An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat | Ep 101 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends you are these. two idiots. white dude i'm an asian dude. you two are disgusting. well you two or something we're bad. friends. i don't need how old is this water. bottle. give him a fresh one man oh this is this. is new yes okay okay yeah but we don't. do ghetto you think this is get it. do you think this is more better than. king of the state we're fighting the. king dude. seriously what yeah i understand i. understand you're on a thin line right. now i'm just saying okay.

okay. the thin why are you pointing at me. because the thin rope is very clear to. me my friend what do you mean what are. you doing wait wait wait think about. what you're about to say i think about. everything about this. all i know is that you. you. are like worm tongue. worm tongue. everyone i want everyone i want because. he ate a worm no. that could be but everyone just everyone. say this. worm tongue.

that i you know i take a pitch to that i. take offense to them who's warm tongue i. take a few who's that what who is it. it's the dude in a. game of thrones no. yeah remember he was the one that. [ __ ] mesmerized the king but. he was like putting him in a combo toast. and then and then the [ __ ] white gang. gandhi yeah gandhi showed up with a. stick that was gandalf. whatever no yeah. with the stick right so he is a. manipulator right and he goes and then.

like he has the staff right and he goes. you back up and he puts up the staff and. it takes the king out of the now now and. then your warm tongue you know what you. are what about that's my turn what am i. what you are in lord of the rings though. no no no no no no this is my own analogy. i can come i can come up with my own. movie analogy yeah because you are you. started with that you guys alright. you know what you are you're the actual. dark crystal where you extract people's. energy like when the podlings look into. the dark crystals yeah you know yeah and. you are the actual dark crystal you.

extract people's positive energy. and negative and negative energy yeah. the dark crystal. sucks in right negative energy positive. energy right but also cancers.

[Laughter]. for some reason when i hear chemo i just. think green okay so radiation you know. what you are then no well dude let's not. do this what let's start more on a. positive can we start again oh let's. start let's start again let's start. again keep it but let's just be more. positive let's do it we. we start with the bad friends like i'll. introduce it but let's do positive. affirmation. right chappelle yeah i'm all about. positive positives that's my world bro. about your world dude yeah i'm going to.

say something about your world dude what. are you going to say about my world. but i never saw anyone like you before. uh-huh right you know how you and i when. we met there was some chemistry. and a light but why do you. but what i'm saying is that i had never. met anyone like you that's why i didn't. get close until i saw the show cheer. then i go i see. he this guy jules here on netflix he's a. cheerleader. i i was he was he was a cheerleader you. know the schools that they're talking. about on cheer.

that's where i cheered at really yeah. that's the actual school yeah that's. right that's what you shoot at yeah. because i knew that about you you were. pro at that level yeah at that at one. point so when i was watching cheer i. thought about you you i good there he is. you really did yeah it's basically he. what chappelle lacy is. he seems like a guy. that was adopted. dude you better watch what i'm about to. say no because i don't like where you're. getting at whenever i saw when i met you. i go [ __ ] number one you were wearing a.

ramones. i don't have a remote shirt okay well. you were wearing. cramps cramps cramps noses oh see how he. fabricates and lies no no oh no. fabrications. i love the ramones but i would never. wear a ramon shirt i'm like that weirdo. that's how cool you are michael at the. end of this podcast yeah is to prove to. the world. that you ain't with him. no no no no no you you're with me no.

one hundred percent brother with me. no no no no no what we like in terms of. style in terms of what we think is good. in terms of film television skateboard. hey but here's here's another thing i. seen his dick. you know what what i kind of do want to. because i feel close to you yeah i liked. you right when i met you i would like to. show you my my balls and my penis. that's a lot was that what would you be. calling like. i've cheered with gay dudes and they've. never said anything like that to me.

they have never looked at me and go yo. i love you and like he's the lead dude i. can't help it. like your toe teachers are the [ __ ] yeah. but yo can i show you my dick and balls. it's crazy it's crazy so no one's ever. done that but when you ask. right. you already lose what do you mean what. do you mean by that when you may i can i. you know what may i show you my genitals. already you lose what you do is you go. there's rules there's rules in my head. i'm like i know i can see the twinkle in.

his eyes. when i met you. i knew you when you looked at me dude. you you did this you looked at my eyes. and you did a downward glance and popped. right back up wait dude do it so this is. yeah so i go hey i'm bobby i go and she. pale right do i talk like that to media. i'm japan right anyone like that. we do. you did. when i saw that. you did that when i saw that i went. there it is. and when you saw it in a good way and. when you saw it i think you reacted.

in the worst kind of way i think you ran. away no and there was a point no wasn't. there a time wasn't this how you would. avoid me. you know what it was you ready for this. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay. i want to hear it i've just moved to l.a. okay just moved to l.a i'm hanging. around the comedy store right. and i had met bobby already but it was. maybe like a few weeks of me living into. l.a yeah it was literally weeks and then. he was like yo after my set let's go get. something to eat you know what's being. said does it mean another comment does.

it sound normal yeah yeah yeah you do. that he was like let's go. no anyone well that's you human beings. eat yeah no but you really are nice to. uh other comedians we go to ag. agassi agassi we go to agassi great meal. great meal then we say he probably is. just dropping all this dope knowledge. about comedy i'm feeling good it's cool. i'm in l.a i'm like dude i'm hanging out. with bobby lee. and literally he was like we're hanging. out outside he goes hey you wanna. you know there's a spa.

