Bobby's Existential Crisis | Ep 48 | Bad Friends

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because george asked us to is it patreon. no we don't have a patreon please. subscribe. do it you two are bad friends who are. these two idiots you two. are disgusting oh you two or something. we're bad. friends welcome back to the double black. play jam i'm here with rudy and. bobby lee rudy rudy rudy didn't talk at. all last episode yeah you know why. because you brought in a dog and she had.

to control the dog who's whining the. poor pup was whining and crying the. whole time i know we have. um the whole house right now is um dogs. animal farm it's an animal farm it's. driving me crazy. are you [ __ ] parking barking barking. barking barking how many are you. fostering. you right now look very mormon your hair. very christian. very religious me i don't like it i. really yeah your hair i don't like it. it looks too you look so like you know. uh knock knock knock. yeah would you like to hear about. jehovah can i tell you about jesus. christ and i don't like it can i tell.

you about jesus. tell me about him he's the savior i know. he is let me tell you what he did for. you what. you know what can i say something about. that is no one's ever trying to save me. well you're unsavable why is that i've. seen i've. walked through malls people look at you. and they go can't save that guy. there's no way to save you you've gotta. i can't be saved no no no no i wanna be. true. try they're not gonna i wanna be safe i. have a soul. save me baby look you're saved you've. already saved yourself. no but i i what you went to rehab you. already saved yourself.

no but i just and they can smell that. strangers look at me like if i'm like. one time i was in san antonio yeah and. there was a man handing out. pamphlets and you know little pamphlets. yeah. you're right and i and i was walking by. and people were getting pamphlets from. him. with the lord jesus and i took my hand. out. and he didn't do nothing yeah no. pamphlet nego's not gonna help with you. why. i don't know that's like the guys in. vegas the mexican guys that hit the. hooker cards you know. i never get them from them they don't. they think i'm not or like star maps of.

people. oh yeah the star maps people they never. try to get me a map do you know how fun. this would be if me and you pretended to. know star man we should do a fake star. maps. when when when pandy's over yeah and. take people to houses that aren't real. can i say something. why would i care where marlon brando. lives dude. you're you you've lived in southern. california your whole life right. and then. you [ __ ] european goon shut your. [ __ ] mouth what did he say the.

cemetery i don't know the cemetery he's. dead. marlon brandon he's not dead oh that's. not he's not dead he's not dead. yeah one of the greatest actors of our. generation you know who i found out. i was watching coming to america tonight. with the part two. part one oh no the original but it some. of the jokes are so bad you're like. some of this is not funny it's so funny. because some of it's really funny yeah. and some of it's just not. funny sexual chocolate's funny hilarious. sexual chocolate. but then when they go looking for girls. at the beginning oh yeah it's not funny.

it's not funny you're just like and. because the one girl's like. lighting her hand on fire and she's like. uh you know i'm possessed by the devil. yeah and they're like next and you're. like what it was some of it's not. some of it when eddie's doing the. characters it's the best the whole movie. should have been him. interacting with himself all the time. right like every stranger should have. been an eddie murphy character it's also. funny that movie. there's one guy that didn't have a very. big scene and at the time. he didn't know that he'd be a bigger. star than all of them arsenio hall. no no who samuel jackson isn't that's.

crazy isn't that crazy yeah that is. because. because he played the crack addict in. there he's a crackhead yeah yeah at the. mcdonald's or something. mcdonald's mcdowell's right yeah he goes. crazy right yes. and he probably at the time right god. damn i got [ __ ]. again 12 lines again again right and. then all of a sudden like he owns the. world. well it's the same thing with uh that. chris rock in the in that movie um. oh that was great when he put the crack. at him yeah why can't i think about what. movie was that. he was pretty good in that when he goes. i got changed for 100 yeah that was. really good yeah. his lips were all i remember watching.

him called ashley and. cracked out yeah because the guy goes uh. how much for how just how much would. just one rehab. yeah yeah yeah and he goes got changed. he's like what up. you grew up watching black films huh. yeah yeah yeah. anyway no i was gonna say i was watching. i was watching watching the movie and. james earl jones you know who plays. his father yeah king kufi kanan whatever. his name is i was like. is he still alive and i bet my old lady. cash do you think he's still alive or. not yes or no oh he's still alive. well you're taking i'm not going to say.

i'm not going to tell you until. everybody answers it. so what what part is it again adam. wasn't listening what. i was always saying is james earl john. we made a better fame james was still. alive. james earl jones is alive so you you. think so or you know so. to me he is okay do you think he's still. alive or he's dead he doesn't know who. he is i know that's the best part. um he's dead okay great what do you. think george. dad what do you think andres he's alive. he is alive. i know he's alive andres get off your. phone he's do you know why i know he's.

alive because you just worked with him. recently. no that's not what yes i would never. work with him really yeah you would. never work with jesus. they would never put me in anything with. him and that's the right way to say it. that's what i. wanted to say yeah you said it came out. weird it came out weird you said i would. know. but i'm such a huge james earl jones you. know what else a movie he was in. that no no no one's not you're even. aware of well he's the voice of lion. king. he's the voice of the father and i. understand that he's also darth vader. yes yeah of course everybody knows that. he's another thing that he was that. people don't know what he was in the.

movie um. doctor strangelove as what he was in the. um. airplane in the beginning of the movie. like he was one of like the pilots you. know he was one of the guys in the pilot. yeah. he was yeah he's a yeah here's another. thing i have to try. another thing that um people don't know. huh go ahead keep talking people don't. realize that laura's finished lauren's. finished burn. i think people do know that i think. people do know that no. james earl jones yeah and dr strangelove.

wow well it came up so fast oh. right no don't go right all of a sudden. i don't know where. right i said he was the i said the pilot. look at this look at this guy this is. brick glass but a better rick last man. yeah here we go hold on. music we probably can't huh one of the. funniest movies ever made i think. dr strangelove yeah i laughed so hard on. this movie look at how bad that plane uh. cgi is. he'll come up in a second which one is. he he's not the white guy obviously you.

[ __ ]. what do you mean he's not white i'm i'm. flying one line you. there is there he is there he is that. was it that was him. so now he was a pilot i said he was one. of the little he is in the movie. yeah and i still watching it you know it. went there's james earl jones. he's so talented he's everything he and. yes of course i watch black films did. you watch all the black films when you. were working. what he sounds like when when you're. making love when he comes oh. what if when he comes he goes yeah he. gets real high.

[Music]. you think he says that i don't know when. he shoots. anyway look i watched i watched curl. coming to america. yoda coming would be weird. what would he say i don't i don't know. you will be. i don't know what he would say but am i. just yeah but he. he came i just yeah but i think um. his calm would be like a little piece of. sea would would come out if.

i feel like i feel like a little him. comes out of his penis like a little. another a little baby yoda. yeah like a little yoda comes out it's. like more liquid form yeah it's more. goopy yeah right almost bodyless but you. could see the little. boneless boneless yeah oh boneless my. boneless yoda. am i bad you're boneless yeah it's late. and i i sometimes it's okay i'm saying. do you like boneless wings or do you. like uh bone-in wings when you eat. chicken wings yeah i don't. i don't like the bone the reason why i. don't like bone is because um.

i don't eat i don't eat it right and. kalila and this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]. right here. hey hey be nice it's a new year what'd i. get you for christmas. the cave um the rug anime rug. yeah we heard the rug yeah i got your. rug anyway um whenever i eat. bone the bone right bone wings wings. with bone well anything with bone. like a boxing bone. yeah your your white privilege the way.

you eat that. what does that even mean because i don't. eat like the cartilage. and you know what i mean you eat right. like a white. part you know what i mean crunch on the. [ __ ] i'm on your ligament i don't. need to eat that that's like. nice meat parts you [ __ ] animal yeah. you animals savage. yeah you're not you know it's like when. we eat fish with my mom. she eats the brain and the eyes and wow. yeah i just eat the body. like the body yeah but they do say the. other stuff has the most protein in it. good call dude you know you eat all of.

