Bobby vs. Steve Hawking | Ep 128 | Bad Friends

hey. i want to promote a few things first of. all badfriendsmerch.com this stuff. is on sale this great hat we have shirts. we got all sorts of stuff go to bad. friendsmerch.com to get any of this. stuff and also bobby's excited to let. you know that i've got some dates coming. up to warm up for my new special i'm. taping an hour so excited aren't you. excited for me to do my hour yeah i'm. going to salt lake city september 9th. and 10th um at brea the 13th i'm also. adding many more dates and the specials. being shot in denver colorado at the. paramount theatre those stickers are. going to be available uh as soon as.

possible they might be up now go to. andrewsantino.com. andrewsantino.com salt lake city come. out bray california come on out and see. me andrew santino.com i just shot i just. shot this big goon in the face well shot. what did you we're playing rage shadow. ledges everyone knows ray shadow legend. is going into my battle right now and. i'm going i'm doing the campaign this is. actually very cool and then i did that. there's four of us together marching. through this game. the graphics are actually really good. they're really good at graphics i just. killed as a big dragon this dragon looks.

a lot like me yeah this year raid. celebrates its third year anniversary. these are my top three champions coronar. cleopa turks by stofus i love that he. has a high accuracy aura for all allies. and these are our top three places to. play i play in the shower you play in. the shower yeah i play it while i'm. punching jumping i play it i play it. when i'm in bed that's the most time i. play video games on my phone is when i'm. in the bed or when i'm in the backyard. sometimes i just sit outside by myself. basically.

you can play it anywhere it's fine. anywhere yeah anytime you can do it on. mobile or pc yup it's for both it's a. great guy the graphics are insane. they're console level graphics and this. month raid's got a non-stop schedule of. uh special events and activities. including forged past season three with. some amazing rewards uh on offer. including a limited edition artifact set. limited edition if that's not enough. raid's bringing out some new. champions along with some awesome. looking champion skins for the. incredible medam series and uh um but.

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and also this cool in-game loot you'll. find your rewards here on your inbox for. the next 30 days only. you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends do you do you feel better when. you get like a white limo driver or a. white driver you do you do you like that. more. yeah but i don't like it because. whenever. if they know who i am.

it's okay yeah but sometimes when not. all every time if i get a white driver. and they see it's me. they get bummed right away why because i. look like i don't have money. that's true. last night. you did it espy's after party yeah i. don't by the way did you watch espys. steph did stand up uh sarah tiana wrote. some of his stuff. uh chris spencer. uh who else he crushed actually he's a. really nice guy no but he actually did. really well at the espys like he roasted.

a little bit it was kind of fun man yeah. because even when i mean uh collide did. his game show you know his wife at a. game show he was very funny and loose. and good he's a dope dude he's a good. dude what he's very cosmetic yeah he's. extreme that's not your guy though like. spud webb that's your guy. this guy he walked in this morning he. walked in and was like. he's like man tino do you see what. happened with the pentagon and i was. like of course oh my god and he's like. man they released a whole new. subcategory tell them what it is oh so. you know how they get the uap task force. so now they open up an office.

for anomalous vehicles that's going from. space into the water so they're trying. to monitor everything oh they go to. water now they've been in water season. that's what i'm talking about they never. even mentioned the [ __ ] they've been. there. is this it this is what the new thing is. oh my god.

you know he does this late at night he's. on these docks late at night. what a sad world just type in ufo and. then type and then click on news type in. ufo. news i can imagine dog with his alien. pajamas. right late at night. experience mission. just reading the stuff it's so sad it's. so sad. [Laughter]. yeah after only eight months of. existence the pentagon's office tasked. with investigating and tracking ufos or.

unidentified aerial phenomena will look. beyond the stars for objects of interest. on wednesday the pentagon announced that. it renamed and expanded the authority of. the government's chief ufo office that. someone just got a promotion. formerly known as the airborne object. identification and management group or. aoimg. the office will now be known as the all. domain anomaly resolution office or aaro. arrow. i got to be honest with you all jokes. aside right now yeah all jokes aside.

this. this is going on so under the radar. that a piece of me knows. they have so much information sure. uh honestly. this is how is this not the front page. news that. like they've slid this under biden has. coveted. do you know what i mean yeah like biden. has covered like big [ __ ] deal. everyone has covered right now literally. everybody how come we don't hear about. that but also are you scared are you. scared of you but doctor you got to do. it the way they're doing it because it.

scares everybody it should scare. everyone i didn't know what a galaxy was. i've been because since i met you i've. been like googling things and trying to. learn about it there's 300 billion. planets in our galaxy wait wait there's. 300 billion planets in our galaxy alone. yeah i think 200 billion yeah 200. billion yeah you're off by 100 billion i. don't know but that check this out right. and then there are 300 million planets. that could be like earth. in that 200 billion. right so and then that's just our. galaxy's other galaxy so in my head i'm. like theoretically right you're right i.

mean it's the odds there's got to be. other life intelligent life on on the. planet right right we can't be the only. thing we can't be the only because we're. not that good look at us in this room. yeah can you imagine that they came back. but that's what they haven't been there. we're so dumb you know you know how like. the last time we was talking about this. and y'all name some some of those groups. of different species y'all name yeah. let's think about this all right. okay yeah what else name another one the. gray people yeah. uh. blue man group okay man you're awesome.

[ __ ] that's the [ __ ] michael. stipe from like. 100 percent michael stein you think that. you don't think that guy's a [ __ ]. yeah. vern troyer was definitely right. definitely what. so let's just say this let's say let's. pretend right now that those are all. real they are yeah they are real so what. that means they're all coming here and. they're able to get to us but we're not. able to get to them it means we're in. the middle of something that's why we. don't know what to understand what's. going on well yeah we don't i don't.

think we're the end of it we're in the. middle of i think we're just in the. middle of something and we're starting. to find out. yeah but the theory that they're having. a war. if you look online there's like a war. between five different alien races right. possible who's winning what who's. winning you would think that you would. walk outside and see a shrapnel of uh. something something but they're. like well there's no sign of look at the. distance we are from different solar. system what the [ __ ] are you talking. about see but you said that they're here. yeah. yeah they've been coming here and they.

are here they're here now they're here. where are they where are they. underwater are they underwater in the. water they don't want to stay on the. surface. or whatever they got there with the. government no no i'm saying are there. any of them walking free. well amongst us. according to. the government is possible. what right so according to the documents. like unaccountable pregnancies that. would be they're walking to monsters. just depends on how many.

women or how many people didn't have. that if it's if that's true you know you. understand what i'm saying so you're. saying women are getting pregnant. by aliens you want to call them aliens. whatever you want to call them yeah well. okay what what do you want me to call. them. well because they they can still be. human be like you know what your problem. is you think that we probably are the. only human beings. hey type in 1977. staffordshire youtube on youtube so. theoretically look at me theoretically. i could be an alien. that's possible hey doc that would.

explain it you know it's bringing you. that explain a lot. yeah my great dick that my great dig. that would explain my great day. spots in the sky lights in the sky. strange things but the strangest of all. was seen one day over this cottage. mr mrs rustenberg were living there. quietly out in the country. and well pause it stop what i believe. nothing that's going to come out.

