Bobby Falls in Love | Ep 307 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends. >> Who are these two idiots? >> A white dude and an Asian dude. You two. are disgusting. >> Well, you two are something. >> We're bad friends. >> Oh, this is spring water. >> Yeah, >> it's beautiful spring water. What's. What's the difference between regular. water and spring water? >> Plastic. That's the difference. >> Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a season thing? You've never had winter water? >> You've never had some winter water? >> No. >> Well, it's a winter wonderland now. >> Fall water. any of the seasons. Spring.

is the only season I drink. >> Which which season do you like the most. water-wise? >> Summer. >> Summer water. >> What's summer water? >> Summer water. Having some fun. >> Yeah. >> Summer loving is on the rise. I'm. telling you, dude. You're getting so. tuned up for this summer. Your body's. going to be good. Your brain's going to. be good. >> I don't know. >> I think you're going to get some summer. love this summer. >> Or I'll get a disease. >> Which one? >> The shaky one. >> Parkinson's. >> No. [laughter]. No, no, >> that's not the shaky one.

>> No, there's other shaky ones. >> What's the other shaky one? >> Um, there isn't anymore. >> Parkinson is the only one. >> I feel like that's the main shaky one. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Shaking tremors. >> Give us pull up shaky diseases. >> They're right here. >> Multiple sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis. Man, say that five times. They can't. >> You know what I want to do? I want to. get a shaky disease and then have a time. machine go down to the 70s and go do. soul train. [laughter]. >> Yeah, dude. I'll do soul train. I I've always. wanted to do the line with a shaky. disease. [laughter] You know,

>> some people will get hit a time machine. and they'll get, you know, I mean, I. want to go see, you know what I mean? Meet George Washington. Not me, dude. Shaky Shaky Soul Train. >> Shaky Soul Train. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> That's you, Bob. >> No, that's not what I was saying. I I. love him. >> Michael J. Fox. >> I'm a big fan of him. >> He's the man. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His his uh Instagram. handle is Shaky Soul Train, oddly. enough. [laughter].

[laughter]. >> He's the man. He jokes about it all the. time, which is so You have to. >> Yeah. >> Other way. >> At some point you got It sucks. It. sucks. It sucks. It sucks. And then you. got to joke about it. Do. >> you think Christopher Reeves was um. resentment resentful toward horses? >> Oh, he hated them. >> after that. I mean, would like if I got. hurt by an animal. >> Turn him into glow. [laughter]. >> If you got hurt by an animal, you're.

going to hate it for life. Although that. might not be true. I got bit by my. buddy's dog. My buddy Adam's dog when I. was a kid. Still love dogs. >> Yeah, >> I deserve the bite. >> I came in the back sliding door stoned. at night trying to sneak in to be quiet. to not wake up his mom. Dog bit me. My. fault. >> I know a girl named Jenny. She has a big. pitball scar on her face. >> Right. And then I go, "Can you dog sit?". [laughter] I asked her and she's like, "No.". >> Why, Jenny? >> Yeah, cuz they're little though. My dogs. are little. >> You don't have big scary dogs.

>> They'll bite your ankle. >> Well, that's not true. >> Yeah. Julio. >> Julio is a nightmare. >> Yeah. Yeah. Bite your neck. >> He will he will kill you. >> Julio has that like. >> Yeah. >> But then you go, "Come, come on. Come. on, Julio. Julio." And And then Julio. will calm down. But if Julio senses. something's up, >> attack mode. >> Yeah. >> Attack mode. Do you think Wolverines and. Honey Badgers get along? >> They're so similar. >> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I wonder. who would win in a fight. >> That's That is such a good question. Who. would win a Honeybadger or a Wolverine?

>> Yeah. >> No. Who would win though? You think. >> it says they do not get along? They hate. each other. They're highly territorial. >> I would say so. Yeah. >> I think a honey badger. Aren't they. crazy? >> Yeah. >> They didn't create a I mean, the X-Men. should have had You know what I mean? >> Honey Badger. >> Honey Badger. >> Cuz honey doesn't sound threatening. >> I think that's what it is. Yeah. Problem. Yeah, Wolverine sounds good, but like Honeybadger. >> Yeah, >> Wolverine would most likely win. according to AI overview doing due to. its significantly larger size. >> That's what I thought. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Size and strength. Yeah. Offensive.

power. >> What about Tasmanian Devil? Is that a. mix? >> Oh, yeah. They got. >> They're They're small. >> Oh, yeah. >> And then they're smaller, >> but they're crazy. >> They're crazy. There's The sound that. they make is insane. >> Have you ever heard it? >> Yes. >> Oh, it's it's it's insane. >> Insane. And wait, you know why they'll. win? [groaning]. Let me see if I can do it. >> I'm hungry. [screaming]. >> As Mania and Bobby. >> Yeah. Can you do one? >> Do it again. [groaning].

[laughter]. >> It's that That's. >> Do you know the lore of this? The truth? >> Yeah. >> Why they're called Tasmanian devils? >> What? >> When people first came to that area, >> they were they in they live in the woods. at night. They heard that sound. Yeah. They thought it was the devil. They. thought that was devil's island. That is. very true. Also, these things are crazy. blind. They can't see [ __ ]. >> But their jaw, look at the jaw strength. of a Tasmanian devil. Look it up. >> They can bite through. I I want to know. how many pounds per square inch or.

something. It's. >> That's my new [ __ ] noise, by the way. [groaning]. >> Tasmanian devils have an exceptionally. powerful bite for their size. They sight. it around 500 to,200 lb per square inch. What's the average human bite? What's a. human bite? Human's bite force is 150. pounds per square inch. >> Wow. >> A Tasmanian devil. Is that good or bad? >> It's 10 times us. >> It's Yeah. Yeah. >> That's crazy. What is that? The. alligators is 3,700 lb per square inch. >> Wow. >> That's why all those idiots in Florida.

are like They love the They love the. threat. I'm going to get down there. I'm. going to wrestle that gator. See what. happens. >> But I hear hippos are the ones you don't. want to [ __ ] with. >> They're aggressive. >> They're aggressive. They're aggressive. >> They're gigantic mouths. >> Mhm. You know, and they um they are very. territorial. Not only they protect their. babies. If you if you see a hippo baby, run. >> cuz they'll kill you. >> The mother will kill you. >> Yeah. They'll just kill you. What is the. father doing? >> Is he Is he MIA? >> Yeah. He He left. >> Go ahead. >> No, you go ahead. >> No, you go. [laughter].

>> You go ahead. You go ahead. >> I don't want it. >> Yeah. I don't want it either. bread. [laughter]. >> I'm going to get bread. I'm going to get. bread. I'll be back. It never comes. back. >> Never comes back. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Well, they can swallow. They They bite. You see them bite through stuff is nuts. >> Yeah. >> You ever seen them bite through like a. watermelon? >> Oh [ __ ] Yeah. >> They can crack right through it. Fancy. [laughter]. >> Fancy. >> Why'd you say watermelon? >> Cuz I always see videos of hippos and. watermelon. >> Out of all the vegetables, just say. pumpkin. >> I always see videos. No, no, no, no.

There's always videos of hippos with. watermelon. You see it. You know it. >> Yeah. And fried chicken. [laughter]. >> I knew it. I was waiting for it, dude. I. was waiting. >> Look at that. Oh, yeah. It is. watermelon. Whoa. Whoa. >> That thing. Wow. Have you ever seen him. feed him a carton of Newports? He'll. He'll do that. [laughter] HE'LL. [laughter]. >> go right through it. >> It's crazy. [laughter]. >> So funny. Also, hippos, there's a pink.

residue that ex um that comes out of. their skin. >> I don't know this. >> Do you know this? >> No. >> Yeah. There's a pink residue. [laughter]. Uh big there is no joke. That's a true. thing. There [laughter] is no joke. There's a big residue. >> No way. >> Yes. >> I'm looking for the joke in my mind. >> There is no joke. >> There is a true fact. >> Residue. If I Is there not a residue? [laughter]. >> Oh, he's right. Hippos secrete a thick. oily reddish substance called blood.

sweat. >> Blood sweat. [laughter]. >> Not [ __ ] sweat. Blood sweat. >> It's sunscreen. [laughter]. SPF. Wow. >> Yeah. Blood, sweat. >> Yeah, >> that's where it comes from. Blood, sweat, and tears. >> Tears. >> Yeah. [laughter] I wonder what it is. [snorts]. >> Wow. They secrete. >> a red substance. They do. >> It protects their sun, the skin from sun. and bacteria. >> Yeah. >> I thought about that, too. >> I don't even know why I know that. [laughter]. >> HOW THE [ __ ] DO I KNOW THAT? THAT'S. AWESOME.

>> OUT OF ALL THE THINGS, I just know that. >> Well, I looked at my dog today. We took. a dog on a walk today and I thought, how. weird that we're of all the species, like we're the ones that want to walk. upright that figured out walking upright. was the move. Isn't that crazy that we. were like, "Fuck this. All fours is. crazy." Yeah, >> I'm up here. I'm getting up. Well, how. did we get up? >> I have no idea. >> Like, something must have taught us to. get up. >> God, >> excuse me. >> God, >> don't bring your Spanish [ __ ] voodoo. to this [laughter] room. Humans walking.

upright because it offered key survival. advantages. I know, but why did we Why? Other animals can get upright. They just. >> No, I mean banana. [laughter]. >> Go on. >> No, I'm just saying what I'm saying is. >> they're up in the trees. >> Banana, [laughter]. >> right? Yeah, I get it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Food is up high. >> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. NO, IT'S DUDE, food's up there. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. We didn't want ground food. We. wanted high food. >> Yeah. >> Is it right or no? Oh, yeah. You come. You come up with one,

>> brother. I love it. >> No. No. No. What do you mean YOU LOVE. IT? YOU COME UP WITH ONE, MAN. >> NO, it's cuz we're up to it. >> Why do you think. >> vantage point attack? >> Exactly. >> Bigger. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Me big. >> Yeah. Me big. >> You small. >> Yeah. You small. What happened to Why? Why did we stop climbing the trees. though? >> It probably hurts. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? Like if we. evolved. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. I mean, you would think that we'd. still Well, Alex Honold does still does. it. >> Hon does it. >> Yeah. Did you see that? >> Yeah. Tell me about it.

>> Pissed me off. Why does it piss you off? >> I just Why is he doing that? Insane. >> It's crazy. I mean, kudos. The guy's. amazing, but you're like, "What is. this?". >> El Capitan is scarier though. >> No, he said this was [ __ ] weird. >> But I'll tell you why. Cuz I saw it. Did. you see it? >> I watched it. >> Yeah. There are places where he would he. could fall where, you know, because once. once he gets to a certain section, >> he's climbing again and he could have. fell down to like the next level. >> I know. >> You know what I mean? Where is El. Capitan? Once you fall,

>> you're dead. There's no nothing saving. you. >> This was a great PR stunt for Netflix. I. mean, 100%. And by the way, get paid. Good for him. That that that second of. his wife like waving out the window was. the weirdest. >> What do you think of that relationship? >> I mean, it seems weird. >> I think it seems like it's going up. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> I don't know. It's strange because she. they talked about it. Is this the same. girl from the documentary where where he. says he's going to leave her? He's I'm. either going to climb. You either stick. around and I'm climbing or you can kick. [ __ ] rocks. Yeah. >> And she was like, "I'll stay.".