[Laughter]. it's good. so he goes there's a spa. you know i usually take a lot of comics. too it's a late night spa oh you know. and i'd only brought one black eye dot. spot before you who was it who else. would go with me oh ian edwards yeah. yeah it was ian and it's so funny.

whenever i when i brought him i think. you did the same thing. when i brought ian there. he found basketball shorts no no no no i. did not you did it. looked like i was completely naked i. looked around i go oh [ __ ] chappelle's. doing what [ __ ] ian did they're. they're wearing they found basketball. shorts somewhere because they don't want. to show that you know i know what it is. it's respectful it's a korean spa and. you don't want to go to the steam room. and you're going to freak out the. koreans don't listen. this is not what he did. and you are and i would be scared.

because you're sensitive like i am i'm. very sensitive and you and i would be in. a foxhole probably yeah right i'd. probably show you my thing yeah because. i want to show you what it looks like. when it's super scared. right. and in war in war my penis. looks like this yeah. like that. but that's what that's not what it was. in the spa. you.

i was like all right and so we go in he. goes he goes don't look around he goes. just pick a locker put your clothes in. there and i'm like what you all my. clothes he was like yeah. that's just a spa you got to get naked. yeah and i'm sitting here like. oh no i was walking around like that. then we go on this dude then we go in. the sauna and we're sitting there in the. sauna wet one uh the dry one. we're sending a sauna me and the other. dude were just sitting on the bench.

bobby is like dropping comedy knowledge. to us and meanwhile he's doing high. kicks. in the sauna and i'm sitting here like. how do you want me to [ __ ] take you. serious. it did dude the the best part of it it. was when after we were done in the spa. for like an hour or so. he goes he drops us off at a 7-eleven. he dropped us off so quick like he just.

like dropped and then left and i'm like. it's so funny the details that was why. let me see the details the details it's. like the details. you missed the details the details is. probably who who paid for augustine. he paid for augustine who paid for the. spa he paid for the spot yes he did. interesting he did well what did his. penis look like to you. his yeah you know this was almost three. years or no this was three years dude. he's got a dark dick he's got a dark. dark and he's just like kicking his.

highs like his leg gets up there oh yeah. i was. yes. that's exactly what it is. [Music].

a week later i went back to the spa and. the koreans were talking about you. no no. he said you're. you said they're complimenting your dick. saying what does it look like yeah it's. uh gishing like a ghost creature like a. creature like a ghost creature like a. ghost creature yeah i think it's. creatures. is ghost ghost oh ghost.

[Music]. no you got an average dick don't you. yeah yeah this is average yeah you know. what i.

no because i do actually like i've done. exercises to stretch it out over the. years. i think i think i think i i think i. could match you. yo steve yeah yeah yeah yeah i think i. can match him now i think i could i. think that's the thing. it's not a thing. here's the thing about your brother yeah. i i always you're the most honest man i.

think i know. exactly so that's why i'm like you say. that yeah no you didn't must be my. friend in college said. i promise you this chappelle okay. think about it if you i'm thinking about. i already thought about it if you're in. medical school right i can see this. happening right a bunch of kids right. are in a conference room right they're. putting up slides yeah right before the. test just warm up yeah they throw out. things what's this they go oh that's. some sort of skin you know rash thing. right and they show his penis they. wouldn't think they wouldn't say penis.

they'd go oh that's a skin tag on. somebody's neck. jules has not said what can we let let's. go.

let me ask you to say something jules. right. when you hear adults how old are you. chappelle i'm i'll be 35 on sunday okay. is that an adult. yeah yeah holy steve. holy man. 47 47. i'm 50 right. jewels do you think this is. not what we should be talking about. right now. from what i've heard with you and your.

friends due to bobby i think it's normal. it's normal talk so it doesn't make you. feel uncomfortable. no. so let's play a little quick game and. just make assumptions okay okay just in. your mind if you were gonna do. biggest to smallest just out of. assumptions. just go one two three a point and then. that's it and then we can move on okay. okay you gotta go ahead. one yeah two. three. okay.

you know she's right she no she's not. right no because you're because you're. fat no i'm just letting you know the fat. on your stomach. the fat in your stomach over probably is. overlapping your dick at this point you. know what is happening no because you're. yeah. let me see something like if i'm a man i. have a house right and the rooftop right. if the rooftop is big it still has. nothing to do with my situation no i'm. just saying the placement of your penis. is probably like down like way near your.

anus so it's not getting the light. yeah probably that's why it's gray it's. not getting the sunlight but what does. that have to do with size. i don't know but i'm trying to figure. that out. hold on why don't you. think about it yeah can we ask him to. think yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right. you're right. think about it so that's a lesson we do. this as just to find this is just a. friendly gesture i'm not sure we're not. trying to do it we're not trying to. let's after this let's all go to the.

spot together no i no no we can't why. not you get spot [ __ ] to do you got [ __ ]. to do i got a lot of [ __ ]. you wouldn't go to the spa game with us. ever again you wouldn't but that was a. wild experience you wouldn't go with me. how long have you did you know bobby. before i invited you to the spa. weeks weeks yeah like not even not even. not even four months probably. one or two weeks okay i've known him for. over 10 years. not one invite to the spa. oh okay so what now now let's now that.

says something about you man yeah that. says something about you that's just you. why me and why not george he only. invites funny people no it's not that um. let's see let's see um why should i. invite um a podcast producer. you mean. or should i. potentially a kid that could be the next. eddie murphy yeah. dude that was a compliment bro that was. a compliment come on i'm sorry george. yeah. i mean. basically i mean i tried to do that it's. just basically common sense dog yeah i. try to defend you hey i'm getting into.

prop comedy i'll i'll come back yeah. yeah yeah i'm probably banned from there. anyway i can't go back what. to the spa yeah i apologize for the poo. again from at the grove what do you mean. the pool then when i pooed on the in the. parking lot. what i've been thinking about that. lately i apologize what that was not for. your for a younger brother to witness an. older brother to poo in a parking lot. is i just thought about it it's not. right but bobby they have bathrooms at. the grove didn't have time. they should have one in every. corner like they should have a.

they should have a. a parking spot and then a bathroom stall. and a parking spot you know what one. thing i will never understand is how. adults. [ __ ] their pants. oh dude this wasn't even [ __ ]. his wasn't even [ __ ] it was pure liquid. it was like yoo-hoo you know the yuhu. chocolate drink all right it looked like. that hold up it looked like that like. just a huge pond i need the detail bobby. upon chappelle do you date what do you. date. i you know i feel like you don't [ __ ].

