Bad Friends Battle Rap | Ep 169 | Bad Friends

two are bad friends who are these two. idiots. [Music]. or something we're bad friends can I. tell you I was up in the belly room and. I knew he was in the audience and he. really wanted to see all of us go up. yeah and the belly room has a window to. the main room so I knew you just went on. stage so I bring McConnell I could tell. he doesn't know how to get anywhere yeah. so I take him down the back stairwell. through the kitchen to get to the main. room and when we get in the kitchen he.

goes wow. people are gonna think he burped if. they're listening. listen do it again I feel like you're. gonna do something I'm not do it again. okay so. bring him down the stairwell to get to. the main room and right when we get down. there he goes. ah. sorry I sometimes you have day terrors.

let me get this straight. so he was upstairs in the belly room. yeah yeah through the little window he. heard I heard it you heard Santino being. announced in the main room I text him. santinos exactly so then you go let's go. but he went ahead of you no no he was. like he saw the text and he looked up. and he's like like I don't know what to. do with myself right and then he went. down to the kitchen I wave it I I he. went down to the kitchen showed him how. to get down the kitchen and then when he.

went to the kitchen he went let me get. there look at this he went whoa no he. went wow wow wow wow wow and is there a. Panda in it or a Ninja Assassin anything. can happen in the story well that's what. I was like why is he so amazed by the. kitchen. but he just really loved that place why. don't you make up that story again. can we just let that story sink in for a. second. why don't we get it okay.

bring them in here maybe we could write. this down and maybe this is a movie. that's how interesting your story is it. kind of sounds like a film it's like a. film we got to get Mel Gibson in it he's. in already right yeah we should get. Steven Seagal yeah yeah it's an action. adventure comedy it's got everything. Thriller High Street it was a roller. coaster oh my God the level of the. movies you guys are are doing I know I. know because when he was going down the. stairs of the kitchen I was like oh. that's the end of the story yeah.

in the kitchen whoa it's so good to be. here it's been a year since I've been on. the show wait is this your is this your. one year episode yeah let's give it up. for jet ski one year she's been on the. show your last episode with that [ __ ]. story you're really not coming through. with that [ __ ] yeah mccone's lurking in. the back uh fancy don't ever leave the. board again that's like when you leave. the boat I don't want to I don't want. the captain to leave the wheel don't let. one of the Skippers [ __ ] take the.

wheel right you know I don't want to. crash port side congratulations on one. calendar the year of being on this show. yeah you think you're gonna last longer. well uh wait what I have a story give it. so oh my God so today I woke up this. morning right I got out from my bed and. you can't believe what happened I went. down my hallway and I got a cup of. coffee. wow and oh yeah and then I went whoa. whoa yeah that's a good story thank you. man I'll be honest tell you tell me one.

today my dog jumped up on the ottoman oh. no wait and she spun around and then sat. down. and she looked back at me and I was like. wow. pretty cool whoa dude pretty cool it's. pretty cool story cool I worked late. last night I worked a regular shift. I'm sick I want to go back to theaters. where did you work at the store yes or. at the store last night I worked back.

door at the store you're stressed out I. was really stressed out Bobby was. stressed out because Kanye was there and. nobody recognized him Kanye was there. wait stop what'd you say you told me. nobody recognizes me tonight this sucks. that's not what he said yes. that's blasphemy wait a minute that's. not what I said was Kanye there. Kanye was there well I am was there will. I am in Kanye West the weekends were. there Kali was there yeah Khalid was. there yeah. I don't know.

yeah Talib kwali was there that's crazy. with Kanye. and we're not together. they were all there and I did not say. that I just said. what I said kind of the it's that kind. of but you you know tell them what I. said. um it's different tonight no no one. knows who I am that's what I remember. you saying. why would I say That's [ __ ] the grossest. thing can we go back to Kanye was that.

okay let's go to Kanye that's insane. Kanye was there with Will I Am yeah. I was with a young lady in the patio. and then we look out and Kanye's running. across sunset from the store and he I. guess he couldn't get into the Chappelle. show why did he leave I don't know why. he left wow he could definitely get in. did he say anything anti-Semitic. he did a hand thing like Bob say you. later right no that makes sense yeah. well whatever you'd think he'd hate the.

store because it's owned by Jews. [Music]. because it's like it's so chewy it is. yeah yeah and we love it we [ __ ] love. it I mean 19 for a Diet Coke but that's.

fine that's how why wasn't I there last. night where was I last night. what did I do you rested last night. remember you told Chris that you were. taking a night off you went golfing in. the day yesterday I did need to rest and. then you said I'm resting but you should. have been there last night God I wish I. would have been there for Kanye I had so. much stuff I do stuff about him I do a. joke about him yeah you you weren't. because he had people around him right a. couple of guys around when I was because. I had the help and a lot at one point so. many Entourage came in and he was the. whole cast of Entourage was there too. crazy it was crazy was Lloyd there for.

some reason the cast of Glee what yeah. he was singing and dancing and hopping. around they all drove in separate cars. it was a mess get him [ __ ] it that's. wild yeah I think what I said was I. think what I said was it because. what. can I just say something please anything. that I say to you can you just keep it. to yourself because I have things that I. could say about you. do it I have something I'm not going to. do it I'm just saying you made me look. like a fool I'm gonna let that go.

I don't remember what I said but. probably I did say that but um. just don't say that stuff okay it's. because I've I said that story and made. myself look like a fool so it's trying. to make you the target. smooth but we were we liked your story. we loved it. so fancy show that video that I sent to. you I really want to show you something. Bob I think this is revolutionary stuff. right here. [Music].

huh. [Laughter]. how clever so how clever by the way so I. found Battle Raps in the Philippines. they are huge I propose you and I go do. a battle rap in the Philippines okay bad.

friends battle rap Philippines I need to. brush up on my tagala I know everything. he just said well I did too yeah I can. understand it right talking it I say. something I I know you took the class. yeah uh. hey hey hey hey. [Laughter].

[Laughter]. so I think we should do a bad friends. battle rap in the Philippines I swear to. God. yeah that was so fun we should do the. whole episode like that but I found you.