[Laughter]. this woman escaped eastern european. the block. came to [ __ ] wherever she what is. this isn't is it england now yeah she. made it out alive but dude 1954 look at. what she's wearing that shirt by the way. she's. she's 28 years old. she's in really bad condition yeah. no. let's hear what she says let me ask you. something i could tell you you would. [ __ ] her before you would [ __ ] me of. course i would give it to her in a. heartbeat. okay.

without the accent though if she wasn't. british. i smeared [ __ ] before this guy of course. you're [ __ ] dumb you're dumb. you would you would [ __ ] her before you. [ __ ] andrew anybody dudes look at me i'm. taking that [ __ ] though. tell me what you saw. well it was. one ordinary day. i. was waiting for my husband to come home. from work and my two sons.

went to cypher to school and i was. getting changed and. i heard this terrific noise it was just. like a giant cauldron of water being. poured onto a fire ash sort of noise you. know and my first reaction was oh the. children i thought maybe a plane was. crashing or something like that. and i. slipped my jumper on and went outside to. find my two sons lying flat on the. ground in the garden in front of the. house shouting mummy mummy as a flying.

saucer. well naturally i. just said come on don't be stupid. come in the house but felt. sort of a strange sensation. when wended my way. up the side of the house to where we had. a pump where we used to get all our. water from. and um. automatically looked up to see this. all i can describe this huge mexican hat.

it was stationary this thing. and it was brighter. [Applause]. she's talking.

so you watch this [ __ ] late at night no. yes three in the morning this is an. alien pajama this is porn you're playing. underwire. this was. after i watched the scientists in his. approach on the whole situation and he. was about to collect the information so. he said it's not about what bubblers are. if he proven him real or fake he just. wanted to hear what he said and he's.

after listening to him he was convinced. that's my approach so i said okay let me. let me try to listen to some of this. [ __ ] this [ __ ] sounds crazy but i'm just. saying this just because we were talking. about pregnancies and and and. y'all were saying about aliens but i'm. about to show y'all that the aliens. could be these go ahead and show these. [ __ ]. wait what can we watch more there's more. well let's listen she's about to explain. she's about to get to the part where she. about to tell who was in the vehicle. okay i don't believe her i don't believe. her okay but i'm just she said it looked.

like a mexican hat yeah at that i'm done. after that's her only description yeah. listen i'm not saying i believe her i'm. saying that there's a possibility what. she's saying could be true facts no play. them on the phone. [Laughter]. a dome it was tilted. to sort of. i could see the occupants in it you saw. people in it. you're telling me yeah these people have. the unimaginable technology to [ __ ].

come to earth. in a saucer yeah but they've got a dome. and you can see inside who's in it and. they're going. how are you get the [ __ ] out of the [ __ ]. out of here. yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here hello. they would let you see them yeah they. wouldn't do that no it'd be like one of. those if there was a window one of those. fbi interrogation windows where it's. like one way a little slit you can't see. it they can almost yeah hello how are. you yeah we have big heads sorry and her.

she's playing like the jetsons with the. bubble like. that's insane it's insane why would they. let you see them and then they would. come down on a saucer otherwise they. would come down and make a big [ __ ]. stink anyway but how come they disappear. all the time if you hear about the. majority of the saucers back then that's. what they were they had a clear dog so. oh they declare don't yeah oh so they've. they've advanced they're right. i'm a [ __ ] y'all know. yeah yeah according to i ain't saying. that she was real i'm just saying okay. let's hear what this woman has to say.

people in there. and. these people. were beautiful people that's the only. way i can just describe them stop. stop saying this no. so they look like brook shields. and steve mcqueen waving hello. we're the beautiful people. what the [ __ ] are you saying they're. beautiful people. now is your assumption that they have. taken our form because they can see us. and they can i mean no it doesn't what.

i'm saying is is you are in your minds. right you would think that we're the. only ones made here that look like us. and it's that doesn't have to be the. case i think that we're the only ones. that look are you [ __ ] me you guys. can i just ask you something right i. think we look like us. yeah when people are telling me stories. i look at the person first and go what. is this guy's credentials yeah i mean do. i know this person like if lex friedman. yeah right pulled me aside and goes. listen dude i saw it he described it i. would be like you know what lex friedman. is one of the smartest guys on planet.

earth yeah right he was a goddamn dummy. who you why because. because of a goddamn that he could be. lying to you and you're going just. because that's his job he's a scientist. that'll make he's not one of the. smartest people in the world that's what. the [ __ ] he does he's just assigned you. think lex is smarter than you no yeah. they just do science that's all they do. this [ __ ] is crazy to me when people put. scientists on this level that they. shouldn't. it's [ __ ] crazy. dude he's about to tell him. he's about to literally be like and.

they're out here telling us the earth. can't hide when. [Music]. yeah what they think that black you know. the the the demon coveted lady that. trump was using that one. right yeah like you would go to her. that's your family practitioner. doc there's some people with credentials. because he's a scientist. no i'm not saying that but what i'm. saying is is he's just taking that guy. and saying if he said this i would. believe him because i know him.

it doesn't matter that's cause you're a. little [ __ ]. he's not smarter than you that's just. his job time out time if you was in the. science you would be doing it if you was. in the science you would be there or not. we're.

he's a [ __ ] science teacher just like. anybody else you can do that [ __ ] no no. science what he's just hungry for dude. scientists or different people in these. positions. yeah yeah time out yeah just stop the. yelling cause you're talking over each. other yeah but i do want to say this and. i'm making this announcement to the fans. to bobby lee to the crew. and to doc. i want lex friedman on this show. to go toe-to-toe with you yeah.

on who's smarter because you just said. do you think lex is smarter than those. and i said yeah i think he is smarter. than me and you said why. because i know he's smarter than me yeah. in what way. robotics yeah engineering but that's. what he does for a living yeah yeah i. don't know how to do it i don't know how. to do it but but here's the thing if you. can help me i wouldn't be able to. comprehend he could do step-by-step with. me i'd forget the moment he left exactly. how many people know how to do what you. do. what do we do what do we do you're.

stand-up comics. this is an accident. we're idiots. this is goofball weirdo [ __ ] because. we're [ __ ] up in the head. the first year my first joke was wet. farts into the mic. yeah yeah but that's all i know how to. do we're stupid weirdos we're brave. we're brave right right. you're elevating them and you shouldn't. do that so we should bring them down. right and on level with you there's no. difference between them.

uh intelligent wise i don't i don't feel. like nobody is depending on what which. which you do it's what you do so you're. going to be doing it stephen hawking me. and stephen hawking are the same. yes you can be but you're dumb because. you feel you're done and you act dumb. because that's how you feel about. yourself i don't feel like i'm dumb i. don't feel like i'm dumber than alex i'm. lex i don't feel like that i just feel. like that's what he does. you think you're as intelligent as. stephen hawking yes.

it's insane i love it so no one is. smarter than you. no i've been this is what i feel like. this is what i feel like if if yeah if. you're talking about on the scale of. what that profession is he's way more. intelligent let's remove the professions. stop with the profession right let's. take stephen hawking away from his job. as a. [ __ ] molecular biomechanics because. you only know him as a scientist okay. but let's just what about in terms of. getting sick for example do you if you.

are smarter you get sick uh you get. covered for example more times or less. times okay fancy taking shots did you. see what he just did yeah you just did. that yeah what did he say. no never mind yeah. no word from our sponsor better help you. guys um during. even till now but during the pandemic. and stuff i use better help to get my. therapy i needed it um. you know it's like uh. you know we've had tough times and i. just think that um. the healthier path. is to have someone to talk to that's a.

