Andrew & Bobby Hide a Body | Ep 79 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends i'm on tour go to andrew. santino.com for tickets i'm all over the. u.s i'm doing uh san francisco and. boston and. seattle and portland and atlanta and i'm. everywhere so go to andersontino.com for. tickets andrewsantino.com for those. tickets also. bad friends fans 20 off the entire site. for merch for merch this week from the. 23rd to the 29th go to. badfriendsmerch.com.

[Music]. you two or something we're bad friends. look at that who wrote that that's. that's uh prince. that's prince pd prince pd ppd yeah and. that's king fans yeah. who did that fancy. fan look at this congratulations fancy b.

has 35. 000 followers and what does joe or. george have and what does george have 20. whoa. 29 oh. he went back up he did he was down to. 18. yeah i think we're doing it a disservice. uh i think by promoting it. because. there's always going to be people feel. bad it's like this yeah it's like when. you look at like people. there's like people buy.

really bad music. yeah right yeah because their tastes are. bad like pete what would pete buy at the. store he's at the record store hi i'm. i'm the guy at the record store. yeah hey man what's up what uh what were. you looking for album-wise uh. do you oh are you pete from bad friends. yeah dude oh dope i am what kind of. music can i uh uh. uh i don't know how to pronounce it so. i'm just going to have to i wrote down. sound it out. yuan. yon. yani yani yani what we yeah we have yani.

you do yeah of course and he works here. yeah he comes out he's like what's up. buddy. you're liking my music yeah i don't know. why he's from transylvania uh jules. yes. yeah she just woke up too the amount of. the amount of love i got in denver for. jules was crazy really and thank you for. answering that i loved it so much crazy. comedy will love that room they're. finally back it was the second week. maron was before and they're finding. their sea legs and all that stuff and.

they were just like dude so happy to be. back. what are you doing. just walking through the [ __ ] here you. know what i said do a christian bail. that's what that's what that's like oh. good for you. fix the camera. [Laughter]. how can i work like this. under these conditions. so everyone asked about rudy. and i broke them the bad news that you. are actually going away to college to. university of new mexico should we tell. the fans now yeah you're she's going to.

university. what you don't want me to share it no. it's fine well so you're going to. university of new mexico and we're. losing you in how many weeks now two. weeks two weeks she's gone yeah she's. gone dang and we're not gonna have a. replacement i don't think we should yeah. we're not gonna have one who could. replace you. uh i don't know yeah it's a rhetorical. question but yeah yeah that is fine that. i don't know. i don't know. who could replace you let's think about. that re in the real and someone that we. know who could replace it that we know. well it's gonna be um.

somebody brown who do we know. nobody really we don't really know i. know anybody. no no one can replace you. we gotta get why does it have to be that. what. why do we have to replace her with a. another brown girl yeah brown girl i. just feel like it's you know. that's like brown girl corner would have. like a fat white girl with a patch in. her eye. if you can find it i'll take it. do you have a fat white girl in mine. with it it has tourette's or something. like a patch tourette's. i like it yeah i mean i tried i tried to.

watch i tried to watch motherless. brooklyn on the plane did you watch that. no what is that did you see that andres. i did motherless brooklyn was with um. sam rockwell sam rockwell edward edward. norton what's the difference yeah um uh. edward norton and he's got it's in the. 1950s and they're gangsters oh i saw. that being like uh behind the scenes and. he's got that he's got a tick he's he's. like. you know he does the yeah yeah do the. autistic tick do it. or whatever yeah do the tick.

and it was terrible how bad was that. movie andre pretty bad one of the worst. i've ever seen really by the way bruce. bruce willis is such a hard ass like. lovable hard ass that we've loved for. years and years yeah in this movie you. don't buy it yeah he's he's phoned it in. i feel like dude. he looks like a guy that like whatever. is in front of him yeah he'll go all. right fine what's the money how much how. much i'll do it i'll do it yeah that's.

like i just saw pat and oswalt was doing. uh what was he doing i love him please. don't no i'm not saying bad but he just. threw me for a loop. he's doing like a sports betting. commercial. and i was like what yeah that guy's. never picked up a bat. or a deputy don't be rude no what. because babe ruth was fat. i didn't have anything to do with his. weight i just mean like his athletic. prowess seems yeah yeah babe ruth. doesn't seem athletic sure he does he. looks like a baker. what kind of baker though. like croissants or like scones no no.

like an old school like back in the date. no look at him he was that does not look. like a baseball player look at how he's. sliding. i know he's like. bread. that's what they promised him his. contract was bread he would get a loaf. for every home run he hit yeah yeah how. many loaves did he get then. no he was actually that was kind of wow. look at the face look his face looks. like a baseball mitt. i mean jesus i mean honestly does that. look like one of the greatest baseball. players of all time yeah no.

is he he well he's one of the best. hitters of all time yeah i mean he's. legendary in the top five of all time. yeah babe rude yeah ted williams i mean. yes strawberry daryl strawberry. no daryl strawberry i mean he's the best. at doing cocaine and playing baseball. but i'm just trying to think of all the. baseball brothers i know let's name all. the baseball players. all right all right here we go rodriguez. which one. there is one right well which one though. do i get like 18 of them it's such an 18. they're such an easy rodriguez who's the.

most famous rodriguez you know rodrigo. rodriguez. alex rodriguez a-rod a-rod okay that's. the one with the jennifer lopez that's. the one we used to have now. okay so we've got a rod we've got um. little manny manny. another mexican last name. manny. yes. trumpet okay and he played for the. please don't come on souffald the. shuffle. idaho.

the idahos oh the shoe falls. there he is yeah yeah manny trumpet. baseball player but. pete's on it today and then you have um. come on what else do you have come on. gene robinson gene robinson. is it robin. robinson robinson is there robinson. though caruso no no no is there a big. robinson stop don't look at don't don't. look at ppp don't show them.

robinson is his last name he was a black. guy what was his name he played the. dodgers jack robert. what no i'll be real though yeah you're. right there jack robinson but girly. version jackie robinson jackie robins. robinson rob robinson jackie jackie. robinson jackie robinson right. okay this is really good no. what can you name any professional. baseball players. no. okay good thanks for trying it's not. it's not it's like bring anything connor. conor mcgregor.

conor mcgregor conor mcgregor yeah. he's the ufc fighter yeah yeah yeah very. good knock you out play baseball. no no but the only sport that i know is. i know a lot of soccer. football football i know about i can. name probably 300. okay so so for me. soccer is the only sport i don't know. play i could name. five i could name 300 400. maradona. that's very good um. and then the easy ones like what country. did he play for. what what in his net nation maradona.

espana no. um shut up vance. maradona. was it south america yeah. it was he brought hill no no portugal no. that's not argentina yes yeah sorry tina. yeah blue blue i didn't know blue okay. i didn't know blue. the blue stripes i do know that jersey. okay okay um obviously pele even though. he's gone but still pele comes to life. nobody's not into playing anymore you. still playing very good.

yeah and then my very own my very own. alexei lalas. alexi lawless love alexa okay that's a. very good one i thought he was so cool. when i was a kid. what else. well then there's beckham is easy yeah. then there's like um. uh wayne rooney good one england i know. him he was great great and then i know. like um. then they don't you know 10 probably. then because there's so many big ones. that you're missing out on but those. guys but i don't know like.

okay look there's a guy nolan nolan. aronado uh-huh you don't know who that. is no right like you could name me ten. soccer players like that that i would. never. no like ryan giggs never heard one of. the greatest soccer players yes that's. what i mean nolan is from wales um yeah. um there's uh freddie youngberg. one of the best that sounds fake it's. not he was also you would [ __ ] him let. me freddie youngberg let me see if i'd. bone him yeah yeah my tastes have gotten. better with athletes oh i can name you. some soccer players that you would [ __ ]. name freddy youngberg model freddy.

youngberg model. [Music]. right there no that's not him youngberg. he can there it is did you mean go just. click on did you mean bud. no. is he a the black guy for england no man. just you're spelling it wrong just do. soccer. freddie youngberg soccer yeah soccer. will help you out a little bit pete. is that him no go up to. yeah i mean you could yeah one of them. is like we.

oh yeah him oh young oh yeah. no no that's him playing though that's. him he's sweating he's in the middle of. the [ __ ]. final that's like put freddy youngberg. model i find them the most attractive. when they're not. yes i do model. is he cute jules no no see no he's not. there we go now go to the third like no. oh no. look at the tattoo zoom in it's a. panther i know but look at the line. between his pelvis there that line what.

