Bobby's Valentine's Ring | Ep 52 | Bad Friends

so. i came in here right offered you cookies. oh okay well i when i when i had them. and they were good huh. yeah but when i get offered a cookie all. right i look at the packaging first. and when there's in a ziplock bag. because they're homemade. i didn't know that though they're in a. ziploc bag and did i say they were from. home. yeah yeah i did okay i didn't hear that. okay. i did not hear that all right number two. i don't like little designs on it.

all right so let a cookie be a cookie no. because the design. this is it's a kissy lips because it's. kissy lips time of the month no. whenever i'm at a comedy club all right. and and i see. i see a comic thank you throw it at him. when i see a comic. dressed all fancy on stage i'm good i. don't trust it. okay like dressed in a suit i don't when. they're fancy i don't trust it. sebastian escalco yeah suit jerry. seinfeld. suit that's when they do specials do you. not trust them when they do specials. only when they're not doing special.

exactly oh okay that makes sense all. right. so i looked at the ziploc bag i saw. these fancy designs on the. circuit and i you know my first impulse. was i don't trust it. right but once she ate it yeah. jules and said they're good i decided to. have one. too late and i'm gonna have one or. two late hey i'll i'll tell you i'll. show you how the kind of power i have. you don't have any power yeah no cause. they're gonna get eaten by them that's. what they deserve. they deserve their cookies and you don't. get to be a spoiled brat and drastic.

people around. andreas yep can you bring me a cookie. please don't bring him a cookie dude. don't do it you're worried he's working. right now. give me a cookie please or i will not. continue no don't do it. george i will not i will not shoot this. dude you're. such a brat if you don't give me a. cookie everyone's going to see how much. of a brat you are i need a cookie. thank you andres thank you give it to me. and i'll give it to him give it to me. if i don't get a cookie in my mouth you. know give it to me. dude give me that cookie if you give a. tip andres i'm not going to get a cookie.

i made a dress. give me the cookie errands equally yeah. that's just parenting. split it split it split it no no. you know andre you know that i won't too. you know that i will not. do the podcast george give me a cookie. right now. oh okay all right i'm not doing it not. doing that. i'm not doing the podcast all right. there's three in there now all right i'm. gonna eat all of this. good pour it in your mouth smashed it. doesn't matter if there's somebody. what's easier to eat for your old teeth.

your old little brittle teeth pour it. down your throat right now. you like it it's good though isn't it. before we go yeah but happy valentine's. day bob. you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots. [Music]. we're bad friends i'm excited to have. valentine's day. with literally my two favorite people on.

earth. i don't want to put that in my mouth i. don't know where that's been yeah so. happy valentine's day baby boy happy. valentine's day to you. delicious cookies did you do do you have. any plans for valentine's day did you. uh it was it was yesterday did you do. anything yesterday for valentine's day. yeah well i did and i got my girlfriend. a bouquet of flowers really. what kind i don't know yet because. because we're filming this before. foundation yeah yeah. i don't know yet because do you have.

anything planned for valentine's day. what is it because you can tell us now. they won't well i was playing you know. you know i like the video game warzone. yeah you love warzone and sometimes i. play with randoms. what do you mean like completely no you. play with people that you're semi. familiar with. people have never met in the flesh. though right but they become friends. because of online. yeah so you you're when you're in a war. with somebody yeah i i assume it's like. that in the vietnam war. probably pretty similar if you were in a. platoon with somebody yeah. you know all the guys from.

remember his legs were blown off yeah. and ford's good. i don't forget his voice i'll try it. force gumper but i'll try to do first. cut. how did he sound no forrest was like. life is like say life is like a box it's. like a box. chocolates there you go that's as close. so he said boba. no i'm doing i know but i i when you're. doing that with your lips. it automatically like go like that so.

stop doing that with your lips right all. right go ahead. and he's running running and he ran like. 20 miles. and grabbed him yeah and it was just a. carcass yeah he's picking well he was. carrying him out. of the carcass yeah yeah so anyway back. to warzone about valentine's day. all right so i play with randoms and uh. we go into war and um. there's this one guy named i don't know. his last name but his name is alex. very specific yeah and um.

he's under he actually in my phone it's. okay this is alex warzone. cool yeah and um he does uh. if i text him something he immediately. does it for me ugh. another slave yeah and so i go. we got rid of slavery in this country a. long time ago yeah yeah and um. i didn't vote on that to get rid of it. so i'm still you know. well you were around back then i know. what yeah that's rude because of my age. okay um so i i text um alex. i need bouquet of flowers he's always.

what kind this man lives in los angeles. yeah yeah okay i know where he lives i. don't know what he looks like. i don't know where he lives i don't know. what it looks like i have no if i saw. him at a rave. right what are you doing what are you. doing out of rave i dancing oh right i. dance. yeah right stop the glow sticks and if. alex you know i mean. glow stick next to me i was like what's. your name and he'd be like. dude it's me alex and i would have to go. specific you gotta go get more specific. he goes warzone and then i'll be like oh. yeah thanks for all the little things.

he's gonna get man. okay you just said give me face wash. yeah i touched him face wash. [Music]. do you have your home address oh yeah. that's a bad idea. no because he's friends with other. friends other people that you know. online bobby these aren't real friends. they don't know you don't actually know. these people. no he's friends with people i've met in. the flesh. are you saying that to say that no my. friend gilbert takes kung fu classes. with alex. and i also play with nick the master.

kung fu guy okay so he's people are. part of a dojo still knows where you. live anyway so um. if i tell him get me face wash he'll. he'll he'll deliver it to me so he got. you face wash and then what he's going. to get you a boo he he's going to get. you a boo. i take he goes i'll get you the bouquet. why don't you ask for more stuff. does he ask for money ever i have to. give him money so how do you deliver him. the money. venmo yeah so let's ask for a lot of. stuff and then just be like i can't. venmo you anymore because. i don't know i need i need guys like. this because i i don't go you just get. an assistant. i could do that no she's not.

you would be she barely likes me in this. one that's not true you'd be a good. assistant wouldn't you. i think so she just woke up from a nap. so don't even. yeah talk about not being able to like. sell yourself at all like you're is this. a job interview. i know that yeah like oh so are you. really watching this job at home depot. i think so let's interview i'm gonna. interview you right now for the position. of bobby's assistant okay. yeah yeah let's see if you're okay hi. thanks for coming in i appreciate you. coming and you are a little bit late is.

there a reason for your tardiness. it was traffic i'm sorry traffic you. should plan for that because bobby. also is someone that needs to be uh you. know kept on schedule so if you're. really. can i could i be he's gonna be like. you're in the room during the interview. no i'm i'm different can i be a. different guy. yeah all right i'll interview you. afterwards no no i want to be. we're going to because i want to be your. assistant oh you're with me. yeah i'm with you okay sorry so let me. introduce my assistant before i go any. further. any further that's jermaine hi jeremy. nice to meet you hello. uh so uh tell us do you have.

qualifications on being a personal. assistant in any way. um i have a bachelor degree. oh you have a oh from what from what's. college um. long beach oh long beach state state. yeah. state yes that's good that's a bachelor. degree um what is it. science medicine oh why do you want to. be a personal assistant yeah. um i just want to have more experience. have you heard of um the glorious. magnificent. bobby lee oh did you know this man i.

heard of him and. are you a fan of his yes in what. capacity. um what have you seen him in i've seen. him in. well he was on what you know that he was. on a show for eight years. yes what's the show called um. i'm blanking get out of get out of my. office get out of our office you're. fired wait you don't. [ __ ] know the shelter's happening i. know i'm just blanking. all right you freaked she forgets so.

much yeah. why do you forget so much yeah well yeah. well she just woke up i think that's. what it is. why are you taking a nap so late in the. day because i had school and i need to. she's in high school. she has to get up at six in the morning. i know bro but most of us from high. school my i remember i would nap. in the in the afternoon yeah i told her. today and then i'd be up all night long. yeah i told her that's what everybody. does yeah in fact when i used to get. home from high school yeah. the victoria's secret would come in the. mail and i would steal it and i would go. into my room. your mom's the magazine yeah the. victoria's second i go now your mom's.

