A Case Of Lululemon ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 203 | Bad Friends

hey guys bad friends listen this is the. last day this tomorrow is the last day I. mean tomorrow is the last day to get. these uh shirts tomorrow is the last day. to get these shirt competition and uh. hopefully I'll be winning the. competition cuz I'm ahead right now well. I'm ahead right now so better shirt go. to badf friends merch.com to get these. badri merch.com also uh we only have a. chunk of dates left Tula Reno Sacramento. Long Beach Windsor Niagara Falls Tucson. and we end in Vegas on 420 man come. check us out check us out go to badp. pod.com badp pod.com you two are bad.

friends who are these two idiots a white. dude and an Asian dude you two are. disgusting you two are something we're. bad friends we're back baby you. ready sing us a song ed mean is my. friend no he's not I'm sure he will be. at the end yes he will that's it I that. really BM me out the Happy New Year to. you.

oh what new year is over give me the. love give me the trucking give me the. fudge I don't know man chriso is town in. town and we love him he's thicky thicky. legs and lot of gums in his. mouth keep going I'm just trying to do. some things that AI won't be able to. copy no AI is going to copy all us they. can't do that yeah they will.

they can't do that your AI was going to. be hilarious yes it's going to be like. talk about pube shot pube shot ladies. and gentlemen our guest today is it one. of our oldest and dearest friends who we. love so much it's. Chris CH chaos is looking real spelt my. mother used to say spelt when she meant. like a thick boy status you like that. you're thick boy you know what it is. it's a it's the Corduroy shirt I think. corduroy shirts I don't know what it is. you I just feel like I'm a I I'm like a.

blanket what do we no you know what. you're doing you're you're doing the. Mark Maron route yeah what's what does. that mean that look the whole look is. the Mark Maron except for the shoes and. the pants Maron would never wear tapered. off pants Oh that's true lululemons I. don't think Mark Maron wear lululemons. yeah yeah no lons Lululemon although he. is sour so he might wear Lulu is that. Lululemon Lululemon do you have a men's. department yes okay burn you ready for. this what do they I've never I've been. in there I've never seen it of course. they have a men's department you been in. the men's department also it's gender. fluid dude Lulu's gender fluid do you.

know about the Creator do you know like. why he named it Lululemon I'm I'm not. making can we make a guess yeah yes okay. so Lulu it's got to be somebody's name. lemon sounds a fruit no oh you ready. you're good this is this is damn dude. you're good no I was I'm not done I was. putting the two together with you know. Sherlock Holmes is on the crime scene. you got he's got to put the evidence and. you're you're my what's this guy guy's. name I'm Sherlock you're the you're. Sherlock why can't I be Sherlock you're.

100% canl you're not sure lock of. anything Mori Mori you're Mori Mor Mor. you're Watson I'm home I'll be watch or. then you show up at the scene well now. we've got a case of Lululemon on our. hands what do you think Watson will I. think will I think why what is Lululemon. I why am I why am I you Asian again you. got to be British your head I'm sorry. hell hello hello I don't know.

I don't know. Sherlock Sherlock dude even your even. your British is hello hello shut up let. me fin why is it called Lululemon it's. called Lululemon and again you can. Google this because the founder of. Lululemon was like a known racist and he. named it that so Chinese people couldn't. pronounce it shut the [ __ ] up I swear to. god dude Google it Google lululemon. founder makes names it so Chinese can't. yeah funny to watch Japanese people try. to say it.

oh this guy's the. best say it say it say it what say l say. [Music]. lemon r. r. r the reason the Japanese liked my. former skateboard brand homeless is. because it had an elet and Japanese. marketing firm wouldn't come up with a. brand name with an elet so it's not. their vocabulary it's a tough. pronunciation for them so I thought next. time I have a company I'll make a name. with Three L's and see if I can get. three times the money it's kind of. exotic for them this is a direct quote.

wow I was playing with El and came up. with Lulu Lemon it's funny to watch them. try to say it Wilson was quoted as. saying this guy what's this guy's net. worth this guy made so much money being. a bigot and it this just shows you kids. you can be racist and still be rich yes. the whole idea of like racism is bad. it's not a real idea made up by the. media chip Wilson is his name great name. 68 years old $6.8 billion billion. dollars say billion billion see they. can't do that trying to figure out. what's a what's like let's say we're you.

know creating a company and we want a. top Lululemon how would we could name it. um little lady. London little little lady. London yeah Mary it got to be H H and. L's yeah yeah because it goes to Hari. yeah Harry Mary no Harry. Mary's help out you're part of the group. Harry May um because it's got to be.

things that we're saying Asian people. can't pronounce yeah so a lot of L's and. rs right RS and L's Harry Mary's Harry. Mary Larry's Harry Harry Harry Mary uh. Harry Mary. Larry's uh contrary contrary uh yeah. little uh little lizard loves ladies oh. the little lizard loves ladies that's it. little little lizards love ladies that's. the company that's it the store opens. right you're a Japanese person no you. are no you're the Japanese person.

last time I'm chip Wilson what I'm the. I'm the bigot that owns the store and. I'll be a customer yeah I come in all. right so what what I'm the Japanese guy. yeah you're my partner we opened it. together oh I see yeah okay so oh how. you feeling about the a store opening. today really good really good did you. fix the sign out front uh I fix some of. the letters were out what did it say. when you were out there what do you mean. the the business name was it all out. there cuz you told me to get all the. letter in here in Japan yeah we don't.

have the L's and the RS I have to go get. it from America wow so you [ __ ] you. sorry right so I had to get a ship down. imported here right so it came last. night at 3:00 in the morning you put it. up though what you put up the sign yeah. what was the name of theit I forgot. what's the name of our store again oh. well there's a customer. here oh hello we not open we open five. minutes hi excuse me hello we open five. minutes okay no welcome him into our. store and say the name say welcome I.

forgot the little hold shut the [ __ ] up. I forgot the name of my well you better. go outside look I look I look oh hey how. you doing what's your name welcome to. welcome to what is it little L what was. little little what lizard little little. little lizard little lizard little. lizard. ladies. lucky welcome to little Liz Ley lucky. looky hi hi um thank I I welcome I just.

saw this store like rocky rocky yes I um. I it looks amazing in here I'm a I don't. even know what we're s here but welcome. to welcome. toyy you know it's I'm um I'm a woman. from America yeah we can tell I'm a lady. from America and I'm Japan so it looked. like it looked like they had something. nothing in here no there's so much. product I know look at all the stuff we. have oh that's true I don't think you I. don't think you'd fit into our stuff a.

yeah I thought I I thought I could no I. don't think so I think you're a little. too beefy for us you're too beefy for us. yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here I. don't know how to do yeah rejector in. Japan we say stuff get the [ __ ] out of. here [ __ ] you [ __ ] me a sword give a. sword kill yourself yeah anyway that's. okay we're going to open up a shop yes. oh by the way now that we're on Asians. let's talk all things Asian now yeah I'm. Sorry by the way Bobby for you brought. it up again I want to say that I I want. to start off also too before apologize.

for um last time I was in here two years. ago I apologize for immediately coming. on to the show um and pushing my eyes. back and yelling Donald Trump in your. face but he's running again so yeah so. if it happens did you get in trouble for. it no no no you get some heat online be. honest no sometimes but I just want. because when you did that you know what. they say about me now what that Bobby. hates his own because I I watch that. happen and don't say [ __ ] right so. online now I can say Bobby hates himself.

