Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday | Ep 145 | Bad Friends

Merry Christmas to you look what we have. we have Christmas brand new crimace. merch. Juicy's got the Home Alone shout out. with her face and we did our glasses on. it even which is amazing mine's just a. red with me bad friends and I've got the. uh the ugly family. um Walmart Photo uh go to. badfriendsmerch.com you can get all this. stuff there it's great for stockings. say some other stuff it's great for it's. good for the under the tree and it's.

good for Santa and an elves and eggnog. okay wearing this and wearing drinking. eggnog is so good go to. badfriendsmerch.com. hey bad friends I'm gonna be in Boston. New Year's Eve come out and see me New. Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve the. night before if you already have plans. on New Year's Eve come see me the night. before go to andrewsantino.com for those. tickets. andrewsantino.com you two are bad. friends who are these two idiots. [Music].

we're bad friends. what the [ __ ] you talking about man no. no hold on. all right Max deliver deliver the keys. and the Red Bull to well that's his name. that's Max. [Laughter]. that's me that's our new intern I know. but do you not know who our interests. easy Spectrum or Izzy yeah you tell me. he's like super spark what are the he's.

a super effective bring up some uh. traits of people that are on the. Spectrum yeah and we'll just go down the. list I'd love to know because I've been. observing them and you want him to sit. down and talk to him for a second I. don't really go ahead Max go sit down. Max right sit down Max sit down and put. on the headphones and do you get your. hair styled from the culkins. did you see home alone oh that's the one. oh Macaulay any of them do you know who. the other culkins are no you know that. they're actors I know Macaulay Culkin he. is the sickest there's another one the.

other one's on succession you like. succession I've only seen like the first. season yeah he's on every single episode. Kieran Culkin oh really he looks exactly. like. and who's the third one Rory Rory what. movie Nobody Knows signs oh yeah he was. a signs kid no he wasn't Rory Culkin was. in signs he was the kid with the water. no the girl with the water that's her. brother yeah look at wait Google Rory.

Culkin in signs what did he do in signs. he was the song on a [ __ ] metal. God don't get me angry it's a great. movie what are you doing presuming out. wait a minute that's Rory Culkin. do you remember you've tilts the [ __ ]. Mel's head that's him to the left go. back to the picture that first one yeah. who's that guy and left is that guy is. that Kanye West no that's what Kanye. West that's the first guy that did that. I think he was Kanye West was influenced. by this guy is that Kanye East yeah that.

is right there Mel Gibson yeah so Rory. Culkin was in science he was great in. that movie. shout out to the Culkin Clan they're. killing it so did you see signs no never. seen signs okay if you know what it is. no well she'll tell you what the movies. are well so for our Audience by the way. this is our intern Max he is a family. friend of mine he's working for us and. is he doing a good job guys yeah. fancy tells the truth and Carlos says. and you know what Carlos I like you more. yeah because fancy went like this you. know how judgmental he is Spanish people.

because he's just been out for so long. so science it's about an alien invasion. and Cheyenne m m knock shamalak oh he. makes good movies. right so he basically it's like a gay. sci-fi right it's okay sci-fi it's a gay. sci-fi movie it's the first gay sci-fi. movie so these aliens come down and and. and Mel Gibson sees them kissing in a. field okay and he's smoking a cigarette. and he and he's cigar it's a cigar it's. a cigar Cuban cigar Cuban cigar because.

he's half Cuban in it that's right right. and he sees these two aliens kissing in. the field that's him with this Cuban. cigar right there and there's a Cuban. right there yeah right next door he. hangs out with Cubans yeah right now. they're just friends they're just. friends they're just friends yeah yeah. yeah I love that I've seen it yeah. that's great right you saw it I've seen. signs yeah and what happens is two male. aliens are kissing female is Mel right. is a preacher but he's gay gotcha right. he's gay but he hasn't come out to his. family right and he murders his wife but.

that's like later wait he murdered her. yeah. I thought I thought the little boy kills. her. through him though right he takes over. his body right right through him he does. it right. Mel Gibson is again this isn't hard no. no no Mel Gibson's a gay preacher he. sees two gay aliens kissing a little boy. embodies him hit Mel and kills his wife. which is his mother. was the little boy the alien no the. little boy's his son human yeah he's a.

human right the [ __ ] the [ __ ] aliens. are gay those ones in the field isn't. his son his son's making love to another. what are you talking about and you can. tell that they're the only reason you. know that they're gay when the spaceship. comes down it's like. and then they come out and they go take. me to your leader Your Leader your. leader leader leader leader I thought. that part though was like that was a. little over the top way over the top it. kind of throws it off but I just thought. that was Overkill they didn't need to be. that like flamboyant about it but yeah.

kind of stereotypical but it was a. different time it was but science is a. symbol right and the sign is is that. like this is the sign. that's how they say on their on the two. gay aliens on their bodies there is a um. they have a hieroglyphic tattooey kind. of a thing yeah what is it and it's like. I don't remember what it's the um a. rainbow flag oh right it's that well no. no it's all inclusive flag oh that's. what it was yeah because I think they. updated it well that's how it came up. because the signs came out and that then. that's how they created the that's right.

time for the movement and the and the. end scene the aliens are playing tug of. war but they're doing with anal beads so. they're looking both in different. directions and they're pulling as hard. as they can and the beads and the and. the Rory Culkin for some reason he does. a jump rope thing. so nothing dude the thing goes they're. aim will be just assumes that yeah it's. play time right right and he does like. eight eight to ten right I think it's. ten and his male goes like stop it cut.

it out cut it out that's what Mel says. yeah yeah yeah anyway that's the movie. that's the movie that's a really good. movie yeah you should see it there's a. Twist though oh yeah what is the tour. and I always has a toy yeah do you. remember what the twist was in signs. well the twist is okay so. the kid ends up uh. also feeling really gay and yeah I think. that's right yeah and then they find out. the sun isn't Mel Gibson's blood son. that's right that's right that's right. his mom was dead and in her will they.

find out that it's not really his father. and then uh despite the age difference. they fall in love Mel Gibson and his. non-biological son and they're. absolutely date again that's it that's. it and they're also dead the whole time. oh yeah they are good the whole time. right yeah yeah yeah yeah they're all. dead yes they are that's it which is you. know he's changed themes like he should. switch it up I know well the kid the. kids saw dead people in the original one. but this time they were dead themselves. yeah that's pretty good that's pretty.

good yeah yeah it was no Village but it. was pretty good yeah it's pretty good. you're gonna watch it I mean yeah it's. I'm on my list now let me ask you. something Max is that your name right. yeah yeah how old are you I'm 20. who are you living he lives here I live. here I know but where like down the. street but in an apartment no with my. parents. that's mean it's this time of year I. have allergies oh is that what it was. right and so it just comes out get him.

some Claritin yeah yeah I'm sorry get. him some credit then yeah with an R so. let me ask you something. a little different he's 20 years old I. didn't do anything why are you making. fun of him he's like 40 years younger. than you. do you have a job that's my job this is. his [ __ ] job this is his job yeah we.

hired him I did I did oh but does it. does it come out of my [ __ ] or no better. believe it oh my god well next time you. hire people can I go through that. process with you nope okay. no he's an intern what are you getting. paid Max experience oh so you're not. getting any money right so we're gonna. give him a gift when it's over so when. your parent when you come home and your. parents like Max you know what I mean. clean your room they're British his mom. and dad box they're playing around no. that's a really good British thank you. Maximilian yeah yeah Maximilian that's.

