Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee | Episode 1

good to stop for that vote I talk go the. fifty-fifty podcast okay go ahead I feel. like you're you think that you're the. captain of the ship. I am we're no we're like the lighthouse. where the two dudes in the lighthouse it. says right here the moat the highest. though the most she's ever lifted is 200. s we if you want to Google a few Hyundai. said if you want a Google friend let's. go to tell me that my people are weak. and yours are strong but yeah we can. play that game though you know Irish. ping-pong players let's go oh my god. Scott that's what my point is is that. you go weightlifting I can go ping-pong. my point is hey hey that those those are.

supposed to be turn is that look right. on camera the way that the the way to. the BAM these the bamboo looks I did. bamboo so on purpose because of all you. which IKEA this morning bother I got. that color for you is because you're. bland so hey buddy hey buddy isn't bland.

look at you you've a phony as vintage. coke shirt that's such a [ __ ] L 100%. vintage shirt it do from where where's. it from. I don't know what that's for yet right. it's fake you're fake yeah you're funny. turn it on are we rolling already. they're already rolling he's just a [ __ ]. don't say that to that both of these. guys are [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ]. I have vote he's knowing that George is. a piece of [ __ ] because I've known him. for very long let's do this real little. real fast yeah let's thank George cuz he.

did do a wonderful job on this studio. look at our new studio yeah he it's. great it's wonderful but I got here. George was it was hanging [ __ ] up you do. you do that when when the Papa is not. here yeah you don't do that when he's. here ready to go. yeah George you you you do you know what. George said to me last night who showed. up last night George I did right with my. dog and I said George where uh your wife. that what what did you say.

don't call your wife that I'll call her. whatever the [ __ ] I want I bother I said. to George I said hey man what are we. gonna do tonight and I dropped off some. stuff any salmon to put up some shelves. hmm you can do it one shelf one shelf. right to it did it right now if everyone. can see at home I don't forget screws. sticking out holes in the wall yeah so. good and then not so good the cat guy. yeah one captai one the cat I know you. know what dude 1:01 like a cat I don't. do that don't do my Pol Pot yeah I.

bought you a thank you pull towards you. you you have you know what you have the. fun even on cameras it's not even count. but here's what you have oh my god you. have this hidden rage inside you it's. not hidden at all I know but it's I. understand that but when you have. because I saw there will be blood mm-hmm. and the oil right sometimes they can see. oil coming out of the soil right that's. what your age is but underneath it's. bubbling is ba-ba-ba-ba know why if you.

do an Asian accent again I'm not that's. not an Asian why would that be an Asian. accent Baba o Baba low means it's like a. that's like a guttural oh yeah oh he's a. bobber oh I read it wrong bum bum bum. down this tree we're not doing so good. to me no we're not we're not doing that. um Bobby I want to give you something. I'm excited to do this with your real. family do this with me sure okay do you. know what the Oscars are I love them. you know who got nominated oh sure um so.

you know everything I see Han Solo's son. what's his name Han Solo's son what the. guy if he was on women girls Adam driver. he did okay that's the only one that you. know no I know more which ones DiCaprio. did he get nominated for Best. yes did he really he did yeah yeah [ __ ]. he was great in that alright so one of. the things I got nominated was the movie. the Irishman did you watch the Irishman.

no okay we're about to reenact one of my. favorite scene from the Irishman okay. well can i watch the movie first before. we know that's the best part. okay could I beat your petrol okay you. can either be you can either be Jimmy. Hoffa oh I want to be Jimmy Hoffa do you. know Jimmy Hoffa's yeah he was a union. guy okay so you want to be Jimmy Hoffa. he disappeared that's right you want you. want to be Jimmy Hoffa yeah okay that's. Jimmy Hoffa's lines and I'm gonna be and.

I'm gonna be Tony Pro and if people have. seen the movie know that Tony Pro is. okay I want you to act this out very. seriously. all right let me [ __ ] let's [ __ ] read. it let's do it the right way okay ready. this is I'm just rehearsing this for the. Oscar season all right ready yeah in. interior private club Miami Day 1972. Frank and Jimmy waited a table for Tony. protege you know what could I improvise. [ __ ] dude [ __ ] I improvise yeah okay. Frankie Jimmy waited a table for Tony. Pro to show up Jimmy checks his watch. looks at Frank a [ __ ] [ __ ] year.

cut you're gonna have to get for the. first nine if we're gonna be able to do. I'm improvising you have to get to the. first line without a doubt you can have. to get you still I can't imagine. providing [ __ ] oh [ __ ]. just walk it you you did a record skip. scratch our docket for time but read. that we read the thing again interior. private club. Miami Day 1978 good about okay me Frank. and Jimmy waited a table for Tony protis. show up Jimmy checks his watch looks at.

Frank [ __ ] let's go let's give him a. few more minutes. this isn't Rann you don't do this you. don't make a man wait I know I know. the only time you do that when when you. want to say something you know when you. want to say [ __ ] you that's the only. time Frank Nagy they wait Jimmy getting. madder by the second. finally a white Cadillac pulls out front. and Pro wearing shorts and a short. sleeve shirt comes in with his cousin in. LA Tony Jack who unlike Pro is wearing. enough clothes to conceal a piece and.

join Jimmy and Frank at the table can. you believe this weather people of. freezing at the New York and look at us. it's 80 outside. it's perfect why don't we live here. year-round is what I want to know hey. hey. it's summer what hey summer you know. people are freezing to death in New York. in my mind it's always eight degrees in. New York I'm making a point this is how. you dress for me this is how you dress.

in Florida in a suit for me if it's. Florida Tampa - and you're late what. you've laid there was traffic it's never. been late for meeting my life wasn't. there traffic there was I never wear but. anybody would late more for more than 10. minutes I say 15 15 is right moo moo moo.

10. I don't think so 10 is not enough you. gotta take traffic into account. daddy is taking traffic into account. buddy that's wife 10 I still say 15. things behind we disagree on that more. than 10 is saying something are you. saying something to me I'm here that. says what it says what can I do for you. I want to ask you for indoors whoa whoa.

whoa whoa before you tell me let's get. the other thing straightened out I can't. do anything about your pension. now with Fitz out there with 15 you. should tell him but if it's a bad day he. says I'll take care of it no questions. asked. you wouldn't do that but he will I meant. they are attend the other thing you know. I don't know her apology my father is. you for what you said when you were. sitting in your [ __ ] ice cream like. some [ __ ] King that was an ethnic. slur. you people I'll find a job with that I.

have to pologize for being late. you [ __ ] walk [ __ ] he'll. apologize for being late after i. kidnapped your granddaughter rip her. guts out and send them in to you in a. [ __ ] envelope wow we did it. that on genetically was that just like. the movie I just feel like it was and so. I think we should win in a [ __ ] we. should when we do win something for that. right you know what I was gonna do I was. gonna print out some old stuff of yours. to make you reread from some of your. earlier stuff but I didn't want to do it. why you wanted to shave me and Harold.

Kumar no I was gonna print out your. scene from Haledon Kumar cuz I thought. that was one of my favorite scenes you. ever did we should do um. scenes from other classics you know yeah. we could do scenes all the time for. mother class aging Bowl I want to do. Raging Bull you want to do that wife you. [ __ ] my why would you [ __ ] my wife why. do you go when you were doing that. impression of an Italian guy why did you. go back and forth between like a weird. old Asian guy to then like a like a slow. I know because I don't I don't do it you. are doing yeah you did did I really I.

don't do it I don't do it. yeah because dude I don't do Italian. accent and you not do any accents when. you go in for an audition if they say we. need an accent what do you do I had to. do Boston today do Boston for me can you. do I'll do a lie a you say a line I'll. try okay all right go ahead. I'll say exactly from the show right he. said I have to look away from it now my.

eyes well if I look at you all do it's. gonna be okay don't do the [ __ ]. audition just do a line that you would. say if you're about from boss Oh bro. yeah [ __ ] over there where uh yeah. that's where uh that's that's where we. live that's why Brady's the best he's. the best quaterback quaterback. I can't do it there's no way I can do it. break Brady up baby. ready now you sound like a little. Italian yeah yeah so you should have.

read this open a buddy yeah here's the. thing. did you really audition for a Marvel. movie today I did did you feel good. about it the first take now but I. thought you're not gonna be what are you. gonna be in the movie not a superhero. good god no he'll be like that's so. [ __ ] rude that you said that you. think you have a superhero body it. doesn't matter yes if your name is super. hair that looks like you um toad from. x-men. yeah yeah there are there's you know. there's there are superheroes you're not. even aware of dead girl you know what.

