A Kid at the Crib | Ep 105 | Bad Friends

hey everybody april 15th uh andrew and i. bad friends is gonna be at the moon. tower comedy festival in austin in. austin texas and um the tickets go on. sale soon tickets are about to be on. sale yeah so check it out also my one of. my best friends in the world is playing. the irvine improv march 18th and 19th. exactly and even though i sold out every. show i did there i want andrew to be. sold out too okay so 18th and 19th come. see me irvine improv sell it out. santino.com.

[Music]. we're bad friends. welcome back to the show. welcome back to the show welcome back to. the show. um. nice day for. quite a wedding i was listening to that. and i don't even know what that means. but it's are there black people at the.

wedding do you know what that song's. about what is it it's a nice day to. start again that's what it is. that's what it's about no you know what. it's really about what is it so his. sister from what i when i and pete can. look this up his sister was kind of uh. exiled from the family so to speak or. she was like the black sheep of the. family and that song is like saying. oh this white puritan you know this. puritanical idea of weddings and it. cleans you out and bro. it makes you perfect i never listened to. the song going wow they're excluding.

black and out of their minorities i know. what it is it has nothing i know what. white wedding means what does it mean it. means that they're wearing white yeah. right and it's also the institution is. very clean and white but he's saying it. because his sister was like a black. sheep of the family and it's like oh. what does black sheep mean she's black. are you adopted so you're the black. sheep oh i'm adopted no you're the black. sheep of comedy. in the comedy world you're the black. sheep. dude don't hurt my feelings right now. dude you're the little i'm very. vulnerable the little yellow sheep no. why am i watching why am i black sheep. though because you're the outcast you're.

the i'm not the outcast i'm very healthy. did you lose some weight yeah i've been. losing weight i look great you look no. coughing let's give it up for a. whiteboard my breathing is better no. coffee you just i've just had some of. that double shot espresso i've been. hiking you literally have a [ __ ] red. bull and a double shot espresso what. does that mean what do you mean no. coffee you're having so much caffeine. and tortillas no i said no coughing. i said coffee why would i say no coffee. you [ __ ] ding-dong what do you mean. no coughing i'm not coughing anymore i. don't breathe as weird you know what i. mean i should breathe heavy all right.

let's let's test that theory yeah. let me hear you just just nose into the. mic let me hear you breathe calmly. but dude. i mean you could hear me like you my. face makes a lot of noise. it's crazy yeah when i like when i smile. my eyes. oh hey. my.

[Laughter]. dude everyone's been asking where doc. has been he's been sick for no [ __ ] four. months man did you die and come back bro. you know what it was the cough is so. [ __ ] crazy with covey it's like. it it keeps you locked down you can't. [ __ ] talk you can't laugh so i was. like [ __ ] that when you always hit me up. i'm like nah i can't do it man yeah but. now are you regretful that you weren't. more mindful about protecting yourself. nope. going down.

you had it twice twice i had it in 2020. and i thought i was going to get it last. year but i meant i made it past the. delta and i was like okay i'm invincible. then boom. can we do a fan duel covered versus doc. and do a batting thing yeah dude yeah. let's do that yeah fanduel you gained. weight though huh no i lost weight um.

what's your weight at right now. i'm at 160. i was at 170. oh that's pretty good. what did you get down to you know bobby. lost weight i'm 163. in rehab you lost. weight you lost seven or eight pounds no. i was at one almost 80. no bro i was. were you really yeah holy [ __ ] me too. man that's a connection well you know. what you guys are the same height same. size same size two little rolly polly.

if you weren't two peas in a pod we'd be. [ __ ] dude two rolly police. there roly-poly with him come on doc. come on. look at how sweet he looks yeah he looks.

good. come on doc he's really bullying i like. him. no yeah doc come on little rolly polly. if you want to stay on the show you got. to rolly polly with him. all right. hello quickly i reversed that fine. judges came back oh can i also can i ask. you something i don't know who i go i. know you're trying to hide your [ __ ] i. know you're trying to hide your friend. with the glasses but who's your friend. right there. oh that's a pimple. right there i have one right there dude.

i have one right here you know what this. is from what [ __ ] masks i've been. traveling on airplanes flying across the. country wearing masks i got i got acne. underneath my [ __ ] eyeball and on my. nose again but he tried to sneak this me. and he [ __ ] got one too. because i'm gonna tell you where this. one came from where did we come from. chappelle lacy. it's a [ __ ] voodoo this is a [ __ ]. witch's workout oh [ __ ] it's a voodoo. dude i like hung out with him there. today [ __ ] he's doing this flips his. voodoo flips right yeah he does flips. yeah he's just lit.

i don't like it dude he was a genius. right or a cheerleader or something like. that yeah how do you feel about that you. know it's different you know. oh boy oh. boy i love it start a war no that you're. gonna start one because when you see it. in black like that i'm like linebacker. but you doing flips that's my department. cause i'm 5'3 that's with the olympics. right. no oh what you're saying is is that if. they did an ocean's eleven you had that. little chinese man yeah you know they. put in a little vase and they snuck it. through the thing i don't know i don't. know i haven't seen the movie but i know.

there's a little chinese man they put in. a little vase and they stick into the. thing right you so what you're saying. that if they did an ocean's eleven with. all black people that's him right there. right you would be that guy there you go. so if we did a heist we would need doc. because he would do the flip you could. put him a little different. thin out a little bit because i think. you wouldn't fit in the face you'd fit. in one of those bulbous vases where they. blow out the body. right we need you to lose a little bit. of weight before we get you in the face. i was going to say uh because there's. this thing where. bobby would know you wouldn't know tino. but bobby would know.

there's like when you see somebody like. over six feet or six you know like big. you don't get kind of like that's a. waste right there you know what i'm. saying you don't ever be like i'm over. six feet what the [ __ ] are you talking. about what are you talking about i love. it though but keep doing it i love being. me but i'm just saying though when you. see somebody like chappelle you're like. that's a waste of time right there. that's what you should be thinking like. right now zion williams uh all right. because you know what he's talking all. sorts of yeah.

yeah he's five seven dude he what the. [ __ ] are you talking about he's like six. something no maybe six feet tall no no. yeah call him. not picking up your call that's a big. bobby that's a big mark bobby hates when. people don't pick up his call. that's a big no no how do you pick up. your. phone call in mid flip. what if he's flipping right now. you know hello. he's mid flip he's midfielder.

just give him the phone just give him. the phone so he's gonna get up and just. throw it no just know you get the. speaker phone okay come over here [ __ ]. oh no. go ahead. what about how you're saying that he's. waste his body he's wasting his body. he's talking [ __ ] about [ __ ] about you. and how he's you're doing flips he. doesn't like it.