his real name right yeah and then you go. I was just working. yeah this is hard to get paid nothing. and they feel good about that yeah okay. there's a job interview for me okay he's. already got the job I know but I just. need to go through the interview though. you got it all right thank you good with. this Max oh I'm I'm here for it you are. one time let me if I were to guess. um. you've had sex with one person okay. first of all first of all first of all. that's illegal to ask about Saturday.

can I take it back no it's over he's. gonna sue us we're [ __ ] all right let. me take it Blow Your up let me come here. I'm gonna go different direction please. I really do you believe in God is that. better what are you doing oh you're not. able to do that no all right uh let me. guess did you play sports it is illegal. to ask a candidate a job candidate about. their age or genetic information. birthplace country of origin institution. of disability gender sex sexual. orientation marital status family or. pregnancy race color ethnicity or. religion you knocked out all of us I get.

it all right so now that I know the. rules okay right may I start anew of. course okay. um. you like sports yeah I watch it on watch. a lot of soccer. do you really yeah oh this is something. you guys have in common really what what. club do you support uh Arsenal. no you don't yes. you swear on your life his mother and. father are from England let me ask you. some questions yeah. what's the stadium called uh the.

Emirates of course and then before that. it was hybrid. top score of all time tyrionry. keep going keep going to tickles fans on. the theory honorary um team name me. three other players that were on that. team um we have Patrick Vieira Cesc all. the pens cess Fabregas that was he was. younger but he was yeah yeah and then we. have uh Campbell burkamp Ian Ian Wright. was before Ray parlor. um yeah Perez Freddie youngberg yeah did. you just fall in love with Max he's. hired he's the [ __ ] man bro you're.

hired I don't care if you have the. suspective yeah I don't care that you. have albinoisms right I don't care that. you're an install and you haven't had. sex right I don't care if you believe in. God or not whatever first of all he. believes in God and he's a [ __ ] machine. he is he really is a [ __ ] machine. he's a sex machine dude oh [ __ ] yeah. dude and he's an artist but that's why. that's why I know that's what he says. when he gets girls at the bar he goes. hey Arsenal yeah so let me can I ask him. and they just so wet let me ask you. something about do you think we have a.

what do you think of in place at the end. of the year. uh top realistically top three you think. because you think that we don't have a. bench and you think that in the second. half of the Year we're gonna falter I. just think our team's very young and. that like fatigue is gonna happen. eventually especially I really do agree. with you but I think we'll take top four. this year no of course Champions League. which is gonna which is gonna bring in. new players who because a lot of players. haven't been coming to Arsenal because. we're not a Champions League Contender. that's exactly right and then therefore. we'll have it's not it's not nerd alert.

sorry it's not nerd alert this is what. the world watches by the way so let's. talk let's talk relevancy now beyond the. fact that you guys found love for. Arsenal. um say goodnight to Max goodbye Max. you're the best in the world all right. thank you now go back there and and do. the thing you do with Carlos behind the. scenes that nobody talks about yeah I'm. actually the greatest should I just. leave this here yeah give them a high. five on the way out because he loves you. so much another handshake man God bless. Max is the [ __ ] best what a [ __ ]. good one love Max where'd you find this. little angel family friend dude yeah. he's way better than all these other.

guys 100 they don't know nothing about. nothing so let's talk what have happen. today even though it's going to come out. in a while what USA. we won you better believe we won barely. do you know what happens to Iran. ah they die they kill him and they 100. kill them well they put the little thing. on with the women wear what is it called. a shop. Africa I know why I said shop. Iranians go back they put the burqa on.

right they tear and then they make them. tear it off and then they beat them do. they beat him yeah huh. look at that though USA it's going to. come out a little bit later but thank. God we won today one nil yeah but we're. gonna lose during the Netherlands is. next we're gonna lose sure yeah we're. out that's okay. brother it's not our it's not our main. Gig if we if if Americans pushed our top. athletes to play that sport we would win. every World Cup but here's the problem.

imagine if Michael Jordan LeBron James. any of those guys that played basketball. and stuff grew up playing [ __ ] soccer. but here we would rule here's the. problem here's the initial problem. what's the problem watch your mouth. though. okay. happy Merry Christmas Merry Christmas. yeah okay. and I love you happy Hanukkah I love you. too go ahead the problem is and you know. I like footy I think footy's tight. my problem is black guys who are the. greatest athletes here in the United.

States hand over fit it's not even a. conversation not even them it's not cool. enough. that's what I'm saying it's just not. cool but in England it is I know but how. could you make it cool because look. black guy you have to get rid of the NFL. and the NBA we have to get rid of the. two most profitable that's impossible I. know it's never gonna happen it's never. gonna happen yeah but if you got rid of. those two organizations yeah then they. played a new band like if I was the. president I would ban those two sports. New York right you can only play in New. York in those little [ __ ] cement.

things they would yeah what are those. called basketball courts right. [Laughter]. it would just be it'd have to be cooler. that like the problem is bro basketball. dunking is like so [ __ ] cool do an. overhead kick is so cool but it happens. so rarely and dunking dunking happens to. us all the time us okay I bet your money. a Scorpion Kick is way better than any. dunk no no way you know what a Scorpion. Kick is yeah of course what is it what. do you mean it's [ __ ] where you go.

over your head and you kick it backwards. that's an overhead kick Scorpion and. then you you oh no scorpion with the. legs go above the back yeah yeah. yeah. Olivia Duro did it once yeah. nicolitarian did it once mutant M who's. the M guide little tiny Mexican guy with. an M Maradona Maradona did it maybe he. did it no he did there's a video of him. doing it yeah but Olivia Giro did my. favorite one Argentina Bolivia. um Scorpion Kick is the best one I've. ever seen but I'm saying here's the. point this happens so rarely dunking.

happens every night on ESPN they have. the top 10 best [ __ ] and. I equate it to this yeah and listen to. me here here everybody listen up. when you [ __ ]. you [ __ ] before right cup times I know. you [ __ ] before yeah right she'd be. [ __ ] imagine as a guy that you. orgasmed 82 times during a session but. they're like a little too little orgasms. or you have one orgasm at the end that's.

a relief you know what what I'll take. that that's what soccer is 82 little. ones yeah of course not basketball. that's basketball yeah no I take the one. at the end. oh my God the little orgasm is too much.

all those little ones are the big ones. right so this is what they are right. oh. that's what you're doing still feels. good it feels good right but this is. [ __ ]. oh. and he's just shaking right right it. sounds like you're hurt. there's too much maybe it's too much. maybe it's too much but my point is is. that footy should be bigger here it's.

just not it's just not cool enough for. the black guys I know but it. maybe basketball with feet only. that's footy no that goes up high in a. little basket oh oh just make it very. hard or harder yes it's hard enough to. score in soccer as it is yeah make it. harder yes then it's cool I saw a great. meme that someone put out that said. here's how an American wants to fix. soccer to make it more American what the. field is too big make it much much. smaller make the goals much smaller take.

out half of the people on the field and. then put it on ice. then it's a perfect American sport yeah. then you can fit more people in the. stadium you can sell more drinks it's. great anyway I um that being said. congratulations USA yeah that too. congratulations we I want to address. something that's been three weeks in the. making now or two weeks in the making. now Bobby's Twitter was hacked I'm still. there please stop texting or please stop. [ __ ] adding us saying do you know. that this yeah we [ __ ] know it's. hacked we've known attacked there's.

nothing to do we've tried so many. different ways he's hacked please don't. buy a laptop from him don't buy a laptop. somebody I apparently somebody did buy a. laptop from him six people bought a. laptop oh my God stop buying don't even. don't unfollow me yet you know because. he's going to get it back yeah I'm gonna. get it back don't know don't buy these. what the [ __ ] are you guys doing yeah. don't buy those what really sucks is now. you can't do your actual laptop business. yeah well that's good that's true that's. true I had one and now oh my God don't.

even get off of that it makes me so mad. you know it's like I've never had my. identity identity stolen have you that's. still not the identity I know but. that's just such a big difference. between that no you've never had your. Twitter hack you've never had your. social media first of all you know. I would really like you for this new. year coming up let me finish my sentence. before you make a joke and you shame me. oh so don't do the show Good no do it. good let's keep doing what you're doing.

okay I like it Dad you're right I'm not. sure I'm saying I didn't finish what I. was saying I apologize I go I've never. had my identity hacked right but having. your Twitter hacked it feels vaguely you. can kind of assume what it might feel. like if you triple a code quadrupled. that feeling. I know. when I kept going I was like oh my God.