do you call that line [ __ ] utters yeah. the [ __ ] gutter i would stick my tongue. and just go right down to the [ __ ]. channel you would yeah i channel and go. right to the [ __ ] and you go. yeah yeah. my mouth mouth train coming in hot water. hot he's hot all right. um you know who who's hot now as an. older man eric cantona cantona you know. yeah what about ronaldo hot. ronaldinho. not hot not hot [ __ ] up teeth who's.

the ugliest in the soccer player oh dude. you got to look at this so this is the. best one who is it so there was a coach. manager named david moyes okay. and um david moyes right yeah used to. play soccer yeah as a younger man yeah. look up david moya's soccer young as. young young. good there no when he was young. okay go do it. go to go ahead and say it go ahead go. ahead and say it.

go ahead and say it rudy go ahead rudy. say it it looks like you yeah yeah yeah. yeah it does go to the second one right. go to the second one right that one. i mean look at how bad he looks look at. his teeth fixed. yeah but that's the original one i think. well how about the fourth one in go four. in up yeah look is that him again he. looks all right there not bad yeah i. guess he got old or looked better but. and then and then go down two pictures. down straight down. yeah he looks fine there it's like it. worked out for some reason yeah. sometimes it does that life.

wow yeah yeah i mean i got better. looking as i got older. there was a kid in school where he made. me blow him. he'll be right back. what did you what do you mean no i don't. know what you mean and uh. let's just put it just say that he made. you kiss his pee. pee maybe yeah okay okay. but then later in life he didn't look so. good. you think your peepee made him bad.

maybe yeah maybe i have like that effect. i know kalila has been looking a little. bit rougher lately. can you imagine. after you have sex with someone they. just become this like decrepit yeah. maybe but maybe i but then like realized. like later i've looked him up and he. looks not as good why'd you look him up. did you want to back out oh really maybe. he made you have sex with him. i didn't did i say i had sex with him. let's just move on.

now let's stick in. let's move on man well you could file a. lawsuit i've seen this come have you. seen the commercial that's been playing. where they're like. it's so uh it's so weird it's like we're. fighting for justice i don't know what. law firm it is but it's like fighting. for justice respect and something else. and it goes were you sexually assaulted. as a youth and it goes by the following. organizations and it's like the catholic. church. boy scouts of america yeah. they name like the biggest perpetrators. of this whole gigantic. class action action lawsuit but they'll.

never really get them they won't can you. move them around they shift them around. yeah they should they just keep like. like little chess pieces yeah they keep. moving them around we have by the way. side get off of this topic i got a gift. we got a gift yeah yeah we got a gift. from the bobby lee's the band the bobby. lee's our friends great you remember. these guys yeah i loved them so by the. way not only do we have a gift from the. bobby lee's we have another band. you know how i reached out to you know. how we talked about the lollapalooza in. chicago yeah okay we named a bunch of. artists and one of them that we named we.

tried to give a boost to was do you. remember his very last guy we named his. song what was his name i forgot his name. take a guess i don't remember well yeah. but that's the project jack what is it. what's his name jack what fancy jake. doobie jake jack dooby jake jake doobie. so jake dooby. has been killing it since we talked. about him oh yeah and he wants to talk. to us. he does presumably to say thank you i'm. sure he's gotten a bunch of streams yeah. yeah so we're going to call jake dube in. a minute all right but this says bobby.

and andrew bad friends thank you so much. for having us on your show we're playing. l-sit in la if you guys are around let. us know we'll put you on the list sam. mackie nick and kendall awesome so look. what they gave us. awesome they gave us um sweater let me. see let me see that's really cool that's. a cool looking sweater oh dude and they. gave us and they gave us records here. look at this. the bobby lee's we both got a record you. don't get a record because you don't. have a record player yeah and also you. don't deserve one to be honest this is. girth circles that's a magazine they. gave us awesome anyway cool stuff in.

here very cool stuff shirts. you want a shirt rudy yeah. great. and there's a hoodie for me. and there's some other shirts anyway. we'll look at all the shirts but thank. you to the bobby lee let's give a shout. out one more time to the bob. please go see them they'll be here in. l.a you'll see the bobby lee's we'd love. to support i've been watching can i just. tell you what i've been watching though. i watched oh man i've got so much. watching stuff to tell you it's. interesting. no you tell me first. well i've never seen forensic fires. never seen forensic files.

ever. no i used to watch this show called. autopsy on hbo. but i've seen all of them never heard of. that it was one of the original ones but. way before our forensic files okay. autopsy was great well what's the. original original. i think autopsy was the original 60. minutes has to be the original of this. kind of stuff look up hbo autopsy. autopsy was great but what did you just. saw you just watched forensic file i. just yeah and the autopsy is brutal. because autopsy this guy right here this. show. this dude right here they show they show.

[ __ ] like they show the box they really. bought yeah the real boss yeah yeah if i. could i need it i need. and this guy looks creepy himself. yeah they always get a guy who looks. creepy but doctor. i think his name is not biden dr. dr biden that's joe biden not just you. by the doctor um. oh what's his name anyway. but you mean they have one in um autopsy. where. they were in a like a there was a fair.

uh like a county fair like a county fair. in like upstate new york or whatever. sure and this happened in the 60s and. there was like a ride where you get on. the ride. right and it was a scary ride and there. was like a mummy that went uh. you know you know is that the mommy. yeah do you remember the movie in uh the. the the matterhorn oh yeah how unscary. that is it was like. it wasn't freaky at all yeah well it was. [ __ ] it was always kind of broken it. was like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you. flicked that guy off yeah but there was.

one where that so the mum was and then. it was actually a dead person in the. mummy what yeah yeah they put a dead guy. in there somehow there was a dead guy in. there wow yeah so with that if you know. that's pretty scary that's what's scary. that's scary that was scary you see his. eye fall out or something yeah but in in. forensic fire files i i was thinking to. myself. with the with dna testing and all that. stuff yeah the new technology do you. think that you and i could create a. murder and get away with it today yeah.

impossible i think we could you do yes. how could we do it. let's see if we let's try to kill okay. let's say we kill jules no no we're not. jewel that's she's a girl. we have to kill fancy beasts. no so we kill fans obviously oh we call. forgive fans but how do we do it but. here's the problem he's not he's got a. what he's not single so it's tough so. there's something traceable there you. have to kill a single guy okay pete's.

not single either damn it we gotta kill. someone we know that's single because. they gotta be alone. see that's her oh you wanna die well we. have to kill someone that's like kind of. yeah we can't kill a girl though why not. in the scenario we could maybe. yeah in this scenario we could kill. jules yeah but i have i don't want to. kill her. she cleans she's the killer she cleans. my kitchen all right. yeah that's right he does all the all. right let's let's just say we kill fans. oh let's go fans okay so we're gonna. kill fancy bee because he doesn't have.

kids though no no kids well the [ __ ] it. yeah we'll kill him yeah yeah but his. wife is cool so we gotta get her on our. team first. no that's not how you do it do we kill. her we don't even know we don't. get in touch with her at all oh okay. there's no we it's true we can't trace. ourselves okay so how would you plan on. killing them let's think um my instinct. is. something what does spaniards hate. yeah like what do they hate. mexicans. so we take him down to mexico.

he's coming we're doing we're doing. check it out he's going down for your. birthday party we're gonna go to mexico. no no we don't do that we don't do that. we do because that. this is what we do we go we're doing a. remote piece for mad tv. and i'm at tv for bad friends right on. same show i just woke up sorry yeah me. too all right so so so we're doing we're. doing a piece we're doing a bad scratch. a sketch. right right. so before we go there though we go down.

to tijuana beforehand right scope it out. no we got to get somebody to kill them. oh there's so many people down there. that would kill right so we could come. down with cash but we can't pull out is. there any way you and i could pull out. cash without anyone knowing that we'll. pull out cash. her money. all right that's money that's money. there's money laying around right. there's layman so she's got some cash. saved up. yeah yeah okay and i have the guy in. mexico i know who it is one of the. little chicklets kids that sells their. guys. he's not going to do it how do you know.

can he do it because we're going to give. you 100 tonight. cyanide of the chicklets there it is oh. mr mister. right and fancy's like oh does my breath. smell and we're like yeah yeah that. smells it do you pack do you pack the. chiclets with cyanide every single piece. of gum has signed up but then we might. kill other people oh big deal. anybody what if he sells it to a you. know i mean dude who a family mom or. something big deal she's got to go all. right. all right all right all right. babel oh i'm learning a little.