well it's not my dad's it could be it. was my dad's. okay we were an open family yeah i would. steal it i'd go upstairs and i would. jerk off and i'd fall asleep. and then my mom at one point i was. falling asleep every single day why are. these pages so still stuck together. you should say that no no i throw it she. never get it she never got them it never. existed. she probably signed up for it and just. never knew it it didn't it just never. came from yeah i subscribed to him. i did i came but it never came for her. and so she would literally come in the. room wake me up and be like. why are you so tired yeah are you on.

drugs that's what she'd say. are you on drugs and now i was on drugs. what drugs did you do in high school. mostly weed i mostly smoked weed yeah. and then i did you don't smoke weed now. that much though. not as much as i used to no you know why. why because. i'm so tired already that if i smoke. weed i can't even enjoy the weed. right i get exhausted when i smoke weed. right and she would say you're on drugs. and i would say no. but i was but i was just tired from. basketball and from high school uh. so and i had come come all over my town.

did you get straight a's. no i was a bad high schooler what was it. what was your grade point average. uh b's and c's oh i don't know what my. gpa was. b's and c's but in college i did well i. had the third worst gpa in my high. school. uh you know who had the first the worst. one tom delong. he had died my sophomore year tom delong. died no no. what the guy that had the worst he died. your sophomore year and he had the worst. he had the worst what was his name i. forgot his name but my superior.

that's the reason why he was last oh wow. they replaced yeah. what was your gpa like oh point can you. get 0.0.7. you never got one passing grade no never. wow but it's not because you're stupid. it's a lack of effort. yeah the asians in my school were so. angry at me. you were disappointing to them yeah they. were just they would look at me like. they would come into class you know. asians they they love classes well how. exciting. they used to you know when she goes to.

school no. i know but asians love it they have. their notebooks they have their. calculators and their abacus and. everything yeah you know they use. the real quick the abacus right 40 46. and they're just you know. when they used to see me they just go. you would disappoint the whole asian. community yeah do you what do you. do you never went back for a high school. reunion they never invited me. that's so sad can we find out when it is. and have you go this year. i would love i mean i did get so this is.

interesting let's do like a romeo and. michelle's high school union but me and. you go back to your house. that would be so [ __ ] fun to find a. live podcast there oh my god. we should do that dude yeah but i i got. a um text. yesterday from a lady by the name of. megan lee. yeah i don't know who that is i'm gonna. tell you oh okay. i thought you said as if it's someone i. know no i'm gonna [ __ ] tell you i'm. ready god. yeah so um i used to work at a. restaurant. did you know that in san diego yeah we.

told the story yeah and yeah so she owns. a restaurant and um she texts me. and i'm gonna do with she goes i'm doing. a 30-year reunion. from my original like wait staff which. was with me. when so the restaurant opened and you. were one of the first yeah oh wow yeah. and uh and then i got fired because i i. spilled. red wine on the lawyer perfect the. lawyer of megan lee. he came in with his wife and i had not. resharned a um. i had uh merlot right. yeah isn't merlot red uh yes yes the.

vision is in my head you still unwind. yeah i. had a ponytail to remember right long. ponytail. and you know the cork yeah i couldn't. get it like you know how you stick the. thing in. and it starts crumbling you [ __ ] it up. yeah you [ __ ] it up right so i was. then i was digging yeah you know you. take the cork and you start digging. i don't do that but right yeah yeah you. did i didn't twist no you just yeah i. dug. you're trying to do this yeah yeah mole. man out so i'm now trying to mull it out. right yeah. and then i finally got some of it on it. and i like this and it's. and sprayed all over his white shirt oh.

my god yeah. you know i'm so sorry you know what i. mean and then like i'm busting. for the next six months and then she. finally wants you back in her round i. came back so what's the deal though. 30-year reunion yes. and i said i'll be there and she goes. yeah bet you bet your bottom doll you. know how white people just say that yeah. you bet you're [ __ ]. bottom dollar you will yeah i go [ __ ]. yeah man i don't know what that means. are you really gonna go. i want to that's a no no i wanna i'll. tell you why because she was the one. that was like um. i remember um uh going hey.

i have a show tomorrow night can i leave. early. can i not even come oh and she would be. like. it's your dream so go ahead that's so. nice yeah so she was like. really cool why'd you say white if her. name is amy lee she megan lee. megan lee she's white there are so like. robert e lee was white. he was yeah man i thought confederate. general he's a confederate general right. that's the good side of the bad side i. don't remember i think it was the bad. but confederates i thought were the good.

guys you know the confederates are stars. and straps and stripes pal no. he was white there's no asian guy that's. a confederate [ __ ] guy. how funny if there was one confederation. i would love to be that guy. they're like what do we love he's like. slavery. [Laughter]. dude a confederate asian would be an. asian confederate that would that's the. movie we should write for you. yeah is the only asian confederate yeah. holy [ __ ] how funny. what's the name of this guy this asian. confederate soldier robert e lee.

this oh robert e lee the real story. the real robert e lee well yeah that. would never happen because no one would. even i'm not gonna [ __ ] follow your. order. chank pika the cotton faster. [Laughter]. oh my god oh my god that's a movie i. would love to go watch yeah yeah. he's just confused yeah he doesn't. really know. he's stuck he's stuck in a in a weird he. was born and raised there. yeah he's no he can't he has the accent. no he's he was born.

the mom popped and then they disappeared. parents left him you have to take care. of what if they. what if right what if this happened. right he comes from china. right so that you know i i always. assumed like when chinese people back in. the day. right came here they gave them options. oh right so uh listen listen here's here. man china board. laundromat opium beam den railroads. railroads or. you mean confederate you know what i.

mean confederate soldiers soldier. so what you want to do yeah yeah and. he's like uh what is. do you love america i love it you're. perfect for the job. wow we got ourselves wang lee over here. robert robert yeah yeah robert e lee the. story of the only asian confederate. soldier would be a. [ __ ] smash online yeah it would it. would uh i think we could sell it in my. career. honestly yeah yeah but at what point.

could comedians make a movie that's so. over the top like that. yeah that you might be able to it might. be okay because it's absurd if you're. making fun of. the confederacy it's so funny to even. talking about this. you know because you know. this type of comedy these bits right. yeah. 10 15 years ago it's a no-brainer oh. it's so just yeah everything's. a no-brainer now people are like yeah. but now i can't say even. by doing because we're playing. characters and we're doing it right. we're making fun of them i know but when. we're doing it though yeah.

right there's this thing that comes up. in my mind. yeah of an editor i have an editor in my. mind. yeah somebody going cut yeah yeah cut. cut yeah. cut out it stop yeah but some of it look. if we can't make fun of those ridiculous. scenarios. come on you know did rudy like it she. doesn't get it. yes no she does she's smarter than you. give her credit for. by the way your grateful dead. presentation last week it was a hit. smash. you know how many deadheads are on your. jock now people think you are.

people think you're part of the clique. what are you going to do for valentine's. i mean what it what. i got a huge i have a big thing planned. at the house like what. i have i hired a pony to come to the. house and be in the backyard because. my dog loves ponies and i'm i have a. pony to come to the to the house to play. with the dog. honestly yes i've never even seen a pony. what do they look like. they're tiny little horses they're tiny. little horses. and i'm and i paid it was quite. expensive to be honest with you it was a.

thousand dollars an hour. who rides it like brad williams. [Laughter]. oh let's see brad williams ride around. ride one we should buy him a pony. yeah he has one have you seen his dog. his dog goes up to his head it's. he's a huge big dog well he could ride. that he has i've seen him get on it oh. really yeah no. are you being real i swear to god in my. life he can get on the back with his dog. you know a little person could ride like. a great dane a great dane or even a um. maybe even a rottweiler yeah yeah but. they're so. aggressive yeah you'd be more like a.

bull. what about the beethoven what dog is. that saint bernard is that what that is. yeah that's what they could ride in. because they're sweet and cuddly yeah. i think i would i wish i was small in. that way you are relatively. right you're not a big guy but um. what are you saying you're five four. five five four. how tall are you five four yeah you're. five four six one. are you really i'm a full man size 12. shoe. i finished when you look at me i. finished growing i know but when you. look at me.

