Big Head, Little Body w/ Chris Distefano | Ep 241 | Bad Friends

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episode of bad friends is presented and. fueled by huel your go-to for Complete. Nutrition try hule with 15% off today. using Code bad friends at my. hu.com. badri you two are bad friends are these. two idiots a white dude and an Asian. dude you two are. disgusting you two or something we're. bad friends you like to do Batman no. okay but no probably football American.

football yeah baseball baseball. basketball yes that's your thing yeah. not hockey I don't really do hockey yeah. I don't do hockey either I only do. soccer yeah and you know why cuz I'm uh. cuz you have little. feet dude you want to tell Zlatan. ibraimovic that he has little feet dude. I will tell him that dude dude he's got. 6' n feet dude yeah he's a big mother. he's a big guy he's not 6'9 but he's. tall do you know him no dude if I saw. him I would melt really yeah I would be. like oh.

I don't know what to say to you you're. from Sweden you think you would go back. you would get knocked back into Korea. what do you mean like Korean accent you. say I don't know what to say to you yeah. whenever I'm around to celebrate I go. back to you know Korean Korean guy yeah. but you look good I saw you yesterday. Joe menen I'm sorry I you didn't text oh. no I tell you what you did last night it. was [ __ ] tell them what tell and out. of pocket and insincere and deceptive. and creating chaos within my own life. yes right and I don't like it I don't. like when you come into town and you.

create chaos yeah and with your diabol. if you don't get me one dude chy chaos. thank you D I got you this new like it. looks like all cream dude it's going to. be great oh you know lactose intolerant. though you still drink lactose thank you. it's it's going to be good it's all. cream dude I like caros car got a caros. is in good shape on top he's got a. chubby little butt dude he's got not a. CH chubby butt it's a Brazilian butt. situation he's got a you know car has. got a butt like like a toddler butt he's.

got I've never seen a toddler's butt but. I I'm taking your if I pulled out a. picture of my three-year-old's butt and. Carls you wouldn't know which one is. it's just that it's just uh how many. kids you have again three kids three. kids yeah is one of the butts of your. kids not good what my um yeah my my uh. no they all got good butts from you yeah. no no from their mom their mom has a. their mom has a really good butt and all. my kids were born with uh tattooed lips. on their ass. cheeks oo.

you like that do you request that or is. that genetics it's genetics can we go. back to last night yeah let's go back so. I'm at The Improv I'm sitting there with. some people couple of girls some guys. you know my agents are there too oh. really and their assistants yeah yeah. and you come up from behind and then you. kiss me on the cheek and then you try to. kiss me on the lips and then you just. kind of leave right and I had to explain. it took about 20 minutes to tell people. that we're not gay lovers I no dude I'm. not gay they're like dude that seemed. like super intimate and like you're.

going to see your husband later tonight. I go he just does that we just do that. and I just next time you do that in. front of strangers you need to explain. to people that this is not just a. heterosexual [ __ ] but then I said but. then I said to you but then I said to. you cuz you told me you were sad and. then I and then I what I did was when I. was kissing you and then I slapped you a. little bit and I felt like I slapped you. too hard no it wasn't hurt hard cuz I I. wrote to you I and you never wrote back. I said sorry that last laap was. unintentionally too hard no I know that. that's I was mad at this lap I said I.

it's the kisses that call me if you ever. want to talk yeah yeah and then I I. prefer slaps and kisses that but okay. but I just cuz I felt like you know like. we have a thing where you know K cuz I. kissed you once on the head cuz I really. missed you and then I like the way it. felt so I kissed you more and that's. what it was yeah yeah I know but just. kiss me once mhm even the king gets. kissed on the cheek once one time I K as. a peasant if I got to kiss the king yeah. I'd want to kiss him more yeah but I. would only kiss him once and then I kiss. and then were sweating was warm out.

yesterday and then I tasted cabbage on. my lips for the whole the rest of the. night yeah yeah pickled cabbage kimchi. joke kimchi joke that was a really good. joke thank you yeah yeah cuz most people. just said kimchi but I want to go to the. roof yeah Jamon you know what Jamon is. Jamon is let me guess j o m o n Jong. jamong is uh I it's not a black guy's. name what Mich. Jackson what yeah pickled cabbage sliced. up in a pan with egg then you put it you. with egg and grated cheese then you mix. it in to dough and you kind of make uh.

like a healthier bread that's true it's. not a food oh Jamon Jam Jackson yeah. yeah it's one of the no jamone Waynes. it's the 12th Wayne's brother what is. jamone what is Jamon well I found out. that jamones were the Koreans before the. Koreans and Japanese before the Japanese. really and they didn't look they didn't. look Asian so I don't know what the [ __ ]. happened they kind of looked like. um they kind of look like uh let me. guess like um Chris odonnell or what's.

his name is that his name oh Robin from. Batman and Robin Chris he's gay right. what Chris O'Donnell is gay he's why he. was gay in the movie well Robin is gay. that was the gayest yeah Robin is gay. yeah yeah I don't think is Robin gay um. I think so but because he's wearing pink. and yellow and I mean red and yellow. kind of gay he's just kind of like a. sidekick kind of gay well Robin's a gay. Bird right they should have picked a. different they should have picked a. different bird like what like what's a. good one bird of paradise yeah or like a. go more gay go more gay yeah yeah. seagull look at Don's gay right Don depa.

is my friend comes a lot did him and I. do we have a connection but you don't. see him he doesn't come with me you. don't see him yeah know yeah of course. not no yeah he's what but he wants to. always reach out and he doesn't feel. comfortable if he could reach out to you. in Santino I told him he can yeah but. why would you want to reach out he wants. to hang out he gets lonely here and he. only sees you when oh that's right. that's right that's right that's right. that's right that's right yeah yeah. weren't you the one that um back in the. day can I ask you a question yeah wasn't. he the guy um the last time they got us.

Co yes that's him yeah that's him yeah. yeah that's on and I got and he switched. his sub cuz he wor you thought oh I'm. going to grow this mustache to make it. look more you know what I mean but he. just grows the mustache he doesn't grow. the beard he I told him it doesn't look. good he looks like youed Sam but gay but. gay from Hollywood yeah you still do. stand. up oh but you you were supposed to come. tonight but you're not going to come now. you said you told me the other day you. do I'll tell you what I got invited to. something else what happened well I got. invited to a party that I never get.

invited to and I think I have to go. politically what what's who's the can we. can you tell tell me well yeah I can. tell you but um you know what why you. smiling Carlos is about to give you a. black eye like he gave his kid one yeah. know so. um it's this guy's Sunny you know Sunny. he he a showrunner for beef oh good. right and so uh you know Ali all these. guys are the Asian Community yeah. they're going to go and I missed the. last year and I you know invited this.

year and I was like I should go is there. one of them that you want to get out. though like between like I don't want to. go to any of them I don't want to go to. any of them I go to [ __ ] I went to. that one event a couple two months ago. was it Asian Excellence no not the Asian. Excellence it was like the [ __ ]. golden you know I mean Phoenix or. whatever they [ __ ] had yeah yeah and. I went downtown they gave me a shitty. table I'm with marker Cho all these. [ __ ] people all the cool Asians get. in the front and I got to sit there and. watch presentations and see Michelle. Yao's back of her head I don't want to. do it anymore man to be around my people.

my white dirty whites that I'm a dirty. white more than a Korean dude yeah you. are yeah I like The Dirties man yeah. we're good shaggies dude yeah yeah guys. are don't they don't they're not not. good well kept yeah they they're they're. so dirty yeah because mus I'm getting. sick of it too there's too many it's too. much like it's just don't say there's. too many Asians well no there are don't. say there's too many Asians no it's not. there's too many Asians but it's just. like there's it's it's becoming a thing. now where it's like we I can't get in. you know what I mean you you'll never.

get in I can't get into the Asian thing. yeah yeah well you you want to get in I. do yeah I think because because if I you. know me I'm all about procreating but I. don't want to make more white people. that's why I have Puerto Rican kids oh. that's right but the next thing is if if. the things end with me with Puerto Rican. I want to go to the Asians so I want to. I'm well let me say something I'll make. a call to George. deai I would love that you hello yeah. hello he's still alive George deai I go. deai what's up yeah.