and where he comes from in as ethnicity. so [ __ ] you dude because you know what. happens [ __ ] you Donald Trump because. people people have messaged me and said. you know just because he laughs at that. doesn't mean you can say that about all. Asian people and they're right and. they're right so I want they're not. right no but I want to say to them I. want to say to the Asian to the people. who are man I am very. sorry you know how in the you know how. they say in the black community they say. Uncle Tom yeah your uncle Chang your.

uncle uncle. CH somebody online making Uncle Chang. shirt how about Uncle Chang Uncle Chang. Uncle Chang right now no I I don't think. it's right in society but in the. chambers and also system of Comedy it. should be said give me a break so in the. Asian world I want to congratulate. Stephen young and Ali Wong and the. entire Cas and crew of beef for wi and. Andrew's on the show so give them a. round of applause Andrew just w [ __ ]. golden glob I didn't first of all I.

didn't win a Golden glob did you go but. you're a part of it he's a part of it I. have nothing to do with it right you in. the show I'm on a couple episodes I'm a. guest star yeah still give him a round. of applause he's no no no no I didn't. win anything they did and also more. importantly than that I just wanted to. get that out of the way because this. one's I just wanted to do you know you. start with something nice and then you. go back I do want to congratulate Korea. as a whole yes we are F they finally. announced that they are Banning the. consumption of dog in. Korea but not right away there's like. two or three more years yeah it's not. going to be till 2055 but it is going to.

happen no I'm dead serious it is going. to be a long time what do they say. they're banning it I don't agree with it. I think they should if it's culture and. it's customary to do that then they. should do that and not take the dog meat. away from the people who love the dog. meat because there's pressure from the. Western World to do that I think if you. and your people want to eat dog meat if. you are dog meat eating people then you. should continue to eat your dog meat. with your Chopstick and sit on the floor. no well they have till 2027 to stock up. by the way everyone's going to have. freezers filled with dog I know just I'm.

going to get you a Petco I'm going to. get you a Petco membership so you can. have me for your. family dude all the shelters are like. these all these dogs are adopted it's. crazy look at this it says it's going to. go in effect in 2027 and also that's. after a three and then a three-year. transition period so 2030 they'll have. to stop what do you think so by 2030. they'll go all right guys we got to. start slowing this down do you have a. dog huh no exactly I don't it sounds. like it I don't want animals I I don't I. have no problem with animals well you.

live with three animals. exactly and I live I have I have um no I. I don't want um I have I have kids I I. have three children so that that's. enough but I don't want I don't want uh. any animals and I don't hate animals I. just don't want to have to clean up. there but have you ever bonded with a. dog or a cat no like have had a. relationship with one never never you. never had one as a kid or nothing well. that's the problem well because you know. if you had you wouldn't have sent some. [ __ ] like you did 2 minutes ago well.

I'll tell you what the reason [ __ ]. [ __ ] the reason why is because when. I was a little kid my mom came home with. a dalmati and then that Dalmation uh I. let it go into the basement and then it. ate all the clars and I found its dead. body and that and that um disconnected. me from having pets and you know what I. Nam that dalmati. Cruella and then you know what my father. said to my mother you know what I. overheard my father saying to my mother. after I named the baby Cruella after I. named the dog crella he said to my mom. he said Lynn I think our kids's gay.

because I named her my favorite movie. was 101 Dalmations that was your was. your favorite movie 101 Dalmations with. Glenn Close when she played Corella and. that's why I named my dog after and then. the dog ate bleach and died in my. basement and that's why I don't want. dogs but I would have because I care. about culture more than anything and I. want to make sure the people who have. attacked me online know that I care. about culture more than anything and if. that dog would if I would if that. happened to me today and that I found. that dog dead in the basement of my. house I would give it to Bobby as an.

offer for meal for your family and I. would let you have a feast over my. animal for you and your brothers and. sisters well thank you what was your. favorite movie as a kid that was that. would be misconstrued like that as kind. of like gay or or like what did you love. as a kid that you were like embarrassed. about you didn't want any of your. friends to find out about it as a kid. yeah like I'll get my example what he's. saying about 101 like I I I I loved. Phantom of the Opera as a kid and I. don't even like I [ __ ] hate musicals. right I had an Andrew Lloyd Weber poster.

in my [ __ ] room I swear to god dude I. [ __ ] thought Phantom was like the. coolest [ __ ] and it was so gay right. like everyone I knew was like Andrew. were you like composers I was like nine. yeah I like that movie Little Women. maybe far. away or maybe real. nearby an he did dude that was yours. Annie wow keep going though will you. sing more I don't know the rest of that. song we'll just make.

may start from the beginning you know. that song yeah she's on the window sill. yeah with her little red hair yeah I. think that's why that's why you and I. are in love you're my Annie yeah I. honestly I I'm trying you know how you. know how when people look at redheads. they get repulsed or they have okay no. I'm just being some people get repulsed. and they want to vomit and stuff what. people well some people are like that. when I saw you for the first time. nothing I was like oh normal human being. I feel normal like I feel like you. connected with me because a Banning yes. some people look at you you know what I.

mean whatever you know no my my no. people with red hair right right am I. not right when you see a red no when I. first saw you see the freckles in the. vagina is like what freckles on the. vagina some redheaded women have. freckles on the. vagina yeah anyway when I saw you I was. like Jackie Chan got fat as [ __ ] but I. was excited that you got into comedy. that's funny yes yeah Jackie Chan that's. fun well that's my childhood if and yeah. but Jackie Chan that's what you came up. with right now look up fat Jackie Chan. and see if it's not you online watch. look at fat Jackie Chan Pat Marita maybe.

no fat jackiechan fat. jackiechan there it is fourth no first. image on the second row second row first. image boom Bobby Le wow boom that's him. playing uh. Kim anyway if they don't cast if they. don't cast you as that all right. seriously so Annie was your thing as I. love Annie did you not tell anybody. you're embarrassed about it well I like. that with music too like you know I tell. people like I like Sarah mclin whoa. she's so good oh she is I love her she's. great she's great I didn't know about.

that she still good she's good now yeah. Ena Anya's great Great's great right. give give me a more embarrassing band if. you're GNA give me a band that's. embarrassing give me somebody that's. like you you're is like act I used to. get Charles Manson's music tapes Charles. man Char you mean Marilyn Manson no. Charles Manson oh always acoustic tapes. oh they're so good those are good okay. yeah yeah what's your embarrassing. band since when I was a kid or like. currently oh but I know you have way. more now than then for some reason um. back then um I used to I used to love um.

uh well like I remember that song I'm a. Barbie girl in a Barbie world it's. fantastic made of plast I would put on. that song when I was winding down in the. gym to get me pumped up and I would. imagine myself singing that song to all. my. classmates I don't know why but I love. that that's I always imagine myself. singing songs and I remember being at. Force Fitness and Ridgewood Queens on. the treadmill hitting it at 9.0 with Lin. going I'm a Bobby girl in a Bobby world.

and and but meaning it dead seriously. with a CD you know cassette you know the. CD Walkman and and and and I listened to. a lot of insync um I loved insync um I. loved Backstreet Boys I would listen to. all that and right now my favorite band. is the 1975 I go to all their concerts. you're friends with these guys well yes. I slowly but surely slowly become. friends with one of the best days I had. in my life was about three weeks ago. when I was texting the lead singer Matty. Healey and I said something to him and I. made him laugh and I screenshotted it.