but right now man this is black on black. crime at the time. right there let me say something to doc. go ahead let's go step by step through. your covet diagnosis and your what. happened. uh who did you get it from. from i was here. i mean we got you that chair on purpose. i know you did this is fun it's kind of. cool though i feel like i'm in my own. zone right now. he's color coordinated look at the shoes.

looking sexy. did you just buy those shoes dude. because they look brand new they are no. no i've been here okay. so um what was the first symptom i'm. sure it's simp different for little. people like you. so. what what happened i'm not sure what. that means. you know what that means i had uh. i had a running my nose started running. little drippy nose little dripping. see i like the way he carries yeah a. little bit of carrot go ahead and then a. little sarcastic imagine how tiny his. cough was.

yeah yeah so i'm glad you're all a. little team all right so now this little. tiny lugs oh so small little tiny lugs. yeah yeah like those little poppable. bubbles that come in a pocket. he hacks he's like a little camera. [ __ ] drop. so i got that and then i got a tickle in. my chest just like the first time. little tickles like uh.

yeah. are they shaped with flintstones the. character maybe a minion or whatever. yeah so what happened. so when uh. i uh you know because i work with amazon. right yes. which is what well amazon is actually. good about testing the people so they.

allow you to be tested twice a week so. that's how i i usually remember i was. telling you i'd get you yeah yeah yeah. yeah yeah so i had a kid at the crib and. i said my nose running it feels like i. got covered again wait wait who's at the. crib. me. no you said you had a kid at the kid at. the crib no i said i was at the crib. y'all listening you said i had a kid i. had a crib i'll do it i'll do it you. went. i had a kid at the crib and i said my. nose was running so who's this kid. that's in your house there's no kid in. the crib. [Laughter].

we have it on tape yeah and when you. rewind i'm gonna be right. and you guys owe me a photo did you guys. hear what he said what did he say he. said i have a kid in the crib. yeah yeah all right so listen you had a. little tickle tackle. you had a little drip drop real talk. yeah and and then you also realized at. some point when a kid was at the crib. there was no.

and you realized uh oh. black magic got aroma. at some point black magic had their own. at one point black magic right looked at. his nuts it started shrinking and then. you realize your nuts were always always. that size. no. by the way do you know that. corona you had it twice covid has been. proven scientifically certain cases have. shrunken people's penises. i swear to god i look it up right now. they've done they've done genital. shrinking so you mean tell me i went.

from four to three now. can kovach your penis one man in the. united states agree and close one man in. the united states believes the virus. irreversibly shortened his manhood. is he white. he is white yeah. he's in denial that's what he is. how funny he said that he's saying that. to the girl he's dating he's like kovach. i had a huge penis before this. or what if what if like he's not he's. everyone all every guy gets their dick. strong but they're just so [ __ ].

scared to say anything nobody wants he's. the first guy that's like you know i. gotta say something finally the rest of. that not fine. i had covered but i guess i should have. measured my penis before any time you. get yourself i think your dick is strong. do you think so yeah anybody at home. can i see look at you no we don't do it. you look at yourself you're not gonna. see it right now. what big shrunk.

girlfriend once she used to do this. i had a girlfriend where i never she. never showed me her ass she hated her. ass why so every time she got out of the. bed she held her ass like this what yeah. she wanted you to see her butt she went. yeah was it bad so but one night though. i was doing it from behind. and i had the little. switch light switch. and it looked and i regret turning it on. i turned it right off it was like.

flat like this oh it was a table. feel it when you were having sex you. didn't understand it when you were. having i don't think i was grabbing her. hips. she had white hips. oh she would birth birth at your. birthing hips yeah yeah yeah so just. slam her like this right. but my hands were flat like this. yeah yeah yeah can i ask you a question. have you ever had a buddy. she scared you what was she asian. oh doc i just asked the question. it is still black history month to be. fair we gotta let him get away is it is. it it is i just asked a question she was. white okay.

but white women. are plagued with that same thing. sometimes flat butt. sometimes a lot of people play with flat. butt dizzy i think fancy has a flat butt. i do yeah yeah i don't have no cheeks. you you don't have you have a flat. button yeah i have k you turn around. real quick i got a lot of cake can you. turn around real quick oh no. did this guy. do it he's so rude he's so rude i love. him yeah yeah i love it so code would. [ __ ] with your mind too. so go ahead so what else happened so uh. i took the test.

and i on a sunday. i mailed it in on a monday and i got. sick. then tuesday i started coughing and then. they sent me a message in my email. saying you got covered i'm like yeah i. [ __ ] know now i'm [ __ ] sick like. you know i already knew and that's what. happened the boy got sick like that and. you were at the house did you leave the. house when you still had symptoms no. doc. went to a grocery shop yeah i know he. was the grocery store man why are you. going mad because i can tell i knew you. know he goes to the store when he gets. sick yeah i go i went to cvs.

and it went because i didn't have no. cold medicine already it's just because. i wanted more but you could have just. gotten it delivered don't you work for. amazon. you have access to the warehouse. everything right so can't you go to the. vitamin c aisle and the zoo i don't work. like that. don't call me a playboy what the [ __ ]. happened to you dude dude.

don't know google it yeah. i just want to do it can i just throw on. 80s you're allowed to yeah thank you. so you you went to cvs where else did. you go while you were sick i know you. went to multiple places don't front on. me i know you went to a few spots go. ahead what would you do you went to the. liquor store did you know i don't want. to pay the money yeah you know where are. you going. before you give her anything you went to. the liquor store be honest.

whiskey. no no no drinking while i'm sick. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]. [Music]. when he wiggles out in that chair yeah. it's it's like when i put my dog on its. back and she's trying to get back. when god created you he said to all his.

people right. i'm gonna take my time with this one. yeah i want to spend a day on this one. go to the kids go to the kids drawer. you got the legs right right go to the. mythological sections right they've got. golems the stomach. all right right you didn't eat that. the dwarf the dwarf. [Laughter].

right. so you were supposed to be six eight. yeah yeah that was god's plan yeah yeah. but he knew that i could handle being. five three he still could be sexy i'm a. senator you know what. heavy props on that he knew you could. handle it yeah. did you see did you see um genius did. you watch kanye west documentary no. did you they just call it genius it's. called gene yes j-j-e-n. where is that playing can we talk about. it when i watch it yeah that's fine it's. on netflix i like to watch it when it's.

out i gotta tell you dude what where's. the room god i love this dude because. he's nuts dude i love him he's nuts it's. awesome he's like you well it's the same. way i like you i love you because you're. [ __ ] crazy no i'm not. bro. normal guy wouldn't do that all right.

say it again then you're [ __ ] crazy. you're an absolute psychopath nut bag as. [ __ ] so what is the meaning of it all. why are you crazy no why are you saying. this because look at you i'm not dude. you're a [ __ ] nutty guy i'm not a. nutcase. i'm not the way you laugh. that's just the way i [ __ ] express my. joy it is and i love my joy and first of. all i am not crazy i'm misunderstood. correct you know what also i hate when. people say i've heard producers say we.

