Barnacle Bobby & Lice Balut w/ Rudy and Her Sister | Ep 202 | Bad Friends

hey ooh look at this sh it's the. competition the competition is on for. only a couple more weeks ladies and. gentlemen you got to go to bad friends. merch.com we're competing to see who can. sell more shirts and the loser the loser. has to do what Robert the loser has to. massage the other guy but naked on. camera yeah yeah and everyone's going to. see it across the universe so this is my. little beautiful I'm Bobby mom shirt and. he's got his beautiful little cartoon. show say something about his though it's. a great shirt it's a catchphrase it's. like glorious right but you can find.

that on. Etsy my point is that but this one right. here this Miyazaki one man it's so. original it's cute you can wear it out. yeah you can wear it out okay but this. one you could wear in so wear this. inside go badf friends merch.com badri. merch.com for this only two more weeks. left of this competition once the year. once the competition is over we don't. sell the shirts anymore that's it and. also this weekend we're in Salt Lake. City uh then Tula Reno Sacramento Long. Beach Windsor Niagara Falls Tucson then. we we finish in Vegas uh April 20th.

April 20th in Vegas we end the tour so. uh that's it for a while we're not going. to tour again until 2025 or something go. to badf friends pod.com for those. tickets badf friends pod.com you two are. bad friends who are these two idiots. white dude and an Asian dude you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad friends hey ladies Isa you've done. this before right yeah she did it one. time I when did she do it huh when did.

she do it I forgot she did last year. last year at the end of last year right. mhm all right let me see if I won the. millionaire jackpot and this was given. to Bobby because Carlos hit Bobby's mom. in the face pretty hard yeah 10 top. prizes of a million doll any of your. numbers match the winning numbers okay. so the winning numbers are 152 28 36 and. 4 now if I win is it just me and you or. do we going to give some to the girls. give some yeah obviously now with that.

attitude yeah after that attitude you. know what um you dictate Deport them. Deport okay good if I don't win you get. deported we're deporting them so if I. don't win even a little bit even like a. dollar you guys are both going back to. the Jungle baby you know where you are. you're in the Philippines baby and. you're going to. die all. right 436 285 and two let's go so no no. no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

no no no no. no no I don't get out get out I don't. want to go V too bad too bad not my. problem dude the lotto dictated all that. 36 man I was too off but twice really. tough to win these things I don't ever. get these things my whole family loves. playing the lottery uhuh and it's the. sad as [ __ ] but the big lottery right. now I just saw in the news what's the. Powerball up to right now 88 million oh.

wow shouldn't we get it I'll buy the. ball you buy the Power Ball I would buy. that gigantic red ball wow that would be. amazing how much is that what's it is. that ball what is it made of the Power. Ball itself. yeah money I feel like there's liquid in. it what's in there it's like boba boba. the power Boba Ball but also just. unicorn [ __ ] is inside there yeah yeah. yeah wow that's where it's been the. whole time is unicorn come good no I. don't think so right not as yeah it's.

probably rainbow color it's too because. unicorns are so physically active right. right it's got to be it's just I feel. like it would taste good like what they. make Starbucks drinks out of that out of. unicorn unicorn the Unicorn I a venty. unicorn unicorn C half sweet yeah well I. didn't know is that like a side menu. special menu if I that's in the. Philippines oh in the Philippines they. have it oh you have unicorn come and Pog. POG po POG POG oh he wants me to go POG. poging where you go you know POG POG is.

sifting through the trash what's POG POG. where you go sifting through the trash. yeah what's POG POG POG POG is two. unicorns [ __ ] no no no that's not. P it does make that sound it does make. that sound you're you're right P but. isn't there a dish in the Philippines. called pog pug pug pug yeah p a p a pug. pug pug Pug's like he sent it to me look. it up it's it's when you go dumpster. diving and you make food out of dumpster. what's it called there look POG POG POG.

POG the I've never I've never had it but. I know how do you say it how do you say. it po the what what the [ __ ] did I well. let me hear you hold on POG po say say. it again POG POG no you say it bug bug. bug bug yeah they're sounding like bug. bug bug okay so what it is look at these. photos you dig through the trash we go. back to the Wikipedia and it because I. think it says there's a a literal. definition of it it's the tagalong term. for leftover food from restaurants. usually from fast food restaurants uh. scavenged from sites and dumpsters and.

then you collect a dinner out of it you. guys have never heard of this before or. I've seen the exact real that I think. you're talking about wow that's just. insane so you've never seen people eat. it no oh cuz I thought that you ate that. and did a shot of unicorn. com it's probably a tradition somewhere. yeah yeah well that's tagalong you guys. speak the other one talo right what is. it no which one do you speak Mah okay. [ __ ] shut up how many are there that. that island is the size of like Los. Angeles there's a lot of dialects how.

big is the Philippines it's not that big. it's not that it's small there's just a. lot of islands there's just so many. people though there's too many not too. many no I think so it's a good amount. home to 120 and 180 between 120 and 187. languages that is [ __ ] absurd too. many in America we have one Spanish oh. yeah Spanish Spanish baby Spanish is. there a better language did Spanish no. it's the most globally spoken language. right is it really I thought English. dominated chines no Chinese chines. Chinese well CH wait it's Mand.

you know whates here since you've been. here you've been very [ __ ] like like. since you've been gone yeah I can't Brea. for the first time they're killing it. you got to let them go so good so um you. have to introduce for the people that. all right so ladies and gentlemen boys. and girls hello welcome to another. episode of tiger belly I mean pop B. friends bad friends I mean because I see. them all the.

don't get so angry but anyway ladies and. let me start over ladies anding binging. Bing ladies and gentlemen boys and girls. welcome another episode of bad friends. the greatest podcast on Earth with the. greatest host Andrew Santino what a. handsome young man leading actor big. star give him a round of applause ladies. and gentlemen thank you so much I love. this podcast anyway we've got two we got. two we got two beautiful we got you know. a regular here she's a part of the. family we've got [ __ ] jwes here but. then her sister from the Philippines is.

here for a couple weeks she you're. leaving tomorrow I am yeah but um it was. really good to see you and so give her a. Issa give her what's your what's your. Instagram tag cuz I know you like. followers cuz you always want me to like. you always want should I tag you on this. or you want to repost it no every time. we take a [ __ ] photo want I know she. wants to be famous so every time we take. a photo you like uh you want to. collaborate or you want to and I'm. always like [ __ ] you so my point is. throw your Instagram out. okay it's is AA but with a double z and.

an R okay Double R you heard it here. first mhm yeah yeah how old are you now. I'm 15 don't show her Instagram to. anybody what are we talking about she's. a kid be think so it was so weird when. like the people like from here found me. they started like bombarding my DMs was. like the weirdest thing gross this is. disgusting this is our family here on. this show you can only uh DM or even. follow her click to follow her her is it. private private uh yeah good and you can.

only even try if you're under 17 mhm. right mhm under 1 she has a boyfriend. now though it does I'm just saying in. general even if like what does that have. anything to do with anything right now I. know you do have a boyfriend I do how. old is he he's 16 I thought for a second. I thought she said 60 and I was like. welcome to. America he's 16 you're 15 he can drive. no no you don't have cars there what oh. you oh like is it like The Flinstones.

their feet. unicorn wait a minute you but he can oh. it's in the Philippines that's right I. forgot there do you get licenses there. at 16 or no no you can only get the yeah. the students permit is at 17 and then 18. is the legal driving age but no one. really drives no there's a there's a lot. I mean you could afford your dad's a. lawyer I like his car I don't want his. car what does he have oh he just has an. Elantra but he like tweaked it so it's. like it's a tricked out.