that is no but I just dad can put it. together what she is yeah she's dead so. you can't kill her. that's not nobody wants to watch that. I'm just telling you that they exist. nobody wants to watch a superhero that. cares a Japanese x-men called Sunfire so. no fire did they don't see it like no. Sun fire was named a Pontiac car Pontiac. Sunfire yeah I mean I'm not saying it a. certain way you know but you tell you're. saying to me that there's no way in hell. that I'll ever be a superhero in a movie. and I never I think you would never be a.

superhero in a movie I would never be a. superhero movie neither would you and. I'm in way better shape than you are. it has nothing to do with your shape yes. it does you with the power that that. you're born with or is something. happened to me name one superhero movie. that's really famous where that where. the movie actor isn't in shape okay I'm. just telling you right anyone all right. I got right now you know there's. what's-his-name. he follows me on Twitter he's in Doctor. Strange the fat asian guy I'm glad you. know these guys don't even know yeah.

yeah something wrong yeah yeah don't say. something wrong ever again okay you. [ __ ] bit past I didn't I know by him. wait go home. what's the name of the movie Doctor. Strange Cumberbatch Hotel atcha for. Rachel McAdams no that's who's in it. go further there's Nick two on Benes.

wrong Benedict Wong yeah he's a fat. Chinese dude but he's from England a fat. Chinese guy with an English accent. he put in the movies he doesn't have one. he doesn't really have it's very it's. very good English what's my point is is. that I just proved you wrong so go [ __ ]. yourself wait wait wait what what what. character was he in this he was Wong his. name was Wong not a superhero he did you. see the movie no he did superhero [ __ ].

while on the journey of a 50 we were. like this he went like this he went like. this and there was a hole and the people. went red ran in and out of the hole. we did it he goes whoa. he goes oh Toto and it makes a circle. right and then dr. trenchcoat is it done. go through go through here he runs. through and then he goes and he closes. the backup I was also in know he was. also in the Avengers movies endgame big. part what was the part what though he.

goes he goes but instead of dr. stage he. goes Tony Stark and through other people. I'm Captain America get through right. and they go through look the point is. yeah you're not gonna be a superhero. neither am i so in this movie you might. get the superhero oh it's fine it could. I say this what's your superhero what's. your superpower in real life a ping what. would your power be it's the [ __ ]. what dude you know what guys like you. we need help all right when you said. that you got diarrhea from hilarities oh.

my god alright this is not true you. could just stop for that vote go 5050. podcast okay go ahead I feel like you're. you think that you're the captain of the. ship. I am we're no we're like the lighthouse. where the two dudes in the lighthouse no. I'm on the top of the lighthouse you're. down below regardless I'm not in the. movie in the movie you die first so all. right so here's the deal all right what. are the best comedy clubs in America is. this club called hilarity is yeah it's. in Cleveland I was just there last week. right and one of the greatest men in the.

whole world he owns it his name is Nick. and everyone loves him. I haven't said one one of his people so. the staff I'm eating dinner there. it's delicious food one of the best. steak houses in America and I love it. and thank you so much for having me. there because you guys are wonderful. people and I'm so sorry there's. negativity in your life and it's coming. from somebody that's um that you're not. even aware of first of all yeah yeah so. yes I mean let me finish the story. they sent mr. Santino welcome when I.

showed up yeah that's before you accused. them of diarrhea I didn't know just let. me finish the story okay God you get so. angry like it's a race well cuz you're. making up lies. Isis fake news it's not fake news go. ahead all right let's just say as though. I'm sitting there and they go oh yeah. Santino was here. and we just thought that you know we. treated him nice you know get me listen. that and then he goes on chill robust. podcast and tells them that our food is. terrible and it gave us chronic diarrhea.

and was died and it just hurts that's. not and I looked at let me finish the. story you [ __ ] alright can I finish the. story though please at the end of my. story I'll go I'm done with the story. and then you could talk fine alright. okay so I'm sitting there with them and. they're on the verge of tears by the way. right because there's the nicest people. you'll ever meet. right so go I can't believe that he. would say something like that because. andrew is a very good guy and I don't. know but he said it on the podcast and.

like you know like you know Bobby you. know that we wish Bill burr you know. when he did is special in England he. texted me and say thank you for all the. stage that he really is a kind of guy. that nurtures real talent and he you. know how you could go to some comedy. clubs and it's um uncomfortable they. don't treat you right he's the polar. opposite he's got comes from the school. of Sebastian Maniscalco of class right. okay and when you when you when you. belittle somebody with class and you and.

you start rumors and and you you. badmouth people and you put that black. magic out there your verbal black magic. right what it does is it just it just. creates you know just a chasm of. darkness okay. and I'm not done with the story go okay. so why my point is is that um what and. so then what happens is so let me call. Santino right now yeah so I call Santino. on speakerphone right and I go here I'm.

with the guys at the club and they said. that you gave they gave you diary I. don't I don't know if that's true and. then you know what you did what and you. did something soon you embarrassed me so. much I embarrassed you there you go you. go [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] like. you went [ __ ] eyes and say are you get. on the phone I do and and I had a guy to. turn to them and go I'm so sorry I'm so. sorry right my friend has a disease. called rage and he's a bad guy sometime.

you put me first of all you hung me out. to dry you put me on to be. your phone you didn't tell me I was on. speakerphone that's rule number one. everyone knows in a phone call you know. you always say you're on speakerphone. don't you you're on speakerphone and you. didn't okay so you started accusing me. second of all here's how the real story. went me and Joe Rogan went there to go. see jessimae Peluso ruined Joe and I. were in town doing a show for Joe right. we went there to say hi could we love. just amazed we stopped by the club they. said hi mise-en-scène oh hi mr. Brogan. how are you guys doing I said great and. said you want something eat I said sure. we'll both eat. we had already eaten okay and then we. ate another meal okay mm-hmm this is. what happened we hung up with Jess ma.

jessamine I hung out a little bit then. the next morning I get on the plane me. and Joe Rogan get on the plane I'm. sitting next to him and then wake up in. a panic I run to the bathroom I can't. really like I can't really see I'm. nauseous I throw up every when I pass. out from deep fryer I'm dehydrated from. throwing up like it's it's like hurting. I'm throwing up so much okay I said to. my seat they call a nurse male nurse. who's I was in who's right in front of. us come swinging around interesting yeah. comes come swinging around I throw up in. the bag three or four more times okay.

and then the nurse asks what did you eat. I said well we ate dinner done I told. him he goes yeah a lot of undigested. food in your stomach mmm I said what is. this from what's going on what am I have. you said all your vitals are normal. it could just be some weird bacteria. perhaps it's something you eat you ate I. don't really know so Joe the whole time. is like what the [ __ ] is going on what. the [ __ ] is going I'm like I don't know. man I don't know I feel really sick I'm. really pale and and and anyway we land. the plane I get home two days later. whatever I go on Rogen's show mmm okay. mmm I say to Joe I don't know what it.

was and he goes I bet you it was food. poisoning from the club late last night. cuz we ate really late at night in the. middle of the night it was probably like. the last of the meal okay I said maybe. but I don't know we go on the show Joe. says you got food poisoning the other. day you want to talk about it I don't. mention the club once I say I got food. poisoning we don't really know though. explained the whole story on Rogen's. podcast and then he goes from hilarities. and I said I now Wow I did not say that. my whole point was to not say where I.

got it from because I don't know if it. was their fault and then I got on the. phone after you tried to [ __ ] throw. me under the bus and I apologize viii. him and lead to them because I was like. I would never throw her on the bus I. don't know if you did it I felt terrible. because they were all so nice to me so. no your version is funny it's not true. and here. because I want to make I want to make it. known hilarities is a great club they're. great people. I don't know if there was fault or. something else I ate and by the way food. poisoning happens big deal but it's not. the end of the world I might have just. ate something weird but here's where you.

were did blow a guy at 2:30 before I. cook before there and there's a joke and. that's how he that's how I adds a. defense mechanism yeah you just caught. it can I just say something. I'd like to be rebuttal I like to. rebuttal you ok rebuttal me that. rebuttal me about a story that you. weren't there for because I'm gonna tell. you where you went wrong can I say that. guy's a friend ok all right. this is that when you go I don't know. what's wrong with me I don't yes you do. know what's wrong with you. what your weak red-headed people have. weak everything right so whatever it is.

whatever home so you're saying you're. saying. Koreans are the strongest people in the. world oh here we go huh have you you. were pressed by the Japanese for 50. years were you yo my people were ok. alright why because yeah Olympic. weightlifters Korean let's see let's see. the lineup yeah yeah yeah. Jang Miran great great weightlifter Jang.