love bot he's eccentric. eccentric what does that mean. it means you're [ __ ] crazy. [Laughter]. but i don't like it because then you. know when you grow up google eccentric. then you'll see like dolly. salvador dallas yeah photo of daley. you're a [ __ ] genius with an eagle. all right let's see what eccentric means. go to eccentric and what does that mean. let's see what definitely. why do you say dali it's dolly.

yeah if you're spanish. pete pizza in america how do we say it. pete what do we say i say dolly yeah. dolly salvador no you said dally like i. did. the dolly yeah dolly but look at who. you're amongst of the eccentric people. einstein a genius that's cool. that's cool a genius that's cool that. lady. okay where's pee wee herman he should be. on that list why because did i get y'all.

got the same quirky weird-ass [ __ ] you. are kind of close to pee-wee yeah. paul. but i could see you doing it yeah no i. wouldn't. but first of. have you ever jacked off outside of your. home in my hotel rooms outside of a. hotel room. comedy club.

oh my god outside of a comedy club. work like when i was a restaurant i. jerked off in the bathroom okay every. time ever yeah what are you blowing away. blown away. okay lunch break yeah i'm slammed right. and then i see a hot girl come in and i. go i gotta go you know and i jerk off. how about at your trailer when you're on. set. at the one time i. say one time go ahead one time. one time i literally thought i was going.

to be banned from show business. because i was i was you know. i was when i was on splitting up. together i was in warner brothers lot. yeah and i had a night shoot. right and then i had an early call so i. said can i just sleep here. right you wanted to sleep in the trailer. so i did no i didn't have a trailer i. had a dressing room. oh right it was just left on the lot it. was physically in a building in a. building and yeah i had a shower i heard. my name on the thing right so um. so late at night i was on my couch and i. was you know the bed couch and i was.

going on you know their wi-fi. right and i was looking up like my weird. porn right. and then the next day i was telling one. of the actors i go. yeah he was checking off the weird. portal last night on my he goes you. locked in the wi-fi. and they go yeah he goes warner brothers. has that record now man they track all. of them and they try i was gonna say no. but that's not true. yes it is. no after the sony league no i googled no. i googled it there's no way and i also.

went to the oh you think i went to the. cyber unit and i go the cyber unit. imagine imagine you walk in he's in the. side. this guy's having help. yeah yeah. ship station oh my god i love ship. station i'll tell you the reason why. andrew tell me babe because uh a lot of. my business is through um e-commerce yes. and um i just want a company that's. efficient at what they do and they yeah. they're great at organizing and getting. your stuff out there online shipping is. not slowing down anytime soon look we.

ship online that's how we do our. business when you buy bad friends merch. and how do you keep up the pace you can. keep track of orders from any sales. channel you can easily find the best. shipping carrier with deeply discounted. rates and automate just about any. shipping task with just a few clicks. yeah substitution works with every. carrier so you can always find the best. fit for you andrew yeah baby and also uh. your business can access the same. discounted rates usually reserved for. fortune 500 companies big baller save.

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shipping come on [ __ ] more and less time. with ship station just go to. shipstation.com click on the microphone. on the top of the page and type in bad. friends. shipstation.com make ship happen. better help oh my god um andrew during. the. pandemic and now even after going into. rehab i use better help because i need. therapy every once a week you do you. need therapy we all need it i love. better help relationships take work. andrew i don't know if you know that a. lot of us will drop anything to go help. someone we care about right. we'll go out of our way to treat other. people well but how often do we give.

ourselves the same treatment not often. not often i go out of my way to help you. out and i don't get enough help myself. so this month better help is online. therapy they want to remind you to take. care of your most important relationship. the one you have with yourself whether. it's hitting the gym making time for. your haircut or even trying therapy you. are your greatest asset so invest the. time and effort into yourself like you. do for other people that's right better. help us online therapy that offers video. phone and even live chat sessions with. your therapist so you don't have to see. anyone if you don't want to but you can.

if you'd like to it's more affordable. than in-person therapy and you can be. matched with a therapist in under 48. hours give it a try and see why 2. million people have used better help. online therapy this podcast is sponsored. by better help and bad friends listeners. get 10 off their first month at. betterhelp.com. bad friends that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p. dot com slash back friends this podcast. is sponsored by better help online. therapy i'm i'm. 27 days of no porn. we kick the habit. raise your hand in this room let's talk. to the dorks in the window yeah you guys.

have never signed up for porno sites. never. never because why because it's free for. free yeah it's insane to think you guys. would do that. do you notice that the three guys. that are saying wait like free or what. you got it exactly first of all andres. is not one of those let's just say. occasion can i say. we're not looking at we're not seeing. this color of your skin yes you were no. oblique weak.

you're cheap and you're weak and you. justify different things yeah you're the. kind of guy right cheap yeah. you're just kind of going to go to. mendocino performs and guys you know. what reuben's sandwich is a little too. pricey. oh i don't pay for my food that's who. you are you know what what not all of us. are privileged and came from wealth like. you oh that's funny we're not all jack. harlow we don't all come from man oh. that's hilarious.

no you come from upper middle class no. white suburbia i've seen the photos. first of all it's a mineral i see you. with a baseball bat it's brand new the. [ __ ] that we had to [ __ ] dance. because of our skulls you're from the. most affluent part of san diego you're. from rich boy san diego i'm from the. ghettos chula vista yes i am right by. the border dude how many bedrooms are in. your house. how many bedrooms are in your house as a.

kid. let me count. i have a couch i have to count how many. bathrooms is what i want let me count. one bathrooms one two we had four. bathrooms yeah what the [ __ ] thank you. and then wait wait how many um detroit. they had one in the whole city. how many bedrooms i have one two three. four bedrooms okay four beds four baths. what's the problem that's upper class. but yes but you don't know what the. building looked like yes i do i've seen. photos of your house that you grew up in. we put it on the show. it's beautiful yeah it's beautiful.

wow. how many bathrooms did you have as a kid. it depends on if uh who i was staying. with you know. when you were with a lollipop gang did. you guys all share one bathroom. why did you laugh it was good. time out when you grew up as a kid how. many bathrooms did you have in your home. we had uh.

two. that seems reasonable. we had it because we stayed in the. family two family flat. yeah like two flat yeah two flats yeah a. two family yeah so how many people lived. in the two bedroom flat. one two three four five six six. six. wait six in total or six and one flat. six and one flat that's a lot. so you're two flats i mean two in total. my bad oh so three four bedrooms yeah. two or six people.

do you slept with somebody. dude i get it i know where you're going. two things one putting a knife behind. his head really bad idea. insane he's going to kill himself two. it's insane that we put that right by. yeah. and two. san diego makes perfect sense now san.