Elantra yeah Andrew I want to tell you. can I tell you something we are the best. country in the world we are we really a. lawyer drives an Elantra I know tough. times over there a Mitsubishi Elantra is. top tier yeah but they have running. water that's good that is that your. cousin's name running water no but they. they they at one point they didn't have. running water remember no way yeah we no. they did no they didn't no but your dad. has a tricked outut alantra and you love. it yeah is he going to give it to you I.

hope so me too mhm we'll we'll tell we. can ask him yeah let's ask him and then. you have two little two little brothers. yeah they want it too comp oh really. yeah but you're the old you're the. oldest yeah so you get it are they still. crazy or no every time I see them. they're just running around in circles. the youngest is crazy you just want to. like punch him all day you don't like. him how old is he 10 10 okay yeah yeah. he's a child but he's just so but they. grow up faster there no they don't yeah.

they have he has a mustache like [ __ ]. Manny Pacquiao they all have they're. born with mustaches in the Philippines. what were you going to ask me what oh no. I was going to tell you that my mom has. like the biggest crush on. you also why is there a dickpick on your. house what what what's up of what of. like dicks there's like a big dick and. like small small dicks like around it. Polaroids what are you doing you have. dickpics at your house on the wall I lit. whose dicks are they I lit have no whose.

dicks do you have on your wall have no. whose dicks are on your wall at your. house first of all I'll leave here right. now and go your house and see back up. right now D no cuz you don't do this to. you disrespected me first of all and. called this [ __ ] uh B uh uh belly. tiger [ __ ] whatever the [ __ ] that. I'm going to go to your house if there's. other dicks on that wall that aren't. mine we're in a [ __ ] fight it's your. dick dude no it's not I know is it. Orange it's kind of orange it was your. dick oh all right then we're cool anyway. can I explain the dick pick or no please. we're all. waiting so you know the Wednesday.

meeting I go to yeah right so I go to. this Wednesday that's what you guys do. at AA that's not what we do so there's. this guy named I can't say his name. because it's but anyway there's this guy. who's a newcomer and one day he goes hey. let's do a Christmas like elephant. whatever Christmas elephant thing right. a white elephant yeah whatever where. every you you draw a name out of the. [ __ ] thing yeah so I get him for some. reason right and I brought I forgot. about it so I brought cash so I gave I.

gave a friend of my $100 and then this. other guy gives me a beanie inside the. Beanie was that [ __ ] Polaroid of a. dickpick of his dick I don't know whose. dick it is but when I opened it up and I. did it I go oh [ __ ] I don't I said just. put it on the ledge you kept it but why. is there like one big dick and then like. small dicks around it wait wait in one. photo you really are in Hollywood yeah. in one photo yeah did I take it I don't.

know dude this is what Cat Williams was. talking about what you're in Hollywood. dude you're getting dick weird dickpick. Polaroid proposals you are [ __ ]. Hollywood who's more Hollywood now bad. friends fans the guy that has dick piics. on his wall no no so that's is wow dude. you I'm not ashamed you're evil you're. in the I'm not evil I'm not ashamed who. did you who did you have to suck to get. that fox. deal oh we want to give you a. show no no no so anyway why did you put. it on your wall why didn't you on a oh. my God you guys are [ __ ] where is it.

yeah if I was ashamed of it why would I. I put it with a drawer put it right. there why throw it away it's funny. people walking up see gigantic dickpic. it's funny okay I don't know would you. have dickpics in your house guys just. laying around Carlos car thank you car. that's why you're in the program too. right but I mean you know if you're. going to first of all do you want to. clean my house again again and you're. telling everybody the inside secrets of. my house I'm just telling like weird. stuff in your house yeah you have a dick.

on display thank you I'm not ashamed of. it also this right it's so contradictory. to what you just said you're mad about. it but then she's like no it's displayed. you're like right I'm not not. embarrassed I'm not embarrassed I'm. adding up but my point is this okay is. just that next time you see some stuff. like that but I can't keep a secret I. have to tell it see something say. something thank you Rudy okay you got to. teach them right they're doing good yeah. and then why is it when you clean my. house if you want to just if you want to. talk about things then let's talk about. things on the show talk about whatever. you want on the show why is it why is it.

when you clean my house and stuff like. that um I see your phone it's on uhoh. right and you're in a different room. okay you're in a different room cleaning. but who's on the phone oh my boyfriend. yeah yeah and he's just laying there. like this e what yeah so she's cleaning. another room like she you're FaceTiming. and he just lays there but he's not even. she's not in she's. downstairs because we just like she's. downstairs right and I'm I'm getting a. drink you know me in the kitchen and I. look I see her phone and I see this.

gigantic nose oh my God oh my God what. he doesn't have a big nose no he doesn't. have a big no does he have a big nose no. see is that wide no okay it's normal. from where you from but from here dude. yeah it's snuff all up I guessing your. nose all right your nose is not even. normal so don't make fun oh go ahead. call me out what's up with my nose now. what is up with your nose tell me about. my nose why is it not normal let me see.

lift up yeah it's yeah well I don't know. yeah it's pretty really good pretty. normal yeah yeah anyway why do you have. this kid he's your. slave what do you mean it's creepy that. he watches I'm cleaning the house but. I'm not even in the room but you have to. stay on you know I mean on the phone on. FaceTime we just like to stay on call. it's normal for us the fact is he likes. it yeah g it's love maybe no that's not. love that's weird he just there while. she cleans that sounds like some weird.

fetish [ __ ] no because he's watching. something and we're just doing different. things but staying on call you're does. your boyfriend stay on FaceTime with you. when you're doing something real that's. maybe it's just what young people do. it's what they do these wh no FaceTime. my wife are you [ __ ] out of your mind. I live with her yeah FaceTime no you. don't do that you don't do I mean we. FaceTime if I'm like across the country. on the road but your boyfriend lives in. the same city you call them it's. different they young people do FaceTime. [ __ ] okay they love FaceTime anyway how.

many times have you done. FaceTime what do you mean in general you. never do FaceTime I do it every night to. who to who I've been FaceTiming somebody. every night who you been FaceTiming. Cleveland have you been FaceTime you. know what dude what's going on here. today what is going on here today that's. why everybody wore your shirt so they. could call you out for [ __ ] and make you. not feel bad yeah anyway I do FaceTime. and um U are you FaceTiming with someone. that you um enjoy right right now yeah. how long do you stay on FaceTime with.

this person half an hour maybe that's. pretty good do you remember when we were. young and we talk on the phone to to. someone we liked for hours no when we. were like young young oh my God and they. would sit on the phone for hours and. hours and hours you guys don't know. about land lines no in when I was when I. went on the road my first road dat was. in San Antonio and I was seeing this. girl Jennifer field remember the girl. that texted me when I was 23 I ate her. [ __ ] vagina in in her mom's closet. who could forget. yeah who could forget yeah yeah yeah. yeah and I remember going to cuz I was.

opening for menia Carlos menia and we're. at the um that San Antonio Mall LOL not. lol it wasn't even there yet it was in. the mall the other one yeah right and. they had this weird like condo that I. had to stay in and I remember from after. the show maybe it was like I was 1:00 in. the morning I talked to her till like. 8:00 in the morning yeah on a landline. on a landline yeah and and tell I love. you I miss you you know what I mean be. falling asleep and wake up and keep talk. yeah I miss those days me too man never.

going to get that ever again now these. kids just stay on FaceTime where they. clean other people's houses now when a. girl calls I sh them like a u. telemarketer I I got to go I can't wrong. number wrong number I. can't rocket money you guys I have so. many subscriptions too many honestly on. my phone and my all my iPad all my stuff. right and it's like I don't even I'm. losing money as we speak tons of money. what does Rocket money do dude rocket. money is a personal finance app that. finds and cancels your unwanted. subscriptions monitors your spending and.

helps you lower your bills we all want. to lower our bills in the New Year we're. all sick of paying for stuff that we. don't want to pay for anymore you got to. use rocket money they have over 5. million users and they've helped save. their members an average of. $720 a year with over $500 million in. canceled subscriptions you never got to. get on the phone with customer service. um look I've used rocket money to cancel. a bunch of stuff that I didn't need a. bunch of apps and also I signed up for. stuff they have reoccurring charges you. guys know what I'm talking about when. they say first month is this much and. then you forget how much the next 10. months are and it adds up rocket money.

finds it and gets you to stop paying. unnecessary bills that's right they'll. even get you a refund for the last. couple of months wasted money and. negotiate to lower your bills for you up. to 20% all you have to do is take a. picture of your bill and Rocket money. takes care of the rest stop wasting. money on things you don't use guys. cancel your own unwanted sub. subscriptions by going to Rocket. money.com badri that's rocket money.com. bfri rocket money.com badri but Bo I. love meat dog you know I love me I love.

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off your first order 20 bucks off your. first order as well is insane sign up. today at butcherbox.com badri and use. that code bad friends to choose your. free offer and get $20 off but you know. here's the thing about Young Love though. yeah I've been asking around to. people where has it gone young love for. me well you're 52 I I. know that's what I'm not saying Young. Love where's old love no no hold up I'm. just saying the feeling of like you know.