oh my god. [Laughter]. dude are you out of your mind. i love it is this how this goes oh okay. all right what he does it's so funny. because this is this is the exact. conversation i expected. coming to you. really yeah no so wait do i [ __ ] no i'm. not saying. oh god man it's just you know it's all. about it. it's all about language and i said it. wrong all right yeah i'll let you try. again oh thank you. when i look at chappelle lacey right.

yeah obviously right since. he does eat food. sleep because he looks like he's. existing he's not dying right and i'm. sure he does get sexual intercourse. occasionally on the road or whatnot. right but in my head i can't really see. it right you making love. to any woman. no you're wrong that's interesting that. that but that's a fair thing to say. thank you you want to know why that's.

fair why because i'm not i don't give. off those those vibes at all. i don't give off those vibes he is he he. is right he doesn't maybe maybe he is my. guy i don't know if you're my guy. anymore maybe he's. cause you you out here thinking i just. [ __ ]. and bobby's like no you know no yeah i i. uh you're not you're not the type of guy. right one i have a girlfriend and two. she's. alive yeah. i assume when you make a heavy love.

right. when you make a heavy love that you're. the type of guy. to look at your girl and go would you. like a warm towel yeah you go get a warm. towel a fresh one right yeah you in fact. you might go to the [ __ ] the actual. closet to get a folded one yeah not a. used one not a used one yeah put the. warm water on 100 yeah me damn you know. me i know dude how long.

majority of people like don't know where. to take me but you know exactly that's. why you took me to the spa that's right. i know you dude you're sensitive baby. you invited me and you have yeah i get. it so crazy so i'm not this i'm not that. one guy i'm like a mystery to most you. know what i do when they go when i'm. making love don't make a love. you want to clean she goes yeah. and they use their hand.

at that point i'm already sleeping. after the spirit of fall asleep that's. that's your world yeah that's my world. so how did you how did you know. yeah yeah thank you you know you know. why i'm that way why it's because of. cheerleading. really can you can you please do this do. a demonstration yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah type in. [Music].

wow dude that was you legit that's him. dude that's cgi oh what. oh my god dude yeah that's legit dude. once upon a time look at it. oh my god dude can you do a flip. yeah i can't even do one flip look at. that. yeah you know what the leaves are we're. not flippers we're rollers.

oh that's we don't flip. we roll better than you we roll like a. [ __ ] don't we. in a perfect ball dude yeah in fact can. i see something when we wrestled right. when we did the roll that was your move. what do they used to call that the egg. roll yeah yeah so i made up a rule i. made it i made a boat move in wrestling. that the the coach branstad are called. the egg roll no toretto oh dead yeah al. toretto i'll try to call me yeah yeah. and basically what it is hold up let's. go ahead you're good you've seen it. you've seen it once we're gonna see more. of it yeah i want to see you want to. demonstrate okay.

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yeah like this right yeah or something. i'll get out like this. okay right. with the egg roll away no but you you. did you did you're missing the point go. ahead get back down. you you would you would literally. no. yo stevie. [Laughter].

why is that so funny wait hold on why is. that so funny. chappelle why is that so funny dude what. was that funny looking. no it's just his egg anyway it's fine. so my brother used to do this thing oh. yeah yeah yeah go back i want to do.

i'm going to i'm going to describe it. for you okay. so. my brother was ranked probably the. number one guy in california second in. the california. second. okay. that's what he told me yeah yeah. but my brother would go to oklahoma i. remember and he'd kill everybody there. so my brother. was very good so every year my brother.

even as a freshman was in varsity or no. yeah. he lettered as a freshman dude oh wow. and i wrestled all my high school never. got a letterman jacket he got in his. freshman year. all right so my brother was a champion. they would put in the papers they would. write articles about them. and then in california not just local. like in the california like newspapers. big ones but you're missing a big point. so every year my brother would win the. cif cif title right and and so what. happens is when you go to the [ __ ]. auditorium.

they show the mat in this big auditorium. right and they have tunnels uh-huh and. they would put smoke out and my brother. would they'd say. right absolutely one night my brother. was cif my brother did something oh yeah. i think i remember so what my what my. brother did this so basically what it is. is this okay.

let me do it let me do it you're gonna. do it tomorrow. i was the kid. yeah my bro right this is an improvised. move i i went like this no no you didn't. do that what do i do what did you do i. think you did you grabbed it underneath. and you grabbed his neck oh yeah yeah. you snapped him back.

yeah and the place went. pneumonia dude yeah yeah i was crying. but it was i don't know how i literally. what yeah. it was the adrenaline where i went and. then i i like. and this was your freshman year yeah. this was fresh freshman year. like my sophomore year and my brother. every year and every tournament would. crush it article after article pride. pride lee pride every year every year. senior year he goes to state and he. makes shame.

he's shamed. he shamed the lee family he shamed our. heritage. he burned the family tree dude. bro i was there i drove 12 hours from. sacramento in a minivan dude 12 hours. back that drive back i didn't even know. if i had a brother then dude. anyway good job though the snapback hey. freshman year give him a round of. applause snapback freshman year dude. those are skills you don't forget though. oh yeah but i can't i can't do it but i. remember there's there's this um when i. was uh in eighth or ninth grade they're.

they they prep you right they groom you. to be the next varsity 103 pounder do. you remember a guy named tony matusi. do i remember tony matusi dude. i think about him every day. imagine. arnold schwarzenegger no no rocky mars. his face is like right i know but his. body is his body owner sourcing. everybody okay you can already go into. this shrinking machine. right so arnold goes.

me yeah he goes to the shrinking machine. he goes down to 98 pounds right that's. tony matusi. dude he was a boss yes my brother like. he looked like robert de niro like rocky. marciano just a little little rocky. balboa he was 40 years old he was a rock. like a coal miner really yeah a a a a a. a a new york coal miner yeah he was no. no no no. the coach branch center and toretto they. uh they invited me after like before.

practice hey get your shoes and meet in. the in the in the wrestling room okay. just to see how i would do against. because he was the guy and i was and my. brother. took him down i took him down but then i. you know what he said because i kept. head-butting him and he goes you're just. like your brother. [Laughter]. yeah but i do like i don't even need.

distance bro. i'll show you bro all right i don't even. need distance bro check this out that's. your head bro oh bro. [ __ ] crap you're [ __ ] i will try. crack your cheekbone bed. i will crack your cheekbone bud but it. hurts so bad right now. um. but with him he was actually um slated. to wrestle varsity his senior year at.