Miri can take to rice [ __ ] pots and. with one hand and pull it with his right. waist weightlifter from South Korea. lifts a list ready yeah. Chang Miran great she is currently based. in go yang your top way a woman's great. your table when the throw yang is the. property is the epicenter I'm sorry. weightlifting all right she can they. have a great gym called Hong Kong gym. it's the best it says right here the. Moke the highest no the most she's ever. lifted is 200s feet if you want to. Google the two Hyundai say if you want a.

Google friend let's go up to 200 sonatas. no if you want to move oh alright. alright. Ji Hoon min ji humans South Korea. weightlifter related featherweight. division in Beijing Olympic Games in. 2008 last time he failed to successfully. lift it clean and jerk he was. disqualified so some of your best by the. I'm naming that's great that's great. okay don't try to tell me that my people. are weak and yours are strong but yeah. we could put two can play that game. though you know you're the one that came. after me you came after me of Irish. ping-pong players that's gone oh my god.

Scott that's one of my point. is that you go weightlifting I can go. ping-pong my point is I beat you in. ping-pong I'll beat you in ping-pong you. want to put some money on it George. George let's play ping-pong then yeah. let me just say this okay you know that. Frank Caliendo is a master at ping-pong. and we've beaten them before okay so. your little redheaded mouth with your. little [ __ ] bread lips slits my. little red lip slits yeah your little.

red lit slits and when [ __ ] vocal. energy comes out of there it's [ __ ]. [ __ ] it's the same kind of diarrhea. that came out of your [ __ ] in. Cleveland and it's coming out the other. end first of all was on a flight it was. it wasn't diarrhea so that's where you. went wrong I threw up and let's just. move on you've made up just say I'm. sorry I'm I'm sorry that that that I'm. sorry I'm sorry that that got out I'm. sorry I apologize that that got out I'm. really bummed out because they were very. cool people they're the best people in.

the business why did you have to bring. your little video game everywhere you go. because I can't leave home with that you. can't leave home without that it's not a. little viewing it's called a switch okay. yeah and your 5048 how many. fifty-year-old do you know have a. Nintendo switch I don't know any of you. don't know any no idea you've got to be. the only one yeah I see the statistics. on that. how many 50-year olds in the United. States have a Nintendo switch there's no. where there's a statistic on that it'll. just say populate I'll go to my [ __ ]. six you know who has you know it says.

your name is first Bobby Lee and there's. number two on there who Chang me Ren so. um let me just talk about the switch. real quick yeah cuz I'm here honestly I. know I tease you a lot about the video. game thing does this really help with. your anxiety and [ __ ] does it help it's. not just this it's not because of a. switch is I mean if there was one game. that was not on it then I would not play.

a switch what game is on it stardew. valley so if a star do ba Valley. remember I was playing on the Xbox but. stardew valley stardew valley stardew. valley. if you do another Asian accent that was. a nation that was robotic stardew valley. oh that's true. that was robotic yes that's even adding. Stephen Hawking ah do man yeah okay. that's it you have to go up star Valley. yeah. rest in peace rest in peace what what. were you gonna say but the Vulcan. pretzel you think if you're paralyzed.

and you die they just fold you they. don't need to you don't need a long well. they could put you in a dwarf casket. actually oh yeah yeah yeah that's really. good yeah like if you know if Brad. Williams dies they'll use Brad or Steven. Hawkins he already has his shoe box. picked out yet he just had a baby you. know they'd have a little bit yeah and. the delivery was 20 seconds long because. all she did is queef in his calendar the.

ground yeah and it was like a little. thing like I love little people they're. cute they are so cute well hisses hey. he's got half asian he's got a half. asian baby I know he does and it gives. his wife is Asian or she's she know. she's Felicia he's full yeah which one. is she I have no IDE one of the good. ones maybe no no. what are the good ones. what are they yeah pretty anything. non-asian really noted but in terms of.

the Asians what are they oh I think. Japanese right yeah are they the good. ones for what uh cleanliness they're. very clean the best-looking women I. don't think so I really I would disagree. with you which is what's the best. looking woman Korean I think you have to. look at numbers rights but probably. China Filipino Filipinos repeat I you. know Duke Duke is I actually you know. I've always loved all Asian women I'm.

being genuine right now I think all. Asians have very pretty women but I've. never dated one cuz I was always I was. for some reason intimidated by Asian. women I don't know why I never tried. today an age ago but I always actually. that's not sure I hooked up with one. Asian girl when I first moved here with. you when she was at UCLA but we never. talked really again we hooked up one. time was she full Asian or half full. was it nice she was awesome you know. when if you did an asian woman I. wouldn't be creeped. it's when guys like good look like Mitch. McConnell yes walking down the street.

with a 19 year old what is that that's. fetish it's not just finished like cuz I. was in Thailand and I would see like 90. year old x-pac's expats that's not X. packs or whatever and I'd see 96 packs. and they would walk down the street with. like a 19 year old 18 year old young. girl yeah I don't like that it's so. [ __ ] gross it's so gross. like my brother's neighbor I can't say.

his name why I can't. is he a creep no but could they do. business together and I love the guy but. he can't get any women I go right now. is he ugly no he's he's like George but. with the chunks oh he's like a fat. George yeah yeah fat George is not so. good yeah yeah skinny George either yes. skinny George isn't bad well he's. getting [ __ ] but it's like this guy. could get it if he tried but he doesn't. try so I guess his dream is to go to. Thailand eventually and get a wife.

really yeah. does he do the thing where you order. something cheesy you can set it up. online that when you get there they. already waiting for you chef could you. do that I saw a TV show all about it. yeah what I need to do is get me the top. thousand put him in a room if I was you. know top thousand Tigers yeah okay that. you have available and you just get the. pic yeah and I could just walk around. wavery what's your name they go all. right and I go hey can I get this call. you took noise I go [ __ ] you and I walk.

by you know I mean that's already an. issue yeah yeah if I want to do 100 you. only want talk yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. and then if you know they're hot but. then they open their mouth and it's like. Chernobyl in our mouth yeah I can't do. that yeah pass on that right Chernobyl. in their mouth you know how sometimes. they open your there hot and then they. open their mouth and it's like one tooth. one tooth here and the rest are like. roots don't like it.

you see that all the time well I've been. to Thailand and the brothels a lot. probably had like would you ever have a. [ __ ] would you be against it what you. have Oh have I yeah I have not why would. you ever do it I went I was so I did. this movie in Thailand it was called. final recipe and Michelle Yao wasn't it. you know that is no she was in Crouching. Tiger Hidden Dragon she's a big shiny.

stars yeah that's fine. but anyway Michelle yeah I was like the. Meryl Streep of Asia like she's huge. really she's in crazy that radiations. yes she's one of the biggest actress to. see the movie either. I've really seen almost no Asian films. name another AC parasite nope oh you. have to watch that keep going though. name any Asian film I really I don't. know Enter the Dragon. noop go ahead old boy yeah that's me a. buddy I didn't see the Irishman either. did I hurt by the way it's not Irish are. you Irish I'm Irish yeah the movies all.

about Italians anyway there's one Irish. human in it a bit just because the word. Irish I couldn't see it that's why yeah. so you've never seen an Irish movie you. know Brendan Gleeson the actor you don't. like him really new really nope so. anyway I was in Thailand and um the. first night um the producers go we're. having a big dinner with the president. of Samsung of course bunch of movie. executives Michelle yow at this really.

fancy restaurant first of all it took me. 30 minutes to even get in because I had. one shoe my slipper I couldn't find it. why because I was running and it slipped. off and I turn around couldn't find it. like in the hotel no in the street I was. trying to find it you know I mean and. then I was wearing like a kind of a. wasteland t-shirt but it had ripped so. that my breast was hanging out right and. I had like raw denim on but was like. ripped up and you didn't want to look. nice for this night no that's how I. dress do drugs a nice dinner the raw.

denims $1200 I know but I know but but. but you'd want to wear something like. slacks to a nice dinner I don't know I. didn't know I didn't know much about I. thought I'm in the movie okay so I go to. the front [ __ ] no no no no no homeless. or. something whatever I go I'm in the mood. you know I mean and I had to have a guy. go in there right so I I sat down with. also not the king of Thailand but like a. part of the royal family and we're in.

this gigantic beautiful ballroom yeah. and I sit down and and when it's crossed. from Michelle Yau and if you saw. crossing heighten to Hidden Dragon they. do like a lot of Kung Fu scenes would. like jumping from roof doctor roof our. tree to tree right so um I wanted to. make a joke right so I look at Michelle. Yeoh and I go hey after dinner maybe you. can teach me how to you know run on. trees and she goes she looks me right. and she goes that was why I walk like I.

