Bobby Is Dating Matt Rife's Mom | Ep 233 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends I am on tour this fall. coming to see you I'm all over the place. we're adding shows we're adding dates I. am so excited in between Bobby and I. going to Australia New Zealand I'm going. to be going everywhere man I'm going all. over the place I'm going to Indiana I'm. going to Ohio I'm going back home to. Chicago uh I'm going to Oklahoma I'm. going to Omaha Nebraska uh I am going to. Charlotte uh Atlanta you name it I'm. there Kansas City Cleveland I am there. come see me in Boston in St Louis and. Grand rapin come on and see boy go to.

Andrew Santino. docomo. [Music]. docomo my dude and an Asian dude you two. are disgusting oh you two or something. we're bad friends oh my. wow oh really what are You The Dark. Knight wow The Dark Knight you're not. the Dark Knight wowow. dude he walks in here like he Bruce. Wayne this guy ladies and gentlemen it's.

m r sit down in the blue chair My Little. Prince is this tap we have to refill the. bottles that is true we do refill guy. sells out Arenas and we give him the. wrong. address he was wait right there I'll. pick you up it's sweltering. outside what address did you give him. dude and I have the funniest Uber driver. on the way over put on your cans if you. want them if you don't want them you. don't have to I I'll wear them I'll wear. them hair's melted anyways no no no. beautiful fro fancy do you care to talk.

about your mistake already yeah I I I. know this was coming just a numbered off. just a number off of our address our. work address so copy and paste is a. thing that most people use pretty. frequently or share the contact location. yeah we've been here for three years and. you let our guest array five miles down. the road pretty bad they have Google. Maps in every country I'm every country. and by the way five miles in Los Angeles. a different state oh yeah but he said.

like 30 km down the road or something he. does see he doesn't know he doesn't know. what's going on well let's give it up. for our beautiful wonderful guest Matt. R buddy buddy buddy thanks for having. buddy buddy buddy you know um I remember. when you were a youngster yeah I know. dude soft and young you know what I mean. I know very malleable at the time yeah. first of all he's still young I'm a. younger though people are young but they. can also be younger at one point yeah I.

feel like you were never young I feel. like you were always Bobby I don't know. if you ever had a youthful phase dude. I'm youthful Now dog yeah no no really. no you look like you sell Gremlins. now dud that's so good and I do yeah and. I do the B how old were you on Matt TV. 42 I was in my late 20s yeah for real. yeah why no you started at 25 right. isn't that what it was 23 is what I. start stand up no no no on Matt TV 25 I.

was 30 really he looked so young on that. show he did he looked like a little baby. I didn't even I didn't even have hair. down there what yeah yeah I got my first. hair at 39 good boy yeah and um Matt how. old are you now I'm 28 you and I met I. want to say tell me if I'm wrong 10. years ago is that how long I've known. you yeah i' say so I've been in La for. 11 years so 10 sounds I met you about 9. to 10 years ago uh Bobby and I have. known Matt for a long time we've watched. your Ascension and uh couldn't be.

prouder and happier for a good person. that got you're good great comic good. dude and uh when you know sometimes you. know when he was blowing up for a second. there yeah I hear some girls got well. he's just hot and I just be like no D. he's got a skill set you can't get there. without the skill set because a lot of. hot guys have come and gone in this. business and I and honestly I've always. thought you were ugly and you don't do. white dudes like you it does nothing for. my me me me really.

I'm not even nervous right now D who. who's like who's your like male. celebrity crush I I'm more Sandy. Danto right herey dantoy you know mean I. like Pudge a little Pudge in there yeah. little character I like the the black. ones you know what I mean that's. reasonable you like the Ian Edwards you. like to think realistic that was the. polar opposite of Sandy Danto I know I. like can I have a variety yeah can. there's a variety of men that I I like. that you like attainable though that's. really that's that's I think wait wait. wait I think.

I think that you're getting somewhere I. don't think you can get. Ian I think you can get Ian I think you. can get Ian get Ian well first of all. Ian's a vegan and you're the opposite. get one of the Ian I get Ian bag can. Canadian I get I can get a. Canadian yeah I can get um Ian McKay not. Ian McKay um hold on hold on hold on. hold on hold on did you spell my name. wrong what does it say Matt Rice oh yeah. I did it because I love everything's. Asian with so if I when I read it it.

just did you do this yeah that's fancy. hold on is his name fancy yeah not so. more I'm so sorry not so more what no. Matt Matt Rice is because of uh Bobby he. has he dreams he dreams in Chinese and. uh I dream in Chinese dude and with you. he dreams of you let's be real you do. look a little Asian like a little you do. have a little bit of Asian which country. uh so you know more jungle Tai yeah yeah. yeah closer to South Asia okay and it's.

because your hair is your nut sex are. like dumplings I thought you were saying. I look preop. thanks do you have even do you have even. balls or does one hang lower no one's. definitely lower which one do you know I. think the left everybody knows I think I. think the left left I'm pretty sure are. you left or right which one hangs lower. left or right they're all equal I'm asan. you're an equal guy interesting what. about you science I'm a lefty but a lot. of people are righties I'm righties I. don't now now I'm questioning I know. dude you look down at it you can't tell.

my my left nut has always been longer. than my right nut [ __ ] but my skin is. thick my Skin's thick and it's extra. wrinkly it looks like it's. wise no might not have you seen it ask. him a question seen your sack it's so is. yours wrinkly yeah yeah mine's so. wrinkly though yeah you know you know it. looks like remember in. aliens on the planet they had the eggs. uhhuh it look you that stuff on the. outside I think I have that it kind of. looks like dmbe mumbo's head you're. you're nuts at yeah let me see let me. see like his bald wrink head that's.

balls look like brussels sprouts yeah. yeah yeah you kind of look at top of DM. that's my I thought that was my nut sack. yeah whoa now when it's shaved yeah yeah. anyway go back to the testicle thing I. want I do want to see okay so. unilaterally and bilaterally the left. testies is usually lower than the right. because of it's heavier weight so we're. in the we're in the uh we're in the. majority my friend I like that but my my. my my my mind doesn't sag can I just. show you real Qui your nuts are tight. can I just show you yeah please yeah. Matt close your eyes no yeah yeah.

yeah no Matt a Matt what I'm not kidding. they're the exact same size no way no. they're perfect for. real well someone's GNA get someone's. getting famous on Tik Tok you do have. very parallel nuts how do you like I. said did to work at it or is just. naturally like that like it's just well. you know I don't use it much well you. know how you can like if you for like a. what you know for like a for like a. physical you cough and they they go up. are you able to like cough one up higher.

than the other no no no no no no I think. there's only one in there maybe yeah. just there could be just one in the. middle a lot of sense on which can you. look into this cuz I've heard this. Theory before that if the left one hangs. lower it's like you're supposed to be. more creative I've heard this like left. brain right brain except the opposite. for your balls but still a brain that. makes sense you know how your your nose. is stuffy on one side and you lean to. the other side and then the boogers will. go and then you can breathe on that yeah. that's what my you can do that yeah yeah. are like that I've just stayed congested.

I didn't no you no you've never laid in. bed and like on one side of Stuffy so. just lay on the other side and then just. let the the boogers go on oh you you you. got try that I'm just learning lay down. on the bed and grab your legs and tuck. them over your. head and that you clear me out you just. reminded me dude when I was when I was. uh going for basketball in high school. they make you go get a physical you know. you had to get physicals for school and. I went to this like janky you know I. don't know like a quick they needed me. to go to like a quick dock someone to. have knew before back before uh what do.

you call it uh Urgent Care was a thing I. went to like a a local yokal and I just. needed it cuz practice was the next day. so I go into this guy I'm not kidding I. go with my dad I'll never forget he's. like uh would you like to come in the. room and my dad was like no what the. [ __ ] no why would I go in the room with. he's like oh just for Safety and. Security and he was like no it's fine I. don't want to see my son's penis what I. get in the room he's like go ahead I. drop down he's feeling around doing his. thing blah blah blah pull it up I go. back out we're checking out he's filling.

out the forms my hand to God he goes. your son's growing. up no your son's growing up he had never. seen me before he didn't. know I could have peaked you know what I. mean I could have already peaked he. didn't know I was still growing whoa but. he said Your son's growing up I don't. like how much he really tried to sell. your dad on the safety aspect after like. the third pitch I would have been like. should I be in there with him what are. you going to do to my son yeah yeah your. son's growing up that's what that guy. said he got disbarred we sued him so. your dad's never seen your panis of. course my father seen my what are you.

talking about but he doesn't want to. stand there and see a doctor examine it. okay n has your father seen your penis. uh my dad's dead so. probably probably ghost oh yeah that's. that's that's that's the worst not now. as a younger as a youngster you saw it. right I don't know he and my mom weren't. even together when I was alive how old. did your dad die when you how old were. you when he died one and a half oh my. god well his dad just. died for real I relate how recently four. years ago while that's not even. just yeah it's a long time yeah how how.

old was he he was like 80 106 but so you. never knew your dad no no he was like I. think he was 21 when he died oh how did. he die oh wait let's. guess let me let guess always a let's. guess oh I know he was 26 21 21 okay I. got it yeah yeah what's yours 21st. birthday your dad goes out right he's. partying he's having a good time uh. somebody goes uh what was his name.