>> Yeah. >> I mean, she They must genuinely love. each other. >> Yeah. Maybe they have two kids now. >> They do? Yeah. >> Where are they? Up at the top of that. building. [laughter]. >> They're at the one center or whatever in. in Shuan. >> I wouldn't be able to watch this if if I. was a kid. Like if your dad was doing. that, would you be able to watch? >> No. It's crazy. Oh, that's cute. >> Yeah. What a. >> By the way, this was in China, right? It. was at It was in Beijing or where was. it? >> Uh Singapore. >> Oh, Singapore. >> Was it Singapore? >> Singapore. >> Yeah. >> GREAT AUDIENCE ASIANS THOUGH. [screaming] OH, EVERY [laughter]. every second.

>> everything blows their. >> mind on the floors are there with the. [laughter] cameras on. >> they were THEY WERE. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. >> This guy it was it was cool to see but. like. >> you know you knew he was going to do it. >> Yeah. >> I mean I kind of wanted to see him slip. a little bit. >> and there's also a delay. You know. there's a delay. There's no way if he. fell there's no way they'd show it. Well, because how quick can you snap a. camera away because they're punched in. These guys are and the guys that were. doing the cameras on the ropes. That was.

crazy, too. Yeah, because they had to. do, you know, >> I'd be a drone. Give me the drone. I'll. fly that next to the guy. >> Like, if my partner wanted to do that, I. would just be like, "Yeah, I'm not going. to be there.". >> Okay, but okay, let's make it more real. What if your partner's like, "I love. deep sea fishing and I love deep sea. diving and I like swimming down with. sharks.". >> Kila, [laughter]. >> she did that the whole relationship. you're with. >> And guess what? >> What? >> I'm at home. I'm not watching that. Yeah. I'm just, >> you know, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. >> But you said good luck. But you'd let. you, you know, you let them do it.

You're just not going to go. >> Well, I did it a couple of times with. them, those kind of activity. But that's. completely different then, though. I. think. >> it's just as life-threatening cuz he's. an expert at this. The chances of him. falling are less likely than one of the. girls getting bit in the ocean. >> You think so? >> 100%. I You guys don't agree with that. >> Think about this. Think for a second. This guy is a is a flawless. professional, >> right? M. >> he was never going to fall. That's why. they did it. >> Those girls get in the water, they have. an element that they can't control. He. controls this all this.

>> They have animals that are you're at. their whim. Yeah. >> They could just attack you for no. reason. >> Yeah. >> This guy, he was never going to fall. There was no [ __ ] way. >> But they did change the day cuz it was. raining. >> Uh well, yeah, cuz you'd slip. >> I mean, >> let's let's man up. >> Go [laughter]. in the rain. Do it when it was raining. [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> [ __ ] Call. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I heard. you didn't climb tornado. [ __ ] do it. Let's see. Let's see if you can do it. during tornado. >> Real element, not win. >> Yeah, >> this guy's the man though. He is,

>> you know, he is just in one of the. greatest athletes of in human history. >> Did you see Speaking of great athletes, did you see Shawn White jumping over. Gillis and Okconor in Central Park? >> No. >> Sean during the snow closing in New. York. >> Shawn White literally jumped over Gillis. and Okconor. Like look at this. He just. like ollies over them in the It's in. Central Park, right? Is that where it. was? >> Yeah. On TMZ. >> How sick is that? >> Wow. >> They're just chilling, drinking Bud. Lights, and And he's ollie hopping over.

these guys on a snowboard. >> Wow. >> I'd love to get hit in the head by that. snowboard. Yeah. >> Get paid, huh? Get a check from Burton. >> Wow. Wow. Wow. >> How cool is that? >> Yeah. >> Can we even say it or no? >> Say what? >> About you doing tires. >> Oh, yeah. I'm doing a couple episodes of. tires. Why? What? >> Huge. No, I'm saying is I don't know if. you're not. >> We talked about it. Remember we did the. whole script thing. You know what I. mean? I think that did it. >> We got you that role. >> Oh, on our on the episode. You. >> remember that? Yeah. How many? I'm doing.

two. Yeah. >> Awesome. What's your name character's. name? >> I don't know. >> What did you want it to be? >> I think you should bring that to the. table. >> I I'd love to do that. >> I think you should just tell them what. you want to play. Go, you know, I've. been thinking about it. >> Yeah. >> I'm a senior. >> Does it matter. >> your name? >> Yeah. Yeah. I just don't like all the. every time I played something, it's. always like a boring non-creative name. >> I'm always Ken for some reason. I. >> mean, we know the reason. >> Yeah. Or [laughter]. what? I've played I played Jyn a couple. of times. >> Ken Jyn. >> Yeah. What else have I played? Um,

>> dude, I finished all of Bert's show, by. the way. >> You saw it? The whole thing? >> It's awesome. It's on Netflix. >> Wow. Yeah, I know. I think we're. >> It's such an easy watch. >> Is it? >> Yeah. It's great. Yeah. Everyone in it. is funny. It's great. Chris Watowski. Wataski. >> Chris Watowski. Yeah. Am I saying it. right? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Fantastic. >> He's so funny. >> Yeah, he's great. Kills it. Chicago. Great dude. It's a funny show, man. >> You You know what's so funny about. Chicago guys? You Chicago guys help each. other. >> Well, we like each other. >> I know, but you guys always help each. other. >> San Diego guys don't do that. >> No, why not? >> Cuz there's not a lot.

>> Well, there there's a lot of. >> I see a lot of Chicago guys like, "Hey, you know what? I mean, use that guy.". You know, >> there's some good Well, there's a lot. Well, there's a lot from Chicago people. for acting and comedy. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> What do you mean? San Diego has a lot of. famous people. Has Adam Driver never. called you? >> [laughter]. >> Bobby, I want you TO DO SOMETHING WITH. ME. YEAH. How do you feel about good. soup? [laughter]. >> Nick Cannon is from San Diego. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> dude. Ted Dansen. >> Yo, I need you to babysit for me, Bob.

>> Kids. >> Was that Nick Cannon? [laughter]. >> Hey yo, I need you to babysit for me. >> For me, my is from San Diego. >> Yeah. Who else? >> Adam Brody. >> Okay, that's good. I didn't know all. these people were from there. I mean, that's a lot. Tom Weights. >> Wow. >> Wow. Tony Hawk. We know Tony. Sean. White, Bill Walton, Kendra Wilkinson, Tony Gwyn, Junior. Seo. >> Yeah. >> Chris. >> Interesting. I'm not even on that list. >> You are. Where? >> You are. You're right there. Bobby Lee. >> Oh, I am. >> Why does it say comedian? [laughter].

>> Nick Cannon. Dude, this is This list is. thick. >> It's a pretty good list. Yeah. >> Cameron Diaz. We skipped over. I thought. she was from Long Beach. >> She is. Yeah. I don't. >> know. She was born in San Diego but went. to school. Yeah. Robin Wright. >> Penn. >> Yeah. He went to LA school. >> Is it not? They got a divorce. >> Yeah. >> Long time ago. >> He was so good in that movie. They got a. divorce. Huh. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> You know, I had dinner with her one. time. >> Robin Wright. >> Yeah. I was in I was in um Michigan.

>> Yeah. >> Right. I had a couple of scenes in a. movie and the producer of the movie was. dating her. >> Whoa. >> So um I had the producer like have. dinner. You know what I mean? I show up. and she was at the dinner. >> Was he a good-looking guy, the producer? >> Pretty good-looking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Cuz sometimes you meet these producers. that date these actresses and you're. like, "How the fuck?". >> Well, he was a longfaced like Sean. I. think she likes long face. >> She likes a long face. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Like, you know, descriptive like a. president. Like an old president. >> Oh, yes. So, you wouldn't be her type. No, >> you're a long face. >> But yeah, I'm a long face. Yeah. But but.

what I remember about her is be her. being very funny. >> I mean, she's so smart and cool. >> Yeah, she was very funny. Yeah. >> What's your favorite role of hers? >> Jesus Christ. Um, >> she didn't play that. [laughter]. >> He is. >> I mean, obviously the first time I. noticed her was Princess Bride. >> Yeah. It was really, really good. >> Yeah. And then Jenna. >> Yeah. Forest Gump is probably the most. iconic. >> Iconic. But she was good in Wonder.

Woman. Well, she was fun in that. Yeah. Puffed out. Yeah. She's just a super. beautiful though. >> Yeah, she's pretty stunning. >> Stunning. Right. Who do Who you think? Her or who would you? Sharon Stone or. her, you think? >> Her for sure. >> But Sharon Stone in her prime though. Oh. my god. >> No, she's she's. >> wholesome. Just beautiful. >> Yeah. Look at that. >> Wow. What a beautiful girl. >> Gorgeous, mate. Gorgeous. >> Very talented, too. >> Absolutely lovely. >> Kate Blanch, it's I think the same. thing. >> Not my style, but Yeah. >> Yeah. But just beautiful. Wholesome.

white. Yeah. >> What is it? >> Andress just sent me something. Let's. see. It's some sort of meme. No, I just. read I this guy won the lottery and so. so surprising he found love that. [laughter]. day. >> $181 million lottery winner falls in. love. >> Yeah. >> And the lottery winner is the woman. Yeah, [laughter]. >> cuz she that's she won the lottery with. that guy, >> dude. >> Just by chance. >> Two days after. >> Tell me this guy's British 100%, right? >> Yeah. >> Is he not British?

>> No, he's American. This where? >> North Carolina. I find myself a beauty. girl. Dude, wait till you see my Wait. till you see the girl that I got. She. don't want nothing from me. >> Isn't that incredible though? >> She's poisoning him. >> This is basically what happened. >> Life changed. >> Yeah. Life over. Life over. >> You think it's over? >> The lottery is the worst thing they say. statistically like these people end up. killing themselves, going broke. >> You want to hear a statistic? >> Same thing. Same. [laughter]. >> Love statistics.

