#ABtalks with Angham - مع أنغام | Chapter 163

Hello, Angham. How are you doing, Anas? No, we are not supposed to begin the interview with you asking me. It is I who should ask you. I am sorry. I have a song called Ana Kol Ma Ahtag Atkalem. right now. Do you want to talk? seem to need to talk, Today I am…. all ears. How was Angham’s childhood? It is my best memories and the hardest days of my life…. things I did not tell anybody even my parents by the way.

What was the hardest situation that happened to you in your childhood? I never forget this situation that I never told anybody about, I watch your interviews, and I knew that you would ask me this question. and ask me about it. And I did not prepare an answer. Okay, let us change the subject. Do you like fame? Fame? Do you feel like the divorce was Angham’s fault or the others’ fault? Can you forgive your dad or not? -Exactly. -I do not want to say. something I am not good enough for,

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Clap? Okay. Hello, Angham. Hello. How are you doing, Anas? No, we are not supposed to begin the interview with you asking me. -It is I who should ask you. -Yes, I am not supposed to. -I am sorry. -But there are no rules. I am doing good, -and… -Thank God. your name has been on my mind for years….

honestly…. since the first time I saw you. I thought, “I need to host Angham.”. So, thank God, sometimes things take a long time. -Correct. -Things take time, and eventually, the chance is today, and you and I are traveling tomorrow. Correct, yes. So, I thought that we should not miss the chance. -So, I am doing good, thank God. -Thank God. -Yeah. -Thank God. And how are you really doing? Good. Thank God. I will stay quiet. Really. That is why I said I am good. That is why I said I am good. And how is Angham doing at this time?

And how is Angham doing at this time? No, thank God, I am very good. Thank God. What does “very good” mean? On the business level, and Angham, the…. singer, thank God. Very good. And if your work is okay, does that mean you are okay? A big part of me is okay. An important part of me is okay.

An important part of me is okay. And what about the personal aspect? Good. -Out of 10. -Good. Out of 10? Honestly. 5 out of 10. 5 out of 10. Honest answer, nice. And what can increase it to 6? I do not know. I really do not know. With all honesty. With all honesty. Okay. Before we start, you were praying or saying something. -Yes. -What were you doing?

Always…. it is…. a habit of mine before doing anything. I always ask God, “My Lord, put my heart at ease for me.”. “My Lord, put my heart at ease for me.”. -I always ask this from Him. -Nice. You know, you are the second person…. on this show, as far as I noticed, who has a prayer before they start. The other person was not a Muslim, so, what did he do? He went and touched the camera. He said, “Can I do a prayer before we start?”. I told him, “Sure, go ahead.”. He went and touched the cameras. He touched the camera,

he made a prayer, and then was like, “Let us start.”. -Interesting. -And he was…. I asked him, “What did you do?”. Because he was not a Muslim, -so, I did not understand his prayer. -Yes. He said, “I always try to…. ask for…. blessing from everything even machines.”. -Wow. -It was nice. You know? I was like, “Okay, go ahead.”. -Nice. -And it was a nice interview. Okay. Angham, if I asked you, “Who are you?”. how would you describe yourself? how would you describe yourself?

This is a big question. A mother. I love to be a mother first. A talented person. It is a bliss of God. Is this the purpose of the question?

There is no rule. Should I answer by trying to describe what I know about myself, Should I answer by trying to describe what I know about myself, -or what I think is… -Correct. the most important thing about me? A mother, a talented person, a hard worker, ambitious. I see myself…. as a bunch of things. And it is nice that you started with “a mother.”. Do you like maternity? I love maternity because it is….

a part of my personality since I was a child. I did not become a mother when I gave birth…. to my children. I am a mother by nature. I have maternity in me towards my mother, my brother, and my sister. I was born with maternity inside me. Towards my friends sometimes. So, that is why I thought about it first. Okay.

And if…. Angham, I asked you about your current mental state…. to imagine it as a song, what will the song be? I have a song called Ana Kol Ma Ahtag Atkalem. It is written by Ayman Bahgat Amar. So, it describes me so well…. right now. Do you want to talk? No, generally, I….

seem to need to talk, but I listen more. Are you that type? Look, we have a blessing. if we have friends who listen and not just hear, but they listen…. Because they are rare. A lot of people say that they listen, but you feel like they are thinking about their response. to you instead of listening. Yes. You are talking and they are thinking about something else. -Listening. -They do not listen. However, the problem with the listener is that they swallow it….

-Yes. -because who listens to them? -Correct. -You know? -Correct. -So, you might be that type who…. listens to the world, but nobody listens to you. So, sometimes the person needs to find somebody who listens. So true. Today I am…. all ears. -Nice. -And I will listen for as long as you want. Okay, nice. You know? We were just talking, and we were discussing how important it is for a person to talk.

and we were discussing how important it is for a person to talk. You told me that it is not to just anybody, Yes. and not everybody has somebody whom they are able to vent 100%. And they are not able to vent. This is the problem. This is the problem. You can have somebody…. who listens to you or can…. or you vent to them, but can you vent? I think this is hard. Do you know what I have learned? I learned that…. it is all about the questions.

One, if the person knew how to ask the right question. Two, the energy that is given by the listener. Do they have good energy, or they are judgmental? True. So, sometimes introverts are the most talkative people on the show. You would think, “He is an introvert, so, he would not talk today.”. Yes. He talks the most…. because he needs to. -Okay. -Yes, so true. Let us go back in time. How was Angham’s childhood?

My childhood is…. the most beautiful days of my life yet the hardest…. at the same time. Like…. It is my best memories and the hardest days of my life…. because it was not really a normal childhood…. for two reasons. The first reason was because of my education. My education was….

musical since 3rd grade. Since I was 6 years old. So, this was the harsh part, not the…. I realized later, but I did not at that time. I did not know in 3rd grade that what I was in was hard and tough. No, I was very adaptive and…. happy with it. However, later, I knew it was a little too much…. because we get our education in an arts academy.

I was in the conservatoire when I was in grade 3. So, I was studying music and all the other subjects of…. 3rd grade. So, there are two things. You have…. many subjects and an essential instrument that you need to master it, and a curriculum you must finish. You have a midterm and a final exam.

You are walking in alone towards a committee…. A small human being walking in and sitting in front of the committee…. that is not moving, not laughing, and not smiling. For example, one of the things I do not forget is going inside…. and playing the piano while my fingers are freezing and about to break…. from the cold. I would feel very cold…. because it was midwinter. And I was living far from the academy.

I was living in Nasr City. It was a new area at that time, and the academy was in Al Haram. So, I would wake up before dawn. I would wait for the bus to drop me off at Al Haram. So, also…. my sleeping hours were few. So, this is one of the things I thought later was harsh. It was a huge responsibility since I was young,

and something else, in the institute, you have all academic levels till university. Freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. Starting from freshmen to seniors. So, you have all academic levels. You are among youth…. older ones. Teenagers and above. We were all together in the same building, and in the same school day. So, you see things that make you kind of mature early.

So, you see things that make you kind of mature early. I think it is not easy for everyone. Or not easy…. Not all children are ready for this. It is not like being in the Children’s building, and then moving to the Preparatory building, and then to Secondary building, -True. -and then to the University. No, we were all together. I felt like it was a little strange. Very nice. I am not saying…. Not….

against it, but I felt like it is…. No, there could have been…. another way as it was unnecessary for me to see things that early. It was unnecessary…. and at the same time, it benefited me a lot, but I might have felt like it was not the best thing for children. when I became a mother later on. Children should be in their own place and age, and level. They should live their age.

It is unnecessary for their eyes to see something…. that is not bad, I am not saying it is bad at all, so that I would not be misconstrued, but a little early. And that might be something I had missed personally and not…. Maybe nobody else felt this but me. I am talking about my experience, or what I have analyzed in my own way and mentality later on. that maybe I saw things early, and that I probably should not have….

or maybe I had missed normal childhood. True. But like what? But like what? -My brain went in a million directions... -Yes. that if…. How old were you? I joined the institute when I was 6. 6. -Yes. -So, if a 6-year-old child sees a 20 or 16 or 17-year-old. boy and a girl flirting, Yes. kissing, or hugging each other, and they are 6 years old, it would be very strange for them to witness….

affection between a man and a woman. -This is exactly what. -And I feel like it is strange. -They probably see harassment, -Yeah. or flirtation. And as a 6-year-old child, I would not understand…. Maybe this is the furthest my imagination can go. This is a part of it. Yes. That is why I told you that not everybody is ready. Not all mindsets and mentalities are ready for this. True. I believe it can cause someone a…. trauma. Somebody else’s mindset, mentality,

upbringing, or whatnot might allow them to be okay with it. However, maybe the age when I was a student in the. institute back then, we were not so ready for this…. True. as children. However, there is a nice side to it as you see successful people, and people who are…. mature to a certain point. Some people were close to maturity….

if they were not already mature. And I saw people…. with me in…. to also mention the advantages. and good aspects that I saw and helped me grow fast as well, and it opened my eyes…. to see things…. my imagination cannot see, or maybe the television was not talking about it then, or we did not see concerts in the…. I lived with. great musicians, great opera singers,

and I saw…. success and saw…. failure. They are great people. Stars…. in their own fields. And I saw the number one opera singer in Egypt. who would get hit by her teacher and cry every day. The teacher would come in, and if she did not like what she was singing. in her class, she would make her leave crying.