thought that that was like what she. could do Javy right yes so then after. that no one will talk to me so all the. other tables around this gigantic table. or all the assistants and all the. younger people yeah so I just got up. from the thing and I sat down with you. know all the other assistants and stuff. and that I could they could speak. English and whatever right. she spoke English too I know but she's. with these [ __ ] old Asian people so. she what was what with the language.

being spoken at the table English oh. that was the dominant language means. spoke because she's not she's from. Chinese or something don't you guys all. know each other's languages no you I. feel like you could just click on and no. you can't do that but so I'm sitting. there with all these young people and. one of the producers of the movie gets. up from the big table he comes up to me. he grabs my wrist to the point where. he's leaving like Mar mark oh sure and. he goes you being rude right and he.

pulls me back to the main table because. he thinks you're being rude cuz you. walked away yeah you were doing the. right thing I was doing the only thing. yeah you have to get out of there I had. to get out of there's no business PA. yeah so then I sat through this thing. Foos great didn't say to anything. anybody but I knew and I had to be there. for two months what yeah so these people. had to get along with you for two more. months. yes I'm like Jesus gonna be the worst. two months but then I go but I'm in. Thailand I'm single right so. maybe two nights after that I went to.

the [ __ ] district but just just a. look two nights. yeah because it's by the hotel three. blocks from the four blocks so you go. down to [ __ ] district what happens. and I'm just kind of cruising hi baby. yeah yeah come inside yeah if they touch. me I'm an American you know me don't. touch me. DoDEA because you they know you're Asian. if they saw I think they'd look at me. the way I'm dressed all that that that I. have no money really guy they think that. I'm the guy that like steal sake but do. you think they up charge for for for.

white man no white boy I think that they. have these desires to marry a white man. and they're gonna just like a pretty. woman but in Thailand you know so they. wait you walk around I walk around I'm. lucky but I know that they objects so I. know but in my head I'm like can you see. there don't they tuck their deck you. can't see they're wearing like little. short panties and some of them I swear. to God if the circumstances were right. you would blow job you got a blow job no. I would get what you would but you. wouldn't do sex no because I don't like.

a [ __ ] love hmm I never liked it but. the way that they groom in it that I. think it's supposed it doesn't I don't. like [ __ ] love I also heard a story. once have you ever had anal sex one time. with kalila no way yeah she would let. you [ __ ] her in the ass one time well I. first stuck my finger in there a couple. of times yeah I do the finger and I go. up and down side to side to get some. room going I don't like it too tight you. put your doing like a yeah like a.

crucifix like a crucifix that I did a. pentagram yeah I might have done a. swastika so that I stuck it in there it. was so dry well yeah it was so dry and. it's a butthole what do you think yeah I. think it what doesn't get wet it I don't. I didn't even come I think I washed my. dick and [ __ ] her. you washed then you went in yeah you. should have washed after did you watch. after no I I stuck my penis in the dirt. hole mm-hmm did I go high not into it so.

I went to wash my digging that did. vaginal sex uh yeah okay smart but then. what happened was um and I didn't know. where to go for like. to get regular women like a brothel to. get what you were in the [ __ ]. district yeah but I didn't know where to. go to get regular just a prostitute yeah. I feel I didn't do it. I just but until one day I had four days. off you know how like sometimes you're a. number different concentration stretch. it's a big stretch and you have no.

you're not. so what I would do is I would go to. lobby and just sit there and drink. coffee in the by the bar no in the hotel. lobby and then you just wait for someone. to approach you know I would just sit. there all day I didn't know I didn't. know anybody really yeah it was really. sad but then too I could say it saying. to movie executives from the Asian movie. company yeah we're there they walk by me. and they go hey I go I know you guys and.

they go eh you wanna joke and I go I. already I didn't know what that meant. you know but I just got up and I just. followed them and they took me to this. place called Amsterdam it's not it's. it's a place called Amsterdam got it and. you go in there and it's a restaurant at. first you sit there and there's a fat. Madame you know I mean you know that. there was a fat lady that no one would. ever [ __ ] but she runs the place yeah. and she's very funny yeah and then there. was like a all female she's the pimp.

yeah rock group going the beaches yeah. the beautiful. ladies and gentlemen okay and then um. and then we ate fruit what yeah oh yeah. oh yeah because you're gonna yeah yeah I. don't know they just brought this the. biggest fruit plate I dunno why no I. don't know why do you know that fruit. makes your [ __ ] taste better. oh you never heard that before ate a lot.

of it you've never you guys know that. don't you sugar sugar content makes your. semen taste better why that's why they. did that Wow. so I'm eating it and then I go what I. just turn the now go what happens and. they go did we go to another room and in. this other room is football bleachers. I'm not kidding. like a brick or just happen like a USC. football game bleachers but instead of. fans there's women yes and they're all.

lined up they're all sitting there like. I was gonna do my one-man show right. and I sat there and I go how does this. work do I just grab it I'm what the [ __ ]. app and the fat Madam's era yeah as you. could know you look at the number see. they have a pin and they have a number. and then they have letters on the number. what yeah so you know like this is sex. slavery it would say 237 and it would. say be 237 come on and it would say arms.

SM just being super model and they were. higher right and then there was like. they were more expensive yeah it'll say. yeah it would say 0 V V is what. Vietnamese it's like dirt pennies I. didn't make up the rules every human is. equal I'm just telling you what this. place was like you're just an attendee. I'm an attendee right and they were hot.

what's the difference in price between a. V and s mmm I know hundreds of baht. oh well how much is about I don't know a. hundreds what is about what about is. there in currency yeah but I think so is. that what it's called I think so it's I. think our researcher people should do it. not you I bought they work they're done. they're not faster than I thought yeah I. know way they're not fast they're not. fast enough so then um I would the first. night I go oh my god I'll take 403 SM oh.

that's a good law and so they bring you. down and then you if they follow you. back to your table where the fruit is. and you have to kind of have like a. conversation you'll fam you know maybe. that kind of thing why do they want to. talk to you I don't know other by 500. baht is only 16 dollars American. yeah so you paid $16 for a soup so then. you go up to a room and then you take a. bath yeah they want to clean you because.

you probably probably thinking of dirty. peepee no that's what I thought at first. huh. but they think she went get on your. don't sit like I hand your knees on. hands and knees like she wanted me to be. like a doggy doggy style sitting in the. bathtub where the nozzle was by my. butthole oh and she goes okay now I pick. us up and she poured the soap in my. [ __ ] and she would she'd rub it and. she would pour soap in your butthole. yeah how does she run what do you she's. like this and then she so and then the.

water would go into your butthole and. then she would scrub it which she would. scrub your [ __ ] with like I'm stick. with I go know what I got like a you. know like what a loofah or whatever okay. and then she would rinse it and then she. did it three times she rinsed your. butthole three or more you know which. makes you ha ha. yeah which makes you feel like yeah. right like they were bringing it in like. you do this for everyone right she's. like most once you fall okay MA right so.

then so then she goes okay she drives. you off and she goes okay go down your. stomach and you lay on your stomach and. I don't know what to do I'm just do you. know when you go to a different country. you just cut your general yeah you're. following here and following the rules. right and I remember sitting there on my. stomach and there was a gigantic clock. like an old timey looking clock I mean. you're on your back or your stomach on. the bed now so you're laying facedown. and on the clock and I'm like what's.

gonna she's gonna give me a massage and. then I go home and she was eating my. ball okay and I didn't ask for it and. well you did if you let her watch her. [ __ ] three times what do you think. that was for I don't maybe I smelled on. that I don't know what it is now she was. gonna she watched my dick once too well. yeah yeah yeah such and then literally. it was I'm not kidding you. it was 15 minutes - as soon as went. click 15 minutes she was done she just.

ate rebuttal for 15 minutes and I was. she just got off does she tug on your on. your poll no that was at the beginning. that's like the appetizer yeah my friend. and so then uh she put a condom on me. know she blew me without a condom that's. why they make you eat fruit she blew me. without a Khan. and then um then she put a card on me we. had sex and then I ran into the two. executives in the hallway and they like.

a rite of passage yeah and then I went. there every single day for a month and a. half every day I would shoot and I'll. give me my per diem give me my per diem. yeah and you'd probably spend what the. whole course of the time you spent $100. yeah and the per diem was $100 in. American money yes so yeah right so then. I would take a moped and go and it got.