and saved it and asked Jasmine to print. it out and she called me an f a g o. t yeah a a a let me ask you something. are there people okay as you get you. know as we get a name right sometimes. people that we didn't like before now. like us cuz they were famous or whatever. and then we start liking I'm not going. to name names is there anyone like that. where you're like before you had you. were Chris Stefano you're me like ah. [ __ ] that guy but now that you you know. what I mean they're reaching out to you.

let's hang out then you like them at now. um uh uh um no I think what's happened. though is like people that I used to. like tweet at you know like like just. talking [ __ ] having fun in 2012 2013. where I was just like letting stuff rip. that's how it used to be yeah they've. now you know some of those people I've. seen it like um uh Joey faton from in. sync you know I've met a couple fun guy. you know we never really spoke um but I. know that you know but I'm you know in. 2013 2014 out of no for no reason I. would just tweet you know you know crazy.

stuff about Joey faton for no reason I. would you know there was no I don't even. actually remember what I I would I would. like just random days I'd be like hey. what's up good morning on this beautiful. Wednesday I just want to say I [ __ ]. hope Joey faton falls off a. cliff for no reason for literally zero. zero zero reason did you remember that. [ __ ] or no no no no but you know now I. know people are close friends with him. I've been around him a couple times he's. such a great guy that I like regret. doing that but I was literally tweeting.

stuff back then you know I've tweeted I. was talking to Don uh TOA about this who. I always travel with who just got a. haircut I think it looks very nice I. think he shaved his beard too he shaved. his beard he looks good he looks like a. good boy and I told him that there's so. many things when people weren't. listening people weren't listening at. all in 2011 I would just tweet and think. it was funny to the hundred people in. different times and then sometimes. they'll pop up or a guy around my social. media would say Hey you know do you want. me to permanently delete this tweet and. I always say no like whatever but like I. would just say nut [ __ ] back then that.

you know could cause a lot of harm today. I want to know who who you're talking. about well I we can blank it out no. here's what I'm saying so what I'm. saying is that there's one guy that I. wasn't not that huge a fan of and maybe. I would make fun of or whatever but what. I actually Su in person I acted. like like a [ __ ] [ __ ] who who Cory. Feldman wow so I was like at a Premiere. and I was sitting next to kila and Ike. barold was sitting here and I looked to. my left I go oh my God is Cory Filman.

and you got so TI you got all I got so. shy you got hyped up about it Cory. Filman did he even acknowledge you and. he looked over and I and I walked up to. him I go hey and his bodyguard he goes. hey I'm a big fan and then Cory put his. sunglasses down he goes hello and you. know how they sh shake like this mhm and. then you have to reach out MH right it's. not this I don't like that no I love it. this is so [ __ ] up not this it's like. mini Hitler this they leave a gap so you. put your fingers in there and you SL who. you Pac-Man it yeah yeah you Pac-Man it.

it's like a it's like a toaster and you. put your [ __ ] hand how long do you. leave it in for two or three uh two. minutes yeah yeah I want it like medium. burn are you still friends with him yeah. what are you still friends with him. never got his number nothing but I did. he goes hello like this put this s he. went he went like this he went like this. and the guy so go bodyguard goes big fan. and he goes doesn't even look at me he. goes. hello I stck my finger in there for two. minutes right ding. right and then I walk.

back I I want Cory Felman on the show. get on the show Cory if you want to. [ __ ] come on the show The only thing. that happen I'm a you know grew up you. know in New York a big Yankees fan New. York Yankees fan and Bernie Williams the. center field for the Yankees was always. my favorite baseball player and then out. of nowhere one day I got a message from. Bernie Williams Instagram you know it. wasn't him as guy runs it he was like. Hey Bernie Williams knows your comedy. his daughter is a fan he wants to know. if you want to perform at his 50th. birthday party all the. T androd and Jeter and P all these and.

for me I was like my God was like I to. do this like this is like a dream come. true and I went out there for Bernie. Williams 50th birthday in front in a. room this size yeah it was a private. obviously party with the classic you. know four world series title winning New. York Yankees and I absolutely bombed for. 15 minutes in front of them all to the. point where w Bernie Williams Bernie.

Williams was like on his own you know. while I was bombing like started. clapping me off he was like happy. birthday to me happy birthday to me yeah. and now how what are you feeling when. that's happening it literally I swear to. God I was locking eyes with Joe Tori who. was like the legendary you know manager. of the team and he did not crack a smile. nothing he was just looking at me I. almost felt like he was saying like just. dude please sir just stop stop stop it. the only person who was laughing was. Bernie Williams manager who booked me.

who thought it was absolutely hilarious. and I was just eating watching you bomb. must be the funniest thing imaginable. well you laugh a lot I'm sure you're. like trying to laugh your way out. because you're not going to care I don't. think I think in your mind you're smile. you have a smirk right and you know. you're bombing yes you know you're. self-aware I'm self-aware yes I'm. self-aware I felt the sweat running down. my back onto the top of my ass crack. even though it was the middle of the. winter I saw A-Rod I mean not caring I. did the best I absolutely could I cursed. way too much there were kids in the.

audience it was absolutely the wrong. choice um and and I ate it I ate it. really really hard in front of my. absolute hero not even that much money. it was an opportunity it was just an. opportunity and then I B and then I did. the same thing about four years later. for the owner of the New York Mets I. bombed even harder for I swear to God I. bombed even harder for New York Met. staff and Tommy Mata Tommy Mata was. there yeah great guy famous music music. producer and I said I was bombing again.

hard and I said to him I said Tommy I. said Tommy matola um I said Tommy you. know uh uh your ex-wife Mariah Carey I. said I I had a picture up of her in my. locker and again you know just I didn't. even know where that was going to go I. don't know I I have no idea why and he. goes uh and he said you know uh. something happened I said something. after that and then Tommy matola in the. middle of it he goes yeah he goes why. don't you uh why don't you talk about my. ex-wife again he goes that was a good. one.

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receive your first month for free visit. blue.com for more details and important. safety of information and we thank blue. Chu for sponsoring the podcast and then. I bomb that but the owner of the Mets. son became close personal friends with. me so now I got in with the Mets through. bombing you know at at his event you. know at at at the owner uh so now you. can go any game any game sometimes. bombing pays off bom not with the. Yankees the Yankees have now the Yankees. have said I'm not like that makes you. can't bomb with the Yan can't bomb thean. and and because I'm friends with the.

Mets can't do anything really with the. Yankees anymore wow kind of lost my. Yankees priv you're a Die Hard Yankees. fan I am but you know that's a weird. predicament it's a weird thing I don't. like it because I'm City first the whole. thing of having two sports teams in a. city just sucks I hate that like Chicago. it's you there's only one team to choose. that's the Cubs right it's the Cubs the. Cubs you just choose them yeah you love. those bombs nobody's going to root for. the White Sox but the Yankees and Mets. they both have great fans yeah that's. different that's different you don't get.

killed if you go to sha Stadium no no. it's just City Field now yeah yeah it's. it's no no sha Stadium okay sh Stadium. but uh is shouldn't we reserve the name. for what it like I still call it Staple. Center I don't call it crypto when I go. downtown it's called a staple center no. I'm not going to give it up I'm gonna. I'm goingon to stick it out you should. it's not crypto cryp I'm going to the. crypto call it the crypto.com arena if I. transition and my name is [ __ ]. Barbara call me Barbara your name is. Bobby no Barbara I met you as Bobby your. name is Bobby until if I I'm Barbara I.

don't give a [ __ ] if you cut off your. dick in front of me your name is Bobby. my [ __ ] will be real tight it's just b. o b b i e that's all it is oh good point. yeah oh yeah I would just Bobby Le. change it b o BBI I can I do that like. Bobby alov like keep the E please all. right Bobby i e okay thank you I like. how he compromise F [ __ ] it um have you. ever embarrassed yourself in front of a. celebrity I don't know if I I was I have. one okay you go I was at Maria minos's. Christmas party what yummy you know who. that is she's beautiful everybody knows.