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today using promo code bad friends at. liquid iv.com that's liquid iv.com promo. code bad friends all right so look we. got we tell we tell fans hey man we got. to go down and shoot a sketch okay are. you coming down fans of course see he's. coming and i go we don't need sound or a. crew it's just us through we'll just do. a gunk gorilla stuff one two three one. two three and you have to be on the. camera yeah and you're going to just go. down with us you are you into that fancy. i'm so excited he's so excited he's so. excited all right so we take him down to. tijuana right and then it can't be like. it can't be in like tijuana's packed.

slammed it really is all the time all. the time. right. so we have to go to like lafonda beach. okay we'll go to la fonda beach all. right kind of desolate a little desolate. it's got to be a beach let's do a sketch. on the beach on the beach right yeah. yeah yeah we have the kid there. right. and. chicklet chiclet for sale. for sale and i i'm gonna go. we don't have any money on us of course. not we already gave the money kid five. grand yeah five grand yeah real murder.

too much. i refuse it's principle give a hundred. bucks all right hundred hundred bucks. a hundred dollars for 100 bucks yeah we. got to give him more to help us get rid. of the body so 100 to start no we don't. get rid of the body what are you going. to do with it when we kill fancy. we could do it this way okay we could. chicken chicklets yeah checklist. oh we want gum fancy. right go get us some gum go get us some.

gum he pays for the gum. what if the kid charges a hundred. dollars. i'm fencing a hundred bucks he's like do. you know they're gonna murder you yeah. this is cyanide it's expensive so he so. he he gives him the he pays the money. yeah and then we we all day long before. we even you know i mean run the chiclet. guy. we say to fancy dude your breath stinks. it stinks have you smelled your breath. lately fans yeah stinky mouth bud so.

we'll go check. your breath he buys it. eat please please eat it eat it right. gross he chews on it he would die. instantly instantaneously. instantaneously gets right into his. bloodstream maybe a couple minutes he. falls over on the beach yeah face first. in the sand and at that point why can't. we go murderer. to the little king. no we can't do that why because he's on. [Laughter]. he did it. right. he's like he doesn't speak english he. doesn't. they don't speak english a little bit.

they know like they they could get an. interpreter chicklets chicklets yeah you. can go you know these guys gave me the. redhead and the 100. so what would we do with the body now we. have to just now we have to kill the. little kid no we've got no no we can't. kill the kid why not. because we're not we're not. mass murderers or on a killing spree so. we only kill one kill one person all. right. so what we do is we hire two other guys. i see this is getting too thick the. problem is you have too many people yeah.

yeah the spider webs grow then they know. people they tell people i got it yeah. we put it we spray paint an axe on the. beach. pretty on the nose right okay right for. like a pirate no. the x is where we need this is where. it's all got to go down. just. maybe not spray maybe somebody just. draws an x you know with their hand okay. that'll go away but yes yeah yeah no we. tell the tricklet guy right to draw a. big x big x so we know exactly when you.

know what i mean right you're going to. be all that right okay so what's the x. for but x is near the x we have already. a pre-hole. we've dug a hole yeah near the x yeah. not right under the x we have to give. them another hundred dollars though to. dig the hole now see where that's too. much money already. what i think 100 bucks is all we can. afford right now we can afford no that's. what we can start that's in the budget. uh how about um i have an idea what is. it oh here we go i love this. chopped.

um fancy's body. [Music]. you can do it at night. but there's not no you can alright so. let's let her finish no all right i. don't have an argument against that so. you can cut let her finish you can cut. it up at night what are you going to use. it's just any knife that the kid. this one good perfect okay well then you. have to go. you're coming with us you're coming with. us i'll be the one to chop. do you feel comfortable enough chopping. up fancy. yeah.

what would you cut first head head first. head first go in head first yeah yeah. you might as well and then what else and. then after chopping into small pieces. just throw his the pieces on this beach. it's scattered around like it's [ __ ]. graffiti yeah cause maybe there's sharks. and they're gonna eat it on the beach. they're just. sharks sun tanning on the beach. where are you going i'm gonna sunbathe. on the beach and maybe there's going to. be human meat mexican sharks raul.

hey alejandro yeah. yeah i mean the idea is insane why. wouldn't you just throw it in the water. yeah in the water that's what i'm saying. okay what you said. you definitely said on the beach oh okay. all right all right. okay we don't bring her we don't bring. her she's too suspicious she's way too. suspicious she'll get us caught yeah. yeah there's no scattering on the beach. just throws an arm on the beach yeah no. you have to create small.

little tiny tiny tiny pieces you know. how long that would be pieces so 24. hours hours and hours yeah 24. someone. would see you sawing through his phone. yeah yeah and then we're yelling at you. going hurry up and you're just on the. [ __ ] foot part imagine me me sitting. there having to drink you smoking a. cigarette we're yelling at her hurry up. hurry up yeah she's. right your fancy's arms we can't do that. we can't cut them into pieces i got it. go ahead i got it go ahead we got to. meet someone down in mexico who's got a. boat.

there we go we gotta spend how much well. how much can you rent a boat for in. mexico about 50 bucks 60 bucks. do boat rentals. baby let me just say something okay. mexicans aren't dumb it's not mexicans. it's just cheap we're not mexico yeah. but we're not gonna go hey dude. how much is your boat you know 50 bucks. can we put a dead body on it yeah he's. going to be like we're not going to i. need 10 grand we're not going to tell. him because guess what what when he gets. out there with us.

no we're not killing anybody i want to. kill more than just fancy wild why can't. we just kill him. we don't want to kill innocent people. all right look we can rent a yacht or we. can rent a sailboat for like 1200 a day. the whole day in mexico yeah that's all. that's a lot that's a lot but that's. also i can't do sailboat why. do you know how to sail do you know how. to sail dude there's a guy that does it. we can't have anybody with you i. couldn't kill anybody that's true that's. true so it's either we can take someone. we can kill i can figure it out you'll. figure out how to say that's good enough.

can you imagine you've seen the sailing. what what what side is the right side of. the boat what side the left side what. are they called sternum sternum yeah. yeah sternum is the left side yeah yeah. and what's the right side the um. anchor anchor that's right. well then you know what i think we're. going to work out just right yeah we're. on i'm on the sternum half and i'm on. the anchor side yeah without a doubt we. pulled the guy up. well we don't we call him the guy who. he's no longer fancy oh he's gone. because i i if i call a fancy i might. get emotional yeah your heart is in it. yeah yeah i might be like okay so we. kill the guy.

so we kill the guy yeah yeah and let me. tell you something he's a [ __ ] he is a. piece of [ __ ] that's what we call him. right we killed a piece of [ __ ]. so we have the piece of [ __ ] yeah and. you know what do we put his shoes in. his shoes what do we put his shoes in. concrete cement. that's right quick try quick try i don't. know how that works you his foot's. already in the shoe you put concrete in. the shoe no dude you get two five gallon. buckets you to get two home depot five. gallon buckets you put quick dry cement. in there right literally put his feet in. there put piece of shit's feet in there. within 10 minutes it's solid as a rock.

right and then we throw so then i can't. i'll have nightmares just just seeing in. my dream float to the bottom just but. he's just like floating forever just. waving his arms like this but don't look. i'll just toss him in and you look the. other way have a cigarette look look. over the anchor side of the boat well. i'm tossing him over the sternum side. and just okay we throw him over i throw. him over and he's going down to the. bottom right this is at night by the way. i've never sailed during the day or. night i know you should be. you should be probably sailing during.

the day. yeah we'll die yeah yeah all right so. then maybe you sail i'll sail at night. at night yeah yeah there's not a lot of. wind yeah i know that close yeah yeah. that's we'd go deep in there yeah we'll. go two or three miles out yeah. so now he's at the bottom of the ocean. now we're dead because we're going to be. lost in the ocean i mean we would so we. come back but isn't that yeah we make it. back. make it back and our getaway driver is. there. yeah rudy's there and she doesn't know. anything about it. yeah. hey thanks for picking us up and then. and she's going to go okay where's.