yeah and I'd be like um are you sucking. dick right now. yeah he loves it wait where's Andrew why. isn't he here where'd he go God we both. you know what's the problem with you and. I yeah we both have the same mental. dis that like it just doesn't there's no. cohesive just random I like it here's. the truth it's it's it's half the fan. base no matter what Andrew isn't here. they shut the pot off anyway so there's. really nothing I I don't know I don't. know I don't think so I don't know okay. well if you got if you if you're still.

here thank you I think reverse would be. true oh if you if I know I'm kidding no. that's not cut that out 40% yeah yeah I. do find it interesting that um and can. you cut this part out or no yes maybe oh. maybe all right so it's interesting that. Andrew called me today and he's like. wait cuz you're doing this movie and. then like you're going to cobs and this. and that it's like we're you're not. going to be in town we got to back like. I go oh I it's I'm sorry when you go out. on and doing things right I fill in with.

another guy but he's never done that. he's never filled in with another person. when he went to Australia to do that. [ __ ] thing with the [ __ ]. good-looking whites you know I mean. what's it the George Cena Hena the hug. whatever it was you know what I mean. whatever that. staka yeah George sakanaka what's that. movie sticky Nikki sticky Nikki sticky. Nikki dude when he did sticky Nikki I. had to fill in four times or whatever. right he's never filled in for me when I. was on the road have you give me one. episode he did with uh Little Dicky yes. he did one time here with Little Dicky.

at the last Studio at the last studio. with Kila yep oh he did mm okay well. let's move on then I actually think I. believe I even co-hosted one with Andrew. when you weren't here yeah I've been. I've been mistaken yes mistaken and I'm. wrong yes I I I want to think I did two. episodes with him actually and then we. and then Andrew and I seriously started. talking about how maybe him and I should. just do the. podcast and we started texting you and. you got very upset okay well so let a. 5050 anyway um. yeah sorry sorry I got to put my hair to.

the side but um what we were talking. about right before that because you went. from um Batman is bisexual actually who. b or Robin oh oh he's bis yeah I figur. that I can feel that yeah I figured that. yeah um it's an interesting um why. another bird when the writers were. creating Batman you I mean why does it. have to be a bird right you know what I. mean because Batman's a bird is a bad a. bird is it's a marsupial oh it's even. bir is it am I right wrong about that. you're right oh it's not a bat or it's a.

mammal yeah oh that's interesting yeah I. did not know that bats are they give. they they have [ __ ] yeah yeah and. they give birth to the [ __ ] yes yeah is. that isn't that trait of a mammal yeah. right I think so do you know for sure or. no but it sounds right all right jamone. py jamone we got to go back to jamone. jamone so it's not a food then yeah. that's not a jamone that's a bat but. anyway yeah yeah so all mammals give. birth through the badge yes right so the.

reptiles lay eggs. platypus this [ __ ] guy there's always. one yeah yeah yeah yeah lays eggs what. platus is a MMO that lays eggs yeah. there's always a Caitlyn Jenner in the. [ __ ] he does he does kind of look. like he does kind of look like a woman. from the future right yeah yeah like. what a woman's going to be in like 2075. yeah it look like so anyway um that's. interesting so aside from the platy what. what are these mammals that don't La. eggs or they do lay eggs EGS so give me.

a mammal that lays eggs the. edness okay wow what is that do you want. to put that in a soup it's a. SP me yeah oh because I'm Asian yeah. yeah yeah you know when white people say. like say stuff like that it really makes. me mad because I'll tell you why right. it's funny though I know but the thing. is is that I mean poor white people eat. squirrels yeah right it's like you're. you're eating the things that are around. you in your environment it's not the are. going oh I heard that Australia there's.

a wombat you we're going to go there. we're going to eat that you know if a. wombat was in their backyard they would. eat it right right but they're not. they're not like going out to like eat. weird things they're just you know. surviving based on the land but we've. evolved to like Burger King right right. and I what I want to say is that what is. that thing called this a acaden yeah I. bet you that meat is better than a. burger like a big mac oh yeah like uh. like if you ate um what they were saying. in um what the Wuhan they were eating um.

what is it pandelin or something like. that what does Wuhan have anything to do. with it and why why you doing this dude. I don't like with this you know on Tik. Tok you know you know the hand gestures. yeah to to have power over the room yeah. I know when you guys do that so stop. doing that because you're not that. doesn't work with me yeah all this stuff. that you're trying to do with your hands. like this to grab like dominance like. this yeah yeah yeah don't do this I know. what that means dude I'm kidding that's. oky doie yeah no. eat this these types of things yeah yeah.

yeah because that thing whatever that. thing is is just all up in their trees. and [ __ ] yeah it's disgusting I thought. that was Jeremiah. Watkins I know what you're saying yeah. yeah he has one of those he's got that. nose that look I saw him yesterday he's. great he's an underdeveloped white he is. an underdeveloped white yeah yeah like. there's a couple of he should have been. been in the oven for a couple more yeah. when I when I look when I see him every. time I see him I go seven months oh yeah. yeah he he went out seven months yeah he. go what you mean. he Tapped Out yeah he's tapped out but.

he's funny yeah well that's interesting. yeah yeah he is underdeveloped but you. know you have whites in New York that. are undeveloped as well yeah yeah yeah. we but but I but I do think if if you're. going to take the an American white. Shane Gillis Shane Gillis is his face is. underdeveloped underdeveloped but brain. but but his brain is is developed well. but his face is underdeveloped it's it's. almost as his face was in the womb for. too long yes yeah he was baked for too. long it looks like it looks like God. where his eyes you know it started. bubbling it's like it's like God was. making him and you know he like that.

soft dough beautiful thing just at the. last minute he just that right on his. face all right he just smushed he. dropped it he yeah he dropped it out of. the oven he just smooshed it a little. bit like that but he said but as he was. going down he said I feel bad he goes. let me give let me make him a comic. genius he went like that gave him that. gift he said his face is I I [ __ ] up. yeah yeah yeah yeah how about me he. forgot that I don't think that the he. forgot what the the sprinkle the. sprinkle yeah on me yeah wait wait wait. I'm sorry Andreas you're saying I'm. sprink us yeah hey [ __ ] you man yeah you.

think they forgot the sprinkles on me I. think yeah I think I think he put you in. a in a walk and he just yeah yeah yeah I. think I think with you you I think with. you dude is that they he goes I want to. make a goodlooking white cuz sometimes. he's in that mood God right he said well. watch I'm going to spend five hours. right yeah but then he's like couldn't. finish it then he had to do something. else maybe there was a hurricane he had. to deal with right so he goes hey Mom. Joo right some guy that works there and. goes put in the brain. and momjo momjo went to the right wrong.

Department you he went to like the fat. inell you know what I mean with the. weird guy at Department yeah he went. maybe this one right and he put it in. the brain sent you down and then God was. mad like what the [ __ ] bjo yeah yeah you. know cuz then he can't once he puts you. down the shoot he can't take you back he. can't take you back that's it so now I'm. stuck you're saying with kind of a dumb. incel brain but yeah but still bright. it's ins it's crazy it's crazy well. because you know people that don't have. the good look you know a lot of comics. that don't have the look yeah right A.

lot of them don't make it MH right but. they still have the brain right but then. they you know right what why you saying. Riot I'm just listening yeah but I don't. even know what I'm saying why would you. say rot because because I I'm connected. to you dude we're so connected we are. dude joean Joan go back to Joan Jo okay. let me take another guess of what it is. you're saying it's not a food yeah I. already yeah did you tell me what it was. already I think yeah I did but what did. you say no you have to what the [ __ ] you. not listen Okay so uh did I say it.

already no oh I didn't okay it's not. cabbage bread what what was it the. people before yeah I did say it I did. say it thank you so much I did say it oh. yeah yeah yeah yeah so they were the. original people but they didn't look. Asian well there there's a also a group. of people called yayoi which what's no. really Yayo right that I think they mix. together and then came out with I don't. know y always oh there we go there we go. so the joans are to the left does that. look Asian yeah of course that yeah that.

looks more like I don't know like. Kazakhstan really to the to oh to the. left yeah that guy okay the guy closest. to Carlos is Joan no the one no the one. Clos right yeah Carlos is that's yayoi y. Yayo yo is Googy y okay yeah Yayo so. Yayo so they're saying that the Koreans. actually came from the first one to the. left a combination of the two that's. crazy yeah that that I don't see how. that how that one works cuz the one on. the left just looks like Hassan.

