Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps | Ep 151 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends I do want. to say welcome back happy New Year happy. New Year welcome back and happy New Year. I hope everybody is watching. cheeseburger on Netflix my brand new. Netflix special I hope you do it I hope. you went into the theater of course it. did what is this what is it happy. birthday dude what is this I don't know. what it is oh cheeseburger for my. special Pete.

yeah. [Music]. and now we can't eat that because the. chemicals I can't have graffiti on my. camera that's insane yeah yeah is this a. Banksy now can we sell this yeah because. that's street art now thank you guys. that's very nice of you yay Bobby get a. cheeseburger everybody gets one oh. they're warm are these in and outs yeah. yes baby oh thank you and ladies and. gentlemen Welcome Back in the New Year. 2023 it's the juice the juice yeah is. loose she is so she's so full of herself.

I love it what's going on she needs. direct hellos. oh I've been driving up to this Comedy. Store she's doing a lot she now needs. direct hello I'm working a lot you know. minimum wage I'm paying my dues Bobby. Comes Your Choice by the way we're not. forcing you to work there that's true. I'll give you that you would have to we. would have to pay her more money so she. doesn't have to that's right. but it is by choice I'm working a lot. and Bobby peels in it's a small lot he.

peels in gets out of the car I go whoa. Speed Racer he looks at me like. doesn't say nothing yeah this right here. is like you know what dignitaries in. Korea yeah say that to other dignitaries. that's the highest honor to do a little. black like attitude thing it wasn't an. honor you were looking at me because you. were with a beautiful woman and you were. looking at me like why are you talking. to me right now. and you didn't say hi to me and then I.

laughed and I was like okay and then you. go you need medication and then you. walked away I Gotta Laugh out of the. girl yeah yeah I mean you need Medicaid. you're right I made it seem like that. you were like kind of like. yeah. what for 30 minutes driving up I got. there's a reason right right so don't. even lock eyes with her yeah I mean. she's very strong and I did this whole. thing and then I did and she only. communicates by the head which I did the. head thing right and she giggled and we. walked in the club. and why the medication line you don't.

really say that lime yeah did you did. you tip on the way out in front of the. girl no no whoa that's unusual for you. yeah no but you apologize I did. Apologize. well uh did the truth be known if you. want what's what are you doing. um thank you Pete guys grab a. cheeseburger what are you doing yeah the. truth be known. um I've been so used to calling you. juicy. what.

I forgot her real name well you could. have just said hi I know right what is. your real name. I don't know either yeah be real you. don't know her real name. it's Jason or Jeffrey. jet ski is that all right if I introduce. you as juicy then from now on yeah all. right but am I Janet Shannon Jesse ski. mask is the new one is it Jessica yeah. yuck yeah middle name Brooke Jessica.

Brook what sorority were you in I'm. Jessica Brook and I'm an A.D pie. totally different route. yeah dude you could have been a hardcore. you could have been like a were you a. cheerleader in high school no marching. band oh that's right yeah [ __ ] nerd. but you know what they say about kids in. the band. School shooters later. I was gonna say they're like freaks. they're like sex freaks aren't they. aren't the band kids like the horniest. kids on earth oh yeah we're doing a lot. of mouth stuff what like with the.

instruments oh yeah what do you call the. group what group I was I was the guy. underneath the bleachers what do you. call that guy pervert oh that's right. yeah we call those perfect we didn't. stop back there yeah still perfect. because you want to look at people you. want to look people walk through the. game during the day okay oh really. during the football game I'm looking up. yeah yeah check it out dude you can see. your bush yeah in high school were you. like let me guess I was in the shed in. the football shed. yeah the equipment chat I was in the. equipment shed you were half koala bear.

no no they would stuffed me in there oh. I see no extender Ginger furry you. weren't you weren't The Jock like you. were in the popular like jockey kind of. guy I kind of towed this weird line. because I like drugs I liked weed a lot. and most of my friends were potheads. like my closest group of friends my my. best friend from high school we met. smoking ditching class and getting high. yeah so that was my crew was like but I. also played Sports so I could mingle. with both but I wasn't I was never. committed do you know what I mean yeah.

yeah like but sometimes I go to popular. cool kids parties and um I'd bring. people that they wouldn't like. all right do you know what I mean like. the cool kids didn't like that I. traveled with kids who also had drugs. and arrest records so it was like this. weird like Santino's cool but you can't. bring these other guys and it's like. well then I'm Gonna Leave really well. because those guys got drugs I gotta go. with the guys that have drugs right your. house is nice but I gotta go get high so. you're one of those guys that probably. was friends with everyone. I had I had a lot of friends in. different groups I was pretty cool about.

like I had a lot of groups yeah like I. knew kids in in certain and all. different like vectors for me it's if I. went to school now yeah I would be. friends with the. ones that like are little cuckoo right. because if the day comes yeah right that. they might give you a pass right right. right this is this is the arena yeah. yeah give yourself to Jesus yeah.

Bobby Lee yeah remember I gave it a. tootsie the tootsie Rollie roll guy. Tootsie Roll guy right hey hey I love. you thanks can you point oh sorry sorry. yeah yeah I love you you want another. Tootsie put throw it in my mouth yeah. oh oh and then and then you're a hero I. want people back. you stopped a school shooter yeah yeah. I'd be like yeah like I've been.

practicing throwing tootsies in people's. mouths for like eight years and I just. knew I timed it out you know he opened. his butt I Just Whipped it right in his. mouth 60 minutes into a piece about you. at your home with like a little Target. then you're just sitting with right. sticky took season you're throwing it. against the wall yeah or I could take a. Pez dispenser I could throw the Pez the. opposite way. yeah what were you juice were you cool. kid in high school I was like you in a. sense where I had friends with a lot of. different groups yeah I was friends with. the marching band the orchestra the.

choir oh no that's all the same one yeah. she's like that's the same group she's. like Flags uh right the brass section. yeah Woodwinds were the [ __ ] yeah I I I. I I knew nobody in that section but I. I guess the only musicians I knew were. like guys like you what because like me. well guys that did drugs and. experimental music like I was friends. with a lot of those kind of like jazz. musicians no no no no no no no no no no. no no no what the [ __ ] are you talking. about Jesus Christ how long have you.

known us. she has yeah. I went to this High School field trip to. we went to a college to watch the. college jazz band play and this guy took. me like one of the student teachers took. me into this car ride with one of the. college trumpet players and I thought I. was like oh cool I'm gonna hang out with. them before their big concert they. rolled this giant blunt and we drove. around Flagstaff Arizona just smoking. this blunt and then they were like oh. [ __ ] we got to get her back to class and.

they dropped me off and I was just high. as [ __ ] and I know my whole van could. tell oh wow I was probably like I was. gonna get in so much trouble but I mean. that's the best way to learn jazz yeah. that is real one time uh we skipped out. and I had. um uh it was the end of the year and we. had uh chemistry and in chemistry they. told us we were going to do tie-dye and. chemistry for me was right after lunch. and I was like all right so we're gonna. go get stoned at lunch and then we'll. come back and do tie-dye shirts because. that was kind of like you know the end.

of the lesson plan season they're like. just [ __ ] something related to the. subject a little bit they're not trying. at all the teachers yeah so this woman. was like we'll just do tie-dye right uh. and everyone was stoked so we went out. and got stoned and this particular day I. remember my buddy John Martis was like. he's like this is Purple Haze and I was. like okay dude what you know like the. names of weed at some point we were like. yeah sure did whatever it's all the same. Let's get high and I got so unbelievably. high that I remember walking up to the.

stairs to go back into the gymnasium and. seeing them it was like three levels and. I got nervous about how long it was. going to take me to get up all the. stairs and then I as soon as I finished. that that one gold done then it was. getting to the classroom wow almost. impossible wow got there was so [ __ ]. high she knew something was wrong I. couldn't tie-dye couldn't figure it out. you're so high You Can't Hide it's the. only thing you should be able to do. because the rubber bands I didn't. understand she was explaining how you.

could do the rubber bands in different. ways and I just [ __ ] it up every I. would [ __ ] it up I'd over dip and then. under dunk you're sure but I got. perfectly orange yeah it's this shirt. this is the shirt that I made it's just. all black I just feel like it's the. simplest thing to do it's like Jackson. Pollock painting I was so like you can't. do that I know dude but I was just I it. was uncomfortably High I couldn't focus. I was getting nervous about everyone. thinking that I was acting weird did you. have in in your school did you have. do you have to raise your hand to go to. the bathroom or could you just leave now. you absolutely had to ask we had to have.

hall passes dude because we had so many. kids who would ditch or Skip and all. that [ __ ] yeah you had to have a [ __ ]. Hall Pass do you remember that guys yeah. we had one girl that could just leave. because she was. no no. it turns out she was born I swear to God. they're like I want to see her name but. her name is very like. that's what you had to call it yeah we. had a couple of those oh you were in the. special class. maybe I was I had to wear a helmet is.

that bad but they made you wear a. football helmet yeah yeah no we had we. had a couple of kids that had uh. Tourette's that were allowed to come and. go as they pleased when they felt like. they were overwhelmed well this girl was. born without an anal muscle I gotta go. that's enough for me what do you mean no. what do you mean she was poor with no. anal muscle well you just gotta get it. you just got to lift some ass weights I. guess back in the day they did a. drawstring. I swear to God so she had a little. drawstring I'm not kidding you dude yeah. and you close it up that way I guess.