yeah does that i mean because i don't. know what it's like. cartoon character is what i think when i. look at you i think this is a cartoon. that came to life. are you being real but in a beautiful. way i'm in love with you but you think. that. every time i see you wow i go mike judge. mike trucks. where do i come to your chest in terms. of do i come to your shoulder right. you're. uh genuinely yeah you're right at hear. length so i can't imagine walking the. room. and working with a guy that small but. then. let's have one let's do you want to get. a guy in here that is that small we.

should get another person in here who's. tinier than all of us yeah. i guess because i've been this size for. so long they used to get used when did. you peak. in high school and then you hit your. that's how tall you were always going to. be 17 and then. it stopped really yeah that's it's weird. because you well you know you're not. gonna get that big as an asian man. right you know you're not gonna there's. well that's not true yes it is. the the ones that like yao ming and. those guys those are they were made in a. lab. asians there's never been in the history. of asian there hasn't been one over six. feet tall. organically as soon as asians were.

introduced to western diets. it grew exponentially still though you. haven't captained. if you go to under six feet still no if. i go to korea they look down on me and. go. you're some more you know really oh yeah. you're tiny to them yeah and they bump. me. are koreans if i'm walking down the. street they literally they'll go check. on me. are they the most aggressive of the. asians well you no the japanese. were the most aggressive see they see. but publicly they seem the most. um polite once you throw a nuclear bomb.

on somebody it tames them. yeah you see yes sit down because they. were aggressive sit down that's what we. said. i know they were aggressive right up. until then oh my god they took over the. philippines they took over korea they. took everywhere right. and um. he thought he was a sun god why why. wouldn't he why couldn't he be though. because i don't know what what is a sun. god obviously god spoke to him and told. him he was special no but. he thinks they thought he was a god. probably.

no you don't think so no because a go. actual god if you throw two nuclear. bombs you'd be like oh no big deal. yeah that's nothing yeah that's like a. mosquito bite. you know what i mean yeah but he was. like oh we're sorry he was panicked. do you think god's wonka amongst us. like do you think we have gods that walk. amongst us on earth like how about this. how about i'll give you a better. do you think gandhi you think gandhi was. a god no. no no you think there's only one god.

well i i don't know i i've i think i've. heard things about gandhi. later in life like he doesn't tip well i. don't know something like that no i'm. not real. being real there was like some rumor. about him they caught him cheating at. backgammon one time in 1982. yeah he was at commerce casino. [Laughter]. babble oh oh god in case you don't speak. si moto beni. uh uh a ciao bella i'm learning italian. right now via babel is it going well.

i'm too dumb what was that i'm working. on it that's italian yeah i'm learning. in town it's so good. anyway um you know andrew knows that. word because of the babel app. actually i am i'm genuinely learning it. on babel babel is 15-minute lessons. to make the perfect way to learn a. language on the go all right it's easy. it's super super easy. i want to learn russian you do yeah. because i love spas. oh yeah yeah right they stab each other. in there it's great. they hit him with leaves right they hit.

him with palm fronds uh. babel designs their courses with. practical real world conversations in. mind all right you have to use like. lessons that make it a perfect way to. learn a new language yeah they're. created by over 100 language experts our. teaching method has been scientifically. proven to be effective all right. scientists said yeah this works with. babel you can choose from 14 different. languages including spanish french. italian and. germany speech recognition technology. helps you improve your pronunciation and. accent. bobby say calabrese.

perfect you got it start your new. language learning journey today. with babel right now when you purchase a. three-month babble subscription. i'm learning that word subscription yeah. yeah look at the subscription. subscription i'm learning it you got it. and you'll get an additional three. months for free that's six months for. the price of three. just go to babel.com and use the promo. code bad friends. that's b a b b e l dot com code. bad friends for an extra three months. free babble.

language for life liquidity. oh this is my favorite you know water is. just kind of like. boring boring. but i love liquid iv right because i. want a party in my mouth i want a party. in my mouth yeah and some of my my. favorite flavor. i love apple pie that's my favorite it's. so delicious it's really. i love it it tastes like an apple pie if. you like apple pie uh look. if you are looking to uh get through. fatigued days. yeah most half america they they report.

that they struggle with the daily. fatigue they do signs include decreased. focus lack of motivation poor mood and. unhappiness yeah. liquid iv energy multiplier you can. upgrade your vibe and reach your. constant state of. awesome yeah um they have a variety of. flavors that i really enjoy. a bunch of different flavors and um they. also have this one that helps you go to. sleep as well. yes that really does work you do like. that the they have premium matcha and. green energy blend taste. very very good and it gives you a little. boost throughout the day. a little just a little tiny boost.

technology here that we're talking about. right enhanced rabbit absorption. into the bloodstream gives you a lasting. energy. fast right and it doesn't have the crash. like you get from coffee which is. which is good that's cellular transport. technology ctt it delivers. an optional and optional ratio of. nutrients for more efficient. of an uptake they're on a mission to. possibly change the world. they've been donating too bob 10 million. servings globally. in response to the rona four million. products have been donated hospitals. first responders food banks and veterans. get your energy liquid iv in bulk.

nationwide at costco or. you can get 25 off when you get to go to. liquid iv.com and use bad friends at. checkout. use that code bad friends at checkout 25. off anything you order. when you use the promo code. badfriendsliquidiv.com start fueling. your adventure today at liquidity.com. promo code bad friends bad friends. bad friends has been imperative to my. well-being. um imperative bobby it's like really. important.

like critical congratulations on your. anniversary you guys make me laugh. and you guys like just brighten up my. day so i love all of you. and uh fancy bee. this show means so much to me because i. actually met my best friend during march. of 2020 because of bad friends. and you guys have been very special you. guys helped me get through a very very. hard time. and you know i know it's not a one-man. team shout out fancy b shout out rudy. shout out george. i love you guys bad friends has been the. best thing. that has happened this year it's the.

reason. um i haven't killed myself this year. this is what bad friends has meant to me. in the past year. it's like putting this this weird fork. thing. [Music]. is it stupid yeah but is it fun to watch. oh absolutely you know my story with. deepak show bro have i told you. no i've never told you about no what are. you. you have an interaction with chopra. there's there is a little bit of an. interaction not. not fully i've never met the man sure.

but i might my life. has kind of for a second what happened. revolver. what happened so um you know who jason. gallen is. the comedian yeah yeah of course. so i i used to walk around the common. store with boils on my face. um what what do you mean pimples they're. just bigger than pimples like. these my mom gets on her head. [Laughter]. i used to get them on my face you have. to get lasered off or whatever no i.

would do a home remedy. what was your remedy which would [ __ ] my. face up even more what was the remedy. i didn't know what to do because i had. no money right when i was a young comic. so i now get these gigantic boils. so what i would do is i would go and buy. go to 7-eleven. yes yeah and i would buy ice cubes. yeah you're right so i take a bag of ice. cubes right. and i go to the bathtub in my little. apartment in silver lake. yeah right and i would take hot water. and pour like you know like the faucets.

here and my face over it and it would. steam it right and then i would take ice. cubes. and then freeze it and i would do that. repetitively and eventually what happens. a white head would. form and then you'd probably pop it it. would just be niagara falls. it would spray out of my face so i was. getting these boils on my face. and i used to hang out at the store yeah. like that yeah. boyle face bomb boyfriend yeah bfb and. one time jason gallon goes man you look. like [ __ ].

and he's not a male model i know i mean. you look like you're stressed out. yeah okay yeah i can't get anything. going man i can't get an agent. you know i'm just stressed out i have no. money i don't know future. pre-med tv yeah. he goes two words for you bud i go. what he goes deepak supra. what yeah deepak chopra is all he said. yeah. i go what is that i thought it was a. food. yeah yeah i mean sounds like i don't. have the money to go to that restaurant.

or whatever. and so um he goes yeah in the at that. time at the rolling stone magazines. he wasn't on the cover but there was an. article about him. in rolling stone yeah go buy the rolling. stones and read this article. right right so um. i uh i go to the 7-eleven i think i. steal one. you know if that sounds about right yeah. and i and i read the article. and i go i can't get any of these books. i have no money right so a miracle. happened.

i'm not kidding you okay so i used to i. prayed about it that week. so then that weekend you prayed to god. get me yeah get me. deepak chopper's books right so then. that weekend. i was you know how in if you lived in. hollywood and you were a doorman back. then. you could open sometimes on the weekends. right. so i was hosting for tamayo atsuki. nope yeah you don't know her no.

