Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang | Ep 133 | Bad Friends
hey bad friend hey hey I've only got a. couple of dates left before I film my. special go watch my friend Andrew please. come watch me you're the best tomorrow. I'm in Brea Brea California tomorrow. night on the 13th and then this weekend. 16th I'm in uh Minneapolis the 17th I'm. in Madison Wisconsin come see me then on. the 24th I'm in Denver Colorado filming. my special andrewsantino.com is where. you're gonna get those tickets please. come out and see your boy. andrewsantino.com come see me. [Music].
[Music]. we're bad friends calm down huh let's do. a breathing exercise no no let me say. that let me start off by saying this no. breathing exercise no let me start off. by saying this welcome back fancy be. kind of yes yeah yeah yeah because you. know what he comes in here welcome back. actually juicy welcome back welcome back. juice Greg great to see you welcome back. Carlos great to see you fancy B you come. back and the first thing out of his. mouth is you need to have better tasting. Scripts.
don't get me started fans fancy is of. course commenting about the movie me. time I did on Netflix with Kevin Hart. and he hated it didn't you hate it go. ahead and say it fence. you're allowed to say what you want on. the show you're good in it let me tell. you something I'm watching it the. critics will tell you how good it is go. ahead and show what we got on Rotten. Tomatoes go ahead it made me feel good. about my own movie look at how good that. is what did the critics say. seven percent yeah that's some [ __ ].
bro you couldn't even beat Easter Sunday. wait a minute is that bad or good seven. percent it is bad it's bad I thought. that meant 93 no no no no no it's moving. it's it's got a green like uh sludge on. it that's the only thing that's good. tomatoes good at first like a tomato is. good see I don't 45 Easter Sunday can I. say something yeah that's right this. does this scale makes no sense because a. tomato is what you used to throw at. actors when you hated stuff when you. hated performance live performance they. throw tomatoes at plays but meanwhile. sludge [ __ ] gack loved it I grew up with.
Nickelodeon I love getting gacked and. gooped no but the sludge is the throne. tomato then it would be [ __ ] red why. is it green tomatoes aren't [ __ ] the. insides are sometimes green am I not. right my Spanish friends thank you even. green tomatoes on the outside are still. red on the inside oh and it but the. audience score oh that's not this is. Andreas oh this is a good movie 55 so. you beat Easter Sunday and time yes yeah. but.
mine has Kevin Hart in it and Mark. Wahlberg yeah Regina Hall and yours has. who. who's in yours Eric Dane I love Eric. Dane gives a [ __ ] I do I do too I like. everything yeah he's great. Dan let me say something but I'm aware. that me time didn't do well two years. ago it's not my movie two years ago when. I was sick right can I tell you about. maybe Kevin Hart's worst movie yet. wait until Borderlands comes out oh he's. in that too he's in my movie first of.
all that's not gonna come out. I don't think it is either right because. I know more than you do you know I know. no it's not is it not coming out welcome. back juice good back I liked me time. did you really I thought it was great I. watched she says that as she's wearing. this a scissors brother's t-shirt. exactly yeah I couldn't even have one of. the worst podcasts online right now. yeah it's a cool shirt they gave it to. me for free dude we give you so much. more than they give you I just give you. so much life.
you're coming to SLC with me we give you. merch and then you wear their by the way. that heather gray standard issue that. they got trash yeah cheapest thing you. can buy I thought you guys liked those. guys well he's my brother yeah he's your. brother yeah no the other one is my. brother the Chinese guy he's Korean yeah. he's my brother is he really Korean yeah. he's my only brother and I love him he's. blood brother he's a blood brother to me. wait a minute the tiny little the little. group. he's your little brother my little.
brother son of a gun yeah yeah so say. something nice whoa can I say I'm being. genuine when I ask you yeah yeah look at. me huh he's not Chinese. he looks Chinese I know but he's. absolutely not trying to 100 look Korean. oh thank you absolutely looks Chinese. yeah but he's not I don't bring him a. picture of him because I feel like you. look Chinese. yeah there he is. that kid is Chinese on the right yeah. that's right there's no doubt in my mind.
yeah but we need a test yeah yeah look. at that if you saw him on the trigger. who's that little Chinese kid yeah I. love him so much we love Stevie over. here like he looks like a Chinese guys. that sells pineapples in the black. market. whoa. [Laughter].
a few episodes ago I wore a scissor. Brothers shirt a different color one and. we didn't notice we didn't know I don't. know if you noticed but I didn't no we. would have said something you noticed. today yeah yeah we would have said. something it's fine we're lucky to have. you wait so can I have this shirt then. yeah dude yeah that's what we gave it to. you dude yeah that's actually is this. new no we get we. no I will say the material is much. better yeah we're higher classes like a. weight to it yeah yeah yeah.
go change into that right now yeah go. change into that all right please what. do you think. me time congratulations on that. congratulations I I it's number one on. Netflix it's number one on Netflix and. also I would drive around town in every. corner there's a me time [ __ ] thing. yeah and I say to myself my one of my. best friends is in that movie. and it's really not one I am your best. friend. think of you're close think about it I. have a couple.
Theo. no. not as close no yeah yeah he's not but. he's close and kalalo's not anymore she. is still nope we watch we watch movies. together last night I'd watch a movie. with you last night that's true uh. speaking of which I went over and did. trash Tuesday. you killed it I had so much fun dude. honestly I said you killed it so much. fun and and I do want to approach this. with you and I want to make sure that. you're not uncomfortable about it uh-oh. was there a little sexual tension in the. room there was and you know who was. between who kalila and Carlos what the.
hell I guess I that I felt no but. bro I have felt that for years and I. have to say this too right I think that. you're the reason why we're not together. anymore I really do and let me say. something to you or else or again all. right go for it because if you want to. start a war with me I will go to war. with you and let me say something right. now dude I have more minions I have more. people behind me and I will [ __ ] bury. you you bald headed [ __ ].