Maria manudos what the [ __ ] you talking. about this is 15 years ago like she's. not she doesn't know who I am yeah but. that year she did she still doesn't know. who you. are I know Maria. manuno Maria manuno think you hosted the. Golden. Globes did you see John Choy on the. Golden Globes he's so cute he was he was. good yeah the audience didn't get him. they didn't get it they didn't get it um. so I I did a movie with her what movie.

it was a Jamie K they kicking her old. school oh kicking she's in there right. right she's like the love interest so. I'm at her party and I'm like by myself. sitting at a couch in some backyard I'm. sitting next to a guy I swear to [ __ ]. God I thought he was like a software. engineer mhm you know he's wearing. glasses you know what I mean a white. dude white nerd yeah like he's editor he. looks like an editor okay right right so. he's like hey you do comedy I go yeah. yeah killing it I like to kind of look. at like that cuz I like no one else will. talk to me Steven Spielberg no it's no.

but he goes what's it like I go yeah I'm. just playing these rooms 150 200 selling. him out so you're boasting I'm boasting. like an idiot in this movie you know. we'll see what happens you and that and. I talk about myself for like 30 minutes. nice for 30 minutes I talk about myself. right and I was when I was leaving I got. off I got see you later dude and I walk. up and then um I forgot it was Jamie or. somebody came up to me goes dude what's. Josh groin like oh oh There Josh grob.

yeah and I go what M you just talking to. Josh grob for like 30 minutes you had no. idea no I I've never yeah I had heard as. the name I just couldn't put a face to. the name and. then shame no yeah oh seriously the grob. still likees no I still wanted to turn. around and go dude. I I'm a Loser yeah no but you're what. you're having is you're having that that. Spotlight kind of thing where you think. they're thinking about you and upset but. he didn't he didn't know he he had no.

but I know but if he's selling out. probably theaters or whatever he's. selling out I'm saying I'm selling out. the Sacramento punchline it doesn't. [ __ ] look good but he's not a comic. so it's different it's different if he. was a comedian it'd be weirder but he's. a musician it's two different worlds I. gu you're a big star I guarantee you. listening I a't got nothing Bobby I. guarantee. you literally guant I guarantee you do. [ __ ] you dude I guarante grin thank you. so much Josh groin went home. I guarantee you Josh grin went home told.

his wife or partner he said we got to go. see Margaret CH she just told me how how. well she's doing and it's we and then he. went and saw Margaret show and she. couldn't understand why he was at the. show because she thought with you it's. fine very good I I had uh I think did I. tell the Australian story about Russell. Crow no youve never you told me no. that's the best story you got to say. that story say the story cuz you know. what I'm going to take borrow from. Marcus in the stoics you never step in. the same river twice that's right and.

also also can I say that and I think I'm. doing a movie with him with Russell. Russell crow in two months it's like. locked in so it's like Gladiator to I. want you what are you in Gladiator. too are. youor dude dude I well you got a present. yeah let's see what the gift that you. gave go [ __ ] yourself no no no Bobby all. right all hold on let me see fancy. brought us something back from Spain is. MHM little hobby oh no I know what it is. look at the little butt crack I know.

what it is what is it it's a it's. probably something that's going to make. me take a nap oh weed no I know what it. is this is from fancy brought us back. from Spain cuz he got back from Spain. Spain oh look at this oh is this an. ashtray. no stupid mask is it. a it's a porcelain mask is that for the. next pandemic what is. that get out of here these are so. actually honestly these are yeah these. are very pretty is going to be broken if.

you threw it on the. floor his fingers are all bloody yeah. does this go on my wall mhm these are. great and now is this for good luck yes. the price Tag's in here no. $6.99 [ __ ] cheap CH these are. beautiful oh look at this one that one. looks more like you yes cuz those the. eyes are closer to together what is this. one this is not lck yeah it's death I. see is it death so fancy explain what. are these what are these called what is. this called it's called sados which is. uh. a ceramic company sadel in Gala what.

does sadell mean and there's no it. doesn't mean anything it's just the name. of the of the guy who who created it and. it's all based on like the mythology of. the Celtic uh region where Galia is from. wow so did you understand anything he. just no but these are one of those. things 200 years from now like at the. antique Rogue show it's going to be. worth like 500 Grand easily it could be. because it has one of those marks so I. could see it at an antique store and. somebody just buying it for a dollar and. then going to ant this is a Salo I don't.

even know where you got this from yes. but the fact that you have a. selo yeah yeah you know in good. condition these things would auction for. anywhere between $250 to. $400,000 this my friend is an impeccable. condition a sarell like I've never seen. and may I he still has the Box oh my God. In The Box in the pap rarely do we ever. see the. box but oh I would value this at. anywhere between 700,000 and $4.8. billion given an auction this is very.

nice fancy thank you so very much are. you going to put that up in the house. the sardos this is going to go in my. garage there you go my [ __ ] house. what are you out of your mind no way I. value my home um there you go oh no you. know we we should bring this to an. antique store see how long it would take. for them to sell it you know what's. going to really happen we're going to. leave it in the studio and never see it. oh that's right that's right leave it. here can I have it no bring back a gift. for my kids no shut up dude so stupid D. so here I I was down in Australia. shooting shooting that that movie and we.

were out I'm going to say it well Ricky. syi it's just coming yeah well we're out. I was at we're this is name too many. names but we were at Zack Efron's house. and we were drinking and hanging out and. then Pete Fairley the director calls and. goes hey do you want to go to Russell. Crow's house and immediately I was like. yeah what the [ __ ] of course I want to. go to but does a little bit of social. anxiety come up even a tad bit like [ __ ]. don't blow it in front of Russell Crow. even though I know you've been around. everybody no because I we were with so. many people I knew we it wasn't a small. get together there were already people. at his house so it made me feel.

comfortable in that if it was just us. I'd be a little [ __ ] up about it right. I'd be like I don't want to go to the. gladiator's house right so uh he's like. yeah dude he's got a great crib he's. goingon to have us over so we're. drinking and and uh I'm getting a little. Stony and we show up to the gladiator's. house mhm and it's exactly the way you. think it would be it's [ __ ] beautiful. I mean beautiful on the water everything. yeah like we don't I don't deserve to be. there you know I took my shoes off and. then the one of the guys was like put. your shoes back I thought we were I took. my shoes off because I thought don't you. take your shoes off I mean you people.