to the point where this I feel so bad. about it why do you feel bad because I. got to the point where you tend get I. couldn't yeah I couldn't get hard. because I was [ __ ] so much way cuz. you would go every day yes and not only. that I was hurting other women's. feelings because you know I'm funny. mm-hmm right so I make people laugh in. the room so then when I'm in go ahead. some when I'm in the Bleacher room. you're telling and there's a girl and. there's a girl that I had four days ago. that I had like a connection with and. but I had to pretend I don't know who.

they are because I was someone different. so I have to go past them and as soon as. they pass and they go down yeah they get. sat down yeah right then it got to the. point where I one time I even said I'll. just pay you we're not gonna do anything. what's gonna watch TV why you just were. lonely. it's just lonely he wanted just. companions yeah that's kind of cute. though yeah you knew also brought there. was um but he didn't he just wanted to.

go for the accessory should say his name. [ __ ] he didn't do anything all right. he didn't do anything okay you know I. went to Beirut and had a proper ahh I. went to a brothel in Beirut yeah and and. they didn't do anything Danny Masterson. and his brother went with me just to. check it out yeah well I'd go to look at. it yeah they'd do anything and they just. they just left but you didn't I live. there yeah right yeah yeah I got yeah I. paid rent but like I went with the rumor. in the dark night. yeah of course yeah the Chinese going. yes yeah I looked at.

to a brothel yeah but he just wanted a. you know he was that one of the leads of. the movie his name is Qin Han great guy. yeah and he goes um he went we had the. fruit plate and he just left he just. wanted some fruit maybe or he just. wanted as I guess I think enjoy the. fantasy maybe I don't know what why but. it's kind of like going to a strip club. though people go to strip clubs and they. get [ __ ] and they get tugs and all. that stuff and some people just go to. strip club cause it's an like atmosphere. it's like a place to be yeah yeah I like. I don't really love going to titty bar. but I'll go to a titty bar with friends.

but I don't get dances I kind of just. I'll throw a couple bucks on the stage. oh my god where were we I was in the. saddest titty bar I've ever seen in my. entire life it was so much jump was. close no no no no it was out of town it. was out of town and it was so sad it. broke my [ __ ] soul maybe was in. Nashville but I'm not kidding you dude I. got out a hundred dollars cash and. people were like people were with were. like I'm not gonna spend him any money I. get a hundred dollars in singles okay. I'm not [ __ ] kidding I walked into. the showroom and I was like oh my god. the moat and I mean the most.

unattractive people I've ever seen in my. life dancing one woman had a tip that. was regular tit and and then and then a. tip that was like deflated like she. could only afford one of the boob jobs I. swear to God on my [ __ ] life once it. was full and one was gone one was out a. cancer one went and got something I. don't know yeah I don't one was out for. milk and the other one was there yeah. and it was unreal dude I felt so bad I. took a hundred dollars yeah and I'm not. kidding you jammed it right where the. tips I threw it hit her in the face as I.

get your other tit done I'm not kidding. yeah I politely put the stack of money. onstage politely yeah and I walked out I. was like oh dude it was already so. [ __ ] sad yeah it wasn't even gonna. pretend I put the money down I nodded. and I smiled politely and I walked right. outside of the park and I smoked a. [ __ ] cigarette and I don't even smoke. I was so sad and hurt that I was like. [ __ ] give me a [ __ ] say because you. know these women you know a lot of them. are just trying to go to college but. most of them come to these these jobs.

with all this trauma oh my god all this. history it's all it's a it really is I. don't like strip clubs I don't go. anymore but first of all I just I'm I've. never cheated on my girl any of my. girlfriends yeah. i per take remember if I'm single I will. partake in seedy activities sure but at. the end of the day from now on in I. don't go to strip clubs I don't do any. of that [ __ ] well look strip clubs are. kind of sad I will say this though I. don't feel bad for any of the girls in. like Vegas Vegas is a they're playing.

you hard like strip clubs and anywhere. else it's kind of sad they're kind of. they usually come from a tough place and. they have to like do that to make a good. living and like that suck Vegas those. girls go there willingly knowing they're. gonna [ __ ] clean house there's girls. in LA who are actresses that go there. for the weekend to do their thing and. come back because that's how they pay. rent they're playing people they're. making thousands and thousands of now. Vegas is not feel bad for me stripper. that's like you just brought up. something I've never told this before. tell it but then when I used to go to.

Vegas I used to see one girl you mean. you would call her every time you went. she was a prostitute mm-hmm. her name's I'm not kidding you million. million that was her mi ll I oh yes. million million and you know he was she. was so hot yeah and so expensive white. black Asian white girl a grand she was. one grand every time we had sex yes. and in fact what a whole night to go out. for the whole night no jus she would. come up thousand minutes come have sex.

and I'm Lea. in fact she's so hot that I was there in. the palms once and my I can't say his. name but my frayed mitts it but um my. friend Louie had no money louis c.k know. my friend Louie Anderson I can't see his. last name and Armstrong I can't sit yeah. Buzz Aldrin really yes no but um and I. went out went upstairs had sex with. million came back down he saw him he. goes I know that you just had sex with.

her I had to have sex with her now too. that's how hot she was and she would. text me from time to time tell me what. she's doing or what movie she saw we had. were friends you're still friends. no oh because one night many years ago. she called me at like 3:00 in the. morning. [Music]. she's dead maybe or maybe her dog was. [ __ ] dog was chasing her oh yeah maybe.

that's it yeah maybe we should cut that. out huh No. who knows what's gonna last in this. podcast right we've been jumping all. over the place that's great. no it's been incredible but I'm also. gonna say we're not cutting that out. you're gonna leave that in yeah but rest. in peace million no I wanna see a. million if you're around. yeah please call us yet or just you know. please call me a message on myspace. because that's when I knew her yeah man. we're gonna start I want to start taking. phone calls on the show these guys have.

a Bluetooth capability we're out so can. we call million if we can get ahold of. her yeah I want to see if she's okay. yeah yeah because she was a nice girl. let's say this because we need to clear. our tracks real fast all right we. respect these these women that work in. sex work I really genuinely do I didn't. know it's hard and it's and there's a. lot of trauma that comes along with some. some people not everybody but some. people have a tough go right but I'm. just saying I'm just saying not all. people come from the same situation so. it's not like all of these people code. through trauma but a lot of it comes. from tough places so million probably.

was in a bad situation yeah somebody was. taking advantage of million yeah she was. in a bad situation yeah and I hope she's. alive I hope she's alive too and it was. a very very long time ago. all right female and also on top of it. is is that stand-ups to in many ways are. similar to strippers hmm in the. environments we live in clubs ourselves. yeah we're out performing and selling. ourselves and we do it for free. it was worse if you're a young stripper. you could make a lot of money but as a.

young comic you can't but it's the same. kind of environment and I was I always. thought that a lot of comics that I knew. had the same kind of backgrounds as. strippers like if you look at it like I. got like big Jay oakerson or even a. towel there's some things going on it. feels like you know I don't know I don't. either but it here's all my comparison. that you're trying to make usually. comics have some sort of trauma as a. youth that makes them want to perform. and be in front of people yes okay most.

comics know I'll take it back all comics. are addicts one way or another what. addicted to drugs alcohol performance. sex money attention all these things we. are addicts end of discussion. yeah I had lunch with Louie Howie. Michelle Howie Mandel and I go dude you. work way too much like 20 shows you're. pitching and he goes because if I sit. still I remain with this and that's and.