Bobby there's been no sexual attraction. I see you in the videos dude oh you ham. up. bro just at work I'm trying to do a good. job I know but I've seen you on stage. you don't ham it up. no listen you could do it I'm not. shotting. I'm not shouting right now dude right. back in the day dude you could have. hammed it up because I see you Hamming. up with kalila right just kalila it's. everyone it's fancy is it because no is. it because you you know you have a. bigger dick than me.
um I mean I do know that but how do you. know that for a fact because I've seen. your dick that's true yeah yeah that's. true facts no what I was I didn't mean. for this to get out of hand yeah I'm. sorry Carlos I apologize too he had sex. with her on the show did you [ __ ] her no. I I didn't have did you lay on top of. her with your clothes on. yes. so you laid on top of my ex-girlfriend. with clothes on and they [ __ ] on. camera Polly laid on top of Juicy three. weeks not like that not like that oh you. saw it oh yeah okay you know what I get.
to do you know what I get to do you know. what I get to do my ex-wife's already I. get to lay on your mom. Coral yeah you got to bring her on the. show bring her on the show let have her. lay down and I'm gonna grind on her for. a minute my dad will be so mad that's. fine and I will not wait a minute your. dad what he'll be mad at me for letting. it happen he's gonna oh he's gonna be. there he's gonna be here and he's gonna. be jerking off in the corner that's so. like cookish it's only fair it's only. it's only fair thank you thank you yeah. you're the best shoes your dad's got to. come and pull a Louie to watch Bobby.
yeah and he's got a face is your mom. still alive oh yes fantastic. um yeah no it was it was all in good fun. in fact to be honest Carlos he didn't. want to do it khalilah was saying that. horny horny Filipino girl she said let. me show you guys how this sexual. position is enacted because Esther has. no idea I don't know if Esther ever. lived. I don't think Esther I feel like she. just appeared because she doesn't she. almost has no she almost knows almost. nothing she doesn't know anything about.
anything I don't even know how she. exists really. her husband David yeah he keeps her. alive yeah he's the best and I told her. how bad I can't wait till she gets fat I. cannot wait to see Esther fat she's. gonna lose it all at some point yeah. just become a little [ __ ] blimp. remember Violet from Willy Wonka oh yeah. and she's blueberry yeah yeah Violet. Violet and I wanted to roll around The. Comedy Store like that yeah. just want to roll her around like if you. asked Esther like just tell me anything. about the Vietnam War he should have no.
idea no chance yeah there's literally no. chance let me ask you tell me a little. bit about the Vietnam War what do you. know about it well I know. um. uh our troops were not welcomed back. that's perfect and that's one more thing. more than astronauts okay she doesn't. even know that I know about Adrian. Orange that's two things now what was. agent orange I believe Adrian orange was. uh where. we dusted crops all right it's a. chemical a chemical and it was pretty.
[ __ ] up look at this look at that look. go to the right look at that boy on the. right look what it did to him. no really. tutorial he was born that way dude dude. look that's look it says Ancient Orange. it's a it's a herbicide mixture by the. US military but can you zoom in a little. boy's head I'm just sorry I laughed why. are you laughing because you're making. me laugh it doesn't look real yeah yeah. let me see wow this poor kid is this is. from ancient agent orange yeah. yeah so Tony Hinchcliffe has agent.
orange. is that what it is I just real Tony. Hinchcliffe has it he came from that he. came from that there's Ohio around Ohio. yeah look at it look at his face agent. orange dude same kid yeah he snorted it. he grew it yeah yeah he grew into it. look at that look at that face and he. gets women. Adrian orange is also your FBI name I. feel like yeah quite an orange am I. agent Yellow you want to be you know who. am I agent what you're agent gong.
[Laughter]. agent because gong is quick agent gong. we need you now yeah yeah. Gone in 60 Seconds. that's a really good movie name write. that down. Gone Girl yeah. gong With the Wind. yes we have three remakes what are you. doing right come on why do you want a. studio pick this up yeah any more going. on.
yeah yeah that's it that's it gone it's. gone it's off the shelves yeah um. that honestly an autobiography called. going Going Gong about the departure of. Bobby Lee like when you finally retire. yeah going Going Gong would be so. [ __ ] funny you're not gonna retire oh. yes he is soon we already we had we. talked about it I think I have 15 more. years at least no way way longer or less. longer less what what you think at 60. I'm gonna go I'm out when this pod's. over you're done for Baby.
You're Gonna last as long as you want to. last well then did say that I think. you'll work for. you're 51 50. you're 51 soon. yeah you'll be you'll be in the business. for 30 more years yeah well you know. George Burns did the road until he was. 92. yeah but he was different dude. but he was different he's white yeah. yeah but he's just super talented whoa. yeah. I mean like an iconic genius but he did.
the road at 92. this is so incredible. and apparently he didn't change his act. for 20 years same with me. same with me and then also but he would. like do little widdles with riddles. Whittle he would Whittle little things. into it sorry tonight I'm gonna I don't. know how that would sound like George. what are you trying to say he would he. would interject little things yeah. what's whittling whittling is um yeah he. would wood it he would Whittle wood in. it in the bits.
how old was he when he died George Burns. 100 no way I think so I'm just guessing. he died at I think 96. I say 100. 100. years old how'd you know. that I'm a big George Burns like big. George Burns fan how about how about um. Burgess Meredith. do you guys remember who that is do you. know who that is juice no I'm not gonna. lie I'm not familiar with George Burns. oh that's sad you don't know who he is. how old is burgie when he died.
1907 he was born when did he die it says. it right there 89. young pretty young. this guy was the [ __ ] man you know. who this is don't you guys know who that. is Grumpy Old Men how about Red Skeleton. Red Skelton skeleton or skeleton I think. it's skeleton I think it's skeleton Red. Skelton yeah it's he it's skeleton it's. not skeleton. S I always say I call them Red Skeleton. 84 years old he was another famous. comedian James who that is right oh it's.
like comedy 101 yeah these guys it was. actually 202 it's comedy 202 you missed. freshman year do you know Flip Wilson. I know that name for sure but I don't. know Flip Wilson that's probably a name. you've heard around the comedy store. before yeah for sure. these are all people that did before see. this is what I want though died look at. that Malibu I wanna I wanna die. somewhere dope this is the fear I have. how old was he 80 64 young guys oh my. God young yeah oh look at that his first. wife Lavinia Patricia peaches Wilson. Dean Peaches I want a wife named peaches.
and then cookie Mackenzie he had two. wives with nicknames oh wow why can't. whites have nicknames I know I have two. that's true you do at least why can't we. have a sweet corn nickname like that. yeah I don't know I don't know an Asian. woman with a nickname that's not true. who. mom have a nickname or the aunt what do. they call her Rudy's mom is what's her. name honey yeah that's a nickname that's. her name her real name is honey yeah.
these people are so [ __ ] weird yeah. Filipinos have the worst names do they. yeah there's a I met a guy named battery. [Laughter]. yeah was he a double A or AAA I think no. his name was lithium battery no I swear. they named their kids crazy [ __ ] what's. this kid Duracell. that wouldn't be shocking to me they do. stuff like you too the name of boy like. you too like the band.
