Ask Before You Touch | Ep 157 | Bad Friends

hey what up bad friends I'm still here. down under mate I'm in Australia but I'm. back soon and Me and Bobby are on tour. come see the bad friends we're doing 30. plus cities we're adding cities we're. adding shows I'm so excited to come see. you guys and me and bobito finally will. be back together again huh yellow and. orange back together again go to. badfriendspod.com. badfriendspod.com that's where you can. see all the dates and all the cities. that we're going to plus we're adding. cities and adding shows so stay tuned.

and thank you for being a bad friend. [Music]. [Music]. we're bad friends yeah I could not dude. him what his glorial stories last night. kept me up I was so sick and I could not. sleep because I was thinking about this. you know what's so funny what he asked. me after the episode he's like was that. too much. what do you talk of course of course.

yeah that's way too much it was perfect. for the show yeah yeah we needed to. learn that you were an exploratory guy. who is very of. um uh easily manipulated yeah and also. naive naive hey hey naive and you trick. yourself you trick yourself into. thinking that yeah it might not be a guy. behind hole numbers one and two what I. don't plan on going back like in a. couple weeks I don't believe that I. don't believe that I think that's what.

we won't go one time. [Laughter]. right now anyway um thank you and I love. you and I love you more than I think. I've ever left I love you more than. anything on the minimum should we just. say something to her right now [ __ ]. whoa was that the meat locker joke still. in my heart dude all right all right let. me see it Glory boy Glory boy.

you got my respect last night you did. yeah you're a bottom dweller dude you're. the underbelly of the underbelly dude. you really are low down to the bottom. what you know that fish that like. literally lives at the bottom of the. ocean there you are there you are oh my. God that kind of looks like you yeah. that's it dude and that's what your. parents think of you yeah they do. because I've seen the videos they think. about it oh yeah yeah I've seen the. videos dude yeah with the whole hotel. thing when he looked when your dad. turned around and looked at you dude hey. do me a favor you take your hat off and.

then Spike just a little piece of your. hair in the side just a twisty just. twist one of the hairs in the middle. together like it's an antenna yeah. exactly dude exactly dude look at that. and that's where you're gonna die alone. no no I'm gonna find somebody you know. what oh you're gonna find a bottom. dweller too down there is there glory. holes for girls is that a real thing I. like how you look to me well you're the. woman on the show yeah how would that. work though it's more like a porn. category I don't I think it's a myth. what do you mean how would that work. well how does a glory hole for a woman. the hole has to be bigger I mean what.

are you saying he puts her lip no no oh. she's doing oh shits her mouth I'm. singing vagina. oh yeah yeah right that yeah right. that's cool we'll just walk a virgin you. know that's German they're so funny. about that kind of stuff yeah all that. stuff came from Germany yeah yeah so. tell me Nazis did nothing good. but let me say something if you had done. that yeah then we'd be like okay that's. fun that's fun I'd be okay with anything. it doesn't exist though that's like a. production that's not true that. absolutely exists do you think there's.

not sex clubs and stuff like that well. I'm not I try to go to a sex club a. couple weeks ago uh like who brought you. there just someone I know okay we know I. we know okay go ahead you tried to go. what do you mean they didn't let you in. well she asked the owner if I could go. as a whole thing like I'm like a random. guy it's like rich people it's straight. out of like True Detectives do you have. to send in a headshot. I think I would have to send like. information about myself like oh I gotta. go I gotta go you think I can go you can. definitely go yeah go with you no.

[Laughter]. no no no no right away yeah because. because you're gonna look for holes in. the walls yeah you know what I mean and. I'm gonna go dude just left that kind of. house not how it goes man and you can. look up people look at painting lift the. paintings up there's a whole you know. imagine he's just going around punching. holes in the walls yeah yeah so no you. can't go because it's a beautiful house. probably yeah it's like a nice so let me. ask you this okay. um if I go how many is it even like if. you're in a sex party is it 50 women 50. men gotta be right I think it really is.

because well that can't go first thing. why you want why you want better odds. you want better I need better odds yeah. well because because that means that. leaves me with one I totally agree with. you by the way right and I'm gonna. strike out with that one and I was like. I'm gonna go to the jacket and I'm Gonna. Leave the [ __ ] house right but then. some other guy gets two. yeah but it's probably Tom Hardy but. what if you get to what if some other. guy strikes out I don't know if I'm. willing to take the risk I get it also I. don't know how to ask here I'm a girl. and ask me at the party. hey hey what's up.

great party tell me about it I come to. these things all the time yeah have you. been here before that's my first one oh. really yeah oh that's so cute I know the. same person that Carlos now you probably. don't know Carlos anyway. who's Carla oh it's he's I mean the guy. that's come serving food no oh that. man's name is Carl I know no it's not. that guy oh okay you wouldn't know the. Carlos because he would be digging. putting holes in the walls oh the whole. Glory boy oh he come last time the [ __ ]. fish yeah he's been here. oh really do you know that guy oh yeah. [ __ ] fish yeah he's my friend anyway it.

works for me. I like him he's yeah he's all right so. what's up anyway. um so it looks like 49 people are hooked. up with 49 people that count in the room. yeah everyone is kind of yeah I guess. it's you and me baby. hahaha. see that's what that that is the. nightmare of night right but what if it. goes like this ready ask me again okay. so um 49 well that's 49 people and uh 49. guys with morning girls together yeah I. guess you and I baby I mean it's what. I've always wanted what a Korean I've.

tasted the entire world I've never had. Korean wait wait let's stop right there. the entire world yes like who oh I've. had. um 13 countries in Africa how many guys. per country. or so. well yeah condom though. what's a condom oh so raw dog yeah o o r. d yeah yeah oh that's the lingo that's. what we say because I've never been to. this club right yeah so you raw dog.

probably thousands of men. maybe tens of thousands okay okay okay. um I'm wearing my jacket no you're gone. I couldn't do it see what I mean though. yeah what do you mean it could go both. ways you could be you're assuming that. you're gonna want to [ __ ] someone what. if you find nobody you'd like to [ __ ]. that's what I'm saying my because that I. mean if it was like this if it was like. Ukraine right now what is this. what how is this like Ukraine well.

always in the Eastern European country. where there's a war yeah there are more. women than men that's true yeah that's. because the men are all dead or gone at. War I didn't want to say that part I get. it yeah I mean I get it hopefully I. could just throw Ukraine out there and. you would get what I'm saying I just. yeah okay I should next time that's my. fault right is it not like is it not. true Spanish yeah. no but it will go with it yeah yeah if. you go to any of these countries right. there's always more women than men the. men are off at War exactly right okay so.