she's sleeping i know she's going to go. where's um fancy bee. say. where's fancy v. wait a minute i thought he was with you. he's not with you that's the best that's. the best horror film line i thought he. was with you. i saw you and. i saw fancy bee and yeah he said okay. bob and i said we were gonna go take. some photos him and i walk along the. beach and fan said he was coming back to. see you i never saw him coming back what. do you mean you never saw him i don't. think i believe you.

i was waiting for the three of you. sounds like something's fishy with you. pal. see this all right that's very good. what's going on we sent fancy up to see. you and he left us like 20 30 minutes. ago yeah what have you been doing. sleeping sleeping where. in the car really really. interesting that's interesting because. look at that sign right there it says no. sleeping in cars by the beach yeah. so what's going on. i didn't do it. you didn't do what do you want i didn't. do anything you killed you killed fancy.

no we can't do we can't that's. ridiculous what are we accusing her of. killing we don't we she no no no. we have to help the police find out how. we don't do that how she killed him. yes no no she's a murderer she's not a. murderer no no. bro you're losing your mind already. you've got to calm yourself. no no you're going hog wild i know. dude we gotta stay relaxed dude because. we're we're gonna be in an interrogation. room okay right so we just go.

i guess we don't know so we would go. straight to. the police. right we lost our friend yeah we we got. in the car we thought he was with us. we have the camera what's on the camera. nothing we were gonna shoot a sketch. here in the dark with no light where did. he go. did he go to pee or something we don't. know we turned around he was gone he was. gone yeah. so then. we go back to l.a yeah we go back to l.a. we go back to la and then what happens. we get a new producer no no no dude.

they're gonna look for. people are gonna come to us well then we. have to be on the run now we're no no no. we don't need that you're acting great. you're not going to yuma arizona no. you're not doing this i bought us a. house already you're not doing this with. me i call my real estate agent you're. acting guilty already we you got to act. cool man okay so we just stay where we. are. we go no we have to first go then we. come back to la we go to the [ __ ]. police department why would we go to the. police down there. we already went down to tijuana and then. we come back to l.a and we go because. we're concerned we don't know what to do.

we went to town with our friend fran. fancy b. you know what i mean. and just hear me out this is the cop. imagine they write down their like fancy. b. yeah yeah. and we're shooting a sketch we have a. podcast into that and we turned around. he was gone we don't know what to do we. went to the [ __ ] mexican police yeah. i mean. what's so funny it's just funny here we. went to the [ __ ] mexican police. please now we're going to the regular. community now we're going to the regular. one the legitimate one you know and then. um. and we don't know what to do and they're. like okay and so then we would probably.

have to call. his wife oh no yeah you do it i can't do. it all right. hey hello hello oh hey um. hey uh it's andrew it's andrew it's. andrew from bad friends oh hi hi yeah. what's up i don't know how to break this. to you what but um. fancy bee was down in mexico with us and. there was an accident. what what me what kind of accident. meanwhile you hear me and behind you am. i going just. [Laughter].

yeah there was an accident and he got. lost and we don't know where he is well. is it an accident was just missing well. i'm saying but he went missing by. accident okay. so what happened so you we went down to. the beach yeah. if i'm being honest with you i think. rudy has something to do with his. disappearance what the [ __ ] are you. doing what the [ __ ] i know what i'm. doing shut the [ __ ] up so. listen. i don't know what's going on but bobby. and i went down to the beach to shoot a. scene and we came back up and he was up.

by the van supposedly with rudy and he. was gone so he never made it to the van. that's me. yeah. um who is this it's bobby oh hey hi. are you okay hi. i just sleep well did you kill my. husband. you would blow it immediately oh that's. i play you cool that's not playing it. cool hi did you sleep well yeah i've. never met her before yeah so you would.

never ask someone you've never met have. you slept well all right dude let me do. it again no you blew it out she knows. [Laughter]. are you cringe crying collecting your. teeth yeah i'm so upset right now what's. wrong we turn around and where is my. husband jules killer.

we would totally bail yeah we'd be like. jules did it look and i take it. then the best part is she gets deployed. to the philippines we never hear from. her again that's it it's over. no she'll get tried here. no she would call the philippines you. get tried here as adult we can't [ __ ]. do that. we have to okay we we stay with the plan. google what does a filipino get for. involuntary manslaughter how much time.

how much prison time is she gonna face. you think it's a lot in the philippines. no here she's gonna get tried here. a filipino what does that it doesn't. matter in our lives. it does race you are yes it does. you're not paying attention to the law. voluntary manslaughter sentencing. penalties there we go. all right so how long does she get. sentencing what does it say. case by case 10 years bro. can you can you do 10 years for us. that's nothing that's fine you would do.

10 years for us probably seven and a. half with good behave yeah we'd send her. money into her you know they all get. cards now oh i was you know what i would. i would sneak sneak into my i've always. wanted to do this sneaking stuff in your. butt yeah sneak heroin balloons. i would sneak in harem balloons in my. butt i've always wanted to see if i. could get away with it could you imagine. you and you'd hear like all right right. and then what i would do is i've always. imagined like get the hair. would be gross you have to puke it out. no i would have it in my butt that i. would stick it in my mouth why and do a.

european kiss with you no yeah yeah yeah. that's how it works. you want to shoot when you're in prison. you're going to want to shoot heroin. it's well sell it because it's good for. money no just use it it'll be i'll get. you high grade [ __ ]. well it's gonna be in your butt then in. your mouth i get it from the little boy. from the chiclets. he's my dealer right why don't you just. poop it out and give it to her from. there because you can't. they see your hands they're you're not. allowed to like kiss or touch and you're. not allowed to touch you can do a. european kiss i think you can.

but how does she how about i do a cough. in the bag. and she goes up and she catches it. right. and she does it hits her face. and now she has to pick a yeah you're. right she wouldn't be able to be able to. do it you'll serve 10 for us seven and a. half with good behave you'll do it yeah. you'll do it would you think you'd fight. the first person in prison. no i'd be too scared so what do you do. you know first day in you have to. establish yourself you either got to be. with the white supremacists. yeah yeah yeah you gotta be with the. gangs you gotta choose your clan who's. your clan the nazis and here's.

the black guys go with the nazis go with. the nazis but don't they. they don't like me. they're not there no one's gonna like. you yeah no no but no one's gonna but i. mean you could prove yourself to the. nazis yeah yeah with your knives okay. your life will work look look at these. guys do you think you could be like one. of these yeah yeah yeah. that's your group. no that's those are not that's good. that's all nazis what did you type in. prison gangs type in um prison nazis. prison another they're not they're just. called white supremacists.

asian prison gangs ooh this might be. your click. look at that third picture it looks like. just a bunch of breakdancers. yeah well the guy in the far right looks. white. oh that's true they look weak. that you know. you know what that is right there what. is ms-13 that is yeah. respect ms-13 i think ms-13. you've always wanted tattoos on your. face would you be willing to get an. ms-13 on your face yeah really you'd do. it huh.

yeah but yeah at the end of the day what. would end up happening is that um she. would be the boss. no what would happen eve just the cops. would be like she didn't do it you guys. did it we're gone by then we're in yuma. no no no no no no no no no no no no no. no no no no no no i don't wanna get the. house why can't we get the house because. you don't think that they can find us. there in yuma yeah no dude it's kind of. on its own little paradise here's what. we do it's a three bed three bath better. i've got it already we get right what's. that you know bomber say richard. klinkinski. because ted kaczynski ted kansinski yeah.

we get ted kinzinskis. that on the montana mountains isn't he. dead yeah but we get his oh get his old. shed. i'll get his shed you and i can live in. there okay right. and they're never going to find us out. there you think. in ted kaczynski. well they might be able to hear us. [ __ ]. [Laughter]. me undies. guess what i'm wearing right now me. undies me undies i use. these um everywhere i bring it on the.