I'm going into a desert yeah Bobby's. like the guy that he throws a brick. through a wind a plate glass window to. like rob a place yeah but then it's like. the alarm's going off and then he. doesn't he has no idea what to do to Rob. well no I I throw a brick in the second. window and I realize I didn't bring a. ladder yeah how do I get up there right. so I made a mistake there's a couple of. steps two-story Bank I'm gonna write but. might might but it there is something. violating about being happy being hacked. in any way because it's like how do you. get it back we've tried right I write I.

write we wrote to Twitter we wrote to. [ __ ] the verified account yeah you. know Elon Elon dear Elon Musk please. help uh Bob but you know it's that's. been freeing because I you know. Twitter's one of those things I go on. every single day so it's like Twitter. have you been hacked before. but I am getting messages for uh for him. actually I was kind of hacked when I was. a kid I was like in sixth grade I had. aim and I had my AOL screen name was fun. size cowgirl because because I was very.

small. and all the candy bars that were. miniature called Fun Size yeah so I'm at. school they call me fun size but Toy. Story 2 came out Jesse the Cowgirl so. fun size cowgirl great screen name. anyway that's what I Google in um. PornHub. and it might have been you then who took. it because somebody took my name and. started sending out porn with it and I. got bombarded with messages one day I.

logged into the computer all excited to. talk to my friends and all these pop-ups. were coming up and they were like that's. disgusting what you sent me uh I don't. want to ever see that again and or like. can send me more please. as a kid what do you do in that. situation I just started crying and I. like I was like shocked and then my mom. stepped in and like took care of it yeah. yeah and then I was like sucks Jessie. j3120. yeah it's like um please don't buy a. laptop from Bobby I'm gonna say it again.

because people have been sending me. [ __ ] constant ads and also if you are. getting suckered by this hey I'm sorry. but also. come on what wow [ __ ] stupid already. yeah no you're right that's like what. are you doing my [ __ ] laptop I don't. even promote my things yeah he doesn't. promote this show oh this show you a. [ __ ] laptop it's the same people that. get duped into [ __ ] like a Nigerian. prince sending them millions of dollars.

and all that stuff it's like you feel. bad but you're like but do I you that's. nuts that they got you yeah on emails. you get hey Bobby it's Susan how are you. I don't know who the [ __ ] is Susan who. are you I kind of want to go I'm fine. Susan how are you let's just see what. happened what happens after that yeah. that's how they hug your Twitter account. yeah when you started conversing with. them oh it's all making sense. oh you're saying that I still conversing. with some guy and that's how they that's. I didn't sound like you're saying that.

no I didn't say that no that's not what. I'm saying I don't know that's what I'm. saying and you know what dude um be. careful because Max is around the corner. and he might take your job. I might promote Max do it you wouldn't. mind how could I mine if I got rid of. Andreas is a big part look at he has a. photo of no no he's a huge part of the. show yeah fire Pete oh Pete Pete's never. even here he's not even here right I'm. thinking about it watch it watch it. watch [ __ ] Pete it's gonna get fired. watch it for Pete you watch it for Pete. so um what's going on with you.

you know what talk about your Susan. guys um we're an online business we send. t-shirts and stuff and merch all over. the country around the world and ship. station helps us the most wonderful time. of the year is also the most hectic Time. of the Year everyone puts off shopping. until the last minute and if you have an. online store you know the feeling of. getting hit with a ton of odors at once. it's so annoying you guys and we've used. we've used them for so long now because.

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carry around all this baggage guys and. how do you release this bag how do you. lighten your load how do you lighten. your load and you know better help is. the way they've connected over three. million people with licensed therapists. it's convenient it's accessible anywhere. and we've talked about it a lot on the. show that Bob and I are both big. proponents of therapy uh if you don't. like going into some place if you'd. rather do this from the comfort of your. own home and the safety and the privacy. of your house. um this is the place to do it you can. feel comfy on your couch or wherever on. your computer or your phone or or your. tablet uh with therapists that are. trained to help you figure out the cause.

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off your first month at betterhelp.com. bad friends that's better help. h-e-l-p.com slash bad friends yeah we. can't go personal if we can. um is everything good yeah things are. good all right good I don't think I. could get it let's move on yeah. hold on it's uncomfortable well I will. okay I'll just say I told Bobby a secret. and I told you I'm not. you know I confided in you at lunch.

trusted you I trusted you and wanted you. to keep it a big secret as a mentor and. what did you do I kept it a secret. attention everybody everywhere. juicy just told me I didn't do that and. that's ridiculous it was so cool I was. at the before it happened it was closing. the at The Comedy Store by the office I. was about to host a show in the main. room and I was at Pauly Shore that Rick. Ingram came up he was like oh yeah okay. I remember for a second he's here on.

tour with Chris Rock and we both opened. for Paulie and then Bobby comes up so. I'm like holy [ __ ] like all police. openers are here and then Bobby looks. right at Polly and just blurts out this. secret. and it it kind of felt like. it kind of felt like you wanted to see. if he knew like like can I defend myself. real quick. yes maybe defend myself she can say you. can say no yeah yeah okay well I'm gonna.

do it anyway right yeah she says no she. knows that yeah right yeah so number one. I thought it was so when somebody says a. secret I think that I always think that. the people in this Inner Circle already. know the secret right so it's just like. you know I mean. um did you say don't tell anybody. I said I've told a very few people. then I'm on Bobby's side now I can't. remember if I said don't tell anybody. but it I felt like it was I'm on your. side thank you so much I felt like it. was like I needed to do no because when.

you say I've only told a few people that. means you've told 50. no I really hadn't. but yeah it's small let me just defend. myself right it's your old boss a guy. that his family owns the club right a. guy that's hired you to open for him. right you tell him a lot of things. because he tells me the things you tell. them right he tells me the things you. tell him yeah right so I just assumed. that that was okay in that environment. number two right. who was I with. oh this is the only reason you brought.

this up. because Bobby was with the smoke show at. 10. now I'm getting all right so I'm. with a smoke show 10. all right I'm smoking man yeah I got the. smoke showing right and I'm you know not. because she's like I want to meet Paulie. I don't know why yeah I mean there's. other people around you're a man I'm. Polly so I go yeah I bring him right. there was just this awkward like thing. where I was like I didn't know what to.

say right and I'm with smoke show right. so I just I look at her and I go just. the thing that came in my mind was like. how's that thing going whatever that. thing you brought out our secret yes hey. hot girl listen to this other girl no. yeah yeah good move I think first he. said this is Jesse she's my sidekick and. then he flirted up oh I said psychic are. you not my sidekick though. she's our sidekick I know but you we're.