105 pounds 105. yeah 105. why do you. keep. you know you're a winner no i'm a loser. why do you keep building up sex in the. city. oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. this guy's he's on he's on top of he's. doing. listen. i really do feel like i connect with. bobby now fugazi check. yeah right name me one sonic youth album. oh uh washing machine.

evil uh i mean i mean that's he's so. cool dude he's so cool. daydream nation yeah great sister yeah. sister's a great album dirty dirty yes. great album. yeah it was a very commercial but i. think i have a dirty shirt no i have the. watch. i have one more gameplay i wonder if. that was it no i was wearing a i was. wearing sonic youth washing machines. that's what it is that's what it was. that's what that's what it was that's. what it is.

he doesn't like you also made a comment. about it yeah i get it no you do i. realize adam egan that's yeah he made a. comment about it that's right because i. was like yo because i saw he had a sonic. youth patch. on his uh. vest and i was like yo washing machines. i finally get it i know why andrew. santino and i are going to are doing a. movie uh-huh want to give you the third. lead of the movie absolutely if you. answer this question correctly oh gosh. is this a music question yes. just name me one. pavement album.

oh [ __ ] uh damn that's a tough one i'd. see i know that the album i'm thinking. of is the one with. uh it's got cut your hair on it yes. [ __ ] what's the name of that album. abbott his favorite um pavement is. wawizawi yeah that's the red one right. no that's a blue one it has a little. like a cartoon drawing of a couple of. monkeys on it i thought he liked the. what the red that ready yeah that's. called slanted enchanted enchanted. that's the one that you're thinking. about but.

why you guys have this connection why. because i went to hip hop route i got. into the other stuff later yeah you were. you guys were yeah and that's my fault. like you guys. you guys were more into the cool like. like black flag. you know that route yeah yeah yeah. yeah and then i. didn't discover that until later you.

[ __ ] with each other immediately because. i was wearing the sonic youth shirt yeah. and you know. this is why this is where like um maybe. like i i want to be. more open and honest about it it's like. um i think i think that you and i. could be very good friends because you. and i have. extreme similar things that we like yeah. um. how about this i'll give you the third. lead if you name me. five. skateboarding companies oh gosh oh. toy machine foundation baker birdhouse.

[Laughter]. just took one of the coolest guys ever. right and this is what i'm telling you. jules. like i forced her i forced her to watch. magnolia. you forrester yeah he forced you to. force her to watch what you think about. it the the movie jules so long. [Music]. i mean you try you try. i go i go look at philip seymour how.

often is acting yeah. he was better than um. hunger games. he's better i didn't know he was in. hunger games yeah he's really good he. started hunger games he better hunger. games oh right oh my god tom grew too. much. as you said tom cruise too much that was. a great character what a great character. that motivational speech yeah yeah and. then she fell asleep for half of it yeah. yeah let's do this with jules because. you didn't let her talk a lot this. episode okay go ahead. jules what are your top three movies.

no teacher bobby's gonna laugh at me no. no no no i'd like to do this i promise i. won't dude no five i probably have no. five three of your favorite that's three. three. i walk to remember. shout out to shane west you know that i. know shane west yeah you know shane west. yeah i do who's shane west he's he's the. lead in there he plays the boyfriend and. that's your friend yeah a walk to rip. i've never seen that wow i never saw. that. yeah a walk that's so random that's. chappelle's friend okay with like britt.

morris. um. can i say. black widow. black widow great movie do you see black. widow. i don't think the new one oh no i. haven't i haven't seen that masterpiece. oh really yeah is it really good really. good do you guys like it. oh scarlett johansson i love d i love. like.

i swear to god it's good it's like. spider-man good i swear to god it's not. like spider-man i swear to god it is oh. really it's that good yeah i think it's. good it's good i think it's good okay. she has one more i don't think you're. gonna watch him go oh that was bad okay. and i i i wish you've done that to me a. thousand times no i haven't oh yeah go. ahead third movie. and then. spider-man no way home. is that the newest one. see you know. i think it's a better favorite chappelle. i think the better question is.

just name me all the move you've seen. because that would be the same list. what are you talking about she doesn't. know she watches anime you do yeah she. watches like. if i peek in a room. so let's give her this option oh god. steve no because i want her to get. involved i like yeah what she loves. doing she. she's she writes poetry. right she does improv she does improv. poetry. she does and she does improv monologues. for films.

if you want you want to see magic go do. an improv mom give her a scenario you're. a lawyer and you're doing an opening. statement for like somebody who got. murdered at a trial she'll do it three. of your favorite anime just give her. that okay at least give her that three. of your favorite. attack on titan. jiu-jitsu kaizen. hunter hunter oh. you don't know what that is i know what. attack on titan is. so steve what grave what's your favorite. monologue from attack on titan um dude. it's been years okay.

if there's a monologue if there's a. monologue what would the monologue be. yeah. they're coming. [Laughter]. attack on titan right yeah so basically. he knows that some voices are a. voice-over actor right. he's gonna have a challenging day. because this is a moment this is a. monologue.

right. and and the actor the voice director. can't sleep the night before because you. know it's a big moment and it's so. secret they don't give them the sides. he shows up. ready for your big scene. they're coming. they're coming all right you're gonna so. you you just [ __ ] up the bit oh yeah. go ahead go ahead no it's all right. in the pit right okay. the joke is for me to say they're coming. okay right so when you're doing it.

no you ruined it. no don't do it again please it's funnier. if you let it sit no i think it's funny. if you live no no no no that's not good. for me though i won't be able to sleep. tonight. give me a one minute monologue that they. would do in [ __ ] that oh that'd be. good what do you mean just make up a. marvelous you're gonna give them a. minute that's what this i could do it.