St Andrew's retirement home is right. down the street from me yeah come by. sometime I know what I'm saying is the. feeling of like you're in a pink Cloud. butterflies you get you you don't get. that anymore you don't get it I remember. in my your age it was intense it's. different it was like but you're feeling. it for the first time yeah but it was. just like oh my God this is it this is. you know mean this is going to fulfill. every and it doesn't does it dream no. because it always I you always get. betrayed it lets you down in some way.

you're going to get let down but I want. to but what I'm saying is I'm trying to. find that in my life now but you're. going to get that feeling no I haven't. felt that since I was their age you'll. get a different version what about Kalo. when you first met I did get a with her. for a couple years yeah yeah yeah but. anyway um no but but you're going to. find it in a different way stop rubbing. your. tits what do you mean stop it no I just. stop you're there's a warm feeling of no. can I just do this you're going to get. me hard if you keep I know but I I I I I.

I want to feel it in my chest like love. you're going to get the love it's just. going to feel different you're not that. young anymore you're VI your your your. viewpoint on the world is different so. you're not going to feel the same you. know what you know what it's like for an. addict remember the first time you got. high yeah greatest thing in the world. yeah and then the second time and the. third time and the fourth time you got. high and by the 50th time you got high. it didn't feel like the first time you. got high at all it was kind of a let. down I think that's what it is so you're. looking at it looking for the old high. you need to chase the new high not drugs. you need to chase love in the way of. like this is just who you are now they.

should have a business like a Black. Mirror episode m a place where they wipe. your. memories you Scientology is open 24. hours a day I know but just a place. where I can just restart well when you. die I think you restart you think so. 100% I think when we die we restart into. another soul and body and entity I think. you've died a thousand times you just. don't know it not as Bobby Lee but as. other [ __ ] what you think I was before. this a worm Sam amurai a samurai worm a.

samurai worm a no what if you were a. unicorn oh that's why you love it so. much I don't love it that's why you're. mentioning it now I'd have I'd rather. have minur I'd rather have Minotaur come. you're definitely not Minotaur no you're. Minotaur I'm definitely more minitor. than you are yeah but I'm not Centaur. you're not a centaur oh [ __ ] why not. you're a unicorn worm how about a siren. you're a worm no I'm not a worm you're a. warrior worm is not a mythological. creature a worm sure is worms have been. around for billions of years in the. folklore of of it is now how about it.

can I be a worm like in Dune no yeah I. would be a gigantic worm no you're an. earthworm you're a little tiny baby. Earth no no I want to be one of those in. the in in the desert Dune Dune I want to. be a Dun worm that's you you're an Asian. Asian jumping go dun worm Google dun. worm that's an Asian jumping worm dun. worm Dune worm dude no you're not that's. me that's my butthole no have you seen. my but hole exactly like that right it's. it's got the lines and everything look. at that's me dude you're and that's. [ __ ] right there those two girls you're. an Asian they're going into your butth.

hole yeah yeah yeah yeah okay you're an. Asian jumping worm okay would then what. are you then ask the girls what was I in. my previous life I feel like did Andrew. would be like a horse or yeah a sentor. yeah yeah right there yeah that's me oh. so he gets a good one yeah I get worm no. no no but you've okay okay how about. this girls what was he before he was a. worm maybe maybe you were you were the. one that rode the Andrew that's right I. rode him you rode on back you were like. in my horse.

hairs no it's no dude okay check it out. no it's like those you know on a whale. uh right they have the little fish that. clean their back that's you that's not. me 100% that's you you're the Barnacles. on the whale the bar you're a [ __ ]. Barnacle Barnacle under wh back [ __ ]. you dude that looks exactly like you I. know but does that even have a brain and. feelings do you no okay barle a barnacle. Barnacle Bobby yeah Barnacle Bobby.

Barnacle Bobby riding on a whales back. all right dude enough make you feel. better what was he before he was a worm. because you lived another you lived. other so many so many lives what was you. before he was a worm. girl maybe you were working on 9 of5 yes. you I was. working a regular. guying what he was a blowfish man you. working 9 to5 at a. restaurant take order can I speak to the. manager I'm sorry but the Blowfish has. forgotten so many our drinks came late.

yeah why don't have any. hands what a shitty server shitty or I. was a blowfish you're a blowfish well. let's go to you guys then oh yeah what. were the girls oh [ __ ] how many. varieties of maggots are. there you can't make the call cuz we. already made your call yeah yeah oh. really so once you make the call I can't. make a call make call what kind of. [ __ ] game is this what are you. talking about and yeah call I think. Rudy oh my God I can I can see it now.

her previous life butterfly butterfly no. no not not Rudy was dolphin Rudy was um. mermaid have you ever been to the Great. Wall of China no at the Great Wall of. China there was a little patch uh that. that a little crack in the rocks and and. flowers go grow through. there who who who whoa whoa what Coral. huh flowers there's a group of wild. flowers and the Chinese government has. just let it continue to grow so now it's. a patch of wild flowers I think you were.

a wild flower that's at the Great Wall. of China C that's good he said where. were you before this I can see it in my. head let me let me see it if I oh I see. it I see it I see it oh my God I see it. I see it. now oh no oh no oh no what what what. what what what oh no she was oh my God. she was a little ground squirrel a. little a little tiny ground squirrel and. she popped up oh at a construction site.

in. her head came right off oh [ __ ] my God. it was a tragic death that was oh you. have the ability I can see oh my God let. me see Carlos you oh I can see Carlos oh. my God iOS what is it what was it what. is. it oh oh my God you remember oh my God. you know in in New York in Central Park. they had the horses on the carriages. yeah yeah yeah yeah you know the bag. that catches all the horse poop Carlos. that's Carlos he was a bag of horeshit.

oh [ __ ] he was the bag that collected. all the hor [ __ ] in Central Park yeah. yeah yeah yeah oh my God at the turn of. w dude you're gifted wow well let me see. if I can do fancy we should have a 18. 800 number yeah just call me yeah yeah. call me now for your free history. reading yeah it's m Mr Cheeto Mr Cheeto. yeah okay hold on let me see if I can do. fancy hold on oh yeah yeah oh I know oh. you can can you feel it oh wait wait. wait I just gave it to. I just gave it to you you feel it yeah. yeah yeah oh yeah what is it he's the um.

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I. know what he's a he lice oh I see oh. yeah yeah but but but not on top of. human head no no Noy no no not [ __ ] not. for a [ __ ] not for a [ __ ] either not a. [ __ ] not a [ __ ] no no no no no no it's. a it's a turd it's a turd it's a turd. it's a tur it's a turd creature it's. it's it's Eric. Griffin.

dude I like that I like that Rudy said. you're [ __ ] [ __ ] Li yeah [ __ ] women. don't get lice do they get lice you guys. know about [ __ ] lice is that a real. thing. yeah crabs yeah don't no crabs and lice. are two different different lice is. super common tiny insects that look like. tiny versions of the crabs you see at. the beach they live on the skin and. coarse hairs people get pubic lice W no. way have you guys ever known anybody. that's got that no no but we used to. have so much sice on our hair when you.

were kids really a lot. really picking it out yeah guess what. guess what Andrew and I never had it. never had it you know why shower it's. probably cuz you were elice in your old. life yeah yeah and then you died from. getting picked and you were born as. Bobby Lee oh wow picked on picked I get. it what wait how do you get lice out of. your hair I don't know I don't know roll. around the the dirt that was how you got. get more lice. yeah combing wet hair with a fine tooth.

knit comb remove lice and some knits. there's something called knits yeah we. used to have a lot and like eggs and. like. everything the egg yeah the EG you. crawling and I bet your money I bet your. money you eat those too no yeah right. before it's about to hatch right you eat. it like B like little tiny ballute balls. we don't eat yeah little ball ball you. want some ballute with sprinkle of lice. yeah yeah right so basically so you get. the little eggs too up there mhm M yeah. so lice comes from eggs they lay them.