this day right it was a little wet. [ __ ] up the drawstring right and it. kind of un you know opened up a bit oh. no right so she was able to go walk out. and every time she would walk out the. whole class would work. I wouldn't no everybody but you don't be. jerking off. I can see her drawstring yeah yeah no. but she and her I can't see it no do not. say her name I know but I gotta tell you. why I I'll tell you why I have to say.

your name and then you have to peep it. out right okay. [Laughter]. no way that's what her name was what. right so it's so you have to understand. is Uranus sleeping yeah so um yeah we. were a girl and she was hot as [ __ ] she. was so hot yeah well so then who cares. about the animal league right she was a. leaker but she was hot yeah I mean would.

you could you did the thing was it. installed. her pulley system was that installed. what do you think your parents did it. like yeah I mean a doctor or did she do. it is it a thing that she does in my. mind it's like you mean it's like a. tampon string the six out of no no no no. no like flushing itself yeah like. flushing an old chain toilet or or like. my chimney you know my my chimney has a. chain that opens the flap no one ever. brought it up to her but you all knew. but it was just kind of like folklore. and from what I've gathered right there.

was a it's a surgical process. so some so a doctor installed it though. yeah you know it's not a home kit I. guess they surgically implanted like a. string inside the tush yeah the anal. where the anal muscle's supposed to be. right and then it it comes out of the. flesh I guess you draw it like that I. got a question like a pool cue. [Laughter]. [Music]. yeah. you got to be careful you don't you know.

what I mean you got to keep a steady. hand yeah you one slip and you're in. yeah yeah because there's no barrier. there if you have no anal muscles I. imagine at any point it can just give. way it's a kind of an arrow yeah yeah oh. right it's a more of a legless arrow. thing you have to hold it against it. yeah you have to hold against your cheek. it goes right against your cheek and. your arm look at your arm starts to. shake yeah yeah. I don't know much longer I can hold it. can you imagine the stress yeah this. poor girl by the way I hope her. butthole's fixed well I'm sure. technology probably not though huh how.

do you do they have robotic anal. buttholes now can you just well you know. like um you know they have they give you. bovine Hearts you know that right you. could get a cow's heart uh or cow's. valves installed I'm not the heart but. the about really bovine so I imagine. maybe they do a bovine [ __ ] can you. get a bovine butthole anal steroids anal. stenosis is the anal opening too small. or does not relax open properly this may. be treated with surgery then enlarge the. anal opening I think she had the other. problem I think it was too big you had. to she had to wind it down an anal.

reduction oh yeah she had a reduction. yeah I mean if they're doing all that. work on her ass why don't they just put. a new butthole in just install a new one. yeah see you know that's the problem. with your generation yeah you got to fix. what's going on you don't understand. yeah don't throw it away yeah like it's. no the anal is what they're doing you. can't get other things I want Botox on. my cheeks my nose and you know you can't. do that your generation just wants to. throw stuff away and buy something new. how about fixing what you got when it's. a broken ass I think just fix it fix it.

the whole thing isn't broken yeah it's. not chat it's not yeah the ass is Butte. was beautiful it was a great ass yeah. the hole was broken and that's fine. sometimes the hole breaks. I'm saying to replace it I bet you. there's somebody out there right now. getting their ass broken right and as we. speak oh that's an interesting question. so um I'm I'm not you know an ass guy. right I've never had it in my I have had. in my ass but yeah what do you know. right you're right that's how we started. the show but. um what I'm saying are there people that.

get anally you know people having sex. with them anally and they're does their. butthole do they does it deteriorate. sure does oh I see no it sure does in. fact and prolapsing is a big problem you. know about prolapsing don't you we're. not with the tail the tail the tail when. the tail comes yeah yeah when you're. entering when your innies come out yeah. that's a real thing you can break your. butt for sure I would do that though. you'd break your butt I would keep it. out you know what I do for Halloween I. would put glue on and put fur on it. so it looks like I'm like a rat tail or. something that'd be cool dude someone.

come to the door you're like. trick-or-treat they're like What's your. costume you just turn around. yeah yeah. but I would do the ears and everything. the ears the little whiskers my fox a. little fox I don't know what I am a. little it depends on how long the tail. is right well right I imagine yours is. pretty long real long you got a three. foot tail yeah like the upper intestines. are in the it all fell out yeah in that. day it all fell out I want to give a. shout out by the way moving on from this. disgusting conversation because we've. lost some listeners uh God bless rest in.

peace to somebody we featured on the. show I've been getting tweeted for the. past two days waffler69 passed away uh. this dude we showed him eating Batman. series he got how he died of a heart. attack I think is that right or am I. wrong it's right and he died uh a few. days after he uh DM us to be on the show. yeah DM didn't want to be on the show. and the guy [ __ ] passed away so rest. in peace while floor six nine that's. very very sad because we dude he I. thought he was so funny I know what we.

got to do. we we what we gotta get a Ouija board to. talk to waffler six nine because he. needs to be a guest still. I mean we have the boys yeah we have one. oh we do yeah we have a [ __ ] we oh. wow these guys buy stuff sometimes. without our permission why would you. have that well I gotta tell you they. also Pete bought a condo on our company. cars and. well. Pete also goes it's a business expense. and I was like how and he's like because. I do business there and so we let it so. Pete bought a condo on the company card.

isn't that true on the bad friend's card. yeah that's I mean I guess we got to. support it I don't know he's got a. family do you know do we want to take it. away from him I don't know yeah. definitely we definitely should yeah. he's the guy if you ever want to he said. I'm the guy in the post if you ever want. me on the show eating weird [ __ ] with. you I'm here for it I got really got sad. yeah no no dude I'm not and you know. what's funny people tweeted at me for. the past like two days or whatever and I. haven't responded to the tweets because. um I just didn't know what to say like I. don't want to make any sort of. inclination or joke about it because it. was really [ __ ] sad and we featured.

him on the show because I thought he was. very funny and his [ __ ] was his page was. filled with fun hilarious [ __ ] and he. was very self-aware of like his brand. so it was a [ __ ] bummer man because. because uh rest in peace Lisa Marie died. too from a heart attack who Lisa Marie. Presley yeah yeah shut the [ __ ] up are. you joking he's 54 yeah she died two. days ago or three days ago from a heart. attack well this episode will be out in. like a month after yeah but still but. still what the [ __ ] really yeah crazy. and and the mom's still alive Priscilla. and she's like 770 yeah she's 77. wait.

she's 77 how old is Lisa how old is 54. so young so young at least some of your. song singers around a daughter of Elvis. dies at 54. yeah Jesus it sucks. not really though what do you mean is. this from the is this from yeah is this. from the Biden Administration. yeah it's just some working from the box. the world New World Order though what.

but seriously though this is sad it's so. sad what the [ __ ] but you know what by. the way Elvis's only child do you know. that he didn't have any other kids that. we know of yeah so that's it. because Elvis's Legacy now there is no. boy Elvis he didn't have a boy well he. did have a two child children though. gone he had right he had heard Lisa. Marie and his wife. oh yeah oh yeah yeah. she was so I guess he had a couple of. years she had two kids yeah I had a. couple of kids yeah yeah that is so.

[ __ ] man that wow sad is that her he. did he die of a heart attack how is that. not in the movie. what no one brings it up in the [ __ ]. movie because they don't want to tarnish. I know yeah it's like no one one guy. just a little too young in the movie you. know they're gonna make a well when. Michael Jackson comes like what are they. gonna do when they make a film about him. and by the way who would play Michael. out of YouTube no wow. that was Michael Jackson what was that. we just got the Ouija board out you guys.

got the [ __ ] Ouija board and that. just fell on its own yes in the [ __ ]. year and a half that that's been out. that's never fallen. whoa dude that's [ __ ] crazy he's here. he's saying something he's already here. okay let's talk to him I'm dead serious. that's awesome I wish we could dim the. lights yeah yeah oh we can't dim the. lights these don't dim. I can turn them off okay turn one off so. we can talk to him waffler69 and Pete. can you get back on the board so we can. understand what his real name was so I. don't just call him waffler69 because I.

don't know if his family would be chill. about that because I want to respect the. dead by the way I do want to say this. let's Respect the Dead yeah we are we. are we might not need this no no we. should okay. all right we do want to respect the Dead. let's see if we can talk to him. okay is this [ __ ] mean it's a little. mean all right we shouldn't have felt. like I just felt like weird some. something hit me in a weird way I regret. it okay let's not do the Ouija board. yeah yeah I just felt weird something. felt weird right yeah. [Laughter].

doordash you've got back-to-back. meetings errands to run and chores to. take care of what's the secret to. clearing your to-do list a Little Help. from doordash you can get dinner. household essentials and everything on. your grocery list delivered you ever. pull in your driveway after you went to. the grocery store and you're like dude I. forgot that one thing I forgot cardamom. yeah now you have options get the. groceries you need get a backup meal uh. from your favorite local restaurant. delivered right to your door with. doordash honestly I oh every meal I get.