>> Bobby statistics. We'll be right back. >> [laughter]. >> You want to hear one? Right. People that. are um that are in a car accident and. paralyzed from the neck down are get are. happier than lottery winners. [snorts]. [laughter]. >> No, you made that up. I didn't. >> I mean that sounds. >> I'll tell you why. >> Why? >> Can I tell you why? >> So when you win the lottery, right? Um. you your friends and family, they. change, >> right? They all want the money me. Also,

you don't know how to manage money. So, you lose the money quickly. Right. >> Right. You start buying houses and cars. for your friends and all that stuff and. the pain it becomes more painful your. life. >> Yeah. Well, more burdened. >> More burden, more pain. You know what I. mean? And um somebody that's in been in. a car accident paralyzed from McDown, right? When they can taste orange juice. for the first time, there's super joy. there. When they can move a pinky, right? Like every day, you know, some. some new thing happens, >> right? They they you get more joy and.

there's more, you know what I mean? >> The small things matter. >> Small things. And then you realize who. your true friends are and loved ones. when you're in a car accident. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. And so, um, they say that you. you're happier. >> I agree. I mean, you see the the history. of all these people that win the lottery. is awful. >> It's awful. Yeah. They lose it quickly. >> Whenever they're always like the guy. What was the dude [snorts]. there? Wasn't there a guy that just. killed himself that won that won a. lottery not too long ago? Like he just. >> You guys think that this guy's going to.

lose the love if he loses the money? [laughter]. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Mental health struggles very big. The. curse. The curse of the lottery. Uh 70%. of lottery winners go broke or face. severe financial distress within a few. years. >> That was kind of like Do you remember. the show um what was it? Move that bus. You know that [ __ ] show. >> Extreme Home Makeover. They would give. these people these mansions. People that. made like 30 grand a year, they give. them a [ __ ] mansion. They couldn't. pay the taxes on it. They'd go broke. Then they'd be in worse financial debt. than they were before they got the.

house. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Because it's a So they got sued, right? Didn't they get sued? And then. they settled. And then at some point the. show had to continue on the air. So what. happened was then the network started. paying for the taxes or the whatever so. these people wouldn't drown, >> right? Wow. That's interesting. >> It's a bad It's a bad game. Hey guys, do you know we're sponsored by. Pepsi? Bob, did you see that Pepsi did. another Pepsi challenge? Whoa, whoa, >> whoa, whoa. People still do that? >> Yes, they do still do that. And 66% of. people chose Pepsi Zero Sugar over.

Coca-Cola Zero Sugar. >> Oh, that that's not even close, dude. >> I know. 66% of people over what. percentage of people chose Coca-Cola. Zero? >> 44%. 34. >> I guess Pepsi doesn't make you good at. math. >> Right on, man. Good math. >> Is that true or. >> That is very true. That's right on the. number. >> Perfect. All right, let's take the. challenge. I'm going to try I'm going to. try. >> There we go. >> Okay. I'm going to take a straw in the A. and then the B. Ready? And I'm going to. try B first. >> No, you go backwards. You always go. backwards. >> I always go backwards because I just.

>> I'm going to try A first. >> And then I try B. Okay. Don't say anything. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Okay. >> Okay. What's yours? >> On the count of three, we'll say. >> All right. Wait, hold on. >> Close your eyes. >> I gota do it again. Hold on. I gota do. it again. >> You should do it one more time. >> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. Got it. >> I got it. >> On the count of three.

>> In my mind is also, you know, I'm. parched. I'm in the Sahara Desert, right? I'm dreaming of a cola beverage. >> We're in a studio in Burbank. >> No, in my mind. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. What? Like, what would I Right. I'm parched. Yeah. I'm in the Sahara. Desert, right? and I'm trying to find a. liquor store or something or store or. convenience store so I can get a. beverage. Yeah. I see one in the desert. desert, right? And I. >> What if it's a mirage? >> It could be a mirage. And I I only have. one opportunity to buy one beverage. Which one would I pick? What you're. going to say? I'm going to say.

>> one, two, three, a. >> No. >> Let me see. >> Let me see. >> Oh my god. >> Pepsi, dude. >> No. >> What's yours? >> I picked Pepsi. >> Yep. >> Wow. >> Got me. If I had an option based on the. TA test, I'm going with the rising star. >> because you're a rising star. >> I'm a rising star. >> Am I? >> Yep. >> I am. >> Yeah, because you chose the 66%. >> But my star is a little bloated. So, as. long as I keep drinking Pepsi Zero. Sugar, it might it might be a shooting. star at some point. >> If you want to use that analogy.

>> [ __ ] I did. >> I know. But you have to also think of it. this way, dude. I'm an alien. I'm. visiting Earth. >> I'll I'll second that. >> Oh my god. What city am I in? uh at Los Angeles. >> Hi. >> Hi. >> Um I heard about cola beverages. Can you. give me. >> They're phenomenal. >> Are they? This one is the one that's the. best up and rising one. >> Let me tell you something, Alien. >> Yes. >> I can get you the Pepsi challenge so you. can decide for yourself. >> Is this right here?

>> That's it. >> Wow. >> That's the Pepsi challenge right there. Are you an alien or a robot? >> I am a combination of a cyborg and human. parts as well. You know what? I. shouldn't I've never questioned you. I'm. sorry. >> I have also um bionatrix. [laughter]. >> Are you made of biionatric? >> Yes, I am. >> Wonderful. All right. Why don't you take. the Pepsi challenge? What's your name, sir? >> Huh? >> What's your name? >> Alongo. >> Alongo. [laughter]. >> Alongo. What do you think? >> I love it. >> Take a sip. >> Okay. Here we go.

>> That's not going to short circuit your. insides. >> That's me s short circuiting. >> Okay. Well, drink up before you die. Yeah. before your system crashes. >> Did you like that one more? >> That one is better. Which one? What? What? Longo. >> Lango likes what better? [laughter]. >> Pepsi. >> You heard it here first. Lolongo likes. Pepsi more. >> Pepsi. Pepsi Zero Sugar. >> Lango likes Pepsi Zero Sugar more than.

Coca-Cola Zero Sugar. >> Go out and try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Let your taste decide. The lottery is gross. >> Statistic. >> I'll give you a statistic. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um, [clears throat]. smoking a pack of cigarettes is the. health equivalent to having unprotected. sex with five prostitutes. >> It is. >> No, I made it up. [laughter]. >> Oh, [ __ ]. >> But it sounded real. >> Sounded pretty real. Yeah. Sounded real.

Yeah. Okay. True or false? Let's see if. you can get. >> But you know, here I'll give you one. covered one, right? Um, it's better to just be a cigarette. smoker um. >> for for co [laughter]. >> True. >> It is. >> It was Yeah, it turned out Yeah. smokers. had better better lung capacity. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Better propensity to like fix. themselves. >> So, you know. >> All right. >> I'm not googling. >> I don't like that you're. >> Yeah, Google it.

>> It's true. >> Cuz I look dumb when I Google things. that are the joke. >> No, it's not. It's true. Google it. >> No. [laughter]. >> No. People that smoke. >> Extensive research authorities like. World Health Organization confirmed that. smoking increases the risks of severe. illness, hospitalization, and death from. COVID 19. In fact, >> Oh, I made it up. >> Yeah, [laughter]. I made it up. >> Can I tell you? You sold me. >> I bought it. >> Same. >> Can I give you a statistic? >> Is it real fellow or fake? >> You tell me if it's true or fake. >> [ __ ] Okay, go ahead. >> All right.

78% of people that got the Johnson and. Johnson vaccine drove Dodge Chargers. [laughter]. >> What? 78? Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. I. think I think it's false. >> I think it's false cuz I don't know. anybody that brought. >> It's 87. It's 87. It's the other way. >> Yeah. Wow. That's a good one. [laughter]. >> Ah, that one's for McCone. Mccone. Welcome back, Mone. He's back. Give it. up for Mone. [applause].

He got stuck in New York City. How was. New York, you pig? >> It was great. It was very fun. It was. nice hanging out with you. And Yeah. [clears throat]. >> Yeah. We took the boy. >> took the boy to Madison Square Garden. Had a fun little time there. Then we to. went then we went to what we thought was. a gay bar, >> but it was just gay night. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It was all women. We went downstairs and. it was all women. >> Wow. And then it took 5 seconds for the. intelligent people to go, "Oh, it's a. gay bar." And these [ __ ] dorks, him. and his buddy were like, "There's a lot.

of babes here, man.". >> They were like, "Great ratio." And they. were all. >> I was like, "Great ratio. These women. don't like penises.". >> Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. >> You can tell cuz a girl came up to me. and dapped me up right away. [laughter]. >> She literally goes, "Yo, [ __ ] love. your show, dog." And I was like, "Yeah, thank you, dude.". >> Wow, wow, wow, wow. >> Big, by the way, big in the lesbian. community. That's huge. Bad friends. We. love that. >> Really? >> Yeah. [ __ ] yeah. We had a lot of fans. there. It was great. Yeah, that's. >> made me feel good. >> That's amazing. >> All right, I really like it. >> Sorry for sharing. >> That's really good. I like it. >> You go to a gay bar, you find out.

>> Yeah, you get recognized at gay bars. No, >> Bobby, you're back. [laughter]. >> Where have you been? >> Yeah, >> you bad boy. >> I just got tuned out for a second. It. was so weird. >> Yeah, where are you going? >> Because I had I came up with another. statistic, but then it's like it was. [laughter] it was too late. It was too. late to say it because it we had. transitioned onto something else. [laughter] and I just got stuck on it. But it's like I'm not even gonna say it, but I'm just saying. >> Come on, give it to me. Give it to me. >> It's stupid. [laughter]. >> They're all stupid.

>> So [ __ ] dumb. I don't know why for. like a minute I got hung up on it. [laughter] You know what I mean? >> You know those people that uh in China. where they can walk like it looks like. they're they can walk above the ground. like they're floating when they they're. dancing. >> Do you know that? Y. >> Yeah. Did you know that those people. that not everyone can do it, but those. people they don't have bone marrow? >> Did you know that? >> Mhm. >> No, being real. >> Is that a stat? [cough and clears throat]. >> Is it 100%. >> What do you mean this? What do you mean. [laughter] this? >> That's not a good one.

>> I know. But that's why. But that's why. for a minute I was thinking about it, right? [laughter]. No, it wasn't. I know it wasn't. For for. some reason I couldn't get my mind I got. stuck in it. >> You know what I mean? In my mind I was. like this is not a good one cuz you're. making it up obviously. You know what I. mean? >> And then I just couldn't stop thinking. about it. >> Bone marrow. >> Yeah. Exactly. It wasn't even good. That's why I even said I don't even say. anything. >> No, it's fine. >> I just did. It's It's. >> Yeah, I know. But you didn't have to go. [ __ ] call me out.

>> Well, it was just so. >> Yeah. You did this. [laughter]. >> Why did you do this? >> I didn't like it. >> Yeah, I don't like IT EITHER. I DIDN'T. WANT TO SAY IT. >> [laughter]. >> THAT'S TERRIBLE. >> The meal was bad. >> It was bad. >> I don't want to eat that. >> Like a kid. Get that. What is that? >> This is the most condescending [ __ ]. I've ever seen. Yeah. >> Right. >> Yeah. Oh my god. I hate that. It's like. spitting in someone's face. >> I didn't spit on you. >> That's basically is like spit in your. face. Yeah. Yeah. God, that's the worst. >> Wipe it away. >> Yeah. Anyway, >> did you have fun in New York? What else.

did you do? What'd you get into? >> I mean, there wasn't much. We were. snowed in, but I went to the I went to. the the Met. That was very fun. M. >> great museum. >> Yeah. >> You went by yourself? >> No, I was stay with my friends JACKSON. AND ABBY. >> OH, HOW ARE THEY? ANYWAY, um [laughter]. >> who gives a [ __ ] But anyway, [laughter]. >> shut it down. >> Shut it down. >> Shut it down. >> Shut it down hard. >> Get the [ __ ] out. >> Shut it down. >> Yeah. Um that's great. >> No, that is nice. >> You want Tell us what you saw the M.