I found these videos online they have. millions of views and people are. obsessed they're pushing them around and. yeah I think somebody said bad friends. battle rap Philippines would be. at the echelon to me of us traveling. internationally so I think we should go. over there do a show and do a bad. friend's battle rap. well I mean we went out there did our. the show Friday show I know when does. that come out. fancy it's coming oh it's coming you. know what that means yeah nothing yeah. nothing at all well he edited it it was. anyway let's move on okay okay.

would you just roll your eyes at me dude. never you just did though no so you just. did that one time oh I see yeah yeah. he's getting cocky ever since dude he's. getting real cocky why. I don't even want to say it it's going. to get it's going to Hype them up that's. a [ __ ] podcast now and he's like all. you know I did it did you do it no I'm. not doing that because you are he texted. me Andrew please come talk to me. and you know what I said yeah. great yeah I should have said no I'm.

spawn into that guy here's another thing. what did you do what movie did you do I. don't remember but I remember being. angry because I was there I had to wear. he has props yeah and wardrobe oh wow. who does wardrobe for a podcast he does. oh you think he was gonna follow the. script right come on I know that's your. fault right yeah I'm gonna do it I'm. gonna do it soon because I'm I'm proud. of the kid and I want to help him out. what are you Aaron Sorkin you have to do. word for word the way you wrote it.

[ __ ] piece of [ __ ] then all right. you're you're a producer. I'm not look I want you to pull up a. photo. I'm not saying I'm not trying to make a. joke or anything but do. Jonah Hill somebody saw another photo. this guy you know how he gets big and. skinny and big and skinny there's a. picture that came out that somebody. showed me today that I was like man it. looks concerning like Jonah Hill now. there's no way no it was kind of wild. there's it's got to be on images maybe. images no that wasn't it there he is he.

looks good no no just click images Bud. the word yeah. um. but I think that's it that's actually. the one right it looks good yeah but. look at the whole body. he's got me the whole body. he looks great he looks great he looks. ripped so skinny and jacked yeah what's. he doing dude oh is that what you're oh. Sam Pick oh oh oh oh. what's ozone pick it's like a is it a. weight loss drug yeah yeah. whatever the case dude he he's looking.

the kid's looking great shout out to. that kid but I saw a photo and I was. like he's got kind of like a um Tom. Hanks uh. little Tom Hardy Tom Hanks up top Tom. Hardy down below yeah skinny tattooed. right like look he's in [ __ ] great. shape so I'm like what is he working on. this doesn't look like just life stuff. this looks like he's working on a movie. thing well he looked like that in a. YouTube movie right with Eddie Murphy. this is the most like in shape I think. I've ever seen the guy that Eddie Murphy. movie he looked good but this is like.

[ __ ] crazy Jack he's Jack these. skinny muscles out I just have to say. he's puffy he's the nicest guy yeah I'm. not saying anything negative so I'm not. saying he must be planning for something. is my point yes because he's looking. such a nice guy have you met him yeah. Jules no no. Jewels I know she'll be here soon I saw. her yesterday what happened another guy. I went to over the house um you went to. go see Jules and kalila at their house. goes let's watch a movie so I go I had. some time you know what that means what.

yeah how was she she looked kind of like. collateral too every girl looked like. that's a good question I've never said. that to you I know you haven't no never. and I wouldn't cross that line that's. really effective you do have a tall. beautiful model-esque long oh so every. tall pretty girl is kalila now long dark. hair. the blondes don't like me baby.

I know it's a bad thing have you never. had blondes before Sarah Hyland she's. kind of dirty blind she yeah but like a. blonde blonde oh no like a platinum. blonde no why do you think they wouldn't. like you. what is it maybe it's God's law. yeah maybe it's a prophetic God thing. what is God's law. son you will not get top of the line. you'll get nine. 0.5 Nine's still pretty good but not ten. why not is that God is that pretty good.

God yeah but why not God I would say. Korean God because Korean God fancy yeah. you think what does Korean God sound. like to you. like that no that's not do Korean God. Andrew you know Korean God my son yeah. out of my dad yes what do you think God. says what do you think God says about. you fans you think you have a better God. than some of us is yours a Spanish God. yeah yeah yeah he's probably a pervert.

you can't be you can't be much of a god. he's out whistling at women in the. street. [ __ ] perf he had a perv God so wait. you went over to the house and what. happened you watch a movie yeah and the. movie is. the most triggering movie I've ever seen. in my life what's it called soft and. quiet. I know I mean it sounds awful let me see. something quiet it's on the [ __ ]. Netflix. have you heard of it yeah 2.1 they shot. it in four days yeah yeah what's it.

about. a horror movie well I mean it's it's. it's it's. I I I it's a stretch to say it's a. horror movie why what is it where does. it land oh it's a Blum House it's a Blum. House movie so you think you know I mean. it's a horror movie but um oh [ __ ] it. I'll just talk about it I don't give a. [ __ ] I'll talk about it do it all right. a bunch so it's shot in one shot. so basically it's um it's it's one shot. so it's like the whole there's no Cuts.

Steadicam the whole time yeah fake fake. because I could see like when they point. to the sky yeah you have to cut it at. their Birdman cut it's a birdman yeah. but it's still seamless that you can't. you don't know where the cuts are so. like from beginning to end it starts off. with a teacher. Elementary School teacher oh yeah.

don't want spoilers there's no way to. say it without oh no I like it you like. it this is how all good movies start if. this school with a pie wink wink go on. what else happens. so then uh the football team comes in. yeah and then you see her go out in the. front of school it's pretty day it's. like 4 P.M or whatever she's a little. kid and little kid goes what do you have. he says I have a pie and it shows the. The Woman white woman walk into a forest.

yeah she finds a church well yeah yeah. she's a white woman she's wandering as. they do yeah she sees. um a bunch of other white female friends. in the church and it's this meeting. oh wow what was Kanye there no. I thought this okay it could be he could. have been it because watch okay and you. know this is now 15 minutes you know it. takes a while for to get there she opens. up uh the pie and on the surface of the. pie is a swastika seriously oh [ __ ] okay.