I like the music yeah but I get it yeah. yeah if you remind your your family who. you can name your kid anything anything. but we choose not to well because you. don't want to ruin because you know how. hard it is for them to have a shitty. name yeah Statue you've never met a guy. named statue see if there's a guy named. statue on this Earth yeah yeah that's. kind of a cool name yeah because I'm. staty stat dog cup chew. is there a man named Frederick Augusta. no no there's no one named statue well. then let's name your child statue when.
it comes out yeah I will like anything. uh. how many things somebody thinks I just. don't even know you mean gong water. well what tough well there's I met the. drinkwater family. reservations so there's a there's a clan. of of natives their last name is Clan's. probably not the word the tribe there it. is there we go called drink water yeah. like they could be Clans no I think.
that's pretty reserved for one group of. people Scottish people Vikings Clans. yeah let's scattish people yes. get it yeah but there are they all have. Scottish accents ski but that's a clan. read me the [ __ ] definition of a clan. Clan is a group of people United by an. actual. Wait no that's two a group of close-knit. and interrelated families especially. especially with families in the Scottish. Highlands so I said Scottish right whoa. did I say not to say Scottish yeah but.
you know what I meant. yeah yeah yeah yeah but still though. those Clans are white. cleanser whites yeah yeah yeah. supremacists tribes are usually tribe. would usually be indigenous people. indigenous people yeah even even yeah. there you go what's a group what's a. group of Asians. um. what yeah dim sums no yeah yeah panzers. look at all the ponzers that sounds. right a noodle no because the noodle is.
one thing noodles is noodle is singular. like a Ramen of NATO a Ramen of Asians. yeah I could see the ponzu group there's. got to play kanzu gang there's no doubt. yeah noodle gang doesn't sound scary. nope it sounds awesome yeah yeah I want. to hang out with them wasabi. who will bite ya Wasabi what do you like. that is it scary what's up yo where yo. we were the wasabis no see go to gonzu. with a ponzo sounds so cool gang sounds.
[ __ ] scary yeah they'll [ __ ] you up. yeah. the sneaky Chopstick that's one of the. guys names yeah he's in the group. is there a ponzu gang dude yeah I can't. really find anything there's a list of. Asian gangs maybe Google that list of. Asian gangs. he's given you attitude ever since you. boned his ex-girlfriend yeah whoa dude. that's pretty on the Point Fullerton. boys out in [ __ ] Fullerton California.
that's cool dude the Kang B Korean. Snakehead Gunk Snakehead Tong Chinese. Bing Kong. whoa that's racist it I'm reading oh. that's all right my bad. the Waki is tights Waukee Chinese and. Malaysian the walking and of course we. know the Yakuza bamboo Union. sounds like a break dancing crew yeah. the Fullerton boys why is the Yakuza so. Str look we all know their name you know.
the Yakuza they're so big they're so big. I think it's because of the style yeah. because they're really cool suits. tattoos to the wrists missing finger. they all have one missing finger yeah oh. really yeah yeah like this one. why the ring finger. I think it's either it's to dedicate. yourself to the like you're married to. the game I think so yeah oh that's kind. of tight these are the Fullerton boys oh. let me see the Fulton boys don't look. Asian yeah they look Mexican.
oh you guys sound so disappointed yeah. I'm so disappointed well we just please. that's just a poster in Bobby's room. yeah that's one class at UCLA. wait show me the Yakuza let me see. images of the Yakuza because you know. they're yeah yeah see that that guy's. 90. I thought he was wearing a shirt dude. look at that guy. wait I feel like I know this guy. I'm serious you saw him an open mic.
night or something no he's uh oh but. okay zoom in on that photo dude. can you zoom in yeah the guy to the far. left he doesn't belong. why look at the guys at the far left. what's wrong with him he's not Asian oh. he could be half asian no zoom in I. thought you meant to stop two is. different. look at his face dude look at his face. bro that's why they're all looking at. him like who the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] is. that guy but does he look Asian to you.
yes he's not there's no way no he's like. Italian maybe he's just badass dude we. better be careful these guys are gonna. [ __ ] kill us look I've never look at. the girl. she would [ __ ] kill her she would. [ __ ] you up that's not your mom. but it looks a little bit like your. mother like my mom yeah yeah. she's got like she got like Chinese. stars in there and everything yeah you. got to be careful dude these guys are. gonna kill us you know that they're. gonna come [ __ ] with us hey we're pro. Yakuza we love you guys I love it. Fullerton boys we love you guys uh the.
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win a Ford Bronco go to. uhridge.com bad friends use the coupon. code bad friend to enter that's rich.com. bad friends they're probably arresting. this guy because they caught him for 50. years Yakuza boss oh he was sentenced to. Hanging whoa they hung him how long ago. was that uh last year. whoa they hung the Yakuza guy last year. wow they still do hangings huh in where. was that in Japan. dude Japan is so cool white gangs are.
cool well I mean it's like yeah kinda it. is pretty cool I mean it's like that's a. way to punish people I guess you know. because would you like back in the days. you know the villagers used to come out. and witness it like it was like a Sunday. night Sunday Sunday football game I know. exactly what I would do what would you. go I would I would I would starve myself. before the hanging and I and I would. make sure that my pants barely fit so. the moment I dropped in the Rope pit my. penis would come out my pants would fall. down Oh you mean if you were hung yeah. yeah yeah so I got one last laugh yeah.
so then I'd be like ah my dick would be. out at everyone. and I laughed my way out I would be. concerned about what my face was doing. when I died when you focus on like what. your face would look like no because you. can't I can't that's why he'll do it. that's why I'm doing the dick thing no I. would do this the things are on my neck. and I'll go to those. [Laughter]. and hopefully when it hangs it hangs. like that or you don't be really sick. yeah same thing with my loose pants. starve myself loose pants one little. stream nobody wants to see your dick no.
dude I'm gonna tuck it in my ass I'm. gonna touch it that way when it hangs. all right mangina and then as I Let Go. all my muscles up it comes right out. right people are gonna die laughing. I'm gonna go out with a [ __ ] laugh. dude yeah even if you see how if you saw. a dick out of my butt and come for you'd. be like yes guys even if you and I right. went to see his hanging we'd be sad. right no no we at first we would be like. oh my God we're gonna see Andrew hung. today right and then you would hang and. we would look up and go.