Minaj I know yeah that's what I'm saying. yeah I thought yeah I thought that he. had a Netflix onean show that guy but. then the Asian one the Asian one I could. tell that that looks like a very. handsome young Korean boy yeah yeah he. looks he looks good but I'm just. wondering you know that's probably over. years of cross breeding too probably. yeah of course I mean we all have we all. have a little bit of everyone in us. that's why culture to me is so silly. when people try to defend their culture. it's like whatever your culture is today. it's because it was into your ancestors. hundreds and hundreds of years ago by. the enemy so stop saying we're all just.

one culture you and I are are more we. are more we're you know you I'm getting. kind of into history myself and I. realize that um you know civilizations. the only way they can evolve is through. War that's it you what I mean and. Conquer because when you absorb other. cultures into your and it actually. improves you know I mean a civilization. there that's a Jon that's a j okay that. that right there now that kind of looks. that does that actually to be honest. Steve like Steve I was just going to.

say that's like kind of that's a semi. Asian yeah yeah you can see him wear a. suit and do political jokes yeah yeah. like that that guy I could whatever he's. doing I could see him I don't know what. the [ __ ] Steve is doing lately but. that's what he's doing lately weing a. suit we doing [ __ ] politics politics. stuff yeah yeah I could see him on TBS. that guy looks like he's with this guy. right here yeah that's a TBS face yeah. yeah yeah yeah he looks um but that's. Joe man he looks little too he looks. like a tiny little Asian he looks like. um you know like uh the Russian dolls. like how they have they getting smaller. like you look like you'd be the top oh.

yeah yeah oh yeah let me say I have some. at home yeah it's a bigger one and you. open it up and it's more little how many. how many openings am I no no I'm saying. we start with you and then that little. guy oh I'm the big one that's the yeah. right oh so you you open open some like. me four openings exact that wow exactly. yes that's what I think yeah he's he's. the little one he's he's the one you get. to right and the deepest layer that's. really what that's who you look like on. the inside that's who's always mad by. but also notice that's who makes the. mistakes. but notice there is based on that photo.

mhhm what have we taken from that. Koreans that still like that that Bas. yeah that Koreans right still have still. have based on that photo the the the. same exact facial hair as you no big. head we were bigheaded people bige head. little body yes yes I find that to be. very interesting MH and you know there's. no shame in that because Tom Cruz has a. big head he does yeah a lot of the male. like Sten Queen allthough the male. leading you know movie stars yeah had.

big heads and little bodies and what's. great about Koreans is the uh a a. they're a stinkless agent stinkless. agent we talked about many times on this. program they don't smell at all don't. smell at all you don't have a gene that. could even make you smell so that's. that's and yet I still wear the cologne. but why because you know I I like. mysterious smells right you know and I. like when people walk by me and go ooh. yeah where were you and that's not even. a cologne they say that were you like a. war or like like you mean did you um.

were you mining or something like that. you know I mean what about cigarettes. when you smoke cigarettes do you squat. down as low as you can or do you smoke. standing. up draft King sports book the NBA is. finally back I can't wait a whole year. waiting new season means new ways to get. into the action of Draft Kings sports. book an official sports betting partner. of the NBA that's right man who's. draining threes from Beyond The Ark. Steph Curry you know that you know that.

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safety information and we thank blue for. sponsoring the podcast just give me a. second yeah you I'm just gonna you know. I'm G to go past. that you know I'm going to pretend that. never happened I'm going to go B I'm. going to go past it okay like a detour. okay so um yeah jaman yeah jaman to you. yeah um um okay what do you mean because. a lot of Asian people what they like to. do is they like to H SWAT down as much. as they can funny with their [ __ ] as. close to the floor as possible light ask. the question then guy right could it be.

that there's no chairs around whatever. the reason is it's just something that. they do if there's no chairs around your. place you squat down no what would you. do just stand yeah I would do I would do. calf raises I have Viking or so you. would stand how about what to eat still. stand I always I always stand and eat. okay why something dig what I do yeah. digestion I like to stand up and eat. okay yeah I like and we do that that's. what it is yeah so that that to me if I. was if somebody if if if if somebody. said Chris I want you to draw an Asian.

person that's what I exactly what I draw. I would dra I wonder why that is I've. never really thought about it it's only. the Asian culture cuz a lot of cultur. smoke cigarettes but not only the Asians. will squat down with their [ __ ]. hovering no more than an inch off the. Flor as you can tell we read that way. too but it's a beautiful thing you have. hip flexibility Bobby is directly. related to longevity of life so the more. flexible your hips are which this man. has got very flexible hips the longer. he'll live yeah so you do have good hip. flexibility is that a true thing mhm. flip FIB wait sorry hip. flexibility I mixed up the two Hip.

flexibility yes equates to longevity of. Life longevity of life because. flexibility overall they think that the. actual like key to longevity now is. flexibility is the biggest thing that. that that actually is one of the root. causes of health problems is how stiff. you are are you flexible no not as. flexible as I can be but I've been. trying to do hot yoga I've been trying. to um stretch every day I've been trying. to do uh core work yeah I've been uh. listening to um. uh Andrew.

huberman I've been listening to uh is he. a good guy no oh I don't know him you. know I just listen to his stuff but you. know a lot of people not as much as I. let me ask you. something I'm I'm a little bit. disconnected I'm not as plugged in as. you that's not true um no it's true if. you're doing a gig mhm have there been. like famous people that come to your. can't give to your G I don't get that. one time unfortunately no not one time a. famous person not very I mean unless I. knew them before of course that I mean.

no one like mean I'm not going to be on. the road and all of a sudden like John M. cougar melon cap is going to go hey are. you an Indiana I know I know I don't. know you but come eat a you know I mean. a pork sandwich no unfortunat I don't. have any I don't yeah because in Indiana. right pork s pork sandwiches are huge. right what what do they call them the. tenderloin pork tenderloin sandwiches so. the when you laugh like that dude that. that's mockery of my own thoughts and I. want you to stop that yeah immed medely. yeah okay you almost killed us 4 years.

ago all right and I have not forgotten. about that all right murder dude. attempted murder legit legit yeah so um. uh interesting to me but I never get no. I never get any famous people that come. unfortunately you there's got to be one. time where like someone that any how. about Comics famous Comics no not really. I never get like the people who are oh. so and so wants to come back to the. green room and say hello it's never. happened to me once really no. unfortunately something's not in with my. comedy no I don't think that's what it.

is no no it is it is no I think you're. you're so aloof you have no idea what. the [ __ ] is going on I'm telling you I'm. telling you something's not connecting I. don't know what it is I don't think I'm. not funny but something the general. public is is looking at me and just. saying no overall no that's oh my God. I'm telling you it's true no try look at. the numbers when we were in Vegas look. at my YouTube when we were in Vegas look. at the numbers that's not the numbers we. were in Vegas right you're the one that. goes hey let's go sit next to Jimmy. Kimmel okay Jim I don't know Jimmy. Kimmel but he didn't he doesn't come to. my shows I know but you know him yeah.

all right what are celebrities you know. then Jimmy. Kimmel uh Chaz Pomer oh you see I don't. know Chaz paler yeah you you've hung out. with him yes Chaz paler I know he's a. huge star yeah big time Legend yeah this. is when I was going through my glasses. face I hate that guy really good I. myself I'm talking about I hate that guy. with the glass who El do you know. um I know uh um uh now what's when when. I ask no not really anybody okay when I.

ask no what is no like for. instance um someone that you've met. before or is it somebody that's in your. life that's the confusing part cuz I've. met a lot of people but for me to say. that I know them is a different thing. right yeah like only people that I know. Chaz pom ter I know youve you've talked. we go to each other's houses like CH P. was almost my little daughter's. Godfather oh what happened he got beat. out yeah who who beat him out had to be. um uh uh well who beat him out initially.

was um Jasmine's Uncle uh Jerry TT Jerry. okay okay that's that's who beat him out. was Chaz it upet about it well no. because what we decided was cuz he's. trans so TT Jerry is actually the. Godfather and the Godmother at the same. double combo we just did it once yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah you can get a double. combo that's good that's it yeah so he's. The Godfather and the Godmother wow. that's but Chaz so so um but Chaz is the. only guy that he he's I know he's old. school he's old school he lives in your. area no he lives about an hour away okay. we see him on the weekends we go pumpkin.

picking with his family oh oh it's a. close thing oh yeah my girl and his wife. are like very close they talk all the. time whoa um is Chaz he's working a lot. still right sure yeah old school work. yeah he's he's old school Hollywood yeah. he's one of the best they just he. doesn't have to like call he doesn't. have a PR person he just walks up to. like a night unusual suspects one of my. favorite movies the the the the bouncers. Chaz Pomer is known by almost every. black person knows Chaz Pomer and they. love him he's their F amongst black. people Chaz commentaries up there with. their favorite white wow he might be.

their favorite white person this show. the blacks because Bronx tail yeah he's. like 20th on the Asians yeah they don't. so he's really low and he would be even. lower if you if we dad you know. Char they're not even close yeah Chaz. parlamentary yeah right he would know. and you're like what are you even. listening I'm listening to you yeah. right he doesn't know he doesn't know. yeah yeah and in my dad couldn't say a. lot of things no you know Samuel Jackson.

