A Penguin, A Nun, and an Ostrich w/ Shia Labeouf and David Mamet | Ep 272 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends. Who are these. two idiots? A white dude and an Asian. dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad. friends. You know what's really not. good? People come on these things and. don't wear the cans cuz they're cuz um. whatever reason. Yeah. Some people don't. like them. Yeah. But David Mammoth is. wearing cans. So you like the way they. feel. Yeah. When David Mamemon wears. cans, we can wear Everybody can. Whatever David Mammon do, we do. Do you. want to wear your cans? I I might be. better without him cuz I'm definitely.

none of us wear this show's going to be. crazy. If anybody cannot wear cans. Yeah. Yeah. Dave M. Yeah, exactly. You. want to take yours off now? I'm just a. regular guy. We're just a nor he's a. normal guy like us. Just a regular guy. No. Dave M. The [ __ ] have you been? I. miss you. You never call. You never. [ __ ] cuz I don't want to mess it up. We got a good thing going. You know when. you when you got a good relationship. with somebody who you really respect and. then you never want to talk to them. Oh, I was Yes. Except for the respect part. a good relationship I never want to. [ __ ] talk to. I understand. We talk.

only when we need to talk now. We're. like a really smooth married couple. Do. you fight about the kids? You got to. fight about the kids. He's never around. Yeah. Yeah. I just take care of the. kids. He's never around. Well, we. adopted David. Yeah. Yeah. We have one. dwarf. One little tiny one. Little. little black dwarf kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got We got lucky with That's. winning the lottery, right? It really. was. Yeah. Yeah. And he's hard to see. He's so small. He's so tiny. Who are you. talking about? our our adopted child. Our adopted child. Ladies and gentlemen. of Bad Friends Fans, it is an honor, a.

privilege, an incredible moment in our. time with this show. We have two uh. unbelievably wellresected accomplished. Please remember their name. Please. remember their name. Please remember. Shabbuff and David Mame. What a duo. What a duo. Yeah. Yeah. Abbott and Castella. We'd rather not. have that. That is nothing like this. So not close. He does this a lot. He. doesn't What happened to Garuncle? Nobody gives a [ __ ] Is he alive? Is he.

alive? He's alive. Dave, I don't know. Is he really alive? Is Garfuncle still. alive? And this is how dark and mean. this is. And you know what happens on. this show? We shouldn't say anybody's. name. We talk about people on this show. and within how long? 6 months they die. Yeah. Yeah. So we did that to the Pope. People think JD Vance killed him. No, we. did. No, we did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, but I'm not kidding. We. literally just talked about the Pope. We. were just just talking about him. Nothing negative. And then boom, he. dies. So all of our fans are like, "Please don't talk about people anymore. on the show." Can I May I read it for. for the room? Yeah. Can you read it?

Yes. Aron Fuckle is alive. He was born. on November 5th, 1941. Isn't this. incredible that you're David Mamemoth? Such an incredible writer. I'm a. terrible reader. A Pulitzer Prize. winner. You can't even read four words. without anything complex inside of it. Yeah. Well, give me a complex word. I. can say it right. Yeah, but that's his. genius. Give him a. shot. I'm a genius, right? I know you. do. I know you do, dog. Hey, I' I've. given you so many compliments. If I give. you another one today, it'd be.

uncomfortable. Yeah, please don't. Well, then I got to do it. That's the best. t-shirt I've seen in 8-. Where'd you get the T? It's magnificent. Well, there was a a a not dwarf, but. he's a small man, Dean Del Rey. We know. a small man who collects um t-shirts. And I was over at a house, and he goes, "Do you want this for 50?" And I go, "Yeah." Do you have you gone to a. vintage fair lately? $50. Yeah. Is that. too much? That's too much. No, man. Really? No, no, no. If you go to a. vintage fair now. Oh, he's big on the. fashion. He spins on. Look at that. Look.

at that. Yeah, but this is a remake, David. This is an original. This is like. a print. It's a lithograph. I love Exile. Main Street. I love Let It Bleed. I like. the band. Yeah. Yeah. That that goes. It's called Maidworn. Yeah. He go So, he. goes to these. There's a company called. Maidworn. They do this. It's like fake. retro shirts. It's not real. Great. You. know, I knew when you were going to come. on you were going to do this. You see. those shoes, Bobby? Those are actually. worn. Those are earned. That's earned. worn. Well, these aren't earned. These. aren't earned. And these are called. golden goose. And they come No, Bobby. Pre-worn [ __ ] He loves it. I.

understand it though. Yeah, I get it. Well, well, you Well, explain it to me, Shia, if you understand it. I know you. very well, Bobby. I feel like I grew up. with you in a weird way. You did? Yeah, in a weird way. Well, I met your dad. first. Well, the I met you. So, Radford. Hall used to do these big uh comedy. things like where they'd bring in all. the comics. Can we talk about sobriety? Yeah. So, I met him in a recovery. Basically, we're in a big Radford Hall. Uh I remember you were with a hottie. I. was. Let him finish. My father and uh my.

uh dude. and and Bobby was like the headliner for. three years in a row. And I remember the. first year at Radford Hall, I really. wasn't looking forward to it. And then. Bobby got up and about 2 minutes in his. dick came out and all the drunks in the. hall loved him. And it's been like that. for three years. And then I think I. think on the third year I remember I. remember went up to Bobby and I I tried. to talk to him. You were very busy and. you had a beautiful one with you, but I. remember telling you you're my favorite. comic. And then I said it to you three. or four times from then on. I saw you at. Elijah's thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That.

was really nice for you to show up to. that. You took your dick out in front of. all these people. Yeah. Yeah. But it was. that kind of party. I've never done. anything like that before. That's like a. big That's a new But this was this was. this is 2004 or something like that. 2004. Well, let me tell you something. He's still doing that bit. He's still using that [ __ ] bit. David, I have to say to you, um, any. male nudity in any of your films, David? Any male? Any That's a very good. question. I don't know. Uh, I don't. think so. I mean, yeah. Again, do I like.

like like look at attractive people. bringing each other up? Yes. But on the. other hand, it's a cheap way to get out. of a scene that you don't know how to. fix. Right. Yeah. That's right. I think. if you're wellendowed, you can't do male. nudity. I think it's only good if you're. 3 in and under and then then you can get. away with it. That's what I say to him. all the time. The only reason he gets. away when we do live show cuz it's. brave. Cuz then it's brave. Well, then. it's brave. You look at Bobby do that. and you go, "That man is so brave to do. that." Yeah. I think I think you're I. think you're close. I think if your. penis is too big and you show your penis.

on a live show, it's rude. I think if. your penis is too small, it's fun. Yes. But if you have a regular penis, that's. brave. Am I regular? Am I regular? You. are. You're regular. You're regular. Oh. my god. He has a reg. My dad used to say. I was small the the whole time. Well, your father was an alcoholic. My dad did. beat you with golf clubs. So, what does. he know? My dad did that. Guys, am I in. a [ __ ] time? Sorry. Just like when I. was a kid, I started doing this [ __ ]. They'd say, "What do you think about. Mark Twain?". Now, we're talking about your dick. Sorry. That's my fault. I'm sorry, dude.