well you you love it now no yeah now I. want to see it did you see how before I. was just like oh teacher wandering Woods. right last I got you got my attention. and then. um they proceed to have a. a meeting a KKK meeting really yeah and. that's the film. oh it's the beginning of the film you. said it was a comedy or is it a horror. to me it's a comedy it sounds hilarious. to me.

yeah and then um that's the meeting. there's a bunch of old white women in. the room well not even all just it. ranges from early 20s to late 50s wow. these women right and then what's the. significance of the pie. what do you mean they ate it but why a. pie there is something there's got to be. something that's significant well. there's got to be something about the. pie right. because you could have put a swastik on. anything they could have done on Pizza. they could have done it on you know it's. sort of lasagna would have been fun it's. one of those places.

it's a very American thing America how. do you do it on the lasagna it's hard to. read are you kid you think I've never. put it. with the cheese you weirdo and then you. flame bro. you wanna come to Wednesday nights I. keep saying come to Wednesday nights oh. yeah that's when we do the lasagna all. your friends are there though that you. know what I mean yeah and we'll sneak. you in all right so they put it they put. a swastika on the pie that's it by the. way it's not really a uh what do you. call this this isn't like a spoiler. alert it's on the internet right there. yeah they already show it so it's not.

that hidden yeah and then um they go and. then the a priest walks up to the main. lady and goes get the [ __ ] out of here. like I guess they're not even supposed. to be there. what the priest is like get on here we. got some kids coming in you're gonna go. yeah and so the and one of the women. goes well let's go to my one of them. owns a store so they go to a store and. they see these two they seem maybe. native two girls but they could be. Hispanic I don't know that's exactly. what the producer said yeah they seem.

Hispanic but we don't know we don't know. but the Browns We're not gonna say right. they're credited as brown people they. could be half mulatto blacks. tough word but I love it good for you. what is that that's how you say it I. think that's it it's Milano like the. cookie oh like Alyssa Milano Pepperidge. Farm Milano is that is Alyssa Milano she. is oh yeah that's what they said yeah. that's where it comes from [ __ ] I knew. it Milano there's no I knew it there was. something I didn't trust about her same.

so anyway. um and they basically. um tell these two girls the store doors. closed while they're in the store yeah. then we're just gonna get a wine and. they go get the [ __ ] out of here that. type of thing and then. they go you have to buy the most. expensive wine then and and you know. when you tell a minority that they're. like well I can do it so they buy a 300. bottle of wine yeah and then when they. were leaving there was some sort of.

altercation and then the women go let's. go to their house and [ __ ] them up what. why I don't know why that's what this. was so infuriating about this movie did. this movie do well I think yeah it got. 86 on Rotten Tomatoes it was a Southwest. sideways yeah. it's a tick tock movie so people are. like talking about on Tick Tock okay. it's one of those where they're like. they can't people can't even get through. it. did you get through it we didn't want to. but you finished it we're like we look. at it I mean clown look at you like this.

is so [ __ ] up that's how I feel about. succession really every time every time. I start a new episode I'm like I don't. want to do this anymore it's exhaust. it's like it's taxing it's right am I. wrong it's exhausting it's like abusive. will they won't they will they won't. they will they won't they it's like so. anyway they go to the they find they go. to the woman's house these two their. sisters let me guess what swastika pie. they already ate the pie there's got to. be another one yeah but they took a [ __ ]. so maybe the same time. they did a [ __ ] that's so hard to do.

pretty Town pretty talented yeah and. then just you know if you want to watch. the movie I'm going to give it away now. give it away they kill them. oh wow. end of move me end of movement. can I get that no no no no no yeah I. need another tank end of movie is. powerful I know but that's not what I. meant to say that is something yeah yeah. what you're saying moved me move me a.

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says Bob I want you to come over for. dinner I don't tell a story Jake. Gyllenhaal tell another story. what do you break it up what do you. bring to Jake Gyllenhaal's house why do. I have to bring anything so this is. interesting yeah you didn't even think. about it you so you wouldn't show up to. JJ's house with something as a as like a. you know hey thank you for having us if. he's like we're doing a UFC party why. would I bring gloves I mean what the. [ __ ] do I bring well most people bring. booze or food. or a gift of some kind of unique fun. thing.

I've never brought anything to anyone. but what I'm telling you is you want to. leave a better impression because you're. such a lovable fun guy if you also bring. something they'll remember it forever. it'll be all right it'll be like man I. love Bobby Lee and you know what he did. yeah he brought over a slinky just one. Slinky and he gave it to him whoa that. would stay in there for the am I wrong. for the rest of time because your. presence is wonderful and then if you. gave something small and fun I know what. Rubik's Cube but I will switch out a. couple of the colors genius so that they. could never get that inside there's like.

one more green than red so they're just. confused like we can never solve this. what would you give as a fun gift of. going to a famous person's house what's. a fun Jake Gyllenhaal it doesn't matter. for you just make it up whoever it is. but what's the fun little quirky gift. oh maybe origami you would make origami. for them no I'd bring a bunch of paper. and some instructions and then everyone. could do it together and it'd be like a. funny sounds like another Kitchen Story. whoa. that could be fun so you would bring. them work no but some people think it's.

fun yeah well um you were doing origami. the whole trip the whole time on the bus. on the bus how many did you make there. was a bunch on this there were seven on. the windows on the windowsill of the. same Animal by the way lazy. just respect it but you did a swan we've. said been there done that you know but. it was like a handicapped swamp I know I. know it's like One Wing One Wing was I. thought it was a [ __ ] T-Rex yeah. because the neck was crooked it was all.

cricked with the winds wings but um what. would you bring to a nice party oh. that's easy drugs drugs what kind though. I probably bring mushrooms and maybe so. that's kind of other stuff like oh yeah. you're gonna show up to Jake Jones I. have mushrooms they don't do drugs I. guarantee you he likes mushrooms I'd be. willing to bet my bank account Jake. gyllenheld my cosmosis at all might be. the guy with mushrooms and if there's. like hot girls or some guys they'd be. like oh he's the guy with the mushrooms. yeah what about you fans. I would bring a nice bottle of wine.