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wow he lived there for like years. it was over a decade wasn't it and he. was building way longer building bombs. the whole time yeah. dude if you if you had to be a recluse. like that yeah. what part of the world would you move to. to be alone. if you're one of these people that has. to be alone and like build chaotic. machines and hate on the real world. where do you live i wouldn't build a. shed like that i would build um. like a bunker no what i would do is. in ba ba in torrey pines in san diego. right yeah there's a side of a cliff i'm.

not kidding you this is not made up no i. know but it's so beautiful down there. it's like right but somebody had. chiseled. a house. along the side of a cliff. what do you mean i'm not kidding like. like chisel the house out of a cliff. yeah wow yeah maybe if torrey pines. i don't know house chiseled out of a. cliff there's no way you can find that. you could literally go there and you and. you walk in and there's like a makeshift. somebody chiseled a bed wow she's right. so i would probably chisel something so. you'd be a chiseler i'm not good with.

woodwork. right wood's expensive right now no but. i just don't know how to chop it i don't. know how to deal with it well then you. think you're better at chiseling than i. know how to do this. i know how to do this it's much harder. than that. why because you're going through stone. dude something to do something what do. you do out there you're right no you're. right all right so you're moving to tory. pines into the chisel place no no i. would probably go to like you know. south america somewhere oh find a. mountain range right and chisel a little. house on the side of a cliff that sounds.

kind of quaint and cute yeah yeah where. would you be rude you had if you're. running away you're going to be a. recluse and you want to live in the. middle of nowhere perhaps can put [ __ ]. some kind of evil plan where are you. going. new zealand or go back to the. philippines go back to the philippines. the philippines would probably be too. safe for you. because you get that's new zealand. that's how much how many islands are. there in the philippines. um. seven thousand something what yeah so. because there's i literally was like 50.

i don't know we were in a boat remember. we took the boat how many islands are in. the philippines we took a boat in the. philippines and we. would go to these little remote islands. and no one lives on them no one yeah. seven thousand six hundred and forty. islands yeah no one lives insane i never. know i thought it was like and. the best is when you go to a small. island like that yeah and the water is. so blue. and no one's ever been on it right and. it's just like it's magical it's your. own little paradise yeah the islands.

sometimes are the big as big as this. room yeah well that's got to be that's. can't last that long right what do you. mean because. because the changing of the of the ocean. maybe yeah maybe that it was a hawaii at. one point in the sea yeah. 7 000 though do you know any of them. that are little secret islands that. you're aware of. no is epstein's island there still. i don't know. great. parties i mean ragers. tell me what tell me what island you. know is there a secret island that used. to go to when you were a kid.

um. yeah but i forgot the name but we all. there's isn't there one that's haunted. with witches and stuff. no that's just a place. that's just a regular wait tell me the. story of that. um it's near somewhere in cebu and they. always say that. um there's switches there that live. there and. kids should be scared because they take. kids and they just eat kids. oh look at this escaro pension house a.

four-story building located in escarole. street in cebu city believers claim it's. haunted stories maintain that a monthly. work that a monthly. that monthly a worker perished during. its construction. fort san pedro historic wow so look up. the escaro pension house i want to see. it. oh oh that definitely looks like witches. and no that's not it's the first one. that's not it that's it that's it god. it's so modern. but which is what's like a [ __ ] area. witches don't deserve to live in a. mormon no no they don't it looks like a. marriott courtyard yeah.

anyway these little islands um. i always think about maybe living in one. on one. i want to take a look i wonder how much. fun you would go there i would badly i. want to go bad i've never been to the. philippines i want to go. believe it or not. they have these. like really cool hotels and stuff like. high-end hotels. and they have great. chefs. well i mean you almost made me throw up. i haven't eaten all day it burped up. something what was it.

something from yesterday like a bean or. something. that's one bean imagine just one bean. making its way up like i'm having these. like um it's called heartburn. yeah but i'm having i'm always kind of. like burping up food it's acid reflux. that's what it is yeah you should but i. get chunks of food. that's what that is i think it's oh so i. went to the dentist today let me see. no you didn't clean wait let me see. it looks good yes so. you know i haven't been in tennis in a. decade yeah and so my teeth is hurting.

my teeth. all of them. two of them one down here one up here. uh-huh and so i've been taking ibuprofen. advil every day. yeah it hurts so bad and i just. because i go to new york next week so. i'm like maybe i'll just go to and then. kalella's like you gotta go and i know i. don't know a dentist. you don't have a dentist that you go to. i used to go to this place called best. western smile or whatever but it's too. far it's a dental office in a best. western. hotel i don't know what it's called ran. a room get your face planed no but then.

um so i went to see her dentist collis. the dentist made me laugh because i. didn't tell him because you know i'm. missing. 19 teeth and i have code bad gingivitis. and i didn't explain that to him. yeah he found out fast he opened my. mouth and gets the first. guess no the first two words out of his. mouth was um. i'll just tell you what that that poop. question mark. he goes that poop no he goes.

oh boy. [Laughter]. did he really oh boy oh boy right and i. go. my teeth my teeth are hurting and he. goes yeah what teeth. which is funny right. right this guy's great great and then um. but i need a root canal on this oh i've. had one yeah oh my god i've had 15. what yeah i've had so many 15 root. canals yeah. why. so many maybe seven that's so maybe. seven i lie so you have to have one down. here so one right here and then maybe.

one up here why don't you just start. taking care of your teeth i brush do you. floss. when you say you brush how many times a. day do you brush. night one time at night you never brush. in the morning no because when i'm. sleeping i'm not eating but when you. wake up your first thing you when you. wake up you don't brush at all. holy [ __ ] why. you should why i didn't eat a sandwich. while i was sleeping no but you don't. just brush just because you weren't. eating bud what happens you brush your.

teeth because that's bacteria grows in. your mouth. is that what it is. why you don't have that many teeth is. that what it is so look at it like this. yeah if you don't take care of your. neighborhood and clean up the streets. and repave the street and repave once in. a while and fix the sidewalks and fix. the streetlights that are out people are. gonna leave the neighborhood aren't they. i never thought of it though your teeth. people are leaving the neighborhood. they're leaving the neighborhood in the. root canal yeah are the other people. coming in drug dealers. criminals prostitutes that's who's. moving in yeah so you want to keep your.

neighborhood nice but. the next question i had was do i have. gum cancer. and i don't think that's good that's. huge that's huge for me but you know you. can get it pretty easily if you don't. take care of your teeth at all i know he. goes but you have really bad gingivitis. and he goes. um and i think you should get implants. because you know when i was in hawaii. last night like like all of your teeth. no just get these done oh. because in hawaii last week i took um. i just want to mention there's this act.

kid actor his name is martin martinez. shout out to martin martinez he's 23. years old okay and um. he was on magnum pi shot magnum pi i. took him to dinner because it was his. birthday a 23 year 23rd birthday his. 23rd birthday is he cutie pie he's. pretty cute i try to set him up i've. been selling i figured i've been selling. she doesn't like him what don't you like. about him. his photos on google bring up his. picture marty martinez martin martinez. martin martinez by the way shame on his. parents for doing that what martin.

martinez. pick a better first name on your last. name that's like me being santy santino. he's a cutie patootie pie i know i mean. he's got talent that's like you being. lee lee no he's got a choice he's like. i've got a johnny depp vibe look at how. thick his hair is beautiful it's. beautiful that's good what you don't. like this guy why. his posing too much his pose he's posing. too really what do you want you [ __ ]. hey hey no look at how chicks are man. she doesn't like posers no but it's like. they have so many conditions they do i. mean he's a good actor he's cute he's a.

nice kid. but he doesn't pose well well that fifth. picture in the red shirt up there is. really this is what did he put that up. for i don't get that. that's cool that's it that's cool. what do you like about that the watch. the hands the cl look at the clothes. yeah what is he looking at over there. maybe jules. but anyway we're eating dinner and he i. ordered a steak. right and i don't tell new people that i. don't have any teeth. and i have to chew steak with my front. teeth yeah it's cute it's like a little.

wrap. so it's in there like like this little. rabbit steak and just chuck and it takes. me like five minutes i'm just kidding. five minutes just to get one chunk into. enough you know i mean pieces what's so. funny until i can swallow it right right. that you need like liquid food yeah you. gotta start because i'm doing this and. he goes hey dude what are you doing. and then just like and i got i need i. need implants because is insane. that makes me feel sad it's insane what. i'm doing well should we start a. gofundme for your teeth no i can afford. it.

you can yeah i'm gonna then let's knock. it out let's do it. shout out to marty martinez happy. birthday bud yeah by the way i to show. you something jake is on the line oh. jake is here let's get jake on let's get. jake on all right let's hear from jake. this is our good friend jake duby. yeah i don't hear hello jake. hey bobby lee here. what's going on hi cutie i mean guy. i opened weird. um i did when i said cute i just looked. at your photo and i just in my head i.