don't you take your shoes off uh yeah I. yeah I would when I go to people's. houses I take my shoes off well I always. because my family's Puerto Rican I take. my shoes off but I always have a back up. here of. chlas he's a he's a legendary actor. right Heist aist legendary Legend if I. was walking into like um Robert Dao's. house I'd be very aware about not. touching things I wouldn't go I wouldn't. probably go I'd blow it but my point is. there are some people like that and then. there are some people are like ah [ __ ]. it I'm going to I'm going to throw the. glass down yeah you so who who would be.

like Steve Bushi would you be nervous. going to his house no he lives in a. house I know right think they would live. in a condo or something right yeah yeah. Bui Bui lives in some kind of weird I. would be EXC I would go to that one for. surei yes yeah yeah and star his teeth. on gold Bloom I'd want to see gold Bloom. oh yeah yeah that'd be fun I want to see. where he lives I want to see where Tom. Cruz. lives I want to see where he Liv really. you wouldn't would you go to his party I. would go to Tom Cruz's party I would. 100% go to Tom Cruz's hey what's up man.

you got to take off all your clothes. before you come in sure leave your shoes. on but take your clothes off they say he. knows everybody's name he remembers. everybody's name Tom Cruz that's. supposedly what that's my house on. Staten. Island I would go to one Tom Cruz party. but you wouldn't make it out right you'd. have to stay right that's what I've. heard they'd stay once you go in you. don't come out yeah well you know that. you know get out he does get. in yeah get in get in I um the uh did I. ever tell you my Phil Collins story when.

I met Phil Collins no I I told the story. uh I thought I told it here maybe I. didn't it's on one of my specials but so. I get to go I get invited to the Nicks. game right this is like. 2016 so it was Easter Sunday and the. Knicks and Philadelphia 76ers were the. bottom of the league they were the last. place NBA teams so nobody wanted to go. on Easter Sunday and sit courtside at. the Knicks game like I was very I I had. never gotten a call I knew some people.

at MSG but I never gotten the call to. sit Courtside so they call me the. morning of they're like listen we got. two empty seats you can sit Courtside. okay bring somebody uh don't talk to. anybody okay this is you know Madison. Square Garden don't talk to don't talk. to anybody they said there probably will. be a couple they said we know there are. a couple of other big celebrities that. are going to be sitting around you guys. don't acknowledge them don't talk to. them like you know uh we're giving you. this opportunity you know for whatever. but it because it was Easter Sunday and.

it was the last place teams and people. didn't want to go so I called my dad so. my father is like 100% I'm in you know. we used to sit in the upper you know. Rafters whatever so we go and we sit. down and my dad immediately start I was. sitting here my dad was in the middle. and then there was famous guy sitting. next to him and my dad immediately. starts talking to this guy just. immediately starts talking to him. chatting them up talking about crazy. [ __ ] you know and I don't I I I swear to. God I didn't even look over to see who. it was because I was like wildly.

embarrassed but I'm not going to tell my. dad not to say anything so I hear my dad. telling this guy that his son's a. comedian I hear and then and then so and. my dad go he's talking and my dad goes. Chris where where where where are you. again next weekend I might it's gu to. come show I swear to Christ I was. performing at bananas Comedy Club I've. been there it's inside of holl and. Express in Hasbrook Heights New Jersey. it's off the side of Route 17 yeah so I. it wasn't it wasn't even remotely close. to being sold out like I had I I had. sold like 100 tickets over you know the.

course of a weekend is that the old. Jewish couple that own it yes yeah I. after you done I got to tell you. something okay so so I'm like Banana's. Comedy Club he goes yeah so I I said you. know don't Banana's Comedy Club D but I. said we're not supposed to be talking to. these people like just let's watch the. game and I hear my dad immediately go. yeah bananas comedy club that's where. it'll be if you are in New York you know. come through and then I'm like okay so. um my dad you know talking whatever my. he had Easter candy okay the guy my dad. was talking to Easter candy and my he's.

giving my dad Easter candy and I'm like. and my dad's like you want a cadberry. what do you want I was like I don't want. any candy just trying to watch the game. so they put they put Phil my father was. talking to Phil Collins he had no idea. he had no idea who Phil Phil he has no. idea who Phil Collins is doesn't know. anything they put Phil Collins up on the. Jumbo Tron kiss cam with your dad no. they put him up on the Jumbo Tron and. they I've never seen this they play you. they just throw a picture up or whatever. they play coming in the.

an and I've never seen this in Madison. Square Garden during a live game you. know during a timeout they put the. lights down no and then put this guy in. the jumbo Tri and he got a standing. ovation cuz he's Phil Collins okay and. my dad turns to me goes who the [ __ ] is. he and I said and I go Dad that's Phil. Collins yeah yeah within five seconds of. the lights coming down I have my head.

down I'm like oh that was pretty cool I. see the people walking with the cameras. and I see their shoes stop right in. front of me what and they take the. camera and the lady comes over I swear. to Christ the lady from the Nick staff. comes over she goes Chris uh dest. dako I said Toano she goes you're up. next I said what do you mean she goes. we're going to put you on the Jumbotron. just wave it'll be great they put me on. the Jumbotron I swear to Christ they put. me on the jumbo I have video footage of. this they put me on the Jumbo Tron.

absolute pin drop. silence I I swear to God nobody's saying. anything I swear to Christ and this is. not a bit I swear to Christ the only. thing I feel is my father's hand rubbing. my. back and he's going it's going to be all. right Chris it's going to be all right. and then I swear to Christ I'm getting. my back rub by my dad as soon as it's. over all of a sudden a hand reaches. across it's Phil Collins with a bag of.

Easter candy a bag of cadberry eggs and. he goes and he goes it's going to be all. right that's what he said oh really oh. my God I swear to Christ and then but. then my dad so that was like a horrific. experience but then because of the bomb. and all that and my dad has just got. like that gift of gam Phil Collins like. loved my dad like they were talking he. [ __ ] loved my dad then he started. asking he was like oh so you do comedy. and I said yeah you know like trying. whatever and he was like well you know. if they're putting you up there they. must think have potential so just keep. going wow I was like did the people know.

though who you were then maybe because. you're a New York gu know or no no I now. no no not at. all cuz you're a New York guy no there's. there's n million New York guy they know. you yeah no no they did not they did not. and it was it was yeah it was wild tell. me about the old Jewish company uh. family at go bananas. oh I forget it why top that story man.

that story was so good it is a good. story Phil [ __ ] Collins Phil Collins. bro but it was it was you know I can. feel it com in the edge of night night. I'm just coping what you said Bud okay. all right oh. no manc roses are red violets or blue. trim your balls and your date will thank. us too oh man what's up fellas. Valentine's Day is knocking knock knock.

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to get 50% off I'm going to privately. tell you I'm not going to say who but. somebody told me they were like I can't. explain this to you but I'm so attracted. to Carlos oh wow yeah and I was like. wait seriously wait Bobby are you mad at. that yep and she was like something. about I get it something about this ball. no no she loved the but your bald and. your hair it's like starros starros is. another reason like she was obsessed. with his head she was like she goes tell. him not to shave his sides it's like.

it's like you look so bad it's good no. I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm sure you've. talked about this before how they're. like they're switched like like Carlos. like the way fancy talks his name should. be Carlos and Carlos should be fancy. like if when fancy starts talking like I. got you a gift that guy's name should be. Carlos yeah yeah you're right but then. and then and then and then but do you. know what his real name is fany's real. name uh fabrio yes yeah yeah no his name. is Andre and and oh yes Andre I knew. that which is just Andrew in Spanish.

just me in Spanish Carlos physically. assaulted me in the original room like. physically literally physically Assa a. couple nights ago well I know look but. that's cuz he looks like AR shafir. that's too yeah did you not and I want. an apology on air dude what did you do. no no no Bobby you called me an. apologize for what you did what did you. do Bobby threw water on me in the O what. the hell is that about dude half the. audience during someone's set Bro the. thing is who was on stage I think Adam.