I want is there like one in Ukraine you. want Ukraine odds well I want to go to. Ukraine let's just go to the UK yeah is. it let's do a sex party at Ukraine I'm. sure there are a bunch so you had you. got denied entry they literally said you. can't come in well I didn't like show up. and get turned down at the door you. texted this person they said probably. not no they reached out on my behalf and. they're like I don't know it's like you. know it's just him it's kind of weird. because the person I know gets paid to. hook up with other women like on a bench.

or on a chair tight like to turn. everyone on like as art as art and. that's why I think Bobby actually would. have good odds you would have so much. fun because people are turning I would. have fun because it's like how much. money is this I don't. I have the website right well well let's. not show it. how much is it how much is it oh you. have to there's there's no way there's. going to be a [ __ ] like a PayPal page. that there's an application February. 11th yeah you have to apply a couple's.

ticket starts at twelve hundred dollars. single gentlemen must attend with the. female companions approved by us so you. didn't get approved you were the single. gentleman oh oh so I have to bring. somebody yes no because you're it sounds. like can you go no. [Laughter]. I mean that's kind of cool and you can. put what your Kink is yeah who can I. bring. I'd go but I'd do I have to have sex no. no you don't you don't I don't think.

that's part of the thing I think this is. like a sexy party and do you have to be. naked I feel like that's about see look. you have to upload your full body face. Etsy and with couples if you're with if. you're with a partner uh but you let me. say something we'll get denied but the. photo we submit is going to be hilarious. it's gonna be us just like. you guys should submit just for the fun. of it yeah I mean we could dress however. we want to that's right it I mean this. is basically just a glorified costume. party it's all this yeah I would go for. you I'd be so uncomfortable I could.

dress up as Mozart you could dress up as. um Rachmaninoff on and off right and. we'd have the hit the wigs yeah the the. the suit what do you call it and I'll be. Beethoven I'll drop you guys off. yes a trumpet oh the trumpet I don't. think Beethoven played a ukulele so. maybe what else harpscord harpsichord. it's a whole thing it's huge it's huge. I'll bring it back I guess we'll just. have to trail that button yeah but.

anyway um so yeah forget that we're not. gonna do that twelve hundred dollars. that's a couple but I did think it was. going to be more in my mind I thought it. was gonna be something outrageous like. 10 grand or something but 1200 a couple. so 600 a person but you have to bring. someone else and that also means the. other person that you bring has to be. down to. well that's just a standard rule of. Earth. you can't do outside that's outdoor. rules too that's nice at the party. before you touch yeah what does that. mean let this land on you forever.

I've never heard of this so just say it. again and let me absorb it look at me. yeah ask ask before before prior not. after no no no I always do it after I. know and I always get in trouble ask. before you to anything I touch I go can. I grab your brass. no no okay so yeah you have to let them. know right so may I you know that's why. I'd be [ __ ] I'll be applied about it. Milady yes may I you mean.

as Mozart right yeah you're. clitoris. it's hard to say no it's hard to say no. to Mozart I gotta tell you I told you I. know it's so hard because you're polite. right and I might say yes I might maybe. do the accent yeah. Mozart was what he was German right yeah. so he I can't do one Sherman he'd say my. name German yeah. yeah [ __ ] off a lady.

give me the line and then let me try. German German sound like this German's. like uh well it depends on how high you. want you want to do like. that go ahead what. just forget it let's let's move on no no. I hate these problems I I always get. embarrassed with these [ __ ] nice. acting classes all right go ahead so. chairman yeah German say this phrase say. this phrase. East good good so use that good that's.

good yeah that is good yeah can I that. is good yeah that's not what I'm gonna. ask the lady though dude well that is. good it's not gonna [ __ ] that's good. to just means that is good so you just. say it all the time that's a scoot that. that implies can I ask your breath here. this is May I touch you my lady is. [Laughter].

now try with an Asian accent see if it. does it better. yeah pretty good I think that sounds. right. can I touch you my lady but you know. what let me ask you this question right. yeah if. prostitution was legal and you could. have brothels in these cities yeah and. what you what do you think that would do. to our society in America.

um well you wouldn't be here anymore. District. well Carlos and I wouldn't be here what. do you think you know when I said a. legitimate question this morning yeah I. legitimately said. are there emotional uh escorts whereas. therapists. I'm sorry. take a walk. no juice you're right no I'm saying but. imagine. hiring a girl imagine hiring a beautiful.

woman because you're a lonely guy like. say you're a lonely [ __ ] fish. and you hire a woman. just to like hug no sex not sex stuff. but like hug and to talk and to have. like a relationship they have those that. exists yeah that exists you can hire a. girl or escort specifically for that and. no sex stuff no sex stuff huh yeah. cuddle Sanctuary book a professional. cuddler see this is my thing I don't. want to cuddle I mean that's what I mean. that's this is what this is you wouldn't. do this.

I know I'm interested I'm interested I. was I I was I literally said is this a. thing is that a thing I just thought you. hire an escort someone goes I just want. like just want to talk to someone but. they end up at some point I'm sure. having sex I have to try this yeah you. know what's the site. cuddlecomfort.com and there's La region. yeah okay I gotta do it let's get him. one okay can you pick who it is put it. on the biz. put it I can't even have anyone bony. some really skinny it's you know I mean. Karen Carpenter type of a woman we'll go.

to nobonycuddlers.com because I think. that's no bony cuddlers anyway but. seriously go let's get him someone from. the cuddle sanctuary I'm interested in. that just because I said I said I. imagine there's many people. who are either asexual or they just. aren't interested in having sex with. strangers that are like but I do I just. wanna. talk to someone like like those sugar. babies you know sugar babies and sugar. daddies and I watched a documentary on. that and the whole time they were like I. didn't even have to hook up with them. and then the one other girl was like.

yeah we do it. like she was trying to pretend like they. don't but she was like yeah they end up. do something they do some they say. they're like no it's just money for. companionship and but like the other. girl who admitted it was like almost all. of us of course do that that's not true. I'm on. seeking no no I'm on a couple of sugar. daddy sides wait are you serious yeah. but I don't put my face on it I just. like to browse the girls see who's doing. it how how much money you have to pay. for their like you pay them a monthly.

fee well how does that work well and the. sides right it's basically like you you. you have to donate money. to see some certain photos right so. there's a message board there and these. are all girls that are like seeking a. sugar daddy right but. I don't know how much it is and I do get. to see them in real life is where it's. only internet based no you get to see. them real real real life but you have to. obviously during the messaging and stuff. you know I mean.

you have to convince for research for. the show what can the show pay for you. to have a sugar baby for a month and. just so we can hear what that's like and. can you have a sugar daddy I can't yeah. but I can't put myself I don't know why. but I don't want to put my face on that. side I don't know why. what do you have to do to have a you. have to have a profile and you have to. put it on I'll show you what it looks. like well he can bring it up right there. we have a huge computer yeah but let me. just well his factual profile my actual. oh you have a profile oh yeah oh yeah so. I'm in LA California right and you can. go and these are they say the age yeah.

and then they show um yeah. oh wow. that's my wife. wait that's crazy though so 24 and then. she and then they just say what they. want yeah so what they need like what. donations they need or yeah yeah. and then what do they do for the money. that's a lead that said that's that's. that's uh I get no no no that's not true.