please don't do that she eats cats. oh friend of the pod yeah. is she alive still what's up i i have. this is it to my atsuki is she alive. yeah shout her out then tamayo hope. you're good so. the feline feast is good tell me how. sookie used to date sam kinnison. oh that makes sense cat eating things. yeah and she used to wear a kimono on. stage. she was like you know in terms of asians. like one of the first asian female.

comics way before margaret. yeah well this has seen photos of her at. the store like in the like i've seen. those photos. i thought that she has a neon light in. the or no she does yes this is. tumayatsuki. right so that she's she was on a sitcom. which one. i forgot what it was called it was. cancelled right away but she used to. date sam kinnison yeah. and then um she went crazy and then she. started living in the jungles of hawaii. oh cool right and then one time years. later. i don't know how long she she i saw her. and she looked like.

she didn't look good like she was dying. like she looked homeless. like the cats had caught up to her no. she goes i live in hawaii now. i go really that's nice no i live in the. jungle. i'm not kidding you sorry girl you live. in the jungle yeah and she. showed me before i eat cat. right yeah i don't know if she was being. real or no she's being real yeah yeah. she's being real and. you could see a like a hut that she had. made in the middle of the jungle.

right and she had some sort of like. makeshift um. rock table that she had made yeah and it. was like sliced up little meat. i eat the cat okay right and i go oh you. want to go up. you know i mean but so um so i was. opening for tomorrow yeah so. after right so i'm on stage i'm on stage. and i. i look down and there's this white chick. in the front row. yeah and she's just like look at me like. this right like she's gonna kill you and. i no.

i knew her oh but i couldn't like really. remember how. because you know i grew up in san diego. right so yes then i look i go. katie she and it was a girl that i used. to work with. named katie okay so after the show i go. what are you doing it had boils on my. face she said you look like [ __ ]. and she goes up i work i'm debugging. assistant shut the [ __ ] up really. so i go did you almost start crying i. would say yeah yeah yeah i was like.

something was happening yeah right so i. was getting like goosebumps. of course the whole thing right of. course and i go. um he lives here. she goes yeah come on bye. it was like right down the street the. deep chopra is no longer there right but. there used to be a deep shortbroad. learning center. there uh-huh right uh-huh so the next. day i go over there. and she just handed me a bunch of books. just take it. shut up right so i take it so this is. really and the.

area and people are going to make fun of. me for this but no they won't i started. reading it. reading the books you were given yeah. that math adds up. shut the [ __ ] up so i started reading. him. yeah right and i started applying them. in my life. like really putting the practice i'm not. kidding you i'm gonna give me give me an. example. so like in the six seven spiritual laws. of success. yeah right one of the uh laws was you. know. in order to achieve success you have to. help other people achieve success.

correct yeah that makes sense okay give. to get right so what i would do is i. would like. you know set up showcases because i had. a year with mitzi. right so i would get people like i. brought brody to the comedy store i. helped kevin christie. become a stand-up you know and that was. all during that time period of like. getting them in you know i mean in front. of mitzi. or getting him a doorman job so you were. helping people i was doing. everything i can to help people and i'm. not kidding you yeah. in three months my whole life changed. now have you continued to put those.

things in practice right i stopped. that's good yeah i'm done. i'm done with that because once i got in. i'm like once you. get in the water you're in you're. swimming. so i'm on the surf but now i can ride. the waves yeah right so i had to get in. the water. wait till that tsunami comes right and. i'm gonna yeah yeah you're gonna. you're gonna you're gonna kill others. everyone. so the boil stopped at what point right. then and there too when you started. helping people the boils went away. because what are you laughing at the.

boils for that's the mean because the. three you're going to. curse you with boils boilies i'll tell. you what. oily oily so i'll tell you the things. that happened so it boils on you as soon. as i started. applying all this stuff within like a. three to six month period right. yeah i got so i auditioned so i took a. bus. right i'm not kidding you i know so i. took a i had no money i took a bus. to an ibm commercial audition the one. with uh. no oh there was one where i was a i was.

a. space astronaut right. with this guy named eric kircherberger. from new york okay. and so i audition then i get a call back. take another bus and then i get i get it. and. my managers are happy yeah she calls me. she goes you got it and i go. oh cool so i thought how much do you. think a commercial is. well i i know you should ask her because. i'm very i'm very aware of what kind of. well yeah so how much do you think. though. back then yeah in the 90s in the 90s was.

it buyouts. no it was a national right and you got. residuals it was a national campaign 100. grand. no what was it i got 350 000. wow for one day of work wow because it. was but you didn't get residuals right. it was a bunch no it was a buyout. right so i did six of them in one day. right you see you did six times 350. grand no i just got it all. at one but dude i'm going down no money. i know. going from boils on the face stressed.

out yeah right. and then um a couple of ro so. ross mark ross and bob i forgot their. name bob ross. the painter no ross mark and bob. something are right they they they were. bookers for the tonight show. oh right and um one day i was working. the back door this is after the. commercial i was still working at the. store. yeah but i was gloating you were. bragging a little bit a lot. got 350 grand yeah i had gotten a car. you know all kinds of stuff.

you're buying cigarettes that are. pre-rolled yeah yeah and. they came up to me and they go we work. for the tonight show we want you to. audition for the tonight show. just from the commercial no they were. just seeing me around town. right maybe my great deeds was right. i thought it was like paying off and. then um. so then i'm working on that and then. abby called me and goes we auditioned. for it was called mad tv. the show i was on for eight [ __ ] i. remember now you [ __ ] memorize. that yeah what's it called mad tv what. is it called. [Laughter].

right so then i got then i got mad after. that. wow and then so it all happened so. commercial tonight. yeah yeah you know you had more money in. your pocket than you've ever had in your. entire life. yeah i remember moving out of the place. that wasn't got a new place. first the first thing you bought was a. car second thing you bought. well then i told you about the gti thing. that happened you got a gti. so what happened was this is how dumb i. am. this is how dumb i am so you know who. aaron cater is. of course comic yeah yeah so i go i got.

him some money but i want to. get a car he goes cash. he's telling you buy a car all cash yeah. right all right i go how much. if cars like 23 000 right if you have 20. 000 in cash. right you could just get it correct. right so i go all right let's do it so. go to the bank i get cash. you got 20 grand out yeah so i go. i get this gti this is going to drive. you crazy this time yeah i feel it.

already yeah. then like two or three weeks later i. lived in silver lake on sanborn. and sunset yeah i know it's right right. oh yeah and. it just disappeared it wasn't there. anymore. the car yeah one day disappeared it was. not there anymore and what do you think. happened to it. i don't know let's take a guess. we got him pounded it got stolen. probably right i don't know what. happened. but i thought that once you. a car is gone you just got to go get.

another one. so i went back to era i go i got to get. another it's not a piece of gum. it's like well this one's done i had to. just grab a new one years later i found. out you can call. you know what i mean the cops yeah i. didn't do any of that insurance. oh god so you went and bought another. car yes what was the second one. the gti you bought the same car yeah. yeah. so you just got 20 grand out 20 grand. again yeah and no one questioned you. because they thought maybe bobby's the.

road yeah yeah. damn bobby that's so dumb so you pissed. away that 350k. fast oh it was gone fast yeah is that. the fact that i go to vegas. so this is so i don't know i'm getting. so um sentimental but i like it yeah you. do well it's valentine's day so so um. tell me more i'll tell you more so it. got to the point where. i had to go to ahri shift because then. ari shafir. right the jewish guy the tall yes gary. shafir. started getting commercials and i was.

running out of money. yeah so i went to r i had no money again. because i burned through. everything right you blew 350. yeah and. it went up to. you know and this is still i'm on my tv. but. when i wasn't they didn't pay you a lot. can i take a guess. what it was an episodic rate right. you're getting paid per episode. no i still had a deal but it was like. the lowest you could get it was like. something like 4 500 a week oh it's a. weekly thing. oh right right they don't they don't pay. that's right they don't pay you episodes. over there right yeah so it was just.