That's why I brought it up. What do you. What do you do? Things change, right? What do you think about Mark Twain? I. love him. What about Mark Twain? Sloppy. kisser. Did you know that? Mark Twain. Did you know him? A sloppy. kid. No, I didn't. He was a little bit. before my time. He met General Grant and. General Grant said, "Motherfucker stuck. his tongue by He stuck his tongue down. my throat." That's what he said about. Mark Twain. Twain made out with Grant. What? Yeah. Wow. Wow. He said he was a. [ __ ] kisser. Yeah, that's right. Great. writer. [ __ ] kisser. Wow. Yeah. That's.

incredible. It was a thing from a kiss. hello is a kiss hello is polite. You. have to receive it. What if you don't. What if you're not in the mood for a. kiss hello? Exactly. So, you got to turn. your head. But that's always Don't you. find that that's always uh you feel like. it's a put down. You're going to say, "Oh, I guess it's the thing. We kiss. this person in the lip." And they turned. their head a little bit. You want to. [ __ ] die, right? Well, the other day. I was I was I went on a date with five. five times this girl. Remember the hot. supermodel and the fifth time I went in. to have a kiss and she turned her headsh.

shot. Oh, guys. Oh my god. Is this the. girl that I met at the movie theater? No. No. Somebody new. He's got a new. It's amazing. It's a It's a rotate. It's. like What do you mean, Shia? You don't. You're not Never was never like that. You're in a relationship? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're married. Yeah. Never Never. like that though. It's bingo balls for. him. It's like the rotating and he just. pulls a new one and then you never You. weren't like that either. What? You're a. bit like me. You're a little bit. prudeike. Right. It's like one girl for. a long time and you know, you're not. dating five, six women. Define a long. time. A long time. Years and years and.

years. Yeah. Well, yeah. I've been. married to the same wonderful broad for. 35 years. But even in your young life, in your young life, in your young life, you weren't doing this five, six. different days. Were you a cockman when. you were young? I feel like you were It. was the 60s. Okay. All right. Everybody was free. That's an easy. answer. William H. Macy, my great. friend. We grew up together. He used to. say, "In the 60s, you were terrified. that somewhere there was some woman you. hadn't had intercourse with.". Wow. Wow. Different time. Yeah. I'm.

afraid if I was in that time that I'd. still be like not doing well. Nothing. would change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be. striking out. It's probably harder to. get laid. Oh, that's probably. Yeah. Little Korean boy. I'll be the first. incel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they go, "Watch out for that guy talking [ __ ] on. a new Reddit." Yeah. Look at that. Knock. now. What are you talking about? Yokoono. was Come on. Every There was a whole. thing going. Everybody was like, "I got. to give me one of those." Asian women. were fetishized back then for sure. But. not Asian men. Not Asian men. We were. [ __ ] This is a new This is Yeah. Yeah. We were like, "Oh, you're so. right." You're right. You're that guy.

This is new. What's going on for you. now? It's heavy. You're at the cutting. edge of this new thing going on. What's. the new thing? Well, he's got five, six. different beautiful women a week he. dates. No, no, no. Shia, you just said. that. I know. Dates. Dates is dates. Not. sex. Not bo. Okay. You mean just like. like a corn beef sandwich. Let me think about that. He loves corn. beef. I do love it. I don't know how you. got that, but um Yes. Just like that. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, cuz I figure where you hang out, you. probably hang out at the places where.

you're very famous. Yeah. Yeah. He's the. type to go to the corn beef sandwich. spot next to the standup club so he can. get that social currency of the Hey, Bobby. Good to see you again. Want a. corn beef? Shia. Yeah. Yeah. Shia, it's. so good to have you here. I'm pretty. dead on here, right? You're on fire. He. pretends that is not the case. But you. see the idiots in the booth nodding. This is 100% him. He will position. himself specifically in places where he. knows he will be recognized and he knows. he will be uh fawned over. He he loves. it. I want to say something cuz I tr you.

guys interrupt me before, but if I may. get this information out if I may. My. brother and I let me ask you something. real fast. What's up? Go ahead. Go. ahead. Sorry about that. You're really. going to make me mad today. I'm. stuttering. All right. I got some muscles on it. Yeah, dude. Go ahead. He's on OMIC. He's. on this kick now. Yeah, you do look. thinner. He Yeah. Stand up and show him. Do the thing. All right. Take to lift up. the shirt. He He got He lost a bunch of. weight. Yeah. Oh, real good. Real good.

Looking good. Good. Okay. Looking good. Yeah. You didn't need to rub. I didn't. That's one of my powers. Let's talk. about your brother. No, but my brother's. your favorite movie is Glen Gary Glenn. Ross. Yeah. No way. Yeah. I would have. never pegged that. It's our favorite. movie. I I see you like an Asian. There's there's an Asian lady that's at. the coat. I I worked with her before. Oh, the in. the movie. Yeah. In the movie there's a. um Asian lady that gives people like I. think Pacino a code or something like a. coach at a coat check. Yeah. Yeah. And I. worked with her once and I kept.

bombarding her with like what was it. like this and that. You know what I. mean? How embedded in the zeitgeist's. coffees for closers. It's like a it's. such like a Yeah. It's a thing that. literally everybody knows. Yeah. I I wrote this play Glen Glengarry. Glenn Rost and then I did it as a movie. and I put in this extra scene for Alec. Baldwin that says coffee is for closers. It's all anybody remembers about the. stupid. It's funny how why did like why. it's it's weird when things get picked. out like I did um I work with Pete. Fairley same kind of thing and Fairley. says the thing that you think people.

will pick out of it is probably the. thing that they least will recognize and. the thing that you can't [ __ ] believe. they took like the coffees for closers. You never thought that that was like a. po a moment that people would steal and. then it would be like used over in other. things forever because it is. They put. it in [ __ ] like Family Guy or other. shows will reference it. Yeah. That's. great. And what everybody loves. Everybody loves Everybody ador you and. Yes. Not everybody. Yes. Yes. Oh, wait a. second. Everybody in this [ __ ] room.

So my Wait, my my producer calls me up. today. My producer calls up. He says, "Dave, you've been doing this forever. I. don't want to tell you your business, but don't forget to to plug the movie. Let's do that then. The movie's called. We'll do it later. Okay, we do it later. We'll do it [ __ ] later. But here's. the thing. In the movie, he's got a. line. He plays a prisoner. And and the. other guy, Evan Evan John, who is the. guy who he's turning out is now his punk. says, "But how do you know all this. shit?" And his line is, "Baby, I do this.

for a living." So that's Everybody's. talking about Yeah, I was going to say I. I think you're being humble. I think. Dave does know. I think, you know, when. we're doing the play, he's there. It's. not like Dave's gone and the play's dead. and then we're just putting it up. He's. in the crowd. He's he's not watching us. for the most part. I mean, I don't know. what you're watching, but what what what. I'm what I what I when I'm backstage. watching you watch, it's a whole lot of, you know, he's in the back. He's all the. way in the back watching the backs of. heads. Wow. And so, like when heads. start to like start looking around and. stuff, he's got to fix his script. At.

least what it feels like. The stuff that. gets revised, we don't get much of it. happens pretty quick and it happens. pretty early in the process. But he'll. come to the first five, six, seven. different shows. He'll watch the crowd. move around. You'll get these little. revisions and that'll be the last of it. See, that's the thing. A lot of movies, most of the people who make movies never. see their movie with a live audience. None of none of the executives do. So, they're what they're doing is completely. theoretical because you got to sit in. the in the audience and say, "Where did. the attention fade? Why? And how can I.

fix it?" Right. Cuz if not, what the. hell are you doing? Well, but focus. groups, that's why they're there, right? You know, but it's so rare movie. No, focus groups are [ __ ] That's for. marketing to Oh, I see. I see. Okay. Yeah. Focus I'll tell you good focus. groups here because what you do with the. focus group is you ask the people to. become critics. So, you're bringing out. the worst in them just like you bring. out the s think about it. Think about we. go to a restaurant, right? And we have a. pretty good time and then the the chef. comes out and say, "We're going to sit. down for half an hour and we're going to.

talk. What did you like? What would you. like different? Well, I don't want to. feel stupid, so I'm not going to say I. had a good time. You got to have. something, you know. Yeah. I I maybe a. little bit more salt in that thing. So, there was a guy called There was a guy. called Joe Ferrell who invented this. like in the 70s ' 80s. I was doing a. bunch of studio movies. This thing where. the people would sit in a watch the. movie on a screen and they'd have dials. and if you put the dial this way, it. means I liked it and you put the dial. that way means I don't like it. and they.

would have graphs and graphs and graphs. and all the PNA production and and. advertising money would get allocated. based on the graphs and Joe Frell made. this huge amount of money with these. stupid [ __ ] graphs. And I was talking. to one day I did a movie and I said, "Well, you know, Joe, I guess the. numbers aren't quite as good as as they. could be." And he said, "Well, how good would you like them to be?". Mhm. Ah, it's all a scam. Yeah, we can.

make the dials only lean one way. No, that he's going to snow. The dials are a. [ __ ] scam. He's If you could like a. smarter man would have said, "Joe, wait. here a second. Oh my god. Is this your. $50,000 or mine?" Right. Oh, right. He. was just bribable, right? Oh, brilliant. Wow. Wow. Wow. Brilliant. It is [ __ ]. It's gross, but it's brilliant. But. that's the throws of this business. you've seen a 100,000 times. You've seen. all those tricks. You've seen them come. and go, right? Yeah. Exactly. So, but. the thing is that the bit we just did.

this movie very cheap, very um um. effective. Let's talk about it. Oh, no. But but the thing is we made it. ourselves cuz Shia said we just did the. play to play over. Let's do a movie. So. now the complete the business is. completely changed and the studio system. is just completely over. It's just dead. Doesn't exist anymore because the. technology has changed. Right. Right. which is kind of great. Uh it's it's. unless you have an interest in the old.

technology and you want to spend 250. million dollars remaking a bad version. of Snow White and and you know you could. take all the people who who saw it and. stick them in a [ __ ] school bus, right? But nobody's taken responsibility. for that because they're all bureaucrats. making bureaucratic decisions. David, did you see Snow White? I didn't see it. Yeah. He doesn't watch movies. Oh, he. does. Oh, you don't want that at all? I. understand there was a lot of anti. anti-semitism in it from this one girl.

