Bobbo's Adoption Plan & Fancy's First American Birthday | Ep 108 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends you are these. two idiots. why dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends. america we are the ones who are the. freest ones. that's the worst of that. i don't know any lyrics of anything. america we are the ones who are the. freest ones. we pledge our hate to.

everyone and we are the. best it's the best we're the best. welcome back rudy jules you took a class. you took a test what happened andre. i took a test i took a test. wow did you get a hundred percent i did. you got straight ace of course uh he. took the american test and look at him. look at how cute he looks there look at. him he's doing he's pledging. the cameraman's going that guy has his.

neck just attaches to the face there's. no chin look at this no mask and look at. the asian guy behind your mask. interesting. look at this dude you're giving up your. spanish heritage yeah you're one of us. papa you're one of us welcome one of us. one of us. what about you gonna take the test. no i don't want to be an american [ __ ]. you [ __ ] out of here you [ __ ] piece. of [ __ ]. immigrants scumbag.

call ice call. dude we're gonna separate from your mom. i have a visa it doesn't matter i'm. gonna put you in a cage oh i have a visa. too i have a mastercard a visa i have an. american express you're not special. i got gold [ __ ] i don't know what. [ __ ] brands they are they're gold. cards man and they got buckets and. buckets of money on them wake up lady. wake up i'm gonna get a i'm gonna get a. porsche. um my con can i tell you something. last night bobby in the hallway me griff.

and bob were in the hallway and he goes. bob comes up he goes. i'm gonna buy a porsche. and i was like no you're not he goes i'm. gonna buy a porsche i'm gonna buy a. makon. mcgonn. it's a macabre and you go that's gonna. get it that's not a real car i said it's. not a real por and first of all it's. porsche it's not a real porsche it's not. okay but it's not a but the macan is the. suv it's not that big of a it's fine. good get it i want it i know but but. what i'm saying is that if you bought a. 911 i'd be like that's insane you have.

no business driving that. well that's why i'm see i'm trying to. bridge the gap between your fancy and my. ghetto now i'm not fancy oh my god bro. you're gonna make me so rageful right. now racist rageful. and racist let me say something i'm not. gonna reveal things on this podcast. because you get angry all right but i. don't know you're watching a little bit. right now but i'm going to say something. i'm not blushing i'm thinking you're. really really fancy [ __ ] i don't have. anything i've been to your house it. looks like a [ __ ] showroom at ikea i.

know you've said this before. and you have fancy cars cars that i ca. right you're just shaking your head so. what i'm saying is is that i drive. a prius that other people like. poor people drive first of all you have. an audi at the house you're going to buy. a mccann. your house is bigger than mine so you're. wrong it's not bigger yes it is it's. just fancier no it's bigger and fancier. yeah we we live on a hill you live in. flat. grounds with you see what he's doing now. you're a piece of [ __ ] i'm not in. mississippi yeah you live in the. hollywood hills and i live i'm a really.

guy no i'm a blue collar guy who are. your [ __ ] neighbors bro who are your. [ __ ] neighbors. who are your [ __ ] neighbors because i. know your neighbor's a famous [ __ ]. director no he just happens to be a. producer a famous producer what's up dog. what's up doc yeah hollywood knights. baby two thousand who's the other. neighbor who's the other neighbor he. used to be a writer for babylon oh cool. oh he has a house in the [ __ ] hills. yeah so he's rich yeah my number my. neighbors what's your neighbor people. yeah people people that own prop.

probably yeah they bought a house 30. [ __ ] years ago okay they're just. humans yours are rich hollywood see. america america is a [ __ ] piece of. [ __ ]. he is a hollywood. scumbag and he lives in the hills next. to hollywood scum i live near human. beings that work just play golf i love. golf i know isn't that [ __ ] high high. up yeah yeah it's goldfish. you can play golf for [ __ ] 20 bucks i. play ping pong that's like an everyday. that's an asian thing you guys are right. now it's kind of crazy.

you're right. what i'm saying though is is that i've i. have anyone knows as sam tripoli asked. anyone at the comedy store of all the. people. because i crashed my prius into his car. oh right you're remember that yeah right. no i purposely did it i know i rammed it. but my point is is that um everyone at. the comments ask anybody that parks the. car is there anybody. what kind of car does bobby drive. they'll say it's the worst of the worst. yeah because. because you don't care about stuff you. don't take care of nice things because. i'm sober again and because i'm trying.

to treat myself better. because i'm trying to treat myself. better god bless i i decided to get a. better car and a nicer car to treat. myself better and then i did all this. research and going you know what's going. to work for me and my family and i. i took a risk i saw you and eric griffin. last night and i go i'm going to get i'm. so proud i'm going to get a porsche. mcconaughey you guys laughed in my face. you left right at my [ __ ]. yeah i want to go with you together but. you're going to laugh at the dealer it's. going to be a whole thing no i don't. want to i don't want to be shamed by it. what i want to do honestly i'm being.

serious yeah i want to get you a good. deal. so will you take i don't give a [ __ ]. about the deal baby what does that sound. like what a [ __ ] wrist. you know i said a bobby last night ago. gas is like seven dollars a gallon he. goes i don't give a [ __ ] and bobby goes. i'll pour some out after i fill up i. don't like haggling when i go to tijuana. and the kids go chicle right i got how. much they go 50 i'll get it that's for. one piece that's what a rich guy i don't. know i don't negotiate i don't like. haggling when the little tiny mexican. kids go chickalette chicklet and i go.

how much and they say three dollars and. i go one they go no and i steal them and. i run away with a kid i know you do hi. hi. first of all. there's a myriad of things happening. yeah it's it's andreas's birthday today. do you know this um he is an american. citizen at zimbabwe. and also. coincidentally this is our st patrick's. day episode. so it's my holiday it's fancy's birthday. and he's an american citizen do you have. anything you want to say to fancy. um. blue and red looks good on you but green.