right I like it it would be fun I would. I like it it would be fun yeah yeah and. thank you for the laugh and you go. that's my boy that's my boy right now. yeah little dick little dick over there. yeah yeah yeah we would know it's coming. now so as we're waiting everyone's. crying wait Bobby and I'd be like just. wait for it. oh you would you think that we would. know that you yeah I would tell you guys. now we know oh I would sell it out you. would oh yeah like a bring a room just. promote you promote my hanging oh yeah. dude how happy would you be you're gonna.
get a huge laugh and I'm inviting CAA. I'm bringing agents oh yeah The. Hollywood Reporter by the way it's a. great sketch you guys coming to my. hanging yeah they're like well let's see. if we can be there the agents for sure. show up late they're like he's already. hung uh I know right we had a dinner you. couldn't make it how was it though yeah. it was a good thing to do well he. crushed all right good [ __ ] the crutches. now but what's that one called the is it. the one with the guillotine Guillotine. Guillotine yeah is that the one with the. thing comes down this yes the big it. would chop it chops your head off yeah.
yeah that no well I've heard after the. head gets chopped off a lot they've. reported that the the person's head will. say something or or it'll still move for. a second yeah like it's still alive. after it's literally it'll say something. I've heard it like what I don't know Ow. like what does it say what does it say. that's an opportunity for a joke too. yeah you're right I didn't write it yeah. I didn't do it yeah or right as your. head gets chopped off in a guillotine. and no I know what I would say. chopped off roll. tada.
Tada would be good. what would you do I'd say the treasure. is buried. oh that's such a good one I need to be. like where where yeah yeah so they're. panicking and then try to put your head. back on come on come on yeah. what would I say if it felt yeah I don't. know if I was decapitated and my head. fell off and it rolled around for a. second and they came up to me. and my last words would be. [Laughter].
I was going to say something awful and I. just held my time I know what it was go. ahead what you were gonna say what I. can't say it yeah I know I can't either. yeah I know it's bad yeah imagine this. was appointment viewing before we had. you know TGIF before before it was like. Friday night sitcom night this was. people getting together in town they're. like they dressed up they're like what. time are you gonna be there this is this. is what was gross about it it was like. for fun they were it was this was the. jam I don't think I would go. I'd be that one guy like have you ever.
been like I'm I've passed on every time. I have such good tickets you have to. come with me I can't your box seats box. dude I'm on the floor are you on the. floor and we can go VIP we can go. backstage really you can touch the knife. because my grandfather has like the. nosebleed seats. yeah dude we can never see anything I. can't see [ __ ] from up there all right. I'll try one day gotta be down on the. floor and then I show up and it's gonna. be like a Gallagher show like. [Music]. watermelon but somebody's selling one of. those they sell those yeah so smocks are. like this is a splash of them you guys. will get hit with blood right I'm gonna.
be seating yeah you'll be yeah she'll be. working the door yeah juicy is working. the door she's selling booths at the. [ __ ] at the guillotine she's like. look if you want to be closer it's 100. bucks I don't know what you want to say. maybe it's like a baseball game when. they catch the head they get excited. dude that's so funny like that like. Live Nation presents the hanging oh yeah. one of these promoters these massive.
promotions what if you don't sell out. though how sad how sad yeah Ticketmaster. is like look dude this event did not do. well well you're there right and you're. about to do it and you see the numbers. and there's like three guys there your. agent comes up to you right before he. they kill you and he's like listen dude. 60 is still it looks good right it looks. more full than it is for sure but it it. No One's Gonna it's great this is a. market we're building on yeah but you're. sitting there right and I I hear. somebody going I thought this was Ronnie. Chang's [ __ ] hey.
right you're like I can't even yeah. that's that's what we sell it as someone. else yeah I mean they're like this is. not Bill Burr this is. we're getting out of here yeah yeah oh. that'd be terrible go selling tickets to. a [ __ ] a local. you know what they also used to do. though that's insane too like burning. witch burning and [ __ ] they would just. burn people in the Town Square Town. Square was like the spot it was a spot. that's where he used to get [ __ ]. murked up the witch burning [ __ ] was. wild. they would just find a chick that said.
like no to her husband they're like. lighter on fire. dude it was like a woman being like I. don't want to do that and they're like. she's a witch lighter on fire will they. be like if she is a witch she'll get out. of this fire right right but if she's. not a witch we [ __ ] up oh well one. down whatever you gotta lose you win. some you lose some you know but let me. just say something it's insane if the. witch was super hot would you be like ah. they wouldn't burn her you don't think. they would this is the thing our.
society's been obsessed with with looks. or whole forever since the beginning of. time yeah we reward good looking people. so even if they're bad we're not gonna. punish them right they're too hot if. Brad Pitt [ __ ] did something. atrocious we'd all be like I don't know. is did he really and they're like we. have proof and then we'd be like I don't. know yeah that sucks man yeah he's too. hot do you think you would be burned oh. yeah yeah. make no mistake yeah everyone in this. room is getting burned I don't think you.
I'm getting no no there are no [ __ ] you. I'm getting I've met girls since I've. been single what did you say he's good. dude you're walking on [ __ ] eyes dude. yeah it's nuts you came back here from. Spain with a [ __ ] attitude yeah I'm. sick of it dude listen here elote boy. you need to cut it the [ __ ] out look at. that the elote [ __ ] got both of these. guys what did you do in Spain put the. mic near your mouth Rudy who's your. family is your family good yeah my. family is good and you spend time with. them yeah what was one thing that you.
did with them I went on a Euro trip. you toured Europe yes [ __ ] man you got. so boring it's so boring it's nuts what. did you do a lot I was like every day. like what are they doing now they're. probably shooting bad friends did you. miss us oh yeah he didn't miss us at all. he didn't I thought he was serious no. he's not he's being facetious no we're. going to the Philippines and next month. together yeah for how long for a week. yeah I can't wait what are you guys. doing there so exciting I'm doing my.
talent show. we're doing Bobby Stalin show oh right. oh that's right you're this is the voice. yeah yeah I do my talent show there are. they are you making money on this no I'd. like to do my challenge probably losing. money well I think I've already lost 20. grand right. you're paying 20 grand to go to the. Philippines to do my own talent show but. why why I'm filming it. right to just put it on the internet no. Netflix I want to pitch it as a show oh. you what's it called Bobby Lee's talent.