was like oh he's a cute guy but it. wasn't. i wasn't hitting on you right he is. hitting on you right now dupe sir. no i i get it i like booster too i've. gotten uh. i get i get sir dude squad pubie. is cool i like pube. jake. congratulations on graduating from usc. thank you when did it happen did it.

already happen or is it happening. uh in may i graduated oh yeah so i did. have congratulations congratulations. congratulations and let me ask you. something so you know we didn't know who. you were when we i did bobby didn't know. who you were i have i have his album so. go [ __ ] yourself oh you do yeah okay. okay what's it called to do c is on. planet earth dupsy's on planet earth is. right right [ __ ] it's good that's a good. that's a good album problem buddy jake. anyway uh so jake we didn't know.

jake we didn't know who you were when we. saw the lollapalooza lineup lineup. and we. obviously it could have been anyone on. the last that you know the last name on. the thing right but you know what i have. to say um. to be on a poster with all those. talented people that must have felt good. right. yeah honestly um did you submit no and. that's the funny thing is like people. were like. you were like how the [ __ ] did you like. how did you get it like did you apply.

like i was like it's not a job like you. don't just like apply like they just. reached out like i don't i don't know. like people like. asking me how you get it and i was like. to be honest like i don't know like they. just reached out and so you have no idea. how i think i know how it happened i. think that there's somebody that works a. lot of blues they're having a meeting. right there's somebody watching. right and it's like all right we got the. lineup we got the 300 people right. and is that it and then some hot chick. in the meeting goes or guy. or guy yeah or guy hey. i love dukester i love dupster and.

they're like who and they're like. [ __ ]. they looked it up yeah and they all. probably wedded themselves and they saw. how cute he is yeah yeah and they love. the music they love the music the music. the music's great yeah and that and then. they go just put them on the end put. them on the end yeah yeah make them in. the caboose that's probably the most. likely thing. we'll do. dupe sir we're glad that where are you. from bud i can hear a southern accent a. little bit or a draw yeah i'm from i'm. from lexington kentucky right on. but genuinely dubster we're happy that.

you called on the show and we hope that. you think we got a couple streams for. you online do you think we helped. yeah uh i got. a million dms in comments letting me. know that i was on the podcast and that. uh. and a bunch of people commented like bad. friends sent me here hell yeah. and then. i got let's see i'm trying to think of. the exact number i got probably. 3 000 more monthly listeners in like 24. hours that's great and now and now that. you're on here you're going to get more.

let's grow the dubster's fan base and i. hope some of the bad friends family. starts listening to jake dubia and go. check him out and support him dupsty is. um a part of her family now he is and. we're gonna let me tell you something. pod all right. just by talking to you on the phone. right now you seem like a good guy you. seem like a good guy and we're all you. know in the beginning you know him and i. were kind of joking around this and that. but you know what i think it's turned. into a love affair i love you dude we. love you dude. i love you guys uh we'll we'll hopefully. we'll talk to you in five years when. you're selling out [ __ ] madison.

square garden we better get backstage. better get back [ __ ] houses we helped. all got passes to any any show. automatically now. okay all right thank you dubster. appreciate you brother all right bye. dubs hi dubs. nice dude what do you think bring up his. photo so she can take a look yeah yeah. we can pimp him out no now because we. own him a little bit right we hold him. we manage him we manage him that's what. i mean we're his managers. good looking kid what do you say do you. like that pose is that pose okay for you.

no no. so were you [ __ ] it dude. look at him there look at the second. picture in look at how cute that one is. you don't like that pose what's wrong. with that i want someone like adam. driver. that's what he yeah. look you like the drive stuff you like. the driver it's fine it's fine so. someone sent me this clip and they were. like you you're gonna love this this is. how they train the cam in the cambodian.

police department yeah like what they do. is. they train these guys and they got to go. through this rigorous training process. kind of like our military but then at. the end they got to stand in line and. stuff like that and just take it from. the head guy and i don't mean just like. not full metal jacket yelling at you. yeah physical [ __ ] them up. [ __ ] them up look at this look at how. great this is this is incredible. oh god.

[Laughter]. oh my god kicking so hard. that one's my favorite when you're just. trying oh yeah because he hadn't done. that before so the guy he's gonna kick. me in the stomach so he tightened his. stomach yeah he tripped. it's funny some of them are 14 and some. of them are bald it's like the gap of. age is insane. they're laughing a little bit they're.

smiling. oh my god. see smiling is smiling so it's kind of. part of the thing you have to like laugh. it off yeah yeah that's cambodian by the. way cambodian police they don't mess. around yeah. oh there's more you don't have to play. you want to play all of them does he. kick him on their spread leg yeah oh he. spreads their legs more. oh yeah they want to see if they can get. all the way down on the ground in the. splits. can you do the splits. yeah but the main question dude is push. pause my question to you is is that what. if this is all the training is that's an.

issue when they're actually on the field. right they're just standing around. waiting to get kicked yeah we need to. get kicked the criminals are like we're. running away and they're like we have to. wait well if the criminals attack them. they're probably good at like just. standing there and taking they're taking. the hits that's actually true that's. good maybe they just take the hits do. they have guns yeah. do they have guns or is it just or they. just have to fight with their fists and. their legs. do the filipino police are they mean. i heard that they used to do those. things but they stopped did you see.

there's one video i can't even we can't. even show here let's show it no there's. no way we must so there's a cop an. ex-cop right he he lives in a house in. the philippines it's on video online. right. and um he has an argument. right you saw that one right. is it bad yeah it's pretty bad so he. some guy was making noise or some. neighborhood he doesn't like he comes. over. this cop with a gun. and the grandma's like. we're sorry we're sorry you know we.

won't make the noise or whatever right. right what was the noise i don't know he. was probably playing um. um. pearl jam or something got it right. vitology. probably okay right. and she's like dude. he was taking a nap he comes next door. and um. grump was like and he just goes. whatever your language i apologize right. and sounds right. right and he's like no no and he just. goes.

he just kills them yeah sight unseen on. videos on video that's so awful. you see everything and it's so brutal. how about that though for real the the. the afghanistan president just left. dude just left. goodbye. yeah though some of those photos are so. hard if you were president of that. country would you leave too be honest. well i you know i'm korean and in. koreans we just the captain never leaves. the ship. right so you'd stay i would stay you. gotta right yeah would you what would.

you do if your country was overthrown by. the the taliban or the version of the. taliban in the philippines do they have. um uh terrorist hate groups in the. philippines um. i think so but i don't really um know. the names of them they're just not that. popular yet no they're like the jake. dubies of the philippines. please please what do you mean these are. part of our family no but i'm saying. that he's not popular yet but they're. gonna get they're gonna get there yeah. the abu sayyaf primarily operates in the. southern philippines members traveling. to manila and other provinces reported. that abu sayyaf.

what is it. yeah so exactly how he said it it began. expanding into neighboring malaysia and. indonesia in the early 1990s abu sayyaf. one of the smallest but strongest of the. philippines. islamist separatist groups let me ask. you a question shout out to abu sayyaf. when we went to the philippines remember. we went to the philippines and we went. to the um the you know where the kids. were where they were poor yeah kids were. running out of their huts naked. and all that and we had a bunch of food. yeah. what's the poorest area i know what that. area is called.

it's. it's near where i lived before really. yeah yeah so we we went in there and. it's this gigantic field with these huts. and these. terrible right. yeah they're like shacks yeah and kids. are running out with no pants. little kids bigger dicks than me all of. them no pants yeah there's going you. know we want we had these. spaghetti and a bunch of food for them. and like what's so funny spaghetti. so specifically yeah yeah and fruit. drinks okay yeah like grape whatever.

okay and um. but then there was like i'm like why. don't you just eat the the sheep there. lamb. no those are their pets. wasn't there lamb there yeah there was. but i don't know they're pets yeah. they're pets bud but eat the lamb first. it's a pet you can't eat lamb chops how. about this i just go eat the lamb i'll. give you spaghetti. you can make them kill and eat the lamb. before they get the spaghetti it just. feels like it's ridiculous there's a. bunch of lamb laying around this is. right next to your neighborhood where. you grew up yeah a little near like.