there I know but just say this is our. sidekick and Logo who's ours I apologize. to me my boy I apologize and. I won't take it personal if you don't. tell me secrets anymore but but how. about this be more specific tell me the. secrets. and I won't tell anybody I will tell. Bobby but I won't tell anybody after. that and then hopefully he won't tell. anybody I I got my first taste of uh uh. a bad friend from you. oh that's your first bad friend to. actual bad friend oh good I like that.

because before you're like this magical. genie in my life and you're just. granting like all my wishes and now you. see through all the books. no what are you see no shut the [ __ ] up. what do you say I'm starting to see some. of your flaws that I never saw before. yeah I'll be honest and I will say I. still love you very much despite your. flaws okay and maybe maybe because of. your problem. all right I'm a flawed man let me tell.

you what Bobby did to me Thanksgiving. Day Thanksgiving Day no this wasn't a. big deal thank you but it made me laugh. I put up I never post on Instagram every. [ __ ] month I put up a photo Maybe. and I delete them because I hate him. because I [ __ ] hate that app. I put up a photo genuinely of pictures. that I genuinely I wrote thankful that's. all I wrote I saw that post he was. number one there was a picture of Chris. O'Connor one of my best friends in. comedy like I just put up a bunch of. photos of fun stuff because I never post. I thought this would be okay to do.

within seconds. he texts me take that [ __ ] photo down. bro not even like hey what's up love you. he go take that [ __ ] and I go. seriously and he goes yeah dude I look. like [ __ ] in that photo first of all no. he doesn't he's sitting down naked he. looks cute as [ __ ] it was on the couch. in San Diego you guys remember that. photo and I love that photo. and he it broke my [ __ ] heart so I. sat on the couch by the fire. sad and I deleted it and it really. bummed me out and and I was like you.

really want me to take it down and. you're like do whatever you want bro. which means it's it's yeah take it down. can I ask you something when you read a. script right he's reading a script with. no stage Direction and he not knowing. what the character is saying read it so. when you're reading it right we'll read. your lines read your lines the way that. you said it so give me the line I'll. [ __ ] bring it up give me the lines. dude I'll bring it up right I mean this. is ridiculous I just feel like I'm on. trial. Happy Thanksgiving take that photo down.

I look like [ __ ] all right I got it. Happy Thanksgiving. let's say it out loud okay go ahead all. right. take that photo down I look like [ __ ]. and I wrote I love you I love you more. than I've ever loved anyone in my entire. life. and you wrote you too take that photo. you too take that photo take that photo. down please. I'm fat in it I'm fat love you take it.

down take it down now I look fat in it. and I wrote you're not fat it's an old. picture and I love you you're my best. friend take it down don't rage me out on. Thanksgiving don't rage me out on. Thanksgiving that's the photo that. wasn't the photo no no it didn't have. the if I if that had the [ __ ] my. mermaid form if I was in mermaid form I. would you would you should have kept it. in it was so cute yeah yeah you inspire. people with this picture not so much.

people love the photo I love mermaid and. then I said. you said don't rage me out on. Thanksgiving which immediately pissed me. off all right. if when he does that when he like. threatens me and I said who cares it's. fun and he goes you do whatever you want. Carlos I love what Carlos was doing. right now I do too because Carlos is. going yeah Andrew get him because he. treats me like that too is that what. that smile why am I like kind of gay in. your impression too yeah and let me say. something it wasn't a smart it's just a. smile out of oh this like a funny moment. that's all that is no no that's what.

Andreas is doing that's not what Carlos. is doing what does he do Carlos is doing. yeah get him oh right yeah that's what. you're doing well I saw the post after. all this and I thought it was strange. there wasn't a picture of you with Bobby. but I did see the bad friends Marquee. but now I know that that was by your. choice that you didn't want to be in the. post. okay I'm sorry that's okay I also think. oh God what that you're beautiful and if. you're looking for a woman that she. should accept you and.

despite you like whether you want like. an airbrush Photoshop version of. yourself online. okay you deserve someone. I like what you're doing okay so I'm. gonna put the picture back up no you're. not putting the picture back I think. that's the answer that's not the answer. that's the only way to mend this yeah to. make up for that you're no longer my. Sidekicks. you're an acquaintance right now all. right you watch it now let me say. something hey it goes both ways both.

ways so I want to say that I'm. self-conscious about the way I look. because I'm getting old right and these. issues never come down came up when I. was in a relationship and now I think. I'm going through a midlife crisis or. whatever because I just all these new. feelings I was just pulling up your age. to make sure that juicy knew. I know see what he's doing. it's funny it's funny yeah that's it I. know Carlos is on that last robot right. now I was it wasn't a trap I promise no.

but it was funny thank you what did I. send you guys what's something didn't I. send you two things this week. oh London gangsters oh okay this was. great listen to these two [ __ ] guys. talk to each other man this is amazing. all right. Max could probably make out what this is. his parents are British. and by the way his name's Bobby which I. loved but I thought of you the whole. [ __ ] time. thank you. are these friends or are they arguing. they're two gangsters they're meeting.

like they're they're ex-criminals yeah. and now they're sharing their stories of. crime together it's like a documentary. piece yeah see if you can make out what. half of these guys are saying probably. not let's see. here we go I've taken an assistant. Governor hostage in a maximum security. so everywhere I go I've got loads of. prison offices right because they think. I'm going to take another one what does. that mean that means only only 10. officers in riot gear with a governor an. Esso and a PO can open your door. and they make fun of us all the time.

they make fun of us all the time but. those are like. um their their version of hillbillies. right no these are criminals I know I'm. just in terms of a language though no I. would say this is this is uh this is. their version of like like hardcore New. York gangsters. yeah but New York Jenkins are pretty. clear. that's my point okay or better we're. better than that okay. and the guy on the left as you can see. has been shot in the [ __ ] face which. one. are you serious no which one is it.

how do you know you said that they say. that just look. take a guess. take a guess the white guy show him. again. zoom in a little bit more. what do you think Bob. okay next one. I don't know okay good call okay these.

guys are hardcore gangsters though this. is Marvin Herbert and Bobby Cummins who. are like true gangsters like. [ __ ] killed people and they talk. about it on this documentary okay so um. let me just ask you something if you're. a gangster which style would you be. would you be left or right. I think by default I'd be on the left. because that's the kind of clothing I. like to wear I don't like suits you know. that would be you and I but juicy would. be on the right for sure you're a shoot. gangster we could never do this. what would you do if you went to [ __ ].

prison I think you're wrong. I think you're absolutely wrong you. could be I think in this you could be a. gangster dude you and I grew up in like. middle class. so we went to schools public schools you. know at Country clothes tennis lessons. you like tennis lessons ice skating all. that stuff right no yeah I had none of. that I know can I just told me then like. yeah don't say me all right sorry sorry. tennis class wrestling I did on the team. yeah my parents got me a car at 16. you.

know what I mean and uh we had a pool. tennis court yeah I didn't have any of. that I know I did and um and I grew up. and this is where I turned out like this. but if I grew up in like you've said. this before this no this is wrong it. doesn't matter who y'all who young if. you grew up somewhere else in the street. my dad you know you know what my dad was. my father was Iran. my father no this is the truth you want. to see her truth my dad was.

um a professional boxer in Korea did you. know that his his record was oh and. eight he never won anything. [Laughter]. he really did I know I could tell never. won anything right and he never went to. school because during the Korean War he. was a gangster in the streets right and. he led his own gang. so my dad had like stab wounds on his. body all kinds of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that's. why he was so violent because everybody. [ __ ] him up yeah he was so small but. if you talk to like the guys that he. grew up with and stuff they would always.

say no he was like he would jump on like. your back and start biting your neck and. stuff but he would always lose it sounds. like he would lose in the professional. boxing arena yeah but in the streets he. did knives and [ __ ] but you told me he. had he had stab wounds all over yeah and. he lived through it my point is is that. my point is is that they used him like a. knife block but he was practicing on. your dad but my dad was like a thief he. was like a bad guy right what'd he steal. he was well I know gum.