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now. okay a zombie apocalypse oh no right. here there's 30 people right. that's surviving you know i mean and. lex friedman and me are part of this 30. people right yeah who do you think they. would ask to be in charge to get things. right. they would go down as far as work for. what in any survival getting electricity. almost any strategy. strategy.

is. after a long day of trying to rebuild. society and build up the wall so the. zombies don't kill us all. everyone's tired and at the end lex. comes up to bobby and he's like will you. do like the penis dance for everyone to. get the morale up and you do any crushes. right and that rewards him as a higher. value however.

exactly in that scenario not gonna. that's not gonna make the group go this. is the smartest guy in the group. right now they're gonna go this guy's. the most fun exactly i love this guy. he's the king that's my role. that's my role we play our roles yeah. we're just we're jesters yeah. but what you're doing whatever you're. doing dude what is your problem think. about what you're saying i know what i'm. saying because they listen none of those. guys have contributed to science as far. as technology and uplifting do you know.

that i know that. no but here's what i'm saying this is. what i'm saying you think teaching is. well i will say lex he does build [ __ ]. he does build but he hasn't. look those guys haven't invented things. the the guys that you think that are. really smart are the guys that invent. and create you on their own so stephen. hawking with the whole black hole thing. in the theater the whole black hole. thing that [ __ ] is always getting his. [ __ ] ain't even 100 they gave him a. nobel peace prize on some [ __ ] that he. hundred percent don't even know he just. basically go okay no because they. they've been showing to his [ __ ].

but he was wondering am i about right am. i right but he was one of the first. people to come up with a lot of these. theories yeah yeah so theorizing is the. part i was one of the first people that. came up with some of the most of this. [ __ ] yeah okay so it's einstein smaller. than me of course. there are people then right no here's. what i'll say. we got one albert einstein guys. not stephen hawking but but einstein yes. hey i'll be honest. i'll be honest with you yeah he wasn't. as smart as you oh yeah. he was [ __ ] his own cousin he cheated. on his wife with his own cousin okay you.

don't know how good his cousin's [ __ ]. was yeah yeah yeah yeah you weren't a. [ __ ] round but what i'm saying is is. he was a you you say he's a genius in. science but as a man as a as like. all-around genius and understanding love. and connection all they eat it he's [ __ ]. see there's an intelligence involved in. just okay. speaking of the microphone you're going. against just speaking the mic yeah we've. got to stay in the mic i know you're. getting passionate you're getting what i. am you're going into the science the art. like it's just it's science okay the. same dumb [ __ ] that made.

nuclear weapons that we're having a. problem with today dumb ass scientists. you think you say they smart because. they could create the weapons but. they're dumb because they made them okay. okay they may not have social empathy. right it's kind of like how sometimes. higher intellectual people have. are on the spectrum they don't they're. not good at social cues or they're not. good at looking people in the eye and. certain types of conversation rhythmic. beats right you may be more intellectual. when it comes to those things but as far. as the far-reaching things that are much. more difficult to compute with the. regular brain they're smarter in science.

yes but science is almost everything. what do you think everything is. everything is [ __ ] science but they. don't have they're not you are science. we are intellectually superior when it. comes to comedic rhythms timings thought. processes right but that's a. almost. unusable skill.

outside of what we do. in another society it wouldn't even be. functioning as is like a hundred years. ago i lived in korea right and i was my. families were rice i'm back in ireland. he's in korea yeah my we heard rice and. i'm a potato farmer yeah right and i'm. cracking jokes in the field yeah that's. it that's it that's what i'm doing i'm. running a day in the rice field right. right but if i was like friedman i'd be. in the government well you'd own the. rice field yeah i would own the rice. field by the way you collecting rice.

cracking jokes oh my god so [ __ ]. funny yeah but we need to do a movie. where it's like dual world's happening. and i'm in a potato farm. and i'm stuffing potatoes in my ass to. get a laugh you know how those rice. teddy hats when i'm doing you could if. you had an aerial view you could see the. hats go up and down because i'm chilling. so hard. know what i mean but that's all i'm good. at how many bushels did you pick i. killed today. yeah yeah i know what you're saying. there's a question here's a question. you guys never wanted to be a scientist.

[Laughter]. this is good sit this is really good. let me just explain something no i never. watched let me explain something okay. my parents said to me at the age of 16. because i got all f's. right like v's. for fun i for fun right my dad goes i'll. buy you brand new car if you just get c. in biology. right.

i that semester. i [ __ ]. studied i did the tests right i got a d. are you serious yeah and i never got the. car you know it was crazy okay so my. point is this and i remember every night. i go you know what dude i am going to. [ __ ] study all the i couldn't. comprehend it. [Laughter]. and i get there yeah yeah you worked so. hard i worked so hard to get it to get. 10 more points.

you know sorry i ain't trying to diss. you but i got locked in juvenile yeah. and still gotta see. in goddamn chemistry after i got locked. up that's how [ __ ] smart it was i. even posted it on instagram you. [ __ ]. you see i guess cause i was trying to. prove my point.

all i'm saying is everything is. information and information is all about. your desire and what you want to learn. it's just like did they ask neil. degrasse tyson was he great at math he. said no he said i just love to do the. science so i learned and i pushed to. learn the math that's all it is some. people have a better comprehension level. comprehension level something like this. okay i would say that like physically. there are some people smarter than. others because of physically they can't. but just because you're in your. positions doesn't mean you're not smart. it just means that they didn't say we're. not smart i'm saying they're smarter.

than me yeah i'm smart they're smarter. than me. that's all he's saying here here i'm. tall nba players are taller than me. it can cause they both can exist. but you to say that those people aren't. smarter than me i know what you mean. you're picking out certain certain. scales of intelligence but there is an. over okay iq iq is a broad test that. shows your level of intellectual. abilities to comprehend different parts. of. of of math science social blah it's.

everything right iq is the basis. stephen hawking's iq is higher than. yours and mine and his probably combined. if i'm being honest. but what i'm saying so yes he's smarter. than us. that's only there has to be a scale but. that's only because that was his see. also you have to remember you can't. refute the iq testing you. it depends on how you were born where. you were and what you what it just. depends on what you're attracted to so. you're if i believe this is what i. believe you're either everyone has the.

ability to be a genius. physically how do we go from aliens to. this i forgot i totally forgot i totally. forgot we just went into a completely. different oh yeah the lady the other. lady that lady they showed the video who. has the highest iq on earth who has the. highest iq alive. despite being a college dropout marilyn. vos savant that's where the word savant. comes from gaining significant attention. when her estimated iq was scored two two. eight was listed in the guinness book of. world records in 85. famous for her. common parade magazine where she gained. critical uh attention for solving the. famous mathematical monty hall problem.

oh. so you could just take care of yourself. anything else is what you apply yourself. to right so whatever she does that's. what she wanted to do she loved doing. that so you're gonna i'm telling you you. would be great at science you would be. great if that's what you had. a desire you're not that just wasn't i.

had a desire to get a c. to get a car and i didn't happen. i put my desire in it. trust me. right. i hated taking the boss all my friends. at cars my desire was pure 100 a lot of. desire a lot of desire okay i got. something no because my my teachers used. to say i was a potential a student but i. played too much and that was the thing i. played too much and then once i got so. why didn't you have the intellectual. desire to not play too much why didn't i. have the intellectual desire to not play.

too much you know grew up different. everybody has no because i think that's. not your path. i don't think it's meant for you okay. because your brain doesn't have that. thing i think that [ __ ] savant her. brain had the thing whether she liked it. or not we had the comedy thing whether. we liked it or not it was developed it. was developing it to make it a. career that is the next step but this. [ __ ] was born a genius she just had to. like child prodigies that can play like. a rock monologue piece at the age of.

three i i can't play that's just like a. higher level of [ __ ] intelligence. every time they're sitting nothing it. don't is this maryland savannah what is. all that benefit them what is it does. for now oh i don't know change culture. inspire first where first of all so many. people that's what you do you change. culture you inspire doing what you do. okay but so many of our scientists have. come along that are look at this uh. [ __ ] elon musk 155 this picture was. two two eight that's how smart this. woman was right and timing.

is it difficult for a woman but go ahead. no i'm saying i'm saying what science. has contributed. is we've cured disease let's go back to. aliens nothing there's no cures so if. the government created this other agency. this these this agency to specifically. look for ufos right doc. do they have an agency for like. exorcisms and you know i mean that kind. of a realm. like spiritual realms they haven't. announced nothing like that. so there isn't one i don't know it's not.