But if I I want to see it, I'll just go. to Columbia University. Is that true? It's It's got a bunch of. anti one of the girls came out and she. said, you know, free. Oh. Oh, the main. girl show girl. She apparently also said. that the prince was [ __ ] stalking. her. Yeah, that's right. I remember. that. Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] We're going to. make Snow Red where he's a murderer. He. stalks her and actually gets her and. kills her. Yeah. And he uses the dwarves. as little slaves. We wrote it. I don't.

know if we're ever going to make it, but. we're going to we're going to we'll. [ __ ] try. It But you've you when you. say that the the studio system is so. [ __ ] and you guys made this movie now. and you did it for cheap. When you say. cheap, what is cheap now? The same. amount to mount the play. It just be. like mounting the play in Chicago. Instead of spending that money mounting. in Chicago, we just filmed it with Dave. Yeah. Because the secret is what does it. cost to make a movie? You can make the. you can make the 500 grand movie for. $100 million and you can do the make a. hund00 million movie for for for 500.

grand. Yeah. The reason that I I curious. I don't I don't need to know the number. Not the pri it's just we're creating our. own [ __ ] a lot now, right? Like we built. this little world. We did an animated. show. We did a game show. We're doing it. on our own. And they always want to know. how much. And we don't really divulge. because we don't really know. We'll tell. you like we'll tell you what would it. cost us in one week. Meaning like the. actors are very prepared. Yeah. One week. is incredible. Shut the [ __ ] up. He's. taking shots at us. See saying we're not. prepared. Yeah. You know what? [ __ ] you,

dude. Dude, you'll go back to Spain. You. win. Different genius, dude. Different. genius. I couldn't do this. No way. See, Shia, I love you. Thank you so much. By. the way, let me call him. We have. allies. You know what? We have allies, my friend. These are our dogs. You want. to get destroyed? You're [ __ ] So. David, this guy this guy in the white. shirt is a a film student cophile. He's. a He wants to be a director and and let. me I knew the shoe was going Let me tell. you something. This guy that's a. director. He loves He loves and respect. He loves and respects you. He's a.

director. That's a real one. That's a. real one right from the old school. Right. He loves and respects you. You. don't got it. And he brought he brought. your book and show him the book. Show. him Show him the book. Oh my god. And. here's what something he said to me. He. said, "Did you bring the lube, too?". Yeah. Cuz he wants you to roll it and. put it up his [ __ ] Yeah. Yeah. But he writes good books. He asked me, "Would would it be okay if I have Mr. Mame sign that book?" That's what he. said with that accent. That's his. accent. Say it. Would it be okay if Mr.

Would it be okay if Mr. Mame signed the. book? And I said, "I'm going to tell you. something. If you're good on your good. behavior, yes. Now you [ __ ] up. You're. not getting [ __ ] You're not getting. [ __ ] Shove it up your ass right now. without the lube. Without the loot, Mr. M will not sign. No, he will not sign. He will not sign. By the way, this is. Sorry to enter you enter in this world. of chaos. We love these guys. This guy. went to the hospital 4 days ago. The guy. in the yellow shirt, he called me at. 3:00 in the morning. I'm throwing blood. I know. This is so great. He'll call. you. I was throwing up blood. Why? What?

They don't really know actually. But. McCone over here took me to the. hospital. Con picked him up. Whoa. He. was sick as a dog. He called me. He had. to go to the hospital in the middle of. the night. Well, wait a second. One. guy's in the hospital. The other guy. Does everybody over there have a. disability? Yes. Yes. Ship station choo choo. Ch. Life in. general can be chaotic. Hello. You know, and uh if you're in charge of an order. fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know, that's its own special kind of. chaos. But thankfully with our friends.

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lower than the other two is what you're. saying. He seems to be a little bit more. potent. Well, I don't know. Come on, mystery guest, come in and sign in, please. What is your disability? I'm just a little slow. You're what? He's a little slow. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You got a thumbs up. Steady. wins the race. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smart to rock that jacket today, though. Yeah. He did that deliberately. Of course he did. How do you feel about that? About the. jacket? Yeah, David Mammoth's coming.

I'm going to get It's a little whack. I. mean, I respect it. Hats off, but you. know, it's like a weak point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You win a weak point. That's. right. Okay. Awesome. There you go. Congratulations. Dave didn't give me any compliments on. my outfit today. I gave it I don't think you ever have. This for the first time. You didn't look. like He's very fashionable. You didn't. look like you this first time. You. didn't look like you dressed from the. dryer in the in the dark. No, no. I knew. you were coming. I wanted to be.

respectful. I tucked my shirt in. Dude, are you serious? You really did, dude. And he got a belt. Dude, I put I even. tucked my belt in. Oh, that's Well, wait. a second. That's how serious I'm taking. this. I was talking to J Moore. yesterday, J Moore podcast, and he loves. the movie. He loves you. And he talked. for like a half an hour about the way. you tucked your shirt in that thing. So, I think Jay's a big part of my like, you. know, what a change. That dude saved me. in a lot of lot of nights. He saved me. That guy, dude, people don't talk about. it, but he's a big Well, he was talking.

about he's a big. He's a very He's a good man. He's. changed. I've never seen anyone change. that dramatically. He used to be. terrible, but he he lives service now. and his life reflects it. He's the. nicest, most mindful, open and his life. changed so positively. Like miraculous. Everything went up. Yeah, man. Pretty. great to watch. It really does work. When you see that, you go, "It works.". Yeah. He's that example for me. Yeah. You know, when I when I was I was doing. this play, I was still low. I would drag.

him to meetings with me. He would show. up to meetings. Well, he's loves. stories. So, our room's got stories for. days. So, he would just go in there to. listen these stories with me. Yeah. Sometimes I wouldn't want to go by. myself. I said, "Dave, come with me.". You know? Yeah. That's the kind of cat. he is. He saved my life. I was going. through a real real difficult really. difficult. Yeah. We met at a good time. He saved my life. And I would go to the. meetings and the guy, one guy would say, you know, my wife left me and she took all my. money and then I realized that that. she'd she'd given me um very bad disease.

and I couldn't even go dating anymore. and I bought a gun and but and people in. the room going laughing laughing. I did. say [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out to tears to. tears. Am I lying? No, it's the only. way. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only way. because we relate. Yeah. You know what I. mean? It's that you know I mean I've. been in and out since I was 17. Yeah. I. had 17 years one at one point like I. know you you you were in the rooms when. I first came in. Yeah. At Morpark I.

remember see before Radford. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like um but at at 17 what. a gift as a kid to get that you know I. mean I wouldn't be here without it. How. did you how did you even get in like cuz. your dad wasn't it wasn't family. No, my. dad was a violent um alcoholic. Sure. Among other things. Thanks for bringing. that up. Well, you sure? Yeah. You're. welcome. Uh but but he didn't bring you. in the rooms. No, I went to I mean when. I was in high school, I went to um a. bunch of rehabs. Yeah. And then the um I.