because what Bobby asks for so I've. never done I've never done it they get. like an allowance weekly I believe right. you pay for the rent it's like yeah I. don't need that though I don't use if I. was at a point where I need to do that I. don't need to do it see this is what's. funny I've clicked on two of these now. and both of them it says they haven't. filled out their wants section which. means they're open to you saying here's. what I need tell me like look this one. says once oh this one fill it out. looking for a sweet sugar daddy hello. I'm looking for a real sugar daddy no.

games please I'm looking for someone to. spoil me I'll be support I am looking. for companionship and to be a loyal. sugar baby to the right Daddy I'm very. fun bubbly and loyally trustworthy body. type fit ethnicity Hispanic. 24. and her name is Diana. I I just realize why I have the sign why. when I look at the photos I always yell. at them what do you mean get a job.

get a job at Subway this is their job. that's a sour Daddy. yeah I want to be a sour Daddy I think. yeah. because doesn't this make you I mean I. mean just let me just say something. right yeah with only fans right and I. know there's. a lot of women and I support it if you. want you know but it's just like there. is a part of me that I can't do it. right and it's like as a male I would.

never I was never able to you know I. mean get any kind of money based on the. way I looked that's literally how you. make money right yeah I know. but it's not no no that is exactly how. we make money right now I understand. that but we had to spend 30 years. grinding it out so these women are. smarter than us they beat us to the. punch they figured it out okay these. women literally cut the line they. figured out why am I wasting my time. with loser guys when I can just get paid. to talk to other loser guys who aren't. broke because there's a new study though. steal their money saying look at this. Society though yeah the new study is one.

of three men. under the age of 30 do not have sex. okay do you know why was that different. years ago yes okay why because in in our. age of social media yeah right and in. our age of um. the the internet they um one of three. men right they um they're just obsolete. now because they don't have the money. right they don't have the money they. don't have the resources they have the. resources right and again sounds like.

these men need to find a job no. zoom in I think look it says right here. disenfranchised a growing body of. research has been reported the declines. in sex says. a research Associated at the IU School. of Public Health in Bloomington led the. study uh men do not know how to speak to. women anymore because of the phone. yeah and the women don't like losers so. yeah even I don't know if that's true. like they did a study on like Tinder.

right like you know like if you get 50. if you could have 50 men and 15 men. women on Tinder. um 48 46 of the women are going for four. men yes on Tinder right and because it's. like those are the ones that they want. right people let me say that and the. rest of them are being excluded there's. other factors that are involved in this. right. we as a society because of social media. have become way more vain way more. self-involved and so when they get on. these [ __ ] apps they're looking for. the hot guy and you look at some of.

these studies they ask young women where. they're like what would you want a guy. to make a living you know to make you. happy and all of these women say insane. number I know that's what I'm saying. they're like I want a half a million. dollars a year it's like you don't need. men under [ __ ] 30 make a half a. million it's like less than a half of a. percent makes that kind of income around. the country and they want someone who's. tall and they want some of this so you. see all these things the expectations of. humans have just gotten insane because. of social media they think they're gonna. meet the [ __ ] perfect guy assuming.

they're the perfect girl it's CR. everyone's crazy everyone needs to know. your number know your number what are. you. doordash hey are you missing syrup for. your pancakes you want that little sweet. treat just ran out of your favorite. coffee creamer with doordash grocery. delivery you can get what you want right. when you need it when I go on the road. um I I get a lot of food delivered in. fact I'm here in Hawaii and I have. gotten so much food delivered I was just. in New York did the same thing you guys. and the only service that I use is. doordash you know why they're the best.

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free chicken nugs for a year and 10 off. your first box when you sign up today. that's a 22 ounce bag of gluten-free. chicken nuggets in every order for a. year when you sign up at butcherbox.com. bad friends use the code bad friends. claim the deal butcherbox.com bad. friends and use that promo code bad. friends. what do you mean you know your [ __ ]. number one through ten yes. as physically or just in the whole thing. your number it's all the above. everything in all in I'm a nine. this is what I'm talking about crazy. [ __ ] doesn't know [ __ ].

you know your number what what's your. number I'm a seven I've been a seven my. whole life I know exactly oh I'm seven. two then. sure I I reached you far yeah you went. way too high no but no I could this is a. room I wouldn't defend mine this is a. room filled with sevens no I I believe. that you were once a seven. I've been a seven my whole I've been. seven you're really dude other sevens. get Netflix specials. 7.5 now do you want me to name do you. want me to name other sevens I got. Netflix yeah but they're not sevens.

they're nines no no dude you no I'm. gonna listen the truth is I know you're. trying to be humble about no I'm being. serious I know what I love but dude it's. like I've even being single and reading. my direct messages and stuff on my. Instagram so many girls go. um I think you're not my type but I. think Andrew's hot. like I've matched with people on um. Tinder and all these dating sites and.

they say I don't like you I like Theo. can you hook me with Theo or Andrew I. thought Theo messaged you no I don't. like I get it all the time and it breaks. my heart when I see it I don't like that. well it happens well you know what I'm. saying I get messages you're a good. looking guy I get messages where people. go uh uh love Bobby love the show I hate. you but that's fine that's not fine that. hurts that's true you get that oh yeah. you're ruining the podcast I've read a. couple of those but I've read a thousand. we love you yeah who the [ __ ] says.

you're ruining the show you're not. ruinous that's why you're on it anyway. we decide anybody who thinks that. Juicy's ruining the show stop watching. the [ __ ] show how about that no watch. but just tune her out. I mean come on let's not go crazy yeah. man we need the numbers all right she. sucks all right let's move on it's so. funny but my watch it but you're a good. looking guy. you're a successful person you have. money you you have influence you're nine. don't pull the seven with me I'm an 8.5.

what's juicy. she was a four what is she now a six. because of this show yes so you say she. was a four which I disagree with and you. think now she's a six yes I agree. because you you gain confidence with it. I think you're a beautiful person juicy. and I know we're all the same in terms. of like God's love Yeah my number. right I'm saying here in L.A I get that. yeah yeah okay what's these two. oh wow that's a hard one what's the [ __ ].

fish. should fish yeah [ __ ] fish in real life. I'm sorry that this is sticking but it. sounds so fun yeah honestly dude I think. shiftless you're a seven. I just say it's we have to get [ __ ] fish. shirts can we just do your face like. your head your floating head in the. bottom of the oceans they say [ __ ] fish. I gotta say yes. what is what's fancy but by the way but. yeah he's gotten even higher because his. status from the show his status in the. community he's having a [ __ ] baby and.

women I would say he's an eight eight. yeah yeah if you would say your name as. a 10. but my point is is that so. annoying there's so many men out there. that are and I just I don't know who to. blame who I know who to blame who Mark. Zuckerberg. that's true Facebook [ __ ] ruined. Society I completely think it was the. demise of social interactions in society. it's made some things wonderful but most. things dog [ __ ] yeah but the internet. helped us though so it's like I I. struggle with the concept of the.