Samuel yeah yeah and Samuel yes I know. my people you know but he doesn't know. much he doesn't yeah yeah yeah give me. another what's a harder one uh uh Beno. Del Toro oh forget about it yeah dad you. know Ben. Delo right no not even close he know my. dad would even know like you know I go. name me one Beetle song he doesn't even. know what the [ __ ] you're talking about. he has no idea that's how he's out. he's out of culture like there's nothing.

right have you seen a movie I never see. a movie he doesn't know what and wizard. of O doesn't know what it is yeah you. know I mean if I explain it to you I. don't like there's a wizard a I don't. like a lion I don't like a tin tin a tin. man I don't care you know what I mean he. doesn't know so what would he watch them. what did he like that's the thing. [ __ ] nothing in fact when he two. weeks before he died all right this is a. sad story. I think I've said this story before but.

but I never but it's a different. experience with me you never go down the. same river twice what so I'm saying even. if you sail story again it's a different. day different audience different you. never go you never step in the same. river twice but people do no but but. it's flowing water so you never so it's. technically different if there's a river. by your house You' probably been in a. class no no you step in you know where I. learned that from ancient Jan prb oh. really oh yeah well then they were dumb. yeah CU it makes no sense but anyway. um maybe not too I want to make I. sometimes I exaggerate so I want to be. be honest I want to be completely honest.

be honest be accurate a year before my. dad died okay I would have to say my. brother and I were in his house in. Phoenix Chandler. Arizona and he was um resorted he's in a. wheelchair now you can't walk okay cuz. he got hit by a truck right or something. didn't isn't that didn't stroke or. didn't your grandmother get run over by. a tank yeah yeah yeah no my aunt did. yeah yeah. yeah yeah. that's what you remember yeah sometimes.

I think about it like in the shower yeah. yeah yeah yeah my my aunt got Ru over by. a tank yeah yeah it's what a weird thing. to memorize wow that's what I'll tell. people fun facts about it yeah yeah yeah. I mean the most traumatic in my family's. history you know but um a year before my. dad died um we my brother and I were at. home and um we were talking about music. and he go I don't like music right I. we're asking him question about music he. doesn't know anything about it right I. go have you ever heard a song and he.

goes well sometime I go out you know I. see I hear the I hear the uh you know in. the you know outside you know me in the. mo when I'm in Mo you know what I mean. cuz one of his stores is in a mall he. doesn't know what it is like he doesn't. listen to it right to him it's just like. birds chirping right you know what I. mean or like planes crashing you know. what I mean there's no difference so. what would he do for entertainment so I. my brother and go goes we want you to. listen to this I put my little you know. what I mean um airpods in his ear we.

played him it's the most like. universally you know and it was uh Tears. in Heaven by Eric. Clapton right and he's listening to it. and then tears starts coming down his. face and he goes that's. [Music]. beautiful it was unbelievable there it. is 80 years never heard a song before. right it's like we're like running into. a primal tribe in some Island right yeah. you he has access to everything but he.

doesn't you know what I mean he's that's. basically who he is did you tell him. what it was about I said yeah um Eric. clap get cocaine and kill this. kid that's not what happened no do you. know actually what happened I know what. happened tell them what happened so. there was some sort of party or. something at his house mhm this is. already wrong yeah there were people. there though this is wrong go ahead I. literally Googled it the other day okay. right I'm going to okay go and then he. fell off out of a window okay so the. window parts right there yeah so no what.

happened was let me I wait first but let. me tell you the story first so you could. fact you again okay so what happened was. is he he had left his baby you know the. with their Nanny and the they let the. kid like used to run up up and down the. hallway like in his apartment building. in New York and they lived on whatever. the 14th or 15th floor and the. maintenance worker had left the window. at the end of the hallway open which was. like a Florida ceiling window cuz they. were like cleaning it and the kid. thought he was running he had always ran. to that window and touched it and ran.

back and he just ran through the window. wow that's insane yeah that's that's. what it says online yes yeah I was wrong. yeah that's what what I I don't think I. would I don't think I'd ever come back. from that no he would you uh no I think. and then but I think he did come back I. think he then just no yeah he wrote. tears of heaven I'm saying me I think I. think yeah yeah yeah he did proactive. things I'm just saying if it happened to. me I think that it would what special. you would win best special I I would.

come with a great Special M I don't know. man I I think you would it would take me. years to even get back to any form of. normaly but what what would it take like. if I killed one of your cats like right. like how would what would be similar. that to you like who would I have to. kill for you to feel that to kind of. motivate you to to write the special of. your life who would have to die right in. front of you wow what a question thank. you it would have to be a fourman death. a fourman yeah yeah okay for me to.

motivate me to make the best special in. the world like what the producers in. here and Andrew everybody would have the. whole bad no no no no it would have to. be my brother okay my mother okay Andrew. okay and Kila all four of them had di. simultaneous at the same time for me to. go to feel completely lost right of like. oh I'm going to kill myself or I would. definitely not stay sober no it be too. traumatic for me right and I would.

probably um disappear for a very long. time I I have to go through a bender so. I already thought about it so I would. liquefy I would liquefy I would sell my. house cuz he secretly hopes it happens. no I don't secretly hope that happen I. do the same thing I hope I don't. secretly hope it happens I hope everyone. I just have I just have like an out I. know but it's a fantasy so I would sell. my mom's house right maybe not sell mine. I would like like try to like I have. some other real estate I would probably. sell okay I would get as much cash as I.

can right and I would probably get um. I've never tried fentanyl okay so I. would just get like high-grade fentanyl. right um I would get um all the liquor. in the world mhm weed just the whole. thing shrooms acid everything right and. I would probably go into like a place. like but Montana cuz I was just there. and so when I was walking around but. Montel I was going oh that's where I die. right in my mind you I mean like I found. spots like there's M like abandoned.

mines yeah so I'll just be in an. abandoned mine I mean with my overalls. no shirt underneath it no right and and. I know already that your nipples you. have strands of hair that come out of. your nipples exactly dude and I would. not shave them no they would be like out. right just swirling around in the wind. right I would have a bandana on My Head. Right I'd put one of those football kind. of black you know what I mean yeah well. you know how Batman did like you mean. yeah night cuz he has to put the mask on. so he wants this area to be he wants.

this area to be dark right so I had no. mask I just have that with the bandana. right that would look really wicked. awesome right and I would just party. till I gave out I think so you wouldn't. so you saying you wouldn't ride a. special but then if I survive. that no but then but no I'm just telling. you what I would go through right okay. and then it would be like I think I. wonder who would try to find me a. raccoon uh yeah I think no wait wait.

wait wait wait what I'm saying is when I. I just said who in my life would try to. find me and you're [ __ ] saying a. raccoon. would yeah I think Andre would I think. Andre would be the one who would try to. find you because he would see if you. were still alive so you could do the ad. reads oh right right yeah he would say. that they need well this would be over. if Andrew died right this would be over. tigerly would be over no I don't know if. it' necessarily be over I could I could. slide in for half the price. yeah yeah we would just yeah I could. kind of do it I don't think I don't.

think I would be able to I'd relocate no. issue I don't think I would be able to. do it I think we we we you'd pick up the. pieces but anyway um so if your three. children and your wife all died mhm. right my go is that too much whatever. we're in. it we're in it we're in it right yeah. yeah you I mean and you're like you know. I mean they them Uncle yes yeah yeah. came in which is all this is all no he's. out he's dead too okay he's but he dies. from other things I'll tell you that. right now yeah yeah yeah yeah you know. what I'm talking about 100% Philadelphia. style but anyway um yep oh.