Mike Mike Mike Mike let's get on a. motorcycle let's do wheelies yeah right. they're doing wheelies yeah really bad. accident uhhuh he's alive okay he's. totally fine yeah he goes back to the. bar drinks some more parties uhhuh picks. up a strange man to hang out with to go. do go Roo and toting right goes back to. the man's apartment boom Jeffrey. dmer whoa I'm not going to confirm or. deny until Bobby pitches this okay go. ahead oh mine oh yours I I know it fully.

it's almost as if I was there okay. Fourth of July your dad was naked with. bunch of his buddies in the South. Arkansas in a backyard right he's not. from Arkansas he's from Ohio for he. happened to be there on a business trip. yeah he was traveling and your parents. didn't know your mom didn't know it was. what was he selling on the business he's. a Salesman right firecrackers oh he's. selling firecrackers Fourth of July. state to state yeah yeah and he's going. to the South to sell this you know what. I mean it's actually a trucking company. right and this the guy the head of the. trucking company's house he was like a. your dad was like amen I have the best.

fir so they have a thing they get drunk. they're all naked right it's like eight. at night that's how you sell. firecrackers right right you know I mean. and you know there's no gay things going. on what what no one even said I know but. I just they were they were you didn't. know my Dad yeah I didn't know your dad. yeah they were like you they're poking. yeah yeah you know what I mean and then. your dad [ __ ] why he did this he threw a. little firecracker in the air a sparrow. came down bit the [ __ ] firecracker. Right and started going doing loopy. loops uhhuh like you know what I mean. like a sparkler in the sky right right.

and then your dad was naked you he bent. over to get on the firecracker The Spar. goes right into his butthole with the. firecracker yeah yeah yeah right there's. an explosion but he doesn't die wow but. it hurts so bad so bad and here's the. thing they all start laughing no all the. people yeah the trucking company that's. how you agree you [ __ ] it and they see. the f word for some reason yeah why I. don't know why okay that doesn't mean. he's gay no yeah yeah yeah and they spin. on him too wow I don't know why it's a. South right but the Sparrow's still. alive. [Laughter].

dude that's my mom listens Sparrow my. mom listens to every podcast I do and. this can't be the one the Sparrow's. still alive dude it's unbelievable it's. like a zombie Sparrow right the the. wings are gone spine face right and out. of the left eye of the sparrow comes out. a little. tapeworm oh wow this tape room right has. [ __ ] the first case of Co.

W way before Wuhan did a little Chinese. tape one yeah in the eyeball of the. sparrow wow what are the odds what are. the ODS right yeah your ass your dad's. ass exploded he's still alive he's still. alive your dad but he is like call the. cops strong guy he was a strong yeah he. was he was his hands were in the dirt. the Earth Scrat scratching call the cops. please or the police I mean ambulance he. doesn't even know what he's saying he. said cops first uh-huh doesn't even know. what he's saying cuz he's so [ __ ].

honestly right I know dude this [ __ ]. little. [ __ ] maggot NOP yeah not a maggot try. again this um worm this little worm tapm. tapeworm tape worm yeah well you know in. the South they call it both oh that you. do you're right yeah right it goes. inside the opening of his ass and he. gets infected he dies two weeks later. anyway. wow what really. happened it was a [ __ ] Chinese. tapeworm are you serious from the.

Arkansas how did you know that I just. [ __ ] you read about it yeah you yes. anded a sparrow in. his that could have been it sounded. reasonable I'm so sorry good. oldfashioned. suicide oh. [ __ ] I know oh good old fashioned good. old fashion the American dream really. was he um. depressed no he was stoked he was [ __ ]. he the happiest suicide got a new gun. yeah he was on some uppers. I mean see you later.

son my God was he happy yeah he was. amped what I was asking Jes I know. sometimes I'm Walking on. Sunshine Jesus I'm so sorry hold us I'm. so sorry that was rude what I'm saying. is that sometimes you know no yes if he. was drunk right he wasn't and he was. thinking right that maybe you know what. I mean that's what I was asking so he. had you at 20 years old yes wow and. unfortunately took his own life a year.

later I'm so sorry man I I want to. believe that didn't have anything to do. with it but certainly did had he known. you'd be selling out Arenas he would. have waited probably would have waited. yeah would have stuck around I would. think so you know there's also there's. also a theory my own Theory right he uh. he's not even on the birth certificate. CU he did he didn't think I was his cuz. my mom he and my mom weren't like. officially D did you think your mom was. hooking up with other guys yeah. definitely thought she was she. swears right don't think I look anything.

like my dad at all and my mom always. tells me I look like this guy she dated. in high school like before she met my. dad well get DNA test I I've thought. about it you got it dude you got to get. a DNA test at the 23 now it's like but I. don't want to like now that I'm at where. I'm at in my life now I don't want to. like go and tell this guy hey by the way. you got a Golden Ticket No you don't. give him money he doesn't get [ __ ] well. yeah no he earns it he earns it what. could what could I use him for at this.

point tour manager tour manager not a. bad idea sneaker cleaner okay there okay. can I just let me just say something to. you Matt. okay that was the grossest way I've ever. seen. life right so anyway like you were. drinking from a hose okay come on let's. move on the fact that you guys have won. any gold medals is insane to me yeah. yeah we ping pong see that yeah anyway. um congrats by the way ping pong was. huge Arrow too archery archery yeah yeah.

we kill it yeah you did okay okay anyway. can I ask how many gold medals does. Korea have right now oh my God are you. Korean yeah for now [ __ ] off 21 total. medals nine Golds yeah it's amazing yeah. it's pretty good is it not amazing it's. not America 33 okay yeah what' you say. Britain Britain is 33 yeah yeah us 61. medals Come See About Us wow yeah know. you know who's in first yeah but we're. also the size of. Delaware Korea yeah what does that have. to do with it it's a small country dude.

so what go back up to the top yeah. France isn't [ __ ] that big no France. is not big at all 41 yeah okay is it. bigger than Korea though everything is. everything's bigger and Korea Okay no. Okay anyway let's I I forgot even what I. was going to ask Matt man you talking. about his dad how did your dad. die oh no choked on a piece of. kimchi it was awful to. watch he was there he wouldn't do the. him like.

anything joking almost joking I thought. he was saying I'm joking cuz we were. just [ __ ] around the whole time we're. eating dinner you I'm a do I'm a do no. what I'm saying let me go this a serious. point he died of natural causes he dies. of natural G but. um get let me get to this point please. so one of my favorite shows I've talked. about I know you guys are bored that I. talk about all the time but long lost. family I know yeah because there's an. episode of you ever seen it never even. heard of it it's on TLC it's one of the. greatest show ever made it's pretty. incredible to watch incredible what's.

about it's about either someone that was. adopted or somebody that um gave up a. kid you know before adoption they try to. find them and they reunite and it's. super sweet yeah okay so there was this. one girl on it I think it was the first. season she she's from California am I. boring you no dude I'm listening okay. okay okay I just don't like the way you. do that okay well you go like that I was. burping okay I'm not going to start over. so anyway so this is girl right and when. she was like 19 years old some guy said.

what you're Italian she I'm not Italian. you look at your face you're Italian so. she went to home she goes this guy said. that I'm Italian I'm not Italian and. then her mom goes well your dad's really. not your real dad and told her that oh. that that would kill you man I thought. you would just keep lying at you say no. you're not [ __ ] Italian I think she. would the mom was holding in for so long. and it was like a she was waiting for a. window and that was the window it was. killing her it was killing her so and. then the girl freaks out like what the. [ __ ] and she's like yeah I mean she you. that's your dad she he loves you like.

you know yeah she yeah but I want to so. then 20 years later this show comes. about and she's like I want to try to. find this guy and he knew so she um had. an animal sanctuary in California she. raised llamas and you love sari any. story with a sari a. sari a sanctuary yeah we're working on. it we're working on we're working on it. right and and so so they find the guy. right and he's like a park Granger in um.