[laughter]. >> Yeah. >> You don't even want to know. >> What is the beautiful artwork you saw? Did you have a slice of New York pizza? >> We went to a bar together above uh above. Five Guys. >> That was actually wild. You walk into. Five Guys. >> like you're going to order and there's a. [ __ ] bouncer by the fryer. >> and you hand them your ID and there's a. bar up a secret bar upstairs. >> No. >> Yeah, it was kind of cool. >> And Five Guys. >> Yeah. And you could take. >> inside. >> Inside and you could take some peanuts. to go upstairs and everything. >> Wow. >> It was kind of a cool little bar. It was.

like a nice little nook tucked away. Five Guys in the village. Wow. Is that. the original Five Guys? >> No. Uh, the original is Four Guys and. that's up the street. [laughter]. >> They just had the one up. >> Hey, dude. >> That's your That Dude, [laughter]. >> that was bad. >> That was your bone marrow. That was my. bone marrow. >> Yeah, that was your bone marrow. Yeah. Yeah. Four guys. >> No, the original Five Guys I think is in. DC. Am I wrong? >> I believe so. I'm looking. >> I think my buddy Tyler took me to the. original Five Guys in.

>> Arlington. >> Arlington or wherever it is. Arlington, Virginia. There it is. Yeah, I think I. went to that one with him. >> Now, is the original like the original. Panda or the original whatever. Is it. better than the the chain of it? >> I mean, I'm sure the locals would say. yes. Right. Cuz they grew. If you had. the first, you're always going to be. like, we did it. It's like the band. You're like, I knew that band before. You like that band? >> That album wasn't as good as the first. one that I heard. >> because the Cuz the original Panda. Express, the actual restaurant. restaurant apparently is very good. >> It's in Pasadena, California. >> What's that called? Panda.

>> Panda in. >> Panda In. Right. Is it? >> It's right there. Zoom in, bud. The. original concept for Panda Express. started with Panda in sitdown restaurant. opened by Andrew and Peggy Chung Chung. in Pasadena 1973 on Foothill Boulevard. It burned down during the fires. However, somehow the chowine did. survive. [laughter]. >> That stuff is just not flammable. >> Chowane is so strong. >> So strong. >> There's the original. That's Panda. Express. The original Panda in. I hate. Panda Express. >> It's It's good in a bind, but um I I. want to try Panda in. >> Let's go. I'd love to go. Is it still.

open? >> Is there an original McDonald's? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's here in California. >> Yeah, this is open. >> Let's go to it. >> We should try Panda in. >> the first the first McDonald's is in San. Bernardino. >> Are you being real? >> Yes. >> And it's still there. >> I do not know if it's still there. I. think it's a museum now. >> And then the first chain, of course, was. in uh Illinois. That's where our boy Ray. Croc stole the idea, took it, and we. went there as a on a field trip as kids.

>> Yeah. You know what? I'm obsessed with. novelty architecture. >> Love novelty architecture. >> You know what novelty architecture is? >> Yeah. >> What is it? McCullen. >> Uh, architecture that's kind of silly or. out of the ordinary. It's for the fun of. it and the love of it. >> Isn't that fun? Like Ry's Donuts is one. >> Look at that. That's so funny. They had. Idol or that bar in North Hollywood. I've been to that bar. >> This one? Yeah. >> What is that? >> It's It's a bar on Lanership. >> Oh. Are those barrels? >> Yeah. I love it. >> And you go sit in the barrels. >> Wow. >> But then when beer starts filling up in. there, it gets scary. [laughter].

>> I mean, that's a Yeah, >> another one. I know. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> There it is. >> Yeah. >> Whoa. >> But, you know, it's like, you know, how. some like you go to cities all over the. country now and they all look the same. >> Why can't we like, you know, express. ourselves in different ways. architecture- wise? I mean, in terms is. that money? No, we're going. No, the. problem is we're going backwards because. what happens is people want stuff that. looks nice and new, but in in fact it. actually is just cheaper and poorly. built. But they like the idea because.

Okay. Like the all these [ __ ]. apartment complexes going up. >> Yeah. >> They all look the same. >> Exact. Yeah. >> Because people want new, right? If they. say, "I can't afford a [ __ ] house, but I want a nice apartment. I want. something nice and new. I want a new. build. I want no one to live in it." But. the problem is they throw these things. up. They c they they they do it with the. cheapest materials possible and they. built them so shanty like but people. want the image of nice and new from the. outside. Yeah. That's why the whole city. of [ __ ] LA looks like that. >> Yes. It's fake luxury. >> It's it's a bummer and it's taking over. >> And if you look at like um the colors of.

cars that we have today versus in the. 70s. It's like what happened to those. fun colors? >> Well, here's the problem now. As a car. guy, it's paint to sample now because. they don't sell as well. And their a car. company's main goal is to sell as many. It's volume at the highest level. It's. just sell a billion [ __ ] cars. They. don't give a [ __ ] They're made of. plastic. Get rid of That's why leasing. started. They were like, "Here, we'll. get it back and then we'll just sell it. at a huge discount." That because the. highest colors of cars that sell are. like white, black, and gray. And so.

they're like, "Fuck it. We won't make. any other colors.". >> God, it's just made our society and our. culture look. It sucks. >> All of it. >> So now you have to paint a sample. You. want a special color? You have to order. a color of a car. It costs more money. Yeah. Like look look. >> 1970 the aero the top selling cars were. avocado green, harvest yellow, earthy. brown, burnt orange. >> Wow. >> Beautiful. >> Beautiful. Fun. >> I [ __ ] with a burnt orange. That's such. a sexy color on an old car. >> And what's today now? Is that today? >> Yeah. >> White is 38, black is 19, gray is 15.

Those are the highest that I set. >> Oh my god. >> Silver and blue are nine and seven. Red. is five. It doesn't even happen anymore. unless it's Ferrari. >> Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. >> Yellow. >> It's incredible what happened. >> Well, let me be honest. Yellow is the. [ __ ] yellow stinks. >> Yeah, yellow's weird. Hard. >> Yellow in a car is not it. >> It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. >> It's not It doesn't do it for me. >> Midnight purple would be fun. Ooh. >> Hello. >> Is that the nickname for your penis? >> Yeah. Midnight purple, dude. [laughter]. Yeah. >> Hey, dude. >> Midnight purple. >> This. What's the opposite of this?

[laughter]. >> That's it. Dude, >> what's the color of your car? What is. that color called? It's like baby. >> That's why I like it. It's like It's. like a a a soft baby blue. Soft baby. blue. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Not a hard baby blue. >> It's like that. >> Yeah. >> It's exactly right. It's like a It's. like a card. It's like Yeah. It's like. this. Well, >> kind of. I guess. Right. >> A little lighter than that. A little. lighter than that. >> Houston oiler blue. The kid goes right. to Texas stuff. >> Yeah. >> That's what I see when I see his car. >> When are you going to move to Texas? The. rumor is you're moving to Texas.

>> No. >> Everyone on the street's talking about. it. >> No, I'm not leaving LA. >> Everybody says, Do you know this? People. around LA are saying he's going back. He's going to Austin. >> Oh, no. >> He keeps going there. He's looking for a. place to live. I already have a place. over. >> Oh, Spaghettio. >> You have a You own a place in Austin? >> My sister and I do. >> Oh, >> really? Where is it? >> Uh, South Congress. It's like in the. Yeah, >> by one of those boot shops. >> No, it's actually like by like a Verizon. store. It's like a random neighborhood. >> You know that on South Congress? That. was the funniest neighborhood back in. the day. I used to love going down. there. And now it's a Lululemon and a.

[ __ ] Soul Cycle and a. >> Right. >> So House. >> So House and Earth Bar. >> It's just It's here. It's California. now. I like that strip in Austin where. they have that pizza place. What's it. called? >> By right across the grocery store from. the booth. We went. I know. It's so. good. >> What is it [ __ ] called? >> I don't know. I love that place. >> Why can't I think of the name? Home. Slice. >> Home Slice. Yeah, that place was [ __ ]. good. >> Slice. >> Yeah, it's a good good slice of pizza. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Talk space. >> You know, you know, I do therapy every. week. Same. >> And uh Talkspace has uh saved my life. because um you know, you need to release.

the demons. >> You got to release, man. And um you know. I had a lot of trauma growing up and um. you know using EMDR and other methods. through talkspace has really um relieved. and taken some of the burden off my. shoulders. A lot of it actually. >> that's because talkspace is the number. one rated online therapy bringing you. professional support from licensed. therapists and psychiatrists that you. can access anytime anywhere. >> Talkspace helps you build confidence and. skills there. Our therapists not only. listen to you, they provide valuable.

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You you keep the troops in line, these. boys. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You don't do that with your crew? >> They're all subject to NDAs. So, I have. uh. >> [ __ ] We never made these guys sign NDAs. for the tour. >> These guys. >> Too late. >> Mone has one. >> Yeah. Adam, they could ruin our careers. >> Yeah. Once we get a career, they could. [ __ ] bury us. >> I'm actually here uh to get them to. unionize. I'm trying to take down all of. the [laughter] podcast. Yeah.

>> Haha. Very funny, right guys? >> I'm funny. [laughter]. >> Dude, you guys deserve to own the means. of production. >> Totally. We've been saying that for six. years. >> Yeah, it's a it's a. >> This is a republic, man. This is not. >> This is a Republic. >> Yeah, this is a Republic, >> dude. I know, dude. >> This this podcast Burbank is, too. >> How far is Jay Leno's cars? >> He lives upstairs. [laughter]. >> He does. >> Yeah, he'll come down in the middle of. this. >> How is he okay? He just keeps like uh. getting into slapstick style kind of uh. accidents.

He's I think he's doing a lot of Pratt. falling. >> I think there's. >> the video of him the video of him where. he's like I'm fine and then he gets in. the car. That one is just. >> he like he just fell down. >> Well, where he hits the fire hydrant. where he's like [laughter]. I mean he's a colleague so and a friend. I mean like I I'm not This is. Yeah. The. burn accident like Oh my god. He's I. hope he's okay. I think he's got to be. okay, man. He's still doing car shows.

every week. >> Burn accident. >> How many? >> Horrific garage accident. This man death. follows him everywhere he goes. >> He's like in the movie Final. Destination. [laughter]. >> Do you know him? >> Yeah. Brand new face. >> Adam, do you know him? >> Jay? >> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. >> What? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You guys served in Vietnam together? >> Well, it's a we uh there's like, you. know, like the Harvard club. Yeah. It's like, but it's like for talk. show host. >> Oh, talk show. >> So, it's me, Leno, uh.

>> what's uh. >> Bill Maher? >> Kelsey Lately, >> uh yeah, the one uh who else? I don't. know. >> Jimmy Fallon. >> Jimmy Fallon. Uh that British guy that. no one likes. >> Cordon. I mean, sorry. He's a friend. [laughter]. >> Are you guys Are your boys with him? Bobby, you're boys with him. >> He produced something I was in. >> What did he produce? >> That game show I did. Terrible. >> What was it called? How to be a fatso. from England. [laughter]. >> Apparently he's terrible to uh like in a.

restaurant. >> Well, the rumor was Balthazar. >> He was like a [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Yeah. What's his name? Uh uh the. who's the restaurant tour that owns. Balthazar? Uh. >> Andreas. >> What? Not Jose Andreas, you [ __ ]. idiot. [laughter]. >> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. >> No. No. No. No. No. You guys are. inspiring me to talk to these idiots. [laughter]. >> Keith McN. Keith. >> Keith McN. Yeah. Yeah. He wrote that. post. >> You blushed. You blush. >> I'm used to get the just from one side. >> YOU DON'T EVER BLUSH. MAN UP. YOU YOU.