internet yeah because it's detrimental. and it's also so so good it's like for. me in terms of my business it got me. past the [ __ ] middlemen I agree it. did help it did and we could just go. directly to the people and the people. decide if we're funny I really. appreciate them yeah and that's we have. a great relationship with our fans right. because we because we get we don't have. somebody that has to tell us the way. we're supposed to talk to our fans and. do our version uh YouTube without. Facebook that's what I'm saying I I.

think Facebook is what I'm blaming not. YouTube not not Google I think Facebook. in general which was this world I dude I. went to Arizona State we were one of the. non-ivy league schools that got Facebook. first right so Ivy League schools went. first and then non-iv Leaguers were like. Arizona state Florida State like these. big universities State schools we got it. first and I remember I remember vividly. seeing all these photos of people on. campus and being like holy [ __ ] it like. opened up this new world of like you. could flirt with anybody on here I can.

just say hello to a girl that I would. never say hi to in public because I. don't have the balls but on here I can. be like hey I think you're [ __ ] hot. or make make a funny joke and if she. likes it then I won and I was like the. power of that yeah is crazy it's crazy. because you don't have the ability to go. up to a girl face to face and say. something real you can just hide behind. the computer forever and you never need. to go do the thing if you don't want to. yeah that's where my jealousy came. through Myspace right same can I tell. you what happened huh what was your.

screen Bobby Lee that's it yeah oh so I. was friends with Dr Ken John noodles. magoodles or something come on man come. on noodles it was a good one I didn't. think of it I'm saying come on man. because that's Sprite so good and good. noodles magoodles at AOL great that. would have been great so this is so. embarrassing the story so I was friends. with Dr Ken and you know how you could. you put your top 10 friends or 15. friends yeah I remember that your top. friends right yeah so for years I was. Ken's top friend but then he started. moving up in the world right so one day.

I looked at this look at Myspace and it. was Apatow Will Ferrell I mean this is. the new people he's hanging out right so. I was at [ __ ] Cobbs with them and I. walk up to him I go and I was my tone. was bad I go hey [ __ ] okay oh you're. moving up I'm not in your top friends my. spirits he turns around he pushes me. dude and this deeper had to [ __ ]. separate us we almost got a fist fight. what yeah over the top friends on the. top friends of myself but he did remove. you yeah he never put me back on either. [ __ ] him [ __ ] that guy [ __ ] that was.

stinky that was a stinky thing Stinky. Stink he moved yeah yeah that was close. to that was almost that was childish who. gives a [ __ ] what do you mean you do. care it's your friend I know I did care. you know what yeah. I cared so much back then that was a. [ __ ] huge dude did you have Myspace. or no yeah that was a big dude 12. what. no I was in junior high yeah I was gonna. say probably 16 15 14 15. yeah I was. close into high school I had it too I. hate you know what I hated about myspace. that I couldn't gain any ground on it.

like I felt like I would try to like. post stuff and do stuff and it just. wasn't gaining so I was like this is a. [ __ ] waste of my emotional time but I. remember my experience I got laid you. know how. tell us. I'm sure I can say her name but um you. don't need to okay there's this one girl. beautiful right she was Suicide Girl. oh like it's okay she was a Suicide Girl. a Suicide Girl yeah. what people might not know what you're. talking about suicide girls uh no she.

tried to kill herself. [Laughter]. no but she was suicidal by the way I was. setting you up for that joke waiting. wait I don't know. thank you but um. and then she only followed all at the. time Asian. actress wow at the time right she's not. Asian. beautiful redheaded white girl one of my. people five eleven so me beautiful how. do you know it wasn't me what it wasn't.

you okay. but then we [ __ ] okay. if it was you you and I [ __ ] up okay. all right but she and then just through. messaging you could tell that she only. likes Asians Asian actors and I was the. last of the famous Asian actors she has. been through everybody yeah she's with. Jet Li I mean everybody ripped through. it all right and I and then I met her in. Vegas and we had sex in my hotel room. which hotel it was at the Bellagio I. believe that's a good hotel it's a good.

hotel what's the worst hotel you've. stayed in in Vegas in Vegas yeah uh. well I've stayed in good ones what's the. worst one. because when I because when I was coming. up and we had to go to Vegas we stayed. Circus Circus which is very very sad. it's the saddest place on Earth it's so. gross and sad in there and the worst one. we had to all split a room we shared a. room in the [ __ ] basement of the. Mirage. it's so good it smelled like mold and I. thought well I'm not gonna sleep in this.

room we're gonna die I slept I slept. outside I mean I just sat on the. sidewalk and took a nap I did not want. to go back to moldy basement Mirage. Hotel no I said in the Extended Stay. America just two nights ago and it was. awful those are tough the guy sent me to. the wrong hotel room at 3am where was. this at in Santa Barbara and Santa. Barbara yeah and I I went back down. three times and the third time I was. like the key's not working he's like. maybe you're in the wrong room Jesus and. he did the head thing yeah I was like. you told me man if we had done that I. would have killed them I would have.

murdered I murdered them but then he. started freaking out that he was gonna. get in trouble because I I told him I. was like chill but I said man you sent. me to somebody else's room at 3am that. could have been pretty dangerous yeah. and he started freaking out he's like. I'm gonna get in trouble like I don't. know this sucks and I had to calm him. down I was like I'm not gonna rat on you. man I just need the key to my room. that's why Hilton fired this guy he just. couldn't get it together like go to. Extended Stay man we can't we can't. people will know now well I didn't yeah. I guess but did you ever play in Vegas I.

never did the 16 we as used to because. those heras you'd have to do 16 shows in. one week yeah Monday through Sunday. Monday through Sunday oh my God Mondays. were 16 Monday through Wednesday were. the most brutal shows you could possibly. do and at the time I had no money. and so you'd have to you they gave you. an employee pass and you ate at the with. the employees in the. basement in the basement I did that for. with laughing right right yeah and you. you wait in line with the guy you know.

the everybody right the dealer dealers. everybody we're janitors and you can. smoke in there too and I remember in the. basement right you still can yeah I know. right so in the heroes there's a. geraldine's ice cream place is that what. I'm saying I think that's right yeah. yeah no no girardelli's Ghirardelli. Ghirardelli and I remember sitting there. I had a [ __ ] banana split and there. was a [ __ ] guy from the south sitting. next to me he just we just sprung up a. conversation and I literally asked him. where can I get a gun in Vegas.