doesn't look good on youtube andrew. i love it i love it that's you know what. jewel you know i'm wearing this for the. holiday yeah you don't look good. well does it look bad you look like a. ghetto leprechaun. a ghetto leopard yeah yeah like a. leprechaun that couldn't get that. regular suit what a gold at yeah put. them on a [ __ ] gold yeah but instead. of goals you have like pesos. in a little cup at the end of your. rainbow i'm the ghetto leprechaun yeah.

that's that's my favorite guy i want to. know where to go that i'm around a. backhoe and uproot that tree i want to. know where to go. [Laughter]. all right you know what honestly this is. brian. the best yeah the best look at what my. holiday brings out yeah. fun humor we can take a joke yeah. this is the best part about st patrick's. day it's about drinking it's about. eating corned beef and cabbage it's. about having fun making fun of irish we. can take a hit no but it's easy we all. we take dead we're ugly we're orange.

we're pale we fight yeah we'll take the. hit you guys can't take a hit you say. anything bad about asians everyone's up. in arms oh really you're gonna break up. stop asian hate right now that's crazy. start it up i. you're no white people no no irish. aren't white we're a different breed. we're our own thing man we're look at me. you guys are so white though who looks. like me nobody bill burr yeah an irish. [ __ ] billboard irish yes what do you.

mean um who else is another one i have a. question yeah. to andrea is your butthole. red or do you want to see it. i'm gonna show it. how about this i take a photo of it and. then you can see it just look yeah just. look just. yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah what color is it look just. real fast just look faster what is it. what color is it look fast rudy look.

fast. yeah yeah what color is yours. let's see oh spread it open. what color one color brown what color. because i just took a [ __ ]. yeah what color was mine yours is white. white very white what's mine dark dark. that's a cave it's a forbidden place and. let me say something when you go inside. there was there pooh.

just yeah definitely but there's other. things too like matchbox cars yeah. there's a little tiny there's a ring. inside of there there's a little ring in. there somebody's wedding ring is in. there right yeah just fingernails from. kalila loose fingernails matchbox and. also there's one cigarette in there in. case of emergency break for emergency. yeah have you ever have you read. hemorrhoids. never i i mean you know what the thing. is is the forbidden place. my little dark footballer for been in. place i've had them yeah um. you know there's black magic going on in.

there. there's a little bit of dots in your ass. little duck there's a little bit of dock. here's a little magic isn't there raise. your hand in the street if you've had a. hemorrhoid pete i know you've never had. one no i never have. fans nope. you. i've had a few. because of stress because of you. what the first week on the show i got. three hemorrhoids. i'm not kidding really. they all popped up what is the. hemorrhoids it a bump bat-bat-bap. whitney got it from. what is it it's an inflammation of the.

uh skin on the anus. and what it does is it's like a straight. it's like a it's like a pressure stress. bump it's like i think it's the most. it's your intestine. coming out it's the what intestine yeah. intestines again intestine yeah look at. there it is oh so it's like. when you have when you make love to a. girl and you see she has a little pink. tail where the little tube is sticking. out that's that one that's a hemorrhoids. exactly right i love when that happens. though right because is that a mole or. is it you know i mean i love it. so i've had those before man is it. because of stress.

can be it can be from pushing too hard. when you poop it can become yeah it can. be from going too much it can be from. going too little there's a million. reasons that i get them because i've. always had lately it's bad diet it's. been you i don't think so. my doctor literally said we can't. explain this. do you spend an hour a week with a. korean guy by chance okay i said you. better be that's crazy he said that. really yes that's sad dr wong said that. he's talked to his nation guy too yeah. chinese yeah yeah doesn't like korean. dudes yeah.

maybe it's coming from his point of view. he led me down that path yeah i said i. do do a podcast with the korean guy he. goes this is worthy he probably supports. a russian guy too. what's going on in the uk i get it look. at this i did an interview this morning. i wish i could have taped it i did a. zoom with fox. like local fox. syndicate for vegas because i'm playing. vegas yeah this weekend yeah and the guy. go and it was cutting in and out you. know those tv they're terrible they're. so hard to do you do this through zoom.

yeah because i can be there yeah so he's. like i'm zooming and it's cutting in and. out and he goes. we tried to look for a clip of you being. family friendly and we couldn't find it. in your stand up and we definitely. couldn't find it on your podcast yeah. and i said yeah this is not this isn't. for kids the show's for grown-ups then. he goes well what if someone comes to a. show this must happen and they don't. like what they hear i go well they can. get out. yeah and i said you know what else i'll. do i'll refund their money i'll give. them back their money if they didn't. like it and i'll buy them a first-class. plane ticket to russia because this is.

america and we like freedom [ __ ] go. fancy sing absolutely sing give me the. america for give me an american song go. fans. oh see conducive. that's all you know yeah yeah and we let. you into this country as a [ __ ]. citizen and that's all you know i know i. had a cheat card did you really yeah you. cheated through the test yep. fans [ __ ] call somebody that's. [ __ ] crazy that's crazy that's crazy.

call somebody can we remember somebody. yeah let's report them should we report. him too late. i mean you have the card i do what does. this mean you don't you you wait you are. now a legit american citizen yeah that's. [ __ ] crazy wait a minute did you. really cheat. no. you you took the test legitimately yeah. i'm gonna call an ice agent right now. i'm serious because this isn't cool. you're [ __ ] hey you laughing now. i know marcus he's [ __ ] mean dude. he's mean as [ __ ] is it by the book.

you have to put it down you put that. down marcus marcus hello yes. marcus. i got a guy here. mark. hello sorry about that hey buddy i have. a guy here named these kids i got these. kids trying to play with these you don't. get pencils. hello i'm a little scared yeah marcus i. have a guy here who's who claims to have. gotten his american citizenship today. and he. yeah. oh you know. yeah there's basically handing those.