I can't be there right so it's like it's. it's this his work addiction is the same. as how I used drugs and alcohol I. believe right yeah I mean it's the same. thing you're you don't want to feel you. know you don't want to deal with what's. really going on right right and so you. know you know this podcast should have. been done three months ago but I was. going through my ordeal yeah and I've. been working on all that you know. because I no longer I want to feel more. and I want to be present more you know. you are you definitely are for real.

don't say it with that face cuz then it. looks like you faked it no no I'm not. you know I know I do believe it I think. you're more I think you're more present. you ever read by the way when you. approached me when you told me what was. really going on when we had a. conversation okay you know we had a. couple of conversations when we had one. and you really told me it was going on I. was scared. yeah we're I just didn't know what was. gonna happen to you right I thought. maybe you know you kept saying to me for. the fans to know people who would you. show coming I wasn't sure the reason. that the show got the lay was a myriad.

of reasons both my career your career. and then your personal stuff and you. kept saying to me the show is gonna. happen the show is gonna happen I did I. think you didn't get it that I didn't. care about the show no I didn't care. anymore. I understand didn't even this means. nothing and it bothered me because you. kept getting wrapped up in the idea that. I cared more about the show I didn't. care. here's why I wanted to make sure I. wasn't let me [ __ ] finish I wanted to. make sure that you weren't gonna go down.

a real dangerous path because I'm gonna. tell you something I'm not gonna mention. his name because I don't want to I don't. want to slander him but there's a. gentleman who's in comedy who's an. extremely funny individual you know. exactly I'm talking about he's added a. lot of struggles with addiction he's. come in and out and in and out he's had. some extremely hard times and he is very. funny yeah died recently yes yeah okay. so when I see those things that happen. to people to our people our crew yeah I. get [ __ ] up I'm like dude this is not. it's not fake anymore it's not this. fantasy that it's all gonna work out let.

me scoot this bamboo closer to you. here's the thing when I said that to you. yeah well it was because I wanted to do. it yeah I knew that that this is the. right move to do and I'm I wasn't. telling you that I was saying it to you. but it's myself reminding myself that I. need to get better so that I can do this. right I understand that so that's what. it is and you know I did I I wanted to.

kill myself. mm-hmm and but not to that point where I. was like I don't want to be here anymore. you know and then that thought became. really depressing and scary to me do you. really did you I'm genuine did you. really wake up and say I could leave and. it won't matter. yeah you really felt that mm-hmm you. felt I could go and it doesn't mean [ __ ]. do you not think do you not think about.

because I'm being serious a lot of. people say when they go to a depression. or they go through suicidal thoughts do. you just anyone ever enter your into. your mind anybody else enter your new. minor no but you have there's still the. state that I was in okay. I had to understand no you don't because. I lost what I gained it back but I lost. 25 pounds in a month and again yes I. could add you candy right back plus a. couple if I'm being very honest with you. I don't go ahead. no but you lost a lot of weight you did. and you look good but go ahead okay I'm.

glad you're healthy go ahead don't say. go ahead the way No all right that's. fine go ahead but it's rude it's rude no. you look good go ahead don't see go. ahead again I didn't say go ahead all. right so I lost 25 pounds I could not. eat in fact when I was in Portland at. helium I hadn't eaten in days and I took. Stephen Randolph and Chelsea Skidmore to. a nice sushi restaurant you know you. know what I'm gonna try to eat with you. guys I took a half a bite of a.

yellowtail sushi and I vomited all over. the table. holy [ __ ] I could not hold anything food. are you on any. no I was only weed right so that scared. me too it's like I'm only smoking weed. how come I can't eat and then all of a. sudden I couldn't sleep I would get 1. hour 2 hours a night if that were you. panicking at night too. or were you know I was wide awake was. just awake. thinking about my dad thinking about my. relapse thinking about a myriad of. things but then as the non-eating. continued and the non-sleeping continued.

it became manic and I started thinking. insane things like what I'm going to. jump in front of this bus or you know. because you you're not giving yourself. nutrients you're in this your thyroid is. out of control and I was just in a space. I had never been to before. right and a miracle happened I ran into. a friend of mine and she goes you look. like [ __ ] and I was telling her what it. was going on like I don't know what the. [ __ ] is going on because I can't eat.

sleep and I want to kill myself this is. that right and I'm using and she's like. you guys see my therapist I saw a. therapist and and as soon as I started. talking about the my past trauma with my. dad the way that he beat us and all that. stuff I was driving away from the. therapy session and my hunger came back. and so I ate three meals that night and. then I sat there and I went what the. [ __ ] is going on there's something that. has to do with my dad dying the history.

of how I grew up and my physical into. condition now and mental condition and. so I went away to a place and I figured. it out and it worked 100% it changed my. life so I have almost 50 days sober now. I'm go to meetings every day you don't. clap for 50 yeah but they didn't why. didn't you guys [ __ ] plan no [ __ ] you. no George [ __ ] you George no George. George Odyssey [ __ ] you man.

John is high that's a [ __ ] ripped out. of his head yeah he doesn't know where. we are he thinks he were doing just. kidding news right now. you know John fell down the stairs twice. of course he did that the more slips. yeah I know he fell down twice on the. way up yeah the stairs are moving. that's not an escalator John these are. [ __ ] regular stairs the if there was. four types of Asians you could [ __ ]. put down on a list yeah he'd be type. number nine a hundred percent you don't. even exist. huh never sighs yeah it's a it's a. medical phenomenon this guy he is made.

in a lab yeah yeah but my point is is. this so you know I know this is it's got. pretty serious real quick no we still. have some we need to get a little bit. serious about this part of the show is. recollecting the mental health of you me. our friendship yeah because that's I. think that's the that's a huge portion. of our relationship yeah yeah because it. comes on sometimes it gets all over the. [ __ ] place when you told me that. you're I don't know if you want me to. share it but I don't yeah you did when. you told me that your dad not your.

mother's teeth out of her mouth I saw it. in my head and that was the crit was the. most it was the most real I've ever had. connection to that I don't know physical. abuse for mom and dad yeah but when you. said that to me I felt it because you're. my friend but the most traumatic thing. is not just even that it's you know when. I was a kid and my mom got me a cat. right. yes and she and I and I've never had an.

animal or pet it was a kitten and this. kitten I remember all summer long I. would sit with this kitten all day long. and we would play and he would / and he. was my friend. yeah and then one day I came home and. the kittens gone completely gone where. my mom goes we gave it away and then I. started crying good why and then my dad. goes stop crying right and then they.

came when in the house and i sat there. where like where we put the kitten in. the garage and I mean where I used to. live where he was to live and I just. cried all day no one to talk to no one. to explain anything to me about Stevie. Stevie was a really young he was like. three cuz the gap was so big age-wise. for no just three years but you know. when you're six or seven right and he's. four he didn't get it he didn't get it. so it didn't really affect him he didn't. affect him as much as it did me.

and date my parents did that with two. other animals why would so what it was a. habit for them to take it and give it. away yeah why because they think that. they can do it and then like a month. later they don't know they break they. break and then they just give it away. because a responsibility or something. yeah yeah. so then what ended up happening is um I. so but did you ever see where they went. did you know where they went no in the. middle of the night it would just take I. would go to school come home they were. gone did you ever but but that by the. third one Skippy yeah I didn't care.

you were right they were just. desensitizing you because I didn't bond. with Skippy do you think what did you. ever did you ever do you think maybe you. guys maybe you guys ever ate him do you. think you ever ate him do you think you. can do you think maybe if your mother. maybe she cooked him a bro-bro even if. that did happen maybe I don't want to. know I think you did if dude because.

that hmm would [ __ ] me up I would [ __ ]. you up more in throw that out organize. ed you didn't we did not eat them but. was weird is is that but now you love. animals because of that show cuz cuz. they're like brought in my 20s my buddy. um Seth had a BB gun and I used to shoot. kittens in the face with yeah use that. [ __ ] yeah our serial [ __ ] killer. that's what serial killers who they hurt. cats I know because I I know I'm an.

animal lover but because I know that. they hurt me emotionally that I just. became desensitized to of them so you. would hurt them to get back at how you. felt when you were a kid yeah and then. what happened was when I met kalila now. I have six animals I know and I love. them more than life itself and um it. make it because I have them it makes me. angry or about how what your parents did. well that makes perfect sense yeah.

because I am so given that and the abuse. and just you know at 12 years old I did. meth crystal methamphetamine and I did. hard drugs at 12 and No. wonder like I just sort of had to. survive yeah it had so much pain as a. kid and you know my therapist and all. the people that saw me in Arizona they. were saying it's a miracle that you even. have freaking function yeah because and. and they said the reason why you could.

is because God gave you one skillset. humor and you were able to create a. career off of that and that's the only. thing I know how to do it's the only. thing I did diligently and I did every. day yeah and um thank God for that yeah. otherwise who knows what happened I. don't I don't want I don't want to know. you know I mean yeah I don't wanna know. could've been like the Asian Ed Gein. you're right just making like gloves out. of human skin yeah whatever you know I. mean ya know it's well you could have. turned into a really bad that's why I.

mean you're an inch away from being a. serial killer I could have been but no. because when I was born. and this isn't sound so cheesy a new. aging but as a baby I was born an. innocent kid that needed simple things. like nurture all of all of all that. stuff but your environment is what [ __ ]. you up that's my point is is this so my. original self. my original child Who I am is is that's. who I am yeah but your environment. [ __ ] you up I understand that but that.

doesn't that's not who I am who what. what God made me was this a good kid I'm. a good person. you are a very good person no you are. you're a very good person. but you are pretty you are you're a good. person this is a terrible guy you're a. terrible. I don't you're a good for business. here's the thing why are we friends. you're a good person. you're a good person but you just call. me for serial killer but yeah I could.