I remember asking that he's like what. man he's like when I'm done with mine. you can use it yeah I go because I think. I'm gonna kill myself. I was literally that's how miserable. you're like I think I'm gonna split. that's right here I love it Meat Locker. not so much but. and people say you suck you're good so. good I'm Vegas when you're sad and broke. is me oh my it's the world toughest. place I remember I stayed in the Howard. Johnson which was like eight years ago I.

forgot all of that little HJ baby yeah. the me and my buddy Kenner. what do you eat in Vegas what's your. favorite restaurant in Vegas yeah. interesting what that's what it's called. I kind of don't want to give it away. see how foof he is no no on air on air. I'm saying you'll tell me oh I would. tell you everything is it in the any of. the casinos nope okay no I'll tell you. I'll tell everyone right now I'll blow. it up yeah because it's one of the best. it's called Lotus of Siam. Google Lotus of Siam and it's an Asian.

restaurant it is Chinese it is maybe my. favorite Thai food I've ever had in my. entire [ __ ] life it's off the strip. it was award-winning it's in a [ __ ]. strip mall out out in Vegas go to photos. of the inside of it I think Lotus I am. is one of my [ __ ] favorite Thai. restaurants I've ever been to in my. [ __ ] wow it's so good and they're. award-winning but it looks like this. it's old school Vegas it's been there. for like 50 years it's in a shitty. little strip mall it's super unassuming. you would never know well look they've. redone the outside of the whole thing.

unless that's a second location they're. killing it when they put neon signs like. that they're killing is that the second. look because that's the original right. there is what the original looks like. wow honestly my my buddy brought me. that's that is exactly what it looked. like right there that was like wow so my. friend my friend says who's uh family. member lives in Vegas and says you know. what kind of food do you want I said. well you know let's go off for like a. steak or Italian or whatever and he's. like you want good Thai food and I said. I don't know man La has really good Thai. food and he was like trust me though you. will I promise you'll love this place.

it's okay so we get in the car we go to. this spot I sort of got oh I got out of. the car I was like this isn't funny this. is you're [ __ ] with me this is this. is not even a funny bit especially when. you're hungry I was starving yeah I was. losing my mind yeah we go inside it was. honestly it was like a Tuesday night it. was slammed tons of people waiting I was. like what the [ __ ] you could not tell. from the outside then when we get inside. he knows someone we get a table right. away can you speak the language. that's all that's what I want yeah and.

honestly I love what he does that's so. racist. but it was so look at that's what it was. like I mean it was like wow it was so. slammed and the and he said to me he. goes how do you like to order food and I. said when I go to places like this give. me as much stuff as we can eat like uh. I'll take I don't want you know when you. go I don't order one dish [ __ ] that I. want to try all the shoes you and I. together we've eaten together oh my God. oh my God it's absurd it's up we're. crazy we'll take give me the whole half. of the menu yeah yeah but he ordered so.

much [ __ ] and then you leave and I pay. for it but anyway that's right you're. rich I'm not yeah you are anyway but I. but it's my favorite place I'm gonna go. you have to why don't how come we've. never done where could we I'm so sick of. that. okay where can we play in Vegas. well let's do a show in Vegas and then. where. do you mean where I know we could go to. Wise Guys and stay at Polly's house oh. God. no I mean Nicholas Cage is his neighbor. I know he told me that story on my show.

that Nick Cage was his neighbor and they. hang out all the time yeah I've seen. videos of them so it's true no I believe. him it's just so funny that Nick Cage. and Paulie Shore I mean it's just like. that's exactly what would be like that. new Nick Cage movie yeah that's exactly. like what his real life did you see that. movie yeah and the uh unbearable. unbearable weight or something what what. massive talent and Carrot Top the three. of them are in a group chat you know. Jason Schwartzman yeah of course from. Rushmore yeah he has a brother his older. brother yes yeah so I was talking to. Robert and I go um any indicated stories.

because you know that's his cousin yeah. he's like no he's the coolest guy he. said I mean I love him so much if he's. walk down the street right now he would. hug me and we would you know what I mean. he's legit he's a great guy. well you know do you know about the. their family is the Coppola family I. didn't know that do you know who you. know France before a couple is yeah and. I forgot Nicholas can I just a Coppola. but I did hear that before yes but. there's shorts so so so. um Coppola the director yeah his sister.

is Talia Shire yeah do you know Talia. Shire is he was in The Godfather but she. was also in Rocky she played Adrian oh. you remember Adrian family tree. Adrian right look at me sorry right. don't look away from him yeah look at me. her two kids is Jason Schwartzman and. Robert Schwartzman well her brother are. Sons right there and Matthew Shire yeah. Talia Coppola Francis Ford Coppola that. whole family is living in Carlo Coppola.

Roman and Sophia Roman also director. yeah Roman the most famous it Italian. [ __ ] Show Business family in the. world so what do you think well I mean. there's no one there's no one with that. kind of extension I mean I would say the. only one that would come close would be. like. you know I don't know [ __ ] if. Scorsese has extended family but maybe. the Olsens. take a walk. well they're all sisters I know stop. stop stop.

let's explore that okay for the fans. for the fans all right the Olsens. there's someone on a keyboard right now. this is what I'm talking about. I mean are they because we're doing. Italian are the Olsen's Italian oh I. didn't know we were doing Italian I. thought it was well let's find out are. the Olsen's Italian. welcome back to Arthur Olson's Italian. Ashley Fuller Olsen was born 1986 in. Sherman Oaks daughter of Jeanette. Norwegian ancestry yeah it was close.

French German and Italian. oh [ __ ] okay all right so the Olsen. family is one of the oldest like. historic uh yeah families in Hollywood. yeah yeah I guess that makes it. interesting wow you're bright thank you. you're welcome those kids those kids. those adult women now. just so funny that they did something so. powerful when they were young that they. literally never had to work ever again. they didn't they chose to in different.

ways but they made so much [ __ ] money. as children they never had to do. anything ever again that's what cute. does cute dude 500 and probably as kids. million dollars no one cuter as white. girls Macaulay Culkin cute white boy. he's a cutie too cutie patootie cute you. know who else was cute Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore cute as [ __ ] but you know. Short Round was cute too for an agent we. got an Asian in there well. data data was cute he was cute and now.

he won an award an oscar but not cute. anymore he's not cute anymore let me see. what he looks like now. what do you mean he's not cute anymore. he's won an Oscar right uh Golden Globe. yeah Golden Globe I mean I like them. get killed in that movie I think he's. kind of cute still. room.com so I got my mom a car I bought. uh mama car and guess what I didn't want. to have to go out of my way to go. jumping around did you go to the Lots no. I couldn't do this dumb right I don't. want to go it's it's a waste of time I. just don't want to go I want to be. where'd you go where'd you go Bud I went. to room.com with room you can shop.

thousands of cars right from your phone. and have your next ride delivered. straight to you which I did I got my car. delivered from my mom in Chicago. Illinois never have to haggle or. negotiate the price of a car so you know. you're getting a good deal with. thousands of cars Andrew available on. vroom.com you can make sure you get the. ride you really want so you don't have. to settle and the best part about it. Bobby you got a full week or 250 miles. whichever one comes first to test it out. make sure your new ride is right for you. and all these cars on room.com come to. the 90-day limited warranty and a one. year roadside assistance Nationwide can.