Oregon and he has an animal sanctuary no. way yeah yeah Cent her blood yeah so. what I'm saying is is that you know they. and then they when they met they look. exactly alike and they just you can see. in the show they're just bonded like it. was an instant so beautiful right and so. it's like she's not going to go he's not. going to go hey can I have some of your. llamas like that's your parano right no. they just want to meet yeah but you mean. so what I'm saying is is that cuz she. has a bigger Sanctuary than he does. right you know he's not going to go give. me some of your [ __ ] you know marup.

he might yeah yeah I got a lot of. platypus so what I'm saying if you find. your biological dad you just want to. meet him and you who knows there might. be a connection he might he's not going. to ask for anything how do you know. you're like you you you're assuming that. that's a you don't know because because. then if he does you know let me put my. [ __ ] smart hat on okay okay. so it didn't work you you yeah with your. hair off front you look like that kid. from up.

little what with your hair coming to the. front you look like the little fat kid. from up oh really yeah that kid that's. exactly what you look like right now so. [ __ ] cute yeah I'm so cute cute you. are so cute that's you that's 100% you. when your hair goes up wait wait let me. see if I can do that kid that's that's. you that's you dude adorable dude you're. so adorable dude but I [ __ ] like a. machine no and I have to throw that out. there so so no I just everyone I'm cute. but ladies I [ __ ] like I'm a sh anyway.

okay did you ever did you ever get a did. you ever get a backup dad did you ever. get a backup Dad yeah I had a stepdad. stepdad of course was he is he still. around uh no he and my mom got divorced. like probably six seven years ago. something like now is she going to swing. again your mom or do you think this is. it oh she's dating on a new guy yeah she. a new guy would she get married for the. third time you think she was never. married the first time okay right second. time we're basically trying to ask you. is if she was single and I'm single. would can I go on with her cuz your mom. and him might be the same age your mom. how old your mom oh no my mom's.

48 dude you're [ __ ]. 52 older than his mom your mom's 48 yeah. I'm 52 I know God dude I'm the same age. as your mom first of all you could never. yeah you st she's an angel no stop stop. stop no she wouldn't no just stop stop. stop stop stop everyone stop okay cuz. what he just did maybe you stop. honestly I I'm sorry I know he's a big. St. he said you can't M my show dude okay.

dude your show right you're the captain. all right so so can we let's admit I am. the captain. now you are the captain all right so. what I'm asking you Mr R is is that I. ain't good enough for your mom dog what. is that I don't know I. just south Kore what yeah yeah hey man I. ain't good enough for your mom. dog he's from he's from Ohio doesn't. smoke American Spirits okay she smokes. marble maral light Amer but if I called.

you and I said yo dude mats your stepdad. Bob that would feel weird yeah yeah but. why I'm a good dude no you're. not Acorn hey investing can feel very. very intimidating a lot of people think. you need a lot of money uh to start. investing and stuff but that is not true. uh the earlier start the better off it's. going to be for you and that's why. acorns makes it easy to start. automatically saving and Investing For. You your kids and your retirement look.

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later IRA and get up to a 3% match on. new contributions that's extra money for. your retirement you can have more fun be. out on that boat sipping a drink by the. beach uh I am so very happy that I. started doing this uh for my long-term. retirement when I can uh just be. chilling chilling somewhere hanging out. sipping a cup of coffee huh watching the. dog run around the yard uh you want that. why not start today to have some peace. of mind for for the future head to. acorns.com badri or download the acorns.

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Timeless Elegance with true classic shop. now and elevate your wardrobe today okay. what do you think you could offer me as. a father figure this is good this is. like Shark Tank okay what I can offer. you is um spiritual. guidance spiritual gu guidance yeah. spiritual guidance did I stutter dog I. did uh yeah so you couldn't be my dad. possibly what could you teach me about. spiritual guidance like you teach me I. don't know what the problem is right now. dude maybe I'm lost maybe I'm maybe you. lost about maybe I'm trying to navigate.

uh who I'm going to be for the rest of. my life okay what I would you offer what. what I would sit down with you is right. now is seriously an exercise and I say. just put your hands on wherever the. surface of that of this pool floating. yeah pool yeah and just really feel the. texture the temperature of it right it. feels plasticky yeah feel your feet. you're grounded right yeah one of them. the smells right now right whatever. you're smelling even the office smell. right edamame exactly a little Anam Mame. right the a condition you can hear that. little little purr right it's a window.

and all those senses right now really. just kind of [ __ ] cling on to those. [ __ ] senses mhm right now that's the. only thing that exists now the present. the present. moment is it working is it working it's. actually pretty good is it working it's. pretty good what I'm saying is is that. Matt you see one side of me but there's. many sides to Namaste Bobby Lee Namaste. Bobby Lee and I have other knowledge and. wisdom that I could give you but you're.

not just you're not open to it right so. for you to say that I'm not good enough. for your mother is quite frankly Rude by. the way a spiritual an aggressive. passive aggressive spiritual coach is so. funny yeah man so funny dude pass. aggressive what kind of toxic Mr Miyagi. [ __ ] is this you feel that for you to. even think all right all right all right. all right I I won't I won't I won't I. won't you gas lit me in my own therapy I. know I know I know mom is an angel I. know she is but yeah it's just rude for.

him to say that it's not it's his mom. it's not it's not that I think she could. do better I. do how about this okay no here's what. I'm afraid of as a third party viewer of. all this uhuh you're going to come in. there try to get into his family cuz you. want some of his llamas I got llamas too. you don't have as many llamas as he does. but I got llamas old llamas frdy your. farm from different countries your farm. needs a new fence okay this [ __ ]. has acreage you okay can I just say you. understand yeah when it comes to llamas.

though right all you need is a certain. amount of llamas to survive yeah you. were worried about selling out stand up. live okay so you're you know what I'm. saying that's a say Comedy Club yeah. guy's doing [ __ ] Arenas I think he's. got a couple of more couple more llamas. but we sold out we did sold out but it's. just different yeah together together. yeah together oh really oh oh. really all right all right right you're. a solo artist fine let's move on was. Bobby on Dave I can't wait to the east. re band leaves you Matt yeah yeah um can.

we go can we go back to um so Matt what. I'm saying is that yes um the guy that. your mom's dating now not that I want to. destroy the relationship with M but what. I'm just hypothetically saying is is. that you've met him before yeah you like. him so let me I I can already bet this. now I might have more llamas than him. you probably do yes okay way more. credits look at my mg has you been on TV. or. film he was in jail so probably cops hey. that's a good show that's a good show.

highly show bad boys love that show also. I I've never cheated on anybody good. that's a truth thing that's a good thing. I always pay for meals good that's a. good thing okay two for two ballet and. whatnot and guess what pal for your. birthday mhm you get not something that. has a price tag to it but something. ingenious and something that you're. going to go you know what I'm going to. put this on my mantle it's an oron towel. is it you should see this guy make a.

swan on a bed it's unbelievable no I I. would I would be very mindful about. making you something that you're going. to go oh that was you know really. thoughtful so that's it wow I threw my. pitch what do you. think. nah all right all right I'm out you know. why you're saying that and let's move on. it's because I'm Korean yeah no yeah. you're being R that's not true that's. not that's not I'm kid that's not true. let's move on yeah yeah are you well my. mom's single are you single right now I.

am oh you are good for you well my mom. single how old's your mom 80 ageless. yeah yeah yeah ageless but her a her vad. 23 uhhuh really yeah reconstructive or. just oils and stuff. Essentials you know she just burns in. she lives in a genie lamp you got to rub. the lamp to get her out of there do you. think your mom would ever date again be. old AG it's dead the Shop's closed we'll. see yeah there there's no more M rickety.

gate down there yeah it's. rickety but so you were the last time I. talked to you you you you were in a. relationship yeah and then who broke up. with who we broke up together Mutual. yeah that's the best answer I've ever. heard we broke up um it's not the right. time can I can I ask you what because. you know I have a checklist of what I. like in a woman okay so can to ask you. some checklists by all means. okay so um from scale the 1 to 10 um. what's the number the lowest number.

you'll go like of just physic. aesthetically aesthetically we're. talking like La numbers or like. genuinely reg real world numbers real. world numbers in Ohio 8 I think oh that. great yeah yeah that's my standard Ohio. 8 oh Ohio 8 that's great do she um need. a college education no okay do you have. a college education I didn't even. graduate high school yeah he didn't. finish do you have a GED uh I have. what's equivalent to a GED can we order. him a GED please you get him on Amazon.