the vatican city oh you think vatican. has one shadiest place on earth it's. pretty shitty no i've never been there. no. scary have you been to the vatican so. scary why. it's it's it's it is it is its own i'm. gonna misquote this it's its own. jurisdiction of everything they have. their own police their own banks their. own government. they don't have to obey to anything. no outside force can influence them. if someone gets murdered yeah in the. walls of the vatican. it doesn't need to ever leave the walls.

of the vatican dude and i asked one of. our tour guides when i went there oh you. were just there well we didn't go this. time but i went the last time i went and. i said let me ask you a question you're. gonna find annoying and she was like. yeah yeah and i said how many people do. you think get killed or accidental. deaths. in these walls and she's like a few. times a year i think something happens. within these walls that never makes it. out wow a few times that's incredible. because who would know because you know. the gates are open during mass thousands. of people flood the square so if there's.

beef or there's something going on. beneath the surface if it happens in the. square no one will know it's like the da. vinci code it is like the division yeah. yeah. it is like that [ __ ] davinci code. okay it's just shady to me dude god. bless the vatican good for you guys. don't kill me don't [ __ ]. maim me but i just that that to me. that's alien [ __ ] that's ufo stuff yeah. because you know they got some [ __ ] in. the vatican yeah all right so you set. the tone set the mood. set the tone ladies and gentlemen. hold on start again fancy's got to get. ready with this little [ __ ] camera.

are you ready. ladies and gentlemen straight from the. paulie shore tournament. into polly.

that's what this is. that's not cool dudes yeah yeah polly oh. just like what's up all right first of. all it's the juicy it's the juices here. the juices. first of all i got a bunch of uh dms i. got a bunch of ats and mentions. paulie. tagged us. because he took her out to dinner. and trying to like. show us up and you had the [ __ ] nerve. to say that his was better than ours i. said that's pretty this was really good. thank you paulie and he said.

it was it wasn't even the same dimension. not even close you guys went to outback. steakhouse. what was it called what was it called i. was i don't i don't even know that's how. good it was. what was the one that we took you called. match does yeah you got it all right you. remember yeah you remember that you. never bought it. the one we went to wait what michael. jordan ate it the one we went to okay. first of all okay. let me show you something that's pretty. good let me show you something look up.

michael jordan's steakhouse chicago. so michael jordan if you're gonna talk. about is he does he know about stakes he. knows about. basketball steakhouse. one of the worst let's look up some. reviews for michael jordan's steakhouse. maybe one of the worst steakhouses that. ever graced the city it was you went. there terrible you went there terrible. yeah i went there years and years ago. give me one review from this [ __ ] i. had one in new york and it closed down. it closed down it closed down in chicago. too it's not even open purse stolen. while eating a table.

the food was average the steaks are. overcooked they also had a blue cheese. butter on top that was not that was a. weight or two that. stolen extremely disappointed in this. experience i am in chicago starting a. new medical residency. oh my god this guy's a nine-page. dissertation anyway michael jordan. doesn't know [ __ ] about steaks guy can. hoop but [ __ ] steaks we took you to the. spot and by the way now that he's trying. to trump us. we're taking you to mexico i said you're. getting authentic mexican food we're. going to mexico also you you you said to.

me yesterday right that you have stories. about me. right things that paulie told you yeah. yeah. i'm giving you the the platform yeah to. run wild with them what's up jesus could. you. you seem like you knew information. that's going to embarrass me okay go. ahead you guys want to know the juice. all right all right um well there. was a story that he led into by uh a. time he made you cry okay how what was.

it do you know it no i don't. he's made me cried so many times. oh there wasn't one yeah um. well i will say i don't remember i would. let her do it i wanted to see if you. knew it i do remember this it was in. michigan. i don't remember it let her do it oh. well. he wanted to go hang out with you in. your hotel room. that's not the story. well that's what he said no he goes. dude. right i'm not making a lot of money on.

this gig so we're sharing this room. right. and i was in my room he had walked in. with his luggage right and i thought he. was being real and i go. oh but um. well why don't i just take like the. money you're paying me and i'll just get. my own room no dude we're i'm staying in. and it was like a queen-size bed. right. and i just thought. oh this is gonna be the worst weekend of. my life. and i i just started weeping.

well he did tell me that earlier. throughout the tour he would lay on top. of you yeah which he did to me a couple. times and would yell bobby lee. wait he would just jump on top of you. and well like twice in north carolina it. would just stay did you want to tell. that story. he has a way of like you know he's not. you know a mean guy he's a nice guy. right but he's so eccentric and weird. right so he doesn't know like social. rules or you know people's personal.

space maybe he's a genius. maybe he's a genius like the people we. talked about before nah he was an. absolute gentleman on the tour and i. think bobby ran or walked so i could run. bobby walked so she could run yeah what. does that mean because i'm kind of. following in your pocket i played the. groundwork yeah. i'm a door guy yeah i'm going on tour. just like you then yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah so i'm leading the way yeah. and he he. he treated you a lot worse than he. treated me.

yeah he treated me really good he got. his massages wow. the [ __ ] blows my mind we had so many. fancy dinners like. that blows my mind you were with him on. tour 20 [ __ ] years ago. so dude one time i did you're paying for. this. you had to pay for the game yeah and i'm. like i have no money. i'm like oh i'll pay for it i get you. know what i mean. yeah but look at you look at you now. look at you now yeah she's right look at. you now yeah so um it was a pleasant. experience yeah but it was kind of weird.

because i thought paulie shore was like. a ladies man. and he didn't get laid once oh he's. getting old he said cause i'm woke and. he didn't want to get busted but i think. i got the old polly yeah. you got the shriveled up propolis. that looks like a turtle yeah frank and. i were already like we're like i bet. he's gonna get laid at this one and he. didn't he's like let's just go back wow. it's so sad and you and frank are both. of you are in a relationship yeah yeah. his wife was a little concerned because. we were sharing a room the whole time.

but she was concerned because of his. snoring so she she was concerned for me. not that something would happen. or his smell yeah he doesn't smell good. frank castillo yeah. why it just smells like weed old weed oh. well he smells he smokes weed yeah yeah. you don't like the smell of wheat yeah. well that's a youth did he smell no. he was he was great yeah do you smoke. weed no not really did he smoke in the. room no no oh he had his pants and stuff. yeah he gotta hit that pen also like.

she's. the way she's dressed you can tell she. gets just got off tour with them. just like that the scarf. oh yeah i guess he has rubbed off on me. a little bit. literally that's his t-shirt his face on. him yeah he signed it. is that his merch i got the whistler. hey i got something uh a little souvenir. for you guys okay cool oh my god this is. so amazing by the way doc's been on the. show. for a year never got one thing not one. thing.

but he also doesn't leave l.a. yeah that's true or yeah. that's pretty good you could bring us. something from home from amazon. you know what andrew you know sometimes. i go on vacation yeah right and i just. sit in my hotel room because i don't. know what to do i know you usually don't. have anything to do but i gotta tell you. with viator it's gonna make it easy it's. amazing it's the world's leading travel. experience marketplace offering. everything from simple tours to extreme. adventures and all at the niche. interesting stuff in between see someone. will say niche some of them say niche.

and that's a niche thing about us they. put the critical combination of um. extensive options ease of selection and. flexibility at your fingertips to ensure. your time on vacay is wonderfully spent. and viator is the place like i like when. i go on vacation i like simple stuff. yeah a guy like you you like extreme. adventures very extreme dude i want to. jump out of a plane yeah yeah with a. horse below me viator has over 300 000. bookable experiences to choose from in. over. and ninety countries that's so many. countries you know i don't even know how. many countries.

that sounds like a lot yeah uh they have. over 300 000 bookable experiences to. choose from that's amazing they're the. world's leading travel experience. marketplace and that's why we love them. right now tell them how to get it. download the viator app now and use code. viator 10 for 10 off your first booking. in viator's world of wonderful. experiences via tour man one site over. 300 000 experiences you'll remember. good. oh my god are these polly shirts. and they're signed they're signed oh my.