easily easily see you becoming a serial. killer and I mean that if your picture. popped up on the evening look right into. your camera look right into yours and. then do this smile serial killer tonight. on the email you're gonna do that go. ahead look at them tonight an evening. news KTLA. Bobby Lee found harassing kittens off. the 101 freeway having sex it up and. lighting them on fire more. - at 10 p.m. here's the thing is is that. a lot of people that come from that.

trauma they've victimized other people. they do animals first and then they get. to people no but whatever you know when. I sake I shot one time I shot a cat with. a [ __ ] BB gun in the face all right. that's fine all right insane all right. all right fine you're like a kid in my. neighborhood we were this big this big. heavyset kid who might've been a little. slow upstairs we don't we don't really. know not your calling [ __ ] no. because he's not what you just said no. you just said git was [ __ ] that's. not what I said I say he was a little. slow he was a little it was a little. slow Trump he was a little slow you know.

what he used to do it he would catch. like a river cat fit like river fish you. know like bottom feeders yeah and he. would catch him and he would take the. hook out anybody who watch this and he. would throw them and smash them against. the brick wall terrible person I know. and and yeah when I see his eyes. sometimes and I shift to you and I see. your eyes I see the exact same thing. it's harder to see but I could but when. I do see your eyeballs yeah. when I do come on you are they know what.

you are and see that little pate that. thing inside of you you will kill fat. you're the chief you're the chief of. every [ __ ] police police in a movies. yeah hand me your badge and your gun and. they're trying to go they're trying to. go put I didn't tip I was saving put. your badge and go change yeah yeah a. piece of [ __ ] we know what you did yeah. yeah that's you I know you did yeah you. won't stand for it in my town you're a. villain in every movie huh I should take. you a little Chinese push and get out of. my precinct oh [ __ ] your rice and your.

duck and keep it moving but I what I. ended up doing is I've victimized myself. you did yeah. and I'm no longer to do that anymore. what's your what is your tip for people. that might have that are going through. [ __ ] and trauma and and stuff that. they can't control what would your tip. be I'm not saying their traumas bullsh. I'm saying they're going through a lot. of [ __ ] what's your tip to these. people that really need a little bit of. an answer well if you went through I.

mean my my opinion would be and it's. obviously my opinion is is that if. you're going through some sort of if you. had a traumatic childhood abuse it's. it's going. show up in your life at some point yeah. and a lot of times it shows up in. physical ailments right because you hold. trauma in your body so people that have. experienced trauma have more chance of. getting cancer strokes is that true yeah. women that go through trauma as a child. sexual trauma have a thousand times more.

percent of getting raped right yes right. yes right raped and all that stuff. physicals it like you know shortness of. breath can't walk you know back aches. neck aches because your body holds on to. so much stress yes and it creates stress. and that [ __ ] needs to be dealt with and. released and and um so I would say if. you can and you can you can afford it go. see a trauma therapist yeah you know and. talk about those things do EMDR do all.

the things that you need to do because. I'm gonna tell you and and you know I'm. the biggest skeptic in the book because. I've been in recovery for thirty years. and I've been to so many institutions. and I thought that this place was for. loonies and I walked away from it going. if that's all it was a life changer you. looked down on it initially yeah because. I didn't know what it was I didn't even. really know what my problem was and then. I went there and um I feel like I was. carrying around a Mack truck on my. [ __ ] shoulders and I feel so much. looser and freer and the weight is gone.

and I just so much happier yeah you look. happier yeah I mean you know you don't. look physically better but that's not. that wasn't the problem with you you. can't you still have the same you still. you're still the same good old six it's. so funny that you laugh it's you. especially George because let me say. something right now I picked you up when. you had nothing mm-hmm right John and.

now he has this little mini Empire he's. [ __ ] like the Emperor crazy that he's. gotten so much and and I said on our. podcast I didn't want to talk to about. him or involve him and now he's already. involved and he's he's a snake he's a. little me his little giggles right he. wants everyone to know yeah because. people know his giggles yeah he's in the. room yeah no more giggle in front your. giggle days are over no no no I'm gonna. gonna put we're gonna put we're gonna. put a little lapel mic on him yeah and. every time he giggles he gets whipped at. the end oh yeah every time John laughs.

he gets two lashings yeah yeah how about. a ruler and we yeah yeah yeah you know. happen to my mama usually happen to my. mom all the time in Catholic school well. you know Catholic school is like they. used to beat the [ __ ]. I mean beat the [ __ ] out of these kids. I'm not kidding like the nuns my mom. would say first of all they would hit. kids in the face open-handed oh and and. and and when they when they'd walk. around with the ruler do you know this. they would they would smack you on your. arms until you would bleed with rulers.

but how do they think that that helps. because they're because they probably. they're going through weird trauma so. they're transferring it onto the kids so. they're beating the [ __ ] out of the kids. because somebody [ __ ] them up you you. want to I know you're working on a baby. yeah you want to see a video no homemade. video but your anger are you gonna my. anger today was because let's let's tell. the crew real quick what's going on. let's tell people that here's the thing.

we didn't when we came into this today. we worked so hard on putting this studio. together there's a brand-new beautiful. studio it's incredible okay Bobby gets. to float in on a [ __ ] cloud like a. video game character like it's a [ __ ]. like it's a special power and he floats. in any first thing he comes in he's like. this colors bad [ __ ] this color I don't. like to blow oh they did.

and he complained about the shelf. because Georgian put up the shelf yet. because you're just rewiring stuff and. we're falling behind on time schedule. wise but you you came in and you were. early which pissed me off. if [ __ ] pissed me off cuz I'm. responsible you're never le dude I'm Oh. George am i early timeout. what time did he tell you to be here. three o'clock no way yeah you were here. at 2:20 I know because I had therapy and. nca Encino yeah would you want me to.

wait down the street in a corner oh I. got five seconds from here so do I we. live five. seconds from here I was surprised that. you were early it [ __ ] me up I was. building a table and you came in you. criticized phase you turned me around. the veins and then I realized he has. little pop marks on his cheeks like. Edward James Olmos. right thank you Saudi sofrito so do you. when you use it face [ __ ] you still. have zits how about some propecia or. something you still have active you. still have you still have zits by the.

way I don't have an EZ zits on my face. right now dude take a photo of our faces. and go to a [ __ ] dermatology thing. who has worth skin this is this is a. scar from my youth. yeah but because you pop up but the rest. of my face and I don't wash my face. [ __ ] you still have zits I don't have. any zits on my face okay well it looks. like it it looks like it you or your. whole head looks like a [ __ ] boil. this is just read it is very loyal that. the pop a juice your whole head your.

whole head yeah looks like a like you. know the lemon head guy that's what you. look that's delicious. look this oh that's a racist. I'm Bobby lose no lemon have a child and. I'm gonna have that rage you cannot rage. out on your choice I will yes I will you. won't okay. you gonna score it let me tell you. something yeah you're my kid ready yeah. what happened um Billy does Street he.

hit me on that leg with a baseball bat. with what a hard bat or a soft bass and. I'll salt bath yeah go get my hard bat. out of the garage come on let's go okay. we walk down the street hey you hit him. yeah okay Sonny fifties son this boy's. life this is take my breath take my bat. now start hitting him back right now hit. him as hard as you can but I'm a girl. I'm your daughter. babe I don't see no gender. oh you don't so I shaved your head I was. mad you were a girl okay so you're gonna.

be a boy now you understand yeah your. name is Mark so I want you to be loving. I'm gonna be loving I'm gonna be very. loving I'm gonna be very lucky I'm gonna. be very loving but I am gonna hit it I'm. gonna hit it. I'm gonna teach it what's really goin on. ya know they say you let it cry you. gotta let it cry out yeah if my kid. cries too long yeah outside but no some. therapy I think you need it like for. Rage this is my therapy. your my therapy I don't have I went to. anger stuff I've gone to stuff okay can. I just say this things like that's why.

when I was a kid because III cuz I got. kicked out of every school I was ever in. for fighting cuz you're a rageful angry. because the world is [ __ ] so I would. punch kids I used to punch people all. the time I loved it. but dude let me say something about this. guy if you if I grew up with you I would. have punched you as hard as I could. every day and I would have probably. killed myself then 40 years oh well then. I wish we met then wow that hurts so bad.

but I want to see something pause oh I'm. kidding I was awesome you know I'm. kidding second of all we wouldn't have. grown up together you're [ __ ] 30. years older than me go ahead so and I. believe this in a cosmic way yeah. one day I'm driving down the street with. kalila and her niece Julianna we're like. let's go eat let's do something so we. and just I just went let's just Bowl I. have you bowled I do you know how to. ball and they're like bowl okay yeah.