Prime yeah you can yeah we can get it. same day if we order it before before. yeah okay she says to you Matt I hate. all animals o tough that's really tough. that's hates them I mean she's just like. I just like if I'm touch him and stuff. but it's like I'll never own a dog cat. let's be two candidates for him and you. be that girl I'll be this girl and we'll. see who okay we'll see well let's start. from the beginning cuz I want to. introduce myself though yeah go ahead. okay. okay hello.

pass man no I'm sorry go ahead go yeah. just disregard this I'm a oh8 okay okay. okay just visualize it oh8 right okay. yeah my name is Shuki. shooki yeah and and my last name Shaka. so I I go by sh Shi. Shaka okay Junior anyway um so I I never. went to college I know have an accent I. don't want to have an accent iut shut up.

Shi shooki you do I don't want one okay. cuz I don't think you'll like it all. right I might like it no no I just want. to do this my just I'm Shi Shuki sh okay. all right okay Shi yeah all right anyway. um yeah so I never went to college but. it's like um um I really don't have any. dreams or aspirations and I hate animals. like if I see a llama Or if I see like a. mongoose or something I'll go oh look. there it is and I might like touch it. but it's like I have no connection I've. never connected with an animal and I. just think the animals are out there for.

eating you won me at the. end yeah big fan of eating animals but. also I feel like animals kind of connect. with your soul a little bit so to have. never connected with an animal is a bit. of a bit of bit of a red flag a little. bit but I I have a talent and what's. that and I make um sculptures out of. pine. cones what's the scale of these pine. cones gantic I use maple syrup cuz I'm. Canadian as well. shook shooki the Canadian Shaka the.

Canadian and I do this art with pine. cones and needles pine needles all right. yeah I like a girl who sells [ __ ] on. Etsy and the last one I did was of one I. did a big sculpture of Brian fery from. of what Brian FY the lead singer of Roxy. Music some you described it and somehow. I knew L also and also. Toto the band Toto no Toto the dog from. wi Wizard of Oz yeah it's like a bran.

fairy and Toto's on his shoulder and the. other other other one right is. Hae ha from Harry Potter what's her name. Hermione. [Laughter]. Hermione yeah and it made hermion out of. all pine needles all right I'm back in. yeah she doesn't look spiky what's your. Harry Potter house my Harry Potter house. well you know it's like um I don't do. dumbledor. you think the house is.

Dumbledore well I [ __ ] him when I was. there I [ __ ] dble which is he's old. but no um. Hufflepuff okay I'm Hufflepuff okay. that's pretty Ravenclaw I I kicked out. of Ravenclaw you know what I mean but. Hufflepuff for sure who's this yeah. who's this who's this fine piece of meat. whoa first of all hey yeah we've met met. Shaka remember so go ahead I'm Martha. I'm. 68 I like sushi. I don't I have never wiped once poop or.

pee I don't believe in matching. shoes I drive a geom. Metro I live in. Acton Acton Acton Acton Ohio. yes and I'll suck your bone dry sold wow. it's literally all it wow easy all it. took the suing sucking bone dry is good. yeah man no no pine cones just get. she has a dream [ __ ] face.

ew I'm trying to support my own no I. know but you don't want somebody that. has a dream [ __ ] nard no no all right no. preferably they have a dream here's what. I don't like when I'm going on a date. and I go what do you want to do like I. don't nothing oh yeah that's like you. can't that's so such a turnoff what do. people like that you know what's. interesting you get I'm sure you're. you're a very eligible bachelor. right uh what are you now doing doing. cuz you're not on the apps what are you.

doing to meet people now I don't I don't. meet anybody so you just are date if. it's organic and you meet through a. friend or through the grape vine I. suppose but dude I'm but you're out for. now you're not interested yeah I'm not. interested in anybody good for you I. don't I just I I can't stay stay working. actually but be careful on the work part. do you remember what I told you at. Bert's Premiere do you remember when I. pulled you aside in what I told you uh. yeah don't don't go to Bobby's house. don't go to. Bobby's ver. what' you say at First Premiere I said. to you I'm H I'm proud of you I'm happy.

for you um and I said just don't let. them work you to death and they sure did. and then a and then within like a month. we were in I saw that yeah Riverside or. some [ __ ] and this [ __ ]. announced like a three-year tour I'm. like they got his ass they got him good. dude how are you feeling being T touring. so as much as you are uh well I had to. take two weeks off cuz I almost I. thought I was going to [ __ ] die I I. went seven straight days without a. single minute of sleep whatever and I. was doing this casino in um was it was.

it Sun Valley in NorCal I don't know I. don't maybe I havea casinos up there. sure and I was on like I was on like. four days there no sleep and I'm I'm. sitting down I got this [ __ ] Wireless. handsfree mic now yeah I'm one of. thosee and I'm like holding on I'm. sitting down the whole time holding on. holding on to the stool like trying to. keep myself from like falling over I. can't look out into the crowd I my. vision just going so in and out I'm like. if I just get through this I have three. days off before my next show show I'll. just rest I didn't sleep for those.

entire 3 days why so then when I I just. I couldn't sleep what I said that just. can't sleep I'm glad you didn't remember. it because it was a good piece of advice. but I did mean it when I said it to you. because I'm being genuine I've known you. for so long I've seen your career it's. been wonderful you've been humble the. whole time you've been a gracious dude. um you've worked through all sorts of. [ __ ] a lot of up and downs from a. perspective that America may not know. you know I've seen you do the Gambit. I've seen you run the Gambit from a from.

from a from a very low low level that I. saw you at when you first started and. you were young and I think what's Wild. is people think well this is what you. asked for but when I meant when I said. that to you was because we're a little. older I've seen it before and I was like. just don't let them run you into the. ground and of course they ran you into. the [ __ ] ground and I we had heard. cuz we know your old team or and all. that stuff and when you announced all. that [ __ ] I thought you got to be. careful dude because they'll they'll. work you till you break you're also. allowed to say no allowed to say no know. that at the time when you're used to.

having nothing and hearing no no no no. no and then you're getting all yeses of. course you don't know how to when. they're offering you a paycheck for one. show that's more than you've ever made. in your entire life combined who in. their right mind knows how to turn that. dude trust me I told you I get it and I. said go get your thing but also you got. to be you have to watch out for you. because you will have an emotional. breakdown Theo's talked about it we've. talk to the about it he he called me. just the other day to he's had big heavy. hits where he it's tough sometimes if. you're just go go go go go go go you're. this is not this is this goes away you.

lose your [ __ ] the last year and a half. I've been doing 40 to 50 shows a month. oh my God yeah it's been you owe the. mafia a bunch of money what going on. what are you doing gam I thought I. thought I could handle it I really I. really thought I could do I promise you. can't I apparently I couldn't I when I. had to I had to take these two weeks off. from shows was [ __ ] brutal I never. thought I was going to have to do that. but I was just like I cannot possibly. [ __ ] perform and it was because I was. on a tour bus for 9 months so every day.