they're just reincarnating on your head. oh that's interesting they so itchy yeah. yeah I bet a lot did they come from oh. imagine that that's awful oh it's awful. you never had lies no no we never have. Lies We don't ever get stuff like that. if you live in like a swampy area you. can get like uh if you go swimming and. you can get leeches ticks ticks and. leeches from the for from the woods yeah. you can get and ticks give you lime dis. disas you know what that is yeah you. guys have that over there no lime.

disease but they have you have leeches. in the water don't you have leeches show. them a leech you don't have leeches at. all I've never seen one I've never seen. one oh they suck on your skin like that. they suck your blood they're little. vampires maybe Bobby was like that oh my. god oh really now I'm that too you. weren't a vampire you were a leach oh. really interesting she's saying before. before this was another life another. have I ever had a good life you 95 blow. I was a 95 Blowfish as a waiter and then.

you were a leech where where was he a. leech was he working the Philippines oh. you Lee in the Philipp oh the. Philippines he wasn't working he was it. was wait wait wait I was a lazy vampire. leech no you were a homeless leech all. right so I didn't even want to work no. no you were just you guys go ahead you. guys go and suck the blood I'm just. going to sit here on the corner and beg. for [ __ ] you couldn't get any blood. you would beg for blood you'd sit all. the guys would go suck all day they'd. come home and you you got any blood no. one would give you speaking of blood I. was watching of Earth planet Earth yeah.

right and there was an episode where. they have this little this island where. these Birch Birds right Birch bird a. birch Bird yeah and this tiny Island. there's not a lot of food and stuff. right so how do they eat they have these. gigantic seagulls that fly over there. right because they can't make it to the. mainland these little birds and what. they do is they jump on top of their. backs they poke them their back mhm and. they start drinking their blood w that's. kind of smart that is very smart yeah.

and the [ __ ] those gigantic Birds. they don't even know what's going on. walking around like you know they don't. know wow they suck the blood out of. their backs to stay alive yeah vampire. Birch Birds maybe they're like zombies. they are like look at their eyes are. blood red oh so they drink blood see. right there zoom in that photo that's. cool and the Big Bird doesn't care no he. look at him he's like oh he just digs in. they dig end is unbelievable they're. just taking advantage of this other. Bird's blood but they don't ever eat.

anything but blood I think there's. certain times of the year where they. can't get anything so they they they go. oh we'll go blood they just got to eat. blood is that unbelievable though look. at that do you even get full with blood. well I don't want you to try to find out. yeah depends on how much blood you drink. I'm sure you can you can get full off of. blood yeah yeah you never had blood no. oh someone's not in. Hollywood you never been to a restaurant. had baby blood you never had baby blood. you never been to a restaurant where. they offer you blood yeah no. it's you know what's so you know what's. so gross though is that bird uhuh that.

little Blood Bird yeah I bet. you in a species format would outlive it. has outlived humans and will outlive. humans forever and they're sucking blood. yeah Meanwhile we're eating wendes and. [ __ ] Taco Bell but you know what. maybe we should be sucking blood to live. longer here's a concern though what if. the seagull's gay and he's. unprotected yeah he's dangerous blood. flies back that's right infects the. whole [ __ ] up now you bunch. bir.

Birds you. know I saw this morning I was watching. The History Channel I love this stuff I. love the History Channel I love nature. and history me too do you like Ancient. Aliens I love anything that's ancient I. me. too nothing current no modern [ __ ] yeah. you like ancient like ancient old stuff. what's is there old [ __ ] like when you. in the Philippines is there like old. ruins that you can go go visit and stuff. they're not ruins but they are old. there's old [ __ ] mhm like old native. there's like there's no like Mayan.

Temple well the Mayans wouldn't be there. I mean just some Temple that you guys I. don't think temples no you guys never. did buildings back in the day they are. they still don't have buildings now I. know let me go back to the five ruins go. back to the five the ruin that the. magical five ruins of the Philippines. you just were at yeah ruins of famous. ruins in the Philippines here we go here. we go Fortune Island oh the sunken. cemetery is cool though yeah what's. going on there oh yeah there's just that. that's a dope that's cool yeah wait. there's a cemetery that's that got. overtaken by water over the years that.

sound like the Spaniards did this this. is from the Spaniards that's disgusting. I think this was because of a. volcano yeah the Spaniards we call them. volcano so Mount or that could be Aqua. Aquaman's family right there all dead. yeah sunken you guys cut that out that's. not even. funny I just throw things out and I go. why did I just say that sorry you guys. have never been here I've been there you. swam down there no we can't swim cuz. they say it's haunted so shut up it's.

haunted there's so many graves there I. know oh really there the spirits have. you ever seen a ghost in the Water. Swimming doing a. backstroke you probably can't swim so. when there's someone swimming on top. they're going to try to reach on to you. to get back up in the air yeah oh so. we're booies yeah to [ __ ] ghosts they. drink the blood too but what happens if. a ghost catches you what happens in the. water it's not going to kill you it's. gonna drown you yeah oh just like in.

Lord of the. Rings do you remember. no what what are you talking you. remember what are you talking about Lord. of the Rings yeah but when does he cut. when is someone underwat I think in the. third movie there's this swamp area and. Gollum tells Frodo not to look about the. Starry Eyes Shut the [ __ ] up do you. remember I'm not a nerd dude that I've. seen the movie before do you guys know. not know this right and so then froto. [ __ ] up and he stares at a looks into.

the water looks into the water and. there's a kind of a dead glowy eye in. there but doesn't try to get him no but. then he goes into a trance oh right then. he falls into the [ __ ] swamp so they. and then all the [ __ ] ghosts in the. water are C try to grab him and guess. what the fat [ __ ] Sam right Dives in and. gets him he gets him always a fatty to. save the day no it was Gollum actually. it was a fat [ __ ] oh thank God was Samm. and the other guy gay yeah okay what. what no yeah yeah they were no they wer. gay dude it came out years later they. were.

gay they were. mhm I didn't the internet it broke the. internet look it up yeah yeah with Sam. from Lord of the Rings gay is it because. they cried a lot on each other's arms. yeah that's what I thought yeah yeah. yeah well you know sometimes that. happens when you're about to die too the. fantasy science fiction author Maran. Zimmer Bradley wrote that froto and Sam. had the most intense love described in. the book told you yeah but it's not it's. the kind of love me and Andrew have no. no no no no yeah yeah yeah shut the [ __ ]. up hold up back up first of all the love. that you and I have pictures of my [ __ ].

are on your. hallway same thing as salmon froto. that's what I'm saying it's the love we. have yeah gay it's that gay that's I. some most guys would arue check it out. dude we go down to Alabama and talk. about our love no this is gay dude our. love is so that little Chinese and Irish. man are [ __ ] gay dude y'all seen them. CH that Chinese dude that love [ __ ]. redhead and Chinese. dude them dudes is gay dude they flirt. all the time he kissed his nut sack one. time I live stream I did I did but. that's not okay okay what you know I'm.

can let me just explain myself real. quick and I want to be real not even in. a comedy way all right and I really. believe this okay okay I believe that. you and our our love is so intense right. that's on the edge of gay but it hasn't. crossed the line it's so close to gay. it's a Million Miles Away exactly so. what basically what I'm saying is is. that if you and I went on a journey much. like froto and Sam you're saying like a. date no well yeah a date Journey however.

you want to say it right and we're. having meals out in the forest some call. it picnics okay you mean I just call it. second breakfast second breakfast yeah. right B2 yeah and you and I you know. what I mean at nights because it's cold. at night it is right cuz we're trying to. get the Mordor it's far away yeah what. do we do get naked and hug each other. but [ __ ] no we don't we don't butt [ __ ]. we don't butt [ __ ] dude we just get. naked we get naked and hold our body. body warmth and we're so comfortable. with each other right right but [ __ ] no.

we don't but [ __ ] we don't we sleep of. all little spon's the little spoon come. on yeah and also can I just say I'm a. [ __ ] Ladle he's a he's a little like. a little baby spoon also the ring is so. dangerous that we we had wrap it around. Andrew's dick right and my butthole is. the. safe it has it has to turn and lock yeah. but that's not gay we're protecting the. ring that's why no one can pull me out. once I'm in and locked out and we sleep. right golems in the tree watching us.

going look at these [ __ ] gay [ __ ]. right right but we do that right and. then in the morning when we go travel we. unlock and this and I I I do a little. sigh like. a you know I mean and then we go on our. Voyage again right every night we do the. [ __ ] routine lock the we lock we. locked the ring into the. safe right but that's not gay dude. that's just keeping the ring safe. I really commend you guys for keep yeah. but then when we get to the [ __ ] when.

we get to the [ __ ] Mordor When we. arrive we're trying to throw it inh. right we both die yeah we both because. we forgot to unlock we just jump in. together yeah this is how we want to go. yeah yeah. yeah it's 2024 now so let's talk about. something important if you get injured. by a person place or thing you deserve. to get paid life can be crazy sometimes. and one person's negligence can result. in another's settlement if you're in an. accident not calling a lawyer means you.