god. this is bobby. oh this is so cool oh this is so fun. look at this. sentinel oh this is so [ __ ] cool so. cool and you know what we should frame. these and put them up on the pocket look. at the new ropes near the bathroom. yeah they [ __ ] hate it. well if you guys. if you guys want to keep on their 20 for. the shirts and 25 for the headshots.

dude you are learning. you're really good yeah this is really. [ __ ] nice thank you paulie man. we. oh we would love to have him if he wants. to do it yeah tour was amazing though i. want to go back i loved it so what what. places you play um good nights um i met. this guy i love charlie love raleigh uh. raleigh is great hephron john heffer i. love him brian brian yeah wait what is. that donor right you're not a road dog i. guess is that the owner brian wait wait. wait john heffron is a comic yeah but. brian hephron is too right yeah if you.

guys were road road dogs you know. yeah so that's a cool club uh good night. i've played it before good night so it's. great hephron runs all the comedy zones. oh right right right so you want. charlotte to that that one we went good. nights and then uh comedy zones and uh. greensboro. uh charlotte which was off charlotte was. this huge room and then a in greenville. the greensboro one was like applebee's. turned into a comedy club which one was.

outside i saw you guys doing it like an. outsider that yeah that was silverados. that was like a music venue. wow did you do well there or was it hard. it was awesome every show you killed. yeah and i got i got way better like. as the weekend went up as it went yeah. it happens. and then eventually maybe when we do our. bad friends tour. when we do the theater tour yeah no she.

can't come on the tour that's right of. course she can come on. yeah of course you can like magically. black magic has to be on the tour you. guys have never met no it never feels. like i've known you for years though. yeah everybody talking you evolving from. the store yes. look how different he is we worked a lot. i told you that's what you guys had in. common you both are young two black. young black people and you both worked a. lot. when you were coming we told her told.

them that you were black. and you believe jet ski johnson was. black. can i tell you something a woman named. jessica johnson definitely is a black. lady yeah i love that you guys are. calling me jet ski because you through. one episode single-handedly changed my. name to juice well juicy is you you're. still juicy to us you'll always be juicy. in our hearts you know we could come up. with a different uh do you like that one. or should we change it it's just. hilarious because i've gained probably. over seven thousand. keep followers her from you guys and now. and on the road.

i'll get on stage juicy no. no be real yes that's awesome it might. be you know three out of a hundred still. that's good yeah. so can you tell us did you do a joke. that did you do a new joke on the road. that bombed. did you have anything that you hate [ __ ]. on. i never i didn't really like eat [ __ ]. but i figured some [ __ ] out like some. premises that i started out early that. didn't really have an ending yeah and i. would and frank and i would as soon as. we were done we'd go back and we'd just.

like work on wow. it was awesome yeah i'll miss those days. cause that's over for us did you bring a. trumpet no i like that bit yeah i saw i. used to do that and then i stopped. because i wanted to be like a real. stand-up because i thought having a. trumpet in my act was not real it. doesn't matter. but the trump because. let me just see if i get this bit right. right but you bring the trumpet right. and you go this is my rape whistle yeah. about like eight minutes yeah i hold it. for about i don't mention it for about. eight minutes.

and then you go oh this is my trunk. right and then you play it right you go. right then you play a little tune yeah. and then how does the bit go like say. you're walking down a dark alley at. night and someone's following you and. you just burp. that's great. hear you hear you. it's a good bit but like where do you i. do some impressions. of like. louis armstrong and miles davis.

yeah but like where do you go from there. anywhere you [ __ ] want to go that's. incredible and i hung out with your. boyfriend a little last night we had a. conversation did you tell you he told me. about it yeah and he tried to get me to. go to um he goes hey you want to do this. gig in mammoth. yeah i'm like okay let me hear it right. he's like yeah it's a couple receipts. but you know it'll go real well oh it's. actually good is that the brewery really. sarah mello used to do one there oh you. know about it well is it still it's at. the brewery there in town i think he's. since moved it to a.

i don't i can't keep track of it it's. but it's grown a lot and it's good and. you had mentioned that you wanted to. play at. like s'more alt rooms yeah so i was. thinking because i want to help there i. want to help him yeah what do you do you. and i just as fun go out there i'll do. that 100. this do what it's like 200 seats or 300. 200 something seats if it's the same. spot sarah mello you know mello i love. her she did she's her birthday today. is it really it's ceremony i send her a. video. she did a show up there that i was at. the little brewery that's there in town.

in mammoth and it was [ __ ] oh yeah. yeah it was. do you remember this yeah it was a. short-lived amount of time but that's. like. it's fun oh can we uh show you some of. his theories earlier on. right and this is a real thing. he wasn't kidding. so. at all it was sincere and any argument. argued it to death right so basically. did you know. that. me and stephen hawking. have the same intelligent level same.

do you believe that. oh that's the whole theory yeah that's. the theory of he was basically saying. that there's no difference between. intelligent levels. between me and stephen hawking and him. essentially essentially it's you you're. only as smart as the things that you. care about to be smart at that's kind of. like if we cared about like quantum. physics then we could be and black holes. that we would be immersed in that. information and we'd know as much as. stephen hawking. that's what you that's your theory yeah. yeah if you read like if you love it and.

you put yourself into it then i gave him. an example of him. yeah because neal said uh. he wasn't good at math neo like the. major. oh neil yeah what did you think. so but he said that he just because he. loved science he pushed he he was able. to go and dive into a deep so that's the. thing that i was trying to. bestow upon them like hey man you if you.

if you're in that field and you love it. you're gonna become intelligent in that. just like they just like they their. style of comedy there's an intelligence. behind that because nobody can do that. what we do is rare. so scientists are rare if you go into. science you're going to know how to so. theoretically theoretically if stephen. hawking wanted to do stand-up. and his heart was in the up he could do. be as good as us can i tell you. something that's what he wanted to do if. that's what he wanted to do. welcome.

i'm glad to be here this guy knows what. i'm talking about. we used to do character shows in arizona. where you dress up as a character and. you stand up as that character and i. would go as nebula hawking who was. stephen hawking's niece. and i would write my set out on an ipad. and i'd had someone push me up to the. microphone and i'd hit play. and it would play the act that's that's. amazing would it do well yeah it would.

kill you. it was like while my uncle spent his. life studying the stars i spend my life. trying to be a star. do you have a manager yes who rachel. williams levity oh that's cool. yeah jessica that's amazing agent. no oh asian asian you have asians yeah. do you have any. just one you need at least one in this. town yeah. yeah you know you have a goldy hot like. old school goldie hunt likeability. okay don't you think she does i i i.

couldn't even comment about that. i don't know about goldie hawn's like a. bit i mean i mean back in the day she. was like when she went uh what was that. that she was the sergeant what was the. military one that she did. paulie said he's going to take me to. perform for their troops. have you guys ever done that oh private. benjamin yeah private benjamin right. there you are you i could see you as the. next private benjamin. take me there bobby like she's like just. kind of like. your fish out of water you know what i. mean i couldn't agree with you more yeah.

yeah. honestly that is juicy right that's. juicy maybe we could call it in the army. now. part two part two part two part two let. me ask you some serious questions about. paulie are you a fan of his movies. yes now i hadn't seen like any of them. she never saw all right how old are you. 20 32. oh you are yeah so you saw you. saw what you saw biodome i've seen them. all now yeah son-in-law son-in-law yeah. yeah i literally just watched them like. on the road just now just to catch up.

yeah yeah cause he was like halfway. through the tour he's made a joke about. one of the movies and then looked at me. and he's like have you seen any of my. movies and i think he felt kind of sad. you know people don't really remember i. mean the dude [ __ ] jury duty encino. man. so many [ __ ] like so many huge movies. for the for those times where polly. shore is dead. i haven't seen that one. yeah he cut me out of that. oh he's mad at you by the way okay tell. me why because. he said that. he had this movie idea a long time ago.