diego dude remember when we were in san. diego in the hotel room and he told the. story about his gay uncle. yep his karate kid his karate see oh my. god i'm so sorry dude you're a victim. you're a victim you're a victim you're a. victim i'm so sorry well you know hold. up hold up yeah yeah first of all. that's a different uncle it doesn't. matter. how first of all how are we supposed i. don't think by the way i don't believe. it i don't believe it. all know you are the gay one i have. uncle as far at.

three day openers you have three uncles. and a gay cousin and which of the uncles. that you slept with in your if he has. three. uncles they're one of them slept in this. room okay so the karate incident was. with my uncle on my father's side right. the other one is on my. mother's side all right so the uncle. that was on your mother's side that. slept in the same room as you was he gay. yeah okay but he also was iran's son. what the [ __ ] you're gonna say he was. mentally challenged i didn't want to put. it on damn.

put you guys [ __ ] ass. you had a gay mentally handicapped uncle. that you slept with in the room. in the bed yeah. wait a second the same bed ah it's my. uncle it. what you do it's cultural we're not. making fun of your culture dude we're. around the same age. wait wait he's the same age your uncle's. the same age he's two three years older. than me marco turtle same size please. stop. who was the big spoon oh you were the. you were the little spoon no one.

wouldn't have no idea did you only go. butt to butt you never ever spooned yeah. always every night do you think the real. ones do it you know. let me ask you a question go ahead. obviously when you're sleeping you have. no control of what you're doing with. your body and whatnot right right have. you ever woken up and you were face to. face with your uncle never bro not one. time no. i doubt it that's impossible doc that's. impossible your heart is in your heart i. know what i went through. okay i know tell us what you went. through.

it's not your fault. you can't tell me it's not one night you. didn't you one night you didn't wake up. and you guys were wrapped all over each. other because it was cold because he was. you know he wasn't. he wasn't into sucking dick man he was a. little bit he was on the cusp. you know i'm saying i was right wait. wait he did he what kind of uh what do. you mean like it's not like. he had autism. i don't know what he had cuz you know. back in the 80s you didn't get diagnosed. you just walked around and you were just. held back. yeah they didn't have. autism wasn't a big thing in the 80s.

everybody know that. so it was he was just walking around on. diamond notes what the [ __ ]. he was held back in elementary with me. where he should have been in middle. school when i was in and we're not. making fun of that we're not making fun. of him. [Music]. is he still alive. no he died oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ].

how did. he was killed by a gay serial killer. see yes. see you [ __ ] ass. hold the phone. your. uncle was murdered yes by a guy who was. injured. who was a case no he wasn't he was. killing gay people yeah because he was. getting obviously. yeah i think the serial killer was just. remember he was i want to kill if it's a. gay guy yeah.

that would have been. so what you're saying is you there was a. serial killer who only killed a gay guy. because he wasn't gay yes he was i don't. know they never caught can we can we be. like. can we be logical adults if there's a. guy who's a serial killer that only. kills gay men he's obviously gay and. repressed and fighting some sort of. [ __ ] societal feelings and he's like. mike pence what's the word for that. fellas like my pants like my pants.

what's the word for that yeah yeah. what's the word for repression. because i i honestly believe now my. theory well first of all you wouldn't. roly-poly at the beginning of the show. because bobby always go to the you know. no but i think. [Laughter]. i think you exude this this this mask. right that i'm just masculine right. playboy tough guy tough guy that you. know me funny guy this and that right. but i think you're hiding. something first of all i think it's. hereditary mm-hmm it is yeah both of his.

bloodlines have both a lot of people. bloodlines have it right interesting you. have this false like this weird like. that's not even authentic are you an. uncle. no no brothers and sisters that's right. that's right so you know i just think. that you know my theory is. i'm not gonna say it that's it. that you might be. let's let's say it on the count of three. yeah all right one two three. [Laughter].

yeah first of all let's take a stance on. the show as bad friends we don't we. support all people we do of all genders. and colors and creeds we love all that. [ __ ] that being said. i don't believe. for a second that you didn't have some. sort of experience like you told us in. san diego with the uncle that you slept. with in a bed bro this ain't. christianity it's not about what you. believe it's real. it's just what does that mean it means. that you can't believe. this just is right yeah it is it.

happened it it did diz his happiness. it's like this it's like you know. sometimes you're lying to us it's like a. kid who's addicted to crack right he's. he finds himself in a crack house right. right and the parents come in what are. you doing i'm not smoking crack. i'm sure right and you're not sure right. you know i mean i think that's what i'm. sensing correct so you replace the crack. pipe with a dick correct. yes. can you give me something okay. i'm almost there all right.

let's go back okay. your uncle was murdered he was murdered. holy [ __ ] that's i'm so sorry i mean. that's insane i'm so sorry. when that happened. it was. 96. did they catch this man so you were. 48. they never caught the man and that's. what they were that's why the police. said that there was a guy going around. shooting and killing what. oh. my god. oh [ __ ] i know.

[Music]. [Laughter]. is that are your other gay uncles alive.

you killed all your gay uncles well if. you really well one of my uncle just. passed away a couple days house how. we don't know oh. you what. they just called me uh-huh two days ago.

three days ago and said he died. nobody knows and we have to wait till. homicide come in. just make sure that he just died that's. it okay whatever that's all the. yeah because you're this little gay man. and you're so just just hearing me out. my theory.

can you see right there i'm listening. right right right you [ __ ] call me a. centric and a psychopath that guy called. you citric that i called you a. psychopath two different things. [Laughter]. so um yeah you're protecting the family. yeah right and you just it's not. you you felt some shame right you. grabbed a knife like that or whatever. sign it however you work you know i mean.

you took out one of your uncles right. the one that was like mentally right you. said. yeah yeah listen which you don't even. know what he had okay you don't still. never know yeah. he's probably just like sleep apnea he. just thinks that's something more yeah. a little bit slower than that i used to. fight for that dude so much man but go. ahead you got into fights because people. would make fun of bro. make fun of them they used to [ __ ] man. i've hit people with sticks bricks i. mean little dude and i had to fight. these big dudes because they would talk.

[ __ ] that talk [ __ ] they would like beat. him up and he would come to me because i. was the only one there and then i would. be like man um so i would go [ __ ] and. hey. i've always loved you so much i love you. man oh yeah you don't need no you don't. need to bare hands just weapons go sit. down actually you know what. get the [ __ ] out of here. get the [ __ ] out you're an hour late get. the [ __ ] out now. sit down come on here you're [ __ ]. asking sit your [ __ ] ass down yeah. yeah. rudy.