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last time you were here it was a year or. two ago a year a year God that's wild so. do you usually come every year though or. no um yeah lately once a year Well you. came for her birthday I remember that. yeah once a year is a good are you going. to end up moving here you said you. wanted to last time I want to I I think. she should come for college well you. still got to get through high school. first you never know if she might not. graduate but can we do the same program. I got good grade yeah can we do the same. same thing we did for you same program.

well you came in high school right mhm. and we you left lived at my house you. came your senior year right junior. junior junior and we walked you through. high school why can't we do the same for. her I don't know you she can you want to. do that I guess but she she's going yeah. she doesn't want to so why don't you. finish High School dump your boyfriend. and then you can move to the States but. also we got white boyfriends here what. oh yeah you're. your boyfriend's Brown oh man we got. some we got UPG we got some some good.

well he's not brown actually he's not. brown he's The Wider side of the. philippin I know but wait till you get. here wait till you see how white some of. these guys are it's unbelievable. unbelievable the skin is so dry top. whites top whites yeah. yeah and we also what would we have. blacks too we have everything really we. have everything here everything you ever. we have a more variety so why not let me. ask you something in the the Philippines. if you go to 31 Flavors you know what. that is they don't have that Baskin.

Robins an ice cre oh Bas an ice cream. place right is there only one flavor. there no no we have all the flavors poop. yeah poop yeah yeah yeah welcome. poop yeah we have we have all the. flavors all the flavors we have every. single one you've ever dreamed of and. more she likes her boyfriend don't dump. your boyfriend have fun and then come. but move out here why why don't we do. that yeah yeah nah we had enough with. her what are you you mean well here's. the deal one comes in one's got to go so. you got to go back that's the deal.

that's the fancy came in because someone. left that's the only reason work George. no no no I mean from the Spain he had. you when you come here from Spain you. have to send a Spaniard back to Spain. that's the only way it works it's it's. reciprocation you have to it is we're. full don't you listen to Donald Trump we. have too many yeah we're [ __ ] full. poisoning the blood yeah that's true. you're poisoning the blood of pure. Americans poisoning I'm not doing. anything yeah right your boyfriend right. is an American is he not yeah and if you.

guys had a baby what happens Green Card. poison the blood but the blood's. poisoned no yeah yeah no no it's UPG I'm. not going to have kids I'm going to. abort it okay all right all right all. right okay she really is American yeah. you are American Jesus Christ Jesus. Christ what does that say schools in the. Philippines have a stricter management. they have they have stricter management. than the United States they have a. higher standard of Education than do.

they really well that I'm not surprised. look at this [ __ ] country we're. upside down higher standard of Education. in the Philippines students are taught. well teachers are considered second. parents to the students wow are your. teachers like your parents mhm yeah it's. like best friends like you like you hug. them goodbye and stuff that's insane I. [ __ ] my teacher opposite yeah hated. hated them hated they hated me I [ __ ]. hated them hated them man we were bad. kids oh yeah but really bad what happens. with bad kids in the Philippines. I don't know there's not even a. detention yeah there's all detention. there's no detention there's no.

suspension you just go talk to the the. principal or something yeah but that's. what does he say yeah stop being so bad. yeah yeah stop yeah be better cuz I. remember on the third grade someone. stabbed someone with a pencil right what. is it prison no it's their Sandy. Hook there was a mess steing today with. a number two. yeah and you know how hard those are to. acquire so he stabbed him with the.

number two did he die nothing yeah I. don't know what happened but he was. still there he was still going to school. nothing happened that's a that is a and. that's a talked about thing wait wait a. so a student stabbed a teacher with a. pencil no not a teach a student stab. another student right what if that kid. still had the pencil his neck can't take. it out can't take it out he draws with. it very good what does that say though. you go back it's said there's never ever. been a school shooting in the. Philippines yeah the school shooting. stats are [ __ ] why can't we do this.

they don't have guns that's right. there's no guns in the Philippines the. cops have guns of it's illegal to it's. access no but wait a minute the cops do. have guns though yeah yeah the cops. there's got to be some bad cops doing. bad [ __ ] though cops see the cops are up. to no good yeah there was one shooting. at aeno de Manila oh a ten de Manila. it's at a university yeah it's that is. that high school there no. College wow shooting at a college at the.

is a good school think about this though. English is you know a second language to. them right of course but look how great. she speaks yeah we don't realize that. that's you know her language is her. native tongue and she can she can do. they're smarter than us I think that's. what they pay more attention to [ __ ]. yeah I wouldn't be able to tell the. difference I don't think would you if. she said she was born here they sound. identical yeah okay and she's been here. for much longer longer but you got yeah. but I think she has more of like a. American or something she has better.

English than me cuz I feel like I still. have the accent well she's smarter than. you that's true yeah that's a big piece. of it hey can you guys like talk like a. valley girl oh yeah let's hear you talk. like yeah see she could do it that. sounds exactly exactly from that for the. next couple minutes just talk that way. say say say um say today I want what do. kids do the mall order order a coffee oh. yeah I'm so good at this coffee I did it. on purpose in the Philippines all let me. be this let me be the guy all hello hi.

no let me okay sorry. sorry where are you at the Philippines. she's here we're here I I let's do it. like that cuz that's how I do it in the. Philippines I always purposely do. it that's not the. accent welc what's it what's the local. coffee shop called there yeah we don't. have one there's no local just Starbucks. only Starbucks or coffee bean welcome to. Coffee Bean box you can do bows bow. welcome to Bow can I take your order.

please hi can I get a um can I get a. grande Macha latte please oh my God God. that's so [ __ ] that sounds exactly. like a valley yeah yeah all right Rudy. you try now it's Rudy's turn Okay. welcome to Coffee she's sitting up hi. can I get an iced vanilla latte you. sound like you that's you you [ __ ] you. need the Val yeah yeah yeah yeah you can. go far crazier yeah yeah there we go. get your body into it yeah wait wait. wait. wait Queen yes Queen.

yeah can I get an ice vanilla latte oh. that's pretty good that's pretty good. yeah one with autism but. still yeah that's great this is so that. one's so good so good that really sounds. like if you close your eyes yeah uh say. um oh my God I lost my valet ticket oh. my God I lost my valet ticket that's oh. my god dude we got to get her an agent. When I close my eyes I I literally see. like a white chick I do too yeah that's.

what some of my friends say cuz I do it. with my friend a lot and then it's. become like my accent kind of so wait. who taught you to where did you hear to. do it were you just from. online the internet but then I would. meet new friends on the internet and. they would think I would be a white girl. wow wow what a superpower you could. catfish I can yeah wow she be Queen wow. you should catfish has a white I have. catfished really I got money from it. wait tell us wait wait wait wait stop.

yes the fake oh I have to tell you guys. something okay I have okay so you know. how you stalk people on Instagram right. no we don't don't heard people I st. people you mean you're saying look at. someone's in like an ex-boyfriend or. something like that yeah yeah but you. make another account it's like a Fina. you know what's a Fina a fake one yeah a. fake account I know what it is you st it. uhhuh I have a fake account cuz I saw a.

real and it was like it was something. about like having a Fina right and so I. was like I'm going to make an Indian man. Fina so I have I'm I have an account. where I just act like an Indian man and. then I talked to my mom on it and oh. yeah I tried scamming her for an iPhone. 15 and she replied to me no she did wait. a minute did your your you tried to. pretend that you were a guy interested. in dating your mom no I tried to scam. her cuz I can't I can't say the username.

cuz everyone's going to know yeah don't. say it don't say it wait how did you get. money who gave you money oh no no I. didn't get money from that I got money. from Discord what did you do on Discord. to get money I would I would pretend to. be like a really cute Japanese girl and. they would give me like Nitro and like. one time I got Minecraft but then when I. stopped talking to them he took it away. I was so mad how much money did can can. you get on Discord um I didn't get money. money I got. things that could buy from that you.