things out good luck. and he tells me that he tells me he. cheated on the test to get into the. country he's standing right here what. can we do to get him back out of here. he's a spanish spanish citizen but now. he's american. is he gay. does it help does it help if he is big. good time big time yes he is. let him stay. you're good to go thank you marcus love. you. all right no pencils. these kids with the pencils.

nuts he has. shows all the time what do you mean i. did it a thousand times yeah how did you. feel those mornings i would bomb. every single day. i would i'd wake up. with. such dread yeah i hated it hated it. hated it and because i was so edgy and.

everything out of my mouth was so filthy. i no one ever like it like it never. moved tickets. no it no it does yeah yeah so the club. owner was like yeah nothing. yeah no you did but it was thanks for. doing it yeah so i just stopped doing it. they don't want you there yeah yeah i. can't believe you said i don't look good. in green at all. you look it looks like [ __ ]. yeah yeah it's not my color so um you're. right honestly it's not for me i have. some news you're more poo. i'm more pale now with this. i have some news i want to share please.

i've been doing some soul searching rudy. you think it looks that bad huh. all right go ahead andreas go ahead. um. i think i'm definitely going to adopt. i'm waiting for the joke there's no joke. you're going to adopt a kid yeah you. really are i think i'm going to. what. why are you laughing i'm not please. don't i think it's great i did some soul. searching. why are you what because what.

it's like a stringent process. i'm gonna start. but it's but you have to qualify. well if i don't get qualified well i'm. gonna lie just like he did light on the. test there's gonna be some i know but i. think becoming a citizen is less. first of all i'm gonna work out. i'll look good what is that i'll just. feel good i don't wanna look like a slob. right so i'm gonna i'm getting pedicures. down do you know that no on on your not. on my fingers.

yeah yeah i guess sadly. you're painting them no i went to the. the professional who painted what came. out on the table there of your foot what. is it probably just debris. yeah. anyway um so wait a minute you think. getting in good shape looking good is. gonna help you adopt a kid there's a. variety of things i'm going to do that's. i think the poorest macan is a part of. the oh that's why yeah yeah. right have you spoken to kala about this. yeah we've been talking about it and she. says let's adopt she's.

i don't know. you really want to do this i really do. and i'll and i'll tell you what what i'm. doing so i'm getting my nails done now. you know i've been losing weight can you. tell why are you laughing no i think. this is awesome stop laughing no i'm not. laughing all right it really hurts when. you do okay i won't laugh right it's a. dream of mine. so um. what i've been watching why are you. laughing i'm not all right so what i've. been doing is i've uh i've been. not playing video games so much. so at nights i go um after an hour and a.

half i tell the guys at warzone. my my fire team is called the silly. billies oh silly billy yeah so i go. silly billy's you were a part of it too. i was a silly billy guy yeah but i go um. i'll go i'm off i'm done and i'm like. really it's only midnight i go i know. but. i might be a father. wow yeah which can i not tell you that. in the car. yeah but are you going to take care of. it that's right that's a good question. yeah that's it right. take care of it you're going to be out. of the house i need room yeah he doesn't. you're out yeah you're wrong.

and you said that you wanted to live on. your own you're doing good right hit him. hit him hard and why do you want to live. on your own because you want numbers. huh yeah you want don't [ __ ] play. dumb playthrough you went to a party and. you got kovacs you're trying to catch. some dick no. you [ __ ] dirt bag. let me tell you something. you want to move out because you want to. become i want to move out because.

bobby's annoying oh oh here we go really. how annoying am i it was i annoyed when. you broke my car. did you hear what happened i didn't. break your car you used it last night. and then i used it this morning and then. it broke down. all right but see when i was driving it. at night right it was moving it was. flowing smooth there's a whistle on my. face when i turn it on it said. maintenance required what did you do did. you mate did you maintain it mine didn't. say that because i was going to school.

well you didn't [ __ ] it was required. and you didn't do it his fault when it. says maintenance required you've got to. get it [ __ ] required you think the. machine is lying to you but i can't skip. class oh [ __ ] you look at the asians. yeah. i can't i have to go to flash. go to go get it i'm gonna [ __ ] jump. curve. you're gonna [ __ ] up the curve no get. the car fixed because i gave it to you. now you feel bad to apologize. okay she won't all right so are you mad. at me right now no okay so you're going.

to move out because you want to be free. and catch d. day long i don't know yeah. and then when i adopt a kid. right simone or whatever the kid's name. is i thought you said it was going to be. samoan a samoan kid will be bigger than. me. everyone's every kid's bigger than me. that's true but he's just going to be. much bigger look at that yeah that could. be your son i know. and i don't know how to play rugby you. know i mean i don't know how to roast a. pig but also maybe this is good growth. for you maybe you do need a son who's. bigger than you yeah yeah you know he's.

more asian i i want to go outside on my. race i'm going to come in great let's. just i'll come in yeah and so. i opened the door hello bobby hi let me. start over because i'm not going to say. hello. i want to be a different guy. but you're you i don't know i'm going to. just be myself but like a little bit. more serious do whatever you would do if. this is the real [ __ ] all right here we. go all right this is my associate we're. this is my association no i want to be. the kid you got it. oh you think the kids just in the. [ __ ] room they are all right well.

take it then they're not gonna do that. well yeah because they want to know if. the kid has any interest in you. it doesn't happen later i don't know but. let's find out all right. good evening. it's four in the morning. what are you doing in our [ __ ]. it's dark. yeah but four a.m why are you here made. the assumption that it was evening i. apologize good morning good morning how. are you good morning um hello are you. open. i mean you walked in.

anyway i'm sorry i didn't see a sign um. whether it was open or closed but i know. this is an adoption agency am i correct. it is but we're usually not open until. you know like at least should i come. back well you're here now so okay what. would you like hello hi. my name is mr lee. hi mr lee good to meet you and i would. love to adopt a child if you may. you're looking to adopt it's a long. arduous process. just cash help. how much cash do you have sir a couple. grand.

it's more much much more than 100 grand. much more than that couple hundred grand. that's fine that's close i have a couple. hundred grand what color of child are. you looking for i don't want core core. okay so you want either black or white. no white no white no we have an awful. lot of whites because if i get a white i. just know this because i watch a show. called long lost family. and. it's a lot of white people on the show. and so it's like i just want to know who. you know my biological parents are when. they had a good life with the adoptive. parents that's [ __ ] betrayal okay all.

right so can i tell you something. i feel i don't know like i'm not sir. you're energy right now. i feel like i'm i'm not gonna get one. right now my energy. i'll tell you something right now man i. love the box of awesome box of awesome. is great let me say something during the. holidays like christmas or my birthdays. and whatnot right i love opening up a. box of awesome because they know what i. like and i open it up and it's like the. kind of soaps i like right nick they.