right but this is the state that's what. I'm saying that's a standard answer when. he brought up the wine in the shop I. thought why is this go-to thing and by. the way every time I brought wine to. somewhere they don't give a [ __ ] so now. I don't do it anymore I bring a unique. thing for something fun I know it was. cube without a [ __ ] thing it's. [ __ ] something fun level up level up. something fun and interesting and new. mushrooms is you obviously you would. bring that look at you right but. surprise them. okay here we go you're a writer so go.

ahead hey. easy one would be swastika pie. swastik Empire is really anything there. probably is a lot of swastika stuff on. eBay so I would get them like a belt. with a swastika on it cool very cool. very cool the other thing that I do is. cook in something Spanish that is very. unique. empanadas tortilla.

listen if you're listening right now you. want to invite me to your party I'm. gonna surprise you with something fun. what am I going to bring. I'll tell you what I know what I would. do again go ahead I would bring one. single shoe of a child whoa a little. tiny shoe whoa and you know what I'd. hand it to him but never talk about it. ever again or dress up as a movie. character for one of his movies. see this is funny I know what I'm gonna. do what I would as a wave.

what a gigantic wave from what oh I know. I've seen that movie Day After Tomorrow. yeah oh very good but you know because. it's it's it. right you'd be like what I go remember. he would yeah he would remember he's. like and then I'm just sitting there. watching UFC in a wave of Costco. it wasn't a frozen wave it did freeze it. did eventually there is a scene where.

a wave a gigantic waves. yeah that's it what are they called you. should know tsunamis there it is they. can go what is what's the root origin of. tsunami why is it called a tsunami do. you know. it's a Japanese word. yeah go on and in Japanese it translates. to Big Wave big wave that's right we. added the tea used to be called tsunami. but we added the tea yeah we wanted to. be a little different to Tsunami exactly. because it sounds like you know Sashimi. tsunami you had to separate it yeah if.

you were Jake what would you what. character would you dress up as uh well. yeah by the way no he might listen to. this and also invite you to his house. one day yeah so what movie character. probably the rabbit from Donnie Darko. I'd really stand out and people be like. who's that great movie and then I'd sit. next to you the whole time because I. know you. or if Tom Hanks what would you dress up. as Tom Hanks you know I just realized I. wanted to dress up as I I want I don't.

want to be the animal from okay. hey look at the animal from okja. remember okija remember that movie yeah. big huh the pig yeah it's a pig it's a. big oversized pig that's what I want to. be from okacha Super Pig and who's in. that movie he is Jake Jake yeah he's. he's the pig oh he is no no but I want. to be a big people that you know what. that well you could go to wherever that. girl's name Bobby Lee tell me that's not. me and you. when we go out for a night on the town. yeah you think we don't look like that.

to most people yeah I've actually walked. into a restaurant I've heard somebody go. okay they think that it's you and me out. on the town yeah that looks more like. Falcor from Neverending Story than than. anything else so a Tom Hanks movie what. would you show up as as a character. that's good Philadelphia's easy isn't it. I know well though. point right if I know we would like try. to beat each other who would be more. aidsy yeah I'd be way I doubt AIDS you I. know what I would do that no chance you.

know I would get AIDS. good I would get AIDS and I would wait a. year and who would you get it from what. me there way ahead of you pal yeah what. Tom Hanks movie would you do I'd be like. a FedEx delivery driver. well from what from Castaway oh okay. that's a long stretch that's a stretch. to stretch oh yeah he was uh but he was. he was like a more corporate level in. there he was never wearing the outfit. yeah he wasn't he wasn't he was on the.

plane character he played no but yeah. then you have to explain like well I. know you're not a FedEx I mean you were. corporate but I'll be the snowman. from uh the uh the train from Elvis what. Elvis man you're stretching all this. [ __ ] [ __ ] it seems to me you. haven't seen a lot of time experience. but I don't want to be it from The Burbs. I'm just being a dad and then they just. place a lot of like old men mankind Auto.

big as he literally is playing an older. man well he's playing you could show up. as a mermaid. but that's not him that's that's from. Splash it doesn't matter it's front but. he'll get a half to play yeah it's just. something he'll get it fine I'll be. Forrest Gump no no again yeah hacky okay. one of the weird little bugs from The. Green Mile that comes out of the big. guy's mouth you could be that that's. kind of reality see what I mean that's. more up your ass yeah I'll be the bug.

this is a fun game. what Tom Hanks movie how about this what. what other actor give me let's do. another one uh what I was gonna say Tom. Cruise oh Sandra Bullock oh okay that's. a good one I would show up was she The. Blind Side yeah I would be Michael Oher. I'd show up as a big black guy and I. would commit I'd do ball blackface yeah. and I would gain 600 pounds whoa whoa. you know what I would do well it's for. the party. yeah you gotta keep me and Eric Griffin. together. [Laughter].

would play. a boss. [Laughter]. from speed. I couldn't do it by myself but if Eric. was like the the bulk of it he's the bus. yeah yeah and I could be on his shoulder. as a as a driver yeah Bobby choo choo. man yeah yeah that's true that's a. pretty good one yeah that is very good. what would you do I've never seen any of. her movies Sandy you never seen a Sandy. flick no I have. um I'd probably be like uh Miss. Congeniality love me a good Sandy flick.

by the way yeah she's one that like we. can't lose that's the most likable. she's so non-offensive I know but you. then you find out that she's like. addicted to Fentanyl and she's nodding. out on uh what's it called in Philly. have you seen her no they caught her on. the side of the street look at Philly. Philly fentanyl they got look up Sandra. Bullock Philadelphia fentanyl she's on. the street they caught her doing. fentanyl on the side of the street. nodding off it's insane do videos you'll. see it it's not heard it's Gotta Be it. can't be her two images It's gotta be.

you'll see her oh. yeah look right there in the top fifth. sixth photo up keep right boom that's. her in Philly she's uh. no it's not dude you're seeing stuff and. then this one there it is not looking. good she's been nodding off on fentanyl. no buddy you don't believe me that's. your choice he's just walking down the. street man on fentanyl okay look at what. this is what's going on in Philly uh he. knows by the way have you seen what is.

going on in Philadelphia no the show go. to Just Google search Philadelphia. fentanyl I don't even know the name of. the street but there's a prominent. Street in Philly where people are. nodding off on the side of the road but. that's every American city no no this. one's like crazy it's crazy bad. but people are like halfway up like that. guy go down a little bit down uh fourth. row down down down down one more one. more down this one so this is what. everybody looks like now. everybody is half nodding they're. there's their.

it's like they're trying to suck their. own dick but they're trying to stay away. you know what you should do when we're. there fentanyl yeah we're going to. Philly. and then when they're walking down the. street we could do a thriller thing. [Applause]. oh.