like and then with taxes and. giving managers and agents really wasn't. much yeah right. so i remember going up to erin give me. 30 grand. give me 30 grand yeah yeah or something. like that did he yeah. he gave you 30k yeah because i was. desperate but but didn't say i want it. back. yeah he did no but it wasn't i didn't. pay him for years he gave us and then. every week. i would have to avoid him almost right. so when he beat the [ __ ] out of me oh. yeah what a night. right people think it's because of the.

natasha and all that kind of stuff. it's the 30 grand deep down inside i. think it's. because i remember once he beat the [ __ ]. out of me the first time yeah i went to. the bank because i had the money. then and i gave him the money back so it. was about the money. yeah well it's a conglomerate but then. he beat me up two more times so. i don't think so but that's just a. racial thing maybe the racial yeah. that's. the racism because he's racist yeah. that's wild to think that it was about. the money though yeah. i never knew that detail upstart bobby. you've been in debt. oh many times in my life me too and i.

used credit cards to pay my way through. my debt. which was bad it was piling compiling. but guess what andrew what baby. upstart can help you face it and finally. pay it off. yeah seriously you know that's it's it's. instant relief. you got multiple credit cards uh with. multiple balances due dates what. you know all that stuff can be super. stressful upstart's gonna make it easy. one month completely payment in one. place one place. go to different places nope uh paying. off credit cards consolidating high. interest uh debt whatever you got look. we all had a tough time last year people.

are struggling a little bit financially. we understand with the five minute. online rate check you can see your rate. up front for loans. from one grand to 50 grand upstart find. smarter rates with trusted partners. because they. they assess more than just your credit. score right what's a credit stock or. the credit score is how you build credit. over time and and sometimes your credit. gets. that's right by bad stuff maybe you. didn't pay off a card on accident yeah. or look or people have just unfortunate. things that happen to them we all kind. of go into debt at least in one point in. our life. yeah uh and uh whether it's paying off. those cards or consolidating upstarts a.

fast and easy way to get a personal loan. to pay off your debt. all online you can get approved the same. day. and get received funds as fast as one. business day hey man if debt is taking. over your life it's time to get a fresh. start with upstart. find out how upstart can lower your. monthly payments today when you go to. upstart.com. that is upstart.com bad friends don't. forget to use the url to let them know. we sent you loan amounts will be. determined based on your credit income. certain other information provided in. your loan application go to upstart.com. bad friends that's upstart.com stitch.

fix. i'll tell you something right now this. is one of my favorite services shopping. online can be. uh daunting right yeah it's hard because. you don't know we've got to know we've. got a stitch fix a package right each. got a stitch fits packaged. right and so they go you know they go. choose what you want and there was a. couple of those one that was like. um there will be blood kind of a shirt. yeah it's like a button-up. blue shirt it was cool it was really. cool so i go i want that for sure yeah. right and then there was a pair of pants. i liked and the rest i just kind of put. it away and they sent you send it back. send it right back. they pick the stuff for you yep right.

and then you. you rifle through it right right and. they're usually dead on because you. you fill out a survey correct right and. you just tell them what you like yeah. you don't like. what you don't like right and then they. give you what they think that you're. going to like. right and generally they're right almost. all seriously i i kept almost everything. and you only pay for the stuff that you. keep you don't want it you just give it. right back what's the service. it's easy man there's no subscription. required try stitch fix once or set up. an automatic delivery. you pay 20 bucks let me can i say this. sorry you'll play just. 20 styling fee for each box which gets.

credited toward pieces you. keep and there are no hidden fees ever. yeah they got great styles of clothing. to fit any occasion men women. little bambinos they ship all over the. united states and even in. the uk hello hello hello across the bond. yeah. so uh get started today at stitchfix.com. you'll get 25 off when you keep. everything. in your fix cool stitchfix.com bad. friends for 25. off when you keep everything in your fix. stitch fix dot com slash bad friends.

my name's tyler i'm enough years old and. i'm from newfoundland i love the bad. friends podcast. bad friends really changed my life i. appreciate you guys. a lot kick-starting every week off with. bad friends has been great. i really appreciate everything that you. guys have done. to keep us all entertained during the. [ __ ] apocalypse you guys really put a. smile on my face you can put a smile. face on everyone else. you guys mean so much to me i love you. guys so much. you guys bring it with the realness you. bring it with the honesty and bring it. with the jokes.

congratulations i'm making it to the one. year anniversary of bad friends you guys. are [ __ ] hilarious. you guys are the best podcasts out there. you guys are hilarious. um all you guys from andrew bobby. jules andreas not george [ __ ] george. don't you think by the way saying what. you said if we're gonna get serious. about deepak chopra. don't you think you should start doing. um super nice things for other people. again and that will increase your luck. or no. well that's why you're my friend you. know alex the warzone guy you're helping. him out by making him get yeah because i.

don't give him. you know it's like you know he does. things for me and you pay him for them i. pay him for him but i. am good that's not like a good deed. that's just like you employing somebody. and overpaying them. a good deed would be like yeah i know. what good giving are you giving fancy b. some time off see he laughs because he. needs it so bad. this is him i could really use that time. off. but georgie boy georgie boy's having a. baby yeah we're gonna. we're gonna give him some time are we. are we though yeah do we do paid. paternity leave and all that no we don't. do that so he doesn't get paid. nah you're not here you don't get paid.

you hear that but good luck with the. baby. by the way if you bring that baby in. here oh you know you're going to want to. listen i want to see it. i want to see the baby yeah i want to. kiss the baby. um will you bring the baby to the show. yeah can we put it right between us but. speaking of valentine's day um. you know i i ordered a ring shut up. you did you seriously ordered a ring. well i'm talking to a guy you're going.

to do it i don't know what i'm going to. do. is he full of [ __ ] i think he will. are you being serious yeah i don't know. what i don't know how it works. i don't know what to say this is i'm. going to say i'm going to say yes i'm. going to say yes. never ask you what do you mean i would. never marry you. what is the ring for it's for my. significant significant other. oh you know that's so funny that you say. that because that's cool. no that's funny it's a funny bit well. then let me [ __ ] have it all right. but i had a show idea a long time ago i. think that you and i could do it.

what is it it's called um i think it was. called cuffed or something you know what. i mean. okay and basically you you it's a. reality show. okay you take two guys with polar. personalities. yeah you handcuff them and they just. have to live with each other for like a. month i would rather. no i i know but i'm just saying me and. you together yeah and you filmed 24 7. i go to the grocery store with you we. never take that take it off we take. showers together. right do we jerk each other off. i don't know maybe there's a thing. that's i gotta drink off right no we.

have to cover we have to check each. other no no no no no no no no no no no. no no no i would have took it off come. on crosstalk. yeah but are you right-handed i'm. ambidextrous i learned because when i. broke my i. when i broke my arm i learned how to go. with my left ah sometimes i throw it in. there just when i'm feeling yeah me too. i do that yeah but. i think that that would be a good show. coughed me and you cuffed yeah. i mean it's scary yeah it'd probably end. this show. you think so yeah yeah we would we would. be like this is a fun segment and then. we would do it i wouldn't. believe in sleep would you be able to. even sleep. no be next to you but also you'd be up.

all night i mean like what's your. schedule when are you when are you. really going. obviously i wouldn't be able to play. warzone at four in the morning with. me cuffed to you or maybe i could. i think i could yeah it would be me i'd. be would be one my one arm like this. but then i would then i would have to do. stuff that you'd want to do like golf. oh my god you me taking you golfing you. know bad the fans want to see you go. golfing with me. yeah but you uh us handcuffed too well. you'd be obviously on. my one my my left arm that i i need my. one dominant arm.

right so let's say we're hooked here so. i would have to go around you around. this. and we'd do it and do it together yeah. yeah i would do it. yeah actually if we did a cuffed pitch i. would do it we should pitch it to. netflix and be like we're willing to do. this. yeah but i was thinking about doing it. where um you could do. it as a series where other people could. do it too maybe it could be a you know. like we're cuffed season one. or you could do it maybe because i think. that doing 13 episodes. could constantly eventually i would just. be dead.

yeah or vice versa yeah you would have. you would kill each other. i would kill you first yeah you probably. could be dragging around. fat asian guy yeah but um i like cuffed. it's a it's a good idea it's almost like. what's up what's that show. um wife swap it's like that where you. take two people that should not be. living in the same quarters all the time. but what would your wife do if you and i. are i mean they'd have to be cuffed. together too. that would be fun and then who do we. cuff to rudy yeah yeah.