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percent off on recon dot com slash bad. friends. you really wanna [ __ ] adopt a kid. bobby lee wants to adopt a kid because i. i i'll tell you why. can i'll be honest with you please. there's a show that i've been binging. from season one to season six 90 day. fiance no. long lost family. this is real bring this up i've never. heard of this in my life what's. long-lost family and is it all about. people that got adopted. yeah it's basically um a biologic not by. an adopted kid or parents looking for.

their son daughter or mother father. right it's [ __ ] so sweet but it's. crazy because some of them are so. heartbreaking yeah you know i mean and. and so it's a great show and you cry in. every episode. and i realized that um. you know a lot of kids they just need a. loving home they need love yeah and. for me it's like i wouldn't even like. when they. when they're curious about their. biological parents i would keep all the. information and i would help them find.

you know and then you know what what is. this it's just me being i'm just i i. right now when i when i'm more real. you're being real right right now i. guess get a little jittery okay so one. of my best friends from college was. adopted. and this is a true story. and his mom his biological mom one day. reached out because of facebook facebook. is this. way to connect to anybody in the world. she. dm'd him. and was like. hey. were you born in this location at this.

year because i think i'm your mother. yeah and if you want to meet up let me. know blah blah blah yeah i'm not going. to tell you do you think he met up with. this woman yes what about you. yes pete yes. yeah no why. he i think he had such a wonderful life. with his adopted parents who are the. [ __ ] greatest people i've ever met i. love them yeah and that was his mom and. dad to him and he didn't want to meet up. and by the way he's a [ __ ] adopted. kid he has every right to feel that way. you don't know what that's like so we. can't j i don't judge i can judge by.

watching the show i can you can i will. you can't because you never lived that. experience. but here's the thing you don't know what. it's like he doesn't know the. circumstances. in which his own life no listen would. you listen. and make that face here that you make. right. he doesn't know the circumstances in. which why his parents gave him up he. does she she told him she told she said. why why because she got pregnant really. young and it was with the guy she was. seeing and she's right couldn't she. didn't want to have the baby like when a. kid when when a mother like if when you. were 15 and you had a kid right and you. couldn't back in the philippines you.

couldn't you know i mean you would. probably give it up for adoption they. have it in the philippines they have it. and they put it outside they let it run. around oh that's right until somebody. grabs you yeah. if you but but i'm saying his. circumstance it's his right to feel like. he doesn't want to go [ __ ] meet those. people. i totally stand with him good for him if. he he's not being mean he just chooses. not to go see them his family to him. were the people that raised him. because dude let me tell you something. as a guy who came from somebody yeah. whose biological father never raised me. my stepfather did yeah that's my dad my. stepfather is my dad.

he was my dude he was everything to me. my biological father was a guy that had. me yeah yeah do you not talk to him we. do occasionally does he have red hair. in california no does he have red hair. where do you get your red hair thank you. for your mom yeah my mom's side oh yeah. my dad's sister i know she's my last. name santino i know it's really easy. math to figure out where it comes from. what you think a santino had red hair. no right because they're italian that's. right your mother had that's right and i. remember that because i started vagina. so anyway.

so i saw an episode this morning where. um this young hispanic couple cuban. you know the the girl was 15 the husband. was 16 they were in high school and they. had a kid they had a kid they gave it up. for adoption because they're kids but. then when they graduated they got. married and had like five kids. biological kids on their own oh wow but. the whole time.

they're thinking about the the kid they. gave up yeah right because they had that. and then when they find the kid. um. the kid um. djs like her his dad did like there's. certain. what's so funny. what what. he dj's like daddy what is that how can. you because. a girl a girl was found her biological. dad she's she has a she is.

that's my boy. dj like your dad what a [ __ ] [ __ ]. that's [ __ ] they have the same. interests is what i'm saying. dj yeah yeah yeah there was another girl. who has an animal sanctuary but then she. finds her biological dad and he has an. animal sanctuary too right so they have. so it's in the blood is what i'm saying. you think that's in the blood oh you. think it's just a coincidence i do. really i do. i do okay and can i tell you something. what i can't wait for you to adopt. will you treat my son or daughter with.

respect bully bully bully i'm gonna. bully the [ __ ] out of your kids how. about you. i'm gonna bully them. high. really though. let's go back for a second i'm not gonna. be mean because i love you you're like. family to me you're like my little. sister. do you. really want your own place because you. want to be able to hang out with people. your own age and have a boy come over. you do don't you yeah see. so you listen it's okay you're how old.

are you now 20. so you you wanna if you. wanna go on a date and hook up you want. a place to do it because you don't wanna. go back to their house that's really. what it is. no i also just want to live. independently i know but come on you do. want to be able to hang out with boys. and not feel weird yeah that's really. what it is but she doesn't realize. that's what it is she's 20. she doesn't. pay rent at our house. she doesn't pay for really much of it. how much is rent do you know how much. rent is that you're like what would be. your scale of renting an apartment how. much would it be. uh. i was looking it up it was like.