was Groundhog Day right I would perform. till 2:00 in the morning stay awake till. 5 or 6 then try to go to bed couldn't. sleep so I'd sleep till like 2:00 p.m. I'd stay on the bus which was wrapped so. basically blacked out until like 400. p.m. just meetings writing whatever I'd. go outside I'd see the sunlight for like. two minutes a day walking to the gym and. walking back and then I'd do the shows. and repeat so when I had to come back. here and take all these doctor's. appointments they were like oh dude on. top of you you have like severe insomnia. and like really bad anxiety I don't know. if you've ever talked to anybody about. this before but it's not even that you.

have a bad circadian rhythm you don't. even have one at all it's like you know. when you have a baby you have to like. teach your baby when it's supposed to go. to sleep like what night time is right. and that's all based on sunlight I never. knew that I knew sunlight was good for. like vitamin D or whatever and good for. like your immune system but I had no. idea it had to do with your sleep clock. as much so my body and brain had no idea. when it was supposed to go to sleep ever. wow so I had to like those two weeks off. I had to like retrain my brain to like. be like okay stick to some kind of loose.

schedule at least a little and new meds. like are you staying clean outside of. that though do you don't you're not a. big drinker drug user you don't do any. of that stuff drink I don't really drink. unless I'm like I mean maybe like maybe. four times a year I drink I but stay off. of it because I that's the that's the. one thing that I think gets people. you're on the road and you think well. I'll I'll do this because this will help. or I'll pop a pill or take a drink or. smoke or and it's that's when it starts. to spiral especially in your case when. you're like just constant constant. constant Conant so it's good St away. from it but also met um Sirus note I'm.

going to put on my Sirus hat okay um. it's about longevity too you know of. course you know that's the hard part him. and I been we've been around for a long. time you know him longer than me how old. are you s you know 40 he's 40 yeah I'm. well but I've looked 40 since you met. I've been I started when I was 23 oh my. God and since the '90s all the way till. now and it's like and there was a lot of. opportunities I didn't get D and also. admit I was never like the kind of what.

you got you know what I mean I never got. what what do you mean well you were. never dude dude dude you're uh you're. being so [ __ ] rude right now it makes. me so [ __ ] mad you were never I tell. you what I'm [ __ ] talking about right. now d never hot no [ __ ] that's what I'm. saying no [ __ ] you didn't get a phone.

call term oh dude you make me so did you. haven't made me this mad since the early. days dude good dude yeah no [ __ ] you. dude I'm not all you [ __ ] you. Porky God Dam God damn this is so hot. any anyway yeah you never got these. opportunities but you got some amazing. but you had amazing opportunities I've. done a lot of great things in my care. but what I'm saying is is that um I I. it's just just know that you're always. going to work I think the thing in our.

minds is like if I don't do it now it's. going to disappear it's not now it comes. about in different. forms you might. do see see you might do bigger things. right or you might do you know mean. there there'll be a couple of slim years. but trust me you will have you'll come. back and then you'll back and that's. what life is like this like a are you. okay. [ __ ] dude it's like this you.

know yeah okay the roller the roller. coaster back and forth like this the. roll this feels racist even you yeah. yeah so that's what you know that's the. inside of your grandfather clock. CH I need to drink some water hold on. you need to you yeah you need to get. your sleep schedule right cuz it's. healthy for you dude to get get back to. square one then you get healthy. physically and mentally cuz I think the. mental thing is like you're in the gym. all the time but that's not helping this.

thing no of course just cuz you're. getting in staying in shape it's not. going to help your brain and a lot of. people don't understand it's like okay. you get to this point what is there to. be anxious about like you made it right. but it's like okay well how do you keep. making it it's it's easy to have like a. hot couple of years but then you go okay. the anxieties is of like okay am I ever. going to have money to like support a. family or anything like that that's. that's cool that's taken care of but. it's like what's how hard this moment is. right now I go [ __ ] like what what's the. next 60 years well but who cares I would.

say this I'd say the one thing I would. say. is if you're not enjoying it no matter. what you acquire will never be worth it. that was the no matter what you cons. matter what come if it's not fun anymore. and it's just work to for the. perspective future of the hope that I'll. be settled at some point you're never. going to you're going to lose your mind. and you'll get there and you'll be. miserable as [ __ ] you'll have whatever. you need you'll go [ __ ] this sucks I. don't even like this yeah there there. would there would definitely be times in.

doing you know 10 to 14 shows a week. that I'm like there was nothing that. upset me more than whenever I would go I. don't feel like performing it's like. dude you have a theater full of [ __ ]. people right you would have killed to. just have one of these shows like this. ever in your lifetime and you didn't. feel like doing it because it just felt. like Groundhog Day over and over again. so the be the best part was like having. my friends around to remind me of that. and make the entire experience as fun as. humanly possible how many people do you. take on the road. uh there's my videographer my.

photographer um two. openers two people same two guys uh yeah. host and a feature uh I keep the same. host and then my feature just kind of in. out yeah yeah it depends I just I just. said Eric Griffin was with me in uh. Atlantic City hosting uh no featuring. let's move him down to host happily let. move him to host he loves you so much he. loves you so much he talked about you. last night we ran I ran into him last. night oh really draft King sports book. we had the appetizer last week now it's. time to Feast college football is back. baby don't miss any of the action jump.

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told me he goes you know why I'm happy I. go why in my career he goes I don't have. like the amount of money that some of. these other guys have but every year I. there's certain milestones and markers I. look for and it's am I doing something. different than I did last year right. because the whole thing about this. business is about surprise and living. life experiences and Matt you know maybe. you'll spend a year maybe doing a movie. you have you have some movies coming out. right or no you already shot some no. we've got like we got like six in. development for that's what I'm saying.

once those starts start those then. you're going to be in a town for a month. and a half doing that and meeting. different actors and doing that. creatively you're going to do different. things right so just as long as every. year you're mixing it up and not just. constantly touring cuz then that would. be that's like a a sad life you'll burn. out you'll burn out you just burn out. and we don't want you to burn I think. that was pretty good advice that was. really good advice that was really good. advice thank you all right I need to ask. this because I know and I know it's not. favorable conversation but I do I am.

curious you you have become very. successful since since i' we've seen you. on this rise have you spoiled yourself. have you done something where you're. like I did I bought a thing and I did a. thing yeah and I never could do it. before uh I bought my mama house was the. first thing I did great great class act. act Class Act I just bought my first. house you bought her house first yeah. you're a class what city did you buy it. at mine or hers hers hers uh she's she's. in Georgia out outside of Atlanta book a.

flight okay good good to know send just. give us the address yeah yeah um no and. then you bought one here in La no I. don't live here anymore I live in Rhode. Island wow why this City's dead dude. there it is this city is so there's no. energy drive down sunset on a weekend. night there's no traffic why did you. pick Rhode Island it wasn't even the top. 10 places I look trust me I just there. was three things on my check this I. wanted to land I wanted to like get what. I was actually [ __ ] paying for and I.

found this massive place for probably. the same price as a two-bedroom with no. yard two bedroom one bath yeah out here. yeah uh wanted to get what I was paying. for in land uh needed to have some kind. of a comedy scene and Providence has a. comedy connection out there it's a great. Club sure Boston's 45 minutes away. amazing comedy scene and also convenient. for travel well I guess that was the. third um and Rhode Island Providence is. like my Burbank Airport and Boston's my. LAX so it really stays about the same. I'm just but dude it's so beautiful I've.

never been a morning person as we just. discussed my sleeping problems every. single day I wake up there the the seven. days I've been there in the past four. months I've owned it yeah you don't even. live there I wake up so happy it is so. [ __ ] beautiful that's wonderful dude. yeah I'm so happy I did that so nothing. here no apartment here no connection to. Los Angeles anymore I couldn't dude my. business managers explained that I. looked into even just getting like a. condo here or something if I own any. kind of property here because I've lived. here for 11 years they'll say that this. is still and that's my vacation home.

somewhere so I'll still get Califoria. taxes and I was like [ __ ] that wow wow. wow wow yeah RH island did you have you. ever visited before nope wow no I just. went I was performing at Mohan Sun uh. five shows out there or something light. like that um and Dro that it's about an. hour see what he just did like it they. made us play the parking lot of moan son. we we we did moan sunet we didn't even. get the [ __ ] full sun yeah moan Moon. oh yeah [ __ ] dude it was an hour away. and we were I found it on Zillow and I.

was like oh I'll go I'll peep this real. quick we went and checked it out and I. was like oh this is like one show at. Mohan son awesome so wow good for you it. was awesome dude wow buying your mama. house first was a Class Act that's a. cool thing to do you know when you told. her how did you tell her I told her I. called her I was like hey I called her. like it was like maybe like a week after. the the tour sold out um and it like. obviously the first time I knew I was. going to have any money at all I was. like hey in your [ __ ] face you know. told told you I was a silly [ __ ] and no.

obviously no I called her very. lighthearted I was like Hey things. worked out finally now that I have some. money I want to like I want to I want to. take care of you you know you have you. still have to work but like your bills. are taken care of right wow I I bought. her a car the year before when like. things were like just kind of starting. to take off a little bit oh wait let's. guess the car can you guess the car go. ahead let's get hers yeah yeah a Tesla. no no in Georgia she would have no idea. what to do with the Tesla she he bought. her an F350 LIF truck an F350 lifted. truck with hydraulic jacked up truck. nuts yeah truck nuts dangling Smoke.