it don't you. yeah savage savage savage yeah they eat. um. and it's like this animal right here i. cuz every night i order um postmates no. i know it's sometimes i go to. good places or sometimes grubhub. all the time yeah. it was a joke guys so what you no you. order food every night. right so i'll go to like um i'll go you. know what tonight i'll go to morton's. something like that is that how often do.

you get morton. every other week maybe would you like. steak cold. it's not that it's just the idea that i. can money-wise. i just do yeah yeah yeah you flex a. little. yeah on who on kalila and rudy oh you. know. yeah does she ever pay for delivery no. but i'll always go. what do you want she'll go i she goes. don't worry about it i'll eat my own. you'll eat your own wife and i'll go. what do you eat leftovers. we have leftover food like something.

like we'll get like. two months ago some vietnamese guy will. randomly come over. who's this guy all right get this guy. that's a goliath's friend he's white. he's white yeah you think he's. vietnamese yeah he'll come over and go. hey. he'll go and give us this is a. restaurant by my house i bought you food. and i'll take two bites just to be. courteous right yeah and then i'll just. put it in the fridge. and then she'll eat it two months later. like an animal. not two months how long two weeks. two weeks is fine i think it's two weeks.

dude i think food in the fridge can last. a couple of weeks. what kind of meat it's cooked right yeah. it's like. no not two weeks what kind of food is. there too what food is it. anything like she'll eat anything that's. like yeah. they survived dude but they're surviving. her good food. like anything you know what i mean she. wants and she's like no i don't want it. and then like yesterday i asked her she. got i don't want to i got my. and then lately then i come downstairs. and she's like. in the corner you know she eats like in.

a corner for some reason. covered up she just has this like hunchy. thing. she's a punchy thing right and she you. know and she also sits on the chair like. this. does she really yeah like a gargoyle. she's like a gargoyle. and she sits there like that and she so. when you walk in the room her back's. turned. it's always dim light dude you're a. horror movie yeah yeah it's like a. diplomat right right a horror movie. she's. eating something like what the [ __ ] is. she eating right and i go what are you. eating she goes. i got mcdonald's i go. but i an hour ago you know i mean i was.

going to order you better. something better yeah no she got my. chocolate she better on her own i don't. think you'd like. taking things from me like you think. that i'm gonna like hold it over you for. some reason. no if i'm gonna order food for myself i. don't i would like to. i'll order for everybody yeah right. don't be like a [ __ ]. gargoyle i'm not what did you get from. mcdonald's a. fried chicken burger ice cream and. nuggets. a fried chicken bur you mean a chicken. sandwich yeah.

she's in school a frog so you get a. fried chicken sandwich nuggets. and ice cream what kind of ice cream the. chocolate sundae. chocolate sauce wow they're pretty good. no they're so good i know. mcdonald's though the breakfast i can't. give it up the wendy's was it the freeze. what what that freezer oh the oh the. frosty forget about it [ __ ] me i'll eat. it right now. suck it suck it right now suck it right. now do you hear 101 cafe close down. permanently forever never coming back.

good that you know what's so funny. everyone was being like sweet online. like oh man i used to go hang out there. all the time. i mean we would go after shows yeah but. like. i was also like it was the most. expensive diner i ever went to it was. like nine bucks for eggs. no but you know what you're right i have. good memories there yeah there's some. memories that i had. so that's where i'm at david cho really. yeah i. i was sitting there he was a cook there. huh david cho was cooking at. one-on-one cafe that's david chang. you're thinking same guy no.

david chang is the [ __ ] chef david. chose the artist the artists are chefs. i know but did you get them confused. yeah yeah yeah i just don't pay. attention to asians and also. asian and artists that's an oxymoron. multi-million dollar um. artist there's a lot of asians that are. multi-millionaires david cho. street artist oh i do know who this is. yeah you do no yeah i do know that okay. anyway but i like david chang. david cho i was i see this guy and he's. dressed like a um. i i a warlock and it's not halloween.

he's literally dressed like a warlock. walking down in the 101 cafe. late at night and and you could i can. tell when they're korean. well you guys can smell each other right. isn't there like a there's got to be. something that gives you an. of everything you say no no i mean like. you guys internally like i know when. there's another. like you think i smell like lychee fruit. um no. you have an internal thing but you have. this pudgy kind of face that i. yeah the look that i like yeah i mean so. i go.

and he sat next to me just sat right oh. you were up at the singles. yeah you know i'm the artist you got. david shaw oh yeah yeah and he goes. you're comedian right yeah and then i. then he goes i have a podcast with asa. akira. the porn star porn star yeah and so. kalaila and i did it and that's how we. started tiger belly. that was the beginning yeah because we. we were a regular on david cho's podcast. and then it was called dvd asa. and they um they one day just decided. not to do it anymore. and then mean clown let's just start our. own how long did yeah you grabbed.

a little bit of their audience because. well that makes sense because it was a. korean and. a porn star and you're a korean and. collab is a porn star i understand that. that transition makes sense you picked. up where they left off when you attack. my my family. shut up don't roll your eyes and the way. you roll your eyes is so. [ __ ] it's so like um 80s drama. you i can't even do what you do you roll. both of them up and you i can't even do. it. it's like you know your eyes don't go. that way your eyes don't go up there no. it's just. dumb this is why it's so obvious this is.

my privilege. yeah i hate it i hate it um that's wild. that david showed a podcast. how long did they do it for he did a lot. why asakira i wonder because they're. friends. did she still do porn she's some i think. but she has a kid now and she lives in a. different state. you know there was a comic that dated a. porn star i don't want to say her name. um and she stopped doing porn for a long. time and i just saw online.

you know in your twitter's like. suggestions of people that you're. friends with that front yeah and i. suggested her again and she's doing porn. again. i really am always interested in why. they go back because once you quit don't. you think you've got to get out. like that's kind of like you don't go. back into the arena. i feel like once you're done you're done. yeah once you quit porn it'd be hard to. be like i'm gonna come back. there was a comic named thomas award. thomas ward i don't know. i never knew him this is before your. time yeah and i did open mics with. thomas. right and then um you know he he looked. just like bill cosby in fact.

yeah he did um some parody bill cosby. porn. you know how they say you know what i. mean yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like. he played cosby. yeah and so i was like yeah yeah so i'd. be at the porn star and i would see. him on the cover of this parody porn. bill cosby thing. and in my head right i'm like oh he's. just doing comedy like he's doing an. impression. in the porno do you think he's like a. comedian not in porn no he's. playing bill cosby in a porn where. everyone else is [ __ ] him oh you.

think he's not happy he's not you know i. mean. in it he's a comic no he's like he's in. it. yeah he's in it and um i remember going. he's pretty good he was good huh yeah i. remember going. oh you know because sometimes you dread. it yeah even if i see like. a comic in a movie or tv show that. didn't think it was an actor. and i get relieved like oh they're. pretty good like nick yous. i was on a show called animal practice. and um with the monkey with the monkey. and nick and nick youssef.

got a part in it oh he could help him. with the audition or whatever okay. but he i couldn't believe they hired him. like i remember the cast return going. oh yeah we heard of that guy nick what. do what do you mean because he did a bad. i don't know i don't know i never knew. him as an actor i just knew him as a. comic. right oh yeah so i remember being on set. right and i know. he was his scene was after the one of. the scenes i was in. it's like i'll decide to stay and i was. behind the monitor right. and as soon as he opened his mouth i. just left. why because i'm like oh he knows what. he's doing oh right you were worried at.

first i was worried at first but he knew. what he was doing and i. was like all right did you think it was. going to reflect badly on you no. because you didn't get him the role i i. did give i'm. going to name his name because he hates. me but i did get one guy. so there's one guy that asked me please. say his name i can't please there's a. war and he wants to murder me all right. we'll look at me right now say it and. we'll bleep it out. go. [Laughter]. okay you know him yeah what do you do. what do you what'd you do. for the why he's mad at me yeah no i. don't want to get i don't want to redo.