and now that you're like famous you. can't you won't produce it it's called. capture. go ahead bob you want to comment about. that. okay. can i tell you the movie idea yeah i. don't even know we'd love to hear it did. did you do it as you too. okay well that's how he said it to me oh. oh oh he's pitching it to me he was. pitching it to me oh go ahead go ahead. dude so. you're my neighbor right.

right and you. you just got a college guy right. just normal guy right how long ago was. this pitch 15 years ago at least and he. goes d did. i capture you did and you're in a well. i go i'm in a well. you know like silence of the lands dude. yep right and i like feed you like mochi. balls. funny right and i go okay. what happens we become best friends. this is a great movie. i know.

but at the time i'm like he feeds you. mochi balls and you become friends do. you put the mochi in the basket yeah i. don't know i mean that's as far as he. went i didn't maybe i should ask more. questions he puts the mochi and the best. yeah and he by the way. i don't know dude i think that's a good. movie you think so yeah why not but to. me at the time there was like no let me. put some other parameters around okay. okay. so creepy by the way. um. uh let me put some parameters here's.

what here's like the time period you. have to shift to okay. what i think it is is like let's say. there's a fake war times that set up. and. he's there he's captured an asian. right. and so when you're saying this is a. period piece yes and you're trespassing. on his property. he's a guy. i got it right now yeah he's a guy. because he has that like. surf revive see he's in hawaii during. pearl harbor that's right right dude. you're right.

look at all the planes dude and incoming. they're. can you play japanese right. perfect right yeah well you play paulie. and then i'm yeah you're right. so are they bombing us dude yeah. i'm like. your plane crashes on his property but. you live well i'm the worst of them yeah. you're the worst comic book my eyes are. not good what if your vision you're. slanty but also. i don't have good vision you have bad. vision right and i'm kind of little you.

know what i mean what's up a little off. upstairs yeah a little off so you crash. on his property after a minute. right and i go land i crash into his. house dude you crashed into my jello pit. oh you're not. you know emperor hirohito is a sun god. oh bro are you trying to hurt america. yeah. oh i've got to lock you up so you become. a prisoner of the world right okay. i get it i like it and through. connections.

you slowly bond this beautiful loving. friendship right do you have more of the. mochi boy. you like the most yeah yeah you know i. want the more multi-board one more idea. thank you and what happens is hey hey. that's not a mochi ball that's my sack. that's my sack bag. yeah he tricks me right right right but. it's still good. so now you're sucking on his mochi balls. and then later at night you share. stories about your past and his past and.

you find out. you have much more in common than you. ever dreamed oh what is it. that you're both outcast losers and both. in your families never accepted you for. who you really were you tell me story i. see i relate. okay okay here we go when i was a kid. well real quick quick lick of mochi bar. please oh here. we go thank you continue. when i was a little boy dude fatty.

my family didn't like the way i was so i. played by myself in the neighborhood and. one time. i was molested by a mentally handicapped. person. oh. me too. why. oh yeah buddy. he was number one rice maker. okay i don't know if i can relate to. that part no but i'm going to tell you. oh he has a part okay but he does not. think i'll go right make myself oh.

he put me down like you right right. right yes and that one. [Music]. and then my dad would hit me with golf. dude but he hit me with his uh your. seminars. same thing. yeah look at this this is the tale of. two friends yeah i really like this a. pearl harbor kamikaze pilot gone wrong. what. i think doctors realized how brilliant. that was and that is the same level of. genius as stephen hawking is so bad.

go piss yeah thank you doc thank you. talk do you need help to get there do. you know where. okay good thank you doc thank you doc. that pinot is. it's. it's next level pinot i'll tell you he's. on the pinot he's yeah. what do you think of our new captured. movie yeah i think it's brilliant i. think that doc's right you guys have the. same level of genius as stephen hawking. maybe we do yeah maybe so you'll produce.

it. no. he's gonna. we pitch it to paul right but you know. um i'll produce it. i i think here's my problem with it. right i think that you know the movie's. fine it's just what happens in between. the movie when we're shooting i'm a. little afraid of he's different now i'm. telling you like he pinches my nipples. really hard well you know what i mean. you got pinchable nipples i do he didn't. do that to me once you're a girl he also.

lays on you but he did lay on you right. yeah but he was showing me what he did. to you oh god that's a good way around. in the past. i never laid on any of my features. there's never a thing. really. it was more like he sat on me i've never. sat on any of my feet did you guys do a. tour bus or no no we did rental car oh. cool it's a great experience god it was. so fun you guys have just been doing.

this for a long time then yeah it's a. little different when you're headlining. though yeah it's it's not as fun well. the responsibility level is much higher. featuring i've always said is. [ __ ] such a sweet spot it's such a. sweet it's not going to last forever you. obviously want to ascend and have your. own thing but it's. it's so fun man the pressure it's almost. non-existent you you worry about numbers. you start worrying about like everything. selling tickets selling worry about. selling tickets and filling seats and it. becomes a whole thing how much money you. can make because you can make enough to. take other people on the road and.

that that analytics of all of it it. stinks but when you're in your spot yeah. [ __ ] it forget don't even think about. your prime time have the most fun you've. ever had this is the best time of my. life deserve it man it really is the. best it's the best time of my life like. i i i look back and i'm glad i. have been grinding and all that stuff. and blah blah blah. but yeah this is awesome and then i. literally just got off the plane from. the tour and walked right into the. studio here with you guys like it's a. dream how [ __ ] party is that that's. amazing that's [ __ ] really [ __ ].

that's amazing. and we're gonna go on tour together we. are we are we're going to mexico yeah. we just have you have to kick someone. out so you're taking someone's seat it's. one of those two guys in the window so i. think you can guess what you want. what she said that she wants to kick. george out after last episode yeah. george is absolutely not coming on tour. with us i'd rather kill myself and have. that guy in the [ __ ] bus are you. kidding me you okay yeah i was holding. this [ __ ] for about an hour i said god. damn how often do you pee do you pee a. lot no. once a day i'll pee about.

about maybe four or five times a day how. many times do you pee a day i've never. counted. how many times do you pee a day. three or four times. i feel like i'd be way more than that. three times for me that's eight four. times yeah i piss right in the morning. then i piss after i've had my coffee. [ __ ] breakfast combo. and then i probably don't piss again. until the after like i'm about to piss. in about an hour from now you don't. drink a lot of water i drink a [ __ ] load. i try to drive yeah i do but it stays in.

there the worst though is when you're. big sleeping the boy's got a big block. dude my dick's been getting so how'd you. know because. you know that that's a reaction to make. sure you don't piss yourself is that. really yes yeah my dick gets hard all. the time now at night at night yeah yeah. that's also your libido checking in. being like hey i'd like to come. sometimes is that what it is yeah yeah. sending a signal from your brain but. also at night you will get a hard on. you'll get an erection your [ __ ] will. fill with blood so make sure that you. pinch it now well you don't do that you. don't have to do that yeah i pinch it.

hard you don't have to do that to go go. down go down you don't have to do that. yeah you don't have to hurt it you can. just talk to it yeah but i ca it doesn't. go down if i don't pitch it you can. think about to watch something awful and. gruesome does it i have to hurt it. is that funny that our dicks can fill. with blood to stop us from urinating in. the middle of night but like you can't. there's nothing that happens to you no i. just bleed through my vagina. that's pretty cool i don't think that. has anything to do with you having a. piss but yeah. does it affect your mood like like some. girls it affects them does it affect. your mood welcome back.