almost. like 1200 to 2000 that's about right you. think you're going to work with a. roommate. yeah with the roommate can you afford. that no right so what are we talking. about here who's going to pay for it. i don't know but okay i'm saving you're. saving but what i'm saying is is that. even when you save right and you have to. pay you don't know the roommate usually. sometimes right yeah yeah fourteen. hundred a month and they're annoying. right they probably play their music. really loud at four in the morning.

you're not gonna have the dogs or the. cats you won't because they're going to. be with us. right you're going to be very lonely. you're not going to be able to eat. whatever you want to you can eat. whatever we go to whatever you want i. say. you want la merch we'll go to la merch. you want to bow a steak house we'll go. to spo steakhouse right for free i can. just eat mcdonald's look at that yeah. 790 square foot average is 2 500 a month. wow. good luck. so you so you think you're free if you. eat mcdonald's. and you don't have a car payment.

and you live with a roommate and you. penny pinch. and spend a pinch it's when if you'll. sit in your room and you grab two little. penny two little coins and you just. squeeze it excuse me you make more money. you make more money that's how more. money comes out that's where it comes. from well the penny angel comes. have you ever seen a penny angel. show her the penny angel it's insane. yeah it's not real yes it's folklore no. it's a wives tale but if you print you. know her penny pincher you pinch it hot.

tight and a penny angel comes okay so. see that little number that's a penny. so the penny angel will come into your. room and go yeah yeah hello i'm the. penny. and and and it says you how many pennies. would you need yeah and what do you say. but why penny can i get like 50 bucks. each what yes if you tell me how many. pennies is in 50 bucks yeah so you have. to tell her the math if you tell her the. math she'll be able to give it to you. like ten thousand ten thousand pennies.

yeah how many monies is that. i don't know. goodbye. you have to do math yeah. what the [ __ ] you think money is free. and she doesn't have a lot of time. because there's probably 10 million. people at the same time penny pinching. yep she has to go to the you know what. the penny angel the penny angel is. carrying not only pennies but other. denominations for other [ __ ]. countries obviously he's got rubies he's. got the pesos yeah whatever the angel is. right it's whatever it is to you it. doesn't matter.

thousands and thousands of pounds of. just coins she's flying around so and. she only has a second and you [ __ ] up. you [ __ ] up i'll just stay with you. bobby that sounds good forever. not forever. as long as we need you to be at his. house he'll be at his house yeah i won't. take care of your kid you will no. i won't why because it's your kid yeah. but it's your kid if you're living in. the house too it's your little brother. if i ever have to go to the comedy store. and do a set you've got to take a lyla's. out of town right.

what do i do should i get a babysitter. you're a [ __ ] babysitter no. i'm gonna take care of the dogs. and the kid and the kids no that's not. me well here's the fix dummy put the kid. on the dog. tie it to it or duct tape it yeah and. then let them watch each other. that's what we did yeah you just put. duct tape on the kid and duck its duct. tape its hands and its legs to the dog. and let it roam around the dog's big. enough mm-hmm. or what about this why don't we duct.

tape the baby to your body no. that's a [ __ ] great idea we duct tape. what if you stick it in your body. whoa. this whole thing though. it's bothering me what is your bull in a. china shop have you ever heard that. phrase how could a bull even get in a. china shop the doors are. what do you mean can they fit in the. door of course there's a double door. every child ever been in a china shop. yes no for never never happened well. first of all i've never have you ever. been in a i'm not saying a pure award. imports or bed bath and i bring a china.

shop you've been to a china shop where. they only have china people not not. cheesy people not chinese people. the the dishes and stuff. yeah at a chinese restaurant no no no a. china shop is different no it's not what. is the difference a china shop sells. dishes and stuff. the only recorded incident i know of. which was the bull is the liberty. deliberately introduced to a china shop. was one engineer by a famous american. publicist and press agent jim moran who. in january 1940 led a bull through a new. york city china shop as a publicity. stunt so it did happen one time that's. insane that's enough for me and and then.

now we use it as a a turn of phrase yeah. but i gotta tell you you could put a. bull in a china shop i'd rather put in a. korean shop. that's rude why. do you think we're gonna eat it. [Laughter]. what do you think bull tastes like. well i'm sure bully bull is a male cow. probably delicious yeah right yeah well. no actually no cause there's probably. not enough fat it's probably more muscle. but we have increa this restaurant we go. to um.

dang. dang you've been there yeah have you. really yeah in koreatown yeah yeah on. western um they haven't we get the. oxtail soup oxtail soup is really good. yeah that's really good [ __ ] do you like. that. you do so you're okay with that kind of. stuff yeah but you don't like most. korean food. i like korean foods that's not what you. said to me off camera. that's let me ask you something. what's better what's better it doesn't. like it what's better korean food or. filipino food. be honest. korean food yeah yeah what is filipino.

food anyway filipino food is very. delicious is it yeah when we went to. that island when we went to that island. the philippines yeah and you go to the. speech and there's a gigantic table. probably double the size of this right. and there's a fish on there and other. stuff on it. there's no plates. at all you should eat with your hands. yeah and they just go dig in and you. just eat with your hands and eat that's. kind of cool though it's cool because. why cutlery gets so it's like you have. to wash all that stuff yeah yeah i do.

like eating with my hands i don't know. why we don't eat with our hands all the. time. and there's enzymes in your hands that. that are good for you you know that. right and they also have michelin star. quality restaurants in the philippines. in cebu yeah wow really great. restaurants you've never been no yeah. yeah you shouldn't you don't deserve. they're afraid to you know in the. philippines they're afraid to go into. what because if they think it's too. snooty the shower oh starbucks oh they. won't go in that's for rich people. is it expensive. kinda and like.

the people that go there are like the. rich people what are the rich people. what did like what is that what does. that even mean. like someone owns two goats. at the same time i said two goats. they have shoes. hey i saw batman by the way finally we. can resolve this. i saw it. when you finally saw it when did you see. it the batman two nights ago who'd you. see it with by myself. tracy didn't go. you're right tracy didn't go okay.