that. all right well go ahead well then talk. about it again don't do it don't roll. your eyes again. your 80s [ __ ] that's my white. privilege yeah see you on the slopes. chang really good thanks. so um i go i was on mad tv and i go um. you know be great for this part someone. saw i said to the casting director the. guy yeah. and she goes yeah i don't know him i'll. i'll call him he'll come in and i go. i'll sit in the room with him. i was like when he's auditioning i'll. just be in the room right.

so um i sit next to uh the casting. director. and where's he up you have a piece of. paper yeah. so like i'm sitting there he comes in as. soon as he walks in. i went in my mind i'm like uh oh. why because of his vibe no he was just. just devastating. nervousness oh he was obviously yeah. yeah like he was like. his face was going. he was so nervous right and i was just.

like. i was just like holy [ __ ]. right why were you in there because he. was my friend i would see it when. someone see him on this see that's where. the casting writer should have made you. leave i know i shouldn't have been there. no. that's nice i regret it i regret it i'll. go. comfortable yeah yeah i didn't anyway so. i go all right well let's i just wanted. to get her over with all right so just. go right and he picks up the script like. this right the sides right. always be off book by the way yeah yeah. i always have it but i have memorized. sure. and he does this.

he's so nervous he's so nervous is the. thing is going like this right you can. hear it. yeah yeah and or i mean normally like a. cathedral would be like. okay thank you right or you want to go. out and prepare or or something. right they would say i just want keep. going let's do it let's finish. right let's finish it just want to get. rid of him and it just got worse and. worse. and worse and he couldn't get a word out. right and we were up there. probably 45 minutes because i wanted to. get something on tape.

wait so you kept trying yeah we kept. trying and he's just sweating. you know what i mean and just shaking. can we call him no no. he hates me and then i and then i called. him and then i told him. i think i go i'm such a piece of [ __ ] i. go. you did pretty we're gonna go but i said. i said we're gonna go with it in a. different direction. right but you almost got it dude so mean. yeah yeah that's so good. really yeah yeah it was just it was you.

yeah it's just that yeah because we know. the other. actress in it and i just you know i. don't think the chemistry's right but. it's not you personally yeah it was just. no you know what is the va it was just. yeah. didn't work this time better help oh god. golly gee. mighty all me hey is something. interfering with your happiness bob. because because there was let me tell. you something right now man the pandemic. oh golly golly gosh. got me down they got me down and you. know what saved my life. better help yeah you start communicating.

in under 48 hours it's great it's not a. question it really has helped me it. saved my life i love my therapist. through their um. um you could start communicating under. 48 hours as you said. they did and um but it's not a crisis. line i don't know if you know that i did. say that it's not self-help either. no yeah it's professional counseling. done securely on the line. it's a broad range of expertise and uh. all jokes aside bob and i both use this. we both highly recommend it i think. therapy is extremely important for. everybody to use. we could all use some some of us me. could use more than others uh. they're committed to facilitating great.

they're not you obviously they match you. up. with the right person yeah it's great. yeah and and by the way. it's a lot cheaper i've gone to multiple. different very. varying levels of therapy it's. significantly more affordable than. the traditional version right the other. one is a little pricey. for my book yeah they want to start they. want you start living a happier life. today. uh bobo and i want you to be happy. during a tough time visit their website. read the testimonials. from tons of people at betterhelp.com. reviews. uh but go to betterhelp.com bad friends.

at help help. join the other a million people who have. taken charge of their mental health with. the help of an experienced professional. right bob. yeah all right give him the special. offer what is it we're giving them a. special offer. is to bad friends listeners get 10 off. your first month. at betterhelp.com bedfriends that's. right for our bad friends listener 10. off first month betterhelp.com bad. friends liquidity. hey guess what what seasons are changing. yeah the leaves are falling and uh we. all. uh we all need to make adjustments in. our lives you know what i don't know.

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friends i can't i can't say this guy's. name because. here we go he's a friend he's a friend. he listens to this show he's a friend. yeah. and uh he was auditioning for a movie. uh that a friend of ours was making. and it was in one of those you ever go. into those audition rooms or those it's. like a it's like a commercial office. and it's a ton of rooms it's like seven. rooms and there's they're auditioning in. like all of them right. and most of the time they're closed off. in their wallet well this had. it was glass it was like it's like an. office you could see right into it.

and he's sitting there he he does the. audition and he kills he's so [ __ ]. funny he's a super funny dude yeah. and then he gets up and he's like all. right well thank you like he was so. confident he was so stoked. that he killed he's like thank you and. they were like thank you he's like take. it easy. and didn't turn and right into the glass. in front of everybody just smashes his. face. yeah yeah and then he's like well up up. up up that was that would have. but it was like a it was like a oh my. god are you okay like it was like.

i would have to i would have been like i. would have died if i did that. he laughed okay good no but i mean they. were concerned he hit it so hard. right he's also a big guy so it wasn't. like boom it was like. i mean he shook the [ __ ] glass yeah. so they were like oh dude are you okay. yeah his face is a pure red from hitting. the window. and any and you know what the worst part. was he didn't he didn't get in the movie. he didn't get it no it was it was just. because they didn't it didn't work out. but he deserved to be in there yeah he. deserved to get. be in it it just it wasn't they weren't. going to happen have you ever walked.

into like. the lobby of an audition and and. thought oh i should just leave i mean. almost every time i've done it no but. you see who's in the room. yeah i'll give you one yeah i'm not. gonna name the casting director because. she's famous and i've. i i've gone for her like one time and. i'm talking like i'm going up against. like actual famous people like very. famous people i have literally no chance. shia labeouf is there oh yeah why am i. there yeah yeah why literally why am i. there. yeah yeah i see shia labeouf outside. smoking reading lines.

in the patio area yeah if you know what. i'm talking about you know and. i have to go up a couple of stairs i'm. nervous seeing shia labeouf. is this place though in um let me just. ask you this just a little bit. is it in santa monica area or is it in. in echo park no santa monica i know it. is yeah. yeah south place is a nightmare so i. have to go up the stairs at least it's a. nightmare it is. and you you can see through the stairs. you know stairs that happened i hate. that place. and i'm walking up the stairs and i see. shiloh and i'm kind of staring at him. smoking yeah yeah the door is opening. someone's leaving.

i trip on the top stairs i'm not kidding. i trip on the top stair yeah and in my. mind i'm like go back to your car go. back to your car go back to your car. i was like just leave yeah i just leave. i want i do i was so and they all saw me. yeah he looked up he was smoking looked. up like oh is that. is that idiot red-headed guy okay yeah. and everyone looked out there oh my god. and i sat there like just i mean you. know what dripping with sweat because. you're just. i'm so embarrassed i those feelings of i. should have just gone and you know what. i should have gone home. yeah of course i didn't get it yeah of. course why was i there.

yeah you know wendy o'brien i love wendy. o'brien one of the best. she's like in the business you know. she's put me in almost everything i've. done i've already she put me in davey. yeah i've auditioned 50 things for her. yeah not one thing i've ever. she's told me that not one thing she. told me that but. she's the one person where i went i'm. not gonna get it right. i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna kill it. and i'm not gonna get it. but i will go because she's so nice. because she's one of those people that. she'll bring you in. yeah because you deserve to be there.

yeah but it's not her final call the. casting directors don't have the final. call. i understand that bro i'm not gonna get. it. i i i ask klyla yeah every time i get. one from her. yeah we get you you have to drive what. on santa monica boulevard yeah. off what yeah well now she's uh kind of. industrial. in india yeah it's in a industrial park. right so whenever i park there and i go. there were times where i've walked out. of there and asked kalella i said i. think i got. it from wendy yeah didn't happen that. never happened let's give her a call. no don't call her i'm gonna call her.

right now please don't i like her so. much i don't do a door right now it's. late. hello wendy yeah wendy it's. it's it's santino as you know you're on. you're look you're on my podcast. and bobby wants just wants to ask you. something. oh hi bobby hi wendy how are you all i. did i was just watching harold and. kumar's christmas. oh my god residuals residuals for me for. you in your pocket. uh we were just saying that you're like. one of the best casting directors in la. and that we just love coming to see you. that's all. and what no what else did you say wendy. he needs to tell you something honestly.