right now well go ahead show us how it's. done. the sanctity of not life. the sanctity of life is what we all. should be focusing on because we live. within the walls. the three walls. the center wall i've never been as a. child i've wanted to go to the center. wall but they would not allow me. i therefore was born within the third. wall the third world war the monsters. came at night. breached the wall. ate my mother. what are we gonna do as a people hide.

power or do we fight. do we fight as villagers do we fight as. humans do we find it as a family. right. that's why. i'm flying now in the air yeah. the only way we can make this official. jules what did you think of that you.

watch anime yeah yeah jules look at me. yeah you watch anime jules look at me no. no no no no no no try to don't try to. sway her think about it. steve i'm sorry but. bobby was good. all right good job thank you he even. flew in the air. i flew in the air at the end of the air. i'd make a choice he killed the boss the. sound effects you thought oh it's pablo. francisco here no. bobby lee harnessed it. okay that's why you do tv and movies my. friend you got it.

there was so much hostility behind no no. there was no hostility did you feel the. hostility there was no hostility. yeah i couldn't do the monologue you. could what. because i'll can i tell you why i don't. know the dialogue in that but. here's what you do about improv okay you. don't know what you're gonna say. ever you just start talking. because once you go what am i going to. say it's over it's a wrap it's a wrap. right so without even thinking you have.

to go in right so what did i say what. was my opening i don't know yeah. that doesn't make any sense but it is a. beginning of a really good model. i think so too thank you yeah anyway you. gotta monologue jules no i don't watch a. lot of anime. i'm in a room full of non-improvisers oh. yeah can you do it no i can't do it no i. want to do this you can do it no no you.

can't do it it's anime. i really [ __ ] watch tv but let's do. this with jules i want to know. personally what it's like to live with. my brother bobby lee. [Music]. you guys when i go to hawaii i have to. order out a lot dude the only steve the. only app i use is doordash the most.

hospitable ones and the ones that have. the most restaurants is doordash did you. know that i've talked about you before. right yeah did you forget that one thing. at the store i'm asking you jewels huh. now you can get snacks jewels drinks and. household essentials in 30 minutes with. doordash did you know that what else can. you get bud. you can get deodorant um. morning pick me up from duncan. and. chinese food chinese food.

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the door guess who it was roman and they. go no no bye-bye hello i go hello what. hello to a new life and i started taking. roman and my peepee is back jules it's. almost valentine's day and love is in. the air and whether it's a third date or. a 30-year anniversary you don't want. erectile dysfunction getting in the way. of a perfect night if you've been. experiencing ed then visit getroman.com. bad friends today to speak with a u.s. licensed healthcare professional about. ed if prescribed get 15 off your first.

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food. every night and then he doesn't clean it. and so the kitchen is all messed up. and then when i ask him to clean it he. says. no. because i have this. big house that i'm letting you sleep eat. and do everything so you should clean it. and it's all messed up. i have to clean it every night okay. i might even need a second here why i'm. so furious why.

i'm so. no. don't say think about what you're about. to say i didn't i'm just asking don't. what are you a [ __ ] jedi master no. i'm just just. you come be good all right okay. i'm come down now okay okay. you little pathetic. trollop. you're a pathetic little. [ __ ] nugget huh. you're a piece of [ __ ]. oh interesting so can i ask you a. question real quick and i just want.

wanted one incident okay two nights ago. very specific. right. i cleaned the kitchen just stop okay. and then you go did auntie kalila clean. the kitchen. she said that and i go no i did. when you cleaned that.

i also had to clean it again because all. the plates. had small things that you couldn't wash. fruit flies yeah not fruit flies no like. like little stains like stains. there's fruit flies in all your homes. fruit flies and everywhere everywhere. really anywhere you live fruit flies. anywhere he would live through. let me ask you a question [ __ ]. why would one have [ __ ].

fruit flies [ __ ] because you don't. take out the trash no i love fruit oh. you wanna take out the trash i love it. god man don't breathe but listen there's. a lot of people that love fruit but i. don't see fruit flies are you not eating. your fruit. all right you [ __ ]. bro. i live with two. jungle asians. right you you put a man i'll give you. just take this i buy mango at the store.

yeah. right. i park my car. as soon as i walk. i have the mango in my hand right. as soon as i walk through the door it's. gone. no open your mouth open your mouth jules. the seed is in her mouth. no. they love it they love mangoes yeah now. what fruit fries what they do with the. seeds. they put a seed just in the middle of. the [ __ ] living room dude. because that's their culture jules you. do that no i don't. no i don't.

yeah you do i don't no you do you ship. head. [ __ ] [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you we do. that all the time. i was like well. we'll be having dinner we'll be having. dinner right and her and i will not say. we'll just look at each other at dinner. [ __ ] you. we hate each other damn but love just. love that yeah there's love there's love. oh my god can i ask you this am i. invited to the ufc fight tomorrow i mean. i missed com going to your place and. watching fights are you.

booster. [ __ ] i didn't get the booster no. okay if you would have got the booster. 100. i want to say something right now. because today. louie anderson died oh yeah oh god and i. have to say i have to talk about it yeah. all right um. you know this because i feel like you. went through the process. it's hard.

comedy. it's one of the worst. human environments. ever i think i can't imagine any i don't. see any other. you know i mean entertainment medium. that ha that's it's as difficult acting. everything's hard i guess everything's. fine everything's hard but comedy is. especially dark yeah it gets real dark i. don't know i always think about that. type of [ __ ] all the time because i. journal like [ __ ] religiously. what he journals religiously. will it he journals.

so diary yeah like journals diary. kinda but go ahead chappelle so you have. a diary yeah. this [ __ ] yeah no do you have a. diary yeah uh no it's a joke i don't. like because when guys say journal i. don't say dear diary but that's what you. are doing. i don't go dear diary do you do this. ever i don't go today was hard. never never yet i had a difficult. situation today never no i don't break. it down like that you don't so never in.