and it was. pretty [ __ ]. dog [ __ ]. [Laughter]. stand by my word samson simpson it was. trash it's so funny a guy on twitter. said. and i have it because i responded to him. i saw i responded to you you did you. yeah what did you say he said i was. siding with andrew and i saw it and he. said i think it's the best one yet yeah. yeah okay so one guy on twitter no a lot. of people are saying that but when you. said you i'm always right.

what was wrong what did you not like. about and i responded bobby's always. wanted would you not like about it. thank you jules. i re i heard the wong. what did i not like about the movie that. we've talked about it for like five. weeks straight. i think we've talked about in every. episode i know but you finally have seen. it so now we can get a real don't care. about it it was [ __ ]. okay it was [ __ ] nothing none of the. performances were good nope. okay nope. 85. i don't actually the only score i trust.

is audience i don't trust the tomato. meter so 88 is pretty good yeah. um what was dark night. 94. jesus you're welcome. not even cl that that the dark knight. was so [ __ ] good. it can't be touched. it can't fancy. i agree. it it is so [ __ ] good it's amazing. and this new one this new one it's just. because you want we all wanted another. one it's not because that's that good. you never saw it i did there's no way. you did i died i saw it two nights ago.

okay. nothing about it. let me ask you this don't stew any. spoilers i'm not but the chasing you. didn't like between the batman and who. great the chase scene was great between. who the chase scene was great between. batman and who batman and robin. you never saw you [ __ ] [ __ ]. you [ __ ] [ __ ] you never saw it it. was the riddler. no it wasn't. it was the red light no it wasn't it was. the joker. [Laughter].

you didn't see it why would you lose. poison ivy why didn't you just watch the. movie you know it was the penguin why. didn't you just watch this it was the. penguin i just said it was the penguin. it was the penguin yes i just said it. yeah yeah. i told you i said there was nothing. about it you liked it was fine. how come you didn't get cast to pay the. penguin. you literally are a penguin body and i'm. not being rude or diminutive you. actually have a penguin body it's. perfect bring him a picture of a penguin. right now please. you think i'm being rude i'm being. genuine you don't think you look like a.

penguin. i look like a [ __ ] leprechaun with. this green shirt on you don't think that. looks like that. i look like a [ __ ] leprechaun you. don't think you look like that that's. what i look like okay this show should. be one of the leprechauns six shots of. espresso but not normal that's a hundred. percent bobby lee. look oh go to the one with the hair. slick back the yellow hair slip back. yeah left left left there. bobby lee that is me bobby that's true. jules loves it. i'm the big one all right.

i should have got cat. you should have been the penguin yeah. the batman the new batman movie was. great it was great you did like it yeah. but it wasn't the dark knight i know but. it was still when you walked out no it. wasn't the dark knight would you watch. the next one. if it if oh actually would i watch i. would want to watch it with another. different batman yeah. oh so you didn't like robert patterson i. went into it with bias but you didn't. like him. i thought he was great he dude he's a. great actor i didn't want him as batman. so in my mind i already [ __ ] it up i.

know but it's like you can still change. your mind and go i was wrong the problem. with you. it always is that you. are stubborn. you are very stubborn no i'm not yeah. and you're revengeful. current is the future of banking it. really is you can spend save and manage. your money better with the current app. and their debit card benefits include. earn points on every swipe redeemable. for cash back rewards no atm fees on. over 40 000 in network all point atms in. the us overdraft up to 200 without.

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and conditions apply roman hey i have ed. i know you do i i don't like to admit it. it's not that big of a deal millions and. millions of men in fact so many people. have ed it's more common than most. people think 52 percent of men between. 40 and 70 that's your age range will. experience some form of ed right and i'm. going to say something right now i was. really sad about having a but now i'm on. roman right and i boom it's it's it's. hard as a heart is a rock like the. wrestler of the rock it is yeah it's. hard strong is the rock hey the benefits. of ed treatment can help you reconnect.

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to say something that's correct. three weeks in a row three weeks in a. row we're in the main room green room. and bobby blocks the door from me going. on stage and then i have to fight him on. it and then he goes stop you're hurting. me when you [ __ ] block me from going. on stage right and then so last night is. what you're talking about yeah then i. held you from getting on stage that's. being your revenge fault that's paying. you back that's that's the payback is. your deal. what do you mean revenge what would i do. let you just not let you get away with. let it go.

what's your thing blocking people. i'm still i steal what you steal pranks. you steal others i stole you blocking. you yeah that's my thing oh that's your. [ __ ] my essence oh that's your [ __ ]. that's my bit oh my god you did the same. thing i'm gonna do the same thing it was. so dumb. and also can i just say something you. want keenan was in the audience you want. to talk about i need to go up on stage. you want to talk about dumb. oh you're going to. if you're going to bring up something. if you're going to bring up something. i'm going to bring up. okay go ahead no go ahead.

tell me tell me so last night i was. going to go up on stage and you go how. does it feel like buddy yeah i said how. does it feel yeah yeah how does it feel. you little [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah yeah and. it's like number one and i can tell you. weird because first of all. people that haven't seen us back to back. like in real life you're six foot. something six one i'm five one two. that's ten feet four feet yeah i'm way. taller yeah and so you're a bully. because i can't get through you you can. really get through me i couldn't get.

through yes you can you said you're a. little penguin apparently you're why you. can't wipe out a penguin you're as wide. as the door it's hard to get around you. you're like a [ __ ] doorstop how do i. get around that thing all right so what. i'm saying is it's like putting a. [ __ ] bowling ball you're a bully what. you did last night was bullies you. started it. it's my prank it's not a it's what a. little man does it's what a little man. does to the big man it's because a. little man feels insecure and that's. your problem not mine but the big man so. go outside when the big man does the. little man it looks weird you by the way. you start that stuff at the store and. bobby had a [ __ ] phenomenal set last.