what. what did i say he's a little upset that. after all these years. that he comes out to see you and then he. can't book with you. what is that no it's just that true i. have a picture of you with boobies. dream corp you had nice and i said oh. yeah i. dreamed i was in so you did book with. her yes i did so you lied. you lied to our fans okay oh can i just. say this though yeah all right. um number one i didn't know that you're. going to call one day i know that's why. i'm pushing yeah you are i'm partly kind. of because i love you so much i'm.

probably angry at you. good good good i'm like rageful almost. right yeah but also in paris. right yep and so um right now i'm going. to say thank you so much for dreamcore. uh wendy wendy i will read for you as. many. times as you want me to i love your. [ __ ] i love you so much you know. i love you and um wendy what he said was. we but we talked about you and he said. how much he really enjoyed you. and he was like i love her i'll read for. her no matter what that true truthfully. that's what. that's what he said he said no matter. what i go and i said she's my favorite. and i said well why don't we give her a. call and you can tell her how you feel.

i love it i literally was just like. watching you it was last. night two nights ago it came on i'd. never seen any of the heralding kimonos. before but. uh there you were and i only stayed. watching it because it's a scene with. you in the office and then. see thank you and i was like what's so. good you look so good in the face you. look so good. you're so good see you thank you thank. you so much wendy. and i got to tell you something um wendy. is uh when he's going to be casting. something huge and she said they need.

asians for it so i think. you might be in it wendy i'll let you go. we love you i love you very much. number one. [Laughter]. take the jacket off it's getting warm in. here anyway. honestly honest honestly no let me. finish she loves you. but tell the story honestly no i'm not. going to tell the story honestly i want. to say this. [Laughter]. honestly honestly honestly okay um.

rudy what's been going on with you. lately i'm fine. you're fine because you're acting a. little bit weird you've been coming here. acting really weird. huh yeah your vibe is strange no. i'm doing good you're doing very good. yeah all right we're going to catch up. with you in a second hold on bob you. ready. yeah say what you need to say go ahead. um. so and i'm going to just be completely. truthful with you. yeah remember that guy that you were. that you said you were going to go on a. date with. yeah what happened with that i ignored.

him. smart smart girl all right bob go ahead. go ahead papa you you. uh honestly please don't do that again. talk to rudy yeah why she's my face. because i was literally in a rage. i know i'm calming you down i was in a. rage no no and that's not helping. you trying to be me this year this year. that was. putting more fuel on the fire i got it. and i almost snapped. relax but don't do that again relax.

so tell go ahead get it out but don't do. that again. oh as someone who's been doing comedy. for 30 years. do not do that again when you say don't. what am i supposed to do if you do it. again. in comedy this long when you say don't. do it again if you do it again yeah i'm. gonna leave. yeah okay and then you'll have to roll. your eyes again. yeah all right okay. piece of [ __ ] garbage say it could.

you. bro you dude this is good you're not. true you're me this year and i'm using. what you broke my stomach is bubbling so. i don't give a. [ __ ] because i have bubble guts today. yeah yeah let me say something. you are on my last [ __ ] nerve right. now. it's just [ __ ] driving me. crazy with your [ __ ] attitude man. yeah right. you know i've dealt with your [ __ ]. for a [ __ ] year no you [ __ ]. everything you do i'm [ __ ] pure and.

simple. dude good guy okay i'm pure and simple a. good guy what had happened today that. you got in such a bad way. it doesn't matter you know when people. wake up and it's just a [ __ ] bad day. your life is great what i know it is. someone had a bad day. tell me what happened right but what i'm. just saying is is that i get in the car. i drive here. oh first of all our food comes at seven. [ __ ] 50. right because it's two hours late right. it's cold because it's outside. you know i mean all my [ __ ] soggy let me. don't keep that face.

wipe that face off your face man keep. that face up keep that face on your. jewels go down and get it. it doesn't come up for another 20. minutes and then so then it's now seven. she's rolled her eyes 750 i'm like if we. don't get in the car right now andrew's. gonna be mad at me because we're [ __ ]. late. let me see you roll your eyes oh it's. bad do it try it. yeah there we go yeah that was good so. um we're late right you're yeah you're. saying i'm going to be late we're going. to be late so i couldn't really even eat. the food because i was already getting. late what about ordering the food. earlier. we did we ordered it at six your food. didn't get there for an hour.

because from the other side of town it. was a lot big order right. came back soggy oh my god and so then i. um get in the car i come here. and i'm like i was doing like you know. just you know. just be mindful of andrew and be nice. and yeah. and then um i come in here and the. raging that. is still there but then it's like you. with your it started with your eyes. rolling back in the back of your head. that. that was like [ __ ] you know.

nagging me yeah it was yeah it was just. like. here's how good of a day you had you. woke up late in the day you sat around. and played video games then you ordered. food never played video games one time. not today nope wow that's why you're. pissed off. and that's not why why are you mad then. what could have happened today. wait what you know remember the the time. that you got all dizzy and you [ __ ]. hit your head on the thing. remember that [ __ ] move that you did oh. what can't [ __ ] you know i mean. like did i give a [ __ ] about that yeah. you did. i know but my point is no that is the.

point i know but the point is is that we. have weird days where we. no that wasn't a weird [ __ ] and we go oh. i'm dizzy we hit our head. on the [ __ ] thing so did you hit your. head on no i'm just saying we just had. you know so today was something. the catalyst today was my dizzy head day. yeah but had a catalyst. something was a catalyst no that was a. catalyst we i i you know. because when you say i had a bad day we. were watching a i woke up and. she was watching some it wasn't love. island but with some sort of mtv show. where a bunch of [ __ ]. reality kids are in an island.

and hawaii no just listen right and. they're like trying to match up with it. with each other love island. it's not love island it's american oh it. was that type of and then you know and i. was watching it. i did watch five episodes of it oh that. made you mad i don't know i was just. watching it and i was just kind of go i. didn't know. because it wasn't the first episode it. was like i saw episode four. on right so i don't know who's with what. and i don't know why this show is on. i don't know why there's interest right.

and i just see a bunch of. young good-looking people yeah you mean. go you're going. you know i don't know if johnny likes me. but i'm gonna [ __ ] his friend billy you. know i mean and then billy's just like. yeah. yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] savannah but you know. what dude it's like. i don't really like her you know margo's. my girl yeah yeah and it's like all of. this going on and i'm watching. epis just hours of it right and inside. i'm like i want to. kill everyone on this island but you. couldn't stop watching it. i couldn't stop watching it and then it. it was like.

in my early twenties i would never you. know who would be asked to be on that. show. and you were as a comic theo vaughn he. was on real world i know we can't. mention that he hates it it'll snap we. cannot bring that up why he's not here. oh yeah yeah one time he told me. he goes yo man don't talk about it we'll. talk about that again. well because you said it on a podcast no. i brought it over that way. oh you brought him on stage oh right i. think you've told me the story he got. pissed off the road rules. yeah and he just didn't like it right so.

um but dude everyone has a terrible. thing in their past that they. you know so what i know you think most. of the things i did. on mad tv i'm embarrassed about. sometimes people used to bring me up to. punk. like last year i was like what it was a. decade ago. club still brego from mad tv it's like i. did that [ __ ]. 12 15 years ago do you think some kids. don't know what that is do you think. like i know. i don't want them to know you really. don't want but you i don't it's you know. see it's something you should be proud. of because you were good on it. no it's not that listen i'm i was on a.

show for eight years they're like a. family to me and and it was my first. you know television experience it was. cool but you want to move forward no. it's just and also it's like i didn't um. i never really i couldn't like ride that. wave. it wasn't a wave you could ride yeah you. know some people get. like you know a big thing and they can. ride it into something else. i couldn't i almost had to go back on. the beach get a new board. and then swim back out yeah but but it's. also because you're not. your priority was always like being.