REPRESENT BAD FRIENDS. DON'T BLUSH. YOU'RE RIGHT. WHY? That's. [clears throat] nice. Yeah. Don't act. like a [ __ ] dude. >> Stop. Don't talk to him that way. >> Hey, [ __ ] you. Adam Fmon. [laughter]. >> No, guys. >> He's Jamaican. Adam, >> it's a complete honor and a privilege to. be [laughter]. really. >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm here. I'm here uh. in Los Angeles just visiting and this is. this is one of the stops I'm making. >> What are you doing in LA? >> Yeah. >> Um. >> you hate LA. >> I don't No, no. I don't hate LA.

>> Don't do that. >> No, no. I'm not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I like LA. It's It's gorgeous. Yeah, I'm from here. I was born here. >> Yeah, but you're a New York guy. >> Yeah, I'm a New York guy. >> You're a New York guy. >> Yeah. Yeah. CL I mean I'm just Jewish. and wearing glass. >> That's what I meant. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> We like We like to keep you guys over. there. They're Jews in LA. >> I know. But here they're there. We keep. them in order. We keep them. >> where? The Pico Robertson era area. >> There or Century City or Beverly Hills? >> Fairfax. South Beverly Hills. South. Fairfax. >> Do you like have a wall around the the.

[laughter]. >> They wouldn't let us sort of Warsaw get. I think it's pretty popular to be I Who. do you think runs the industry that we. work in? >> Chinese people. >> Yeah. No, that's not true at all. >> Seriously? >> No. No. No. No. >> You don't think the Chinese run us? >> No. No. the I I do I on stage I I do a. joke about if they how they have to not. take it from the Jews Hollywood and if. they did you know Bobby they would make. like what going to work one going to. work two and stuff the Chinese.

[laughter]. >> it would be terrible. >> these movies. >> I'm just saying if they ran it instead. of the juice. >> packed a train is a good movie. >> yeah it would be called yeah. >> we don't know how to wait in line do you. ever think about what it's like just. there. >> in China. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I haven't been. Have you been? >> No, but it's just what for like 60 years. they're just going like. [laughter]. >> Yep. >> Is that dynamite? >> No. I'm just like assembly line. That's. >> He would be the worst at assembly. That's how slow he goes.

>> Yeah. Fire. >> I'd be terrible at being Chinese. I be. I'd be one of the worst Chinese. imaginable. >> The little American kids get easy. >> Their whole life they're just this. >> That's what they get. That's what they. get. >> Imagine. And I have a I have a I have my. own uh YouTube Jewish style long form. interview talk show and I complain. Look. at this. This is way This is terrible. >> She loves it. >> She loves it. >> Also, what are they dreaming? What are. they thinking? >> Are they [ __ ]. >> They're going to the club and [ __ ]. really quick. >> How do they get drunk. >> at work?

>> Yeah. >> No, they're not getting No, they're. they're not allowed to go to the. bathroom at work. They have to poop. their pants. They have to [laughter]. >> I just think Yeah. What What's What do. they do for fun over there? It just it. feels so foreign. >> Okay, we're we're working in a factory, Adam. Okay, I'm not going to work in a. factory. >> No, let's do a scenario. >> Yeah, go ahead. Oh my god, that was a. tough you. Hey, Cha Chong. [laughter]. >> Hey, what's up? That's racist. >> Oh, holy [ __ ] I like the way you talk. >> Oh yeah, I just I spent some time in. America. >> We have to be back here in 2 hour. What.

do we do? You don't get. >> Do we sleep, eat, sleep, eat, or party? >> You don't get two hours. you there's a a. suicide net if you want to jump off the. roof and then you have to go back and. make more iPhones. >> Have you jumped into the net yet? >> No. Trron. >> Yeah. >> Oh wow. >> You got to jump. It's a little bouncy. There it is. I've been in that net. >> Dude, that's so crazy. >> What is What do What do they do after. work? Yeah. What do they do after work? >> They go home. >> Are they watching Mandalorian? >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> What do they do? >> They eat. They eat. >> They eat and they go to bed immediately.

They go to bed cuz they got to be up in. three more hours. >> There's no TV. >> It's a tough life. Well, I'm glad. there's no TV because the TV sucks. They're smart to not have TV. >> TV is awesome. You get to They have. sports games. >> Yeah, sports TV is different, but TV. shows like name a TV show you like. >> Sopranos. >> that's on right now that is a current. show. >> Uh, inside the NBA. >> Yeah. See. >> non-sports shows. >> What's a good show right now? >> I don't know. >> See, >> and just like that. [ __ ] you. I like.

I've seen every episode. I've seen every. episode. I've seen EVERY EPISODE. >> WHY? CUZ I'M NOT A good actor. >> No, I thought you were great. >> You know, Sarah Jessica was on my show, actually. >> I love her. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Don't She's so nice and all. >> She's awesome. She's awesome. >> She's the president of Girls. >> Yeah. >> Who's your [laughter] Who's your white. whale for your show? >> Uh Amy Schumer, probably. Or. >> uh white for the show? I don't know. She. like Amy Schumer. What? I've never met. her. Oh. Oh. Mojaba. [laughter].

Oh, [laughter]. come on. We love her. We're just having. Come on. >> Yeah. Is she nice? >> Is she nice? >> Yeah. >> Well, yeah. I see her at the meetings. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> She's like, I'm Chuck Shimmer's niece. [laughter]. >> Yeah. She says that to me. I'm like, I'm. supposed to be impressed by. >> Whose niece are you? >> Whose niece am I? >> BB Netanyahu. >> Hell yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Yeah. Yeah. You got to be somebody's. somebody has a piece of. >> Oh, no. I I've gotten none of the. advantages of uh. >> You have no Nepo [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. >> Waste of time. >> I know. It sucks. >> Get out of this business. >> That's what my parents told me the the. night before I moved to New York. >> Well, don't listen to those Jews. I. mean, but honestly, >> no. I mean, like seriously, like they. were like, "We don't know anyone in the. uh in the entertainment industry.". >> But as as good as you are, as funny as. you are, as talented as you are, to not. have anything to help you out stinks. >> Nick Mullen pretty much. That's the only. and he's an anti-semite. I mean, it's.

ironic. Yeah. [laughter] Like it's. pretty much the only person that's ever. >> like uh No. Yeah. I remember like I. thought cuz uh I started in DC and I was. like I was like the glasses Jewish guy. in like the local scene and then I moved. to New York and I told my parents I was. like they're like we don't have any. connections in show business. You're. going to fail. You're an idiot. And then. I moved to New York and there were like. there were probably 2,000. guys named Adam Freeland. Literally Adam.

Freel like just me. >> Jews. >> Yeah. There's nothing special about me. whatsoever. Yeah. Yes, there is. >> To do standup, you know. >> You know, there's something special. >> There's something very special about. you. >> Oh, I have a I have a little secret. [laughter]. >> I'll never tell. Uh, no. >> Where were you born in the city? Where. were you born? >> Santa Monica. >> You were born in the west. >> I'm on the Wikipedia. >> The west side. Uh yeah. Uh I'm on the. Wikipedia St. John's Hospital. >> Are you really? Yeah. One of the most. famous guys born there. >> Well, Marisa Marisa Hargate.

>> Marishka Hargatee. Big fans of her at. this show. >> She she was uh she's on the list next to. me. Notable patients. >> It's not not cool when you guys make. lists, but this one's good. >> Is this Wikipedia? >> Freedelland is. >> who writes it. Can you you can check out. like WHAT. >> HE'S THE FORMER [screaming]. >> fiance of podcaster Dasha. Oh yeah. is. currently engaged to. >> Wait, no. Come on. Don't. >> How does this know this? >> She gets mad that. >> Well, did you put this out there? >> No. No. Look at the editors. You can. check. Oh god, guys. This is This was.

terrible for me. >> Hot. >> Hot. >> I was When I did the photo shoot for. that article they did. >> Comedy Central presents. [laughter]. >> Taking it easy. >> Shane text me. He was like, "It's. actually making me so mad how gay this. is." [laughter]. >> That's a cool photo, D. >> That's a cool photo, Dad. >> And I love those chairs that you have on. your show. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, but I was on. the chair. They asked me to do like or. on the floor and I was like, "Can can. you not use these?" I like stopped in. the middle of it and they used it as the. main picture. And every comics group.

chat was like, "Fuck this guy.". [laughter]. Uh, yeah, that's cute. And also like. look at my cheeks. They like airbrushed. me. Disgusting. >> What do you mean they airbrushed you? >> Like look at that. I I mean I have acne. scarring. They got rid of [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Good though. My They can never get rid. of mine. I have this big chunk here. They can't. Even if they try, they're. like, "It gets. >> Were you Accutane?". >> Yo, yeah, dude. >> Yeah, me too. >> 100%. >> Me, too. >> Twice. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> How much uh how much Rage Against the. Machine do you listen to when you're on. Accutane? >> Literally, that's all I would listen to.

>> [ __ ] YOU, DAD. >> IT MAKES YOU AGGRESSIVE. >> UH, it makes you crazy. >> It makes you kind of crazy. It makes you. a little manic. >> Yeah. I took it my senior year and I was. doing my college essays and uh. >> Did you pick at your acne? Is that why. they're scarring? No, this was because a. group would it would group and then and. then. >> we had cystic ac cystic acne. >> So it would layer it. >> But what's the cause of that kind of. acne? >> Asian people probably in my proximity. >> The more of you that were around.

>> really. You grew up around Asian people. >> They were everywhere these [laughter]. people. You can't get rid of them. >> I grew up uh in Vegas actually. >> A lot of this is from. >> there were a lot of Filipinos. >> You like that? You like them? >> I love I love them too. >> Those are good. >> They're the best ones. They're the good. >> They're the second best people. What's. the first? >> Mexican. >> I love Mexican. >> Yeah. Third. >> What's mine? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Um, >> what's your rank power ranking races? >> Oh, >> we should do We're like Bill Simmons. >> Okay. I I could do my Asian list. >> Yeah. Yeah. What's your list? >> Do you have an Asian list?

>> No, no, not not Asians. Just every kind. of person. >> Every kind of person. >> Also, I cut off an injury. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> This was good. >> Um, yeah. Top three races. >> Can I say fat whites? >> Fat whites is up there. Some of the. worst people. No, I love fight white cuz. they're nice to me. >> No, >> good-looking whites are not as nice. True. >> The guys are good. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's go. No. [laughter]. Korean. >> Korean's the best race for you. >> Number one. >> Well, I'm Korean. I have to say that. >> Okay. Yeah. Yeah. >> I wouldn't put you.

top 25. >> Okay. Number two, Filipinos. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Three, Mexicans. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. Four, any kind of black. >> Any kind. >> Even like Minnesota. >> Yeah. [laughter] I like Minnesota. The. Chappelle Lacy's of blacks. I like that. guy. He's good. I mean, hey guys, I'm. going to do an ali. >> Yeah, right. >> Yeah. >> Who's that? [laughter]. >> You know how some black um black people? >> Let's hear it. >> Well, you know the I like Bugazi and I. like the Ali. >> No. >> You know how they. >> He likes black guys that like metal.