could buy with money wow it's crypto. basically crypto yeah yeah yeah that's. amazing now what you dude you need to be. a a full-time scam artist we need yeah. yeah why not but could do you do an. Indian accent or no no I can't okay yeah. but you should really think about being. a full-time scam no one's a criminal. anymore like that a professional. criminal that's not out to like hurt. people physically yeah but a. professional scammer that great that. dude dream big Dre big dream [ __ ] big. think about it there's some old guy.

right now there's some really old guy. right whose wife died years ago he's got. six or seven million doar he doesn't. know what to do you could steal from. that guy yeah yeah he could be dead soon. you could steal from that guy I'd. support. that cuz the money is going to you guys. anyways it's going to my family that's. right that's right so you should support. it right that's very good all right ins. get in here I get get in here now yeah. yeah that's amazing you know what's so. funny though I don't know um uh Carnegie.

you guys don't you know who Carnegie is. no Carnegie was one of America's richest. men right and Carnegie believed that if. you die rich you're a soulless man so he. gave away look at up look up how much. money Carnegie gave away at the end of. his life this. guy gave away most of his fortune at the. end and he believed to influence other. rich people to to be philanthropic it. was kind of the turn of the century he. he was like should give away he. distributed 350 million and had 30. million left which went to corporation's. endowment fund towards other things he.

pacifist had a single goal achieving. World Peace So Carnegie believed if you. die with money you're kind of a sucker. so he tried hard to give away all of his. money imagine being Carnegie's son yeah. [ __ ] dad I got [ __ ]. $10 a bus ticket yeah yeah yeah I'd be. so pissed well this influenced this. influenced um many other rich rich. families richer than him to do the same. thing which was kind of interesting I. watched the whole thing about this it. was [ __ ] insane but he was but. because the the amount of wealth.

acquired by him uh was equal I think. they had said at the time was equal to. like $62 billion that he ended up like. lording over and then realized it was. worthless he couldn't do anything with. it wow he had too much money more money. than anybody we ever have seen today. because what's our richest guy on Earth. today has like upwards of 12 20 billion. something like that Elon Musk Elon Musk. is not in the 200 oh my holy [ __ ]. [ __ ] [ __ ] that's a lot I didn't know it. was in the hundreds of billions that's a. lot he is the only person who also lost.

200 billion and got it back he's also. Bobby's age what wow oh oh you're saying. I'm a failure no he's just saying. failure that's a pretty big gap of. achievement I know I know I know but. think about this is my point what the. [ __ ] is he going to do with $229 billion. give it to us he should he should you. listening here Elon can you imagine I. watched your podcast genas Khan all. these guys sick trillionaires who lived. on Earth and reached the Pinnacle genas. Khan Akbar the Great wow you do that.

though just give out all your money when. like you're dying already you should if. you're dying what the [ __ ] are you going. to do with it you should give it all. away when you're dying yeah if you're. dying you should spend a lot have fun. how do you know when you're going to die. I think if you reach an age when you're. like yeah hey man it's probably soon. still you still don't you're you're like. in hospice right and you're getting all. the treatment you're you know the rich. man treatment mhm right when do you do. it the day the day before well I don't.

think it's like an immediate death no I. just want to know man on your deathbed. you push the button right you go okay. all you can draft up a [ __ ] living. will and then in your living will says. oh I see that's what I would do yeah on. my final but right now I cuz when I'm. alive on Earth I still want all of it. well you don't want all of it no to the. end and then when I'm dead then go bad. boy no not not bad boy cuz you're going. to still you're just like G con that's. right I am [ __ ] it you should give it. away I will when I die once I'm no.

longer conscious and here yeah then I'm. going to I'll have it all worked out. with my lawyers who would be the most. unlikely person that you would give. money to when you die my mom oh my God. there's so many you're going to give. people money that you know like don't. deserve it or you don't like anymore. just be just to like show them up or. something well you know what that's cool. I you know what I would do I would give. people money and just go listen dude I. you're a [ __ ] jackass while I would. here and a complete other [ __ ]. [ __ ] and I [ __ ] every time I hear. your name or saw you I wanted to vomit.

all right but dude here's a million. dollars that's like the best revenge is. that cool yeah that would be a cool way. to say [ __ ] you [ __ ] off have you ever. heard the Adam Sandler story um about. Adam Sandler was at NYU and college and. drama school I might be misquoting but. and I guess one of the professors took. him out for a beer and the professor was. like you don't have it you just don't. I'm sorry but you just like don't have. it like I like I you're such a great guy.

but like you got to find another thing. dude like this is not going to work out. comedy no no yeah well acting and comedy. and everything oh wow wow wow and then. you know Adam was obviously like well. [ __ ] that I'm not going to stop and the. guy was like I'm just telling you I just. don't think this is your going to be. your lifelong career wow right and then. at the height of Adam's career wow when. he's like Tip Top I guess he's in a bar. with a bunch of friends yeah and sees. this this professor as there wow right. and an opportunity to go up to him and. what endless of possibilities what would.

you do well hold on let me finish it. does but this how this is this is what. kind of guy Sandler is I love it I love. it he walks up to the professor with his. friends and says hello to him his. professors says hi and he turns to his. friends and he says you know what this. was the only Professor that bought me a. beer oh and then introduced him to his. friends and that was that I know class. talk about a grade a classy guy Sandler. CL what a [ __ ] cool [ __ ] dude he. could have done so many smart assy. things not rude but like he could have.

been like I guess it worked out you know. mean professor remember that's the thing. Prof remember Adam Sandler no does he. remember saying that to Al if you took a. guy out for a beer for sure you remember. this wasn't in class if he was like. Bobby uh next next time the scene is got. to be no no no he took him out just him. and him for a beer one-on-one to tell. him he doesn't think this should he. should continue he remembers I I I when. and after Adam SEL said that I would. love the professor to double down and be.

like still not working out or it's like. once that Netflix deal is done you're. [ __ ] you're tough or you you won the. lottery you know that oh oh oh you that. right like you still have you're garbage. you still don't have any Talent yeah. right you would double down no no I. don't know what would you say to the. professor I there's got to be people in. your life that the beginning your comedy. career were like you're not you're not. going to make it in comedy or they said. something around I I had one incident. like that what well I just bloop his. name out an agent his name is MHM from I.

know who he is you do yeah so uh Abby. sent me a um a meeting with him and. we're and we're sitting there I'm in his. office and he looks at me at across from. the desk and he goes yeah I just you're. not going to work and I go not going to. get work is what yeah I go what do you. mean he's like you're funny but it's. like. you're just never going to work and I go. oh and he goes I just don't see it wow.

and I go okay and I remember tears. rolling up in my eyes no and I then we. took the elevator down together no me. and Abby oh was say how weird and my. manager was like um it's okay see we'll. find somebody else right and I'm like I. just don't like it's pointless why you. know mhm and then years later I was on. mad and David Salman the owner of mad. goes um hey Bobby come into my office. like Windows off and he goes um I need a. Hispanic guy as an actor on the show.

we've just we had Nelson and Scio but. it's been years ago so I go Johnny. Sanchez yeah he's my friend yeah so he. goes who is that and I kind of educated. him and I called Johnny and I helped. Johnny through the auditioning process. he got the. show but his. agent wow right so now we're at the. first live right and I'm at video. Village and it's Johnny he played Joker. one of his characters and it was front.

of an live studio audience and I'm. sitting at V video Village and because. I'm so nervous for Johnny to because I. want him to hit a home run MH and I I. feel a presence right here and it's it. it's a. smell yeah not a presence it's a smell. yeah right and I look and I go you I. like I see my Peri and I go back to the. monitor I go like I do one of those mhm. and I turn around he locks eyes and he's. smiling and I go hey man and I hugged.

him wow hey congratulations on Johnny. I'm so happy for him that is a class. he's like thanks for but then I regret. that why every single day no I should. have done something different probably. that's a classy move yeah yeah class I. think at the end of the day you. fantasize about all these things but. your your true self comes out yeah in. those situations and you go who gives a. [ __ ] cuz your heart is really good yeah. who gives a [ __ ] but I've had have you. had a moment like that oh dude when I. was a PA when I first moved out here. there was a.

person who was a super powerful. executive and uh I wasn't a big fan he. just was pretty diminutive the way he. spoke I was young anyway but he they. treated us like [ __ ] back in the day. Hollywood they if you were a PA dude. they might as well pissed on you in the. mornings like they [ __ ] you were dog. [ __ ] and when I finally went to quit. because I was quitting to go try to do. comedy really like. full-time and uh I had to say it to one. of these people and somebody else and uh.