funny and not mark. marketing is not you don't do that thing. i don't know how to do that no it's not. i'm just kind of just i'm not great at. it either it's right so i'm just using. um i'm. i you know bobby lee is the is my. franchise you know. selling this i mean you it's what it's. selling like hot cakes right. i'm just this is what i'm selling so my. point is i was watching this [ __ ]. a bunch of [ __ ] hot people black and. mexican. you know i mean and they get to go do.

free they do free [ __ ]. right they drink and they [ __ ] and they. party they get free [ __ ] and in my 20s. i had to pay for it grovel right right i. was never invited to the park so this is. just jealousy and i watched. hours of it and i think maybe that's. what it is yeah yeah. i do agree with you i think it's because. it's like her food and nobody listens to. me go get the food and you know. look at her face look at her face you. mean. i get you a rug and i bring you a big. dog let everybody see your cool shirt.

your uh your. hunter hunter shirt who gave you that. bobby. interesting very interesting that's a. very interesting fact actually very. interesting what did you say when he. gave it to you. i said thank you i really love it did. you give him a big hug. a little hug you don't like hugs from. her do you no i do like hugs. let me ask you this jules. when i when i sometimes i'll go hug. and what do you say no hmm no because he.

chokes me. oh what that's that makes perfect sense. choked you before in your life no i. think we're figuring something out here. i've choked you yeah when when did i. choke you. last week last week i put my hands. around your neck. and i choked you you could choke from. the side you don't need to die yes. that's a hug. choke hug choke look at the way you're. doing it. that's a choke yeah but you this is not. right stop pause pause look at your. body figure your head's here this is a. choke form this is your head is right.

here. and i'm hugging her head is here yeah. her little head right here i don't know. her head her head's here and i'm hug. like that strong hug. i love you choke yeah yeah so it hurts. is what she's saying when you hug her. doesn't hurt she's a delicious little. girl what i do to her mom. i beat the [ __ ] out of her mom i fart in. her mom's. face when she's sleeping i don't give a. [ __ ] why do you do that to her mom. [ __ ] honey that's his mom her mom i know. yeah yeah. i have a video on my instagram where. she's sleeping on her mom.

right is sleeping on my couch at my. hotel room. right now and you fart on her i take out. the hole. that's so from the tap right and i. [ __ ] you know. unload one on her you're so reverse. style so mean. upstart oh there's a lot of economic. chatter right now. about the state of the market yeah is it. recovering how long will it take. have you seen the worst if you're. struggling to pay off. high interest credit card debt you can't.

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nobody would get any we you we love this. company so much yeah they're phenomenal. they're the number one company in the. world when it comes to stuff like to. online selling they sure are. super easy to manage and ship all your. orders from one simple place. it's faster cheaper and more efficient. trust me we love it. we use it they are great it's so easy. and they work with who who do they no. matter what you're selling andrew yeah. or amazon etsy. or your own website shipstation brings. all your orders. into one simple interface yeah making. them really easy to manage from the. device.

even from your cell phone that's right. they work with all the major carriers. who are they bob who do they work with. they work with um usps yeah let me read. it usps man. fedex ups so you can compare and choose. the best shipping solution for you and. your customers there's a good reason. ship station number one choice of online. sellers ship more and less time with. some of the best rates available. anywhere bob and i use it we love it you. should if you're so there's a good. reason why ship station is number one. choice of all my sellers ship more and.

less time. and some of the best rates available. anywhere i couldn't agree more get 2021. off to a great start by going to. shipstation.com. use the offer code bad friends to get a. 60 day free trial two months free no. hassle no. stress stress free shipping just go to. shipstation.com click that microphone at. the top of the page type in. bad friends that shipstation.com enter. offer code. bad friends ship station make ship. happen. i [ __ ] um i decide. because i'm a good guy i decide you know.

what i'll take some of these [ __ ]. people. you know i mean. i want to take them to the greatest. place in the world. where is that disneyland. texas disneyland oh yeah right. so you bring these you know immobiles to. disneyland right. right you buy the little mickey mouse. here so that is that zamasu yeah yeah. yeah yeah you put. the ears yeah right you give them that.

what's that flag the wand. oh you feed them you feed it you feed. them yeah you feed them you throw what. you're throwing at them you're right you. don't give it your mom catch you with. your mouth. so then you know we're going and go hey. so let's go on space mountain. no what right the immigrants didn't want. to go on space mountain we don't do. yes you do do you do do you do do when i. bring you yeah you do.

then we go to another ride no scary we. don't do. tower terror didn't want to do it oh. that one so now that's called what the. guardian's. a galaxy yeah yeah right yeah it's. called gardens and galaxy now they made. it scarier. that wait tower terror is gone yeah one. of my favorite rides. they made it scary it's now gardens of. the galaxy guardians of the galaxy. it's scarier really yeah it's so [ __ ]. scary do people still die i don't get a. little night. no wow they just sat on the bench and. watched us ride how. rude is that why i did most of the rides.

you did guardian against the galaxy only. guardians of the galaxy. why didn't you do it yeah what four i. was really scared. oh grow up really scared what could. happen disney's a major corporation you. think they're going to let you die or. get hurt on that ride. no but that's right just take the hit. so i i told them i go i do think people. die once at least once a year on those. things yeah but the odds yeah yeah yeah. it's not going to happen. but you know where i want to take them. now next time they're in town that's.

barry farm. no magic mountain oh yeah six flags but. they'll never go on any of that. no i said no that you said you would i. would. yeah you know you won't no those are way. scarier. disneyland those are way bigger those. things when you look at those things. you're like. can i do it you know where you you're in. line you're like what am i doing. yeah yeah that's how scary they are no. they're freak. you don't know how to get it you got to. put your ankles in a like little metal. thing and you think well this thing. works well listen. and they lock you in but then also you.

start by flipping over sometimes yeah. you're forwarding yeah they go. right so we're starting. freaking we all gotta go wait don't make. her what's that face what's that face. i'm scared no you gotta go you again. how many people die a year no i'm afraid. i'm gonna pee on my pants. oh seriously yeah in your pants or on. she takes her pants off and just pees on. them. approximately four deaths annually in. the united states associated with roller. coasters.

although traumatic injuries resulting in. the death of roller coasters patron tend. to receive the most. deaths that's too much for my [ __ ]. blood i think four. that's not that many people how many. rides are there though 20. this is well. this is only in the united states. okay how many more deaths how many. people a year die. how many people die a year at disneyland. yeah because there's got to be some a. list of instance reports oh man there's. a whole list. there's a lot like what well this is uh. negligence part of the guest part of the.

park. wow well let's see recently on july 6. 2019 a fight broke out. at mickey's toontown after reports that. a woman had spit into a man's face the. four people and their families were. escorted off the property and charges. were. considered like the tower of terror. incident. it was filmed on camera phone uploaded. youtube what happened to tower of terror. look at that 2019 was the last time. there was an altercation. construction accident this year 38 year. old construction worker was fatally. injured when a steel plate. fell on him while working in a trench oh.

my god they tried to perform cpr but he. died. wow that's so sad that's a sad thing. that happened to that guy but. again you know you lose some you lose. some i guess. parking structures look at how many. parking lot structures in mickey's. toontown. what could provoke the fight broke out. like why would you hey bro you guys are. skipping in line at toontown hey. and then i would be like hey bro my bad. no bro now you're bad bro we got to. throw down.

no we've been here since are you going. to spit on me bro. yeah bro back up son. [Laughter]. yeah this has infectious diseases too. yeah between. december 17th and 20th to visit us the. park were exposed to measles. is that still around and look where it's. from show some of the rides at magic. mountain. oh yeah you got to see some of the magic. mountain magic mountain rides. you got to go on these hot. six flags at the park baby magic. mountain.