[Laughter]. cause this is. [Laughter]. I gotta tell you. [Laughter].

it's terrible that's terrible it's. terrible. yeah there's it that's what it is. Kensington right look look that up oh. that's it Kensington Avenue in Philly. it's the most prominent area of fentanyl. use oh my God so sad so tragic it's wild. but they are it does look like Thriller. [Laughter]. imagine if one guy was not enough and. you walk by him he just popped him when. [Laughter].

Jesus. because this is fentanyl yeah yeah. um hey should we bring in our Our Guest. we got a guest that's here he just. showed up he's here right is he here. he's here bring him the [ __ ] on in I. forgot who it was good friend of ours. one of our favorite homies on Earth Jay. Larson oh the Jay Larson. Jay Lawson sit down there you live still. on the west side or what I'm on the west.

side yeah yeah you like it over there. yeah I love it can I just say my. favorite thing is that there's not even. glass right there they're just like in a. takeout window. yeah yeah that's what they do with the. Hispanics. okay first of all you made it about you. made it racial and although that may be. true we don't need to communicate that. to the public right don't make it about. race yeah you're back there because. you're below us that's why I do love. that he's the whitest Hispanic I've ever. seen in my life they both are Carlos is. Mexican. that is Carlos and Andres we couldn't.

find more light-skinned Spanish people. on Earth that's what they said in the ad. yeah. let's play a game do you remember. um the one time that you were mad at me. oh I want to hear it oh yeah but I think. there's more than one no that's the only. I could only think of one but you you. know the more than one time you were mad. at me time no I remember yeah when. plural times when we were going to run. your special and you didn't show up that.

time. do you know what's funny what I just. went on a date with a girl and we. matched on a dating app went on a date. and she's like yeah you know I uh the. the first time I started being. interested oh actually I never want to. do yes I did she goes I started being. interested in you and she was I went to. see Bobby leave run his hour and he. didn't show up and I remember everyone. was so bummed that Bobby wasn't there. but then you went up and you had such a. great set and I was like who's this guy. amazing stolen stolen right out from. under you but the thing is I love Bobby.

Lee and always always have and I was. more I wasn't mad at you I just wanted. you to care more because I I think. everybody loves watching you do stand up. that's right. like a good story though sounds like a. great story was mad at me for a little. while though how long were you mad at. Bob for. not long maybe two two and a half years. [Laughter]. the weirdness between us I think no. because yeah because you're you're. [ __ ] weird as [ __ ] yeah you're weird.

that's unsalting oh wait a minute. he just learned unsalted so he gets. these confused all right because it says. when we go out if something's unsalted. he goes that's insulting and I go Bob. it's unsalted and he'll just mix these. things up yeah yeah are you trying to. honestly look are you trying to say that. for any genuine you're not strange. you're strange in a good way no you. don't think you're strange at all listen. I'm gonna say Bobby uh.

Bobby is right by the way write it down. Bobby 100 Bobby now I think you've grown. a lot emotionally in that it used to be. that you come up and you'd be like hey. buddy and you give a hug and then you. try to slap me in the dick and then you. would leave and now you come up and you. genuine look at me like hey how are you. you know what I mean that you're grown. as a man that's great would you say. that's I'm fine will you say this then. yeah that was once weird. yeah I think you were just worried about. about you would you thought I was gonna.

be mad at you and so you were gonna be. awkward but I was like I still love you. bro yeah yeah I just don't want any. [ __ ] bad feelings between us was. there another time that I'm that we no. no no not at all I imagine there was all. right there's a let me get those. Santino had me prep he's like falling. out falling out to other Comics before. um yeah yeah but I don't look at this as. a falling out with you yeah it's funny I. have falling out so every comic has. falling outs with other comments yeah. it's a part of the world or the business.

of like she's too young to know it yeah. you have your daddy. not like no like I've drifted away from. people but I think that's different. though we're talking about no thank you. don't need to see you ever again no no. that happens in our business because. we're too close we're on top of each. other all the time yeah so you. eventually go no thank you I'm okay and. then you've got to navigate it because. sometimes they're famous or whatever and. they're doing well so it's like you do. it in your own way. By ignoring yeah well we all have our. own way but you know for the most part I.

have a list I know you have a list of. what of people you don't like. no. Jay if you're going over to a famous man. or woman's house they invite you to a. dinner party what are you bringing. I mean you got to bring a bottle of wine. right that was the initial thing was why. they're not gonna want you to bring food. but but we said nowadays they don't even. care about the wine no one gives a [ __ ]. anymore they [ __ ] it off they usually go. oh hey thank you yeah and then they. throw it away so we said you got to.

bring something else a little bit more. fun all right memorable I already said a. Rubik's Cube missing a couple colors. that's not what I'm starting with I was. thinking maybe you bring like uh you. make like a pre-made high-end cocktail. for everyone if we're not [ __ ] with. wine we're like but if they're if. they're bougie and they do it right. they're gonna have everything dialed in. food and drink wise anyway so maybe the. Rubik's is the play I don't know about. missing the colors no you want to find. out missing we add extra colors yeah.

they'll never be able to solve it got it. yeah it's Unstoppable but you think. they're gonna just sit down like hey. guys everybody hold up we got a Rubik's. let's solve this real quick you know. those guys can solve it in six seconds. yeah Rick lastman can yeah yeah anybody. with autism I think that's part of the. time they can do it it's like you're. born with what's the world record on. solving a ruby I'll tell you right now. what give it before I look it up I'll. say it's 3.8 seconds I'm gonna say four. seven four seven I'd say seven point.