show that's cool Bobby Lee's Talent. Extravaganza Telex forever I'm gonna. wear a monocle right did you get it yes. and a cane. okay no because I want to be like that. guy from Jurassic Park the very first. one I'm thinking about the Monopoly guy. Something Like Richard. Attenborough I'm gonna come up and. pretend I have a limp right I want to. Welcome to my talent show oh do you have. an accent the whole time yeah yeah wow. yeah bonjour I don't know oh you're. French yeah yeah they're not gonna know. any difference they're Filipinos right. are you ready for you know the time of.
your life right. that right there's me dancing and stuff. like that and then I'm gonna film a town. show because the last time I did it was. the greatest night of my life of your. life oh my God it was the best I thought. someone was gonna die it was amazing. this is a midlife crisis we're you know. going back to that moment yeah I'm going. through midlife you know are you really. I'm going through a crisis yeah you. think so oh yeah I think you feel good. you look good no I feel. lost. Bob what I feel lost when did this start. I can take a guess yeah you'll ask three.
or four months I've been kind of lost. that's exactly when we started working. together. exactly the timing the midlife crisis. happens anywhere 40 to 60 years old and. I gotta tell you. it affects men and women no at that part. I don't believe yeah I think I think. it's almost always a male thing yeah I. had a midlife crisis at 19. yeah yeah. not a real thing not a real thing. you know you know do you know what it is. I've said this before on the show it's a.
midlife assessment it means you're like. reassess because what you do is it's. actually a positive thing it has a. negative connotation but I think it's. the opposite the reason that people have. a quote-unquote midlife crisis is. because you've lived enough life where. you can actually look back and go wow. I've lived a lot of life. what do I want to change in the future. so I don't repeat mistakes from prior. that I want to grow and be happy and. like it's usually because your life is. going hey it's time for a shift we have. to move into a new part of our life I.
think it's a positive that's when you. buy the new car. yeah I got a new car you did that yeah. but that's not always it's not like you. bought an obnoxious douchebag car and. [ __ ] but for me it was you know I. used to drunk Drive [ __ ] cars yeah your. last car was always covered in bird [ __ ]. [Laughter]. okay let's talk about my last car what. was in there and I know from working a. lot because I would have to drive it and. you'd pull in I I don't even remember.
but it was like a Toyota or a Honda or. something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and. uh it was just like piles of trash it. was disgusting and it's got Rudy's car. yeah I know Rudy has it these are the. symptoms of a midlife crisis ask me the. questions ask me the questions don't. look at it don't just look at me I'm. looking at you do you feel sad yeah or. do you lack confidence I lack confidence. both especially after big milestone. accomplishment or a birthday like on. your birthday or when something big. happens you still feel sad or you lack. confidence yes okay do you feel bored. often yes do you feel like you've lost.
meaning or purpose in your life yes okay. we're four for four do you feel on. unfulfilled in life yes. do you have feelings of nostalgia oh. yeah do you excessively think about the. past like during the day do you just. constantly think about the past yeah do. you make impulsive actions no. but by I have impulsive thinking okay do. you have feelings of regret. no okay so no didn't hit all the targets. okay so yeah you have to have all the. symptoms for it to be real no you don't.
I'm a doctor not no. it's a feeling of like it's a feeling I. think what happened was you know you see. people die. you don't let you know right right and. then you kind of. think about their age and you know what. your age is. and you kind of do some math and you. think you're gonna die. I mean Bob was 65 right and I'm 50 so. it's like you know Bob that is a freak. action I know my point is that you still. think that way no no I'm saying you're.
right he was healthy you should die way. before I know that's the thing so it's. like you don't know but um and you kind. of go you know I want to do something. different and I want to just milk these. next chapter of my life. what are you gonna do how do you milk it. well for instance I'm not as scared. anymore of what what were you scared of. I used to get like really nervous on set. for a film or a movie yeah I mean and. now I just don't feel that.
which is cool that's great I gotta be. honest I feel that I I have that too but. also a piece of me um. thinks it withholds me from like living. in the moment sometimes. yeah but you but you also think like are. they like I don't I'm not I'm not more. like I used to be focused on dude do. they think that I'm good or do they am I. doing it right or all those kind of. questions and those questions are like. not very much like I don't give a [ __ ]. but it's all a no you're not doing good. nope nobody cares yeah nobody cares I.
feel that way but I feel like it's a. detriment I miss the fear a little bit. maybe but you should always be living. like you're not gonna live tomorrow so. having that Wonder of like what's gonna. happen if I die soon even no matter what. your age is obviously it probably gets. worse as you get older. but it does and I know it does for me. but but it you know it's good. to think about that well how old are you. now juice again 30 32 but I remember. like partying a lot in my in like my. late teens early 20s and doing.
psychedelics and you know thinking about. death more yeah and then there was like. a shift where I like got my life. together kind of slowly but you know. yeah I guess and but there's also. um. there's something that happened the. other day at the Improv and I want to. name the person but I know a woman who. did comedy maybe when I started doing. comedy she was a headliner. and I didn't see her for like many many. years but I've seen her around lately. and she comes to me and she's much so.
much older and needy and she comes to me. I don't know what happened it's like I. can't get spots anymore I'm going to all. these Club no one knows me and it's like. you know I still got it I still got it. is this Nikki Glazer. and and you know I mean and I I kind of. want to look at her and go. like it's I want to say it's over you. know. but it's like I'm not there and I don't. want to get there no one needs to say. that to anybody I didn't say that no but.