I'm being very vague on purpose but but. the guy but I said when after I put in. my two weeks or whatever the [ __ ] he. walked down the hallway because we were. going on the same way and he turned to. me he's like you really think this com. you're going to do this comedy thing huh. oh God and I said I mean I really. believe like I really want to give it a. chot and he was like hm you know most. people don't make it and I was like no. no no I understand that and L but like I. have to try and he goes yeah and he kind. of like stood there for a second and he. looked me in the face and he goes good.

luck but it wasn't good luck as in good. luck there's a way to say good luck this. when I learned the phrasing the. intonation of a word matters he. literally went good luck like you're. [ __ ] it sounded like you're [ __ ]. instead of hey man good luck different. right no this was good luck good luck. like [ __ ] off good yeah and it hurt me a. little bit cuz I was bummed and I was. like. God these [ __ ] they they think. I'm dog [ __ ] and I was out every night. doing shows two shows a night just add.

something real quick real quick yeah. those little things too because we're so. Comics are extra sensitive of course. that we we we we replay those things in. our head oh I see his [ __ ] face yeah. they they just last a long time forever. they're forever eded in your I don't. know my mom's middle name but I remember. that guy's [ __ ] face saying that I I. know and then years later okay uh I was. at an. event and I had gotten on uh I'm dying. up here like I just booked the show and.

it was like in the headlines of like Jim. Carrey produces you know handpicks Jim. handpicked us yeah you know and I was at. an event and he was there working for a. company and I'm blah blah blah blah blah. and uh he he's there next to me and. other people he's in this group setting. and I see him kind of looking over at me. waiting to say something and I and I'm. like and I wonder what this [ __ ]. love talking and talking and talking and. he turns to me and he goes Andrew.

congratulations uh on the show and I. said I'm I'm. sorry wait wait wait no there's no way I. said I'm no there's no way you did that. I'm sorry I'm sorry what I'm sorry what. say your say your name again oh and I go. I'm just kidding I'm just [ __ ] around. oh oh very good it was a nice it was. just to [ __ ] around no but you still had. that little yeah it was a joke you had a. dager dagger and then he and then he.

kind of chuckled at it shook my hand he. said very proud of you like happy before. I said thanks a lot man yeah thank you. so much and then I kind of broke off and. went to get a drink but it felt so good. cuz I wasn't mean I was just joking it. was clear I was kidding but I went to. get a drink and man I got [ __ ] wasted. excited just drinking at a party it's. like look at me [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah it. felt it just felt like do you think he. remembers probably not yeah probably not. because I don't think that's my guy. remembered no they probably don't yeah. they don't remember hurting your.

feelings no I have another story give. another one but it's not about that it's. more about like it's kind of that how if. you're nice something happens yeah so I. was working the back door I've never. shared this story before good and I. because it's one of those stories where. it's like I just. feel it's too magical almost too perfect. it's a magical story give it you want to. hear. magic how about you [ __ ] like magic. you guys like magical stories love. magic so I I I don't want to name any.

names but I was working the back door of. the comedy store and at that time I had. no bank account I had no money at all I. had maybe 15 bucks in my. pocket and I remember Jason gler you. know Jason right he going he's like you. know I'm you know what I like about you. B you're nice to people even though. you're completely struggling and things. are bad. I I know calling it out yeah so one. night I was working there and I see this.

lady in the parking lot and this is when. The Comedy Store nobody wanted to go. there was. shootings right and it was just got a. bad vibe to it yeah and I see this lady. she was wearing like a power suit she. looked like a businesswoman mhm she. didn't look like she belonged right so I. walked up to her and I go excuse me. ma'am um can I help you and she goes I. just [ __ ] hate this club I don't know. how to get in here. you know mean I'm seeing somebody you. know I mean I'm an agent right and I and. I go okay um come here follow me I go to.

the back door and I go just come into. the I'll get you mit's seat and I go do. you want to wine and she goes I would. love some wine I go what would you like. I I bought it cuz they didn't get it. give it to me for free you paid for it I. paid for her wine wow right gave her a. wine she saw whoever she needed to see. and when she was leaving she goes what's. your name name and I go Bobby Lee she go. you do comedy huh I go yeah I mean I'm.

I'm do okay I'm about to do premium. blend or something I don't know you know. what I mean that was a big deal yeah. yeah and she goes. okay and then a coule she leaves the. agency that she's at and now she's at. Fox right and I'm auditioning for. mad right and so at the end the final. audition for the test it was between me. and Taran kilum. and I'm sitting and they I and all. everyone's telling me you're not going. to get it taran's getting it right.

because they want a white guy and they. only have one spot but they're you're. just the. option right [ __ ] so I'm sitting they're. like I don't think I'm going to get it. oh and I walk into the room and as I. walk into the room cuz Taran had just. left I see the sea of Executives cuz at. that time when you tested you had to. test in front of live the [ __ ] worse you. have to audition for the executives and. the president and they're just sitting. in a room staring at and I already know. I'm not going to get it so they're just.

like right but as I walk in that lady. walks in with me the fox lady the lady. that I helped in the parking lot mhm and. then they go some of the anxi goes hey. what are you doing here she's not even. supposed to be there she goes oh I'm. here to see his. audition wow and they go oh and as soon. as I left the room I got a call I got it. wow you can't say her name but how Wild.

yeah powerful do you still keep in touch. with her don't no. no no I don't I don't know what I think. she got out of the business or whatever. but my point is is that she's at home. right now watching this being like I'm. still in the. business yeah yeah but I just remember. that that's powerful yeah yeah yeah just. be nice you guys got any cool uh Biz. stories no. no Biz stories no are you not not no Biz. stories no Rudy because of the success. of you on the show have you ever gotten.

offered anything on the online like has. anybody said they want you for something. no nothing I'm shocked I'm shocked too I. would assume somebody would reach out. and be like hey I want you to be a part. of this thing yeah yeah no well listen. here uh directors writers and producers. we'd love you to cast Rudy in something. Ora or even Isa now well issa's issa's. gonna be fine oh yeah we're worried. about this one also if Issa you come. back and you live here maybe you could. be part of the family she is a part of. the family I mean but do this you know. what I mean regularly yeah. no yeah maybe not maybe no yes of course.

of course of course I want to talk about. Joe koi. okay I do but can I put on some. chapstick yeah yeah will you do um sexy. music while I do this okay go. ahead I love joeoy what the [ __ ] I said. put on some do some sexy music while I. do this oh oh you want me to aquapella. yeah cuz he's going to zoom in on my. face right now doing go. ahead.

all right Jo Koy all right Jo Koy I'm. not. done um all right so what do you want to. say about jooy what I want to say is is. that um I thought he did a good job at. the golden glub tell you why Joseph. Joseph Joseph he had you guys know Joe. Koy don't you he did had 10 days to do. this thing right it was a risk he did. the best he could I thought that um they. didn't do any him any favors in editing.

life okay no but what I'm saying is. editing like cutting into the audience. and seeing some reactions that that's. what I meant oh right right right. understand that's what I meant okay all. right they didn't do any favors for him. and it's cut into the person he's. mentioning go ahead finish with no I I I. don't want to go no finish your I don't. want to continue please please I want to. hear you V you're really you're really. on my last. nerve um and I want no I honestly want. to believe I what I'm saying is is.

that dude you're so [ __ ] rude rude. you're so [ __ ] rude and so funny so. funny okay go ahead yeah I what I want. to say is that you know I um because. I've known Joe since the may I I didn't. say what the [ __ ] I didn't say anything. I think you made a noise I took a breath. don't I hear you breathing into the mic. all the time okay sorry. sorry you've known Joe for a long time. yeah and what I'm saying is is that he's.

a hardw worker he's an extraordinary. performer and it was like a difficult. circumstance he was in 10 days to take. this gig onh what I'm saying is is that. you know I love him he's such a talented. guy he's but here's the thing that. people don't get he's a super kind guy. too and so I just thought you know by I. rewatched it and I was just like you. know what dude he I think he did a great. job you washed it again I did did Barbie. win this.

time anyway Oppenheimer didn't we my my. um he got a lot of flack online my heart. goes out to him I love him so much and. he will be he'll be back and he's never. going to go away and he's going to kill. it and well nothing changed for him he's. a standup yeah that's true anyway leten. you want a game yeah okay we'll do Ry. news yeah we want to see how how good. you would be in the business if you uh. if you were in the business okay okay. all right so so the Rhythm would.

be right so try. it hi I'm Rudy Jes and welcome to Rudy. News perfect very. good first tonight a manila man named. Hernando Guan Lao turns his house into a. library and local patrons are forever. grateful public libraries are rare in my. country for students Clare m ooy and. Jane rain ven M Nani liy is a. significant Aid in their.