four seven seconds. I was thinking minutes originally well. go for it then stick to your bad answer. minutes don't bail out on a shitty. answer I know it's wrong now with your. guesses. Rubik's Cube World Record talented. nine-year-old Chinese six nines. have you ever seen this can you just put. show them how you're not gonna believe. this [ __ ]. it I've never solved one I mean either. have you ever solved I've had one never. all my life I it's still not I've never.

solved it and I don't care if I ever do. I don't ever want yeah I threw it I am I. gotta be honest I'm blown away he's. Chinese. [Laughter]. I mean of all the places I think yeah he. would be from that's not that's a white. that's my just to see him do it that's. an old standard white right. ready look at it that's 4.22 this is the. new world record. wow holy [ __ ] my favorite is when they.

they you see how he picked it up at. first and looks at it yeah they look at. it they get time to like look at it so. they have they have like under a thing. then you get a chance to look at it and. then they put it down like all right I'm. ready so they they process what it looks. like and then they go but I feel like. there's got to be a category where you. don't get to look at it first because. that to me seems like the real challenge. not looking all right well am I wrong. hard enough then make it hard enough you. know you know what's so funny about the. human mind I bet you at some point in. the future not looking at it and looking.

at it they'll be able to beat the. looking at it before because that's how. dedicated the mind is or there's just. going to be two records there'll be two. records right yeah well he looked at it. you might have to cut it out no no leave. it in all right leave it in so um. notice the people are doing they're all. skinny a fact I wouldn't be able to do. it I'd be thinking about food the whole. time. oh is that what it is I don't I think so. you have to be nimble no is that. controversial all right look Google is. there any fat Rubik's Cube I love it.

this is controversial for you. well well I've said some things yeah. yeah it doesn't always work that way. though because the hot dog Champion is. skinny Joey Chestnut yeah but the. inside's fat no yeah no he's skinny fat. there is a thing called skinny fat where. where he's. his he he's bigger than you than he. looks he's not fat but he's just got. more space than no I mean they're pretty. skinny I think some of them have seen. anything really skinny I don't even. understand how does he even find out. that that's the skill set that he has.

see that that's a this is another thing. like with with sports with sports you go. you can see athleticism started you go. wow the kids got a thing of the thing. this is a dare like in college like she. said for real we uh Del Taco used to. have 25 cent tacos on Tuesday night so. we would go to the dorm and there's a. couple of guys we would all usually just. get a few tacos but there's a couple of. guys that were like I'm gonna see how. many I can eat and they would battle and. whoever ate more the other guy would pay. for him and there was one dude on our. Hall that was a little tizzy he had a.

little tism interesting cat wouldn't. look you in the eyes little tizzy looked. you on a third button down sweet kid he. could eat like 20 tacos no [ __ ] from Del. Taco House them 20 tacos and still be. fine didn't like pass out a throw up he. felt ill but it was fine and I think. it's one of those moments like that that. people go I think I have a weird. capability of eating way too much food. go to a full body one you can't tell. from the um bigger than you think he. he's got a pistachio commercial right. now he does the joke.

not big he might have that like look at. those arms your gut you know but he's. just I think he's got a break maybe his. can is good so a good time yeah seed oh. my God probiotic is so important for. your stomach you got to be able to move. you got to be able to move in there and. I have irregular poops you always have. I've always had it right but now I've. been taking seed and now I have regular. poos I take this every day and I really. feel good about it I gotta tell you to. balance your life and your health is the. most important thing for me to have an. easy stomach so I feel good during the.

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bad friends to redeem a 30 off your. first month of seeds DSO on daily. symbiotic that's seed.com bad friends. and use the code bad friends. in college we used to go to parties if. we went to a frat house and they'd have. a pool room they'd always had a pool. table we'd steal one ball we'd always. steal one ball did you ever get the full. set no no no we'd always just like to. steal a ball because it would [ __ ]. because you now they have to go get yeah. and you can't buy one ball Amazon didn't. exist back then some pledge got his ass. handed I know I love it we used to steal.

one ball all the time my dad fired three. employees because of me and I never told. anyone why. because I sold 14 Grand for my dad's. safe time out hold up. what the [ __ ] Bobby I used to steal a. pool ball you stole 14. 000 not in one shot even still what was. your what was your like average when I. was using when I wasn't using it when I. was 17 when I was using drugs okay every. Friday my dad would he had six clothing. stores in San Diego Fashion Gal right so. he would go.

he would go to Every fashion kill and. pick up money in these brown paper bags. that were stapled and then bring it back. to our house put in the safe and then. Monday would deposit I don't know why he. did it that way and you knew the safe. combination no I said I had to my. license so I'll do that for you Dad. scumbag right so I would go I would get. I bought a stapler and it opened the bag. I would take a couple hundred bucks out. what's so funny I love the big. investment was a stapler for this whole. operation.

now let's staple it back together and he. in his mind he thought it was like his. employees so he fired them so three. three jobs yeah yeah and now sorry. I had to do math. and now your dad is dead because of all. this yeah he knows now probably wherever. he is wait you think he's dead for the. stress from the firings yeah because he. knew those people were good people had. nothing to do with that yeah no and I. think his dad died honestly because. those people were good people he knew it. he felt bad and he thought something was. afoot.

and sure enough but you stole you think. you stole around ten to fourteen. thousand dollars yeah a lot did you yeah. how much you know I usually steal from. my dad my dad kept his wallet in in his. uh in his top sock drawer and if it. wasn't on him and it was in there I know. that's because he's in the shower or he. always kept his wallet on him like he. did you wouldn't know because you heard. the shower running if I knew he was in. the shower I could get in yeah go get. the wallet but he would always keep like. he always kept cash but he would keep a. couple hundred bucks in his wallet at.

any given time but if he had broken 100. during the day I could snipe a 20 or two. out of there but if I took a hundred. he'd beat the [ __ ] he would know Hunter. did you ever get caught. one time he said something to me about I. think he had asked he he forgot if he. gave me money to get me and my sister. pizza and he's like did I give you uh. cash for that and I was like I think. yeah I think you did and he's like did. you give me the change. and I was like I think I did give him a. chance and he's like yeah I'm short a. little bit of money did you you gave me. the change and then I immediately got to.