yeah yeah yes yeah yeah Legions you know. what I'm saying 100% absolutely and so. um what would you. do so I'm I'm the I'm the cop you're on. the road okay hello Mr. Stefano hi Hi how are you officer excuse. me how you am I talking to Christopher. stano that's me yeah how you doing are. you you're an officer I'm my is Sheriff. Wilson hey Sheriff Wilson how are you. yeah Ozark County oh I like I like it.

here yeah yeah yes you look I didn't. realize that uh they were that you were. a sheriff in Ozark I didn't think they. they did that here I'm F calling you oh. okay this is not a FaceTime Oh I thought. that you were physically no no no no oh. if I physically saw you yeah and I was. oh you want me to physically see you. well I just thought because like I was. like it would be weird if you're the. sheriff of ozar County and you're a. small Korean. [Laughter]. man but you would say that even if that. was the case yeah I think I would cuz I. get I I I have a nice rapport with the.

police yeah like why are you being. racist well I would just I think it. would just be my attempt because I'd be. very nervous to be my attempt well then. my explanation would be during the Civil. War you know then some Chinese moved. here right to the Ozarks right 99.9% of. the people moved out but my family ones. stay we owned a Chinese restaurant right. I mean over you know hundreds of years. right and you know my family I decided. to break away from the Chinese food. industry and become a sheriff what's the. problem I decide to break away from the. Chinese and become there actually yeah.

see that that that looks like that's not. full Asian though that's half white no. that's full as that's Joan no that's not. Joan dude that's Joan no he the reason. why he he he has to look like that right. because if he doesn't look like that and. he looks like me he's dead right he has. to like assimilate as much as he a. little bit yeah he had to push his eyes. up at night he's just like with his. fingers like this trying to stretch him. out you know what I mean you mean you. know remember in um uh that movie um.

Clockwork Clockwork Orange the little. mechanism yes the metal you know little. mechanism that's what he does that's. what he does anyway um so anyway hi hi. so um like I said I'm Sergeant um. sheriff sheriff Wilson Wilson that's. right Ozarks yeah yeah um I'm sorry to. form you that but your wife and your. children died in a. fire PDS de no one wants to think about. Deb but cold hard truth is many of us. will get deeper in debt during the. holidays okay last year half of American.

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started comedy and I moved out here I. was absolutely in depth uh something. like PDS debt would have helped me out. back then wasn't available unfortunately. 20 some odd years ago uh but we've all. been in debt uh a lot of us have to make. different sacrifices to get out of debt. and it's a bummer so start planning. today get a free debt analysis right now. at PDS debt.com badri it only takes 30. seconds that's PDS debt.com badf friends. PDS. /bf yeah yeah damn.

yeah D what that's it where no where. what damn where your house sir. oh I would say uh and you're and you're. they them all died no he died outside of. the house from something else right it's. okay he was there was bubbling so what I. would do a bub a bubbling bubbles on his. skin you know it looked sexual you know. what I mean yeah it it was it's just.

sexual Vibes we've never even seen. before but he was just like help me. right and we just shot him between the. forehead you know what I mean because. there's nothing that's well because the. CDC had to get involved right yeah you. know I mean and it's we don't know you. know but it looked like some and we're. not sure yeah sexual a sexual disease. AKA like Ebola right right and his dick. was missing it was terrible and we have. to we have to be careful we have to be. careful because he did die within he did. die in the property of Korean person's. backyard and they could eat him they. would eat him interesting how you switch.

that before if it's in your backyard. they eat it well it is true your. neighbors are Korean and half his body. was on the Koreans lawn so um luckily. the Korean family did not eat him right. but if but the but the rule is in Korean. law you die on my property you are you. know what sir it's very unusual to tell. somebody that their three kids and their. wife died and is more obsessed with the. uncle of where his position of his body. is yes cuz my thought cuz what I would. immediately think about is like it's can. you're a cannibal but are you using.

Chopsticks te the I know but that's I'm. telling you that your wife and your. three children children that would that. would not even be okay so honestly what. I would do I'd be I I would take a. minute what I would probably do honestly. is I would probably do is cuz I wouldn't. be able to live you know more than an. hour without them so I would be like I'm. not going to live anymore but what I. would honestly do if I'm being. completely honest with youon I would. take it in obviously be horrified upset. I would say I'm killing myself tonight. but before I do that I do want to at. least have sex one more time and I would. get a pro itute in Oar I would honestly. get a prostitute and then I'd get a gun.

or any me and then and I take my own. life but I would have sex with a random. prostitute one time no condom okay okay. okay that's what you would do yeah and. I'd pay her you know whatever all most. people would would have just called. other PE family members and and express. their grief yeah well there's nothing. really my family's going to help me you. know my nothing's going to help me do. you know that your friends could help. you through that yeah you don't think so. no no no no no how could they what what. what is what could they possibly tell me. that would make me better. well I mean c can we just take it one. day at a time first I would say I I know.

Chris this is how you feel right now and. I can't imagine what you're going. through right but can you do it. tomorrow have sex with the prostitute no. no yeah and you know I mean no I would. say I would say that's the this is also. my last night on Earth but I'm going to. go out and have sex with multiple. prostitutes okay okay well well now. there's two maybe well honestly if you. want to just be honest with you just. because I know that I'm dying that day I. would maybe get one male one female and. just just to feel it cuz even though I.

make a lot of gay jokes I've never done. anything gay like that well that's. interesting then would you have sex with. me then yes do we would but you know. what through the love that you you and I. make it might want to make you live. that's true because you know what is I. make you giggle yeah because you know. what it is you look like you have even. though I know you know you have a clean. body like I bet you having sex with you. is like the you like the inside of your. body looks like a. doll that's oh my God one of the nicest. things everone yeah you have clean you. have a clean ass clean that's the truth.

yeah it is amen and no hair no hair on. your body very little PJ no ass hair. yeah yeah that's a morbid thing to even. think of I'm so sorry that we I don't. even know how why we went down that path. well the thing is with you when I'm with. you I'm just going to kind of go where. you leave me yeah but I'm trying but I I. felt like you left me there I felt like. you left me there no this is did I lead. him there or did he what Eric clap oh we. went from music that's the thing with. you yeah you it you know we talk about. one thing right and goes into that I. don't know why I guess I did lead you. down there what I like to do we go back.

to ER I like to do the reverse rate yeah. you lead the trail of tear and I follow. thing yeah W yeah is that a Vietnam. reference no Native America Native. America that's right yeah yeah which is. I'm I am not no but I mean you know yeah. yeah it's whatever no no it's not just. whatever it's not just whatever they it. was a tragic time it was yeah can you. explain to me what happened at the. Crusades because I don't know anything. whenever like I talk to no honestly. whenever I talk to people. about religion and they go why don't you. believe in God go why always say all the.

Crusades just as a blank blanket. statement right and then they go oh yeah. that's right you know what I mean I kind. of move on but I don't really know what. I'm talking about it's the the religious. War the Christians versus the Muslims oh. is that what happened that was it big. time they fought a lot over ancient. turkey the the you know Christianity. thought that their religion was the best. turkey uh Muslims thought theirs was you. know what the interesting thing is about. who won the Crusades uh nobody re really. knows I mean I would say really kind of. the Christians but that's cuz but I have.

Christian tattoos all over my body I'm. actually fighting in the modern day. Crusade wow okay yeah yeah and we're. we're going up against the Church of. Latter Day Saints tomorrow that's our. match oh hope be wi thank you U but the. you know what was interesting is I read. a book about it and they said that you. would think that the Muslims right. because you hear like these things like. oh it's a very racist thing right now to. be like oh you'll hear like oh Muslim. dirty whatever that's all that's all. such a [ __ ] [ __ ] it's a racist.

thing all the Muslims I know are clean. no no because because it's because it's. Reverse Racism because because what. would happen is is actually the Muslims. were so well uh was so educated so. hygienic they had science hundreds of. years before the Christians where the. Christians Christians came in kind of. gangly disgusting they the Muslim people. said they could smell the Christian Army. coming from miles away they were dirty. filthy heathens where Muslims were high. Science Education astronomy astronomy. all that Dancing with the Stars yeah.

yeah yeah they did it everything wow. yeah they had it all yeah podcast yeah. what did the Muslims invent back then. that we still use today without the. Muslims what would we not have algebra. hug the Arabic numeral the numeral or. numbers Arabic numbers oh okay let's go. let's just zoom in ypal Muslims inv. coffee bro look at this every time. thank you Allah every time I take a sip. I say praise be to Allah yeah there's.

another one algebra is huge hospitals. bro. toothbrush dude really had disgusting. teeth they yeah because look at the. English deodorant smelling. spices you know what most of the war. Crusades were over salt whoa they wanted. their everybody wanted each clock bro. they invented clocks bro legit D Optics. University I haven't even heard of. windmills yeah yeah yeah. beheading beheadings are on there yeah. yeah that's good um that's interesting. the crank what's oh yeah the crank wow.

what is crank Street I I know a little. statistic I read the other day tell me a. black kid inv invented the door. knob. [Music]. yeah did you know that Google. it that's sus that guy that guy invented. the door [ __ ] knob dude what the hell. were they doing before they were. difficult to open. you know what I mean but he made it you. know and he made no money off of it he.

just wow yeah and people just stole it. from him like oh W I could have thought. of that and just took it from him that's. very interesting but that guy invented. what's his. name uh Osborne dorsy osbin dorsy. [ __ ] doorknob yeah the dorsy knob. they should call it yeah the dorsy knob. thank you because I used doorknob still. to this day yeah it was every cuz every. door was like a saloon door then back. then you just have to push it open all. right I guess and was able to find the. little mechanics and little in of that. that's incredible yes yes Osborne dorsy.

