Bill Burr Takes Us On a Ride | Ep 234 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad friends Borderlands border. Borderland Borderlands Borderlands. Borderlands Borderlands Bobby's in a new. hit movie out real soon did you read any. reviews I I read a couple it was a. review like bring up one of the reviews. for Borderlands I want to see it the. video game adaptation falls short of low.

expectations so they set the bar low. they still went below it y. once there was a pleasant highlight. though as I must say almost saved the. film for me if not his brief appearance. Bobby Lee his presence gave me an ease. of laughter that I needed when he. appeared on the screen if Borderlands. did anything right he was casting Bobby. Lee I hope to see him in more in the. future that I'm signing off who wrote. that as the only redeeming quality of. the film thank you Mr Lee and that was. written go up to the top yeah that was. uh written by Peter de Brugge.

oh thank you Peter go up a little bit. what variet my wow dog pretty. big so I met up with Bobby last night. after the premiere and Bobby was uh with. a date and we had some friends show up. Matt R Matthew re and Jackson McQueen. great guy funniest thing Bobby did at. the night when I said I had to go. because I had to get up early this. morning Bobby ordered an Uber didn't. tell anybody and then I was like goodbye. I love you guys and I walked out and. then Bobby goes my Uber's here and he. left Matt sitting at the table by.

himself yeah yeah like what are you. doing what do you mean why didn't you I. just he's an adult I have to sit there. and chaperone him well you have to walk. out with him you send me that yeah he's. going to post that yeah yeah send me. that right there that this is a. different one with every storm cloud. there's a silver lining and that was. Bobby Lee seeing him made me smile. instantly and his brief appearance in. the film made me all but miss who wrote. this this this can't be real I'm so I'm. barely in the movie there's no way this. is real dude you're trying to trick me. dude who wrote this can I finish come.

here Carlos come over here for a second. seeing him made me smile Carlos come. over here his brief app the film over. caros is him every night that's very. very really good trick dude really good. trick very good all right so let me say. something. okay the first one you can get me right. yeah and um you got a little greedy. didn't you yeah yeah yeah so look at me. right now okay Borderlands had gold the. first okay Lee and I can't wait to. see so the first the first one I'm like. there's that's odd.

yeah but the second one right now it's. fake and and when as a friend right did. you write. these no dude I don't know why you can't. love yourself yeah why can't you love. yourself all right car all right Carlos. so you don't know who wrote These well. go up to the top we can read this one. was written by Katie. Walsh dude on our friendship is this a. trick look she's real dude K what I. understand I knew who KY Walsh is right.

the former White House Deputy Chief of. Staff yeah yeah so the former white. house chief of staff wrote that article. for Donald Trump yeah sure it's for the. LA okay all right so who wrote it Carlos. look at KY wal it. noet all right so Carlos can I say the. funniest part about this yeah it said go. back to it says Katie Walsh wrote it. this morning at 11:35 in the morning I I. know it's not. funny if that's the review I'm happy so. that's good but if I find out dude I. swear to [ __ ] God I'm GNA rage out.

okay all right so I'm going to give you. one last shot did you write. it one last. thing bro I don't. know what do you mean you don't know. dude wait what was the question yeah. what was the question is that review. real of course it's real and with my. name so that guy wrote it with my name. in there said I I did a good job yeah. you're the silver thank you Bobby Lee. yeah you're the Silver Lining okay so. that's all I need to know let's move on. congratulations okay thank you yeah I. okay just I'm but I'm going to tell you.

if that's not real I found out it's not. real even you Mone right even everyone. in the room I swear to God on my mother. no he's fine on my mother's life yeah on. my mother's life if that's not real I. will not do your movie at all I don't. care when you get the money I swear to. God on my mother's life I have nothing. to do with all right so you have nothing. to do with the review you have nothing. to do with it no I just pulled it up all. right you pulled it up I couldn't pull. it up on my phone all right why.

because it's not real now let me ask you. something as a friend dude yeah is that. real it look real to me no but there you. don't think there's any T Foolery going. on unless these gentlemen fooled. us this is f i got to get to the bottom. of. this maybe you too I have nothing to do. I know you don't I know let's just move. on let's start the podcast we just did. yeah yeah well anyway um I don't I. didn't think I was good your date said. you were really good she said to me she. goes I let's just move on from let's Che. how much s the.

Nikki you want to talk about sneaky the. Nikki no mine's already gone what I. liked it yeah you did right yeah you can. be dismissed yeah. yeah well I'm excited to go shoot a. movie in Budapest tomorrow going be. great tomorrow I know congratulations. dud a little nervous I'm not going to. lie you're going to be great this is the. first time I've been nervous in like a. long time yeah like I'm actually. nervous like I'm genuinely I haven't. been nervous in film like nobody makes. me nervous but it's like.

well the problem is I want it to be good. I know you're in one scene right or a. couple scenes No no one scene right so. and it's also there's a lot of stars in. it and so they've already been working. together you probably have to walk into. a situation yeah you're new you're new. guy you're right and so you have to kind. of kill it the first first take take out. the jump so I've got to make even. rehearsals you got to kind of know it oh. I dude I know every line line by line is. it a lot I know their lines is it a lot. no it's five pages wow but I no no no my.

lines aren't five page the scene is a. five-page scene how many lines do you. have one and a half pages one and a half. lines is it is it really one and a half. lines I only have four lines wow and. they're flying all the way over there. for that for four lines yeah yeah so. you're going to walk in you're going to. feel feel the nerves what's the line you. know make it up I know all of them you. know all words I know I know their lines. you memorize the whole thing I know the. whole scene you know when people do that.

it's like I I did that cuz I really. wanted to feel the scene I wanted to. know what because that's what you have. to do is memorize other people's line to. feel the scene well let's not talk about. memorizing lines let's not go Toe to Toe. on that. okay let's not I memorized the wrong. pages I memor I'm today I'm so defensive. let me tell you I'm still deceived by. the Borderland so mad about I can't I. know but I can't even let that go until. I know the truth and then we can move on. okay.

it's awesome. yeah so. happy dude I swear to god dude it's. Peter bro I promise it's real I promise. let's let's look Bar's texted let's look. at some Youtube footage right now of. dogs grabbing GoPros make me make Bobby. happy. okay and by the way I am yeah no I am. nervous to do it oh and I'll tell you. why. uhhuh humble Humble Pie moment yeah go. ahead I'm going to look at his photos I.

don't want to [ __ ] up oh in the in the. movie I just don't want. to look at this a dog with a GoPro boy. oh boy is just make me this is going to. make me feel good go boy yes oh you look. at him jump. whoa he can he can hold it onto his tail. it's on his back oh I thought he was. like hooking out with his tail I go that. guy's so talented look at him go all the. way dexterity on his tail he go to the. beach yeah yeah dude this be so funny he.

just went into the ocean he does look. and yeah he's going to Jump Right. In yay but he just keeps going and then. you see like a little. Fin. and yeah so let's look at the photos on. in mone's phone this is great is there. any nudes he hasn't locked it and photos. okay here we go we got a photo of me in. there there's going to be some de that's. where all right so um let me just say. just let me just show the photos okay. yeah why why would you have.

this honestly it's an eagle in a suit. yeah yeah why would you have that on. your phone it's very funny it's it's. pretty fire but I don't okay here's. another thing all right so he just. screenshot you know what I mean an. Elliot Smith song. yeah sounds right yeah he couldn't. memorize say yes yeah cuz I was. listening to yeah shut the [ __ ] up I. have shut up all right couldn't remember. I say yes dud yeah I did know would you. like to see more please okay is there.

any DPS in there okay here's another. okay this is a [ __ ] hilarious one he. loves Mika matsubara loves. M Bob yeah but can you just not on your. Spotify just put onto a playlist or you. make it a favorite song or something you. did you have to screenshot it he was my. brother was listening to it oh you're. right so like let me can I give you some. advice in a podcast when he's talking. you yelling doesn't do anything we we. can't hear it it does so shut the [ __ ]. up okay here's a funny me I don't know.