And she is number one. She was number one in the world, not just Egypt. So, I would watch how she was…. I was this size. How is this well-known number one singer that we know, who can go in and leave after being scolded? So, she was…. Later on, we saw how she became…. She remained number one for a long time.

I do not know…. if it has affected me one day personally. or left a mark on me that made me do something specific or…. accepted toughness from many things in my life that I felt like they were…. or justified things for myself or made me receive things calmly. I…. receive them calmly. This toughness sometimes is what…. prepares you or makes you….

a different person…. -Sometimes, just so I would not say some things… -True. that are not really true. I am trying to describe what I lived, And I am telling you how…. things I did not tell anybody even my parents by the way. So, the…. idea of you leaving the class of Math, Arabic,

Religion, Geography, Chemistry, and so on, and go play the piano in front of your teacher at the same time, and play the piano curriculum that you will be tested on. You can simply get hit on your hand, get scolded, and leave…. unhappy, and you are required to make the Arabic. and Geography teacher happy with you, and you can be a very artistic and musical person. and piano and music are your life. I would sometimes skip….

subject materials’ classes to go to the auditorium where…. the conservatoire’s orchestra had their rehearsals…. to listen to the music, to listen to the concerto and see the sonata playing, and this was…. the nourishment. It was the life to the soul for me. I would sometimes be very surprised that I was not understood.

I would get punished for this sometimes. Like, “Why did you skip your class and go to sit in the…. auditorium to listen to the rehearsal?”. I do not have any other chance. I want to listen to the rehearsal and the music. Why did you bring me here? I felt like I was there for the music; I do not want to learn Geography. I do not want. Or I will learn it, but it is not the most important thing for me. This is my passion. I want to be here.

For example, this is one of the things I have been through in my childhood. And some people saw me well. Some professors thought I was talented, and like, “This is not an ordinary child,”. and there was a very important professor in my life who taught me piano…. for several years, and I was excellent with her. She is Professor Nebal Moneeb. I never forget her name and her. She was one of the toughest professors there.

She had a very strong personality; she did not smile a lot and she was too strict. However, she managed to get an exceptional level out of me. I did not reach it again later on…. in piano. She met me once saying, “Hey you, sing. Sing.”. So, I told her, “Okay.”. So, she saw me later after I became a famous singer,

so, she told me, “Did I not tell you to sing?”. I told her, “Right. You were right.”. You were right.”. She was one of the people I will never forget. So, my childhood…. This is a part…. of my childhood, -which is the part where… -Musical. I am outside the house. It is about my passion, hobbies, and everything. I believe that I was, to a great extent, very lucky to be in the conservatoire in my first 8 years of education,

which were 3rd till 9th grade, this was a great foundation for me. I am very happy with it. However, I can see that there were things. that could have been cut from it and be…. a normal…. child. Tell us about the house life. Yes, the house….

like…. like…. it was not the happiest. It was not…. The family was unhappy. And thank God, something was strange. They were dealing with me as if I am a person who understands, They were dealing with me as if I am a person who understands, or like…. a creature that understands. I will not say…. I was not a person yet. I was a child. So, I would carry things early…. that I did not want to carry.

Like…. My mom and dad got married at a young age, so, part of the struggle, in my opinion, you are…. a child with children. It is not like…. they were children; my mom was not in braids, but she was a child inside.

but she was a child inside. True. She was young in life. She was young for this life. A child as in…. a person…. who is not developed in many aspects, and did not choose. Angham, my mom got married to my dad, I remember, before they got divorced, when she was 17 years old. In the medical world, they say the human brain. is not fully developed until 21-22 years old. And I am not belittling now. -Yes. -This is me, you, and all of us.

Our brains develop until at least 21-22 years old. In the past, they would get married at 16 or 17 or 18. I think my mother got married in her early 20s, but there was a very limited experience. The experience is what…. Your brain cells can get fully developed, but your brain is yet to. -True. -You are understanding life, your type, bro. Your own type.

You still do not know your type. It is still forming. You still do not know your type as it is still forming. Maybe when I see this, I would love it more, and maybe I go back to not loving this. Maybe I would find that this is better, or that this is best for me, or this is who I want to spend my life with, No… a lot of things. And the father or the man as well. I am not talking about my mom as a…. couple. I am talking about any father and mother or a couple making a family, and making a house while they are young while in reality,

they do not understand anything. So, the poor child comes, and finds itself with two people who do not understand anything. They themselves do not know what they want. So, this is not a small problem. So, this is not a small problem. It is not small. So, everything…. I was the only child in the family for 9 years.

I was the only child. Before Khaled? Before Khaled, my brother. Khaled was born after 9 years. So, I got what they call the 9 lean years. The ones that…. are very hard. The experimental field. Yes. Everything. I think when I was a baby, so that I would not be exaggerating, I was the family’s spoiled girl as I was the first granddaughter,

so, my grandfather and uncles spoiled me a lot, but when they spent a long time with me, and I started speaking and whatnot, I suffered. I suffered. What is the tax…. for Angham, the child, to be in a very small family? Because your story…. represents thousands of people who get married young. and have children they cannot even raise,

and they learn with their children. True. -Exactly. -But in Angham’s experience, what was your tax in those 9 years? I understood things I did not want to understand. I understood matters I did not want to understand, or I had to, or that was the situation. You…. This is how it is.

A father and mother who are unhappy together. Unhappy. And especially the mother, by the way. When the mother is unhappy, oppressed, not…. living her age, not…. loved enough by the man, not…. receiving enough affection from him, it reflects on the child at home, by the way….

totally. Totally. Any outrage, anger, and sometimes blaming is taken out on the child, and you do not know what you are being blamed for. For what am I being blamed? What did I do? So…. you feel like you are a ball. You know? You are a ball at home. When one is mad at the other one,

they kick you in the other person’s face. It is very strange. Sometimes, I would…. like…. want to sleep. Like…. And I would sleep for very few hours when I joined the institute, so, my escape from this was going to the institute and sleeping.

So, I would sleep for a few hours, get up to study, and take the bus to go to the institute. So, that is why I am telling you that the academic years were good and bad. The academic year was very good for me as I was fine where I am…. I'm doing great there. So, I can tell you that I grew up there. I grew up in the academy. I grew up in the conservatoire. My real respectable childhood,

for me, was in the conservatoire, not in the house. What was the hardest situation that happened to you in your childhood? Something you remember and never forget.

I never forget this situation that I never told anybody about, which is the first time my father hit my mother. And I loved my father hysterically in my childhood years, and I remember before and after this so well. They were unable to hide it that day. Probably before this day,

things were hidden from me. They could not hide that day. And after that day, it was like they allowed themselves like, “She already saw, so, it is fine, we will continue.”. I remember so well sticking myself to the wall. when he was saying goodbye to me as he was leaving, and I told him “No.”. So, I told him, “No, do not hug me.”. And that was impossible…. at that period of my life. I was very young like maybe….

4 years old or something. I was stuck to the wall. I told him, “No. I do not want to kiss or hug you.”. He was shocked. He did not pay attention to what he did. I felt very sad for my mom, and I was so scared of him. And from that point, I…. That was the first…. I saw a different person. I immediately saw a different person.

The man I was hanging on his neck, I felt like I did not want to do it again, and I did not do it again since then. Like…. I did not comfortably do it again…. ever. So, this is a situation I never forget. I never forget it, and I see it. I am watching it like the scene.

It is like a scene to me. I remember so well how I looked stuck to the wall and not wanting…. “Do not hug me.”. And I took always protecting my mother upon myself. I want to protect my mom. So, this is why I told you I understood things I…. did not want or not….

I was not prepared for this. However, this became one of my most important responsibilities in life. I do not know why. I do not know whether I beared it, or God decided this for me, or life forced me to carry the responsibility. of protecting my mom all the time.

Do you know what is…. scary about these situations? And it is always important to me that…. First thing, thank you for your honesty. because it takes courage. And I am with you today. If you felt like there was something hard for you, tell me, “Anas, answer with me” and I will. I will help you and you will help me. Why? First, Angham, the audience today respects the real person.