>> Oh, like all black guys. >> Yeah. Yeah. All black guys. Yeah. Yeah. >> You have you ever met vampire Mexicans? >> Oh, yeah. I love that. >> In El Paso, you go El Paso, Texas. You. know, they got them here. They like. Marsa. They like. >> Dallas. Yeah. Yes. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like. those. Yeah. Yeah. >> What's that? >> Goth black. >> Black guys. Like goth music is. >> Yeah. I love goth blacks. >> Goth blacks are cool. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at Oh my. god. They're my favorite. >> Look like I know Trinity. >> It's crazy because they always. [laughter] sound like they're from.

California, even if they're not. >> Morph Morpheus style. Yeah. Morphe style. guys. >> Yeah. Yeah. Those are my favorite. >> Yeah. Yeah. As they try to go super. saiyan, they think it's a real thing. [laughter]. >> Yeah. Those guys. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. At my shows wearing. sunglasses in the audience. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? Like a [snorts]. like a snake dark purple jacket. >> Yeah. I like that. No shirt. >> Yeah. No shirt. >> Yeah. Shirtless. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> A tattoo of some sort of number. >> Punk. Punk. Is this punk Mexican? >> Punk Mexicans are great.

>> Oh, I love that. >> Smith's Mexicans are the best. >> Yeah. Smith. That is. >> Smith's Mexicans. I grew up with a with. a lot of Mexicans and uh I became like. uh I I earned their respect because I. smoked mot uh I also smoked weed and. they're like oh they Jewish kids they. like they like weed too and I was like. yeah yeah and uh they were like tell me. Adam like you're like a emo and I was. like no I don't know [laughter]. >> and I was like I was like I like like. radio head and like I don't know I guess.

I like music and he's like they're like. you like loitz and I was like yeah I. love the Smiths and uh they're like they. were really into the Smiths but. specifically Morrisy. And I was like and. I was like but I was like it's weird. that you guys are uh into Morrisy. because like you're homophobes you're a. homophobe. And they're like that's a. [ __ ] up thing to say about Morrisy. man. Like they didn't know [laughter]. they didn't get that he was gay. >> Like they had no idea. >> Hims hairs. When hair starts to thin confidence can.

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who is the one that you want to get on. there so bad? >> Uh, >> there's got to be someone that you're. like, you know, who'd be [ __ ] perfect. for this show that won't do it? >> Uh, Sydney Sweeney. No cam. [laughter]. Just no. No, no, just no cameras. No, no. condoms. No cameras. >> No card, no condom. >> Uh, I don't know. Obama. >> That'd be fun. Hey, have you chilled. with him, Bobby? >> He's He's been here. >> I just met him. You just met Obama? >> I did just meet him. >> What was it like? >> It's a little annoying.

>> No, >> no, no, no. It was wonderful. It was. great. It was It was really good. >> Yeah, he's like magic. >> Sweet. Such a sweet like uh aphable and. also like disarming. Right as you talk. to him, you're like, "Oh, I feel good. This is fine.". >> I want to ask him if he's depressed. >> I did. >> What? Oh, you did already. >> Yep. I said, "How do you feel? You look. like you're depressed." No. You know. what it is? I bet you he's. >> Can you imagine what it's like to be. Obama? It's got to suck. >> Yeah. >> Why? >> Cuz all the time. Everything is all the. time and you're the one. >> He's [ __ ] Neo. It's like. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He is the one. Yeah.

Yeah. >> You're the one. You're the one. You're. the one for all the good and all for the. bad. >> Well, no. More so. It's just like. everything everything went crazy after. he was the president. >> That's what I mean. It's all. >> He's got to be like, is it my fault? >> Well, 100%. >> Yeah. >> Are you doing Yeah, that's that's what. he looked like when I met him. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Really? That looks a lot like Morpheus. from the uh from the movie The Matrix. >> Sure. If you're smallminded, but this is. if you really know what's going on in. the world. [snorts]. >> He probably always has to be nice, too. >> Uh. >> when he's out in public. Yeah. Yeah. >> Do you feel like you have to?

>> Yeah, but I don't have that kind of. image. >> But But. >> you have a bad boy image. >> Yeah, you do. You think I have a bad boy. image? You do. >> I'm nice to everybody. >> NO, [laughter] I'M NICE TO EVERYBODY. >> NO. Everyone says like you're. >> I dab. >> No. You're at the Viper room. Sunset. strip. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. I kiss the. sidewalk where River died. >> There's a lot of stories I hear about. people. >> I always do. I'll miss you, River. >> When someone meets me and they'll go, you know, I met Bobby when he was in. town or whatever. >> And I'll go, "Oh, yeah." And they'll go, "Yeah, he's like threw a fork and like.

yelled at the server and we loved it.". >> Yeah. Yeah. >> They love they they love when he's a. [ __ ] maniac. >> I'm You know that's not true. You know. that I'm a nice guy. >> No, but I'm saying you do. You play. >> I don't do that. >> You play bits with people. You guys You. guys got a pipe up. You do bits and we. know what you [ __ ] do. uh people with. less money than you. >> Yeah, >> he does like doing bits with strangers. and then it leaves he likes it's like. his uh what Bill Murray he like he wants. to be Bill Murray. He wants to like. leave a nugget of a do you know what. Bobby did here when he was here loves.

that [ __ ]. >> Yeah. He like went to a wedding and. Yeah. >> You do love that. Don't lie. >> I guess so. Yeah, >> you do. >> You're a rambling man. >> What? >> A rambling man. >> I'm a rambling man. [laughter]. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Marbo like. marorrow man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, >> dick hammer. We love. >> you do that kind of thing. You go to. like a random bar mitzvah and you like. Bobby Lee just chilled with us all. night. >> I would do that. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. That sounds kind of sick. actually. Yeah. >> Not a bar mitzvah. [laughter].

>> You wouldn't do a party. He would do it. if he would do it if it's like a uh. >> if it was like a small click somewhere. at a private little thing. He would bust. in on that. >> Oh, famous people. >> Oh, he loves that. >> Oh, I love it. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Famous. >> Famous. >> You want to be famous? >> Who's the most famous person you have in. your phone? >> I It's not like him. >> What? >> Already? It's not like him. He has way. more. >> I'm going to ask him next. But yeah, who's yours? >> Um, [ __ ] man. Uh, >> it's not in my phone. Look. [laughter].

>> What? Yep. Oh, no. >> I know. I know. I know. >> Oh, no. He goes, [laughter]. >> I know. Oh no. Look at that. Look at. that. Look, look, look at it. [laughter]. >> What are you doing there, dude? Like, can you. >> It looks like I was going to point at. something. >> Yeah. Can you text a pic of me just. going like this? [laughter]. >> Who is that? Your girlfriend or wife or. >> That's my wife. Yeah. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Who do you have? >> I don't know. I don't I don't There's no. one I You know, everyone that I know. >> That's not even Travis Kelce. Do you. have his number? >> NO. [laughter]. YOU LYING [ __ ] DO YOU HAVE TRAVIS. KELCE'S NUMBER? >> NO. >> You really don't. So, how do you go? How. do you hang out with him? >> DM. >> Oh, you DM him on Instagram. >> Only DM? Oh, no. On on Twitter. We don't. use Instagram. >> Okay. All right. Only on. >> Who's your most famous? >> I'm not No one really. Stav. >> our boy Shane. Maybe.

>> maybe I don't know. Um, >> non-comics. >> You got some people in there. You know, >> dance. >> Oh, wow. That's a good one. Yeah. Not. inspired. >> I'M JAMIE CURTIS. I SAW YOU too much. We. do it too much. >> Jamie Lee Curtis. Should we text her? >> Why? Cuz you were in one of those yogurt. commercials with [laughter] her. >> No, I did a movie. >> It's yogurt for your puss. >> Moving with her. >> You think she got that to be like the. mean stuff people say about me? I'm. going to do the [ __ ] yogurt commercial. >> Just go as far as you can. You're like, I'm going to go all in then. Try to.

fight me on this. Yeah. >> No, he did a movie with it, right? >> Yeah. >> Which Freakier Friday? No, it was called. Borderlands. Nobody wanted. >> Borat. [laughter]. Borderlands. Oh, it's that director Eli. Roth. Oh, no, never mind. >> Yeah. >> Um. >> Oh, he's good friends with uh Michael. [laughter] Bay. >> MICHAEL. >> MICHAEL BAY. >> YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. >> WHAT? >> YEAH. >> Oh my god. Tell Can you say my boy uh. Adam says ambulance was fire? Yeah.

>> I like that movie. >> Yeah. It's It's like what would happen. if Michael Bay had drones? Finally, HE. HAS DRONES. THANK GOD HE HAS DRONES NOW. >> YEAH. YEAH. >> Oh my god, I love Michael Bay. >> Text Michael Bay that Adam's here. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Just actually just say Adam's. here. Just Adam. Yeah. >> It says what up? >> That's you. That's it. You have No. No. one. >> I don't really have anybody on my phone. >> Let me Can I throw some names out? [clears throat]. >> Yeah. >> Beyond Beyond Baitman. >> No. >> You don't have Baitman's number? >> No. >> Okay. Charlie Day.

>> No. [laughter]. >> It's all DMs. Really? >> All DM. >> So you send your [ __ ] out all to all. these guys? >> Just the Just to the dogs. Yeah, >> just to the dogs. Yeah. During co me and. my friends got addicted to that. >> Send your dick to the dogs. >> Just Yeah. In the boys chat like my. friend just, you know, middle of the. lockdown just send his penis. And I was. And he was like, "Yeah, it's he said the. rule was it's gay to send it to girls, but it's cool if you're sending it to. your friends.". >> And then I said I I eventually played.

the game. >> and then uh and then uh he's like, "You're puffed." And I'm like, "Dude, no, I'm not puffed." And then he said it. to my girlfriend to be like, "Is this. puffed or is this real?" [laughter]. >> You were puffed, though, weren't you? >> I was puffed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> We know when someone's puffed, dude. >> I wasn't puffed. >> Well, you know what? Hey, you know what? Also, post stroke. Post stroke though. Does that doesn't count as puff? >> After you have a stroke, >> poststroke. Post come. >> Oh, I don't know why I thought it was. like a like. >> No, because after you nut you're on the. come down. So, can you send a come down.

photo? >> Well, that's that's puffed. >> No, because puff is on the way up. I. think that is the de deflation. The. deeppuff is uh. >> that's not on you. That's. >> how fast do you deflate. >> post? >> Yeah. How how fast do you deflate? >> The point is I wanted it to look. beautiful for my friend. [laughter]. >> Yeah, we got it. >> But I mean, >> how quickly. >> how quickly after you nut does it. deflate? >> It depends on how quick my wife is. coming upstairs. >> I'm barely hard at this point. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> A noodle. >> Yeah. >> I don't know. It's pretty fast for me. I. can get it. >> Three minutes. >> Full minutes. >> Yeah. 3 minutes for me. Three minutes of.

deflation. Yeah. >> What are you 13 years old? [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> What are you the healthiest man in the. world? >> No, I use Bluetooth. >> Oh, shout out to Oh, they don't do us. anymore. >> They don't? >> No, they did they did Cometown for a. very long time. Yeah. Yeah, we used to. do make uh irresponsible claims. [laughter]. >> Are you doing shows in town or No, >> no, I was just in Seattle uh for the. doing a weekend and now I'm meeting with. some of the most powerful executives in. in the.