[Music]. studies and said thank you Hernando. that's it with Rudy. new. again that's it with Rudy News I'm Rudy. jwes good night can. I it's not you you great you did great. who did the. writing it's just not funny was it. supposed to be.

funny it's a new they're real news. stories yeah but I thought at one point. it was going to get crazy in it yeah and. funny and. funny yeah we need a writer yeah but you. are he is a comedy writer yeah it's just. the news I know but I I know I what we. assumed you were going to do was take. the news and interject insanely wild. [ __ ] well I thought it was already funny. the way it was well you're wrong just. the regular news you don't take your. headphones off yeah what what's that. move me mad at Bobby are you going to. make him use you're going to make him. [ __ ] use be nice sober dude I'm dude.

I'm so happy for your sobriety than and. I I know you did your best but as a. comedy writer yeah yeah I just I was. waiting for like it could to get so. crazy that we would all be like laughing. you copy and pasted the news well just. the quotes because I can't write that. yeah yeah yeah yeah you copy and paste. it though not completely I was reading. it and then writing it out myself too it. wasn't plagiarized like I thought you. was going to go shading you know what I. mean and just crazier words you know I. mean show Bob that video then show the.

video that you that I sent you for. having me and I'm very excited to pitch. a degree fre that one's tough that's a. tough one I'm looking forward to go back. to that real fast that one's the. toughest part a tough one where you. excited to pitch at both having me and. I'm very excited to pitch a degree. okay since he woke up that morning he. was repeating wigg wigg Wiggly Field.

wigg field and the driver is like Wiggly. Field and he's like Wiggly peeled wi. Wiggly peels that's a mean okay keep. going they don't make us do that when we. go over there what do you mean you know. when like basketball players go play. overseas they don't have to [ __ ] like. learn the language to do a press. conference that's so hard is there a. word in Japanese that Americans can't. say that's all of them. everything we can't speak Japanese well. like give me like a little Japanese M I. think I can do ITA Isa yeah Issa could.

do it you can speak Japanese yeah oh. that's right you were learning it last. time yeah yeah what's give speak some. Japanese say hey I'm so excited to be. here in Los Angeles. America that's it they really can they. really do everything really more. efficient than us don't they you can. say that's I'm excited to be here in Los. Angeles but. saying is like I'm so so like very over. like exited in a way that it's like. sexual really really goo say say say it.

again I want to do that I want to try to. repeat that yeah let's see can you do it. absolutely not okay do it again try it. again I'm so excited that's good just to. say I'm so excited to be here just say. to be here yeah I'm. yeah nope I have Coco I have Coco that's. it I have Coco that's. it. that's it Coca-Cola one more time one.

more. time so. hard I don't understand how that's so. hard to do as as a 15-year-old young. person as you're starting to come. into looking forward into like you're. not a little kid you're not a grown. grownup do you start to see the world in. a way where you're thinking about what. you might want to do in the world what.

your contribut what do you think you. want to do in the world I don't know but. do but does anything interest you like. that are you like you know what I would. do for a job would be fun I should be a. scam artist yeah that's true we did say. that on this show yeah I think that was. bad to influence her to do that but yeah. but Izzy what do you want to do what. would be fun to be as your life I should. be a realtor okay what yeah yeah yeah no. she could sell a. us a house this is my wife this is my. wife babina okay hi hi. hiina what a beautiful house mhm very.

beautiful this was picked especially for. you wow wow what do you mean we just we. literally just came here an open house. no you're supposed to you're supposed to. tell me what you want and then send no. it says open. house know that I'm babina this is my. Felipe I'm Felipe that's babina my wife. yeah so just so you instant know that. this is our house wow yeah I can feel it. from your bones you can feel B bone. energy what do you Army Hammer what's.

wrong with our bones leave our bones out. of this yeah yeah um so miss what's your. name oh um babina what you're you you. have the same name as my wife [ __ ]. crazy no that's how I knew that you. wanted this house can I see your ID real. quick oh my God sweetie look it is Bab. look it is babina wow okay Miss well how. many bedrooms and how many bathrooms are. this in this has six bedrooms wow that's. a lot that's yeah that's a lot how many.

bathro how many bathrooms four bathrooms. six and four that's not bad how many how. many square feet. um you know the property you've been. here all day how many square feet. around as as much as you would want it. to be what would that be what would that. be the specific number because how many. do you think cuz we do have we have. certain C. furniture let's ask um my partner no no. no no no P wait you have another partner. named Pina no her name's.

Pina hiina hiina oh she's deaf oh she's. oh she's a mute mute I mean she's mute. all right so babina how many square feet. do you think it is just guess cuz it. maybe. around just throw out a number throw out. a number there okay 10 10 square ft wow. so six wait wait wait excuse me for a. second can I ask. something six bedrooms four bathrooms in. 10 square ft this is insane this is how.

they do it in the Philippines in the. Philippines wow these rooms are so small. this is. unbelievable well how big is the the lot. around it how many square feet is the. lot that we're on 20 so 20 squet so. double double the yeah so wow wow how. much is it how much is that how much is. this house well do you want to around do. you want around pesos or well dollars. would be preferred inates yeah and. around 30 mil 30 square feet of land oh.

my God six bedroom Four B in 10 wow wow. 30 million 30 million we got to kind. call our accountant I don't know if we. can afford yeah well can can you can you. explain to me the school system cuz we. have six kids yeah oh what kind of. schools are in the. area well the one near us actually had a. shooting so I wouldn't recommend that. one maybe the the other closest one.

would be around 2 hours away two hours. well wow I think you're selling us yeah. I think you're selling it we do we do. want to be away from everything how. about crime yeah what's the crime rate. out here a lot a lot like tell me tell. us I'm much $30 million house in a high. crime area yeah 10 square ft crime no. school six by six bed four bath six bed. four bath wow wow there are actually a.

lot of people that would try to carry. your house so you might be you might. want to be careful of that carry it oh. so it's portable portable so this is on. Wheels it's a portable house we are. buying a portable $30 million house in a. bad neighborhood that they can carry huh. like huh what's is there HOA fees is. there any what does that cost you know. what the HOAs are over here no what do. you think oh there isn't any or there. are some. cuz it says there's HOA right on the. flyer yeah are would that be a mon a. month a month a month maybe half 30 mil.

so oh so 15 15 million a month 15 mil so. 15 million let me get. this we h a 15 million a month month wow. what a deal that's pretty good that's. pretty does that provide security of. some kind yeah of course there's. actually there's actually poopina. outside oh so comes with the she comes. with the house comes with the house with. the house wow and and but she can't talk. so if something bad happens she can't. talk and fight so she would try to sign.

the the robber she would sign the robber. go away beware okay. dog okay I see all right so are there. any other offers on this house cuz we. might be interested yeah yeah are there. competitors out there or people trying. to buy this house there's a lot of. people who want lot of competi you might. want to buy it now wow oh so people want. to buy right now I see what percentage. down payment do you require to buy this. what percent yeah around 90 90% down. payment so we need up around $25.

million do we have 25 of liquid money we. do we do I know I don't know if this is. that's all we that's our we have though. 25 million 15 million a month so that's. million a month that's a lot for ho. wowow okay okay I can I be honest with. you yeah I think you got a future in. real estate yeah I do I do that's great. uh all right so look we're happy you're. back we're sad you're leaving we hope. when you come back you come see us yeah. you know you know how we end the the we. log off the show so you want to say it.

thank you for being a bad friend. [Music]. amazing. wo yeah. a.