if you created this but my fish is not. eating anything please help and it's. supposed to be a joke so there's a dead. fish in a box yeah I get it yeah yeah. this is funny stuff dude really good. stuff good meme dude really good meme is. there no pictures of chicks in there or. anything no but here's here's a this is. so [ __ ] white and liberal and like. I'm I'm cool you want to see this right. like bro oh my God oh my God it's so. gross look at this yeah you're with the. people M I enjoy black.

people yeah yeah yeah oh I could you. know what I could also do is Google like. search Andrew Santino see if he talk. [ __ ] about you that's. true let's just say my. name yeah this is fun no no no. look stop stop stop. stop stop stop oh my God doing get over. there get over.

there stop what are you doing dude stop. stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. stop God oh my God back I'm not going to. do it I'm do I'm not going to do. it what are you doing dude what the [ __ ]. are you doing dude obviously he's been. talking some [ __ ] just back up I'm not. going to do it dude right obviously he. said some [ __ ] he said some [ __ ] just. [ __ ] you believe it dude you've said.

some [ __ ] I already know you did you. [ __ ] [ __ ] I guess he said some. [ __ ] yeah so back up dude that's crazy. this is pretty wild back up dude back up. dude it's okay if you can say it to. other people why can't I read it is it. about me no there's none about you it's. about me is it about me I know are you. nervous about me did you say something. you shouldn't have said about me did. you you have to sit down and admit it go. sit down it down it down give him his.

phone no I'm not going to give him his. phone I'm going to give him his phone I. got to read. it no no no no who did you say who did. you talk [ __ ] about yeah is it me or. Bobby let's see I'll do. this no no no no no no I can't believe. you because you're going to e delete it. or whatever what did you say did you. talk [ __ ] about us back no look at me in. the face right now you talking [ __ ]. about me no about him.

yeah yeah yeah that's interesting it's. so interesting what does that mean to. you well I mean it it means a lot to me. it it means um that we can't we're not. that close and do you think it means no. Australia oh it means no to a lot of. things okay do you mean do do you think. it's removal of job well I I know that I. was being lied to about the the review. too so I'm access assessing all that as. well okay I'll goess it was my cone yeah. I know I I know it was so I can access. writing no I wrote it oh you wrote the.

[ __ ] Artic the variety thing yeah I'm. taking okay then why the [ __ ] did you. lie to be over there I'm taking credit. for the creative I didn't want the con. to get credit for that I know but why. did you why over there why did you lie. to me over. there I was rolling with the bit I was. oh okay the bit okay the bit was good. yeah very good so let's um C to. commercial. break how does this work back after. these messages um so I've got a bet I. have a bet uh I have a bet with somebody. that I can't raw dog it all the way to.

uh Budapest and I might take him up on. the bet but I have proof cuz I'm going. to be flying with my wife so she's going. to Budd pest with you yeah so think. about this oh F think about this it's a. good amount of money this bet that I. can't raw dog it you know what raw. doging on the airplane is no phone no. movie you just have to sit there and. stare straightforward on a plane I I. can't raw dog it dude I've you're not. going to RW dog a European trip I don't. know it could be sick to win this bet. and I'll have how much money is it I. don't even want to say thousands it's a.

lot of. money I can do it yeah I know you can. you don't own an iPad yeah you don't. have an iPad we have to buy you an. technology you don't think I can you. don't think I can get all the way to. Europe without r with Rod doging no. headphones either no music I can tell. you how you do it you don't sleep at all. until tomorrow you're not but listen you. can't take you can't do drugs or you. can't take drugs or alcohol that's the. bet it has to be clean and sober can you. sleep no that's the whole point oh my. god well then the BET wouldn't be worth. it if you could just sleep that doesn't. do anything that's true the reason the. bed is worth money is cuz I have to stay.

awake and raw dog the whole. flight wow should I try can you talk to. people no you have to sit alone and. stare straight forward well your wife's. going to be there yep that's the whole. that's the reason for the bet that's 12. 13 hour flight by the way she'll be. sleeping the whole time so this is. called raw dogging flight this is raw. dogging on the flight when you fly all. the way this doing it no food no water. no AC in no inflight entertainment it's. so it's so it's so cool it's a cool I. kind want to do wow wow wow I I I I'll. put money on it. that I can't yeah there's no way now I.

[ __ ] want now that you're in on it. now I really want to prove that I can. how much does he give you I'll give you. by way I'll set up my phone and I'll do. a time lapse so I'll set up my phone so. you see I'm not on technology and I'll. timlapse film myself on those little for. 12 hours it's 15 to London 15 hours and. then two more to Budapest oh my God I. could do it wow I might do it and you. know what [ __ ] it I'm going to do it. what do you want to bet $1,000 I'll bet. you $1,000 I'll do it okay done I want. cash okay okay no music no movies yeah.

straight staring forward yeah see this. is the new thing why are men raw dogging. on flights because can you go to the. bathroom yeah fancy I have to go to the. [ __ ] [ __ ] your pants [ __ ] my pants. and ruin everyone's flight what are you. talking about dude how do we know you. don't go on your phone when you're in. your B it's going to be timelapse I will. let it sit at the seat you goon what are. you talking goofy goon it never I never. I set it up once and then you leave it. alone you let it so it's recording the. seat the whole time and you timelapse it. then see it all in fast motion you'll.

see what I did by the way how about this. you when you're going to Spain you want. to do a raw dog bet that you can't go to. Spain in raw Dogg it you want to make a. bet oh yeah see you talk that talk walk. that walk then let's go but here but let. me say something yeah I don't want that. for you I want to win the money yeah but. you don't it's ridiculous why would you. torture yourself it's not going to be. money that's going to change anything. it's fun it's a fun bet you don't you. don't just do things for fun it's not. fun for you though yeah to win the money.

is fun it is yeah what do you mean if if. it's six figures then maybe but anything. below that it's like what the [ __ ] the. point how out of touch are you six. figures six you think someone's G. betting me. $100,000 to fly on a [ __ ] I mean. let's see how much would I need to get. for me to Raw Dog a flight to. Europe 50 grand 50 [ __ ] Grand yeah. because I I like Comfort Bob yeah 50.

Grand to R you wouldn't do it for any. less than that no wow well then I'm an. idiot cuz I'm trying to no no now if I. lost. everything if I lost everything then yes. okay then no then $1,500 1,500 bucks. yeah yeah if I lost everything but it's. like I think it's a a worthy challenge. please don't do it I want to take my bet. back no you can't you're done it's on. camera you already did it you owe me a. grand all right can't wait to do okay. let's do okay can you masturbate yeah of. course that's yeah yeah that's what raw. dogging really is yeah yeah okay I'm not.

kidding one time on a flight back from. when I was in Reich when I went to. Iceland it's a Night Flight and when I. came back I'm not kidding I I I'm almost. positive I saw a guy wanking because I. walked up to the bathroom and you know. there's lay beds the lay Flats he was. laying laying down but facing the window. so his back was up to us but it was this. I saw his shoulder moving yeah and I was. like what does he [ __ ] got Tourette's. while he sleeps no but you know how dogs. do that when they sleep my dog jerks off. when she sleeps oh she does yeah she's.

always fing but you know how they're. always like what are they dreaming about. you I mean take a wild guess what a. dog well in your house it must be. nightmares what they dream about you. walk into the kitchen faces smells. interaction with their owners I think. they it's so basic I think my dog dreams. about running because I she does this a. lot oh I see yeah I think she dreams a. lot about running think about it she. probably dreams about running in like a. big field yeah this big wide open field.

it's like us what do you dream about. what if their dreams are complex and we. don't know like she you know she's with. Cleopatra whoa you're right and you know. he's barking orders how to get make. pyramids King dog right right like you. know what I mean he built the pyramids. yeah yeah yeah and he's right and then. when the aliens come down right to. negotiate with the. Egyptians it's so it's so complex we.

don't even know but just in yeah maybe. that's what's going on take me to your. dog what that's your dream that's your. dream yes I've you have dream that yeah. I have dream about that I have dream. about that. before I have where I with clear P put. that b there and then have these CR. negotiations with the aliens you've done. this yes all right and I'm like I'm. super like all of skinned o yeah yeah so.