my room and then I oh I found it yeah he. knew in my jeans very good very good I. found it Dad I'm sorry that was but then. I think he put it together he I that I. must have been sniping but a hundred. dollar bill would have never that's. insane. well he'd punched me if I in just for. regular days but. in the face or just like in the. shoulders body shots I got a body shot. no he wouldn't he wouldn't punch me I. don't know I don't I actually don't know.

like every kid steals from their parents. I don't know what they would have done. if they found out that I was thievering. did you guys steal did they have that in. Mexico no what about in Spain you don't. steal from your parents you don't steal. at all are pesos coins hold on did your. parents have money. yeah look at him yeah okay well if your. parents have the money to give you then. it's a different story but if you're. like right needing to get something you. know oh my god did you ever steal money. no I did still Vicodin. no my stepdad had a pill pill bottle in.

the in the bathroom and I would just get. one pill at a time similar to your story. I wouldn't take the whole thing can't. you take the whole thing a little bit. off the top yeah I know you're from. Arizona oh yeah yeah we're going for. money you're going for pills yeah I. never stole money I stole money when I. worked at the coffee shop when people. wouldn't tip I would like add a dollar. to the receipt.

he yelled at me he goes I know you're. [ __ ] drinking he goes and he started. putting a red marker where he left it. off and I would fill it with water So. eventually it was just water. oh my God. yeah yeah I never stole from my roommate. you never did I never stole from. roommates I was always so scared of that. thing yeah I mean well I liked them you. didn't like it yeah no no I was like but. also I the only time I ever had an.

inclination was I wanted a new phone and. I couldn't afford it and they gave me. rent because I was the responsible one. and I thought I should just. and not give the rent money and then. we'll figure it out later but I didn't. do it when you're poor though I remember. doing I was 24 or when I was like I need. a phone so bad and I was gonna do it I. didn't do it I'm glad I didn't do it but. I really thought about because when you. have the cash in your hand you're like I.

Never Gonna know yeah what would you do. then you would have to make up the money. though no yeah but I at that point. you're you're so you're so horny from. the thing that you're running on that. high yeah yeah you don't care you're. just gonna do it I mean we used to steal. I've talked on the show I used to steal. from McDonald's constantly yeah my buddy. Chris got they got fired for stealing. cash we just steal food and sometimes a. couple of bucks but we call them. stealing they would steal those guys got. fired they stole a couple hundred bucks. uh every week I think they would I mean. they were I did too when I was.

bartending you would like bartending. it's part of par for the course you have. to steal when you bartend it's part of. the game it's part of the game you. remember do you remember uh. the hell is his name Pete Johansen oh. yeah he used to work at. um the Roxbury on Sunset back in the 90s. and his bar manager would come over to. him at the beginning of the night and be. like make sure you're taking a little. for yourself tonight because you're not. taking a little you're taking a lot. wow and that's like what goes down. when you're but when you're poor the.

kind of fights you have with the. roommates are ridiculous it's like. everyone we had a phone bill and my I. was living in Silverlake and looked at. the phone bill goes who called Santa. Monica. Santa Monica I'm not paying the three. cents I mean it's like like that those. kind of fights oh yeah because you're so. hungry and you have no money oh we used. to fight the toilet paper fight was. endless it was endless because it was. like I'm not buying it it's like well. I'm not [ __ ] but I'm not buying until. you get a bathroom that's of your own. when I was sharing bathrooms always an. argument in a fight I already bought it.

you [ __ ] you buy it I'm I bought and. then finally one of you gets an office. job and you're like I'm gonna steal it. from the office so we I'd steal toilet. paper from my office constantly I'd. literally get it back yeah I will load. up on whatever I could get from the. office yeah and then come back home and. I'd have toilet paper turkey. there's always deli meat and all Cuts. you know yeah I would there's always. deli meat there's always somebody go get. some PA had to go get down to me so I. get toilet paper turkey uh pens and. printer paper and printer ink I used to. steal printers gold I used to steal that.

constantly from the old office wow and. they never questioned it because the guy. wasn't keeping inventory he would just. put it on the thing to go get and then. assume an executive was just printing a. lot of scripts we ever you guys are ever. on point where you didn't eat at all. like you were just starving yeah. literally starving when I first moved. for days I would say. just to the point where I ate Ramen for. like a week and a half straight every. day yeah but I but I did it for I would. do. um ramen in the morning and then at.

night I try to at least like buy like a. from the grocery store or the 7-Eleven I. mean not the grocery store I buy like an. old sandwich you know first of all. right old what do you mean like. throwing that out of a half price dude. at 7-Eleven let me tell you everything. there's all everything is always made. premises nothing's new. yeah well let me say this now that. you're so you're both single Bobby how. is what is it like is it are you. miserable are you killing it. wasn't life so aggressive tell me Well.

clear I'm not sucking dude's tongues. right now. is it going well Jay it's what it is you. know when you have kids and it's not. it's a different situation you know yeah. what about you no. he's having a tough time why I think he. doesn't really uh his standards are. ridiculous and my standards too high and. then he meets somebody that is probably. wonderful and he just bails on him or he.

just checks out I mean like he did for. his when he was a surprise. like for your hours. but he does but he needs advice help him. out with this I mean what are your. standards why they have to be so high. because he's a special Little Prince. I don't know maybe it's um I don't know. I I just I like what I see you know what. I mean yeah dude I know it but yeah yeah. I think I'm like with even with the. weight I'm like a seven seven and a half. I feel like you're a solid like four.

five five right you say 45. well I know but I think don't you think. what you do for a living raises that I. think yeah I think people enjoy laughter. and charm and you have that and you are. adorable yeah yeah you know what I mean. so yeah but I mean I think it comes down. to sometimes you just like what do you. think's Bob's flaw juice and and why he. hasn't found a new thing. well for one I think it's okay to have. high standards yeah thank you I think.

you you know what you want and you. shouldn't settle. um but you mean you've been talking for. a quick smash but for a quick smash. stay with quick smash that's where I was. going next well I mean Carlos is good at. quick Smasher probably he'll smash. anything no that's not true you've seen. me with hot girls but I've seen it with. other ones. as well that's true yeah no thank you. well when you were wrestling do you wear. a mouth guard do you remember when. you're back in the days and they'd throw. it in a boiling [ __ ] [ __ ] pot of. water you always did that just bite down.