African-American man who invented the. door knb and the door stop in December. of 187 door stop seems like somebody. would figure that out you and he was. born a slave I mean right he became. freed he became a freed freed person. wait wait he invented it while he was. enslaved he was born into slavery and. then he says he became a freed slave so. I don't oh and after he was able to yes. imagine all the things they could have. invented if they weren't slaves I know. think about that right like you know. creams or whatever you exactly no I.

agree I think about that is that racist. sure you can say it though you're Asian. you can't really yeah doesn't matter I. don't know that Asians even though. Asians are the most racist. pound-for-pound people we whites get the. worst but Asians are I mean it's. horrifying how racist you I've heard. that been said and I that's really. there's no evidence to back that up I. mean that what I mean the Chinese you. know they came in and they uh Japanese. came in and they were bayonetting. Chinese baby. and killing they all hate each other. they think the Koreans are you know well.

Koreans are the top China's the top one. then then Japan then Korea then Vietnam. then LA right I mean I I don't know why. there's a ranking but um if I were if I. if I were the rank it I I have I have my. own rank well if you want to hear the. come to our meetings oh your white. meetings okay well then explain to me. what why based on the rankings China is. the number one why biggest most populist. you're just basing it on geography right. the size of mass no and people and and. that's I mean yeah and how much real.

estate they own okay but it's still. based on the land MH right I want to get. get into like you know I mean what. they've invented and and you know well. China invented everything what China was. the one that they all gunpowder yes. gunpowder spaghetti spaghetti yeah. really spaghetti yeah Chinese yeah um. the finger. trap yeah yeah finger trap's a good one. that's a really good one yeah what uh. you said uh I um uh Warfare on horses.

right Chinese yeah um they also invented. um what's the. thing Chariot no plow. no I forgot what was go but well how. about I'll act it out how many. people yeah Rick Shaw Rick Shaw that's. it is yeah thank you so much oh they. invented alcohol. that's a huge one that's a big one dude.

that's like one of the number one one. things yeah yeah noodles silk that's. incredible they said ah wait a second. Chinese invented toothbrushes too I. thought yeah yeah yeah let's get down. yeah what is going on what's going on. there come on it's claiming at there. that's what oh we. made how do you know look at my teeth. whatever I don't know I why would they. they're so clean yeah yeah yeah all. right so let's go to Koreans what did. Koreans invent probably not much let's. do Koreans um let's see what do they. invent um uh let's see what do Koreans.

possibly invent KP all right uh. infection control robot what now we're. we're getting into the future they're. like well [ __ ] the past you know mean we. need you know everybody have infection. yeah yeah mean we need a robot to do. that yeah bra bra translation that's. nice that's helpful that's huge yeah. software that predicts Cardiac Arrest. dude you know how sometimes you're. watching a movie and you go God I wish. this wrapped.

around I wish it wrapped around my whole. body they invented the rapper on movie. dude smart classes reimagined yeah. yeah they didn't even invent the smart. class we'll reimagine. it it's insane that's his software that. predicts Cardiac Arrest oh that's a good. one oh look at this one inflatable. isolation. Wards really so you know how isolation. WS so on the ground it's so Stern and. mean they put you in an isolation where.

then they push you down the. river that's incredible so we didn't. really invent anything a flexible screen. TV yeah yeah it's one of those things. where we took other inventions and made. it better but that's okay that's that's. what you're good at right that's our. what we were good at here's some of look. 5G smartphone 3D hologram recharging. roads for electric vehicles that's. pretty big because I think that we only. got into the game of that J gonu an. automated self striking water clock.

what we invented that yeah I have four. jeng gang go dude I have four of them at. home yeah yeah wow that's incredible. let's go to now let's go now this is. great let's go to Vietnamese vietnames. CU we're ranking the Asians right so. they yeah yeah what did the Vietnamese. inv that let me let's guess for it Trail. and by the way just know what's going to. happen you know what's going to happen. by the way too is people are going to. say that you're allowing me a white. person to make front of Asian culture. and push pause for a second all right.

let's let's talk about that real quick. okay I want to talk about that right now. okay I make fun of whites so much M and. their culture I really do and and a lot. of my friends make fun of my culture. right but Korean isn't my culture I'm an. American I was born here I have the same. sensibilities as everyone else you know. I don't know I mean I like the food I do. feel like when I'm around my Korean.

friends it does feel a little different. in terms of like shared American. experiences that we Bond into but um I. love you so much I know there is an. rasist bone in your body and we what we. do is it's healing for us it's a. pleasure to do what we do it I think. it's healthy you know what I mean to um. out of love make fun of each other and. this is this is to me. not a bad thing you know I think it's a. positive thing I think this is what doc.

workers did back in the day when like. you had different cultures at a dock. right and they didn't know each other's. languages and they made fun of each. other's mustaches or the way someone. talked and they would all laugh drink a. beer at the pub or whatever and was. their way of bonding and um so I don't. think it's a bad thing I don't think. you've ever said anything racist you. never said anything that's offended me. and there are there are a lot of Asians. that don't like what I do a lot of them. right and they've told. me to my face you know what I mean yeah.

like you're a disgrace or you know what. I mean you I mean you know and it's like. it's like I don't feel that way you. right I do what feels right I I think. that I what I think I'm very funny and I. think you're very funny and um so can we. wa get past that yeah let's make fun of. the Vietnamese let's. go let's. go anyway um okay so what did they do. hand andro D let's go let's go to the. first one okay the ATM dude are you sure.

they said they said dude duck kuang a. Vietnamese inventor co-invented the at. oh co-invented co-invented who who's the. other guy white guy Jew je. yeah a guy looks like Carlos yeah yeah. yeah the second is the conical hat also. known as the non law this head is. believed to have originated in Vietnam. over 3,000 years ago what is that aliens. know yeah yeah yeah like a cone head hat. no it's one of those flat hats with the.

little oh that's okay oh that hat yeah. they invented that hat they invented. that yeah wow Raiden from Street oh. there it is that they invent that's. incredible that's a pretty cool hat that. is pretty awesome yeah yeah and it's a. good idea it keeps you you know the Sun. out of your face it just looks weird it. does look kind of crazy yeah yeah yeah. but it you could make it cool yeah. anyway the locker wear yes a natural a. natural product that has been made in. Vietnam for Centuries with pieces dating. back to fourth and fifth century Okay.

Okay Hand embroidery I. mean yeah what yeah I know they never. really done this is why they're kind of. not at the top of the list rasion they. don't have anything not reag the bov. antivirus is pretty good that's pretty. big how many times have you had Bak fob. I have had and you're like God damn I'm. going to die and then they had the. antivirus yeah that's pretty good that's. good yeah what I think what's some other. things that by Vietnamese people include. Vietnamese calligraphy yeah but that's. just it seems like seems like it's no. one else uses it yeah they no one in.