night it was a little annoying. oh dude. thompson came to watch bobby watch bobby. crush keenan thompson shout out to that. [ __ ] dude he's a comedian one of the. nicest guys. i think he's one of the best comedians. that's ever graced that show and i'm not. placating i actually mean that because. every time i see him i'm always like god. that's he's so. it looks like he's having fun whatever. that means it looks like he's having a. good time but he watched you. and well first he came up then he left i. was in the park like he gave me hug give. me a hug big hug he goes how you doing. man i got good what is that an.

impression of keenan. yeah okay. and i go um there he is. you know him. yeah from snow yeah she watches us so. keenan comes up he gives me a hug and i. go and i go um. oh you're going to watch he's like i. want to watch you so he comes in right. and. you know. he blocks me from the stage yeah to go. up yep so keenan's in the audience. keenan doesn't i'm trying to get up. i know but i'm trying to get up right. which [ __ ] me up you still did great. well i'm a professional.

i'm a pro okay right. and then um. because you blocked me when i left the. stage i go keenan. what does that mean let's leave the room. oh because i was going on this yeah. that's good i wanted him out of the room. um. i was actually telling someone i go can. you get those guys out of the seats out. of the room. can i say i have another resentment. towards you please. don't why. when we talk about real things don't. roll your eyes dude okay you say out of. nowhere i have a resentment towards you.

what do you want my [ __ ] reaction to. be. be curious to see okay you can resolve. it say it again i'll be curious go ahead. and out of love say it again. i have a resentment towards you what is. it. do the oh i roll it's better okay it's. more do it again yeah yeah i have a. resentment towards you what is it okay. good. what did it so. you went up in the main room. and i don't know why but at the comedy. store emily in the main room. thinks that it's just better to put me. after him yeah yeah it's not it is.

rhythmically it is. i don't think so it works better and. you know you've been doing way more. stand-up than me and i have to admit. right now and i think you'll like this i. will admit this to the world you're a. better stand-up than i am you have. better jokes it's just we're different. dude it's i don't know what you're doing. right now because this is the kind of. [ __ ] i said you agree with thank you. that's not on camera you would say. something else no i wouldn't yeah no i. would say you're a [ __ ] liar thank. you for saying something nice but i.

we're very different so. that's true. yes but. the other night you crushed hard i did. okay. [ __ ] it okay okay i did you crushed hard. it was good. right. you brought me up yeah pretty good intro. i give you always good intros great but. i give better ones because i said i love. you last night okay. you never say love. because you never say i say i love him. to the doesn't get a laugh you want to. get a laugh when i bring you up i'm very.

sincere i go i i love him. and that you know that because when you. went up on stage let's say you go that's. really nice that you said i said it was. very nice right but you never say that. about me what do i say about you i say. nice i love you i say this guy's amazing. he's one of my best friends we do so. together so when you went up crushed. right yeah. and literally for a minute. silence. what do you mean when you got when i. went up no yes yes. i couldn't get it going so then i'm like. now because it's you that crushed.

and and also like half the like core of. the crowd are bad friend fans so now i'm. going oh they know oh this is terrible. this sucks right and then i just started. spinning and. the only way i could get laps is riffing. were you killed so i had to riff to get. some laughs it ended up killing and then. afterwards when i came up to you ago and. i told you my thing. you mocked me. i go i i go to because i really did eat. it i came up with switch i was sweating. and i was you know how your heart pounds. and like what the [ __ ] just happened.

right it all happened to us and i go i. just ate it and you were like oh [ __ ]. you no you didn't. not mock me but like brushed me aside no. i was saying to you but then i realized. let it go [ __ ] it what i realized later. the reason why you did that. because you ate it in the original room. i did bad. i heard that yeah that it was really. embarrassing it was embarrassing i just. didn't i didn't have any shots. i heard it was the worst oh and who said. that whoever was on the lineup who was. on the lineup marc maron mark said hey.

he just goes home yeah he tinkers with. his cats yeah. shout out to mark maron and his [ __ ]. cats i love him. oh so do you know where andreas regular. straight us we could take it so we can. just have to walk around these are his. regular street clothes that's insane. after you pass your citizenship test you. have to wear that right i did not know. don't you. it's funny to. it's funny because i keep looking down. at where you. should be yeah but there's almost. nothing there it's like a barbie doll. it's like it's like you could say ken. doll same thing but yeah.

yeah fancy yeah. first of all happy birthday thank you. it's your [ __ ] birthday it is bobby. and i spent an enormous amount of money. on your gifts i bet all american gifts. to like about seven months. well six but yeah. let's not give or exaggerate i'm excited. all right well let's open some of your. gifts because it's your birthday we're. excited specifically this first one. right right there it's specifically from. andrew that's this is from me yes this. is true this is actually from me very oh. wow. and he got you.

oh did a little american soccer ball. yeah it's a no it's a football kiddo i. mean football let me see you throw it. buddy let's see you throw it to big big. red. really good sweetheart. put your hands out let's see me throw it. to you back you ready can you catch this. yeah. nice and you can talk to it like in the. movie castaway. all right so that's your first american. boy gift how do you feel about that that. brown ball good good honestly i've never. been able to quiet once what i'd like.

the white ones better but it's throw it. to me yeah he likes it when it's wide. i honestly this do you put your fingers. in here like this yes yeah on the left. you just throw it like this. you throw it like this and you spin it. very good here let me see yeah i don't. know how to spin it little american boy. right i know but here's coming at you. calling my friend. yeah yeah yeah slowly. there it is let me see one more time. right here wait how do i. laces and then right there.

nice [ __ ]. inches away from really how you do it. all right. do it do it hard as you can hard as you. can. [Laughter]. don't. all right american boy you got your. little footballs all right so that bag. right there is for me go ahead this is. from you yeah this is from bobby yeah. that's the site of this big one andrew. will explain it because he knows yep. there you go do you know what this is.