think the third one had clicked. Yeah. And I met this old Korean man by you. know kid Dan. Yeah. Dan. Yeah. Yeah. and. um when I was a kid and he had 17 years. at that point. He was at this long white. hair, tattoos, full Korean, but he was. adopted long ago and he was my sponsor. and it was my junior year in high school. when I met him and I just gave him a. what 50 60 year cake or whatever. Yeah. I mean, he's still like a part of my. life, you know what I mean? But um yeah,

without that I'd be dead. I think like. Lijah's like that for me. I got a bunch. of these like Jay L. There's like 40. guys I would tap and say, "Oh man, if. not for them." Yeah. That's the beauty. of I mean that's why you're here as. live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. While you guys. were shooting the movie or the play is. when you were going to these meetings. Well, no. When we when we No, when we. were filming, we were filming. When we. were filming, we always grind mode and. then I would catch my meetings when I. can get them at night. Usually he's way. overwhelmed trying to mount Especially. the way we did it. It was just there was. no uh like uh extra time. Yeah. Yeah,

but before all that, you know, there. because he is who he is and and maybe. it's just my thing. There's a getting. over Dave Mamemoth process, you know, I. mean, you got to get over it. You just. got to get over it. It'd be like being. asked to play Batman. Like, you just got. to get over and get to the work. It's. like you can you can scare yourself to. complete uh mute. You you can terrify. yourself. First day he walks in and you. know you're about to be in a play that. he wrote. It's one of the scariest. moments of my life for like the first. table read. So, like I showed up to the.

table read. I don't know really what I'm. doing. I never did a play. I know it's a. David Mamemoth play. What I know is like. that's the pinnacle. Like get every. word, every punch. So, I show up at the. table read. I'm off book. That's not. normal. Normally, you know, you're. reading I'm scared. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so that fear helped me, but. the fear had to wear off at a certain. point. And I don't know if it it ever. wore off during the play, but we became. friends in the midst of that. Like close. close like closer than I'd been with. most any director I'd ever worked with. You were the only one off book? No, no. Well, Evan was so nervous. He was so.

nervous. So, like Evan has done plays. before. Plus, Evan and him already have. a relationship I didn't have with Dave. I I met Dave through fan letter, you. know. I've been trying to get to Dave. for 10 years, you know, and there'll be. a project that pops up and I Yeah, I'll. do anything. What do you want me to do? And and then it'll come, it'll go, you. know, or or somebody will take it from. him. Like, we were gonna do this JFK. movie and they just took it. Play. Oswald. Yeah. And and I was psyched. That was gonna be so great. Yeah. Oswald. That's right. That's one of the. great roles, you know, you could ever.

have. So, and in the midst of grinding. on that, they took it from him and then. he fell into a dark spell cuz it's like. somebody taking your baby from you. And. uh and then and then it was and our play. was still up as all this was going on. So, it was a matter of like me and Evan. like, "Ah, we got to cuz he's captain. We got to get captain back up, you know, we got to get his spirits back up." So, we almost threw it out like like no way. Maybe he'll bite cuz usually we throw. ideas to him. He doesn't has no. interest, right? He'll say something. like, "Yeah, no, I hear you. Unless it's. unless it's to the work. If it's about.

the work." This was such a great idea. because we did the play. It was a. [ __ ] great. And and um we could have. run it forever except you can't ask the. actors to come in and work for 1995 a. week. We would have though. But anyway, and so Shai and Evan come and say, "Let's do a movie." So I say, "No, we. can't do a [ __ ] what are you talking. about? Takes forever and we have to go. and talk to the [ __ ] in the valley.". And I said, "No, no, no, no, no, dude. We're going to we're going to do it. ourselves. We're going to raise the. money ourselves. We're going to do it.

ourselves. How? So I say, "How are we. going to do it?" I say, "Fuck it. I. don't know. We're just going to do it.". And so like a lot of the great things in. my life, I got dragged into it kicking. and screaming. Yeah. He wasn't turned. out to be the best the best thing that. that I've done in in in decades. The. most changed my life. We were prepping. this behind his back, actually. Oh, wow. Yeah. We were prepping the thing, trying. to get it mounted. Obviously, we. couldn't hire nobody, but we're trying. to get everything, me and Evan, trying. to get most mostly Evan, trying to get. everything sorted so he could come in. and sort of, you know, uh, turn key go. And then he had to pick his DP, and then.

that was his whole thing. But I remember. there was like a month where we were. trying to sneakily get this thing. prepped and mounted behind his back cuz. he thought, "No, no way you could do. it." And I I kept like pushing towards. Louis CK content. Kept saying, "Oh man, Louis CK, uh, boy, Dave, Louis CK. matters, Dave." you know, he matters for. a bunch of reasons, but he should matter. for us a lot right now. He's kind of the. guy. He's doing it and he's he's winning. independent. You know, he's he's pushing. through all the BS and he's getting to. the crowd, you know? He's getting and. you like I just came off of Copa Land.

This is a guy who's got power. He can. make the entire industry flex. Like. he'll make them all turn based on Did. you like the movie? No, but but I love. him, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And we fought. all through the thing cuz it wasn't my. dream. And I was trying to learn his. dream, which you're always trying to do. when you're on a movie. dreams. aren't easily accessible. Sometimes you. feel like you're not old enough to get. to the dream. With me and him, it felt. like that. It felt like, oh, you know, [ __ ] I don't know about, you know, cuz. I'm a baby and you done lived a life, you know? So, I would acquies to him.

But I remember he could he could make. the industry move, you know, cuz he had. that kind of power. And then I look at. his accomplishments and then I look at. Dave's accomplishments and I don't see. this drastic divide. I feel like, you. know, I respect the stuff Dave did as. much as I respect the stuff Francis did. But Francis had the shot to get to the. audience. They kind of made a clear path. for him. You know, he was like the. darling of the industry, right? And so, um, I don't know how many resident. geniuses you boys have, but I don't have. any. You know, the fact that I know Dave.

feels like some kind of miracle. So, then it was like, oh, well, if I could. just work on Dave stuff forever, that. would be a dream come true. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, then it was like, how do we. get Dave a channel? How do you get Dave. his own Dave Mamemoth channel? You know, that's how the conversation started. They dragged me into it. So, what we. discovered is you don't need Hollywood. You don't need a bunch of money. You. need some talent. You need an idea and. you need a [ __ ] telephone. Funny to. hear you talk about talent because uh. that's very funny to hear you talk about.

talent. Anybody who's a David Mamemoth. fan, talent's not a big David Mamemoth. word. Persistence. Ah, you know, like just like grinding, throwing water at the same [ __ ] mark. on the stone for long enough and. eventually it'll happen. I think even. with you because I feel like with you. it's like I have to be careful. I can't. really tell you all the way how I feel. I respect you too much. You know what I. mean? I kind of have to through Evan. Evan because Evan and him are have a. have something I didn't have. You know, I'm not spending every week and all the. time, you know, with Dave like that D.

So Evan was good at translating things. that I couldn't like, you know, like I. would just come off too thirsty. I think. I would scare you because I'd be too. ambitious, too thirsty. Cuz when I say. stuff like, "Dave, I'll do anything you. ever want to do. I think you're the. greatest writer." It almost sounds like. [ __ ] No, it's not [ __ ] Listen, the first moment, the first No, he goes, "It's not [ __ ] I am the greatest.". Facts, facts, facts. Facts. Best. response ever. Listen, the from the. first moment we had a mutual friend who. eventually sold both of us out. And he.

he my mutual friend was having a lunch. with Shia. And I'd always admired Shia's. work very very much. And I sat down and. my mutual friend says, "Oh, sit on. Shilabove Dave Man." I say, "Hi, Shia L. above. Why I have such I so admire you.". And Shia says, "That's not necessary.". And it just it was [ __ ] shocking. It's like you It's [ __ ] shocking. It's like I saw into who this this. wonderful man is in in a second. I'm a.

human being. You're a human being. It's. a pleasure to meet you. You remember. that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the movie called? Oh, Henry Johnson. Henry Johnson.com. That's. how you get it. Oh, it's out now. You. everyone can watch it now. Yeah. And. then what? Can you give us a brief. synopsis what it's about or I mean I be. better at it the way I see. Yeah. These. two life these two lifelong friends, an. old guy and an old woman. They've been. high school sweethearts and they both. grown old together. But they meet again. and their lives seem to be older, but.

they go on a road trip and them can What. [ __ ] movie? No, no, this is this is. not Arma. It's some other thing going on. in his head. As he said, that's not the. thing me we made together. As he said. it, I was like, "This isn't it." No, it's about like empathy. It's about uh. it's about like overdosing on empathy. If I was going to put it in a sentence, that's what I what I read when I read. it. It was it's about overdosing on. empathy. It's about how empathy can. actually [ __ ] you fully if you if you. overdose or like you know you sometimes. you know the dog eating trade in China. I'm just giving you an example of.

empathy. What I think the movie is about. Hold on. Wait, we getting into dog. eating now? No. Just let me see me. through. He doesn't eat breakfast. hungry. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like I I. hate these people that, you know what I. mean, do this to these kind animals. And. then I go to China, right? Right. And. I'm like And I'm like, "Oh my god, look. at this puppy." And the puppy goes right. and and eats my face. Right. Yeah. That. just like that. How do you think about. Yeah.