I'm saying I always go they'll figure I. would say keep trying they'll they'll. get there on their own yeah but you see. that kind of desperation and you kind of. go yeah I'm in a good place right now. you know yeah you're yeah very blessed. yeah yeah because you know. okay now I'm really scared I was feeling. pretty confident. I don't know why the the this pod went. to this direction let's switch it up I. don't think we can let's stay here I. like it yeah yeah I like it yeah what. are you scared about. oh my God.
um something that I'm afraid of is the. more people get to know me like on a. bigger scale like a public skill. um they will like me less oh man oh man. that is so real it's so real and can I. tell you something yeah. no we're right and they they will hate. you yeah yeah they will hate you here's. the problem. me personally no no yeah yeah the Royal. the Royal. like I spoke to another comic on the. phone the other night.
and. we were just kind of [ __ ] lamenting. about you know sometimes the pressure. from doing the thing the thing that you. want. makes you question yourself more than. you ever did when you when before. less people knew you but it didn't. matter right and it still doesn't matter. quote unquote but like. it's scary because look we do this show. we do other stuff so many people see us. and they and you want to connect with. them and you want to grow with them and.
you want to have fun but sometimes. they hate you just because or they you. know they. they find things to get upset or annoyed. or whatever about because they enjoy you. so naturally sometimes they're going to. be like I don't like when Juicy's does. that yeah and you're like but why yeah. who cares so it's gonna happen the more. bigger the bigger you get you'll have. some people that will like I read a. comment yesterday it was a direct. message from a guy and he goes you're 10. 000 times funnier than Andrew Santino.
yeah and I thought that's my friend. that's my body don't tell him I wrote. you that. yeah that was you yeah yeah. [Music]. you got a smooth sack that's why because. the manscape man yeah you do you. manscape that smooth beautiful sack and. I gotta tell you if anybody doesn't know. when you're playing in the Summer sun. make sure that you're smooth you know. you want that you want that pubes to.
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bad friends at manscape.com that's 20. off free shipping with the code bad. friends at manscape.com it's smooth sack. summer boys get on board or get left. behind today's episode is brought to you. by true classic hey Andrew you know the. only thing that I wear on my upper body. is t-shirts and I love true classic it's. amazing finding that perfect fit shirt. can be terrible and I know I have a. really weird body you do have such a. weird body I swear the thing is either. way too tight has a case of bacon neck.
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and when they say Andrew Santino's you. know I mean not all that oh that's and I. just feel bad and I just go no that's. not true it's not really true well it's. true yeah yeah but it doesn't matter it. doesn't matter yeah you know so yeah I. read something um that said a guy was. like uh. Santino's not a. common comedian as much as he is a host. of like a Disney show or something like. that. oh I saw that too actually did you. really it was on trash yeah it's weird. it was like the first thing I saw.
and I just made mine up by the way I was. just trying to do a joke no no I know. this was real this was real yeah no I. know that was I don't want you go go. through a midlife crisis right now no no. I'm I'm having a really good time great. when I was on Animal Practice Little. Rolling Stone magazine said Bobby Lee. and another guy I forgot maybe Tyler. Levine that was on it right I love that. guy he said uh rolling said these are. sitcom killers. you and Tyler like in a bad way like. yeah yeah these guys this is not gonna. last you know I mean is there any truth.
to that and this is their last chance. worst TV of 2012. well I never got. haters from wait wait is that wait. that's the show it's the worst. I gotta tell you yeah yeah you got. number five five worst TV on God you're. not even number one. it's so crazy if you're gonna be the. worst at least be like me look at me too. we're [ __ ] we're number we're seven. percent on Rotten Tomatoes. yeah yeah I don't mind when people no. but listen juice it people are gonna.
people are gonna love you even more who. really know you they're gonna love you. and then you're gonna have some haters. but I don't know what who gives what the. [ __ ] who cares yeah you just have to I. guess just be courageous and keep. stepping into like just being yourself. but stand up is such a thing where you. they want you to talk about your. personal life yeah so you have to give. more of yourself but you just have to. put yourself up for the judgment and. stuff but yeah because it's gonna happen. dude people are gonna love you and. dislike you oh so you you can't foresee. Animal Practice 17-17.
laughs. [Laughter]. pretty [ __ ] bad almost as bad as me. time almost especially you're right. except a lot of people saw our movie. yeah and I I literally I thought that. was going to be a cultural phenomenon. but only six people rated it I literally. thought this is gonna change that's even. more embarrassing. critics yeah what does that go up to.
popular TV on tomato oh wait did I have. my photo down there please no yeah yeah. they do doctor I hate that photo of You. by the way yeah I hate that photo. because it's like a it's like a fat. weird care it looks like a caricature of. you it's not even you I like your hair. though thank you I think it's cool and. crazy no do you think he's Kim Wheatley. that no he Bobby's to the left oh sorry. my bad yeah people are gonna throw shade. also people are gonna love you because. of how [ __ ] great you are but also. you can't foresee how things are gonna.
change we don't know what the business. is gonna do like for instance 20 years. ago. um I never thought that podcasting was. ever going to be a thing yeah right so I. was always just doing stand up and. thinking that it wasn't even in my. reality right and then after a while. you're like oh I think I'm just gonna be. on a road comic I mean this is really. and then podcasting became a thing and. then I did that and it kind of restarted. a lot of elements of my career you know. so you don't know what's in the future.
just go with the flow adapt. right and change yeah then eventually. you'll start making shitty movies that's. when you know you made it yeah wait do. you see this guy's taking shots at us. all day all day. you know I'm you know let me back myself. up a little bit okay. I'm a really funny [ __ ] in that. movie and you know what I'm gonna do. fancy and I said this at the Press day. which I don't think Netflix liked but I. was like someone was like you know. what what should you tell people about.
the movie and I was like only watch my. scenes and then press guy was like what. I was like I'm gonna on Instagram I'm. gonna time code only my scene so you can. just jump through to watch just me yeah. dick when I went to meet that commercial. agent he was telling me about how Bobby. was the king back in the day booking. commercials and how one time you booked. this commercial for Maxwell coffee and. the role was literally for a white guy. in a suit and Bobby booked it and he. asked you what were you wearing for the. audition you were dressed just like you.
are now. the descriptions we want an older Brad. Pitt in a turtleneck right and he's. gonna be chopping wood in the forest I. see it right yeah and I and he and I go. submit me. and and my agent go he's Korean. and he goes you're not gonna submit me. you know why because there was no. dialogue and when there's no dialogue in. commercial auditions they ask you what.
was your weekend like. there's no auditions they just want to. see what you're because because the. whole commercials to me just drinking. coffee on a thing right so they'll just. ask you like what was your weekend and I. knew that I would be able to kill with. my words yeah so I just knew that I. would be able to win them over with just. talking yeah so any and I don't care. what a big fat black lady. do you think you're gonna get that yeah. okay. what's wrong. I was just. what's your attitude right now I was.
thinking about something else what were. you thinking about. when she had said that you used to like. kill it back in the day. when she said that it made me feel a. type of way because it was like Bobby. was the king of commercials yeah no I. know and then and then I felt this thing. where I was like that's right dude my. best friend was the king but then I. looked at you and I was like. but the king Has Fallen. yeah why did you set me up because you.