I know you told me. yeah. [ __ ] block that guy up yeah he's still. like a bag of gum. a bag of gum Korea is so [ __ ] weird. so he's still a bag of gum what's so. funny a bag of gum yeah back there. during the Korean war that was like. worth a lot they just put it in a bag. that's like Korean diamonds there it is. so then uh and then he changed his ways. you know what I mean and we came to. America became a businessman my point.

though is is he's a hard worker but if I. grew up in the same environment like my. brother and I we were Street kids yeah. who knows what would happen I could be. in prison same with you look no oh yeah. dude your rage and your anger as it is. now see that twitch those are right. switches man that's what I'm saying yeah. I think I heard it yeah so what I'm. saying is if you grew up in a [ __ ]. bad environment right you would be in a. different place right now my dad was in. prison which is the reason I'm not in. prison I know but that's in your blood.

do your prison blood dude my dad going. to prison was the reason I didn't want. to go to prison I I know I understand. that but you had your. to have guidance from I know but all I. but yeah but I'm saying and if you. didn't have them and you and your dad. went to prison you were in the streets. you would end up just like him Maybe. that that's that maybe yeah maybe so. basically if I didn't have my my mom and.

my stepdad yeah we were blessed because. we had guidance in a weird way I had AAA. early on in my life like I would go to a. meetings and at these old a guys tell me. like how to live life and the rules and. all that stuff you know what are the. rules which is to live in the moment you. know what I mean and do you think you. live in the moment I do do you live in. the moment juice I tried to I think I do. yeah. you know no. will you live in the past wait let me. take that again can we go back yeah do. you live in the moment juicy yeah.

[Laughter]. you don't I don't yeah you do I don't. you live in the future. I live in this in your mind I mean I. think I no I I have a tough time living. in the moment I'm admit I'm not good at. it I'm not good at it but I try to. practice it I I don't I'm being honest I. wish I was better at enjoying the thing. while it's happening it's kind of. double-edged though because I feel like. I'm so in the moment that sometimes I. forget about like other things but what. else what else would you need to know.

like I don't stay in touch with people. as well because I'm not I'm just like. where I'm at I'm like right now I'm here. let me tell you something I can tell you. something I had this discussion with. someone a couple days ago. as you get older in general it's so much. harder to stay in touch with people it. just is a part of life you like you like. lose you kind of just lose touch because. other everyone's got their own thing. going on yeah so it's only going to. continue that way I don't think it's you. I think it's time yeah it's.

unfortunately like that but it stinks. it's so hated because you just lose to. touch you know that old saying I was. gonna text somebody that we know in this. room all that you you we three know it. was their birthday. and I opened up my phone and I saw it. was their birthday on my calendar and I. looked at our text message last time I. texted the person was that on their. birthday so you could do it. and they didn't respond uh when I had. said happy birthday well that's because. they probably get a thousand of them no. this person wouldn't oh I see and.

because of that I just. deleted it. wow. really well because you got angry about. it no I didn't want to feel that feeling. again right of like seeing another year. so I didn't text Tabby birthday and I. deleted that original text as if to say. and that's the end of that damn you just. Why didn't delete them from my phone I. just I thought well deleted them from. your life yeah kinda.

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we love it and they offer everything. simple stuff to Extreme Adventures you. have to try it out if you're getting out. of your home and traveling try Viator. now download the Viator app now and use. the code Vitor 10 for 10 off your first. booking one app over 300 000 experiences. you'll remember do more with Viator. a friend of mine told me he got a role. and they asked him at a bakery. a French roll yeah an onion roll and. they asked him to do it in a different. accent and then he did in the accent and.

then I guess they then then they were. like just do the your regular accent and. he was like huh did I do it bad I'm like. no they probably just thought. we can't have him doing an accent of. another person because we would have to. cast the other person and we'd get. they'd get [ __ ] for because I think. these days people are getting [ __ ] for. being like why would you just cast that. kind of person. yeah it's [ __ ] up that's a weird. that's a weird time because it's acting. yeah it's acting you're faking it that's. that's it's like you're you have to act. it's like it's active it's like what are.

you only allowed to play Korean guys can. you play Chinese no like when I when can. you play Chinese I can do it for me. you're hired wow and the Oscar goes too. right because they're protesting right. now because of covert right who what. yeah Chinese are protesting against. whatever Z Apple employees in China. Apple employees are protons. they're protesting they started it what. do you mean I don't have enough coveted.

restrictions and apples there's still. like a lot of covert restrictions there. show the video there's a video of robots. going through a town in China spraying. stuff into the air have you seen this I. like it no. drone do drone spring disinfectant yeah. there's a [ __ ] video of these drones. in the air spraying disinfectant or. something for covid there right there. look.

those are drones in China spraying [ __ ]. for covet protection. wow. you tell me this ain't the greatest. country in the world. dude how creepy that's [ __ ] creepy as. [ __ ] yeah what's in that covered vaccine. what if we find out it's just MSG. what about those little robots in L.A. what are they they're delivering no one. ever told me about it so I'm driving on. the road and I see it for the first time. almost crashed my car that's so funny.

that you're like no one ever told me. like we needed to come to you Boston. Dynamics calls Bobby well just call me. and go we have those I see them all over. the place what's in it they're Amazon. delivery they do like pizza that's Pizza. they're all for pizza. so they deliver Amazon packaging they. deliver all sorts of [ __ ] and how do you. know what what happens does it knock on. the door or if people pop poops and look. at that guys. he got fat cells all right so he on his. phone he goes it's here he goes. downstairs it opens up with the code.

yeah and it literally goes. it speaks the language to you yeah no. yeah I've learned some of it yo give me. some. that means uh thank you Chinese well. what do you think what do you think oh. yeah that's right uh oh by the way some. of them have covet in them like it's. random it's kind of like uh yeah you. know. like this guy like he just got covered. for sure yeah yeah. that means thank you and then uh is uh. look at that fat ass sometimes they're.

rude sometimes they'll see women how. they do they'll say disgusting things to. women well they're made after our image. that's exactly right yeah you're gonna. get something can you stick your penis. in one of those holes that's that's. originally that what the top thing was. for oh is that yeah those two circles. those two circles yeah me and you could. do it together in a year from now you're. in court and that thing's like you know. man yeah. this thing gets unaccused. [Laughter].

oh my God that's amazing they're so. [ __ ] stupid those cities have is it. only in La New York or is it take a. guess it's all the annoying cities La. New York Chicago yeah it's all like the. [ __ ] pretentious right this wouldn't. last a [ __ ] hour in like Boise Idaho. and [ __ ] no yeah yeah no push it over. they shoot at it for sure they'd shoot a. gun at it. did you see a little robot this morning.