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put the mic closer to your mouth i can't. believe we're even doing this so all. these may i say something. so while me and kalyala i was in rehab. yeah remember so when i was when i. remember when i was in rehab yeah and uh. was in hawaii yeah you decide to go hmm. let me go to a dorm party. right and you went to a dorm party right. and then you got covet which means did. you have your mask on during the cove. the covert party that you went to. no so she walks into our studio right a.

bunch of vaccinated people and people. have had covet with a mascot but she. goes to a dorm party. without a [ __ ] mascot because the. peer pressure everyone's not wearing a. mask and if i wear a mask i'm the one. that's the weirdo right but that's why i. don't wear a mask when you guys tell me. wear a mess because i don't want to look. like a weirdo correct when i go to the. comedy clubs no one's wearing a [ __ ]. mask that's why you don't [ __ ] wear a. mask yeah that's right she had on the. mask at master roles when we went to go. eat i know she'll go there and wear a. [ __ ] ass but i'm not at a [ __ ].

dorm party do you know why she wants to. get [ __ ] hey. i don't want to hear it. i'm tired of your dick rolling man stop. it. you better not be getting [ __ ] down. why'd you go there again why'd you go. there because i wanted to meet some. friends you better not be getting [ __ ]. out yeah i'm going to be pissed dude if. you're getting if you're catching dee's. at dorm parties i'm going to be living. what makes me upset she never got any. deeds you didn't even get.

no. it's not worth it. not right no you got sick i'm happy that. you're okay we were concerned how are. you feeling now. i'm better yeah yeah yeah i feel like he. had it too twice. twice yeah i got it twice yeah that's. what i'm talking about he doesn't want. to talk.

wait a minute what were your symptoms. did you lose your taste and smell no i. just had. cough sore throat chills or any nose. yeah what did you. do for you. you bought me some medicine yeah. and i feel like. just just could i just throw this out. there i feel like. if i was sick you wouldn't do the same i. couldn't agree more it would no you. wouldn't i would no.

can you put it in your mouth thank you. thank you andrew i apologize no i love. you i apologize so wait a minute he tito. bobby as usual took care was the man of. the house took care of you. and did you say thank you. yeah i said thank you but did you give. him like a thank you card thank you for. taking care of me tito no no i thought. you would just say thank you no when you. came back upstairs though and i asked. for a hug what'd you do. i declined yeah. because i still don't want any germs.

giving it i don't want it to be with you. wait a minute i don't think that shut up. from your little niece that you took. care of she's been sick for two weeks. i just wanted a hug i didn't see him so. you got out of rehab you're emotionally. wrecked not just emotionally right i am. vulnerable you're vulnerable you're. emotional and i want to connect with. other human beings and and someone. is somebody i thought that i view as a. daughter and somebody that i view i i. would do anything for anything i just.

wanted some physical contact like a. brief you know it was. first of all when we hug it's never just. it's side to side even she won't even. she won't even fist bump me or do a. little arm thing what's up with that. because he doesn't like hugs he doesn't. you actually don't like hugs but he was. vulnerable. but he was vulnerable that's absolutely. well he hugs me. i hug you you hug me but that guy i hug. you tackles me you hug me i hug you but. you don't hug her i want to hug her but.

she does oh this she doesn't want to hug. me this is what it is that's why no but. you don't like hugs i love he does yes. he does he loves you. i'm addicted to hugs baby. i [ __ ] drool i got a crazy eye for. drugs especially now that i had no have. no drugs no porn nothing i [ __ ]. [Laughter].

stand up i'll give you my huge. demonstrations. you want another hug no i'm just gonna. give you i'm not i'm not hugging i'm. seeing you hug demonstrations of how i. hug and i need a [ __ ] mannequin. you're the only one my size i'm not a. guy. i'm a human being that's what that's i. know i i i don't know. put the what put the goddamn clock on. you know okay here we go here we go. well he'll only do things for a minute. because he feels like they might be you. know.

all right here we go he wants a minute. he'll only do a minute. oh he's i gotta pray to god for duty. always praising god before this guy so. this is my hug if i haven't seen you i. barely know you're an acquaintance but. you know like we're you know. so this is somebody that like you know.

with kids yeah or like anyone in high. school or early twenties i don't wanna. you know i mean so yeah like i go what's. up hey no i'll go like this. right and then with comic guys i'm good. friends with like you right i'll go i'll. go like i'll do a hand thing and i will. do chest to chest like this of course.

he can't believe it he can't believe he. sees you it's you you're here i can't. believe you're in my space it's. incredible. he needs to show you his love yeah yeah. and then i think of like um. just our history man. yeah history and yeah we're the same. size right. and um i also sense. just a little bit of you know.

bisexuality. yeah. a little bit a little bit a little dark. i have to look at the body. [Music].

[Laughter]. i feel like i've seen those kind of hugs. all over the place those are normal hugs. yeah in prison. no no. doc when your uncle said that you were. violent. let him get medicine.

it's the silliest. it's going to make a lot of noise and i. was like perfect. he's like it's going to be kind of hard. to get in and out of and that's why i. was like this is going to be perfect for. doc. do your feet hit the ground yeah all. right real man over here all right we. could get a higher chair don't [ __ ]. no. don't push it buddy. you know what you know what that's it. that's it that's it fancy yeah that. chair becomes rudy's chair the pink. chair order a higher chair where his.

little legs don't touch the ground. please please it's over here. you're talking that [ __ ]. you're gonna look like a fool. if you want your boy back don't do that. okay. all right i just wanna can i just say. this though um. i want us to be real more more of a real. thing let's do something real i want to. do something real we've been real on. this part no we're being funny and we're. joking. joking around i want to say that you. know doc. uh i want to apologize to you.

because over the years i think i've um. i've kind of used you like a toy. [Music]. you're being real i'm trying to be real. dude can i say well can i say what i. think you really looked at me ass what. you know on pornhub. man come on can i talk all right you. know how they like to have that like. plastic butt plug ears you know how to. have a plastic butt and the dude is.

banging a plastic butt you mean like a. fake butt like a like a sex doll. a sex doll yeah it's not a doll it's. just the butt right it's a piece of the. dog yeah cause he always liked the black. hole so that's what i yeah there you go. you're wearing this. you lost me you completely lost you lost. me yeah so you had me at sex doll and. then yeah yeah no no. you lost me you know how i feel. you click on it and you think it's like. he's smashing a person and then it's. actually a uh plastic butt you know let. me ask you this how long do you watch. that video before you go to the next.

video. not your goddamn business. no i don't remember who stays out here. yeah that's all i need is deal this is. what he's talking about the behind yeah. yeah okay so. that reminds me of peace yeah you can't. put that on you know what's so funny. pete just wanted to look at that while. we were looking yeah he doesn't realize. he's still good. i've been to the porn store like at like. the hustler store and i thought about. buying that it's so heavy it's so heavy. and it's like i don't want to. walk out. you know be with this gigantic [ __ ].

thing. where would you store it. from kalila where would you hide it in. your car in my [ __ ] bowling bag. probably. i don't have a bowling bag i'll get one. you have to buy it. like did you start playing. i gotta go to the garage. but um. i've always also wanted to like i've. gone to the real dog doll. oh yeah and seeing like how much they. cost how much are they. well for the last time i checked like 8. 500. what for a real doll a real sex doll.