No. Am I right or no? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, it's a So, we did this. thing as a play and we're doing it as a. movie and it's about a guy who is so. compassionate that he ruins everything. around him and everyone takes advantage. of him. He ends up going to prison and. he ends up getting his life changed by. the boss Khan over there and then some. [ __ ] happens. Wow. Some [ __ ] happens. Yeah. Yeah. Pull up the site just so we. have it for everybody. What does this. [ __ ] happen? You get like a little.

fondled or what? What do you mean me? Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. Oh, no, no, no. You mean Oh, you went right there, huh? It could have been a It could have been. 5,000 things. That's the movie I want to see. Anyway, um. Okay. How long sh How long when you're. done filming this, how long does it take. you to kind of uh clear your head out of. it? Well, I never done a play, so I. still I run these lines in my shower. still. You do? Oh, yeah. They're so. tattooed to your head. I don't know. I. mean, I never I never prepped anything. like that. Lines never really mattered.

to me. And now, you know, after working. with Dave, they kind of I don't know. He. they don't matter to him either. I. didn't know that walking in, though. You. know, I walking in, I thought, you. better get every [ __ ] comma, right? Well, but see, that's the trick is the. best thing in the world if you're. rehearsing a play is tell everybody, show up learning your lines. Don't show. up if you're not letter perfect. And. most actors don't know that anymore. because they've been badly trained and. badly rehearsed for you. and they want. to sit down and talk about where they. went to school and what their character.

for lunch and all this [ __ ] So Shia. because he don't know any better, knows. better than any of them, just show up. learning the [ __ ] lines. Cuz if the. actors show up in a rehearsal late day. one learning knowing their lines, what. do you do? You block the play. It takes. you three days and then you put it on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Do you say. anything with like someone like me, right? I don't know my lines ever. You. know what I mean? Say what? I I never. know my lines. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But. would you yell at me? No. I'd say learn. your lines. Oh, that's it. And you.

would. No, he wouldn't. No, you would. Yes, you would. I'm telling you, Bobby, you would. And you'd be great. Even the. magic of Mammoth couldn't get this guy. No. No. I think the both of you I think. the both of you be great. Oh, wait a. second. But you're a stand-up comic. You. say like, "Wait a second. Two guys go. into a um. wh house." House. Of course, it's a wh. house, but you're going to grow up on. the on the bar. The bar. Yeah. Well, you. got to know your lines, right? Got to. know your lines. Oh, I got I tell if. you're telling jokes, you got to know. your lines. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not.

even line, but you memorize the bit. You. know what I mean? Well, no. I We. memorize where we need to get to. Right. So, it's like the world the words around. it. As long as we can get to the joke. Yeah. What actually makes it funny, that's fine. But you're you guys do line. by like word by word, right? Yeah. Yeah. Only only because it's better. If I. could add if I could if I could add live. better lines I would and have on every. other show. Yeah. But when when you're. with him of course it's like Aaron.

Sorcin him. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. there's no need to help. Yeah. Yeah. I. understand. I understand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um is it hard to I mean I just I'm. going to sound stupid. I I just need to. throw it out if cuz I'm dumb. You know. what I mean? Is that is it hard to make. write a movie? [Laughter]. Hey, listen. Dude, if you had Stormmy. Daniels on, would you say would you say, "Where do you get your ideas?" Yeah. We. actually She's coming on after this,

isn't he? She's later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Is it hard to write a. [ __ ] movie? Dear David Mamemoth. Is it hard to write a movie? You know, I'm not Hoto Shaani or whatever his name. is from the [ __ ] show Otani. Yeah. Whatever his name is. Write it down. Anani Anani. I can't hit it every time, dude. You know what I mean? I'm sorry, dude. I just throw it out there. Yeah. Well, don't throw either. Just [ __ ]. underhand. Ask him what you really want. to ask him. Be honest. That's not a bad. question. There had to be some There had. to be I got you. There had to be some. harder than the others. Well, it is very.

hard. Protected. I'll tell you, I wrote. this play a long time ago called. American Buffalo. And it was a series of. sketches about these thieves I was. hanging out with playing poker. And they. were really good. And I did it off. Broadway. A bunch of sketches. And a guy. called Ulu Grossbart, who was a great. director. You should see his movie. Straight Time. Ula Grossbard comes to me. and says, "If you find a if you can. figure out the plot, I'll put it on Broadway." So, I went. from being an out of work cab driver to.

I had to sit on and figure out how to. write a plot, which is very difficult. And then he put it on Broadway. So, I. said, "Oh, I get it. I know what keeps. the asses in the seats, a plot, which. means making the audience wonder what. happens next." That's a plot. If you can. write a plot, the dialogue doesn't have. to be good, which we know because we see. films in tech in translation. Right. Right. We want to know what happens. next. Oh, wow. So, it's very hard to. write a plot because it's an equation. and the mind always wants to come up.

with the easiest thing, right? But the. easiest thing is not the probably not. the best thing because if you can beat. yourself to the punchline, the audience. can beat you to the punch line. Ah, so. in comedy, what you got to do is you got. to beat the audience to the punch line. Make give them enough to wonder what. happens next, right? A penguin and none. and rhinoceros go into a wh house. Yeah. They want to know what happens next. I I. do. Yeah, I do really want. So, what. does happen? What? What does happen? You. You know Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You climb.

inside the rhino the nun and the rhino. eat some. I'm wrong. Oh, no, that's not. it. You know, no, I was saying we climb. inside the rhino. But let me tell you. something. A penguin, a nun, and an. ostrich go into a wh house. Where's the. rhino? An an old brick. He's taking. tickets. And they say the wh house is an. old brick building on a quiet. residential street. The kind of street. where maybe your grandfather and. grandmother were. I want to know what. happened in the wh house. I don't want. you to tell me about how it was built.

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issuance for additional terms and. responsible gaming resources. cdkng.co/audio. But do do you ever um write with other. people though or do you just you. Okay. Trying to help you, bro. Trying to. help you from the SL, you know. Yeah. A couple of times I wrote with. other people, but at some point that I. stopped doing it because even when I. wrote with them, I say, you know, thanks. a lot. Go sit down. Tell us about your. time in Chicago. Can you though? Because. we talked a little bit off air about.

when he was talking about, you know, prior to Stephen Wolf and prior to prior. to every theater in the city. Yeah. What. were you What were you doing? I was uh. well, I was I got out of college and I. was unemployable because I didn't know. anything. I didn't know anybody. And uh. the idea that someone was going to. support me, meaning my parents, was un. unheard of. I mean, in both in my. generation and and in my family. So, I. was I came back and I got a bunch of.

jobs. I worked at everything in the. world because you could always get a job. in Chicago. And uh I got involved in in. in theater and I saw some stuff that I. found very provocative. So, I started. writing plays about it. Right. One was I. as I as I said I used to play in this. poker game with a bunch of thieves and I. really and then I used to work in a. boiler room selling uh land over the. telephone. Boiler room used to be you. put 20 guys in a phone in on a phone in. a room and they have to call up to.