hell yeah. i get really sad like a week before. i always forget because it's. pre-menstrual pms i it took me like a. billion years to learn that did you have. an embarrassing period store when you. first got your period because i know a. lot of girlfriends of mine had like a. yeah like they always had a shitty first. time story because they didn't know or. their mom didn't tell them or they had. like a very vague conversation about it. my mom. like told me about it and was so cool. and got me like you know a variety of.

supplies. and i it was just confusing and i told. her afterwards i was like i'm just glad. it's done yeah and she said. you know this is gonna happen every. month right forever and i was like. what. i thought it was a one and done like you. get it and then that the reality of the. world set in on me. but it was hard to get a hold of it i. remember being in class and like oh i. guess it started and getting up there's. just blood on my seat wow and i just got.

to shuffle out of there because i've. heard that story a few times yeah yeah. in junior high i might have just blood. came out of your dick once a month what. do you mean imagine yeah. yeah it's an extra thing to think about. imagine if it came for guys if it just. came out of your mouth if you just were. talking yeah. all right if you just started bleeding. if you're like yeah we're going to go to. blind. there's blood boring you're like i'm so. tired.

and you have to see cotton in your mouth. yeah yeah it's [ __ ] awful yeah but. sometimes i kind of like it because like. oh like the pain i i think i kind of. have a high tolerance for pain and so. like i'll start to kind of hallucinate a. little bit whoa but not in like a. dangerous way like i don't think it's. like a. whoa but you know when you're in pain. sometimes and yeah but you mean like. from the blood loss. i i know like the cramps oh oh the pain. the physical pain the physical the. physical pain.

and you don't take anything you don't. take advil or [ __ ]. no i take this stuff that my stepmom. she's like neopathic so she'll she sends. me some stuff like like a essential oil. well tell the girl fans what it is. there's some there's a lot of chick fans. out here that want to know we'll put a. link i don't know what it's called but. fancy i'll get you the link fancy get. that [ __ ] for the period. i was listening because it is a [ __ ]. nightmare yeah let's get some bad. friends i don't want to overstep i know. i just you're here baby. i was listening with this american life. and there was a story of a girl who met.

this guy. and she really liked they were an acting. class or whatever and in new york and. they hook up one night and then she was. on her period and she goes i don't wanna. you know i'm i mean it's that time of. month he's like i don't care but like. four in the morning she looked at all. the sheets and they're all bloody right. so she stole his sheets. and put it in her bag. and she left like and she was walking. down and she had to go through some sort. of security check or something and the. cops saw the bloody sheets so they. thought she murdered somebody so then. she had to go back to the [ __ ].

apartment and the cops had a knock on. this guy's door and to see if he was. alive right and then she had to go yeah. i stole your sheets how embarrassing is. that how crazy of a story if he went if. she went back to the apartment he was. dead. that's that's a good. show yeah that's the start of a good. [ __ ] series yeah yeah the coincidence. of it right but he's but he's dead but. it's with a handgun to his head and. they're like this couldn't be blood from. that that would be impossible yeah this. is not that the blood's on the wall it's. that way how do the how do the sheets. have all this blood but then they test.

the dna on the sheets and it's not even. her blood. it's not even her blood it's someone. else's but it's not even his blood. it's not his blood either where on the. wall from his head yeah. yeah. it's a blood from this wall right yeah. well i'm a chimp it's from a chimp yeah. a chimp blood whoa a chimps period blood. chips period blood make this move. and that's why if you're a female killer. you always kill while you're.

menstruating that's right. if you're gonna stab someone ladies. that's the moral of the story make sure. you're bleeding. yeah make sure it's just spraying. everywhere you're stabbing and spraying. get a little [ __ ] funnel to spray it. on him when you're chilling oh sorry. officer i was on my period. the twin the twist is the office there's. a chimp. oh yeah it's a chimney got one of the. cops the chips. you're knocking the door and you answer. the door it's a chimp and he's got two. knives he's like.

yeah and he starts stabbing you. then you're like what are you doing. you're a cop he's like. yeah yeah whoa crazy world what a crazy. world what a great you want to direct it. i want to be in it oh what do you want. to play i'll direct it you saw how good. of an actress she was when we did acting. scenes in the room here oh that was. amazing. really good stuff. yeah doc would. would you mind directing it yeah yeah. okay. because we don't have anybody in our. crew that directs anything do we yeah. i want to do a movie with them and do. the loving story what's that sorry that.

story about the two you know remember is. it that they're called the loving i mean. they were the um the first people the. black and white couple right and then. they it was against the law. and then they did that oh what are the. last names um find out the last names. the first interracial couple i know what. you're talking about yeah the first. interracial couple but we're not the. first of all we do a comedy spin on them. though um. it was the first interracial couple uh. like in a. first generation.

interracial marriage. loving day june 12th is loving day yeah. interracial marriage uh finally became. legal in the united states june january. 26 1965 this photo shows mildred is. about wild that they were gonna didn't. they go to prison for it or something. because they were well no no they were. they were. this caused. this to become a law that it's legal for. interracial but in 1965 you couldn't do. it. prior to that insane yeah yeah no it's. [ __ ]. jackie roberson was getting it in though.

just let that sit. i wasn't. let it sit because i don't know what the. [ __ ] you mean i know what he means. yeah explain it to explain he was. smashing white women back in history he. was [ __ ] these white houses yeah he. was getting it he was out in these. streets okay it depends on who you are. you can [ __ ] out there in the streets. back when you could [ __ ] but you. couldn't get married that was what you. all thought was yeah i'm sure sydney. pointy [ __ ] white girls too that's my. point they would. he they they had to hide it he actually. liked asian women sydney pottier did he.

really big time loved asian girls. was not a big fan of of uh of white. women oh wow i have a story that. somebody told me that's a lie. i have a story that somebody told me and. i i feel so guilty because it's hearsay. yeah but we gotta hear it. a huge fan of this woman that i'm about. to talk about so i don't want to hurt. her feelings oh go ahead okay i'm going. to do it all right. so back in the day 90s i used to do. shows with this guy named dave tyree.

don't remember that person okay he was a. old black comic oh yeah dave you know. dave tyree right he used to do a bit. about um oh yeah that's dave tyree. right that's just. paulie by the way yeah yeah. and he was a funny guy right. yeah um sure. i don't know he really was yeah okay for. the time i wasn't there yeah and tyree. was like let me tell you a story. and i go where's he from i don't know. detroit okay. why it's just a little accent i heard a. little actually was it asian yeah right.

yeah. let me tell you a story every time you. got an accent you go let me tell you a. story i don't know. i don't know where it is. is that what you heard guys is that what. you heard absolutely let me tell you let. me tell you a story let me tell you a. story is that fine sure let me just keep. doing it yeah yeah yeah i go i don't. want your story right now. i'm gonna tell you a story okay fine no. it was different than the first time. thank you yeah so anyway he goes back in. the day when i moved to la right i met. richard pryor. i'm like cool is that it no.

he invites me to a party. right. and. cocaine. everything's. happening i mean people having sex in. the living room right it was wild he. said right drunk and then. [ __ ] pryor comes up to him and goes. you like asian [ __ ]. and dave tyree goes i guess yeah it's. alright you know what i mean come here. come here he goes in a room there was an. asian lady laying on her back she was. completely naked.

she wasn't passed out she was loose you. know. he goes go ahead right are these guys. dead by the way david tyree dead no he's. still alive okay. we'll find out where the story goes. but the girl was a naked asian it was. connie chung. shut the [ __ ] up whoa. connie chung and she was just letting. everyone have i don't know that's what. he told me. and i didn't sleep for a week man. comedy's just not like that anymore. i know you you're never at a party and. you wanted some did you go and it's.

anderson cooper completely naked. i have been to that party yeah actually. yeah i have been to that point and i. don't even think that's true there's no. way that story's true why why would it. not be. because she's a newscaster and she you. know they don't like dick. yeah what was that nancy pelosi she was. getting it on right getting [ __ ] sm. by who like it wasn't she blowing. everybody blowing everybody dude wait. wait wait nancy pelosi was blowing who. the insurrectionist what happened.