where's a bowl I didn't know where a. bowling place is so we Google it we. drive around and then we find it and I'm. like I don't know how to do it they put. me the shoes on I don't know how to do. it and there we go and then the bowl and. I turned to my left and I see Andrew. Santino his wife and some white nerd. that's our select that's our slave your. slave we have a little white sex slavery. a yes we get horny and they're literally.

in the next Lane over yeah one lane over. one lane over and I turn to him and to. me I just the odds of it right. unbelievable unbelievable and you know. what you said what look at these ugly. pieces of [ __ ] and then you know what. you did you turned around with rage at. immediately he would like this is Andrew. this is what Andrew did right look at. these ugly pieces of [ __ ]. it was crazy and then once you realize. there's a Elin I could Bob right and.

then he goes let me ball for you bro. you're talking about a professional. Midwest he does a [ __ ] spin it was. [ __ ] incredible dude it was so fun. you're so good I was the universe that. brought us together that day again I'm. so funny man yeah guys I just got back. into town but do you believe in stuff. like that cosmic 100% yeah I do. I don't believe in fate I think fate is. [ __ ] cuz I don't think anything is.

supposed to happen to you yeah what I. think the universe makes things happen. coincidentally I think things kind of. happen and it's the universe giving you. tips like a this is a good this is a. good this is a good do to put you do you. equate that to God I don't really. believe in God but you believe in some. sort of I believe in and also I believe. in the power of the universe I believe. in the power of connection and people. and energy and something matches things. together so yet I see that as God sure.

that's what you say I don't like the. word God I know I I'm not saying Jesus. I'm not saying a political God I know. but God as God in the frame of reference. of where you're taking it from is is. from Christians like you're thinking. Christian God I mean Zoroastrianism has. a God I know but you were thinking of. Christian God when I was thinking but. Zoroastrians over the original religion. okay fine so you're telling me you're. really thinking about their reference of. God are you thinking about the Christian. God. Zoroastrianism okay I believe it if I. before before Christ if you say it I.

believe it yeah I just have heard God my. whole life from the Christian. perspective yeah and I don't like this. thing that they say I don't believe it's. a white dude and a beard up there no oh. where did he get the clothes from. exactly who made the shoes why would he. need clothes where are the shoes can. control the environment the temperature. is I don't like it like he's like I'll. put this face in the clouds it's a white. guy so he wouldn't be on a cloud he'd. being like some sort of tempur-pedic. chair they you know I mean he'd be. floating on tits he would have a yeah. yeah the bed of huge tits yeah or he you.

just he wouldn't even have need a body. but while it's not even a chick yeah. it's not even a dude it's not a chick. that whole competition. like God is a woman that gods first what. God is not human if God is real. whatever you think it's not a [ __ ]. one of us it's not no of course not yes. [ __ ] bamboo tree that I got for you. he has no judgments against gays or. certain ethnicities. well shirt off shirt saw some some and. definitely dwarves oh yeah yeah he's. like I'm not gonna work that's just him.

having fun yeah yeah he goes this one's. not done yet Lord he goes let me just. put it out there see what happens right. yeah and the kid gets on Game of Thrones. oh [ __ ] that what happen oh it is. breathe and they're breathing with. normal sighs that's weird I don't like. this at all. we love we're friends with so many dwarf. how many little people a little bit. we're friends with Inuits what I don't. know what you mean natives what who.

don't talk you [ __ ] who's in you have an. inuit friend i don't know i don't know. Inuit are natives right they're NATO the. Eskimos oh we need to get you a mic so. you can [ __ ] handle we can do we got. to get him a mic will help I have to. control it can we have a button over. here where we can turn it off yeah okay. perfect can we just have a better. looking sidekick than him yeah well. let's get somebody like John's. better-looking. how much does happen are you want to be.

here for a bunch John you should how. about this huh we'll just get one mic. there and they get anyone can talk. whoever it has that you know we're gonna. do for the next episode what seriously. what we're gonna hire an actor or an. actress off Craigslist and they have to. talk through him or her let's do someone. that we really enjoy talking to yeah. yeah yeah someone that's a cool and fun. and they get the audition that person is. 100 percent alright but they don't get. to speak they get to speak through that. person yeah yeah you'll have to get a. camera over there and put it on them is. that ok I'm at ok of course it's ok I do.

whatever the [ __ ] I want I'm telling you. what to do yeah but is that ok ok great. that's long enough right how long did we. go. how long has it been and a buck 20 do we. know what part of this episode that we. like and which ones we hate I like it. all. you like all of it don't you I think we. a lot of good heights in fact it to be. very honest my old lady asked me what I. what the key points were gonna hit on I. said I want to do this scene I'm not. joking I said I wanted you to seem with. you and then talk about a little bit of.

the business stuff but we didn't even. get into some stuff I wanted to talk to. you about and I wanted to know about. genuinely mental health and how you're. feeling and you did it on your own. which is surprising yeah and we're gonna. and we're gonna make some big changes. for the second and third and fourth and. with this is this is our first this is. our first of all this is it we're never. doing it again. okay enjoy this all right I'm not gonna. do it again by the way shut up you know. the secret episode yeah our secret. episode so I have the file I'm gonna.

release it but here's what I'm gonna do. the one that we were not supposed to. release yeah I wanna I'm gonna I'm gonna. raise money and then we're gonna donate. all the money to what us yeah you know I. think we're gonna cause I think cuz you. know Chris D and Yanis they did an. episode of something and there they put. it if you get some really racist and. bashes on people yeah not racist but it. bashes on one people we do we had their. written and people--he their will reduce.

it for a million dollars and some people. are considering it that's a they said. who would have a million to do that oh. you're saying they have to crowdfund a. million yeah to release it Wow. we should release it to up like a. special patreon I was I was thinking. about I was like but it would have to be. its you know what have you listened to. it yeah is it racist yep is that sexist. yep. is it gonna get in trouble. yep I'm not kidding I have I have in my. car in my center console there's like a.

slot for SD cards like there's also. there's USB and there's SD yeah and I. put it in one day I'm not kidding yeah. and the moment I started driving and I. started listening to it I took it out I. was like oh my god that's so good I. remember driving away from it going if. he releases that my career is over we. talked about it right away I was like we. can't do oh my god you know why don't. because the energy that came into that. room when we were doing it I was on an. old studio in Hollywood yeah and your. energy was [ __ ] when you walked in. and my energy was really Pat was pissed.

off yeah and it was two fuses and it was. it was over one. him and I did one an hour remember we. did an hour or yeah and we stopped and. we go we have to do it again we started. over yeah I was Grant haribol we needed. to walk away for a second it was really. bad because it was off something was. wrong I mean you know and that's gonna. happen well but I know what it was what. was it be honest let's get this podcast. I don't want you to [ __ ] okay tell me. the truth you were being uh trying to.

find a good word you know to be real see. it I know I want to find the word don't. say I find the word you were being brat. there needs to be a new word for brat. you were being a [ __ ] brat a little. entitled [ __ ] you were a [ __ ] you were. a [ __ ] cheerleader you were a little. cheerleader you're the top you're the. best in school and Becky and I get. everything I want you know and you were.

and you showed up to the party and. everyone was having fun without you and. you were like get out ain't Becky you. know and you were a brat you were a. [ __ ] entitled brat and you were. acting mean and you were you were st. you were like poking at me where are you. going I did let's end it let's just. [ __ ] that net no we did good put your. [ __ ] headphones on you were being a. brat because then you're doing it right. now [ __ ] [ __ ] that's what you were.

doing the voice though right here. yeah this has been this has been fine. don't think was good I think it was. [ __ ] awesome action okay good I think. was really really fun okay I think it's. a good start to this whole show man yeah. I don't know how we're gonna end it how. we're gonna start if bobby hated the. music I put up the music that I had. potentially you hated the art you hated. the music you didn't want to call it red. and yellow I'm gonna bring some stuff. from home here yeah do whatever you got. to do to make to make me feel at home. oh you want to help out let's say you.

wanna help out let's just do you wanna. help you wanna help on the show phrases. in it from Bobby Lee yeah and Andrew. Santino bad friends bad friends yeah. we'd like to say goodbye thanks for. being us No. what do we rehearsed it oh yeah thanks. for being honest and thank you thank you. thanks for being our bad friend thank. you for thank you for bigger bad better. sing at this one two three thank you for.

being our bad friend. [Music].