The fake person shows. Because of the contrast…. When there is a contrast between a real and a fake person, the fake one shows. However, if all my life is fake, then I do not know but fake. But if I managed to present a real aspect in any person in #ABtalks, people now know the fake ones. So, first thing, thank you. Second thing, I love these stories….

because I can think of the number of people. who are going through similar circumstances. I can guess that there are millions of people relating like, “Angham….”. “Angham is like me when I was young”. “Angham dealt with the situation that way”. “Angham is hopeful in her life”. “I do not have hope, but maybe now I do”. So, I feel like these stories are always…. freeing. They free the people who felt lonely. The thing with your story is,

the child who did not ask for handling certain situations. or experiences or responsibilities. The mother and father probably say, “All right, I did not force her to carry the responsibility”, but it is not a choice. First thing, if a mother hits a father and vice versa. or screams and shouts at each other, the child sometimes feels responsible. “It is my fault. I am the reason why…”. “Maybe it is because of me”. So, sometimes the child blames themselves although it might not be…. If their parents got divorced, they think,

“Maybe they got divorced because of me”, so, they go to their mother asking, “Mom, did you get divorced because of me?”. She says, “No, darling, it does not involve you but no, maybe it is because of me. Are you both unhappy?”. She says, “No, darling, it is between the both of us”, but the child cannot comprehend. The child thinks there is something wrong going on inside the house. “Maybe I am a curse not a blessing in this house. There is something wrong”. So, once you see…. the hero of your life, that was probably flawless, changing in your eyes, and you saw the other person…. getting hurt,

so, unfortunately, you matured. -Yes. -You were not supposed to mature yet, no. Exactly. However, now you swore an oath to yourself. All right, how old are you, darling? You are not ready for the responsibility now, and it is unfair…. -Yes. -to carry the responsibility at that age. You grow old in time while you are young in age. Exactly. -So… -Exactly. Exactly like so. And your mother accepted this situation?

Yes, she stayed. She stayed. And did it sadden you…. that you wanted her to leave the relationship, but she stayed? One day, with all stupidity, I asked her, “Why are you still in the relationship? Why did you accept this? I will tell you why I am saying, “With all stupidity”. Because I did not think before asking the question.

And she answered with all honesty saying, “What could have I done? Where would I go with both of you?”. We were two later. The problems remained unsolved. They remained…. with us…. until Khaled was born. So, I did not see her happy for a day. There was not a day that I saw her happy. So, when it was just the both of us me and her,

I blamed her…. in a harsh way that I do not know where I got it from or. why did I even ask her such a stupid question. Like, “What made you accept this? Why did you stay in the relationship?”. She simply answered, “Because I did not have any other option. Where could have I taken both of you?”. There is also a problem with her family.

She did not have a support system. Each one of her family could hardly fulfill their lives. So, there is nobody that she can go to saying, “Please let me stay with you for a while”, or “Protect me”, or “I will stay with you”. Her mother passed away, which is my grandmother, her father passed away when she was a little child,

and her siblings…. each one was busy with their lives, So, there was no one…. she could go to. And my father was the only man she knew in her life. So, where would she go indeed? Like…. It is a normal answer. She had left her job, everything, and…. she did nothing but be a wife and a mother. So, I blamed myself after this that.

I should not have asked her such a question, and... I do not know. Maybe I was thinking inside that she…. could have changed…. the shape of life as long as she decided to stay with him. There could have been another way to cope with the situation….

other than what we saw. other than what we saw. Because sometimes when you succumb to. the person who sees you as weak or oppresses you, you give them power. You make him seem more powerful. More powerful than they really are. If they are that size, you made them that size, and they believed in themselves.

They believed that they are…. “I am good”. She is okay. Why are you sad? So, I thought that this was…. because some people can cope with this. I did not smile because of something. I smiled to tell you…. to remind me, before I forget, after the interview to send you a video that my mom uploaded a week ago. It is the same as what you said. -Yes. -I will say no more; -Okay. -I will let you watch the video.

But humans in general, even our children, if you allow them 1 inch, they take 10. -True, yes. -Human. -True. -Humans are greedy. If I did not set limits with my boy, he will say, “Dad…”. He could say, “Dad, I want chocolate”. I tell him that the drawer is open. Should I be surprised if he took 10? No. I allowed him to. However, if I told him, “No, did you finish your homework?”. “How many chocolates did you eat today?”.

“I did not eat today”. “You can take half a KitKat” for example. I set a limit for him. “Finished?” “No, I did not finish yet”, “No chocolate today”, but if I have a supermarket like drawer and then get angry…. That he ate 10. “How did he eat 10?”. So, with humans, starting from the age of 5. till they grow and become 55 and 90, if I cannot set…. even between me and you. You can say, “No, Anas, please do not speak to me that way”. I will tell you, “Sorry, I did not know”. You set a limit for me.

“Anas, please when you tell me something, say “please””. “Okay. Understood”. And now if I cannot accept this, I am the one to blame. True. But first, who is to blame? I have to set limits for you. I set limits for you, and you crossed them, you say, “Anas, you did not tell me that this bothers you. Sorry”. True. So, you said that you give them more power if you did not put limits. True. Humans…. -True. -like you said. It is human nature. True. True. All of us.

Angham, why did you say that your brother Khaled…. had a childhood harder than yours? had a childhood harder than yours? Yes, because he lived in the phase of a complete mess, like…. like…. and there is also a part other than the complete mess, which is also that his sister was….

I started singing and becoming famous a little early and I had my own entity, and we had a 9-years-old age gap. So, when he was born, I was already famous. So, that might have caused him a problem. He did not get to…. see…. an ordinary sister. An ordinary sister and a child like him in the house.

I was not an ordinary daughter. I was a responsible daughter. I was a daughter who works. I was his working sister…. who…. was required to take care of him, and a part was thrown at me…. not a part, but full responsibility of Khaled…. as my punishment. So….

Why punishment? A punishment for me because I refused the situation that…. I refused the situation. I could not…. stay with this very powerful person. You know? Which was created…. from…. “Yes” and “Okay”, “Yes” and “Okay”, passing things and…. whatnot.

So, a very powerful person was created. So, Khaled came…. So, Khaled came…. to find major problems. And I was required to…. not required to, his responsibility was indeed thrown at me. in the middle of a fight. “Go ahead and carry this too”. So, poor him, he did not….

receive anything. I saw a few nice days at least, but he saw nothing at all like…. But you know, sometimes, I do not know…. if it is harder for a person to see the good and bad or just see one of them, Because those who saw both the good and bad tend to compare. Yes. Who did not see…. Those who only saw good, think good is the normal thing. Those who only saw bad, think bad is the normal thing. Yes. So, I do not know, I have no answer.

I do not know which one is harder. You saw both. Yes, but I never talked with Khaled. I am saying…. what I think. He might have different things to say, but I am saying what I think of his situation or…. his childhood, and what he went through with us at a very hard time in life like….

Really hard time. Everyone…. was not in their normal condition, and not in a condition…. where there is mental stability, no peace at all but war, anger, and…. So, he grew up with this. So, sure he has…. things to say. And I excuse him big time.

I give him all the excuses in everything. What is a flaw your parents have you wish you could change? I think also…. that…. let me talk about the family like…. from my father’s side,

they also contributed to the person to…. become powerful. Like…. There was no confrontation at all. There was nobody confronting and telling him that this is wrong, or that it is unacceptable, and this cannot be, or this cannot be happening. Nobody was saying anything. So,

this was also…. There was negligence. There was negligence. You know, you reminded me of my mother’s supplication. Angham, my mother always says, “O God, do not make me need anyone”. And I feel like especially for women around the world, in Asia, the Arab world, they are required to be capable,

intellectual, and financially independent…. because being an intellectual woman here, and having this feeling of confidence that she has a brain, and she can work anywhere she wants, and she has her own money, she does not need you now. True. If she wanted to be with you now, it is because she wants, not needs to. Not “Where would I go?” as she told you. Yes.

-Not “I have to”. -And her story is the story of millions. Not “I have to”. It is nice for the person to say, “I do not need you, but I want to be with you”. -Exactly. -I love you, I love your conversations, and I love…. -your personality, -Exactly. but I do not need you. Yes. Tomorrow I am leaving the house and I will be on my own. -Exactly. -I have my own money, apartment, and…. my job. So, I feel like it is a turning point in your mother’s story, and it is a turning point for…. many women to realize their strength, and her independence.

And her independence. Exactly. And some men in the world do not want this. -They do not… -They want women to need them…. They do not like it. because then they feel powerful. -Exactly. -“I have power”. “You are nothing without me”. Exactly like so. That cannot be it. Thank God, this is changing. God willing, it changes. -It is changing. -God willing, it changes. -It is changing. -God willing, it changes. Today you can see all the girls studying and working. 60%, 70%, 80%, 90%, they keep increasing.

Women today are ministers, CEOs, and the girl in 2nd or 3rd grade is watching…. women astronauts. This was already there a long time ago, but where is the man who can…. accept that, be okay with it, and not feel less manly? This is what needs to change. True. True. He is the one who must accept…. True. that he can... be okay with it, why not? “She is great”.

“She is amazing”. “She is feminine like that”. This did not take away anything from her femininity or…. take away anything from your masculinity, and your masculinity will not be complete. when you give her the pocket money. True. 100%. But I think that maybe needs to change. I agree with you 100%. It is important for us to understand the concept of masculinity. that you have mentioned. You said, “A woman’s need for you does not mean you are a greater man.”.