diabetes yeah this is corn syrup so this. is one of our favorite things as. american citizens we love it we love. this stuff hint of vanilla so in the. morning i know you're going to think. this is crazy yeah because it's not on. your test it's kind of like you know. kind of like when you learn spanish but. there's street spanish and then there's. schools. this is an american thing they don't. talk about we take a shot of this every. morning when we wake up oh cool here's. also we do at night we we you know your. ice cube tray yeah you replace your. water with that we freeze it right yep. and you just stick a cube in your mouth. while you're falling asleep that's right.

right so it just you can get a taste of. it throughout the night you can also use. it for. lube. that's right very good lube right this. the so the the small red one is from. rudy. what is that rudy. uh protein whey protein and. a little weight and why'd you give it to. that term because fancy needs to lose. some weight no well that would damn.

i'll take it i'll take it yeah yeah let. me see you do some curls. yeah. look at that. can i teach you how to do curls put that. stuff down real fast put them both down. i'm going to teach you the easiest way. put the protein down this is the i'm. going to tell you the proper form do. curls put your hand like this. and now like grab like a coke can okay. now put it up up above your head. and then. like put okay and then go like this ah. like that and then shake a salt shaker. into your mouth that's it that's it.

okay next gift wow. are you so happy you're getting all. these little american boy. this one's from pete this is from pete. and this is from pete and carlos and. carlos oh. nice nice. who is that jules. uh so [ __ ] fun i knew she wasn't. gonna know yeah. who is that jules the greatest american. hero in history period period in terms. of music fought in [ __ ] world war one. two and three and three three and the.

future one that's gonna come up this. guy's a [ __ ] this guy is yeah dare i say. the boss yeah mick jagger nick [ __ ]. jagger you got it you got it. my god name one of his songs mick jagger. that guy. what's one of his [ __ ] songs.

you know the jonas brothers why would. those information be in your head and. you don't know who the [ __ ] is. embarrassing hey it's his birthday. that's trying to open up gifts what do. you got there buddy. what does my little friend have. beef jerky and cigarettes yay. welcome to america yeah. excuse some things this is what i was. waiting for stick it in your mouth yeah. that's it.

well that's the american way that's the. american way so here's the deal. there's only a few people you can point. that at. your wife a cop. or yourself. oh that's it that's it enjoy the gun you. do realize we started this show yeah bad. friends two years ago with a gun. yep oh yeah that was fun. what did you get you got you got dip. i got dip is that a tin of dip buddy um. throw me that hoss do you know how to. pack a dip. do you know how to pack i have no idea. you've seen this fancy you ever seen.

this. okay that's how you pack it mm-hmm you. never seen this never okay so you put. your hands like this and use this hand. as like a floppy. do you see that yeah and that packs the. dip in so go ahead and do it. what's a dip. it's tibet it's tobacco. there it is. let's see. very good american boy. what else did you get kiddo you got dvds. uh bonanza oh bonanza. show. yeah what else yeah kenny rogers oh wow.

so good. so good he won't take his music down. from spotify. all right what else do we got up there. okay. man this is your last gift and look at. me in the face before you open it this. is actually from all the bad friends. this is from all of us what is it. it's a porno mag it's muscle. it's my favorite a good one this is. before the internet but yeah thank you. okay what do you mean it's post internet. too okay okay can i see the hustle real.

quick. i haven't seen one in a while that's. awesome and. a beer helmet. yay. all right fancy do you want to close out. the episode and say thank you for all. your gifts thank you. why don't you look in that camera and. thank everyone for being a bad friend go. ahead. so thankful for being an american this. this country has dreamed me so well.

thank you for being a bad friend. i watched the frank sinatra documentary. on netflix did anybody see it you bob. you would love this. i would never watch it. really i don't like them you don't like. frank sinatra what the [ __ ] what the. [ __ ] does that mean. what the [ __ ] does that mean i'm gonna. tell you of course you do everybody. likes [ __ ] frank sinatra i don't like. you know how they.

you know what i mean. what is it hey baby i don't like it you. don't like that baby i don't like it by. me you know i mean i don't like the. whole suit thing no yo yeah i don't like. it the music sucks [ __ ] you. new york i don't give a [ __ ] about no. new york. right what do you want to sing about. california. no he's a good dude no i i know i'm sure. he's a great guy i know nothing about.

the rat pack and the whole thing is just. not my thing. why is that not your thing i don't like. the music i don't like what they. represent i don't like what are they. right they're chivalry i don't like any. of that you don't like chivalry. no. yeah you like treating women like [ __ ]. no i just opening up the car door you. have hands [ __ ] open your own car. that's the kind of attitude i like to. hear yeah yeah but no because of the. thing is is that we're equals. what men and women are equals. i view them in an equal playing field. that's why i say it so they should pay.

for half of everything they should open. their own doors i i pay for things right. for everything yeah but i do it to dudes. too. when. like if i'm like if i'm going out with. andreas never happened never will but go. ahead we've had dinner before though. yeah yeah only because it was a bad. friend's dinner that i organized anyway. if i'm going out with somebody like. carlos. which i have carlos from this show yes. not after an aaa meeting just regular. maybe after a minute that sounds right. yeah all right well forget it then let.

me give you another name anybody. kind of hard to find another name. it seems like you know like it seems. like you're searching for openers. like raheem anwar back in the day love. for him right so actually i want to tell. a story. me and schwartzen. went out to this place called jinpachi. it's a nice sushi restaurant and we're. like hey bob come meet us for. for dinner and bobby shows up we've. eaten already like three quarters of the. meal and bobby's like oh no no no just. i'll order when i get there bobby's late. as usual.

we're done. he orders a bunch of sushi he has no. idea how much we've ordered. and then tr to trying to be cool and. sweet and nice which is very generous. bobby's like i'll get the tab i'll i'll. pick up the bill and i was like are you. sure because it you know and you had no. idea it was so expensive it was like 580. yeah i was like. yeah yeah as soon as he took the bill. and then he opened up and he went like. this he went. what um. you had no idea. [Music].

foreign.