real dog that's called they're called. real dolls and they're like i think they. go for 10 grand 15 grand you're [ __ ]. they're beautiful though. real dollars. like a real dog you know like a [ __ ]. fleshlight is like a hundred bucks look. what a real dog looks like dude. realistic sex doll by adult female dogs. do they have real dull men yeah they do. like that men too there's a document on. youtube there are men. in the world and they marry them i've. seen this game yeah they marry them yes. i've seen a guy they have a guy weddings. and the. and the parents are always like upset.

almost like. don't put olivia on your vision board. i mean it's insane. it's like a poorly written sitcom when. he pops in oh my god that didn't work oh. my god fancy. go to youtube and search up guy mary's. sex doll because this guy it was so sad. his family disowned this dude you're. thinking about the same guy the indian. guy i can't live without my real doll. see you have dinner together. little kissy kiss yeah originally when i. first got her.

i called her my synthetic i know but you. know what they have to do but can you. imagine yeah what if she what if she. left him one day. before they get married and she goes i. don't. i don't i don't. right but you know what he has to do. every year he has to take the vagina out. and send it back to realdoll the company. so they can clean it out and fix it oh. my right imagine that guy the guy who. cleans.

and they're like you're starting at. vagina cleaning. and then you're just like. they don't say that they say they said. returns and exchanges that was the. department. you're in returns and exchanges yeah but. here's the problem. no no because you know what let this guy. be free he's not hurting anybody he's. not harming anybody good for this guy. here's the real issue. he's never going to treat a woman like a. human from now on. this is this weird slippery slope now. every woman is going to be bro a real.

doll bro if he could get rid of him. he might not no he can't you think that. guy's never slept with a woman before if. you watch the documentary they even say. like i try to date women like it's. southern they're southern from them yeah. come to me. but they don't like me i asked olivia. down the street she said no i'm just. saying. it seems to me like it's healthy at some. point for him to just have sex toys but. sex dolls seem to be like. you might this is how you turn into.

yeah i know you know that's how you turn. into. yeah someone that who yeah dude i'm. trying to me right now the one that. kills everybody. if we bought you a sex doll. like a real doll i wouldn't [ __ ] it i. know just if we bought one would you. throw it away yeah five thousand dollars. i don't give a [ __ ] how much it cause. i'm throwing a dollar away [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you hey [ __ ] you you wouldn't throw. that you know what we're buying one. we're buying that friend's gonna buy you. a sex doll you know what i'm gonna do. yeah. i don't know what kind of time. what kind of genitals do you want on it.

don't you laugh at your uncle he's a. goddamn ass okay his [ __ ] what do you. mean we're kind of gentle i don't know. you know i was regular old woman [ __ ]. no but i mean you know what do you want. shaving. you want balls. beefy here's the thing i don't want. beefy i'm not a big dude here's the. thing yeah. i'm not into shape not like whatever you. got i'll take it but if you. don't mind that [ __ ] could be going down. all the way to the kneecaps and i'm like. whoa look at rudy's face by the way.

people sometimes go oh how do you talk. about that in front of rudy rudy's the. one going to dorm parties to catch some. [ __ ] dick on the side i won't i want. to follow her right let me tell you. something rudy is also 20 almost 21. yeah it's she's a woman she's a. full-grown woman and let me tell you. something. if i [ __ ] find out that you went to. that dorm party and caught ronan just to. get some d and i found out who the dude. is and that you got the d from we're. blowing up his spot. he's [ __ ] he's ripping deep [ __ ]. we're dripping that guy we're ripping. him what's your favorite song. yeah yeah.

whoa. baby i need to know. yeah sometimes i think we shouldn't have. him on the show. sometimes i'm like what is he doing on. the shelf sometime i watch him i go what. are you doing the way his brain fires. yeah yeah. it's incredible no thank you. keep going be you. okay so some of the game might not have. rubbed off from your own but some of the. other stuff. what'd you think of the super bowl. halftime show oh dude honestly. everything loved every single second of.

it i got goosebumps it was incredible it. was incredible people [ __ ] on it. it was great i loved it what do you mean. i think that was the greatest halftime. of ever no i thought this was great. whitney you know houston was there was a. lot of good ones great great michael. jackson's michael jackson with the guy. popping up man come on i know but still. that one was a great one it was just. that kind of cause it was los angeles it. was la based or something that's what i. loved about it it's a good. representation. eminem that was weird are you a hater. no bro he's from detroit that's why yeah. because look dre is from compton.

snoop is from long beach kendrick is. from compton it's just weird to also. then have eminem what about 50 cent. 50 cents from new york there we go but. he gets a package but you also are new. york bound as i just no i just i'm just. saying a new 50 cent. i mean i don't know him hanging upside. down like a bat was very weird. that i didn't understand yeah i didn't. understand either what the [ __ ] yeah but. you know was that his idea. i'm sure yeah because who date somebody.

director. you saw in a club video in the club he. was upside down yeah oh really yeah in. the video there could have been an. argument though no i don't want to do. that but you did it at the club no i'm. not trying. but he obviously said yes because they. hung him up upside down. right it's not it's not like they were. like okay 50 upside down you go yeah and. they told him on the day he knew they. they rehearsed this. it was a callback and then eminem took a. knee it was wild he like took a knee in. the middle of the yeah i liked it i did. not. get up and [ __ ] sing what are you.

doing he finished i know but get up and. [ __ ] do it do the thing no he. finished the song and then dre went back. to the piano and he just stay he stood. yeah right there i didn't like it okay. what are you doing get up what the [ __ ]. are you doing he's just trying to make a. statement this is another white guy. laying down on the job yeah well he. makes all the black men do the work. behind you you know it would be great in. the new batman. am i right or am i right or my right. would be great. and they all look like 50 cent. imagine like a thousand 50 cent bats.

backwards yeah and you know he has this. little mechanism and the bats fly it's. pretty dope dude it'd be dope bro by the. way how bad am i not gonna see the new. batman. you're not gonna see it robert pattinson. how the [ __ ] are you gonna sell me on. that guy bro how the [ __ ] are you gonna. sell me i'm gonna tell you on robert. pattinson bro i hated the guy until i. saw him in one movie i don't hate him. he's not [ __ ] batman he is he's not a. batman if you see him in the lighthouse. i never seen him in the lighthouse with. willem dafoe he's a [ __ ].

masterful actor i'm not saying he's not. a good actor you're missing the point. he's not a batman. there is a you have to be a kind of man. to be a batman not batman that is not. batman. that's a [ __ ] light that is that's a. tim burton character tim barton did. batman. i [ __ ] [ __ ] i know god damn it. god damn it. let me tell you something go back to. what robert benson looks on batman go. ahead go in batman yeah the suit makes. anybody look sick but him without the.