your in your diary you go um journal. it's a journal. i have feelings for this person and they. rejected it no so there's never any. internal interest. there's no introspection going on. there's a lot of introspection but it's. not written like one like what like. you're talking like i'm as if i'm like. 13 years old. i know you're like i want to do the tone. oh it's usually just like um. like okay i have a big anger problem. most people don't know that what yeah i. have a massive anger problem so whenever.

something happens like if a situation is. thrown my way i'll journal about how. like i'm actually proud of myself that i. didn't react the way. i normally would have yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah i got an anger problem too i. know he does but you breathing. how do you get through the anger how do. i get through it yeah oh man it's. sometimes it could be [ __ ] tough but. i just get really silent. when i'm really excited. when i'm really silent yeah it's like oh. [ __ ] there's something wrong but would. you say but that that's me now back in. the day you would physically slap when i.

saw that video of you flipping that. doesn't look like you yeah that looks. like a ten times bigger version of what. were you bigger than. was more slimmer slimmer he was younger. he was slimmer i was shredded you were. shredded yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah i didn't have a gun. i have a good. it's you know what it's got a force. whitaker vibe. cut that out that's what you gave me.

nah dude all right ghost talk because i. love ghost dog. i'll take that and then when i said. ghost i didn't mean ghost dog yeah but i. knew that ghost dog would make you feel. better yeah how did you know yeah. dude you know me too. i don't know. i'm getting jealous now i don't know. because i thought i was close to you. yeah yeah but he understands. whitaker. the fact that he said forrest whitaker. and he said ghost dog and like ghost. songs are [ __ ] dope movies oh i got a.

better one than that all right. on my side. to get you on my side all right. uh lawrence fishburn in apocalypse now i. didn't see apocalypse now. i got to see what he looks like laurence. fishborn in the king of new york no no. so my brother thinks no wonder. my brother thinks this light skinned.

that's it. you think that this body the body of. cream abdul-jabbar that's what his body. looks like no no give me some other. examples no you give me another example. of an actor i want to stick with. lauren's i want to stick with lawrence. the different skin color you know. if we're going to give you another. chance i'd rather use a different actor. a different actor okay okay okay. will smith and i am legend.

i am legend. i am legend how about one i got one. denzel and fences. i'll take that [ __ ]. i'll take that that's a fair one it's a. fearless yep that's a fair one it's a. fair one see you're giving me like like. like i don't like he's giving me very. fair body types you're giving me like he. was the best that's fair but that's not. fair that's that's like i mean i guess. that's.

uh chris hemsworth yeah it just doesn't. make any sense that's what that's just. doesn't make any sense so are we talking. about body type what are we talking. about here body. in gymnastics is that what we're talking. about no we're talking about current. oh see i see that's where i have to. intervene because i thought we were. going back to at his peak during his. gymnastic.

yeah try it. think about it think about it yeah think. about it. i got another one. i. yo yo check it out dude yo. del rio get any delroy. any delroy lindo. face this is the face just no no no no.

no. don't roy lindo the harder thing that. ain't happening. no that ain't happening. to go the harder things give me a photo. body photo. i'll take that nah that ain't happening. bro yeah nah del roy lindos i'll take. i'll take the other one yeah roy linda. right i'll take dale roy yeah yeah go. guys. and this is a compliment dude. i need to get you on my side man because.

i'm jealous of your guys's thing. um. cuba gooding jr. and uh jerry maguire. okay but can i let's talk about yeah can. i say something right now yeah and i'm. about to because because the ufc is. tomorrow okay go down the lineup. no i don't know the lineup but i only. know the two but there's a a fighter. a mexican kid who's the champion now. yeah he's a 120 brandon moreno yeah the. 125 pound guy and my stun.

you know what i'm saying. today i was going. i was watching the embeddeds and they go. brendan moreno. he's pretty [ __ ] cute huh he's a. cutie and she she goes. i know why you're saying that. and i go why. she goes it's so weird and gross what. and i go why he goes. he's the mexican version of your brother. wow. cut that out of the whole thing that's.

my brother. wow. have you seen him. and talk to his kids and the way he acts. he acts just like you no i don't he's a. kid baby i don't know that's a. compliment. it's just a beast though is that a. compliment yeah. anyway that's you dude really yeah. that's a compliment now give me a body. yeah give him a body in it everyone give. me a body now okay well hold up i just. saw the pap morita documentary.

i'm just letting the whole world know. dude. that's the most. closest to you that i could imagine wow. not only body type yeah facial structure. hair. everything. behavior behavior it's you behavior and.

you know it bro i wasn't gonna say that. you know. and i'm gonna say the grandpa from three. ninjas. that's what i was gonna say. pull it up that's a good one let's do it. i love that dude. there you go. oh yeah. pretty close he was a g pretty damn. close it's crazy dude that's a great. documentary though. you know more the more than miyagi have. you seen this documentary i haven't you. know what the saddest part of it did you.

see the spot where he was doing that. bong he's like 70 years old yeah and. he's smoking this bong with like all. these young kids yeah and he's like at a. party oh yeah right yeah he's an. alcoholic yeah and in my head i'm like. oh i didn't know that yeah in my head. i'm like. it just doesn't look right or feel right. right yeah you know i mean like he. should be like you know babysitting his. grandkids yeah and going to like. disneyland. people don't know he was a stand-up he. was a stand-up he's a stand-up comedian. people don't realize his career is so. much like mine it is it's so much.

his career is so much even him as a. person. he was like the san francisco guy like. this guy was born here just talk like us. yeah regular guys on happy days. yesterday. yeah yeah they cover that i never knew. why. did you know why. when he was on when pat murray was on. happy days asians we went holy morning. yeah yeah. when we turned on whatever that was. amazing happy day yeah and he came.

hold up. we all tp like they went crazy yeah yeah. for real yeah yeah they went crazy dude. amazing and the reason why the next year. he wasn't on the show anymore uh-huh is. because the network gave him his own. show oh that's right and it failed and. then he yeah and then they tanked it and. he couldn't get back in. really and tell karate kids yeah oh. because yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. for a minute but you have to understand. that from happy days to karate kid. you're talking about how many years 20. years no yeah so you're right you're.