A woman’s desire for you turns you into a beautiful man. -Exactly. -and you feel wanted. She does not need you because you have money. Exactly. Having money attracts many people, but do they want you for your money or for your personality? It is very strange; he should not want it that way. He is supposed to be happy that she loves him for who he is. She loves him even if he is nothing. True. and even if he does not have money, he is a nice person. and she wants to be next to him.

She wants to be a woman. True. She is many other things, but with him, she wants to be a woman. True. You reminded me of another thing that went viral online. When I heard it, I thought it was nice. and I felt like it applies both ways. It says that when a woman finds true love,

she feels like a child around the man. I think when a man truly loves a woman, you see him acting a little silly and funny, -and he turns into a child -Exactly. because he knows the woman who loves him, loves him for who he is. It is the same for a woman who turns into a little princess. She would not be uptight, unapproachable, and closed off. Also, she would not be unreturning messages like, -“I will answer in two hours.” -Calculations,

-That is not a woman, -it is unbelievable. -but if she is with the right man... -That is no one. Yes, these are games and strategies, but for how long? -I do not know. -How long are you going to play this game? A year? These things and this game put a stop to love. True. Love stops and it is out of the game; we are doing this now. A game, we are playing a game. It cannot be called love that way.

True. Okay, let us change the subject. Let us change the subject. All right. What is your relationship with music in one sentence? Oh my! My relationship with music? More like music’s relationship with me maybe, but music is life. ‘It is life.’. Yes, it is genuinely my life. You also said that it raised you. Indeed. -Okay. -Indeed. -Do you like… -It is my way of expression, it is everything...

It is how I feel, and it is my rhythm. I have an inner rhythm even with the way I walk. Rhythm is very important to me; I turn everything into music in my head. I turn everything into music in my head. Do you like fame? Fame? I like it and dislike it at the same time.

I like it in terms of…. In terms of success, I dislike it in other things. I do not like how people deal with it maybe. Sometimes, people do not understand. or they do not differentiate that a famous person is also human. So, they hold us accountable for things that other people.

are not held accountable for. That is what I do not like about fame. That is what I do not like about fame. True. What is your relationship with the media? I will elaborate on this topic a little bit. I am very grateful to the media which launched me. I am very grateful to the media which launched me. and the media that served me in my beginnings.

Truly, media professionals at the time picked me as a singer on the radio. and managed my first concert, my first appearance on television, my first interview on the radio, as well as the first time I sat in front of Enas Gouhar. or Najwa Abu Alnaja. These women were great names on Egyptian radio. So, I got to meet these giants, famous people,

and personalities who were painted. I learned just from sitting and somehow my posture changed. because I felt like it was not a joke, but rather very serious. I sat with them in the studios while they presented the newscast. I used to love sitting in radio studios when I was young.

and sometimes the studio where we held interviews. was used to broadcast the news live. So, I used to watch the presentation of the newscast in front of me. I witnessed the gravity of it taking place. and how the whole place would change in preparation for the newscast. because it was presented live. No one was filming the news reporter because it was on the radio,

but the way they sat and talked felt like they were in front of a camera. although they were not being filmed. They would sit upright and all, it was very strange. and I used to love these details. These are the media professionals and the media I witnessed. I saw. the production department led by Mr. Mamdouh El Leithy, may he rest.

He was a famous producer and scenarist. I got to see him managing television in Egypt, which was responsible for the month of Ramadan. or like what are people going to watch during Ramadan? They will watch riddles, programs, and series. He had all the Egyptian stars in a studio that never slept.

and he is one of the personalities I saw with my own eyes. He worked really hard and respected all directors, actors, and crew members from youngest to oldest. He knew that Ammar El Sherei is composing the soundtrack. for this important series. and that Saeed Haggag is doing this, can you imagine how many people he followed?

For example, Mr. Ali Issa was the first one. to give me a chance in media and television. and he managed my first concert. If you did not know, Mr. Ali Issa had a show on the radio called. ‘Say and Do Not Say.’. It would teach you how to pronounce standard Arabic words correctly. For example, the name of something, “Say this and not that”.

and it would be its correct name in Arabic. That was his official and main show on the radio, which was broadcasted every day. He managed the Egyptian radio. and he was the first one to give me a chance to be on the radio. and produced my first concert and song on the radio. I do not want to forget names. although it is not necessary to mention them, but when you asked about the media, these people made me.

The directors who used to direct shows on television were like, “We will direct a song for Angham.”. and it would appear. on Thursday on Egyptian television that everyone in Egypt watched. We only had two channels. so, if you were to appear on channel two on Thursday nights. or on channel one, all of Egypt would see you. This media made me. -What about the media… -I am also thankful to Mr. Wared Hakim, may he rest.

He was also one of the greatest people. What about current media? I am adjusting to it. Okay. I am adjusting to it, and I am dealing with it, -but because I come from a different era… -We call it ‘the time of good people.’. ‘The time of good people,’ indeed. Angham, why did you choose to feature my voice.

and words in your music video? and words in your music video? Because the sentence you said was very real. You have a special voice. and we do not even have to show your picture. Whoever hears the sentence, and your voice will know who said it. It was close to what I wanted to relay in the song.

You are relatable to this current time. You are able to keep up with the youth, talk about them, translate their thoughts, and relay through a short but very true sentence. what they might be feeling. I felt like it is an important beginning, which currently exists.

It is an introduction to the song. or that this is the show that we love to watch. and love to hear because the conversations in it are real. These real conversations are taking place now. and a human who is made of flesh and blood is the one talking. What I have seen in the video, I saw a woman in bed who is upset and bored with life,

did Angham go through many periods of depression in her life? Yes, of course. Yes, of course, many not few. What does ‘many’ imply? It means years and years for sure. I was depressed for many years. I was prescribed anti-depressants and took them for years, which proved to be a big failure.

-The medication, really? -Yes, of course. What helped you? Definitely…. God definitely helped me, that goes without saying, and my children who did not know that they helped me. I held on to life although I was on the outskirts,

but I held on because I had a future growing in front of me. I wanted to see it, go on living, and be happy about it. I wanted to see my soul renewed through someone. because my soul is renewed through them. I rejected the notion of just sailing away.

Do you know when you feel like you are being swept away, but something is pulling you out? Something pulled me out. and I held on to life. Do you feel like artists are more depressed than normal people are? -No, not necessarily. -Maybe they are more sensitive. Not necessarily. Honestly, I feel like that is belittling other people.

because everyone has feelings. and even children feel depressed. True. Some people might not be as sensitive, but they are still depressed; They are depressed for different reasons. So, I do not see it that way although I think artists are quite sensitive, but they also know how to be very professional at the same time.

They have the ability to remain professional, stop this feeling for a while, and just work. So, I cannot agree with that. Angham, have you ever experienced. a period where you forgot your worth. and how important you are in life? and how important you are in life?

Maybe, but they are passing moments. I never felt like that for a long time but for a few moments. It is definitely possible. How are you during these moments like, what pushes you to this moment. where you do not know if you have worth or a hold?

Your resistance... Sometimes, my resistance weakens. because of how much I resist. and how much I try all the time. Sometimes, I have to be a different person to what I am feeling inside, but I am opposing and resisting all the time. I resist this inner feeling of wanting to break down. Sometimes, you feel like you want to break down. or surrender to this feeling of exhaustion.

Resisting all the time makes you feel like…. It might frighten you and shake you up a little bit. I am not a person who likes to appear weak, broken, in pain, or in need of someone to understand me,

I do not know how to show these things. Because you grew up quickly. It hurts me. and I deny it; I deny it. This denial takes energy from me. and it definitely takes…. Was Angham ever 100% vulnerable with lovers, friends, or family?

Of course, -Yes. -and it was a mistake. A mistake? A mistake? Why? It is my perspective. That is fine, answer from your experience. From my experience? In every relationship there are two people; They are two people, not one. The other person.

would be like…. He is like blown away by me, do you understand me? I appear as a normal person in front of him. and he is like, “This is not what I had in mind,”. “but we can give this a try.”. You know? I accept it in good faith.

because I do not act like a star at home, and that would be ridiculous. He starts treating me in a way…. I do not know what to call it, but he starts playing a psychological game with me. I accept it in good faith because I am not on the lookout for him. and I am not being cautious. It is not possible to be cautious all the time.

and it is not a nice way to live. As soon as I am rendered normal, he starts. to become arrogant. A while later, I start feeling like, “This is not the treatment I deserve.”. So, I steel myself, and he does not like it when I do it,

and that is when I realize that I have made a mistake. I should have left him feeling blown away. I should have left him stuck in that place. -How would it be possible Angham? -How would it be possible? The problem is if someone loves the image they painted of Anas. because Anas is known, it is just an image. Yes. They have painted it themself in their mind while sitting at home.