I am Egyptian you know what I mean and I. have like all this headwear you know. what I mean MH and my nails are nice I. have three cats siese cats and I'm. telling the aliens like y mean about. like you know are you the you're you're. the person that communicates you're the. leaz well I'm like C Cleopatra's like. you know um [ __ ] press secretary oh. yeah yeah like um Kelly what maanen. what's her name Kelly and kway not not. Kelly and Conway yeah you're more like a. Kelly and Conway no MC how many. languages can you speak in the Stream oh. every language you could beat every.

language yeah yeah. wow what was that what was that. [Laughter]. Italian oh right I need the. F right so um yeah yeah you're right you. got it so dogs let's move on dogs dream. just like us I just what goes on in. there dogs they're just like us you. think they are I think they dream just. like we do yeah because they experience. it like us they they just see it from. down below but um your dogs have watched.

you hook up in the past one time I was. getting um you know sexually um. pleasured pleasured by the you know I. mean mouth Yeah Yeah by the mouth mouth. Pleasures you know what I mean and um I. was in the living room mhm right getting. mouth. pleasured and um gonner rubbed started. rubbing my leg with his body purring oh. my.

God yeah yeah you know what I mean and I. go we got to go to the room pretty. supportive though she's like what she. like hey come on she. like Draft Kings NFL Week 1 is here and. a new season means new ways to get in on. the action at DraftKings sports book an. official sports betting partner of the. NFL ready to place your first bet try. betting on something simple like picking. a player to score a touchdown seems. pretty easy ready to do a touchdown.

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times she just she sits there and stares. yeah but what is she's thinking. about I don't yeah what is she think. that's what I'm saying yeah Cleopatra a. good technique in in my his mind maybe. she's like. slower yeah anyway she it it is weird. when they watch you there's something. about animals watching because they just. they keep clocking it they don't know if. you're in pain they're in pain or not. yeah or like wide wide shut eyes wide. shut style where people are wearing. their masks M at a ballroom and.

everyone's Hing like you know I mean and. you're just like and some guy just you. know what I mean and I'm just like hey. man just cocking go over there you know. what I mean like I wouldn't be able to. do it yeah you would yeah you would okay. it'd be if someone's watching you with a. mask on that would be fun what without. mask no some dude like me good job yeah. yeah like would you be able to do it. with me in the room. yeah probably get me harder I shut up. don't say [ __ ] like that sh off no no no.

oh yeah I go Bob check this out yeah. yeah yeah yeah oh high five yeah I do a. different move pretty cool be trying to. show off a little bit you could get off. you could hook up with someone with me. in the room just standing there really. there's no way why you make me laugh so. much so it just it wouldn't work every. time you walk in the room makes me laugh. all right right so there's no way anyway. uh we were talking about the dogs. dreaming and then we went to the GoPro. that's we went from GoPro to all that. that's crazy that's how our brains work. right that's how it works um but do you.

think the dog has any concept of water. like the ocean yeah they love. water no the concept of how deep and the. creatures in there we should talk to. them about it right do you have any. concept of How deep the ocean is I just. know it's endless they just found. another big creature somewhere look up. creature in Ocean found they just found. yet another unidentifiable creature it. was in the news I mean this is the kind. of stuff that I'm like we're the end is. near why why why look at that thing yeah.

that's that's literally a picture of my. penis look at how pale that thing that. is genuinely a picture pale and sad yeah. yeah that's what yeah that is a picture. of my penis that's insane I mean what. we're finding these things still now in. this day and age this doesn't creep you. out to go down what did that say right. there uh below thousands of new species. are found each year that's incredible. every year we find thousands of these. things in the ocean why are we not go. digging down more well cuz we've never. been to the bottom it's impossible we.

got to go down there what would we find. what happened last time what what. happened last time we went down there oh. the last time we went down there b stuff. Titanic yeah yeah what is that just a. new spider they found in a new spider. we're good we're all full tell the. Spiderman we're full get out of. here wow there's a new spider they. discovered what do we wait let me ask. you something how the [ __ ] are he being. discovered now where has he been Where. Have You Been dude you me where is he. you I mean just literally like where is.

he by the way this is how I feel EP. Island yeah yeah yeah talk to him he. knows spider he knows everything Hillary. will have him killed soon like this guy. Where Have You Been son where have you. been dog you know what's interesting. this is kind of how we feel in the. business they discover us and we've been. around right we're like that spider. we've been around and like how come we. haven't seen you it's like we've been. here yeah thousands of species are found. every every single year it's. mindboggling who's here Francisco.

Ramos in the blue. chair what's up we do need intro. music is that me is that for me what. well it's not for Bobby why are you. looking at me like this Bobby. welcome it's my welcoming face this this. said your okay I welcome to the program. am I. am I in trouble is he like a scar.

straight kind of thing no he's a serious. analyst sometimes he gets real serious W. this shows like dat line oh okay yeah. yeah like okay what are we gonna talk. about I'm Frankie. Copperfield go on. Frank Ted. Copple say hello to Our Guest hello. welcome thank you how you guys doing bad. friends line no Hi how are you Francisco. how long have known you uh for a long. time 12 years or something like that. when I started working at The Comedy. Store that was 12 years ago I think so. or 14 years ago you you and I have.

always had a a little bit of combative. relationship why is that yeah I don't. know yeah you do no idea I don't know. why why do you do why you do what you do. why I do do why you guys have a. combative relationship that's my thing. well it has it kind of what there was a. while there it boiled down to Chelsea. FC okay yeah yeah yeah and he would. always rip on Arsenal cuz we never did. well yeah and it's very interesting to. me because in the last couple years you. haven't said [ __ ] about Chelsea interes. well CU they been sucking I that's why. so where's your all talk now friend but.

where's your big talk now okay but is. that because I thought it was like. that's a refi in between you know when. you play sports but it's nothing. personal yeah yeah you make it personal. yeah like you used to come up behind me. put me in a head I go what yeah Arsenal. sucks baby damn did you do that no I. think yeah yeah yeah and Stu like that. never put head like Ian Edwards what. does he like he likes uh man Manu. manester United yeah very cordial yeah. you know in fact well but that's how he.

is stop thanks for coming to welcome to. this program thank welcome to the. program God God bless you all right. thank you all right but what I'm saying. is that he's very cordial and and when. Arsenal doing well he's he gives props. you don't give props okay all so from. now what maybe okay get some props I. guess get some props okay you're a. Chelsea fan I am a Chelsea yes but okay. that's England yeah I was just going to. say that's your but in the Spanish. Barcelona another thing you do you're.

Barcelona yeah what are you are you. Barcelona you are yeah nice even though. we suck right now too yeah sometime. here's another thing you did that a. couple of times if I booked a job you. would say something condescending really. yeah yeah yeah I remember wow yeah I. mean like one time I said I think it was. like either splitting up together or. something and I you go you're on that I. go yeah you go well um should get. canceled soon or something or something. like that and I was like hm that. Francisco Ras wants a war does that. sound like Francisco no well I don't.

know how to do the accent go ahead try. yeah do it yeah do it no just do a. sentence and let me see if I can read. say that's going to get canceled soon. that's G to get canceled soon that's G. to get canceled soon pretty good that's. pretty good good that's really good. that's really good W see I'm like a. mimic but you keep lowering your I know. what part of Spain are you from I'm not. from Spain you're not Spanish he's. Portuguese no oh you're Argentinian no. let's guess is this a guess you're from.

Portugal no you're from uh well let's. let's start basic okay there is Spanish. in you no he's Mexican well there is. like a laat Latin yes there is yes there. is Latin in he's South American South. American oh let's get that Argentina. Columbia no no Peru no well Brazil no. okay uh W there it's narrowing down ugu. Chile Chile no Uruguay no [ __ ] how which. are there uh pan panamania that's. Central America but no well see that's. the tone I was talking about no I.

said did you see that that's the tone. I'm talking about say Panama saw I. didn't say Panama I said panamania okay. that's panamania is a city outside of. Brazil you should know that wait wait. wait bring up a [ __ ] map Venezuela I. do know that you're venezuel and I know. that that's what's so annoying iene. Venezuela does Venezuela now have a team. do they have a Sak team in Venezuela. they I mean like a national team yeah. but they suck they all suck were you. raised there I I was there until I was. 12 I moved there there to DC to Maryland. when I was yeah this accent comes from.