Cambodia is going I'm doing Vietnamese. calligraphy you know they're doing their. own craphy yeah yeah so it yeah it. doesn't uh uh Fong shading I don't know. what the [ __ ] that is yeah yeah this is. why they're they're not they're they're. kind of all right so let's put them. right now based on what we see put them. at five at five but then we never did. Japanese I'm sure it's a lot Japan is. two China's one so let's go to Japan. Japan was too and Korea well based on. Korea though I think we're like fourth. no I well let's see what Japan invest. Japan zoom in zoom in Japan's a big deal. the electronic rice cooker that's big.

you use that every day Godzilla that's. huge that's yes Godzilla CDs laptops oh. my God batteries ey drop funnels novels. selfie sticks robotics I mean Japanese. are big dude huge Emoji the QR code. really is it the on your oh yeah instant. noodles calculators oh my god dude based. on this they're number one dude they are. you think yeah based on this they're. number one that's a lot happy faces. happy faces Hello Kitty yeah yeah that's. a lot D they they uh Glory hes glory.

holes is Japanese yeah yeah bullet. trains wow big Walkman VHS yeah the. novel it's insane it's insane you would. think the English I think you know but. it's them and they're great because. they're such a small island nation for. to to they're they're very uh they were. my grandfather said very difficult to. kill he would shoot them hundreds of. they would never die he said in the war. just keep shooting them shooting him and. they run around he said he they'd go. over there hit him with they'd hit him. with paddles well I think what you're.

basically saying is they just bad shots. right right you shooting shooting but. they don't they're just so quick like. couldn't do it yeah miss me miss me yeah. okay yeah so they were kind of and. they're very and they and they're. Fearless yeah what kind of white are you. uh mostly German and then uh let's see. German German probably let me let me. guess the watch the inventions are going. to get bad yes the oven it's going to. get bad oh you oh you going to Crush the. game yeah yeah going to Crush the game. Germans are going to get I see if you. crush the game we used all these things. in not not great ways drill yeah.

bicycles um we invented bicycle dud you. invented Fanta yes that's on there yeah. Fanta wow orange soda diesel engine yeah. bicycles is huge huge huge dude airbags. yeah gummy bears to me is huge that's. big automobile come on look at that wait. I thought Henry Ford did that maybe he. just did the assembly line. well who invented the car I guess the. Germans maybe.

mercedesbenz no who really really you're. who invented the car yeah I want to know. that we got to get the fact we invented. the Christmas tree as well by the way. Benz Carl Benz so that's he invented the. car that's German that's German that's. Mercedes ben that's insane Carl Benz wow. mhm that's insane well good job. Christmas tree is Big what Christmas. tree is a big one yeah. Christmas dude yeah I don't know though. German's big I don't know if you can. claim that it says it right there yeah I. know so you're the first people to put. stuff on a tree yeah okay yeah what what.

it is definitely German. holiday is Santa German yeah it's all. look it it says in in originated in. Germany in the 16th. century let me see yeah. wow I can't believe you're not coming. from my show. tonight yeah I just have to do this. thing I think you know what you know I. I'll tell you why okay I'll tell you why. let's get get off this I'll tell you why. it's because throughout my whole life. I've been known not to go to think these.

events mhm yeah I'm not good at the. socializations the social aspects of of. Show Business I've never been good at it. I've been called aloof I've been called. like he seemed weird you know what I. mean I'm being real I mean that's those. the things that people say we're a shock. yeah people go I don't invite him. because it's it's weird you know what I. mean why he just just sits in a corner I. don't really talk to much it's so I try. too hard sometimes cuz I I got to be. cool right so it's just like I'm not.

like I'll interject into a conversation. I shouldn't interject right you know um. I'll give you an example um last week. we're in. Vegas and um I got after my show with. Bert I got invited to Maroon 5 great and. you know we saw Maroon 5 and then. backstage um Adam wanted to say hi so I. brought my friend John Park. dumbfounded and and talk about. embarrassing this guy tried so hard like.

like Adam brought up Korea and then John. just stepped in well yeah Korea I'm I'm. I'm Legit in Korea he says right and. eventually I had to go Adam I'm sorry. he's trying too hard and I backed him. out I wow right I go shut the [ __ ] up. dude you're embarrassing you said that. to him yeah and then later he got mad. like you embarrassed me I no you. embarrassed yourself okay but I. understand how JN was because that's. what I'm like sometimes. are you good at parties uh what is he. famous for in Korea nothing that's what.

no he was like I know all the like legit. restaurants and yeah why would Maroon 5. care about that exactly yeah Bingo dude. yeah they're like I don't care what the. hot restaurant is in pongy Yang yeah. yeah yeah we don't care either yeah yeah. either anyone yeah right but um and I. said um he likes you John just back up. yeah you're trying too hard and then. Adam laughed at that right and he. thought I was ridiculing. right right but anyway um but the truth. be known is I was a little nervous. because of being around him just being.

around that whole situation because you. know you watch that show it's like high. the highest level of production yeah. it's incredible the sound did they the. choreography okay it's fine hold it's. it's. fine yeah it's fine um that's what. Germans invented the fart they did yes. yeah yeah I'm not good at parties no I I. try to like today I have a show and then. after there's people coming to the show. you know it's La the agents and I just. I'm I I want to run out the back door.

right after the show uh WME W me okay. yeah yeah so I I I want to run because I. don't like the social interaction. because I can go on stage and do this. all day for hours but when it's the. small talk I don't know how to do it I. don't want to do it I get very very very. uncomfortable yeah me too I'm not good. at it right and um yeah it's it's. unnatural almost you were really going. to town yesterday on that jalapeno. cornbread and brisket in the mac and. cheese you really why would you why. would you you really just no because he.

had stomach problems all night I heard. him going to the bathroom all night were. you did you. really can I be honest with you I didn't. so I ate a couple of pieces and my. stomach has a instinctual alert system. right K invented that yeah I know we did. yeah and it's sort of like a um queef. out of your butt you mean it's not a. fart you know what I mean but it's a. que yeah yeah and my butt did that and I. stopped eating it smart it's my system. going there's something wrong and you. didn't eat again for the rest of the. night no I did oh I had pasta right so.

you just had carbonera pasta you ignored. the system I did and I had a difficult. night sometimes you ignore the. system but but when you when you um when. you did you keep eating did does your. body have an alert system sometimes it. didn't it didn't with that okay yeah I. had heart I woke up you had heartburn. okay yeah and then we ate and then we. ate big Italian meal uh just before we. came here and then I fell asleep on. Don's couch oh that's interesting so let. me ask you about your experiences in La.

do you like you don't like it La yeah I. don't have a problem with LA at all but. I am I am uh absolutely if if you said. Hey Chris your career will get twice as. big you just have to go to La more or. you just have to move to LA I would say. I'd rather just stay where I'm at and. just be in New York because I don't hate. La it's just my whole family and life. and and me feeling at peace is all in. New York and I like staying in the. original colonies okay okay that's what. it is that's enough said and I and the. well put yeah yeah I agree I don't like.

it like for me if you could tell me I. will have a career from uh from you know. uh uh Vermont to Georgia the original 13. I would I would like to do that I don't. like to go too far west this is way too. far this is to me this is the Spanish. this is not our country our country what. our founding fathers believe was the 13. colonies and then Thomas Jefferson. bought the lisiana purchas he bought too. much land that's not what we wanted. that's not what was agreed upon so I. like staying in the original 13 if we. would have stayed with the 13 colonies. what would have happened with the rest. of the country you think the well it.

would have been like no man's land no it. would have stayed with Spain and France. and do you know Thomas Jefferson the. actual president of the United States at. this time when he bought the Louisiana. Purchase when they sent Lewis and Clark. out into that big blue West Thomas. Jefferson this is this is why culture is. and Society is wild Thomas Jefferson who. was the president the sitting president. a very smart inventor type guy he. believed and they they were not sure if. they were going to encounter dinosaurs. or not really I swear to God in like. Ohio and all that they knew they were. going to encounter hostile Native.