Stack yeah come on Matt let's go dude. what' you buy her she wanted a Hyundai. dude really Humble Pie awesome she. thought it was a nice car I was like. they are really good Korean cars yeah. very good is that is got Dum lifts and. ation beepa Bea yep yeah she didn't ask. for anything crazy exactly got to that. got to the house she was excited about. it you know you the best son ever oh. cried yeah it was the first time I had. heard that do you have a sister or a. brother uh yeah I I have four sisters.

are they biolog or fafy no three half. sisters one three step sisters one half. sister one half sister well we don't. know who's biological CU this are you. none of them might be biological are you. closest with the half sister or all. closer than the step sisters yes for. sure for yeah I would say so is one of. them an evil step sister an evil step. sister yeah like the F like the fan. fairy tales none more than the others I. suppose if your step sister went hey man. uh I'm down on my luck uh I've been.

using fatl go yeah yeah doing the fat. you know but I'm not shooting it up. anymore you know I mean I I Dro four. them in my eyeballs I just drip them in. my eyeballs anyway um I need about 20. grand cuz I'm like I'm dying I would say. Bobby Lee is single and he has a lot of. llamas hit him up you would do that I. would do that for you I would I don't. want it do I don't want your sister y. [ __ ] drop sister you want all three. of them no are they hot okay. no turn right around what do you mean.

why no no let me you were first no then. you're. like when you ask like you know hey is. your brother hot why is that like your. sister your sister's hot give a hot. sister this is why your sister's hot and. guess what dude yeah dog do you I'm. going to hurt you today yeah. yeah what are you doing you got to go no. I got I'm sweating oh God look at those. stretch marks from when he gave birth. isn't that. crazy you don't got anything like that. how many days of the week are you in the. gym Bud five six six or seven yeah.

listen to that Bob how many days of the. week have you gone to the gym this year. how many days have you gone to the gym. this year I haven't been in gym in 12. years and look at this n and who and. this looks good this is good I don't I. don't do any. movement like I rarely move little. mental movement I do but it's like I. don't do really anything I go upstair. that was kind of a crunch the the lean. lean back again thank thank you thank. you don't don't don't don't don't shame. me I'm not I'm hyping you up yeah yeah. you know I'm not ched like you but does. anybody's voice go this High when.

they're not. likey good that's hype that's hype dude. that's all hype yeah but um you know I. do fine in the arena of the opposite sex. even though I look like this no but I. say I want you to go to the gym for your. health I don't give a [ __ ] about the I. really I'm trying to get my Comm doctor. to get me on on zic please would you. really do it I'm I'm asking doctor my. doctor to do please don't do that I have. to do it please Bob who's your doctor. Ken. and there goes there goes my career cuz.

as CL that was a lot it's a big laugh. yeah it was it was a great joke it was a. good joke but that was a lot I know you. know I mean I just knew how it affect. you yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh no I'm going. to get on it I'm going to get on it. because um please don't do it I I swear. to God it can't be good for you dude I. don't care I'll die let's go to the side. effects yeah let's go oh nausea. constipation you have those already. diarrhea you got it dizziness you got it. I have I already looked I have all of it. right now thyroid cancer I don't have. that all right burping yeah you did that. on the show you saw that what's D.

dysphagia dysphasia dysphasia Oh you. mean d fagia right. here dude dude dude OIC breath what do. we think that smells like dude that was. dude that was funny thanks dog don't do. it again dude shut up do what I want. it's my show hypoglycemic blurred vision. oh my God all right look at this one. Theory suggests the drug could be. contributing to gut disp disbiosis gut. imbalance of bacteria in the intestine.

that can lead a variety of digestive. problems and oral health issues such as. bad. breath it's fine I'm going to do it for. like a couple of months please don't I. have to do it I look like [ __ ] and then. you know what dude you don't look like. [ __ ] you look wonderful I just want you. to walk if you walk every day two miles. listen two miles a day I want this is. the. truth okay yeah I was with a girl a. couple of months months ago mhm MH and. she goes um and she she goes she saw my.

naked body we're in bed she saw my naked. body well the lights on yeah the Lights. On The Lights yeah the lights are on. they're dimmed they're dimmed they're. not they're not like these and she was. looking at it not in a disgusting way. but more in for like you know like you. know when you used to dissect frogs at. the in in in biology yeah you I mean. like you I mean looking what is what is. it is that supposed to be out like that. she goes there's something wrong with me. and I go why she goes cuz I know who she.

used to used to date she I you know I. dated these guys and then this is and I. and I go I looked at her with my doughy. eyes and I go I'm so sorry and she goes. no I think you're sexy I just don't know. why well because you and then as soon as. she said that I was like oh a zic I had. to be on it no she likes your aura she. said you're sexy yeah but you you he. didn't even [ __ ] he questioned it you. can love like a pure bread Golden. Retriever and still still adore like a a. dog from the pound you know what that's. right yeah Matt you you think I look.

like Shir no no anyway so and don't. Korean Elvis so racist no it's not yes. it is for us I'm still I still can't get. over the fact that you moved all the way. East yeah it bums me out actually. because we have no allies here anymore. man no man you just you don't have to. live here anymore in the entertainment. industry you don't have to live here. promise me one thing we will see you on. January 6th you're going to come back. what's January 6th okay dude don't play. DB with us when we go to the capital. again our yearly.

triply tripd the. Excursion why do you think I move closer. come on dude get the bricks I have some. good bricks this this time now are you. are you going to are you going to break. in when who wins anybody we're there. anywhere be either way it doesn't matter. yeah okay I like this you Clos you are. much closer we could use your house as a. hub we could have his house as a love. and you got a lot of land does anybody. live with you or you by yourself on this. I live with two of my boys and there's.

another house on my property that I also. bought that another uh friend of mine's. going to move into you would never. charge any of these people rent or. anything of course I do oh you do yeah. it's not a lot but like I I believe like. you still have to have. responsibility keep appearances they won. the lottery your friends yeah no cuz. were friends yeah but they also earn it. you know what I mean like all of them. work for me and they [ __ ] earn that. money like it's so great when I can't. sleep and I'm up till 2:00 in the. morning editing my own [ __ ] when I can. text my my my videographer and be like.

hey when you wake up if you can see this. and he's like dude I'm also upw working. right now I'm like I [ __ ] love that. you still are doing work you're still. cutting Clips you're not making other. people I I have to cut them because I. just don't trust anybody else to do the. exact timing I mean you know [ __ ] a half. second beat can change a joke right so. it can just it can lag on I don't trust. anybody else to edit it comedically so. then I edit it comedically and then I. send it to him and he does like the. camera switching and the captioning and. [ __ ] it's funny cuz we don't do of that. [ __ ] we have no idea no we just let them. do it I have no idea how to do it I I.

mean I I in theory could learn or I've. learned in the past but oh no bro I had. I had to go to my friend's house and he. had to download premere Pro on my laptop. and then I recorded him teaching me for. an hour how to do premere pro and then. for like months after I had to watched. that video any time I was Ed that's. awesome though wow the fact that you. like the fact that you did it though is. great I mean that just shows you're. still doing it on your own and like I. didn't have any op dog you have a dog no. God I want I'm gone too much I can't I. know that's the thing I'm not going to. get a little I but you but Al so your. the guys they go on tour with you yeah.

they're going you got to get a couple of. guys that live there that don't go on. tour with you so they can take care of. the cat two do the two cuz I know you're. going to get one dog and two cats I can. feel it oh I can feel it no no more dogs. than cats no he's going to get one dog. you're not you're not going to like the. cats I might get a little farm cat that. could be kind of cute you mean an. outdoor cat yeah I have three cats. they're the best they're all outdoor. cats they're inside well me just pisses. all over every furniture that I have. yeah it's awful it's awful which one's. your favorite gonner goar is the best.

his name is gonner yeah do you know why. why well you don't your little mind. can't understand it I'm that was so. rude you're right it's not even like a. you're right dude that was so rude he's. an Arsenal soccer fan yeah a what. Arsenal team Arsenal is that a soccer. team yeah North London North London. North London. northon over here we root for [ __ ]. Aral I'm his friend you know we root for.