on it and your dad was like it's not. that hot it's steaming hot yeah and. you'd singe the roof of your [ __ ]. mouth with it I have always hated doing. those I was like just let me use an old. one he's like you can't you got to get a. new one the old ones are don't work and. you sit there he'd boil it my daddy he. would take it on me like oh out here put. it in your mouth. shove it in your skull yeah yeah send. your mouth drop it hated it the dropping. the weight for the tournament before is. the worst well you're wearing. you know I mean what do you call it the. um sweat suit not a sweatsuit but we.

were plastic bag like a suit and then we. go in a dry soda like garbage bags the. garbage bags yeah and then we would have. to like sweat it out so what age did you. wrestle till you know he was really good. do you know this I just and his brother. was really good too yeah I'm athletic no. seriously they were really good I'm. super athletic well that that's again. don't do that we've talked about this. that's not true you're good at some. things. athletic means you have a broad range of. athleticism across the board that's what. it means that's literally yeah look at. what the [ __ ] athletic means what do you. think of me what other sports are you.

good at. I was on tennis team in high school the. physical equalities that are. characteristic of athletes such as. strength Fitness and Agility so you're. not across those boards I could be if I. wanted to be well and if and that's the. thing agility quick as [ __ ] bro like the. flash still that's me dude I'm all over. the place right what's the other one I. like that I could be of strength Fitness. and Agility so yeah I could do all that. [ __ ] I just don't want to I like pizza. yeah and if I was black I'd be in the.

NBA I don't like that's such a bad. argument I could no because it was if. you're making me mad because the thing. is that I'm not I could prove it to you. but I don't want to it's [ __ ] then. then it's fake no because just because I. don't want to prove it it's not real. then all right it's not real if you want. to show me your Athletics are you. athletic. don't insult me don't insult me on our. show are you athletic he's athletic 100. I'm Athletics me too then no you're. [ __ ] not because you play golf I play. many sports my whole life no you didn't.

you played you wrestled and that was in. a team what years on these things oh I. was on the High School tennis you look. at the yearbooks wrestling yeah get the. yearbook. he acts like it's the Wikipedia page for. it I have I have photos on my Instagram. one year of tennis no years I played. with Michael Chang I was good look at. look at that that's me and my brother. wrestling. that's fine first of all it's a picture. of you in wrestling uniform 35 years ago. yeah no that was in high school 35 years. ago and then look at look look at the.

third photo up there. Triple H. Triple A is that for Mad TV that's a. high school [ __ ] yeah that's a hike. that guy yeah well it's on you see the. photo [ __ ] face yeah no [ __ ] but you're. in the same weight class that got me. break dancing dude wrestling break. dancing I do it all he is multifaceted. break dancing is athletic let's be. honest there he is eating chicken wings. there he is eating chicken wings scroll.

down. that's who you are yeah now. that's you that's the Bob I love and I. know that guy right there uh Jay Larson. is a good old friend of ours we've both. known for a long time who's a hilarious. comedian and we would highly recommend. you please watch uh Jay Larson's special. on YouTube. we'll link it yeah fans link it please. in the description I appreciate that. boys it's called sounds like Bruce okay. which is a which is a phrase from.

arguably not just Jay's one of the best. jokes I've ever uh ever heard if you. know it you know it if you've seen it on. the internet people probably some people. I'm assume a lot of people already know. uh but it's a good call call to one of. the best jokes I've seen on the internet. what is this thanks pal Bobby sent this. to me. Bobby sent us to me and said we gotta go. to church. you sent this to me I did not tell you.

that I'll show you the deal I think I. did yeah you did yeah and he said we. need Jesus we need Jesus. this man is just beating his patrons. with a belt. and they're taking it yeah. that's a Sunday morning by the way where. is it what's that do you know where it. is Temecula. Temecula California my friend no um I. don't we don't know I don't know where. it's from he said it to me and just said.

we got to go to church yeah I just felt. like the the Lord calling me to get beat. you want to get beat in public I deserve. it you think so yeah a little a little. uh don't you deserve it I think it's. pretty dogmatic to want pain and. pleasure and all I get I get what you it. means to you it's one of those things. where you kind of go you know how you. see a cooking show you go oh I'd love to. eat that Meatloaf right I want to know. what that feels like. to be in a church and get beat by your. preacher well I mean it's not like you. he's repeatedly doing it so maybe one.

swag you know my my buns will jiggle. just one swack of it's fine yeah don't. you think yeah and we just want to know. what that feels like let me make amends. real fast all right sorry okay go ahead. you are athletic no it's okay look at me. I've seen you I've seen you do things. that are very athletic okay and you're. strong and you're smart no and I care. about you no no and you have a good. penis a regular nice regular penis okay. okay no you don't want it I don't want. it man you really made me mad shut up. yeah shut up [ __ ] you no [ __ ] you you.

shut up you're acting like a [ __ ] guy. I just said it's nice stuff to you I. know but you no and then you said no. that's 45 minutes your week you got. nothing I didn't say week once I didn't. say got nothing once did I think podcast. your week you got nothing did I say any. anything like that no it was just. implied it's implication yeah you I you. don't think I can take implications I. know what they mean what do they mean. that means I could read through the. lines between the lines what do you mean. what what is calling me a little [ __ ]. no I'm not no I'm not and you when you.

get together with your white jockey. friends. the only reason I say you couldn't be a. jockey is because they're very athletic. they're very they're very athletic let's. see what you guys do when you guys get. together no one could you try me dude.

what do you mean try you oh you come to. my podcast and you [ __ ] treat me like. that both of you he's been saying it was. his the whole time yeah I know he thinks. it's his all right all of you in the. room hear me roar we love you hear me. [ __ ] you need to slow down you're a part. of the whole thing. no I've had enough of it I'm drawing the. line right now right I'm 51 I'm athletic. I could be you're right you could be. yeah even I choose not to I agree I like.

that all right hey I will [ __ ] you guys. out one day thank you for being a bad. man man. [Music]. laughs. [Music].