from doordash yeah every single day yeah. it's the most reliable of the of those. apps I've spent all the money from this. show on door well they've got over 300. 000 Partners you can support your. neighborhood go-to's or you can choose. from your favorite National restaurants. like Popeyes Chipotle and Bobby's. favorite Cheesecake Factory we both use. it it is amazing of course most of you. know what it is use doordash right now. and for a limited time our listeners are. going to get 50 off up to a 20 value and. zero delivery fees when you download the. doordash app and enter the code bad. friends 2023 that's 50 off to a 20 value.

and zero delivery fees when you download. the doordash app in the app store and. enter code bad friends2023 don't forget. that's code bad friends 2023 for 50 off. up to a 20 value zero delivery fees with. doordash subject to change terms apply. rocket money try it free for 30 days is. enough time to try and completely forget. about a subscription or service before. you know it you're paying for a. subscription you don't use every single. month with rocket money you can change. that with a few quick Taps rocket money.

formerly known as true bill it's a. personal finance app that finds and. cancels your unwanted subscriptions. monitors your spending and helps you. lower your bills all in one place we all. have subscriptions that we don't use. that's what I'm saying I spend so many. so much if they're like this Shadow. money out there I'm bleeding dry right. from all these subscriptions I don't. know about yeah and I need an app like. this to cut to put a bandage on it put a. bandage on the shadow money that should. be an ad that's a great term by the way. over 3 million people have used rocket. money saving the average person 720 a. year I'm not gonna lie used it and I.

saved almost 500 I think uh in. expenditures of nonsense apps that I've. never used that I signed up for that I. forgot about it's simple simply find a. subscription subscription you don't want. and press cancel and Rocket money will. cancel it for you no more long-haul. times with customer service or tedious. emailing back and forth rocket money. makes canceling subscriptions as easy as. a click of a button stop throwing away. your money okay cancel unwanted. subscriptions right now manage your. expenses the easy way by going to. rocketmoney.com bad friends that's.

rocketmoney.com bad friends. rocketmoney.com bad friends. have you ever eaten at bubble gump. bubble gum shrimp yeah. are you [ __ ] serious there's one at. the Universal City where do you think I. got married. oh that's right I put my feet in bubble. gum we're not friends enough for you to. invite me to your wedding I went it was. at Bubba Gump at Universal City yeah but. I was never invited because it was at. Universal Studios you're not allowed. there a couple years ago that's right. yeah have I been to Bubba Gump yeah.

absofucking lutely not I know but we. should try why because every time I walk. by there I go that can't be good well. let's go okay curiosity have you been to. Bubba Gump I've never experienced. Universal either you never did a City. walk or they know you just don't try. that with us oh yeah. Maestro's thing I've never been to. maestros wow she's good at this she. wants free [ __ ] yeah I would love to go. to Universal with you guys but yeah also. I have never been you've never been to.

Universal Studios yeah what about the. City walk though I've been there on work. as a production assistant getting. release forms. um oh I see but you've never been as a. tourist as a tourist no yeah you know. they're two different things City Walk. is you could just walk in it's a moment. City Walk was okay yeah the studios is. the park you've never been to the park. never been to the park insane we have to. go we have to go and also you know we. have to do yeah now because technically. I work for the mouse you know I. technically work for the mouse yeah you. do well Hulu is owned by Disney it is. yeah whoa well they own everybody Disney.

owns us do you know we sold this show to. Disney that's crazy hold on one second. all right kids do you want three for one. passes this weekend click on the link. below so we just have to do that every. once in a while is that Elmo yeah that. was Elmo yeah from Disney. Elmo was the tickle meyama was such a. creepy thing it's the best it's creepy. to be like. just wait wait do you know who create. you know who created Elmo right [ __ ]. sure a Japanese guy no not a Japanese. guy Kevin Shields I don't know Kevin.

Clash right Kevin Clash from the band. The Clash no no. dude dude listen to me dude I am all. right just a black guy. okay wait a minute what what do you mean. the way you said it you were like tell. you why though a black guy I know. because would you because they don't. like puppets they love puppets you said. Japanese well that seemed reasonable I. know no they create most things I know. but Kevin Clash right right that's his. name right yeah so he grew up in. Baltimore yeah focus focus I'm listening.

all right he grew up in Baltimore and in. in sort of like you know a very not an. urban kind of environment Go on is that. not the right word what do you mean by. Urban yeah uh buildings yeah like. there's buildings Urban Outfitters oh. there's oh really grew up in the urban. outfit all right so bad bad bad records. yeah yeah cheap pillows but my point is. yeah and he you know you know all of his. brothers and sisters you know they went. to school you know played Sports this. and that did you say brothers and. sisters what did you say.

bro Bradley's assistance oh his brother. yeah I didn't hear what you said oh. Diamond died we'll get to that all right. everybody's dead and by the way this. episode should be called everybody yeah. where was it anyway diamond we gave back. to remind me of diamond right but um so. he he would like watch Sesame Street and. goes I want to make that and so he would. go to his mom's you know his dad's like. fur coat and just make puppets out of it. his mom's fur coat you mean don't black.

people men were for colds isn't that. funny they do why don't we do that are. we not allowed to wear for coaches I. know but black dudes in the 70s yeah. yeah no they still do I saw a guy. outside wearing a fur coat yeah that's. cool yeah who's selling he was selling. like um watches charging cords yeah for. like the iPhones why are you guys. Whispering now well because if we like. we're not supposed to be talking about. it for bad boy stuff and no one can hear. us okay if we whisper no one so anyway. he um but then he went from that. environment got to meet you know Frank. Oz and everybody and then so he works at.

Sesame Street and the Elmo they had two. other guys had Elmo for years he Elmo. had different voices he had one time it. almost sounded like this man how did. that work out dude not good take your. pants off yeah take your pants off why. was he take your pants be naked like me. I'm Elmo yeah yeah so he was like that. another guy with Me. Elmo yeah and then one day one guy just. threw it at Kevin like you take this.

puppet no one could figure no one could. run and he sat with a puppet and he goes. squeeze down his nuts as hard as he. could. how else can he get there yeah I mean he. had to like have someone kick him in the. dick before he performed because he's. like he looks like a big guy he's a big. dude like how does his voice get that. high he's a pro she tell me and he sat. he sat in the mirror with this red thing.

Emerald ladies and gentlemen yeah hello. I'm Elmo I'm Elmo right and then he did. he and he he goes every puppet Muppet. needs a point of view yes that's how. they do it yeah they find a point of. view like yes one loves kids too much or. whatever. that Snuffleupagus by the way yeah. that's what he said he said about what. he did but but he goes he's pure what. wait he's pure juice you know okay he's.

not happy oh he's not here again. Elmo is pure one it's one word Elmo is. pure joy joy no love love love love that. toy love and that's what and then it. became and now Kevin class became the. showrunner of Sesame Street and he's. still doing it today I think so yeah. millionaire I love that story yeah yeah. millionaired this guy because his heart. is so beautiful that this guy's got a.

really good heart yeah and it and you. can feel it through Elmo because when. you listen and see Elmo this is. interesting this I'm being genuine don't. be mean because I'm a huge fan of Kevin. Clash come on buddy yeah yeah I'm saying. what's interesting is the embodiment of. the of the puppet is based on the. attitude of the Puppeteer that's right. so in the Sesame Street world yeah she. is Elmo Elmo that's right you are. Cookie Monster Cookie Monster yes yes.

the one degree in the boat in the in the. tan by the way groucher sounds like the. European version yeah yeah when we're. like. all right your Oscar 100 live in the. trash yeah yeah Elmo Grouch Cookie. Monster yeah and and that's Bert and. Ernie if I've ever seen it yeah if I've. ever seen two guys that are secretly. [ __ ] George Kimmel is Big Bird Big.

Bird for sure big burnt yeah for sure. Bryce is Snuffleupagus what Bryce Bryce. yeah. that's who he is yeah he shuffles around. the office you guys [ __ ] see it yeah. who's Carlos. beaker. but he might be Beaker no beakers no. beaker's from Muppets yeah different. Sesame Street oh [ __ ] I [ __ ] it up. it's a uh Carlos is.

because I I want to know the difference. between Muppets let's see if I can get. this right okay did you know much about. it. um I just realized they're different. when you said that yeah yeah so I just. went right so the dog. right yeah. which one's that that Muppets that's a. mop what's his name. Pooch no what's his name what's his name. animal animal you're thinking of animals. no no animals no no animal is the. drummer the drummer yeah what is the. dog's name right there you had it up top. Ralph Rolf Ralph the dog can I tell you.

something right now I'm Rolf no the. Chinese version of the show same same. [Laughter]. is if you watch Sesame Street yeah if. you watch Sesame Street yeah right and. you look at their version of Big Bird if. he he has a little thing he opens his. stomach and you can see his and Ralph is. in the stomach oh my God what yeah. because big boys are Chinese.

by the way this is what's weird about. Ralph that picture that you're showing. right there you know he's blind. that's why they have them looking up. like this right Ralph is blind. dude that's the look. of the first time. oh that look oh my God it's always that. that is so funny that is literally. because she's smiling kind of yeah.

okay oh so it's like should I should I. yeah like she's on the phone she's also. dead inside she's dead on the inside. yeah she or you're watching her die. right now or I should have gone to. college. I should have got this dating app or. whatever yeah yeah that is that's so. funny yeah and then I know that look. that is so is Carlos Ralph I don't mean. oh that's Muppets that's Muppets so give. us the cast of Sesame Street yeah no no. I wanted so let me let's do it like a. game okay yeah so Ralph is Right Miss.