six flags it may be one of the best six. flags ever we had one in chicago and. outside chicago it's called. um great america wow and they had the. old they had the american eagle was the. the the uh the wooden one our rides. okay look apocalypse all wood sent from. the future. they still got batman which is crazy. yeah the best one i don't think they. have anymore deja vu. that was fun well it's in no it's not. because it's in alphabetical order. daffy's adventure tours. and dive devil what's dive devil that's.

that's one of those where you take a. leap and it swings through the. phoenix elmer's weather balloons. yeah forget that one and what's full. throttle photo they use yeah full. throttle like this is crazy this kind of. [ __ ] is. look at that look at that bananas. bananas. you want to see what it looks like rudy. this is what we're going to do we're. going to do this as soon as panty's done. look at there it is this is us on full. throttle. oh yeah dude and a lot of times people. fall out right here. people die people dumb i'm dying and. they hit the.

rail then the ground right they rail fly. right. and they break their neck and usually. they end up don't they don't actually. die right away. these aren't as scary though with the. loopy loop ones no i like the ones that. are. yeah i like the ones when you go. straight from top all the way to the. bottom. there you go yeah that's good diversity. yeah yeah. that's the one where it goes straight up. see i'm always afraid that these bars. are gonna um. break snap yeah well look it's on just. like a hinge it's on like a it's on a. looks like a lollipop yeah you'll be. like lollipop material.

it's just like a hydraulic hinge what if. this thing just decides to just be like. fail nip nip and opens up yeah. or you know how it doesn't you know like. it locks yeah but i'm always afraid it's. going to unlock. well you know how it works but there's. still some space. you know what i mean like there's still. it's still it's still a little space by. the way. speaking of which have you seen the. video that circulated again about dmx. on the slingshot uh-uh. come on who's dmx dmx the rapper what. oh yeah this guy on the slingshot you've. never seen this this may be one of the.

funniest videos i've ever seen in my. entire life. has it gone yet no he's amping himself. up he's just getting excited to do it. just because he's nervous so he has to. yell look at how fast he's breathing. look at his body yeah. these are grown men. [Laughter].

keep going keep going no he there's. nothing happen they slowly let them down. oh really yeah oh i like it when they. pass out or they vomit on each other oh. the. people when people pass out is my. favorite look think about how your face. is on this. sweaty thing this is my biggest pet. peeve with. with rides and stuff yeah i mean think. about. even pre-pandy i hated touchy gross. sweaty. black people all up in the thing they. know how rude it would be to just. wipe it down uh i would i would. absolutely if a guy leaves what if he.

turns around and looks at you and i go. you look gross. it's not my fault you look gross yeah i. would absolutely wipe off the in fact. do you think i was talking to this uh do. you think people are gonna start doing. that now. constantly oh maybe like when pandy's. over do you think that's just gonna be. the norm oh i mean. when i was on the flight you know what i. mean so everyone in first class was like. yeah i mean to hawaii wiping everything. down yeah. that's what i did that's what i do you. didn't wipe it down at all. no i had two masks on yeah your mask is.

yeah. and i had another [ __ ] shield were. you touching it though. what you what no i i you know you know. how i do it yeah. i mean i snuck on like this i sat down. right yeah i put the seat belt on. right and i put more you know yeah but. that's all and you don't it's not like. you use anything anymore. well i just figured like if some gets. coveted gets on my first of all. you can't get it from surfaces i heard. you. could if you touched it it was fresh and. you put it to your mouth or face.

so here at bad friends we're not. licensed medical professionals we are. comics with barely a high school diploma. for medical information go to the cdc. website and. you know don't [ __ ] listen to us if. they have pictures of it look at the. kova just hanging out smoking i know but. how long does kovat chill they don't. really know. a couple hours on certain services andre. so trace's wife is in the medical tell. us andres three days. three days all right so if i okay so for. instance if there was covid right here. on this table. right we cleaned this before everyone i. know i understand that but uh.

andreas yes and i touched it right. yeah after like an hour yep and i. put in my eyeball why are you touching. your eye i put up my eyeball. right could i get covered yes did we. clean this desk this morning. we do yeah we do every day yeah can you. get covered from surfaces. yeah no wait kovid from surfaces i know. from surfaces yeah i'll do it. it may be possible that a person can get. covenanting by touching a surface or. object that has the virus on and then.

touching their own mouth nose or. possibly their eyes. but this is not thought to be the main. way yeah it's not the main way. it doesn't matter it's our way what it's. got to be the main way babe. no it's not that's like saying you can't. get hiv from having. non-butt sex no it's like you know butt. sex is probably the most common way. not the main way but you could get it. what's the main way. butt sex right what's the non-main way. yeah vaginal sex.

transfusion transfusion there's other. ways. it's more like i think that was a good. example andre yes i know i think. can you get hiv from spitting in. somebody's mouth. no but can you make out with somebody if. you both have cuts inside your mouth. still won't spread that even your cuts. inside the mouth still won't spread that. way but if i had to cut out my dick and. you're giving me a. job then the likelihood could could be. there yes. okay so there we go so that's like what. probably 0.1 percent gets it it's. happened. right it's happened there was a guy i. needed to take the rest there was a guy. that had a huge huge.

take a risk on that all right well i. guess i'm gonna if i have a cut on my. dick and you have a cut in your [ __ ]. thing and i have hiv or you have hiv i'm. willing to take the risk well if you. have hiv and you're gonna give it to me. then you don't care at all. okay but if you even if you had hiv. right you had to cut your mouth. right and i had to cut on my dick right. i would [ __ ] risk it. you would yeah really oh yeah that seems. silly. it's what 0.001 chance to get it that's. but. the one existed but then i'll be like. i'll go i'll go to [ __ ] um. magic johnson's house he beat it.

i know okay well then i'll go give me. your [ __ ] give me the fix yeah. now do you think he got it from a guy. that's a real that's real because his. wife doesn't have it. i think when we saw that richard pryor. thing the other day mm-hmm. i think more guys [ __ ] in the ass and we. we don't that we're not privy to. a lot of men have had sexual relations. with men done stuff with men i believe. and i truly believe this. that you've done some stuff with men.

okay and then don't be embarrassed i. mean i haven't but i mean don't be. embarrassed by it. okay okay you have and don't be. embarrassed what did i do. i don't know your private life but i'm. just i know your nature. yeah i don't know what kind of guy you. are you've had. no just being honest what when did i do. this i don't know when. no you do so tell me when you probably. happened in college what college did you. go to arizona state. arizona state right it's pre-party town. big party school right you probably went. to a party yeah i'm there.

you got drunk yeah right and you went. hey. john just kidding yeah. and john went all right the closest i've. ever come. is uh being in a three in the devil's. threesome me and my friend and a girl. yeah but what'd you do in the devils uh. the true story. or the or the comedy versions would you. do the devils here's what's really sad. what did you touch his penis no no your. penises touch your penis. no not even close because she was dog. style and i was.

hitting it from behind and then he was. getting his his knobs lobbed. and the worst part was is he started. talking. yeah and it freaked me out and i had to. like as fast as i could i had he was. like oh yeah. yeah i was like no no i was already. weirded out about the whole thing. yeah you know what mike barton did to me. who he's a comic named mike burton. what did he do to you he gave me a. thumbs up. while you guys were hooking up with. something with the girl this he'd give. you thumbs up he went like this i was. just i was going down on her. right and he was getting blown by her.

right. man you got the raw into that dude yeah. i was eating her out and i look up and. he looked he was looking at me the whole. time i think. yeah right because it's like because. once i looked up he was already looking. at he's just staring down. freaked me out yeah i was just like i. was doing my business down here man. you know i mean don't look at my work. you're diving and he's just chilling you. know what i mean. yeah hey bob yeah so i i i'm down i look. and he's like this. and he looks at me goes. and i went and you kept going. yeah and i kept going but see that's. very nice that you kept going no my god.

my buddy talked. look at me my buddy talked and i had to. finish as fast as i could yeah. and this is probably mean she probably. took this the wrong way i got in the. shower immediately. they kept hooking up for the next like. hour i got in the shower and went back. downstairs at the party. yeah that was the closest i've come to. any kind of like male sexual encounter. i've never had one i'll be genuine with. you i would tell you if i had something. weird. brian i i've taken brian keith edward. and aaron cater. bke you know bk yeah yeah yeah and aaron. cater. i've taken the breakfast with the girls.