Americans but they they also thought. there could be a Tyrannosaurus Rex out. there wow because they didn't have any. information oh right they were scared. you're right of course but so so that. that's what they thought that that they. thought they were dinosaurs and but see. the original 13 so from so from uh. actually not even Vermont wasn't uh. wasn't original so from New Hampshire up. to Georgia that's why that that's my. zone right there that's where I like to. sell tickets that's where I like to stay. my family has fun there we feel close. but don't like the way it's a little bit. more space in La no you don't like that. space gives me anxiety space when you.

give me space you give me places for. people to hide ah and I don't like that. there are places to hide in New York no. no but I know them all oh you know the. little cubby hoes I know them all oh I. see yes and I and I think that and I. think that for me out here um things get. a little weird out here you get a lot of. serial killers out here you get a lot of. people just alone with their thoughts. out here things can move too slow. there's a lot of isolation where over. here we're on top of each other and then. in the moments can be frustrating but. that that that makes us feel more. connected as humans and I I like it more.

in I like it more in the original 13. yeah because so do Sam let's talk about. the killer he was from New York yeah so. that's one you got me on no no no but. that's only one really I can't think of. any other ones can you yeah the Boston. Strangler yeah yeah that's he's a pretty. good one but um but the Son of Sam got. caught quickly no or no Son of Sam yeah. so Son of Sam he shot people he shot. people and allegedly Son of Sam they. pinned it on him but he didn't do all. the murders there were it was a cult of. people doing the murders oh that's. interesting tidbits thank you for saying. Supply TT Jerry went was in prison with. Son of Sam and told us that wow but you.

would have to admit though the. midwestern and the northern serial. killers are the worst the worst don't. you think the midwestern and the. northern yeah yeah I don't well the. really the mid the the the like. Milwaukee on Jeffrey. dmer doed movie right now Ted Bundy Ed G. these are all like west west where. expansion is no good Manifest Destiny I. don't like that I want the original 13. that's that's all I think we should go. back if the United States any chance. yeah I say we get rid of everything. besides those original 13 and people. come and move to where to the east coast.

we the water there we have the weather. there what do you think of Cal exit or. Texas exit like I'm I'm for it you're. you're for States getting removed from. the um Union Union thank you so much. Union and just having their independent. own country do it you think so do it. because to me it's it's you know it's. the East Coast down in Georgia oh so. what you're saying to me is that if. Washington. Oregon and California got off we were on. our own country and then you did that.

with the 13 colonies right that they. would be a war I think we'd be allies no. we would be allies yeah yeah yeah we. would be allies yeah yeah yeah because. we would um yeah we would be allies I I. Texas wouldn't be our Ally yeah I don't. want Texas I feel like our army would be. better than your army this the which. which army are you in the Asian army no. no no no I'm I'm in the California. Oregon Washington no no no because. because somebody like Don who's from. Geor. that we have the Deep South in the 13. col they they're the fighters yeah but. we have ms3 that's true yeah but they're.

not but they're not they're not legal we. still have them that's true yeah yeah we. still have them yeah rather regardless. i' make them they'll work for you I'll. make them legal right and that's a. pretty good army MH you we throw out. them first look at that that guy dude. yeah I don't don't want to [ __ ] with. that guy dude yeah has tattoos on his. eyeball those guys are bad they're. pretty bad yeah or good if they're. listening look at that hand gesture I. can't even do that with my fingers I. have author yeah I couldn't do it yeah. but I think I think yeah I think we. should think more as Americans we should.

think more about just going back to what. this was originally tended I don't think. so it's never going to happen no yeah. yeah I think it's fine the way it is I. you know I think that we're like. politically um polarized in this country. like we've never seen but I think at the. end of the day you know we'll be fine. this the thing is like what do you think. this is any worse today than it was in. the French Revolution when they cut the. king and queen's heads off like it's the. same [ __ ] just relax everyone needs to. just [ __ ] relax everyone thinks. they're in the worst tell that to a. World War II veteran that they're living. in the worst time in American history. and they're like what yeah it all.

400,000 soldiers died yeah there's. there's been a lot of points in American. history that was worse sure you know. what I mean I mean the Depression was. terrible the Great Depression the great. one right and that's where jazz came out. that's it that's where jazz came out and. that's where yeah yeah can you name me. 10 Jazz musicians not King Cole not. necessarily Jazz. no uh Edgar Allen Poe. yeah no no uh hold on col train Johnson.

John col train yeah I'll give you that. one okay uh you ready for this one yeah. BB King Blues Med gever but that jazz. Med G yes yeah he didn't play anything. but he died like a ja uh okay here we go. Maya Angelou no let's let move on let's. move no no no no hold on you got nothing. right uh um Ray Charles no. oh dude Ernest Hemingway thanks for. saying Ray Charles I want to talk about.

this this we'll wrap it up with this. Koreans invented Braille thank you yeah. Braille translators oh yes that's right. not even they they reimagine Braille I. saw a documentary on Netflix it's the. graz's night in music I think I don't. know what it was called oh yeah I saw. that we are the world we are the world. and hey did you see it I didn't see it. oh my God it's pretty SI it's incredible. the way I mean imagine getting all those. guys in one night to stay in one Studio.

till 5: in the morning to get put lay. down a track right after they went to. the AMA Awards or whatever yeah. something like that something like that. right and the amount of talent in that. room but without Quincy Jones right and. Michael Jackson right sure dude the. funniest parts is when Michael Jackson. was with Lionel Richie and they're at. like Michael Jackson's house right and. um Lionel Richie is like talking about. something and then all of a sudden he. hears like a hiss oh yeah yeah like.

right what the [ __ ] is that and then. Michael Jackson go oh there he is he's. been missing for so long and there's. this gigantic boa. constrictor right and L rich is all. freaked out you know what I mean just to. think that Michael Jackson his he's just. like not a normal no because you can't. be that talented and be normal it's one. of the other but but you watch this. though and you're like and you're like. yeah there he is when he was missing for. like 2 days I. but um it almost at L Richie but yeah. but um when you think of when you see.

that documentary you go and you see him. singing and stuff you go wow he's so you. can just tell how talented he is oh yeah. big time he um he was leg almost like he. had autism yeah but then there's some. people in there I don't know why they. were in it like like uh give me I don't. want to hurt anyone's feeling um like. why was uh uh Dan akroy in it that's. true yeah he's not a singer yeah yeah. what is he doing there yeah but you saw. him in it huie Lewis well he was a good. singer though yeah hu lewi is a good.

singer big celebrity yeah but like but. the one person they couldn't that almost. said no with Cindy ler she like I don't. know yeah he like [ __ ] [ __ ] Ray. Charles is going [ __ ] yeah you know. what I mean you go Bruce Springsteen. yeah she's yeah I mean these a lot of. these people because this just a little. before my time I don't even know who. they are well yeah you do was Whitney. Houston was she in it yeah okay Mariah. Cary no she wasn't around then me look. at me right now do you know who Kenny. Rogers yes yes I do give me a. song uh no one to hold him no one to.

fold him [ __ ] wow that was really. [ __ ] good yeah yeah yeah give me. another one give me another one Dion. Warwick uh she does the um the that's. her name Diane Warwick or Dion Dion. Warwick does uh does um the tarot card. readings exactly um Bob Dylan you know. he died in the plane crash no you know. Bob Dylan you're being jokey no I swear. to I swear I Bob Dyan is I do know who. Bob Dylan is I've heard the name I I. don't know one of his song Let it Be. what's one of his songs are you being.

[ __ ] real right now I swe I'm not. even you're so dumb right now dude yeah. you're really upsetting the [ __ ] out of. no no no Bob Dylan I'm sure I I know if. if you asked me to pick him out of a. lineup I'm sure I know I think I could. guess which one he was yeah but I think. but I've heard the name Bob Dylan but I. don't know one of his songs Okay okay so. but but you know who he is so you're. I've heard of him but I don't I don't. know his song You Know Stevie Wonder. right Stevie Wonder yeah uh you are the. sunshine of my life yeah yeah yeah yeah. you are the sunshine of my life you are. the sunshine of my life um I just called. say I love you and then LEL ritual. anyway um what do you want to promote.

anything uh Christy comedy.com I got a. bunch of standup dates up there um some. are sold selling well some aren't I had. to cancel my shows in oxgen this weekend. I'm running into absolute uh ticket. problems in certain markets like what. ones um on this one this one we could. pick up the pace in uh Fort Worth Texas. but that might that might be it might. have happened already um I think it's. going to be good New Year Steve in. December uh Phoenix in December I will. be in Phoenix Arizona and stand up live. stand up live and then Eve in uh Miami.

Improv from December 28th to the 31st I. just I like doing my random weekends you. know what I mean but you're still away a. lot because you do the movies yeah I'm. do but I'll do different things you know. what I mean a variety of different. things and then me and Andrew are going. to do Australia and Singapore but you. know Australia's the lowest white. they're I know but that's they're my. favorite and and they're you know how I. know they're lower cuz they're the. they're the girls that really hit on me. a lot they love you on Instagram they. really do like the hottest ones go when.

are you coming baby you know what I mean. I don't know that act but anyway thank. you so thank you for being a bad friend. thank you that was great. [Music]. D. woo woo. [Music].