Piggy Muppets yeah yeah right Kermit the. Frog muppets muppets yeah. um the vampire. oh. I said Bob Sackett on the top left. zooming. was on Sesame Street. yeah that wow who is that that's so what. do we see the ones I remember Oscar yeah. I don't what with the little one right. there with the pink with the blonde hair.

what was that I've never seen that girl. yeah that's Jewels oh that's Jules. that's Jewel that's jewels in a wig. and oh boy that's uh uh what's his name. next to him uh what's blue man what's. wrong Grover oh Grover man yeah maybe. that's Carlos that's Carlos oh there's. Burgers yeah. what's the the big blue one in the back. Eric Griffin what's that what's that. what's that what is his name nobody. knows you guys you know you have kids.

Pete how do you not know this I don't I. don't pay attention yeah good dad see. this is the new thing about Sesame. Street they've added over the years. that's what it is yeah yeah but there's. the count right there kicking it hard. you know what the problem with the count. was what they they kind of would make. fun he wasn't like in the main click he. was like his own guy. and they found out years later why no. one got along he's he's on the Spectrum. he's autistic. well because at first they were like. it's cool he knows how to count but then.

at some points yeah oh he doesn't stop. like and he'll count like when he. stepped when he's walking just like 400. right so he's autistic I did not know. that that's you're right yep yeah yeah. autism ask this guy a date be like one. you know Wednesday uh Wednesday you know. uh in in November of 1912 you know he. would he'll he'll know yeah you know. exactly you know he knows dates probably. too that's what I'm saying Holocaust. yeah well he doesn't know that one.

because I've asked him I was like the. count uh where are your ancestors from. he's like we're from Nebraska and I was. like oh that's weird what what yeah like. where are your parents parents from and. he goes from Maine and I was like so you. guys went from Maine to Nebraska yeah to. Sesame Street and I was like what about. before then he's like that was a. different time all together. and then whatever the Holocaust one.

all right that's what he is three and he. goes to six million he'll start counting. he goes all the way to six million and. then at the end he goes That's How many. people died. no at the end he goes he'll go he goes. he goes five million nine hundred nine. thousand ninety nine yeah. 6 million so they say that's what he. says he says shall they say right so. they say why wow weird guy okay weird. guy.

um show me that thing I just sent to you. guys the other day will you please yes. these guys got some. this this okay this is a real thing this. happens every year in the state of Iowa. it's called the husband calling. competition I was put onto this from the. internet this is a [ __ ] real. competition at the county fair and you. can look at the photo you can tell a. tower and this is a real competition. that people win every year look at that. look at the crowd too yeah oh yeah yeah. they didn't like my trump joke yeah that.

does better than a rick Glassman show. this is I'm sorry Rick he's gonna snap. he's gonna kill you. let's hear let's hear the husband. calling. oh. Roy. [Applause]. [Music]. where are you hiding I know. this country which was for a second. is the greatest country in the world. you're lucky to be out here exactly.

scumbag they should have a little meter. of penises going down. it's just like all the you know. they take Viagra and see if they can. still stay hard when they're yelling. [Laughter]. yeah I mean I love it real I love it. sturdy bass on this girl man she's got. it foreign.

[Music]. hey. honey yeah salmon yeah. John Brown it. I hate it I hate it. this is on public broadcasting yeah. uh and crazily enough CBS is going to. make a show out of this there's going to. be a whole sitcom husband calling they. should also have the responses of the.

husbands husband's calling so Danny what. oh you think that that's me oh yeah yeah. you know some of them are like no okay. so it's either that or it's call my call. me. all right like Mark yeah remember my. name yeah. yes my love see that's it yeah all right. so now give me another one I'll give you. another one Jimmy Jimmy.

[Laughter]. Jimmy Jimmy. yeah babe that's that perfect yeah baby. that's perfect yeah that's what most. guys do get babe all right you do I want. to try let's see if you want to be the. husband okay ready let's see if you're. if this is a real woman that lives in. your home let's say you're in love let. you find new love how hot is she because. if it looks if it looked like them oh. but hey careful.

why do I have to be careful these are. real people I love them. right but what I'm saying is is that if. they look like this woman right there. okay if the if that woman looked like. Megan Fox still your response would be a. little different she might have like 50. years ago 50 70. 50 you wish this is this is 50 years ago. yeah all right so so let's hear let's. hear ready yeah. yeah.

yeah. that's very good that is very good that. was I tried to be as real as I could all. right now I'm Megan Fox oh yeah Bobby. what's up babe. very calm yeah she's pissed it doesn't. matter you call you bring her I don't. want to start a fight because in 45. minutes I want to tag it do you want to. hit it I want to hit that thing but you. have to come up with like a mellow Vibe. dude and then at some point yeah one day. she goes. Bobby Bobby Bobby.

turn off your video games yeah I want. you to meet Machine Gun Kelly. speaking of machine gun I met him two. days ago. you're speaking to him right now. it's so weird that you said his name I. met him in the he was in the main room. did you know that yeah he I yeah what's. up it's me what up hey machine hey man. can I call you machine it's Mr Gunn. County it's Mr Kelly all right I'll call.

you Mr gun then man Mr Gun Kelly please. Mr Kelly how are you what you what you. doing in my house. about to [ __ ] you're a girl dog. explain to me what you would do about it. well what I would do is I would probably. um. I'll probably delete every album you. have I I have of yours oh bummer won't. do [ __ ] to me dog and then he just. starts eating glass uh. he's on Dave by the way he didn't know. he did uh we announced that Dave season. three is April 5th and he's one of the.

people we could talk about cool oh he's. a great guy him Megan Fox Don Cheadle. Usher Rick Ross they're on Dave yeah all. these people hey now I saw a promo Gator. posted today and it was in front of a. tour bus that's right yeah we're on tour. this season and we're on and we're on. tour this week what kind of they're. doing a musical tour though no no on the. show we did a bus tour oh you did they. did it's the stand-up comedy tour. stand-up comedy tour. Gator would rip I love it Dave would do.

well too it's kind of weird they all. would do well kid is a good guy I kind. of want to say the other names that are. on the show that blow your [ __ ] mind. but I don't know can't do it I know I. know it's so weird can't do you have one. guy I'm not gonna say it you have one. guy who's probably the biggest star on. planet Earth yeah and you have his pants. I have his pants yeah and it's also a. little shocking that we had to talk at. FX yesterday we had the Press thing. yesterday the tcas which is by the way. nightmare one of the worst things. imaginable I almost grabbed the wheel of. the driver's car to crash on the way. there so I thought if we get in an. accident on the way there I won't have.

to do it did you ever do these but. imagine they wheel me in on a gurney. I know they're still asking me questions. in the pressroom dude. Andrew how did you feel about this role. this. season I'm like. and it's so much viewership they would. [ __ ] never let me out of it did you. ever have to do this where you have to. wake up at four in the morning and call. in they have 80 radio stations you have. to call in yes from four in the morning. yes nine yes and you're sitting there.

just talk oh my God it's the worst it's. so hard it's hard on your um it's hard. on your patience level because you go. like room to room to room to room in a. hotel in a fancy hotel and you sit and. you talk to someone on a zoom computer. or you talk to someone. you know in like a quick fire rapid. format question and it's all it's so. hard it's not fun but they know it's not. fun but we were the we were the [ __ ]. the funnest one probably no no dude we. were the oh I mean I'm sorry as far as. like the network goes because all the.

shows are there oh they just get them. all done we were the who gives the shits. yeah the whole thing was about the bear. the bear is they won a Golden Globe and. oh because Jeremy Allen White is the. [ __ ] man yeah yeah and uh it's so. funny with Sterling there from uh. reservation dogs. reservation dogs wasn't our day that's. they are not our day okay our day was. justified. bear. uh Dear Mama oh dear Mama the Tupac uh. the Tupac about Tupac and his mother but. what was funny to me is like the whole.