what do we cough to rudy yeah rudy we. cover to. fancy b fancy b how great would that be. they would get along so well. oh yeah just two dorks hanging out all. the time together yeah we're playing a. gazebo. like we found we found a cure for hiv. yeah yeah. rudy and i have been working diligently. on getting. satellites to the moon. so you're gonna you have a pony coming. sunday pony coming on sunday that's for. the dog. um and i've also uh i've ordered some of. the best meats. uh and i'm gonna cook uh filet mignon.

with a mushroom. uh and truffle butter sauce do you. really know how to make those things 100. that's unbelievable you come over to the. house man i watch enough food network i. can cook almost anything at this point. how did valentine's start what's the. origin of valentine's day. you don't really know i really don't. shane valentino you don't know him no. say valentino was a an italian explorer. obviously. why he could have been latino okay you. got it okay. he was an italian explorer this is. actually a true story.

this is a true story let me finish but. can i just say this no cause i have to. finish. okay go ahead tell me this what are you. gonna say. i'm just saying please be honest because. if it's a joke. then i'm going to have to google it. later i'm going to google it anyway. right now. yeah all right go ahead i'll just. valentino. okay well first name. marco marco valentino yeah dude. all right okay stop questioning me so.

marco valentino. he went to he he went to the government. and said i want to go explore new lands. right so all these boats are already. heading out. right who's had none of the boats that. we know colombo columbus. magellan yeah no no sir. [Laughter]. these guys are out there on the seas. yeah valentino says i want to go out. there. and he said valentino you can't we we've. already paid for these men to get out at. sea. we don't have any more room for you and. he said well what if i build my own boat.

and they laughed in his face right right. the government's like. valentino this guy's gonna send you a. fill his own boat. and they're dying right he's an idiot. he's poor this is a poor cobbler you. know what cobbler is. yeah dude they make apple cobbler. exactly he's making apple cobbler. shoes yeah apple cobbler shoes which is. such a bad business. it's such a bad business but he's doing. it yeah. and then every time you look we're done. in a day yeah yeah yeah and. so he's so he's a poor cobbler and he. says i'm gonna make the boat out of love.

i swear to god there now they think he's. not only is he. stupid he's crazy they're like you're. dumb and you're insane. he says i'm going to build the boat out. of love and watch and i swear to god. just like your deepak chopra story he. would go around to people in the town. and offer his heart and love and honesty. and say i want to give new land to the. rest of the world and find new places. will you donate and his love that he. gave to them they would give to him. the community came together they built a. boat the love boat you know the show the. love boat. that's what it's based on yep.

valentino set sail he found a new land. but and it was called. love island this week on mtv's love. island. three couples let me ask you this though. yeah i believe you. thank you who's cute bee. who's who's cooped how did cupid get in. there it has his name cupid cupid was. actually an aborted baby. oh that's where they're the angel that's. exactly right right. he was aborted it was valentino's baby. he just burst. aborted babies right and the arrow.

that he's he's trying to kill he's. trying to kill valentino for for. killing him yep because he made his. girlfriend yeah. get an abortion yeah i would have liked. life [ __ ]. and and by the way his aggression. because the baby is doing that yeah yeah. it turns into a love arrow because god. doesn't allow that for me. to talk man see it all makes sense is. that real is that close. very close great really yeah. what's the real story dude here's what.

i'm gonna say to you andy yeah. andrew i'm sorry yeah don't do it again. it really because when i talk about you. at home. yeah i call you andy andy did this or. you know i mean oh we gotta go see andy. you know like today. yeah we're gonna go see andy and it's. just like i had a cousin named mandy. yeah i know i know your cousin yeah and. um we promoted his product on this show. one time that's paul. they're all the same okay and um. and just andy is a cuter com comical. name you don't like when i call you bob. though but that's my name.

your name is bob he's a version of my. name all right you can call me whatever. you want i am. and that's why i keep doing it what can. we call her. by the way rudy people don't even know. why your name is rudy they don't get it. yeah. and if you weren't sticking around for. if you weren't that early on in the pod. then you're never gonna know you know. what's gonna drive her crazy if you call. her. what caller. honey because that's her mom's name. all right honey oh make sure that she. doesn't like it. [ __ ] when i call her honey at home yeah.

she goes it's juliana. she gets angry do you get really. actually upset. no you love your mom because you know. why as she gets older. julianna says i'll be fat like my mom. well you might you keep stuffing your. face with that balloon. yeah yeah i say that you're gonna you're. getting fat like your mom. you will be fat like my mom is your mom. fat yeah. how big how fat though really she's not. that fat she's thick.

chubby chubby but chubby chubby's great. look at photos of. honey they look exactly like as a young. person she was skinny is she was she not. yeah. right so i'm just it's i'm just giving. you i'm warning you. you're studying eating the dumplings. what does she eat that makes ramen. what's going to make her fat do you. think i think the ramen. so i bought how many times a day are you. eating. um breakfast and dinner no lunch. no she's not getting fat yeah no but she. eats a lot of junk. like what like one time i ca i walked.

into a room and she. and she was eating mcdonald's what. what's your what's your mcdonald's order. i think we went over this last year yeah. um. um chocolate sundae chicken nuggets. chicken nuggets and. hamburgers under hamburger yeah that's a. good that's good that's so good she's. eating little mcdonald's and you're. swagging your finger at her you're going. hey you're going to get fat. yeah why are you worried about her. weight. because she's my daughter yeah but let. her get a friend. no then you have more material julianna.

i have to say that i have you know um. parental. feelings towards you you know and you. treat me like. garbage no you don't i don't. you treat me good yeah i care you never. you know you don't i'll tell you why you. don't care. because who does do i do conversations. with you with you not. involved in the conversations yeah yeah. so i'll go like this. we'll be in the living room right. because she doesn't say anything to me. right. yeah so i'll just go yeah i'm pretty.

good yeah this morning my back hurt a. little bit. and um and she'll just be cooking. something like making ramen or something. right and she's not saying anything and. i'm just answering questions i wish you. would ask me. right she's sitting there just stirring. you know but as i get older you know i. have. you know other dreams she's like and. she'll just be cooking. you don't pay any mind to him no i say. good morning to bobby. but you don't you don't you don't you're. not really engaged about his life. no you don't care right no right.

that's honest that's yeah but that's. what i'm saying are you doing something. for valentine's day. no has a boy on the internet asked you. out for valentine's day. no uh if you're lying we'll find out i'm. not lying. are guys still hitting on you on the. instagram who. the direct messages yeah you were we. found out you were getting dms yeah oh. yeah but i don't talk to them you don't. any of them no swear to god. yeah rudy i promise okay okay.

because she's starting now they're going. in-room classes now so i'm letting her. have. my car wait seriously they're doing in. school yeah in about a month. right yeah for for how much longer when. when is school done in. in in june oh really yeah. why did i think we were earlier than. that april or may or whatever. what what what is this is this the is. this the real definition of valentine's. day. from february 13th to 15th the romans. celebrated the feast of lupe. never mentioned that the men sacrificed.

a goat and a dog yes i did and then. whipped. whipped women with the hides of the. animals they had just slain what. whoa we should do this you get to hit. somebody. zoom in closer please my eyes are [ __ ]. from zoom in closer there it is from. february 13th to the 15th from february. 13th to the 15th. the romans celebrated the feast of. lupercolor the men sacrificed. goat and a dog then whipped women with. hides of the animals they had just. slain what the [ __ ] and the roman.

romantics were drunk they were naked. it says noelenski young women would. actually line up uh. line up for the men to hit them the. women would get in line to get hit with. the hides of animals. they believe this would make them. fertile wow we gotta say this to chicks. today i know. the brutal feat included matchmaking. lottery which young men drew the names. of women from a jar. the couple would then be um coupled for. the duration of the festival or longer. if the match was right. so you just this is a like i would draw. a [ __ ] up name. yeah like [ __ ] rosie o'donnell.