[ __ ] kill that thing they wouldn't. let it go right post mate yeah it does. it does all sorts of [ __ ] they're. all over the place now though I've seen. a ton of them I see them too I'll tell. you what trips me out though is they're. gonna start trying to do Amazon is. pushing to do fully uh electric truck. deliver automated trucks oh they would. love that so no [ __ ] so they want to. pay anybody no human no human that's. gonna be a nightmare I don't know how. they're gonna [ __ ] do that how is it.

gonna get from the truck to your door. did they have one of those things come. out yeah what comes out of the truck wow. the job sucks though I have some friends. I have a friend who has been driving. with them for years and they like don't. get bathroom breaks a lot of the dudes. will just go pee in the truck like wait. seriously yeah oh yeah because like. where do you park that thing and they. they record like all of your route so. they're like they've got like air tags. all over you there's cameras in the car. like you you can't just like stop at a.

Circle K what do you mean you can't piss. but if I want to go to Taco Bell I can't. go to Taco Bell they would probably. write you up because you gotta go to UPS. buddy you have a specific route and you. have to get your deliveries done by a. certain time and if you look at your. phone they're like dang it is it pay. good. I think it's I think the pay is pretty. good okay I mean I don't know what that. means but I think the pay is good to say. is one of my six roommates so I don't. think it's that good oh really oh wow go.

back to that thing that you just saw 20. bucks an hour is what they're getting. that's not bad it's 11 better than the. national average Amazon says it has over. a thousand rivian electric vans making. deliveries in the United States right. now wow wow I think some jobs should be. replaced by robots well like what that. one like but and in return like there. should be more better jobs created for. humans yeah right well that's that's the. argument right that is like as long as. you were supplemented with another job. humans have to fix the robots right yeah. I mean more Fix-It jobs what else should. be replaced I think podcasts no.

welcome to the bad Friends Podcast today. we'll be talking about diarrhea. had diarrhea before. I'm trying to think of what we should be. replaced it's very difficult oh fast. food. fast food workers are treated like [ __ ]. they don't deserve to be treated but. where would they go what do you mean the.

fast food workers where are they going. to work oh I know that I haven't thought. that I mean it's just like you know they. could start a podcast but fast food. should literally be it it should. literally be a big [ __ ] machine that. has all the ingredients and then. no no like a vending machine they could. do that. yeah what the [ __ ] yeah yeah you don't. need to be mean to someone for 14 hours. I do think there should be some humans. if there's food involved no less less. humans of food involved in my opinion. well they should have like humans are. [ __ ] if it's fast food yeah but I'm.

not talking about [ __ ] a steak dinner. what if it accidentally grabs like a. bottle of poison instead of ketchup Why. is it inside the [ __ ] machine yeah. you get one person as the um person that. like inserts the food like he's a. maintenance guy yeah the human jobs are. you have to uh load the machines food. loader fix them when they break yeah so. there's one guy that works there but you. can eliminate so many. so for that how about then what about. fine dining no no no you gotta have. because because that's about customer. service uh because getting a nice server.

that knows the menu that can wind pair. well with a sommelier at high-end. restaurants all that is a part of the. experience of the meal right although I. sometimes like talk like I'm doing a. show at night and then I spend the whole. day alone and I'm like I have to get out. of the house to just talk to people. before I go on stage in front of a. hundred or more people right so if I go. into like uh Taco Bell and I can't talk. to anybody and I just touch a screen and. then the food comes out and then I eat. alone and then like you know what I mean. that's loan Utopia.

you. what and then. your car back to yeah that sounds like. that's gross that sounds like Japan they. do all that kind of [ __ ] they have Japan. is like fully automated the whole. [ __ ] country is automated. sprinkles right they do cupcakes yeah. but they gotta load that with customers. the loader huh yeah they just have a. loader guy yeah but also sprinkles right. that's a [ __ ] business anyway. [ __ ] cupcakes who needs that much you. know how many times I eat cupcakes once.

a [ __ ] year why do I need a vending. machine filled with cupcakes how many. times you eat [ __ ] cupcakes. all right I'll get it every other day. maybe you eat a cupcake every day every. other day where do you get a cupcake. from I get at sprinkles and they also. get like every day every other day I'm. being real [ __ ] you I do look at my. [ __ ] Postmates I get I get crispy. creams every other day and also um so. don't tell me to take down a picture on. Instagram because you look fat. [Laughter]. it's true okay.

okay. I mean you're saying that like you don't. people don't eat it every day I don't. you might be the only one I know these. cupcakes that frequently like what do. you mean fans comment below how often. you eat a [ __ ] cupcake I bet you it's. once in a while I don't eat icing. that's my that's my [ __ ] uh let me. just go bake a cake it's the perfect. it's the perfect amount of [ __ ]. delicious [ __ ] bun bun I love it dude. all right is that that's the treat you. eat the most of you yeah I wouldn't eat. sushi out of a machine that's [ __ ].

crazy I would how depends on where I am. the father in Japan Japan I would do it. that's where all the [ __ ] Sushi goes. all right all right. a [ __ ] a sushi from a machine there. is just like a bag of chips here. same thing yeah what else should be. automated they have these These are. women's underwear too you can get Japan. that I'm a big fan but they're worn some. of them you can buy worn yeah that's I. mean I I don't know if that's really. true though so I've gotten it and I was.

like this doesn't seem worn. back it the [ __ ] up you've ordered some. worn panties off the internet I got them. in Tokyo and then what do you do what do. you why do you want a more you Huff them. no it's they claim to be worn so I. opened it immediately and was like I. have to check this out and it was pretty. clean but did you smell them maybe. somehow that makes it better so wait a.

minute you got used panties from a. vending machine in Japan you open up a. package yeah you know it's not used yeah. I'm like based on uh just Instinct I. just tell me that you smelled them I I. definitely smelled them and they didn't. smell used they didn't smell like poopy. or anything like that do you like the. smell of poopy no but that would have. indicated that it was definitely you. with a female underwear or men and. underwear question Bobby Lee that's a. good question I didn't even think about. that you don't smell men underwear even.

if it says used. well I don't think you can even get. men's underwear it's more of like a. female you can now bad Friends underwear. is going to now be available used Bobby. and I's underwear. let me ask you if that you smelled the. underwear of the female underwear and. the that you smell [ __ ] juice. is that the right vernacular please. don't use the word juice. [ __ ] sauce. [Laughter]. you know the sauce some sauce yeah yeah. yeah and the salt I mean because.

sometimes it's like when you smell the. sauce right I'm being real it's like is. this like from Europe this is good [ __ ]. good sauce. baby what's up it's like Chick-fil-A. Special Sauce right all right and then. it's like if I smelled underwear with. that sauce I would have to find the. distributor of it right right so maybe. that's a movie I imagine it's just right. you're in a machine you use female. underwear yeah you smell the sauce is so. good it's your destiny to find this. woman. I I believe I have a theory that the.

sauce is so good right that no matter. what the distributor looks like you'd be. in you'd be in wow this Christmas. what about Santa Claus Mrs Claus. Mrs Claus has got some sauce for you the. underwear is like this big yeah oh. I'm gonna let's order some used. underwear for the show and see if it. smells from Japan. but also Japanese people are very like.

clean and cleanly and it's just I feel. like they're dirty underwear wouldn't be. as gross as are dirty yeah they're very. clean we're fat and gross people. I still can't believe you eat a cupcake. every [ __ ] other day why it's just. not normal I I'll tell you what I eat. every other day. cupcakes Krispy Kreme I also eat um I. don't know why but every other day Uncle. Paulie's. I did you see when I got I got sick I I. had to get Uncle Paulie's yeah it's my. one of my favorites my favorite two yeah.