people and say oh you know Mr. Lee I see. that you've interested in land because. you wrote in for a brochure about land. in Arizona. It's kind of like Glengarian. or Exactly. Yeah. So I got I saw these. things that uh that interested meow and. then I started writing reading Czechov's. plays. Anton Czechov is that the Star. Trek guy or. the other one. Star Wars. Not Star Trek. Star Wars. Okay. Just do it. Oh, there's a guy. called Check Off in Star Wars. No. Hey,

wait a second. I got I got a question. for you people. How do you How do you. remember the difference between Star. Trek and Star Wars? I can tell you got. to say a million things about it. What. are you talking about? He can tell you. He can tell you. He's obsessed with Star. Trek. They're completely different. world. Which is Star Trek? Star Trek is. um based in Earth on Earth like the. society that we live in. Yeah. But like. hundreds of years from now. Yeah. And. then we have a um you What's so funny? It's a crew. It's a the Enterprise. It's. a crew of explorers from Earth that.

explore. William Shatner. Yes. It's. William Shatner. Shatner. Yeah. Did you. like him? Well, yeah, cuz I I I I'm mad at him because. he [ __ ] me once. Not not literally, but in a job. How? Oh my god, it was the. worst. I get a call from um build the. Billboard Awards. Remember they used to. have these stupid award shows? These. annoying award shows? I don't remember. Okay, we want you to do a sketch with. William Shatner because they knew I was. a Star Trek fan. And I go, "Yeah, I'll. do it." So they fly me in. It's.

basically a scene with me and William. Shatner at a poker table, right? So, I'm. sitting there waiting for William. Shatner, right? And he comes in and. there was another guy that they hired. too from LA. I forgot it. It was a black. guy. I love black people. Anyway, anyway, Willie Shepro goes in. He goes, "You're out. You're out." And. then they dragged me out of the tent and. he goes, "He just rewrote it just now.". So, I got back on the plane and flew. back to LA. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. William. Shatner. No blacks, no Asians. That's.

his way. Yeah. Yeah. Now we know who he really is. Aurora and. no [ __ ] No, but wait a second. I got. a question about William Shatner. Okay, but it just occurred to me. Yeah. He's. reading his newspaper out in the back by. his swimming pool, right? And his wife, who was an Olympic, like a AA swimmer, is swimming around the pool, swimming. around the pool, swimming around the. pool. And she comes over and apparently. according to him, he put his h foot. accidentally on her head and uh she.

drowned. She died. Yeah. So my question. is what was he reading? I'm sober. I'm a good guy, you know. But. speaking of Wait, wait, wait, wait. Speaking speaking of Louis CK, dude. Speaking of Louis CK, we talk about. Louis that u when we were doing this JFK. movie, I know him from around, right? And he was considering playing Jack Ruby. against his Lee Harvey. How How awesome.

would that You guys know him too, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nice guy. Yeah. Also, you know, I get so nervous around. him. Also, one of the greatest me. comedic writers that we've ever seen. That's what I'm saying. It's to be the. same thing that I initially like it's. the same kind of thing. Sure. Sure. Sure. So, wait a second. So, I called up. Louie. So, we're starting this new. thing, right? We're going going right to. the people and calling up Louisie. because I knew he was doing it. I said, "What's the secret?" He said, "There's. no secret. Call up my guy." I call up. the guy. The guy says, "Yeah, there's no. secret. You go online, henryjsonovie.com.

You put up an Instagram, wherever the. [ __ ] that thing is, and you and you go. out and you talk to people like you and. people buy your buy your product. That's. the secret. That's is you don't have an. Instagram. Crack that code. Yeah. Louie. learned very early on when he did the. first iteration of his Louis show. I. don't know if you ever saw it. Yeah. But. it was almost mocking multicam. It was. like a clever kind of spin on [ __ ]. on multicam. And I don't think people. got it right. So then when he did Yeah. Lucky Lou. That's what it was. And then. when he did his second iteration of it, which was Louis on FX, he kind of just.

stopped all the [ __ ] and was like, I'm just going to give you my world my. way without any [ __ ] directional. notes from a studio and a thing. And the. deal they made with him was he got to. write it, direct it, produce it, and and. edit and push it out the way he wanted. So they didn't touch it. So he was. really the groundbreaker for to be fair. what we do, too. like this podcast [ __ ]. it's because of those formats. Cuz he. was like, "Fuck it. Nobody tells us what. to do." And if you did, I don't want to.

work with you. So every time FX was. like, "You can't do this or you could do. this." He was like, "I'm telling you. again, either I'm going to do it or it. just doesn't happen. That's okay." So we. kind of did this cuz this was our answer. to, you know, him and I going through. the business and either not getting. roles or auditioning a lot and getting. tired and being like, "We want to make. our I've had enough waiting in line.". Yeah. He's waited too long. Can't do it. anymore. Audition. Audition. I'm done. I'm done. And also, I think Rogan and. Mark Maron also paved the way in terms. of like having this format be something. that we can just be like, you know, like.

[ __ ] Hollywood. Yeah. But we wanted to. be goofs. We just wanted to be goofs. We. wanted to goof all the time. Yeah. Which. is hard to do now. It's not easy to do. It's not It's not easy to do. Well, I. think we we just don't take our It's. just This is This was a fantasy town. I. mean, we painted this to look like a. [ __ ] child's room. It's so hard to do. you can't actually talk about it without. kind of destroying the magic of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't. want it. Yeah. We don't want to. Yeah. Yeah. We keep it We keep it rolling. This has been such a blessing. You know. what I mean? Yeah. For me, too. Well, thank you. Yeah. You a couple I told.

you. Yeah. You told me. I told him the. bond that was kind of crazy for David. that you may not know was that Bobby. went to rehab when his dad died and we. started this show because of his because. his dad passed away and then he got. clean again. And we just wanted. something to like [ __ ] around and go. make something. And we started this and. then the pandemic hit and terrible to. say but it was the greatest [ __ ]. thing that ever happened to us because. then we could just be free and we got a. little So no one was making anything and.

we were in the studio every [ __ ] week. and just doing our [ __ ] so great and we. had no rules and no tired I got tired of. being dead. Yeah, I really did. I got. sick of it. you know, co hit and then. the [ __ ] theater died and I got. blacklisted and nobody wanted to do my. plays and nobody wanted to do my movies. over there. I just got [ __ ] tired of. being dead and somebody called up and. said, "Let's do the play." And then we. did the play and he said, "Let's do the. movie." And now I'm not dead anymore. Now we're about to do another movie.

Many more movies, it sounds like. Yeah. What's crazy is that he has that. feeling. You know what I mean? It's like. a Yeah. It's Yeah. You know what I mean? Which is comforting to hear. Yeah. But. don't we all feel that? Well, that's the. thing. You think guys like that don't. No, I know. I think the older I get, the. more I learn that everyone has that. weird feeling of like it's gone. It's. over, but it's not. He says that [ __ ]. weekly. Yeah, but that's almost a. shtick. You know, you're not going to. work. Thank you. Yeah. God, sh be here. every week. Yeah. No, I'm not dead. I'm not dead either. Did you know.

Picasso? Picasso? Yeah. No, you don't. He did. He did die in the in the [ __ ]. 80s, right? That's what I'm saying. He. could have known. Dolli could he could. have known. Did you you ever hang out. with Sam Shepard? You guys ever go, "Hey, you know, man, I like your [ __ ]. Hey, let's uh" Nothing. Never in. passing. Like, uh, no. We all want each. other dead, man. Yeah. Wow. Wow. We're. worse than an Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They say, "Okay, the. money that you're making with your [ __ ]. is taking food out of my children's. mouths." Yeah. I hope you die. It is.

sport. It's sport. It is. Well, comics. used to be like that, but then we. realized because of um the New York New. York comedy scene that we banded. together, you know what I mean? And we. just live within our ecosystem and we. help each other by doing each other's. podcast. They all grow. Yeah. Right. So, we I think 10 years ago it was doggy. dog. I mean, what if the difference. became we all were fighting for the same. slice of pie and the business blinded us. to think that there was only one slice.

for us. Yeah. And then once we kind of. cracked this code, we were like, "Oh, [ __ ] We can all eat and we can eat. different [ __ ] We don't have to eat the. same [ __ ] I don't even like that kind. of pie." That's just like Chicago in the. 70s. All these little theater companies. sprang up, right? And we each had our. own flavor and it we each had an. audience and we worked with each other. It was great. That's exactly what we are. now. That's literally what we've. discovered that we were like, "Oh, we. don't even want to [ __ ] eat that [ __ ]. anyway, so we'll make our own." And then. we found that we had our own audiences. that liked it. And so the gatekeepers as.