[ __ ] thing is supposed to be FX. presents that day it was all about the. bear the bar napkins had the head yes. chef on them oh my God Maddie Mathis and. our boy was there though I love our. boyfriend good good and on the way out. this is how demeaning this is this this. Show's taking the cake for the network. for sure but this is how demeaning it is. you went to an fx Premiere party for. your show and they handed you a gift box. to go and it was compliments of the bear. you have bear merch at my house so I was. driving how does that make you feel.

though like [ __ ] yeah like [ __ ] yeah. yeah no if I'm being genuine no jokes it. doesn't. I don't care I'm proud for those guys I. think they're making a good show. Christopher the crew the one of the. executive producers and creators writers. he's the [ __ ] man so it's kind of. like I like everybody on that [ __ ]. thing Lionel's on there who's the [ __ ]. like I like that show I think they do a. good job I have I have qualms with it. because I'm from Chicago that's a whole. different thing but. you know that's because anything from. your hometown you're gonna be like well. that's a little not like a but but you.

know what but it was did it hurt our ego. not mine but I saw that some of the. other castmates were a little bit bummed. that they felt like they were. you know how does it feel that um you. know your Netflix special Netflix you're. on a hit series Dave Dave series regular. series regular and your partner's got. nothing going on that's not true wait. you forgot uh House parties and beef on. a24 with Ali Wong and Steven young so. yeah and a movie called scrambled an.

indie movie I just said that just made. some of the festivals which is going to. be here how does it feel like and I got. nothing going on and can I tell you the. most important thing on my entire. calendar yeah it's the bad Friends tour. okay that feels good thank you and I. mean every single second of it that's. all I have. that's it. oh was that right yeah I just went are. you clearing your favorite schedule yeah. you cleared in February she's not going. to. Magnum PI again or oh okay can I say. something yeah please I make a dollar on. that channel really yeah really yeah.

dollar a dollar dude you're. all right that's your series regular on. a show I'm reoccurring I love Magnum but. it's like not the same thing you know. it's not the same thing I don't know. what you get paid you're different than. me right and then it's like I got. nothing it's fine I'm asking you but. it's a dog how does it feel good does it. feel good I feel pretty good right now. okay you're on top of the world but yeah. but there's so much going on. congratulations the only thing I care. about is Magnum I'm sorry. yeah our tour okay the Magnum thing is.

cool because the. um It's At The Comedy Store we're all. really excited for that one of those. episodes the manager that Ryan yeah. Patrick Shattuck he is in the episode. with Bobby we can't wait it's yeah we're. really excited about it you know now I. talked to the you know the producing. stuff to get him a party says no every. time but anyway that's not true it's. hard to get you. it's hard to get you I wasn't in season. you're you're on fire I was in season. when you asked me as you're [ __ ] you. know what you're right I am Garfunkel.

Bob. I'm Garfunkel Bobby yeah I'm that other. guy from where I'm I know who you're. what your name no no no no no people. know what your name is you know who you. are what. you're Andre 3000. and I'm and I'm Big Boy from Outcast. that's a huge compliment that is he is a. genius and he had to go do his own thing. and big boy had to do some more. business-minded stuff. he says because my n-word had to go and.

do a little acting and that's for. anybody asking. drip drip drop there goes an eargasm we. got you coming at the side of your face. and tapping right into your memory banks. thanks what he says was my boy had to go. do his thing yeah but God bless we're. still homies we're outcast. I'm big boy you're Andre 3000. and she's. one of the she's part of the dungeon. family I don't know which one yet. I just I wasn't there I was just. complimenting it that's all.

and I'm very happy for you okay thank. you congratulations. Better Health this show is sponsored by. betterhelp when you're at your best you. can do great things but sometimes life. gets you bogged down and you may feel. overwhelmed or like you're not showing. up in the way that you want to I've. experienced that you guys during the. pandemic I was going through a really. bad time and better help has helped me. through I've had a lot of trauma in my. life and better help has helped me. through man you don't want to carry all. this weight around your life you want to.

be free like a bird they're free like a. bird baby they're flying around all over. the place if you're thinking about. giving therapy a try better help is a. great option all right Bob and I are. both big proponents of therapy we've. talked about it pretty uh openly and. candidly on the show and this one is. great because it's convenient flexible. affordable it's entirely done online you. don't have to go to an office you fill. out a questionnaire and you get matched. with the licensed therapist you can. switch therapists at any time for no. additional charge if you want to live a. more empowered life therapy can get you. there visit betterhelp.com bad friends.

today to get 10 off your first month. it's better help help.com bad friends. you know what dude um I always go on. Yelp yeah for my food yeah and I thought. to myself you know what I should do that. with doctors because you're going to. doctors all the time all the time and. look at ZocDoc is that ZocDoc is the. only free app that lets you find in book. doctors who are patient reviewed take. your insurance and are available when. you need them and treat almost every. condition Under the Sun Bob okay when. you're not feeling your best and you're. trying to hold it together like me and.

Bob are sometimes finding great care. shouldn't take up all your energy but. I'm telling you it is hard to find. someone that's good so that's where. ZocDoc comes in using their free app by. the way totally free millions of uh. users rely on you can find the right. doctor that meets your needs and fits. your schedule super easy choose from. thousands of patient review doctors and. Specialists browse doctor profiles. upload and verify your insurance. information and get the care you need. okay so I moved to a new neighborhood. and we didn't know what to do and we. didn't know who to go to and our old. doctor was so far away so I thought I'll.

just try Zach Doc and I gotta tell you. it works great because it fits with the. insurance that you have and you find. someone that can help your specialty. that you need and all you have to do is. go to zocdoc.com bad friends and. download the ZocDoc app for free then. find and book a top rated doctor today. many are available within 24 hours. that's. z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash bad friends ZocDoc. slash bad friends that's. zocdoc.com bad friends zocdoc.com bad. friends can I talk a little beef though.

that we might have between you and I oh. but I spent a I spent I've been gone for. four weeks and for people that are like. if the episodes seem behind we had to. backlog some of them because I was out. of town for a month one month promoting. my special. and while I was in Austin I got to see. one of our very very very very good. friends which is who Mr Adam. and we took our dogs for a walk along. the route along the water beautiful. and we spoke about something. good and he said do you think. Bobby's serious about doing this podcast.

about Star Trek yeah and I said what are. you talking about and he said Bobby. wants to do a podcast about about Star. Trek yeah. and I said he didn't tell me about that. he said yeah he's dead serious really. wants to do it with me week to week and. he said it could take the place of bad. friends is literally what he said he. said that's what you said it could take. the place of bad friends. do you mean that because we can call him. and ask that's what he said you said is. that real people that don't know Adam. used to be the manager of the comedy. story he also was on Norm McDonald show. one of Norm's probably closest friends.

uh tragically lost him but there he is. so um do you care to comment I'm going. to may I talk. yeah. thank you. number one. that's a half truth. okay okay. imagine if this was Court yeah it's a. half truth half truth your honor okay. some of that [ __ ] is real number one. it's some of it is yeah all right number. one him and I are obsessed yes with Deep.

Space Nine okay. number two right number two I've been. trying to listen to podcasts with Deep. Space Nine you know I mean where you. know Star Trek podcasts sure and they're. not funny and they're not great right so. I said I could I called Adam I go are. you interested doing. for a year that's not what he said. that's what I said for a year where we. wear the [ __ ] costume he thought you. said do it for a year not for a year I'm.

gonna call now he's saying the same. thing yeah yeah I'm gonna come I'm gonna. call him now you're gonna kill him now. yeah Adam eager and I spent some time I. spent some time down Austin. and I gotta tell you. you're not gonna move there what. no it's fun though I was there right. before you I had a great time oh yeah. juice went there and sold some and sold. out some shows Famous Amos over here. Bobby. hey man we got a problem dude yes we do. what's wrong you know what the problem.

is dude don't play dumb I'm gonna say. this too dude don't play dumb the last. time I called you you [ __ ] betrayed. me yep on the show so. um. so did you what's going on Adam yeah so. why are you lying to me and then saying. something else to Bobby dude Adam. what's going on man hey man hey chill. out hey. so what I'm asking you dude is this bruh. all right I called you to do a Deep. Space Nine podcast yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you and I. were coming up with names right.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I said two. grubs would be a good one yep. because that's what Frankie's frenzies. like space juice space juice is a good. one yeah yeah. but anyway so you told um Andrew Santino. that I wanted to replace. two grubs with bad friends that's not. what I said what I said is that you and. I would do either a [ __ ] liar exactly. we walked along the water and you said.

to me Bobby says he wants to replace bad. friends with tube grubs. that's what you say Adam Bobby doesn't. believe you one bit bud I know I believe. I believe Adam on this dude Bobby. doesn't believe you at all yeah. yeah you're a [ __ ] idiot dude though. you're a redheaded idiot right tell him. [ __ ] bomb fail thank you dude so anyway. you still want to do tube grubs right.

[Laughter]. do you think you're gonna get [ __ ] from. a Star Trek podcast you loser. [ __ ] loser I love you all right so. you lie. be honest you lied yeah I was just. starting some [ __ ] for the show. hey man you gotta mix it up we did walk. along the water with his dog and it was. maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. in my life his dog is a puppy but it's. strong as [ __ ] it's got to be 60 pounds.

yeah almost pulled him into the lake. three times. his dog is a puppy but it's paws are. this big it's going to be [ __ ]. humongous oh that's so [ __ ] beautiful. and his name is her name is Dice dicey. girl I love that guy dice Adam one of. the best humans to walk the earth. one of the best of the best uh speaking. of good humans. um let's take some time to acknowledge. that juice jet ski Johnson uh is the.

baby bird is starting to fly without us. because she's selling out shows all over. the country she goes she literally said. is what I heard through the grapevine. she's smoking a cigarette. and Chris Rock is there Chappelle is. there Louie is there it was wild where. this is how it is out at one of the. Arenas that they were doing they invited. they sent a car to pick her up you know. down in Texas she goes and shows up. she's ripping butts outside she's. smoking with Dave with Chappelle. and she goes I gotta be honest with you.