right what did he do. i know what did he do just guest. starring and different things yeah it's. hard man but yeah man if you want to if. i'm telling you right now if you want to. know. somebody that's very similar to bobby. lee. what's beyond miyagi so you better take. his compliment instead of mine. yours was a an attack. yours was such a fundamental attack. first of all you don't even give me an. actor that's even famous. you go oh you know that guy that died in.

total recall you're like. i'm the guy that died in total recall. yeah i had to do it in the beginning in. the elevator like what the that's a damn. good movie though damn good movie. right. the original total recall right. damn good. [ __ ] damn good movie so in a way that. was a compliment. i mean. i can't believe i didn't kill you long. ago. growing up i don't know no it's okay. it's okay but do you remember um.

how violent that was. [Music]. that's what else you have in common what. you had an abusive dad. yeah that's right that's why i brought. it up. he wanted me to you know what he did you. know he looked at me doing what he did. when he does he went. he did the i think again dude i did not. do that. you guys do have a connection. i'm realizing that and i'll accept that. oddly enough no no you do have a special. connection with him was your dad violent. stepfather.

and was he um let me ask you something. okay your mother raised you then yeah i. was with my well my story's kind of. tricky i want to know so i was with my. biological mom and my stepfather right. both black. yeah both black and my stepfather kicked. me out and then i was adopted into a. white family. well i didn't know that yeah your senior. year or just in high school uh i was in. high school yeah i love those liberal. white families that do that.

love yeah nothing but sandra bullock and. tim mcgregor yeah i love it. what did they feed you bud. the worst [ __ ] ever like like like life. was trash. no really yeah they don't listen so yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah they're like super. christians oh they must leave the church. you weren't you had to go to church and. all uh no they actually. at first they were pretty hard about it. and then eventually they were like. you know you ain't going yeah yeah right. but you probably didn't do drugs or. drink well you weren't talking about i. was i was heavy into drinking oh you. were yeah well beer i've been off.

alcohol uh. almost eight years oh well which is a. hard liquor beer like wow yeah wild. turkey. put a little hair on your chest yeah. yeah man damn wow i was pretty i was. pretty. that's yeah that was my. when you're flipping i didn't like. anything but chappelle when you're doing. the flip do when when in your head i. should be a comedian oh when does that. happen someone dared me. oh wow and i just got on stage i did and. i was like i'm dropping out. of of of college yeah yeah.

my friend randy signed me up. so we were at a place called thomas. paine coffee shop in san diego and i met. this guy named randy at improv class. this old jewish guy. he had like glasses. he goes well i'm doing. i'm doing stand-up now so you know. improv is not my thing anymore so let me. go check you out she went to a coffee. shop he goes up and i was so impressed. that he went up there he bombed. but just the act of he's a guy i met in. class he's now really doing it yeah he. decided to sign his name up and go in. front of strangers at what was it like a.

book store it's a coffee shop okay. thomas came coffee thomas paine coffee. shop and he gets off and as i'm saying. he did it man. wow. that impressed me oh press me. how you feeling man. adrenaline. while i'm doing that i hear bobby lee. oh he signed me up oh wow and i go. and he goes. you got to do it. and it went up there and i remember the. bid i did what'd you do i did a bit. about lsd well go ahead dude dude it's.

not good i'll just do it i have to stand. up and do it okay yeah yeah go ahead go. ahead do it do it yeah okay alisti's a. crazy drug man. you take it man it doesn't hit you until. like 45 minutes later. like when you take out a first year like. i don't feel anything i don't feel. anything. right until i do this so i do this. right oh you did that yeah i do this a. cartoon i think yeah. right and it's one of those ones where. you think you're doing one thing but. you're really doing something else oh no. you think you're walking down the street.

like this. and then you do the walk right i go. no one notices. yeah i'm good no one right but you're. really walking down the street like this. and you do it i do a crazy interview act. out no one notices are you feeling crins. right now no one notices. but it's still gotta laugh so you did. well. well you're making fun of me now no no. you didn't bomb though. it's not about bombing or killing yeah. it's about going up right there yeah. that's the way what people don't realize. it's not about doing well. or doing bad.

god. in the universe. what no i love this what you're clearing. out the no no i love i love what you're. about to do everyone listen to me right. now and this is a truth. okay. god doesn't care if you win or lose he. just cares if you try. right is that what he said. what. where'd you find that quote no there's. no quote. he's just doing that right now speaking. for god yeah that's yeah. i shouldn't speak for god.

you're right. you forgot it's god i said but so what. i'm saying though is i think yes. my belief is this that right. right that like you get rewarded for. trying. right it's in the trying because when. you try even if you fail uh-huh. especially doing stand-up oh it's. painful it's not painful so for me it is. it's painful at first but but oh it's a. bomb but yeah but but the overriding but. the overriding feeling when you bomb the. overriding feeling when your bomb is is.

bad but there's an underlining feeling. of pride. what do you mean by that for just doing. it. yeah really yeah you can be bummed that. you bomb but there's still an underlying. feeling that you [ __ ] did it yeah. really and that you're a man that you. walk through and you fire brave and you. walk through the [ __ ] fire i hate. anyone that doesn't walk through fire. but you guys haven't bombed in a long. time i bomb all the time no i don't i. bomb all the time no yeah i do no you. don't i bomb all the time no you don't. no no no no no absolutely not george if.

you see me bomb george george. absolutely not even when bob thinks he. bombs he does better than most people. but i've seen him bomb for him i rest my. case so here i rest there my ball for me. no your idea of bombing is like. i really bombed i've really bombed at. the lab i really bombed. it was like a bad dream bomb oh you. talked to me right after that yeah yeah. did you see it i didn't see he we we.