they were slowly kind of, you know, [ __ ] off. They didn't have power. Well, they had they had less and less. power because we weren't be singing for. our supper anymore. We were like, "We're. going to go cook our own [ __ ] food. I. don't I don't want to do it anymore.". And so comedy did used to be that way. It was cutthroat. We hated each other. cuz, you know, back Carson was the spot. Those guys wanted to [ __ ] slit each. other's throat. For us, Tonight Show, doing Letterman, you know what I mean? getting those then getting a Comedy. Central half hour or maybe getting an. HBO special was impossible as a young.

person. So I think it just cracked. It. recently cracked which is what you guys. are doing with the movie. Same thing. It. completely it's over. I say it's like. the Eerie Canal, right? However great. the Eerie Canal was in 1825. You can't. put enough money into to make the Eerie. Canal work again when the railroads come. in. You can't put enough money into Snow. [ __ ] White, right? to make the studio. system work again when the pot exists. Yeah. Nobody Nobody's watching, right? Yeah. Nobody's watching. What's the last.

great thing that you've watched that's. new? Last great thing that I watched was. new. I liked um Casablanca. That was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's looking at you, kid. Well, he just. learned about it yesterday. Yeah. Who do you think Who do you think. is someone that You don't have to answer. this if you don't want to. Who's someone. that you were excited to work with that. let you down and then vice versa? Who. are you? Who who who you like? He's got. to say that name. Well, he might do. No, I don't think I No,

my first rea You're talking about. actors. Anybody anybody in Well, all of. all the producers let me know. Every one. of them are a bunch of. swine. Trash. Hate them. But at least. back in the old days of the studio. system, you got betrayed by a better. class of people. Right. Right. You got. [ __ ] politely. Exactly. So, okay, I'll. give you the opposite version of that. then. Who's someone that you kind of. were not were surprised by or or or. Yeah. You were happily surprised that. you you worked with them and you thought.

I I I respected and liked them, but you. were blown away by their work. Well, I. I've sh sitting right there. By the way, I've worked I've worked with the. greatest actors over the last 50 years, including Shai who's no never worked. with a better actor. Yeah. Ever. What. about Jin Hagman? Same thing. never work. better act the [ __ ] up. Rest in peace, you [ __ ] bastard. [ __ ] Shut up. How. come you never mentioned the Asian lady. either? His wife. Yeah. You didn't talk. about her. It's always she What about. Wait a second.

What's her name? He went on a big Jean. So I never worked with a better actor. than Jean. Oh yeah. So Jean introduced. the first time I met him introduces me. to his wife Betsy who was a concert. violinist, an Asian woman. And he says, "This is my wife Betsy. I met her in a. massage parlor. How would it last so long? Well, that's. why she killed him recently. That was. that that joke lasted long enough. Like, how did you give Alpuccino notes? Did. you give him notes? I never give anybody. notes. I never give you a note. No, not.

notes. No. No. Here's the thing. You. work with a great actor. If you know. what you're doing, what you get on. opening night in the theater is the cast. and the script. That's it. All right. the the the direction the staging. through nobody [ __ ] cares. So when. you work with actors who know what. they're doing, you say okay like how do. we rehearse the movie except for Blanca? We I've never rehearsed a movie. Wow. Right. You you work say you know what. you're doing. You got any questions? Then let's play the stupid [ __ ].

scene. Right. That that's all that's all. that there is. Did you ever have a big. fight with Pacino? A big No. No. I had a. big fight with Dairo though. What. happened? What happened? Well, it was. just over the phone. He um he was doing. the Untouchables, right? And I wrote the. Untouchables and he calls me up. He. says, "Um, I got some questions about. the script." He's shooting. I said, "Well, hold on. Aren't you supposed to. ask the director about the question?". And the director, "No, no, the director, Brian Deal, had talked to you." He said, "Tal.".

I said, "You have questions about the. script?" I said, "Yeah." I said, "Did. they did you read the script before you. took the part?" He says, "Yeah." I said, "Why? The script got worse because. they're paying you two million bucks for. a week's work." Slam. So, we didn't we. didn't talk for years and years and. years and then I ran into him. So, he. was very I did like he did like four or. five movies that I wrote Dairo and he. and he said, "You know, blah blah blah.". He said, "You know what? I called you. one, you called me one, I have the.

greatest respect for you." I said, "Bob, I have the greatest respect for you.". So, we go to have do a m a reading of. some film. I think it was the edge that. was originally eventually played with um. Sean Conry. No, it was Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins and Alec. Baldwin. So, one of the great secrets. about when the anybody asks you to do a. reading is they're never going to do the. movie. Right. Never. Right. Because they use the. reading unconsciously as a way to get.

out of doing the movie. And so the movie. star, the main guy is gonna mumble and. everyone's gonna audition at the. reading. So it's garbage. So anyway, we. do the reading and I talked to Bob. afterward. I said, "What do you think?". He said, "It's good. It's really good, but it's just not for me at this moment. It's just not it. It's I I only have so. many of them and it's got to be it for. me. It's got to be It's got to be great. for me. Yeah, it's got to be great." He.

said, "Do you do you is that okay?" I. said, "Of course." He said, "You you you. are you mad at me?" I said, "Of course. not." He said, "Are you sure you're not. mad at me?" I said, "No." He says, "Good, cuz I got this piece of [ __ ] I'm. supposed to shoot on Monday. I wonder if. you could take a look at it.". But Wag the Dog they came in for the. table, Reed? Wag the dog? Yeah, but I. wasn't there. You didn't come in for the. table? So, it was just Hoffman and. Dairo, whoever it was. But, uh, we did. Wag the Dog. Barry Levenson called me. up. He said, "I got this idea. It's in a.

book. president gets in trouble. He's. got to go to war. I say, "Oh, oh, I got. it. He's getting in trouble because they. caught him in the closet [ __ ] a girl. scout." He says, "Yeah, go write it.". So, I go write it. And two months later, they were shooting it. Wow. Wow. Two. months. Yeah. [ __ ] Wow. That'll never. happen again. That kind of [ __ ] It was. great. Do you like the new I mean, you. the Bill Bur I mean the Glen Glenn. I. mean, have you seen it yet with Yeah, I. think they're great. Okay. The reason. that [ __ ] will never happen again is. because those conversations aren't. happening like that anymore. Correct. Yeah, they're gone. You never have.

Eleven call a guy up and be like, "Hey, like two crafts people be able to have. that conversation unadulterated without. any of the keepers, you know, the. minders." And God, you're a bright kid. All right, stop it. Oh my god. I You. know, when I even since I met you back. in the day, you're a bright kid. Hey, thanks, father. Yeah. Yeah. He's a grown. man. No, but he's always knew me as a. kid. I met him as a kid. I met him on a. razor scooter. He was riding Bumblebee. You don't dare refer to me as that. No, you're not as bright as Shy. There's no. way. I think also because you'll. physically you'll harm him. I do want to. harm you. I know that all the [ __ ].

time. But it's hug love. It's love. It's. It's I love him. No, you have you have. rage love. It's rage. Okay, be honest. David doesn't know us well enough to. know how much do I love you. David, have. you been in a fist fight? Yes, he has. For sure. Yeah, for sure. I. was I've been very involved. He's like a. black belt, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I am a. black. Yeah, he's a jiu-jitsu black. belt. Really? Yeah. Wow. But um I. actually got Yeah. When I was a kid, I. got in fights, but the only fight I. actually got into, you know, outside of. the mat and in boxing like [ __ ] As I.

was walking down Fifth Avenue, these. guys were playing, uh, three-card monty. And so, um, as my great friend Ricky. Jay, the great magician, said, "Three. card monty is not a game of skill. It's. not a game of chance. It's not a game.". So, the guy says, "Okay, put your money. down." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The. the red you get ahead. The black you get. back. 20 gets you 40. 40 gets you 80. 80. gets you a little little 80. Where's the. Where's the red card? Where's the red. card? He does this thing, right? And and.

so he says, "Oops, we'll take that's not. the red card. That's gone. Where's the. red card?" So I know where the red card. is. It's where you're not supposed to. look. So I take it and I go over there. and I turn the card over, which you're. not supposed to do because they never. let you win, right, in three card monty. because if you say, "I want that card.". Oh, he he upsets it and you have to. start again. So I turn the card over and. the guy punched me in the [ __ ] face. So. really? Yeah. Did it hurt? It's on Fifth. Avenue. Oh, sure. It was Fifth Avenue. and uh right near right near Rockefeller.