Ray he can take the bit why did he throw. water why he threw water no what Carlos. and mcon do from our show is yes you do. no I yes you do I don't bro you did I. did that one time yeah yeah yeah you do. all the time what they do is they pull. their weight their bad friend's weight. and they sit in the booths in the back. in the orig room where like the comics. sit they told me I should shut the [ __ ]. up for a second okay the paid regulars. can only sit you what it is like in the. that corner Booth Comics literally I.

walk in the O and they're sitting like. they're they're smoking no but yeah. there's nothing in their fingers you. guys are doing this and not even smoking. and you know what Carlos did he did the. [ __ ] wow he did the Cory. Feldman wow but they were sitting there. like and it drove me crazy I just threw. water on them I get it I get that so I. got up and grabbed his dick yeah yeah oh. that's not okay do you want do you want. to clear the air well I want to. apologize for that for for real but also. something happened at the airport with. your mom that we never told you uh oh.

okay okay is it going to upset me yeah. well then is it what I did with her in. the lounge uh in the Delta Lounge it's. worse oh [ __ ] I just when you tell tell. it to me tell it to me I'm fine okay I. want to look in the camera this camera. right here I'm embarrassed and I'm going. to be real I know in my real reaction go. ahead Carlos gave her a bump of coke no. when um she was going to her gate we. were in different Terminals and she.

didn't want us to help her anymore cuz. she was over it and when I was hugging. her I hit her in the face really hard. like I swung my arm at her you. physically assaulted Bob's mom and she. was. like it's okay but then I I was like. super apologetic but I definitely hit. Bobby's mom so you gave her. CTE wow wow that's so [ __ ] up dude. it's I was sober bro what I was sober. though at the time yeah I was how do you.

feel Bob I get to hit your mom. now it's only fair dude I get to hit. your mom he get to hit your mom as hard. as you can close fisted too yes she can. take it she's young all right yeah yeah. F and she's she's Mexican right yeah. she's from me she could take the hit. there you go imagine Carlos's mom is the. one that has the hair like. him my dad's bald I'm just taking it. crazy far it looks it really does look. great when you guys rock it with. confidence it looks awesome hell yeah.

why you tell Bobby what's up oh tell. Bobby now that you started tell them. what's going on tell them what you told. me be. honest an honest moment of bad friends. okay okay when Andrew walked in earlier. I didn't want to tell him this and it. was actually it was hard for me to say. but I have three days sober now I I went. out had a little slip up yeah I know. that's I told him it's all good it was. hard though I like I didn't intend to. drink that night and then I drank and it. was the same thing it was crazy cuz you.

went on a date yeah and you felt. pressure to drink yeah I felt nervous so. I had a martini and then did she order a. drink yeah well I bought her drink no. but I'm saying like who ordered first. she wanted a drink it was like yeah. we're going to get drinks did you tell. her I don't I don't drink I didn't say. that yeah are you afraid to say that to. a girl when you're on a date right now I. am yeah I mean you know that's normal. yeah you know what they say right for. the first year of sobriety what do they. say eting every day no not that should. be in a relationship oh that's.

all mhm okay should be in a relationship. it was tough it was tough work on. yourself okay it's all the same and and. no more glory holes but can he can he be. out there getting [ __ ] no no you're not. supposed to but I saw glory hole on a. dating app I think I sent you the. picture I know you sent me the glory. hole picture I trust me I I log all of. them but when you said it to me you. didn't go to it though I didn't go and I. didn't go to the milking table I told. you not to go go yeah I didn't go okay. yeah I didn't go don't you can't go no.

just take a year off from glory holes I. yeah I think so dude is that not in the. book in the 12 Steps it's not in the. book but when say seems like the four I. was talking to Jimmy Schubert the other. day you know Jimmy right so funny Jimmy. 59 years old you like Jimmy rips so. funny Ripper he's one of my best buddies. I love him love him right he goes yeah. guy I'm I'm going to Philippines right. now what's he doing in the Philippines. he's ripping ass sure right you can rip. ass at any age age you're young it's. still going to be there your dick energy.

look at me my little dick energy yeah. it's still working baby nobody calls it. rip ass by the way I didn't know riping. what do you mean farting you said. Jimmy's going to the Philippines to. fart that guy's flying a 17 hour flight. just just to let it all out well you can. R you can still rip ass sexually hey I'm. in philth. piece dude Jimmy Schubert calls turd. sewer pickles sewer pickles he's like I. got a sewer pickle it's so funny it's. always going to be there my point you. can rip ass your whole life but I think.

it's and it's also it's good that you're. you know being open and honest I think. that's a big thing yeah yeah yeah you. gotta yeah that's why I told you today. well I'm I'm appreciative and I and we. want to keep promoting you to stay stay. good thanks bro and stay healthy I put. the bottle down no more drinking for me. for a while really why it's been gone. for a while I don't know I just felt. like I needed to do how long for how. long have you been not drinking the. holidays since before the holiday yeah. did I inspire you no okay no you don't. inspire me at all I just to or influence. me or no no no you know what it really.

was was like uh just getting older I. don't know yeah I get it I don't know I. just I I've getting a little bit older. pain the body pains are a little bit. different now and you have a couple and. yeah I don't know and I don't want to. end up looking like Andre you know what. I mean how old is Andre [ __ ] [ __ ] 13. did you enjoy some of your time in espia. yeah it was it was nice it was good it. was good good to see family good to see. are they proud of you they don't know. what I'm doing I I hide this. from you're embarrassed about this yes.

wow A lot of people are wait you're. embarrassed about working for bad. friends mhm well yes no I get it no I. don't I don't get it I get it I don't. get it we're one of the top podcasts on. planet Earth no I know but Conquistador. is all the history of these guys you. know they don't yeah right I mean he'll. tell you all the history of Spain give. me give us a quick synopsis of the. history of Spain go me yeah no I only I. only know America oh you don't know. Spanish Spain the only well I know I. know you know had territories in the. United States you know that's why Cuban. people speak Spanish and how influential.

the Spanish Colonial Empire was the. Invincible Armada or you would say the. Invincible Armada I know them but I. don't know the history of actual. Mainland Spain I don't know it as well. other than they're like you know they're. the original you know people speak. Spanish and me most countries that speak. Spanish is because Spain conquered them. right Mexico Mexico is not they don't. they don't they don't speak Spanish. Puerto Ricans don't speak Spanish it's. just the Spain this is what what it is. about when people attack white people. it's like well then you have to attack.