Chappelle you're Dave Chappelle I gotta. be honest with you Chappelle. just over [ __ ] bad friends. I did say it quite like that how did you. say it well he was like. juice. juice juice he's like I don't wanna. don't quote me on this but no he said he. said juice you gotta leave that podcast. Dave Chappelle said she should leave the. show hmm interesting what was your. response. I said I just I just gotta hang in there.

a little longer I owe it to them. you want to talk to told you about. signing into her contract we gotta do it. we gotta do it. and it's gonna be one of those sea orc. Scientology one yep one billion years. one billion years. one billion years and remember that she. was here after me because now she calls. me with such an attitude she does holy. [ __ ] fancy literally texted me and goes. don't know what's up with Juicy yeah but. she called me a Spanish [ __ ] and then. she hung up the phone she gives you.

Spanish get it done Spanish [ __ ] oh. it's tubular I'm learning from you guys. you're my mentor are we rubbing off on. her. Mal what are you gonna do man that's our. style we have to lock you in I think I'm. I'm being real but if you I signed a. contract with you you have to sign a. contract with me Fair what was the. contract say. um that we stay friends. you have to say hi to me no no no no no. no no no no I'll never sign that. I'll never sign that I got recognized at.

a Petco go on. wait you texted me that yeah wait what. was the story yeah I've only been. recognized out in the world like usually. it's at a comedy club so out in the. world maybe four times in the real world. in the real world yeah and uh and yeah I. went yesterday to Petco to get some. treats for my dog and the guy goes. what's your number for the account and I. put it in he goes have you been here. before yeah I love this go ahead yeah. like 100 times and he's like.

have I talked to you and like I don't. know man but I should be in the system. and he's like no I just I'm a bad friend. oh. that's so [ __ ] cool so fun was he. cute he was he was cool he looked pretty. young but he was cool and he I just I. yeah I love it I thought there was a. problem with my account no problem with. your account and when that happens do. you blush. I just stay chilling I go oh that's cool. stay chill I go that really made my day. and just like that it made my day and it.

was just really nice and cool jet ski. that's [ __ ] that like makes my heart. so me too I love that the code how cool. this guy was that he goes I'm a bad. friend oh it's awesome I feel like we're. in a game speaking of which that's much. better than uh that's much better than. what happened to me on the flight what. happened I told this on your mom's house. but it was so funny this guy I have. headphones on I'm watching a movie on my. iPad what does that say to you. talk to me right now talk to me right. now so middle of the flight wait your. first class no yes of course sure yeah.

right can I be honest is it the store is. it a flight attendant no it's a human on. the fly so somebody that's on the flight. is he walking by or is he sitting next. to you no no he's nowhere near me he. walked up to me so from coach to first I. don't know where he came from but I'm. gonna that's very important yeah from. coach he came from the back that's a. No-No he was by the bathroom okay he. comes up to you you're watching. something engaged on my iPad headphones. on and then he go he interrupts you. stands right over like standing on top. of me yeah leaning what does he say and.

then he goes like this he goes. oh [ __ ] I I went. what's up. like real slow yeah real slow yeah. what's up and I take up my headphones. and he goes. do I know you this is what the first I. do wait but he said do I know you. and I thought there's two ways to go do. I know you no no no no. he said do I know you from from. something first of all not somewhere.

something he already knows no no he. doesn't you know that he does no he. knows he recognizes me but he can't put. it okay you can't put he can't put his. finger on it so he says do I know you. from something and I said I don't know. man I don't uh I don't think so and he. goes. you're not a celebrity. oh my God and I said I don't. I'm not. I'm not and I know you do that because. when we went on the road people would be. like I know you and you go no no.

I'm literally I'm like no no no yeah and. he goes you don't I don't know you from. us you're not a celebrity guy and people. are not looking people are looking now. people are looking at me so I'm more. embarrassed than I usually am and I go. sorry I don't think so and then he goes. okay and walk away like annoyed yeah but. what did you what did you want me to say. imagine how much of a [ __ ] [ __ ] I. would be if I'm like.

what's up do I know you from something. probably. and then he goes are you a celebrity and. I go. yes I'm a celebrity. put a gun in my mind it's a trap because. I'll tell you why I've had this happen. right yeah do I know you from somewhere. yeah I mean I was on Mad TV and I did. some movies and I'm on a couple of. podcasts and they go no yeah. [Music]. throwing your credits out.

with a little bad you say Mad TV yeah. yeah is that a show yeah yeah it was a. sketch show that we competed against SNL. back in the day no what else did you say. you were on a couple of sitcoms. splitting up together in Animal Practice. splitting up animals yeah I did some. movie that was into two Harold Kumar. movies and I did the dictator oh wait. wait wait wait wait wait yeah Harold and. Khmer yeah no um uh where do they go. they go to Wendy's White Castle yes yeah. who are you in that I just played. Kenneth like a kid at school. nope doesn't ring a bell what else yeah.

exactly two podcasts one with Andrew. Santino nope no no no that's not even my. other part no. um what's up with animals with you let. me ask you something do you eat a PF. Chang's sure as [ __ ] do I'm a bus Boyer. that's now you have to do that you have. to do something weird because it's. uncomfortable yeah so that's a lose-lose. well so I was being as nice as I could. but I have to just keep saying no you've. seen me say no but I have to go I don't.

think we know each other man I think I. look like so I always say I think I look. like someone you might know no you lie. let's do a lie now what you do I'm gonna. yeah I'm a guy now you do a lot okay. hey. excuse me baby what's up am I. interrupting yes very much I'm careful. no no I don't even know this is bad no. no anyway curious because I saw you. um well because I'm a coach I walk by. you I saw that right and the way you're. Crossing at your face anyway I no no I. just yeah I know we can smell you we can.

smell you coming is the problem yeah. well we have a little light that goes. off when we know someone's gotten up and. coming up here. oh he smells good yeah yeah that's good. candles yeah well anyway well they make. candles do I know you from. I think you do yeah what is that what I. made because I I look at you and I go oh. my God it's like so familiar well I. started on a sitcom when I was a child. I'm an actor when I was a child I uh. started on a little sitcom took place in. a small town in the Appalachian.

Mountains my dad was the chief of police. oh does it ring a bell was it in black. and white it was oh no I don't know I. don't know it's interesting you knew it. was black and white. yeah yeah it doesn't really about Yeah. well yeah yeah so I was an actor I did. that wait wait I also did a show let me. ask you something are you a director too. then.

and what would the guy really say if I. said I'm Ron Howard yeah he would he. would never he would dare he would never. dare to go no you're not yes he would no. he would have to go you look nothing. like Ron Howard I look exactly like Ron. [ __ ] Howard right tell me the. difference between that guys all right. if you were wearing a baseball cap yes. yes or that's me that's you literally me. that is you or you flip the script on. them yeah oh I see whoa is that a.

director term. so I could do one I could be a director. okay ready go ahead. excuse me. yasu. [Laughter]. exactly I. hey. oh my [ __ ] yeah yeah look oh my god when. you do it when I was a kid I I watched. all of your films yeah but today and. yeah but I have to tell you yeah but the.

thing of all the years that you did your. thing when you started working with. Chris Tucker it was. [Laughter]. I have to change my accent. that's me. can we take a photo. yeah no actually I uh no thank you oh. yeah yeah oh okay anyway click me you.

wow turns out Jimmy oh Yang is a jerk. that was a good swim wow that was a good. burn thank you yeah yeah very good Miss. do I know you from something. I don't know what's your name hey anyway. I was sitting next to him on the flight. I just followed my friend over here I. told you what's your name yeah you look. so familiar we know you're from. something right now Jesse who are you. guys Jesse Jesse Jesse Jesse Jesse. Ventura yeah Jesse Ventura are you the.

body no have we said we've seen you in. movies yeah just yeah no I'm from. Arizona did you guys grow up there no. we're not allowed there we're not. allowed there so wait a minute we're oh. God how come you look familiar we said. that on the phone yeah yeah you guys. look familiar too. this is what you do yeah that's what you. do you do a reverse Jedi thing when. somebody when someone goes like this. okay you pretend to be the guy again. yeah yeah this is that'll happen ready. go ahead. hey.

am I sorry do I know you. Kevin. how the [ __ ] have you been doing. is your wife is your wife still going. through that cancer yeah I'm not that's. cancer surgery I'm in college I don't. have. why I haven't seen you in so [ __ ]. long that's so good and you look good. yeah you look good you look a little a. little fatter than you used to be but. you look good anyway I want to go back. to my seat wait wait where are you going. buddy no I just I think I'm not wrong.

take my number uh take my number okay. what is it the Miss guy wants to get. away from you I want to do it from now. on I'm doing that yeah yeah I want to do. one hey hey excuse me yeah excuse me. yeah. I. feel like I know you from something. oh my God hello Dr Montgomery what no. I'm yes William my god look look I'm.

alive. because of you and then this guy goes. yes you are and you should thank me. thank me for what I did for you. was you reversed it on me right and at. some point now where do you go now you. walk off the plane thinking am I bong. Joon home. oh I see.

we found can you show him that Tick Tock. by the way we I got sent this no less. than 10 000 times yeah tagged with you. this we got that I can't even look at. this guy you have to I have seen it a. thousand times well watch it again. that's all I get tabbed in is this guy I. gotta watch it I had if age 102 DMS 102. shows I can't even watch it again I've. seen a thousand times all right watching. it right now. my son so dumb IQ 21 he tried to make. friends but they call him ching chong he. ate the wonton body fat like Kim Jong.