[Laughter]. you would get like someone hot yeah i. got a supermodel yeah the ancient romans. may also be responsible for the name of. the modern day of love emperor claudius. ii executed two men both named valentine. after my story on february 14th of. different years in the third century 80. there martyrdom. was honored by the catholic church with. the celebration of saint valentine's day. so. nothing that you said no no this is what. also was happening while i was saying. what yeah but this is the important. stuff. why would you leave off this stuff well.

because this. well yeah you're right i wanted this to. be found after. i told you the original story yeah it's. pretty impressive though. yeah you used to they used to beat women. with the hides of dogs. so what do you how do you make a hide. you kill a dog first scan it. you skin it you dry it out dry it skin. it right. and then you what oh it's used as like. an area rug or a carpet. yeah and then how do you you roll it up. and you hit somebody with it yeah. roll it and smack it baby you've never. heard a roll on smack you don't know.

i don't know about rolling spot it's so. it was like a yoga mat but. for beating women yeah it was the only. way yeah instead of. yeah you'd roll it up like a yoga mat. yeah like yeah hit a woman. right and then why why can't they use a. stick. sticks were so it was just like know. what it means sticks were there wasn't. many trees back then no the trees have. come as time is gone. or isn't whips made from hide a switch. of a whip is made from a hide. leather yeah leather yeah that's the. same thing whip.

but it takes a long time with this way. you you skinned the dog you already got. your. your you know you're rolling beat yeah i. you know i. i are you into s m or i thought about. stuff like that. look did we buy a harness. yeah yeah yeah yeah my biggest fear. about all that stuff is. murder because what if like somebody. takes it too far. yeah every time i see it i'm like what. if you hit someone and hurt them and. kill them. yeah how do you explain that to your fam. imagine you calling kalila's family.

i got playing around we were just. playing around she was tied up. but why did she have a ball gag in her. mouth and and she had so many things. stuffed into her anus. it's the ball gate was the size of a. ping-pong ball we didn't think that was. going to do anything. yeah but all the things you put in her. anus what was all that. marshmallow toothpicks yes yeah also. something was on fire sticking out of. her eyes. why would you do that i don't know i. like the sound. of kaboom could you imagine you'd have. to explain to somebody how. you if s m accidents happen i'm sure.

you're hanging people from the ceiling. you're tying them up yeah but what uh. what's the pleasure though. the punishment is the pleasure i'm tied. up. right right a woman's whipping me she's. in leather shut up yeah. it hurts oh god yeah it's like ah right. what about the women that step on guys. they step on their balls. that's a real guys love it they kick. them in the balls but i think it's. because. i think the guys get off on it because. they like to be submissive and sometimes. the women. they they want this dominant i control. you because men are so controlling.

or or when the guy or the guy is like in. a baby. like in a bib feed me they feed me and. right and they're being. in a chain right and they're crawling. around right you're right it's like. and then the next thing you know they're. working at an office these people are in. hr right these are normal accounts out. working. right and at home. do you guys know that today is your. anniversary too this is our 52nd. oh my god it's our one year one year. anniversary oh my god this is of the pod.

we did a there's one year of the park. are you kidding me. wow you and i have been talking for that. long for a year. well we've been talking longer than that. we've known each other significantly. longer i know but we. but we never really knew each other we. know each other as well as anybody knows. each other in comedy i know but that's. nothing. it is and it's supposed to be that way i. know i went to your birthday party once. i guess at the bowling alley you did and. i went to your birthday and then we did. some sketches together yes we did we. know we did something we did some stuff. but in comedy it's hard to. to get really in depth of people you. know why you're so hungry hustling for. your own.

this is what people don't know and we. talk too much business sometimes but. what people don't understand is like. when you say you put in years of work. when i say putting years of work. they all are kind of like yeah whatever. they don't understand. yeah that you're like 10 hours a night. it's not even that though it's. and 10 hours a day and then the four. hours that you're supposed to have to. yourself you're panicking about why you. can't make money and make rent and how. many other gigs you need to do to make. sure it's all going to work out and. who doesn't like me why can't i get. booked to this thing and how to it's. it's never-ending. but when you show up to uh so it's hard. to make relationships.

right yeah you have to imagine that. everybody wants to make it that's what. i'm saying. everybody will cut your throat yes to. get ahead yeah right. so you're in this environment right. where you're. but also you have to play nice well you. have to you have to be a. decent nice human you have to go good. set. you did good did it good that was funny. you're gonna go places. right but then right they talk [ __ ]. about you they slash you behind your. back of course right and you have to.

you have to navigate all this [ __ ]. [ __ ]. right and then like i remember one time. when when mitch hedberg. shot his first special copyright central. yeah. i was there were you really yeah i was. there the one that he bombed. yeah were you bombed he was terrible it. was bad i remember how bad and he made. fun of how bad it was the whole time. yeah so i was there. and but for me to but i was there. because i begged 10 people. right right and to even get in into that.

place. and then i was like you know i mean just. back stage. i didn't know anybody right and nobody. knew me. people would walk by like norman. mcdonald was there you know people. and i was just like no one knows me. i beg to get here right and i can't. mingle i don't know who to talk to. you're just kind of staggering right. and you leave and you go home and you're. like that was worthless. yeah i mean and you just never know how. to make it. yeah how do you make it that's why you.

have to fight you have to fight the. whole time and then years later you. you just kind of realize oh i know what. the key the key is this. you just don't stop well you got to be. talented. no you have to be but there's a lot of. guys i can tell you. 10 guys right now that are super. talented that haven't made it and. they've been around for a long time. so what's the problem with them. it's just it look you got to have a look. that has a lot to do with it yeah like. you've got a look and i and i have a.

look. and we do no we stand out that's my. point yeah i think that our personality. it's not a good idea we're not. good-looking i know but our characters. are kind of. chiseled out we you know we we know what. we are yeah it's very obvious it's. obvious yeah. and so like when i go in to an audition. it's like. i know generally they know what they're. getting yeah. this is what they want right yeah so. it's like and. a lot of it has to do with timing it's a. lot of times it's harder for white guys. now.

is it yeah it is isn't it it's so hard. they don't they don't want it in terms. of acting comedy it's just. hard if you could tell by you know. um i'm going to say this. a couple of new faces ago in at montreal. yeah right i remember hearing a couple. of managers and. agents going this it's the end of comedy. because now. they're choosing people to tick a box. instead of by.

how funny they are right right so they. have to have the fat black eye they have. to have. the asian guy they have to have six. women they have to have. instead of going who's the funniest yeah. comedy merit but what if the fat black. guy and the asian woman and all that. stuff what if they are very funny they. just didn't get a chance to get shown. but still that's another side the. funnier white guys should get in. the funnier the funniest people should. get in period yeah right. but that doesn't necessarily mean that. um so some of those check marks won't be. checked. sometimes if you went through if you.

based it on just. talent and the room and work ethic and. and all that stuff. some some checks mark you know you don't. you know what i'm saying i know what. you're saying. yeah and you also want to be probably. the top asian dog for a while. what do you mean i shouldn't use asian. and dog in the same but i mean you want. to be the top guy. for a while because you want to be you. don't want another couple of young. asians creeping up on you. they're already there i know but i'm. saying it's a little it's a weird huh no. it's not because you were kind of. holding your own phone.

and joel kim boosters. yeah there was a time yeah no there's. some guys that are creeping up right now. no it's very funny i don't know what. you're trying to do no i'm sorry. no there is a do you know why yeah do. you know why no. why no because of the fact that i'm old. oh yeah right. oh yeah and you can't take away the. things i've done right you can't take. away age. right experience i mean that is. experience it's just like. in terms of the relationships i have. right and the things that i've carved. out and i did a lot of firsts.

you know i mean a lot of people owe you. favors. no that's a that's a fact you've made a. you've cultivated a lot of relationships. and you've let a lot of people down as. far as what you've given them. but they owe you have i got my [ __ ]. role on magnum pi or not. i'm gonna get it because we watched it. the other night because of you i put it. on instagram yeah you win the washing. machine can i do your scene. can i do your scene i'm gonna say this. you be jay and i'll be you me. all right i'm ready yeah okay all right. you're jay here i don't know what his.

i don't know what his lines were but. yeah man make it up like we do on the. show about everything all right [ __ ] you. all right yeah. agent what are you doing oh what's his. name jen. know your name jin that's why i just. said it i'm magnum. yeah i'm jen yeah so go hey jim what are. you doing right okay sorry. hey jen what are you doing magnum what. are you doing here. oh um i don't know but what are you. doing in that in the in the laundry. oh my god you're making me so angry. right now why i don't know why that's. the scene.