When they reach me and get to know me, they will say, “He turned out to be less interesting than I thought.”. “He does not have the charisma I expected.”. and for example, “His hair is not always neat.”. I would say, “Yes, I am a person.”. Yes, exactly. “I wake up with messed up hair and this is who I am; I am a person.”. If someone is in love with the image they painted of Angham, it is not Angham, but it is a part of her.

It is Angham on stage and on the album, but Angham at home removes her makeup, wears shorts, puts on a cap, and says, “I will hit the gym.”. She might be a funny person. That is where the conflict takes place between. the image they have painted and held on to and the real person in front of them. I will add another thing to what you are saying, which is a million percent true. He tries to do something else. by starting to look at other women.

He starts flaunting his masculinity. by pretending not to see her like, “There are more beautiful women than you.”. He starts engaging me in a game I do not want to play. and I would lose because I do not want to play this game. True. This way did not work for me. and that is why I did not succeed in this.

I consider that I am the one who did not succeed, I am not pinning. any responsibilities on anyone. I do not know how to deal with this way because it was repeated. in different forms and with different personalities, but it was the same way. All right, I have a question it is the first question. Do you think a son’s relationship with his mother.

and a daughter’s relationship with her father guides us. or steers us towards choosing a particular life partner? In English, they use the term ‘daddy issues’ a lot like, إن كان لدى الفتاة مشاكل أبوية، فستبحث عن أب. She did not have a father, so she looks for one. True. It is normal for a girl who witnessed violence at home to be with a violent lover. -True. -She says, “I will not repeat what happened at home.”. Yet, she ends up doing it because. that is what is painted in her mind as a normal relationship.

Although it is not normal, in her mind as a child, she witnessed these things. She witnessed discomfort, shouting, and violence. So, subconsciously she is attracted. to violent men who shout, curse, and such. Do you think a son’s relationship with his mother. and a daughter’s relationship with her father. guides us to choose a partner? Yes, of course. I agree with that a million percent. because one would have a reference.

or a model. If my father was the right model. and I am full of love, warmth, and daughtering, as a daughter, I am full of daughtering. then as a woman, I would be like,

“I do not even need you.”. “If you can add to what I already have. then you are welcome.”. “If you cannot, my father would remain the model.”. And I would not find a better one. I do not even have. a model. so, I would go along with whatever comes, right? So definitely, I feel like a girl must be full of daughtering.

A girl must have enough of her father. so she would not turn out weak. I was listening to a video, I do not have daughters, but I was listening to a father talking about his daughter. He was afraid of how things are in life, all the sexual harassment and rape that takes place, and girls who fall for the wrong guys who lead them astray. He was fearful for his daughter. from the world we are living in.

He said, “The only thing you can do as a father. is to give her enough love,”. so, she would not need anything from anyone as a girl. This is the only thing you can control as a parent. You should enable your children to be confident. and not seek love and affection from a toxic woman. who would mess them up. You would say, “What happened to my son? She broke you.”.

“What is wrong with you?”. But maybe you have not given him enough and released him into the world, and he went looking for someone to fill the void. I feel like it is the right idea, you know? I think so too. How many times have you been married and divorced? I have done it once so…. -No, more than once. -There is a challenge between you and me. More than once. Do you feel like the divorce was Angham’s fault or the others’ fault?

I was no one but myself. I did not claim to be someone else, and I did not present someone else. I was myself. and I did what I could do. I will not say I am to blame, or they are to blame. May they find someone better than me,

but maybe they have pretended to be something different. from what we ended up with. Who is real Angham? Who is wearing many masks? Sometimes, it scares me. Let us say that everyone wears masks. Today, you and I are wearing masks, but I hope they are light and transparent.

In life, I see people who have 33 masks, 75 masks, an iron mask, a bronze mask, and I wonder, “Who is this person?”. I started making a list of the notes on my phone. about, “What are the things that unmask a person?”. I have a long list of things, which I keep adding to whenever I think of more. Out of these things is divorce, which reveals a person’s true colors. There is also business and travel.

If you do not let a man get what he wants from you, for example, if he says, “Tomorrow, we are going to dinner.”. And you say “No, I am busy.”. He did not get what he wants so you had better watch out for his ego. If he says, “Are you busy, darling? That is fine, when are you free?”. He is fine. If he says, “Who do you think you are? You are always busy, and it is kind of me that I invited you.”. His true colors showed.

So, there are things you can pick on, but you have to be aware. There are certain moments like if you are stuck in traffic in a car. and he presses on the horn and curses, but he has not cursed before. His true colors showed when he started cursing at mild traffic. But that is a moment. -Yes, but it shows you something. -It is only just a moment. It shows you something. I think it is harder if she said, “I cannot go to dinner, I am busy.”.

and he said, “All right, darling. Let me know when you are free.”. Because then we will move forward, which will give him time to be like, “I have time to get rid of you.”. That scares me more. The patient one. Yes, because they plan, and they do it well. -But… -While the spontaneous one did not like the idea and said, “Who do you think you are to reject me?”. I am fine with that one, can you imagine? Because he is clear and transparent.

He is clear. so, I will either accept his ways. -True. -or I will reject him like…. “It does not work for me.”. -“It does not work for me.” -But he is clear. Entirely. Are you attracted to the wrong men? Definitely. Did you learn your lesson? I learned... to realize when I am making a mistake.

and that I should stop. What did you learn about Angham after every divorce. -or after every relationship? -About myself? -Yes, about Angham. -What did I learn about myself? More often than not, I give my best to my partner, and he does not deserve it. or that I give him something of which he is not worthy.

or that I give him something of which he is not worthy. I try to magnify him when he is next to me. and that is not right. Why? It is not right. because he does not like it. At the moment, he is happy that I am doing it, but he is belittling me. so, it is not right. It is not right for me to do it. and caution, which I hate,

is truly important. I hate the idea of being cautious all the time, I hate the idea of being cautious all the time, but it is very important. I admit I was not cautious with many things, but I do not know how to be cautious although I admit that it is important. I cannot have these restraints and I am just not good with relationships.

and I will not be going through it again. Will you not marry? No, I will not even love again. Is love a decision? Yes. Really? You can make the decision not to love. It is possible to decide to stop. True, why do you not want to love again? You are still young and beautiful. I cannot do it anymore.

I cannot handle the pain again. I am fine this way. Is there a secret to healthy. success or is there no successful marriage? Sorry, is there a secret to healthy marriage. or is there no successful marriage? There is a secret for sure, but they both know it. and they have both agreed to it.

I said that some people stay together. Some people die right after one another. because they do not know how to live apart. -We see many such instances. -True. A father dies and the mother follows a few months later. You would find her even smiling at the funeral. because she had accepted the outcome. and she knows that she will follow him. and vice versa. So, such a thing exists in life.

-All right, what about… -God knows what they have done. Do you have an idea? Do you feel like it is communication, respect, or else? Definitely respect. Respect is one of many things. Respect is not just opening doors for her. There are many things he sees, and she sees. and they are both content. I am sure she is like, “I am content,

and you are giving me what I want.”. and vice versa, he also sees that she is…. She is his comfort. She is a mother, a wife, a friend, and a lover. I believe men demand more from women. than what women demand from men.

If he were content with his woman, his eyes will not look at anyone else. and he would resist the many temptations that exist today. They made men’s ambitions grow beyond their personal capabilities. even if their masculinity did not…. Even if they could not handle all of them,

their eyes still wander, they space out, and they dream big. they space out, and they dream big. Do you feel like all men are cheaters? No, they are not necessarily cheaters. -Why do they cheat? -They are not necessarily cheaters. Why do you think they cheat especially nowadays? Why do you think they cheat especially nowadays? Because they are not content, and something is missing. They are missing something and that is why. I think that they need to be more mature. They need to feel complete. not just in mind, but in taste as well.

They should know what they like and what they do not like. Because you might discover that, “I liked her, but I do not like this.”. Or, “I cannot live with this characteristic.”. Or, “I cannot live this way.”. Therefore, divorce takes place. I do not know who bears the responsibility, maybe she had pretended to be. someone different from who he discovered. when he lived with her. Maybe he felt like he was fine with everything in her.

then he was like, “No, I am not fine.”. And vice versa. It is not all caused by men. The woman herself might be…. -True. -She does not like certain things in everyday life. or over the course of a normal day. and she cannot live with these things. Some people complain about very mild things, but they drive them crazy. For example, he does not brush his teeth in the morning,

and that bothers her and disrupts her life. He does not shower when he comes back from work, and that bothers her, and it remains a problem for her. True. One of my friends for example, complained that his wife returns from work wearing sandals, she takes off the sandals and lies down on the bed, and it drives him crazy.

-Yes, right. -It would drive anyone crazy. Yes, it is his right because everyone has an energy. He told her. -Did she change or not? -She did not change. Did she not change? He complained and it became one of his greatest complaints. He even complained to his friend. and I did not know what to do because it mattered to him. Remove the bed. -Maybe she should stop wearing sandals. -True. I have read that you are known to be a very good mother.