he's so ugly when he smile he looked. like the King Kong my son useless can't. play ping pong he tried to get a date. with the ghost but she said hell no. cause he not that handsome a son so. broken by the things. [Music]. [Music]. it's so good it's really good what.

you're gonna replace it with me Bobby I. would never well that's that's when I'm. watching that when it comes in with a. banger like that I know what I'm saying. is is that please don't I have a problem. don't hurt me it'll burn me by the way. though iq21 couldn't get a date was too. young I mean the layers of this. [ __ ] right it's it's so [ __ ]. good pretty good we gotta get this guy. I'll be jealous he's one of us he's. Korean he's one of us first of all. you're a better musician. you're a better musician and you know it.

okay but he's really really good he's. pretty good yeah. he's a really really good yeah you know. what I watched last night what that I. love watching I'll revisit now because. season two is uploaded on the internet. on Netflix there's a show uh they send. little Japanese kids to the market by. themselves I've seen this one what is it. called watches it dude it's so cute it's. the cutest [ __ ] show I love it you've. ever seen in your life they will send. little Japanese kids to the market. that's old enough. so all the footage is like from years.

ago but this is how beautiful and safe. of a country it is Japan. they let a [ __ ] four-year-old just. walk down the road with groceries it's. like sending Bobby to the market. oh my god well I imagine you don't do. yourself that's why I don't say hello. sometimes. it's because you're rich and Powerful. not because you're dumb that but this is. I mean by the way they say black babies. are the cutest I don't know no Asian. everyone says Asian babies.

my money's on black babies for sure yep. black babies are the best right I'm. gonna say Asian babies are very very. close well here's what I like about. Asian babies they look like adults and. they're not far off what do you mean. they look like adults well a couple of. inches and that's just a grown Asian man. what's the difference between that guy. you're telling you're saying that Asian. men look like babies yeah all right. you're saying that doesn't look like. your brother Steve bring up the pictures. that looks just like Steve yeah okay but. but okay see that on the the on the.

second uh Row the first picture that's. Ken I think that's Ken okay no no no. that's not him that's the other one he's. three years old what a cute kid [ __ ]. do Ken do can from old enough. right in Ken from old enough let's see. little Ken that is looking I was right. that was a little cat this guy's a. [ __ ] he's a king look at that look at. that little [ __ ] G walking down the. street by the way not only does he get. groceries he got a few extra fun things. yeah. he's a child I can't go to the grocery.

store I get scared I get lost I get. nervous I go home I do it every time but. 30 years later he's in a cubicle wearing. a suit. watching Bad friends with ten thousand. other [ __ ] agents look at look at him. look at him he's got a little flag oh. he's so cute but you know what's [ __ ]. wild in that thing around his neck. that's all booze the sake is in there. and he sip socket all day they don't. feed him any food we should go there and. see if we can get one get a Japanese. imagine event it'll be so easy well they. let him just walk around yeah you're.

driving the van yeah I open the door I. swoop Them Up Wait nothing weird well. I'm stronger than you can I swim what. I'm driving you don't want me to drive. no no I'll drive. why can't we let her scoop them up yeah. can you scoop well I should be the. driver that is true yes you get the legs. out of the arms and we'll just scoop. well just a little hammock swing in the. kid throw them right and nothing nothing. nefarious is that no no no we just want. one nearby we want one well if what if. he just sat there in front that'd be. great what would he be doing like taking. notes.

no he just makes noises every once in a. while yeah. they do have when I do hear like little. Japanese animations and stuff I wonder. where the noises do come from because. every artist has a thing their Source. material is what like when you see. Japanese cartoons of it it's always like. where does that come from yeah where. does that come from well I'll tell you. what it is because it's not always words. it's sometimes just it's uh you know. emotional emotional noise right and also.

a lot of the words is what they think a. something sounds like like what. what is that I did not tell you what you. took means I don't remember on this show. do you know what YouTube means it sounds. familiar so when you when oh yeah. Hiroshi comes so when you're when you're. with Koreans right and you say to a like. from Korea yeah and you go. foreign. you know what that means am I saying it. to the Koreans are at them if you what. what do you mean to them after what's. the difference no I'm saying like am I.

talking about a Korean or add a to a. Korean you have it's at not about okay. okay right right. all right relax. you [ __ ] joke okay what does it mean. I don't know so Juke took me let's go. [ __ ]. oh cause it sounds like yeah well I. asked the Korean girl I go what's. that sound he make.

[Laughter]. yeah yeah. what would it sound like if you would. say if you were trying to say it to. someone let's go have sex what would it. sound like. that sounds like a stabbing. yeah you sound like an alien yeah you do. what. go ahead.

what you're giving an abortion no the. vagina eating my [ __ ] no it would not be. there's no way that would make that. noise that's the noise yeah that's it. and out yeah but my noise if someone was. like you want to have sex would be like. this is my noises this is real this is. my noise ready. juice if you wanted to Signal sex if you. were like we gotta have sex what do you. do what's the noise probably like.

[Music]. like. [Laughter]. when I used to go on the road every. weekend. that I would leave a massager in my. hotel room come again what do you mean. so I would I would get picked up for. press on Thursday. me neither for some reason and I don't. even know I don't know but our Instinct.

was yeah we just instinctually but go. ahead I want to hear the rest. I would get picked up from the club. owner or whoever does the Press right. and at the end or like the three or four. like radio shows right I would go can. you drive it to CVS. they're like yeah okay why do you need. two questions yeah toothpaste yeah yeah. I would go and I could come out with the. Box. [Laughter]. what's in the pot a gigantic massager a. back massage.

yeah but it has a two sometimes I have. the two little knobs yes right yes and. she'll bring it up bring up those back. massages because juicy doesn't know yeah. yeah uh if we say with two little knobs. yeah with two little metal knobs yeah. this is true I do know what these are. I've seen these before yeah I would get. one of those there it is. I would probably drop like you know 100. bucks 150 bucks they're pretty expensive. yeah yeah well this was 30. you got. [ __ ] at CVS yeah so it's something. like that that is exactly what it looks. exactly what exactly what it looks like. and at the end of the weekend it would.

just be um that massage would be sitting. there plugged in inside you know in the. hotel room and I always felt bad I. should have washed it because I felt bad. because on the knobs right it'd be like. this white flakes. oh. [ __ ] so gross so gross yeah you would. use them you'd buy a massager in every. city no there was a moment there was a I. discovered something because I. I'm so embarrassed no yeah embarrassed. yeah you're not so you know years ago.

you know you would talk girls I use a. vibrator and I thought oh can guys use a. vibrator yeah yeah and I've discovered. yeah you sure can you sure can you're. sure like that right so what you do is. you lightly on the head of your penis. you just lightly and for me it gave you. the greatest it was phenomenal yeah. organization so you're allowed yeah you. shouldn't feel bad yeah you left it for. the next user. but you know what's so funny is that not. only would I leave that right sometimes.

I would leave a DVD player I swear to. God and a flat screen you're not good. with finances. uh in the hotel you will buy extra TV I. would buy an extra TV a brand new DVD. and a vibrator because Back in the Day. the movie In Too what do you leave the. movie in or do you take them I take the. movie yeah yeah so I would go because. the movie is small yeah and it's the. same one I'm guessing yeah.

in the 2000s early 2000s you you just. wasn't porn on the Internet wasn't. didn't have didn't happen really so it's. like you would have to go buy a DVD. player go by because sometimes the TV to. play wouldn't fit with their you know. some kind of Hotel TVs yeah they block. off the little yeah so that you know. because they want you to use their. entertainment of course so I get my own. flat screen and the vibrator and I would. go to the I would probably spend seven. hundred dollars yes it is cheaper to use. their entertainment is it not cheaper to. just buy the movie at the hotel no.

they're always the garbage ah yeah he. wants good [ __ ] yeah one good [ __ ] yeah. yeah yeah in my Generations wasteful. yeah as well. yeah first of all he was leaving for. others no but I would leave a note I. would leave a note at the maid or. whatever and go here's a free TV. free T DVD player and this like you know. massager thing you'd sign it Harvey. Weinstein. all right was here. that's the most expensive like what do.

you leave nowadays when you leave a. hotel how much do you leave on the. counter for the lot for the cleaning a. lot what seriously oh yeah well because. you devastate a room. this is the Mage coming into my you've. been in my room right yeah I have. multiple times to devastating this is. when the maid comes into my room after. I'm left for a weekend huh. oh well that's nice okay yeah and. there's a mate coming in your room yeah. [Music].

[Laughter]. no that happened one time yeah and I was. using yeah that happened one time when I. was using it did happen but don't you. don't use that as a thing how much money. did you leave that made in Mexico when. you pooped on when you pooped all over. the Walls by 50 50 bucks yeah how do you. put on a wall I didn't put on the wall. that was all inclusive yeah that wasn't.

yeah yeah no you didn't poop on the. walls but you threw up all over the room. and it was poop on the door. because you held poop you wiped it on. the door oh yeah we moved past it. you bring it up all the time wait but. tell me but tell me what do you leave. nowadays we go to a hotel what are you. leaving right now today if we you and I. go to hotel somewhere else what are you. leaving food probably mainly no money. for them I do how much that's my point. okay I mean how much money are you. leaving on the table well every time I. have a woman a woman a person friend a.

friend clean my room I hunt them down. kill them no no no no. because usually. they clean during the early in the. morning or in the early afternoon right. but I don't get up till four correct. right so they're already kind of done. they're I feel bad right so I'll go to a. woman you know or man who's cleaning. yeah and go hey dude here's 50 bucks for.