Maryland yes it's a Baltimore accent. have you seen the wire that's how they. stuck when when you were 12 you moved. and they say that you keep your accent. if it's right around right around. puberty right around puberty you get to. keep that's when I was started getting. hairs you know when you were 12 when I. was 12 when you start to develop that's. say how you keep your accent that's why. cuz when you guys came here from Korea. you weren't you were so young yeah you. were how old were you how old were you. when did you move here from Korea born. here oh you're American americ like. fully America thr through dude cuz I'm.

American too but I'm National I I get it. listen to your accent but I'm godamn it. man do you have two passports I have two. passports it's great yeah you do is. Venezuela dangerous right now it is yeah. I mean it's been it's it's kind of it's. about to like it's in that right now. it's like what happened was there was an. election like a week ago and obviously. the position that was running one but. the guy Maduro yeah but this guy doesn't. want to give away so we have that we do.

that so I think it's like I don't know. if you guys get this but it's a guy that. doesn't want to give it away and the. other side like cheated is he kind of. like a trump guy to you guys yeah pretty. much wow so they all follow suit yeah. Trump knows exactly how to what it isn't. that so funny they all do the same thing. he's like no I I didn't lose exactly. then Maduro is like no I didn't. lose they all just. follow that's so genius it's genius yeah. but this the problem is this guy's got. that the Army on him this is why I. actually I do agree as an American to.

have the Second Amendment you should be. able to have guns yeah here here we. go especially assault rifles well look. at and look at the stupid Spaniard said. no okay that's you know why' you shake. your head no Spaniard is that because. you guys have been pushed out of all. this uh International Reign that you had. for so long indeed right yeah that's. your that's your fault you guys did so. much International damage and then. people stopped you and now you're like. okay nobody gets guns now you want. nobody to have guns right peace now. after you [ __ ] everything up for years.

yeah colonize us yeah interesting move. after you did all the damage then you're. like guys can we not anymore no we want. guns to protect ourselves from people. like you after you stole all our gold. and women yes no he did. gold valid concern yeah where is all of. their gold fancy where is all the. Venezuelan gold I think we've lost a lot. of it you've given it away yeah he's. guys they parted away all the gold that. they stole with a lot of P eating you're.

still married you're still married huh. I'm I I it's going to be a year that I. got married congratulations congrat a. beautiful wife by the way to American. North Carolina that's right yeah she's. very sweet and smart you've always been. a sexy man yeah that came out wrong no. you said it no no you've always been U. an in attractive um you good luck you. have Ricky. Ricardo I I do get that all the time can. I be your Lucy yes yeah that's is Ricky. Ricardo no that's going to be your.

Lucy Lucy I'm home do you know Lucy yeah. I love Lu yeah I'm a redhead yeah. ketchup okay all right so a little. behind little behind you doing that. would be a great but. let's new Lucy Lucy's trans yeah right. yeah that' be Lucy where's your. dick wow that's the opening. scene wow I'm going to write this down. instead of instead of the Chocolate. Chocolate Factory it's just dildos it's.

just all dildos getting replaced who's. the neighbor in Lucy the the Fred Fred. Fred and e e you're eth I have to be eth. yeah cuz it's. also oh it's modern yeah both we're. trans so you're Ethel and I'm I don't. know what Ethel sounds like let me see. if I can do it lo lo there it is lo. that's great do more right it's like. British where Ricky now watch this do. your British now do your British accent. oh wow but that that's a little uh uh.

little uh Liverpool yeah oh right he. know oh you know specifics really come. on. guy to of the money oh my God wa wait. stop st stop what the [ __ ] was that st. stop wait wait stop we thought let say. we thought my English accent was B he. just topped it wow that was by the way. he did an English accent with an Irish. phrase.

no top up the. morning wow wow let me hear it one more. time let close our eyes close our eyes I. you and I right yeah we're in Liverpool. oh I see it now there's a bakery. Liverpool yeah Liverpool oh no here. comes beans on toast hello mate you're. right hello chaps you top of. them we're both blind let's say we're. both. blind are we in Cleveland. who's that who who goes there who goes.

there who's that hey you want some ban. and. toast oh my God oh my God that is so bad. that was so bad H let's so my wife right. cuz you have a like a Venezuelan accent. let's go through can you do what I. thought you going to say something else. yeah yeah can you do other accents that. can you do Italian yeah yeah go ahead. how are are. you okay all right that's pretty good. that's actually pretty good that's. pretty good how about German yeah yeah. uh no I don't okay all right good try.

that's. okay I got to hear I got to hear Let me. hear you do. French oh he speaks a little bit not. really not really a little bit that was. a little bit he said uh hi I am and oh. really just say the phrases that I know. so you have a special coming out is that. what it is yeah it's out right now on. YouTube right now it's called Venezuelan. American yeah put it up YouTube venez. did uh actually a brad Garett comedy. club uh yeah in Vegas in Vegas yeah you.

shot in Vegas Yes interesting choice why. Vegas well the thing is like Brad wanted. to do like a like little specials to. then put it on his uh kind of website. kind of Club thing but didn't work out. but then he was very kind and gave him. the special so he's like hey you can do. whatever you want I love Brad Garrett. yeah he's great he's one one of the. nicest coolest dudes I've so nice so. great loves when he live there he live. no he lives in LA but he has like he. goes back and forth I've never met him. oh he's amazing seriously never mety wow. great great great great he did uh he.

came that looks. good shot well who did it who shot it uh. Michael Malone is a director and then it. was shot by them I mean they they but. was it 800B that puts us out I know. after it was done then I contacted 800. pound girl like cuz and to be like hey. can you put it on and you know is there. an audience shot or is just like this I. thought you there's some audience I. thought you just said is there an. audience period yeah yeah I thought you. is there an audience listening to this. thing there was nobody Club yeah he was. just sitting in front here that's why. it's like see the heads did Brad do some.

time to open the show yeah he did so if. you don't know I don't know if you know. this but when Brad does his Club yeah he. he you split time with him like you you. co-headline like if you headline you do. like 10 minutes cuz he goes up first and. does like 30 minutes of crowd work and. then you go on then the Fe no the. feature comes and does like five minutes. and then he goes up and does another 30. minutes and then you go up and you do. like the rest which is like 10 or 15. minutes so you have to split the stage. with him when you do his Club at V in. Vegas and he does all cry work like.

is right isn't it every weekend so if I. headline there he's going to go I'm. going to do all this no if I mean he's. like sometimes it's when he's available. he goes but he's there a lot of weekends. yeah yeah what's a cool thing you to. open up your Club it's his Club yeah. yeah whatever wants and that's and he. brings I mean the crowd too it's not. like people are coming to see him so oh. so did they does he promote that he's. going to be there too yeah yeah yeah oh. so it's going to pack the room yeah so. he what he's doing he's doing his. service to Comics that's great yeah what. a great. younger Comics that go to the room he's.

like I'm going to help pack the audience. so they get a better Viewpoint of. someone they may not know which is a. [ __ ] huge that's a big that's a big. gift were you nervous there or no no I. wasn't as a performing you look great I. just before is what I'm saying uh no I. mean I I already done that club it was. kind of like you know it it was the. whole week so this was like I think a. Friday or Saturday so I was already. getting how many how many did you film. uh I think it was uh two two nights like. Friday and Saturday four shows two. nights there just in one show so one.

show one Friday you wear the same. clothes obviously yeah cut he's wearing. a black. T-shirt let's get down to the. nitty-gritty people should watch this. special go on YouTube and watch it but. uh let's get down to the real business. here Israel Palestine Bud. um uh T of the T of the morning to you. peace peace peace peace and love you. also you know do you act at all I you're. like you're good Shameless I've been on. um you know uh yeah it works that's. great no I know that you know I just.