nancy pelosi is that the story maybe i. got the wrong person yeah i don't know. was she was she with jfk. are you thinking she was blowing him. that's what made his head explode. how did jackie not see. pelosi sucking off kennedy in that car. that's the conspiracy. so she was the second shooter yeah. yeah i could have sworn there was this.

big story going around that when she was. younger she gave everybody hand chops. that's that's cool that's cool. i like that one is cool i like that. that's a cool thing to do yeah so you. know they get around. well i love how i love how p types and. nancy pelosi hand job. when they when they seize that laptop. from the fence. where that guy went to remember the. insurrection. and he was sitting like this on nancy. pelosi's office maybe he was looking for.

a hand job oh waiting patience yeah like. i heard about this girl maybe that's. what he was saying some it's probably. some other white lady in politics and. all the fans are gonna say it on the. comments who do we think it could be. yeah i don't think you can hear the. connie chunk thing i feel bad about. saying it it's just a story that you. heard from somebody that says it's not a. real story times we're different times. we're different 70s 70s 70s yeah yeah. you're right. 70s yeah. i just don't want more pokemon have you. ever been i want maury povich to come. after me here i mean he's in a.

wheelchair maybe. have you ever been to a hollywood party. where was like filled with sex and drugs. like that. one i've been to one as well really yeah. yeah one time it must have been a long. time ago yeah long stops canceled was it. in the hills no what was it so um. so. i did this naka conference. [ __ ] do you know what naca is oh that's. so funny that was our journey. naca was the the national association of. college yes it's something it was for to. do college shows. yeah and they stopped booking me because.

you know basically you go and they have. all these colleges in the region and. they come and they always said to me you. have to be squeaky clean and i never did. you had to be so every time i would. perform half the room would walk out. yeah. they just would walk out and i could see. my um college age agent just go. in the back like. because back then he just showed his. [ __ ] pews when you were young. back then. you couldn't make any money doing clubs. because you weren't a headliner yet you. couldn't get eight rooms but you could. get paid big money to do college college.

schwartz and those guys did i mean. they'd clean up but i did not book a lot. but there was one girl who was religious. but she thought i was attractive right. so i exchanged numbers and i go you know. what i want to do. i'm gonna i'm going to vegas. and i'm because at the time dave navarro. i knew dave navarro. dave navarro the rockstar. and so i bring this religious girl to. his bachelor party. what yeah.

right and it's in vegas i forgot what. hotel is bringing a girl but i remember. going to the floor of the hotel and. everything's pitch black with these. candles and there was like blood on the. wall it was like [ __ ] crazy. right and you hear like bats. like you know what i mean. and she's like i can feel it she's i'm. holding her hands and she's shaking. right. and i go i don't know what's going on. here you know what i mean. just we open this door. and there's this table with two women. and they have two dildos.

right and they're [ __ ] each other on. this thing right and other men are on. their jerking off. right. and i'm trying to act cool like this is. a part of my life this is normal. right i'm just kind of. you know what i mean and i just remember. it being the scariest place. i've ever been did you do anything. though i made love to her in the hotel. room you did yeah sweet love no no. yeah. though.

kind of like sexual experience but i. just remember that was like my first. there was like you know it was weird. and you know what's normal christian sex. like. what i do well i'll tell you what i do. right i take the sheet i take scissors. and i put a little hole in it for your. mouth right you say grace first yeah and. i lay her on her back god please bless. this food that i'm about to receive. i lay the whole sheet over her body. right so you can't see each other so i.

can't see each other and i see the. little opening right. and i [ __ ] in the belly button. no i do missionary and maybe a couple of. extra side moves. i went to a celebrity's house a long. time ago that i didn't belong at. and it wasn't like anything absurd. people were doing drugs for sure. but i walked in on somebody [ __ ]. in a room and i was like oh [ __ ]. and i and they both looked at me and. they were like what's wrong it's okay.

and then i thought. should i stay. because they both are very casual about. it it wasn't like get the [ __ ] out they. were [ __ ] and i was like oh [ __ ] and. they were like let's go it's cool it's. cool it's totally cool and i was just. like sorry and i just left real slow. because i wanted to give them a chance. to be like get over here. do you know but i was like both of these. guys were just too big you know i didn't. want to i have one more i always talk. about the asian sex did you miss the. whole gay part of that.

i i got it thank you yeah. it wasn't 2000 i heard it i just wasn't. alarmed by it yes you should you. shouldn't be i wasn't alone either and. you shouldn't be juice yeah and you. shouldn't be. did i tell you about the asian sex party. no no it was right by the comedy store. okay the andes it used to be what was. the hilton. yeah. so you know how you know i love to go to. carnegie. the highest. you know i like to go to cars and get. those gigantic um chocolate hot dogs do. we. right do you remember i used to do that.

yeah yeah yeah so they're the the. corners they have these gigantic. chocolate um. bananas i mean right and i used to go to. doc and i used to suck on the thing. yeah that's how i do it right but i used. to get those chocolate things and i was. walking with this chocolate it was like. maybe 12 30 at night right. and there was. 200. asian young people all dressed in white. standing outside of the [ __ ]. this hi the hyatt what do you guys think.

we're from san francisco we do this like. yearly thing in l.a it's a sex club. oh yeah right and i go oh good good and. they go um come up. i go okay. what. no no i know the story. david told us on this podcast before. well then i want to [ __ ] do that. that's fine tell jews me too because i. don't even know yeah tell them they. haven't heard it okay so they had rented. out this whole floor right and you know. how sometimes hotel rooms have other. doors or just an entrance to the other.

hotel room. so all those doors are open all the. doors are open you know i mean on this. [ __ ] thing it was just like you could. just walk into a room yeah right so i'm. walking oh there's two guys i walk into. the room and there's these two girls on. the bed completely naked. i don't know i still have half of the. hot dog. i gotta finish. that before so i just sit there at these. jeans i'm just sitting there just eating. the hot dog. i see them both get up from the [ __ ]. bed and come toward me.

one girl starts kissing my. neck. and the other girl starts you know. touching my pee pee toki right and. toki's like thank you thank you thank. you thank you thank you. but i knew at that moment that i was. about to cheat on sarah. and i just something just came over and. i just pushed them aside right and i ran. out still the chocolate hot dog i'm. running out right. i finished it at the store the chocolate. thing yeah. yeah but uh clean from your guilt can i.

tell you the funniest part to me about. that. so far is that you they invited you to. the sex party you went up to the rooms. watched the naked girls they came over. to you start kissing you and then you. said. i'm not going to cheat him yeah this is. too far. i wouldn't know what do you mean explain. no no i like this i like this stop hold. back hold back. like if there was some wild sex party. and they invited me i'd be like oh no. i'm in a monogamous relationship yeah. because. hilarious oh she's coming from a woman's. perspective yeah but you're not but.

you're not an asian tv star. i'm not an asian tv star i don't want my. let my face thanks for reminding me. number one not even a woman's. perspective it's just a loyal. perspective. shut the [ __ ] up. so what you're saying to me is this you. had so many chances to leave. but. no i want to ask he is showing up to. that and being on the side about.

cheating no no to walk into a hotel room. where people are partying knowing it's a. sex party is that cheating to you no. like if you found out that your. boyfriend did that would you be upset. yeah. you'll be upset just on that alone yeah. i'd say we should redefine things. because i've been turning down all these. sex parties. i keep getting invited to all these [ __ ]. parties. yeah it's more of like an equality thing. all right okay okay you want things to. be equal don't you yeah uh but let's. let's have juice uh say goodbye in her.

traditional uh paulie shore sign off uh. to take us out. what's up bad friends. thank you. yes what a good episode. [Music].