what is it it's a Subway it's a salad. it's a sandwich shop yeah so I get that. delivered every other day but then I. order five sandwiches I I store them in. my refrigerator too many sandwiches how. many deliveries I don't eat them at all. at one time. what why don't you just order them when. you want them because at midnight. they're not open. you can have Uncle Paulie's at midnight. uh yeah do you understand but should you. have a sandwich I don't know I don't. know right but I do I get a sandwich no. I think they're adults before midnight. because you shouldn't eat it after. midnight vitamin D.

um whole milk oh no I love it Bob I love. it and then well you know what else can. I put the picture back up on my. Instagram. no no no. yeah wait how much do I use how many. delivery food delivers on average do you. go up per day. at least two at least two oh okay two a. day yeah how about you. maybe one a day yeah yeah what do you. get I get um sweet grains a lot.

um or I go to Body Energy Club I I'll. look at them for pickup oh I see Body. Energy what do you get somebody is doing. well have you been there no I have no. idea what that is it's really good they. do acai bowls and smoothies oh I'll tell. you what a buddy said to me by the way I. should show you something you want to. talk let can we talk conspiracy for two. seconds I love conspiracies. um. what go back sit down for a second. can you sit down and have that of course. you can dude if he wants to do you want.

to be on the show Max I don't mind do. you have. arthritis or something the way you walk. no he's walking my toes why because he. wants to be bigger than you that's. incredible thank you why did you think. that I was an Arsenal fan and why are. you shocked by it it's because like I've. I haven't met many like Arsenal fans so. that's the only reason you didn't base. it upon my ethnicity my attitude this is. called race baiting oh he wants you to. say something about him being Korean no. I meant I met when I went to the. wrestling game last year I met a few a. few Asian people there oh get the [ __ ].

out of here no no time up stay there. did they look like him. no. what do they look like. hmm go ahead and describe it well you. know why do they love a police officer. I'm a pleasure right two words We're. Cops right all right and we're and the. sketch guys there or whatever I'm the. sketch guys this is uh Cliff Robin hey. I'm Cliff Rob I'm officer Robin. I heard that uh something went down and.

you were the only one that saw it was a. couple of Asian guys yes it was a couple. of Asian guys or it was a couple of. Asian guys you know describe them to me. all right I need to be able to draw them. Asian guy number one describe it. normally uh like around like you know. five nine five eight are you sure was. Asian or five nine pretty tall five six. maybe okay thank you. five six you know. you know but buzz cut. buzz cut what explain like just like. shorter hair like a shorter hair color. color.

um sort of like tan maybe Filipino. the skin. it was like a Tanner the cup the color. of the hair first oh a black black and. then this the this it was like a darker. a darker skin. um if you were gonna um given us an. example of what that skin looks like on. something else like. um like that wood sort of I would like. this wood skin wood skin they had wood. what's good black hair black hair wood. skin um facial features. this is number one.

um they have like you know eyebrows. a delicate day one had a goatee or one. had to go a full goatee did one of them. perhaps have a Fu Manchu. was it a foot man too like they're doing. the movie. interesting he doesn't know. um what about their eyes the eyes color. the eyes what color. it's okay to tell us that you couldn't.

see the color of the eyes I couldn't. really see their eye color Okay. um do you think shape is important it is. important is it not I'm drawing yeah. yeah the shape you know the typical no. the tip. what does that mean. yeah yeah. I gotta tell you this was okay.

so because I spent the last week Sicky. boy yeah I had to go to CVS. I'm not making this up. this is what the shelves look like in. the cold and flu section I know look at. me in the face yeah at every CVS and. Rite Aid I went to to find some I had to. find two things they're all sold out. everywhere of everywhere a pharmacist is. on the [ __ ] phone. at the desk when I go to get a. prescription and she goes to the other. pharmacist somebody robbed Silver Lake. CVS and the guy goes what what are they.

like at gunpoint no he stole a bunch of. [ __ ] medicine wow I'm like and. there's a piece of me that's laughing. everyone is sick. more than it's ever been am I getting my. conspiracy theory thing I am. something's going on. oh look at it here we look at the. [ __ ] shelves Bobby this is not one of. those seasonal everyone gets sick. everyone I know everyone I know has just. got over being sick or is sick it's the.

last time I was like three months ago I. called Juliana Rudy Jewels yeah go to. CVS get me these things they were there. they weren't no way yeah did it look. like that it looked like that empty. shelves they didn't have NyQuil couldn't. find it they couldn't find uh Theraflu. something's going on yeah but you were. sick on Friday. is this Friday when you went this was. two nights ago so Cyber Monday or oh. yeah Cyber Monday that explains it Black.

Friday after Black Friday because you. know Black Friday for a cold and flu. stuff goes out the shelves first what is. that on sale though yeah well you can. see all those. relationship it's all on sale oh it is. on no that's why no that's just CBS. pricing that's just like uh you know is. I don't know how Black Friday works is. Black Friday everything is for sale no. here's the deal on Black Friday only. black people can get the deal that's not. true you said that last year and I. googled it I'm not so sure.

right I literally did Google that last. year and that's not true so what's so. funny I just I can't believe you tried. to trick me 22 years in a row I just. know that you did Google yeah yeah. everyone is sick and and my buddy and I. were talking about on the phone you know. what it is. you know who's behind all this pesos. Campbell's. soup Campbell Soup how often are they. selling soup during the year. a couple cans here and there come.

November when everybody's sick yeah. [Laughter]. everybody's eating soup Campbell's is. behind this [ __ ] this is Campbell's. thinking chunky dude they want you to. get soup oh you can't get any medicine. you can't get cough syrup you can't get. anything you need get a can of soup dude. literally soup is not something that I. think about when I'm sorry get a can of. soup I've never thought about soup you. never have soup when you're sick I. haven't had soup in like six years but. you have a [ __ ] cupcake every day.

who eats soup when they're sick raise. your hand it's the only time I eat. [ __ ] soup I don't get Campbell's. though you know as the best chicken. noodle soup Whole Foods dude you're. [ __ ] getting fancy yeah yeah you're. getting it you know what happened she. got a couple of bucks in her pocket and. she is she's going to whatever that. energy next week is gonna be air wand. yeah oh my gosh everyone I can't go. there I used to go there I used to go. there for um crew when I worked on The. Late Late Show and I would pick up the.

crew their lunches there and it's too. busy and too comfortable what's the Late. Late Show Oh with James Corden yeah I. used to PA on that wait did we talk. about that. hmm no can I can I say a reporter called. me the other day. wait what it was nothing crazy they were. just there doing some story and I. haven't worked there in over a year and. somehow they knew I worked there as a. production assistant and asked about my. experience with James Corden well that's. because they got him in Balthazar. throwing you know this whole thing yeah. more or less they.

tried to make it out to me that he was. like a [ __ ] Tyrant but you know. Hollywood has way worse you told me to. go there we're right there at Balthazar. yeah of course I know that was Uptown I. couldn't meet let me tell you about. James Corden right go ahead do you like. him I don't [ __ ] know him I work for. him you did yeah would you work for him. I did a show called Game on oh yeah that. was their production it was Ben show. yeah Ben show but he was also the. producer I understand I understand I've. driven him before Ben yeah he's a good. he's a good dude he's just a nice guy.