I do not know... I know what I shared with my mother. and how she raised her children, but how did Angham grow a strong bond. but how did Angham grow a strong bond. with Omar and Abdel-Rahman, right? How? I did not do anything I did not know. I did what I know.

and if there was something I did not know, I would ask and read about it. It is normal to admit that I do not know some things. and that I should ask how they are done. I never forced my opinion on them in anything. The last time I expressed my opinion, they were in school, “Apply to this school.”. After that, there was nothing called ‘forcing my opinion.’.

Nice. I treated them simply and respected them in everything. from the smallest to the biggest thing. Sometimes, I scold myself. for meddling in their things. Sometimes, I complain and tell them, “Sorry, I complained. I know I am complaining right now.”. I do things that I do not like. If someone else did them to me, I would be bothered. So, I tell them, “All right, I will stop now.”.

“I know I am being too much.”. Sometimes it stems from my fear for them. Sometimes, I am like, “I know how to do this. Wait a minute and I will do it for you.”. But he wants to do it himself. so, I scold myself like, “Calm down a little.”. I treat them with simplicity, honestly.

What is your biggest flaw? I do not know. I have many flaws, not a few, but I do not know which one is the biggest. What is something you would like to change? I have a very strange contradiction by the way. I am very patient,

much like I have the patience of a nation, but at the same time, I am rash in other things. I want them right away, which surprises me like, “What is this? What should I do now?”. I recognize this as one of the flaws I am trying to change in myself. “Why were you not patient? Why did you not take your time with this?”.

But being patient with people, I would be very patient. Are you comfortable in your skin? Do you see yourself as beautiful? Of course, thank God. Of course, thank God. Is it normal for you to appear without makeup. on Social Media or outside? -No, not on Social Media, honestly. -No, okay. I do go out with my friends without makeup. I sit at home with my family and friends without makeup, but not on Social Media.

Why? Do you view Social Media as formal? It is not formal, but it is full of people I do not know. They are ready for me, like there is readiness, so, I would just let them see what they want to see. I do not…. What did you say, ‘Let them be blown away’? Exactly.

Do you feel like the current situation is dangerous for young girls. who are not comfortable with their looks? For example, a girl who is 14 or 15 years old. thinks about Botox and getting a nose job. My personal view on plastic surgeries. or what I know is that in the West, they are evaluated by a psychiatrist first like, “Why do you wish to change your nose, ears, or eyes?”. If there was a rational justification like,

“I encountered a lot of bullying.”. They would let her go through with it. Today, a 16 or 17-year-old can do it. and there is fear that it would trigger a chain reaction. She would start in one area of her body. and then move to the next until she covers everything. Do you feel and especially since we lived in a time before Social Media, do you feel like it became dangerous now? It is some sort of mental illness.

I believe it has been assorted as a mental illness. It is not normal when a girl is beautiful, but she does not see herself as beautiful. I have also noticed that guys in a similar age group to my son, Omar, hate the topic of Botox, filler, and plastic surgeries. and get intense if one of his friends said,

“I want to do it.” “Why? Do not do it.”. They are afraid. and they panic like, “Do not do it.”. Guys are scared of these things. True. that this girl would turn into another replica. They are not getting plastic surgeries for themselves, they are getting them to look like a certain person. and that is a problem. If a girl gets a nose job.

because there is an extra bone, or it does not fit her face, then I support that, and there is nothing wrong with it. But if she is like, “I want to get a nose job and have this woman’s nose,”. then that is a problem. I want to do the card game. I will give you a set after the interview. so you could play with your children. -Okay. -and your friends, but prepare napkins when you play with your friends. -Really? -It reveals many things.

Let us change things up, mix them for me, please. We will see your fate; I will only choose the first card. Okay. Mix them well. Okay. Let us see your fate. What is the most important thing in a relationship? Throw this here. She is looking! She is a cheater.

No, I just wanted to have a look; I did not mean to cheat. You are…. Let it be as it is. Okay, it went far away. ‘Be honest.’. ‘Be honest.’. What is the most important thing in a relationship? We have talked about relationships, but what is the most important thing? In all honesty, the most important thing. For a person to be true and be themself. It seems like you have had enough of fake people. -Of course. -Really? Yes, of course.

Do you feel like most people are fake, as I have said? There are too many masks. I do not have a problem with accepting people and their flaws, by the way. I do not have a problem with that at all. It is my right to see your flaws. If they were too much for me to handle, I would walk away, or I would draw lines between us, or I would avoid dealing in the area where your flaws shine.

But for you to keep acting in front of me, I would not be able to handle that. If you appear in front of me with your flaws, I do not have a problem. I can accept you as a flawed person, just do not put up an act. I feel like if you ask some people, “Are you acting?”. They say, “No.”. Because they believe the lie. Yes. They are living the role.

Yes, of course. So, they believe that they are being honest. -That is very sick. -and they say, “I am real.”. I think that is very sick. -I have seen many such people. -They lied and believed it, which is very sick. In this case, I believe someone should alert them. or they must have an inner inclination that they are sick. and seek help, there is nothing wrong with that. I feel like people do not sit with themselves, so they are not aware, do you know what I mean? In this age, people are on their phones, at work, with friends, or doing whatever.

They do not have time for themselves, and they do not even go for a walk in the park alone. Yes. When do you have the time to get to know yourself? Your time is stolen all day long. You are immersed in everything all day long. Who are you? The guest I was with yesterday said, “When we were young, we used to see one footballer or celebrity and they would be the model.”. “Today, we have too many influencers.”. You follow a 1000 people and choose a buffet,

“I want this person’s nose, this person’s abs, and this person’s jeans.”. Who are you? Who are you right now. out of the 1000 people who influence you? Yes, what you said is very important. Some people have a good performance. They have a good and attractive performance,

but they do not have…. You would think they are guiding you on how to act, That they are…. that this person is a model, but they are just a good performer. An attractive performance is also a problem. True. There are many of these people out there. I do not know what they call them, but they act as life coaches.

They tell you how to act, what to beware, and many such advice and they perform in a certain way. Each one of them searches for their own way of performance. I believe they study and memorize it. They know what to do, how to move, and how their shoulders should be. The moves they make in front of a mirror are practiced, obviously. I do not like them and as soon as I find such a performance, I turn away honestly.

I do not like such a performance. This theatrical performance is not requested of you. True. Someone must have come up with it, and all the others are abiding by it. -True. -like it is the right way. The problem is they make a business and everything out of it. Of course, but it really does not sit well with me. I saw a video of you, and I left my phone here to show you. I received the research; I saw this video and I thought I should show it to you.

Just a moment... Do you remember this video? Of course. -Of course. -How old were you here? Eleven. Wow. Yes, I think eleven-year-old. Wait, let us see this. No, I think I said it already in this interview. There was an interview before performing this song, and they found it,

so, I think they asked me about my age. I guess that I said I was eleven. -This is in Jordan, by the way. -For real! Yes, in a studio. It was an important show, on Jordan TV. Alright, If you can go back to this Angham, what advice would you give her? Do not sing this song. The first thing only. First thing? Sure. All right. What advice would you tell her concerning life? If you could go back in time, and speak to her in the ear, and give her some advice. I would tell her to play the piano,

like you used to do. Back then, I used to play a lot on the piano, I was very good. And complete your musical education strongly, and create a musical taste. You choose what you love to sing, and what you don’t. I know how to sing; that was the point. I know how to do so. But to sing what? Songs that were not my type. I did not know. I was happy then, I would sing everything.

I used to sing anything I was handed over. But this is not right. True. What are you scared of? I do not like parting. I do not like parting. I am very scared of it. Parting from who? Anyone I love. If all the successes, and all the failures in Angham's life,

were in the complete tape of your life. And I told you, "Come on, imagine this tape is working.”. And I told you, “Stop it on your happiest moment, in Angham’s videotape.”. What would be the happiest moment? Giving birth to my children. At the hospital or afterward? Actually, the moment they were brought to life. Really! When they put them in your arms? Amazing!

And you still remember it? Oh my God, for sure I do. -Really? -Especially Omar, because he is my firstborn. I never felt such happiness as this. There is nothing like it. No happiness can beat it. Why? I do not know. For me, I never felt such happy as I did at all. This was happiness. It is a true joy, a massive one. Did you want to be a mom ever since you were young? No.

It was circumstances, I do not know. Like, was this my nature? Or…. I adapt very well to the situation. So, when I need to be responsible, I must be up to it. So, when I became a mother. and found out I was pregnant, I took responsibility. I adapt to the situation I am in.

And I prepared myself for it. I prepared myself for this mother role, or for the child that is coming. I prepared myself for it. I know that my life will change. And if this tape stopped at the most difficult moment? There are plenty of bad and difficult moments. But the hardest moment ever.

was my sister's death. Ghinwa? Yes. May God have mercy on her soul. It was very difficult, and a very big shock. -Because you both were… -Because we weren’t on good terms. But I never imagined…. No one can imagine it, I could not believe it at all. I did not want to, until I washed her in my own hands.