>> Wait, what clubs up there? [laughter]. Uh there's a new one. Uh Emerald City. >> Have you done up there? >> Seattle. Last time I did it was a club. that closed years ago. >> Parlor Live. I used to play. >> Yeah. Parlor. >> Yeah. Yeah. I play there every year. >> But that's closed forever. >> Yeah. >> This is new. Emerald City. >> Yeah. It was like It was like nice. It. was Yeah. It was my first weekend after. a year cuz I I took the year off the. road uh to get the talk show up and. running and uh so yeah, so it was like. my first weekend back out. It was so. It's It's actually like uh Yeah. You.

know when you're doing stand up all the. time, you hate it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. It It really uh I feel like. a young kid again. I feel like a. brideeyed kid again. >> Wow. >> Do you bring someone with you? >> Yeah. I brought my boy Caleb um out on. the road and he has to do anything I. say. >> Hell yeah. >> No. No. Uh yeah, I brought my friend. Caleb who also works on the talk show. with me. He's a writer on the talk show. >> and uh Yeah. No, it was like it was. funny remembering how to do an hour. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And then like Yeah. And then you get it. back down and you're like, "Oh, actually.

this is a blast again.". >> Yeah. And then uh whatever. Cut all. that. [laughter]. >> Jesus Christ. >> Last night I was at the store. I was. about to go up and I just left. >> Gson's. g. I just looked on stage. I was like, I. don't want to do it. >> Why? >> I It was the first time I was ever like. that where I was like, I'm not going to. do it. >> Are you over it cuz the hour's done? >> Yeah. I just looked at cuz Sebastian was. up there killing and I was just kind of. like I'm going to go home.

>> You ever suck on a dick? [clears throat]. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Just for fun. >> Who did Who he killed a woman on stage? [laughter]. >> It would be funny. >> Let me say you have anxiety. What's. going on here? >> No, I'm a I'm a I'm a fidgety guy. >> Yeah, [laughter]. >> you mentioned man. >> Adam, do you take anything? Uh, do I. take anything? Yeah. Uh, depression. Jenum. Yeah. [laughter]. >> Jenhoff.

>> Crocodile deal. Yeah. >> No, I don't take anything. >> I just got on Lexopro. >> I'm not a whackad. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Have you ever taken anything? >> [ __ ]. >> Yeah. A lot of [ __ ] when I was in. college. >> I tried to do uh. >> Oh, man. One of the anti-depressants. I. don't know which one I did. >> Zoloft. >> Yeah, one of those. >> But your your penis doesn't work, right? No, mine still did. >> Oh, nice, brother. >> Yeah, mine still did. It wasn't that. I. felt uh. >> like a woman. >> I'm depressed. [laughter].

>> I'm sad about the world. >> I mean, you're supposed Isn't everyone. depressed? >> Yeah. Sad that you die, right? >> What? >> I mean, I feel like depressed is like. everyone you should everyone should be. depressed, right? >> Yeah. >> Varying levels. Yeah. All the time, though. [clears throat]. >> I mean, it's Yeah. If you're going to. die one day, so that's really sad. Yeah. >> Yeah. You don't get to be alive after. that. >> Yeah. I'm on the fence about it. I just. like I am depressed, but it's like I. mean, don't you That's I think that's. what drives.

>> Yeah. This thing about That's the thing. about LA comedy. They [ __ ] talk like. there's like women to each other. [laughter] Not like in New York. Not like in New York. >> You got all those kings of comedy out. there busting down the walls of these. sensitive guys. >> I I rewatched the King special in. Seattle this weekend. It was my favorite. comedy special as a kid. >> Oh, Kings of Comedy. Yeah, it's so good. >> Yeah, >> it's so funny. >> It's so good. >> The [ __ ] Titanic bit is I think it's. the funniest stand up bit of all time.

>> Remember that one? The Steve the Steve. Titanic bit. >> Uhuh. >> Oh my god. He's unbelievable. What a. genius. >> Give it. >> He did it. Well, it's the same that same. joke about if black people, you know. Yeah. >> But do it in his tone. >> He [snorts] said, "I hated that dry ass long ass movie.". And he's like, uh, something about the. little boy that KILLED AT K DROWN THESE. [ __ ] you know. Yeah. So, he. establishes that he doesn't like the. movie Titanic. Yeah. >> And then he says, uh, uh, you know what?

Uh, you never hear about 3,000 black. people dying at the same time, which is. like, you know, that's a joke. We've, you know, like, uh, it wouldn't have. been like that it had it been black. people. And he's like, you saw that. movie? The band kept playing as the ship. went down. And he's like, "WHAT KIND OF. BLACK band keeps playing cooling?" The. gang would have been [laughter]. >> That's funny. >> Funny. >> And then and then uh [laughter] and then. he talks about how he does this act out.

which is this really takes it to the. next stratosphere where he has this tiny. little side table and he turns it over. and uh he's like, "I would have been. turning over the damn table." And uh and. then there's a dinner napkin on top and. he's like opening up a dinner napkin and. then he does this thing where he's. blowing on the dinner like like a sail. and he's kicking [laughter] people. >> Thank you, Robert. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Are you Robert? >> Yeah. >> Robert Lee. >> Yeah. Call me whatever you want. >> Okay. I like Robert Lee. It's It makes.

you in instantly like a Yeah. Like a. maestro. Robert Lee. >> A general. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> You have the same name as a as a. general. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Wow. Yeah. >> Well, your middle name is uh. >> Young Lee. >> Yeah. >> With an E. >> Why? With a Y. >> Young Lean. >> You have the best name of all time. [laughter]. >> Young Lean. >> Wow. >> That song was so good. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love Yeah, I love. music. >> Don't you love Young You love Young. Lean? >> I think he's he's really cool. Yeah,

>> this kid that this kid's great. [ __ ]. come and go, bro. >> Yeah. Uh Yeah. This is You know that? Uh, Robert, >> he doesn't know that. >> You don't know. >> That's a reference that is not going to. go near him. >> What kind of music do you listen to? Karaoke. [laughter]. >> Oh, that Come on, dude. >> That's good. >> Stop it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Why? >> What? >> I like it. >> I like it seeing someone pouring their. heart out. >> But no, I'm more like, you know, I've. always been more into like, you know, alty kind of stuff, you know? >> That's not true.

>> No. What do you mean? >> You like commercial [ __ ]. >> Like Coldplay. >> Sure. I love Coldplay. >> Yeah. First two albums pretty good. >> Yeah. Yeah. You like commercial [ __ ]. too? You like all of it? >> I like all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I love I love Coldplay. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You have his number? >> No, I don't. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> Um I like um bands like the Pixies and. stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Bugazi. I like. >> Cool. >> Sonic Youth. >> And And what's And what's Andrew more. into? [laughter]. >> You know, he's into everything. >> Like he is a true.

>> He likes everything. >> Hip-hop historian. >> I love hip-hop. You are. >> Yeah. He knows a little bit of. everything. Big big wig. Big wigger as a. kid. >> Yeah. Yeah, me too. >> You're a jazz guy. >> I like soul. >> I like I told Jay to kiss uh when he. came on the show. >> I came out of the closet. I was like, I. feel bad, but I we used to me and Jewish. guys used to we'll lock the door and put. on Mitchell and Ness and just pretend to. be like you. And he was like that. He He. thought it was cool. He He I had to come. clean. >> Yeah. Why Why would you think he. wouldn't like it though?

>> Uh I mean it's embarrassing. So what? >> Yeah. Yeah. He'd be like, "Yeah, you're. [ __ ] I [laughter]. I don't know. I have found out from the. from the talk show that rappers have. gotten along with rappers and it it has. made me feel. >> they love comedy. A lot of them do. >> It's a dream. I mean, it's like it's. like a bar mitzvah or something to find. the the approval of a rapper. >> Huge. Yeah. I had G Herbo on the show. >> on your show. >> Yeah. Yeah. And we got along famously. and it was like uh. >> I was like, >> it's incredible. >> It's incredible. I mean, he's probably. killed like three maybe. [laughter].

>> But three is not that bad. >> Three is not a lot. Five. Five and up. grew up in like [ __ ] literally. Blackhawk Down. I mean like southside of. Chicago was like. >> toughest part of the world. >> Yeah. >> Is this still tough? >> I mean Yeah. >> What happens? I mean why is it so tough? [laughter]. >> What happened? [laughter]. >> What happened? >> 13-year-olds have guns. >> Oh, they do? Yeah. >> Yeah. Kids have guns. >> It's like legal, correct me if I'm. wrong. It's legal under a certain line.

of demarcation for uh like if you're. you're black if you kill another black. person basically. But like North if you. like uh. >> well the cops aren't going to stop. anything. No one no one's going to break. anything up. >> They I mean it they should probably. right. >> No. >> No. >> No. You got to let it go. >> Do you have Lori Lightfoot's number? >> Yeah. You want to call her? >> I'm trying to [snorts]. >> You trying to [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> You have her number? Who's that? >> [ __ ] no. Lori Lightfoot. >> Yeah. She's they uh didn't Trump call. her Mayor Crackhead. >> Mayor Crackhead. Yeah.

>> Yeah. That wasn't very nice. >> Chicago's homicide rate per capita. significantly higher than New York City. and Los Angeles. Philadelphia being the. closest. Not St. You still not us Philly. >> cuz when I'm in Shamberg I don't I don't. feel it. >> Not that's not where we're That's not. That's not it. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, it's crazy there. >> I just see many malls and. >> Yeah, that's all the malls. >> Rosemont to [laughter]. >> No one's going to get clipped out there. >> Improv. I play the improv. Yeah. Shamberg. Yeah. So if from the Shamberg. improv, how far do I have to go? Do it's. north south side. >> It's southeast from there. >> And it's Shamberg north of Chicago.

>> Shamberg is northwest of Chicago. >> Northwest. Right. So, how far would I. have to drive down to get the south? >> Like an hour to get to where you want. >> where I want to go. Yeah. Yeah. >> You No, you don't want to go. >> Yeah. But if I step out of the car, if I. go, "Hello, what would happen?". >> They probably They go, "That's a Bob, not Mad TV, motherfucker.". >> Mad TV. Mad TV. Mad TV. You'd be good. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be good. You. would? >> Yeah. Yeah. If I go, "Hello.". >> Then I'd step out and they go, "That's a. [ __ ] that went that dude on Mad. TV.". >> Be like, "Oh, it's Miss Swan is here. [laughter] Yeah. >> Go miss one. >> Oh, it's the Miss Swan. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're like, "Oh, he was on." And just.

like that, he did the podcast with. Carrie. [laughter]. >> He was fabulous. >> Carrie and Jay Diaz. [laughter]. >> I love I watched the whole thing. >> I had no idea what was going on on that. show. >> Wait, you I never read it. I just didn't. know. >> Wait, you weren't a fan? >> I had no idea about what it was. Why? >> Cuz I put in the work. I know all about. it. I know. They called I knew. I mean, I was called. Have you seen Sex in the. City? >> Culturally, I know what it is. >> You culturally? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. But um. >> No, you look great.