I ask you a question what can I trade in. my own car you better believe you can. trade in your old car when you buy one. or you can even just sell your cart of. room when you sell your car and room you. get a price instantaneously you can buy. a car from vroom to entirely online so. next time you need to buy a car just. grab your phone go to room.com and check. out thousands of cars Morgan and Morgan. hey one time I got in a little. accidental I got hit by a woman in our. neighborhood and it was not a so good as. she was looking at the wrong way and we. were this way and she was on her mobile. cellular phone and I didn't know what to.

turn I'd never been in an accident like. that I didn't know who to go to in 2020. by the way uh there was over 5 million. car crashes that's more than fifteen. thousand a day 600 an hour if you're a. math whiz but constantly you get these. looming injuries and things that pop. back on people don't know who to turn to. if you're ever injured you can check out. Morgan and Morgan Morgan and Morgan is. America's largest injury Law Firm they. have over 100 offices Nationwide and. more than 800 lawyers man with over 15. billion dollars recover for clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track.

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pound law that's pound 529 from your. cell phone that's for for the people.com. bad friends or pound law that's pound529. from your cell yeah there's a really. cute wait a minute let the [ __ ] fish. explain. go ahead yeah I just. don't think he's. ugly he's not ugly we didn't say he was. ugly who said he was ugly well I thought. not being cute man ugly ah yeah okay. imagine.

wallpaper. just imagine I'm thinking about it yeah. all right you're in you're in Asia dude. right you walk into a wallpaper is like. little koi fish right and a couple of. dragons right oh I like that and there's. some paintings up there too right one of. like um. and then you see it the whole I see it.

you see a hole right yeah right. would you do it. if you knew that he was on the other. side. I think I would just say hi no no it's. no there's no you can't look you can't. put your eye in it no no but I wouldn't. if I knew he was because you put your. eye on you stick your dick in that's. weird but you're not allowed to talk to. him yeah you can't talk that's part of. the rules yeah I've knit but Bobby keeps. making these situations where I'm like. like on my knees at whole level like I'm.

the one sucking dick something always. that that's true we never even got to. that but no no no we haven't got to that. so in these situations you never went. the other it went they didn't go the. other way yeah never I think never came. out the other way no no you swear to God. I swear no I'm hiding stuff he says no. he no he doesn't swear to God the way. that he said it sounded really sketchy. yeah I swear to God. I can't swear to God why why it's God. I'll do ask me to swear to God right now. I'll do it right now I swear to God I'll.

swear to God on anything are you black. swear to God no I swear to God yeah easy. money I'll even say just say are you. black I'm black swear to God I don't. care doesn't matter I will lie I swear. to God it doesn't matter swear to God I. swear to God okay good all right all. right shaking right now you see how. nervous he is so you wouldn't glory for. him. you know imagine if you did [ __ ]. him the moment that he came he would go. booby trap and then he. right yeah what oh.

I gotta tell you I I I I I I I gotta say. I don't believe that you haven't. suck suck I think you have sock sock. Andrew I wouldn't I don't know I've seen. this before I promise I've never suck. sucked have you ever gotten [ __ ] in. the ass before by a man no I've never. had like butt stuff happening have you. jerked off a man before never okay. I swear to God. [Laughter]. of the Lord wow interesting I just don't.

believe I don't believe it is for some. reason it just doesn't lay right with. you yeah all right get off of this guy. well congratulations to congratulations. killing it very much killing it. um I'm gonna I want to say this because. this episode is gonna be out and I'm. going to be in Australia mate yep and. I'm very excited to go but I'm very. nervous and I'm not gonna lie why last. night. last night my buddy Chris said to me he. goes you've been running really hot and. I was like what do you mean and he's. like well dude you were like you I was.

gone for a month then I came back for. four days then I went to Paris then I'm. back for literally like what not a full. week and I'm gone again and he goes you. haven't had time to like register any of. this stuff huh and I was like not re to. be honest with you the only time I have. was talking to you yeah and I was like I. really haven't thought about it and he. goes I bet you so much money the moment. you get to Australia in your hotel by. yourself you're gonna Cry he's like. you're gonna cry in happiness in like. just like in in just like letting the. weight sit on me but how does it. honestly and I said to him maybe because.

I haven't I don't know the last time I. cried how are you feeling right now. that's what I'm used to be so happy no. no but I'm agreeing with you but he's. killing the game no no I'm agreeing I'm. so proud he's saying is true I'm I'm. acknowledging I'm not think it's like I. can't believe it I'm leaving in for four. hours yeah it still hasn't registered in. my body yet like when I came back from. New York I was still like okay now it's. time I can just like get back to doing. the Pod and seeing you guys and then I. have no time I was like oh it just. hasn't registered yet and I know I'm.

Gonna Be Alone over there a little bit. so it's going to register. you know what's going to happen is that. these guys that you're in the movie with. over there are going to invite you out. because you guys are quarantined and you. can have it we're gonna get Cena on this. [ __ ] podcast I don't know man I think. I think those guys are pretty in their. own space I don't I know that's what I. thought when I went to [ __ ] Hungary. and that became friends with all of. everybody yeah but you're affable in a. different way all right anyway let's. move on this [ __ ] guy [ __ ] plays. gloves with celebrities he's invited to. private parties this is the guy. okay sorry this is the guy.

in New York you're like I'm having to. I'm not gonna say who but like famous. guys no I went with you okay all right. so don't play this game right now you. were there too. I know but I was invited by you that's. right all right so let's move on you're. killing it I'm all but I'm just uh no I. am happy I'm nervous I'm not gonna lie. I'm very very you're you're honestly. every movie you've done has bombed no it. doesn't matter you've stolen you've. stolen the scenes I agree from from. these movies there's something about you.

where it's just like people just chuckle. once you get on screen well you're the. same way you're this exact same guy yeah. the same guy how Hollywood. hello Hollywood yeah yeah hello. Hollywood hi. that's not Hollywood can you imagine. yeah no that actually probably is what. Hollywood is some [ __ ] goofball guy. who barely speaks English hi yeah how. are you making your decisions Hollywood. how do you pick movie stars now. I look and see who I chuckle with see.

what I mean that's Hollywood I look to. see who I choco with that's why we're. [ __ ] yeah that's why this whole system. is shattered because guys like this are. running the show yeah I can't get behind. it dude you're fired. have you ever [ __ ] up a slate so bad. [ __ ] up us late live in front of. people you know. like live when you're supposed to like. hey Amanda centino six foot one whatever. the [ __ ] no I I always make it weird. live when you're live even live yeah.

what do you do because if you make it. weird it makes them I try to get a laugh. in the slave yeah you're memorable yeah. yeah yeah so like if they go turn around. or your side profile I'll turn. completely around you'll giggle hear. them in and shake your ass right right. I'll do it like yeah I'll do stuff they. make them laugh yeah right and I always. this is a thing this is so stupid this. is one of my things though it's just you. have to pretend that you're grateful to. be there but you don't need it. that is kind of part of the trick do you.