I wanted to wake her up. So, it was extremely hard, I never imagined that. I would endure such an extremely harsh situation. What is…. You said that you had a good relationship with Ghinwa before.

Does this thing make the person regret it later? The day you lose someone? I do not like to defend myself at all. It is not of my character, nor of my nature. And I do not like to talk about a topic, or about someone who is not there anymore.

The only thing I can say sincerely is, and it is something between me and my Lord, that God is the one to question me, not anyone. There is no one on earth. who has the right to question me. God alone is the one to do so, if I am lying. I was never the reason for Ghinwa to be upset with me, or for us to fall into dispute. I was never the reason. I never wished that,

she was like my daughter. and not my sister. Because. there is around sixteen years of age difference. She had her reasons, may God have mercy on her soul. It was possible if she lived a bit longer, for things to change. Maybe she. would have excused me.

Time could have changed things, but God wanted this. She did not excuse me, but she is excused. May God have mercy on her soul. Because she did not find someone. who would make her heart soften. No, they hardened her heart.

If you could write her a letter, today. She can read it today, what would you write to her?

The first thing I would tell her. is that I miss her immensely. I missed Ghinwa, my little daughter. Not Ghinwa that was upset with me at the end, and who was always angry. I miss my daughter, whom I used to comb her hair, and used to bathe her under the shower, like this on my lap.

And I would tell her, Yassin, is the best thing she left in this world. For me, she left behind a beautiful boy. He is smart, intelligent, loved and embraces life very well.

You left for me a blessing, and with a huge gift, Ghinwa, for real. You left for me a blessing, a piece of your heart, and he is very taken care of. A different question.

What is the most. painful thing someone told you? And that you cannot forget? Things were said to you, and you did not forget them. Not someone specific, that I remember what they said.

But people are…. Some people walk. as if. life is so beautiful. We know each other and send salutations. And some people walk by, and leave no room for affection, as they say. The ones you find. saying.

really horrible things, I never forget what those types of people say. -What did they say for instance? -Unnecessary to say, what they said because it was harsh. You do not have to identify the person, -what did he say? -Some people would walk by, saying all sorts of slander. And they would tell you things, that you feel they were suppressing them. I mean why are you suppressing yourself? It is for them to justify themselves that, “By the way, I am right.”.

“I am the one leaving.”. So, anything they say, they are not true. Like they would accuse you. of strange accusations. that are not true, do not represent you, and with no evidence of it, by the way. But. they would say it all. And of course, during my childhood, things were said to me,

I do not know if it is meant to motivate me, or what exactly. But it was for me. to be standing in front of the microphone, for example, and to hear very bad things said to me. Shall I sing to get motivated by him, for example? Or for what? I never forgot. Like what? Like I had to sing this, or that I sing like this random person.

Someone very bad at it, who does not know how to sing at all. “What are you singing? Sing this then.”. “Alright, this rehearsal is fine, we will sing another day.". Such things. I mean I was treated harshly sometimes. You have someone dear to you who passed away. His name is Emad. My uncle, may God have mercy on his soul. -Your uncle. -Yes, Emad Abdel Haleem. Were you very close to him? Oh my God, yes.

This was my first parting, after my grandmother’s. Became my grandmother, my maternal grandmother used to spoil me a lot, and she was very dear to me. She was super nice. Like she would body rock me in her lap, I mean spoiling me, or like when someone would body rock you in their lap. This how my grandmother was like, may God have mercy on her soul. And when I used to visit her house, she would take care of me remarkably. Different things would happen at the house, because I came. Since I am the first….

No, the second granddaughter, to my maternal grandmother. But I am the first granddaughter in my father’s family. Grandfather and grandmother from my father’s side. So, that was the first parting I encountered, and I handled it in a very strange way. They were hiding it from my mother, since she was kind of pregnant. So, they did not know how to tell her that her mother passed away. So, I was the one to find out that my grandmother passed away, but I did not tell my mom.

And my mom got really upset with me, when she saw me behaving normally at home. I was moving around, playing, and not sad. She knew after two days, and she blamed me very much. So, I never forgot that situation, I wanted to tell her, “I want to cry, and I am sad about my grandmother, but they told me not to tell you.”. I do not know how, but it was truly stupid. They should have told her immediately. I wanted them to make me get rid of this. Like why did I have to bear this?

So, this was the first parting I encountered, the second was very hard about my uncle Emad. Because he was not that older than me. The age difference between me and him, is like that of me and Khalid. I mean as if he was my elder brother. And he was like no other, in everything. And I was very important to him; he was my friend.

And he was like the man of my dreams. Like this is the man that I love his looks. I love this sort of look. He was humorous, very good person, and affectionate with everyone. And... And he passed away at a really young age. He passed away at the age of 35. So….

Although, I knew that he would die like that. He would die in that way. But it was a huge shock as well. How did he die, sorry? Like I knew that there will be a consequence. for the way he was living in the end. Death is certain. -Mentally exhausted. -It was going to happen. Mentally or healthily? No, healthily. I mean, he died in a condition,

where a lot of youth died from. I mean that a lot of young men died because of it. The time he died was in the nineties, There was not enough awareness, to comprehend an addicted young man. They used to treat him harshly, not as a sick person. True. Or that he needed a big help. and a long one. That you do not get bored of offering it. You must help him a lot,

stay by his side, and keep him. If you do not do so, he will not be able to continue by himself. So, he did not. True. It is a sort of illness as you stated. People do not see it as an illness. but it is. Just because you do not see a wound, it does not mean it is not an injury, or an illness. He used to ask for help, and he was trying, but he did not know how to continue.

Continuing on his own did not work. Then the doctors started…. Generally, the doctors afterward, dealing with an addict is different. There is more information, therapy, and mental support. -There are proper rules set -True. that we will treat this person as a patient,

not as an outcast person from society. Or that we get ashamed of him, punish him, or…. No, he needs help. Because he was truly drowning. He was, and he will not know on his own. He will not. Afterwards, the world changed. But during his time, it was not the case. This was not found. Your mother’s name is Mageda? No, Nagda was Ghinwa’s mother. Your mother? Nehma. Nehma.

Mageda is Ghinwa’s mother. You mother is Nehma. Okay, my aunt is named Nehma. What does she mean to you? Oh my God. Daughter. Daughter. She is my daughter.

When I asked you, I said that you are her mother as well. You are the mother of your mother as well. This is true. She is truly like my daughter. Until now? Yes. She did not change at all. Is this a good thing or not? Good and bad. Good and bad.

Alright, Angham. Omar and Abdel-Rahman. Omar in one word. My life. Okay. Abdel-Rahman? My soul.

Alright, a hypothetical question. May God bless you with long life, this is the first thing. Hypothetically, after living a long life, you passed away. Omar and Abdel-Rahman, living their own circumstances in life, they missed their mother.

And they found a video and pressed play. What do you feel these children need to hear from their mother? What I said today. What I said today. This is my true self, not something else.

If there is an interview, I would like them to listen to, or things I spoke of, it is about what I said today. Because there was no chance or circumstance for me to speak, it did not…. I do not force them to, “Sit, I will tell you something.”. I do not do that. So, they did not ask me about something, they will maybe find my excuses.

I do not know. Last time you cried. Yes, when I was tired last time, I was very sick. I had a performance in Kuwait,

and I had to apologize for cancelling it. And they were about to put something. next to my throat. And I did not do it. I resisted and said that. I do not want them to put a tube in my throat. And I did the surgery with regional anesthesia. And days after the operation, I had a lot of complications. And they were obliged to put a pipe in my throat.

So, I did not know, I gave up. I cried excessively back then. And I told them that I do not want to feel anything, nor this moment, or anything. And they did, they drugged me for moments, and placed a pipe. Then I woke up and found them around. The tube was next to my throat, and not between the vocal cords. In another passage. But it was very painful. And I had it in for nine or ten days,

I do not recall, so, it was very painful. And they were making me get prepared, I mean in this area, I had…. I already do not like things to happen a lot. I have a phobia of things, like certain things that suffocate me. I do not wear something that is fitting. Yes, I stopped wearing high collar, in winter or other seasons. Attires must be loose, or I will feel suffocated.

So, the moment I saw the doctor standing behind me, I understood what he will do. So, I told him that I do not want to feel, nor see. Do whatever you want, but I do not want to feel this moment. This was…. I saw everyone in front of me, they were all crying at the same moment. So, this was the last time I truly cried. Out of ten, how emotionally open up are you?

To myself? No. -Yes. -With people. Very much. Emotionally open up? A lot. Do you mean vulnerable? A lot. Okay. Out of ten? Nine out of ten. Really? -Yes. -So, your emotions, life, love, expression, -Yes. -sadness and happiness, concerning everything you say. Why did I say nine out of ten? Because there is one, which is left for me.