don't do commercials no more but you. know the way she said it she was just. like Dad I had to take his crown away. yeah the Crown's gone because he didn't. know where he was he started to forget. what room he was in. foreign. that's how she said it. that is exactly how you said that's how. you said it you set me up for failure my. yeah. yeah so sweet my bad to the guillotine. to the guillotine burn this witch. oh my God oh my God this is what we.
talked about France no oh give it to me. give it to me give it to me this is what. we talked about last week okay you said. you wanted an array of sunflower seeds. from the studio yeah so we got. sweet and salty. jumbo jalapeno sweet and spicy a ridge. black crack cracked buffalo style Ranch. Barbecue dill pickle we got it all wow. thank you most importantly yeah. I want to try those this is not an ad. but my God yeah this these are these are.
taste cookies I bragged about this last. time Tates makes the best but these are. the blueberry ones I brought these for. the staff at the comedy store because I. love them so much I want to see if. they're as good as you say they are go. ahead and I'm gonna be real go ahead be. real all right because I love cookies. cheers all right so here I go. [Music]. that's how you know he was the king of. commercials look at that look at that.
[Music]. you know what okay I have to admit I. have to admit. [Music]. out of all the cookies I've ever had in. my lifetime no yes okay okay in fact I. just went to boa yesterday and I got. their fresh cook. this is the best bite that was the first. the best first bite I've ever had one. game the blueberry the blueberry you.
could smell you can smell it you know. what it is the blueberry is soft but. it's but the Cookie's still crispy cook. crispy cookies can I say this can I say. this yeah. real real that's real blueberry baby. that's not fake no fake no this ain't no. fake three [ __ ] berries this is a. real [ __ ] Berry dude Wow real. blueberries yeah yeah dude that voice. you just did is the [ __ ] that's a. commercial yeah you're gonna book.
that was your commercial audition oh God. how do they get them so crispy and the. blueberries to be so soft. how does that do that because these are. these are crispy and the butter it's a. buttery cookie yeah yeah. um what makes what makes the cookies so. deeply delicious it's something we call. the bake shop way wow no can we can we. talk about now the thing I told you. yesterday yeah let's move okay.
Untold Stories the woman the girl that. didn't exist Untold Untold Sports. documentary series I love they're all. great and let me tell you something what. the the brocker way the brothers that do. that yeah I couldn't be bigger fans of. they're so trying to sit with these guys. yeah because they did my favorite. documentary of all time which I told you. about I know you don't give a [ __ ] about. baseball but the batter Bastards of. Baseball is the best documentary about. sports I think I've ever seen in my life. it's about being Russell Kurt Russell's. father who bought a baseball team oh wow.
dude okay I'll watch it oh is it an. untold story ah it's an Untold no it's. it's the same guys that made that Untold. is just a series this was just a. singular documentary before all right so. this Untold about Manti tale it's called. the girlfriend that did you know about. this. was an incredible uh incredible football. player that played at University of. Notre Dame a very from Hawaii he's from. Hawaii Mormon and he was Mormon and. they're a Catholic hardcore it's a.
Christian College that's known that's. rooted in Catholicism it's it's in the. midwest it's that's their whole thing is. a fish out of water there well now he's. a church kid but he's a Mormon church. he's a star. he's a star on the Notre band Notre Dame. Bane it is yeah Notre Bane. I don't think it's an order it's Notre. Bane Notre Dame. Notre Dame Notre Dame Dame is a woman. Notre bang baseball. football he played basketball it's. baseball Notre Dame football team right.
he's a star right yeah he's a great. linebacker correct defensive tackle. right defensive whatever he is he's in. the backside. defensive. anyway a big star right and then his. grandma dies right and then hours later. his girlfriend dies. right and then he has to play this game. they're suicide no they're not together. juicy is the best juicy is the best that. would be a great story Grandma. girlfriend murder yeah I don't think. that's ever happened but who did what.
right be tight if the grandmother was. like [ __ ] [ __ ] they'll try yeah yeah. man no uh good luck on your game out. there. he was basically mantatea was was. essentially catfished before catfishing. even existed this girl this girl that. killed her himself that his girlfriend. didn't wasn't real it was a it was a it. was a man who uh this is the this that's.
the man well first of all this is the. this is when and they say it in. documentary. when this person I know let me explain. when this person did you go to a. different photo than this one oh that's. the one it is her all right it's her now. but then she was a man when she was. catfishing the football player the guy. in the top left this person was a man. when this was going on and it only met. her online or something he never met her. he never met this guy's let me explain. catfish this guy this guy this girl this.
girl now was a guy pretended to be a. girl online using someone else's photos. Okay catfish sister this guy took photos. from somebody else's account and. pretended to be a girl by the name of. Lele. some [ __ ] Leilani okay I'm following now. right and and then they developed a. relationship so Monty that was the guy. that's the guy that's before she was a. woman yeah yeah so [ __ ] complicated I. know it's impossible to talk about it.
without someone being like what is it. what are you saying I'm trying yeah yeah. this person is someone else now they're. a different person they go by a. different [ __ ] name this dude who. happens to be gay. is he gay. see another twist yeah I don't know I. don't know yeah yeah I don't I don't. want to make assumptions she didn't say. what she is now yeah I don't dude. honestly so did. she faked her death yes fake to death. because and then she says well she. pretends to be her brother calls mantai.
and says she has leukemia and she's. dying it's crazy she dies but here's the. twist. ESPN everyone goes man Ty's girlfriend. dies and a grandmother does huge news. right and it's like the story of this. guy still winning and you know I mean. and still participating in the sport and. killing it and this and that and then. the girl calls them four months later. and says I'm alive yeah and here's the.
deal I got chills who released the. article dead spin yeah yeah and dead. spit basically expose it as fake but. here was what was wild. the media this was also you have to. remember this is what this is probably a. this is the 2009. so it would have been. the 12 the 2012 season oh my bad 2012. okay yeah I was three years off sorry no. no you're no no but essentially what was. going on in the media was they were like. because he was catfished and they found. out it was from this guy. that the media was like he's gay and.
he's just afraid to be gay and he's not. but the media was like yeah he is this. is what he's hiding he's hiding that. he's gay and he was supposed to be like. the first round draft pick and he wasn't. right he and he still went pro he did go. pro he played it didn't pan out he. didn't pan out the way it should have. politics how to play. well here was the problem this is. something I said I think I said to you. over the phone when when you said you. were like have to watch it I was like. this is one of those times when you know. when people say like language is getting. woke and [ __ ] today yeah that it's a.