afterwards wait what explain what you're. saying. i had a sexual thing with a bunch of. girls and aaron cater and brian keith. etheridge. all you guys together yes weird combo. and then after i know. and then afterwards you know i mean i. bought breakfast. that's right no but that's one of the. like i wish i hadn't done that was that. a cafe 101 rest in peace no it wasn't. vegas oh okay but it's such a weird. awkward breakfast. yeah of course why would you do five in. the morning you just want to go to sleep. you want everyone out.

yeah cause it's your hotel room right. where you want everyone out. and you're just kind of eating this. shitty omelette you know i mean you know. i mean you got like. fl you have things in your mouth you. know i mean you have like. chunks of other things in your mouth. right you're completely. just depleted of any kind of like fluids. right. right and you're just you feel gross. about the whole experience. also you you i don't you know at the. time i didn't know those two guys that. well. how did that even happen we weren't. besties right you know what i mean i.

made them an open mic it was just a gig. it was a gig right and um i'm just. eating this [ __ ] sh. and just looking at them and you know. brian keith which is one of the ugliest. guys. i've ever seen in my [ __ ] you said it. not me he is he handsome. i don't remember he has no chin. literally noun well what if he hears. this bob he's i've already talked about. i've done i did this. i did the story on comedy central. already but did you call him ugly. yeah he's the one the ugliest people. i've ever seen in my life. really you think this guy's the most one.

of the ugliest people you've ever seen. in your life depends on what photo you. see. oh that yeah you're a mean one. mr grinch he's not that ugly he. again looks like another rick classman. it is funny how many rick glassman's. is this him now that's what he looks. like now huh. wow that's not him sure is. uh sure is that's not him yes it is yes. it is dude that's him today. no that's him right there this right. here yeah yeah yeah that's him. that's him right there on the right yeah.

none on the left this is him right here. yeah that's him. he's all right looking he's all right. guys rudy what do you think about that. guy is he handsome. he looks creepy he looks creepy she says. oh he is creepy. what he is very creepy what what vibe. why does he give you that vibe right. away the mouth and the eyes. the mouth see women can tell if guys are. creepy by their mouth. isn't that weird yeah let's show her a. picture of somebody and see if she. thinks they're creepy just by their. mouth. who's somebody we're friends with that.

we can show her and see if they're. creepy right just by their mouth. a comic she might not know okay give me. somebody. who's someone that she might not know. that do they look creepy yeah do you. know who anthony jesselnik is. no great perfect close your eyes close. your eyes. all right is this guy is this guy a. creep or whatever. zoom in about no no don't zoom in the. mouth first i mean that's as close as. i'm gonna get. no so you can look at the mouth and not. the face and then you can zoom out. that's very smart keep your eyes closed. woman yeah.

all right that's as close as we can get. on this dude you can't zoom into the. mouth. no right there okay there we go do that. all right what do you think. yeah creepy yeah wow interesting and. then that's what he looks like regular. how do you think. kinda oh still wow all right close your. eyes again he's cute. i think he's really yeah he's a handsome. guy yeah jim jeffries do you know jim. jeffries she doesn't know he doesn't. know any of them. no this mouth right here right. all right rudy creep or not a creep.

i don't think so i don't think so yeah i. don't think so that's jim ah. oh is it bad now it's bad now. is it bad now kind of yeah yeah wow. great guy great guy great another great. guy great comment. great guy so you maybe you think all. guys are creepy yeah close your eyes. close your eyes let's do one more. another one see one more i want to see. if you.

all right rude what do you think is this. guy creepy. yeah yeah yes he is by the way what a. photo. bob oh my god promo yeah and they said. take another one and you said that one's. the one. that one will do yeah [ __ ] you let me. see that photo i've never seen that. photo before. this one yeah what's going on this is on. a morning news show oh yeah yeah and you. look like you're. like dripping from coke sweat yeah yeah. it's really sad what they're able to put. up on the internet without your approval.

i know. you don't have to say yeah you don't get. to say yes to any of this yeah i have so. many bad photos. oh terrible like why is that up there i. don't know look at this one kaleido. looks great. she looked great on that she looks great. that's so funny now see that other asian. guy. his name is bobby lee too and he's. trying to get yeah he's trying to get. into my [ __ ] [ __ ]. no i know yeah god his eyes are so far. apart i know. like like a hammerhead shark. this is not going anywhere this podcast. right i can't i can't i i. have to continue some other time no no. we're going to do a little bit more time.

it's terrible i can't do it i i'm just. not. everything i'm saying is not good and. i'm just going yeah yeah. you're fine no it's not it's not good i. feel you it's tough. no you don't i'm not adding an. information for some reason i'm just. kind of like. lost and i don't know what to say i. don't know what every story. i had to cut around because i've already. said it a thousand times it's like. i've done so many podcasts it's like you. just you know i know i know. years it's like you just kind of get to.

a point where it's like. what else is there to say i don't know. what else to say i don't just live in. we can live in the conversation at the. moment and let it go where it is i know. but it's like it's like sometimes. it's like i don't know we went into. matching mountain rides. that was ridiculous and it was really. kind of fun. and then like it's drifting in and out. of different things that don't. really make any kind of sense to me of. why. anyone would give a [ __ ] it's amazing to. me that anybody gives a [ __ ] general. and they do you know what i mean.

like who gives a [ __ ] they do they like. it. this is your existential moment yeah. you're really having a crisis right now. do you do this on belly. no because um no because there's a guess. he turns around plays video games. that's not it is it's and belly it's. different because it's like we talk. about. belly's different because we talk about. what's going on in the house. also we have a guest you know the guest. and then we also. it's it's also i always tell like.

it's just different you know this one. the pressure is. is more there's no pressure on that one. because. this one you know i it's like you're so. good that like you know. i just sometimes i just kind of go. i don't want to i don't know what i'm. doing. you don't want to do it anymore no i. want to do it i just. of course i want to do it no i know yeah. i mean i just don't know what i'm doing. right now.

well let's get to another let's get to. another point and then we can we can all. way through his cruise. little break or something smoke a. cigarette and that'll help me. look at me look at me look at me sweet. boy anyone cares. well you're doing good why are you. having this existential weird moment. you don't know what anything means. really let's talk about that. i don't know what anything means i don't. know anything. that's another thing is i realize i. don't know anything. i don't know anything no i really don't.

know. i don't know anything about anything i. don't know how anything works i don't. know. what i believe in i don't know you know. how long i have left what am i doing. with the time that i have. you know what is this. this i mean genuinely do you mean this. yeah. i have these moments of just like what. would you rather be doing. even when i'm playing video games i'm. like this isn't it.

what do you think you should be doing. filling your phone that's the thing. there's got to be. you're having kind of like a midlife. crisis no i'm not. i think it has to do with like the. pandemic. because it's like i can't leave so it's. like you know i can't leave. and i can't do anything i can't do. anything that i want to do. i can't do stand up i can't do anything. so it's like my days are left of just. watching. old star trek next generation episodes. to. trying to watch other things that you.

know i mean that people are saying you. should watch this. this is great on netflix it's trending. number three you know i mean. and you just kind of watch it this. morning when i watched that reality show. was just on i was watching going. this is the day and this is going to end. the same as it did last night and then. it's like and then i realized. like what's the point of it all there's. nothing to do well. and then i'm going to hawaii you know at. the end of the week or when a couple i. don't know when i go you know you know. but it's like.

why we'll go what's the point because. there's a job there. yeah i know but um but let's talk i'm. being serious yeah. are you having this crisis moment. because you feel like you're you're not. being fulfilled. it's not just fulfilled it's what's the. point of it all well. let's go over the point there is no. point i hate this business. mm-hmm and i and uh let's get out and. i'm done. i think you're done in a week you're. going to hawaii to film another episode.