My question aims to guess. I feel that Angham grew very fast. And the little Angham, understood that she must act as an elderly, be responsible, and a backbone. Provide stability and safety, to Khalid, her mother, and her father. These stages dry the person out.

and cause the emotions to be more internalized. than to show them. Because you cannot act as a child, and be very expressive about it. Because expression can show weakness. True. So, I feel this has formed you, and has created your personality. That is why I asked you the question. Yes. Some people view me as harsh, for example. And it does not show any harshness. And I will tell you again, I do not like to defend myself. I leave the person to see what they want. You want to see me this way,

okay, this is your viewpoint, but I will not change it. This is how much you comprehend and see things, alright then. I will not try to change, I have no time. And I do not want to do so, because this is a lack of appreciation. So, I will not be the one to request appreciation, honestly. So... I just want to be up to the situation I am in, or to my efforts,

because I worked so hard. It will not go to waste, honestly. I mean that I will give my effort, affection, love and diligence, to those who are worth it. For the people I see appreciating me. If there is something more, it is up to you, but nothing else. It is up to you, if you want to see this as cruelty, then I am harsh. It is up to you,

I will never change. I will not change your idea of me. If you want to see me, then make an effort. If you want to understand me properly, and know me very well, make an effort. Correct. I do not need to make an effort, to introduce you to who I am. I act as myself. Judge me in the situation. But assuming like this out of nowhere,

-I will not do so. -No, I can imagine it. I am getting to know you today for the first time, I can notice that you are very sensitive, and emotional. But. one should read between the lines. If I only read one line, then I am seeing the book’s cover. I am not reading the book or the content. But when I sit with you for ten minutes, half an hour, I detect what the personality is like in front of me. Okay. Last few questions.

If. we go back again, May God bless you with a long life. Hypothetically, today is your last day alive. And you have no chance to communicate with anyone, what is the thing you would regret not doing? You did not connect to or say? Or a person?

Praying for my kids only. I mean that I pray to God that He protects them. That is what I am most keen on. Till the last day of my life, just this. Because I will not know how to do anything, I do what I can. But in the end, there is God, with the protection He blesses us with.

This is just what I am asking for. Anything else, it is their life and future. I just want to be able to…. I will pray for them even if I was above, if I was in the afterlife not present with them. This is something I will keep on preserving, is to keep praying all the time. If I do not do so, it will probably be the thing I will regret. But not anything else.

Do they know how much you love them? I think yes. Because I express all the time, not…. I hope that they know that. Wishing is something and knowing is something else. No. What I mean is that they probably know this, but they do not imagine how big it is. They have no idea, probably how immensely I love them from the inside. They do not know. Okay. And if I take Angham’s heart,

with all its stories, this tape that we spoke about, and I took it out. What will Angham’s heart say to Angham? I watch your interviews, and I knew that you would ask me this question. I repeat the questions, it is important. I knew you were going to repeat it, and ask me about it. And I did not prepare an answer. Okay, think with me here.

It is one of the two. Can I say two things? Or I will say one thing, I mean that my heart will say one of these two things. Go ahead. Either it will blame me, or it will salute me for what I did. Concerning my behavior in general. It will blame me for what I did for my heart, Or it will tell me that it is totally by my side.

With you in all situations, or in all cases. I do not know who my heart is between them. But it has the right of both, honestly. And if it blames me, I will not be sad. Can you forgive your dad or not? Honestly.

I try. I try all the times. Is it hard? Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is hard. Honestly. Why? I do not know, Just. because I do not want to say, “I forgive you.”.

I would be a liar. -Exactly. -I do not want to say. -Exactly. -I do not want to say. something I am not good enough for, or that I do not mean, nor feel. I say what I feel. I do not want to lie. I do not have to, honestly. I do not want to lie on myself, nor lie to you now. Because no one asked me this question. So, I never lied to myself concerning this,

and I will not in this matter. and I will not in this matter. Thank you. So, I said the truth that, I am trying. Do you feel Angham that forgiving him is for your own good, before it is for him? Maybe. That it is important for Angham to live in peace, she needs to forgive? If I am able to, but what if I am not? What is the heartbreak?

What do you mean? Did you understand what I mean by it? Yes, I understood what you meant by the heartbreak? But where exactly? Because you said that it is difficult. -Yes. -I am trying to understand, or imagine the difficulty of forgiving. What is the barrier? What is the obstacle? What is the heartbreak that will not enable me to overcome this thing? Because people treat me,

until this moment I am sitting in front of you, based on what he said. They treat me accordingly. This matter did not finish. He drew a picture of me to the people, he portrayed a certain image of me.

And people treat me according to it, or few of them do. And there are people who use it against me sometimes. Do you understand me? I live this every day. I did not defend myself, I will not do so. I will not enter this battle.

This deformed image, I will not fix anything at it. This is too much for me. I will not be able to continue in that way. And I took this decision long time ago, that I will not do so.

It does not rotate about being stubborn, or being arrogant. Not at all. I will not do that. I will not lie on your name, I do not lie on someone’s name. I do not like to blame. I do not like to blame. Can you imagine? This is a destiny written for me, and I.

accept it. It is a destiny. that I will not know to change. I see that there are. a lot of blessings in my life, that rewarded me from injustice. It rewarded me personally. That is why I do not need a reward from anyone, and I do need to fix my image for anyone,

or to defend it to get rewarded. No, God rewarded me for good. No, God rewarded me for good. And He rewarded me every day. Every day. So, I do not have…. But to request me this forgiveness, I would be a liar, if I told you that I can do it. I am not that strong.

Do you think he will watch the interview? Yes, why not? Do you think that. there is a message you want him to listen to? No. Do you think Angham that he is aware. of the pain he caused to his daughter? He hurt a lot of people, not just his daughter.

The first one to get hurt from him was his brother, May God have mercy on his soul. Emad. So, it is not my business, whether he is aware or not. Honestly. Because this matter is hard to me. I do not want to live it, I cannot handle it.

I truly cannot concerning this matter. When was the last time you saw him? At the hospital, when I was sick. Okay. Last question. Sure, at your convenience. Angham in one word.

One word? Fate. Fate. Why? All my life is destined. Fate. A question. You said that fate was written,

because of what happened with your father. But even in fate you can defend yourself. This is a choice. This is a choice. Yes. Yes. So don’t you think that, you want your fate to change if you speak? No. Or that you want things take its place. Some people. find strength in breaking you. They get satisfied by breaking you.

Then alright. If this is what satisfies you, then okay, it is up to you. What is important to me if I get broken by God, if I actually did, this is what matters to me. This is what I say to myself. You are happy in this way, and you get satisfied when you break me. It is up to you. Seize the present, lie about what you want, and live the moment. Alright.

The outcome. is that I did not get broken. So I am living the outcome, and the aftermath. I want to continue, I will not allow anyone to break me. It is up to you to live in fantasy. Whoever the person is, I am not referring to someone specific. Whoever the person is.

You tried to break me, did not this comfort you a bit? Alright, what is important to you is that I get broken. No, thank God. So, I am minding my own business. Thank God, I notice vividly, and I achieved very good results in my life. I am a mother who my kids are proud of, it is enough for me that they love to sit in my lap. And when they want to vent out,

they come and do so to me. They talk to me. Any problem in their lives, they come and tell me, they are not afraid of it. And they do not get hesitate that, “Mom will solve the matter.”. “I will tell mom and go to her.”. “I will sit with my mom.”. I am the backbone of my kids, this is my greatest achievement. This is a lot!

I achieved this. So do you think that I will even care if someone did anything? Anywhere? Whether about someone holding a hammer, or a cutting knife? It is up to you. I am living my outcomes. I am living what I worked and thrived for, And thank God I achieved a large part of my dream, success,

and self-realization. And the security of my surroundings, with or without my presence. Okay, Miss fate. Yes, fate. Thank you. Merci. Por favor. Thank you. -Did you vent out today? -My hands are freezing. It is hot in here. Yes, I did. Did you vent out enough?

You said that you do not vent out much in your life. Not at all. Do you know how long this interview took? No, I do not. Two hours ten minutes? Really? It was long but I did not pay attention to it. Neither did I. -What is important that you did not get bored. -Your energy is pleasant, smooth. Associated with soft talks, which is nice. Do you know that I only have one song for you? I do not listen to Arabic much. -Okay. -I only have one song, show me your sharpness. Is it an old or new song?

I truly have only one song, it is an old one. An old one? Yes, but I only have one song I downloaded it on my Spotify. No, I did know it. This is a hard one. Shall I play it? I played it to him today and he said, “Oh!”. Wait. Let us search in my playlist. I do not listen much to Arabic music, yet do not ask me how I have this song. Where is the song? Where are you?

-Sidi Wsalak. -Yes. The only song. But this look…. Do you know how old is this? Now? Twenty something. How old? Twenty something. Twenty four? A short poetry, This is not an ordinary place nowadays. Nothing, it was normal what I did that time. Twenty two. Almost twenty two years. Yes. This is the only song I have. No, this is very few Anas. I must download more Arabic songs.