[ __ ] Aral anyway how come you don't. play England Matt I am in September I. com finally M I'm coming what are you. playing the oo Arena not yet what are. you playing in England ah D I don't even. know there a bunch of theaters the Royal. wer donga Palace D I want to do Royal. Albert Hall more than anything oh let. you in we have to talk to the. queen going to dig her up yeah we'll dig. her up is it all right. lady. R plays a royal all you're so good what.

a talent we'll get you whole plate of. bangers and. MH do we should start a sketch group. don't you think we should start a. scratch group no man okay [ __ ] okay [ __ ]. it but I want to can I just see one last. piece of advice before I you know what I. mean AD more advice one last one yeah. all right okay last thing is cuz you got. to be very picky on what projects you do. okay n take them all no no take it from. guy I passed on Borderlands I'm way. ahead of. you this guy's so good I'm kidding they.

did not they did not offer it they did. not offer no what I'm saying is you know. like when Paul Shaw Paulie sha was like. he said yes the first five things yeah. but inom man was a hit they're all. [ __ ] iconic dude son-in-law one of my. favorite like in the Army now you think. that's a master I love it okay okay. actually was a great movie I love Pa. sorry anyway let's move are you talking. about me bro don't y you yawning are you. tired from giving people the wrong wrong. address what's exhausting [ __ ] up. your gig the amount of times these guys.

have [ __ ] up we gave him a raise I. think we just gave him a raise he keeps. [ __ ] up please he's going through. some personal things what he's going. through some personal things I heard you. were going to send him to Spain are you. going to get a double masectomy or no I. yeah finally wait masectomy yeah he's. got breast. cancer look at those titties you're. lying do you really yeah you for real. have breast cancer M like not for the. bit like do you for real yes he doesn't. know how to not do the bit you know what. by the way good for you yeah yeah I.

thought that was great yeah it was. actually good it look real yeah yeah he. doesn't have titty K on. can you are the only guy I know that is. of your weight class and size that has. small tits you have nine nice little. tiny be cup tits yeah yeah they don't. Point uhuh it's it's tested all my. weights in my stomach yeah yeah yeah. would you prefer it in the tits honestly. I would maybe the. dick the dick s are you having what okay. so are you eating like a maniac are you. doing all this you doing diet [ __ ].

or no dude that's my biggest thing I. don't eat enough for sure I have such a. fast metab that's why I work out every. day cuz I don't retain any size what do. you eat at all are you eating anything. fun or no yeah dude no I eat fun [ __ ]. all the time I you're not eating just. like chicken and vegetables every day no. I'll do burgers and [ __ ] you do whatever. all the time isn't that nice to wish be. that age you can just do that all the. time yeah I have a cheeseburger I can't. do anything for like a week and a half. even assai bowls I can't do anymore no. yeah because it's so much sugar to too. much. my left foot fell asleep yesterday yeah. out of nowhere I just got for like a.

whole day my left foot was like asleep. yeah I got to cut it out man yeah my. sugar to my sweet tooth has gone through. since I put away booze man my sweet. tooth you don't drink at all no I don't. not drink at all I just I I you know I I. just go through phases of when I just. stop and then I have a couple and then I. stop I do na beers once in a while I. like those non-alcoholic beers yeah love. one that's the most alcoholic thing I. can imagine drinking well dude to like. to drink to like to drink for the flavor. but not the results insane I love it I I. like the flavor of beer I do like the.

flavor so gross see na uh uh D alkalized. liquor terrible like bourbon de. alkalized that's ter but an NA beer is. pretty [ __ ] close to the same thing. to beer tastes like piss dog well when. you grow up you'll like it hinin let you. know in eight years I got you hinin. makes a double zero beer that I think is. I don't know it tastes it's so clean and. good it tastes just like that and if I'm. out with friends. I'll have one of those instead of. getting cooked because I just so crazy.

to me I know what do you drink Bobby. when I do cowg piss cups of piss when I. when I do cowgirl I have to put a pillow. between my back cuz my back hurts mm. when you're riding somebody no when I'm. in no do you do reverse cowgirl when. you're on when you're on your buddy no. when she's on me I have to put a pillow. on my back because my if it hurts my P. yeah we're getting older enjoy it right. now dude it's all going to break down. yeah what I like to drink um I like to. drink I'm in AA you know that right you. really yeah I've been for almost 3 years. what really no two and half years been.

two and a half years that's almost good. dude thank you man of course and so um. but you know if I was drinking those. Fireballs I really liked Fireball yeah. yeah like the little like like the the. the what like a cinnamon whiskey yeah. really I like that those get [ __ ] on a. lot but they actually taste kind of good. like it why would get those right from. the um in Hawaii they have the little. bottles I used to drink like 15 of them. all right that's enough no what. I love that remember yeah yeah we do. remember yeah yeah cuz I relapsed when.

they were in they in Hawaii well they. saw me in Mexico and I got drunk and. they they had to follow me around and. and and be my shoper had to send him to. rehab I go after Hawaii after Mexico Oh. some somebody got shot at the resort. next to us remember that in Cancun no. [ __ ] way yeah a tourist or no no they. never kill a tourist they kill a local. yeah oh so it it was uh Cartel Cartel. 100% no [ __ ] way they walked to the. guy shot him and then they walked out. casually I think they took a mint on the. way out very smooth yeah yeah it it was.

really like they didn't feel they would. never heard of tourist it would [ __ ] up. their business that's what I've heard. but they tried to shut down the resort. remember this it was a panic and then I. was freaking out because I had to put. him in rehab and he was causing me a lot. of Anguish and I trying to find where he. was off to and he was hiding and he was. asking you were hiding yeah well he was. asking other people to buy him booze and. then he got in a fight with me because I. wouldn't get him alcohol and then he. locked himself in his room and he got. [ __ ] on the wall he pooped all over the. wall no no he didn't yeah he did you. [ __ ] on the wall oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. and that those are like 15ot I mean all.

the way up like B thing it's he's an. artist yeah yeah yeah I'm not kidding. dude I opened the door to his hotel room. there was throw up yeah yeah yeah yeah. okay let's move on we talk about no no. descript descript it there was it looked. like like it looked like a one a 180. sprinkler head that's. like that's what it was W the at times. no I'm glad I put you in there no I feel. great I feel free yeah yeah was that was. that like the final straw when you just. I've had a lot of final straws in my. life you know I had a final straw at 17.

when I was 30 I had a final straw you. know over my lifetime i' I've relapsed. and and gone that deep but um this time. it looks I feel like it's sticking we've. been to rehab three times together yeah. yeah yeah we I put him through. re Tak care of him take put him where he. needs to belong and that's cuz I love. him so much that's so the one in two. song was the worst that was the worst it. was a b it was a bad rehab it was like. one of those places were like they I had. to wake up at like 6:00 in the morning. wait in this line I'm I'm in like.

hospital gown right and then like it's. like that Queen's Gambit where they give. you like a cocktail of pills and I would. go what's in this and they go drink it. or eat it I would and then I would just. be a zombie all day and there was like. no counseling or anything I was just. walking around smoking cigarettes just a. mental Asylum yeah it was a mental asy. and I was there for two weeks and then. one day I just called my agent I was. like I got to get out of here you know. what I mean they're draging me you know. what I mean right and I got out and I I. changed facilities but that was a weird.