Spanish people too because they were. worse they were worse than than are. whites yeah and though you know who was. the absolute worst Asians the most R the. Japanese are the worst but but but no. Koreans are Koreans very bad but you no. they're not we read on this show that. they have the largest unbroken chain of. slavery in the history of the world. Korea aside from that though but aside. from that we're great that's it yeah. yeah yeah that's it that's insane yeah. but do like the the the the the. countries that Japan occupied do they. speak Japanese no we let they let them.

keep their language right but the. Spanish did not you talk like we talk. yeah what do you mean that's a Spanish. action yeah the Spanish Spanish. Inquisition very bad Spanish Inquisition. but oh people just want to talk about. whites oh you want to talk about white. people being what about the Spanish. Inquisition very not good no no I think. they consider us white right who does. not us well exactly we not I'm not. inviting you to the party let me see. your papers where were you on Jan 6 were.

you there did you go to the anniversary. I was looking yeah he was thinking about. it for me it was a j 6 was a hell of a. holiday this year because it was my. holiday of course storming the capital. but then also it's Porter it's little. Christmas I know you said that it's so. wild that's the Puerto Rican little. Christmas so I had a big big day with. that was my big day of the year little. Christmas little Christmas na na what do. you do on little Christmas Three Kings. Three Kings Fest and then you know in. Puerto Rican so we just kind of I give. my family gifts wrapped up in aluminum.

foil then they abuse that foil to clean. with it like you're going to go [ __ ]. and then I say come on this is where. we're going to take our lunch. with best day of the year best day when. you pack the kids lunch what's what. what's the lunch that you pack when. so so so like sometimes when Jazz makes. lunch she makes like good you know like. lunch and then like sandwich and stuff. but some Jaz. Jasmine my girlfriend my girlfriend the. mother of my kids but the other day my.

kids jazz she'll have early uh she's a. fitness instructor so she'll have early. classes sometimes and she asked me to F. the kids lunch and the other day I. didn't I had no idea what to give them. for lunch so I just took out Tu wees and. I gave them leftover Toral and Alfredo. in Tu and then they couldn't eat it cuz. it was like Frozen together and they. called the school like you know they. were like she you know kids have no. lunch they can't eat this lunch and. Jasmine was like what what did you give. them for lunch I was like Toto Alfredo. and tumber she was like are you a.

[ __ ] [ __ ] why would you do that I. was like what did you want me they don't. have a microwave at school [ __ ] heat. it up no the kid they won't let dude you. know what it is crazy with my with the. how much the world's changed the. pandemic this is one of the biggest most. fun parts of lunch that they've taken. away my kids in school cannot share. their food with their friends you can't. do trades you know I would trade you. with dunkaroo for kimchi yes yeah they. kimchi by the way probably wouldn't make. that trade yeah oh why I'd be like don't. talk to him he has nothing good to offer. oh really go J no.

than no I would say Bobby why is my food. is barking. um so but but um they won't let them. trade food anymore it sucks that is. [ __ ] that was such a big thing in in. school you look forward to swapping yeah. cuz there was always a kid who had all. the all the good [ __ ] yeah I never got. good [ __ ] I never had anything fun I had. they made me eat lunch at school what. yeah we all yeah my kids eat lunch at. school no no no they didn't pack we had.

food at schol lunch lunch I used to have. school lunch too the [ __ ] [ __ ] up. pizza all that stuff Tater cots shitty. pizza and the burgers how often did you. steal did you steal the food from the. cafeteria no you know what I would do I. was escape cuz the I you know we belong. to Stoneridge Country Club. ooh stop licking your lips after you say. something why why I don't know I love it. devious so we went to Stone Ridge we. would Escape go to Stone Ridge they had. a restaurant and because my parents were. members I used to get gourmet hamburgers.

and then sign it over right that's. unbelievable you live like this yeah. yeah and then I would go back to school. [ __ ] and people are like eating these. [ __ ] ham sandwiches I just had a. gourmet [ __ ] thick ass french fries. oh my God Diet Coke steak fries love it. yummy and a Sunday I used to steal from. our cafeteria all the time and I'd put. the burgers in my pockets I'd have yeah. as many burgers I could put in my. pockets yeah I loved stealing from. school that was like my favorite thing. to do how much [ __ ] could I steal just. steal it all I would I I was a I was a. big Thief cuz I didn't want to pay for I. didn't have any money anyway right my.

school had did you guys have this in the. 80s we had a a [ __ ] whole area with a. fence smoking yeah smoking we had. smoking yeah yeah we had smoking in high. school no couldn't smoke kids just. smoking cigarettes we had a patio off of. the main off of one of our main um kind. of like oh actually it was the it was. the freshman sophomore cafeteria and. there was a junior senior area and then. off of there was an indoor there's a. patio and you kids could out there if. you were a senior you could go out there. and smoke I thought that was so [ __ ]. wild because I didn't think much of it.

until later that I was like wow that's. crazy that used to be able to [ __ ]. just walk outside and smoke and come. back inside I was scared because it was. the heavy metallers it was the cool. guyses it was a cool and we had Mexican. heavy metal people so they're scary. they're the scariest they're the. scariest they all look like slash I I I. hate because the honey the the Honey. Buns I used to like honey buns and the. honey bun the machine the honey bun. machine was over by the smoking door. yeah and I [ __ ] never would go over. there if there was older kids by the. door smok. CU I didn't want them to make fun of me. you know but so if there was if there.

was nobody outside I'd go get a honey. bun but that was my biggest deflection. was. smokers I've been trying to talk about. my love life all day man you haven't. even brought it up once and then I want. to talk about my love life yeah are you. doing good yeah oh that's great mhm okay. go ahead um I'm I have a new Theory okay. I'm going to Edge love.

so you're going to Edge love you're not. you're not going to go edging in sex but. love you're not going to go all the way. in with love I'm not even going to meet. them well that's not well I don't know. if that's. eding I'm not going to check it out I. think You' misinterpreted what edging is. no no I think you're misinterpreting. what I'm saying okay all right may I. explain please like in like in sex right. I'm about to come I'm about to come. right but I don't come that's edging. yeah that's edging right yeah I'm going. to see her I'm going to see her I'm not. going to see her right so it's that so.

that mystery and that you know I mean. like what's going to happen is always. there and then you just never see each. other could you be feeling this time. doing something. constructive what do you mean man I. don't know like comedy or your job or. like anything no this is side stuff but. you're not really doing it yes I am. doing it it's like you're mapping out. the plans to a building and you're never. going to build it that's exactly you're. edging architecture why would. why would you be an architectural edger. what why because it's like dream of it.

the the cuz what I realized is once you. hook up it loses that magic sure sure. well that's a piece of it yeah it's all. about the CH the anticipation of it all. the Hunt is better than the kill right. so it's like uh what I said such a drug. addict did you think that's a drug. addict thing you're chasing you're. chasing the endorphins of it that is the. definition of what you're doing is. because I realize being single and once. you do it and then once you're in the. smash mashing and you come and you do. all that it loses something so I'm just. going to try this for the next year this.

is this is this is dude this is why Tik. Tok every girl on there was like men are. [ __ ] me up why because this is going. to [ __ ] them up are you masturbating to. them no you have to you don't come Li. lie what that's a terrible lie yeah in. fact last night I haven't masturbated in. four days and what you hav I I'm I'm not. revealing this but I swear to God 4 days. I didn't masturbate last time I go you. know what Bobby deserves a little. session right mhm so you know my you.

know the um I have a. machine I have a machine suck Master. 3000 right but the it broke cuz I got. too much water in it cuz I do it in the. bathtub right so like the Electric. electrical components rusted rusted yes. I put the batteries in there sitting in. the tub why didn't you do it in the. bathtub I have to do in the bathtu you. have a water jerk yeah he likes to sit. at 0 when to the wall I got too much. water it rust it yeah so I took the the. the actual vag vaginal part out yeah.