10 minutes away wow yeah did you did you. ever go did you ever go over there or no. you never went over there no no oh my. god because she's too classy huh no do. you think you're better you think you're. better than those. air conditioning i just don't go there. because i don't know anyone oh [ __ ] they. had air conditioning well no your house. though. there was a point though you guys did. live in like what was the worst house. you lived in near that yeah so what was. that was there what was it made out of.

cement. okay but was there um was there water. uh was there running water there was do. you get hot water no no just cold water. yeah you took cold showers when you were. a kid. we have this kabu. there's no shower so we just. it's like a bucket bucket yeah and we. just shower with that wow and you heat. the water no you don't heat the water. you don't put it on the stove or the. fire was there do the toilets work. no there's a poop in a hole right yeah. we no we use the bucket to flush your.

pocket whoever invented the bucket. genius genius who invented the bucket. i mean it's like what a cool guy here's. what you can do right you can put cement. in it and drown people and kill fancy. right you can [ __ ] poop you poop in. it right you could wash the poop down. wash it. and if you're a bad kid you could stick. it on your head right in the corner. corner get over there.

the bucket whoever invented the bucket. well i'll tell you who invented it. sorel in 1837 sturdy and rust-proof. galvanized buckets it was before that. 1837 yeah no they weren't using buckets. this was a. bucket your hands. this was a bucket because in like in in. in game of thrones where they put the. bucket on the is that a bucket where. they stick the rats in it's more like a. it's more like a um. not really a bucket i don't know what is. that what would you call that carry-all. i don't know what that is.

yeah yeah is that it is that is that. stellana sorel the guy that invented the. bucket. look at this guy. that's the guy he should george's. georges sorel yeah the best inventor in. the world where was he from yeah i want. to know more click on the wikipedia page. of him and see where this guy was from. this by the bucket god. but it's it's not even that it's like. it's basically like this how do you. pitch a bucket. so you know it's like a cup. but we already have big cups. bigger than that one. like a big big cup yeah like a big big.

cup for what you don't need. venti oh. you've been to starbucks i get it a. venti cup. i guess that makes sense yeah there's. the first bucket right there there's one. of them that's it that whoever invented. that well we saw george that's amazing. what a great guy. you know the simple stuff like that who. invents simple [ __ ] i know isn't that. kind of about that the simplest stuff. yeah who inv like like like that well i. mean what. what. what were you going to say like who. invented the wheel.

a caveman marcus. the kitty marcus. marcus he didn't have a last name who. invented the wheel trump apparently. there was a picture of donald trump i. invented the wheel. the wheel was invented before it's. fourth century bc in lower mesopotamia. it's iraq so fourth century bc they. invented a wheel but it took them it. took them thousands of you to get a. bucket you could get a bucket yeah. probably lazy i think i think once you. get the wheel you're like we're done. the wheel is real the wheel is dope. because people are like what are you. gonna carry stuff in you're like right.

here yeah you just carry stuff in your. hands. or you would just you know what they. used to do before buckets for water yeah. you'd have the fattest guy drink as much. as he could and then he'd have to puke. it back up yeah to the members of the. like a bird like a mama bird. and just puke back up. who invented. you know that they have cockfights. yeah and there's like little knives oh. little knight knives on the [ __ ] on the. [ __ ] yeah a little knife little [ __ ]. knives who invented [ __ ] knives. [ __ ] knives. it does sound like a german would make.

it and and once a hand would have little. tiny knives onto fingers. because it sounds diabolical. in a little tiny fa of gas masks. gas masks and end knives he will come in. on a mercedes and have little tiny. little knives on his fingers that's. amazing the cocknites who invented. cocktails that's a gene that's a genius. it really is yeah yeah. because the guy. because the guy that invented it right. those was the first [ __ ] and somebody. probably went that's not fair because.

his [ __ ] was beating the [ __ ] out of. everyone he was the determinator of all. [ __ ] [ __ ] he had the best [ __ ]. just like slicing things like. limbs going all over the place and all. these [ __ ] were like. they were trying to tell their owners. this guy's cheating yeah this [ __ ] is. cheating yeah he's. yeah what if we had suicide [ __ ] bombers. oh yeah little vest and the bot and the. cop gets in there. and he opens up. yeah but they would be like. truth it would be i mean it's a draw. draw it's a draw but still a dro you can.

bet on a draw you can bet on a draw tie. winner yeah dude you can bet on a drone. you can bet on draw you know what i want. to know what who invented jockeys. the little guys that get on horses. god made them no dude they're made in a. lab have you seen how small those people. are no because they're they're not quite. lp's they're not little people but. they're not but my brother steve not not. jockey enough wait he's average height. and weight of a jockey. do average height and weight of a jockey. wait do you see this.

steve is bigger than these i'm telling. you they're so small but they're not lps. they're not they're not like our buddy. brad williams yeah average 410 to five. six no one's over five feet tall it says. five six there somebody says it says two. men that's the maximum 108 pounds yeah. but i'm listen listen to me i'm calling. your brother right now. no no no stop i wanna i'm five three. yeah guys we proved five two no not five. [ __ ] two. how how tall five two five two she saw. she was there i'm not so [ __ ] five.

i'm not five two dude you say that [ __ ]. you just cause you yell it loud enough. doesn't mean it's not true i'm not five. dude i five three because i said it was. five four before and now i'm five three. no we dude she was proof it was five two. no. okay still you're way more than 110. pounds that's my point it's is that you. couldn't be a jockey i know but if i. lost the weight i could. look at this [ __ ] says five five on. the [ __ ] internet that's five five. that's [ __ ] yeah there we go type in.

how much is bobby lee worth this is how. this is how off the internet is. it'll say a million dollars. one month yeah steve stevie. yeah hey babe you're on the podcast. what's up say hi to your brother hey. steve what's up bob steve we were. talking about if we could be a jockey. like a horse jockey how tall are you. i'm five. four five five. no steve c maybe they got that mixed. 50's they said steve lee is five five. steve bob lee is five two steve how tall. is your brother you think for real steve. uh.

five four no. well you're taller than me steve. no you know what we're probably shorter. i yeah maybe you're right. maybe you're right i'm five three so we. can trust none of this information. i think that might be five four you're. five two you're five two no no there's. no way on five two there's no way i'm. five two if i'm five two you're five two. if he's five two you're five two no but. i think bob shrunk over time i told you. you shrunk i didn't shrink over time yes. you did when i met you possibly when i.

met you you were five four when i met. you you were at least almost five five. see thank you steve. no problem love you guys love you guys. hey wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. steve yeah how much do you weigh. 135. see couldn't be a jockey. so that's what i'm saying he's smaller. than your brother okay okay has to be 20. pounds less yeah all right. bye steve no steve could you lose 20. pounds do you think by by the fall we. want to enter you in a race. uh i mean i would have to run every day. change there's gonna be a whole life. are you committed.

i don't know what can we talk about it. um. [Laughter]. [Applause]. that dude's the best my brother your. brother is the best he's great. so we can't make him a jockey what i was. wondering is is that um did they did. dwar at little people careful little. people you don't want the little people. committed to coming after us like lpc. will [ __ ] us up a guy like brad williams. who's a little he's a good friend of. ours he's a good friend of ours yeah. could brad williams did they try at.

first let's just try a little person. they put a little guy in there yeah and. then they started resting and the guy. just flew away. is that what happened that's how brad. ended up in california yeah he's from. kentucky yeah maybe that's through him. so hard ended up here i wonder all the. things that they tried. like who could run the who could be on. the horse though yeah let's try a baby. yeah yeah. he's light you think a baby he can't. control it well you just strap him on. right so he's just on the side of the.

yeah. yeah like a saddlebag yeah he's like a. saddlebag you put him in the saddlebag. you put him in there his little face is. sticking out well what are the rules do. you have to control the horse or could. you just smack the horse's butt and let. it go maybe if the horse is smart enough. yeah yeah you me it meets the baby and. you go. saddlebag baby you go yeah why do we. even need to put the baby if the horse. can do it on his own someone's got to be. on the horse to make it official that's. true it's got to have some kind of body. right. yeah have you been to a horse race. before.

you've nev the del mar the fairgrounds. are right next to your house no way. there's no way you used to you grew up. down. i knew where it was i was just like i. would drive by go yeah i'll never go. there why too white. i saw a movie called let it ride. what there was a movie called let it. ride with richard dreyfuss i've never. seen that. yeah i was gonna say it sounded like a. casino movie yeah but it's it's with. horses right is it with horsies yeah it. is there's horses in the background yeah. there's horses in the background right. so.