haven't gotten the big part but I am. going to be in a movie that's going to. come out hopefully this year called the. unexpected that came we shot last year. and who it's uh Matt Walsh is the mat. he's a great he's a great a guy so funny. yeah great guy all let me ask you about. this uh Fitbit is this a Fitbit yes it. is now do you you really this is a I do. use it you use it you do it's great cuz. uh it's to count calories pretty much so. it's like whatever. you count calories for real I mean now I.

know like in terms of like I know like. what I'm if I spend 15,000 calories. during the day I'm like okay I can eat. you know 2,000 CU you've always been in. good shape so I'm surprised to see you. with one of those I figured you were. just a guy that always been in shape and. eats healthy and no but this actually. helped me to kind of like be like okay. how much if I if it's a day that I'm not. spending too much calories then I don't. eat that much have you ever been fat uh. when I was little you were a little fat. kid yeah a little fat kid I was I was. nerdy too like I had like glass. and like I had the little strings on the. glass so like that you look like that.

you used to look like that oh my God it. was exactly like that little fat glass. of Spanish boy when you were young but. you evolved I evolved it was like yeah I. mean I don't think I was like an ugly. you know ugly duckling like you know the. the story yeah I I became um no it. actually happened in high school. remember in high school you were ugly. ducking duckling I'm sorry do it again. can I get that line again try try it. again you were an ugly. ducking duckling how's duck hard for you. guys to say what isn't that like a part. of your culture duckling yeah what do. you mean yeah duck duck duck is so big.

in China not in Korea dumpling for you. yeah duck duck Dum oh duck dumpl yeah. you're. right Z duck you know sometimes Andrew. when I'm looking for a meal I'll go in. on app and I'll find the best restaurant. that's the best way to do it why. wouldn't we do that with our health I. know and now the time has come my friend. yeah Zach talk Zach is here baby Zach do. is your One-Stop shop for finding a dock. in your area I moved by the way and. guess what couldn't find a doctor. because I was asking people what was I.

doing Enter zacho the place where you. can find and search for the doctors that. fit exactly what you need Zach do is a. free app and website where you can. search and compare highly rated in. network doctors near you and instantly. book appointments with them online we're. talking about we're talking about we're. talking about booking appointments with. tens of thousands of toprated patient. reviewed credible doctors and. Specialists Specialists no matter what. what it is that you're looking for they. got it and they got review from real. patients which I love the typical weit. time to see a doctor booked on Zach is.

between 24 and 72 hours that's it you. can even score same day appointments. like me I did that the first time I used. go to Zach do.com badf friends and. download the Zach do app for free then. find and book at top rated doctor today. come on what are you waiting for that's. Zach do.com badri zo. do.com bfri zach.com. badf wow you know that yes they're so. good duck dumplings are my one of my. Favorite Things ducks are the that's the. best it's rice D Tha fun have you yes.

yeah yeah we've eaten it together I know. I love it thank you so much so ask the. ugly duckling again go for it again yeah. have you ever you were an ugly duckling. I was an ugly duckling wow how. ugly like him yeah okay that ugly wow. wow no but you but you know like you. know those like 19 movies is like you. know when the girl's like she's ugly but. she's not like as soon as I take the. glasses off I'm like that was me yeah. you weren't that ug like it wasn't like. as soon as I took cuz I had like the. thick cuz I'm I'm blind I was I I had. lasic cuz I had - 11 in each house- 11 I.

was completely are you contacts now no I. got Las so now they're perfectly fine. I'm 2020 wow until they fail right. Andrew oh. sorry good joke good joke no but like no. but I was like completely blind where to. the point where was like I couldn't like. if I lost my glasses I couldn't I. couldn't see I couldn't literally see. nothing I would just see like w you. weren't afraid of lasic lasic freaks me. out so much no it's I I Rec commend it. 100 peel back your eye yeah it's great.

have you ever seen it do do Google image. of lasic it's the weirdest thing it's so. good I mean I remember when I did it I. woke up it was like I was like like a. newborn did they put you out yeah no you. do it no like it's just all like you. feel it you feel that oh my God a laser. in your eyeball but it's kind of like. cut no they cut a layer they cut your. eye no but that's like old school that. what I don't know what that is this guy. like that yeah that was Francisco yeah. they do they do do that what is it A. Clockwork Orange yeah pretty much. imagine in the middle of that getting.

Las he just. goes put him out put him out no I. recommend it I mean if I recommend that. if you actually are really have a high. like problem if you have like a little. bit just stick to glass but what are the. odds that people because they do say. people go blind from this right or it. permanently [ __ ] up your vision I mean. that's it's like it's like the like very. like the deception is like give me the. odds give me the odds all right what are. the odds less than 1% less than 1%. extremely rare for the surgery to treat. oh yeah that's a good gamble that's. really good the vaccine thing yeah God. that's crazy why do they get so good I.

remember years ago it wasn't that good. no of course no now it's like nothing. 100% you have a child I have no I don't. have no children you don't want any no I. do I mean I think I eventually do I mean. my my my wife is younger than me so it's. like yeah his wife's only 57 yes so. they've got some time yeah she's she's. doing lasc right. now and where do you you live in LA. right you at the store you live in LA. yeah. for 15 years it took you like sometimes.

I didn't know Matt R lived in Long. Island well that's cuz when he got big. when he got money Ro Island when he got. rich he did that yeah hey if I get rich. I'm not living oh where you going to go. then uh Ireland no where you going to go. fit right in uh no I would like I would. I like staying here but I definitely. like Europe you know something like in. Italy you stay here dude no I like I. like la I love La the best I love La why. do people dog on La man I love La well. it's easy to hate on because it has a. lot of it gets a lot of of attention any. anything gets lot it's like the popular. guy or girl in is school right it's like.

somebody going uh you know oh Taylor. Swift I don't know I don't really like. music it's like all right well because. everybody talks about it so people don't. want to hear it cuz sometimes I have. people from the Midwest I fly them out. here just friends. and I had done that before yeah and they. go oh this is La I go what you think it. was yeah I think they think it's all. Hollywood well it's also they see like. the the the the the bad parts of LA like. three blocks of SK. what you see it's like you were not. staying there yeah no not but with him.

and he lives the fancy life yeah that's. true you live the fancier life please. don't get me [ __ ] started pal don't. even do it to me I like I like that so. on YouTube you can check this out yeah. yeah yes and then um everyone listening. to this podcast he's an old friend of. ours very funny we love him to death. yeah I know thank you for having me are. you crazy dude you guys are great thank. you so much even though and I can we. just whatever we had no okay no I think. you guys should continue this weird beef. I kind of like it it's not a beef it's.

what I thought it was we were making fun. we are we are we are but it it is I. think it's one of those situations where. it's like. um you know if we were in a. platoon right like like in Vietnam like. Vietnam here we are we're in the dog. we're in the we're in the uh so we in. the same Army what's it called in the. dog hole or whatever. yeah Foxhole Foxhole Foxhole yeah yeah. get down Bob why are you making those. funny noises with your mouth no I don't.

know well you do that the any we can. hear oh sorry I'm sorry you keep going. you it's like there's no one around. who's this guy who is this new is this. guy new he's been yeah hey guys I got. transferred Emanuel hey hey how uel. what's C are you a good shot can you. shoot oh yeah I'm a sniper that's why. I'm here oh wow good thank God you. are why do you have a machete yeah what. is that for well you guys were supposed. to provide me with a sniper that's I I I. forgot the gun I forgot the gun I forgot.

the gun sniper would bring their own gun. I said I would bring it for the Mas is. just for me just for masad is just for. me it's not even a [ __ ]. wow I think it's just I think it's that. rain that's rain what that's rain oh. it's rain that's rain. H yeah so any hey Francisco yes um we're. going to need you to do us a favor yeah. okay so oh you know the enemy yeah get.