right and I've been gripping that and. doing it sure sure right that's fine so. I what what if no what if you got rid of. the vaginal part and then just gripped. it with your hand have you ever done. that yeah I've done it so many years. with that okay tired of it oh you you're. over pass oh you're over it I'm over it. so it is it I know when I would get when. I would get bored of like my hand I. would jerk off with my catchers M that's. what I'm saying yeah right right so so. yeah so that part you're talking about. your girlfriend's.

face let me finish my thing so last. night I'm in the bathtub and I could I. was like [ __ ] I can't [ __ ] it yeah took. yeah right so I'm going to Edge it all. oh you're edging all of it I'm edging. all of it dude what do you guys think I. think I mean I think we voiced it. halfway through it was a bad idea I. think it's going to work I think it. sounds like a bad idea does it sounds. like let me try it though I think what. about abstinence in general just say no. thank you to everything and then you. don't have to set yourself because I. like I like the cutesy [ __ ] okay that's.

fine I like the babes right you want to. be a cutesie PO hey babe hey babe my. podcast every Thursday yeah go check. that out with salano what what's your. love what's your love you want you want. to talk about yours oh well no I was I. uh I uh you sounded like you wanted to I. I don't know I was going to think of a. Kila joke but I couldn't um I uh no I'm. good my thing you want to [ __ ] Kila no. no I actually don't why don't you say. nicer do you want to hang out with her I. don't yeah I don't love her so much I.

don't want to [ __ ] move on I. um so funny dude I'm crazy untable I'm a. crazy person hey whatever dude you only. live once yeah this might all be a. simulation you ever think about this let. me put this tell me if you ever heard. this tell me if you ever heard this what. about this and this is brought up by uh. my podcast partner Mike Canon who's uh. with me now on my podcast every week of. Chrissy chaos he is that that guy little. guy there no no Mike Canon's back on the. East Coast that's Don depa that's that's. little Don and then Steve that's Steve.

Chone reron yeah um Steve CH where you. get like a little Manson guy like that. little Stevie like that I got him at the. guitar I got him at Guitar Center he was. on the he's got like the handsome. structure of the phas but if he was. taller it'd be good but he's so small so. it ruins it right yeah he's like a wish. he's like a wish.com. version almost there but not you're. going to do shows down this will be out. with by the time you already did you. doing in Brea where you at I'm doing no. I'm doing uh I'm doing uh the Magnolia. Theater in San Diego and then I'm doing.

the wilter theater in La and let me tell. you I got two words big mistake kids. about 50% sold on both shows big mistake. where's The Wil huge when's the wilt. turn Saturday this Saturday it'll sell. we'll we'll tweet about it I literally. have 50% of the room sold on both I was. like trying to beg my agent like can we. just cancel and he was like no bring up. christe bring up Christy comedy right. now yes and I also need help in. Nashville at the rhyming kid bit off. more than he can. CH we love we had a great time at the.

rhy at the rhyming yeah two upcoming. shows there upcoming show yeah I feel. like I'm slowly slipping out of uh. comedy no dude you're not I don't know. why I I it's just a it's an honest. feeling I'm hoping it's going to go away. the wi turn there it is [ __ ] me let's. see let's see how bad go to the seat. view map we'll just see what yeah we. want to see what it looks like let's see. what a shitfest this is no what do you. mean the floor is totally Sol no dude. Arrow up top see the plus symbol go to. the plus symbol in the top right see it. click on that okay okay but what do you. mean that's. Andre Andrew Andrew no we you know what. they do here they're blocking out seats.

on the digital map so it forces you to. buy that's I don't think I've sold those. I think there's curtain no there's. curtains up I would you're selling out. no you're selling out I'm telling you. there's no way I have that many tickets. Bob and I are going to promote it you're. selling you're not going to come to our. city and not sell out [ __ ] that but it. wasn't I when I come to La we probably. should just do the comedy clubs that's. probably the better idea well here's the. problem it's like with me and this guy. in New York like I'll be I'll see you in. a week when I go to New York I when. someone like hey do you want to go play. uh what did I play that you came to what. I played City Town Hall Town Hall yeah.

and they were like you want to do that. again no I'd rather just play the seller. and whatever and work out cuz it's a. workout City LA is tough two it's a. workout City we're all here yeah and I. also did the Brea Improv The Oxen improv. and well those are good because they're. away right but but I would assume it it. has something to do with why why don't. you just do Irvine and impro you so much. money I should have I I it was I. probably next year I'm moving forward. you know if I you know hey we're playing. Reno we're doing the Grand Sierra I mean. the my tickets there are so beyond dog. [ __ ] it's unbelievable what a full.

[ __ ] zero I am what we you know. what's funny I have like 500 tickets. sold that if there's 2500 SE I. mean let it load I mean there is you. cannot imag I I think I have 10% of the. room sold there I'm just going because. the next day I'm interviewing Jerry Rice. at the Super Bowl so I'm that's cool. right wait you're in Reno what day. February 8th Friday uh we're there on. the third we're there before you yeah. but our tickets are bad in Reno too you. know why [ __ ] Casino I it's a Casino.

in Reno it's a nice guarantee up front. so that's why I took it I figur out and. I love state capital so Carson City's. Capital Nevada is 20 minutes away but I. mean I you I mean they're laughable the. only one I'm doing good in is the Warner. Theater in DC that one's almost sold out. hey guys let's be the comics that only. do clubs now we should we just want to. make money it's just too it's just it's. a too much we're playing 10 shows at Big. theaters come after that after and I do. a suguro thing in the summer and then. after that clubs but you guys are let's. talk about our little beef you're. leaving me for soraa huh oh come on no.

go ahead and say it go ahead and tell. the world what you did I call him up he. goes out to Hawaii for seura he does a. show for him and then he tells me I'm. going to do a bunch of shows with seura. later too you're leaving me for seura. six what's that about six shows that's. as many as we're doing in the new year. right we did 50 you and I yeah right. yeah and then you're a Bonafide one of. the greatest Headliners you know I mean. not me no so I'm just I'm just wherever. the wind takes me I go no it's okay if. that's how you want to end this whole. thing it's fine it's we're not ending.

dude if this is how you want shut the. [ __ ] up see let me say sorry guys yeah. all right I want to say something real. in here dude Tom sagur I mean he's. famous you know what you know what Bobby. you know what I think you've been. hearing in your head and your Asian head. I think you've been hearing you've been. mispronouncing the word loyalty for. loyalty royalty you think you're loyalty. but you need loyalty so that L andr is a. big one for you right now you think. you're loyalty but we're saying loyalty. loyalty talk about royalty you want to. talk about royalty right now dude are we.

doing. Australia yeah we are guess who's not. going Russell Crow right listen I'm. doing six shows I'll never do it again. no no it's okay does it does it hurt my. feelings yeah it does it really does. yeah a little bit yeah are you being. real yes Tom. sagora those guys you're going to go. with those guys me Tom and Jessica's. kerson I love Jessica kerson but Tom. sagora yeah yeah he doesn't need two. lesbian to me what he doesn't need two.

lesbians thank you for being a bad. [Music]. friend oh my god do Stephano is here. dude I haven't seen you in so long my. little before we start yeah go ahead. that's why they don't have Asians on the. shows I RI honestly start Asian hat to. again.

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