understand what I'm saying yeah they. want you want them to need you right. you're like like this is kind of you. know I mean. below me but I'm cool you have to be. like hey guys sorry I'm late all right. anyway. yeah yeah I've done that I've done that. I'm sorry I'm late yeah yeah I'll do. that on the self tape yeah yeah. hey Jesse sorry I'm late. um. yeah the most embarrassing thing that I. did I when I tested for her [ __ ] SNL.

you're supposed to say your [ __ ] name. when you got on stage and I was so. excited and nervous and anxious I didn't. say my name I went right into a. character you're supposed to say your. name say hello to the table hey go hey. you guys because they're filming it so. it's supposed to go hey everybody hey. I'm Andrew Santino blah blah blah blah. blah blah blah this was a step back and. then start the tape I literally got on. stage and I was like. Lauren was there obviously yeah we sat.

there I think Myers I think so but they. don't you can't really see the whole. table right like they put them kind of. in the dark on purpose uh and then. um you know uh I think Higgins was there. I think there was a you know I mean I. think there's a few per you know people. that are part of that family that were. just there to like watch it give their. opinion but I remember in the middle of. the first character. I was panicking sweat beats because it. was doing well but I was like I didn't. say my [ __ ] name I was panicking the. whole time and I knew and then I thought.

once it's done I can't go hey Amanda. Santino I had to go right into another. character I love it I was losing my mind. upstairs I love it yeah I just started. [ __ ] rambling on one of my favorite. ones that never made it that I didn't do. live that I did on the tape that they. liked but I was I did uh. with a lisp yeah. today we're serving uh tahimi uh and I. just had a really heavy list was the.

sushi chef to the Stars salami. sandwiches did it kill. I know on the tape it did great yeah but. when we went down the tape lines of like. what characters they said I should do. live yeah they said not to do it live. wow because and I got it I knew exactly. why because it's all up here it's all. like my like you would have to. physically see me dressed like a sushi. chef and doing something absurd to help. the character along the story where the. other ones you could do story without. needing the you know what I mean it. would that wasn't it was so much more. voice than physical but the other ones.

are physical but that one I thought was. one of my favorite. I just love the idea of making the. writers write something I wanted them to. write something for me where you. couldn't understand a word that I was. saying you couldn't really hear anything. they all Blended together you know we. should do a bad friend sketch show. that's I would I would still to do a bad. friend sketch show and get some of her. friends in it what do you think I would. love to be a part of that all right well. you're here you're auditioning right now.

for the bad friend schedule okay go. ahead three three Impressions three. characters please when you're ready. okay uh. hey what's up I'm Bobby Lee. is it good it's really really good. [ __ ]. [ __ ] accent you know what the problem. was not Asian you didn't slate oh no. no you fired well I was doing and that. was my second impression of you. oh.

wait do an impression do a real. impression of me go ahead sound like me. had a shitty day. I golfed with a Millionaires and. now I have to go to Australia I think. I'm gonna cry when I get there. what's so good movie yeah yeah all right. all right all right so good now do Bobby. pretty good that sounds exactly yeah I.

know it's [ __ ] good. whoa whoa hey are you guys watching The. Last of Us oh it's so good you told me. to watch that I just haven't gotten. around to it it's really good huh what. do you think of it I like it. but not great oh Bobby doesn't like it. what I'm into it I know it's slow but it. like I think it'll get cooler yeah I. don't know about mushroom zombies show. me the pictures. you told me this you caught we talking. about because the video game's so good.

and then I read reviews I I saw for the. first time last night what do you mean. it's a video oh it was a video game yeah. it's like it's like uh it's like um. Whatchamacallit what's the other thing. that just did this yeah they're like. mushroom zombies that's a zombie yeah. yeah what happened to their heads. they're infected with mushrooms fungi. what. yeah yeah wait wait so that's what. they're that's what they're fighting but. you know how like you know trees and all. these things communicate through the. fungi correct it's like like the. internet the fun guy right so I guess. the internet now has gone into humans.

and they tell humans what to do so if. you if you step on a fun guy it lets. other [ __ ] zombies know they're where. they are so they're all communicating. but I just don't get uh zoom in zoom in. on that what is that yeah. whoa. overgrown fungi yeah. that's developed like hairs and stuff. yeah I just I just is that scary it's. nasty nasty it's pretty scary it's gross. yeah it's pretty scary what do you you. don't like it. it's okay you've seen it yeah I've seen.

only the first episode what kills them. it seems like zombies are hard to kill. yeah like explosives look zombies in the. in the modern world you can yeah yeah. let's go there what kills a vampire tell. me Well vampire is garlic or a steak to. the heart and light and light very good. sunlight sunlight right you have UV rays. work too correct all right what about. now you werewolf Silver Bullet [ __ ]. you're so good very good what kills a.

Frankenstein. oh you remove the bolts from his neck. very good yep. that's holding his body together right. Mommy. you gotta step on one end and unravel. him. very good like a tetherball you can hit. him until the ball actually comes off. yeah and then you see what they look. like and you don't like it so you put it. back on. um okay so what's another one now zombie.

zombie you must shoot in the head. exactly the brain yeah but see this is. what I mean this thing doesn't look like. it has a traditional brain yeah I think. one bullet went to the head and he kept. going so I don't know what the [ __ ]. happened a bunch of bullets no I don't. like that see it is though super fast. these creatures of our of our modern. fantasy they need to have the one way to. kill them right which is why in signs I. was bummed that it was water. spoiler alert. you know what don't [ __ ] [ __ ] with me.

with signs dude it was water one of the. best movies ever made water it's fine. water yeah that's why they went Inland. the other two they landed on a planet. that's [ __ ] mostly water yeah but. with their Planet who knows what it was. 95 water no no water kills them I know. they were in a planet 95 and they went. let's go to Earth that's 40 water or. whatever. so they were surviving on a planet of. species with all I have no idea it. doesn't make sense I don't know what. they come from this is my point it makes. no sense they came to a planet that's.

comprised mostly of water when water is. the thing so we also don't know how many. planets are there have like the same. kind of like um atmospheres that they. and us we have almost none of them but. why would they come here to the water. one because we don't know what they come. from but there's so many other ones. without water but I don't know are there. how many all of them we're one of the. only ones like this this doesn't make. sense most of the planets don't have. [ __ ] water as abundant as we do and. why would you come here there could be.

no okay Earth is the only known planet. to have consistent stable bodies of. liquid water on its surface. how many no no don't laugh at me. how many okay let me ask you something. okay how many planets are in our galaxy. no it's. it's eight no in our galaxy in our. galaxy no that's our solar system in our. galaxy God damn it [ __ ] fish 100 billion. right in our galaxy right yeah they say. that 350 million of them could have.