Charlie get the enemy Charlie no no no. no it's Charles it's PC now we say. Charles okay Charles no I he's the type. of guy he's the type of guy yeah that. he's gonna go he hey I mean same platoon. hey Chang cuz Vietnam War go over there. I go over there he shoots me and then he. goes I thought he was the enemy because. of this I think that's what you are but. I would shoot you in the leg as a joke. right as a bit that's a and like and I. don't think that if I got shot you would. do a force Gump with me oh like no I.

mean BBA no Bobba for his Gump yeah he. carry everybody out right yeah he car I. don't think you would carry me out I. mean too. heavy okay all. right he's strong dude very good no I. would you know I was there when the when. the you know in The Comedy Store when. there was like somebody the guy that got. I was exact I was like literally like. right here the guy and I turn around and. I see the guy shooting him I was there. that night but I was inside and I heard.

it go down but. I it was so surreal because I wasn't out. front mhm that when I heard it I thought. it was a lie even though I know it was. real yeah like but I saved the girl that. and the I pushed them down shut up yeah. you're American hero so for people that. don't know a gang member came on the. comedy store Patio years ago and went. right up to a guy and shot point blank. Point Blank how many years the original. no no in the patio the patio yeah but in. front of the in in in the outside bar.

there in 2015 exactly yeah a gang member. ran up on the patio Point Blank shot a. guy in the chest how many people were in. The Patio right there it was pretty it. was like late it was like maybe like 25. 30 people oh my God and then cuz I was. on the road or something I didn't missed. it but so then you saw the man got shot. I saw the I turn around I see the guy. shooting cuz I it look it didn't even. sound like a gun it sounded like. firecrack you know I like so I was like. Papa I you know reacted through the. people that were with me and I just and. I thought it was one of those serial.

killers was going to basically Sho one. of those famous Comedy Store Comedy Club. I don't know Open Mic Open Mic okay that. came back is like Tommy didn't pass me. or something all right right you still. you still are down with the Second. Amendment now all after shot at yeah and. then so when you saw that I I heard Josh. Nasser held his body that true yeah he. held yeah he did I don't know why I'm. laughing why you laughing at that dude. wait he was no he did he did yeah yeah. yeah the guy that got shot yeah the guy. got shot and Josh Nasser was he making a. Tik Tok.

yeah yeah rest in peace with but hey man. you look so good. dead dude dude so dark that's so dark. but so just joking so you saw Josh hold. the guy's body yeah no he hold him like. was there caressing going on like. rubbing his head like he was in the. stairs so it's kind of like like like. come on like like come on like he was. trying to got to shake those bullets out. of him wow crazy that is crazy go to the. Google image of it cuz he shot him Point.

Blank that's insane well the good thing. was and go to the first image I hate to. say this but I'm glad that he didn't. shoot anybody else no that's what I yeah. cuz it's so funny to have your car. trapped in the parking lot after a. shooting like Don baris's car he just. can't move it yeah yeah were you in the. parking or no no no I was in the back of. the comedy store but you you your car. was in the parking no that was back when. I lived in the neighborhood I used to. walk wow I was in the what's wrong with. me sacred ground I was in the back I was. by sacred ground in our look my name is.

on the. [ __ ] both of our names are there wow. no zoom in zoom in is my name's not up. there yes it is Bobby Le right there who. is it Jeff Ross Bobby. Le and Kirk Fox holy [ __ ] you know you. know how I know so okay I wasn't out of. town this is proof. that I li but he was slate so you left. on the road I wasn't wait a minute was I. there that's how like that's right as. much as he cancels spots he was probably. not there that's right I don't I cancel. spots because I would remember you being. there that night you weren't there that.

I don't want to play conspiracy theories. but maybe Francis were you did you maybe. you left you were the shoter it was a. perfect Alibi wow I was out of town I. always cancel spots yeah or could have. been could have been Kirk Fox he was. also ever catch the guy no they did I. think they did they did cuz he was like. crazy it was crazy like it was a gang. thing related apparently the guy was. from I think Detroit or somewhere like. that and like the guy like he Trav like. he was here visiting and that's why he. was he traveled to kill him go back to.

the very first image I I actually want. that printed out and hung up in the. studio can you okay yeah yeah that's a. beautiful image of a murder with our. names on the Marquee bud I mean that's. history right there that's history right. there uh well everyone please go watch. this go watch Francisco thank you for. also what's your handles you want oh. yeah F Ramos comedy on Instagram TI Tok. R comedy fros comedy FR comedy go see. our boy uh give it up for uhk you thank. you thank you for having everybody. come over here Carlos will uh Carlos. will escort you out you [ __ ] dumb.

[ __ ] I love you doggy you're the [ __ ]. man dude killed it I love you what the. [ __ ] dude what are you guys doing bill I. was right next. door what the [ __ ] are. you are you being real I didn't [ __ ]. do this yeah who did this go that one. blue the blue can you do the blue this. that's fine that's fine okay Bobby Lee. this is your life. wait wait did you know bill was coming.

no I was upstairs I was editing my next. uhal stupid special yeah they do you. know his editing Suite is right here oh. it is BR Neil Brennon was up there I. didn't know yeah this is like the [ __ ]. am I doing here wow ladies and gentlemen. ladies and gentlemen the great Bill bur. can how many times every [ __ ] night. we see each other at the store and now. you're acting we acting like we don't. live in the same city like oh my God. like I came from [ __ ] New Zealand. it's the last person I ever expected to. come into the [ __ ] the studio I do it.

one more time not. as I just came in yeah yeah yeah I just. came in I thought they were on TV I was. like Wow there [ __ ] H hd9 or. something that's so [ __ ] clear wow. well I didn't want to interrupt you guys. I know that you guys have like a you. guys have a close personal Bond yeah. well it's so joyous that you're here. what are you talking about how happy. does you blushed I did yeah and yeah. well you know cuz I saw him walk in and. I thought is this a bit that these guys.

set up did you guys said you oh oh I see. somebody just said you just missed Bobby. Lee so I was like looking in I was. looking for your car the first thing I. was looking for was a bumper hanging off. the [ __ ] thing I don't see his car. here yeah yeah the perpetuation of The. Stereotype is real Bobby got in an. accident the first month he had the car. and then now again yesterday yeah. yesterday yeah but it has nothing to do. with Asians it just has to do he doesn't. care dude that's serious thank you so. much for saying that I know that's what. it is is that the race I don't want to.

bring my people down no it isn't yeah. it's because I don't give a [ __ ] okay. yeah yeah I mean it just so happened you. got into two car accidents within a. month yeah I know but does that offset. Tokyo Drift yeah yeah probably not one. Bobby Lee erases all of these [ __ ]. guys I'll say this one thing and I'll. let you guys get back cuz I'm sure you. guys had an agenda no we did no no dud. what are you talking about Bill nothing. yeah what are you editing your special. yes okay congratulations do we have a. name for the special uh I I don't know.

yet I'm I'm I'm working on it but that. was just absolute hell for four [ __ ]. hours and I and I am who the [ __ ] wants. to watch themselves for an hour yeah for. four hours it was horrible it was. [ __ ] horrible I I I got I got you. know so now now uh you know we got we. all the I think I got to go in tomorrow. and then I'm done where'd you shoot it. uh I shot it in Seattle look at us. [ __ ] doing this little promo thing. yeah it work. I feel like one of these younger Comics. how they just [ __ ] know how to like.

promote the [ __ ] out of their stuff. they're amazing well let's talk about it. because I part of the reason I signed up. uh Hulu is because of. you oh okay well cuz Hulu brought over. people from Netflix and they were like I. can't shake this guy yeah I keep. following well the reason why I went. over to Netflix is cuz the head guys. over there told me there's not enough. room for two gingers on One streaming. platform and we're going with the. younger cuter one yeah yeah when you. they you guys see each other is there an. extra Bond yeah well there's a that we. have a uh uh s the sadness yeah we've.

had the same kind of pain yeah yeah the. s a similar pain through line yeah but. Bill were you bullied growing up or no. yes oh I didn't know yeah every every I. I I was sort of in the middle like I. bullied some kids and then I was bullied. and then I hit pu puberty late so then. that was the end of my fighting I was 17. when I got my first hair how old were. you oh Jesus Christ I didn't I didn't. have a diary. oh you did it I wasn't 17 wow cuz when I.

