. no [ __ ] you [ __ ] don't get angry dude. don't don't joke why can't i call you. out man. let's read the thing all right go suck. andy dick's dick again you [ __ ] i. didn't i suck his dick man i didn't suck. his dick. okay all right okay oh i could say some. [ __ ] right now but i'm not. about sucking andy dick's dick no other. things yeah say it. i'm not gonna [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ]. [ __ ].

call me that again see what happens i'll. [ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out of you. in this story see what happens [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you. all right [ __ ] you and you [ __ ]. for angry issues better help. yeah you fighting yeah one two three. better help oh andrew. yes bob this is something that we both. need especially. [Music].