atmospheres like us but we don't yeah. but maybe maybe that's what I'm saying. though it could be but why don't we're. not coming here and raise a kid we don't. have light speed travel but that alien. from the [ __ ] movie Signs can do that. okay but imagine he has Lightspeed. travel Sciences have discovered 55. planets that could be Earth-like could. be Earth-like where how far who the [ __ ]. knows my point is say you're zooming. through space I'm you and I are an. aliens we're us three are in the [ __ ]. ship we're going at light speed when I.

drive. [Laughter]. can you imagine by the way we get into a. car accident in space and yeah yeah. Bobby yeah it's infinite. how did you hit something how do I just. you know what I mean it's just hard to. [ __ ] you know I mean. park with this power steering is tough. all right it's a blind spot but say. we're zooming through space all of us. are on the spaceship.

we're zooming along I was that one why. is there's three ships are we in one. we're together yeah yeah why'd you do. three ships no that stuff's zooming bias. oh I said we're in the ship I think. those are planets we're assuming okay. okay and then as we're zooming and I go. where would you guys like to stop. by the way just to remind you water is. the only thing that kills us. there are billions and billions of. places to stop which one would you like. to stop at well the only planet that we.

know that can we could live on with the. same atmosphere as ours is Earth so. let's [ __ ] go there I bet it has too. much water yeah but our planet has 90. water what do you say glorb hey have you. guys checked out this bad Friends. Podcast. it's awesome and these guys are on earth. that's why they came they came you think. they came here for us it was a good. movie though it was a good movie it was. I really liked I know but I didn't like. the catch I didn't like water oh that's. true I didn't like water what would you. like better.

what kills them yeah I don't know but M. Nam shamalam you should have caught up. with something else what if it was air. they also couldn't open doors again. stupid hey yeah what the [ __ ] they got. here in a [ __ ] spaceship they. couldn't open a door yeah a suspension. of disbelief man I don't know. like you were watching her like oh you. can't get out of the cupboard okay yeah. they can't but why no no but they have. fingers because he chopped one of them. off yes so I don't get it they don't. have claws they had claws yeah so could. the hook not open a door I don't know my.

dog can't open the door. your dog doesn't die from water how. about this Google. and I've said this before I'll tell you. the worst part of Sines that I had. because I've seen the movie A Thousand. Times yeah they poured up the house yes. remember they know the aliens are. attacking what are they here first. hahaha. [Laughter].

the one that you would get first I'd get. my dog before anybody else anyone else. yeah yeah I mean dog can't open doors. my thing would be uncle Frank's out. there leave him yeah leave him we got. [ __ ]. his dad goes to save the dog and then he. dies you like that choice yes what what. what with Superman and Superman he said. it's Superman with uh Christopher Reeves. no Kevin Costner Cosner yeah he's saying. his dad goes to save the dog sacrifices. himself to try to save the dog.

that was a good choice and he's saying. that's the choice that you make and I. think so 100 yeah 100 100 how about you. absolutely not yeah do you have a dog at. home yeah no you don't you don't love. them you have a dog at home do you love. them yes. no he thought about it you don't love. your dog you piece of [ __ ] you thought. it was a piece of [ __ ] what's your dog's. name what's your dog's name Riley Riley. does Riley sleep with you no where does. this dog sleep yeah where. is her bed outside [ __ ] piece of [ __ ].

not bad cage yeah I know yeah yeah. it has a Tempur-Pedic bed. this is because your wife did that yeah. yeah you would have left noodle outside. yeah your wife would have died. saving the dog not you you piece of [ __ ]. you know what dude what when it all. comes down what the wife and the dog and. the baby now are gonna need someone to. take care of them because this guy he's. running for the [ __ ] Hills yeah when. it gets bad he's out of there I'm gonna. slide in there. all right I've always wanted a family.

yeah I'll have your family dude okay. Uncle Papa Tito yeah dude that I cannot. believe you wouldn't say that you'd [ __ ]. off the dog yeah how about you Carlos. would you sacrifice your life for adult. for a dog yeah yeah because you're not. you don't know if you're sacrificing. your life here you're trying to say both. of yourself but I the assumption would. be I might die and that's okay yeah but. it's like I have to it's Instinct gotta. right I have to do it that's what. happened when you made fun of me. remember when the earthquake thing and. my dog and I busted my [ __ ] head do. you remember that and I went to the ER. what you don't remember she made fun of.

me for for like a six months that was. foolish no yeah that was foolish I got. up really fast during the earthquake. because I heard something break in the. front of the house so I ran because the. dog was sleeping in the front room oh. and I thought my dude my irrational. brain woke up and I was like. not thinking clearly. and I heard the big break and I thought. what if the dog got hurt or something. happened or it's trapped because one of. our old lamps fell uh on the old ceiling.

fan that we used to have shattered and. she was stuck in that [ __ ] room so it. gives me it gave me panic oh wow so I. ran out there and when I ran out there. the blood rushed to my head because I. was so like intense about trying to go. get her I sat down that's what he used. to make fun of me I didn't know the dog. part that was why I freaked out I'm. sorry I sat down and I blacked out my. blood rush blacked me out and I smacked. my [ __ ] face on the on the sink. counter you know what's [ __ ] you know. what the doctor said she was like you. are unbelievably lucky she's like you. should have played the lottery you were.

a centimeter away from that corner. hitting your [ __ ] eye and losing an. eye because I hit right here dude it hit. the corner of my eye oh imagine that. she's like you could have lost an eye. imagine that and I would have done that. for the dog. fancy yeah I would have lost my eye for. my dog and I would have been okay with. it because you know what I was worried. that she was going to be hurt people. play a pirate for that for in the movies. are you [ __ ] with me pal play a good. pirate Bud check this out.

anyway. um shiver me timbers blow down my doors. wait why do we even talk about signs. because we're talking about [ __ ]. aliens and zombies and stuff all right. right right right right you know this. show you know the show there's the. aliens and zombies all the time I love. aliens and zombies man I'm gonna miss. you guys more than I think I sh I I. should have fun on your trip man but I. do hope that we can have some call-ins. uh when you guys do another taping I can.

call in maybe maybe yeah maybe I got. some good guests lined up dude they're. already lined up oh yeah no you know. that's not true. you're well aware that that's not true. thank you for being a bad friend. how am I [ __ ] that was the task no. you bring it out of me that's so. annoying that's the test no here's the. test how about shut up you [ __ ]. see what I mean you ready to go no we're. putting that in.

yeah that's the beginning you're. sticking that in because people have to. see yeah they should yeah what that is. and that's called being an alpha male. yeah that's being a bully yeah yeah. that's being I'm in the locker right. putting me in the locker no you too fat. to put in the locker that's the second. one write that down dude that's a second. attack. ah yes that's a thorough a meat locker. that's where you'd fit that's how the. whites do it huh yeah they gang up yeah. we gang up yeah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] [ __ ].

say it juice. [Music]. oh. [Music].