got my first hair it was we celebrated. it was a big deal yeah we got a cake. everything what about under the arm. though you still don't have a lot of. armpit no no I still have some look just. a cute oh there's a cute oh okay yeah. but I remember the first hair I think. it's still there you still got it yeah. even when I shave it I keep that one. Bobby starting to look like one of those. old career. gamblers what that's a good thing yeah. it's a great thing yeah you got you got. that if you didn't have the score thing. on something you're like Phil lock.

you're like one of these guys yeah like. that guy oh that guy yeah wow that guy. knows P you know what I don't know what. the name of the clip is but one of my. favorite ones I ever saw and then I'm. going to leave I'm that's going to be. the bit I'm and then I'm going to leave. okay was I was watching this World. Series of Poker and this guy [ __ ]. goes all in and you know when they go. all in they start walking around like. here comes the river and it was like he. had a 98% chance of I don't know poker. but he and then all the flop came and. then it [ __ ] went down to like 7% but. he didn't know and then the last thing.

hit and he [ __ ] lost and the guy. literally just he literally just goes oh. yeah and he [ __ ] just stormed off and. sat there was this little two-step thing. to where the crowd was he sat down on. those stairs and he put his hand like. that and he cried for like 15 seconds. yeah and then he just collected himself. and was like all right and just moved on. it was like it was unbelievable M was it. you think Millions yeah it was like and. and and he got totally there was no way.

what do they call it a bad beat there. was no [ __ ] way he should have lost. it and he did and he went a he sat down. like for like 15 seconds you're not. you're not you're not a gambler are you. nah I just don't uh I I don't I don't. have the patience for it and I just also. I just I get it I get it you're you're. winning and I'm losing like why why. would I do this well we get our dopamine. hits from other things what do you get. your dopamine hits from what's your what. uh learning new [ __ ] and what it really.

is it's not a dopamine thing it it. staves off my depression so that's what. I've learned like I stay out of the I. when I get free time nothing makes me. sadder than free time and just sitting. there thinking about life [ __ ] that. happen me all it just makes me sad so. I'll literally like you know you know. the usual [ __ ] go to the gyms play. drums or something like that but learn. learning something new because I don't. know what I'm doing and have to like. listen to that makes me not think about. other can you give us some new [ __ ] that. you've.

learned give us some new [ __ ] I'll tell. you I wrote a I I wrote a [ __ ]. Harley-Davidson Road Glide the other day. up in uh Santa Maria and I've never. ridden one I was always intimidated. because it was so [ __ ] big I've. ridden smaller ones and it was one of. them [ __ ] do you remember in Ferris. bu's day off when they were going over. the hill yeah the Ferrari it was like. the the valet right yeah so like we rode. through the hills and everything and uh. first of all it's a [ __ ] the scariest. thing is going slow on him and stopping. because it's like oh my God is this.

thing going to tip over once you get. going they just it's a Cadillac they had. that big what they call the fairing so. you weren't you know your neck doesn't. hurt you're just cruising so we took us. up into the mountains and there was. literally nobody on the road we went. down one street and there was all of. these trees just on one side and the. trees were curling over like you were. surfing in like a tube except you were. on a bike right it was amazing and then. we came out of the valley and uh me and. Dean Del we switched bike I got on this. the sports Glide he got on mine and then. the guy took us through and then they. knew I was comfortable they started.

tearing down the [ __ ] like the valley. the mountains are coming up like that. wow so you know I kicked it up two three. times whatever so I thought I was doing. like [ __ ] 55 60 I looked down I was. doing 90 wow and I was just w wow dude. that that yeah that was that was like uh. you know the adrenaline thing to the. heart that was that lasted like a week. wow I I couldn't stop [ __ ] thinking. about it and um do you have a bike yeah. I have a I got a little one I got a. little Royal Enfield uh can I tell you.

guys so I but I don't drive around an LA. stre can I tell you guys what I learned. or can I can you not can you something I. learn he talked the whole show Lear. something he learned something I learned. listen let let Asian Bobby Kelly say. something forget it you know no no I. want to hear a supportive environment go. ahead all right so I'm going to tell you. I mean so stard right it's a video game. I play see already dude I I don't like. that cuz it's not entertaining go ahead.

well I'm just tell you something I. learned you know I've been playing that. game for years right so you can go to. Robin's carpenter shop and actually move. the. greenhouse it it doesn't have cuz you. know I've always built around the. greenhouse like oh my God there's like. enough space but you actually can move. it like next to your house is just that. one of those games where you're building. a village and then you fight other. Villages there's no fighting in that way. bill so nice try but I'm just asking oh. it sounded sounded interesting to me. yeah yeah no it's and I understand that. response because I've done nothing but. give you [ __ ] for 20 years than thank.

you thank you I get it so it's like it's. no it's it's a farming game is it more. exciting than the giant. melons bill would you get one of those. big bikes would you ever want to invest. in one of those big Harley or no uh 100%. so this is the next move it was yeah I'm. I'm going to do the gingered wild. hogs put me please totally please put me. in the totally the life crisis no it's. one of those things just like uh you. know I just feel as an American at some.

point you have to ride one of those big. those big bikes just do it one even if. you just do it one [ __ ] time it was. it was like I would never like I don't. ride around here like I'm always in like. the middle of nowhere like you know when. Colorado we went up in Boulder went to. the Rockies a little bit and it's just. just stay away from people but like uh I. had a bike out here for about 6 weeks. about 10 years ago level of texting it. was like everybody was like had like. three beers in them so there was just.

all of this drifting and it was uh it. was [ __ ] terrifying so uh I remember. like I never pray but I literally I was. all the way out in uh somewhere on the. near the beaches or whatever and I said. a prayer I said God if you get me home I. swear to God I'm never writing this. again and I'm going to sell it and I did. and then I uh I [ __ ] up like an addict. I rode one when I was in um. I was in Austin and the Moto GP race was. there that's the Formula One of bike.

racing I [ __ ] love that [ __ ] and they. had this thing on Saturday where like. the dads you know all the dads could go. there and they called it the Victory lap. and I had not written a bike in like 10. years so I said I I think I want to be. in the back I want because it was like I. felt it was 100 guys in I was like I. want to be in the back I want to be in. the back because I don't want to be. going fast or anything and they said no. dude you want to be in the front you. want to be in the front because we're. going to be going like 25 30 miles an. hour 40 maybe on a straighter way but. those guys in the back they wait they.

wait like 2 minutes and they wait and. then those guys you know the guys got. the full [ __ ] Leathers on so I said. all right could so anyway I did that and. I was so thrilled that I still. remembered how to do it and then it it. just it just back it's just itch itch. have you ever ridden a bike have you. never have oh my God but I've ridden. like a bike a. bike not a bicycle Bud okay okay a bike. a bike yeah what like you know like you. know what I mean like a standard bike. bike biker biker no like you know like. the balancing kind do you have a tan oh.

my god do I have a yeah yeah you look. tan did you do somewhere tropical no. okay you have a nice tan oh thank you. yeah thank you Bobby that's very nice of. you yeah this is our new Bobby this is. our new relationship I don't like it why. don't you like it [ __ ] hate it he's. so nice to me yeah you've been so nice. to me the last couple years I was always. nice to you I just did it in a. dysfunctional way I always trashed you. cuz I loved you now I love you too now I. can look sort of in your eyes it's a.

difficult thing to do yeah yeah to try. to see. them I mean you really are you are like. extra Asian there you go there we go. white eyes we call it white eyes when he. does that this is how this is I don't. know if this is maybe a a thing with our. skin tone and hair but I've seen you. have clothes that I also have and I'm. like is that cuz we have that thing that. we pick oh our our limited color palette. yeah well those shoes I have those exact. [ __ ] shoes I don't know anybody that. has those shoes you know what I love. about New Balance is people go oh that's.