mask. him without the mask looks like that. yeah no thanks yes that's not batman. it's about heroin chic that's that's emo. batman. now you now you're dude this is like. batman who cares about this is basically. batman for your generation. this is a millennial this is for the. millennials i am a [ __ ] millennial. what's before that yes i don't know. what's next what is she what are you gen. z jen see this for the gen z's do you. want to watch his back stop pulling the. mic away from your face yeah he's hot. and i think he looks good oh [ __ ].

these kids don't know that's what i'm. saying that's why they're doing it. what about zoey kravitz you like her as. catwoman yeah that's fine i don't mind. her catwoman can be anybody batman is a. certain kind of guy yeah. who would you prefer it like who who of. the actors right now could do a dope. batman yeah let me think let me there's. a good this is a good one. michael b jordan. no it's time for a black a black man a. black batman he's too hot.

you just said robert. and that's the only reason why you. wanted to see it you said he's hot. batman needs to be not that hot but also. not that ugly. you know what it's a remarkably valid. point i know she is right. because every batman has been kind of. hot but kind of like whatever yeah well. alec baldwin he was uh never batman he's. never baptized god damn it what's.

this is what's the second one. [Laughter]. michael keaton. the original real talk. okay what's the third one there don't do. this man. why would y'all be like that yeah order. what's the third one. key named the most famous that's. arguable he was the original but who's. the most in the more recent franchises.

what he's talking about yeah oh all. right. i can't lie to you i don't know are you. [ __ ] serious [ __ ] crazy did you. never see the dark knight yeah. who is that. ben affleck flick flex. why would y'all do this to me. you're fine we're not shaming you yeah. yeah yeah. yeah. who plays joker in the dark knight. do you know who the batman was in the.

dark knight i forgot his name [ __ ] off. you guys are dog [ __ ] christian. bale yes oh [ __ ] oh easy. how did you not know that matthew. mcconaughey chris bale comes remarkably. differently. one's from england what i mean matthew. mcconaughey and christian bale do you. think those guys are close not look you. know kind of the way they act but can i. say something no can i say that by. christian bale and i want everyone to. listen to me right now. when he was a kid he did a movie what.

was it called he did a steven spielberg. movie and he was the star of it and he. must have been 14 12 to 14 years old he. was the lead. it was called empire of the sun. oh i know this love that movie. 14 he was he was amazing in that [ __ ]. movie and that's when you first saw him. watch christian bale in a look at how. cute he is yeah. and one of the lines of the movie is. i learned a new word today.

that's the holy [ __ ] thing but he's. so good in that and that's the most. underrated steven spielberg movie i. believe what's the most overrated. e.t. you didn't like e.t. when you're watching it's a little weird. does that hurt your feelings doc. e.t is like. the way you said that he was like oh man. cuz man like. i cried on e.t man that [ __ ] no it's a. good movie i'm just saying comparatively. speaking. to close encounters.

close encounters. space movies no steven spielberg movies. [ __ ] [ __ ]. he directed both of them yeah but then. what that's not the same close encounter. is more based on. listen to what i'm saying doc all right. out of all the steven spielberg movies. e.t isn't one of my favorites right. i like empire to the sun i think that. close encounters jaws is amazing i just. rewatched that jaws is so great yeah um.

i like christina is one of your. favorites. christine. savin private ryan. amazing. all right so that's all i'm saying okay. most overrated fancy spielberg movie i. don't know i don't think he has many. overrated movies the ones that he he. doesn't do well like people [ __ ] on them. all the time like what like warhorse or. like the bfg or what was wrong with the. bfg nothing it's okay. like tintin i think he he had a problem. with editing like a.i was way too long.

yeah well i didn't need to see the. little robot boy in the middle of the. ocean i did like that. why i don't know it was so sad so sad i. think i like sometimes. it just ripped my heart out a little bit. it ripped my heart off i like that. sometimes in movies i like that movie. though i want to be shredded a little. bit yeah a little bit. you know i saw you know i've been. watching brian de palma movies yeah what. have you watched and some of them are. don't hold up. you the oh you think you liked them when. you were young the untouchables it. doesn't hold up i mean on top is great. there's so many weird lines in there.

that kevin costner says he i don't. believe it when he's angry. really yeah come on guys no what do you. believe kevin costner has. the postman i don't know. quieter quieter quieter wider yeah i'm. not saying he's a bad actor but um what. else would we say someone who doesn't. give a [ __ ] about golf did you ever like. tin cup. i don't i refuse to watch myself. do you guys know tin cup it's like one. of the best movies like the magical one. where will smith plays a magical one i.

don't see that that's bagger. i don't do i don't do any magical black. people tin cup. let's get some let's get some worth out. of you now that you've come in so late. what were you late for. school what kind of school. i was in school physically doing. um. biology lab. dale yeah no don't don't don't don't. please don't slap that. you're condoning. just absurd behavior something his stuff. that his gay uncle would do.

[Laughter]. rudy you were doing biology lab at home. no in school. in class you were physically in school. now. wow yeah and she was like i'm not going. to make it to 45 wait where's your. school at northridge your cal state. northridge yeah you have push it down if. you're going to try it if let's say you. try to move the mic there you go um big. girl. big girl can go to dorm party get sick. yeah talk about the dorm party i want to. know what happened there it was so. boring why is it pointing okay you show.

up what are you showing here. what does it say doc you have to speak. into the mic because we're on a show. there's no secrets man what does it say. rudy he gotta be in. biology that's what i'm talking about in. high school. high school. don't. don't don't say anything all right just. let that sit man we're just trying to. connect. just i want you to take a second because. i know you're gonna almost kill him yeah. and that's what i felt like i know so.

let's just take a second and not. physically. gets hard for me it's so hard. it's so hard so you gotta be so you. interrupted. you got it you gotta be you interrupted. to get a b to tell her you gotta be in. biology that's that's for the hood right. there no no no no you know. now tell me. in what part of your current life. are you. employing this uh biology that you. learned in high school not a god damn.

okay so shut the [ __ ] up. tell us about biology then goddamn. haters biology yeah yeah the thing you. just did. what did you do today no i'm gonna tell. you about the dorm party. was there biology going on there. there was some kissing so yeah. yeah exchanges you weren't kissing. anybody no you swear to god i promise no. say you swear to god i swear to god. to my mom that i wasn't kissing that i.

wasn't kissing anyone did you hook up. with anybody no did you get anyone's. number. a girl. a friend as a girl to be a friend yeah. let me ask can i ask you another thing. that i've always wanted to ask you right. and this is fine this is fine i'm going. to be very gentle about it go ahead. what what don't do this you know. um. let it rip i am so. are you heterosexual.