good thing because you look back and you. go the whole media ESPN was like I bet. he's a secret homo no I mean seriously. and they were all laughing about it and. because there wasn't people to go hey. man you can't just throw that [ __ ] out. there at people like that for no [ __ ]. reason yeah because what it did was it. [ __ ] with his psyche because he was. like I'm not gay well I just got [ __ ]. over by the internet it ruined him and. everybody was like yeah you are before. we got conscious over like just making. up [ __ ] about people can what it do to.
them and hurt them this guy had nothing. to do with it he got catfish they say he. was naive and stupid and Blub people. said all sorts of mean [ __ ] dude it's. just an innocent guy that got [ __ ]. over and Fell in Love on the internet. how not weird is that every loser I'm. friends with now falls in love with. people on the internet constantly. what. can I ask a question yeah yeah. um I mean he's developed this. relationship with a woman well he. thought it was a woman I know that he's. been dating.
for how long a year well here's the. problem here's another big hole I'm. asking I'm just asking questions let me. answer all right the whole story is like. they would take weeks off and not speak. right and then sometimes they would. speak a bunch and then not again you. gotta remember there's a college kid who. plays football but there was a lot of. incidents like um she's like let's. FaceTime he'd be like let's face time. and it wouldn't work and and on her end. it wouldn't work after the eighth time. you don't go there's something weird no. but here's why we say that you're privy. to cat this is both pre-catfish. catfishing wasn't happening like it is.
now when it happens now and people don't. get it I'm like what's wrong with you. right but that I'm giving the bit of the. I started following on Instagram and I. say he's your inspiration I'm just. saying then it didn't exist so nobody. [ __ ] knew that that was a thing that. you could he hasn't followed me back yet. but yeah well because Bobby's profile. picture is Andrew. but let me ask you this though right how. long would it would I be able to cut if. let's say you were single. yeah but in the current day and age I. would be weary of all this stuff this.
guy had no [ __ ] but how long would. you last you think right now let's say I. lived in Baltimore and I'm the hottest. chick you've ever seen and we're we're. talking online right how long would you. wait what's your name lilililia. save the name how old are you Gloria my. name is Gloria Gloria how old are you. I'm 28. nice what do you do I work at an. insurance firm. oh you're an insurance sales no I'm at. secretary right now for Montgomery oh. okay insurance. oh yeah. um how did you find out about me I'm a.
huge fan I I saw your special thanks and. um I'm a huge fan of Dave oh me too very. cool I like Ada more me too yeah gate is. good same yeah yeah Dave's good too but. you're like my fifth favorite would that. be third or who's two there's three more. I don't know their names oh yeah but. when they come on I'm like oh that's. cool cool all right have a good day oh. that's it well that would be all right. let's uh you're my favorite guy on Dave. in fact you know what I saw me time. and I literally only watched it because. you I mean that movie was horrendous but.
when you come out you just spark it just. Sparks and it's like wow what a scene. stealer sick yeah and also I'm just you. know. I was adopted. that's right I sent you a picture. of what. I don't know you tell me oh. is that of your food oh you penis your. peter sweet penis penis penis penis. penis. oh we gotta put a butthole picture in. there yeah butthole yeah actually I sent. you pictures of me jerking off so one.
week. I'm gonna play really fast. so there's no way that would happen like. you you wouldn't develop a relationship. with somebody from Baltimore no I would. want to meet you in person if I'm single. and I'm looking to [ __ ] meet you I. would I would want to meet you I don't I. just but this is now and now is. different than than it wasn't a thing no. one knew that was I think I'm getting. catfished then are you serious. well there's I don't know if I should. talk about this I don't want to get in. trouble is she from Baltimore no yeah.
yeah and it was Gloria no. well there's a couple of incidents and I. haven't done anything you know I'm. single now or I haven't done anything. right but there's a couple instances. where a couple of girls like if you're. in Vegas give me a call and I have their. numbers that catfishing no because if. you're in Vegas give them a call just be. careful if you want to go meet them. because why what would happen I don't. know they could rob you or something. yeah I think I've happened a friend of. mine Vegas though yeah you don't want to. just go meet strangers from no I would. definitely do like a crowded place and. bring a bodyguard or something.
yeah I would do a crowded players like. let's meet at the Bellagio that's a good. movie though Bobby goes to meet some. ladies in Vegas and gets kidnapped and. we gotta go save him I know but would we. say that's yeah I would you know that's. it yeah because we're playing ourselves. right so no but I would have so much to. do and cancel just to get out there and. you know what that is plot baby that's. yeah right yeah I got stuff going I'm in. the middle of shooting the third season. of Dave you get canceled out there I.
can't captured you get wait wait a. second wait a second that would mean if. I'm. if I disappeared and you're shooting. Dave you wouldn't take a week off and go. oh my schedule's nuts you wouldn't take. a week off. what I would pay someone to go find you. I guess I'm alone. ever who pay imagine you have doorstop. you have the store you got to work at. the store you can't give up those Carlos. I think I could give up some shifts to.
save you know I honestly believe that. Carlos would yeah I honestly believe you. wouldn't you wouldn't give a [ __ ] you're. being annoying and you know I would if I. would go way out of my way you would you. would cancel would you lose your job at. Dave no. you wouldn't be honest lose my job if it. happened like let's let's suppose I'm. captured by some guys in Vegas the. bamboo boys the bamboo boys they got you. right yeah and they're like you know. uh Andrew quit Dave or Bobby's dad.
we're gonna do it we're gonna see it in. The Hollywood Reporter that you quit. because and you're trying to say you. guys want me to quit the show just to. kill him. I don't know that's we get off on it. oh boy guys. come on man I I the gun's loaded and I'm. like Andrew I think they're [ __ ]. serious about it I think they are too oh. my God. no no hold on hold on hold on okay okay.
let me talk to the leader let me talk to. the leader hey dude what's going on what. what's up how are you pretty cool pretty. good why your answer no no I'm bamboo. boy bamboo boy listen yeah. you don't want to kill my friend. I have somebody else you can kill oh his. name is fancy B. I hate him I know you do if I bring him. to you will you let my friend Bobby yeah. but you gotta bring him now I'll be. there right now all right I'm getting a. private jet. fancy yeah here he is the switch and.
then they kill him they kill me and they. kill you. and I get away with the money damn it. this movie sucks really sucks okay um. juicy you go ahead and sign us off. thank you for being a bad friend you're. a baby. [Music].