let it ride here's how i know i saw the. movie. okay. because i used to because you saw the. movie no no that's not why because this. is an interesting thing okay. is that i used to do a commercial. commercials with joe pitka. i know him yeah the the violent guy yeah. right yeah. so there was a legend where. joe pitka was he directed let it ride. right on and a fox executive. gave him a note.

in a scene. you know how like sometimes sure you. know caught and the fox just a guy just. had a note he's like why don't we and. and joe pitka. headbutted him in the face and broke his. nose cool right and then he was banned. from making movies. again. i like how that's such an inaccurate. you're banned but you don't get to make. movies he made space jam. space jam one one joe picca did because. michael jordan. refused to do it without him.

how did he know michael jordan because. joe pika is the steven spielberg of. commercial directing. and jordan did a gatorade with him no. jordan did all his commercials through. joe pitka i mean i want to know who what. was the first joe pitcher commercial he. did with jordan i don't know because. that would have been the thing. so. when i found that out because i used to. work for joe pitka what did you do for a. job i've done like. oh you mean you did ten commercials as. an actor and i heard that story on set. and so i um.

wow yeah joe pitka go go oh i've see. yeah i've seen i know him go down to. director go down to director. oh there it is he go to the very first. thing he directed keep going all the way. down all the way down okay up up up up. up up. up so he pat pepsi so he did a pepsi and. then he did uh. hershey syrup messy marvin. what was the thing you think he did oh. look he did with michael jackson let it. ride. no no but i'm just saying before that he. did something with jordan so look he did.

a bunch oh he did dirty diana yeah dirty. diana he also did bono's campaign oh i. love him he also did um when michael. jackson's hair got caught on fire the. pepsi there you go he did hair jordan. nike the hair jordan with bugs bunny. yeah which of oh that's genius that's. eventually led to space jam how many. years later look at that nike hair. jordan when the hair jordan shoes came. out was 92 do you know what the hair. jordans are no look up jordan look at. michael jordan hair jordan shoes these i. had these shoes when i was a kid this is. the these were like some of the coolest.

it's so funny how he was so [ __ ] good. at putting his name on great designers. but the hair jordans were the [ __ ] shoes. shoes. yeah that they're there well that's them. right there okay the sevens look at how. [ __ ] cool those you don't even like. basketball shoes those are [ __ ] cool. those are dope but when those shoes came. out are they expensive. when we were kids they were well if you. could if you wanted to buy an original. hair jordan the hair jordan sevens right. now right now brand new i can tell you. or the sixes i mean i can tell you how. much uh i can tell you how much they are. i can look up right now.

how much do you think they'd be worth. rudy how much do you think those are for. um. 300 no i would say about 10 grand. 10 dollars for a hair jordans not. anymore no no no well because they've. remade so many of them no the original. oh. what is the original 1994 yeah hair. jordan's 19. okay 92 i mean 92 hair. jordans authentic hair jordans. they won't take in any they won't take. any bid under five grand. yeah i mean.

so they bid it and probably 10 grand wow. the original og 92s. of the sevens right now in my size yeah. five grand yeah wow. 300. you don't know anything about shoes. they're the originals he sang you can. buy them now for like 250 bucks yeah but. that but he's talking about the ones. from then if you could buy them today. yeah you i would never what i mean i. know you buy expensive shoes. glassman calls me other than he goes.

so you want to go in in on it you know. what. a magic card. oh yeah you've seen these right there. and i got magic cards and i go how much. is it he goes well if you and i pull. together 100 grand we can get it. i go for a card. is that really what they're worth oh. yeah. wait really magic cards how much are. they worth like the prime ones. a hundred thousand dollars. for a [ __ ] car what's the most. expensive magic card. i'm gonna lose my mind did you ever play. magic no did you play magic do you even.

know what it is yeah these. yeah those are the ones 10 most. expensive magic cards. yeah these ones. time vault. what i don't understand is these are. just what is it you use these cards in a. game yeah correct how much is that card. oh dude we talked about it three. thousand thousand three thousand dollars. oh go down to number one that's why it's. going baby number one. all right let's see what it is for. number one. 250 grand holy [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah what is.

that one called the black lotus yeah of. course 250 000. what does it add hold on. it adds three go up it adds three mana. three mana of any single color of your. choice for your mana pool then is. discarded tapping this artifact can be. played as an interrupt it's a piece of. cardboard this is just this is like nerd. porn this is porn i know but that thing. right they read that they're like it's. three mana if you get any single color. of your choice and a manipulator i know. but if you can i know but if you get a. high grade yeah.

it's 250 grand. i just think like there's no way that's. worth that the market it is. it is because i saw how long can that. last i saw an antique road show because. let me tell you some baseball cards when. we were kids or they're going to be so. much one day they went down in valleys. it was way better i saw an angel. right and this guy had this. wife yeah she just went to the team. she's like. my [ __ ] stupid husband [ __ ] nerd. um over the years she's been buying. these magic you know i mean it's like i. want to throw them away but. i what are they worth and the dude.

what what do they call them nerds no but. the guy that uh uh the oh dorks no the. guy that assesses or wieners. get that guy right yeah. she she opens it up and you could just. see come. forming forming on his thing yeah right. and he started he started doing you know. made a shake he's like do you. you happen to have the original sleeves. and. that card was in the thing the black. lotus the black lotus and all of the.

ones that are expensive and where's the. one was he dead no he was just at work. probably she stole him she stole it it's. like uh she threw in the trash and bring. it to the antique road show and then she. left him she took the money she might. have [ __ ] that but i can't believe how. much they are about this if any of our. fans are into magic cards and you have a. valued card we'd love to talk to you. yeah look at that thing we'd love to. talk to somebody that has. look at how they they curate it like. they handle it with gloves like it's. [ __ ] forensics it is yeah it just. forensic files.

imagine this though if he bends it a. little bit there goes 50 grand 50 grand. that's when you. that's when you take him down to mexico. and put him on a boat if i was a lab guy. i would just go behind him and just rip. it apart in front of him. yeah and run yeah and run if you guys. are into magic the gathering anybody. anybody has um 250 grand anybody has a. really cool one that we can talk about. we'd love to hear about it and so if i. had a time machine or i could go back in. time yeah i would just tell myself. because in in the early 90s i think.

things came out. i would just be like just buy. because what a box was back then full of. these cards yeah was probably like. 60 bucks. right yeah maybe i would just buy just. go to every store and buy every single. box. and just put it in a [ __ ] closet. that's what you do with a time machine. you go right back just for magic cards. i would tell myself to buy certain. things like certain stocks and stuff. stocks i would do stocks yeah i would do. magic cards as well what stock would you. buy would you go back and tell yourself. to buy.

probably apple apple. no 100 yeah yeah way back in the day. though i do facebook but then i also. tell myself you got to sell it at some. point too because zuck is going to lose. his mind right zuck zuck is going to. lose it youtube probably. google google youtube all that stuff. google is youtube now yeah with all and. i would just put 100 grand 200 grams. every time i ever had and i would borrow. from friends of me like let me tell you. something if it doesn't pay off you can. physically kill me but how would you do. that because you're a future you're from. the future. so i it like how old was i when apple.

stock was like at its prime. probably 40 or 50 or something 45. no [ __ ] you. in my 20s right in your 20s right yeah. so i go back in time i would have to. have cash to give me you had no money. back then right so how would you do it. like you got to buy the stock and i'd be. like this is actually a great idea for a. movie you go back in time to tell. yourself kind of like how back to the. future he goes back and tries to give. him the sports almanac yeah yeah but. like this you go back in time and you. tell your loser self you're like hey man. you gotta go get money to be able to buy.

these so the whole movie is about how do. i get the money to be able to invest in. anything so i can make money it's a. really good idea see if like teacher. dumb self how to like rob banks and. right right that's so funny that's so. funny if you as an adult had to go back. and teach your young self yeah how to. get money enough to invest in stocks. yeah right. would that be you so know the knowledge. you know if you could invest you could. be a millionaire but you but you have to. convince him oh god. that's pretty cool pretty cool write it. up rudy are you tired no yes she is go.

ahead and thank everybody and let's get. out of here rude yeah thank you for. being a bad friend. great. yes. [Music].

bye.