i can't i think i can be bi. you think you both you could be or you. are. you think you might be might be because. you like girls yeah this girl number. that you get did she did you like her. yeah but as a friend only. not attractive but there are girls that. you go oh i'd like to hang out with them. in that way. okay can i tell my. party all right go ahead he's not. allowed to ask a question yeah go ahead. you're just like your uncle tito so it's.

the same. oh you're saying that i interrupt no. that you're bisexual. when you're going down a road right you. see an accent you have to go this way. right. so um. i don't know what that means. listen to me man oh you think i'm. bisexual yeah a little bit and why. because yeah you know. yeah i like to wrestle with dudes all. right. well i didn't kill my gay con.

and i didn't poison my uncle for two. days ago. so i'm not a murderer okay so shut your. [ __ ] mouth all right okay i'm wrong. go ahead watch your ted bundy yeah. go ahead talk about the dorm party okay. so there were only like 15 people in the. dorm and it was so tight and it was so. hot. and then most of them were like couples. so they were like just dancing like. grinding and kissing each other and then. there were only three people like me.

my friend and another friend was just on. the side just watching them oh okay. that's when you [ __ ] leave. not stay and get corona i don't walk. into a room people grinding and. there's no available get the [ __ ] up get. the [ __ ] out of there that's why we left. and then i met another group of friends. and then we smoked weed and that's why i. got corona. you got corona cause you smoked drugs. drugs.

you know this bad friend show we don't. we do not support drug use of any kind. it was just a little bit i don't give a. [ __ ] [ __ ] how much it was young lady. yeah you are not giving me the drugs i. gave you right. all right because you still have the. drugs i gave you yeah i just got. mushrooms this weekend by the way. i'm so excited oh in oregon there's a. woman there why do you illegal in. california. you could have done that a month ago. when i was using i didn't want to use. with you bud. i have but that was my one of my last.

ones i want to do mushrooms i know and i. don't know i kept asking i called aries. can you get me mushrooms no he's like. i'm in new york. oh [ __ ] dog. what am i gonna do i didn't want to use. with you. you know what it [ __ ] hurts me dude. when we had when you were in mexico. and you were getting sauced up i give. you a joint. yeah you took it and you gave it to. donnell rollins that's exactly correct. and then dal ralph ryan went oh man this. is the best joint i've ever came up on. stage like that [ __ ] was fireside.

donald smoked the whole drone to himself. on stage. just like he did. funny fire shot. yeah. in mexico we did drink together no you. drank when i didn't want you to i was. having a drink at dinner and fancy me. was getting [ __ ] wasted no no one. didn't know we were at no one time i. said this no it's not true it's not true. you were getting worried we walked into. that bar in the center of the thing. right and i go yeah you're like i'm.

gonna go get a drink and you would do. stuff like i'm just gonna get like a. seltzer water i did no and i would be. the one time i go no that's [ __ ] i. know what you're getting get me what. you're getting and you got me what you. got and there was alcohol in it so you. dig that's not a true that's what was. true if fancy knows that's a [ __ ] lie. first of all first of all fancy nose in. fact we talked about it yeah i gave you. a drink that would had no booze inside. of it you guys are gaslighting me. no we were protecting you as well we did. the right thing. i know but what i'm saying though is. like listen i'm sober now i have what's.

today's wednesday today's wednesday i. have 30 days today. don't please. today okay. but. i still think in my head i'm like. you know when i was out there using i. always knew. soon. right that i was going to. get to a point where it's going to be. like i can't do this anymore uh-huh. right so in those times when i'm using i. would just like my friends to be around. and i'm there to support you.

it was so not fun it was like hanging. out with my parents. i am like hanging out no no it was like. don't go there i'm following you around. like you guys follow me around. everywhere sorry we're being friends. it's similar to the podcast well go. ahead what do you mean meaning. like he's like your parent on a podcast. he kind of shut your [ __ ] down. cause you're [ __ ] wild. are you even [ __ ] saying it i am papa. this is a 50 50 thing dude oh.

it's crazy. uncles time out let's go back okay went. to the stupid [ __ ] dorm party and. everybody was dancing and you stayed for. how long. i stayed for like 20 minutes because. there was. alcohol. did you drink just a little bit how much.

like this what do you mean. a bunch of liquor what kind of booze can. i say something to you but i only drink. when there's a party when you say. there's a little right i don't think. that's the true number it's just a. little okay be careful i know well don't. ever do this what's that pop up pimple. no no yeah don't ever tap your finger on. your nose okay ever no don't ever never. do cocaine. did you have you ever been offered. cocaine at a party nobody has offered. you cocaine at a party in los angeles no. never she doesn't go to park [ __ ].

loser. nerd can i say things i invite her to. like [ __ ] yeah like i'm going to this. thing dope [ __ ] dope [ __ ] she won't go i. don't want to go loser yeah loser you. [ __ ] loser dude really offered. cocaine don't do it but you say i i. can't do it you don't do it. you can just get it but you can't step. it up. no don't do it don't do it please have. you tried. none of your business buddy have you. done it no. cocaine never you smoke crack never meth.

no you're going the other way oh yeah. yeah oh i think methods like pot anyway. um. no you know so you've only done. hallucinogenics weed and alcohol. hallucinogenics uh yes acid mushrooms. yeah and then pills opiates like vicodin. yes and then ecstasy. before mali was what it was.

no no i don't do them i have tried them. and guess what that's why i look like i. look you want to do you want to turn out. like me yeah he looks white. you want to turn out like me kiddo no. you want to be pretty and young don't do. drugs don't do drugs look at pete pete's. 13. what a [ __ ] awful humor. pete has been doing drugs for too many. years yeah but what have you done we. already talked about it yeah we talked. about it by the way welcome back welcome. back to pete and i want to say thank you. for pete because he got over covered he. got sick too this whole family oh yeah.

kobe gang in the building hey have you. have you got a yeah have you gotten it. yet. fancy has not been i don't either no you. have i mean i'm like bobby what we're. immune i think we're immune shut the. [ __ ] up fancy i really do because. gilbert same thing because um can i just. be say something let me say something. you probably were. asymptomatic yeah but that's still kind. of ask your ask your wife fancy they. they say that 90 something percent of. americans have come in contact with it. and you're probably just asymptomatic. yeah the strong ones. they're strong.

you're the weakest guy in this room. no but his insides are strong no they're. not yours are weak no they're not he's. never exercised once neither of you. that's why then that we still can't get. coconut anyway let's move on um. about me i'm going to be like herman. cain i cannot wait yeah. [Laughter]. anyway that was a great one great. episode great episode as a big family.

let's say thanks for being a bad friend. on the count of three because we're all. back one two three thank you for being a. bad friend. [Music]. you have to open it i know what it is. take it off oh let me ask you let me ask. you i just saw it. what do you think it is. taco bell yeah. so you got me taco bell today yeah yeah. and and a sauce. thank you.

do you want it doc i don't want it no i. don't want it no i want it. you better for yourself it's [ __ ]. rude. [Music].