Center. You swung back. No, I just I was. in They disappeared. Ah, right. Right. Took your money and ran. Wow. Yeah. Did. you know Kurasawa? I didn't know Kur I. saw him once. He was at the the um the. um premiere of RAM at You were at the. premier of Ran? Yes. In New York. Oh my. god. And he was there. He's Beautiful. man. Big man. He's like 6'4, I think. And he was there. He was that big. Yeah. He's a big man. Yeah. He had black feet, too. Something right happened where he. was in the snow or something. No. Yeah.

Frostbite. Frostbite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably got it on deer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you Which What's. What's your favorite Kurosa film? I'm a huge fan. I know I bring it up a. lot. Go [ __ ] yourselves. All right. He. does love, I think. Well, here let me. let me say four of them, right? There's. Sir Usa. Certainly. Yes. Stray dog. because it's got Tekashi Shimura who was. the greatest actor who ever lived. Yeah. Tekkashi Shimura. And then um Seven. Samurai. Yes. Which is perfect. But then.

God forgive me. I think he screwed up. the end of Rashimon because he added an. extra scene after the movie's over. Oh. Really? Yeah. These guys trying to hit A. lot of them were guys wearing like. diapers trying to hit each other with. sticks or swords. Oh, right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. You see High and. Low. Sure. Not only did I see High and. Low, I rewrote it, but uh that I was uh. Who was it? See, Scorsesei came to me. and says, "You you know, High and Low.".

I say, "Yeah." He says, "You want to re. redo it?" I say, "Yeah." He said, "What. do you think of the movie?" I said, "It's a great movie, but they missed the. ending. They they it has the wrong. ending." So, I figured the ending and I. wrote it to Scorsese. And Scorsesei. wrote it back with a bunch of scribbled. notes. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]. [ __ ]. And then a bunch of stuff happened. I. think Spike Lee did another version now. I don't think it has anything to do with. my script. Hey, Andreas. Wow. Yes.

Director. This is a director now. I. know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Andreas, behold your eyes, right? Yeah. Yeah. Did. you bow to him on the way in? Yeah. You. [ __ ] better. Whatever he wants, you. do. I Whatever he wants. Foot stool. You're. the foottool. Okay. He wants to spit in. your mouth. He gets to spin your mouth. Spin your mouth, right? He did. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So, um, can I ask you. something? Yeah. Mr. Met. Um, did you. enjoy yourself on this podcast?

He wants I've had I've had a great time, you guys. I mean, come on. Get out of. here. I'm a Okay, here's one for you, Andreas. I'm a man who likes enjoys. talking to a man who likes to talk. It's. Sydney Green Street in Casablanca. Way. to go, [ __ ] up. He's not ready. Hit him. again. You're not ready. You're not. ready. And this is why you're not ready. You are ready. You're not ready. Hit him. again. Hit him again with something. else. Give him another, please. Okay.

Fiddle DD. I'll worry about it tomorrow. Who's that? God, this feels so You're. not ready. You're not ready at all, dude. That's that that I believe the. last line of gone with the [ __ ] Come. on, dude. the [ __ ] [ __ ] maybe you. could be boom operator for that. Thank. you. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, he's going. to go home tonight, talk to his wife, and Oh, he's going to kill himself. He's. going to kill himself. Yeah. He's like, David, wait a second. I got David. Mamemoth insult me in front of the crew. over and over. I got one million people.

watching ever. Okay. Yeah. Well, that. happened. You're not ready. He wrote it. I He. [ __ ] wrote it. He wrote it. It's in. It's in state and Maine. Alec Baldwin is. in a car with Julius Styles and he's. drunk. He turns the car over. They're. drunk out of their mind. She's underage. Crawls out. He looks at the car about to. blow up and he says, "Well, that. happened." Yeah, we we all know. You. know what I mean? But I don't I don't. know, man. I I apologize, Dave. How do.

you not know that? Just for good. measure, just for to sink it in for. everybody, uh please go see the movie. right now. It's It's available now. Right now. We command. as a duo. Henry Johnson. Watch it. If. you listen to this right now, you watch. it right now, dude. Please go see Henry. Johnson. We're going to put the link in. the description down below because it. means a lot to us. Support our friends. and our family. That's kind of the big. thing about our fan base. They do like. to support our family. We love that.

Continue on and please go watch Henry. Johnson at henry johnsonmov.com. We we really appreciate you guys coming. This means a lot to us. so fun and. enlightening and um yeah and [ __ ] you. Andreas as well. Oh yeah, I love you. I. love you and we'll do your zombie movie. Thank you. Oh, he's got us a zombie. movie he wants us to What do you think. about zombie movies? I love them. Yeah. Yeah. Train to Busousan. You ever see. that one? Which one? Train to Busousan. But I thought it was really interesting. that we have all these things about.

zombies and vampires because it was a it. was about a culture that was dying, right? America, Western culture is not. no longer dying anymore. It's like it's. like the Japanese have a term a matsu or. matsuko means pine pine tree, but it. also means vigorous old age. So that's. what I think we're looking at now. And. you thought you were looking for a. dismount. Yeah, we're digging a new. hole, baby. I got to be honest with you. We're digging a new hole. Keep rolling. I thought you guys You're really going. to have to cut out the line about.

William Shatner's dickn. along. No, no, no. But now we need to. keep going to make up for it. Old old old. Korea. What is it? Old and what's the. pine tree? Vigorous old age. Vigorous. old vigorous old vigorous old age. Vigorous old age. Can you say the word. one more time in Japanese? Matsu or. Matsuko? Matuko. Matuk means pine tree. And it's also a name. Is that true? I'm. Korean. You [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ]. D. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. [ __ ] David, you know a lot of Koreans.

or No. Do I know a lot of Koreans? I. don't think I know a lot of Koreans. of. the Asians. How do Koreans rank of your. Asians? Oh, they're up there. Are they. up there? Tip top. Japanese, Chinese, Korean. You like Koreans up there or No, I like them all. Yeah. Yeah, he likes. all the We lump them all. You know what? Koreans are Koreans are [ __ ] tough. They are. What? I'll tell you like this. The difference for me is you get off the. plane in in Japan and no music is. playing in the car. Right. Right. And. and maybe they'll ask you if you'd like.

to listen to your music in the car. In. Korea, you're listening to their music. and they don't give a [ __ ] what you're. listening to. Yeah, I like that. And. there's something about that. Yeah, I. like that. They tell you what's You're. in my [ __ ] Yeah, I like that. Then. you know you're in Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Koreans are the [ __ ] We're the. best. That's Bob's mom, by the way. That's his mother right behind him. That's his mother. His beautiful mother. Beautiful. That is her. She has cross. eyes. That's what she does. She's. crossed in real life. Trying to fix it. Guys, thank you so much. Can somebody. before you guys go, look, this is a. dream of mine. So, we have a script for.

you for you to write. That's going to be. it, guys. Thank you so much. And you. guys to act in. Oh. Oh. Okay. Give me. the [ __ ] Give me the [ __ ] Who did. this? Is this your [ __ ] Whose script is. it? Oh, wait a sec. Wait a second. This. is like a Make a Wish show. One more. story. We have We have enough time. We. just want to make sure you guys don't. have all the time in the world. We have. nowhere to go. So, anyway, so my mother, rest in peace, was ill for a long, long. time. I mean, it was a woman who was her. caregiver and uh she saved she she.

elongated my my my mother's life by by. years and loved my mother and just. marvelous and made a lot of personal. sacrifices and my mom died and this. woman came up to me and I said. I I don't know how to thank you for your. I mean it's I it's beyond what I it's. it's godly what you've done. It's beyond. generous. if there's anything in the. world that I could do for you, anything. ever that I could do for you. And she. said, "Well, my my nephew wrote a film.

script." I said, "Anything but that.". Can one of you guys would look into that. camera and go, "Thank you for being a. bad friend." Yeah. Thank you for being a. bad friend. Love that, dude. Thank you. guys. So good. Amazing. Woo! Yeah! Woo! [Music].