laundry yeah yeah uh looks like you're. doing more than laundry. no and then does he open it is that what. happens yeah he opens it so he opens it. and then. it's money you see it's money yeah yeah. and i go oh no. yeah and you say money and you're you're. laundering money. no i'm not. [Laughter]. how about that [ __ ] hate and then you. go and then you go yeah and then you say. something to the effect of uh yeah it's. a couple of side gigs what's a little. bit of hustle. yeah you want to get in on it yeah it's. not that big of an ideal thing yeah yeah. and then he says what magnum says clean.

up your action. yeah george and i were uh celebrating. your. anniversary and we reach out to a lot of. like celebrities to. who are are you serious huge fans of the. show oh wow. i like that and they just send us a few. a few messages for you guys. okay that's great if they're not real. celebrities i'm going to be so. this is john cleese i'm sure you know. this because you aren't buffoons. a life without love is simply like the. moon without.

stars flowers without a smell a sky. without sun or in your case a podcast. without. comedy happy anniversary. wow impressions anyone can do that so. we're calling them out are we gonna call. them out frank caliendo did that who did. that who did that. joke that was john cleese yeah also he. didn't say our names. okay go ahead this is morgan freeman. i just want to tell you boys you're an.

addiction i. never want to get over i hope to spend. every valentine's day of our lives. together. that's morgan freeman we got a lot of. good celebrity friends. who else hit us up for millions of years. man has been searching for a podcast. david ambrose fill its hearts with joy. and love. i dare say you boys have done it next. time. i'm in town let's show each other our.

mating dancers. is that you it's david attenborough okay. give me another one. none of these are me mcconaughey here. hope you boys. find love that's matthew not only in. people. but also in everything you do and. everything around you. that actually sounds like him and look. around you yeah i want to know who the. impressions always. you see everything around you you see. the walls.

maybe there's a table there's some. things on the table. just pick up something hold it in your. hand okay. feel it. love that okay they're not specific. all you need be specific. don't say boys say. bobby andrew sent you bad friends you. know something like that that that. narrows it down. yeah i mean what so who's is there more.

one more. oh wow we got so many celebrity buds. that love us. these are all real i had to call you. boys. i mean wow i really haven't christopher. walken this is a [ __ ] bad friend. he loves this show but i have a fever. and the only prescription. is more bad friends can you send that to. me in pill form. or maybe a suppository i could shove it. at my ass. call me back ciao that's great.

is that an app yeah it's an app i don't. know what is that you guys. it's a lot of just celebrity friends no. it's not. it's not be honest with me who did that. well george and i sent uh the podcast to. a lot of celebrities. and those are the five who actually. watch it they don't like that. that's pretty cool that those guys. actually watch the show yeah. i can't believe you don't give them. credit.

thank you. we have a lot of messages from let's. play a couple minutes. yeah all right let's hear fans what's up. andrew. bobby rudy jules andrades and george. andrade it's me george i wanted to thank. you guys for. you know 52 weeks of pickering and. banter. and love uh you guys. literally give me the energy and.

inspiration to [ __ ] plow through. every day. at full force like a freight train i'm. down 60 pounds now. hell yeah yeah for bmi surgery oh that's. awesome oh my god. you know what that is give me your. stapled and stuff. i wanted to show you guys some [ __ ]. tremendous love from kankakee illinois. buddy. oh what a nice guy hey what's up bobby. and andrew hi my name is alex and just. wanted to give you guys a quick thank.

you. obviously with 2020 being the train. wreck as it was um. your podcast could not have come along. at a better time i mean with all the the. negativity and. everything going around scratching his. [ __ ] what really was much. comic relief scratching his [ __ ]. that's good. so you guys. thanks very much for everything guys i. like that guy very clever he's from. chicago i can feel it. yeah he says content thanks for the. content andrew bobby jules.

george fancy bee what up i'm rocom i. made the intro music for the show. there it is um it's okay if you guys cut. this out and don't use it. all right we're gonna cut it we're gonna. cut that much i appreciate the shot. for letting me be a tiny part of it at. the beginning of each episode. oh it's been a year and i think that's. insane and you guys are so huge. like i can literally talk to anyone now. and say oh i made that intro music for. this podcast and they know what i'm. talking about very cool you guys are. killing it and i can't wait to see what.

the future brings. i'm about to cry don't cry. every monday and i love it that's my boy. that's nice bro comes the [ __ ]. i like it more i like it you like this. making you touching you in a good way. i like this bob there are other people. that look like this uh. bobby andrew jules andres. the behind the scenes producers that are. remote. um and no one else [ __ ] you pink dick. yes this guy's awesome has meant a lot. to me this year.

i played during online classes to. procrastinate work. and it's really a big deal to me to see. another. uh weird mutant freak redheaded person. making it big time yeah baby you know. it's kind of like there's hope. how bobby must have felt when he first. saw like enter the dragon. um yeah thank you. that's great dude my kid has a good. sense of humor i love it. little asian joke we gotta throw a.

couple in there as redheads it's part of. our thing. yeah rick glassman again making an. appearance on our podcast. bobby's really lit andrew's a little bit. rudy's really lit. and it's just fun to watch sometimes i. like that guy. short and simple and the lips was really. cool that was really good. happy anniversary to two of my favorite. comics in the world. i listen to you guys i mean [ __ ].

a lot while i brush my teeth while i. cook dinner. my roommate thinks i'm an absolute. psychopath. um because i i blast. you guys conversations throughout the. apartment love it um. some of it may be a little controversial. but it sure as [ __ ] makes me laugh do we. say controversial stuff. yeah like robert e lee stuff we did. earlier that's good stuff how much. you've. you've helped me uh this year throughout. the pandemic. it's been rough out there um thank you.

so much. see there are good looking redheads. she's cute there's some good looking. redheads on this side. yeah see yeah i told you we got some of. that we have some in the stable yeah. yeah. also i want to say this is a very. serious note thank you to our fans we. really do appreciate it it's our. anniversary and this has meant a lot to. us. probably as as much as it's meant to you. guys. it does we love it and uh you know. here's what i. here's what i want to say sincerely is. um that. you know sometimes because you know this. studio is.

just down the street from our house it's. a mile from our home so we just kind of. get in the car. and we drive here and you think you're. doing because i don't go out so i don't. really know what's going on really. what's going on and. what the reaction really is because you. know we don't go on the road. and i don't ever feel so it's like um. so you kind of feel like you're doing it. in a vacuum you know yeah. and um but when you get messages like. this you realize that. people do listen to it um i don't know. why.

because they love it i know but i'm just. you know i have to ask don't do that. again. i do know why it's magic it's magic baby. so we thank you we thank you and rudy. wants to thank you as well rude to say. something. thank you everyone for. oh my listening happy anniversary no. be sincere idiot gets off a [ __ ] boat. knows three words in english and you get. her a job internet superstar yeah and. she's an internet superstar and that's. what she. comes up with be sincere i am no say.

something more. say more thank you. thank you again she starts with thank. you okay for. if you say being a bad friend no. thank you for always um. i don't know unless they finish it. you're going to talk for two minutes. yeah you gotta talk fill in the [ __ ]. dead air fill in the desert two minutes. let's go. thank you for for. supporting the podcast thank you for.

listening. to us even if it's stupid. thank you for you don't have to say. thank you yeah. just say your heart yeah your heart go. ahead. i love coming here so much the boys. treat me better than. i ever could ever expected back where i. come from all i. had was one balloon a week to eat and. now here i eat. every day anything i want so thank you.

to the fans to america and to donald. trump. this is the greatest country keep moving. your lips this is the greatest country. on earth make america great again. yeah we got you saying that on tape. yeah my name is rudy and on january 6th. i went to the capitol i um. i had my bed and i had my confederate. flag. and i tried to bash in the window but.

i'm so weak. so i went to the front door and went in. i said hey where nancy pelosi office. i'm gonna hate her do you mean i don't. know if i'm gonna get in trouble but no. one did nothing. so i'm back here doing bad friends thank. you for being a bad friend. that's great thank you for being a bad. friend. [Applause]. [Music]. [Applause].

oh. [Music]. [Music]. maybe. [Music].