yeah I don't know what the thing is is. he an [ __ ] who James yeah no dude. they said he was at about to start a. restaurant New York and he treated the. server like [ __ ] that's that's kind of. what this I guess that's the summation. of it right am I missing something no. that's it so they wanted to dig him in. this [ __ ] you know bad Europe. Hollywood elitist [ __ ] thing which I. don't know but a restaurant interaction. I I you know what dude do you ever have. this thing where somebody says hi to you. and like a girl a girl was hiking and I.

passed her then she turned around and. went back up the hill with her friend. and as they were halfway away from me. she was like you're so funny and I. didn't turn around but I go thank you. and then she goes I'm a really big fan. and I go thank you. and I just kept going down the hill and. I thought that's fine but then there's. always a piece in me that goes. that's not fine is she gonna go [ __ ] him. he'd even [ __ ] XYZ you gotta turn. around no I'm I'm like I'm going down. you gotta turn around I'm jogging down.

the hill trying to stop my job back up. yeah write it down it's a lot of. pressure I was starting to get a small. taste of this yeah when I get ready when. I work at The Comedy Store and I'm. checking people in my last name I can't. get there's always at least one person. but it's it's growing in numbers like. last night I worked and I probably six. to ten people in the line stopped to say. oh I've watched bad friends and two of. them took pictures with me see and I'm. like checking them in so I have to keep. the line moving and my co-workers are. like speed it up but I'm trying to give.

them tough it's cool I'm saying. it's Fame. [ __ ] grow up I'm asking you how do. you make a moment out of it I talk well. what I'm saying is I always say thank. you or whatever but there are moments. during the day when what I'm saying. about the James Corden thing is I don't. [ __ ] know about him in this server. but in general. people forget that you're also doing. your life thing so sometimes you're not. being as conscious of their them as you.

are doing whatever the [ __ ] it is you're. doing yeah you know like I think that's. a forgotten thing where people are like. hey like we were walking the USC USC. UCLA game and some drunk [ __ ] dude I. mean it's a ton of people everyone's. trying to Mill into this some guy though. and I go hey man like [ __ ] please. don't yell like that there's so many. people around and it's like we're just. trying then he goes [ __ ] what up dude.

and I was like hey man okay and then he. goes you're the [ __ ] dude and I. instinctively yelled I go thank you. this could be like right [ __ ] off a. little bit Yeah Yeah and people were. laughing and he was too but it's like. don't you also know that that's not how. to do this in front of humans other. people are there yeah they some dad some. old dad was like what the [ __ ] who are. you I was like nobody I mean I liked it. when they did it to Ted Cruz at the. Yankee game it was at the Yankee game or.

whatever [ __ ] you you know what I mean. that's funny yeah Donald Trump called. your wife ugly and you ate it you know. what I mean you [ __ ] coward you know. I mean I like what would you have done. if Trump said you're if you were still. with Kyle and he said Khalil is a pig a. big fat jungle [ __ ] I've never heard. him in the first place no but I mean if. he was at your fit in your face what. would you do I go [ __ ] you dude and you. go [ __ ] you you little dumpling. now what now what are you doing to Trump. and then I go. can you sign this headshot.

I mean it's a big deal it is a big deal. I think getting a selfie all right let's. let's tell the truth let's tell a real. truth okay okay Trump is in La he is. right now and we hear that he's a huge. bad friends fan yeah huge and like huge. bad friends fan yeah and he wants to. come say hi to us you don't have to put. me on the show but I want to say I'd say. the studio do you let him do it 100 do. you take a photo with him. do you take a photo with him no you say. no no you liter wouldn't do you not want. to make if you walked in you you.

wouldn't shake his hand I would shake. his hand I'm like but you but if he said. he would say can we get a picture of the. crew would you get in uh maybe I would. but I would do something funny yeah we'd. all have to do like no smiling but can I. tell you something like bummed out would. you guys what would you do I'll try to. put him in the show oh yeah good. producer good producer good producer. yeah yeah you try to would you get a. photo with him if he was like I want a. photo with fancy B definitely yeah what. about Putin.

nice to meet you I'd go juicy your day. is done and then I'd have Putin but what. if you had like Ukrainian blood on his. hands. foreign. [Laughter]. but it's like I would take a photo if I. saw him dude so would every [ __ ] I. know I know that's a thing there's a few. people at Cruise.

that's a photo for sure that's funny. yeah that's a funny any of those Lindsey. Graham any of those O.J Simpson. I wouldn't even think so we get the real. juice. what if Bill Cosby Bill Cosby is a big. fan of the show wants a photo you get a. photo bill he would sit there you know. what but you know what I would do in the. photo what right and when is it one two. three and I'd go. I would absolutely take a photo.

say I [ __ ] up gonna just say I want to. share this with you guys. so um. I was listening to the moth oh yeah you. know what it is yeah yeah right and. there was a story where this lady you. know it's more you know what the mouth. is uh remind me I forget every city you. know I mean over the last 20 years. they've they've did these they do the. storytelling competitions and stuff and. they record them they're great stories. sometimes you get prize money but now. it's a podcast and they collect all.

these stories they've archived and. they're very fanatic so once courage. you'll take one from 12 years ago. another one from London that happened a. month ago and then you know they're. somatic sometimes yeah so there's this. one where and I. there's this one where um there was a. woman and she is 81. it's just telling a story. I don't know if I do it it's pretty long. [ __ ] it we're going along we can cut it. out. um in the 50s she was saying that I got. a job at some science lab I was the only. woman there right and all these guys.

were bullying me they're bringing pranks. on me every day I hated the job right. then this other guy started working. there and he started protecting me he. stood up to the bullies and stuff and we. became friends and we would write these. letters to each other this is in the. 1950s and we had this coded uh language. that we would um give notes back and. forth that only we could understand. right which is nice yeah four months. later she leaves the job never sees them. again. it is in the 50s she's 81 now right and.

she's like I wonder what happened to. that guy that I worked with in the 50s. and she Googles them can't find him at. all but then a week later he finds her. and he gets her address. and she said he sends her something in. the mail. it's all those notes he saved no since. the 50s right and he goes you know I've. been thinking about you for all these. years he's 91. oh holy [ __ ] 81.91 yeah.

81.91 perfect time right. he lives in San Diego he makes his. oldest son drive him to. um New Hampshire and I said I guess. where she lives so [ __ ] far there's a. pretty let's get a plane but he draw. that's all that's like five days I know. but one you know man. his heart can implode. he could have died on the drive that's. true anyway that's what happened it took. like a month that's what happened okay I. get it okay yeah yeah I'm not I'm not. part of that family so long. so anyway he drives there.

and. they get married. what no yeah they get married and he. kisses her in every. spot around town. everywhere they go like at the post. office at a restaurant in a park because. he wants a memory of a kiss at every. place in this town with us wow right. he's 91. he's 91. I think it's that he. just keeps forgetting. laughs. right have I kissed you here.

yes. six minutes ago here right. and have I kissed you here. it's really funny okay and so for five. years she has the best just the best. five years of her own whole entire life. and she and she dies he he dies yeah I. was gonna say 95 or 96 whatever right.

wow she's still alive. so she's looking for love no no my point. is so it's a romantic story right that's. five years it is but I told kalilah to. hear it so I'm sitting at the kitchen. table like four days ago I go listen to. this mob and as soon as that note thing. happens right because she tells her. right she just bursts into tears and. like I can't find love it was like. terrible oh that was bad yeah it was bad. my part give it to your ex yeah yeah so. when your guys.

because it's [ __ ] devastating right I. can't find love. that's a bad yeah it was [ __ ]. terrible to her yeah I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you what. I'm putting back up the photo on my. Instagram no you're not thank you for. being a bad friend. [Music].