an old white guy sneaker it's like well. yeah I'm an old white guy so like I'm. doing exactly what I'm supposed to be. doing but you you but you fit Simmons. and you guys all have the same kind of. attire is it a redheaded. thing well is not a redhead not a. redhead Fitz Simmons is a redhead no. he's not no he's not he's not one of. your tribe no he never had when he did. have hair it was dark he had brown hair. I think when he grew a go goatee he. might have had red in his a little bit. but look he had dark hair when he was. young look at that face though it's so.

pink I know I'm surprised yeah yeah I. that's what I'm looking at what are you. doing why are you making fun of other. people what do you mean what I can bully. too dude I can look at somebody's photo. and go their. pink no but I mean just the messenger is. just just throwing me off you know and. it's so funny that you say that Mr Burr. because I want to say this all right. I've I've gotten gained some confidence. over the years and I think I'm very. good-look so how long you know what I. would love to do I would love to take a. sharpie and color in the skin between. the mustache and whatever the [ __ ] that.

is on your. chin all right I got to I I do have you. don't have to go I love stay we love you. bill um thank you so much yeah and I I I. I you know I have positive feelings. about you guys. yeah um all right that's it that was. that was you know what I like that was a. a soft what do they call a soft opening. my special oh here you go give I mean. this you're trying this is like uh you. went to war W you went to wardrobe give. him a big hug bill will you please I.

always wanted to know what what is that. notary republic stamp tattoo that you. have on your forearm what is that one oh. God my body yeah why did you do that to. yourself I know at what point do you. just say I got to lose this dude that is. third. [Laughter]. trimester give him a big hug I love you. thank you Bill you're afraid another. Ginger come on bring it in there what a. surprise Bill bur everybody give him a.

round of applause a surprise Bill great. surprise what a great surprise who's. this next [ __ ] that's coming. in you might remember her dude that was. crazy look at this [ __ ] little. beautiful specimen that we spawned on. this show you see this little that was. insane bill just popped in there yeah. yeah he's like is Bobby here I was like. yeah they're recording but you could. probably just walk right in God it's. crazy it's crazy what a what. let's talk about our beautiful little. specimen that came back but can I just. let's can we just talk about Bill so for.

some reason sometimes especially in a. like I have to get prepared for him but. that surprise I was sort of like Shell. Shocked almost you were I was a. stumbling [ __ ]. idiot but I'm always a stumbling [ __ ]. with him I'm never I'm never myself when. I'm around him he's the only one and. know me too why is that cuz his. dominance yeah I don't know what to say. so then I triy to throw on that stardew. Valley right that was really good no no. and then I just go oh cuz he's one of. the greatest living comedi oh no and.

anybody watching that's what getting. bumped feels. like we're like Bill I got to follow. that in a way it was just I just like sh. girl and the tan thing I said it's like. what am I talking about I heard that I. what yeah yeah I was. like yeah but at least you're at least. you're having fun I'm asking I was. asking dumb interview questions you guys. are like girls we are yeah we are I he's. one of the greatest living comedians so. it's hard for if Chappelle comes in here. I'm done I he came in too I was like. Bill's on now yeah if Dave Chappelle.

found that one of his employees was. talking [ __ ] about him through text yeah. that would be a big deal that would be a. very big deal don't you think that' be a. big deal yeah what's going on yeah well. you know I'll tell you what's going on. you're pointing your fingers at me but. but met pointing them to somebody. somebody else I'll tell you what's going. on I grabbed MC's phone I knew it was my. right right and I go to the messaging. and I go I wonder if I put my name in. the search thing yeah yeah all the [ __ ]. that you said that's so smart right and. he freaked the [ __ ] out he ran from.

behind there knocked all the artwork and. we I we did a thing you also went. through my photo album one time I did. you love to Snoop I'm a Snoopy Snoop. he's a little Sno he's a Soper pooper he. kept looking for my photos like getting. nervous yeah yeah I am so shocked that. you haven't inquired about what's in the. bag what's in the bag oh I have gifts. for you guys welcome back to what's in. the bag what's in the bag what's can you. pass things out to everybody get over. Mone I'm exercising my power yeah I love. it dude you've been doing it for years. why slow down now no I've learned it.

from you. yeah what waa what is that what hello. glasses oh my God this is so rad wait. wait you have your own sunglasses yes. it's been T it's taken years to make. them but it's the only collaboration. I've ever taken part of the owner of the. company reached out to me I was like do. you want your these are so we talked. about this I didn't know you going to do. this you also never called me back after. I called you and you wanted some advice. you they feel good you never called me.

back I knew you were going to bring that. up you never called me back I was pissed. off about it she never called me back. you want me to say the the thing okay. who am I I'm doing an impression with. these glasses who am I okay yeah right. right no. no Jesse. Johnson. no oh oh prince prince prince no wait. wait wait I'll get get it on Bobby. wearing pink glasses yeah yeah yeah is. this just you Crocodile.

Rock Elton John yeah John. yeah I hope these glasses bring you as. much joy as they bring me he was looking. at you sincerely Jessie Johns these are. these Jessie jety juicy Johnson no it. doesn't say that on there yes it does oh. it does oh this is incredible dude these. are so cool and this is an incredible. thing you did that did thank you I. thought you guys were going to hate it. for some reason I'm so happy for you I. got them for everybody you guys don't. have to we them but I hope you enjoy. them and uh we're wearing them rainow. also are yours thicker than mine no this.

the same they're all the same you can. get them online too if anybody wants. them watching bring yours over here I. don't think they're the same and we'll. put the link in the description they're. all the same dude promo code no ours is. little mine's little or something promo. code what jet jet ski to buy these These. are. incredible your face your face is bigger. and by the way uh just for the record uh. our good friend Janelle Garza did the. art for this which I do think is so sick. she's an incredible artist. and look at how dope the bo is I mean. that alone in what you been up to Jess.

touring I'm on my first tour trumpet. 2024 Trump trump it 2024 trump it 2024. that's great that's very smart yeah was. that on accident yeah and then I made. the shirts and then I made the. connection nice dude oh I see I see very. nice yeah came later can I plug the. Irvine Houston and Sacramento before I. trumpet 2024 tour three more stops. Irvine Houston Sacramento Irvine Improv. Irvine Improv the weekend or the weekend.

late night shows one one late night show. Friday one late night Saturday midnight. uh 10:30 p.m. oh go check it out please. go see going please go see our friend go. check it I'm not going to go Oh I. thought you were like I'm G to go we can. go you want us to open up the show yeah. would you guys we should shouldn't we I. think we should open and when is this um. everything's on jety johnson.com I'll be. I'll be busy yeah yeah I'm okay I'm. going to be busy oh and rainbow Optics. the glasses anything you want on the. website 20% off go to what is the promo.

code jetski promo code jet ski much do. it jety sign off the way we used to. thank you for being a bad friend love. you. [Music]. the path of the righteous man is beset.

on all sides by the iniquities of the. selfish and the tyranny of evil men. blessed is he who in the name of Charity. and Good Will Shepherds the weak through. the valley of darkness for he truly is. his brother's keeper and the finder of. lost children and I will strike down. upon thee with great Vengeance and. Furious anger those who attempt to. poison to destroy my brothers and you. will know my name is the Lord when I lay. my veng Vance upon you I thought he says. lay my vengeance upon thee yeah that's.

let me do it backwards but this says. upon you you upon Vengeance my lay I. when Lord is the name I know will you. and brothers my destroy and poison to. attempt who those anger Furious and. Vengeance great with thee upon down. strike will and I children lost of. finder the and keeper Brothers his truly. is he for darkness of Valley the through. weak the Shepherds will good and charity.

of name the in he is bless men evil of. tyranny the unselfish the of inequities. the bides all on beset is man righteous. the of path thee very good that's. actually [ __ ] awesome backwards it's. just as good backwards as it is for us. yeah that's why it's brilliant Ezekiel. 25:17 yeah God we got to read the Bible. dude. the Bible's got some bangers let's take. out every other word see if that works.

the of righteous is on all by inequities. the and tyranny of men. blessed blessed he it's hard huh blessed. he in name charity good Shepherds weak. Valley Darkness he truly Brothers and. find a lost wow it worked that way.

[Music]. too. wo wo. [Music].