>> That shirt's cool. >> Did you bring your own war shirt? [laughter]. >> They made me wear that. >> And this is what people like you wear, right? >> It's like a paparazzi style. >> It is. >> That looks like you guys are just out in. LA. The stars are just like us. >> Yeah. >> And just like that. >> And just like that, the stars are like. us. >> She was very nice. I I uh. >> She's so kind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, >> I I had her on my show and uh and a gay. fella told me that I showed her in a. light that no one has. >> And if if a gay person says that, they. know this [ __ ].

>> Wow. >> Yeah, they know this type of [ __ ]. >> What kind of light did you show her in? >> I as like a her personality in like a. just Yeah. In a genuine way. I tried to. do that on the show. So, it's like a. kind of a sweet. It was a really nice I. mean, if a if a a sodomite, a. homosexual, if a butt pirate says that. to you, what happened to butt pirate? [laughter]. Butt pirate. That's an insane butt. pirate. >> But, you know, it was surprisingly like. she was surprisingly kind of down to. earth and. >> Yeah. >> The experience wasn't like because my my.

fear is, oh my god, you know what I. mean? Because if she was rude, >> then I'd be like, I don't want to do. this. Yeah. You know what I mean? But. it's just like she was pretty cool, you. know? So, >> yeah. Yeah. Did you rip ass on set? [laughter]. >> Did you ever rip ass around any. >> What? I asked her. Yeah, we did a thing. where we asked her um I did like fake. questions from like friends and I got. Caleb to leave one of the voicemails and.

he's like, "Hey, like um I just want to. address the elephant in the room. Like. was there ever a time where like. Charlotte or Miranda or you just like. farted like really disgustingly like. >> while you're making the show and like. who's your favorite character boyfriend? >> And she was like she was like I think. that's the one that pushed it a little. too far. [laughter]. >> Really? >> She's very proper. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> She's like a reader. >> Did she ever tell you about that? >> No. >> No. Well, >> she likes to read books. >> You didn't chat with. >> Yeah. >> What? >> You never chat with. >> Oh, no. This was You were like sitting.

She's like reading something. You know, I'm I'm playing a Candy Crush. >> Really? You didn't You didn't vibe out. >> Well, we go Good morning. >> Good morning. [laughter]. >> Is that something? Yeah. Yeah. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Oh, you're not making her sound good, though. >> Yeah. Yeah. No, I would say and. >> No, she'd be reading. He'd. >> be reading. She's like, "How was your Do. you sleep well?". >> I go, >> she asked about your sleep. >> Good morning. >> You know, and that kind of. >> good morning is nice. Yeah, that's a. nice thing to say. >> She'll go, "Have you ever been up to. Sedona or something?". >> She said that. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. I'm like, "No, I've never been there." I.

just think it's really nice this time of. year. >> Did you get Jade on your show from a guy. named Vinnie? >> Vinnie? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he told. me he knows you. >> One of my good friends. >> V. Yeah. >> Have you seen his tattoo on his butt? >> I've seen it all. >> That tattoo is the He's the one of one. tattoo. >> He's the man. >> You met him. You met Venar Fuso. You met. him on his ass. He has the Dallas. Cowboys star next to a Palestinian flag. >> Yeah. >> What is that? That is not the same. tattoo. >> Okay. [ __ ] The combination of those two. things is uh.

unbelievable. >> Well, Jerry Jones is Palestinian. That's. why he got. >> Yeah. Yeah. He was a Yeah, he was in the. uh PFLP for a while. >> I [laughter] bet mine would look like a. Dallas Cowboy star, but I can't. >> No, it's just a star, but it covered up. a what? A name? What was it? >> It was a butterfly. >> Butterfly. That's right. >> What? So, you were like, I'm embarrassed. to have a butterfly. Somebody. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I was When I was drinking, I had a. butterfly tattoo there. >> Okay. >> I was drunk and then I was embarrassed. I put a star on top of that. >> That's a good story. >> Wait, [laughter].

>> you have tattoos or no? >> No. I have no respect for any tattoo. I've ever seen ever. [laughter]. >> It's like street art. Am I going to look. at a graffiti and be like, "Wow, >> no. No. I mean, >> you don't have No, >> I don't. That's It's Why would I do. that?". >> Yeah. >> It's ridiculous to get that for forever. >> Silly. [laughter]. >> Silly. >> Forever. He's got them all over. >> Wow. Well, I like the Mad TV tattoo. Man, >> you like you've actually earned that. one, too. >> Yeah. Comedy store. >> How many seasons were you Mad TV?

>> Eight year. Seven. Eight years. >> Oh my god. You're the cool. That That is. so cool. >> Yeah, I was on it. >> It was so cool back then. >> It was so funny. >> Yeah, >> it was it was just I. >> I used to watch it rel. I prefer this. >> SNL. >> No, this. >> Oh, sorry. >> Hanging out with you like this thing. >> This kind of thing. >> YEAH. THERE'S NO NOTES. THERE'S NO. SOMEBODY SAYING, YOU KNOW, I mean, you. can't do that. >> Well, these are the conversations that. comics have. Yeah. Yeah. >> When no one's watching. >> Yeah. Exactly. [laughter]. There's no like, uh, oh, you're 20. minutes late. What the [ __ ] You know.

what I mean? >> They said that on Mad TV to you. >> Yeah. You would get in trouble if you. were like an hour late or whatever. >> Really? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> How did Arty survive? >> I wasn't on with him, but you know, I. mean, he barely survived. Yeah. Yeah. >> The story he tells about the pig thing. is the funniest. >> Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> You never did anything with him? >> No, I never met him. I mean, I know him. now, but like. >> back then you did no crossover. >> No crossover. No. >> Wow. I crossovered with uh Alex Borstein. who did Miss Swan. You know what I mean? >> Yeah. Oh, I thought Oh, never mind. [laughter] I thought that was.

>> Were you like, "Hey, this is what the. hell is this?". >> Oh, no. >> No, you came up with that. >> No, I didn't come up with a knot. >> But if someone was doing a character on. Matt TV with me like Heshi Tesher was. the pedophile. [laughter]. >> I would be like a little bit like you're. a black guy. Why are you doing. >> For me it's comedy. There's no bounds. >> There's no bounds. >> She's also there's no bounds. >> She's so good at it. >> She's so good at it. >> She's so good. My friend actually his. his mom was a dentist. She did uh Alex. Borisstein's teeth or no no uh no he no. he wrote a letter to Matt TV and uh and.

uh he said he loved the Miss Swan. character and uh she sent back a a a. what do you call it? Headshot and it. said Phil you look like a man. And then. she signed it and [laughter] and yeah. and he had it next to a Stone Cold thing. cuz his mom did Stone Cold's teeth. >> Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. You look like. He look like a man. >> Phil, you look alike a man. That's so. funny. Who wrote that? >> She did. >> Really? She came up with that. >> with the character. Yeah. >> You know that she said to me when I got. on the show? She pulled me aside. She.

goes, >> "Get off the show as quickly as you. can.". >> She said that to you. >> because I hate it here. >> Oh, I thought she was like, I I don't. want to see your celestial ass around. [laughter]. >> Listen, you [ __ ] How long was she on? >> Three or four years. >> She's lowest. No. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> Wow. She's the She's the best lady of. all time. >> The best. Oh my god. You have her. number? >> No. >> Um, why didn't you get her number? >> I There's some cast members where I just. never clicked with. >> She was one of them. >> She was one of them. Yeah. Do you play. clubs here when you're in town or No.

>> No. No. No. >> Come to the store. Why don't you come. tonight? >> Are you there tonight? >> Are you there tonight? >> No, I'm out. Valhalla, you mean? >> I'm there tonight. [laughter]. >> When are you there? >> Really? >> Next week? Monday. >> Oh, you're going to do Monday. That. Monday? >> Yeah. You have Jay's number? >> No. >> Oh, yeah. >> You have Jay's number. >> He's upstairs. [laughter] What? J J J J J J J J J J J J. J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J J. J J J J J J J J J Jason J Jason, >> I love him so much. >> He comes to the store now more. I don't. know why he's been coming a lot, but he. has. >> He's amazing. >> Everyone says that thing about the late. >> but the late '7s they say everyone was.

like that was the best comic I've ever. seen. >> Well, you know, and then the store was. the divide between him and Letterman. It. was either you were his side or his. side. >> Well, yeah. And then the he crossed the. picket line during the strike. How. pathetic is that striking. >> from what? From [ __ ] [laughter]. How pathetic. We're going to start a. union. What is this? [ __ ] lay miser. rob. >> Yeah, but the. >> Yeah, but they never got paid anything. and the store was getting all the money. I mean I mean. >> Jay like Jay like crossed the picket. line in a [ __ ] like a clown car or. something [laughter].

>> and then Mity gave him a drink ticket. >> Yeah. >> Like you know so much about that. >> Me? >> Yeah, I was there dude. I was there. brother. [laughter]. >> Oh my god. You should have seen it man. You should have seen that was the good. >> I think you're like Andrew in that way. that you guys know tidbits of something. like a lot. >> But it's about comedy dude. >> that specifically. Everybody knows those. stories, but that's that's also why like. young people divided on who they liked. more was Letterman or Leno. >> That but I I hated that that uh uh I. hated that. I liked all of them. >> Yeah. But it became this kind of thing. is like Eagles or Rolling Stones. Yeah.

Yeah. It's [ __ ] I mean I like Conan. as a kid cuz he was silly. It love. Conan. >> Yeah. It was like a sloppy fun show. >> But I loved Jay just just finding make. [laughter]. there. Come on. They're friends. I'm friends with it. They're a friend. Yeah. Just fighting dumb asses and. asking them one plus one. >> It's so [laughter] fun. >> Oh, Adam, you want to plug anything? >> Uh, the Adam Fre show. Do girls come to.

your guys uh shows? >> It's all guys. Insurrectionist. >> It's all guys. [laughter]. >> It's all insurrectionist. >> We're doing it at the capital next year. >> Actually, because of the talk show, there's like more now. There's uh. there's like Yeah. Like parents. >> I would say we get a a lot of couples. >> We get couples. A lot of hostages. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> No, actually girls like this show. >> Well, you guys are more sex symbol kind. of style. >> Thank you. >> For me, I I command uh Yeah. I just. loer. No. No. I love the boys. Shout out. to the You're the craziest. It's like.

they let out the insane asylum. >> Or Adam, look in the camera and go, um, what? >> Thank you for being a bad friend. I. mean, that's how we close a show. >> All right. Thank you for being a bad. friend. >> Yeah, that's good. That's sucks. Why did. you guys do that? You make the guest do. that's fine. Woo! Woo! Yeah! Woo!