do you guys remember that it was a weird. I can't tell what place you could check. yourself out of rehab at any time that. one I couldn't because in the middle of. the desert and like I I didn't know how. but legally yes correct yeah I had no. money I did I they took away my cell. phone they took away everything he was. deliberately put in a place where you. were a little more controlled huh but. but it was too controlled but yeah well. yeah I mean it's also I'm smoking. cigarettes with a bunch of like 20 young. kids kids in the middle of a soccer. field and they're just like what are you. doing here man and I'm just like I don't.

know man you know crazy they're like. aren't you on. TV me it's like crazy. yeah Andrew do you is there anything you. think you're close to addicted. to um uh work that's that's not a bad no. he has what har Mandel has he can't stop. he he always has to be doing something. and it's not something it's a real thing. yeah probably a sickness for like I look. I look at him I go what you're going. where what you know I mean like 24/7.

it's always doing something yeah and. it's not healthy no [ __ ] I probably have. that as well dude when I had to take two. weeks off it felt like taking six months. off it was awful I was going [ __ ]. nuts I've gotten better at taking time. off I take we take. vacations uh my wife and I like go we we. we carve out time to do things but but. your work is is different than my work. my I mean like you're on tour you're. grinding you're doing [ __ ] 50 shows a.

month mine is this job that job this job. that job it just I'm just spreading. myself too thin of course uh something. you could consider spreading yourself. thin but. um that hurts that's I'm going to give. be Pi beauty is pain okay hey hey be my. little Korean Elvis I'm sorry come on. give me a Bo. wi we going to win we going to go dude. have you ever played Memphis Yeah I was. just there maybe maybe a month ago we.

[ __ ] hat I love Memphis are you. serious you it's for you they hate where. where did you play with uh we played at. Elvis's estate at graceand yeah yeah. yeah yeah no you did not yes we did yes. you can play at graceand you can play at. the stages of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah oh I'm [ __ ] furious I did the I. think did they didn't like us they. didn't like us it was like uh hated us. was it aive podcast you did stand up we. up it was like we doing a TED talk about. death mhm you know what I mean hey guys.

this is what death you know what I mean. they were like in a [ __ ] zombie. everyone in the audience had just lost. somebody that's what it felt like that's. what it felt like like everybody just we. ate it we ate it we ate it it was one of. the worst shows we've ever done you know. what I should take it back we don't hate. Memphis we hated what happened there. yeah we got Louisville what happened in. Louisville I like Louisville oh the. flying the food at Chili's yeah the. flying the but the show was weird do you. guys have any like stalkers or anything. on the tour. uh we had one guy that was [ __ ] in. Dallas that I was at the meet and greet.

and he was like uh he goes hey man I. broke in here yeah yeah what he goes I. broke Asian guy Asian guy yeah Asian. yeah yeah he goes I broke sorry he goes. I I broke in here no of course not no he. goes uh he goes I broke in here man I. was like what do you mean he goes I. didn't I don't even have a ticket I. don't have VIP or anything I just broke. in he's like this is what I do I have a. GoPro or something he recorded himself. breaking into his favorite concerts and. venues and so we were like cool man. security yeah and what the [ __ ] yeah why. would you admit that yeah does he like.

post them online I don't know I think he. probably does a YouTube show or. something about it you got to find it. yeah well dude I said to him I go hey. man as long as you're cool chill and. you're not trying to hurt anybody like. fine but like don't don't tell anybody. that yeah you're going to get arrested. like I'm not going to arrest you but. they're going to arrest you so I was. like don't say anything just get out of. here that's [ __ ] terrifying it was. weird as [ __ ] that was the only time but. him and I though um well my concern was. cuz we had really never toured together. before literally never literally had. never done it so in my mind I'm like.

what is is it going to affect our. relationship or our friendship but I I. don't think it I think it strengthened. it you got share a room no but we're I. you're doing it wrong yeah you're. supposed to share a Double Tree really. full bed of course you've done that with. people that's what I was doing in the. beginning of touring yeah not not like. the Live Nation Tour but like when I was. first starting a headline on my own like. beginning of last year yeah cuz I. couldn't afford to get everybody their. own room yet right but we. can you know fine [ __ ] weird about.

don't do that you know what I mean no we. slept on the bus we lived on the yeah oh. you said a bus we didn't get a hotel we. were on the bus but I A gry Hound oh it. more like a brown hound okay yeah not so. gray it was a brown hound it was from. Mexico but you but the power dynamics. hey where we going. bro. I sorry I give him more of the. power what did you do I give you more of. the power give it to me I am it yeah I. know I'm saying was there one big room. in the back or was it all bunks there's.

one big room in the back he gets the. back room you got the back room I get. the bunk yeah little bunk on the side. and how did you how did you uh decide. this he he just called me and said you. can have it yeah because I know see. these are the things that break up the. Beatles these are the things that break. up like bands and stuff okay. Yoko dude you know what's you know. what's worse than that the smirk you had. before thanks thanks I saw go Ed your. brain and then when you said it very. good John doesn't hurt as much John it.

doesn't hurt as much John right on his. arm wow what's that doing for you gives. me my pussy's wet my go pussy's wet my. point is no let's quit that out but my. point is um I he you I have to give him. I go you know you can do it you take it. he likes sleeping in the coffins yeah. yeah he does I told my friends the same. thing I said it's too much space back. there you guys wouldn't yeah they don't. like it he likes sleeping in the coffins. I like that he likes that he likes it. that he likes that yeah well no he. really does I will say this no lie this. is not me saying this to say it I've.

slept in the coffins before and the. coffins are nice because it's just it's. a light Little Rock in the back you're. like rolling around it's it you it's not. as stable you got to sprawl out look. what what happened to me well that's on. BT's bus he fell out of the he fell out. of the coffin no you fell out of the out. of the bunk yeah the bunk and I hit my. head on a Ledge and I had to go to the. hospital holy [ __ ] I got nine stitches I. got little baby and I got off the really. no I'm saying I took a [ __ ] you got all. bit dizzy what about that time you got. dizzy from a [ __ ] yeah this guy gets oh.

40-year-old [ __ ] I've ever heard [ __ ] I. took a [ __ ] and I hit my head don't call. me a [ __ ] cuz I'll fight you and I'll. beat the [ __ ] out of you you. know dude today because he's here it's a. dynamic what is it I don't know what it. is but him being white guy thing no you. and I have this this this thing that we. used to have in the Pod is back yeah and. I think he's doing it he's in yeah well. it's something you specifically doing. it's just it's there's something about. it think you can move here and live here. for us and do this with us every week. inste if you guys if you guys want to. split the profits like 50 25 25 or.

something well I hate hate to tell you. but uh we're not making that many llamas. yeah sad well these M we look over none. of these mics are even plugged. in do you have one do you have a pod no. I just don't have the time yeah yeah. you'll have one one day don't wish that. on. me to pray upon my downfall is very. funny Matt yeah yo we love you to death. great we're so happy for you um. genuinely uh it's welld deserved and.

you've taken everything in stride uh the. love the hate all the above and all that. stuff comes along with being as popular. as you are and good for you and we're. stoked for you man I think you're. [ __ ] you've always been a great dude. since I met you that first time I met. you you 19 years old or whatever it was. when I first met you it was wild and uh. back then you were like one day I'm. going to be a big old star comedian you. sound back then and uh man I'm happy for. you dude dude thank you so much so happy. for you thank you dude and thank you so.

much for doing our podcast really thanks. for thanks for letting me do are you. [ __ ] serious I mean this is we've I. wanted to do whiskey ginger for like 5. years I never got a text back never I'm. kidding I never it really have you done. it before no he's never done it is it. still. on very good barely little dig I like it. it's barely on have you have you done. tiger belly what. heard of it you never heard of tiger. belly the stretch marks I know it's my. podcast yeah anyway any Matt thank you.

so much thank you for being a bad friend. thank you for being a bad friend Matt. love you thank you for being a bad. friend oh my. God this is. racist hey. wow stop. wow love it I love. Asian we got welome to.

[Music]. Memphis yeah I did Asian Asian yes so I. did and so burning. [Laughter]. [Music]. R woo. [Music].