of magnificent. that's not the business though that is. literally the business yeah but when you. show up there it's like. you realize they even go people watch. this like. it's not a thing like you know when i. did love yeah and should have patel's. around everyone's around. and they take them some seriously that. right there. to me is the business you know i mean so. you prefer when people are taking. themselves. no i want to be a part of that group i. want to be a part of like the cool group. i want to be a part of like. you are in the cool group i'm not i'm in. the like ghetto [ __ ]. here's the problem that i think you're.

mistaken yeah most people aren't in this. fake group that you think people are. i want to be in it you're not in it and. you want it because it doesn't exist. it does no because you ask them and. they'll even tell you i don't even know. what you're talking about. yeah those people want to be in it too. and that's why you butt heads with them. butt heads with who you know you're. talking about who. i know tell me who what's what's his. name seth. seth the guy that was in the disaster. honors what's his name. seth rogen yeah how do i butt heads what. are you talking about you got.

you gave him [ __ ] about the lines and. the thing and then no. i no i didn't give him [ __ ] about it i. publicly talked [ __ ] about not having. anything but you have to understand that. there was tension between you two you. said. no the the idea was the idea was like. i don't think they cared that i was. bummed that i got taken out. so that made me sad it was a bummer then. you could approach him and then he was. like. weird with you no but no i didn't. approach him about the lines but the. next time i saw him it was kind of weird. yeah are you weird now with him i.

haven't seen him yeah. but you think there's weirdness do you. think he likes you i don't think he. cares about me as a i don't think he. gives a [ __ ] that i exist i don't. i think he that's what it is i think he. probably there are people that he. doesn't care. about well of course yeah no but i'm. okay with that. i just think that he goes that kid's. nice kind of funny. it didn't work out with us no i don't. think he cares. but here's my thing i gotta start i. gotta be a part of a group. right that's doing high-level [ __ ] that. everyone wants to be a part.

of we we make this show and people. [ __ ] love this show. i know but i'm it's i know i understand. that that's great so you want this to be. highbrow. and [ __ ] no i don't want to harvard. lampoon [ __ ] no no i don't want to say. hi. i know but i want it like we're not. smart enough you and i are not that. smart. that's what i'm saying what are we doing. this is great what did we do we were. dumb. yeah it's great what are we doing here. around we're gonna read something man. we're gonna learn about things we're. speaking for the idiots oh. god that's it that's what i need.

we're dumb we're dumb but we've always. said we're dumb. oh and let me tell you something yeah i. don't want to be smart. because this is fun i'm having a great. [ __ ] time. being dumb with you is more fun than. anything i've done and it's. usually great it's usually you're in a. just like you're in a weird head space. it's like. you know there are snooty pit. parts about me yeah but you've been. you've manufactured faster than that no. i'm very snooty when it comes to like. you mean i don't like these kind of.

films or these kind of yeah you've. manufactured that. you've made that up and i've always. wanted to be a part of like the cool. group. and it's like even since i was in. [ __ ] high school. i could never get in i can never get in. with the cool kids here's the ir here's. the irony and i want to be in the cool. kids now. name to me the cool kids because they. were the dorks for sure. who you think are the cool kids are. dorks i know. so what are you even talking about you. don't want to be friends with them. whoever you're talking about they don't.

exist i know you you make up the idea. that there's this group that you would. join and hang out with but it's not. you know i do these podcasts because. it was the last thing that i could do to. survive. at the beginning oh yeah it was the la. it was like oh it's either this or get a. day job. but now you do the podcast my point is. is that. so it's the podcasting stuff isn't you. know. i loved doing it saved me like in a way. right but it's like.

it wasn't you know why i came to l.a why. did you come to la. i thought that i honestly thought that i. would be a movie star. but that's not that's but that's not. that's not a real thought what do you. know but that's one of my go that was my. dream like i want to be a movie star and. i'm going to do. these i'm going to do all this stuff but. you are off working act readjust your. dream then i know i'm gonna have. to but my point is that and so every. once in a while and people think that. i'm complaining or. whining i'm not whining i'm just you. know i'm just it gets to a point where. you're just kind of like. what the [ __ ] am i doing you know and it.

has to do with the pandemic too it's. like you know i don't. we're like here's another thing and this. is a part of my thing is you know every. once in a while i like to go buy clothes. i know you know i have this weird. obsession with like. you know i'll go you know i'll go to. self edge and maybe i'll get a new. you know i mean japanese raw denim you. know i mean i'll wear it out this year. i'll just wear it every day right and. get the creases and make it right. right and so i i look at my emails i've.

ordered 10 000 things online and they. have none of them come. yeah none of it's coming so i can't even. do that. i'm just saying every morning i wake up. right and i go out to the balcony. because from the balcony i can look down. to see like packages yeah. and there's all these gigantic boxes. filled with like ottomans and chairs. that [ __ ] kolila gets. right or lamp fixtures right right and. i'm just looking for that little tiny. jacket you know or you know i mean or. you know i mean the underwear that i. bought. right you know i mean or the socks or. whatever right and it's that they.

and they say it's delivering to track. your but i don't know how to do any of. that. right right so i don't know how to track. it i don't know where it is. i mean i have things i bought a [ __ ]. you know that couch a french. italian couch i have right a part of. that deal. i bought these really cool light things. right they're like light fixtures right. and i remember a year ago when i bought. the [ __ ] italian couch i said um. hey you can throw in one of those fancy. light fixtures. no problem buddy yo how many do you want.

i go. four great man there's only four left. anyway. and then you know we got the italian. couch and i go clyde where's the lamp. fixtures. she goes it's somewhere in culver city. and something. and i go i guess i'll never get it you. didn't get it you know what i mean this. sound this sounds so i don't have it's. just you're not getting you're. you're not getting things during the. thing. i can't get anything so it's like. the frustration is obvious and i'm so. sensitive i guess because of this. pandemic because of that i think that's.

a part of it i'm just so i can't take. any kind of. criticism criticism but that's okay yeah. because we're going to get through it. and it's going to be fine on the other. hand. like i mean i'm just a jumbled. of nerves you need a release. yeah there's nothing you know and you. know that's so rude to me at the house. you know what i mean. that i can feel yeah they're so rude to. me at the house when you say you're king. and she goes i want you're not my king. right. yeah tell me how you're king you know do. i not say that who's the king. and you won't tell me you're the king. unless i threaten you yeah yeah.

who is the king. interesting that's what i'm saying. that's interesting yeah and she's not. the king. can i die but it's not i i i i i i i. i. let me i i i i you you you think that. like when i was. first of all you know i mean i'm usually. you know where i go it's okay. no no no no no no no no no no no no no. no no no no no no no no no no no no no. no no no no no no no no no no no you. know what i got i'm so sorry about my. existential. i'm going through look at me look at me. don't be sorry yeah it's a great it's a. honest moment that you're having.

yeah honestly this whole podcast i was. just like the whole time thing is what. am i doing here sometimes your mind gets. in those things why what are we saying. yeah you're you're becoming like a. nihilist you know i no i'm not no i'm. not i'm just. i'm literally going why would anyone. want to listen to this too you think. i don't know yeah yeah but they do and i. appreciate it yeah yeah and i i i'm. appreciative i love. when they call in the guy with gigantism. and the dwarves and all the people that. and the lady and everyone calling in and. going get them in i mean we love you.

know i mean keep going and they buy the. merch. but you know and they they tag me in it. and they make little videos of me it's. really sweet and i really. appreciate it and i go but deep down i'm. going why do you like it. you know i mean and i'm glad you do i'm. gonna keep doing it because. you know there's nothing else to do do. you like it i love doing it yeah i like. seeing you and i like doing it. yeah there are times where i'm like oh. that's a funny bit or you know i mean. oh that we really you know i mean yeah. we went this way with it.

yeah and that was fun right but today. was not it. no today was just like oh that's not it. i'm glad we had i mean a lot of it was. great. yeah right george short. all right hey thank you for being a bad. friend. [Music].