talked about it like right now did. anybody ever say to you. did you see bobby's brother he's. terrible. chappelle look at me. that one's never seen so no one's ever. said no no you can say the fact that he. put that in no no no no. i told him why i throw the energy. because i know how he thinks yeah right. and everything that he's thinking right. now and saying is based on his own mind. and how he. how he funneled the experience in his. own mind but it's not necessarily the.

truth and i know this is because him and. i do the same thing. and that's why we get in trouble a lot. when we tell stories because they're not. really true. right they're just how we interpret it. we interpret it and also we also. we're not willing to tell it. unless it's good so how do you make a. story good you lie. no no no no no i didn't lie about that. that's exaggerating you lie all the time. that's you you're deflecting that's you. do that i admit it. can you admit it do i do that too can. you admit it do i do that too yeah.

i told you earlier i was like you're the. most honest man that i i think i think. um. i don't do that i don't do that as much. as you think all right so you what let's. just. go back to the story. let's go back to the story so you think. i did horribly for you. dude but no one in the audience. don't remembers not only ramirez. cares they don't care. right you're absolutely right nobody.

cares no one cares you know what now i. think about they probably don't really. remember they don't they never even. thought about it yeah but you spend you. spend days and weeks. in yourself i'm still thinking about. something that never happened i'm still. thinking about it but it's insanity. still thinking about it yeah. i haven't gone up since. ago. or weeks ago a month like a month i. haven't gone up in a month yeah but i'm. doing guest spots with yeah i'm doing. guest spots soon so i'm going to go back. up okay. because if you don't no no no i am but.

this is the thing. let me finish. because if you don't. look at me right now because if you. don't look at me right now look at him. you're a [ __ ] coward oh i know i'm. not i don't want to be no all right. that same face that i'm not going to do. that starface right there. that's what got me into no this is the. reason why you said. and this is the reason why because i. realize i can't let them win i need to. you know what i'm saying like even. though because they. that night they were critiquing the.

whole thing but that didn't. you see you see what i've dealt with all. these years man when i try to really. communicate with this guy he tunes out. but this is really vital. this is a vital thing about you about. like you're getting through certain. areas i don't know where you're at what. are you talking about you're at the lab. you're not even in the main room. the lab is the lobby. the lab is. just a couple of chairs and people.

waiting to go somewhere so anyway um. okay thanks for tuning in. well have you have you gone up in the. lab yeah have you gone up in the lab. but that's why they called it the lab. yeah in labs they experiment and they. fail oh. and then that. this wraps up. this episode of bad friends yeah because. this wraps it up because it's in the. title lab means you bomb. what the laboratory yeah so that was the. whole point of it.

right so you're bummed about doing the. job that you were supposed to do. with that no one even even knows what. happened you're right right i didn't. even notice that about a million times. yeah okay hey you guys there was there. was a mini earthquake. on the south east and the islands no no. there was actually a little mini. earthquake in the southeast portion of. mars recently oh oh but do you care.

i don't like what you're doing right now. do you care. no you know what. pretty far away. don't give a [ __ ]. don't throw anything at me dude all. right so what i'm saying to you is is. that you take things personally you're. right you're all your fears and all the. things that happened to you is in your. mind chapel is he right and i just want. you to grow bombing in the lab like yeah. did you write chappelle look at me yeah. it's like yeah. this is my brother.

why are you crying steve i had. devastating. devastating set at the in the belly room. in the belly room oh. was allison jones there no. i'm gonna go i'm gonna do it okay be a. man. you would be amazing. i'm writing something you're a [ __ ]. warrior i'm writing some new [ __ ] you're. right yeah there you go cowboy bebop. right. okay.

so why don't you recap what we talked. about since the beginning because i feel. like you were asleep the whole time kind. of yeah go ahead. i remember that. you have the. smallest dick in the room. that was one two and a three. yeah and then. to be cool you have to know. a lot of different musics like what he. knows yeah yeah name one pavement album.

the red one. that was good go ahead. um. when you both were younger steve was. cooler than you even though you're the. oldest. keep going i love what you're doing and. even now i think. i think steve has. a cooler.

look than you did to bobby. [Music]. i love it keep going yeah good. feel good you're killing it good. stevie that's you dog that's your dog. what do you mean this is you're killing. it. um so um what a fun episode huh did you. guys have fun that was fun but. so guys at the same time we're gonna say. thank you for being a bad friend right.

three two one thank you for being a bad. friend. [Music]. i made a i was a fool it's a ralph yes. listen to ralph macchio to ralph macchio. oh yeah yeah we've talked about it i'll. just say real quick. so you know there was a movie called the. karate kid. popular movie.

mr miyagi is in it but the star of it. was a guy named ralph macchio. and if you watch the new cobra kai he's. in it. nicest kid so there was a time jules. where i was a star. and when i was a star they used to have. me host variety shows and i i i hosted a. show called the asian excellence awards. hosted by bobby lee right and i go up. and i do a monologue it was at the will. turn. quentin tarantino was there right. danny devito remember you you sat in. canada.

i took danny devito's seat. i sat in danny devito's seat it says. danny devito on the seat danny was. standing my brother's sitting on the. scene. and i said this is my seat bro. yeah i was a fool he was drunk. that's why he's sober. oh so there was one point where i was. sitting there and i'm like where's my. brother oh he's gone thank god. so i'm sitting with ralph nacho he's. sitting on the chair i think tarantino's. there too yeah. my brother's full-blown blackout drunk. so i'm talking to ralph malchio.

and so i'm here ralph nacho's right. there we're sitting on couches okay this. is my brother. i swear to god. ralph macchio i had a kid. no i said no i said. no no no he didn't no no i said no this. is what i did i go i know i went karate. kid dude. karate kid did one of my favorites. something stupid but not once i kept all.

night long. you did it all night long crowded kid. man. oh i didn't i didn't did it i said one. body went like this oh you did you hit. him with the [ __ ] i didn't do that. you hit him no i didn't do that the. crazy see this is work. no this is where exaggeration this is. really different. i never did the crane. jordan do it.

[Laughter]. and now it's time it's jules's time yeah. [Music]. yes. [Music].