40 bucks can you clean my room. because I do that that's nice right so. but the end of a long weekend what do. you leave on the counter sometimes. nothing The Tipping thing in this. country is insane I've been here for a. [ __ ] cheap thing no wait a second let. me explain let me just let's get this. one way to argue it well let him get it. why don't you ride like if you have a. job why don't you get paid to do that. job why do I have to pay for the hotel. and for the service why do I have to go. to a hospital and give tips to the nurse.

advice to do that when I have a kid so. they are nice to you to like leave a. five dollar cards for every single nerd. the 25 people there you know what you. know this is very American. yeah stop getting passionate because you. don't know what you're saying he waves. his finger yeah who's all yeah I know I. blacked out a little bit [ __ ] down. literally. yeah yeah that was insane it was it was.

like it didn't even exist fans. that's insane you know what though yeah. we gotta fire this I know we keep. playing this game this might be my last. that's fireable yeah that was fireable. yeah I know why he's doing that though. okay tip the medical profession because. his wife works in the medical world so. he's looking to sneak tips into her he's. playing this [ __ ] He's reverse. psychology he's like he's like oh what. do you have to tip everyone you should.

be tipping uh the nurses and the people. that work at hospital his wife works. there. podcast producers. I got a tip for podcast producers watch. your [ __ ] mouth watch your mouth. watch your [ __ ] mouth that's a good. tip but he has something let me say. something so you and I both know a guy I. can't say his name right yeah but you. know you and I both know got a great guy. go like this so I can see what do you. say I don't know. yeah okay. and he was saying that when he we're not. leaving you out by the way you actually.

don't know this person you don't know. this person okay before your time you. know I was working with him maybe a. month ago and we were talking and he. goes. um we're talking about his kids because. I know I've known as him and his wife. for so long same isn't that wild I love. them yeah and he was like we're talking. about a second his son and he goes um I. go well do you have a nurse and you guys. are not right now with my son and I go. why he goes well. I had to. fire a nanny and I go why he goes I was.

at work because he works at a corporate. place and he was watching the monitor. because he has a monitor and the nanny. was beating his son oh no are you. [ __ ] I thought this was going to be. funny no holy [ __ ] she are you being. serious wait there might be more no. that's it she was hitting the kid that's. not funny. but so what they had to do is this right. dude she was beating him yeah so what he. had to do they had to go to the police. yeah and then they had cops in his house.

he he hired the nanny another day she. walks in and the cops came in and. arrested her like a SWAT team like a. SWAT team. because they have it on tape oh you. record you can record yeah wow yeah let. me guess he didn't tip that Nanny. that was my point with the nurse thing. maybe that's what it is you you're. giving them money the nurses so they. would treat your child with respect well. yeah just to make sure like an insurance. thing I guess yeah like one time we had. a cleaning lady and I guess I wasn't. paying her enough and she upper decked.

Us in everything. she pooped in every Taco. but if you saw on a monitor some Nanny. doing that to your six-month-year-old. son what's my instinct yeah what'd you. do what'd he say what would you do. though what did he say what he said I go. up to her and I go what did he say. s. he needs to shut his [ __ ] mouth. I see what you're saying I mean it's. like it depends on his attitude no no. that's not true let's feel real about it.

what would you do. okay. um. just don't be comedy I'm not yeah you. are I see your smile. yeah what's your name my my my nanny. your Nanny yeah. Felipe. okay yeah yeah really yeah I'm Felipe. okay hey Felipe can I talk to you for a. second yeah I saw on the monitor today. I think I saw you strike. my child I'll tell you a child.

[Laughter]. that's why I understand yeah and we have. a drawer filled with candy I told you. you can eat whatever you want yeah. why did you hit my son I saw this. pinata right I hit it with stick that's. it Felipe back to China with you I'm. from Mexico Felipe really because you. look and sound different than I think. yeah that's not what you would do no I.

feel like if that happened to you right. that that Nanny would no longer exist. that's right dead yeah yeah beat my kid. I kill you yeah yeah I'd kill you you. would kill him yeah but if if somebody. spanked my child if he was like six or. four whatever like four to six that's. fine smack him in the [ __ ] ass maybe. did something stupid no no you don't. touch my child nah you beat him. sometimes. you got to beat some life into that. [ __ ] kid otherwise The World Is Gonna. Hurt yeah what else are you paying them. for in fact Andreas do never never hit. your kid yeah don't lay your hands bring.

them to me. because it causes so much trauma don't. know you remember all of it I know babe. okay I remember you don't remember what. what if you wanna remember if you want. him to be a comedian oh that's right you. beat him yeah if you wanted my funny if. you wanted to be talented yeah yeah name. a talented guy that wasn't beat yeah. right you know what I mean I'd light his. [ __ ] on fire. see if you can get out.

yeah you can get out yeah that's what. I'm Mitzi did the poly pretty much that. is true. he was like as a baby screaming in his. crib and slamming his head against the. wall she let him do it and she would. just laugh yeah oh yeah and he's doing. fine there's like a sound bite of her. telling the story she's like yeah he's. gonna be hilarious when he grows up I. mean he is he is one of those guys where. you look at him and he look you look at. his behavior at a restaurant whatever. and you go this is no one is like this. this is such an original can I say a.

phrase that you might understand what. pot calling the kettle black. yeah. no I don't understand. when you said take this guy to a. restaurant and you watch him and you're. like nobody's like this on planet Earth. I I felt that way before same same with. Polly no oh wait with you yes with you. you're with you otherwise why you are. that as well not yeah what what all the. heads turn the waiter comes over you go.

hi this is my [ __ ] daughter then. everybody's like you are like nothing. else on Earth. this is a compliment that's not a. compliment sure it is. what yeah yeah put away what put in a. [ __ ] put in a museum in the. Smithsonian you're a brilliant work of. art so you're saying I'm Paulie. in a sense you're similar to it's like. Essence and like you have a loudness. I'm gonna argue against this okay I. think what what you're saying this is. what you're saying I'm saying something.

[Laughter]. I get so mad all right this is. essentially what you're saying okay okay. yeah you because you guys look at at. other Asian dudes and this is how they. behave right normally this is not not. normal no not normal okay right I'm just. one of the Asians that decided oh no I'm. gonna express myself. it's kind of like you're you know what. you do you know what you do what white. antics. shenanigans.

my point is she's a [ __ ] listen I. don't do white Shenanigans yes you do. that's an insult you look like a white. shenanigan right now oh man the beanie. you're really gonna get me going the. beanie the Blondie shirt all right give. me an example tell me your outfit isn't. white Shenanigans right now beanie. Blondie shirt that a white guy is up to. Shenanigans doing that was wearing that. right now somewhere in the United States. really I like CBGB bands white guy. Shenanigans that's shenanigan yeah right.

like the Talking Heads like Blondie I. like television and all those bands that. came out of CBJ there's a lot of white. guy Shenanigans stuff that seems like. because there's a lot of white people. all right you're right right Beanie the. reason why I work I'm gonna express. myself here the reason why I wear a. beanie is because I'm a huge fan of. Cheech Marin as a kid I always liked his. look in those Cheech and Chong movies. yeah and that's why I do the beanie yeah. right yeah and then what else is. shenanigans. uh the way you are oh I see I want to. say this uh to everybody out there. thank you guys for being a bad friend.

[Music]. thank you very much very nice yeah I. actually this is better than your. special. a little better but. it's so funny because I know you've. never seen it I was gonna say the same. thing like you missed on the joke you. know full well he's never a lot special. for you anyway so go ahead. what's your special called nothing. it should just be like a uh yours yours.

should be like just a stale duck. a dead dog. yeah like a bad bow mm-hmm you know a. duck and a bow and his head's still. sticking out of the bow yeah yeah that's. what it should be please go get a. cheeseburger and watch cheeseburger on. Netflix it would mean a lot to me. Netflix I just did an interview where. you know. dude you got to do all these interviews. and people are you know who's mad at me. Trump fans are mad at old boy why. because I joked about.

yeah you said he's stupid I know I said. why hasn't I said I can't believe he. lasted four years and nobody. you know yeah yeah nobody tried I know. well it's just a funny joke I'm not. saying I wanted it to happen I just said. no one tried and dude the Trump uh. hardcourse the [ __ ] that they say on to. is nuts. like I'm gonna kill you and rape your. [ __ ] family and. yeah but yeah I know but they don't care. about that but dude they say like I. watch your back out like I hope somebody. assassinates you wow dude it's crazy.

people like they say like you're like. I'll talk like Target you now find out. where you live like dude it's nuts now. you know what it feels like to be a. female comedian. not any joke no because. nobody wrote not funny that's true. I love it that was a really good one in. your face in your face. [Music].